December 3, 2024 • 7 mins
In Today's Make a Date or Break, Laurie helps us navigate this common compliant about dating in Cincinnati
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
It's time to make a date or break on tip
in the morning.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Good Morning Tuesdays are our day of relationships with an expert.
You're getting free expert advice from Lori Sharpage, who's our
licensed clinical counselor good morning, Good morning. I often say
we're trying to fight the swid on this show, struggling
with inner demons.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
You come right here, let's do it. So I want
to talk to you.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
I'm going to kind of hijack this conversation only because
I've been experiencing a few different things and one of
them is questions.
Speaker 3 (00:33):
And I don't think I'm alone.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
In fact, I know I'm not alone because my friends
who have been in the dating world also tell me
this quite a bit, that they sit across from someone
on a date or in a social setting that will
not ask them questions. So it feels like it's very
one sided. If you're like, oh my god, this is
me right now.
Speaker 4 (00:55):
Well, first of all, questions, asking questions is how we
show that we're interesting and someone. So it's probably really
confusing to be at a day and feeling like, why
isn't this person wanting to get to know me?
Speaker 1 (01:07):
Why?
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Hello?
Speaker 2 (01:08):
That's how it's modern conversational I'm a conversationalist by nature,
so I know I'm probably a little bit more extra.
But if I'm sitting across from you and I'm engaged
in a conversation and I'm asking you questions and also
asking follow up questions, what if I don't do that,
what are we gonna do?
Speaker 3 (01:25):
Just stare at each other?
Speaker 4 (01:26):
Yeah, I mean until the other person figures out that
conversations are two way street, that is what you're gonna do. Yeah,
it's very frustrating, and I think one of the problems
is is that we spend a lot of time obviously
teaching people how to speak to each other, but we
don't necessarily spend a lot of time teaching people how
to listen. And asking questions is actually part of a
listening process. This is part of active listening. Is that
(01:48):
we are asking questions that further and engage the conversation.
And if they're not asking questions that, I'm guessing they're
not really listening very intently either. So this is really important.
If you are going to build a long term relationship
with someone romantic or otherwise, there has to be a
give and take, and if you don't find that natural
connection of them engaging with you and asking questions. I
(02:11):
would be very curious about that, and I would also
be very mindful about how much work it takes to
run a conversation on your own.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
It takes a lot of work.
Speaker 4 (02:22):
Yeah, in the morning, that's literally what I do for
a job is to run a conversation for an hour.
It's a lot of work. People don't think about it.
Active listening is a lot of work, but it is
a skill set that you can learn. So if you
find yourself a lot of times people will not necessarily
ask questions because they don't know what to ask, or
they feel very uncomfortable, and so what they're doing is
they're not really listening or present in that moment. So
(02:42):
if you find yourself doing that, I can tell you
right now the skill to work on is going to
be active listening. And it's also okay to ask people
to say, like what.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
Do you want to ask me about? You say the
question to them to get them oh.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Okay, questions okay, Because the first part of that, when
you're saying, I feel like that's just like that's a
self aware thing. So how do you teach someone to
be self aware. I don't know if you necessarily.
Speaker 4 (03:05):
Active listening is a form of self awareness, but it
is more, it's more delineated, it's more focused. It's an
easier skill to grass than just self awareness.
Speaker 3 (03:15):
And a lot of it.
Speaker 4 (03:16):
Comes back to paraphrasing what you've heard and letting that
person know I'm hearing that. But it starts with a question.
It starts with really just wanting to understand.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
Okay, so I just want to put a strong, bold
pin in your piece of advice for someone that is
the big question asker of the date, or even in
a regular scenario, like a small talk scenario, you.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
Can always say, hey, what do you want to ask me?
Speaker 4 (03:41):
Yeah? What questions do you have for me?
Speaker 3 (03:44):
I feel so interview.
Speaker 4 (03:45):
It is interview. It is interview, but they're not giving
you anything. You got to dig into your bag of
tricks to get the conversation going. And sometimes that'll put
somebody a little bit more in the position to be like, oh,
they want me to ask questions, which, again, if you're
practicing active listening, you're gonna know that, but if you're
new to this, you might need that prompt I have.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
I could say a million things I don't want to
make it rain on gen Z. I always like to
give my gen z ers want a safe space to
go into, give them a little guidance, and obviously not
make fun of them. But this I did read was
it last two weeks ago on the air a list
of like five things that gen Z is not doing
etiquette wise anymore, and asking questions in small talk and
(04:29):
conversation is one of them.
Speaker 3 (04:32):
I don't think that this is just an age thing.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
I'm hearing it from a spectrum of different people in
age groups.
Speaker 4 (04:37):
It's not an age thing, but it is a skill thing.
So if you're not practicing it or you haven't been
exposed to it, you've got some stuff to learn. And
that's okay.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
Well, Laurie, thank you so much, Mike Gal let's do
this then five one three seven four nine one oh
seven one.
Speaker 3 (04:52):
Maybe the questions thing only.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Annoys me, although I doubt it, But is there a
red flag for.
Speaker 3 (04:59):
You in the daies even Sinci, you.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Can either talk back with Tiff or five one three
seven four nine one o seven one.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
Hi, good morning.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
You're waking up with Tiff in the morning on a
kiss one oh seven to one, coming up about an
hour from now, I have your first chance to win
Avril Levine tickets.
Speaker 3 (05:16):
Did you hear that announcement yesterday?
Speaker 2 (05:18):
She's coming to Riverbend next summer and the tickets aren't
even on sale yet. So I'll take care of you
around eight thirty ish this morning. In the meantime, you're
walking into make a date or break. It's where relationships
in therapy come together Tuesday mornings here on the show,
and today we're talking about questions, questions, questions? What is
(05:38):
the number one thing that bothers you about the dating
scene here in the Tri State. I figured coming off
the holiday where you had to field this, you know
question quite a bit with your family. What was the
one thing that you told them? And I don't mean
to dim your light. If you do have a positive
I'll take that as well. But the number one concern
here so far, and I haven't found one to beat
(05:59):
it out, is the fact that no.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
One asks questions anymore.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
And I know I'm a good conversationalist, but I feel
like you're sitting across from somebody, whether you're dating them
or not, and sometimes the conversation can be so one sided.
Speaker 3 (06:13):
So we're in the midst of taking some of yours.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
They would always talk down to or be rude to servers. Oh,
I should have.
Speaker 3 (06:20):
Seen that as a huge red flag and obviously eventually
how they treat me, but at the time I didn't.
And anyone who's rude to any service person, I will
not go out with them.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
Thank you for pointing that one out. It's a good
one that I had missed initially.
Speaker 3 (06:31):
Talk back with Tiff.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
By the way, on iHeartRadio, when you search kiss one
or seven one, you two can be a part of
the conversation.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
It sounds really basic, but lying. I was dating this
guy and he you couldn't tell when he was joking
about something, You couldn't tell when he was lying about something.
And he would just say anything to get what he
wanted from other people. And so of course eventually he
could have said whatever he wanted to get things from
me and it did not work out.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
I think that's called love bombing, all right, Speaking of
how about there there are no three better women on
the planet to sing about this one thing than these three.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
Right here, you're listening to Kissuano Seva one. Good morning,
It's time to make a date or break on tip
in the morning.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Good Morning Tuesdays are our day of relationships with an expert.
You're getting free expert advice from Lori Sharpage, who's our
licensed clinical counselor good morning, Good morning. I often say
we're trying to fight the swid on this show, struggling
with inner demons.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
You come right here, let's do it. So I want
to talk to you.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
I'm going to kind of hijack this conversation only because
I've been experiencing a few different things and one of
them is questions.
Speaker 3 (00:33):
And I don't think I'm alone.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
In fact, I know I'm not alone because my friends
who have been in the dating world also tell me
this quite a bit, that they sit across from someone
on a date or in a social setting that will
not ask them questions. So it feels like it's very
one sided. If you're like, oh my god, this is
me right now.
Speaker 4 (00:55):
Well, first of all, questions, asking questions is how we
show that we're interesting and someone. So it's probably really
confusing to be at a day and feeling like, why
isn't this person wanting to get to know me?
Speaker 1 (01:07):
Why?
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Hello?
Speaker 2 (01:08):
That's how it's modern conversational I'm a conversationalist by nature,
so I know I'm probably a little bit more extra.
But if I'm sitting across from you and I'm engaged
in a conversation and I'm asking you questions and also
asking follow up questions, what if I don't do that,
what are we gonna do?
Speaker 3 (01:25):
Just stare at each other?
Speaker 4 (01:26):
Yeah, I mean until the other person figures out that
conversations are two way street, that is what you're gonna do. Yeah,
it's very frustrating, and I think one of the problems
is is that we spend a lot of time obviously
teaching people how to speak to each other, but we
don't necessarily spend a lot of time teaching people how
to listen. And asking questions is actually part of a
listening process. This is part of active listening. Is that
(01:48):
we are asking questions that further and engage the conversation.
And if they're not asking questions that, I'm guessing they're
not really listening very intently either. So this is really important.
If you are going to build a long term relationship
with someone romantic or otherwise, there has to be a
give and take, and if you don't find that natural
connection of them engaging with you and asking questions. I
(02:11):
would be very curious about that, and I would also
be very mindful about how much work it takes to
run a conversation on your own.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
It takes a lot of work.
Speaker 4 (02:22):
Yeah, in the morning, that's literally what I do for
a job is to run a conversation for an hour.
It's a lot of work. People don't think about it.
Active listening is a lot of work, but it is
a skill set that you can learn. So if you
find yourself a lot of times people will not necessarily
ask questions because they don't know what to ask, or
they feel very uncomfortable, and so what they're doing is
they're not really listening or present in that moment. So
(02:42):
if you find yourself doing that, I can tell you
right now the skill to work on is going to
be active listening. And it's also okay to ask people
to say, like what.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
Do you want to ask me about? You say the
question to them to get them oh.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Okay, questions okay, Because the first part of that, when
you're saying, I feel like that's just like that's a
self aware thing. So how do you teach someone to
be self aware. I don't know if you necessarily.
Speaker 4 (03:05):
Active listening is a form of self awareness, but it
is more, it's more delineated, it's more focused. It's an
easier skill to grass than just self awareness.
Speaker 3 (03:15):
And a lot of it.
Speaker 4 (03:16):
Comes back to paraphrasing what you've heard and letting that
person know I'm hearing that. But it starts with a question.
It starts with really just wanting to understand.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
Okay, so I just want to put a strong, bold
pin in your piece of advice for someone that is
the big question asker of the date, or even in
a regular scenario, like a small talk scenario, you.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
Can always say, hey, what do you want to ask me?
Speaker 4 (03:41):
Yeah? What questions do you have for me?
Speaker 3 (03:44):
I feel so interview.
Speaker 4 (03:45):
It is interview. It is interview, but they're not giving
you anything. You got to dig into your bag of
tricks to get the conversation going. And sometimes that'll put
somebody a little bit more in the position to be like, oh,
they want me to ask questions, which, again, if you're
practicing active listening, you're gonna know that, but if you're
new to this, you might need that prompt I have.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
I could say a million things I don't want to
make it rain on gen Z. I always like to
give my gen z ers want a safe space to
go into, give them a little guidance, and obviously not
make fun of them. But this I did read was
it last two weeks ago on the air a list
of like five things that gen Z is not doing
etiquette wise anymore, and asking questions in small talk and
(04:29):
conversation is one of them.
Speaker 3 (04:32):
I don't think that this is just an age thing.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
I'm hearing it from a spectrum of different people in
age groups.
Speaker 4 (04:37):
It's not an age thing, but it is a skill thing.
So if you're not practicing it or you haven't been
exposed to it, you've got some stuff to learn. And
that's okay.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
Well, Laurie, thank you so much, Mike Gal let's do
this then five one three seven four nine one oh
seven one.
Speaker 3 (04:52):
Maybe the questions thing only.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Annoys me, although I doubt it, But is there a
red flag for.
Speaker 3 (04:59):
You in the daies even Sinci, you.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Can either talk back with Tiff or five one three
seven four nine one o seven one.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
Hi, good morning.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
You're waking up with Tiff in the morning on a
kiss one oh seven to one, coming up about an
hour from now, I have your first chance to win
Avril Levine tickets.
Speaker 3 (05:16):
Did you hear that announcement yesterday?
Speaker 2 (05:18):
She's coming to Riverbend next summer and the tickets aren't
even on sale yet. So I'll take care of you
around eight thirty ish this morning. In the meantime, you're
walking into make a date or break. It's where relationships
in therapy come together Tuesday mornings here on the show,
and today we're talking about questions, questions, questions? What is
(05:38):
the number one thing that bothers you about the dating
scene here in the Tri State. I figured coming off
the holiday where you had to field this, you know
question quite a bit with your family. What was the
one thing that you told them? And I don't mean
to dim your light. If you do have a positive
I'll take that as well. But the number one concern
here so far, and I haven't found one to beat
(05:59):
it out, is the fact that no.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
One asks questions anymore.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
And I know I'm a good conversationalist, but I feel
like you're sitting across from somebody, whether you're dating them
or not, and sometimes the conversation can be so one sided.
Speaker 3 (06:13):
So we're in the midst of taking some of yours.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
They would always talk down to or be rude to servers. Oh,
I should have.
Speaker 3 (06:20):
Seen that as a huge red flag and obviously eventually
how they treat me, but at the time I didn't.
And anyone who's rude to any service person, I will
not go out with them.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
Thank you for pointing that one out. It's a good
one that I had missed initially.
Speaker 3 (06:31):
Talk back with Tiff.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
By the way, on iHeartRadio, when you search kiss one
or seven one, you two can be a part of
the conversation.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
It sounds really basic, but lying. I was dating this
guy and he you couldn't tell when he was joking
about something, You couldn't tell when he was lying about something.
And he would just say anything to get what he
wanted from other people. And so of course eventually he
could have said whatever he wanted to get things from
me and it did not work out.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
I think that's called love bombing, all right, Speaking of
how about there there are no three better women on
the planet to sing about this one thing than these three.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
Right here, you're listening to Kissuano Seva one. Good morning,
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