A Listener's Story About His Uncle Bud's Last Days

On this episode of Our American Stories, listener and regular contributor Brent Timmons tells the story of spending time with his Uncle Bud in the final days of his life.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:14):
And we returned to our American stories. Up next a
story from a regular contributor, Brent Timmins from Connecticut, entitled
Uncle Bud's Last Day, Take It Away.

Speaker 2 (00:26):
Brent, I sat at Finger's kitchen table, listening to an
album from the band and reflecting on my life with
my uncle Budden. He lay asleep, wiped out in the
last days of his battle with pancreatic cancer. He had

(00:49):
just been diagnosed on April eighth. It was now May tenth.
Taka needed to go to work and left me to
sit with Budd in Louisville on May eighth for a
final visit and to help in any way I could.
I opened my laptop to do some work, thought better,

(01:09):
and instead opened the story I had written about the
first visit with our kids to Louisville in two thousand
and six. A gush of emotion overcame me as I
read the story. We had eventually made three more summer
trips to see Bud and Tinka. Every one of them
was a precious time. Since I had arrived but had

(01:31):
slept much of the time. My intention to time my
visit when he was still comfortable had failed. He could
muster up his strength to sit with me and talk
a few hours each day. I labored over what to
discuss with him. I wondered what he would want to
talk about. I let him take the lead as much

(01:55):
as he wanted, and initiated some discussions about topics I
wanted to discuss from a list I had made when
he first broke the news to me. Then, one morning
that labor ceased. I heard Bud stirring and found he
had gotten into the shower after he finished and returned
to bed. I pulled up a chair beside him, and

(02:18):
about the time he said, how you doing, son, I
broke down, trying to control my emotions. I looked away
and sensed him waiting for it to pass. Once it did,
I told him that what I liked about writing was
the fact I could look back at what I had written,
see what I was thinking at the time, and see

(02:39):
the change between then and now. He asked what had changed?
And from that we launched into a two hour conversation.
It was wonderful, It was relaxing, there was no labor.
We discussed what matters most. I told him that part

(03:02):
of his influence on my life was that he had
done his best to impart what he had learned from
life to me and that had shaped the way. I
think it was an impressive feat on his part, given
the fact that while we are similar in temperament, we
are drastically different in some core beliefs. When I saw
he was tiring, and as the time approached for the

(03:25):
hospice nurse to arrive, I left him to rest. The
nurse arrived a little late, but once she left, Bud
wanted to talk more. We sat another few hours and
he poured out more thoughts, many of them about his
struggles with his relationship with his father. This would become
a routine over the next few days. Bud would rest

(03:48):
in bed, then muster the strength to either get up
or have me sit by his side and talk. Many
of the conversations revolved around the major events and relationships
that shaped his life, molded his thinking, and drove him
to do certain things. We discussed how the tingle blood
from his grandfather Asher had been passed on to his

(04:11):
father Elias, to Bud, to me through my mother, and
now to my sons Elias and Asher. That blood seems
to produce very complicated, multifaceted men. We could put our
fingers on that imprint in every one of the men

(04:32):
I just mentioned. As we talked, I could easily identify
the tingle influence in my life. That blood produces men
who seem to end up carrying a great weight due
to the minds it creates and the actions it tends
to lead us to. We talked about how that weight
was finally lifted, at least partially in the life of

(04:53):
Bud at the age of forty four. He described it
as being freed from a chain, freed from bondage, having
that great weight lifted off his shoulders. That concern of
mine of what to discuss with my uncle resolved itself.
It appeared we both wanted to discuss the same thing,
the things that had the greatest impact on our lives,

(05:16):
the things that shaped who we had become. I made
it clear that he had done a great deal to
shape who I had become. Among the many influences in
my life, part of who I am has to do
with our tingled blood. Part of it has to do
with his lifelong attempt to share what he had learned
in life. I felt like in these last days he

(05:40):
wanted reassurance he had accomplished a positive influence to some degree,
it was easy for me to do that. In these
last conversations, he was reminding me of who I am. Yes,
I am a Timmins, and that influence is for another story.
I am also a Tingle. I have understood that influence

(06:07):
since my teenage years, and talking to Bud it only
became more apparent. We have our faults, yes, but working
through those faults makes us better men. The very act
of working through them makes us stronger. I had come
to help Uncle Bud and Tinker and Bud's last days.

(06:29):
Instead it was Bud who helped me. He reminded me
that it takes a lifetime to complete the work of
influencing those around us. It is slow and calculated work,
and requires great patience and determination. And when the work
is done, we can rest knowing we have completed the task.

(06:51):
It was his last great gift to me. Thank you,
Uncle Bud. The day before I was to leave, I
asked whether the i of my departure was good, wondering
whether I should linger a while longer. He said, there
is life at your home that you need to attend to,
and here there is death. You need to go home.

(07:16):
While I conceded that the time to return home was right.
I disagreed with the idea that here there is death.
There is only the passing of your physical body. Bud.
Your life will continue to be with us. You have
worked a lifetime to make sure of that.

Speaker 1 (07:40):
And a great job on the production by Monty Montgomery,
and a beautiful piece of storytelling about Brent Timmins's uncle Bud.
And by the way, if you enjoy this story, you
can find Brent's other stories as well as all of
our stories on Ouramerican Stories dot com. And we love
to hear a story that are there more eulogies than

(08:02):
anything else in remembrances, and particularly in these most core
relationships in our lives is fathers as mothers, as siblings,
is aunts and uncles and grandparents, because this is where
most learning occurs, so much of the fundamental learning in
our lives occurs. If you have any of those stories,
send them again to our American Stories dot com. Because

(08:22):
you are the stars of this show too. You are
listeners Brett Timin's story about his uncle Bud's less days
here on our American Stories. Any money the