November 26, 2024 • 17 mins
On this episode of Our American Stories, this story comes to us from Paul (a.k.a. the "empty nester"), a listener from Minneapolis, MN
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:10):
This is Lee Habib and this is our American Stories,
and we tell stories about everything here on this show,
from the arts to sports, and from business to history
and everything in between, including your stories. Send them to
Ouramerican Stories dot com. There are favorite stories, and proof
of that is our next story by Paul in Minneapolis, Minnesota.
(00:30):
Let's take a listen to Paul's story, Wilbur and the
Empty Nester.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
I met Wilbur in the senior home because I was bored.
Like a lot of fifty something guys my age, I'm
a man in transition. The kids have grown up and
moved out. It's just the two of us again, Cindy
and I. I'm missing the rush of activity that used
to clog our house and hustle us onto the fields,
the ice rinks, and the gymnasiums that our kids and
(00:56):
all their teammates used to inhabit. There must be something
more I can do. I heard myself saying I wanted
to be more involved, more engaging, more invested. Volunteering seemed
like the right fit for me. So one day I
drove to the senior home near my home in Shakape, Minnesota.
There was nothing formal about it. The staff allowed me
(01:19):
to come once or twice a week. I didn't visit
the residents in their rooms, but I hung out in
the activity room and the cafeteria. I tried to meet
some other lonely people, in other words, people like me
who needed new activities and new friends. Some were easy,
some were tough. Wilbur was one of the hard ones.
(01:40):
He was eighty nine years old. Back then, his wife
had died twenty six years earlier. In his prime, old
Wilber was a hard working farmer on a farm near Newell, Minnesota,
a small town southwest of Prior Lake. But that was then.
Based on what he has told me, he lost the
farm and all his money, and that was that he
(02:00):
didn't have a dime to his name. The government is
paying for my stay at the senior home, he told me.
In a way, I could feel his pain, so I
just tried to make him laugh. That was tough duty.
The Senior Home staff told me he was lonely, that
was obvious. The activity staff said Wilbert had a reputation
(02:23):
for being a bit on the grumpy side, well maybe
more than a bit, But he warmed up to me.
As I sat and listened at first, I had tried
recruiting him to Bingo night because I started helping with
Bingo on Monday nights. I was calling bingo some knights
and playing games or visiting on the others. What do
you think, Wilbur, do you want to try bingo? But
(02:44):
he told me no, he was never playing bingo again.
When I asked him why, he said because he tried
and he was yelled at and the players were mean
to him. Oh, I said, I suspected people yelling and
being mean might not be entirely accurate, but that was
before my time as the bingo caller. I told him,
don't worry, Wilbur, We'll have fun. I'll make sure you
(03:06):
have a good time. He said no, thanks. That made
me kind of mad. Being the stubborn German Catholic that
I am, I took his rejection as a challenge. I
was determined to get Wilbur to our weekly Monday night
bingo game. Bingo is at seven o'clock sharp. The residents
have dinner in their cafeteria at six o'clock, so I
started showing up at six thirty, taking advantage of a
(03:28):
captive audience, and I went to work on Wilbur each week.
I asked him to join us each week I kept
getting turned down. Finally, one evening, my annoyance got the
best of him. He said he would come and try
just to get me off his back. I made sure
he had a great time. I gave him some special attention,
(03:49):
teasing him in a friendly way. I don't remember whether
he actually won a game that night, but I do
remember he told me he had one. He said he
would come again the next week. That was a big
time victory, and I relished it. Wilburt was now coming
every week, no begging needed, and he enjoyed it so
much that he stayed after BINGO. When the room cleared
(04:11):
out and just Wilbur and I remained. That gave us
the opportunity to visit together before he went to his
room for the night. We took time to talk about
not just how the weather was, but also about how
his day went, how his week was going, what life
was like on the farm, and how he missed all
the hard work. I noticed how my regular visits and
(04:31):
just listening to his stories made all the difference. The
residents had BNGO three times a week, but Wilbur would
only come the night I'm calling it. Sure would be
nice to go to a drive to visit the old homestead,
Wilburt said, but I wondered if such a trip would
be too much, so I focused on Assisted Living Week,
the homecoming promo for Nornely seniors. Assisted Living Week gave
(04:54):
them a chance to do something special. It was a
big deal, games, special events, and an excuse to dress up.
Every day. There was a different theme, different things to wear.
One day was dress up, one was a certain color,
and after that was Sports Day. The residents were east
to wear a sports themed shirt. Wilbur was not participating
(05:15):
in these events, but with a nudge from a friendly
staff member, I decided I'd take a chance. The night
prior to Sports Day, a staff member texted me to
see if I could bring a colorful jersey for Wilbur
to wear, thinking that he might wear it if it
came from me his new friend, so I gave him
on Tana Grizzly shirre to try. I walked into the room,
(05:36):
showed him the football jersey and told him he could
wear it tomorrow for sports Day, but Wilbur said no,
he was not going to participate, as I left for
the night. I held out the Grizzlies jersey one more time,
and once you know, he grumpily took it, but he
said as I left, I'm not gonna wear it, but
I knew better. I prayed that night for a minor miracle,
(05:59):
and sure enough, God found a way to get Wilbur
into that shirt. The next day he wore the silver
and maroon of the University of Montana Grizzlies, and I smiled.
Last week, Wilbert was not at Bingo Monday night. The
staff member could not say why, but I asked if
it would be okay for me to go to his
room and say hello. She said sure. So I did
(06:20):
something I had never done before. I went to visit
Wilbur in his room. That's a big step for some people.
The activity room in the cafeteria, that's neutral territory. A
room is pretty private. But I wanted to find him,
so I walked through the Senior Home hallway to find him,
and what do you know, there he was. Hey, Wilbur.
I said, I came to your room because I couldn't
(06:41):
find you. I was concerned because you weren't at Bingo
last Monday. Yep, he said, I was in the hospital
for four days. I was having troubled breathing. He told
me how he had to dial nine one one when
ambulance came and took him to emergency. He said, they
told him he almost died. I was relieved he was okay,
(07:01):
and I told him he better not scare me like
that again.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
And you've been listening to Paul the empty nester telling
the story of Wilbur, his friend in an assistant living center.
Paul lonely, wilburlonely. Two lonely guys trying to pass the time.
Be companions in the journey of life. When we come back,
more of Paul's story and Wilbur's here on our American Stories.
(07:30):
Here are our American Stories. We bring you inspiring stories
of history, sports, business, faith and love. Stories from a
great and beautiful country that need to be told that
we can't do it without you. Our stories are free
to listen to, but they're not free to make. If
you love our stories in America like we do, please
go to our American Stories dot com and click the
(07:51):
donate button. Give a little, give a lot, help us
keep the great American stories coming. That's our American stories
dot Com, and we continue with our American stories in
(08:11):
Paul and Wilbur's story. Now, let's return to Paul and
Wilbur's story.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
For an eighty nine year old man. He was looking
pretty good. He smiled and relaxed. We visited for a
while in his room, and we were both more comfortable
than we thought. Wilbur showed me pictures he had around
his room, pictures of a young Wilbur and his wife,
of his kids and grandkids. He was a strong young
father and his wife was beautiful. They had three children,
(08:40):
great looking kids. We had a wonderful talk. He showed
me all the gadgets he got from the hospital, a
machine he had blown to see how high he could
make it go, proudly telling me he got up to
twenty six one time. When I left, he said he
was very glad that I came, that he missed me.
On Monday, he said he was glad I come to
(09:00):
see him because his own kids and grandkids don't Our
relationship is getting stronger, and now I've decided Bingo's not
enough for the two of us. I'm going to make
sure and go visit Wilbur one or two other nights
a week as well. A few months later, I had
another twist to my relationship with Wilbur. I went to
visit him, and once again, he was not at the
(09:21):
dinner table. I found out he had fallen the day
before and was in the hospital, so I went to
the hospital to see him. I hurt my shoulder, he said,
but I didn't break it. I told him I was
glad it wasn't broken. He said, he fell trying to
get up from the lunch table. I couldn't press the
call button around my neck, he said, because I was
fat on my belly and I couldn't move my arm.
(09:41):
I was scared. Luckily, there were still two others in
the room, so they pushed their buttons and he got
the help he needed. We sat and talked for a
long time that day there in the hospital room. We
were comfortable together. We had moved from a cafeteria relationship
to a visit in your room relationship, and now we
were answering up to a hospital visit relationship well with him.
(10:04):
That day, first nurse who came in said to me,
I'm so glad you came. Wilbur has been hoping all
day to have a visitor. The next nurse asked if
I was a relative, and I said, no, just a friend,
and Wilbur shouted out, a real good friend. It might
have been one of the nicest compliments I had heard
in a long time. When he said it, I was speechless.
(10:27):
I didn't know Wilbur had it in him. When someone
calls you a friend, that's one thing. But when Wilbur,
who wouldn't come to Bingo, who wouldn't take the sports jersey,
who used to be just a little bit grumpy, shouts
to one of the nurses and calls me a real
good friend, well that's about as good as it gets.
(10:47):
It's a memory and a feeling I will never forget.
It almost brought tears to my eyes. Almost, I said, remember,
I'm a stubborn German Catholic. We talked more that day,
without trying to pry too much. I learned that his
daughter did come to visit him the first night, but
he wished his two sons would show up. He said,
he called his boys, but they can't afford to come
(11:09):
see him. Right then, I asked if they lived out
of town. He said, no, in a town about fifty
miles away. To be fair, you're never quite sure why
someone doesn't visit. There's probably more to the story. Maybe
he was a little grumpy once too often, or maybe
there's a dysfunction one way or the other. I decided
I couldn't be sure of the real reason Wilbur's children
(11:31):
stayed away, but that was not my business. My role
was to love him, and I could be sure of this.
Wilbur was lonely, and whenever I came, he was glad
I came to see him, and I was glad I
was there too. It made me wonder sometimes who was
more looking forward to her nighttime visits, me or Wilbur.
And you know what, I think was probably a draw
(11:54):
for me. Monday nights became the best night of my week.
And I have a suspicion that my friend Wilbur w
was say the same. One day recently, when I came,
I found that Wilbur was really bunned out. He was
moving to the long term side of the senior home
the next day. You see, there's an assisted living side
where you have an apartment and maintain some independence, and
(12:16):
there is a side that's more like a hospital when
you need more care and you can't be on your
own any more. It's always traumatic for the residents when
they realize they can no longer be on their own
and they have to move to the other side. I
have to move, said Wilbur. That's going to be hard,
I replied. I told him I'd come after work tomorrow
and help him move some of his belongings to his
(12:37):
new room if you wanted to do that. Not yet,
he said, let's wait. Wilbur was holding out hope. Maybe
it wouldn't be permanent, maybe the staff would let him
back to assisted living. I don't know if that was realistic,
but I knew I could be realistic enough to come
back that night and see him and help him get through.
Our visit. That evening went well. We talked about life's
(13:00):
ups and downs, twists and turns, and what it feels
like to go from assisted living to long term care.
Not only did we talk about wilbur situation, but also
about my life and my struggles. I'm a reserved person.
I normally keep my thoughts and feelings to myself, Yet
for some reason that evening it felt appropriate and even
(13:21):
comforting to open up to my friend Wilbur. We're in
this together, I said, I think These are the kinds
of discussions close friends have. Yet somehow this was new
territory for me, and Wilbur was good to talk to.
After visiting Wilbur, on my way back to my car,
I walked back through the senior home and saw my
other good friend at the senior Home, Natalia. She was
(13:43):
out of her room playing solitaire, so I decided to
say hello. Natalia is ninety eight years old and she
has told me she's going to make it to one hundred.
She loves to play dominos and taught me the game too.
It's a lot of fun. Did you ever play? Natalia
got so ins I by your thinking about it. She said, wait.
She put down her cards and had me go to
(14:04):
her room and grabbed the dominoes so we could play
a few games right then and there, and we had
a great time. Even though Natalia is on the long
term side of the home, I go to pick up
on bingo night in the assisted living area. There have
been a couple of occasions where another volunteer has gone
to get her for bingo and she has said something
to the fact that Paul usually does this. I'll wait
(14:24):
for him. Sure Enough, the volunteer left her and told
me that Untalie was waiting. She always smiled when I
came to get her, and that day I smiled too.
One day I received news from one of the staff
that Wilbur had taken a turn for the worse and
I should stop in to see him if I was
able to. So I went to visit Wilbur in his
(14:46):
room right away. He was lying in his bed, comfortable
but unconscious. Yes, Wilbur was dying. The grumpy man who
had become my friend, the one who started to love Bingo,
the one who was in this together with me, A
lonely man making a friend of a guy who used
to be a board empty nester. Old Wilbur was passing away.
(15:10):
I was glad I could be there. Even though he
couldn't talk, I just guessed that he could listen, and
he was listening. So I just talked to him like normal.
I assumed he could hear every word, and I bet
he did. Have I mentioned I'm a stubborn German Catholic.
I said some prayers with him and talked to him
and told him how much of a real good friend
(15:30):
he was to me there in that room, a fading
away life. I explained how I was so glad to
get to know him and spend time with him, and
how he had a positive impact on my life. I
don't know for sure whether he could hear me or not,
but it felt good to have the opportunity to talk
and say good bye. I let him know I will
miss him dearly, and I walked out of his room.
(15:54):
Wilbur passed away peacefully the next day, but not before
he was able to open up a piece of my
heart and teach me about friendship in his own unique way.
Can you imagine how much I would have missed out
on if I had not started taking the drive of
the senior home, if I had not tried to learn
to call Bingo on Monday nights. I'm learning a lot
at that home, and I'm becoming a better person. I've
(16:17):
learned how to become a better friend. I've learned how
to share and how to listen. I've learned to find
joy in simple things. I've learned how to slow down
and how time spent visiting and talking can build lasting relationships.
I've learned about living as well as dying. I've experienced
sorrow and loss, yet at the same time, experiencing joy
(16:41):
and everlasting memories. This might be a bit selfish, but
it didn't take me long to learn that I get
as much or more out of volunteering than the residents do.
But most of all, I've learned two things. Number one,
you don't have to be bored, and number two, I've
learned what it feels like and also what it takes
(17:03):
to have a real good friend.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
And what a great story. And thanks to Paul in
Minneapolis for sharing it with us. His friendship with Wilbur.
I wanted to be more involved, more invested, he said
when he started this story. Paul did, and so he
drove to this senior home and my goodness, it just
changed his life. And having witnessed his friend say you're
(17:28):
a real good friend to other people, and what that
did for Paul and Wilbur, I've learned a lot. I've
learned to be a better friend. I've learned about living
and dying and the big two things, you don't have
to be bored, And I learned how to be a friend.
What a great story, a friendship of love of a stranger.
(17:49):
Paul's story here on our American Story
This is Lee Habib and this is our American Stories,
and we tell stories about everything here on this show,
from the arts to sports, and from business to history
and everything in between, including your stories. Send them to
Ouramerican Stories dot com. There are favorite stories, and proof
of that is our next story by Paul in Minneapolis, Minnesota.
(00:30):
Let's take a listen to Paul's story, Wilbur and the
Empty Nester.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
I met Wilbur in the senior home because I was bored.
Like a lot of fifty something guys my age, I'm
a man in transition. The kids have grown up and
moved out. It's just the two of us again, Cindy
and I. I'm missing the rush of activity that used
to clog our house and hustle us onto the fields,
the ice rinks, and the gymnasiums that our kids and
(00:56):
all their teammates used to inhabit. There must be something
more I can do. I heard myself saying I wanted
to be more involved, more engaging, more invested. Volunteering seemed
like the right fit for me. So one day I
drove to the senior home near my home in Shakape, Minnesota.
There was nothing formal about it. The staff allowed me
(01:19):
to come once or twice a week. I didn't visit
the residents in their rooms, but I hung out in
the activity room and the cafeteria. I tried to meet
some other lonely people, in other words, people like me
who needed new activities and new friends. Some were easy,
some were tough. Wilbur was one of the hard ones.
(01:40):
He was eighty nine years old. Back then, his wife
had died twenty six years earlier. In his prime, old
Wilber was a hard working farmer on a farm near Newell, Minnesota,
a small town southwest of Prior Lake. But that was then.
Based on what he has told me, he lost the
farm and all his money, and that was that he
(02:00):
didn't have a dime to his name. The government is
paying for my stay at the senior home, he told me.
In a way, I could feel his pain, so I
just tried to make him laugh. That was tough duty.
The Senior Home staff told me he was lonely, that
was obvious. The activity staff said Wilbert had a reputation
(02:23):
for being a bit on the grumpy side, well maybe
more than a bit, But he warmed up to me.
As I sat and listened at first, I had tried
recruiting him to Bingo night because I started helping with
Bingo on Monday nights. I was calling bingo some knights
and playing games or visiting on the others. What do
you think, Wilbur, do you want to try bingo? But
(02:44):
he told me no, he was never playing bingo again.
When I asked him why, he said because he tried
and he was yelled at and the players were mean
to him. Oh, I said, I suspected people yelling and
being mean might not be entirely accurate, but that was
before my time as the bingo caller. I told him,
don't worry, Wilbur, We'll have fun. I'll make sure you
(03:06):
have a good time. He said no, thanks. That made
me kind of mad. Being the stubborn German Catholic that
I am, I took his rejection as a challenge. I
was determined to get Wilbur to our weekly Monday night
bingo game. Bingo is at seven o'clock sharp. The residents
have dinner in their cafeteria at six o'clock, so I
started showing up at six thirty, taking advantage of a
(03:28):
captive audience, and I went to work on Wilbur each week.
I asked him to join us each week I kept
getting turned down. Finally, one evening, my annoyance got the
best of him. He said he would come and try
just to get me off his back. I made sure
he had a great time. I gave him some special attention,
(03:49):
teasing him in a friendly way. I don't remember whether
he actually won a game that night, but I do
remember he told me he had one. He said he
would come again the next week. That was a big
time victory, and I relished it. Wilburt was now coming
every week, no begging needed, and he enjoyed it so
much that he stayed after BINGO. When the room cleared
(04:11):
out and just Wilbur and I remained. That gave us
the opportunity to visit together before he went to his
room for the night. We took time to talk about
not just how the weather was, but also about how
his day went, how his week was going, what life
was like on the farm, and how he missed all
the hard work. I noticed how my regular visits and
(04:31):
just listening to his stories made all the difference. The
residents had BNGO three times a week, but Wilbur would
only come the night I'm calling it. Sure would be
nice to go to a drive to visit the old homestead,
Wilburt said, but I wondered if such a trip would
be too much, so I focused on Assisted Living Week,
the homecoming promo for Nornely seniors. Assisted Living Week gave
(04:54):
them a chance to do something special. It was a
big deal, games, special events, and an excuse to dress up.
Every day. There was a different theme, different things to wear.
One day was dress up, one was a certain color,
and after that was Sports Day. The residents were east
to wear a sports themed shirt. Wilbur was not participating
(05:15):
in these events, but with a nudge from a friendly
staff member, I decided I'd take a chance. The night
prior to Sports Day, a staff member texted me to
see if I could bring a colorful jersey for Wilbur
to wear, thinking that he might wear it if it
came from me his new friend, so I gave him
on Tana Grizzly shirre to try. I walked into the room,
(05:36):
showed him the football jersey and told him he could
wear it tomorrow for sports Day, but Wilbur said no,
he was not going to participate, as I left for
the night. I held out the Grizzlies jersey one more time,
and once you know, he grumpily took it, but he
said as I left, I'm not gonna wear it, but
I knew better. I prayed that night for a minor miracle,
(05:59):
and sure enough, God found a way to get Wilbur
into that shirt. The next day he wore the silver
and maroon of the University of Montana Grizzlies, and I smiled.
Last week, Wilbert was not at Bingo Monday night. The
staff member could not say why, but I asked if
it would be okay for me to go to his
room and say hello. She said sure. So I did
(06:20):
something I had never done before. I went to visit
Wilbur in his room. That's a big step for some people.
The activity room in the cafeteria, that's neutral territory. A
room is pretty private. But I wanted to find him,
so I walked through the Senior Home hallway to find him,
and what do you know, there he was. Hey, Wilbur.
I said, I came to your room because I couldn't
(06:41):
find you. I was concerned because you weren't at Bingo
last Monday. Yep, he said, I was in the hospital
for four days. I was having troubled breathing. He told
me how he had to dial nine one one when
ambulance came and took him to emergency. He said, they
told him he almost died. I was relieved he was okay,
(07:01):
and I told him he better not scare me like
that again.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
And you've been listening to Paul the empty nester telling
the story of Wilbur, his friend in an assistant living center.
Paul lonely, wilburlonely. Two lonely guys trying to pass the time.
Be companions in the journey of life. When we come back,
more of Paul's story and Wilbur's here on our American Stories.
(07:30):
Here are our American Stories. We bring you inspiring stories
of history, sports, business, faith and love. Stories from a
great and beautiful country that need to be told that
we can't do it without you. Our stories are free
to listen to, but they're not free to make. If
you love our stories in America like we do, please
go to our American Stories dot com and click the
(07:51):
donate button. Give a little, give a lot, help us
keep the great American stories coming. That's our American stories
dot Com, and we continue with our American stories in
(08:11):
Paul and Wilbur's story. Now, let's return to Paul and
Wilbur's story.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
For an eighty nine year old man. He was looking
pretty good. He smiled and relaxed. We visited for a
while in his room, and we were both more comfortable
than we thought. Wilbur showed me pictures he had around
his room, pictures of a young Wilbur and his wife,
of his kids and grandkids. He was a strong young
father and his wife was beautiful. They had three children,
(08:40):
great looking kids. We had a wonderful talk. He showed
me all the gadgets he got from the hospital, a
machine he had blown to see how high he could
make it go, proudly telling me he got up to
twenty six one time. When I left, he said he
was very glad that I came, that he missed me.
On Monday, he said he was glad I come to
(09:00):
see him because his own kids and grandkids don't Our
relationship is getting stronger, and now I've decided Bingo's not
enough for the two of us. I'm going to make
sure and go visit Wilbur one or two other nights
a week as well. A few months later, I had
another twist to my relationship with Wilbur. I went to
visit him, and once again, he was not at the
(09:21):
dinner table. I found out he had fallen the day
before and was in the hospital, so I went to
the hospital to see him. I hurt my shoulder, he said,
but I didn't break it. I told him I was
glad it wasn't broken. He said, he fell trying to
get up from the lunch table. I couldn't press the
call button around my neck, he said, because I was
fat on my belly and I couldn't move my arm.
(09:41):
I was scared. Luckily, there were still two others in
the room, so they pushed their buttons and he got
the help he needed. We sat and talked for a
long time that day there in the hospital room. We
were comfortable together. We had moved from a cafeteria relationship
to a visit in your room relationship, and now we
were answering up to a hospital visit relationship well with him.
(10:04):
That day, first nurse who came in said to me,
I'm so glad you came. Wilbur has been hoping all
day to have a visitor. The next nurse asked if
I was a relative, and I said, no, just a friend,
and Wilbur shouted out, a real good friend. It might
have been one of the nicest compliments I had heard
in a long time. When he said it, I was speechless.
(10:27):
I didn't know Wilbur had it in him. When someone
calls you a friend, that's one thing. But when Wilbur,
who wouldn't come to Bingo, who wouldn't take the sports jersey,
who used to be just a little bit grumpy, shouts
to one of the nurses and calls me a real
good friend, well that's about as good as it gets.
(10:47):
It's a memory and a feeling I will never forget.
It almost brought tears to my eyes. Almost, I said, remember,
I'm a stubborn German Catholic. We talked more that day,
without trying to pry too much. I learned that his
daughter did come to visit him the first night, but
he wished his two sons would show up. He said,
he called his boys, but they can't afford to come
(11:09):
see him. Right then, I asked if they lived out
of town. He said, no, in a town about fifty
miles away. To be fair, you're never quite sure why
someone doesn't visit. There's probably more to the story. Maybe
he was a little grumpy once too often, or maybe
there's a dysfunction one way or the other. I decided
I couldn't be sure of the real reason Wilbur's children
(11:31):
stayed away, but that was not my business. My role
was to love him, and I could be sure of this.
Wilbur was lonely, and whenever I came, he was glad
I came to see him, and I was glad I
was there too. It made me wonder sometimes who was
more looking forward to her nighttime visits, me or Wilbur.
And you know what, I think was probably a draw
(11:54):
for me. Monday nights became the best night of my week.
And I have a suspicion that my friend Wilbur w
was say the same. One day recently, when I came,
I found that Wilbur was really bunned out. He was
moving to the long term side of the senior home
the next day. You see, there's an assisted living side
where you have an apartment and maintain some independence, and
(12:16):
there is a side that's more like a hospital when
you need more care and you can't be on your
own any more. It's always traumatic for the residents when
they realize they can no longer be on their own
and they have to move to the other side. I
have to move, said Wilbur. That's going to be hard,
I replied. I told him I'd come after work tomorrow
and help him move some of his belongings to his
(12:37):
new room if you wanted to do that. Not yet,
he said, let's wait. Wilbur was holding out hope. Maybe
it wouldn't be permanent, maybe the staff would let him
back to assisted living. I don't know if that was realistic,
but I knew I could be realistic enough to come
back that night and see him and help him get through.
Our visit. That evening went well. We talked about life's
(13:00):
ups and downs, twists and turns, and what it feels
like to go from assisted living to long term care.
Not only did we talk about wilbur situation, but also
about my life and my struggles. I'm a reserved person.
I normally keep my thoughts and feelings to myself, Yet
for some reason that evening it felt appropriate and even
(13:21):
comforting to open up to my friend Wilbur. We're in
this together, I said, I think These are the kinds
of discussions close friends have. Yet somehow this was new
territory for me, and Wilbur was good to talk to.
After visiting Wilbur, on my way back to my car,
I walked back through the senior home and saw my
other good friend at the senior Home, Natalia. She was
(13:43):
out of her room playing solitaire, so I decided to
say hello. Natalia is ninety eight years old and she
has told me she's going to make it to one hundred.
She loves to play dominos and taught me the game too.
It's a lot of fun. Did you ever play? Natalia
got so ins I by your thinking about it. She said, wait.
She put down her cards and had me go to
(14:04):
her room and grabbed the dominoes so we could play
a few games right then and there, and we had
a great time. Even though Natalia is on the long
term side of the home, I go to pick up
on bingo night in the assisted living area. There have
been a couple of occasions where another volunteer has gone
to get her for bingo and she has said something
to the fact that Paul usually does this. I'll wait
(14:24):
for him. Sure Enough, the volunteer left her and told
me that Untalie was waiting. She always smiled when I
came to get her, and that day I smiled too.
One day I received news from one of the staff
that Wilbur had taken a turn for the worse and
I should stop in to see him if I was
able to. So I went to visit Wilbur in his
(14:46):
room right away. He was lying in his bed, comfortable
but unconscious. Yes, Wilbur was dying. The grumpy man who
had become my friend, the one who started to love Bingo,
the one who was in this together with me, A
lonely man making a friend of a guy who used
to be a board empty nester. Old Wilbur was passing away.
(15:10):
I was glad I could be there. Even though he
couldn't talk, I just guessed that he could listen, and
he was listening. So I just talked to him like normal.
I assumed he could hear every word, and I bet
he did. Have I mentioned I'm a stubborn German Catholic.
I said some prayers with him and talked to him
and told him how much of a real good friend
(15:30):
he was to me there in that room, a fading
away life. I explained how I was so glad to
get to know him and spend time with him, and
how he had a positive impact on my life. I
don't know for sure whether he could hear me or not,
but it felt good to have the opportunity to talk
and say good bye. I let him know I will
miss him dearly, and I walked out of his room.
(15:54):
Wilbur passed away peacefully the next day, but not before
he was able to open up a piece of my
heart and teach me about friendship in his own unique way.
Can you imagine how much I would have missed out
on if I had not started taking the drive of
the senior home, if I had not tried to learn
to call Bingo on Monday nights. I'm learning a lot
at that home, and I'm becoming a better person. I've
(16:17):
learned how to become a better friend. I've learned how
to share and how to listen. I've learned to find
joy in simple things. I've learned how to slow down
and how time spent visiting and talking can build lasting relationships.
I've learned about living as well as dying. I've experienced
sorrow and loss, yet at the same time, experiencing joy
(16:41):
and everlasting memories. This might be a bit selfish, but
it didn't take me long to learn that I get
as much or more out of volunteering than the residents do.
But most of all, I've learned two things. Number one,
you don't have to be bored, and number two, I've
learned what it feels like and also what it takes
(17:03):
to have a real good friend.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
And what a great story. And thanks to Paul in
Minneapolis for sharing it with us. His friendship with Wilbur.
I wanted to be more involved, more invested, he said
when he started this story. Paul did, and so he
drove to this senior home and my goodness, it just
changed his life. And having witnessed his friend say you're
(17:28):
a real good friend to other people, and what that
did for Paul and Wilbur, I've learned a lot. I've
learned to be a better friend. I've learned about living
and dying and the big two things, you don't have
to be bored, And I learned how to be a friend.
What a great story, a friendship of love of a stranger.
(17:49):
Paul's story here on our American Story
Host
Lee Habeeb
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