September 29, 2025 • 20 mins
On this episode of Our American Stories, what happens when the thing you love most is taken away? For Richard Herzog, it was sports. An abusive teacher relationship left scars that lasted for years, but he found redemption in coaching. He went on to lead his team to three state championships and proved that even the deepest wounds can lead to a new strength.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
And we returned to our American stories. Up next, we're
going to hear from Richard Herzog, author of Hey Dirk.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Through his childhood, Richard.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
Always longed for a role model, someone to look up
to and help him navigate the hardships he was facing
him the home, but his inspiration ended up not being
a person at all. It was sport. Here's Richard with
his story.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
I grew up in a small section of Gretna, right
on the other side of the river from New Orleans,
and historically it's not much different from New Orleans per
se as the culture goes. We had one room with
a large number of people living on top of each
other in one bed. You had really at the in
the beginning, you had one bed, so maybe three or
(00:57):
four boys were sleeping in at one bed, and then
eventually got bump beds, so you had one on the top,
one on the bottom, and then maybe two or three
would land in a big bed, and then my sister
would land on a couch in the living room.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
You were always on the.
Speaker 3 (01:09):
Go too, because you know, you live by the rule
you just stay outside until it's time to eat, so
you're you know, you're either involved in games that you
make up your own little world of climbing on trains,
jumping trains to get to the ballpark as they're moving.
I mean, come on, you got to try that once, right,
(01:33):
Swimming in the river and you could just get up
on the barges and jump into the river. So that
was fun, and it was kind of like growing up
like Tom Sawyer, and you know, we didn't lack for
anything because we didn't know what it was like to
have anything. The way I can describe growing up where
(01:53):
I grew up, all you needed was a pair of
shorts and some underwear and you were good to go.
You know, you didn't have to worry shoes. Well, you know,
in New Orleans you're either going to a celebration or
you're going to make one up. There's never a worry.
You just go on to the next day or the
(02:15):
next thing and the next event. Now New Orleans is
not a part of this world as far as I'm concerned,
but for me, it affected me seeing how it affected
other people.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
The drug life.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
I've seen people die at an early age, friends who
have lost to overdoses. You know, fighting came early and often,
and I was pretty good at it. So you know,
it's a hard environment to get out of. I mean,
they're entrenched, but it's it has that kind of spell
on you. So at home it's an abusive situation. You know,
(02:55):
I'd had my share of abuse. I'd seen more than
my fair share of views. My mother suffered severely with depression.
She's trying to raise six children in a small house.
My dad was a blue collar worker, and their marriage
was one big ball of conflict. I would scratch my
(03:16):
head every day thinking how did they get married? So
I watched a lot of wars. You know, then you
got to in this small space, you got to witness alcohol.
But you were also living under these guidelines or this
you know, paint by color orders. This is what you do.
(03:37):
This is how you do it. You don't ask questions,
get moving boom. So your curiosity was shot. So life's
in motion, all these things that are happening inside the
home gets self and somewhat by sports. It was the
one thing I was really good at that I could enjoy.
(04:00):
I didn't you know, I was lands away when I
was playing ball. You know, you can get on a
ball field and fresh grass and sweaty uniforms and basically
knocking to snot out each other. If you're in football
and enjoying it and not get arrested for it and
thrown into tention or whatever, you're just like, man, I
can do this. My mother's cousin was Melot, and I
(04:24):
knew I had some athletic influences in me.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
You know, I would watch some things on TV.
Speaker 3 (04:31):
I'd see athletes play, and I'd go out and try
to replicate it, and I'd keep working at it until
I got pretty good and loved it, just absolutely loved it.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
Loved competing.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
You know, I was determined I being the best on
the field all the time. I played ball at school,
so you know, growing up, had success at sports, had
a lot of trophies. Trophies were put on the mantelpiece
in a very interesting environment. You know, I had a
shotgun and a record play and a crucifix arounded by it.
(05:07):
So heavy hand at home was coming down on me
pretty good, and I'd run scared from everything i'd just
witness and then I'd run trying to get back into
the football game because that's where the comfort was. And
I never got to have a relationship with someone to
kind of self in the blows, or maybe give me
(05:28):
some sage advice or just point me along the way.
So I think from that part of my childhood going
in right before I hit high school, I was wanting
something to kind of say that, you know, Richard, you
are a decent human being, or you are this, you
(05:49):
are that, and kind of build up my self esteem
a little bit instead of always being held under thumb,
and just generally just to feel like be in love.
So I was a pretty pretty confused child. I had
a lot of talent from my shoulders on down at
that point, but I did not have a whole lot
(06:11):
of confidence between my ears.
Speaker 4 (06:15):
Richard went to an all boys Catholic school. One day,
a boy in his class decided to play a prank
on the teacher, and when he invited Richard to take
part in it, he declined.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
So eventually the guys caught and I wanted to check
to see how the teacher was doing. I was being sincere.
I purposely missed the bus, dyed after school and went
and visited in a classroom.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
She was there grading papers.
Speaker 3 (06:46):
And I knocked on the door and we started a conversation,
and that's where really the relationship began. You know, she
was heavily influential on me because she was a mother
figure to a degree. She was my teacher. She was
the first homecoming queen at the University of New Orleans.
(07:09):
She was absolutely gorgeous and she had it all. And
the way she interacted with me and the conversations we had,
I felt like, for the first time I was learning
and actually talking to someone who gave me the time
and the attention and felt sincere about it. So your
(07:31):
mind goes to these places because you're hoping and thinking
and wishing that this lady's going to set you straight
and help you out.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
You know.
Speaker 4 (07:42):
After Richard talked with his teacher for a while, she
offered to give him a ride home from school.
Speaker 3 (07:48):
We walked to the parking lot and there is a
burnt orange nineteen seventy two monthigo and I thought, oh, gosh,
teachers must get paid a lot of money. Yeah, And
I got in and it was, you know, this brand
new smell. And the ride home was unlike anything I'd
(08:08):
experienced in my life. It was calm, it was musical,
it was fun and funny. It was wit being shared,
it was laughter, and it stuck with me.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
But the drive home, you know, that day was.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
The first and then she just asked me if I
need a ride home, So I stopped riding the bus
and started riding with her.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
And we're listening to Richard Herzag, author of pay Dirt,
share his story with us growing up in New Orleans,
small house, one bed, then bunk beds, always on the go,
as he said, we stayed outside until it was time
to eat. Kind of like growing up like Tom Sawyer,
he described, but not so much for the home life.
The celebrations of New Orleans. Well, lots of drugs, lots
(08:57):
of alcohol, and lots of abuse in the family. My parents'
marriage was one big ball of conflict. I was lands away, however,
when I played sports, and then that teacher of his
who just taught him about a different world in that
car ride home, some peace, some laughter, and some encouragement
and love. When we come back, more of Richard Herzog's
(09:19):
story here on our American Stories. And we're back with
(09:40):
our American stories and with Richard Herzog.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
When we last left off.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
He'd begun to form what he thought was an innocent
relationship with his teacher, hoping she would be a mentor
for him.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
Let's return to Richard.
Speaker 3 (09:54):
It was the last day of school and she had
driven me home, and well, I thought, but it's been good.
But I've got all this tightness in me, like I'm
a loser. I'm not going to get to talk to
her anymore. You know, I was romanticizing, but I got
to accept the reality of it. No matter what I'm thinking,
(10:14):
I have to accept the reality. She's married, and I
just have to go on.
Speaker 4 (10:23):
Over the summer, Richard had a job working at a
local family owned restaurant called Burdues.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
I think that helped me move on a little bit.
Speaker 3 (10:32):
You got the things you love, You've got sports, you've
got your job, and so I.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
Learned how to keep busy in that moment.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
And we're at work one night and Miss Burdue and
Stephone and I'm just standing nearby and she says, Richard,
you have a telephone call.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
I'm thinking, who's calling me at work? And it was her.
Speaker 3 (11:00):
She said, I've been thinking, and I like talking to
you and like being with you, and I want to
see you again.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
Let's get together, and away we went.
Speaker 4 (11:11):
It was then that Richard's teacher told him if he
gave up his sports, which practiced every Saturday, they could
instead spend that time together.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
By then, I was heavily influenced.
Speaker 3 (11:22):
Now she's my drug of choice basically, so you know,
whatever she said I listened to and it was like, yeah, okay,
she wants to see me, and I'm going to give
up sports to do this.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
So yeah, by then pretty much far gone.
Speaker 3 (11:39):
I didn't tell anyone until it started to get physical,
but no one knew what to do about it.
Speaker 4 (11:51):
After several months of spending time together in forming this
inappropriate relationship, Richard's teacher asked him if he would come
for a ride with her.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
She was quieter than she normally was, and then just
basically just tells me, we can't go on like this anymore,
and we can't do this anymore. I think by this
moment in time, people are talking and there's still no
answers as to exactly what happened other than that she
(12:24):
said she got scared and ran. So that's where it
was left. Basically. I mean, it was like right then
and there, so there was so much to deal with.
I couldn't tell my parents, I couldn't tell the administration
certainly wasn't going to go to a priest. And that
was the hard part. There's just no help. It was
(12:45):
just shutting the door. I had nowhere to go. I
had no one to talk to. I didn't think anybody
would believe me, and so I would see her on
a daily basis. And I'm a zombie. I am in
a total inexplicable fog. And so that's how I'm living
every day. Two years of high school have gone through.
(13:06):
That was excruciating, to say the least. But I was
also determined that I was going to get through it.
I wasn't gonna let her kill me. By the time
I got out of high school, you know, I had
these jobs that were just crazy.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
They were going nowhere fast.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
I could accept things as they were, you know, live
where I was living, drink beer, get up and do
it again, and think.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
Life was good. You know. I could have settled for that.
Speaker 3 (13:34):
But and I got to thinking that, you know what,
I've wasted all my talent, that this is not what
I'm supposed to be. I just was not fulfilling my
potential I think God had given me.
Speaker 4 (13:49):
At this point, Richard started going to football games at
the high school he'd attended to watch his friend John,
who was the quarterback.
Speaker 3 (13:57):
I would sit in the stands and I would be
filled with so much anger and resentment, and not towards John,
of the team or anything I was pulling for them,
but the resentment of that could have been me. So
I would walk out of the stadium during these games,
being probably the meanest, maddest person, and everybody else is celebrating,
(14:21):
and I'm like, you know, just get away from me,
because I'm ready to fight.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
So that was me standing in the fire.
Speaker 3 (14:29):
I went and I faced that, and I knew it
would be hard, but that drove me. I got to
do something. If I can't be a ballplayer, then I'm
going to coach. And I decided to turn the page.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
Then and there.
Speaker 4 (14:49):
Richard's friend John was being recruited by ole Miss to
play football, and he told Richard he should go there
too for college.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
I never heard of ole Miss except for Archie Manning.
I didn't know who ole Miss was, but I kne
who Archie Manning was. Well, does John's getting recruited. I'm
living right next door to him, so all these recruiters
are coming in his house. And when he decides that
he wants to sign with Ole. Miss Archie shows up
at the house, and of course I'm over there and
I'm meeting Archie Manning and Steve Sloan, and so I
(15:17):
got to think, and yeah, man, I'd really like to
go up there. I came up before I actually you know,
enrolled in school and saw it and.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
I was like, yeah, I like this place.
Speaker 3 (15:29):
And getting seven eight hours away was kind of a
cure for me. You know, I could separate myself at
that point.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
And there was something about it that grabbed my soul.
Speaker 3 (15:44):
But I also know that I'm here to focus and
I want to get my degree and I want to coach.
So I got on that track of that's what's happening.
And I mean God must have been looking at me something,
because I end up running the athletic dorm here. I
was in charge of four hundred athletes, and you know,
(16:05):
then I'm getting to travel with the team and I'm
at some of the practices and it's like wow. But
you know, in all this, the darkness is still there,
the problem, the issue is still there. By the law
and by definition, you know, it was statutory rape, which
(16:29):
I had no idea what that was at the time,
because I did not know, the difference between improper and
improper relationship. In my mind was like, well, true, this
is how relationships are, whether you're married or not. You
know that you can't really commit to something, and that's
what I learned at an early age. So I was
in therapy and knowing something was wrong. It was just
(16:53):
like a miracle, you know. The lady said, I'm going
to send you to this counselor who can give you
this test, and I think she can help you. So
I take the tests and I scored high and that's
not a good thing, but it does give you answers.
And the answers for me were to get into the
(17:13):
twelve Step program, and I felt like it was the
first time I had been in church in a long
long time. But there's so much empathy and spiritual togetherness
that you're all rowing in the same boat, gone in
the same direction, you know, and you just really want
to get well. I'd quit drinking, I started lifting weights,
(17:33):
started running, doing all these things getting healthier.
Speaker 4 (17:37):
After going through twelve Steps and working with Olmoss Athletics,
Richard then went on to become head football coach at
another school in Tennessee and led the team to four
state championships.
Speaker 3 (17:49):
So one accomplishment is building on top of the other,
which that in itself was to therapy if there is such.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
A thing for me.
Speaker 3 (18:00):
And then as you accomplished something, I gain more confidence.
And that's when I started to think, Okay, I got
some confidence here. It's time for me to be more
proactive than I've been. And I thought that forgiving was
important because it all boils down to she was an
(18:23):
adult and what she did was abuse and cause a
lifetime of grief, and I wanted to forgive her. I
wanted to forgive myself. Forgiving her was extremely difficult because
you're always caught between forgiving and forgetting, and then the
ugly part of me would you know, the anger would
(18:45):
rise again and I cannot really forgive her. You know,
you said you did, but can you really do this?
And that was always very difficult. But I felt like
I could confront all of it and some clarity, and
you know, I was like, there's got to be a
voice for people who have had the experience I had.
(19:08):
This happens to males two, believe it or not, and
I want them to know that if they have this
and they're going through what I went through. They don't
have to take their life. They can win. And you know,
I think the best thing that you can do is forgive.
So in the end I beat it.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
And a terrific job by Madison Derek Ott on the production,
and a special thanks to Richard Herzog, author of pay
Dirt and how he overcame the sexual abuse, and let's
face it that with sexual abuse and men face it too,
from women and from men, that's as important telling those
and sharing those stories as when women do. And my goodness,
getting to Ole, miss and we broadcast right here in Oxford, Mississippi,
(19:54):
getting seven and eight hours away from what happened to him.
But in the end he still had to face the
darkness and the way to do it was forgiveness. We
have found that again and again that when the victim forgives,
the victimizer life begins. The story of Richard Herzog a
terrific overcoming story here on our American Stories
And we returned to our American stories. Up next, we're
going to hear from Richard Herzog, author of Hey Dirk.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Through his childhood, Richard.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
Always longed for a role model, someone to look up
to and help him navigate the hardships he was facing
him the home, but his inspiration ended up not being
a person at all. It was sport. Here's Richard with
his story.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
I grew up in a small section of Gretna, right
on the other side of the river from New Orleans,
and historically it's not much different from New Orleans per
se as the culture goes. We had one room with
a large number of people living on top of each
other in one bed. You had really at the in
the beginning, you had one bed, so maybe three or
(00:57):
four boys were sleeping in at one bed, and then
eventually got bump beds, so you had one on the top,
one on the bottom, and then maybe two or three
would land in a big bed, and then my sister
would land on a couch in the living room.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
You were always on the.
Speaker 3 (01:09):
Go too, because you know, you live by the rule
you just stay outside until it's time to eat, so
you're you know, you're either involved in games that you
make up your own little world of climbing on trains,
jumping trains to get to the ballpark as they're moving.
I mean, come on, you got to try that once, right,
(01:33):
Swimming in the river and you could just get up
on the barges and jump into the river. So that
was fun, and it was kind of like growing up
like Tom Sawyer, and you know, we didn't lack for
anything because we didn't know what it was like to
have anything. The way I can describe growing up where
(01:53):
I grew up, all you needed was a pair of
shorts and some underwear and you were good to go.
You know, you didn't have to worry shoes. Well, you know,
in New Orleans you're either going to a celebration or
you're going to make one up. There's never a worry.
You just go on to the next day or the
(02:15):
next thing and the next event. Now New Orleans is
not a part of this world as far as I'm concerned,
but for me, it affected me seeing how it affected
other people.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
The drug life.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
I've seen people die at an early age, friends who
have lost to overdoses. You know, fighting came early and often,
and I was pretty good at it. So you know,
it's a hard environment to get out of. I mean,
they're entrenched, but it's it has that kind of spell
on you. So at home it's an abusive situation. You know,
(02:55):
I'd had my share of abuse. I'd seen more than
my fair share of views. My mother suffered severely with depression.
She's trying to raise six children in a small house.
My dad was a blue collar worker, and their marriage
was one big ball of conflict. I would scratch my
(03:16):
head every day thinking how did they get married? So
I watched a lot of wars. You know, then you
got to in this small space, you got to witness alcohol.
But you were also living under these guidelines or this
you know, paint by color orders. This is what you do.
(03:37):
This is how you do it. You don't ask questions,
get moving boom. So your curiosity was shot. So life's
in motion, all these things that are happening inside the
home gets self and somewhat by sports. It was the
one thing I was really good at that I could enjoy.
(04:00):
I didn't you know, I was lands away when I
was playing ball. You know, you can get on a
ball field and fresh grass and sweaty uniforms and basically
knocking to snot out each other. If you're in football
and enjoying it and not get arrested for it and
thrown into tention or whatever, you're just like, man, I
can do this. My mother's cousin was Melot, and I
(04:24):
knew I had some athletic influences in me.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
You know, I would watch some things on TV.
Speaker 3 (04:31):
I'd see athletes play, and I'd go out and try
to replicate it, and I'd keep working at it until
I got pretty good and loved it, just absolutely loved it.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
Loved competing.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
You know, I was determined I being the best on
the field all the time. I played ball at school,
so you know, growing up, had success at sports, had
a lot of trophies. Trophies were put on the mantelpiece
in a very interesting environment. You know, I had a
shotgun and a record play and a crucifix arounded by it.
(05:07):
So heavy hand at home was coming down on me
pretty good, and I'd run scared from everything i'd just
witness and then I'd run trying to get back into
the football game because that's where the comfort was. And
I never got to have a relationship with someone to
kind of self in the blows, or maybe give me
(05:28):
some sage advice or just point me along the way.
So I think from that part of my childhood going
in right before I hit high school, I was wanting
something to kind of say that, you know, Richard, you
are a decent human being, or you are this, you
(05:49):
are that, and kind of build up my self esteem
a little bit instead of always being held under thumb,
and just generally just to feel like be in love.
So I was a pretty pretty confused child. I had
a lot of talent from my shoulders on down at
that point, but I did not have a whole lot
(06:11):
of confidence between my ears.
Speaker 4 (06:15):
Richard went to an all boys Catholic school. One day,
a boy in his class decided to play a prank
on the teacher, and when he invited Richard to take
part in it, he declined.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
So eventually the guys caught and I wanted to check
to see how the teacher was doing. I was being sincere.
I purposely missed the bus, dyed after school and went
and visited in a classroom.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
She was there grading papers.
Speaker 3 (06:46):
And I knocked on the door and we started a conversation,
and that's where really the relationship began. You know, she
was heavily influential on me because she was a mother
figure to a degree. She was my teacher. She was
the first homecoming queen at the University of New Orleans.
(07:09):
She was absolutely gorgeous and she had it all. And
the way she interacted with me and the conversations we had,
I felt like, for the first time I was learning
and actually talking to someone who gave me the time
and the attention and felt sincere about it. So your
(07:31):
mind goes to these places because you're hoping and thinking
and wishing that this lady's going to set you straight
and help you out.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
You know.
Speaker 4 (07:42):
After Richard talked with his teacher for a while, she
offered to give him a ride home from school.
Speaker 3 (07:48):
We walked to the parking lot and there is a
burnt orange nineteen seventy two monthigo and I thought, oh, gosh,
teachers must get paid a lot of money. Yeah, And
I got in and it was, you know, this brand
new smell. And the ride home was unlike anything I'd
(08:08):
experienced in my life. It was calm, it was musical,
it was fun and funny. It was wit being shared,
it was laughter, and it stuck with me.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
But the drive home, you know, that day was.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
The first and then she just asked me if I
need a ride home, So I stopped riding the bus
and started riding with her.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
And we're listening to Richard Herzag, author of pay Dirt,
share his story with us growing up in New Orleans,
small house, one bed, then bunk beds, always on the go,
as he said, we stayed outside until it was time
to eat. Kind of like growing up like Tom Sawyer,
he described, but not so much for the home life.
The celebrations of New Orleans. Well, lots of drugs, lots
(08:57):
of alcohol, and lots of abuse in the family. My parents'
marriage was one big ball of conflict. I was lands away, however,
when I played sports, and then that teacher of his
who just taught him about a different world in that
car ride home, some peace, some laughter, and some encouragement
and love. When we come back, more of Richard Herzog's
(09:19):
story here on our American Stories. And we're back with
(09:40):
our American stories and with Richard Herzog.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
When we last left off.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
He'd begun to form what he thought was an innocent
relationship with his teacher, hoping she would be a mentor
for him.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
Let's return to Richard.
Speaker 3 (09:54):
It was the last day of school and she had
driven me home, and well, I thought, but it's been good.
But I've got all this tightness in me, like I'm
a loser. I'm not going to get to talk to
her anymore. You know, I was romanticizing, but I got
to accept the reality of it. No matter what I'm thinking,
(10:14):
I have to accept the reality. She's married, and I
just have to go on.
Speaker 4 (10:23):
Over the summer, Richard had a job working at a
local family owned restaurant called Burdues.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
I think that helped me move on a little bit.
Speaker 3 (10:32):
You got the things you love, You've got sports, you've
got your job, and so I.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
Learned how to keep busy in that moment.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
And we're at work one night and Miss Burdue and
Stephone and I'm just standing nearby and she says, Richard,
you have a telephone call.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
I'm thinking, who's calling me at work? And it was her.
Speaker 3 (11:00):
She said, I've been thinking, and I like talking to
you and like being with you, and I want to
see you again.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
Let's get together, and away we went.
Speaker 4 (11:11):
It was then that Richard's teacher told him if he
gave up his sports, which practiced every Saturday, they could
instead spend that time together.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
By then, I was heavily influenced.
Speaker 3 (11:22):
Now she's my drug of choice basically, so you know,
whatever she said I listened to and it was like, yeah, okay,
she wants to see me, and I'm going to give
up sports to do this.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
So yeah, by then pretty much far gone.
Speaker 3 (11:39):
I didn't tell anyone until it started to get physical,
but no one knew what to do about it.
Speaker 4 (11:51):
After several months of spending time together in forming this
inappropriate relationship, Richard's teacher asked him if he would come
for a ride with her.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
She was quieter than she normally was, and then just
basically just tells me, we can't go on like this anymore,
and we can't do this anymore. I think by this
moment in time, people are talking and there's still no
answers as to exactly what happened other than that she
(12:24):
said she got scared and ran. So that's where it
was left. Basically. I mean, it was like right then
and there, so there was so much to deal with.
I couldn't tell my parents, I couldn't tell the administration
certainly wasn't going to go to a priest. And that
was the hard part. There's just no help. It was
(12:45):
just shutting the door. I had nowhere to go. I
had no one to talk to. I didn't think anybody
would believe me, and so I would see her on
a daily basis. And I'm a zombie. I am in
a total inexplicable fog. And so that's how I'm living
every day. Two years of high school have gone through.
(13:06):
That was excruciating, to say the least. But I was
also determined that I was going to get through it.
I wasn't gonna let her kill me. By the time
I got out of high school, you know, I had
these jobs that were just crazy.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
They were going nowhere fast.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
I could accept things as they were, you know, live
where I was living, drink beer, get up and do
it again, and think.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
Life was good. You know. I could have settled for that.
Speaker 3 (13:34):
But and I got to thinking that, you know what,
I've wasted all my talent, that this is not what
I'm supposed to be. I just was not fulfilling my
potential I think God had given me.
Speaker 4 (13:49):
At this point, Richard started going to football games at
the high school he'd attended to watch his friend John,
who was the quarterback.
Speaker 3 (13:57):
I would sit in the stands and I would be
filled with so much anger and resentment, and not towards John,
of the team or anything I was pulling for them,
but the resentment of that could have been me. So
I would walk out of the stadium during these games,
being probably the meanest, maddest person, and everybody else is celebrating,
(14:21):
and I'm like, you know, just get away from me,
because I'm ready to fight.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
So that was me standing in the fire.
Speaker 3 (14:29):
I went and I faced that, and I knew it
would be hard, but that drove me. I got to
do something. If I can't be a ballplayer, then I'm
going to coach. And I decided to turn the page.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
Then and there.
Speaker 4 (14:49):
Richard's friend John was being recruited by ole Miss to
play football, and he told Richard he should go there
too for college.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
I never heard of ole Miss except for Archie Manning.
I didn't know who ole Miss was, but I kne
who Archie Manning was. Well, does John's getting recruited. I'm
living right next door to him, so all these recruiters
are coming in his house. And when he decides that
he wants to sign with Ole. Miss Archie shows up
at the house, and of course I'm over there and
I'm meeting Archie Manning and Steve Sloan, and so I
(15:17):
got to think, and yeah, man, I'd really like to
go up there. I came up before I actually you know,
enrolled in school and saw it and.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
I was like, yeah, I like this place.
Speaker 3 (15:29):
And getting seven eight hours away was kind of a
cure for me. You know, I could separate myself at
that point.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
And there was something about it that grabbed my soul.
Speaker 3 (15:44):
But I also know that I'm here to focus and
I want to get my degree and I want to coach.
So I got on that track of that's what's happening.
And I mean God must have been looking at me something,
because I end up running the athletic dorm here. I
was in charge of four hundred athletes, and you know,
(16:05):
then I'm getting to travel with the team and I'm
at some of the practices and it's like wow. But
you know, in all this, the darkness is still there,
the problem, the issue is still there. By the law
and by definition, you know, it was statutory rape, which
(16:29):
I had no idea what that was at the time,
because I did not know, the difference between improper and
improper relationship. In my mind was like, well, true, this
is how relationships are, whether you're married or not. You
know that you can't really commit to something, and that's
what I learned at an early age. So I was
in therapy and knowing something was wrong. It was just
(16:53):
like a miracle, you know. The lady said, I'm going
to send you to this counselor who can give you
this test, and I think she can help you. So
I take the tests and I scored high and that's
not a good thing, but it does give you answers.
And the answers for me were to get into the
(17:13):
twelve Step program, and I felt like it was the
first time I had been in church in a long
long time. But there's so much empathy and spiritual togetherness
that you're all rowing in the same boat, gone in
the same direction, you know, and you just really want
to get well. I'd quit drinking, I started lifting weights,
(17:33):
started running, doing all these things getting healthier.
Speaker 4 (17:37):
After going through twelve Steps and working with Olmoss Athletics,
Richard then went on to become head football coach at
another school in Tennessee and led the team to four
state championships.
Speaker 3 (17:49):
So one accomplishment is building on top of the other,
which that in itself was to therapy if there is such.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
A thing for me.
Speaker 3 (18:00):
And then as you accomplished something, I gain more confidence.
And that's when I started to think, Okay, I got
some confidence here. It's time for me to be more
proactive than I've been. And I thought that forgiving was
important because it all boils down to she was an
(18:23):
adult and what she did was abuse and cause a
lifetime of grief, and I wanted to forgive her. I
wanted to forgive myself. Forgiving her was extremely difficult because
you're always caught between forgiving and forgetting, and then the
ugly part of me would you know, the anger would
(18:45):
rise again and I cannot really forgive her. You know,
you said you did, but can you really do this?
And that was always very difficult. But I felt like
I could confront all of it and some clarity, and
you know, I was like, there's got to be a
voice for people who have had the experience I had.
(19:08):
This happens to males two, believe it or not, and
I want them to know that if they have this
and they're going through what I went through. They don't
have to take their life. They can win. And you know,
I think the best thing that you can do is forgive.
So in the end I beat it.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
And a terrific job by Madison Derek Ott on the production,
and a special thanks to Richard Herzog, author of pay
Dirt and how he overcame the sexual abuse, and let's
face it that with sexual abuse and men face it too,
from women and from men, that's as important telling those
and sharing those stories as when women do. And my goodness,
getting to Ole, miss and we broadcast right here in Oxford, Mississippi,
(19:54):
getting seven and eight hours away from what happened to him.
But in the end he still had to face the
darkness and the way to do it was forgiveness. We
have found that again and again that when the victim forgives,
the victimizer life begins. The story of Richard Herzog a
terrific overcoming story here on our American Stories
Host
Lee Habeeb
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