Insight With Sylvia Maus 100525 Chasing the Rainbows

“A local organization provides much needed support to the many couples who are facing the devastation of infertility, pregnancy loss and infant loss.” chasingtherainbows.org

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi, I'm Sylvia Moss and this is Insight, a presentation
of iHeartMedia where we really do care about our local
communities and all of our listeners. When somebody that we
care about experiences the loss of a love, When somebody
like a parent, a spouse, maybe even a sibling, we
often find ourselves at a loss for words. Phrases like
I'm sorry for your loss or my condolences are customary

(00:22):
and well meeting, yet they can feel hollow and repeated
so often they risk sounding impersonal or routine. So what
do you say to somebody grieving from the loss of
a baby because miscarriage, still or maybe even stillbirth? And
what words can comfort a couple who has enjoyed the
heartbreak of unsuccessful IVF attempts time and time again. The

(00:43):
loss of a pregnancy is deeply personal, often invisible and
tragically underacknowledged. And in these moments, not only do we
struggle to find the right words to express our sympathy,
but society itself tends to look away, offering silence where
empathy is most needed. Bernicse, Now, go ahead, honey, Queasonberry,

(01:03):
did I do it?

Speaker 2 (01:04):
Pluse?

Speaker 3 (01:05):
Yes?

Speaker 1 (01:05):
Break there, Okay, She's with us today.

Speaker 2 (01:08):
What a doll.

Speaker 1 (01:09):
She knows all about infertility and the loss of her
pregnancy because she's experienced both. And in March of twenty
twenty one, Bernie's lost her five and a half week
old daughter Brook. Shortly after, Bernie's creating an organization known
as Chasing the Rainbows because she wants all of us
to know that every baby matters, every loss deserves recognition,

(01:29):
and every parent deserves support. Honey, let I want to
want to start with your story. I reached out to
you because you reached out to our dear Holly. Love
about this and tell us what happened to you over
the years.

Speaker 4 (01:43):
Absolutely so. My husband and I met later in life.
I had conditions called PCOS and endometriosis, which most times
you know with women that can cause some infertility or
some other issues. And I've had surgeries over the years
to remove system fibroids, which also added to more scar
tissue and more issues with getting pregnant. So we tried

(02:04):
for two and a half years to get pregnant. We
went down the road of progesterone, you know, meeting with
different doctors and things like that, ended up getting pregnant
and when we did.

Speaker 2 (02:15):
We had an.

Speaker 4 (02:16):
Early term baby loss where we lost our other daughter's twin.
But in the hospital they made it seem like, oh,
this could be implanning of the plazana, it could be
a miscarriage, like go home, you have another baby in there,
you're fine kind of thing, and it almost, you know,
minimizes your loss and what that is. So, you know,
we went home, went on to have a healthy pregnancy

(02:36):
until it wasn't. And at twenty eight weeks, you know,
I noticed some symptoms and I went into my doctor
and I said, something's going on. They sent me over
for an emergency ultrasound. Everything looked great. It told me
to go home. So I went home that day and
I had an ultrasound the next week, and since it
was an emergency one, I.

Speaker 2 (02:54):
Didn't get photos.

Speaker 4 (02:55):
So selfishly, I was like, I'm going to keep that,
even though they told me to cancel it. I go
in for that. They didn't find fluid anywhere. They immediately
put me on bed rest in the hospital. They walked
me through the doors to the hospital area and they said,
we hope that you can be on here, you know,
for six weeks, because at least get to you know,
the gestational age of at least thirty four weeks, being
there two days in the hospital and not knowing what

(03:17):
was going to happen, you know, and not really understanding
what was going on with her, and the doctors didn't either.
We went in for an emergency see section and she
was exactly twenty eight weeks old. And when Brooke came out,
she was completely healthy. She was thriving in the nic queue.
You know, I spent weeks on weeks in there with her,
doing ten hour marathon holds, spending as much skin to

(03:38):
skin contact as I could, you know, just giving her
breast milk, all of the important things, you know, for
a premature baby that you can do. And we were
getting ready to take her home, and she finally got
to the right weight, the right size, everything. She was thriving,
and we get a call on March sixteenth of twenty
twenty one, and the doctors said it was four am.

(03:58):
He said, she threw up breast milk and all of
a sudden, her belly got hard and she's starting to look,
you know, grayish, and you guys need to get in here.

Speaker 2 (04:05):
So we go in and.

Speaker 4 (04:06):
Six hours later she started crashing and they didn't have answers,
they didn't know what was going on, and then she
ended up dying in my arms.

Speaker 2 (04:13):
I went bedside picked her up.

Speaker 4 (04:15):
Yeah, and you know, as a parent, you never expect
to outlive your kids.

Speaker 2 (04:21):
And yes, absolutely, and you.

Speaker 4 (04:24):
Know, when you lose a parent, you lose your past,
and when you lose a baby, you lose your future.
So you know, in those moments, it was like we
were all of a sudden planning for her funeral. We
were doing all these memorializations because you know, you don't
really get a lot of things, you know, with your baby.
So we were like doing feet prints, we were doing handprints,
we were doing photos with her, you know, we tried
to I took clippings of her hair because I was like,

(04:46):
this will be her first haircut, you know, all the
things that you kind of miss as a parent when
you know your your baby dies.

Speaker 2 (04:53):
And so we walked out of the hospital that day.

Speaker 4 (04:55):
I remember I left the same time that I left
every day with her, which was around seven pm. And
before I left her, I would always walk to her
and singer, you know, you are my sunshine. So I
had the nurses do that. Why I walked out the
hospital which was the hardest thing to do.

Speaker 2 (05:08):
I can't imagine.

Speaker 4 (05:09):
Yeah, And we walked out and we were given a
bunch of resources, like here was a nonprofit that met,
you know, once a month in person for support groups.
Here was another one that met within the hospital walls. Here,
here's a list of all these trauma therapists. So when
it was really hard physically to get anywhere at that point,
because like it's so chaotic, like you are so overwhelmed,
you know, your whole world just got shattered.

Speaker 2 (05:30):
That's right.

Speaker 1 (05:31):
Well, let me let me ask you this, and please,
I understand. I'm not trying to simplify what you're doing. Absolutely,
I want everybody to understand what kind of feelings Like
you talked about a loss of a parent weather, I mean,
it's their past. What did you go through emotionally when

(05:51):
I mean, how did you I.

Speaker 4 (05:53):
Like collapse to the floor. I mean when we after
she died in my arms, it was like those moments
I couldn't hear what any one was saying. They were
speaking to me, and I was trying to hear, but
I could not listen, and everything was just swirling like
it felt like almost like an outer body experience. Like
I was looking down on myself because it was. And

(06:13):
then days after that, I was in bed. I couldn't
get myself out of bed, you know, I was in
the bathroom, like you hate your body because you're like,
my body couldn't do the one thing it needed to do,
which was keep my baby safe. Yes, yes, it's called
like the you know, the guilt, shame and blame game
that we play with the trauma of it all, and
it just like gets you to a place where you're

(06:35):
just devastated. You don't know what to do or where
to pick up because you know, growing up, you envision
your family a certain way, and you're being told from
a young age use contraception because you're gonna get pregnant,
and when those things aren't happening, and you're feeling like
a failure and you're like, the one thing I couldn't
do was protect my daughter right and bring her home
and like you know, stillbirth, infant loss, miscarriage, all those

(06:58):
things aren't really talked about and like it's happening one
in four of us. So you feel almost in those
moments like where do I go, where do I turn?
And when you're trying to reach out for help, and
you're trying to seek help and you're not getting any
answers in those moments, and you're explaining your story time
and time again to people.

Speaker 2 (07:16):
You feel defeated.

Speaker 4 (07:18):
For me, you know, I was medically cleared to return
to work because she was almost six weeks old, so
my medical leave FMLA was cut and I had three
days degree and had to return to work. So you know,
you think about all of those things and it's like,
how can you know? And at that time, I was
an insurance broker, so you know, how can you recontracts?
How can you actually return? And that's focused exactly, and

(07:38):
that's why seventy billion dollars every year is lost to
grief in the workplace, and it's because no one can focus. Yes,
seventy billion dollars every year.

Speaker 2 (07:48):
Well, let me ask you.

Speaker 1 (07:49):
Yeah, we always talk about mothers, right, what do your
fathers go through?

Speaker 2 (07:54):
Oh? Same, like they feel like almost powerless?

Speaker 4 (07:58):
Yes, yes, And my husband was his wife who felt
like a shell of herself right, and like couldn't pick
up the pieces. I didn't know what to ask for.
I was just sobbing all the time, and you know,
people would say, what's wrong? And it's like, well the obvious,
you know, like it's just I miss my daughter, but
it's hard to like verbalize what you're actually feeling, and
because it is a lot of shame, blame and guilt,

(08:18):
Like I remember reviewing her medical records over and over again,
over and over and like, yes, you did. You felt
that sense of connection? You were like, and where did
something maybe go wrong? Or where can I place blame?
Or what you know, did I miss something? And then
you know you have My husband he was very much
what they coin as a male griever, which anybody can

(08:39):
be either a female or a male griever. But he
was like he needed to continue moving, so he went
back to work. He wanted that, yes, he couldn't sit
with the loss, and he needed to like help the
whole household. He needed to be doing yard work, he
needed to be doing dishes, he needed to be doing laundry,
and because he felt like that was his way to
contribute for me. But he was also really suffering in silence.

(09:02):
And then it almost caused so much resentment between us
because I was greeming where I needed to process, sit with,
be with and really like work through in my mind.
And then here he was, he was looking like and
he was doing that to put on a happy face,
but like doing all these projects around the house. I
was like, how can you be even functioning right now
when I can barely get myself out of bed, let
alone shower. You know, And you know that's why eighty

(09:24):
percent of marriages go through marital to distress, distress or
you know, divorce during this and or you know years
later because of that resentment and feeling like you're the
only one connected.

Speaker 1 (09:34):
Well, you know, I was the one in my family
out of the four kids, I was the oldest. I
was and even around here, Aunt Sylvia, I'm the mom
in every place I go. But I always wanted to
have a couple of children. My dream was to have
four boys and a girl. Oh well, I had a
big surprise because I went through not what you went through,
but I was told after having my son it was

(09:54):
very difficult, no more children. Yeah, okay, so I wasn't
how can I put this? It bummed me out for
a long time, But I don't. I'm not placing it
anywhere where you went through. I have two girlfriends. The
one loss they were both full term, and the one
girl lost her baby was still boring. The other one,
the baby was born at the cord around of snacks,

(10:15):
And I said to them, guys, how can I help you?

Speaker 2 (10:20):
What can I do?

Speaker 1 (10:20):
Yeah, and you don't use that same term. You don't like,
well you'll get over, Oh she'll this or that. Oh
my god. People need to understand. And I think, just
a taste of what I think you went through. I
can't think of anybody out there that would know all
those things. So I'm guessing, And tell me if I'm

(10:41):
right or wrong. You knew inside and out what women need. Yes,
is that the reason you saw you start chasing rainbows? Okay,
tell us why chasing the rainbows?

Speaker 4 (10:52):
Oh yeah, So rainbows actually is very symbolic to loss.
Like when you see a rainbow, most times when people
see it, they might feel connection to a loved one
that they lost. Right, So it's very symbolic in the
grief world. But also rainbows can stand four different things
like rainbow babies, which is, you know, pregnancy after loss
and having a baby after loss, which babies don't replace babies.

(11:12):
So yeah, just to your point, you know, when you
get back out there in public and people start their
sentences with at least, or you should.

Speaker 2 (11:18):
It's like just stop, you know, don't share what's next?

Speaker 4 (11:21):
Yeah, right, because baby loss is the only time that
someone will say to you, will at least you got pregnant.
They don't say that to you, or like you can
have another or you should just get pregnant again and
have another baby. People don't say that when you lose
a parent. They don't say, well, at least you have
another parent, or you know, those kind of things. So
it's the only time that people really insert themselves. And
I think it's because they have great intentions, but it

(11:42):
is that. So when I was returning, that's really what
spark chasing the rainbows, I was like, where's there a
place where all of us can really, you know, come together.
Lost parents have a daily support approach because really, you
don't know when grief is going to hit. It can
hit at any time. It doesn't have a convenience schedule.
It doesn't fit into that once a month's support group,
you know, And how can we go and dump what's

(12:02):
happening out in the real world with our traumatic losses
and being together?

Speaker 1 (12:07):
Why is it a loss like that? People don't understand it,
I know, because they haven't been made aware of it.

Speaker 4 (12:13):
Yeah, and I think, yeah that and you know, back
you know, back in the day, doctors and nurses and
you know, other people and sometimes you know, even baby
lost survivors to cope with it themselves, they'll say, oh, well,
it happened early on, so you know, it's fine. It
was probably something wrong with the baby, so it was
it meant to be, and you know, and that's what

(12:34):
they were being told too, Like doctors like just go
have another baby, kind of forget about it. Back in
the day, and when someone would have a still birther
or an infant loss, you know, all of it is baby loss,
they would just scoop the baby away and not even
allow the parents to meet the baby.

Speaker 2 (12:45):
Are horrible.

Speaker 4 (12:46):
I've even heard stories, you know about EMTs getting to
a house where someone had an unexpected delivery there and
the baby died, and they would just put the baby
in a bucket and take it to the hospital instead
of wrapping them in a blanket and allowing the mom
to carry the baby in the ambulance to get there.
It's like all of these little things like Trump taking
that trauma informed approach. So from hearing everything gathering with

(13:11):
different loss parents and hearing their stories. That's how Chas
and Rainbow's really came to be. So we started out
doing support groups every day so to a day, and
peer mentorship, and all of our volunteers are lost parents
with different lived experiences because we don't compare losses, right,
Like one's not worse than the other. It's just all losses.
Loss is loss, exactly, and so let's just pair them
with someone that understands. And now we do so much

(13:33):
more than that from there.

Speaker 1 (13:34):
Well, let's let's I want to go through you have
like nine different areas of you call, yeah, trauma informed support.
How do you define trauma informed support?

Speaker 2 (13:41):
What is that? Yeah?

Speaker 4 (13:42):
So trauma informed is when people go and get trauma
informed trained. So they go through a training where, yes,
they're understanding trauma, they have a really good concept of it.
They can also recognize when someone's in crisis.

Speaker 1 (13:53):
Okay, good, Yes, So it's not the buddy to say
it'll be all right. These are people who actually live
bring to support people. Yes, okay, yes, in our train.
So you started out with daily support groups, Yeah, you
hold them what four times a day?

Speaker 4 (14:06):
Now we do four times a day. Yes, seventeen every week,
so we do morning, afternoon, and evening.

Speaker 2 (14:10):
Is that something you have to be somewhere to take
part of.

Speaker 4 (14:13):
No, it's virtual, so they can get right on our
website and they can register right there. We want to
take down any barriers also to getting support. So if
someone's needing and seeking support and they're reaching out for it,
jump into a support group.

Speaker 2 (14:25):
We're right there.

Speaker 1 (14:26):
What about somebody who would like to talk to somebody
by themselves.

Speaker 4 (14:30):
Absolutely, we have peer mentors. So that's a one on
one relationship where you know, you can get texts, calls, emails,
however you prefer to be communicated with, and it's someone
that's lived a similar lived experience. So let's say someone
has infertility with no living children, we would want to
pair them with someone with infertility with no living children.

Speaker 1 (14:47):
Been there, done now, Yes, and to me that's perfect love.

Speaker 4 (14:50):
And then also trauma therapy, so we also do free
therapy in house, and we have that this is all free. Yes,
all of it is free. So you know, they get
paired up with with a therapist and they get to
have talk sessions.

Speaker 1 (15:03):
You know, I've had people at different times, nothing of
course like this, but i would be upset about something
and inevitably somebody would say, so sit down, now take
a deep breath. Yeah, those things worth you do offer
things like yoga, breast yes.

Speaker 2 (15:19):
Myful movement. Think about this.

Speaker 4 (15:21):
So like you know, in other cultures when they grieve,
they hold like seances and like for months and weeks,
and like where they dance around fires, they beat the
ground with sticks, they dance, they shave their heads, they
you know, yell and scream at the top of their lungs.

Speaker 1 (15:33):
So like it's a way to heal and to senderselves.

Speaker 4 (15:37):
Sometimes movement really is healing for people. So like doing yoga,
doing meditation, breath work, nervous system regulation, like learning breathing
techniques like dragon breath, fire breaths, like different things like that.
In those moments that are very overwhelming where you feel
like you're having a panic attack after these losses and
you can't catch your breath, it's like, how can you
instill those kind of coping mechanisms in that time that's

(16:00):
healthy instead of turning the unhealthy cooping.

Speaker 1 (16:03):
You offer, or saying there's a couple's care packages sort.

Speaker 2 (16:07):
Of yes, self care packages.

Speaker 4 (16:09):
So we have different things in there, like books different
like coping skills and tools, so guided journals, coloring books.
So let's say, for example, someone doesn't want to talk
to a therapist, they don't want to join group, they
don't want to do mentoring. They can narate so like nariation,
like writing a letter to their baby, or you know,
just writing down their thoughts and feelings and or writing
down their story. It can be so healing and impactful.

(16:31):
So we want to make sure that we're giving them
another tool in their tool walk.

Speaker 1 (16:35):
That's fantastic. Well, yes, you also offer the private Facebook groups.
Yes what goes on? Yes, private Facebook groups.

Speaker 4 (16:42):
So if someone doesn't want to talk to a live person,
they just prefer chatting, they can get in there and
it's all just lost parents coming together, and it's all
different specific types like infertilities one. Then we have baby
loss and baby loss being miscarriage, still birth, infant loss,
and then also we have pregnancy after loss. So we
don't want anyone to be triggered by any of the
other ones. So that's how we have the different silos

(17:02):
so they can get in there and chat about real
life things in real life time.

Speaker 2 (17:06):
I love that.

Speaker 1 (17:07):
What I love most about it is it's resources that
you know you went through and if you'd had a
mess then this would have been easier pretty much different
through it. Yes, tell me about the National Maternal Hotline
if somebody is in a panic.

Speaker 2 (17:23):
Oh absolutely.

Speaker 4 (17:24):
So what is great with our United States is that
we have the Crisis Hotline and we have the Maternal Hotline,
so you can text and call that hotline at any time.
Because we're not a hotline service, but we partner and
we make sure that we partner with different organizations such
as THEIRS to give those resources so when somebody needs
or seeks something that is twenty four to seven support,
we can get them right in their hands.

Speaker 2 (17:44):
Like let's say two am.

Speaker 4 (17:46):
You're all of a sudden panicking and your mentors asleep,
you know, your trauma therapist is asleep, and it's like,
how can we get you connected to someone because a
group's not running, So you can text those lines and
you can talk to a live person and you got.

Speaker 2 (17:59):
A covered kid.

Speaker 1 (17:59):
Yeah yeah, and what I want to talk to and
I think this is awesome. Yeah, cry it out loud, yeah,
our podcast.

Speaker 4 (18:06):
So you know, everybody, and that's when the insensitivity is
not on purpose come out when people see you crying
when you're talking about your baby loss, and crying is
a natural reaction to grieving. Okay, So like when someone cries,
they just want to be consoled and hurt.

Speaker 2 (18:20):
They don't need to necessarily be.

Speaker 1 (18:23):
You know what I can said my ex husband, I
don't need you to fix it. I just need you
like that. There's that new series on on Netflix.

Speaker 2 (18:34):
Yeah just go h o Bridgerton.

Speaker 1 (18:38):
Oh yeah, where Penelope says he says, I can't take
care of you. All I want is for you to
hold me and love me as what women what.

Speaker 2 (18:45):
That is all we need?

Speaker 4 (18:47):
Yes, in those moments, and so that goes. You know,
I remember I call trauma dumping. I remember trauma dumping
at work, Like all of a sudden, I walk into
work and it's one of those days that I'm having
like a heavy grief day, and I just start like
spe like how I'm so upset. I started crying in
the middle of work meeting, like had to walk out,
and then you know, a coworker came to me and
I just like word vomited all over them like what.

Speaker 2 (19:08):
Was going on?

Speaker 4 (19:09):
And they just sat there and listen. And that was
so in that moment. It takes seven to nine minutes
for someone to talk and be heard, to actually feel
validated and seen, and that's all they need in those moments.

Speaker 1 (19:19):
Tell me how you find the podcast?

Speaker 4 (19:21):
Oh yeah, so you can find it on Apple, Spotify,
We're on all major networks, and then you can also
find it on our website to get right direct links.
But it's a video and audio, so you can either
watch it or just listen.

Speaker 2 (19:31):
Oh whatever you look, prefer it? That sounds rt.

Speaker 3 (19:33):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (19:33):
Let me ask you this too. How do women i mean,
if they don't know about that you're out there, yeah,
how do they find out and get in touch with you?
And also how many people have you served?

Speaker 2 (19:48):
That's a terrible word.

Speaker 4 (19:49):
No, No, it's true. So we've serviced thousands, and we started
here in Pennsylvania and now we've grown into all fifty
states and over the last year and a half. And
it's through release. So either hospitals are finding us or
we're finding them, and we're doing reach outs obgyns, maternal
feetal medicine, you know, fertility clinics.

Speaker 2 (20:09):
So we're trying.

Speaker 4 (20:10):
Are the receptive to you, Yeah, yeah, I mean sometimes
we don't get heard back.

Speaker 2 (20:13):
They might think it's spam. Who knows.

Speaker 4 (20:15):
But when we finally do get in touch and have
a meeting with these places. And we also need volunteers,
so we need boots on the ground. We're a very
grassroots operation. We try to take all of our money
and put it towards therapy and all of our other
support services, so we can try to keep it free.
So we really need people to get out there and
help us by spreading our word.

Speaker 2 (20:33):
What else can your volunteers go?

Speaker 4 (20:35):
Yes, So we actually hold national events and they're called
Every Baby Loss Matters. Yes, yes, yes, and that's for October,
so like they can help by jumping into awareness events
for us. So they can do what's called our Bursting
Bubble five k's, which you know, bubbles are all different
shapes and sizes and look like rainbows in the sun
and you never know when they're going to burst, kind
of like grief. So we have bubble machines going and

(20:56):
you know, I'll.

Speaker 1 (20:56):
Slide up the sky is it in pink and blow?

Speaker 4 (20:58):
Yes, light up the sky for October Pregnancy and Infant
Loss Awareness Month.

Speaker 2 (21:02):
Light up the sky.

Speaker 4 (21:03):
We're getting sixty right now, No, we're up to seventy
now landmarks all throughout the US that are lighting up.
So we have Hairsburg Capital lighting up on October fifteenth,
which is Remembrance Day. We have M and T Stadium
in Baltimore. We have Niagara Falls, we have the Empire
State Plaza, we have Grand Central Terminal. So we have
huge areas all around the US that are lighteening up
our awareness colors for pink and blue throughout the month.

Speaker 2 (21:26):
I love it. I love it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (21:27):
What is Honor out Loud kindlining Ceremony? Is that going
to be in October to well.

Speaker 4 (21:31):
Yeah, there are OCJO yes here we are October, So
the candle lighting ceremony is going to happen outside of well,
volunteers are putting them together all throughout the US and
where we're going to read names out loud of babies
that were lost. So people are submitting their names yes
to us on If you go to babylos Awareness dot org,
you can find all the information for our October events
and that's where you can submit baby names. You can

(21:52):
see all the landmarks, so you can host a candle
lighting right outside of one of them and you can
get the list.

Speaker 1 (21:58):
You know, I know you're where Pennsylvania Breast Cancer Coalition.

Speaker 4 (22:02):
Yes, so breast cancer is also pink, So we tell
people if you're lading up pink for October for breast.

Speaker 2 (22:07):
Cancer, please throw in a blue ball. But you can
support both calls this.

Speaker 1 (22:09):
Do you know what? Because I think of the wonderful,
wonderful pat help and Murphy who started it. You're a
young pat Halp and Murphy. I can see your spread
and I'll do everything I can get to worry about this.
Let me ask you a couple more things for them.
I certainly want to talk about your big event coming up. Yes,
all these services that are offered, do you ever, like

(22:30):
I've always said, if anything happens to my child burying me,
I don't care with them. But do you ever get
over something like that?

Speaker 2 (22:40):
Or do you, as you said, live with it?

Speaker 4 (22:42):
Yes, you learn to live with it and you never
really move on. You always think about your baby, and
you always think like where would they be today? And
you know it's just loving them and parenting them differently,
and it's also learning to grow larger than your grief too.
And I think you know for me, now I live
with purpose and now I live intentionally and Brooke gave

(23:03):
us that and her you know, twin, and I just
feel so blessed and grateful that, you know, I can't
have her here, which I would do anything to have
them both here, but I can't. So instead, you know,
they gave me a gift where now I don't waste
my time doing things that I didn't want to do.
I see how precious life really is, and it's like
I want to spend every minute living it to the

(23:24):
full list.

Speaker 2 (23:24):
Are you afraid to have other children? No? And actually
we did.

Speaker 4 (23:28):
We had two other rainbow babies after Brooke, and so
we have fay Marie who is three and a half,
and we have an eighteen month old Agnes.

Speaker 2 (23:37):
Yeah, and so that's wayful. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (23:41):
Do you feel there is Well, let me ask you this.
We talked about what you say when someone older passes,
because that's what advice would you give to people when
you find out, uh, they've lost your child? What what
do you say?

Speaker 5 (23:54):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (23:55):
And it's really I think the biggest thing is, you know,
I am so sorry for your loss and I might
not know what you're going through, but I just want
to let you know I am here for you and
actually being there for them, like sending them messages and saying, hey,
I want to pick up dinner this day this time.
When is a convenience time for me? Just to drop
it off on your porch. I don't need to see you.
Just put a cooler out there, whatever the case is.

(24:16):
Or when can I drop off groceries? Or may I
come over this day?

Speaker 2 (24:19):
This time?

Speaker 4 (24:20):
You have me for four hours? Can I either if
they have other children, watch your kids? Can I pick
them up? Take them places? Can I take your dog out?
Like actually going to action if you know they allow
you to. But also too, just sitting with them in
their grief is huge, and just being there to listen
and just talk to them and actually confronting them about it.
The biggest thing is people are like, oh, don't say

(24:41):
anything to her because you might make her cry, so
don't mention about her daughter. But in all reality, they're
thinking of their daughter every or their child baby constantly,
so like please, you know, ask them, say their name,
if you know their name, all of those things around holidays,
particularly they're starting out a holiday, they're definitely thinking about
their child that's no longer here.

Speaker 1 (25:00):
Absolutely, Okay, let's talk about that big event coming up.

Speaker 2 (25:02):
It's yes.

Speaker 1 (25:03):
Is it a masquerade part It is a masquerade gala.

Speaker 4 (25:07):
Yes, So you know we all put on masks all
throughout when you know you're grieving and things like that
because you have to. So we're trying to make it
a fun, you know, October event, but it also falls
right in October pregnancy and infant lost awareness. So we're
having Corey Parchman, who is a former NFL player and
the author of the IVF Playbook for Men, coming to speak.

Speaker 1 (25:25):
We went through it, yes, yes, him and his wife yes, wow.

Speaker 4 (25:29):
Absolutely, and being you know, an NFL professional player and
you know, experiencing like being an athlete, you know that perfectionism,
all of that and having to go through you know,
he had Male Factor in Fertility talks about it.

Speaker 2 (25:40):
He was on our podcast with it.

Speaker 4 (25:41):
So he really is going to be great because the
last two years, you know, women speakers, so this year
will give the mail's perspective.

Speaker 1 (25:48):
I think that's wonderful. Yeah, and you're going to have
lots of good Is it a.

Speaker 4 (25:52):
Yes, it's a plate at dinner, yes, And then we
have live ban for dancing at the end. From eight
to ten, we have a silent and live auction.

Speaker 2 (25:59):
And where is it does?

Speaker 4 (26:00):
So it's at the Outdoor Country Club of York and
it is on October eighteenth from five to ten pm.
So if people can't be there and they can sponsor,
they can donate their tickets back if they can't be there,
and we're looking for donations. We're looking for silent and
live auction items, trips, you know, anything that we can
all raffle, baskets, whatever we can auction off as donations.

Speaker 2 (26:22):
I just talked to.

Speaker 1 (26:23):
A friend of mine this morning, and she's retired, and
she said, I want to do something with babies.

Speaker 2 (26:27):
And I thought, she.

Speaker 1 (26:28):
Goes, oh, you're the nonprofit queen, you know, or like,
who do you know? Well, guess who she's going to
find out much?

Speaker 2 (26:35):
What have you? What do you think? I know?

Speaker 1 (26:39):
People say, well, things happen for a reason, but not
the loss of a baby.

Speaker 2 (26:43):
No, no, really not.

Speaker 4 (26:45):
And you know, yeah, you just think I feel grateful
that I got to know my daughter and that I
had those moments with her, of course, but you know,
repurposing my pain by volunteering getting involved. You know, I
volunteered which chasing the rainbows before it you know, got
into what it is today. And yeah, you know, giving back,

(27:08):
helping other lost parents to really you know, help with
your own Greek get yourself out of your own head.
Almost at least for me, I'm the one of those
that has to go to action.

Speaker 1 (27:17):
Anything we talked about today, anything, How do we find
out more?

Speaker 4 (27:21):
Yes, you can find out more if you go to
Chasing the Rainbows dot org or Babyloss Awareness dot org.
All of that points back to our website. You can
find everything there. We can get you connected. If you
need services, just fill out our contact form. But we're
there and we're here for anyone you know that needs
the support.

Speaker 1 (27:38):
And I must say I have an on your site.
And there was also a lot more that we didn't
talk about that check it.

Speaker 2 (27:44):
You got to check it out.

Speaker 1 (27:45):
Just because we didn't mention it doesn't mean that we
can't fill your needs right absolutely.

Speaker 2 (27:50):
Thanks.

Speaker 1 (27:50):
Oh sure, Bernie's and she's a president CEO of Chasing
the Rainbows. Thanks so much for all that you do
is oh just help people boss their children catch insight
every weekend one of our ten iHeart stations, or any
time on your favorite podcast.

Speaker 2 (28:09):
Step I'm Sylvia Moss.

Speaker 1 (28:10):
This has been insight. Thanks so much for listening. See
you next week.

Speaker 3 (28:31):
Saint Jude continues to advance by increasing your rates in
childhood cancer and donors are important to us because you
get the feeling that you have a team behind you
when it comes to research and advancements. There are some
things that only we can do because we have the
resources and we have the focus. And so if Saint
jud doesn't do it, who.

Speaker 2 (28:52):
Will Saint Jude Children's Research Hospital Finding cures, saving children.

Speaker 5 (28:58):
Learn more at Saint ju Donald.

Speaker 4 (29:00):
Hi.

Speaker 5 (29:01):
It's Olivia Munn with my shelter pets.

Speaker 2 (29:03):
Frankie and Chance say hi guys.

Speaker 5 (29:05):
When I adopted them, I discovered that they both have
incredible personalities. Chance's sole purpose in life is to love
and to be loved. So Frankie is a little bit
of a scoundrel and always entertaining. They're a little bit
of a lot of things, but they're all pure love.
Adopt Pure Love at the Shelterpetproject dot org. Brought to

(29:25):
you by the ad Council, the Humane Society of the
United States and Mattie spun Hi.

Speaker 2 (29:30):
This is iHeart.

Speaker 1 (29:31):
Public Affairs director and host of Insights, Sylvia Moss. Each
week on Insight, we address and try to provide the
best local resources for issues that you tell me are
the most important to you, the ones that have the
biggest impact on your everyday lives. Insights also a place
where we can let you know about exciting community events
and introduce you to many of the incredible people who
work hard every single day just to make all of

(29:52):
our lives better. If you're not able to listen to
Insight when it airs on this station each week, then
catch you on your favorite podcast stat Thank you for listening.