June 13, 2024 • 19 mins
Stop with your toxic positivity Martha Quinn! Martha went to a celebration of life event for a cousin that passed and Martha was surprised when a woman told her that being positive is not good. Martha, Christie, and Karena talk about toxic positivity and how they feel about this phrase!
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(00:00):
When the on air Mike goes off, the talk talk begins. It's Talk
Talk with Martha Quinn. Choo Bellah, come ste ben grata it Martha Quinn.
Hey, I's going to bell Hey, I wrote my New York peeps.
Come on so New York. Ilove them on Austining, New York.
(00:24):
Shout out, shout out so littleEast Coast, West Coast vibe.
Here on the marth Quinn Show.I'm from Austining, New York. Christi
and Karina are from We're from Italyand France. I guess, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, Welcometo episode. I have no idea of
Talk Talk with Martha Quinn. Ithink it's three hundred and fifty seven.
(00:46):
I'm pretty sure. If I'm wrong, Karina of Alaskas will correct me.
I think right now two hundred andfour. This is the podcast that is
when we invite you to hang outwith me and Christy and Karina Los trace
amigas we call ourselves. You canhear us on eighties Pleasant one of three
point seven in the Bay Area,also on our free iHeartRadio app, which
(01:07):
you can find at the app storejust search iHeartRadio Ladies over a Memorial Day
weekend, I was at a familyreunion and it was kind of a celebration
of life for my cousin Lynn,who passed away, and I was talking
at the cemetery about how Lynn,she and I went through cancer at the
(01:29):
same time, and she had gonethrough chemotherapy and I was reaching out to
her and saying, I'm very nervousabout chemotherapy, and she was saying,
you've got to think positive. Iknow that's very hard. Don't listen to
what other people have to say.People will tell you horror stories. Only
listen to me. You know it'snot going to be as bad as you
(01:49):
think. And she was right,and I was saying that, you know,
she really encouraged me, like youladies did, to think positively.
Well, after the service or whatever, there was a gathering at my cousin's
house and a woman there came upto me, kind of made a beeline
for me, and she shared thatshe also had gone through a cancer journey,
(02:10):
and she said, be very carefulabout talking about positivity. I'm paraphrasing,
but something to this effect. Youcan't always think positive. You know
that puts pressure on people. That'stoxic positivity. And I froze for a
second. You know, when somebodycomes at me with sort of a confrontational
energy, I'm kind of like adeer. I do one of two things.
(02:31):
I either freeze or I act.I jump around radically like deer do,
and I just start going crazy likeI don't know how to handle it.
So I did say, Well,what Linn was talking to me about
was, you know, people plantingnegative suggestions in your head, and what
you have to learn to do issomething Christy, you taught me to do,
which is to say, that isnot going to be my story.
(02:53):
When she said that, however,about toxic positivity, I thought that is
an interesting point, and I wonderwhat my positivity coaches would say about that.
And I'm curious what you think,and then I'll tell you what afterwards.
Of course, I don't think ofthese things in the moment, but
what afterwards. I thought about whatshe said. Who wants to go first,
(03:14):
Christian or Karna my positivity coaches.I'll go first, Christy James.
Please. I think that positivity inyour mindset makes a humongous difference. And
I don't think it's just talk.It is important to maintain a positive attitude
especially in healing and in life,but especially with healing, because it all
(03:36):
makes a difference. People who alwayssay, Okay, well I'm gonna just
plan for the worst, it doesn'tmake the worse any better or more palatable
when it gets there. It justmakes the in between journey sucky. So
why not make the in between journeybetter and then also pre pay better thoughts,
a better experience, and potentially abetter outcome because you don't know what's
(03:59):
going to happen either way. Doesthat make sense? Well, it makes
sense to me because I went throughthis with you ladies when I was first,
you know, diagnosed with my situationand you know, for you listening
last year, I was diagnosed withcancer and Christian Krener were pretty much the
first people I told and I wascrying, crying, crying, and you
guys waited patiently, and Christy,I always remember you saying something like,
(04:19):
do you want me to tell youwhat I think about this? And you
said, you know, because hesaid, not everybody's willing to hear this.
But you said, what are youmost afraid of? And I said,
I'm afraid of not being here,and you said, what do you
want to do? Just what you'resaying now, between now and then?
What do you want to do betweennow and then? And it took me
a while, you know, ittook me a while. Oh, by
(04:40):
the way, I did shout outyour phrase to this, gal, I
said that you said you can visitthe cave of darkness and despair, but
if you unpack your bags, therewere coming in after you. So yes,
how are you going to handle thetime between now and then? And
I do want to comment on thatit is a positive mindset does affect your
healing. And there's a Ellen Linger. She is a Harvard professor and has
(05:03):
a lot of books about mindfulness andhow a positive mindset does positively affect healing.
So that's a true fact. Buthow do you get to that positive
mindset? Krina? What were yougoing to say? I don't think there's
anything wrong with toxic positivity, butI would say that it's okay to not
be okay, like it's okay toallow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling
(05:27):
for I don't know however long ittakes you and then try to shift your
mind to be positive about it.I think a lot of people try to
put on a brave face sometimes tohide their emotions and what they're feeling and
be like, oh, like,no, everything's okay. But I also
think that sometimes those feelings of whateversadness, darkness, or whatever you're feeling
comes up. So Christy, whatdo you say about that? It's true,
(05:50):
like you said, you can sitinto the darkness. You can sit
there, you can be sad,you can feel the feelings, you can
be upset, you can be mad. Just don't unpack your bags and live
there in the darkness. It's niceto have people to say, okay,
enough, like no, let's tryand focus on the positivity because it's not
gonna make things better. Yeah,it's gonna make you feel crappy. But
(06:11):
I also feel that sometimes though,when you talk to certain people and they're
trying to talk to you about theirproblems, that sometimes people just want you
to listen and not always be like, oh, well, don't worry,
it's gonna be okay, it's gonnabe it's gonna be great, it's gonna
be fun. But no, like, sometimes people just need you to listen
and they're not asking for a solution. They just want you to be there
(06:32):
and be sympathetic to their problems.At least that's what I try to do
with people when they want to talkabout it, even though in my head
I'm like, Okay, get outof that mind frame of thinking, but
I know that they just need anoutlet to talk. Christy's move is too,
and I know this because I've experiencedit, is to say, how
can I help you? I lovethat That's what Christie says. Yes,
(06:55):
he says, and I think that'sgreat. I love that about Christy.
Hey, Christy, we love thatabout you. Thank you. I'm gonna
be like, you want me topush you off this cliff now or where,
But what you guys taught me todo early on is to okay for
me, I had like a superextreme situation, and you said, you
gotta find things even within this situation, little tiny pebbles in the stream that
(07:20):
you can start to maybe making yourselfa little bridge. And little pebbles don't
have to be Oh it's gonna begreat, Oh it's going to be fun,
but it can be. I havehealthcare, I have a company that
has my back. Things that arereal, not pie in the sky things,
(07:40):
but things that are real. Ican feed myself nutritious foods, whatever
it might be I have shoes towalk into the chemotherapy place with real things,
concrete things, not made up things. Concrete things. Yeah, that
is important too, not just sayingfake the funk. You know, a
fake the fun but you can't.I gotta stop it. You make that
(08:05):
up. No, it's a saneit's a sae you No, I never
heard that. Don't fake the funk. Yeah, be real, don't take
the don't fake the funk. Okay, please proceed. I do apologize,
But there are enough things that youcan focus on that are winds in life
that you can focus on, because, like I said, if something bad
is going to happen, then that'sgonna happen. Okay. In the meantime,
(08:30):
do you want to live it upor do you want to just be
wallowing in sorrow? Because if youreally feel like this is going to be
the most horrible outcome, then ifsomeone told you it's kind of like if
someone tells you tomorrow you're gonna die, what are you going to do today?
You're gonna like enjoy it. You'regonna eat everything you like, You're
gonna call the people you love,You're gonna spend time with them, and
then live your last twenty four hoursto the fullest. So if that's how
(08:52):
you feel, then why not liveit to the fullest. Well, first
of all, I want to sayif you listen to Christie and Karna,
the best morning show in the BayArea on Morning Drive with Christie Live six
to ten on eighties plus at oneof three point seven, also heard on
our free iHeartRadio app. My recommendationis, if you're going through a situation
where you're having trouble accumulating those pebblesof positivity, is that you call these
(09:15):
ladies one eight, six, six, nine hundred and one oh three seven
because they will help you piece togethera positive mindset. Christy and Karina.
I think this is a side hustleyou guys could get into it. I
am not kidding. I am deadserious. The positivity coaches I can tell
you when I put what you're sayingto the test. You'll probably remember early
(09:39):
early on, when I had justgotten a biopsy, but I hadn't gotten
my results yet. I went ona yoga retreat with my daughter Annabelle,
and I didn't know the results yet, and you said, how do you
want to be? How do youwant to look back? On this time
with your daughter. And I totallyembrace that. And let me tell you
(10:01):
something, it wasn't easy. Therewere times when I wanted to collapse,
but I would look at her andsay, this is your time. This
is your time with your daughter.And we took walks and we you know,
had our lunches together. We hadsuch a good time. And then
later when I got the result thatit was not the result I wanted,
(10:22):
I was so grateful that I hadgone that way because we had had a
great time that we will always treasure. And you were present in that moment,
like you're saying, Martha, anda lot of people aren't, but
to be present in that moment,and like, you'll deal with it later.
Whatever it is, you'll deal withit later. So let me ask
(10:43):
you, Karina, what are situationsthat you might have been in where it
was hard to think positive but youdug deep and you found pebbles of positivity.
Well, it's always tough with myfamily, because you guys know,
I'm a big family girl. Soit's like my dad has health problems and
now my sister's going through health problemsthat is life changing, and so sometimes
(11:05):
I'm like, oh, like Igotta and Christy poly Season more than you
aren't there where I'm like, ohmy god, my sister's getting on my
nervous. She's complaining about this,she's complaining about that, And I find
myself going through that space of like, hey, stop complaining. And then
I'll think about, like, Okay, well, at least I have a
sister. At least I have someonethat can be there for me or I
(11:26):
will be there for her, andI try to take my mind frame out
of that way, well at least, and I say the same thing to
her, because she's always venting tome about i'll call kinds of stuff,
and I'm like, hey, well, at least you have health care.
At least you have her mother inlaw is staying right now with her.
I'm like, at least she's stayingthere to help you guys out with stuff
that you need, house cleaning,laundry. So and ultimately, the thing
(11:52):
is, I did see a jewelon the bright Side podcast here on the
I Hurt Radio app, I'm sayingit's up to each of us to be
happy, and ultimately the person whobenefits, like is you. One of
my lab tests, the lab technicianwas super positive and I commented on it.
I said, well, you havesuper positive outlook and she said,
(12:15):
well, I had a brain tumor, and in her mind, God came
to her and said, I'm goingto let you live, but you've got
to embrace positivity. And she saidit's not easy. You have to fight
your way, but positive thoughts bringabout positive results. And you know that
time, I was thinking, oh, you can't, don't. I can't
(12:37):
do that. I can't do that, But it was kind of reassuring to
hear you have to fight for it. It doesn't come easily. Christy.
How about you? Have you beenchallenged in this regard? Oh? Always,
I think everyone, especially with family, you know, and your parents
aging, you always think, ohman, when when I do you can
handle it? Or whatever kind oflike Karina and or family health issues.
(12:58):
But you just have to take yourown advice or in my case, my
own advice. Just focus on I'mnot saying it's easy, no, but
I'm just saying that it's the betterroad, and the road less travel isn't
always the easiest. Yeah, andwe're not. I think a lot of
people always think like, oh,we're always well, Christy's probably always super
positive. I'm more of like whereI'm like an impath, where it affects
(13:20):
something to affect me a lot.Like how you said, Martha, I
really tried to be like, Okay, well, at least I have a
roof over my head. I havea great job. I have great people
that I work with where we're notjust coworkers, we're all friends. And
you know, even our boss,little Ricky that he's all about family first
and he's understanding, and a lotof people don't get that. Like Christy
said, it's not always easy,especially with our parents that are getting older.
(13:43):
It can be very frustrating. ButI always say to myself, I'm
not getting this time back. Yeah, never getting this time back. And
sometimes what I find too is ifI wake up in the morning and I
find myself all of a sudden thinking, oh, if only I had done
this, then that would have happened. If only I had done that,
then this wouldn't have happened. AndI start, you know, going down
(14:05):
that spiral which never comes up withany positive result, that that cycle of
regret, that cycle of going backwhat if I should have would have could
have. The thing to do isdo something, accomplish some kind of task.
Go into your closet, organize yoursock drawer, do some kind of
(14:26):
task that gets you, create somekind of positive momentum in your day.
And I do invite you, ifyou're listening, if you have suggestions for
how people can get on the positivitymind track, that would be awesome to
shout out. I know I couldnab that for a wellness shot, you
know, I chat health every dayin the Martha Quinn Show with producer Karina
(14:50):
Velaskaz. Thank you, Krina.Christy. Have you always been a zen
master of positivity or did something happenthat set you on this road? No,
I feel like I have been.I'm a glass half full kind of
person. I feel like a forcefulthat way. Is it about to be
full full? It's bad to befull full? I'm taking that you're faking
(15:13):
the funk. Yeah, No,I feel like I've always been that way.
If you crack Christie open, whatwill pop out? It's like a
Christmas those little Christmas things. Youcrack them open and little toys come out,
or like a pinata, and whatwould come out is like unicorns,
(15:33):
shine and somebody skipping. Yeah,exactly, and a couple of Prince songs
and how about you, Karina?Are you glass half full or glass half
empty? Krena, I don't know. I don't know what it would be.
What is the I don't know.I think I'm both. There's times
when I get like down, Iget in my head or I can be
(15:54):
negative in certain situations, but Itry to really like get out of it.
I'm also pretty good at masking things, which is not always great,
but I get myself out of alot of things. I've said earlier.
I'll just be thankful of what Ihave. I'm happy to have a family,
I'm happy to whatever anything little.I think I'm both glass half empty
or glass half full. I've gotto go back and forth too, I
(16:15):
do. I go back and forth. I have like ice cubes in my
glass of anxiety. That's what Ihave. I'm I get nervous. That's
a big problem for me, andI have to get myself out of this
cycle of worst case scenario thinking,which is where Christy, what ha I
love that sound you just made.What's your thought about that? Well?
(16:38):
My mom is that same way.My mom is worst case scenario, And
I say, why are you puttingthat energy out there? Why are you
thinking that way? Like it's almostlike you're asking for it to happen.
I say the same thing to mymom, because my mom is one hundred
percent like that worst case scenario always. That's the nickname that we give her.
And I you know, and Isay, stop thinking that way,
don't think that way, don't putthat energy out there, because she said,
(17:00):
yeah, you guys taught me thatearly. Don't put your energy on
that. Yeah, because that's whatthat's that's what you're asking from from the
universe, and it's going to giveit to you. I will also say
not to speak on Christy's behalf,but it's also a choice. Like I
think with Christy, like how yourparents grew up. Your mom was a
single mom, but you chose tolive your life in a happy, positive
way, where a lot of peopleuse their circumstances as an excuse to how
(17:26):
they are. Oh, I'm madat the world, I'm negative because this
is, this is this, andthat. Well, that's the choice that
you make. You can choose toeither go one way or the other.
And like I said with Christy,you know she grew up with a single
mom that she's like, no,she's a positive person and that's great about
her. Well, my mom issuper positive too, Yeah, so is
she really well? Kind of?Yeah, she's really religious, so I
feel like, you know, she'srooted in faith. So I think that
(17:49):
helps too, whatever that faith is. And am easy. Even your brother,
like your brother, your brother isreally really cool. He's fun to
be around too. That is sointeresting. I wonder like how that happens.
Do you think it is because yourmom is religious? Like me?
I would say it's more of alearned behavior, Like I don't feel like
(18:11):
I was always negative, but youknow, I would be worst case scenario.
You can ask my kids. I'myou know, oh, you're driving
on the free air, you're walkingon the block Watchever driveways. I don't
think I'm naturally positive, even thoughI act perky. Don't think I'm naturally
positive because I do have a veryanxious side. And then when you know,
(18:34):
my whole health issue came around,it was like, yo, deaf
con five or whatever the deaf coonlevel is, it's an emergency and I
had to get real serious about gettingpositive. It's really interesting if you have
a thought, if you're listening rightnow and have a thought about when your
(18:55):
positive mindset was challenged and how yougot through it? Reach out wo talk
to us through the talk back feature, which is the little red microphone that
you find on your phone screen whenyou download our iHeartRadio app, which is
free from the ahpstore. All right, what else, ladies? I think
(19:15):
that's it. Thank you guys somuch for joining us on episode Ony twenty
two, A talk talk with MarthaQuinn. I'm Christy James, I'm Kreena
Blaskaz. Oh okay, well I'mMartha Quinn. Until next week, miss you ready
When the on air Mike goes off, the talk talk begins. It's Talk
Talk with Martha Quinn. Choo Bellah, come ste ben grata it Martha Quinn.
Hey, I's going to bell Hey, I wrote my New York peeps.
Come on so New York. Ilove them on Austining, New York.
(00:24):
Shout out, shout out so littleEast Coast, West Coast vibe.
Here on the marth Quinn Show.I'm from Austining, New York. Christi
and Karina are from We're from Italyand France. I guess, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, Welcometo episode. I have no idea of
Talk Talk with Martha Quinn. Ithink it's three hundred and fifty seven.
(00:46):
I'm pretty sure. If I'm wrong, Karina of Alaskas will correct me.
I think right now two hundred andfour. This is the podcast that is
when we invite you to hang outwith me and Christy and Karina Los trace
amigas we call ourselves. You canhear us on eighties Pleasant one of three
point seven in the Bay Area,also on our free iHeartRadio app, which
(01:07):
you can find at the app storejust search iHeartRadio Ladies over a Memorial Day
weekend, I was at a familyreunion and it was kind of a celebration
of life for my cousin Lynn,who passed away, and I was talking
at the cemetery about how Lynn,she and I went through cancer at the
(01:29):
same time, and she had gonethrough chemotherapy and I was reaching out to
her and saying, I'm very nervousabout chemotherapy, and she was saying,
you've got to think positive. Iknow that's very hard. Don't listen to
what other people have to say.People will tell you horror stories. Only
listen to me. You know it'snot going to be as bad as you
(01:49):
think. And she was right,and I was saying that, you know,
she really encouraged me, like youladies did, to think positively.
Well, after the service or whatever, there was a gathering at my cousin's
house and a woman there came upto me, kind of made a beeline
for me, and she shared thatshe also had gone through a cancer journey,
(02:10):
and she said, be very carefulabout talking about positivity. I'm paraphrasing,
but something to this effect. Youcan't always think positive. You know
that puts pressure on people. That'stoxic positivity. And I froze for a
second. You know, when somebodycomes at me with sort of a confrontational
energy, I'm kind of like adeer. I do one of two things.
(02:31):
I either freeze or I act.I jump around radically like deer do,
and I just start going crazy likeI don't know how to handle it.
So I did say, Well,what Linn was talking to me about
was, you know, people plantingnegative suggestions in your head, and what
you have to learn to do issomething Christy, you taught me to do,
which is to say, that isnot going to be my story.
(02:53):
When she said that, however,about toxic positivity, I thought that is
an interesting point, and I wonderwhat my positivity coaches would say about that.
And I'm curious what you think,and then I'll tell you what afterwards.
Of course, I don't think ofthese things in the moment, but
what afterwards. I thought about whatshe said. Who wants to go first,
(03:14):
Christian or Karna my positivity coaches.I'll go first, Christy James.
Please. I think that positivity inyour mindset makes a humongous difference. And
I don't think it's just talk.It is important to maintain a positive attitude
especially in healing and in life,but especially with healing, because it all
(03:36):
makes a difference. People who alwayssay, Okay, well I'm gonna just
plan for the worst, it doesn'tmake the worse any better or more palatable
when it gets there. It justmakes the in between journey sucky. So
why not make the in between journeybetter and then also pre pay better thoughts,
a better experience, and potentially abetter outcome because you don't know what's
(03:59):
going to happen either way. Doesthat make sense? Well, it makes
sense to me because I went throughthis with you ladies when I was first,
you know, diagnosed with my situationand you know, for you listening
last year, I was diagnosed withcancer and Christian Krener were pretty much the
first people I told and I wascrying, crying, crying, and you
guys waited patiently, and Christy,I always remember you saying something like,
(04:19):
do you want me to tell youwhat I think about this? And you
said, you know, because hesaid, not everybody's willing to hear this.
But you said, what are youmost afraid of? And I said,
I'm afraid of not being here,and you said, what do you
want to do? Just what you'resaying now, between now and then?
What do you want to do betweennow and then? And it took me
a while, you know, ittook me a while. Oh, by
(04:40):
the way, I did shout outyour phrase to this, gal, I
said that you said you can visitthe cave of darkness and despair, but
if you unpack your bags, therewere coming in after you. So yes,
how are you going to handle thetime between now and then? And
I do want to comment on thatit is a positive mindset does affect your
healing. And there's a Ellen Linger. She is a Harvard professor and has
(05:03):
a lot of books about mindfulness andhow a positive mindset does positively affect healing.
So that's a true fact. Buthow do you get to that positive
mindset? Krina? What were yougoing to say? I don't think there's
anything wrong with toxic positivity, butI would say that it's okay to not
be okay, like it's okay toallow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling
(05:27):
for I don't know however long ittakes you and then try to shift your
mind to be positive about it.I think a lot of people try to
put on a brave face sometimes tohide their emotions and what they're feeling and
be like, oh, like,no, everything's okay. But I also
think that sometimes those feelings of whateversadness, darkness, or whatever you're feeling
comes up. So Christy, whatdo you say about that? It's true,
(05:50):
like you said, you can sitinto the darkness. You can sit
there, you can be sad,you can feel the feelings, you can
be upset, you can be mad. Just don't unpack your bags and live
there in the darkness. It's niceto have people to say, okay,
enough, like no, let's tryand focus on the positivity because it's not
gonna make things better. Yeah,it's gonna make you feel crappy. But
(06:11):
I also feel that sometimes though,when you talk to certain people and they're
trying to talk to you about theirproblems, that sometimes people just want you
to listen and not always be like, oh, well, don't worry,
it's gonna be okay, it's gonnabe it's gonna be great, it's gonna
be fun. But no, like, sometimes people just need you to listen
and they're not asking for a solution. They just want you to be there
(06:32):
and be sympathetic to their problems.At least that's what I try to do
with people when they want to talkabout it, even though in my head
I'm like, Okay, get outof that mind frame of thinking, but
I know that they just need anoutlet to talk. Christy's move is too,
and I know this because I've experiencedit, is to say, how
can I help you? I lovethat That's what Christie says. Yes,
(06:55):
he says, and I think that'sgreat. I love that about Christy.
Hey, Christy, we love thatabout you. Thank you. I'm gonna
be like, you want me topush you off this cliff now or where,
But what you guys taught me todo early on is to okay for
me, I had like a superextreme situation, and you said, you
gotta find things even within this situation, little tiny pebbles in the stream that
(07:20):
you can start to maybe making yourselfa little bridge. And little pebbles don't
have to be Oh it's gonna begreat, Oh it's going to be fun,
but it can be. I havehealthcare, I have a company that
has my back. Things that arereal, not pie in the sky things,
(07:40):
but things that are real. Ican feed myself nutritious foods, whatever
it might be I have shoes towalk into the chemotherapy place with real things,
concrete things, not made up things. Concrete things. Yeah, that
is important too, not just sayingfake the funk. You know, a
fake the fun but you can't.I gotta stop it. You make that
(08:05):
up. No, it's a saneit's a sae you No, I never
heard that. Don't fake the funk. Yeah, be real, don't take
the don't fake the funk. Okay, please proceed. I do apologize,
But there are enough things that youcan focus on that are winds in life
that you can focus on, because, like I said, if something bad
is going to happen, then that'sgonna happen. Okay. In the meantime,
(08:30):
do you want to live it upor do you want to just be
wallowing in sorrow? Because if youreally feel like this is going to be
the most horrible outcome, then ifsomeone told you it's kind of like if
someone tells you tomorrow you're gonna die, what are you going to do today?
You're gonna like enjoy it. You'regonna eat everything you like, You're
gonna call the people you love,You're gonna spend time with them, and
then live your last twenty four hoursto the fullest. So if that's how
(08:52):
you feel, then why not liveit to the fullest. Well, first
of all, I want to sayif you listen to Christie and Karna,
the best morning show in the BayArea on Morning Drive with Christie Live six
to ten on eighties plus at oneof three point seven, also heard on
our free iHeartRadio app. My recommendationis, if you're going through a situation
where you're having trouble accumulating those pebblesof positivity, is that you call these
(09:15):
ladies one eight, six, six, nine hundred and one oh three seven
because they will help you piece togethera positive mindset. Christy and Karina.
I think this is a side hustleyou guys could get into it. I
am not kidding. I am deadserious. The positivity coaches I can tell
you when I put what you're sayingto the test. You'll probably remember early
(09:39):
early on, when I had justgotten a biopsy, but I hadn't gotten
my results yet. I went ona yoga retreat with my daughter Annabelle,
and I didn't know the results yet, and you said, how do you
want to be? How do youwant to look back? On this time
with your daughter. And I totallyembrace that. And let me tell you
(10:01):
something, it wasn't easy. Therewere times when I wanted to collapse,
but I would look at her andsay, this is your time. This
is your time with your daughter.And we took walks and we you know,
had our lunches together. We hadsuch a good time. And then
later when I got the result thatit was not the result I wanted,
(10:22):
I was so grateful that I hadgone that way because we had had a
great time that we will always treasure. And you were present in that moment,
like you're saying, Martha, anda lot of people aren't, but
to be present in that moment,and like, you'll deal with it later.
Whatever it is, you'll deal withit later. So let me ask
(10:43):
you, Karina, what are situationsthat you might have been in where it
was hard to think positive but youdug deep and you found pebbles of positivity.
Well, it's always tough with myfamily, because you guys know,
I'm a big family girl. Soit's like my dad has health problems and
now my sister's going through health problemsthat is life changing, and so sometimes
(11:05):
I'm like, oh, like Igotta and Christy poly Season more than you
aren't there where I'm like, ohmy god, my sister's getting on my
nervous. She's complaining about this,she's complaining about that, And I find
myself going through that space of like, hey, stop complaining. And then
I'll think about, like, Okay, well, at least I have a
sister. At least I have someonethat can be there for me or I
(11:26):
will be there for her, andI try to take my mind frame out
of that way, well at least, and I say the same thing to
her, because she's always venting tome about i'll call kinds of stuff,
and I'm like, hey, well, at least you have health care.
At least you have her mother inlaw is staying right now with her.
I'm like, at least she's stayingthere to help you guys out with stuff
that you need, house cleaning,laundry. So and ultimately, the thing
(11:52):
is, I did see a jewelon the bright Side podcast here on the
I Hurt Radio app, I'm sayingit's up to each of us to be
happy, and ultimately the person whobenefits, like is you. One of
my lab tests, the lab technicianwas super positive and I commented on it.
I said, well, you havesuper positive outlook and she said,
(12:15):
well, I had a brain tumor, and in her mind, God came
to her and said, I'm goingto let you live, but you've got
to embrace positivity. And she saidit's not easy. You have to fight
your way, but positive thoughts bringabout positive results. And you know that
time, I was thinking, oh, you can't, don't. I can't
(12:37):
do that. I can't do that, But it was kind of reassuring to
hear you have to fight for it. It doesn't come easily. Christy.
How about you? Have you beenchallenged in this regard? Oh? Always,
I think everyone, especially with family, you know, and your parents
aging, you always think, ohman, when when I do you can
handle it? Or whatever kind oflike Karina and or family health issues.
(12:58):
But you just have to take yourown advice or in my case, my
own advice. Just focus on I'mnot saying it's easy, no, but
I'm just saying that it's the betterroad, and the road less travel isn't
always the easiest. Yeah, andwe're not. I think a lot of
people always think like, oh,we're always well, Christy's probably always super
positive. I'm more of like whereI'm like an impath, where it affects
(13:20):
something to affect me a lot.Like how you said, Martha, I
really tried to be like, Okay, well, at least I have a
roof over my head. I havea great job. I have great people
that I work with where we're notjust coworkers, we're all friends. And
you know, even our boss,little Ricky that he's all about family first
and he's understanding, and a lotof people don't get that. Like Christy
said, it's not always easy,especially with our parents that are getting older.
(13:43):
It can be very frustrating. ButI always say to myself, I'm
not getting this time back. Yeah, never getting this time back. And
sometimes what I find too is ifI wake up in the morning and I
find myself all of a sudden thinking, oh, if only I had done
this, then that would have happened. If only I had done that,
then this wouldn't have happened. AndI start, you know, going down
(14:05):
that spiral which never comes up withany positive result, that that cycle of
regret, that cycle of going backwhat if I should have would have could
have. The thing to do isdo something, accomplish some kind of task.
Go into your closet, organize yoursock drawer, do some kind of
(14:26):
task that gets you, create somekind of positive momentum in your day.
And I do invite you, ifyou're listening, if you have suggestions for
how people can get on the positivitymind track, that would be awesome to
shout out. I know I couldnab that for a wellness shot, you
know, I chat health every dayin the Martha Quinn Show with producer Karina
(14:50):
Velaskaz. Thank you, Krina.Christy. Have you always been a zen
master of positivity or did something happenthat set you on this road? No,
I feel like I have been.I'm a glass half full kind of
person. I feel like a forcefulthat way. Is it about to be
full full? It's bad to befull full? I'm taking that you're faking
(15:13):
the funk. Yeah, No,I feel like I've always been that way.
If you crack Christie open, whatwill pop out? It's like a
Christmas those little Christmas things. Youcrack them open and little toys come out,
or like a pinata, and whatwould come out is like unicorns,
(15:33):
shine and somebody skipping. Yeah,exactly, and a couple of Prince songs
and how about you, Karina?Are you glass half full or glass half
empty? Krena, I don't know. I don't know what it would be.
What is the I don't know.I think I'm both. There's times
when I get like down, Iget in my head or I can be
(15:54):
negative in certain situations, but Itry to really like get out of it.
I'm also pretty good at masking things, which is not always great,
but I get myself out of alot of things. I've said earlier.
I'll just be thankful of what Ihave. I'm happy to have a family,
I'm happy to whatever anything little.I think I'm both glass half empty
or glass half full. I've gotto go back and forth too, I
(16:15):
do. I go back and forth. I have like ice cubes in my
glass of anxiety. That's what Ihave. I'm I get nervous. That's
a big problem for me, andI have to get myself out of this
cycle of worst case scenario thinking,which is where Christy, what ha I
love that sound you just made.What's your thought about that? Well?
(16:38):
My mom is that same way.My mom is worst case scenario, And
I say, why are you puttingthat energy out there? Why are you
thinking that way? Like it's almostlike you're asking for it to happen.
I say the same thing to mymom, because my mom is one hundred
percent like that worst case scenario always. That's the nickname that we give her.
And I you know, and Isay, stop thinking that way,
don't think that way, don't putthat energy out there, because she said,
(17:00):
yeah, you guys taught me thatearly. Don't put your energy on
that. Yeah, because that's whatthat's that's what you're asking from from the
universe, and it's going to giveit to you. I will also say
not to speak on Christy's behalf,but it's also a choice. Like I
think with Christy, like how yourparents grew up. Your mom was a
single mom, but you chose tolive your life in a happy, positive
way, where a lot of peopleuse their circumstances as an excuse to how
(17:26):
they are. Oh, I'm madat the world, I'm negative because this
is, this is this, andthat. Well, that's the choice that
you make. You can choose toeither go one way or the other.
And like I said with Christy,you know she grew up with a single
mom that she's like, no,she's a positive person and that's great about
her. Well, my mom issuper positive too, Yeah, so is
she really well? Kind of?Yeah, she's really religious, so I
feel like, you know, she'srooted in faith. So I think that
(17:49):
helps too, whatever that faith is. And am easy. Even your brother,
like your brother, your brother isreally really cool. He's fun to
be around too. That is sointeresting. I wonder like how that happens.
Do you think it is because yourmom is religious? Like me?
I would say it's more of alearned behavior, Like I don't feel like
(18:11):
I was always negative, but youknow, I would be worst case scenario.
You can ask my kids. I'myou know, oh, you're driving
on the free air, you're walkingon the block Watchever driveways. I don't
think I'm naturally positive, even thoughI act perky. Don't think I'm naturally
positive because I do have a veryanxious side. And then when you know,
(18:34):
my whole health issue came around,it was like, yo, deaf
con five or whatever the deaf coonlevel is, it's an emergency and I
had to get real serious about gettingpositive. It's really interesting if you have
a thought, if you're listening rightnow and have a thought about when your
(18:55):
positive mindset was challenged and how yougot through it? Reach out wo talk
to us through the talk back feature, which is the little red microphone that
you find on your phone screen whenyou download our iHeartRadio app, which is
free from the ahpstore. All right, what else, ladies? I think
(19:15):
that's it. Thank you guys somuch for joining us on episode Ony twenty
two, A talk talk with MarthaQuinn. I'm Christy James, I'm Kreena
Blaskaz. Oh okay, well I'mMartha Quinn. Until next week, miss you ready
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