Parking Lot Justice? When a “Security Officer” Takes It Way Too Far

What starts as a routine call from “building management” quickly spirals into one of the most unhinged parking lot investigations you’ve ever heard. A mysterious Officer claims there’s video evidence, paint samples, fines, eviction threats — and even a potential judo chop on the table. 😳 But is any of it real… or is something much bigger going on?

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
It's another Jewbile phone frame day mornings on the twenties. Hello, Hi,
this is Officer Pete Eakins calling from Building Management. I'm
calling in regards to an incident in the parking lot
the other day. Is this Trent who lives in Apartment
four thirteen?

Speaker 2 (00:21):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (00:22):
Yeah, you said you're an officer.

Speaker 1 (00:23):
Officer Pete Eakins. Yes, assistant to the head of building
security here working mostly in the parking lot and I
need to speak with you.

Speaker 3 (00:32):
Okay, what happened?

Speaker 1 (00:34):
Well, I'm sure you know why I'm calling.

Speaker 3 (00:37):
No, I don't know at all.

Speaker 1 (00:39):
Okay, Well, then let's take a little jog down memory lane,
shall we. Trent? Sure, got your running shoes on, I'll
stretched out. I'm ready to go for a little job
with me.

Speaker 3 (00:49):
Sure what's going for? Yeah? Sure? Whatever.

Speaker 1 (00:52):
Well, I was doing my normal job going through all
of the video from the parking garage over the last month,
and I noticed something rather shocking. Do you want to explain?

Speaker 3 (01:03):
I don't know what you're talking about?

Speaker 1 (01:05):
Oh you don't. Okay, Like I said, let's go for
a little job. Then a week ago, on Tuesday, you
dinged the car door next to you, didn't you getting
out of your car. Oh willy nilly, not paying attention,
and you dinged the car next to you.

Speaker 3 (01:19):
Excuse me? Mm hmmm, yep, I don't understand what's going on.
I never dinged any car.

Speaker 1 (01:26):
I want to remind you you're speaking to an officer here.

Speaker 3 (01:29):
Why do you keep calling yourself an officer.

Speaker 1 (01:31):
Because I am assistant to the head of building security here,
I work mostly in the parking lot. Officer PE's my.

Speaker 3 (01:37):
Name, So you're not even the officer. You're a parking
lot security guy.

Speaker 1 (01:42):
Okay, I am the assistant to the head of building security.

Speaker 3 (01:47):
You're a security officer.

Speaker 1 (01:49):
I am an officer of the law. Okay, no, you're not,
and you will address me appropriately and show me some respect.

Speaker 3 (01:57):
You haven't been respectful to me. What are you talking about?

Speaker 1 (01:59):
Okay, well, I guess you're not going to admit it,
so I'll let you know that I did further inspection
and I was able to get a tiny paint chip
from the car that parks next to you off of
the door, and I spent the entire week matching it
to your car, and you are indeed guilty of this crime.

Speaker 3 (02:13):
Spend a whole week doing this? Yes, I did that's sad,
and I did not do anything like that.

Speaker 1 (02:19):
Okay, I'm going to need you to come down to
the precinct and fill out some forms and I may
be issuing an a restaurant and you will be fined
seven hundred dollars on your next month's rent and face eviction.

Speaker 3 (02:28):
What precinc bro, you're not even an officer.

Speaker 1 (02:30):
You're on a pre think you're going downstairs in the
parking garage where I am.

Speaker 3 (02:37):
That's a lot of prescinct.

Speaker 2 (02:38):
That's that's okay, you know what, So do you really
think that you can arrest me or give me a
wow of fine for like seven hundred dollars you'll be
fine where you'll.

Speaker 1 (02:50):
Be fined seven hundred dollars on next month's rent and
face eviction. And yes, I have half of mind to
issue an a restaurant based on how you've lied to
me under.

Speaker 3 (02:58):
Oathed under who do you think you are? Like you
have no juristy.

Speaker 1 (03:04):
I am offering pain acons assistant to the head of building.

Speaker 3 (03:07):
Security, and I even like the head of security. You'd
assistant head of security.

Speaker 1 (03:12):
Assistant to the head of security. The assistant is Paul.

Speaker 2 (03:16):
Okay, so you basically have no power at all. And
if you really think that you can find me seven
hundred dollars, I probably will come.

Speaker 3 (03:25):
I will more than likely come over there. I kick your.

Speaker 1 (03:28):
Okay, you've just threatened an officer of the law. I
have that documented.

Speaker 2 (03:31):
Okay, Yeah, make sure to get everything documented because I'm
going to come over there.

Speaker 1 (03:36):
I kick your If you come down here, I will
judo shop you so quick you won't know what happened.
Judo chop?

Speaker 3 (03:44):
What you're going to judo chop me?

Speaker 1 (03:46):
Judo chopping. I'm gonna get you on the ground, and
I'm gonna tell you to your peer pants.

Speaker 3 (03:50):
This has got to be a joke. Are you serious?
Are you five?

Speaker 1 (03:55):
No, I'm not serious. This is actually Jubil from the
Jubil Show doing a phone prank on you and your
girl friends set you up.

Speaker 3 (04:01):
Wait it what a joke.

Speaker 1 (04:04):
She said that the building management in your place is
kind of a holes and wanted to mess with you.

Speaker 4 (04:09):
Oh my god, I thought something was up when you
started saying judo chop, Like what wake up.

Speaker 1 (04:21):
Every morning with Jubile phone Franks? We say mornings on
the twenties