Parking Lot Security

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
It's another Jewbile phone frame day mornings on the twenties. Hello, Hi,
this is Officer Pete Eakins calling from Building Management. I'm
calling in regards to an incident in the parking lot
the other day. Is this Trent who lives in apartment
four thirteen?

Speaker 2 (00:21):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (00:22):
Yeah, you said you, Officer Pete Eakins. Yes, assistant to
the head of building security here working mostly in the
parking lot and I need to speak with you.

Speaker 2 (00:31):
Okay, what happened?

Speaker 1 (00:34):
Well, I'm sure you know why I'm calling.

Speaker 2 (00:37):
No, I don't know at all.

Speaker 1 (00:39):
Okay, Well, then let's take a little jog down memory Lane,
shall we? Trent?

Speaker 2 (00:43):
Sure?

Speaker 1 (00:44):
Yeah, you're running shoes on, I'll stretched out. I'm ready
to go for a little jog with me.

Speaker 2 (00:49):
Sure what's going for? Yeah? Sure? Whatever.

Speaker 1 (00:52):
Well, I was doing my normal job going through all
of the video from the parking garage over the last month,
and I noticed something rather shocking. You want to explain.

Speaker 2 (01:03):
I don't know what you're talking about.

Speaker 1 (01:05):
Oh you don't. Okay, Like I said, let's go for
a little job. Then a week ago, on Tuesday, you
dinged the car door next to you, didn't you Getting
out of your car all willy nilly, not paying attention,
and you dinged the car next to you.

Speaker 2 (01:19):
Excuse me, mm hmmm, yep, I don't understand what's going on.
I never dinged any car.

Speaker 1 (01:26):
I want to remind you you're speaking to an officer here.

Speaker 2 (01:29):
Why do you keep calling yourself an officer.

Speaker 1 (01:31):
Because I am assistant to the head of building security here,
I work mostly in the parking lot.

Speaker 2 (01:36):
Officer's my name, So you're not even an officer. You're
a parking lot security guy.

Speaker 1 (01:41):
Okay. I am the assistant to the head of building security.

Speaker 2 (01:47):
You're a security officer.

Speaker 1 (01:49):
I am an officer of the law. Okay, no, you're not.
And you will address me appropriately and show me some respect.

Speaker 2 (01:57):
You haven't been respectful to me. What are you talking about?

Speaker 1 (01:59):
Okay, well, I guess you're not going to admit it,
so I'll let you know that I did further inspection
and I was able to get a tiny pink chip
from the car that parks next to you off of
the door, and I spent the entire week matching it
to your car, and you are indeed guilty of this crime.

Speaker 2 (02:13):
Spend a whole week doing this, Yes, I did. That's sad.
And I did not do anything.

Speaker 1 (02:18):
Right that okay, I'm going to need you to come
down to the precinc and fill out some forms and
I may be issuing an a restaurant and you will
be fined seven hundred dollars on your next month's rent
and face eviction.

Speaker 2 (02:28):
What precinc. Bro, You're not even an officer. You're on
a You're.

Speaker 1 (02:32):
Going downstairs in the parking garage where I am.

Speaker 2 (02:36):
That's a lot of precinct. That's that's okay, you know what?
So you really think that you can arrest me or
give me a wow of fine for like seven hundred
dollars you'll be fine. Where are you talking?

Speaker 1 (02:50):
You'll be fined seven hundred dollars on next month's rent
and face eviction. And yes, I have half of mind
to issue an a restaurrant based on how you've lied
to me under oathed.

Speaker 2 (03:00):
Who do you think you are? Like, you have no juristy.

Speaker 1 (03:04):
I am officer, paid beacons assistant to the head of
building security.

Speaker 2 (03:09):
And I even like the head of security. You're assistant
head of security.

Speaker 1 (03:12):
Assistant to the head of security. The assistant is Paul.

Speaker 2 (03:16):
Okay, so you basically have no power at all and
if you really think that you can find me seven
hundred dollars, I probably will come. I will more than
likely come over there. I kick your.

Speaker 1 (03:28):
Okay, you've just threatened an officer of the law. I
have that documented.

Speaker 2 (03:31):
Okay, Yeah, make sure to get everything documented because I'm
going to come over there.

Speaker 1 (03:36):
I kick your If you come down here, I will
judo shop you so quick you won't know what happened.
Judo chops?

Speaker 2 (03:43):
What you're going to judo chop me?

Speaker 1 (03:46):
Judo chopping. I'm gonna get you on the ground and
I'm gonna go you to your peer pants.

Speaker 2 (03:50):
This has got to be a joke. Are you serious?
Are you five?

Speaker 1 (03:55):
No? I'm not serious. This is actually Jubil from the
Jubil Show doing a phone brank on you and your
girlfriend set you up.

Speaker 2 (04:01):
Wait it what a joke.

Speaker 1 (04:04):
She said that the building management in your place is
kind of ales and wanted to mess with you.

Speaker 3 (04:09):
Oh my god, I thought something was up when you
started saying judo chop, Like what wake

Speaker 1 (04:21):
Up every morning with Jubile phone Franks

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