May 11, 2021 • 42 mins
May is National Foster Care Awareness Month! It's a great time to shed a little light and pour a lot of love onto kids in foster care, and the amazing people who support them, like foster parents, advocates, mentors and volunteers. Jennifer Perry of Children's Action Network and FosterMore joins me today to talk about the work her organizations do, and we also talk about what YOU and I can do to make these children's lives and futures a little brighter. So glad you'll be joining us! ~ Delilah
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
Here we are back again with another wonderful episode of
Love Someone, our podcast that I do uh in the
hopes that I will inspire you to use your energy
to change the world. That's the goal anyway, to share
information and to invite guests that are doing just that,
(00:26):
changing the world, making the world a better place. My
guest today is just such a person, Jennifer Perry. Jennifer
is the executive director of the Children's Action Network. Children's
Action Network CAN. Since its inception, by marshaling the immense
communication power of the entertainment community they're based in l A,
(00:50):
CAN inspires the public to take action on behalf of
kids CAN. Children's Action Network is now involved in a
national campaign devoted to raising awareness of the one hundred
and seven thousand children in this country who are legally
free waiting for adoptive homes, and they help to improve
(01:13):
the outcomes for almost a half a million kids in
foster care. Jennifer is also the co founder of Foster More,
a coalition of media and entertainment companies, nonprofits, businesses, philanthropic
organizations working together to create greater understanding, greater empathy and
action to improve the future of kids in foster care.
(01:37):
Foster More shines a light on the accomplishments and potential
of foster youth while helping to secure support for their
academic success and helping to create a pipeline of potential
foster parents. We have a big shortage of foster parents
in this country. Under her stewardship, Can has received an
(01:58):
Adoption Excellent Award from the U S Department of Health
and Human Services and a Television Academy Honors for a
Home for the Holidays. Can's annual special promoting foster care adoption.
Not only does she talk the talks, she walks the walk.
Jennifer and her husband Andy are the adoring adoptive parents
(02:19):
of two daughters. We're gonna pause right now. We're going
to learn more and talk to Jennifer in a moment,
but we're going to pause right now to hear from
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for a limited time only. Hello Jennifer, Welcome to Love Someone.
I am so grateful, Thank you for being with us
on this podcast. You know that foster care and adoptive
(04:16):
programs and adoptive kids and building families is more than
the near and dear to my heart, right, yeah, I do.
I do. It's remarkable what you've done in the incredible
family that you've built. So yes, I I do know that. Well,
you know what I find remarkable. I have a lot
of resources. I'm very blessed. I have a lot of
(04:37):
resources my career. My situation allows me to have resources
that most people don't. I have a nanny housekeeper that
helps me with the young ones and helps me with
the laundry, and I can pay tutors to help my
older kids. What amazes me is people like my friend
(04:59):
Jan she has two adult daughters that are building their
families through foster kids and adoption and foster to adopt
and long term foster placements. And they don't have the
resources I have. They're doing it all on their own,
and they're doing an amazing job. I'm like, oh my gosh,
you wear me out just thinking about all the hats
(05:22):
that you have to wear. I'm so proud of men
and women who don't have the resources that I have
and still are willing to step up to the plate
and raise their hand and say I'll do it. I'll
love a child in need that takes a special kind
of hero it has and I couldn't agree more. You know,
I really feel that foster parents are the unsung heroes
(05:44):
of America because here are people that step up and say,
you know, I want to give a child what I
can give them, love, support, stability. I want to help
them realize their potential. And they are taking a child,
you know, the they've barely ever met, into their own home,
making a pledge to that child, sometimes a short term,
(06:06):
sometimes a lifetime pledge. It is a remarkable thing to
step up and do. And I truly feel that we
should create some kind of a mechanism to seeing the
phrases that these foster parents get them the support they
need and recognize the extraordinary work to your point that
everyday people are doing every day on behalf of you
(06:27):
within foster care. So walk us through how does a
child end up in our foster care system? How? How
I mean we got almost five hundred thousand kids in
foster care? How did they get there? A child goes
into foster care when an adult in their life. It
can be a teacher, a doctor, or a neighbor, a
(06:48):
friend is concerned that they are in danger um that
that their their lives may be at risk given their
home situation, and frequently that danger arises from substance abuse
on the part of the parents. We've sadly seen an
uptick in use in foster care because of the opioid crisis.
(07:10):
And when someone is concerned, they alert the authorities and
they come to investigate, and if the authorities deemed that
the child is in danger or at risk, they are
removed from the homes and placed with a foster parent
or in an emergency foster platement until the situation can
be assessed. And it's always important to remember that a
(07:31):
child is placed in foster care through no faults of
their own. Uh, they've been in a dangerous situation and removed,
and you know, the hope is always to reunite that
child with their parents. That doesn't always happen, but that
is always That is the first step in foster care
is to say, are these parents, if they're given more
(07:51):
support and wrap around services, will they be able to
get their lives together so that they can support and
take care of their kids. So you've been at this
a while how has foster care or kids in foster care,
how has it changed. I got my first foster license
in eight six and everything has changed since then. What
(08:14):
do you see some of the biggest changes are I
think one of the biggest wholesale changes has been a
tremendous uptick and awareness about youth in the foster care system.
They truly truly lived in the shadows UM at the
time when you first went on your journey UM, people
just did not know about using foster care. They had misperceptions,
(08:38):
misconceptions about the youth. And what's happened, thanks to the
work of many, many good groups over the last twenty
or so years, is there's a tremendous optick and awareness
about youth in foster care and hence to the services
and supports that are needed. And some of the changes
are small but so important. For a long time, when
children replaced in foster care, there wasn't a concerned to
(09:00):
keep siblings together. Then there was a recognition that children
will rive more if they are, you know, have a
sibling that goes into foster care with them some semblance
of their former family. And that's a small change. At
the larger level, two there's been a much greater recognition
of what happens to the youth who leave foster care
when they age out at eighteen or twenty one, depending
(09:22):
on the states they're in. There was not a lot
of awareness about the outcome for those youths, which were
not good, somewhat dire in fact, and a lot more
services have been created to support that particular part of
the foster youth population. So how many states now continue
to support kids till they're twenty one? That is a
(09:43):
good question. I honestly don't need answer how many states?
It's a growing number, and uh, I don't know. I'm
happy to get back to you. Um, I don't know.
If aout my head. Well, last time I checked, it
was like twelve, and in most states that's what the
foster care system does still to this day. Okay, you're eighteen,
you're out of our jurisdiction. By you're on your own.
(10:04):
That is correct. And if you think about a child
who grew up in a supportive family, no one says
them an agent can see later, you know, go forth
and prosper um. So you can imagine a youth who
has had a traumatic childhood hasn't been mentored, hasn't learned
all of the basic sort of life skills that you
do sometimes just by watching a parent or supportive adults. Uh.
(10:27):
So the move to continue to support youth in foster
care to age twenty one and even even past that.
There are some areas that are looking at up to
the age of six. We know so much more about
the way you brains developed and their coping skills, and
how someblars aren't fully developed into late six. And also
(10:48):
because fosters use typically end up a couple of years
behind at an academic level, it takes them longer to
get through the education process, so we need to continue
to support them this they pursue higher education as they
get older. So uh, there's twelve million reasons it's it's
vitally important to support this youth population. So, Jennifer, what
(11:10):
is Foster More? Tell me about your organization? How did
you birth this? What what inspired you? What? What was
that aha moment where you said, you know what, I
can use my gifts and talents and skills and I
can change the world for these kids. Tell me about
Foster More and and how that was born. I've been
(11:31):
working in the foster care Arena quite some time an
organization cult Children's actually network that has a number of
projects that worked to improve outcomes for youth and foster care,
and we came to the growing realization that a significant
part of making a difference for these youths was shifting
attitudes and perceptions, was making people realize that youth and
(11:53):
foster care are the epitome of resilience. They are a
resource and a need all the supports we can give
them to thrive and prosper. And we realized in order
to do that, in order to change mind and move
the needles on people's perceptions and awareness, we had to
launch a broad scale public awareness campaign aimed at moving
(12:17):
hearts and mind, enabling people to really see who these
youth are. So that was the sort of the core
of our Foster More effort, and we launched a broad
scale public awareness campaign again aimed at saying youth and
foster care are resilient and will strive if they're given
the supports they need. One of our first p s
(12:38):
a S was called I am Amazing and was about
this that foster you're talking about. I am amazing. I
need I just need an adult to guide me along
the way to realize who I am. So over the
past several years, we have continued this broad scale public
awarness campaign and one of the things that drove it,
I'm sorry this was a long answer, but we had
(13:00):
that in the general public attitudes about youth in foster care,
people either didn't know who they were or they had
misperceptions that I've referenced. And we did focus groups and
it was very interesting because it shows that at a
free focus groups, no one even knew a foster parents
and their attitudes about foster youth they were scared of them.
(13:20):
And it really drove this campaign to shift the paradigm
and get people to think entirely different about foster youth,
because that's the only way that people thinking differently that
people are going to step up and assist these youth
and the resources are going to be directed towards the youth.
We have also realized that there is a pressing need
(13:44):
for foster parents, particularly wonderful ones like yourself. And as
you well know, um, the number of youth and foster
care greatly exceeds the number of foster parents. So since
Foster More is a coalition of entertainment philanthropic business. We
knew we could turn our entertainment skills and resources into
(14:04):
a campaign to recruit foster parents. So that's one of
the other driving peoples of foster More. It's a conjurity
campaign to recruit foster parents so that we address the
pressing needs for those within the system. I think the
good news is when you start to tell the story
of these youths and you tell people who they really
are and what our duty and obligation as human beings
(14:28):
is to these youths, people want to engage. How many
kids have you fostered? I have fostered two kids, and
we entered this process to be truly foster parents. It
was when l A had a huge uptick and youth
from foster Carretti this is in the same place now,
(14:48):
and we really felt that there was a place where
we could and wanted to step up. And as state
would have it, we ended up adopting our girls. We
met them at five and and we initially rest with
Parence Jennifer, We're gonna come back in just a moment.
We are going to take a break here for one
of our sponsors. We're gonna come back and we're going
(15:08):
to talk about how to become involved, what that looks like,
and give some people some directions. So we'll be right
back talking with Jennifer, the co founder of Foster More,
a coalition of media and entertainment companies who care about kids.
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That's Young Woodworkers dot com slash love for fifty percent off. Jennifer,
Welcome back to love someone with the Lionel. We're going
(16:34):
to talk about what does it take. If somebody is
listening and says, you know what, my kids went off
to college and I kind of have an empty nest syndrome,
maybe I could maybe I could foster. Or maybe somebody says,
I'm a single mom and I've got one son and
he would like a sibling. Maybe I could do foster
care or do a foster to adopt. What is a
(16:55):
foster parent and where do they start? A foster parents
truly anyone with love in their hearts who wants to
bring a kid into their life and nurture them and
provide them stability and provide them a better future. That
can be that couple that you just mentioned whose children
have gone off to college they're feeling like they're empty nesters.
(17:17):
It can be a single woman. Uh. The foster care
system is really open to anyone who has the desire,
the willingness, and the heart to be a foster parent.
The process itself is you go to whatever the local
agency is in your locality and you take classes for
(17:39):
roughly six state weeks and the classes are really to
help you to help prepare you for this journey which
is new and different for many people. And then you
have a home study basically a way for those workers
to come out to your home and assess that it's
safe for a child to be there. Okay, So so now,
(18:00):
at least in the state I'm in, because of COVID,
they've they've moved the foster classes online. I don't know
if that's a nationwide thing. I don't know if that's
changing because the COVID situation is opening back up. But
I have to say, Jennifer that I thought I was
going to hate the classes, but I loved I loved
(18:22):
them because I got to meet other people who were
like minded, and I formed friendships back in the eighties
the first time I got my foster license that I
still have today because of those classes. That's pretty wonderful.
And know, the classes are a great bonding experience, and
they're also it's wonderful to look around that room. Have
you taken the classes myself a million years ago, to
(18:44):
look around that room and see just how many different
people are about to embark on this journey with you,
And it's equally important as you meant and to form
those friendships, because being a foster parent is rewarding, but
it can be channel lunching and it's really wonderful to
have people you can bounce things off of, ask questions of.
(19:05):
In addition to the social workers and other people who
all come into your life but you know, to help
support you on this journey because it's an amazing journey,
but it's new for everybody, and it's really nice to
have a bulwark of you know, advice and support that
you can turn to. So the process is the classes,
the home study, and then after that's complete, what can
(19:29):
somebody expect? And one more piece of the process, just
so people know all the pieces. Um, you are life
scan and then what happens is you are in essence
waiting for a match or to meet a child. And
one of the things I want to say, because sometimes
people think going in that they can't articulate what they're
(19:49):
comfortable with. Because some people are completely comfortable having four
kids in their home. Some people want younger kids, some
people want older kids. Um, it's okay to say that
to the agency and the social workers that you're working with,
to say, you know what, here's my comfort level, here
are my parameters, Here's what I feel I can take
on it's okay to say that. I got to interrupt
(20:11):
Jennifer and say not only is it okay, it's vitally
important because if you know that you are not built
to be changing diapers or heating up a bottle at
two o'clock in the morning, you need to speak up
and say, I'm excited to do this, but I really
only want a school aged child, or I really do
best with toddlers, or right, I really would like to
(20:34):
work with teens. You you have to be able to
articulate that, otherwise you're gonna set yourself up for failure. Yeah,
exactly right. And you know there are so many teams
out there who are looking for stability and permanency. So
to your point, it's so great to think about and
consider teams because you know they're about to embark on
(20:58):
a really big life journey and having the support of
a family can make all the difference in their future. Um.
And then after you've gone through that process and you've
articulated what your comfort level is, you are you're waiting.
You're waiting for a match, You're waiting for the call
from your social worker that says, you know, I have
(21:20):
a young boy, or I have whatever it is that
you've articulated and they are in need of a foster placement,
and at that point in time, if it's a match
that works for you, that child will be placed in
your home. Uh. Sometimes there's not a lot of notice.
Sometimes there's more notice, and your journey will begin. I
(21:42):
think it's important to Lilas to also let people know
that you know, being a foster parent, you just you
also have to remember that the first goal when a
child goes into foster care is to reunify them with
their biological parents. And it happened about a foster parents
(22:03):
end up adopting the children that are placed with them,
So that gives you a sense reunification is not always possible.
It is the initial goal because it's so important for
that child to retain that family bond if it's at
all possible. So I just think that's the thing that happens.
That the thing that a lot of people talk about.
And every situation is different, uh, and children are in
(22:24):
different situations in terms of their families, so every foster
place and will will be different. And what I encourage people,
Jennifer is if you want to adopt a child, if
you know you want to build your family through adoption,
it's really important to tell your foster worker, I want
to do foster to adopt, and that way they are
(22:44):
actively searching for a child who is legally free, who
the courts have decided they're not going to be returned
to their bio family. They're legally free and you can
pursue adoption. Like in in the state i'm in, you
do foster care for six months and at the end
of that six months, you can apply for adoption and
that can happen in a matter of weeks once the
(23:07):
six month period is up. A lot of people don't
know that foster to adopt is an option that if
you state that upfront and you are working with a
good caseworker, you will be matched with children who are
legally free to adopt. That's such an important point back
to articulating, you know what your comfort level is in
terms of the child and whether you are interested in
(23:30):
adoption because the status of the children within the process
is known. So if you do want to foster adopt,
it's really important to stay that up front. Now, what
if somebody is listening and they say, Delilah, I want
to help, I want to care. I just can't commit
to becoming a full time foster parent. What can they do?
(23:52):
How can they help foster more or help point hope
my my organization that works with foster kids, Jennifer. What
would you say to the person who's kind of raising
their hand but they know they cannot be a full
time foster parent. Well, happily. There is a myriad of
ways that people can help, and they run the gamut
(24:13):
from helping to prepare special stuffle bags for children when
they're placed into cluster care with essential needs. There's a
number of organizations that's a wonderful work like that. You
can help with an agency that is providing care packages
for older use um. Remember that youth go into the
system with almost nothing. So working with an organization that
(24:36):
addresses offencil needs sometimes with older youth in particular, it's
it's everything from closing to laundry detergent to you know,
pencils and patents. Uh. There's a number of organizations that
do that. If you want to be an advocate for
these children, there's a wonderful organization called Court Appointed Special
(24:57):
Advocates and you are trained to be the tells of
a kid in court, So if you're interested in advocating,
that's an excellent avenue to pursue. Can I just say
that COSSA workers make all the difference. I believe they
are also the unsung heroes. They make all the difference
in the world because oftentimes they're the only person advocating
(25:20):
for the best interests of the child exactly. And all
the research has shown that a foster child who makes
it into the world reasonably well, it's because somewhere in
their life there was a supportive adult and that could
be a teacher, or a CASA or a mentor, which
gets me to the other role that people can play
(25:41):
with youth and foster care is becoming a mentor. And
there's different organizations and all the organizations across from a
different in different states. But if you want to be
a mentor, try and find an organization there, because again,
the advice and caring and guidance of an adult can
change the trajectory of a child in foster care of
(26:02):
life and personally. I know you can't use names for
privacy reasons, but tell me, Jennifer, one of your favorite
um maybe from your own experience with your your children,
maybe somebody that you've worked with her mentor tell me
one of your favorite foster care stories. Oh gosh, I
have so many. Um, happily, I have so many. I
(26:26):
think in particular, Uh, there was a young man who
I met. We have a store that provides brand new
clothing for youth aging out of foster care. All donated,
and I met this young man. He had aged out.
He had actually gone to college and had to come
back because he couldn't afford it. He was trying to
(26:46):
get a feedback on the ground. He was interested in
the culinary arts, and got him a job at a restaurant,
helped him with housing because that was the challenge for him,
and people came together and bought him a car, and
he went on to pursue that culinary dream. And it's
(27:08):
one of my favorites because he kind of exemplified why
we all need to be a part of these used lives,
because he was well on try to go to college. Um,
let me throw in a stat that another place people
can help. By the way, uh, w percent of youth
in foster care aspired to higher education and only three
(27:30):
percent are able to do that. Seventy percent of youth
and foster care, desire, aspire to hire education, to go
to college. And what percent of kids in foster care
actually get there? Three to five percent. I would say
a hundred percent of kids in foster care aspire to
forever families. And what percent ever get adopted? We are
(27:53):
looking around around now about fifty thou children are adopted
from foster care every year. And UM, that's that number
has been fairly steady over time. So the good news
is over the last twenty or so years, that's thousands
and thousands and thousands of youth. UM. The challenges, UM,
as you mentioned earlier, you know we have four hundred
(28:14):
thousands us in the foster care system now. So people
can help by being costs of workers. They can help
by being foster parents, they can help by mentoring. What else?
What else can we do? What if I what if
I own a restaurant, What if I own a small business,
what if I own a big business? How could I
get involved to help these kids? Uh? One of the
(28:35):
wonderful ways in any business gonna be involved is providing
an internships or employment because it's crucial for these youths.
So how do I how do I get in touch
with them? How do I If I own a business,
say I own a restaurant and I want to give
a teenager job, who do I contact? Well, it's more localized,
(28:57):
so agencies within where you are, I mean in health
and you know, there's a tremendous group called I Foster
and they have a job program that was created to
combat exactly this issue, and I would hope that it
could be replicated many many places. I Foster has a
jobs program and it was created to provide jobs and
(29:18):
employment and provide the skills that fosters needs for those
jobs in employment. And they have partnered with more than
major corporate employers, so they offer interviews to the youth.
Um they first they trained them at essential so I
Foster training the youth. Then they connect them with interviews
with these twenty five employers and they get jobs. And
(29:41):
because of the training and because of such a good
program the youth, there's there's three times the retention rates
that's average for the industry. So it's a very promising
practice and youth employment. And again, I think one that
should be replicated across the country because it addresses me
for train and the need for employment. And it's called
(30:02):
I Foster yeah, And anybody who wants to figure out
how to replicate that in all fifty states be my guest,
because if it's doing that amazing for kids to get
them jobs and and teach them how to keep jobs,
because jobs change lives. When you are independent, when you
(30:23):
can develop those life skills to hold a job, pay
your bills, pay your rent, pay your car payment, payer
cell phone, and you're not dependent, that changes the trajectory
of your life forever exactly. And you know, back to youth,
age out of foster care are particularly affected by this
(30:44):
problem because four years after the age out of the system,
again from age depending where they are, your percent them
don't have any earnings. And you know, those who are
earning money are making an average annual income in the neighborhoo,
you know, ten to twelve tho dollars a year, not
enough to live on. So this is a really, really
(31:05):
important area. And we know that poverty is one of
the biggest factors in addiction. So you're just repeating the cycle.
If you're only making ten grand a year, you're twenty
one years old, you're trying to start your life, you're
going to be constantly behind the eight ball. Constantly feeling
like a failure and you're probably gonna self medicate just
like mom and dad did. Yeah, poverty is the single
(31:29):
greatest determinant for a youth going into foster care. Uh So,
anything we can do to your point now to end
the cycle, um, you know, to to move the youth
up the ladder into well paying jobs, into a life
that when everything to thrived we should be doing and
anything we can do to help their parents before it
(31:51):
gets to that point as a society, as a community,
anything that we can do to help break that cycle
of poverty will help kids. You know, it's the ripple effect. Yeah,
I mean, the truth is, you and I have talked
a lot about foster care. But you know the truth is,
(32:11):
in the end, what we want to see is fewer
and few were children going into foster care right entering
the system. We want to see the work done to
you know, focus on child and family well being and
the well being of the family that the child is
in so that the child can stay with that family.
So foster moore is vital now and we need foster parents.
(32:32):
But in the end, what we want to see is,
you know, more families be able to find the kind
of support that they need in their communities to address
the stress and challenges, say faith, and therefore they're children face.
So we need more of these partners and communities to
join together that we can build communities of hope for
children and families, because then we all thrive and prosper
(32:56):
if the children are communities are thriving and prospering well,
hopefully working together. Jennifer with with Foster More and the
Children's Action Network and KASA workers and I think for me,
the main thing is helping people to become aware so
(33:17):
these kids aren't in the dark, they're not in the shadows,
they're not throw away kids. That people are aware that
foster kids need love. And if we all work together,
you know, maybe those numbers will start going down instead
of keep going up, you know. And I think an
important part of that too, and it's another thing that's
it's happily changing, is this reminder to to listen to
(33:40):
the voices of the youth when you're looking at doing
things within the system, because they're the ones that are
impacted by it. They can tell you what works and
what doesn't because they have lived experience. So this is
an important piece and it's been growing over time. There's
a great organization called Think of Us with a tremendous advocate.
He's been doing a lot of work to say, hey,
(34:02):
use voices there. There's lots and lots of organizations. Use
voices are crucial. You know, you're you're shaping assistant that
impacts us. Let us tell you, those of us who've
lived through it, what works and what doesn't and what
needs to change. People forget how much I think their
own families have given to them in the expectation that
you know, any of these youth can do it alone.
(34:25):
Very very, very few people that I know, at eighteen
or twenty one years old can be on their own.
And even forget the finances. I mean, I was financially
independent at eighteen. I left my parents home at eighteen.
I never took a dime from them. I was financially independent.
I called my mama at least twice a day, every
(34:46):
day until the day God called her home. I called
my mom for everything. If I didn't know how to
make a Thanksgiving turkey, I called my mom. I had
that unconditional love and support that no matter what I did,
I knew that my mother loved me more than life. Yeah,
and to not have that is unimaginable right to have
(35:11):
instead of that a chasm, to not really know where
to turn, to not have that guidance. And on top
of that, you know, so many of these used for
the burden of what did I do wrong? Um, because
it's it's hard not to think that, you know, what
did I do wrong? That my parents were unable to
(35:31):
keep me uh, and that that's a heavy burden to
carry as well. But on a on a lighter note,
I talked to my daughter twice a day, um, you know,
and I can't imagine not and and even you were
asking earlier about a story about a h using foster care.
And one of my favorites is to outstanding young woman
(35:55):
whose mother sadly suffered from addiction in the collector complete uh,
you know, and a drugs In all the above, she
is an extraordinary young woman. She got a scholarship, she
went to Barnard and it's funny how we all think
she's such a beautiful young woman, copes with everything. And
(36:17):
then I thought, how exciting to go to New York
and have all these experiences. And then it was difficult
for her from day one because she had never been
to New York. There wasn't anyone to tell her what
New York was like. She had never been in college before.
Every experience that you thought would be wonderful enough listening
was a challenge. She felt like she didn't fit in.
You know. It's so college was extremely intelligent young woman,
(36:40):
but a struggle because there was nobody there to walk
her through the norms and you know, the norms and
the pitfalls and everything else. Um. So she made it through,
but it was extraordinarily difficult for her because there wasn't
a steady force in her life, you know, no one
(37:02):
she could turn to and say, I don't I don't
understand this. I'm lost, I'm flailing. And now please tell
me that she managed and is doing well. She did,
she is. She moved to Bridgeport, Connecticut and now Jersey City. Um,
she wants to pursue a career in education and that
is what she was doing. So she's an l A girl,
(37:24):
an l A girl in Bridgeport, Connecticut. I know that's
quite a culture shock at culture change, but I love Bridgeport.
So she will have fun. Now she's in Jersey City,
which she's New York. So um. But I remember when
she got into through Barnard and I took her shopping
(37:48):
to get her ready for the East Coast, and we
had a long discussion about why she didn't need those
heavy coats and furry things. And I kept looking at
her and going, when you're in New York on December,
you are going to be glad. I bought you wool socks.
You are going to be You are not going to
(38:09):
argue with me. And she came home in December and
we went shocking again and she's like, can we get
some more of those warm things? Oh, Jennifer, thank you
for spending time here with us today. I think between
the two of us we could change the world. I
think we need to figure out how to do that
as a team. Well, Delila, honestly, what you do on
(38:31):
the show, what you do with your charity, your passion,
I mean, your voice is extraordinary. I've been I've been
inspired by your passion. So thank you, and I hope
we can figure out some other ways to work together.
Because your passion and you're of the system, I think
it's it's just what we need. So thank you. Well. Unfortunately,
(38:55):
my passion and my anger get in the way and
I'm not as effective as I would like to be.
And that's where you come in, because you sound like
you have figured out how to use your passion in
a very positive way to bring about the changes. Um
where I just want to take a sledgehammer and you know,
(39:16):
I get so mad. We'll be a team. We may
compliment each other perfectly, and you know it's it's because
our constant messages. And I'll just tell you that. The
way I sometimes sum up Foster More is, you know
a lot of times now someone meets youth and Foster
Care and they sort of go, Uh. What we want
to do is change the paradigm so that someone meets
(39:37):
the youth on foster Care and they look at him
and they go, oh my god, you must be extraordinary
to have made it this far with the obstacles that
are placed in front of you. You have got to
be resilient, have so much more potential. How can I
help you realize that potential and give you the future
(40:00):
you deserve. That's what we want. Well to that end,
let's work together. Jennifer, Thank you for being with us today.
Where can folks find you? With Foster More? People who
are interested in helping youth in foster care in any way,
shape or form, be it helping them with their education,
(40:22):
becoming an advocate, becoming a mentor. Uh. They can find
all those resources at our website foster more dot org.
So it's f O S E R M O R
E dot org. I hope you will visit that the
foster care system needs partners and advocates and helpers, like
(40:43):
all the people who listen to this show. If you
listen to this show and the wonderful Delilah, I know
you're a person that cares. So I'm hoping we can
harness some of that caring on behalf of youth and
foster care. Thank you, Jennifer, God bless you. Go hug
on your girls. I will hug on mind tonight for you. Okay,
Thanks Forlilah. V Jennifer Perry, executive director of Children's Action
(41:08):
Network and co founder of Foster More and most importantly,
a foster parent who adopted her to foster daughters, Thank
you for spending time here with us today. My head
is spinning. My husband's gonna say no, no, no, no, no,
we can't do this again. We're down to just four
(41:30):
kids at home, the first time I've had less than
six kids at home in many, many years. But Jennifer,
thank you for spending the time that you spent with
us today. I want to encourage people to find out
about how they can get involved with kids in foster care,
how they can become a foster parent or a coast
a worker or a mentor, or how their business can
(41:53):
get involved and hire teenagers in foster care who are
about to age out or are aging out. So go
to foster more dot org, go to the Children's Action Network,
or check out Point Hope because we do programs for
foster kids in many communities, and together we can use
(42:15):
our resources, we can use our passion and our energy
to change the world for good. I will talk to
you next time. I love someone. In the meantime, listen
to my radio show every night wherever you are, and
if you can't find it, download the I Heart Radio app.
Here we are back again with another wonderful episode of
Love Someone, our podcast that I do uh in the
hopes that I will inspire you to use your energy
to change the world. That's the goal anyway, to share
information and to invite guests that are doing just that,
(00:26):
changing the world, making the world a better place. My
guest today is just such a person, Jennifer Perry. Jennifer
is the executive director of the Children's Action Network. Children's
Action Network CAN. Since its inception, by marshaling the immense
communication power of the entertainment community they're based in l A,
(00:50):
CAN inspires the public to take action on behalf of
kids CAN. Children's Action Network is now involved in a
national campaign devoted to raising awareness of the one hundred
and seven thousand children in this country who are legally
free waiting for adoptive homes, and they help to improve
(01:13):
the outcomes for almost a half a million kids in
foster care. Jennifer is also the co founder of Foster More,
a coalition of media and entertainment companies, nonprofits, businesses, philanthropic
organizations working together to create greater understanding, greater empathy and
action to improve the future of kids in foster care.
(01:37):
Foster More shines a light on the accomplishments and potential
of foster youth while helping to secure support for their
academic success and helping to create a pipeline of potential
foster parents. We have a big shortage of foster parents
in this country. Under her stewardship, Can has received an
(01:58):
Adoption Excellent Award from the U S Department of Health
and Human Services and a Television Academy Honors for a
Home for the Holidays. Can's annual special promoting foster care adoption.
Not only does she talk the talks, she walks the walk.
Jennifer and her husband Andy are the adoring adoptive parents
(02:19):
of two daughters. We're gonna pause right now. We're going
to learn more and talk to Jennifer in a moment,
but we're going to pause right now to hear from
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for a limited time only. Hello Jennifer, Welcome to Love Someone.
I am so grateful, Thank you for being with us
on this podcast. You know that foster care and adoptive
(04:16):
programs and adoptive kids and building families is more than
the near and dear to my heart, right, yeah, I do.
I do. It's remarkable what you've done in the incredible
family that you've built. So yes, I I do know that. Well,
you know what I find remarkable. I have a lot
of resources. I'm very blessed. I have a lot of
(04:37):
resources my career. My situation allows me to have resources
that most people don't. I have a nanny housekeeper that
helps me with the young ones and helps me with
the laundry, and I can pay tutors to help my
older kids. What amazes me is people like my friend
(04:59):
Jan she has two adult daughters that are building their
families through foster kids and adoption and foster to adopt
and long term foster placements. And they don't have the
resources I have. They're doing it all on their own,
and they're doing an amazing job. I'm like, oh my gosh,
you wear me out just thinking about all the hats
(05:22):
that you have to wear. I'm so proud of men
and women who don't have the resources that I have
and still are willing to step up to the plate
and raise their hand and say I'll do it. I'll
love a child in need that takes a special kind
of hero it has and I couldn't agree more. You know,
I really feel that foster parents are the unsung heroes
(05:44):
of America because here are people that step up and say,
you know, I want to give a child what I
can give them, love, support, stability. I want to help
them realize their potential. And they are taking a child,
you know, the they've barely ever met, into their own home,
making a pledge to that child, sometimes a short term,
(06:06):
sometimes a lifetime pledge. It is a remarkable thing to
step up and do. And I truly feel that we
should create some kind of a mechanism to seeing the
phrases that these foster parents get them the support they
need and recognize the extraordinary work to your point that
everyday people are doing every day on behalf of you
(06:27):
within foster care. So walk us through how does a
child end up in our foster care system? How? How
I mean we got almost five hundred thousand kids in
foster care? How did they get there? A child goes
into foster care when an adult in their life. It
can be a teacher, a doctor, or a neighbor, a
(06:48):
friend is concerned that they are in danger um that
that their their lives may be at risk given their
home situation, and frequently that danger arises from substance abuse
on the part of the parents. We've sadly seen an
uptick in use in foster care because of the opioid crisis.
(07:10):
And when someone is concerned, they alert the authorities and
they come to investigate, and if the authorities deemed that
the child is in danger or at risk, they are
removed from the homes and placed with a foster parent
or in an emergency foster platement until the situation can
be assessed. And it's always important to remember that a
(07:31):
child is placed in foster care through no faults of
their own. Uh, they've been in a dangerous situation and removed,
and you know, the hope is always to reunite that
child with their parents. That doesn't always happen, but that
is always That is the first step in foster care
is to say, are these parents, if they're given more
(07:51):
support and wrap around services, will they be able to
get their lives together so that they can support and
take care of their kids. So you've been at this
a while how has foster care or kids in foster care,
how has it changed. I got my first foster license
in eight six and everything has changed since then. What
(08:14):
do you see some of the biggest changes are I
think one of the biggest wholesale changes has been a
tremendous uptick and awareness about youth in the foster care system.
They truly truly lived in the shadows UM at the
time when you first went on your journey UM, people
just did not know about using foster care. They had misperceptions,
(08:38):
misconceptions about the youth. And what's happened, thanks to the
work of many, many good groups over the last twenty
or so years, is there's a tremendous optick and awareness
about youth in foster care and hence to the services
and supports that are needed. And some of the changes
are small but so important. For a long time, when
children replaced in foster care, there wasn't a concerned to
(09:00):
keep siblings together. Then there was a recognition that children
will rive more if they are, you know, have a
sibling that goes into foster care with them some semblance
of their former family. And that's a small change. At
the larger level, two there's been a much greater recognition
of what happens to the youth who leave foster care
when they age out at eighteen or twenty one, depending
(09:22):
on the states they're in. There was not a lot
of awareness about the outcome for those youths, which were
not good, somewhat dire in fact, and a lot more
services have been created to support that particular part of
the foster youth population. So how many states now continue
to support kids till they're twenty one? That is a
(09:43):
good question. I honestly don't need answer how many states?
It's a growing number, and uh, I don't know. I'm
happy to get back to you. Um, I don't know.
If aout my head. Well, last time I checked, it
was like twelve, and in most states that's what the
foster care system does still to this day. Okay, you're eighteen,
you're out of our jurisdiction. By you're on your own.
(10:04):
That is correct. And if you think about a child
who grew up in a supportive family, no one says
them an agent can see later, you know, go forth
and prosper um. So you can imagine a youth who
has had a traumatic childhood hasn't been mentored, hasn't learned
all of the basic sort of life skills that you
do sometimes just by watching a parent or supportive adults. Uh.
(10:27):
So the move to continue to support youth in foster
care to age twenty one and even even past that.
There are some areas that are looking at up to
the age of six. We know so much more about
the way you brains developed and their coping skills, and
how someblars aren't fully developed into late six. And also
(10:48):
because fosters use typically end up a couple of years
behind at an academic level, it takes them longer to
get through the education process, so we need to continue
to support them this they pursue higher education as they
get older. So uh, there's twelve million reasons it's it's
vitally important to support this youth population. So, Jennifer, what
(11:10):
is Foster More? Tell me about your organization? How did
you birth this? What what inspired you? What? What was
that aha moment where you said, you know what, I
can use my gifts and talents and skills and I
can change the world for these kids. Tell me about
Foster More and and how that was born. I've been
(11:31):
working in the foster care Arena quite some time an
organization cult Children's actually network that has a number of
projects that worked to improve outcomes for youth and foster care,
and we came to the growing realization that a significant
part of making a difference for these youths was shifting
attitudes and perceptions, was making people realize that youth and
(11:53):
foster care are the epitome of resilience. They are a
resource and a need all the supports we can give
them to thrive and prosper. And we realized in order
to do that, in order to change mind and move
the needles on people's perceptions and awareness, we had to
launch a broad scale public awareness campaign aimed at moving
(12:17):
hearts and mind, enabling people to really see who these
youth are. So that was the sort of the core
of our Foster More effort, and we launched a broad
scale public awareness campaign again aimed at saying youth and
foster care are resilient and will strive if they're given
the supports they need. One of our first p s
(12:38):
a S was called I am Amazing and was about
this that foster you're talking about. I am amazing. I
need I just need an adult to guide me along
the way to realize who I am. So over the
past several years, we have continued this broad scale public
awarness campaign and one of the things that drove it,
I'm sorry this was a long answer, but we had
(13:00):
that in the general public attitudes about youth in foster care,
people either didn't know who they were or they had
misperceptions that I've referenced. And we did focus groups and
it was very interesting because it shows that at a
free focus groups, no one even knew a foster parents
and their attitudes about foster youth they were scared of them.
(13:20):
And it really drove this campaign to shift the paradigm
and get people to think entirely different about foster youth,
because that's the only way that people thinking differently that
people are going to step up and assist these youth
and the resources are going to be directed towards the youth.
We have also realized that there is a pressing need
(13:44):
for foster parents, particularly wonderful ones like yourself. And as
you well know, um, the number of youth and foster
care greatly exceeds the number of foster parents. So since
Foster More is a coalition of entertainment philanthropic business. We
knew we could turn our entertainment skills and resources into
(14:04):
a campaign to recruit foster parents. So that's one of
the other driving peoples of foster More. It's a conjurity
campaign to recruit foster parents so that we address the
pressing needs for those within the system. I think the
good news is when you start to tell the story
of these youths and you tell people who they really
are and what our duty and obligation as human beings
(14:28):
is to these youths, people want to engage. How many
kids have you fostered? I have fostered two kids, and
we entered this process to be truly foster parents. It
was when l A had a huge uptick and youth
from foster Carretti this is in the same place now,
(14:48):
and we really felt that there was a place where
we could and wanted to step up. And as state
would have it, we ended up adopting our girls. We
met them at five and and we initially rest with
Parence Jennifer, We're gonna come back in just a moment.
We are going to take a break here for one
of our sponsors. We're gonna come back and we're going
(15:08):
to talk about how to become involved, what that looks like,
and give some people some directions. So we'll be right
back talking with Jennifer, the co founder of Foster More,
a coalition of media and entertainment companies who care about kids.
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That's Young Woodworkers dot com slash love for fifty percent off. Jennifer,
Welcome back to love someone with the Lionel. We're going
(16:34):
to talk about what does it take. If somebody is
listening and says, you know what, my kids went off
to college and I kind of have an empty nest syndrome,
maybe I could maybe I could foster. Or maybe somebody says,
I'm a single mom and I've got one son and
he would like a sibling. Maybe I could do foster
care or do a foster to adopt. What is a
(16:55):
foster parent and where do they start? A foster parents
truly anyone with love in their hearts who wants to
bring a kid into their life and nurture them and
provide them stability and provide them a better future. That
can be that couple that you just mentioned whose children
have gone off to college they're feeling like they're empty nesters.
(17:17):
It can be a single woman. Uh. The foster care
system is really open to anyone who has the desire,
the willingness, and the heart to be a foster parent.
The process itself is you go to whatever the local
agency is in your locality and you take classes for
(17:39):
roughly six state weeks and the classes are really to
help you to help prepare you for this journey which
is new and different for many people. And then you
have a home study basically a way for those workers
to come out to your home and assess that it's
safe for a child to be there. Okay, So so now,
(18:00):
at least in the state I'm in, because of COVID,
they've they've moved the foster classes online. I don't know
if that's a nationwide thing. I don't know if that's
changing because the COVID situation is opening back up. But
I have to say, Jennifer that I thought I was
going to hate the classes, but I loved I loved
(18:22):
them because I got to meet other people who were
like minded, and I formed friendships back in the eighties
the first time I got my foster license that I
still have today because of those classes. That's pretty wonderful.
And know, the classes are a great bonding experience, and
they're also it's wonderful to look around that room. Have
you taken the classes myself a million years ago, to
(18:44):
look around that room and see just how many different
people are about to embark on this journey with you,
And it's equally important as you meant and to form
those friendships, because being a foster parent is rewarding, but
it can be channel lunching and it's really wonderful to
have people you can bounce things off of, ask questions of.
(19:05):
In addition to the social workers and other people who
all come into your life but you know, to help
support you on this journey because it's an amazing journey,
but it's new for everybody, and it's really nice to
have a bulwark of you know, advice and support that
you can turn to. So the process is the classes,
the home study, and then after that's complete, what can
(19:29):
somebody expect? And one more piece of the process, just
so people know all the pieces. Um, you are life
scan and then what happens is you are in essence
waiting for a match or to meet a child. And
one of the things I want to say, because sometimes
people think going in that they can't articulate what they're
(19:49):
comfortable with. Because some people are completely comfortable having four
kids in their home. Some people want younger kids, some
people want older kids. Um, it's okay to say that
to the agency and the social workers that you're working with,
to say, you know what, here's my comfort level, here
are my parameters, Here's what I feel I can take
on it's okay to say that. I got to interrupt
(20:11):
Jennifer and say not only is it okay, it's vitally
important because if you know that you are not built
to be changing diapers or heating up a bottle at
two o'clock in the morning, you need to speak up
and say, I'm excited to do this, but I really
only want a school aged child, or I really do
best with toddlers, or right, I really would like to
(20:34):
work with teens. You you have to be able to
articulate that, otherwise you're gonna set yourself up for failure. Yeah,
exactly right. And you know there are so many teams
out there who are looking for stability and permanency. So
to your point, it's so great to think about and
consider teams because you know they're about to embark on
(20:58):
a really big life journey and having the support of
a family can make all the difference in their future. Um.
And then after you've gone through that process and you've
articulated what your comfort level is, you are you're waiting.
You're waiting for a match, You're waiting for the call
from your social worker that says, you know, I have
(21:20):
a young boy, or I have whatever it is that
you've articulated and they are in need of a foster placement,
and at that point in time, if it's a match
that works for you, that child will be placed in
your home. Uh. Sometimes there's not a lot of notice.
Sometimes there's more notice, and your journey will begin. I
(21:42):
think it's important to Lilas to also let people know
that you know, being a foster parent, you just you
also have to remember that the first goal when a
child goes into foster care is to reunify them with
their biological parents. And it happened about a foster parents
(22:03):
end up adopting the children that are placed with them,
So that gives you a sense reunification is not always possible.
It is the initial goal because it's so important for
that child to retain that family bond if it's at
all possible. So I just think that's the thing that happens.
That the thing that a lot of people talk about.
And every situation is different, uh, and children are in
(22:24):
different situations in terms of their families, so every foster
place and will will be different. And what I encourage people,
Jennifer is if you want to adopt a child, if
you know you want to build your family through adoption,
it's really important to tell your foster worker, I want
to do foster to adopt, and that way they are
(22:44):
actively searching for a child who is legally free, who
the courts have decided they're not going to be returned
to their bio family. They're legally free and you can
pursue adoption. Like in in the state i'm in, you
do foster care for six months and at the end
of that six months, you can apply for adoption and
that can happen in a matter of weeks once the
(23:07):
six month period is up. A lot of people don't
know that foster to adopt is an option that if
you state that upfront and you are working with a
good caseworker, you will be matched with children who are
legally free to adopt. That's such an important point back
to articulating, you know what your comfort level is in
terms of the child and whether you are interested in
(23:30):
adoption because the status of the children within the process
is known. So if you do want to foster adopt,
it's really important to stay that up front. Now, what
if somebody is listening and they say, Delilah, I want
to help, I want to care. I just can't commit
to becoming a full time foster parent. What can they do?
(23:52):
How can they help foster more or help point hope
my my organization that works with foster kids, Jennifer. What
would you say to the person who's kind of raising
their hand but they know they cannot be a full
time foster parent. Well, happily. There is a myriad of
ways that people can help, and they run the gamut
(24:13):
from helping to prepare special stuffle bags for children when
they're placed into cluster care with essential needs. There's a
number of organizations that's a wonderful work like that. You
can help with an agency that is providing care packages
for older use um. Remember that youth go into the
system with almost nothing. So working with an organization that
(24:36):
addresses offencil needs sometimes with older youth in particular, it's
it's everything from closing to laundry detergent to you know,
pencils and patents. Uh. There's a number of organizations that
do that. If you want to be an advocate for
these children, there's a wonderful organization called Court Appointed Special
(24:57):
Advocates and you are trained to be the tells of
a kid in court, So if you're interested in advocating,
that's an excellent avenue to pursue. Can I just say
that COSSA workers make all the difference. I believe they
are also the unsung heroes. They make all the difference
in the world because oftentimes they're the only person advocating
(25:20):
for the best interests of the child exactly. And all
the research has shown that a foster child who makes
it into the world reasonably well, it's because somewhere in
their life there was a supportive adult and that could
be a teacher, or a CASA or a mentor, which
gets me to the other role that people can play
(25:41):
with youth and foster care is becoming a mentor. And
there's different organizations and all the organizations across from a
different in different states. But if you want to be
a mentor, try and find an organization there, because again,
the advice and caring and guidance of an adult can
change the trajectory of a child in foster care of
(26:02):
life and personally. I know you can't use names for
privacy reasons, but tell me, Jennifer, one of your favorite
um maybe from your own experience with your your children,
maybe somebody that you've worked with her mentor tell me
one of your favorite foster care stories. Oh gosh, I
have so many. Um, happily, I have so many. I
(26:26):
think in particular, Uh, there was a young man who
I met. We have a store that provides brand new
clothing for youth aging out of foster care. All donated,
and I met this young man. He had aged out.
He had actually gone to college and had to come
back because he couldn't afford it. He was trying to
(26:46):
get a feedback on the ground. He was interested in
the culinary arts, and got him a job at a restaurant,
helped him with housing because that was the challenge for him,
and people came together and bought him a car, and
he went on to pursue that culinary dream. And it's
(27:08):
one of my favorites because he kind of exemplified why
we all need to be a part of these used lives,
because he was well on try to go to college. Um,
let me throw in a stat that another place people
can help. By the way, uh, w percent of youth
in foster care aspired to higher education and only three
(27:30):
percent are able to do that. Seventy percent of youth
and foster care, desire, aspire to hire education, to go
to college. And what percent of kids in foster care
actually get there? Three to five percent. I would say
a hundred percent of kids in foster care aspire to
forever families. And what percent ever get adopted? We are
(27:53):
looking around around now about fifty thou children are adopted
from foster care every year. And UM, that's that number
has been fairly steady over time. So the good news
is over the last twenty or so years, that's thousands
and thousands and thousands of youth. UM. The challenges, UM,
as you mentioned earlier, you know we have four hundred
(28:14):
thousands us in the foster care system now. So people
can help by being costs of workers. They can help
by being foster parents, they can help by mentoring. What else?
What else can we do? What if I what if
I own a restaurant, What if I own a small business,
what if I own a big business? How could I
get involved to help these kids? Uh? One of the
(28:35):
wonderful ways in any business gonna be involved is providing
an internships or employment because it's crucial for these youths.
So how do I how do I get in touch
with them? How do I If I own a business,
say I own a restaurant and I want to give
a teenager job, who do I contact? Well, it's more localized,
(28:57):
so agencies within where you are, I mean in health
and you know, there's a tremendous group called I Foster
and they have a job program that was created to
combat exactly this issue, and I would hope that it
could be replicated many many places. I Foster has a
jobs program and it was created to provide jobs and
(29:18):
employment and provide the skills that fosters needs for those
jobs in employment. And they have partnered with more than
major corporate employers, so they offer interviews to the youth.
Um they first they trained them at essential so I
Foster training the youth. Then they connect them with interviews
with these twenty five employers and they get jobs. And
(29:41):
because of the training and because of such a good
program the youth, there's there's three times the retention rates
that's average for the industry. So it's a very promising
practice and youth employment. And again, I think one that
should be replicated across the country because it addresses me
for train and the need for employment. And it's called
(30:02):
I Foster yeah, And anybody who wants to figure out
how to replicate that in all fifty states be my guest,
because if it's doing that amazing for kids to get
them jobs and and teach them how to keep jobs,
because jobs change lives. When you are independent, when you
(30:23):
can develop those life skills to hold a job, pay
your bills, pay your rent, pay your car payment, payer
cell phone, and you're not dependent, that changes the trajectory
of your life forever exactly. And you know, back to youth,
age out of foster care are particularly affected by this
(30:44):
problem because four years after the age out of the system,
again from age depending where they are, your percent them
don't have any earnings. And you know, those who are
earning money are making an average annual income in the neighborhoo,
you know, ten to twelve tho dollars a year, not
enough to live on. So this is a really, really
(31:05):
important area. And we know that poverty is one of
the biggest factors in addiction. So you're just repeating the cycle.
If you're only making ten grand a year, you're twenty
one years old, you're trying to start your life, you're
going to be constantly behind the eight ball. Constantly feeling
like a failure and you're probably gonna self medicate just
like mom and dad did. Yeah, poverty is the single
(31:29):
greatest determinant for a youth going into foster care. Uh So,
anything we can do to your point now to end
the cycle, um, you know, to to move the youth
up the ladder into well paying jobs, into a life
that when everything to thrived we should be doing and
anything we can do to help their parents before it
(31:51):
gets to that point as a society, as a community,
anything that we can do to help break that cycle
of poverty will help kids. You know, it's the ripple effect. Yeah,
I mean, the truth is, you and I have talked
a lot about foster care. But you know the truth is,
(32:11):
in the end, what we want to see is fewer
and few were children going into foster care right entering
the system. We want to see the work done to
you know, focus on child and family well being and
the well being of the family that the child is
in so that the child can stay with that family.
So foster moore is vital now and we need foster parents.
(32:32):
But in the end, what we want to see is,
you know, more families be able to find the kind
of support that they need in their communities to address
the stress and challenges, say faith, and therefore they're children face.
So we need more of these partners and communities to
join together that we can build communities of hope for
children and families, because then we all thrive and prosper
(32:56):
if the children are communities are thriving and prospering well,
hopefully working together. Jennifer with with Foster More and the
Children's Action Network and KASA workers and I think for me,
the main thing is helping people to become aware so
(33:17):
these kids aren't in the dark, they're not in the shadows,
they're not throw away kids. That people are aware that
foster kids need love. And if we all work together,
you know, maybe those numbers will start going down instead
of keep going up, you know. And I think an
important part of that too, and it's another thing that's
it's happily changing, is this reminder to to listen to
(33:40):
the voices of the youth when you're looking at doing
things within the system, because they're the ones that are
impacted by it. They can tell you what works and
what doesn't because they have lived experience. So this is
an important piece and it's been growing over time. There's
a great organization called Think of Us with a tremendous advocate.
He's been doing a lot of work to say, hey,
(34:02):
use voices there. There's lots and lots of organizations. Use
voices are crucial. You know, you're you're shaping assistant that
impacts us. Let us tell you, those of us who've
lived through it, what works and what doesn't and what
needs to change. People forget how much I think their
own families have given to them in the expectation that
you know, any of these youth can do it alone.
(34:25):
Very very, very few people that I know, at eighteen
or twenty one years old can be on their own.
And even forget the finances. I mean, I was financially
independent at eighteen. I left my parents home at eighteen.
I never took a dime from them. I was financially independent.
I called my mama at least twice a day, every
(34:46):
day until the day God called her home. I called
my mom for everything. If I didn't know how to
make a Thanksgiving turkey, I called my mom. I had
that unconditional love and support that no matter what I did,
I knew that my mother loved me more than life. Yeah,
and to not have that is unimaginable right to have
(35:11):
instead of that a chasm, to not really know where
to turn, to not have that guidance. And on top
of that, you know, so many of these used for
the burden of what did I do wrong? Um, because
it's it's hard not to think that, you know, what
did I do wrong? That my parents were unable to
(35:31):
keep me uh, and that that's a heavy burden to
carry as well. But on a on a lighter note,
I talked to my daughter twice a day, um, you know,
and I can't imagine not and and even you were
asking earlier about a story about a h using foster care.
And one of my favorites is to outstanding young woman
(35:55):
whose mother sadly suffered from addiction in the collector complete uh,
you know, and a drugs In all the above, she
is an extraordinary young woman. She got a scholarship, she
went to Barnard and it's funny how we all think
she's such a beautiful young woman, copes with everything. And
(36:17):
then I thought, how exciting to go to New York
and have all these experiences. And then it was difficult
for her from day one because she had never been
to New York. There wasn't anyone to tell her what
New York was like. She had never been in college before.
Every experience that you thought would be wonderful enough listening
was a challenge. She felt like she didn't fit in.
You know. It's so college was extremely intelligent young woman,
(36:40):
but a struggle because there was nobody there to walk
her through the norms and you know, the norms and
the pitfalls and everything else. Um. So she made it through,
but it was extraordinarily difficult for her because there wasn't
a steady force in her life, you know, no one
(37:02):
she could turn to and say, I don't I don't
understand this. I'm lost, I'm flailing. And now please tell
me that she managed and is doing well. She did,
she is. She moved to Bridgeport, Connecticut and now Jersey City. Um,
she wants to pursue a career in education and that
is what she was doing. So she's an l A girl,
(37:24):
an l A girl in Bridgeport, Connecticut. I know that's
quite a culture shock at culture change, but I love Bridgeport.
So she will have fun. Now she's in Jersey City,
which she's New York. So um. But I remember when
she got into through Barnard and I took her shopping
(37:48):
to get her ready for the East Coast, and we
had a long discussion about why she didn't need those
heavy coats and furry things. And I kept looking at
her and going, when you're in New York on December,
you are going to be glad. I bought you wool socks.
You are going to be You are not going to
(38:09):
argue with me. And she came home in December and
we went shocking again and she's like, can we get
some more of those warm things? Oh, Jennifer, thank you
for spending time here with us today. I think between
the two of us we could change the world. I
think we need to figure out how to do that
as a team. Well, Delila, honestly, what you do on
(38:31):
the show, what you do with your charity, your passion,
I mean, your voice is extraordinary. I've been I've been
inspired by your passion. So thank you, and I hope
we can figure out some other ways to work together.
Because your passion and you're of the system, I think
it's it's just what we need. So thank you. Well. Unfortunately,
(38:55):
my passion and my anger get in the way and
I'm not as effective as I would like to be.
And that's where you come in, because you sound like
you have figured out how to use your passion in
a very positive way to bring about the changes. Um
where I just want to take a sledgehammer and you know,
(39:16):
I get so mad. We'll be a team. We may
compliment each other perfectly, and you know it's it's because
our constant messages. And I'll just tell you that. The
way I sometimes sum up Foster More is, you know
a lot of times now someone meets youth and Foster
Care and they sort of go, Uh. What we want
to do is change the paradigm so that someone meets
(39:37):
the youth on foster Care and they look at him
and they go, oh my god, you must be extraordinary
to have made it this far with the obstacles that
are placed in front of you. You have got to
be resilient, have so much more potential. How can I
help you realize that potential and give you the future
(40:00):
you deserve. That's what we want. Well to that end,
let's work together. Jennifer, Thank you for being with us today.
Where can folks find you? With Foster More? People who
are interested in helping youth in foster care in any way,
shape or form, be it helping them with their education,
(40:22):
becoming an advocate, becoming a mentor. Uh. They can find
all those resources at our website foster more dot org.
So it's f O S E R M O R
E dot org. I hope you will visit that the
foster care system needs partners and advocates and helpers, like
(40:43):
all the people who listen to this show. If you
listen to this show and the wonderful Delilah, I know
you're a person that cares. So I'm hoping we can
harness some of that caring on behalf of youth and
foster care. Thank you, Jennifer, God bless you. Go hug
on your girls. I will hug on mind tonight for you. Okay,
Thanks Forlilah. V Jennifer Perry, executive director of Children's Action
(41:08):
Network and co founder of Foster More and most importantly,
a foster parent who adopted her to foster daughters, Thank
you for spending time here with us today. My head
is spinning. My husband's gonna say no, no, no, no, no,
we can't do this again. We're down to just four
(41:30):
kids at home, the first time I've had less than
six kids at home in many, many years. But Jennifer,
thank you for spending the time that you spent with
us today. I want to encourage people to find out
about how they can get involved with kids in foster care,
how they can become a foster parent or a coast
a worker or a mentor, or how their business can
(41:53):
get involved and hire teenagers in foster care who are
about to age out or are aging out. So go
to foster more dot org, go to the Children's Action Network,
or check out Point Hope because we do programs for
foster kids in many communities, and together we can use
(42:15):
our resources, we can use our passion and our energy
to change the world for good. I will talk to
you next time. I love someone. In the meantime, listen
to my radio show every night wherever you are, and
if you can't find it, download the I Heart Radio app.
Host
Delilah
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