December 4, 2024 • 14 mins
You never know what you're going to get on the After Show.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Okay, check check one too. I think we're on now.
We had some technical difficulties. But when his mic is broken,
she broke it.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
I didn't break it. I'm gonna put the ticket in right.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Now on the iHeart broken tool thing, and I'm gonna
say when.
Speaker 3 (00:12):
He broke it, I did actually not break it.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
When he's fault anyway, welcome and everybody after show. Justin Whinnie,
how am I sounding?
Speaker 3 (00:19):
You sound fine?
Speaker 2 (00:20):
I do, yeah, Okay, I don't feel that bad. The
cold hasn't been terrible.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
It's been more when I get home at night, you know,
because I go to the gym and then when I
get home, I'm.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
All stuffed up.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
You're stuffy and I can't hear see. You know, you
have kids, they're germ germ magnets. That sucks daycare. But
my son never gets sick. It's the weirdest thing.
Speaker 3 (00:42):
And it's funny because he has like no nutrition.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
Zero, So he eats mac and cheese, chicken nuggets and
junk food chips. He likes cheese doodles, he likes goldfish,
he likes pirate booty. But he has a real issue
with the food. We actually have to bring him to
making an appointment for an occupational therapist. Okay, that they're
(01:07):
going to help him, you know, try new foods. He
has like sensory issues. Okay, same thing as Billy's sun. Actually,
Alex who is thirty three years old and still only
eats pizza and French fries and we take he takes
vitamins in the morning, and we do the same thing
with Abel. We give him vitamins, but he has never
tried anything.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (01:26):
But like, I mean, you know, it's funny because my
niece is eight, and I feel like we're I mean,
I'm her parent, but I feel like I'm like getting
a little frustrated with her because I'm like, you're eight,
now start trying.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
Like I understand when you're.
Speaker 4 (01:37):
Like, you know, four or five whatever, like you say,
but now I'm like, you're eight and a half, Like,
let's start trying things instead of just sting.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
I don't like it. Like they don't even try it.
Speaker 4 (01:45):
They say, oh, I don't like that. I'm like, you
didn't even try it yet, Like at least try it out.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
We tried all the tricks from the doctor, like you know,
one bite of a new food every week. Yeah, didn't work.
It didn't work. He has really really crazy sensory issues.
So you know, we struggle with it. But the biggest
thing is just getting calories in him at this point. Yeah,
because my thought process when it's first started happening, you know,
(02:09):
was that if he's hungry, he's gonna.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
Eat, which is true but not really you know.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
And a big issue we have is he gets angry
because he doesn't eat all day. We send him at lunch,
he doesn't eat. He doesn't eat lunch, so he comes
home and by dinner time he gets like really wound up.
Sometimes he'll get angry emotional. It's because he hasn't eaten.
He'll eat and then he'll be fine.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
He's angry, he's angry.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
I know the feeling. I know the feeling. Did you see,
speaking of my son, the joke that he told at school?
Speaker 3 (02:38):
I did it. Honestly. It was funny.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
It was funny.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
That's sure, really funny. Where do you find that one?
Speaker 1 (02:42):
He saw it on? Okay, so this is parenting in
twenty twenty four. Okay, so he has he has YouTube,
but it's all the things are on it can't have switch,
nothing inappropriate. It's for like under thirteen or whatever it is, right,
we have those, but then we didn't know, like we
(03:03):
didn't know like how. But then he started with the shorts.
So now he's watching YouTube shorts, okay, And for some reason,
content was getting through in the shorts that we didn't
want him watching, so we took away the shorts. So
he can only watch YouTube and he really only watches
like roadblocks game stuff, Fortnite videos and stuff. But he
loves the shorts. See there's something with the swiping of
(03:26):
like TikTok. They're addicted to it, and he likes the
fact that these short video short attention span that he
can go through them. But we took them away. But
then the little snake started taking Jem's iPad and going
on those YouTube shorts, right, So then we got into that,
so we.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
Shut that down.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Then, sneak Alik, he was going down to Nannie's house
on her TV when we were upstairs, and Nannie has
no idea what's going on, and he's on her TV
watching YouTube shorts.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
And where do they hear the joke? YouTube shorts?
Speaker 4 (03:58):
By the way, I just say and I have said
this many times, and I'll say it probably for the
rest of our lives. Abel is your caramel. Oh, I know,
look at you and Jen, Oh, I know, lovely adults.
I agree, you guys have became You're a lovely couple.
You're lovely people. You've both worked really hard. Very proud
to know you guys and to see you guys grow
as people even since I've met you. Right, your child
(04:22):
is for every fucking thing you did between like twelve
and twenty five.
Speaker 3 (04:26):
Yeah you know that, right?
Speaker 2 (04:27):
Oh, I know, I know it really is.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
And he's not even that bad. Like he's a nice kid.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
He's not that.
Speaker 4 (04:33):
I wouldn't say he's like horrible. I think he has
some annoying tendency.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
He's made a lot of progress, Yeah, he really has.
I mean we went through some dark times with him.
Yeah yeah, yeah, but he's made a lot of progress.
He's you know, he's he could be.
Speaker 4 (04:45):
He could be worse, like like like he's he's a
nice young boy.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
But still, I mean I think I was probably worse
than he was. You know, in Gen two, we put
our parents through hell so much so that you know,
my news piece then I had on Channel five, Like
my dad never even brought it up to me. Yeah,
it's it's really, body, I don't feel good about it,
but I'm.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
Coming to terms.
Speaker 4 (05:10):
Did he mention it, like, I'm sorry, did you mention
it to him?
Speaker 1 (05:14):
I didn't, and I could and that was one of
the things he does he does. So it aired on
the in November, right, and so yeah, and then that
weekend we went to Vermont, my wife and I. My
dad came up to help with the kids and Nannie.
He slept over the weekend. So it aired. And here's
the thing. You know, so many people and listeners, my family,
(05:37):
my friends all saw it and they were so you know,
they loved it and they reached out. My mom was
very emotional about it. Oh yeah, so super. I mean
her friends were calling long lost friends. I mean, so
many people like saw it and they loved it, which
was great. But the one person that I was hoping
would see it and like talk to me about it
was my father and and he didn't. So when we
(05:59):
got back from Vermont, and he was there, and so
I sat right next to him. We watched football for
a few hours and then he left and and then
I asked my mother in law if he watched it,
and she said, yeah, he did that she asked him
if he saw it.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
He said, oh, yeah, I saw it.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
And I was like, did he say anything else? And
she's like no, and I'm like, I know, we watched it.
So then he's been by every weekend. He comes up
a lot. We hang out, you know what I mean.
He we sit next to each other. He asked about work.
He listens to the show. They'd be like, oh, I
heard that thing Whennie said this week, you know he
listens and yeah. Still so a couple doing a couple
(06:36):
of things. One, it's a generational thing that I believe
he doesn't really know how to, you know, tackle such
an emotional thing. But then the other part of it
is I feel bad because I made amends to him
a long time ago, and I feel like he accepted
that amends, but he's never really internalized all the pain
that I put him through, you know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (06:58):
Well, you have you asked your mom?
Speaker 2 (07:00):
I did. She's very upset.
Speaker 3 (07:01):
What did she say to do?
Speaker 2 (07:02):
Pissed?
Speaker 3 (07:03):
But did she say, like should you mention it to it?
Speaker 4 (07:05):
Like?
Speaker 3 (07:05):
What did your mom suggest?
Speaker 2 (07:06):
She didn't suggest anything.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
She was just like I don't fucking get it, you know,
because I tried doing that thing where I say.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
I put him through a lot and everything, and.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
She goes, fuck that, you've been cleaned for almost seventeen years.
He needs to get over it. Look at what you've
done with your life, and da, da da. And here's
the thing, when he my whole life. When I was
a kid, in growing up and through all my trials
and tribulations, my father would always lecture me and he
would always say, he would beat it into me, like
you need to go to school, you need to get
a good job, you need to do this, you need
(07:35):
to do that.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
And I never did any of it right. And then
I got clean and I did everything.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
I did everything, and I surpassed what he wanted and
I never got a good job.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, And.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
It's really hard, and it's really hard when it's like
that saying where this is really big in recovery. You're
in a room with a thousand people that love you
and this one person you know does not like you,
and you are so focused on that one person that
you don't even look at the other nine hundred and
nine and people.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
So it's like that.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
So there's some suggestions that were made to me by
people that are close to me, like maybe should bring
it up to him, like loosely, yeah, like, oh, Dad,
did you see that the piece?
Speaker 2 (08:09):
Yes, your brother he's very upset too.
Speaker 4 (08:12):
Okay, so they're very upset, right, your brother saw it obviously.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Oh yeah, very emotional, very emotional. But you know they
understand my dad's kind of well.
Speaker 3 (08:20):
I also, this is the thing.
Speaker 4 (08:21):
I obviously don't know your dad too well, but I
think I can kind of get his personality enough that
I feel like he doesn't, like you said, he doesn't
know how to talk about it, Yeah, and he just
avoids it at all costs instead of like having an
emotional conversation about it, because I think it'd be hard
for him.
Speaker 3 (08:37):
Don't you think.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
Maybe I think so.
Speaker 4 (08:39):
I think that's part of it. He seems avoidant from
what I'm gathering him even like like I told you'll
never forget, Like I see him all the time, and
like one time I went to hug him and he
like didn't want me to touch him, and I'm like, oh, okay.
And then your mother, I've only met her once or twice,
and she's so like, come in, you know what I mean. Like, also,
a mother's love and a father's love although similar different,
(08:59):
like I think your mother not like there's nothing to
do to make your I feel like a mother would
not forgive. Dads are a little harder because like you
didn't grow inside them for nine months. I feel like
the connections a little different. Although there's plenty of great
dads out there, like even my dad, like I'm obsessed
with he's great. I love my dad, but like I'm
always gonna pay my fucking mom like that, I was
literally shit a body with her. Like it's just a
(09:20):
different type of love. I think a mother and a
father's love and your mom and dad are very different
people because but I think your dad does it differently,
Like I think he shows you he's proud of you
by like coming around and helping with the kids and
like being a very active grandfather and hanging out with you.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
I don't he can't come out and say.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
He's not gonna come out and say it.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
I know, and I wanted to when he won't do it,
and maybe it actually upsets upsets me.
Speaker 4 (09:41):
Maybe you should have a conversation with him.
Speaker 2 (09:44):
I should.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
I know, I know, I know, I know I should
see him all the time I do. I could easily
have a conversation with him. But then the other part
of me is like, why should I have to drag
it out of him?
Speaker 3 (09:52):
Right?
Speaker 2 (09:52):
He's my father, right, why can't he do it? You know?
And I know there's reasons why. But here's the thing.
I know.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
I put him through so much. I mean I literally
brought him almost to death. I took everything from money,
I mean, awful off, awful right. And I've spent the
last seventeen years trying to make that right.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
But if there was so anybody.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
Could see the story, or you could hear their stories
and be like, wow, justin that's crazy. You went through
all that and look where you are now. But he
actually suck like more than anybody else to.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
See to see you come.
Speaker 4 (10:20):
I mean I always tell you, I know that you
were obviously on drugs and you know, and had like
a lifestyle of prime, but like those are just stories,
like I don't know that justice, yeah, I don't know
this justice yeah. And I'm already so proud of you.
I can't imagine seeing the transformation and being like, oh
my god, like look because I mean I one of
my cousins passed away of a drug overdose and for
(10:42):
ten years, I you know, and I felt bad because
I love him and his sister's like my closest cousin,
and I'm like, I love her and all that, but
I like at some point, you're like, what a bum?
Like he can't is shit together? And like he had
a six figure job. He was smart, and he was
shooting a prolin Like he literally was going to his
sixth figure job and there was needles in his car. Wow,
you know, Like he was a functioning addict and he
(11:04):
couldn't make it through.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
Yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 4 (11:06):
And that and he was in a better spot than you.
Speaker 3 (11:08):
I mean, he had a six figure job. You were
on the streets with nothing.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
Yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
Why addiction doesn't have anything. It doesn't specify it, it doesn't.
Speaker 4 (11:16):
And for you to come out of that being poor
and homeless and getting brush your teeth for a year
and all that and the life that you'd I can't
get over. But the light that you've built for yourself
with Jen has been incredible, and your father's seen it
from literally the ground up, right, And I just don't
think he has the like, the emotional capacity to have
(11:36):
that conversation because in the last seventeen years has he
really had a conversation to do about it.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
No, Okay, now, he came to one of my celebrations.
I think I was eight years clean or something. He
showed up and he was He wasn't drunk, but he
had been drinking. And I wasn't really upset about it.
But I just I felt like he had to do
that to be come to deal with it, to like,
you know, because he knew he was probably going to
hand me.
Speaker 4 (12:00):
Speak I want to oxymoron that he had to get
drunk to come to your clean celebration.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
It's really weird, you know what.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
And he's not an alcoholic. No, he's had his struggles before,
but he doesn't drink anymore. Yeah, he didn't like get sober, right,
So that was kind of weird. But I thought, I
agree with you, But I just really I think I
just put all my hopes in one basket. That's seeing
this piece, Yeah, on such a big level in the
scale that that would bring it out of him, and
it didn't.
Speaker 3 (12:24):
I understand that.
Speaker 4 (12:25):
Obviously, recovery is always going to be a part of
your life. It's a big part of who you are,
right because that's your number one goal, is to stay clean.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
To keep the life that you have.
Speaker 4 (12:34):
But at some point you are not that you don't
have like recovery, like you being in recovery and what
you did before, that's.
Speaker 3 (12:41):
Not how you are anymore.
Speaker 4 (12:42):
You I feel like you don't want to keep answering
for that justin right, because at some point you're on
the path now where you've been clean longer than you
were not clean.
Speaker 3 (12:49):
Right because so, wuld you do drugs for like twelve years?
Speaker 2 (12:52):
Yeah about that?
Speaker 4 (12:53):
Okay, so you've been sober seventeen Yeah, so you are,
like you have now been proven to be that person
way longer than you were that that person. I just
don't believe that you should be penalized for stuff you
did when you were in college and I mean not college,
didn't go to college then, but like high school and
in your young twenties, you've now proven you're not that person.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
Yeah. It's tough. It's tough build a swallow. So I
don't know what I'm gonna do.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
So, yeah, it hurts, but I've been talking about it,
which is what I'm doing now. But I've talked about
it with my close friends and my family. Yeah, and
we'll see.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
Where it goes. Maybe I'll bring it up at the
end of the day. I know he loves me.
Speaker 4 (13:26):
No, I will, Like I said, I think with your dad,
he's more just does it. He can't say it. Yeah,
he's like, I'm proud of you. I'm gonna come to
everything with your kids, and I'm gonna help me with it.
I'm gonna see I'm gonna hang out with you every
weekend and watch football with you and all that. Like
that's his way of saying like I forgive you and
I recognize who you are now.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
But he'll never be like justin I'm so proud.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
That's what the that's what all you want? Yeah, all
you want. I just wanted to be like, I'm so
proud of you.
Speaker 4 (13:49):
And you need you deserve that, and I think you
might unfortunately have to sometimes you have to ask for
what you want. You know.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
It's funny you said my mom and dad are so different. Yeah,
it's so true.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
Like my mom was like literally breaking down crying when
I went to see her, like I'm so proud of you, I.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
Love you so much.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
And then my father says, hey, do you watch the
new Joe Rogan episode? Oh? Man, you know, and I'm like,
what the fuck. So anyway, Yeah, and this was we.
Speaker 3 (14:14):
Did not intend this podcast to be this, but I
think it's a good healing.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Yeah, it's a good healing thing. I feel better every
time I talk about it, so good.
Speaker 4 (14:21):
But I don't think you're gonna feel the best until
you talk to him about it.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
Yeah, okay, I'll report back on what happens. Please do
how's that winny awesome? Listen last went down to the show.
Go check out on the podcast Very Busy. Zarna Garg
was on pop Culture Jeopardy. We played a game All
that could stuff. Go check it out on the iHeart
app where you are probably listening right now. And tomorrow
we will be back to recap the show, and you
never know what we're going to talk about in the
(14:43):
after show.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
Never know.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
That's how it works
Okay, check check one too. I think we're on now.
We had some technical difficulties. But when his mic is broken,
she broke it.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
I didn't break it. I'm gonna put the ticket in right.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Now on the iHeart broken tool thing, and I'm gonna
say when.
Speaker 3 (00:12):
He broke it, I did actually not break it.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
When he's fault anyway, welcome and everybody after show. Justin Whinnie,
how am I sounding?
Speaker 3 (00:19):
You sound fine?
Speaker 2 (00:20):
I do, yeah, Okay, I don't feel that bad. The
cold hasn't been terrible.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
It's been more when I get home at night, you know,
because I go to the gym and then when I
get home, I'm.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
All stuffed up.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
You're stuffy and I can't hear see. You know, you
have kids, they're germ germ magnets. That sucks daycare. But
my son never gets sick. It's the weirdest thing.
Speaker 3 (00:42):
And it's funny because he has like no nutrition.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
Zero, So he eats mac and cheese, chicken nuggets and
junk food chips. He likes cheese doodles, he likes goldfish,
he likes pirate booty. But he has a real issue
with the food. We actually have to bring him to
making an appointment for an occupational therapist. Okay, that they're
(01:07):
going to help him, you know, try new foods. He
has like sensory issues. Okay, same thing as Billy's sun. Actually,
Alex who is thirty three years old and still only
eats pizza and French fries and we take he takes
vitamins in the morning, and we do the same thing
with Abel. We give him vitamins, but he has never
tried anything.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (01:26):
But like, I mean, you know, it's funny because my
niece is eight, and I feel like we're I mean,
I'm her parent, but I feel like I'm like getting
a little frustrated with her because I'm like, you're eight,
now start trying.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
Like I understand when you're.
Speaker 4 (01:37):
Like, you know, four or five whatever, like you say,
but now I'm like, you're eight and a half, Like,
let's start trying things instead of just sting.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
I don't like it. Like they don't even try it.
Speaker 4 (01:45):
They say, oh, I don't like that. I'm like, you
didn't even try it yet, Like at least try it out.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
We tried all the tricks from the doctor, like you know,
one bite of a new food every week. Yeah, didn't work.
It didn't work. He has really really crazy sensory issues.
So you know, we struggle with it. But the biggest
thing is just getting calories in him at this point. Yeah,
because my thought process when it's first started happening, you know,
(02:09):
was that if he's hungry, he's gonna.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
Eat, which is true but not really you know.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
And a big issue we have is he gets angry
because he doesn't eat all day. We send him at lunch,
he doesn't eat. He doesn't eat lunch, so he comes
home and by dinner time he gets like really wound up.
Sometimes he'll get angry emotional. It's because he hasn't eaten.
He'll eat and then he'll be fine.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
He's angry, he's angry.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
I know the feeling. I know the feeling. Did you see,
speaking of my son, the joke that he told at school?
Speaker 3 (02:38):
I did it. Honestly. It was funny.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
It was funny.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
That's sure, really funny. Where do you find that one?
Speaker 1 (02:42):
He saw it on? Okay, so this is parenting in
twenty twenty four. Okay, so he has he has YouTube,
but it's all the things are on it can't have switch,
nothing inappropriate. It's for like under thirteen or whatever it is, right,
we have those, but then we didn't know, like we
(03:03):
didn't know like how. But then he started with the shorts.
So now he's watching YouTube shorts, okay, And for some reason,
content was getting through in the shorts that we didn't
want him watching, so we took away the shorts. So
he can only watch YouTube and he really only watches
like roadblocks game stuff, Fortnite videos and stuff. But he
loves the shorts. See there's something with the swiping of
(03:26):
like TikTok. They're addicted to it, and he likes the
fact that these short video short attention span that he
can go through them. But we took them away. But
then the little snake started taking Jem's iPad and going
on those YouTube shorts, right, So then we got into that,
so we.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
Shut that down.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Then, sneak Alik, he was going down to Nannie's house
on her TV when we were upstairs, and Nannie has
no idea what's going on, and he's on her TV
watching YouTube shorts.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
And where do they hear the joke? YouTube shorts?
Speaker 4 (03:58):
By the way, I just say and I have said
this many times, and I'll say it probably for the
rest of our lives. Abel is your caramel. Oh, I know,
look at you and Jen, Oh, I know, lovely adults.
I agree, you guys have became You're a lovely couple.
You're lovely people. You've both worked really hard. Very proud
to know you guys and to see you guys grow
as people even since I've met you. Right, your child
(04:22):
is for every fucking thing you did between like twelve
and twenty five.
Speaker 3 (04:26):
Yeah you know that, right?
Speaker 2 (04:27):
Oh, I know, I know it really is.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
And he's not even that bad. Like he's a nice kid.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
He's not that.
Speaker 4 (04:33):
I wouldn't say he's like horrible. I think he has
some annoying tendency.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
He's made a lot of progress, Yeah, he really has.
I mean we went through some dark times with him.
Yeah yeah, yeah, but he's made a lot of progress.
He's you know, he's he could be.
Speaker 4 (04:45):
He could be worse, like like like he's he's a
nice young boy.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
But still, I mean I think I was probably worse
than he was. You know, in Gen two, we put
our parents through hell so much so that you know,
my news piece then I had on Channel five, Like
my dad never even brought it up to me. Yeah,
it's it's really, body, I don't feel good about it,
but I'm.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
Coming to terms.
Speaker 4 (05:10):
Did he mention it, like, I'm sorry, did you mention
it to him?
Speaker 1 (05:14):
I didn't, and I could and that was one of
the things he does he does. So it aired on
the in November, right, and so yeah, and then that
weekend we went to Vermont, my wife and I. My
dad came up to help with the kids and Nannie.
He slept over the weekend. So it aired. And here's
the thing. You know, so many people and listeners, my family,
(05:37):
my friends all saw it and they were so you know,
they loved it and they reached out. My mom was
very emotional about it. Oh yeah, so super. I mean
her friends were calling long lost friends. I mean, so
many people like saw it and they loved it, which
was great. But the one person that I was hoping
would see it and like talk to me about it
was my father and and he didn't. So when we
(05:59):
got back from Vermont, and he was there, and so
I sat right next to him. We watched football for
a few hours and then he left and and then
I asked my mother in law if he watched it,
and she said, yeah, he did that she asked him
if he saw it.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
He said, oh, yeah, I saw it.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
And I was like, did he say anything else? And
she's like no, and I'm like, I know, we watched it.
So then he's been by every weekend. He comes up
a lot. We hang out, you know what I mean.
He we sit next to each other. He asked about work.
He listens to the show. They'd be like, oh, I
heard that thing Whennie said this week, you know he
listens and yeah. Still so a couple doing a couple
(06:36):
of things. One, it's a generational thing that I believe
he doesn't really know how to, you know, tackle such
an emotional thing. But then the other part of it
is I feel bad because I made amends to him
a long time ago, and I feel like he accepted
that amends, but he's never really internalized all the pain
that I put him through, you know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (06:58):
Well, you have you asked your mom?
Speaker 2 (07:00):
I did. She's very upset.
Speaker 3 (07:01):
What did she say to do?
Speaker 2 (07:02):
Pissed?
Speaker 3 (07:03):
But did she say, like should you mention it to it?
Speaker 4 (07:05):
Like?
Speaker 3 (07:05):
What did your mom suggest?
Speaker 2 (07:06):
She didn't suggest anything.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
She was just like I don't fucking get it, you know,
because I tried doing that thing where I say.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
I put him through a lot and everything, and.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
She goes, fuck that, you've been cleaned for almost seventeen years.
He needs to get over it. Look at what you've
done with your life, and da, da da. And here's
the thing, when he my whole life. When I was
a kid, in growing up and through all my trials
and tribulations, my father would always lecture me and he
would always say, he would beat it into me, like
you need to go to school, you need to get
a good job, you need to do this, you need
(07:35):
to do that.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
And I never did any of it right. And then
I got clean and I did everything.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
I did everything, and I surpassed what he wanted and
I never got a good job.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, And.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
It's really hard, and it's really hard when it's like
that saying where this is really big in recovery. You're
in a room with a thousand people that love you
and this one person you know does not like you,
and you are so focused on that one person that
you don't even look at the other nine hundred and
nine and people.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
So it's like that.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
So there's some suggestions that were made to me by
people that are close to me, like maybe should bring
it up to him, like loosely, yeah, like, oh, Dad,
did you see that the piece?
Speaker 2 (08:09):
Yes, your brother he's very upset too.
Speaker 4 (08:12):
Okay, so they're very upset, right, your brother saw it obviously.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Oh yeah, very emotional, very emotional. But you know they
understand my dad's kind of well.
Speaker 3 (08:20):
I also, this is the thing.
Speaker 4 (08:21):
I obviously don't know your dad too well, but I
think I can kind of get his personality enough that
I feel like he doesn't, like you said, he doesn't
know how to talk about it, Yeah, and he just
avoids it at all costs instead of like having an
emotional conversation about it, because I think it'd be hard
for him.
Speaker 3 (08:37):
Don't you think.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
Maybe I think so.
Speaker 4 (08:39):
I think that's part of it. He seems avoidant from
what I'm gathering him even like like I told you'll
never forget, Like I see him all the time, and
like one time I went to hug him and he
like didn't want me to touch him, and I'm like, oh, okay.
And then your mother, I've only met her once or twice,
and she's so like, come in, you know what I mean. Like, also,
a mother's love and a father's love although similar different,
(08:59):
like I think your mother not like there's nothing to
do to make your I feel like a mother would
not forgive. Dads are a little harder because like you
didn't grow inside them for nine months. I feel like
the connections a little different. Although there's plenty of great
dads out there, like even my dad, like I'm obsessed
with he's great. I love my dad, but like I'm
always gonna pay my fucking mom like that, I was
literally shit a body with her. Like it's just a
(09:20):
different type of love. I think a mother and a
father's love and your mom and dad are very different
people because but I think your dad does it differently,
Like I think he shows you he's proud of you
by like coming around and helping with the kids and
like being a very active grandfather and hanging out with you.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
I don't he can't come out and say.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
He's not gonna come out and say it.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
I know, and I wanted to when he won't do it,
and maybe it actually upsets upsets me.
Speaker 4 (09:41):
Maybe you should have a conversation with him.
Speaker 2 (09:44):
I should.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
I know, I know, I know, I know I should
see him all the time I do. I could easily
have a conversation with him. But then the other part
of me is like, why should I have to drag
it out of him?
Speaker 3 (09:52):
Right?
Speaker 2 (09:52):
He's my father, right, why can't he do it? You know?
And I know there's reasons why. But here's the thing.
I know.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
I put him through so much. I mean I literally
brought him almost to death. I took everything from money,
I mean, awful off, awful right. And I've spent the
last seventeen years trying to make that right.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
But if there was so anybody.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
Could see the story, or you could hear their stories
and be like, wow, justin that's crazy. You went through
all that and look where you are now. But he
actually suck like more than anybody else to.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
See to see you come.
Speaker 4 (10:20):
I mean I always tell you, I know that you
were obviously on drugs and you know, and had like
a lifestyle of prime, but like those are just stories,
like I don't know that justice, yeah, I don't know
this justice yeah. And I'm already so proud of you.
I can't imagine seeing the transformation and being like, oh
my god, like look because I mean I one of
my cousins passed away of a drug overdose and for
(10:42):
ten years, I you know, and I felt bad because
I love him and his sister's like my closest cousin,
and I'm like, I love her and all that, but
I like at some point, you're like, what a bum?
Like he can't is shit together? And like he had
a six figure job. He was smart, and he was
shooting a prolin Like he literally was going to his
sixth figure job and there was needles in his car. Wow,
you know, Like he was a functioning addict and he
(11:04):
couldn't make it through.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
Yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 4 (11:06):
And that and he was in a better spot than you.
Speaker 3 (11:08):
I mean, he had a six figure job. You were
on the streets with nothing.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
Yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
Why addiction doesn't have anything. It doesn't specify it, it doesn't.
Speaker 4 (11:16):
And for you to come out of that being poor
and homeless and getting brush your teeth for a year
and all that and the life that you'd I can't
get over. But the light that you've built for yourself
with Jen has been incredible, and your father's seen it
from literally the ground up, right, And I just don't
think he has the like, the emotional capacity to have
(11:36):
that conversation because in the last seventeen years has he
really had a conversation to do about it.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
No, Okay, now, he came to one of my celebrations.
I think I was eight years clean or something. He
showed up and he was He wasn't drunk, but he
had been drinking. And I wasn't really upset about it.
But I just I felt like he had to do
that to be come to deal with it, to like,
you know, because he knew he was probably going to
hand me.
Speaker 4 (12:00):
Speak I want to oxymoron that he had to get
drunk to come to your clean celebration.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
It's really weird, you know what.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
And he's not an alcoholic. No, he's had his struggles before,
but he doesn't drink anymore. Yeah, he didn't like get sober, right,
So that was kind of weird. But I thought, I
agree with you, But I just really I think I
just put all my hopes in one basket. That's seeing
this piece, Yeah, on such a big level in the
scale that that would bring it out of him, and
it didn't.
Speaker 3 (12:24):
I understand that.
Speaker 4 (12:25):
Obviously, recovery is always going to be a part of
your life. It's a big part of who you are,
right because that's your number one goal, is to stay clean.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
To keep the life that you have.
Speaker 4 (12:34):
But at some point you are not that you don't
have like recovery, like you being in recovery and what
you did before, that's.
Speaker 3 (12:41):
Not how you are anymore.
Speaker 4 (12:42):
You I feel like you don't want to keep answering
for that justin right, because at some point you're on
the path now where you've been clean longer than you
were not clean.
Speaker 3 (12:49):
Right because so, wuld you do drugs for like twelve years?
Speaker 2 (12:52):
Yeah about that?
Speaker 4 (12:53):
Okay, so you've been sober seventeen Yeah, so you are,
like you have now been proven to be that person
way longer than you were that that person. I just
don't believe that you should be penalized for stuff you
did when you were in college and I mean not college,
didn't go to college then, but like high school and
in your young twenties, you've now proven you're not that person.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
Yeah. It's tough. It's tough build a swallow. So I
don't know what I'm gonna do.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
So, yeah, it hurts, but I've been talking about it,
which is what I'm doing now. But I've talked about
it with my close friends and my family. Yeah, and
we'll see.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
Where it goes. Maybe I'll bring it up at the
end of the day. I know he loves me.
Speaker 4 (13:26):
No, I will, Like I said, I think with your dad,
he's more just does it. He can't say it. Yeah,
he's like, I'm proud of you. I'm gonna come to
everything with your kids, and I'm gonna help me with it.
I'm gonna see I'm gonna hang out with you every
weekend and watch football with you and all that. Like
that's his way of saying like I forgive you and
I recognize who you are now.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
But he'll never be like justin I'm so proud.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
That's what the that's what all you want? Yeah, all
you want. I just wanted to be like, I'm so
proud of you.
Speaker 4 (13:49):
And you need you deserve that, and I think you
might unfortunately have to sometimes you have to ask for
what you want. You know.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
It's funny you said my mom and dad are so different. Yeah,
it's so true.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
Like my mom was like literally breaking down crying when
I went to see her, like I'm so proud of you, I.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
Love you so much.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
And then my father says, hey, do you watch the
new Joe Rogan episode? Oh? Man, you know, and I'm like,
what the fuck. So anyway, Yeah, and this was we.
Speaker 3 (14:14):
Did not intend this podcast to be this, but I
think it's a good healing.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Yeah, it's a good healing thing. I feel better every
time I talk about it, so good.
Speaker 4 (14:21):
But I don't think you're gonna feel the best until
you talk to him about it.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
Yeah, okay, I'll report back on what happens. Please do
how's that winny awesome? Listen last went down to the show.
Go check out on the podcast Very Busy. Zarna Garg
was on pop Culture Jeopardy. We played a game All
that could stuff. Go check it out on the iHeart
app where you are probably listening right now. And tomorrow
we will be back to recap the show, and you
never know what we're going to talk about in the
(14:43):
after show.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
Never know.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
That's how it works
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