October 6, 2025 • 4 mins
Allyson wants to perform surgery on herself. Jay and Chelsea think this is a bad idea.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
What is it?
Speaker 2 (00:00):
Shoot? I wish I had my medical music available.
Speaker 3 (00:02):
I don't think I have my God, you should this
medical center.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Medical center is just an emergency. Is it surgery?
Speaker 4 (00:08):
It's an emergency. It's scheduled surgery. I decided actually over
the weekend it needs to happen. I'm just gonna do
it myself. Okay, all right, So backstory here, I'll.
Speaker 3 (00:18):
Give you my phone. Look at the bottom of it.
Feel around. It's all cracked. Oh yeah, my phone screen
is all broken. Oh my gosh. Yeah, what's going on? Yeah,
it falls a lot.
Speaker 4 (00:29):
So it's all like broken glass here whatever this whatever phone?
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Screw walking on your broken glass always so.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
And I'm going to get a new phone soon. I
don't care about it.
Speaker 4 (00:38):
I one habit that's left over from COVID is every
day when I come home from in the house, I
alcohol wipe my phone. Yeah that's fine, so and then
I wipe it off with a ah you know, a
cloth wipe the alcohol wipe. So, like two months ago,
two plus months ago, I'm doing my thing every day
and I my hand runs across the broken parts and
(01:01):
it hurts, and I feel like I cut myself.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
I'm like Okay, that be careful, don't do that again.
Speaker 4 (01:06):
So some weeks go by after this and I'm like, oh,
I must have cut myself a little bit on the
broken edges. Some weeks go by and it hurts again,
and I'm like, well that's weird. That shit along since healed. Well,
I'll show Chelsea. Look right there, you've got glass in
your hand.
Speaker 3 (01:26):
There's a piece of phone screen in my hand. It's
like embedded in there now.
Speaker 4 (01:31):
Yeah, and it can't work its way out because it's
there's no pores here.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
It's under a calag You know how splinters can work
its way up.
Speaker 5 (01:38):
Skin grow over the glass shard.
Speaker 4 (01:40):
Well, it went in where you know your hands are callous?
Do that yourself? Wait, so hold on though, I mean,
it seems like a really dumb reason to make a
doctor's appointment.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
And I can do it myself.
Speaker 4 (01:51):
I'll take a scissor and I'll sterilize it and I'll
make a little incision.
Speaker 3 (01:56):
Because here's what's.
Speaker 4 (01:57):
Gonna happen if I don't get it out of my hand.
Speaker 3 (01:59):
One of two things. This is the only way it
can go.
Speaker 4 (02:01):
Either I'm gonna create a new form of phone screen cancer,
which I will succumb to my god or it's my
origin story, and I will become a superhero because in
my hand is a piece of phone screen.
Speaker 3 (02:15):
That had billions of images transmitted.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
What are you gonna be, glass woman?
Speaker 3 (02:19):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
I don't know what superhero?
Speaker 5 (02:21):
What superhero came out of glass in their hands?
Speaker 4 (02:24):
Well, first of all, it's like glass that's had images
come through it. Maybe my hands will grow to like
eighty times their size.
Speaker 3 (02:32):
I can catch planes falling out of the air. Can
you just go to urgent care and have them take
it out? Please?
Speaker 4 (02:38):
Like I said, it seems like a real dumb reason
to make a doctor's appointment. And did I just not
tell you all my doctor's appointments from now till the
end of the year.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
I got my hands full.
Speaker 5 (02:46):
Okay, hang on, here's why you shouldn't cut the glass
out of your hands.
Speaker 3 (02:51):
Hey.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
One, there's an infection risk.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
Well, I told you I was gonna sterilize this.
Speaker 5 (02:56):
Raking the skin further with a knife, scissors, or even
twe increases your chance of introducing bacteria. Two, you could
damage a nerve or a vessel.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
Yeah, what if you hit a nerve or a vessel? Well,
I don't.
Speaker 4 (03:09):
I don't know, like right under, I don't think there's
any vessels there.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Number three.
Speaker 5 (03:14):
Sometimes the hidden chard isn't the only piece. A medical
professional can x ray and use the proper tools to check.
What you can do right now is wash your hands
with soap, gently, rinse the area with warm water, and
if it's very small superficial like a superficial splinter, you
can sterilize the tweezers.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
I need you to stop squeezing your hand. I can't
try trying to make it come out, but which I
can't because it's not porous. So that's why it can't
work its way out on its own.
Speaker 4 (03:45):
That's why I was like, I'll schedule a surgery up,
you know, at eight am.
Speaker 3 (03:48):
I'll be in and out. Please don't.
Speaker 4 (03:50):
I'll anesthetize the area, sterilize the scissor hydrogen peroxide when
I'm done.
Speaker 3 (03:56):
I'm a good doctor.
Speaker 5 (03:57):
You understand that watching these shows does and make you doc.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
Sort of it. I mean I have some medical skills.
You do see that.
Speaker 4 (04:06):
I at least knew how this operation was gonna go.
I needed scissors, rubbing alcohol.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
How about an exact one night? Maybe that's better At
least it's a little sharper.
Speaker 3 (04:15):
I don't know why I'm encouraging that an appointment.
Speaker 4 (04:17):
I can't, I can't allow I'm going to make a
doctor's appointment and say, please get this shirt of glass
out of my hand.
Speaker 3 (04:24):
I just feel like I can do it.
Speaker 4 (04:25):
I feel like there's a list of do it yourself
surgeries and this would fall under that.
Speaker 3 (04:29):
Being able to see it too. And by the way,
that's been in there since July.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
You couldn't just leave well enough alone, right, You just couldn't.
Speaker 5 (04:36):
You wouldn't let me have my stitches in my cut
in my head. You had to do this now, Alison
has surgery.
Speaker 3 (04:42):
Do you think I'll get breadsticks up?
Speaker 5 (04:47):
We're gonna have blessings for you, and imagine giving back
one can hold praying for you.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
Alison.
Speaker 5 (04:55):
Get wow.
What is it?
Speaker 2 (00:00):
Shoot? I wish I had my medical music available.
Speaker 3 (00:02):
I don't think I have my God, you should this
medical center.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Medical center is just an emergency. Is it surgery?
Speaker 4 (00:08):
It's an emergency. It's scheduled surgery. I decided actually over
the weekend it needs to happen. I'm just gonna do
it myself. Okay, all right, So backstory here, I'll.
Speaker 3 (00:18):
Give you my phone. Look at the bottom of it.
Feel around. It's all cracked. Oh yeah, my phone screen
is all broken. Oh my gosh. Yeah, what's going on? Yeah,
it falls a lot.
Speaker 4 (00:29):
So it's all like broken glass here whatever this whatever phone?
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Screw walking on your broken glass always so.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
And I'm going to get a new phone soon. I
don't care about it.
Speaker 4 (00:38):
I one habit that's left over from COVID is every
day when I come home from in the house, I
alcohol wipe my phone. Yeah that's fine, so and then
I wipe it off with a ah you know, a
cloth wipe the alcohol wipe. So, like two months ago,
two plus months ago, I'm doing my thing every day
and I my hand runs across the broken parts and
(01:01):
it hurts, and I feel like I cut myself.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
I'm like Okay, that be careful, don't do that again.
Speaker 4 (01:06):
So some weeks go by after this and I'm like, oh,
I must have cut myself a little bit on the
broken edges. Some weeks go by and it hurts again,
and I'm like, well that's weird. That shit along since healed. Well,
I'll show Chelsea. Look right there, you've got glass in
your hand.
Speaker 3 (01:26):
There's a piece of phone screen in my hand. It's
like embedded in there now.
Speaker 4 (01:31):
Yeah, and it can't work its way out because it's
there's no pores here.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
It's under a calag You know how splinters can work
its way up.
Speaker 5 (01:38):
Skin grow over the glass shard.
Speaker 4 (01:40):
Well, it went in where you know your hands are callous?
Do that yourself? Wait, so hold on though, I mean,
it seems like a really dumb reason to make a
doctor's appointment.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
And I can do it myself.
Speaker 4 (01:51):
I'll take a scissor and I'll sterilize it and I'll
make a little incision.
Speaker 3 (01:56):
Because here's what's.
Speaker 4 (01:57):
Gonna happen if I don't get it out of my hand.
Speaker 3 (01:59):
One of two things. This is the only way it
can go.
Speaker 4 (02:01):
Either I'm gonna create a new form of phone screen cancer,
which I will succumb to my god or it's my
origin story, and I will become a superhero because in
my hand is a piece of phone screen.
Speaker 3 (02:15):
That had billions of images transmitted.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
What are you gonna be, glass woman?
Speaker 3 (02:19):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
I don't know what superhero?
Speaker 5 (02:21):
What superhero came out of glass in their hands?
Speaker 4 (02:24):
Well, first of all, it's like glass that's had images
come through it. Maybe my hands will grow to like
eighty times their size.
Speaker 3 (02:32):
I can catch planes falling out of the air. Can
you just go to urgent care and have them take
it out? Please?
Speaker 4 (02:38):
Like I said, it seems like a real dumb reason
to make a doctor's appointment. And did I just not
tell you all my doctor's appointments from now till the
end of the year.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
I got my hands full.
Speaker 5 (02:46):
Okay, hang on, here's why you shouldn't cut the glass
out of your hands.
Speaker 3 (02:51):
Hey.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
One, there's an infection risk.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
Well, I told you I was gonna sterilize this.
Speaker 5 (02:56):
Raking the skin further with a knife, scissors, or even
twe increases your chance of introducing bacteria. Two, you could
damage a nerve or a vessel.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
Yeah, what if you hit a nerve or a vessel? Well,
I don't.
Speaker 4 (03:09):
I don't know, like right under, I don't think there's
any vessels there.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Number three.
Speaker 5 (03:14):
Sometimes the hidden chard isn't the only piece. A medical
professional can x ray and use the proper tools to check.
What you can do right now is wash your hands
with soap, gently, rinse the area with warm water, and
if it's very small superficial like a superficial splinter, you
can sterilize the tweezers.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
I need you to stop squeezing your hand. I can't
try trying to make it come out, but which I
can't because it's not porous. So that's why it can't
work its way out on its own.
Speaker 4 (03:45):
That's why I was like, I'll schedule a surgery up,
you know, at eight am.
Speaker 3 (03:48):
I'll be in and out. Please don't.
Speaker 4 (03:50):
I'll anesthetize the area, sterilize the scissor hydrogen peroxide when
I'm done.
Speaker 3 (03:56):
I'm a good doctor.
Speaker 5 (03:57):
You understand that watching these shows does and make you doc.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
Sort of it. I mean I have some medical skills.
You do see that.
Speaker 4 (04:06):
I at least knew how this operation was gonna go.
I needed scissors, rubbing alcohol.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
How about an exact one night? Maybe that's better At
least it's a little sharper.
Speaker 3 (04:15):
I don't know why I'm encouraging that an appointment.
Speaker 4 (04:17):
I can't, I can't allow I'm going to make a
doctor's appointment and say, please get this shirt of glass
out of my hand.
Speaker 3 (04:24):
I just feel like I can do it.
Speaker 4 (04:25):
I feel like there's a list of do it yourself
surgeries and this would fall under that.
Speaker 3 (04:29):
Being able to see it too. And by the way,
that's been in there since July.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
You couldn't just leave well enough alone, right, You just couldn't.
Speaker 5 (04:36):
You wouldn't let me have my stitches in my cut
in my head. You had to do this now, Alison
has surgery.
Speaker 3 (04:42):
Do you think I'll get breadsticks up?
Speaker 5 (04:47):
We're gonna have blessings for you, and imagine giving back
one can hold praying for you.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
Alison.
Speaker 5 (04:55):
Get wow.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.