Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
All right, it is Mojo in the morning. It is
(00:01):
time now for am I the a hole? This is
where you tell us if you are an a hole
or not or I'm sorry. You tell us your situation
and we'll tell you if you're an a hole or not.
In this situation deals with a wedding that is coming up,
and we had to voice disguise this person too.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Initial e.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
So my dad's getting remarried, And would I be the
ahole if I didn't go?
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Would you be an a hole if you didn't go
to your dad's wedding? Which he's getting remarried, so real quick?
Initial e? H mom and dad get divorced? Or what's
the story?
Speaker 3 (00:39):
So my mom died a year ago?
Speaker 1 (00:43):
Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry to hear that it died
a year ago. And when is dad getting married? He's
getting married soon?
Speaker 3 (00:50):
Oh yeah, in a couple of months.
Speaker 4 (00:51):
Oh wow, were they separated for a while or like
she died?
Speaker 1 (00:57):
Oh yeah, my bed she died. Well she's yeah, they've
been separated now for a year.
Speaker 5 (01:02):
Wow, dad moved on very very quickly. Was this somebody
that he or you guys knew when your mom was alive?
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Not that I was aware of.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
So, so dad is getting married a year after your
mom passed away. She died, and you don't want to
go to the wedding because you don't approve of him
getting married so soon.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
Right, I just think it's disrespectful.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
To your mom's memory.
Speaker 5 (01:33):
Yeah, do you like this woman that he's marrying.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
I think I would like her if she wasn't marrying him.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Really well, So you're basically passing the judgment on your
dad on this one here.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
All right, let's talk about this for a second.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
So phone number's eight four to four, Mojo live eight
four four six six five sixty five for eight.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
How long were your mom and dad married.
Speaker 3 (01:53):
Like twenty five years?
Speaker 2 (01:54):
Okay? Are you in your twenties?
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Yeah, okay, So so your parent's been married twenty five
years and and mom passed away and dad is now
getting married a year after your mom passed away. Now,
I will tell you this that as somebody who lost
their mom, I know that this is the toughest thing
in the world. So I'm, you know, telling you in
it's got to be, you know, tough for you. I
(02:18):
don't know if your mom suffered for a little bit
or if it was a tragedy that happened, you know, soon,
but you're never prepared to lose a mom.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
You know, that's that's awful.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
But with that said, I think that most the hardest
thing for me was not when my mom died. It
was when my dad did get married. And it was
similar to this, but not exactly similar. He didn't get
married right away. It took a couple three, you know,
a couple of years later, but he did start dating.
And it's weird because you feel like you're being disrespectful
to your mom. But I'm going to tell you something
(02:50):
as somebody who kind of grew to understand more, I
think that your dad probably is a typical guy that
wants companionship. And I don't necessarily think he's doing anything
bad to the memory of your mom by getting that companionship.
I just think that you are going to be you're
just being protective to your mom. And I'm speaking from
(03:12):
experience on that one.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Have you talked to your dad about this?
Speaker 3 (03:17):
It's hard to I'm just wondering super emotional.
Speaker 6 (03:23):
He's not super emotional.
Speaker 3 (03:26):
No, It's kind of hard for me to talk to
him about feelings.
Speaker 4 (03:29):
Because like he's already lost the love of his life,
and I feel like he would be losing you if
you're not there supporting him on his big day.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
Also, like, do you do you think? Yeah?
Speaker 4 (03:42):
Do you do you think about that at all? Like
what you're what you not being there would mean to.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
I just don't want people there to feel like they
have to handle what I'm going through. I'm afraid that
I would like bring down other people.
Speaker 7 (03:57):
Eat because.
Speaker 3 (03:59):
Even if I could eventually get around to liking her,
this day is going to be really hard.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
Eight four fur Mojoe Live. Let me take some phone
calls and see what listeners think about this. Eight four
four sixty six five six five four eight initial ease.
Dad is getting married and she does not want to
go to the wedding. His wife and E's mom died
a year ago.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
And so it's been a year since he lost his
wife and E's mom.
Speaker 3 (04:32):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
And she just feels like it's too soon, is it?
Speaker 8 (04:35):
Uh?
Speaker 2 (04:35):
Twila?
Speaker 9 (04:38):
Yes, good morning, good morning?
Speaker 2 (04:40):
Is she an a hole?
Speaker 9 (04:42):
First of all? My canos is I am not insensitive?
So I'm on the call her in Aho. However, her grief,
your grief is not your dad's grief. Your journey and
your memory and your mom's legacy is not the same
as it And like Mojo said, it's he wants to
compay he lost the love with life. If he's supposed
to sit and be sad or lonely and not move
(05:06):
on so that you are not sad that I just
think that's selfish. So I want to call her a whole.
I understand grief, but also I think it's selfish.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
Thank you for the call, Derek. What's up? It's Mojoe
in the morning. What do you think? So, Hi, Derek?
Do you think Hi?
Speaker 10 (05:23):
Good morning.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
Do you think this daughter is an ahole for not
going to her dad's wedding? No?
Speaker 11 (05:28):
I don't think so, because if you can picture it,
usually in most cases you have people that will connect
with someone that's been around the family or close to
the person when the mom was alive. So when usually
when they go off to have another relationship, that mom
already knew about that person or has known them before.
So sometimes that helps, like the grieving process. But if
you're going out and you're finding someone else, now you
(05:50):
know new she's not the a hole?
Speaker 7 (05:53):
Is that?
Speaker 4 (05:53):
The situation is this woman has she been around the
family at all.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Yeah, let me let me pick her up real quick. E.
This woman did she know you guys at all? Or
is a complete stranger that your dad met.
Speaker 3 (06:04):
I didn't know her very well. I could have heard
about her, but and it's everything I was going to
think about my mom. I wasn't trying to make the connections,
so I don't know if my mom knew her at all.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
So it wasn't like it was a relative or Yeah.
Let me ask Mickey, do you think he's an a
hole for not going to her dad's wedding.
Speaker 8 (06:33):
I don't think she's an a whole. I think she's hurting.
But I think if she gives it some thought, if
her parents had a good marriage, her mom would watch
her dad to be happy. Yeah, and that she ought
to keep that in mind and go, she'll regretted if
she doesn't.
Speaker 5 (06:49):
That's what I keep thinking, is I think it would.
And I've never been in this situation, so I'm you know,
I'm not speaking from experience here, and I can't imagine
how hard it would be to sit there and watch
her day. I add, marry someone who's not your mom.
But I think that if she does come to develop
a relationship with this woman in the future, this would
(07:10):
be something that.
Speaker 6 (07:11):
She regretted not being there for her dad and for them.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
Mickey Wirett, what's making you emotional?
Speaker 10 (07:18):
I just it makes me hurt.
Speaker 8 (07:20):
I know other people who've been through it.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
Okay, because I was. You know, it speaks from experience.
Speaker 8 (07:26):
Oh no, but you know decisions have a long lasting aspect.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
Yeah, can I Can I say something though, and this
is in fairness to her, and she says that she
hasn't even really had conversations with her dad about her
grieving with us, saying, I think one of the things
that I hold against my dad and have had to
go to therapy for was that my dad never grieved
with us as kids. And I think your responsibility as
(07:51):
a parent is to help your kids deal with it,
and our responsibility as kids is to see our parents grieve.
And I think that you know, we're not. I don't
think we as kids should have to console our parents
who lost somebody. I think it's, you know, the parents'
responsibility to be there. And if he hasn't done that
with her, and it sounds like he hasn't, I think
(08:14):
he needs to focus on that before he gets married.
I don't think she's an a hole at all. I
wish that she would make the choice of going to
the wedding, but I also think that the dad needs
to know beforehand of what her reasoning is of her
feeling like she's not, you know, been able to grieve mom,
and I think dad might make a different choice of
(08:35):
how he chooses to have conversations with his daughter because
some men don't ever express their grief at all because
they just were never able to do that. And my
dad was one of those guys. You know, I didn't
see my dad grieve until years later when I asked
him questions about my mom, and it was literally more
than a decade later, and he had been married to
(08:57):
his wife or you know sometime where he just told
me about how hard it was on him. And honestly,
I will say this to you, I think it as
a kid who was fourteen at the time that that happened.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
This girl is in her twenties.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
I think that you need to have those conversations when
your parent passes away.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
Courtney, what do you think?
Speaker 7 (09:18):
I don't think she's an a hole. I personally think
that a year is too short to get remarried after
your spouse dies. Yeah, I mean I couldn't picture myself
jumping into a marriage a year later after my spouse dies.
I mean, I feel like i'd be upset too if
I was her, because I feel like that's not long
(09:38):
enough to grieve.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
And I think, honestly, for daughters, it's harder even when
you lose a mom like that, because you're the woman
that's trying to protect your father. Juliana, what's going on?
Speaker 10 (09:52):
Hey, guys, So my corment is so my mom died
in two thousand and eight and I was very young,
and I gave my dad crap for years about ever
bringing another woman around. And now he is sixty five,
about to retire, and he's lonely and he doesn't want
to bring another woman around because of how I was
(10:16):
in the in you know, in the past. And I
also feel like she's definitely not an a hole. But
you also have to realize that your dad has been
there through all of the relationship fails that you've ever
been through. So whether this fails or not, you still
have to stick with him. He never, you know, gave.
Speaker 9 (10:35):
You crap about who you dated. If he did, he
still let you.
Speaker 10 (10:39):
But you know this is just something. People grieve differently,
you know, like some people have grief not come until
later on.
Speaker 8 (10:49):
You know.
Speaker 10 (10:49):
So if this is how he wants to grieve and
this is how he wants to get over something, you
kind of just have to let him. You know, this
is just how he's this is how he's reacting. You're
react acting different and you can't be mad at him
for reacting different than.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
You and I.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
And that's from somebody who gave their dad crap for
moving on. How fast did your dad move on.
Speaker 10 (11:10):
Mine?
Speaker 2 (11:11):
Yeah?
Speaker 9 (11:12):
Oh he hasn't.
Speaker 10 (11:13):
He's still home alone. He doesn't have any relation. He's
never had a girlfriend. My mom's been gone since two
thousand and eight. It's been almost twenty years since.
Speaker 9 (11:22):
He's been gone.
Speaker 10 (11:23):
He's never had a relationship, he's never brought anyone around.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
Why do you think, Why do you think that your
dad didn't do any of this stuff because you felt
like he was dishonoring your mom?
Speaker 6 (11:31):
Well, yeah, but.
Speaker 10 (11:33):
Opinion, to be honest, I think it was me a lot.
But I also ask him about it now that I'm
older and grown up, and his response to me is
that my mom was the love of his life. He'll
never find somebody like that, and he doesn't want to try.
He said that he'd rather die alone than get into
(11:54):
another relationship with somebody that's not my mom.
Speaker 6 (11:56):
Oh my god, that breaks my heart.
Speaker 5 (11:58):
I also, because we've said it a few times, move on,
move on. He's moving on so quickly. And one of
my very best friends, who who lost close family, who
lost a brother, has always said to me, you know,
when it comes to death, it's not necessarily people feeling
(12:19):
the need to move on.
Speaker 6 (12:21):
They feel the need to live on.
Speaker 5 (12:23):
And I wonder if you shift your perspective E and
see your dad living on instead of moving on from
your mom here.
Speaker 3 (12:33):
Yeah, that does make sense. I definitely am glad that
he is find enjoying something. It's just hard for me
to get there.
Speaker 6 (12:44):
Yeah, and so I'm having a hard.
Speaker 3 (12:45):
Time understanding how quickly he got there.
Speaker 6 (12:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
I think you need to have the conversation with your
dad before you just don't show up to the wedding.
And I think it needs to be something like where
you don't say I'm not going to the wedding, but
you say this wedding is making it really hard for me,
and let your dad explain himself before you give him
the I'm not going to the wedding because if you're
going to put him on the defensive once you say that,
and then the moment that you say that, he's not
(13:11):
going to hear anything other than you don't like my
future wife, and it's it sounds to me it's not
about that. It's about the fact that you feel like
you are dishonoring your mom. Right, okay, and let us
know what happens. I will and Kennyetta, I was listening,
but I was also running something and the controls here,
(13:31):
so I missed what she said. She goes, Mojo doesn't listen.
Speaker 6 (13:35):
You're right, I don't, and I
Speaker 2 (13:37):
Think, Kenyetta, I'm not listening to you right now at all,