Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Smoke Joe in the morning.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
So my wife and I do a thing called the
We Donme Podcast, and we just did our first episode
in a long time, and it came right after we
got into a fight with each other, which I think
that that's when the podcast gets more real.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
When the we dome podcast is.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Done and we are oh, everything's good, We're happy, this
is all wonderful.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
The podcast to me is, eh, whatever, it's okay.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Right after a fight where she and I were in
complete silence for an hour and seventeen minute drive from
dropping Luke off at Michigan State to coming home to
our house. She was driving and she was in control
of the aux cord. She turned all the music down completely,
so we had to sit in complete silence for that
(00:45):
entire time.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Ah, you know, silence is tough for me. It was
very very tough.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Well, in all honesty, and just to talk about this,
I am a horrible fighter and I am a horrible communicator.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
Chelsea is actually a plus at this. She's very very good.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
She has learned over the years through her parents' relationship
but also through probably you know, tons of tiktoks in
reels that you know what some things are better left
to not say. And I am not. I'm one of
those people that I have to verbalize everything and I
honestly don't even know what I'm saying. I have to
go listen back to my words to realize the things
(01:29):
that I said. We were talking about the use of
the D word, and if you're somebody that has ever
fought with your significant other and have pulled out the
D word in the middle of the fight, you're making
a huge, huge mistake. And this is something that our
therapist told us. A spouse should never use the D
word divorce during an argument unless this is a serious
(01:53):
consideration and is not being said in just anger.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
The reason it's harmful.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
It opens the door for divorce and other things that
potentially could come up.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
And I do it.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
And I'm going to play for you guys a clip
from the podcast so that you guys can hear this.
But I want to ask this question to the listeners.
Who's in a relationship where the D word has come up?
And I want to know your thoughts on this and
how you guys were able to get through it. But
also I'd like to know what were you fighting over, Like,
what was your fighting over when all of a sudden,
the person said, maybe we should get divorced, because I'm
(02:28):
usually the person that does that, and I got to
stop doing it.
Speaker 3 (02:31):
But I think with our cycle is this is.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
From the podcast that we don't podcast on.
Speaker 3 (02:36):
There heard right, that happens and then words are said,
threats are made, and then it's like trying to okay
because I I am just done with the and I
said to you, can we just not not even not
say the word divorce? But can we not? When we're fighting?
(02:58):
Does it always have to go back to like how
I always say when you fight in the sandbox, I'm
taking all my toys and I'm going home because it's
all or nothing with you. And I get you are
emotional at that point and it's all or nothing. And
when we're upset, we say things that we don't mean.
And but and I say things too that I don't mean,
(03:24):
So I don't want people to think that I don't.
I'm like staying here, this innocent girl in a corner
because you're using words. I just don't fight that way.
I don't use hurtful words.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Fine, yeah, so we get into it more, we talk
about what the fight was about.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
You can go listen to it. It's the latest episode
of that podcast.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
I have said to Chelsea, and one of the things
I said to her was sometimes when we get into fights,
I sit there and I wonder, are we meant to
be together?
Speaker 1 (03:58):
We've been together for thirty plus years. Why would that
even be a question.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
But then I think about that because you're in a
fight with somebody that you love, but somebody that at
that moment you are now questioning part of the relationship.
And I think that you got to be really, really careful.
And for those that are just dating, the D word
is we need to break up, or we need to
we need to separate or whatever. There's obviously other words
(04:25):
that are out there, and the hardest part is coming
back from stuff like that.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
You don't forget it, no forget Can you married?
Speaker 4 (04:32):
Like I remember when I preach my first sermon, the
title was trust in what you know and not what
you're going through when you're married. How do you have
that perspective to trust in like the reason why you
guys got to the altar and not focus on what's
happening right now, because that's the thing I feel like
when you're dat, dating gets you to the altar. But
like when y'all have those vowals and y'all say the
(04:53):
for better or for worse, the worst is like what's
about to come, not what you've already experienced.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
In most cases, how do you keep that perspective's.
Speaker 5 (05:00):
That's a really good question, and I would answer it
from more so of a biblical perspective of But it
doesn't even have.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
To be that.
Speaker 5 (05:08):
But like in a faith based discussion, it's a goatbe love.
You wake up every single morning and you choose to
love that person.
Speaker 6 (05:17):
Let's be real.
Speaker 5 (05:18):
Sometimes it like it's there, you love them, it was
a natural thing that got you together and got you
to that point. But sometimes you wake up and you
very much have to make a choice of this is
my person and I am choosing to love them through
whatever the heck we are going through. And some days
that is way tougher than others. But that is part
of that is the commitment that you have made to
one another.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
If honestly, if faith wasn't in our relationship, I don't
think we would have been together. We would have left
a long time ago. Also, if kids weren't in our
relationship too weird, that is well, the faith because believe
that that we got brought together through the faith of
a higher power. And I think that because there's honestly,
there's times you see the ugly in somebody more so
(05:59):
than you see the beauty in somebody when you're especially
in a bad place, and I think it's kind of like,
all right, God is what is the reason why we
are doing this? Like what is going on? And it's
also the covenant for us, realizing that we made a
covenant to each other that we're gonna we're gonna be
together and we're gonna, you know, we're gonna.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Love each other.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
And I think that if I didn't have well, a
lot of things, if I didn't have faith, I probably
wouldn't be here at work right now today.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
I'd take a sick date and go home.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
But I you know what I mean, there's a lot
of things I think that kids, on the other hand,
and this is weird because my kids are grown, I
think if kids weren't the case, I said this to Chelsea.
I looked at her and I said, a lot of
things that keep me together with you is knowing that
if you weren't with me, and I would hit somebody
else with me, I'd roll over the whole time.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
Going you remember and go, oh you don't. You weren't
there at that time.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
That thing depresses me, like it depresses me to be
able to know that if she wasn't with me, I
couldn't do the Oh my god, you know, and I
know you can start new memories with another person, but
those old memories would be together.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Is it tough for you? It's so tough.
Speaker 5 (07:07):
And I'll tell you second time around. And Wes and
I actually got into a pretty a pretty deep argument recently,
and I was the one who said, are we even compatible?
Like maybe we should just blow this whole thing up.
And because I know I can, I know I can
do it. I know I can be by myself. I've
done it before, and that's what's really scary. And we
(07:29):
we had to have a whole discussion of like that
word we know better off the table, that thought off
the table.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
It has to be.
Speaker 6 (07:36):
But you're never going to be compatible with somebody all
of the time.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
Well that's the thing you have to understand. And honestly,
you have to understand that because a lot of times
the first thing that you want to do is when
you're not compatible is run and.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
Something hard, yeah, or something it's hard.
Speaker 4 (07:50):
And that makes me think of what Shannon was saying,
where it's a choice at that point.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
Yeah, Jay wants to be voice disguised. That's your initial
what's going on?
Speaker 1 (07:57):
Jay? Yeah?
Speaker 7 (07:59):
So more often than not, I find myself saying the
words are saying asking why are we even doing this?
Or why are you even here? Or should we even
continue this thing? And I feel like that is very
relatable to the D word.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
Yeah, And it.
Speaker 7 (08:18):
Makes me feel terrible for saying so I definitely get
what Shannon point. Shannon's point is like saying things that
are even closely related can often be or feel the same.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
Well, and I have said that a lot, Jay, And
let me tell you, after you say it so much,
it's like, you know, picking at scabs and stuff like that,
you don't you don't you know it hasn't That word
has no meaning anymore, or that phrase has no meaning
anymore to the person that you're in a relationship with
because you're using that so much. And that's what Chelsea
(08:56):
was explaining to me when we were talking about that.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
What's up Robin?
Speaker 8 (09:00):
I Okay, I was married for thirty years, and when
we get in an argument, my husband would always say that,
you know, I want a divorce, and he'd say, there's
the door, and he could get me during arguments, and
I would hold my cool because I know how I
want to treat people. Well. Then he passed away six
months ago.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
Oh my god, we didn't know who was.
Speaker 8 (09:23):
I know he had two weeks and he's like, we
just found out, he has two weeks left. And he
kept apologizing. He's sorry for the way he treated me.
He's sorry for the arguments getting heated the way they did,
but he was brought up that way, so he thought
it was okay. Now that he's gone, I said, well,
why did you have to be like that? Why couldn't
you be nicer? And you regret the words, So you
(09:47):
try to learn how you communicate in your arguments because
it'll linger afterwards. Linger.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
I wonder if through therapy, though, you could realize that
he he stuck around and he was with you because
he did love you, and that was just and it's
true and I.
Speaker 8 (10:03):
And I wasn't going to take therapy, and now I thought, no,
there's one at the church.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
Take it.
Speaker 9 (10:07):
Take the grief support. Because even though you.
Speaker 8 (10:10):
Think you're dealing with it. There's things that no, you're not.
Go get the help you need take care of it.
But you know, when you're you're in a marriage, you
love that person, you stay with them for better or
for worse. But it's those words like they just linger
and you gotta learn. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
Wow, we're so sorry. Thank you for sharing with us, Rob, Yeah,
I appreciate you. What's up, Turner, It's Mojo in the morning.
What's going on?
Speaker 10 (10:35):
Hey? First time? Hey, I just want to let you know, man,
that divorce word is bad. Words have power and they
have energy. And then going through counseling, Uh, you know,
the counselor said, you know, everybody thinks the grass is
greener on the other side, but in order to get
(10:55):
green grass, you have to have water, which means it
is going to be raining and you are also have
to have fertilizer has pooling it, which some days are
going to be bad, but you'll get through it. So
thinking that you could be single and be out there
and do it all good, Yeah, the grass and may
look green, but all you're doing is just going into
other problems.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
I feel like you and cav would be great friends.
You guys have great analogies, like it's awesome, but you
get it when you think about that. And I'm telling you, man,
we went through some poop last week, like we were
going through some fertilizer, and and we're still you know,
you still go through it. It doesn't end right then
and there. I think also the other thing too, is
(11:38):
I think that the everything around you affects you too.
And it's not just your marriage. It's the environment, it's
your work, it's your you know, uh ride home from work, you.
Speaker 5 (11:50):
Know, and your partners always on the receiving end.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
Of it, believing.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
Fortunately Chelsea, Chelsea bears every bed of my injury that
I'm going through right now, the changes we've had on
our show, all that stuff coming up.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
Hey, what's going on?
Speaker 8 (12:07):
Who?
Speaker 1 (12:07):
What's up? Elize?
Speaker 7 (12:09):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (12:09):
Hi, who's voices were you talking about? I want to know,
are you hearing voices?
Speaker 11 (12:14):
Well? Maybe at this point in my life, I don't know.
It's my little people in the backseat.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
Oh what's going on?
Speaker 11 (12:20):
So I just wanted to say that for a marriage,
I grew up in a very like dysfunctional home and
I didn't even know what a healthy marriage looked like.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
So I feel like.
Speaker 11 (12:28):
Every day I'm learning how to actually live in a good,
healthy marriage.
Speaker 8 (12:33):
So I'm but I'm always the one that.
Speaker 11 (12:35):
When when push comes to shove, I'm like, I can
just leave if that's how it's going to be, and
I like fly off the cuff and just want to go.
But when I sit back and I realize you said
something about like environment and things like that, I have
to like strip everything away and remember like when we
go away for an anniversary or it's just us, Like
we'll go to mac and Island and we'll be there
for like three days, and we are obsessed with each other,
(12:57):
like I say, physically, emotionally mentally like it's a blast.
It's when you're home and you've got the four kids
and we run a business three day animals and yeah,
see everyday pile up where you're just like I don't
like you can you but it's not. You really can't
live that way. You've got to be able to strip
it back and say, do I genuinely like this human
(13:17):
being or is it just the scenario that we're in?
Is it just the situation? And that's helped me a
lot to stay Otherwise I can promise you it's been
like peace out a long time ago.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
Well, and it is interesting because I will say that
Chelse and I have had some amazing times the last
couple of years, and a lot, you know, gets brought
on by things that happen in your family. I think
that absence does make the heart grow fonder. And I
do believe that when you are like when she's not
here or if I'm not here, like if work keeps
(13:47):
us away from each other and I come back, I'm like,
oh my god, I love this. And when we're not together,
you call and miss each other and you talk to
each other. It's almost kind of like we need to
be in different residences.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
I don't know.
Speaker 7 (14:01):
Marriages.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
That's a question though.
Speaker 4 (14:03):
Do you want something absence to be your consistent No,
you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (14:09):
Like, how can you grow and love through absence?
Speaker 9 (14:12):
Well?
Speaker 2 (14:12):
I think it's what at least was saying is it's
those times when you're together in things that become the
you know, the every day that you've got to try
to figure out how can I bring those mackinaw Island moments.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
Yep.
Speaker 12 (14:26):
Due to that, I don't believe we are meant to
be with people all the time. And I don't mean
like relationships need to end. I think people just need space.
And I think people have been conditioned to be together
because it was a survival mechanism that we do. We
no longer need like you to go high and me
to go gather and for us to come together.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
We don't need that anymore.
Speaker 6 (14:45):
I feel like we need space. We spend so much
time with you.
Speaker 5 (14:47):
You know what's so funny is Wes and I are
kind of on the other end of this right now,
because you need We spend so much time apart during
the week with our schedules, even on the weekends. So
when we have like a chunk of two days that
we can spend together, that actually brings us closer together.
But that's the season of life that we're in right now.
Speaker 12 (15:05):
But what I'm talking about is a medium, like in
between what you do and what other like other marriages
maybe that we're talking about, where you're together constantly, especially
since COVID and people working from home.
Speaker 6 (15:15):
I'm like, I feel like people just need more space.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
From each other.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
Yeah, I think Michelle has a great, uh summarization. I
guess of this because we talked about this. Chelsea and
I did in that podcast that we don't podcast that
we just put out. Michelle, go ahead and say what
you told us.
Speaker 9 (15:32):
I saw us saying once. That really stuck in my mind.
And I've been married going on forty six years.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
Now, Wow, forty six years with the same person. Aren't
you bored?
Speaker 8 (15:44):
No?
Speaker 9 (15:45):
Actually, you know with the empty nest syndrome. Now we
find things to do.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
And you know, do you run around the house naked
all the time?
Speaker 9 (15:52):
Well?
Speaker 1 (15:53):
No, oh, okay, all right, we do have neighbors gardening
and what's going on? What would say? What you? What
you off?
Speaker 9 (16:01):
Okay? So the same marriage is just two imperfect people
refusing to give up on each other.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
Oh yeah, yeah, And I thought that was.
Speaker 9 (16:11):
So classic because there's no perfect person, there's no perfect marriage,
and it's easy to walk away, you know, it's harder
to stick together, but you know, people do it, and
I think that's a great thing.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
Yeah, and should run I don't know if you saw
the bottom part of that run around the house naked
now that you don't have to worry about your kids being.
Speaker 9 (16:30):
There, Well, maybe we'll try that too, right right?
Speaker 8 (16:35):
I like that?
Speaker 1 (16:37):
All right? Oh you do not want to see me naked?
Right now, it's awful.
Smoke Joe in the morning.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
So my wife and I do a thing called the
We Donme Podcast, and we just did our first episode
in a long time, and it came right after we
got into a fight with each other, which I think
that that's when the podcast gets more real.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
When the we dome podcast is.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Done and we are oh, everything's good, We're happy, this
is all wonderful.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
The podcast to me is, eh, whatever, it's okay.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Right after a fight where she and I were in
complete silence for an hour and seventeen minute drive from
dropping Luke off at Michigan State to coming home to
our house. She was driving and she was in control
of the aux cord. She turned all the music down completely,
so we had to sit in complete silence for that
(00:45):
entire time.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Ah, you know, silence is tough for me. It was
very very tough.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Well, in all honesty, and just to talk about this,
I am a horrible fighter and I am a horrible communicator.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
Chelsea is actually a plus at this. She's very very good.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
She has learned over the years through her parents' relationship
but also through probably you know, tons of tiktoks in
reels that you know what some things are better left
to not say. And I am not. I'm one of
those people that I have to verbalize everything and I
honestly don't even know what I'm saying. I have to
go listen back to my words to realize the things
(01:29):
that I said. We were talking about the use of
the D word, and if you're somebody that has ever
fought with your significant other and have pulled out the
D word in the middle of the fight, you're making
a huge, huge mistake. And this is something that our
therapist told us. A spouse should never use the D
word divorce during an argument unless this is a serious
(01:53):
consideration and is not being said in just anger.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
The reason it's harmful.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
It opens the door for divorce and other things that
potentially could come up.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
And I do it.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
And I'm going to play for you guys a clip
from the podcast so that you guys can hear this.
But I want to ask this question to the listeners.
Who's in a relationship where the D word has come up?
And I want to know your thoughts on this and
how you guys were able to get through it. But
also I'd like to know what were you fighting over, Like,
what was your fighting over when all of a sudden,
the person said, maybe we should get divorced, because I'm
(02:28):
usually the person that does that, and I got to
stop doing it.
Speaker 3 (02:31):
But I think with our cycle is this is.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
From the podcast that we don't podcast on.
Speaker 3 (02:36):
There heard right, that happens and then words are said,
threats are made, and then it's like trying to okay
because I I am just done with the and I
said to you, can we just not not even not
say the word divorce? But can we not? When we're fighting?
(02:58):
Does it always have to go back to like how
I always say when you fight in the sandbox, I'm
taking all my toys and I'm going home because it's
all or nothing with you. And I get you are
emotional at that point and it's all or nothing. And
when we're upset, we say things that we don't mean.
And but and I say things too that I don't mean,
(03:24):
So I don't want people to think that I don't.
I'm like staying here, this innocent girl in a corner
because you're using words. I just don't fight that way.
I don't use hurtful words.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Fine, yeah, so we get into it more, we talk
about what the fight was about.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
You can go listen to it. It's the latest episode
of that podcast.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
I have said to Chelsea, and one of the things
I said to her was sometimes when we get into fights,
I sit there and I wonder, are we meant to
be together?
Speaker 1 (03:58):
We've been together for thirty plus years. Why would that
even be a question.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
But then I think about that because you're in a
fight with somebody that you love, but somebody that at
that moment you are now questioning part of the relationship.
And I think that you got to be really, really careful.
And for those that are just dating, the D word
is we need to break up, or we need to
we need to separate or whatever. There's obviously other words
(04:25):
that are out there, and the hardest part is coming
back from stuff like that.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
You don't forget it, no forget Can you married?
Speaker 4 (04:32):
Like I remember when I preach my first sermon, the
title was trust in what you know and not what
you're going through when you're married. How do you have
that perspective to trust in like the reason why you
guys got to the altar and not focus on what's
happening right now, because that's the thing I feel like
when you're dat, dating gets you to the altar. But
like when y'all have those vowals and y'all say the
(04:53):
for better or for worse, the worst is like what's
about to come, not what you've already experienced.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
In most cases, how do you keep that perspective's.
Speaker 5 (05:00):
That's a really good question, and I would answer it
from more so of a biblical perspective of But it
doesn't even have.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
To be that.
Speaker 5 (05:08):
But like in a faith based discussion, it's a goatbe love.
You wake up every single morning and you choose to
love that person.
Speaker 6 (05:17):
Let's be real.
Speaker 5 (05:18):
Sometimes it like it's there, you love them, it was
a natural thing that got you together and got you
to that point. But sometimes you wake up and you
very much have to make a choice of this is
my person and I am choosing to love them through
whatever the heck we are going through. And some days
that is way tougher than others. But that is part
of that is the commitment that you have made to
one another.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
If honestly, if faith wasn't in our relationship, I don't
think we would have been together. We would have left
a long time ago. Also, if kids weren't in our
relationship too weird, that is well, the faith because believe
that that we got brought together through the faith of
a higher power. And I think that because there's honestly,
there's times you see the ugly in somebody more so
(05:59):
than you see the beauty in somebody when you're especially
in a bad place, and I think it's kind of like,
all right, God is what is the reason why we
are doing this? Like what is going on? And it's
also the covenant for us, realizing that we made a
covenant to each other that we're gonna we're gonna be
together and we're gonna, you know, we're gonna.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Love each other.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
And I think that if I didn't have well, a
lot of things, if I didn't have faith, I probably
wouldn't be here at work right now today.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
I'd take a sick date and go home.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
But I you know what I mean, there's a lot
of things I think that kids, on the other hand,
and this is weird because my kids are grown, I
think if kids weren't the case, I said this to Chelsea.
I looked at her and I said, a lot of
things that keep me together with you is knowing that
if you weren't with me, and I would hit somebody
else with me, I'd roll over the whole time.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
Going you remember and go, oh you don't. You weren't
there at that time.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
That thing depresses me, like it depresses me to be
able to know that if she wasn't with me, I
couldn't do the Oh my god, you know, and I
know you can start new memories with another person, but
those old memories would be together.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Is it tough for you? It's so tough.
Speaker 5 (07:07):
And I'll tell you second time around. And Wes and
I actually got into a pretty a pretty deep argument recently,
and I was the one who said, are we even compatible?
Like maybe we should just blow this whole thing up.
And because I know I can, I know I can
do it. I know I can be by myself. I've
done it before, and that's what's really scary. And we
(07:29):
we had to have a whole discussion of like that
word we know better off the table, that thought off
the table.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
It has to be.
Speaker 6 (07:36):
But you're never going to be compatible with somebody all
of the time.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
Well that's the thing you have to understand. And honestly,
you have to understand that because a lot of times
the first thing that you want to do is when
you're not compatible is run and.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
Something hard, yeah, or something it's hard.
Speaker 4 (07:50):
And that makes me think of what Shannon was saying,
where it's a choice at that point.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
Yeah, Jay wants to be voice disguised. That's your initial
what's going on?
Speaker 1 (07:57):
Jay? Yeah?
Speaker 7 (07:59):
So more often than not, I find myself saying the
words are saying asking why are we even doing this?
Or why are you even here? Or should we even
continue this thing? And I feel like that is very
relatable to the D word.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
Yeah, And it.
Speaker 7 (08:18):
Makes me feel terrible for saying so I definitely get
what Shannon point. Shannon's point is like saying things that
are even closely related can often be or feel the same.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
Well, and I have said that a lot, Jay, And
let me tell you, after you say it so much,
it's like, you know, picking at scabs and stuff like that,
you don't you don't you know it hasn't That word
has no meaning anymore, or that phrase has no meaning
anymore to the person that you're in a relationship with
because you're using that so much. And that's what Chelsea
(08:56):
was explaining to me when we were talking about that.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
What's up Robin?
Speaker 8 (09:00):
I Okay, I was married for thirty years, and when
we get in an argument, my husband would always say that,
you know, I want a divorce, and he'd say, there's
the door, and he could get me during arguments, and
I would hold my cool because I know how I
want to treat people. Well. Then he passed away six
months ago.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
Oh my god, we didn't know who was.
Speaker 8 (09:23):
I know he had two weeks and he's like, we
just found out, he has two weeks left. And he
kept apologizing. He's sorry for the way he treated me.
He's sorry for the arguments getting heated the way they did,
but he was brought up that way, so he thought
it was okay. Now that he's gone, I said, well,
why did you have to be like that? Why couldn't
you be nicer? And you regret the words, So you
(09:47):
try to learn how you communicate in your arguments because
it'll linger afterwards. Linger.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
I wonder if through therapy, though, you could realize that
he he stuck around and he was with you because
he did love you, and that was just and it's
true and I.
Speaker 8 (10:03):
And I wasn't going to take therapy, and now I thought, no,
there's one at the church.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
Take it.
Speaker 9 (10:07):
Take the grief support. Because even though you.
Speaker 8 (10:10):
Think you're dealing with it. There's things that no, you're not.
Go get the help you need take care of it.
But you know, when you're you're in a marriage, you
love that person, you stay with them for better or
for worse. But it's those words like they just linger
and you gotta learn. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
Wow, we're so sorry. Thank you for sharing with us, Rob, Yeah,
I appreciate you. What's up, Turner, It's Mojo in the morning.
What's going on?
Speaker 10 (10:35):
Hey? First time? Hey, I just want to let you know, man,
that divorce word is bad. Words have power and they
have energy. And then going through counseling, Uh, you know,
the counselor said, you know, everybody thinks the grass is
greener on the other side, but in order to get
(10:55):
green grass, you have to have water, which means it
is going to be raining and you are also have
to have fertilizer has pooling it, which some days are
going to be bad, but you'll get through it. So
thinking that you could be single and be out there
and do it all good, Yeah, the grass and may
look green, but all you're doing is just going into
other problems.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
I feel like you and cav would be great friends.
You guys have great analogies, like it's awesome, but you
get it when you think about that. And I'm telling you, man,
we went through some poop last week, like we were
going through some fertilizer, and and we're still you know,
you still go through it. It doesn't end right then
and there. I think also the other thing too, is
(11:38):
I think that the everything around you affects you too.
And it's not just your marriage. It's the environment, it's
your work, it's your you know, uh ride home from work, you.
Speaker 5 (11:50):
Know, and your partners always on the receiving end.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
Of it, believing.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
Fortunately Chelsea, Chelsea bears every bed of my injury that
I'm going through right now, the changes we've had on
our show, all that stuff coming up.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
Hey, what's going on?
Speaker 8 (12:07):
Who?
Speaker 1 (12:07):
What's up? Elize?
Speaker 7 (12:09):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (12:09):
Hi, who's voices were you talking about? I want to know,
are you hearing voices?
Speaker 11 (12:14):
Well? Maybe at this point in my life, I don't know.
It's my little people in the backseat.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
Oh what's going on?
Speaker 11 (12:20):
So I just wanted to say that for a marriage,
I grew up in a very like dysfunctional home and
I didn't even know what a healthy marriage looked like.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
So I feel like.
Speaker 11 (12:28):
Every day I'm learning how to actually live in a good,
healthy marriage.
Speaker 8 (12:33):
So I'm but I'm always the one that.
Speaker 11 (12:35):
When when push comes to shove, I'm like, I can
just leave if that's how it's going to be, and
I like fly off the cuff and just want to go.
But when I sit back and I realize you said
something about like environment and things like that, I have
to like strip everything away and remember like when we
go away for an anniversary or it's just us, Like
we'll go to mac and Island and we'll be there
for like three days, and we are obsessed with each other,
(12:57):
like I say, physically, emotionally mentally like it's a blast.
It's when you're home and you've got the four kids
and we run a business three day animals and yeah,
see everyday pile up where you're just like I don't
like you can you but it's not. You really can't
live that way. You've got to be able to strip
it back and say, do I genuinely like this human
(13:17):
being or is it just the scenario that we're in?
Is it just the situation? And that's helped me a
lot to stay Otherwise I can promise you it's been
like peace out a long time ago.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
Well, and it is interesting because I will say that
Chelse and I have had some amazing times the last
couple of years, and a lot, you know, gets brought
on by things that happen in your family. I think
that absence does make the heart grow fonder. And I
do believe that when you are like when she's not
here or if I'm not here, like if work keeps
(13:47):
us away from each other and I come back, I'm like,
oh my god, I love this. And when we're not together,
you call and miss each other and you talk to
each other. It's almost kind of like we need to
be in different residences.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
I don't know.
Speaker 7 (14:01):
Marriages.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
That's a question though.
Speaker 4 (14:03):
Do you want something absence to be your consistent No,
you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (14:09):
Like, how can you grow and love through absence?
Speaker 9 (14:12):
Well?
Speaker 2 (14:12):
I think it's what at least was saying is it's
those times when you're together in things that become the
you know, the every day that you've got to try
to figure out how can I bring those mackinaw Island moments.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
Yep.
Speaker 12 (14:26):
Due to that, I don't believe we are meant to
be with people all the time. And I don't mean
like relationships need to end. I think people just need space.
And I think people have been conditioned to be together
because it was a survival mechanism that we do. We
no longer need like you to go high and me
to go gather and for us to come together.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
We don't need that anymore.
Speaker 6 (14:45):
I feel like we need space. We spend so much
time with you.
Speaker 5 (14:47):
You know what's so funny is Wes and I are
kind of on the other end of this right now,
because you need We spend so much time apart during
the week with our schedules, even on the weekends. So
when we have like a chunk of two days that
we can spend together, that actually brings us closer together.
But that's the season of life that we're in right now.
Speaker 12 (15:05):
But what I'm talking about is a medium, like in
between what you do and what other like other marriages
maybe that we're talking about, where you're together constantly, especially
since COVID and people working from home.
Speaker 6 (15:15):
I'm like, I feel like people just need more space.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
From each other.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
Yeah, I think Michelle has a great, uh summarization. I
guess of this because we talked about this. Chelsea and
I did in that podcast that we don't podcast that
we just put out. Michelle, go ahead and say what
you told us.
Speaker 9 (15:32):
I saw us saying once. That really stuck in my mind.
And I've been married going on forty six years.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
Now, Wow, forty six years with the same person. Aren't
you bored?
Speaker 8 (15:44):
No?
Speaker 9 (15:45):
Actually, you know with the empty nest syndrome. Now we
find things to do.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
And you know, do you run around the house naked
all the time?
Speaker 9 (15:52):
Well?
Speaker 1 (15:53):
No, oh, okay, all right, we do have neighbors gardening
and what's going on? What would say? What you? What
you off?
Speaker 9 (16:01):
Okay? So the same marriage is just two imperfect people
refusing to give up on each other.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
Oh yeah, yeah, And I thought that was.
Speaker 9 (16:11):
So classic because there's no perfect person, there's no perfect marriage,
and it's easy to walk away, you know, it's harder
to stick together, but you know, people do it, and
I think that's a great thing.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
Yeah, and should run I don't know if you saw
the bottom part of that run around the house naked
now that you don't have to worry about your kids being.
Speaker 9 (16:30):
There, Well, maybe we'll try that too, right right?
Speaker 8 (16:35):
I like that?
Speaker 1 (16:37):
All right? Oh you do not want to see me naked?
Right now, it's awful.
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