We Do(n't) Podcast: Episode 5 Chelsea's Not Talking to Mojo

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Episode Transcript

(00:02):
Welcome to the weedonn podcast starring husbandand wife Mojo from Mojo in the Morning
and his better half Chelsea. Onthis episode, all right, there is
something in the air that is causingfor you and I not to get along.

(00:26):
Yes, and it caused for youto tell me to not talk to
you for a couple of days.I want to talk about that. Perfect,
Let's do it. Let's start thisthing off. Well, all right,
all right, all right, withoutfurther delay here on Mojo and Chelsea.

(00:52):
Oh, it's so nice that you'reactually talking to me again. We'll
see for how long. I likethis first off, When we ended up
getting into an argument with each otherand it's told to me that you don't
want to talk to me for acouple of days, I don't think that
that's kind of fair and smart forus to do in a relationship, do
you. I think it's very smartbecause then we won't fight. We're just

(01:15):
going to cease communications for a coupleof days to cool off. But people
usually say that you should never goto bed angry. Well, I think
that's okay to go to bed angrysometimes, But is it okay to go
to bed angry when you're in abed and your spouse is in another city

(01:36):
on a business trip another state.Even better? Yeah, even better,
even better. Yes, So youand I got into a little bit of
an argument with each other. Ithink that there's been a lot of stress
in the air right now. Anddo you want to tell everybody what the
stress is over? The stress isover Luke leaving, Luke going moving to

(01:59):
college is not leaving, but movingto college. For those that don't have
any clue. Luke is our youngestson, the youngest of three, and
he's going off to go to collegeat Michigan State. And we're going to
be taking him in like a week, yeah, nine days. But he
was counting, and you have beenreally on edge. I have been.

(02:21):
It's it's a new unknown for me. It is very Now I understand.
One of our kids, Jacob,our middle son, has anxiety, and
mostly it's of the unknown. I'verealized since he was little. And now
I get it. I completely understand. I used to think, Oh,
Jacob, everything's going to work out, dude, Why are you so anxious?

(02:43):
Why are you don't worry? It'sall going to work out? And
now now I get it. NowI get it. Are you feeling the
anxious feelings that many feel. JacobI know specifically was feeling, well,
I'm I don't know what I'm feeling. I'm actually feeling a lot of things.
I'm feeling so excited for Luke,scared, you know, you wonder

(03:07):
gosh, I raise this kid,and am I assigning him off to college
where he's going to make good choices? I find myself saying to him now
when he leaves, make good choices, have fun, make good choices,
be kind, make good choices.So do you feel like you've made good
choices? No? Not all thetime, because that's the thing is I

(03:28):
think that part this is just mygut telling me this because I'm sad that
Luke's going away to college too.And I'm saying, are you I really
am? I'm well, no,I'm I am fifty percent sad. Yeah,
And then I'm fifty percent who's gonnacry? Mare between us? Shitless,
it's not about this. See it'sfunny. I cried when Joe left

(03:49):
because I was sad that my son, Oh my god, it was awful,
stopped in front of him, andI kept on sayings, who do
not do this in front of him? As soon as we leave, you
can cry, because I didn't wanthim to feel bad that we were leaving.
You know, I was so excitedfor Joe too, and believe me,
I bawled my eyes out. Andtypically, like for our family,
I'm the one that goes up thereearly with the boys. And with Joe,

(04:12):
for instance, I took him toearly to Chicago. He and I
had a couple of days there,and then we moved in to his dorm
quote unquote dorm that he had withJacob. I went up a couple of
days before. By then, Joewas in an apartment and Jacob moved in
with him, so he was hisroommate. So I got them, you
know, resituated in a new apartmentwith Luke. It's going to be different

(04:38):
because you're going to be with me. And I think I was able to
process it a little bit more withthe older boys, but with Joe,
I sat down and I said,Okay, this is you're gonna come home
here and then and then and thenwith Jacob, he's so much more independent
and I kind of let him takethe lead on when I let him initiate

(04:59):
it lot as far as coming homeand when we were there, with Luke.
It's just so. And I alsohad kids at home when I dropped
the other two off. I don'thave kids at home. Now you're going
home to me and to our dogs. I don't want to. So I'm
fifty percent sad that Luke's leaving,but I'm fifty percent scared shitless of what

(05:24):
this is going to do to youand I in our relationship. It's scary,
Like I'm worried about I'm worried aboutsaying the wrong thing. Like one
of the things I've realized is thatInn, can you explain why we were
arguing? Like what is it thatyou get upset with me about? You
don't listen to anything I say.We were discussing something not even related to

(05:46):
Luke, but and you were notlistening to what I was saying. And
it was over the phone at first, And then I got really frustrated with
you when I hung up, andI sent you a text, trying to
explain again because I thought maybe he'llread it and understand what I was saying,
and you still didn't. So thenI got even more frustrated and said,

(06:08):
let I wasn't even this nice,but I basically said, let's not
talk until you get home. Youdo go enjoy while you're there. I
was in Dallas for a radio convention, right, and I want to do
to enjoy it. I don't wantto wrap yourself up in the fact that
you know I'm upset and you're notlistening. So go please go enjoy that,
and then when you come home wecan discuss it. Plus, I

(06:30):
thought, if you were smart enough, you would go back and reread my
text messages, okay, and thenrealize what I was trying to say.
Yeah, you say that, Iwhen you so when you talk to me
about things you think that I'm notpaying attention, and you say that I
give the same. There's there's whatdo I What do I say to you?
Do you Either you'll say yeah,like I'll be unloading onto you,

(06:53):
whether it's just you know, I'mfrustrated about something and or I want you
to do something. They're like yeah, yeah, yeah, totally dismissive,
which is so dismissive in my opinion, Like I either want an answer or
I, you know, not thisyeah yeah, Because you don't always agree
with me, and that's okay.We don't always have to agree. My

(07:15):
way is the right way. Butyou don't have to agree with me all
the time, and it's so frustrating. So you want you want me to
like because in some cases I justwant to hear you, and then you
don't in the yeah yeah yeah.Is you understanding that I'm hearing you,
because that's something that I was kindof taught through our therapy that we would
all go through. Well, thatwas a horrible therapist, because that is

(07:40):
not fair. Like I typically whenI'm coming to you and I'm very frustrated,
I'm looking either for your help eitheras a parent or a spouse in
a situation, and it's not justto go along with my plan or my
idea. Again, it's the rightway, but I would also like your
feedback. And I think it's importthat you and I, you know,

(08:01):
come to an agreement, not justme telling giving orders. But isn't yeah
yeah yeah, kind of coming toa little bit so dismissive, especially sometimes
like when I'm coming to you andnot to get into the whole argument that
we were having. I needed youropinion. I needed more than just yeah

(08:22):
yeah yeah. I'm I'm at apoint in my life where if we if
this was ten years ago, Iwas very confident with who I was then
as a mom because I had onein college, another one in high school.
In high school, and then onein elementary school, I was very
confident with who I was then.I'm on shaky ground right now because I

(08:46):
I'm a mom. I'll always bea mom, but I don't know,
like, what do I do now? What do I do? You know?
Your shaky ground is your lacking confidencein yourself and what you Yes,
yeah, talk to me about thatwell, in the sense of I've always
known, you know, Monday throughFriday, I'm getting up and getting kids

(09:07):
ready for school, and if it'sbaseball season or football season or whatever season
our kid kids are playing. Ihave a goal. I have a calendar
and at one point it was colorcoded because I had three schedules going or
four or five sometimes. Yeah,I was so. Now it's what do
I have now? Which is amazing? I am so and I know and

(09:31):
thank you to the listeners who havebeen so amazing and getting encouraging words and
saying, you know, you've doneyour job and let let them spread their
wings. Absolutely, but gosh,it's scary, you know, are you
afraid that your job is over with? Yeah? So you're so, do

(09:54):
you have the feeling of what somebodywould feel like if they're retiring or somebody
that's getting fired maybe in between.I would say this with Joe, our
oldest, I don't know if I'llever be done parenting him, because he
thankfully we speak. If we don'tspeak every day, we speak at least

(10:16):
five days a week, you know, the weekends we really don't talk.
But Jacob we send a snapchat toeach other every single day, so I
know he's breathing and Sundays or actuallyit's been a little bit more. You
know, sometimes during the week we'llhave an hour to catch up, like
I'm really starting to and everything.They're evolving. It's not like this is

(10:41):
the end. Everything is over withadult children. I know you are,
like, I have a different relationshipwith my mom obviously than when I was
younger, and I feel so luckythat I can consider her my friend.
And that's how I feel with Joeand Jacob is we've evolved and progressed to
more of a friendship role versus metelling them pick up your room. I

(11:05):
still tell them that when I'm intheir places, but yeah, it doesn't
have to you know, I'm not. It's just different, and I feel
so fortunate that I can have thatwith them. But I always still was
a mom. I've been a momsince I got pregnant when I was twenty
I gave birth when I was twentyone, And it's just I feel like

(11:26):
here comes something I just don't know. I don't know this part of my
journey yet. Is your I don'tknow, in being scared anything to do
with your kids, with me,or just yourself, probably all three.
So you think that they're all becausepart of me wonders as your spouse,

(11:50):
like what you know, you'd saythat I'm dismissive when I say yeah,
yeah, yeah, But then Idon't know what to do for you.
Like I've actually reached out to peoplewho were in similar situations, you know,
couple three years ago, to somepeople who have been in this situation.
You know, we're in this situation, you know, a decade ago,
and it's weird the difference in opinionthat you get, because the difference

(12:13):
in opinion is you know, buyor something nice to you know, let
her just go do her thing,like this is her opportunity for a midlife
crisis. Like people would say that, and then there are other people that
are like women especially that are like, just let her know that you're there
and allow her to have her toher knees breakdown. Okay, so I'm

(12:41):
not looking and I start crying.I'm not looking for you to solve anything
at all, because I'm a prettygood problem tholver. So I think what
I crave and I have our wholemarriage. So this is scary to me
as I want someone who's there andif we're being open and honest, that

(13:03):
hasn't been one of your strong pointsfor me. So that is very scary
to me because I need to andnot to dismiss you at all, because
yes, when push comes to shoveyou, I know I can depend on
you. But I also don't wantto have to beg for it. I
don't want to have to plead forit, and I don't want to,
you know. I feel like,gosh, we've been together for so many

(13:26):
years, like almost married, almostthirty years, you should know when I
need something, hopefully, and Idon't want to have to ask and beg
for it in a way. Sothat's kind of scary. But also you
know, I have to figure outa lot on my own too. I
can't. Oh, I don't likealways depending on somebody and and I there's

(13:50):
so much power in saying I don'tknow, for you to when I'm coming
to you and I'm frustrated, andyou just think that saying yeah yeah,
yeah, yeah yeah, it isthe way to go. It's okay to
say you don't know because I don'tknow. That's why I'm coming to you.
And you can look back at meand say I don't know. Time
my nose is Brenny, there's I'mI don't always need a concrete and strong

(14:16):
answer. What I need is supportand not just you know. I think
you are very much a people pleaser. You don't want to let anyone down,
and I think that that has beena big issue in our marriage.
And so you're afraid that it's youknow, to say I don't know or

(14:41):
you know, let me down whenthe truth is though constantly just saying yeah
yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, or you know. I need sometimes
a different opinion, I need asounding board, I need you know,
if that makes sense. I wantto hold your hand for a second.
Okay, you were about to cry, just say going to go and stop
yourself? Yeah, what were youthinking about Well, like I just said,

(15:05):
I think it's scary. It's theunknown. It's it's are you scared
about us or are you scared aboutabout Luke? I know you said both,
but what are you more scared about? Well? And I think I've
said it before in a podcast,like you know, I've described our relationships
as or any relationship as a rollercoaster ride. So there's the ups and

(15:26):
the highs and the downs and thelows, and the scariest part for me
and our relationship is the middle.And it is just you have no feeling.
And I'm afraid that I can goback into the no feeling very very
easily if we're lost in the dayto day of the you know, I

(15:54):
don't know. I just I don'tbecause we've never not had a quote unquote
purpose or a reason to be together. And it's scary. I mean,
I think we both can be betruthful and very honest. The last ten
years have not been like the bestten years, and we both at different

(16:18):
points. We're ready to get divorced, and there were things that kept us
hanging on the bottom line for mewas Luke and here I am. It's
the end of Luke being at home. So what does that mean? Are
you fearful that you're not going towant to stay in this or I'm not
going to want to stay in this? I guess I haven't really thought about

(16:38):
it that much as to who itwould be or who would say I don't
want to do it anymore. Idon't know what do you do? Well,
I've not even thought about that,like I that's the that's the part
that worries me the most, isbecause you're thinking about that, Like I'm

(16:59):
thinking, Wow, we're in agreat place right now. We can do
things now. Like one of thethings that you are not great at is
wanting intimacy and wanting alone time withjust me, and neither am I.
I've lent myself to Okay, let'sjust invite so and so let's just do
this right. And I kind oflike the idea that you and I can
have just us and have time together. But when I hear you say what

(17:25):
you just said just a second agoabout not having a reason, it makes
me wonder if your percentage of worryof wanting to be out of this relationship
would be you wanting to be outof this relationship. So I don't know.
And it's funny that you say,do you think that we're in such
a great place, because I cantell you one time in our marriage where

(17:45):
I thought that we were in oneof the best, probably one of the
best moments of our marriage, andthe rug was pulled completely out from underneath
me. I had no idea.So I get that. I get if
I just did that too, AndI'm sorry if I did that too in
that moment. But it's funny becausein the sense that you know, one

(18:08):
person can either be coasting along andthinking, hey, we're doing so good,
this is our marriage is so great, and then boom, something comes
up out of the blue. Typically, I thought that we were kind of
on the same weight length the pastten years where we both kind of yeah,
yeah, I mean, I agree, I think that we both coexisted.

(18:29):
Yeah, But I also think thatwe got through some traumatic stuff and
for sure, and I think thatthat made us go go, you know
what, we both know that weare better together than we are a part.
Well, I would say, andI listen, it's not I'm not
saying we're getting divorced. I'm justI think that when, for instance,

(18:52):
coasting, I thought we were doingvery well coasting. Then your heart's open
heart surgery happened. And for me, it wasn't the It wasn't hearing you
needed to have open heart surgery.It wasn't going to your appointments and taking
you there and listening to the surgeonsexplain things to us, and at the
last minute finding a couple of otherhiccups that had to be taken care of.
That didn't you know to me?Again, I was just I was

(19:17):
coasting, coasting, coasting, coasting. It wasn't until you were in surgery.
It doesn't make me emotion again.And I knew that they had cut
your chest open, and I thought, Okay, I can do this if
he doesn't make it, I can. But how do I tell my kids?

(19:37):
How do I tell his family?How do I? And then I
realized, you know, I dolove you. You annoy the shit out
of me sometimes, but man,I do love you, and you know
so I don't. You know.It's not like I'm getting up and leaving
the minute loog leaves. But there'sa lot going on in my head.

(20:00):
And I think with every or notevery I think with a lot of stay
at home moms when they have builttheir life around supporting their husbands and supporting
their kids. And I'm so gratefuland thankful that i had the opportunity to
do that, you know, sothank you for that. But there is

(20:21):
there is a little bit of awell, who am I? You know?
And you want? This is notto make my kids feel guilty and
say they have to spend time withwhatever, like it has been my greatest
honor and joy. You know.I hate that I'm crying that they get
to call me mom, you know, and they are my boys. I

(20:42):
wouldn't want it any other way,you know. It's just a little scary,
scary in the sense of who amI? You know? I get
that. I get that because Isee you right now and I Chelsea does
not cry like literally does not crylike I've never really I've seen her cry

(21:03):
a couple of times, and hertears are either tears of joy for her
babies being born or when your grandfatherdied. Yeah it was hard. Yeah,
yeah, if you want, wecan leave her and like the greatest
sex over no, no, thankyou. My favorite is when I say
a stupid comment like that that there'ssomebody listening to this thing that's already starting

(21:26):
to d m how much they hateme or me now they love you.
A matter of fact, they loveyou so much that at the end of
this, we're going to throw atribute out to somebody that loves you a
lot, loves you long time,So we'll throw that out there. When
we were going to go into doingthis podcast, never realized how much this

(21:48):
podcast could be our marital therapy.Yeah, and other people's by the way,
I think that they've and I'm theone that's answering the messages. A
lot of people, I don't knowif they realize it's. Yeah, if
you're if you don't follow the weDon't podcast, it's though we Don't podcast
on Instagram, Instagram and TikTok.Yeah, if you don't follow it,

(22:11):
you can actually follow that and thenalso you can DM and that's pretty much
your way to uh and yeah,I've been Yeah, and thank you so
much for your kind words and thenalso for look at that there's one last
piece of Kleenex. Oh, whenwe were putting a half we can share
let's you know, mine is yoursand yours is mine. But yes,

(22:33):
it's very very very kind words.But it's you know, with a couple
of listeners. It's funny that theywere saying, you know, it's just
so nice to hear that this iswhat marriage can and is can be,
and is like, you know,I don't paint a pretty picture, and
you know I don't put a tonof filters. Well I probably should with

(22:57):
the older I'm getting put more filtersfilter on my photos, but I don't
know. And I should stop wearingsome outfits that you think I local horrible
golf, some of the golf.But yes, but uh, I can't.
I'm very honest and open with wherewe are and I know a lot.
There was one listener that didn't,you know, wanted us to tie

(23:19):
a prettier bow on this and youknow, this is just real, it's
reality. What did they What dothey mean by that? Well, I'm
I'm just saying, tie a prettierbow on it. But they were saying,
oh, you shouldn't. You've youknow, you've made it this far,
and you guys should be celebrating eachother and you know you are now
getting a thirty minute glimpse into ourlife that you know has been going on

(23:44):
for thirty two years, you know, from meeting each other to now being
married and so you're getting the funny, smart ass points of it. When
there is a there is a lotof ugly that goes into it. Marriages.
I was just sitting next to someonetoday and discussing about how marriage is

(24:04):
the hardest thing. I could givebirth unmedicated every day and it still would
be easier than being married to you. I paint your vagina. Yes,
yes, I think though about this, and I am kind of proud over

(24:25):
the fact that two people who metyou know, when they weren't even of
drinking age yet, and that wegot married when you definitely weren't of drinking
age because you couldn't even drink atour wedding. We had a sneaky alcohol
at the wedding. And to thinkthat this many years later, that and

(24:48):
I posted this on my personal socialmedia. I posted the picture of us
and I said, it's amazing thatwe will that we've been married for twenty
eight years, and only less thanone of them, like ten months of
them was alone. Yeah, butyou were also pregnant at the time too,
so it wasn't like yeah, andthat next week you and I are

(25:10):
going to be just the two ofus and two fucking dogs. Does anyone
want two dogs. But it's buthonestly, I'm so happy. First off,
I'm happy for this podcast because Iheard something from you today that you
probably have been telling me for thelast at least year, if not more.

(25:30):
And I finally got to hear today. What I finally got to hear
today that I don't need to buyyou a really big present. I said
that. I say that all thetime. I'm calling friend Lucido to take
back. Please do what what isthe one thing that I always ask for
for gifts? You want my timenow? From the boys? Oh,

(25:52):
you want them to make a handmaid. Yeah, I don't even want you
to buy me a card. Iwould like handmade card. Literally, the
look the gift that I got youdeals with that a handmade card. So
just wait wait do you see whatyou get? Okay, but it's in
Boston, old and diamonds, right, No, I don't real quick.

(26:14):
I do want to end on onenote, and I hope that this,
if this resonates at all with you, and uh, maybe you even have
some advice you know for us.I The advice part is always great.
I mean sometimes people will say,God, I really want to ask you
guys, a question or I wantto just make a comment about something,
but if somebody has advice, likeI said, I reached out to a

(26:37):
million people to get advice, andlet me just say this again. Yeah,
and I'm gonna say this one moretime because I truly you know,
I have a lot of people thatare like, oh, it's just you
did your job, mom, It'stheir time to fly, And absolutely it
is it. I could not bemore proud of any one of my kids

(27:00):
there. I'm so proud of eachand every single one of them. But
you know, I think it's okayto be a little sad too. You
know, when the boys are havinga bad day or you're having a bad
day, I'll say to you,you know, listen, that is shitty.
Be pissed off, be pissed off, be angry, whatever, but
don't stay there. And I'm notgoing to stay there. But I think

(27:21):
it's just the anticipation of building upto what's gonna happen. I'm proud of
you. I I'm not going tocry because I want you to be living
crying as But I often said thatyou were handpicked by my mom. Thanks.

(27:45):
She probably regrets it sometimes, butI think she did it because she
wanted somebody that was like her forher grand babies. Well, thank you,
and I like to think that ourbabies can pick us. Boy,

(28:07):
we learned a lot from all ofthem, didn't me. Luke especially?
Yeah, Luke is I think aboutthis a lot, aside from the staying
together part, you know, inmarriage and stuff. But he he made
you and I less And this isfor parents who are we overly protective of
their kids. But he made youand I less stringent and like watch it,

(28:34):
like being hovering over our kids andhelicoptering and stuff. Yeah, because
he Because there's something kind of coolabout Luke that we really enjoyed. I
don't know if that was it.I think it's your first one. It's
like, I'm every parent can relateto this. You have a baby,
your first one, and if theyhave a binkie or path fire, whatever
you call it, they drop iton the ground and you sanatize it,

(28:56):
you clean it. You just,oh my god, get a new one
out of the diaper bag whatever,go and rents it off, boil it
and boil in water because oh mygod, it touched the ground. Your
second child, you know, youmaybe just you know put it by a
couple more minkies, or put itin your mouth to rinse it off,
run water, whatever, give itback to the baby, your third one.

(29:18):
You literally pick it off off theground and put it right back in
their mouth like dirt. Won't hurtunless it's in a pile of dog koop
poo, or then you blow onit and you put it back in their
mouth. Shout out before we endtoday to Michael, one of our friends,
who has reached out to tell youthat he recently listened to the podcast

(29:40):
with yourself and your husband. Hesays, you definitely caught my interest.
And I'm not sure if that meansanything, but if you're looking to explore,
maybe I can be a benefit toyou. I don't post a lot
on Facebook, but if you decidethat I picked your interest, then I
can be able to open the doorfor you to explore what's behind it if

(30:03):
you're curious enough. So and whenI saw him, I was like,
that's a man. That is athat is a that is a very very
strong man. Uh And Michael Chelsea'snot interested, But guess what I am,
Michael, and We're going to havesome man love together. It depends

(30:25):
I'll let him choose since he's alistener. All Right. That does it
for this podcast. I'm proud ofyou, I love you, thank you,
and I love you too. AllRight, we don't podcast. We'll
be back for another episode, Fingerscrossed.