March 3, 2025 • 28 mins
Congratulations to The Monkey (2025) for making a wind-up toy somehow less scary than it already wasn’t. In this two-hour endurance test, two brothers discover their childhood junk is killing people—shocking. They drag us through a joyless, scare-free mess that mistakes loud noises for tension. By the end, you’ll be rooting for the monkey just to put everyone (including you) out of their misery.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:34):
What's up? And welcome back to thirteen thirty one. I'm
your host, mister Ripper, and as always I have my
lovely co host here with me, and it's gonna help
me monkey around with this review. The one the only
toid of thunder Hey and the Mistress of the Monsters, my.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Dude, lanta Hey, my little Monsters.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
And we're back with yet another movie review in twenty
twenty five. It is The Monkey.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Like, where do we begin?
Speaker 1 (01:05):
I don't know where to begin with this. The Monkey
is based off a Stephen King short story and it
should have stayed in the book. We'll dive into that. Normally,
I think it's safe to say movies that we really
like we give you a spoiler warning ahead sometimes, or
we just don't do a spoiler at all. We stay
(01:25):
away from it. We tell you about the cast, the
directors and all that good stuff. And then normally, when
we have these not so good movies, I guess is
the best way to put it, we just kind of
dive right into it and tell you everything we don't
like about it. So I'll go around the table and
ask do y'all have any positives about The Monkey?
Speaker 3 (01:48):
The only thing I really can say is the opening
scene of the guy coming in with the monkey to
what seemed to be some kind of pawn shop.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
I thought that opening scene was pretty decent.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
There was I can't even remember what the line was now,
but there wasn't one line that made me laugh.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
That's really about it.
Speaker 3 (02:07):
I was a little confused because there was a lot
of people in the cast that we've seen previously that
have been really good, and then it just really really
didn't Todd.
Speaker 4 (02:16):
The best of this movie was probably the first thirty
minutes of this film. After that, it just went to
shit really fast. And I can tell you from my
point of view the exact scene where it just went
downhill from that point on when we get get on
talking about the film or whatever. But yeah, i'd say
the first thirty minutes wasn't even great.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
It was just okay, yeah, just well my opinion, I
think that the first I guess thirty minutes of it
started off decent. I thought we were gonna build up
to a fun ride at least, right with the father
obviously trying to get rid of the monkey at this
(02:59):
point shop at the beginning, and you just see this
catastrophe type situation happen and we get introduced to this.
I don't know what kind of toy it is, but
I possess toy or well.
Speaker 3 (03:11):
It's a little confusing because you know, typically with dolls
or animals, stuffed animals or whatever, if it's possessed, you
open it up and it's still like stuffing inside.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
Yeah you didn't get that. No, we got it was
like Annabelle with Chucky and a banana.
Speaker 4 (03:29):
Yeah, it was a possessed toy that causes final destination
style deaths, but.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
It doesn't do anything unless you crank it up. It
can do stuff even if you don't crank it up.
I guess my positive for the movie is some deaths.
We're kind of neat in it, but overall not so good.
I think we're just going to dive headfirst into this. Yeah,
(03:57):
this movie absolutely sucks bananas with the peel.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
On with the peel on emphasis on that very much.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
So.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
I didn't enjoy this past you said thirty minutes, but
I'm kind of leaning towards like twenty. The first twenty
after the kids and everything like, it started off kind
of cool. I thought it was gonna get this kind
of like monologue type story you know, following these characters,
you know, kind of like that Wonder Years type situation
(04:28):
going on, but like with a horror movie and some
good comedy in it, and it just shit itself. It shit,
It shited its pants really hard.
Speaker 4 (04:37):
And it's it's really a shame because this is built
as a horror comedy. I get it. It was a
it was a movie that didn't take itself too seriously,
and it was tongue in cheek humor. It just nothing
landed for me personally. It was like the scene that
I'm referring to is the mom aneurism scene. I think
(04:58):
after that scene, the movie just became pretty clear to
me that this was a pile of shit.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
You know, one thing I didn't understand is that every
kill in the movie was creative except for the mom.
Speaker 4 (05:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
I mean that didn't make sense to me.
Speaker 4 (05:17):
The kills in the film, you know, they were over
the top. They didn't take themselves too seriously. It was
a film that was supposed to be, hey, this is
a horror film. This stuff happens in real life. It's
very horrific, But the funny part is supposed to be
the circumstances surrounding the deaths, and it just wasn't funny.
(05:39):
It was kind of like saying a joke that is
not that funny to begin with, but saying it over
for an hour and thirty minutes and it got old
and it got repetitive, and I wanted to scratch my
eyeballs out. I couldn't wait for.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
This to be over. The humor in this movie was
not humorous at all. It was very dry. It was
almost modern age PG humor.
Speaker 4 (06:05):
Very delinquent humor, and like almost like an Anchorman two.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
You know what I mean this?
Speaker 4 (06:10):
Yeah, this isn't funny. It's like say in terrible stuff
to say it. And with most horror comedies such as
maybe let's take zombie Land for example, the humor comes
very natural.
Speaker 5 (06:22):
Tallahassee and Columbus are both East so so Tallahassee you
want to stick together at least at least for a while.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
Here's the deal, Columbus.
Speaker 5 (06:34):
Uh, I'm not using to get along with and I'm
senching you're a bit of a bitch. So uh, I
give this relationship to about techs arcana.
Speaker 1 (06:45):
Really yeah, they'll take me as first.
Speaker 5 (06:47):
X arcanas Pappy little spitch fuck, aren't.
Speaker 4 (06:50):
You because of the circumstances so over the top, right,
there's such a flow to it. This was painful. This
was like forced.
Speaker 6 (07:02):
You know, your ann Ida and your uncle Chip never
wanted kids. No, always just kind of prefer to life
where you sit down and you don't stand up again
until you want to. Also, we're swingers, but oh well, yeah,
(07:36):
I want you to know. We're gonna do our very
best with you boys. It's just that our very best
might be uh pretty bad.
Speaker 4 (07:49):
Humor, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
That just did not land.
Speaker 4 (07:52):
It did not land at all.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
You know what the funniest part was to me?
Speaker 1 (07:55):
The girl exploding.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
No, that wasn't funny. That was terrible to me. The
CGI was terrible.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
CGI was very bad in this movie.
Speaker 4 (08:03):
If the movie would have flowed better dialogue, I would
almost contribute the bad CGI as a part of why
it would have been funny, right.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
But it wasn't right.
Speaker 3 (08:16):
But the funniest part to me, I was at the point,
which I think is the first time ever where I
genuinely was so bored to tears and aggravated at how
terrible it was that I.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
Wanted to get up and leave.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
And I turn to look at you two, and all
three of us have our heads to the side and
we're just bored, like the same expression on all three
of our faces.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
I told Todd, I was like, I almost ask if
y'all wanted to leave.
Speaker 4 (08:39):
I would have said, yes, I was clo it's only
so many times when you know that the death scene
is going to be over the top. But it's only
so many times where you get the over the top
scene and then it cuts to the other character's reaction.
If that happens once or twice, cool, it happened every
single fucking time. And that's what I'm talking about when
(09:02):
I say saying the same joke that's not really that
funny to begin with, over and over. That's what this
movie did.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
Yeah, because you know what's coming, you know the punchline coming.
Speaker 4 (09:12):
Yeah, it wasn't interesting enough to pull off what it
was trying to pull off. I mentioned Zombie Land earlier
as a film that was a very successful horror comedy
cause the flow and just how it all came together organically.
There was nothing organic about this movie. It's very forceful comedy,
very forceful. I wouldn't even say it was like British
(09:35):
dry humor. Yeah, because I can find good humor. And
you know, a lot of people don't like the British
comedy stuff, but me personally, I do. And it took
away from a lot of the death scenes. For me personally,
I can sit here and say, yeah, that was a
cool deaf scene. But the movie was so dry and
fucking boring that when it happened, I didn't care. Yeah,
(09:56):
I just didn't care. So I'm struggling to you praise
something that I normally would praise, but because I had
such a ratchet fucking.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
Time, I can't praise it.
Speaker 4 (10:08):
It's like, you know, it's kind of like I would
just be digging for something positive to say.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
I get that. You know, there is a slew of
great horror comedies out there. Yeah, you got Tucker and
Dell Versus Evil, You've got The Scouts Guide to the
Zombie Apocalypse. You've got Zombie Land. You've got Zombie Land too.
You know a lot of people don't even like Zombie
Land two all that much, but it's of Greek God.
(10:35):
Compared to this movie I've seen.
Speaker 4 (10:38):
On up to the Terrifier films and a movie that
we saw just this month, Hard Eyes was perfect at
blending the horror and comedy together because they didn't wink
at you, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
It was like the delivery. It was the delivery.
Speaker 4 (10:55):
You can be over the top with the kills, but
don't be over the top with the comedy.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
And I felt, I don't even know if it was
over the top. It was like you said that Ankorman
to raunchiness for the sake of raunchiness, you know, kids
cussing at kids to be despicable.
Speaker 4 (11:12):
It was that tid aspect. For me, It's like, I'm
supposed to laugh because it's an animated titty bear cussing. No, like, no,
I'm sorry. I know a lot of people loved Tid.
I could not stand that movie.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
I bear titty bear, those titty bears. I'm not really
that big of a fan of Ted myself, but yeah,
it was just it was forcing the fart and you
shit your pants. I mean, that's exactly how I could
describe this movie. You're trying to find something and you're
you're not gonna get anything, and it's plot holes all
(11:45):
in the movie.
Speaker 4 (11:46):
Waste of talent wood is in this film, and a
bunch of other people's that we talked about before we
started to record this that we've recognized guy that played
Cory and Halloween Inns. Even though we're not big on that,
he had a good performance in that movie. I feel
like to me, they slapped a fucking bad walmart Wig
(12:08):
on him. Yeah, created a role, and to be honest
with you, his entire role, the little scenes with his
family didn't even fit in the fucking film at all.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
It was almost like filler that was unnecessary.
Speaker 4 (12:21):
It really was, And they made him the typical dumb shit.
I guess he was a take on a stoner type
of deal. You know, he's got the gun and all
it goes off. You know it was going to happen,
and it was Oh fuck.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
I hated this. Adam Scott, Yes, Adam Scott was at
the Dad in the opening of the movie, and we've
seen him in a slew of horror movies, American Horror
Story all the way to Freaking Step Brothers. Great actor
in The Good Place, The Good Place, funny dude. Great. Yeah.
(12:58):
I was disappointed that he wasn't a bigger role in
this movie. That could have been the saving grace because
he probably could have contributed to the comedy elements because
his delivery is fucking on point.
Speaker 4 (13:11):
Well, that's kind of the story of this film, like
what could have been with these characters, the characters that
they chose to go ahead with in this film. They
had nothing for them, And like you just said, you
wish you would have saw more of mister Scott, Well
you get about two minutes.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
Yeah, the opening is the best part. And let's talk
about the plot hole and it this is something you
actually pointed out.
Speaker 3 (13:37):
So they did not do a good job of letting
you know who that was character wise, So obviously we
figured out that it was the dad, but they didn't
show him die. They showed him trying to melt the monkey,
and then all of a sudden we're back in the
kids and it was more of like a I realized
(13:59):
at the end and after thinking about it.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
Like, oh, I guess that was the dad. Yeah, there
really was no clear.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
Your indication was when they was going through the closet
and the stuff, it was the same jacket.
Speaker 4 (14:13):
Well, basically, we had this indestructible monkey. We saw this
monkey set on fire, we saw it chain throwing at
the bottom of a fucking well, we've seen it chopped
to pieces, and it all just came back. So we're
just supposed to accept that this thing is just a
supernatural presence that always finds its way back to I
guess it's attachment owner at the time.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
That's the story, which really is this family?
Speaker 4 (14:38):
Yeah, and that's the story. There's nothing more to it.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
Yeah. God, it didn't explain the lore, which I guess
you don't have to explain everything in the first movie.
Speaker 4 (14:48):
But goddamn, if there's a second movie, I'm gonna blow
my brains out.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (14:53):
I don't want to. I don't want them to make
a second movie, even if it's an explanation.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
No, I don't.
Speaker 4 (15:00):
This movie is yes, and had We have to talk
about the director though, because you know, he is the
son of Anthony Perkins, who was Norman Bates and all
the Psycho movies, and he gave us one of the
best films of last year, which was Long Legs, So
he is a proven director in my eyes. But this
(15:24):
project was just something that I don't know. He didn't
he didn't hit a home run with this thing.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
No, he struck out as hard as possible.
Speaker 3 (15:34):
And speaking of that, I mean, just going to Neon itself.
They have gave us some great movies, but they've also
gave us some absolute shit movies like Cuckoo.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
Yeah, they're so far.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
I feel like most of them, there's not much in
the middle. It's either really really good or it's shit.
Speaker 4 (15:51):
Yeah, And unfortunately that's what horror productions have become these days.
With Blumhouse, A twenty four and now Neon, we can
expect some good stuff out of here and some bad
shit from them as well.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
It's a coin toss. There's what you're gonna get.
Speaker 4 (16:08):
Yeah, there's nothing consistent anymore. It's not like back in
the day when when I went and I saw the
lions Gate logo come up and I'm like, oh, this.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
About to be good. Yeah, it's definitely not. It's crazy
to think that a company could give me, possibly to me,
one of the greatest horror thrillers in like twenty years,
and then turn around and give you the most boring
(16:37):
fucking movie I've seen forever.
Speaker 4 (16:40):
And I get it. There's gonna be some people out
there that are going to be like, you didn't get it,
you don't like the humor. It went over your head.
It's in cheek.
Speaker 3 (16:53):
We didn't get the humor. It's not that we didn't
get it. It's that the humor wasn't funny.
Speaker 4 (16:57):
It wasn't. It wasn't. And me and Ripper have sat
here and told you guys that we are on board
with horror comedies. We Ripper just named off several ones
earlier that are goaded in our repertoire of what movies
we like to watch. So it's not we don't get
it right, and it's not like we reject it, and
(17:20):
it's not like we're like, we don't want comedy in
our horror films. We don't do that.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
No, I love comedy horror exactly.
Speaker 4 (17:30):
I mean, Tucker and Dale's one of your favorites of
all time. When you found out that the guy from
Tucker and Dale's gonna be at an upcoming horror convention,
you really got.
Speaker 1 (17:39):
Excited for fuck yeah, so fucking his comedy delivery is impeccable.
Speaker 4 (17:46):
So again it's we get it. It's just this one
did not deliver to us at all. We gotta be
honest with our reviews here. We're not just gonna go
with the flow.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
I'd be curious if the ones that actually like this
film are a twenty four diehards.
Speaker 4 (18:07):
I think If you truly like this film, that's fine.
But I would suspect that your horror comedy knowledge isn't
to you know, expand it like ours are. You'll pretty
much come up with this mindset of hey, we've seen it,
we've seen it done better, and this ain't it.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
Yeah. I would take a comedy horror trauma over this one.
I mean, give me a fuck. What is it called?
Speaker 4 (18:37):
Oh when they when you stick to his fingers?
Speaker 2 (18:40):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (18:41):
Yeah, the Night of the Chicken Dead Night of the
Chicken Dad.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
I highly suggest it. Don't watch it. Actually, it's up
to you if you want to go watch this very
over the top trauma movie. B advised that trauma movies,
if you're not familiar with, are very over the top
and very pornographic, I guess is the best way to
(19:07):
put it.
Speaker 4 (19:07):
Their ultimate job is to make you go, what the fuck? Yes,
that's pretty much what their job is. Low rated B movies,
low budget everything, but it's designed to be that way.
It's not like, oh, I watched this trauma film and
I was so disappointed, Like, no, you get what you
(19:28):
get with this?
Speaker 1 (19:29):
Now. You watch trauma movies because you like trauma movies. Yeah,
you don't just watch trauma movies because it's the new
trauma movie.
Speaker 4 (19:37):
Yeah, but with like you said, Neon, they usually come
out with pretty good, solid efforts. And I understand what
they were trying to do with this movie. They were
trying to get in on that horror comedy and give
us a tongue in cheek little movie where you know,
it gets talked about. Unfortunately, it's getting talked about. Yeah,
(20:01):
it's getting talked about. And I'm not gonna be surprised
if there's a lot of people who dig this film.
You know, the same people that's gonna dig this film
probably shit all over hard oz and possically. Yeah, and
that right there is what fucking drives me nuts. You
know we all got our taste is just this left
a horrible aftertaste.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
Yeah, It's like you have real bananas and then you
have that artificial banana flavor that nobody likes. Nobody anyway.
On a closing thought, overall, this movie was abysmal. I
do not want to rewatch this movie never. I will
not buy this movie. I have no inkling in me
(20:48):
to even ever speak of this movie again after this podcast.
Speaker 3 (20:53):
You know what's funny too, is I feel like we've
gotten to the point where if we see a movie
in the theater we're not huge fans of it, we
often will be like, well, you know, I might give
it a second chance just to make sure I didn't
you know, I wasn't just in the wrong mindset when
I watched it.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
Not with this one.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
You know, we talked about this last night, Like we
were discussing this. We all agreed that we didn't even
want to do this podcast, Like we hated this movie
so much that I didn't want this movie to waste
any more of our time. Right, So, if you're out
there listening, you know, the few of y'all that do
(21:30):
listen to us, we appreciate, we love you, and you
agree with our movie reviews and you trust us, then
trust me in saying that you will be wasting your
time and money if you go to this in theaters.
Speaker 2 (21:45):
Will not be a good time.
Speaker 1 (21:46):
It will not be a good time. No, no, thank you,
do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
Yeah, it's gonna be a no for me. Dog.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
Well, as always, we give you the reviews before we
give you our review. So let's dive into the reviews.
The overall Google review summary out of six hundred and
ninety two ratings at this point is at a two
point three out of five out of five.
Speaker 4 (22:20):
Well, I I'm not surprised. Well, kind of am, because
people suck, but right.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
That's what I was just thinking is I'm a little
bit surprised this.
Speaker 3 (22:30):
I think that's why I laughed because so many times
where we absolutely hate something Google or any of these
places that we're going to listen to, the reviews on
are like it was the greatest thing since slice spread.
Speaker 1 (22:40):
Speaking of companies and places that we definitely don't agree with,
our favorite gaming network that loves to do movie reviews,
IGN gave this movie out of a ten, a nine.
Speaker 4 (22:55):
You are kidding me, Well, let's think about it. This
is a joke, so Joe IGN. There are a bunch
of fucking nerds that sit around play video games. They
probably eating doritos and smoking weed.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
Too, And maybe if you're watching, yeah maybe.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
I mean I don't know, Yeah, I don't know how
the fuck they got that. I mean, they ship on
I think Hardez I said, got like a four or
five and this movie gets almost a ten. Fucking crazy.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
I don't trust you, IGN, well, I'm DEBA.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
Or IMDb as you know it gave this a six
point five out of ten.
Speaker 4 (23:35):
That's still too hot for me.
Speaker 1 (23:36):
Dog. Of course, we always save the tomatoes that are
rotten for last. Well, the popcorn meter for the audience
is at fifty nine percent. It's a little over halfway.
I don't like that either. Now, well, you're not gonna
like the tomato meter because it's sitting at a seventy
(23:59):
nine person with a certified fresh rating.
Speaker 4 (24:03):
No again, I think that this is because perception is
reality and because of who directed it, the company that
it comes from, it's considered really slick tongue in cheek,
and I think that they took a movie like Hard
Eyes or something like that, and they just say, oh,
(24:24):
this is just a big movie slash or film that
is no significance to it, when really this movie is that,
you know what I mean. It's like, oh, I mean,
I hate to bring it up, but it's well, you know,
if A twenty four made it, it has to be good.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
We're getting like that with Neon and like I said,
with A twenty four, there are some very great movies
that I would put, you know, in my top with
a twenty four. You know, The Witch, Midsummer. There's some
amazing movies. But you know, I can't sit there and
just be a fan and ignore the ship that's getting
(25:08):
in like politics type status. I don't, right, No, I'm
gonna call it out if I see bullshit, I'm gonna
tell you it's bullshit. I'm gonna be as honest with
myself as I can be, and be honest with you
know who I shared my opinions with, and this movie
(25:29):
was just dog shit.
Speaker 4 (25:30):
But the same people like this give Luke Bryan Country
music Album of the Year.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
Exactly, that's hilarious. I said, dog shit, and be more
like a polla monkey ship, monkey man, French Munkish ship.
Speaker 4 (25:49):
Let me tell you what a bunch of pola munkys
shit this is.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
So we give you our ratings after the ratings, and
I guess that'll be the bearer of this one first.
I haven't gone first in a while, so I'm giving
this movie a one and a half out of five fair.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
And I agree, that's exactly what I was gonna say.
Speaker 3 (26:13):
One and a half really from the mom that's how
bad this was to me. I did not enjoy this whatsoever.
I actually fell asleep a couple of times.
Speaker 4 (26:21):
I thought, I felt you not yeah, well down deep,
I want to give this half a star.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
I thought about that.
Speaker 4 (26:29):
However, I would be a little bit contradicting because I
did say I half enjoyed maybe the first thirty minutes.
So yeah, go ahead and put me down for one
and a half as well.
Speaker 1 (26:44):
Well, there you go. We have we have our cult approved.
I don't know what this one would be. This would
be cult disapproved. We highly disapprove of this movie. I'm
gonna have to make it.
Speaker 4 (26:57):
I mean, I'll put a seal on it. But the
see it was going to be like a poo poo emoji.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
Yeah you know what I'm gonna get started on.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
But that has the thumbs up, but it's a thumbs down.
Speaker 4 (27:10):
Two thumbs down, two thumbs in.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
The monkey ball.
Speaker 4 (27:13):
Of my fucking big toes were flexible. I pushed them down.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
To don't waste your time, don't waste your money on this,
save your money and go to our lovely merch store
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(27:38):
and our Facebook, all sorts of links to go everywhere,
not to mention our TikTok. So if you get a chance,
check us out. We're on the webs. We're out there.
We're in the uh, We're in the the net so speak.
But as always, I'm ripper and I'm tied of thundersand.
Speaker 2 (27:57):
Tutalou buy my little monsters, Stay sp
Speaker 1 (28:00):
Uki and save your money.
What's up? And welcome back to thirteen thirty one. I'm
your host, mister Ripper, and as always I have my
lovely co host here with me, and it's gonna help
me monkey around with this review. The one the only
toid of thunder Hey and the Mistress of the Monsters, my.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Dude, lanta Hey, my little Monsters.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
And we're back with yet another movie review in twenty
twenty five. It is The Monkey.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Like, where do we begin?
Speaker 1 (01:05):
I don't know where to begin with this. The Monkey
is based off a Stephen King short story and it
should have stayed in the book. We'll dive into that. Normally,
I think it's safe to say movies that we really
like we give you a spoiler warning ahead sometimes, or
we just don't do a spoiler at all. We stay
(01:25):
away from it. We tell you about the cast, the
directors and all that good stuff. And then normally, when
we have these not so good movies, I guess is
the best way to put it, we just kind of
dive right into it and tell you everything we don't
like about it. So I'll go around the table and
ask do y'all have any positives about The Monkey?
Speaker 3 (01:48):
The only thing I really can say is the opening
scene of the guy coming in with the monkey to
what seemed to be some kind of pawn shop.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
I thought that opening scene was pretty decent.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
There was I can't even remember what the line was now,
but there wasn't one line that made me laugh.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
That's really about it.
Speaker 3 (02:07):
I was a little confused because there was a lot
of people in the cast that we've seen previously that
have been really good, and then it just really really
didn't Todd.
Speaker 4 (02:16):
The best of this movie was probably the first thirty
minutes of this film. After that, it just went to
shit really fast. And I can tell you from my
point of view the exact scene where it just went
downhill from that point on when we get get on
talking about the film or whatever. But yeah, i'd say
the first thirty minutes wasn't even great.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
It was just okay, yeah, just well my opinion, I
think that the first I guess thirty minutes of it
started off decent. I thought we were gonna build up
to a fun ride at least, right with the father
obviously trying to get rid of the monkey at this
(02:59):
point shop at the beginning, and you just see this
catastrophe type situation happen and we get introduced to this.
I don't know what kind of toy it is, but
I possess toy or well.
Speaker 3 (03:11):
It's a little confusing because you know, typically with dolls
or animals, stuffed animals or whatever, if it's possessed, you
open it up and it's still like stuffing inside.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
Yeah you didn't get that. No, we got it was
like Annabelle with Chucky and a banana.
Speaker 4 (03:29):
Yeah, it was a possessed toy that causes final destination
style deaths, but.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
It doesn't do anything unless you crank it up. It
can do stuff even if you don't crank it up.
I guess my positive for the movie is some deaths.
We're kind of neat in it, but overall not so good.
I think we're just going to dive headfirst into this. Yeah,
(03:57):
this movie absolutely sucks bananas with the peel.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
On with the peel on emphasis on that very much.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
So.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
I didn't enjoy this past you said thirty minutes, but
I'm kind of leaning towards like twenty. The first twenty
after the kids and everything like, it started off kind
of cool. I thought it was gonna get this kind
of like monologue type story you know, following these characters,
you know, kind of like that Wonder Years type situation
(04:28):
going on, but like with a horror movie and some
good comedy in it, and it just shit itself. It shit,
It shited its pants really hard.
Speaker 4 (04:37):
And it's it's really a shame because this is built
as a horror comedy. I get it. It was a
it was a movie that didn't take itself too seriously,
and it was tongue in cheek humor. It just nothing
landed for me personally. It was like the scene that
I'm referring to is the mom aneurism scene. I think
(04:58):
after that scene, the movie just became pretty clear to
me that this was a pile of shit.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
You know, one thing I didn't understand is that every
kill in the movie was creative except for the mom.
Speaker 4 (05:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
I mean that didn't make sense to me.
Speaker 4 (05:17):
The kills in the film, you know, they were over
the top. They didn't take themselves too seriously. It was
a film that was supposed to be, hey, this is
a horror film. This stuff happens in real life. It's
very horrific, But the funny part is supposed to be
the circumstances surrounding the deaths, and it just wasn't funny.
(05:39):
It was kind of like saying a joke that is
not that funny to begin with, but saying it over
for an hour and thirty minutes and it got old
and it got repetitive, and I wanted to scratch my
eyeballs out. I couldn't wait for.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
This to be over. The humor in this movie was
not humorous at all. It was very dry. It was
almost modern age PG humor.
Speaker 4 (06:05):
Very delinquent humor, and like almost like an Anchorman two.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
You know what I mean this?
Speaker 4 (06:10):
Yeah, this isn't funny. It's like say in terrible stuff
to say it. And with most horror comedies such as
maybe let's take zombie Land for example, the humor comes
very natural.
Speaker 5 (06:22):
Tallahassee and Columbus are both East so so Tallahassee you
want to stick together at least at least for a while.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
Here's the deal, Columbus.
Speaker 5 (06:34):
Uh, I'm not using to get along with and I'm
senching you're a bit of a bitch. So uh, I
give this relationship to about techs arcana.
Speaker 1 (06:45):
Really yeah, they'll take me as first.
Speaker 5 (06:47):
X arcanas Pappy little spitch fuck, aren't.
Speaker 4 (06:50):
You because of the circumstances so over the top, right,
there's such a flow to it. This was painful. This
was like forced.
Speaker 6 (07:02):
You know, your ann Ida and your uncle Chip never
wanted kids. No, always just kind of prefer to life
where you sit down and you don't stand up again
until you want to. Also, we're swingers, but oh well, yeah,
(07:36):
I want you to know. We're gonna do our very
best with you boys. It's just that our very best
might be uh pretty bad.
Speaker 4 (07:49):
Humor, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
That just did not land.
Speaker 4 (07:52):
It did not land at all.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
You know what the funniest part was to me?
Speaker 1 (07:55):
The girl exploding.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
No, that wasn't funny. That was terrible to me. The
CGI was terrible.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
CGI was very bad in this movie.
Speaker 4 (08:03):
If the movie would have flowed better dialogue, I would
almost contribute the bad CGI as a part of why
it would have been funny, right.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
But it wasn't right.
Speaker 3 (08:16):
But the funniest part to me, I was at the point,
which I think is the first time ever where I
genuinely was so bored to tears and aggravated at how
terrible it was that I.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
Wanted to get up and leave.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
And I turn to look at you two, and all
three of us have our heads to the side and
we're just bored, like the same expression on all three
of our faces.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
I told Todd, I was like, I almost ask if
y'all wanted to leave.
Speaker 4 (08:39):
I would have said, yes, I was clo it's only
so many times when you know that the death scene
is going to be over the top. But it's only
so many times where you get the over the top
scene and then it cuts to the other character's reaction.
If that happens once or twice, cool, it happened every
single fucking time. And that's what I'm talking about when
(09:02):
I say saying the same joke that's not really that
funny to begin with, over and over. That's what this
movie did.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
Yeah, because you know what's coming, you know the punchline coming.
Speaker 4 (09:12):
Yeah, it wasn't interesting enough to pull off what it
was trying to pull off. I mentioned Zombie Land earlier
as a film that was a very successful horror comedy
cause the flow and just how it all came together organically.
There was nothing organic about this movie. It's very forceful comedy,
very forceful. I wouldn't even say it was like British
(09:35):
dry humor. Yeah, because I can find good humor. And
you know, a lot of people don't like the British
comedy stuff, but me personally, I do. And it took
away from a lot of the death scenes. For me personally,
I can sit here and say, yeah, that was a
cool deaf scene. But the movie was so dry and
fucking boring that when it happened, I didn't care. Yeah,
(09:56):
I just didn't care. So I'm struggling to you praise
something that I normally would praise, but because I had
such a ratchet fucking.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
Time, I can't praise it.
Speaker 4 (10:08):
It's like, you know, it's kind of like I would
just be digging for something positive to say.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
I get that. You know, there is a slew of
great horror comedies out there. Yeah, you got Tucker and
Dell Versus Evil, You've got The Scouts Guide to the
Zombie Apocalypse. You've got Zombie Land. You've got Zombie Land too.
You know a lot of people don't even like Zombie
Land two all that much, but it's of Greek God.
(10:35):
Compared to this movie I've seen.
Speaker 4 (10:38):
On up to the Terrifier films and a movie that
we saw just this month, Hard Eyes was perfect at
blending the horror and comedy together because they didn't wink
at you, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
It was like the delivery. It was the delivery.
Speaker 4 (10:55):
You can be over the top with the kills, but
don't be over the top with the comedy.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
And I felt, I don't even know if it was
over the top. It was like you said that Ankorman
to raunchiness for the sake of raunchiness, you know, kids
cussing at kids to be despicable.
Speaker 4 (11:12):
It was that tid aspect. For me, It's like, I'm
supposed to laugh because it's an animated titty bear cussing. No, like, no,
I'm sorry. I know a lot of people loved Tid.
I could not stand that movie.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
I bear titty bear, those titty bears. I'm not really
that big of a fan of Ted myself, but yeah,
it was just it was forcing the fart and you
shit your pants. I mean, that's exactly how I could
describe this movie. You're trying to find something and you're
you're not gonna get anything, and it's plot holes all
(11:45):
in the movie.
Speaker 4 (11:46):
Waste of talent wood is in this film, and a
bunch of other people's that we talked about before we
started to record this that we've recognized guy that played
Cory and Halloween Inns. Even though we're not big on that,
he had a good performance in that movie. I feel
like to me, they slapped a fucking bad walmart Wig
(12:08):
on him. Yeah, created a role, and to be honest
with you, his entire role, the little scenes with his
family didn't even fit in the fucking film at all.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
It was almost like filler that was unnecessary.
Speaker 4 (12:21):
It really was, And they made him the typical dumb shit.
I guess he was a take on a stoner type
of deal. You know, he's got the gun and all
it goes off. You know it was going to happen,
and it was Oh fuck.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
I hated this. Adam Scott, Yes, Adam Scott was at
the Dad in the opening of the movie, and we've
seen him in a slew of horror movies, American Horror
Story all the way to Freaking Step Brothers. Great actor
in The Good Place, The Good Place, funny dude. Great. Yeah.
(12:58):
I was disappointed that he wasn't a bigger role in
this movie. That could have been the saving grace because
he probably could have contributed to the comedy elements because
his delivery is fucking on point.
Speaker 4 (13:11):
Well, that's kind of the story of this film, like
what could have been with these characters, the characters that
they chose to go ahead with in this film. They
had nothing for them, And like you just said, you
wish you would have saw more of mister Scott, Well
you get about two minutes.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
Yeah, the opening is the best part. And let's talk
about the plot hole and it this is something you
actually pointed out.
Speaker 3 (13:37):
So they did not do a good job of letting
you know who that was character wise, So obviously we
figured out that it was the dad, but they didn't
show him die. They showed him trying to melt the monkey,
and then all of a sudden we're back in the
kids and it was more of like a I realized
(13:59):
at the end and after thinking about it.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
Like, oh, I guess that was the dad. Yeah, there
really was no clear.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
Your indication was when they was going through the closet
and the stuff, it was the same jacket.
Speaker 4 (14:13):
Well, basically, we had this indestructible monkey. We saw this
monkey set on fire, we saw it chain throwing at
the bottom of a fucking well, we've seen it chopped
to pieces, and it all just came back. So we're
just supposed to accept that this thing is just a
supernatural presence that always finds its way back to I
guess it's attachment owner at the time.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
That's the story, which really is this family?
Speaker 4 (14:38):
Yeah, and that's the story. There's nothing more to it.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
Yeah. God, it didn't explain the lore, which I guess
you don't have to explain everything in the first movie.
Speaker 4 (14:48):
But goddamn, if there's a second movie, I'm gonna blow
my brains out.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (14:53):
I don't want to. I don't want them to make
a second movie, even if it's an explanation.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
No, I don't.
Speaker 4 (15:00):
This movie is yes, and had We have to talk
about the director though, because you know, he is the
son of Anthony Perkins, who was Norman Bates and all
the Psycho movies, and he gave us one of the
best films of last year, which was Long Legs, So
he is a proven director in my eyes. But this
(15:24):
project was just something that I don't know. He didn't
he didn't hit a home run with this thing.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
No, he struck out as hard as possible.
Speaker 3 (15:34):
And speaking of that, I mean, just going to Neon itself.
They have gave us some great movies, but they've also
gave us some absolute shit movies like Cuckoo.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
Yeah, they're so far.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
I feel like most of them, there's not much in
the middle. It's either really really good or it's shit.
Speaker 4 (15:51):
Yeah, And unfortunately that's what horror productions have become these days.
With Blumhouse, A twenty four and now Neon, we can
expect some good stuff out of here and some bad
shit from them as well.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
It's a coin toss. There's what you're gonna get.
Speaker 4 (16:08):
Yeah, there's nothing consistent anymore. It's not like back in
the day when when I went and I saw the
lions Gate logo come up and I'm like, oh, this.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
About to be good. Yeah, it's definitely not. It's crazy
to think that a company could give me, possibly to me,
one of the greatest horror thrillers in like twenty years,
and then turn around and give you the most boring
(16:37):
fucking movie I've seen forever.
Speaker 4 (16:40):
And I get it. There's gonna be some people out
there that are going to be like, you didn't get it,
you don't like the humor. It went over your head.
It's in cheek.
Speaker 3 (16:53):
We didn't get the humor. It's not that we didn't
get it. It's that the humor wasn't funny.
Speaker 4 (16:57):
It wasn't. It wasn't. And me and Ripper have sat
here and told you guys that we are on board
with horror comedies. We Ripper just named off several ones
earlier that are goaded in our repertoire of what movies
we like to watch. So it's not we don't get
it right, and it's not like we reject it, and
(17:20):
it's not like we're like, we don't want comedy in
our horror films. We don't do that.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
No, I love comedy horror exactly.
Speaker 4 (17:30):
I mean, Tucker and Dale's one of your favorites of
all time. When you found out that the guy from
Tucker and Dale's gonna be at an upcoming horror convention,
you really got.
Speaker 1 (17:39):
Excited for fuck yeah, so fucking his comedy delivery is impeccable.
Speaker 4 (17:46):
So again it's we get it. It's just this one
did not deliver to us at all. We gotta be
honest with our reviews here. We're not just gonna go
with the flow.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
I'd be curious if the ones that actually like this
film are a twenty four diehards.
Speaker 4 (18:07):
I think If you truly like this film, that's fine.
But I would suspect that your horror comedy knowledge isn't
to you know, expand it like ours are. You'll pretty
much come up with this mindset of hey, we've seen it,
we've seen it done better, and this ain't it.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
Yeah. I would take a comedy horror trauma over this one.
I mean, give me a fuck. What is it called?
Speaker 4 (18:37):
Oh when they when you stick to his fingers?
Speaker 2 (18:40):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (18:41):
Yeah, the Night of the Chicken Dead Night of the
Chicken Dad.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
I highly suggest it. Don't watch it. Actually, it's up
to you if you want to go watch this very
over the top trauma movie. B advised that trauma movies,
if you're not familiar with, are very over the top
and very pornographic, I guess is the best way to
(19:07):
put it.
Speaker 4 (19:07):
Their ultimate job is to make you go, what the fuck? Yes,
that's pretty much what their job is. Low rated B movies,
low budget everything, but it's designed to be that way.
It's not like, oh, I watched this trauma film and
I was so disappointed, Like, no, you get what you
(19:28):
get with this?
Speaker 1 (19:29):
Now. You watch trauma movies because you like trauma movies. Yeah,
you don't just watch trauma movies because it's the new
trauma movie.
Speaker 4 (19:37):
Yeah, but with like you said, Neon, they usually come
out with pretty good, solid efforts. And I understand what
they were trying to do with this movie. They were
trying to get in on that horror comedy and give
us a tongue in cheek little movie where you know,
it gets talked about. Unfortunately, it's getting talked about. Yeah,
(20:01):
it's getting talked about. And I'm not gonna be surprised
if there's a lot of people who dig this film.
You know, the same people that's gonna dig this film
probably shit all over hard oz and possically. Yeah, and
that right there is what fucking drives me nuts. You
know we all got our taste is just this left
a horrible aftertaste.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
Yeah, It's like you have real bananas and then you
have that artificial banana flavor that nobody likes. Nobody anyway.
On a closing thought, overall, this movie was abysmal. I
do not want to rewatch this movie never. I will
not buy this movie. I have no inkling in me
(20:48):
to even ever speak of this movie again after this podcast.
Speaker 3 (20:53):
You know what's funny too, is I feel like we've
gotten to the point where if we see a movie
in the theater we're not huge fans of it, we
often will be like, well, you know, I might give
it a second chance just to make sure I didn't
you know, I wasn't just in the wrong mindset when
I watched it.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
Not with this one.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
You know, we talked about this last night, Like we
were discussing this. We all agreed that we didn't even
want to do this podcast, Like we hated this movie
so much that I didn't want this movie to waste
any more of our time. Right, So, if you're out
there listening, you know, the few of y'all that do
(21:30):
listen to us, we appreciate, we love you, and you
agree with our movie reviews and you trust us, then
trust me in saying that you will be wasting your
time and money if you go to this in theaters.
Speaker 2 (21:45):
Will not be a good time.
Speaker 1 (21:46):
It will not be a good time. No, no, thank you,
do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
Yeah, it's gonna be a no for me. Dog.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
Well, as always, we give you the reviews before we
give you our review. So let's dive into the reviews.
The overall Google review summary out of six hundred and
ninety two ratings at this point is at a two
point three out of five out of five.
Speaker 4 (22:20):
Well, I I'm not surprised. Well, kind of am, because
people suck, but right.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
That's what I was just thinking is I'm a little
bit surprised this.
Speaker 3 (22:30):
I think that's why I laughed because so many times
where we absolutely hate something Google or any of these
places that we're going to listen to, the reviews on
are like it was the greatest thing since slice spread.
Speaker 1 (22:40):
Speaking of companies and places that we definitely don't agree with,
our favorite gaming network that loves to do movie reviews,
IGN gave this movie out of a ten, a nine.
Speaker 4 (22:55):
You are kidding me, Well, let's think about it. This
is a joke, so Joe IGN. There are a bunch
of fucking nerds that sit around play video games. They
probably eating doritos and smoking weed.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
Too, And maybe if you're watching, yeah maybe.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
I mean I don't know, Yeah, I don't know how
the fuck they got that. I mean, they ship on
I think Hardez I said, got like a four or
five and this movie gets almost a ten. Fucking crazy.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
I don't trust you, IGN, well, I'm DEBA.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
Or IMDb as you know it gave this a six
point five out of ten.
Speaker 4 (23:35):
That's still too hot for me.
Speaker 1 (23:36):
Dog. Of course, we always save the tomatoes that are
rotten for last. Well, the popcorn meter for the audience
is at fifty nine percent. It's a little over halfway.
I don't like that either. Now, well, you're not gonna
like the tomato meter because it's sitting at a seventy
(23:59):
nine person with a certified fresh rating.
Speaker 4 (24:03):
No again, I think that this is because perception is
reality and because of who directed it, the company that
it comes from, it's considered really slick tongue in cheek,
and I think that they took a movie like Hard
Eyes or something like that, and they just say, oh,
(24:24):
this is just a big movie slash or film that
is no significance to it, when really this movie is that,
you know what I mean. It's like, oh, I mean,
I hate to bring it up, but it's well, you know,
if A twenty four made it, it has to be good.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
We're getting like that with Neon and like I said,
with A twenty four, there are some very great movies
that I would put, you know, in my top with
a twenty four. You know, The Witch, Midsummer. There's some
amazing movies. But you know, I can't sit there and
just be a fan and ignore the ship that's getting
(25:08):
in like politics type status. I don't, right, No, I'm
gonna call it out if I see bullshit, I'm gonna
tell you it's bullshit. I'm gonna be as honest with
myself as I can be, and be honest with you
know who I shared my opinions with, and this movie
(25:29):
was just dog shit.
Speaker 4 (25:30):
But the same people like this give Luke Bryan Country
music Album of the Year.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
Exactly, that's hilarious. I said, dog shit, and be more
like a polla monkey ship, monkey man, French Munkish ship.
Speaker 4 (25:49):
Let me tell you what a bunch of pola munkys
shit this is.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
So we give you our ratings after the ratings, and
I guess that'll be the bearer of this one first.
I haven't gone first in a while, so I'm giving
this movie a one and a half out of five fair.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
And I agree, that's exactly what I was gonna say.
Speaker 3 (26:13):
One and a half really from the mom that's how
bad this was to me. I did not enjoy this whatsoever.
I actually fell asleep a couple of times.
Speaker 4 (26:21):
I thought, I felt you not yeah, well down deep,
I want to give this half a star.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
I thought about that.
Speaker 4 (26:29):
However, I would be a little bit contradicting because I
did say I half enjoyed maybe the first thirty minutes.
So yeah, go ahead and put me down for one
and a half as well.
Speaker 1 (26:44):
Well, there you go. We have we have our cult approved.
I don't know what this one would be. This would
be cult disapproved. We highly disapprove of this movie. I'm
gonna have to make it.
Speaker 4 (26:57):
I mean, I'll put a seal on it. But the
see it was going to be like a poo poo emoji.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
Yeah you know what I'm gonna get started on.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
But that has the thumbs up, but it's a thumbs down.
Speaker 4 (27:10):
Two thumbs down, two thumbs in.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
The monkey ball.
Speaker 4 (27:13):
Of my fucking big toes were flexible. I pushed them down.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
To don't waste your time, don't waste your money on this,
save your money and go to our lovely merch store
at tea spring dot com thirteen thirty one hardcast. You
can also find the link in our Instagram that will
take you to all sorts of goodies that we have
like tea spring and over at YouTube which we're at,
(27:38):
and our Facebook, all sorts of links to go everywhere,
not to mention our TikTok. So if you get a chance,
check us out. We're on the webs. We're out there.
We're in the uh, We're in the the net so speak.
But as always, I'm ripper and I'm tied of thundersand.
Speaker 2 (27:57):
Tutalou buy my little monsters, Stay sp
Speaker 1 (28:00):
Uki and save your money.
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