February 20, 2024 • 31 mins
Episode 3
Alden Olmsted
Sari Lamela
Welcome to The 5 Great Questions podcast, where I ask people interesting questions, and you get to hear their answers.
My guest on episode three is longtime friend Sari Lamela, a powerhouse entreprenuer and promoter who left Hollywood to become a happily married woman in Northern Virginia.
In episode three Sari answers the question:
"Tell me about a loss you've grieved, other than a death."
A tough but relevant question almost everyone can relate to. Sari delves into her Hollywood dream, when it ended, and what she did to get through it. Alden leads her through the five stages of grieef and how they have manifested themselves in her life through this loss.
Alden ends with a Billy Joel Hollywood story that's new to Sari, and maybe new to some listeners.
Want to be on a future episode? Tell me why at Alden5@spreaker.com
All content ©2024 Alden Olmsted
Alden Olmsted
Sari Lamela
Welcome to The 5 Great Questions podcast, where I ask people interesting questions, and you get to hear their answers.
My guest on episode three is longtime friend Sari Lamela, a powerhouse entreprenuer and promoter who left Hollywood to become a happily married woman in Northern Virginia.
In episode three Sari answers the question:
"Tell me about a loss you've grieved, other than a death."
A tough but relevant question almost everyone can relate to. Sari delves into her Hollywood dream, when it ended, and what she did to get through it. Alden leads her through the five stages of grieef and how they have manifested themselves in her life through this loss.
Alden ends with a Billy Joel Hollywood story that's new to Sari, and maybe new to some listeners.
Want to be on a future episode? Tell me why at Alden5@spreaker.com
All content ©2024 Alden Olmsted
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
That she actually talked, get outof here. Oh yeah, I've really
gotten into the bad habit of askinga huge amount of questions. A little
just a question between friends. Youknow, I can go one of those
cappuccino places they let you just sitthere. What are we going to do
(00:23):
there? Talk? We could talk. I'll go if I don't have to
talk. She actually talked to me. Man, not very prepared, All
diady, It's okay, I'll talkyou through it. Yeah. Well,
welcome to episode three of my brandnew podcast, Five Great Questions, where
(00:48):
I find someone that I know ordon't know and ask them if any of
the questions that I send to them, which I usually send to them,
you know, thirty minutes an hourbefore the episode, if any of those
questions spark a good story or adeep answer. The thinking behind this podcast
(01:11):
is that on a daily basis,all of us get asked very transactional questions
when are you going to be home? Did you remember to send something or
drop something off? But on aregular basis, I feel like most of
us don't get asked really good,interesting questions. So that's, in a
(01:33):
nutshell, that's the excuse for thepodcast. Does that make sense and there's
another person. Yes, does theother person? Does the other person in
your house need to ask you moreinteresting questions on a daily basis? Yeah?
No, No, we pretty interestingquestions in our household all the time.
(01:57):
So okay, good, well that'sgood. Okay, So your name
is Sari. Last time I gadyes, yes, last time you checked?
And uh, you've known me toask you questions interesting questions before just
this podcast? Is that correct?That is correct? Okay? Did you
receive the questions that I sent youa couple hours ago today? I did?
(02:22):
You did? Did you have timeto look at them? And did
any one or two of them sparkyour interest as the ones that you want
to answer? Sure? I meanhonestly, I thought they were all great
questions. Oh well, thank you. So I'm actually somewhat open to letting
you pick which questions you want toask me. And the only question that
(02:45):
I kind of struggled with, andI'll be transparent, was number four.
And I'll read the question just sopeople know what we're referencing. Okay,
what have you never done that everyoneassumes you have? Share three? And
I didn't really have a great answerthat because I'm just a pretty open,
transparent person. I don't think thatthere's many things out there that people think
(03:07):
that I have or assumed I havedone that I haven't done because I haven't
had a lot of experiences. Soyeah, that one's more of a lighthearted
one around a you know, aroundan after dinner party where you know,
like people assume that I used todrive a Volkswagen bus and smoked a lot
of weed, and you know,it's those kind of funny things where you
go, yeah, what are whatare assumptions that the world in general has
(03:30):
made about you that you start true? But those are mostly just icebreakers.
So No, the question that Iwas hoping you would gravitate towards was a
name a loss that you've had togrieve other than a death. Yeah,
and that's definitely one that resonated withme for sure. So I'm currently having
to answer that or any any oneof the other questions that you sent over.
(03:53):
So oh yeah, let's I thinklet's do that one. Let's sure,
So probably I would say, whatloss have you grieved other than a
death? Would be transitioning and movingfrom Los Angeles to the East Coast.
And I think for me, therewas a myriad of things that happened during
(04:14):
that period. And obviously, asa young girl, I always had a
dream of working in entertainment and ultimatelyreally being a working actor. You know,
That's something that I always saw formyself. And when I dreamed as
a little girl, I dreamed big. And I've been pretty blessed and grateful
in life. And not to saythat I didn't work hard, because everything
(04:38):
that I have accomplished in life,I've had to work really really hard in
order to achieve and it didn't comewithout struggles and obstacles and challenges all along
the way. But that was oneof the things that I feel that I
never fully achieved. And when,So when did that? Just real quick,
when did that? What was thespark of that dream? Was it
(05:00):
sort of just a standard extroverted Iwant to be on stage or was it
It's a great question. I thinkI was just extremely outgoing and fearless as
a young child, precocious, fearless, loved people, loved communicating with people,
and I love storytelling, so Inaturally just did it in my own
(05:21):
home with friends, with family andputting on shows. And then as I
was able to travel more with myfamily, got to experience, put in
kids programs, putting on plays,theater performances, singing, dancing, acting,
all three and it really resonated withme and the feedback that I got.
(05:44):
Of course, most people do enjoywhen they get hear positive feedback about
themselves. Words of affirmation makes youfeel valued, it makes you feel important,
it makes you feel special. Butfor me, more than anything,
I think it was the feeling thatI got. I felt a lot.
There's a visceral feeling that happens insideyour body where you're on fire and your
(06:08):
senses are heightened, and especially ifyou're in theatrical play with someone that you're
in a scene with and you're reallypresent in the moment and putting all your
attention on them, that's where magiccan happen and you can block out everything
else that's going on around you.That was what made me feel alive,
(06:29):
that life was worth living. Andas I've aged and have come through many
different paths and experiences throughout my life, I've taken a very different journey now
than what I was doing ten,fifteen, even years ago. I missed
that part of my life and thething that I would say, the proverbial
(06:50):
you know, nail in the coffin, so to speak on that dream really
was when I left Los Angeles becauseI thought, you know, realistically,
and people say, ollh to me. You know, my best friend Catherine,
she always says to me, well, Sary, you know, if
you want to do community theater,of course you can. Of course I
can. And community theater is anamazing, wonderful thing and anybody who wants
(07:10):
to creative outlet absolutely should do it. And I think it's a great thing
for the community and it's a greatthing for people to tap into their own
creativity. However, and this iswith a very heavy however, in caveat
for me, I just envisioned morefor my life and there's absolutely nothing wrong
with community theater. Or well,let's go back, Yeah, let's go
back a little bit, just sodon't skip ahead because people still don't know
(07:33):
the story. So I want tokeep the front part short and open up
the back part. So the frontpart the short is when you moved to
Hollywood? Was it? Was itout of just a time in your life
where you know, you're young andwhatever. I'm going to go across the
(07:54):
whole country and I'm going to goit or was it hold on or was
it specifically, Oh my gosh,I have a friend who just got an
agent, and I see the path, you know what I mean? Which
was which of those was your tripto Hollywood? It was definitely I see
the path, right, So forme, it was kind of kismet.
I was working in New York.I went to n y U, I
(08:16):
studied at TISH. I wanted,my degree is in drama, right,
I I worked at MTV on VHL. I mean, you're from Jersey,
so of course your degree is indrama. Well yeah, absolutely, from
(08:37):
a very you know, passionate household. I'm a I'm self proclaimed pizza bagel,
you know for New Jersey, aJewish Italian and absolutely went out there
with a mission in mind. AndI was lucky enough that I was able
to sell my fitness business, whichallowed me a lot of financial freedom where
(08:58):
I didn't have to work. Iwas about twenty three years old. I
had shot a pilot, got paidfor the pilot. Ultimately the pilot got
bought by another network. The shownever ended up airing on the network.
It's just somewhere in their archives.And actually Keenan Thompson was one of the
stars in the show it was calledOcean City. But I never ended up
(09:26):
really getting that traction. You know, got booked a few small things on
the Onion and you know, somemusic videos and some you know, student
films, B list films, Clist films. So would So I guess
(09:48):
what I'm trying to get to is, well, if you tell someone well,
I got married and my husband gotoffered a great job nowhere near Los
Angeles, and I had to givethat up, my question would be,
did you start to recognize that youmight have to grieve this loss before that?
Oh? Yeah, I was grieving. Yeah, I was grieving well
(10:09):
before that. It was it wasa huge grief period. I would probably
say two or three years. Butokay, So was there a moment or
an incident where you just were like, oh, crap, I reality is
looking me in the in the face. I don't know if this is going
to happen, because I know.I the reason I'm asking that is because
I think that's a hard It's notthat it's always not a hard reality,
(10:33):
but it's I think it's even harderwhen you're still in LA Yeah. No,
I still have that present, it'sin your face. So did you
recognize it was there a moment orno, there was I recognized before that
it was already happening before it actuallyhappened, and it was a slow grieving
process, but it was it wasright in my face, or slapping me
(10:56):
right in the face, especially whenmy husband got this job offer that as
a family we sat down and reallycould not say no to. And he'd
made a lot of sacrifices for mein our relationship, and quite frankly,
he never enjoyed LA, you know, and at the time, you know,
my mom was living with us,and she still does. My mother
also doesn't really enjoy LA. SoI had two people in my household that
(11:20):
weren't huge fans of where we are, where we lived. I really hung
on to staying there, even thoughmy path and my trajectory had fallen off
of entertainment. Just from being there, I still had opportunities, Like I
would have people from school that wasdoing short films call me, like I
didn't even have to audition. They'dsay, hey, say we're doing this,
will you come and be in it? And I'd say if I had
(11:43):
could, I'd say sure. Sothere was still access, right, There
was still the ability and the chancewhen you're in LA, when you're a
part of the culture, where you'rein the community, there's kind of like
a fire or a zest where thingsare happening in entertainment and you have access.
And even though it was an actdepe pursuing things probably since twenty sixteen
(12:03):
onward to a degree, and granted, the last film that I did was
in twenty seventeen, and we didreshoots in twenty eighteen. I did a
music video, a Latin music videoand Dan Salsa in twenty nineteen. But
needless to say, I wasn't reallyin the day to day. I had
a completely different full time job,you know, running businesses, but I
(12:26):
still had access the thing that andI already knew and was kind of somewhat
grieving or coming to terms with thisdream of mine is probably something that's going
to end. However, I feltthat by being there things could potentially still
happen, and you didn't know whoit could, which I think a lot
of people. I think a lotof people could say that about New York
(12:48):
or LA absolutely as far as like, well, maybe this isn't what I'm
doing to pay the bills, butgosh, it's great to still be in
the vicinity where you just never knowright exactly, So I guess yeah,
So so you already we were i'mgonna say, pre grieving this, and
then you get married, and theneven after you get married, you're still
(13:11):
again, you're still in LA soyou're still thinking, well, I,
like we said, it's still I'mglad that I'm still in the area.
But then when the job offer happened, was that just like a like a
gut punch or was it or wasit more like the final just a final
sticker, Like, No, itwas a gut punch. And then when
we moved, I was I wasmassively depressed for an extended period. It
(13:35):
was extremely hard adjusting, and itwas a hard adjusting for many reasons.
It wasn't just the fact that I'mgrieving the loss of like my literally my
life dream for myself right where I'mlike, how is this going to happen?
Now? You know, there's nothingreally in entertainment, And what I
mean is in like movies and filmright in the other It would be one
(13:58):
thing if we moved to Atlanta orsomewhere elsewhere TV shows actively filmed, But
there's nothing in my general neighborhood.But it was the fact of that.
And on top of it, wemoved during COVID and I knew no one.
I was leaving all of my friends, my community, you know,
my church. I had nothing leftat all, and come and move to
(14:20):
a neighborhood in a big house,and you're just kind of settling in and
then just into the day to dayhum drum of life. Yeah and yeah,
and beautiful wine country of northern Virginia, but very different than on the
streets of LA. And you're talkingto someone who grew up in you know,
(14:41):
the east coast of New Jersey,but lived in New York for almost
ten years and lived in LA forten years to move to Northern Virginia.
And I kind of live in farmcountry, right, So I'm really out
here by the Boulont Mountains, AppalachianTrail, rolling hills, farms, cows
courses. It's very very different,right. You need to throw a YadA
YadA YadA in there, just whenyou give that general description, just to
(15:03):
yeah, yeah, okay. Soso if everyone's tracking you had this dream,
you you pre grieved the dream,you recognized that it was it was
okay to let it go. Didyou go through I don't know what is
that. I still don't know.Is it four stages of grief or five?
(15:26):
I don't know what it is?But did you do you feel that
you went through the standard what isit? Uh? Well, denial?
Did you did you go through thedenial phase like no, no, I'm
going to fight this, or thedenial I think was happening while I was
still in la okay because the hourwas over, okay, and then saw
(15:50):
that my dream was kind of slowlyfading, right, And do you remember
that denial taking shape in any waylike manifesting itself or or did you like
a conversation with yourself or I don'tknow any of that? No, not
really? Okay? What about anger? Anger is the next one? Yeah,
(16:11):
I mean I think this is terrible, man enough to admit it.
But I think I became resentful,you know, to a degree for like
the sacrifices, right, yeah,because we're married. Life is a sacrifice,
and you know, my husband's definitelymade sacrifices for me. But I
think I I think I I that'swhere I'm anger manifested, underlying where I'm
(16:41):
like, Okay, I'm here andnow, and so I would say things
a lot, especially in the beginningafter we moved, like, ugh,
I hate this house. Why didyou make me buy this house? You
know, think that this is notthe house that I wanted. You know,
if I had it my way,I would have gotten this other house,
and I would have been so muchhappier because I would have been able
to do this, this, this, this, this, and it would
have been mine, you know.So that's how it manifested. Yeah,
(17:04):
well that and that you could saythat without the loss of the Hollywood dream
too, and that's yeah, that'sjust a Now I'm married, and I
have to be not just married,but married like internally to these other ideas.
And now there's two ideas for everything, and there's two opinions of a
house, and okay, the thethird one, which I think is the
(17:26):
most interesting, is called bargaining,where you're gonna grieve the loss, but
you bargain with let's say the universe, and you like, yeah, maybe
I could do it out in Virginiaor there's there's like this bargaining like what
if I could still? Did youdo you feel that that happened at all?
Any bargaining not really not when wewere out in in Virginia. What
(17:48):
ended up happening with the bargaining,if I had to be again honest,
it's a little bit more complicated thanthat, because I was already in a
way. I feel like I wasgoing through the stage of denial and bargaining
when I was in LA, andthen I became like together, yeah,
exactly. And then the way thatI started bargaining when I was in Virginia
(18:12):
after we moved, So first Igot angry and then the bargaining that came
thereafter. So my first stage wasdenial and then bargaining. When I was
in LA. I wasn't angry inLA because I was still there, was
still open. But then when thedoor closed the move to Virginia happened,
then I was angry. And thenthe bargaining was not statements like that,
(18:33):
but bargaining why I should get todo really expensive creative things and pursue them,
like ballroom dancing, which is anextremely expensive sport, especially I want
to do competitively. So that's wherethe bargaining kind of came in after the
anger had suppressed, trying to explain, well, I don't have creative outlets.
(18:55):
This is something where I can performon stage and I can kind of
rely of that visceral feeling that Imiss, where I get to have something
to look forward to, to worktoward, you know, uh, you
know, pieces to choreograph, totell a story exactly. Yeah, yeah,
(19:17):
okay, And then well we've alreadyheard about the other one. Then
depression is the fourth one. Iguess you did have that, yes,
yes? And then the fifth oneis acceptance. Yes, do you feel
wholeheartedly that you have embraced the fifthone. I'm not trying to sell it
(19:38):
to you. I didn't create these. I'm just no, for sure,
I want to say yes and no, which is I guess is a cop
out, right, So I feellike, yes, I've made the choices
in my life, and I lovemy life. I'm extremely blessed h and
I am happy, and I dolove my home now you know, things
(20:00):
like that. But I do stillhave forms of regret, you know,
absolutely, And to say that Ididn't have regret, I think would be
dishonest of me. Yeah. Ithink. I think when we're growing up,
we are well even past growing up, like even in our twenties,
we there's there's words that people willreject just because they haven't gone through them
(20:26):
yet. So people will say,like, well, why would anyone have
a midlife crisis? That sounds sostupid. If you want to, I
used to say, if you wanta convertible, just get a convertible.
That's why I got a convertible earlier, because I'm like, right that,
you know. And then people willsay that when they're younger, well,
I'm never going to have any regrets, so I'm gonna live every day.
And and then you get older andyou realize, you know what life happens,
(20:47):
right, And that's bull crap too. I hate that thing where people
say, oh, you know,no regrets. I regret all the bad
things that have happened to me inmy life, which is most people would
say, what, you know,think about it. God forbid, someone's
assaulted, you know, most peopleregret that or would say I wish that
didn't happen to me. But everybad thing that's ever happened to me in
(21:08):
my life, and there's been ahandful, I don't regret they happened to
me and help me to become informthe person that I am today. The
things that I regret are the thingsthat I didn't do. That's the stuff
I regret, the things that Ididn't get to live, and the opportunities
that I missed. That's how theyalways say, you know, when the
(21:29):
door opens, you got to walkthrough it, because that's at the end
of the day. You never knowwhat's going to be on the other side.
And I could have been I couldalso be saying the flip side of
things too, where if I putmy foot down and my husband got the
job offer, but I say,hey, look, I'm not going to
make this move across country, havea great job here, let's just stay.
(21:51):
And also who knows what would havehappened. But that was the opportunity
that had presented itself at the time, and it was a positive opportunity.
And just because I fear around itand I was worried about what I was
giving up, I had to walkthrough the door and come out on the
other side. And it wasn't easy, but I'm glad that I did.
And I think I ultimately was whatwas intended and meant to happen well.
(22:15):
And I think it's clear not justfor you, but for your extended family.
I mean, your mom is happy, your husband is happy, your
pets are happy, your house ishappy, your sister. Yes. So
I think one of the dangers Ithink that we've and I grew up I
(22:37):
think the reason I can say thiswithout a lot of what's the word some
people say, like, well,yeah, anyway, I just I grew
up so individualistic, you know,very I didn't want I pushed back any
semblance or hint of crowds or goingalong with the crowd. But that's part
(22:59):
of because I'm ax and gen xersgrew up neglected. Come home from school,
you make your own adventures in life. You have your own job,
you get your own money, youlive your own life. And even though
you don't like that when you're little, because it's it can be fearful and
lonely, you get to embrace thatand like that's part of who you are.
(23:19):
But I do think, as witha lot of things in life that
we're I think we're seeing now inthe greater world, the pendulum can swing
too far in the other direction,and all of our moving around that we've
done as a Western society, Ithink ends up having worse effects, even
just for family, being close tofamily as you get older, I mean,
(23:41):
I'm much happier, and I movedback from Nashville to take care of
my mom. And it's not justgood for her, it's beneficial for me.
My finances are better, just everythingis better making sacrifices. I think,
like I said, I think arethe individualism that we have in America
has had its good points. ButI think the pendulum we saw it swing
(24:03):
too far, like where people justwill go, oh, well, I
got a good job opportunity over here, never mind that my family is going
to miss me horribly. I'm justgoing to go here. And you know,
it's not that you should always sayno to that, but it's that
maybe you should think of other peopleasn't the end of the world. You
know, I don't know absolutely Icompletely agree with that, and I think
(24:26):
that can be said about a lotof things. You know, it's like
a career paths, a vision forourselves and our own personal journeys, right
because especially as a millennial, we'retaught to think about ourselves first, you
know, putting yourselves first. Howdo we get ahead? Very career oriented
women, independent women work. Youknow, I don't need a man a
(24:48):
type, but at the end ofthe day, you know, you can
even say that about marriage. Imean, they just came out with us
any recently saying that in the lastyou know, fifteen years, there's been
more older people over fifty that aregetting divorced than they did in the prior
generation. And I think today it'sjust so easy for people to get divorced
(25:10):
because why not, Like you havethis higher expectation of what marriage is.
You don't want that humdrum. Youexpect your partner, your spouse to make
you better in every single way,and once they're not, you're like,
oh, well, this isn't whatI signed up for. By it's so
easy to do that. And especiallywith social media. You know, back
(25:30):
in the day, if you wantedto meet someone and get support elsewhere outside
of your spouse your partner, you'dhave to meet them in person. Right
now, you have the ability withtechnology at your fingertips, you're constantly inundated
with stuff, you can do itvery, very easily. But what was
so interesting about the study that Iread is that the couples that ended up
(25:52):
staying married all the way to theend, they actually did a huge survey
of over seven hundred couples, andthey all said marriage is hard you know,
or really hard. But they saidthat they're happier now and that their
happiness is so much greater now thatthey're older, that they pushed through during
that time, and that their lovenow is experiencing the courtship that they originally
(26:15):
had when they first got together.Hm. Hm, So like it almost
cycles, you know, the differentstages of life. But anyway, just
what you were saying me think thatyou know, well, yeah, and
you could write right, yep,well the rain is starting here, so
I'm gonna I just thought of aof a good final little story to tell
(26:36):
you, which I think is agood way to wrap this up. Is
that because you were saying that youdon't you don't there's things that you don't
regret because of something else happens,even though it sounds negative at the beginning.
Right. So, I don't knowif you know that Billy Joel sort
of tried out La too. Didyou know that that he yeah, like
(27:00):
in this I think it was inthe seventies. Everyone was moving to La
go to California, put flowers inyour hair right in the late sixties.
So in the seventies, I don'tknow if it was his agent or someone
told him you got to go toHollywood, like, you got to make
it in Hollywood, right, That'swhere you got to go to make it.
And it didn't fit it just he'san East Coaster. It didn't It
(27:22):
wasn't him. But despite despite movingback to New York and totally just realizing,
man, La is not for me. If I'm going to make it,
it's not here. Where did hewrite the song Piano Man. Well,
I guess it's got to be inNew York at a bar on Wilshire
Boulevard, at a piano bar onWilshire Boulevard in Los Angeles. Wow.
(27:45):
So even though that section of hislife was like you're you know, you
could have said, oh gosh,what a waste. I tried LA for
three or four years. It justspit me out the other end. I'm
not in La. But he insteadof fighting it, he embraced at least
what he was there for from it. And I think it was called it
might have been called the Executive PianoBar or something. It's not there anymore,
(28:06):
but it's it's where he wrote PianoMan, and all those characters Davy
and the Navy and all those charactersin the song. Were actually characters that
this came up to the bar andhe was a little bit frustrated, and
he thought, yeah, okay,it's like they're saying, just sing us
a song piano, man, Like, that's all I'm good for. That's
(28:26):
the line that everyone loves. Andthat was at a point in his life
when you could some could argue,oh man, that was a mistake.
Glad you're back in New York nowyou can really get serious with your career,
right right, Yeah, it's agreat story. It's interesting. Yeah,
yeah, all right, well thanksfor participating in episode three. Are
(28:47):
you glad you did? Yeah?Absolutely fine, Yeah, answer some other
questions. Oh well, there wasanother one that I think would be good
for you too. You can thinkabout for a few future. It's the
it's almost everyone's favorite question. It'syou know that your whole life is determined
by two choices? That was myfavorite question of that's yeah, that's I
(29:11):
think so far in my life.That's the best question I've come up with
again, because I can tell whenpeople's physical appear like they're they change when
I ask that question, like theythey put their phone down, they stop
and they go, wait, whatdid you say? And then they ask
again, and then they go,oh, it's like like nobody ever asked.
(29:33):
So anyway, that's one. Maybethat's a down the road, a
future episode. Yeah, absolutely,your family. I said, Hi,
tell Chad what's up. And I'mglad you're enjoying Virginia for whatever it's worth.
(29:55):
Is fucking all? Is it allthat enough? Now? You know?
All? I know? Well?Is it that? In a word?
But the not let you get?Don't you get? Jop me you
(30:22):
can't talk to me. Writ nodown you can talk to me. Not
to me? Sorry, tasty,fast and cheap
That she actually talked, get outof here. Oh yeah, I've really
gotten into the bad habit of askinga huge amount of questions. A little
just a question between friends. Youknow, I can go one of those
cappuccino places they let you just sitthere. What are we going to do
(00:23):
there? Talk? We could talk. I'll go if I don't have to
talk. She actually talked to me. Man, not very prepared, All
diady, It's okay, I'll talkyou through it. Yeah. Well,
welcome to episode three of my brandnew podcast, Five Great Questions, where
(00:48):
I find someone that I know ordon't know and ask them if any of
the questions that I send to them, which I usually send to them,
you know, thirty minutes an hourbefore the episode, if any of those
questions spark a good story or adeep answer. The thinking behind this podcast
(01:11):
is that on a daily basis,all of us get asked very transactional questions
when are you going to be home? Did you remember to send something or
drop something off? But on aregular basis, I feel like most of
us don't get asked really good,interesting questions. So that's, in a
(01:33):
nutshell, that's the excuse for thepodcast. Does that make sense and there's
another person. Yes, does theother person? Does the other person in
your house need to ask you moreinteresting questions on a daily basis? Yeah?
No, No, we pretty interestingquestions in our household all the time.
(01:57):
So okay, good, well that'sgood. Okay, So your name
is Sari. Last time I gadyes, yes, last time you checked?
And uh, you've known me toask you questions interesting questions before just
this podcast? Is that correct?That is correct? Okay? Did you
receive the questions that I sent youa couple hours ago today? I did?
(02:22):
You did? Did you have timeto look at them? And did
any one or two of them sparkyour interest as the ones that you want
to answer? Sure? I meanhonestly, I thought they were all great
questions. Oh well, thank you. So I'm actually somewhat open to letting
you pick which questions you want toask me. And the only question that
(02:45):
I kind of struggled with, andI'll be transparent, was number four.
And I'll read the question just sopeople know what we're referencing. Okay,
what have you never done that everyoneassumes you have? Share three? And
I didn't really have a great answerthat because I'm just a pretty open,
transparent person. I don't think thatthere's many things out there that people think
(03:07):
that I have or assumed I havedone that I haven't done because I haven't
had a lot of experiences. Soyeah, that one's more of a lighthearted
one around a you know, aroundan after dinner party where you know,
like people assume that I used todrive a Volkswagen bus and smoked a lot
of weed, and you know,it's those kind of funny things where you
go, yeah, what are whatare assumptions that the world in general has
(03:30):
made about you that you start true? But those are mostly just icebreakers.
So No, the question that Iwas hoping you would gravitate towards was a
name a loss that you've had togrieve other than a death. Yeah,
and that's definitely one that resonated withme for sure. So I'm currently having
to answer that or any any oneof the other questions that you sent over.
(03:53):
So oh yeah, let's I thinklet's do that one. Let's sure,
So probably I would say, whatloss have you grieved other than a
death? Would be transitioning and movingfrom Los Angeles to the East Coast.
And I think for me, therewas a myriad of things that happened during
(04:14):
that period. And obviously, asa young girl, I always had a
dream of working in entertainment and ultimatelyreally being a working actor. You know,
That's something that I always saw formyself. And when I dreamed as
a little girl, I dreamed big. And I've been pretty blessed and grateful
in life. And not to saythat I didn't work hard, because everything
(04:38):
that I have accomplished in life,I've had to work really really hard in
order to achieve and it didn't comewithout struggles and obstacles and challenges all along
the way. But that was oneof the things that I feel that I
never fully achieved. And when,So when did that? Just real quick,
when did that? What was thespark of that dream? Was it
(05:00):
sort of just a standard extroverted Iwant to be on stage or was it
It's a great question. I thinkI was just extremely outgoing and fearless as
a young child, precocious, fearless, loved people, loved communicating with people,
and I love storytelling, so Inaturally just did it in my own
(05:21):
home with friends, with family andputting on shows. And then as I
was able to travel more with myfamily, got to experience, put in
kids programs, putting on plays,theater performances, singing, dancing, acting,
all three and it really resonated withme and the feedback that I got.
(05:44):
Of course, most people do enjoywhen they get hear positive feedback about
themselves. Words of affirmation makes youfeel valued, it makes you feel important,
it makes you feel special. Butfor me, more than anything,
I think it was the feeling thatI got. I felt a lot.
There's a visceral feeling that happens insideyour body where you're on fire and your
(06:08):
senses are heightened, and especially ifyou're in theatrical play with someone that you're
in a scene with and you're reallypresent in the moment and putting all your
attention on them, that's where magiccan happen and you can block out everything
else that's going on around you.That was what made me feel alive,
(06:29):
that life was worth living. Andas I've aged and have come through many
different paths and experiences throughout my life, I've taken a very different journey now
than what I was doing ten,fifteen, even years ago. I missed
that part of my life and thething that I would say, the proverbial
(06:50):
you know, nail in the coffin, so to speak on that dream really
was when I left Los Angeles becauseI thought, you know, realistically,
and people say, ollh to me. You know, my best friend Catherine,
she always says to me, well, Sary, you know, if
you want to do community theater,of course you can. Of course I
can. And community theater is anamazing, wonderful thing and anybody who wants
(07:10):
to creative outlet absolutely should do it. And I think it's a great thing
for the community and it's a greatthing for people to tap into their own
creativity. However, and this iswith a very heavy however, in caveat
for me, I just envisioned morefor my life and there's absolutely nothing wrong
with community theater. Or well,let's go back, Yeah, let's go
back a little bit, just sodon't skip ahead because people still don't know
(07:33):
the story. So I want tokeep the front part short and open up
the back part. So the frontpart the short is when you moved to
Hollywood? Was it? Was itout of just a time in your life
where you know, you're young andwhatever. I'm going to go across the
(07:54):
whole country and I'm going to goit or was it hold on or was
it specifically, Oh my gosh,I have a friend who just got an
agent, and I see the path, you know what I mean? Which
was which of those was your tripto Hollywood? It was definitely I see
the path, right, So forme, it was kind of kismet.
I was working in New York.I went to n y U, I
(08:16):
studied at TISH. I wanted,my degree is in drama, right,
I I worked at MTV on VHL. I mean, you're from Jersey,
so of course your degree is indrama. Well yeah, absolutely, from
(08:37):
a very you know, passionate household. I'm a I'm self proclaimed pizza bagel,
you know for New Jersey, aJewish Italian and absolutely went out there
with a mission in mind. AndI was lucky enough that I was able
to sell my fitness business, whichallowed me a lot of financial freedom where
(08:58):
I didn't have to work. Iwas about twenty three years old. I
had shot a pilot, got paidfor the pilot. Ultimately the pilot got
bought by another network. The shownever ended up airing on the network.
It's just somewhere in their archives.And actually Keenan Thompson was one of the
stars in the show it was calledOcean City. But I never ended up
(09:26):
really getting that traction. You know, got booked a few small things on
the Onion and you know, somemusic videos and some you know, student
films, B list films, Clist films. So would So I guess
(09:48):
what I'm trying to get to is, well, if you tell someone well,
I got married and my husband gotoffered a great job nowhere near Los
Angeles, and I had to givethat up, my question would be,
did you start to recognize that youmight have to grieve this loss before that?
Oh? Yeah, I was grieving. Yeah, I was grieving well
(10:09):
before that. It was it wasa huge grief period. I would probably
say two or three years. Butokay, So was there a moment or
an incident where you just were like, oh, crap, I reality is
looking me in the in the face. I don't know if this is going
to happen, because I know.I the reason I'm asking that is because
I think that's a hard It's notthat it's always not a hard reality,
(10:33):
but it's I think it's even harderwhen you're still in LA Yeah. No,
I still have that present, it'sin your face. So did you
recognize it was there a moment orno, there was I recognized before that
it was already happening before it actuallyhappened, and it was a slow grieving
process, but it was it wasright in my face, or slapping me
(10:56):
right in the face, especially whenmy husband got this job offer that as
a family we sat down and reallycould not say no to. And he'd
made a lot of sacrifices for mein our relationship, and quite frankly,
he never enjoyed LA, you know, and at the time, you know,
my mom was living with us,and she still does. My mother
also doesn't really enjoy LA. SoI had two people in my household that
(11:20):
weren't huge fans of where we are, where we lived. I really hung
on to staying there, even thoughmy path and my trajectory had fallen off
of entertainment. Just from being there, I still had opportunities, Like I
would have people from school that wasdoing short films call me, like I
didn't even have to audition. They'dsay, hey, say we're doing this,
will you come and be in it? And I'd say if I had
(11:43):
could, I'd say sure. Sothere was still access, right, There
was still the ability and the chancewhen you're in LA, when you're a
part of the culture, where you'rein the community, there's kind of like
a fire or a zest where thingsare happening in entertainment and you have access.
And even though it was an actdepe pursuing things probably since twenty sixteen
(12:03):
onward to a degree, and granted, the last film that I did was
in twenty seventeen, and we didreshoots in twenty eighteen. I did a
music video, a Latin music videoand Dan Salsa in twenty nineteen. But
needless to say, I wasn't reallyin the day to day. I had
a completely different full time job,you know, running businesses, but I
(12:26):
still had access the thing that andI already knew and was kind of somewhat
grieving or coming to terms with thisdream of mine is probably something that's going
to end. However, I feltthat by being there things could potentially still
happen, and you didn't know whoit could, which I think a lot
of people. I think a lotof people could say that about New York
(12:48):
or LA absolutely as far as like, well, maybe this isn't what I'm
doing to pay the bills, butgosh, it's great to still be in
the vicinity where you just never knowright exactly, So I guess yeah,
So so you already we were i'mgonna say, pre grieving this, and
then you get married, and theneven after you get married, you're still
(13:11):
again, you're still in LA soyou're still thinking, well, I,
like we said, it's still I'mglad that I'm still in the area.
But then when the job offer happened, was that just like a like a
gut punch or was it or wasit more like the final just a final
sticker, Like, No, itwas a gut punch. And then when
we moved, I was I wasmassively depressed for an extended period. It
(13:35):
was extremely hard adjusting, and itwas a hard adjusting for many reasons.
It wasn't just the fact that I'mgrieving the loss of like my literally my
life dream for myself right where I'mlike, how is this going to happen?
Now? You know, there's nothingreally in entertainment, And what I
mean is in like movies and filmright in the other It would be one
(13:58):
thing if we moved to Atlanta orsomewhere elsewhere TV shows actively filmed, But
there's nothing in my general neighborhood.But it was the fact of that.
And on top of it, wemoved during COVID and I knew no one.
I was leaving all of my friends, my community, you know,
my church. I had nothing leftat all, and come and move to
(14:20):
a neighborhood in a big house,and you're just kind of settling in and
then just into the day to dayhum drum of life. Yeah and yeah,
and beautiful wine country of northern Virginia, but very different than on the
streets of LA. And you're talkingto someone who grew up in you know,
(14:41):
the east coast of New Jersey,but lived in New York for almost
ten years and lived in LA forten years to move to Northern Virginia.
And I kind of live in farmcountry, right, So I'm really out
here by the Boulont Mountains, AppalachianTrail, rolling hills, farms, cows
courses. It's very very different,right. You need to throw a YadA
YadA YadA in there, just whenyou give that general description, just to
(15:03):
yeah, yeah, okay. Soso if everyone's tracking you had this dream,
you you pre grieved the dream,you recognized that it was it was
okay to let it go. Didyou go through I don't know what is
that. I still don't know.Is it four stages of grief or five?
(15:26):
I don't know what it is?But did you do you feel that
you went through the standard what isit? Uh? Well, denial?
Did you did you go through thedenial phase like no, no, I'm
going to fight this, or thedenial I think was happening while I was
still in la okay because the hourwas over, okay, and then saw
(15:50):
that my dream was kind of slowlyfading, right, And do you remember
that denial taking shape in any waylike manifesting itself or or did you like
a conversation with yourself or I don'tknow any of that? No, not
really? Okay? What about anger? Anger is the next one? Yeah,
(16:11):
I mean I think this is terrible, man enough to admit it.
But I think I became resentful,you know, to a degree for like
the sacrifices, right, yeah,because we're married. Life is a sacrifice,
and you know, my husband's definitelymade sacrifices for me. But I
think I I think I I that'swhere I'm anger manifested, underlying where I'm
(16:41):
like, Okay, I'm here andnow, and so I would say things
a lot, especially in the beginningafter we moved, like, ugh,
I hate this house. Why didyou make me buy this house? You
know, think that this is notthe house that I wanted. You know,
if I had it my way,I would have gotten this other house,
and I would have been so muchhappier because I would have been able
to do this, this, this, this, this, and it would
have been mine, you know.So that's how it manifested. Yeah,
(17:04):
well that and that you could saythat without the loss of the Hollywood dream
too, and that's yeah, that'sjust a Now I'm married, and I
have to be not just married,but married like internally to these other ideas.
And now there's two ideas for everything, and there's two opinions of a
house, and okay, the thethird one, which I think is the
(17:26):
most interesting, is called bargaining,where you're gonna grieve the loss, but
you bargain with let's say the universe, and you like, yeah, maybe
I could do it out in Virginiaor there's there's like this bargaining like what
if I could still? Did youdo you feel that that happened at all?
Any bargaining not really not when wewere out in in Virginia. What
(17:48):
ended up happening with the bargaining,if I had to be again honest,
it's a little bit more complicated thanthat, because I was already in a
way. I feel like I wasgoing through the stage of denial and bargaining
when I was in LA, andthen I became like together, yeah,
exactly. And then the way thatI started bargaining when I was in Virginia
(18:12):
after we moved, So first Igot angry and then the bargaining that came
thereafter. So my first stage wasdenial and then bargaining. When I was
in LA. I wasn't angry inLA because I was still there, was
still open. But then when thedoor closed the move to Virginia happened,
then I was angry. And thenthe bargaining was not statements like that,
(18:33):
but bargaining why I should get todo really expensive creative things and pursue them,
like ballroom dancing, which is anextremely expensive sport, especially I want
to do competitively. So that's wherethe bargaining kind of came in after the
anger had suppressed, trying to explain, well, I don't have creative outlets.
(18:55):
This is something where I can performon stage and I can kind of
rely of that visceral feeling that Imiss, where I get to have something
to look forward to, to worktoward, you know, uh, you
know, pieces to choreograph, totell a story exactly. Yeah, yeah,
(19:17):
okay, And then well we've alreadyheard about the other one. Then
depression is the fourth one. Iguess you did have that, yes,
yes? And then the fifth oneis acceptance. Yes, do you feel
wholeheartedly that you have embraced the fifthone. I'm not trying to sell it
(19:38):
to you. I didn't create these. I'm just no, for sure,
I want to say yes and no, which is I guess is a cop
out, right, So I feellike, yes, I've made the choices
in my life, and I lovemy life. I'm extremely blessed h and
I am happy, and I dolove my home now you know, things
(20:00):
like that. But I do stillhave forms of regret, you know,
absolutely, And to say that Ididn't have regret, I think would be
dishonest of me. Yeah. Ithink. I think when we're growing up,
we are well even past growing up, like even in our twenties,
we there's there's words that people willreject just because they haven't gone through them
(20:26):
yet. So people will say,like, well, why would anyone have
a midlife crisis? That sounds sostupid. If you want to, I
used to say, if you wanta convertible, just get a convertible.
That's why I got a convertible earlier, because I'm like, right that,
you know. And then people willsay that when they're younger, well,
I'm never going to have any regrets, so I'm gonna live every day.
And and then you get older andyou realize, you know what life happens,
(20:47):
right, And that's bull crap too. I hate that thing where people
say, oh, you know,no regrets. I regret all the bad
things that have happened to me inmy life, which is most people would
say, what, you know,think about it. God forbid, someone's
assaulted, you know, most peopleregret that or would say I wish that
didn't happen to me. But everybad thing that's ever happened to me in
(21:08):
my life, and there's been ahandful, I don't regret they happened to
me and help me to become informthe person that I am today. The
things that I regret are the thingsthat I didn't do. That's the stuff
I regret, the things that Ididn't get to live, and the opportunities
that I missed. That's how theyalways say, you know, when the
(21:29):
door opens, you got to walkthrough it, because that's at the end
of the day. You never knowwhat's going to be on the other side.
And I could have been I couldalso be saying the flip side of
things too, where if I putmy foot down and my husband got the
job offer, but I say,hey, look, I'm not going to
make this move across country, havea great job here, let's just stay.
(21:51):
And also who knows what would havehappened. But that was the opportunity
that had presented itself at the time, and it was a positive opportunity.
And just because I fear around itand I was worried about what I was
giving up, I had to walkthrough the door and come out on the
other side. And it wasn't easy, but I'm glad that I did.
And I think I ultimately was whatwas intended and meant to happen well.
(22:15):
And I think it's clear not justfor you, but for your extended family.
I mean, your mom is happy, your husband is happy, your
pets are happy, your house ishappy, your sister. Yes. So
I think one of the dangers Ithink that we've and I grew up I
(22:37):
think the reason I can say thiswithout a lot of what's the word some
people say, like, well,yeah, anyway, I just I grew
up so individualistic, you know,very I didn't want I pushed back any
semblance or hint of crowds or goingalong with the crowd. But that's part
(22:59):
of because I'm ax and gen xersgrew up neglected. Come home from school,
you make your own adventures in life. You have your own job,
you get your own money, youlive your own life. And even though
you don't like that when you're little, because it's it can be fearful and
lonely, you get to embrace thatand like that's part of who you are.
(23:19):
But I do think, as witha lot of things in life that
we're I think we're seeing now inthe greater world, the pendulum can swing
too far in the other direction,and all of our moving around that we've
done as a Western society, Ithink ends up having worse effects, even
just for family, being close tofamily as you get older, I mean,
(23:41):
I'm much happier, and I movedback from Nashville to take care of
my mom. And it's not justgood for her, it's beneficial for me.
My finances are better, just everythingis better making sacrifices. I think,
like I said, I think arethe individualism that we have in America
has had its good points. ButI think the pendulum we saw it swing
(24:03):
too far, like where people justwill go, oh, well, I
got a good job opportunity over here, never mind that my family is going
to miss me horribly. I'm justgoing to go here. And you know,
it's not that you should always sayno to that, but it's that
maybe you should think of other peopleasn't the end of the world. You
know, I don't know absolutely Icompletely agree with that, and I think
(24:26):
that can be said about a lotof things. You know, it's like
a career paths, a vision forourselves and our own personal journeys, right
because especially as a millennial, we'retaught to think about ourselves first, you
know, putting yourselves first. Howdo we get ahead? Very career oriented
women, independent women work. Youknow, I don't need a man a
(24:48):
type, but at the end ofthe day, you know, you can
even say that about marriage. Imean, they just came out with us
any recently saying that in the lastyou know, fifteen years, there's been
more older people over fifty that aregetting divorced than they did in the prior
generation. And I think today it'sjust so easy for people to get divorced
(25:10):
because why not, Like you havethis higher expectation of what marriage is.
You don't want that humdrum. Youexpect your partner, your spouse to make
you better in every single way,and once they're not, you're like,
oh, well, this isn't whatI signed up for. By it's so
easy to do that. And especiallywith social media. You know, back
(25:30):
in the day, if you wantedto meet someone and get support elsewhere outside
of your spouse your partner, you'dhave to meet them in person. Right
now, you have the ability withtechnology at your fingertips, you're constantly inundated
with stuff, you can do itvery, very easily. But what was
so interesting about the study that Iread is that the couples that ended up
(25:52):
staying married all the way to theend, they actually did a huge survey
of over seven hundred couples, andthey all said marriage is hard you know,
or really hard. But they saidthat they're happier now and that their
happiness is so much greater now thatthey're older, that they pushed through during
that time, and that their lovenow is experiencing the courtship that they originally
(26:15):
had when they first got together.Hm. Hm, So like it almost
cycles, you know, the differentstages of life. But anyway, just
what you were saying me think thatyou know, well, yeah, and
you could write right, yep,well the rain is starting here, so
I'm gonna I just thought of aof a good final little story to tell
(26:36):
you, which I think is agood way to wrap this up. Is
that because you were saying that youdon't you don't there's things that you don't
regret because of something else happens,even though it sounds negative at the beginning.
Right. So, I don't knowif you know that Billy Joel sort
of tried out La too. Didyou know that that he yeah, like
(27:00):
in this I think it was inthe seventies. Everyone was moving to La
go to California, put flowers inyour hair right in the late sixties.
So in the seventies, I don'tknow if it was his agent or someone
told him you got to go toHollywood, like, you got to make
it in Hollywood, right, That'swhere you got to go to make it.
And it didn't fit it just he'san East Coaster. It didn't It
(27:22):
wasn't him. But despite despite movingback to New York and totally just realizing,
man, La is not for me. If I'm going to make it,
it's not here. Where did hewrite the song Piano Man. Well,
I guess it's got to be inNew York at a bar on Wilshire
Boulevard, at a piano bar onWilshire Boulevard in Los Angeles. Wow.
(27:45):
So even though that section of hislife was like you're you know, you
could have said, oh gosh,what a waste. I tried LA for
three or four years. It justspit me out the other end. I'm
not in La. But he insteadof fighting it, he embraced at least
what he was there for from it. And I think it was called it
might have been called the Executive PianoBar or something. It's not there anymore,
(28:06):
but it's it's where he wrote PianoMan, and all those characters Davy
and the Navy and all those charactersin the song. Were actually characters that
this came up to the bar andhe was a little bit frustrated, and
he thought, yeah, okay,it's like they're saying, just sing us
a song piano, man, Like, that's all I'm good for. That's
(28:26):
the line that everyone loves. Andthat was at a point in his life
when you could some could argue,oh man, that was a mistake.
Glad you're back in New York nowyou can really get serious with your career,
right right, Yeah, it's agreat story. It's interesting. Yeah,
yeah, all right, well thanksfor participating in episode three. Are
(28:47):
you glad you did? Yeah?Absolutely fine, Yeah, answer some other
questions. Oh well, there wasanother one that I think would be good
for you too. You can thinkabout for a few future. It's the
it's almost everyone's favorite question. It'syou know that your whole life is determined
by two choices? That was myfavorite question of that's yeah, that's I
(29:11):
think so far in my life.That's the best question I've come up with
again, because I can tell whenpeople's physical appear like they're they change when
I ask that question, like theythey put their phone down, they stop
and they go, wait, whatdid you say? And then they ask
again, and then they go,oh, it's like like nobody ever asked.
(29:33):
So anyway, that's one. Maybethat's a down the road, a
future episode. Yeah, absolutely,your family. I said, Hi,
tell Chad what's up. And I'mglad you're enjoying Virginia for whatever it's worth.
(29:55):
Is fucking all? Is it allthat enough? Now? You know?
All? I know? Well?Is it that? In a word?
But the not let you get?Don't you get? Jop me you
(30:22):
can't talk to me. Writ nodown you can talk to me. Not
to me? Sorry, tasty,fast and cheap
Popular Podcasts
CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist
It’s 1996 in rural North Carolina, and an oddball crew makes history when they pull off America’s third largest cash heist. But it’s all downhill from there. Join host Johnny Knoxville as he unspools a wild and woolly tale about a group of regular ‘ol folks who risked it all for a chance at a better life. CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist answers the question: what would you do with 17.3 million dollars? The answer includes diamond rings, mansions, velvet Elvis paintings, plus a run for the border, murder-for-hire-plots, and FBI busts.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.