August 7, 2025 • 23 mins
15 - Book 4, Chapters 33 - 34. A Farewell to Arms.
Ernest Hemingway's novel A Farewell to Arms is often referred to as a war novel, which is true enough. There is certainly blood and gore, along with a measure of dark humor, but the novel is more a love story than an account of battles between soldiers. Hemingway introduces us to Frederic Henry, an American volunteer serving in the sanitary services of the Italian Army in the north of Italy during World War One. He is a Lieutenant supervising ambulance drivers and is often near the front lines. Badly wounded by a shell, Henry passes through a number of surgeries and, while convalescing, meets Catherine Barkley with whom he begins an affair. Their story follows them from Gorizia, to Milan, to Stresa, and, finally, and ironically, to Switzerland, a neutral nation.
Ernest Hemingway's novel A Farewell to Arms is often referred to as a war novel, which is true enough. There is certainly blood and gore, along with a measure of dark humor, but the novel is more a love story than an account of battles between soldiers. Hemingway introduces us to Frederic Henry, an American volunteer serving in the sanitary services of the Italian Army in the north of Italy during World War One. He is a Lieutenant supervising ambulance drivers and is often near the front lines. Badly wounded by a shell, Henry passes through a number of surgeries and, while convalescing, meets Catherine Barkley with whom he begins an affair. Their story follows them from Gorizia, to Milan, to Stresa, and, finally, and ironically, to Switzerland, a neutral nation.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Book four, chapters thirty three and thirty four of A
Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway. The sleeprivox recurting is
in the public domain. Chapter thirty three. I dropped off
the train in Milan as it slowed to come into
the station early in the morning, before it was light.
(00:21):
I crossed the track and came out between some buildings
and down onto the street. A wine shop was open,
and I went in for some coffee. It smelled of
early morning, of swept dust, spoons in coffee glasses, and
the wet circles left by wine glasses. The proprietor was
behind the bar. Two soldiers sat at a table. I
(00:43):
stood at the bar and drank a glass of coffee
and ate a piece of bread. The coffee was gray
with milk, and I skimmed the milk's gum off the
top with a piece of bread. The proprietor looked at me.
You want a glass of grappa? No thanks on me,
he said. He poured a small glass and pushed it
toward me. What's happening at the front, I would not know.
(01:06):
They are drunk, he said, moving his hand toward the
two soldiers. I could believe him They looked at frum.
Tell me, he said, what is happening at the front.
I would not know about the front. I saw you
come down the wall, you came off the train. There
is a big retreat. I read the papers. What happens?
Is it over? I don't think so. He filled the
(01:27):
glass with groppa from a short bottle. If you are
in trouble, he said, I can keep you. I'm not
in trouble. If you are in trouble, stay here with me?
Or does one stay in the building? Many stay here.
Any who are in trouble stay here. Are many in trouble.
It depends on the trouble. You are a South American.
(01:48):
No speak Spanish a little. He wiped off the bar.
It is hard now to leave the country, but in
no way impossible. I have no wish to leave. You
can stay here as long as you want. You will
see what sort of man I am. I have to
go this morning, but I will remember the address to return.
He shook his head. You won't come back if you
(02:10):
talk like that. I thought you were in real trouble.
I am in no trouble, but I value the address
of a friend. I put a tin lira note on
the bar to pay for the coffee. Have a grandpa
with me, I said, it is not necessary. Have one.
He poured the two glasses. Remember, he said, come here,
do not let other people take you in here. You
(02:32):
are all right. I'm sure you are sure. Yes, he
was serious. Then let me tell you one thing. Do
not go about with that coat. Why on the sleeves
it shows very plainly where the stars had been cut away.
The cloth is a different color. I did not say anything.
If you have no papers, I can give you papers.
(02:53):
What papers leave papers. I have no need for papers.
I have papers, all right, he said. But if you
need papers, I can get what you wish. How much
are such papers? It depends on what they are. The
price is reasonable. I don't need any now. He shrugged
his shoulders. I'm all right, I said. When I went out,
(03:15):
he said, don't forget that. I am your friend. No,
I will see you again, he said, good. I said outside.
I kept away from the station where there were military police,
and picked up a cab at the edge of the
little park. I gave thee driver the address of the hospital.
At the hospital, I went to the porter's lodge. His
(03:36):
wife embraced me. He shook my hand. You were back,
you were safe. Yes, have you had breakfast? Yes? How
are you? Tenante? How are you? The wife asked, fine,
won't you have breakfast with us? No? Thank you? Tell me,
is miss Barkley here at the hospital now? Miss Berkley?
(03:56):
The English lady nurse his girl. The wife said, you
pat at my arm and smiled no. The porter said,
she is away. My heart went down. You are sure,
I mean the tall blonde English young lady. I'm sure
she has gone to Stresa. When did she go? She
went two days ago with the other lady English good.
(04:19):
I said, I wish you to do something for me.
Do not tell any one you have seen me. It
is very important. I won't tell any one, the porter said.
I gave him a ten lironoe. He pushed it away.
I promise you I will tell no one. He said.
I don't want any money. What can we do for you?
Signor Dinante? His wife asked only that. I said, we
(04:41):
are dumb. The porter said, you will let me know
anything I can do. Yes, I said, good bye, I
will see you again. They stood in the door looking
after me. I got into the cab and gave the
driver the address of Simmons, one of the men I
knew who was studying singing. Simmons lived alone way out
in the town, toward the Portamagienta. He was still in
(05:04):
bed and sleepy when I went to see him. You
get up awfully early, Henry, he said, I came in
on the early train. What's all this retreat? Were you
at the front? Will you have a cigarette? They're in
that box on the table. There's a big room with
a bed beside the wall, a piano over on the
far side, and a dresser and table. I sat on
(05:25):
a chair by the bed. Simmons sat propped up by
the pillows and smoked. I'm in a jam, sim I said,
so am I? He said, I'm always in a jam.
Won't you smoke? No? I said, what's the procedure in
going to Switzerland for you? The Italians wouldn't let you
out of the country. Yes, I know that, But the
(05:45):
Swiss what will they do? They in turn you? I know,
But what's the mechanics of it? Nothing? It's very simple.
You can go anywhere. I think you just have to
report or something. Why are you fleeing the police? Nothing
definite yet. Don't tell me if you don't want, but
it would be interesting to hear. Nothing happens here. I
(06:07):
was a great flop at Piacenza. I'm awfully sorry. Oh yes,
I went very badly. I sung well too. I'm going
to try it again at the lyrical here. I'd like
to be there. You're awfully polite. You aren't in a
bad mess, are you? I don't know. Don't tell me
if you don't want. How do you happen to be
(06:29):
away from the bloody front? I think I'm through with it,
good boy. I always knew you had sense. Can I
help you in any way? You're awfully busy. Not a
bit of it, my dear Henry, not a bit of it.
I'd be happy to do anything. You're about my size.
Would you go out and buy me an outfit of
civilian clothes? I've clothes, but they're all at Rome. You
(06:52):
did live there, didn't you. It's a filthy place. How
did you ever live there? I want it to be
an architect. That's no place for them. Don't buy clothes.
I'll give you all the clothes you want. I'll fit
you out so you'll be a great success. Go in
that dressing room. There is a closet. Take anything you want,
my dear fellow. You don't want to buy clothes, I'd
rather buy them, sim my dear fellow. It's easier for
(07:15):
me to let you have them than go out and
buy them. Have you got a passport? You won't get
far without a passport. Yes, I've still got my passport.
Then get dressed, my dear fellow, and off to old Hellavetia.
It's not that simple. I have to go up to
Stresa first. Ideal, my dear fellow, you just row a
boat across. If I wasn't trying to sing, i'd go
(07:38):
with you. I'll go. Yet. You could take up yodaling,
my dear fellow. I'll take up yodaling. Yet. I really
can't sing, though, that's the strange part. I bet you
can sing. He lay back in bed, smoking a cigarette.
Don't bet too much. But I can't sing, though. It's
damned funny, but I can. I like to sing. Listen.
(07:59):
He roared into Africana, his neck swelling, the veins standing out.
I can sing, he said, whether they like it or not.
I looked out of the window. I'll go down and
let my cab go. Come back, my dear fellow, and
we'll have breakfast. He stepped out of bed, stood straight,
took a deep breath, and commenced doing bending exercises. I
(08:19):
went downstairs and paid off the cab, Chapter thirty four.
In civilian clothes, I felt a masquerader. I'd been in
uniform a long time, and I missed the feeling of
being held by your clothes. The trousers felt very floppy.
I'd bought a ticket at Milan for Stresa. I'd also
(08:40):
bought a new hat. I could not wear a Sims hat,
but his clothes were fine. They smelled of tobacco, and
as I sat in the compartment and looked out the window,
the new hat felt very new and the clothes very old.
I myself felt as sad as the wet Lombard country
that was outside. Through the window, there was some aviators
(09:00):
and the compartment who did not think much of me.
They avoided looking at me and were very scornful of
a civilian my age. I did not feel insulted, and
the old days I would have insulted them and picked
a fight. They got off at Gallaratee and I was
glad to be alone. I had the paper, but I
did not read it because I did not want to
(09:21):
read about the war. I was going to forget the war.
I'd made a separate peace. I thought, damn blownely, and
was glad when the train got to Stresa. At the station,
I had expected to see the porters from the hotels,
but there was no one. The season had been over
a long time and no one met the train. I
got down from the train with my bag. It was
(09:43):
sims bag and very light to carry, being emptied except
for two shirts, and stood under the roof of the
station in the rain while the train went on. I
found a man in the station and asked him if
he knew what hotels were open. The Grand Hotel and
this earls Ames was open, and several small hotels that
stayed open all the year. I started in the rain
(10:06):
for the Eels bor Roomes, carrying my bag. I saw
a carriage coming down the street and signaled to the
driver it was better to arrive in a carriage. We
drove up to the carriage entrance of the big hotel
and the concierge came out with an umbrella and was
very polite. I took a good room. It was very
big and light and looked out on the lake. The
(10:27):
clouds were down over the lake, but it would be
beautiful with the sunlight. I was expecting my wife, I said.
There was a big double bed a let to matremoniale
with a satin coverlet. The hotel was very luxurious. I
went down the long halls, down the wide stairs, through
the rooms to the bar. I knew the barman and
(10:48):
sat on a high stool and ate salted almonds and
potato chips. The martini fell cool and clean. What are
you doing here in Borghese, the barman asked, after he
had mixed a sack at martini. I'm on leave, convalescing leave.
There's no one here. I don't know why they keep
the hotel open. Have you been fishing. I've caught some
(11:10):
beautiful pieces. Trolling this time of year, you catch some
beautiful pieces. Did you ever get the tobacco? I said, yes.
Didn't you get my card? I laughed, I'd not been
able to get the tobacco. It was American pipe tobacco
that he wanted, but my relatives said stopped sending it,
or it was being held up. Anyway, it never came.
(11:30):
I'll get some somewhere. I said, tell me, have you
seen two English girls in the town. They came here
day before yesterday. They are not at the hotel. They
are nurses. I have seen two nurses. Wait a minute,
I will find out where they are. One of them
is my wife, I said, I've come here to meet her.
The other is my wife. I'm not joking. Pardon my
(11:52):
stupid joke, he said. I did not understand. He went
away and was gone quite a little while. I ate olives,
salted almonds, and potato chips and looked at myself in
civilian clothes in the mirror behind the bar. The bartender
came back. They are at the little hotel near the station.
He said, how about some sandwiches. I'll ring for some.
(12:13):
You understand there is nothing here now, There are no people.
Isn't there really any one at all? Yes, there are
a few people. The sandwiches came, and I ate three
and drank a couple more martinis. I'd never tasted anything
so cool and clean. They made me feel civilized. I
had too much red wine, bread, cheese, bad coffee and groppa.
(12:36):
I sat on the high stool before the pleasant mahogany,
the brass and the mirrors and did not think at all.
The barman asked me some question. Don't talk about the war.
I said, the war was a long way away. Maybe
there wasn't any war. There was no war here. Then
I realized it was over for me. But I did
not have the feeling that it was really over. I
(12:59):
had the feeling of a boy who thinks of what
is happening at a certain hour at the schoolhouse from
which he has played truant. Catherine and Helen Ferguson were
at supper when I came to their hotel. Standing in
the hallway, I saw them at table. Catherine's face was
away from me, and I saw the line of her
hair and her cheek, and her lovely neck and shoulders.
(13:20):
Ferguson was talking. She stopped when I came in. My god,
she said hello. I said, why it's you, Catherine said,
Her face lighted up. She looked too happy to believe it.
I kissed her. Catherine blushed and I sat down at
the table. You're a fine mess. Ferguson said, what are
you doing here? Have you eaten? No? The girl who
(13:42):
was serving the meal came in and I told her
to bring a plate for me. Catherine looked at me
all the time, her eyes happy. What are you doing
in mufty? Ferguson asked, I'm in the cabinet. You're in
some mess. Cheer up, Ferguie, cheer up just a little.
I'm not cheered by seeing you. I know the mess
you've gotten this girl into. You're no cheerful sight to me.
(14:03):
Catherine smiled at me and touched me with her foot
under the table. No one got me in a mess, Fergy,
I get in my own messes. I can't stand him.
Ferguson said, he's done nothing but ruin you with his
sneaking Italian tricks. Americans are worse than Italians. The Scout
are such a moral people. Catherine said, I don't mean that,
(14:24):
I mean his Italian sneakiness. Am I sneaky? Fergi? You are?
You're worse than sneaky. You're like a snake, a snake
with an Italian uniform with a cape around your neck.
I haven't got an Italian uniform. Now that's just another
example of your sneakiness. You had a love affair all
summer and got this girl with child, and now I
(14:45):
suppose you'll sneak off. I smiled, at Catherine, and she
smiled at me. We'll both sneak off, she said, you're
two of the same thing. Ferguson said, I'm ashamed of you,
Catherine Barkley. You have no shame and no honor, and
you are a sneaky as he is. Don't Fergy, Catherine said,
and patted her hand. Don't denounce me. You know we
(15:06):
like each other. Take your hand away. Ferguson said, her
face was red. If you had any shame, it would
be different. But you're god knows how many months gone
with child, and you think it's a joke and are
all smiles because your seducers come back. You've no shame
and no feelings. She began to cry. Catherine went over
and put her arm around her. As she stood comforting Ferguson,
(15:28):
I could see no change in her figure. I don't care,
Ferguson sobbed. I think it's dreadful they're there, Fergi, Catherine
comforted her. I'll be ashamed. Don't cry, Fergy, don't cry,
old Fergy. I'm not crying. Ferguson sobbed. I'm not crying
except for the awful thing you've gotten into. She looked
(15:48):
at me, I hate you, she said. She can't make
me not hate you. You're dirty, sneaking American Italian. Her
eyes and nose were red with crying. Catherine smiled at me.
Don't you smile at him with your arm around me.
You're unreasonable, Fergie, I know it. Ferguson sobbed. You mustn't
mind me, either of you. I'm so upset. I'm not reasonable,
(16:11):
I know it. I want you both to be happy.
We're happy, Catherine said, you're a sweet Fergy. Ferguson cried again.
I don't want you happy the way you are. Why
don't you get married? You haven't got another wife, have you? No?
I said? Catherine laughed. It's nothing to laugh about. Ferguson said,
plenty of them have other wives. We'll be married, Fergie,
(16:33):
Catherine said, if it will please you, not to please me,
you should want to be married. We've been very busy, yes,
I know, busy making babies. But thought she was going
to cry again, but she went into bitterness instead. I
suppose you'll go off with him now tonight, yes, said Catherine,
if he wants me, What about me? Are you afraid
(16:56):
to stay here alone? Yes? I am. Then I'll stay
with you. No, go on with him, go with him
right away. I'm sick of seeing both of you. We'd
better finish dinner. No, go right away, Fergie, be reasonable.
I say, get out right away, Go away, both of you.
Let's go. Then, I said, I was sick of Fergy.
(17:18):
You do want to go. You see you want to
leave me, even to eat dinner alone. I've always wanted
to go to the Italian Lakes, and this is how
it is. Oh ho, She sobbed, then looked at Catherine
and choked. We'll stay till after dinner, Catherine said, And
I'll not leave you alone. If you want me to stay,
I won't leave you alone. Fergi, No, no, I want
(17:39):
you to go. I want you to go. She wiped
her eyes. I'm so unreasonable. Please don't mind me. The
girl who served the meal had been upset by all
the crying. Now, as she brought him the next course,
she seemed to relieved that things were better That night
at the hotel, in our room, with the long empty
hall outside, in our shoes outside the door, a thick
(18:02):
carpet on the floor of the room, outside the windows,
the rain falling, and in the room light and pleasant, cheerful.
Then the light out and it exciting, with smooth sheets
and the bed comfortable, feeling that we had come home,
feeling no longer alone, waking in the night to find
the other one there and not gone away. All other
(18:23):
things were unreal. We slept when we were tired, and
if we woke, the other one woke too, so one
was not alone. Often a man wishes to be alone,
and a girl wishes to be alone too, and if
they love each other, they are jealous of that in
each other. But I can truly say we never felt
that we could feel alone when we were together, alone
(18:45):
against the others. It has only happened to me like
that once. I've been alone while I was with many girls,
and that is the way that you can be most lonely.
But we were never lonely and never afraid when we
were together. I know that the night is not the
same as the day, that all things are different, that
the things of the night cannot be explained to the
(19:06):
day because they do not then exist. And the night
can be a dreadful time for lonely people once their
loneliness is started. But with Catherine there was almost no
difference in the night, except that it was an even
better time. If people bring so much courage to this world,
the world has to kill them to break them, So
of course it kills them. The world breaks everyone, and
(19:30):
afterward many are strong at the broken places. But those
that will not break it kills. It kills the very
good and the very gentle, and the very brave. And
partially if you are none of these, you can be
sure it will kill you too, But there will be
no special hurry. I remember waking in the morning. Catherine
was asleep, and the sunlight was coming in through the window.
(19:52):
The rain had stopped, and I stepped out of bed
and across the floor to the window. Down below were
the gardens bear now but beautifully regular, the gravel paths,
the trees, the stone wall by the lake, and the lake,
and the sunlight with the mountains beyond. I stood at
the window looking out, and when I turned away, I
saw Catherine was awake and watching me. How are you, darling,
(20:15):
she said, isn't it a lovely day? How do you feel?
I feel very well. We had a lovely night. Do
you want breakfast? She wanted breakfast, so did I, and
we had it in bed. The November, sunlight coming in
the window, and the breakfast tray across my lap. Don't
you want the paper? You always wanted the paper in
the hospital, No, I said, I don't want the paper now.
(20:39):
Was it so bad? You don't want even to read
about it? I don't want to read about it. I
wish I had been with you so I would know
about it too. I'll tell you about it if I
ever get it straight in my head. But won't they
arrest you? If they catch you out of uniform, they'll
probably shoot me. Then we'll not stay here. We'll get
out of the country. I thought something of that. We'll
(21:02):
get out, darling. You shouldn't take silly chances. Tell me
how did you come from May Street to Milan. I
came on the train. I was in uniform. Then. Weren't
you in danger? Then? Not much? I had an old
order of movement. I fixed the dates on it and Maystrie. Darling,
you're liable to be arrested here any time. I won't
(21:22):
have it. It's silly to do something like that. Where
would we be if they took you off? Let's not
think about it. I'm tired of thinking about it. What
would you do? If they came to arrest you, shoot them.
You see how silly you are. I won't let you
go out of the hotel until we leave here. Where
are we going to go? Please don't be that way, darling.
(21:45):
We'll go wherever you say, but please find some place
to go right away. Switzerland is down the lake. We
can go there. That will be lovely. Was clouding over outside,
and the lake was darkening. I wish we did not
always have to live like criminals, I said, darling, don't
be that way. You haven't lived like a criminal very long,
(22:06):
and we never live like criminals. We're going to have
a fine time. I feel like a criminal. I've deserted
from the army. Darling. Please be sensible. It's not deserting
from the army. It's only the Italian army. I laughed.
You're a fine girl. Let's get back into bed. I
feel fine in bed. A little while later, Catherine said,
(22:30):
you don't feel like a criminal, do you? No, I said,
not when I'm with you. You're such a silly boy,
she said, But I'll look after you. Isn't it blended, darling,
that I don't have any morning sickness. It's grand you
don't appreciate what a fine wife you have, but I
don't care. I'll get you some place where they can't
arrest you, and then we'll have a lovely time. Let's
(22:52):
go there right away, we will, darling. I'll go any
place any time you wish. Let's not think about anything,
all right, End of chapter thirty four.
Book four, chapters thirty three and thirty four of A
Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway. The sleeprivox recurting is
in the public domain. Chapter thirty three. I dropped off
the train in Milan as it slowed to come into
the station early in the morning, before it was light.
(00:21):
I crossed the track and came out between some buildings
and down onto the street. A wine shop was open,
and I went in for some coffee. It smelled of
early morning, of swept dust, spoons in coffee glasses, and
the wet circles left by wine glasses. The proprietor was
behind the bar. Two soldiers sat at a table. I
(00:43):
stood at the bar and drank a glass of coffee
and ate a piece of bread. The coffee was gray
with milk, and I skimmed the milk's gum off the
top with a piece of bread. The proprietor looked at me.
You want a glass of grappa? No thanks on me,
he said. He poured a small glass and pushed it
toward me. What's happening at the front, I would not know.
(01:06):
They are drunk, he said, moving his hand toward the
two soldiers. I could believe him They looked at frum.
Tell me, he said, what is happening at the front.
I would not know about the front. I saw you
come down the wall, you came off the train. There
is a big retreat. I read the papers. What happens?
Is it over? I don't think so. He filled the
(01:27):
glass with groppa from a short bottle. If you are
in trouble, he said, I can keep you. I'm not
in trouble. If you are in trouble, stay here with me?
Or does one stay in the building? Many stay here.
Any who are in trouble stay here. Are many in trouble.
It depends on the trouble. You are a South American.
(01:48):
No speak Spanish a little. He wiped off the bar.
It is hard now to leave the country, but in
no way impossible. I have no wish to leave. You
can stay here as long as you want. You will
see what sort of man I am. I have to
go this morning, but I will remember the address to return.
He shook his head. You won't come back if you
(02:10):
talk like that. I thought you were in real trouble.
I am in no trouble, but I value the address
of a friend. I put a tin lira note on
the bar to pay for the coffee. Have a grandpa
with me, I said, it is not necessary. Have one.
He poured the two glasses. Remember, he said, come here,
do not let other people take you in here. You
(02:32):
are all right. I'm sure you are sure. Yes, he
was serious. Then let me tell you one thing. Do
not go about with that coat. Why on the sleeves
it shows very plainly where the stars had been cut away.
The cloth is a different color. I did not say anything.
If you have no papers, I can give you papers.
(02:53):
What papers leave papers. I have no need for papers.
I have papers, all right, he said. But if you
need papers, I can get what you wish. How much
are such papers? It depends on what they are. The
price is reasonable. I don't need any now. He shrugged
his shoulders. I'm all right, I said. When I went out,
(03:15):
he said, don't forget that. I am your friend. No,
I will see you again, he said, good. I said outside.
I kept away from the station where there were military police,
and picked up a cab at the edge of the
little park. I gave thee driver the address of the hospital.
At the hospital, I went to the porter's lodge. His
(03:36):
wife embraced me. He shook my hand. You were back,
you were safe. Yes, have you had breakfast? Yes? How
are you? Tenante? How are you? The wife asked, fine,
won't you have breakfast with us? No? Thank you? Tell me,
is miss Barkley here at the hospital now? Miss Berkley?
(03:56):
The English lady nurse his girl. The wife said, you
pat at my arm and smiled no. The porter said,
she is away. My heart went down. You are sure,
I mean the tall blonde English young lady. I'm sure
she has gone to Stresa. When did she go? She
went two days ago with the other lady English good.
(04:19):
I said, I wish you to do something for me.
Do not tell any one you have seen me. It
is very important. I won't tell any one, the porter said.
I gave him a ten lironoe. He pushed it away.
I promise you I will tell no one. He said.
I don't want any money. What can we do for you?
Signor Dinante? His wife asked only that. I said, we
(04:41):
are dumb. The porter said, you will let me know
anything I can do. Yes, I said, good bye, I
will see you again. They stood in the door looking
after me. I got into the cab and gave the
driver the address of Simmons, one of the men I
knew who was studying singing. Simmons lived alone way out
in the town, toward the Portamagienta. He was still in
(05:04):
bed and sleepy when I went to see him. You
get up awfully early, Henry, he said, I came in
on the early train. What's all this retreat? Were you
at the front? Will you have a cigarette? They're in
that box on the table. There's a big room with
a bed beside the wall, a piano over on the
far side, and a dresser and table. I sat on
(05:25):
a chair by the bed. Simmons sat propped up by
the pillows and smoked. I'm in a jam, sim I said,
so am I? He said, I'm always in a jam.
Won't you smoke? No? I said, what's the procedure in
going to Switzerland for you? The Italians wouldn't let you
out of the country. Yes, I know that, But the
(05:45):
Swiss what will they do? They in turn you? I know,
But what's the mechanics of it? Nothing? It's very simple.
You can go anywhere. I think you just have to
report or something. Why are you fleeing the police? Nothing
definite yet. Don't tell me if you don't want, but
it would be interesting to hear. Nothing happens here. I
(06:07):
was a great flop at Piacenza. I'm awfully sorry. Oh yes,
I went very badly. I sung well too. I'm going
to try it again at the lyrical here. I'd like
to be there. You're awfully polite. You aren't in a
bad mess, are you? I don't know. Don't tell me
if you don't want. How do you happen to be
(06:29):
away from the bloody front? I think I'm through with it,
good boy. I always knew you had sense. Can I
help you in any way? You're awfully busy. Not a
bit of it, my dear Henry, not a bit of it.
I'd be happy to do anything. You're about my size.
Would you go out and buy me an outfit of
civilian clothes? I've clothes, but they're all at Rome. You
(06:52):
did live there, didn't you. It's a filthy place. How
did you ever live there? I want it to be
an architect. That's no place for them. Don't buy clothes.
I'll give you all the clothes you want. I'll fit
you out so you'll be a great success. Go in
that dressing room. There is a closet. Take anything you want,
my dear fellow. You don't want to buy clothes, I'd
rather buy them, sim my dear fellow. It's easier for
(07:15):
me to let you have them than go out and
buy them. Have you got a passport? You won't get
far without a passport. Yes, I've still got my passport.
Then get dressed, my dear fellow, and off to old Hellavetia.
It's not that simple. I have to go up to
Stresa first. Ideal, my dear fellow, you just row a
boat across. If I wasn't trying to sing, i'd go
(07:38):
with you. I'll go. Yet. You could take up yodaling,
my dear fellow. I'll take up yodaling. Yet. I really
can't sing, though, that's the strange part. I bet you
can sing. He lay back in bed, smoking a cigarette.
Don't bet too much. But I can't sing, though. It's
damned funny, but I can. I like to sing. Listen.
(07:59):
He roared into Africana, his neck swelling, the veins standing out.
I can sing, he said, whether they like it or not.
I looked out of the window. I'll go down and
let my cab go. Come back, my dear fellow, and
we'll have breakfast. He stepped out of bed, stood straight,
took a deep breath, and commenced doing bending exercises. I
(08:19):
went downstairs and paid off the cab, Chapter thirty four.
In civilian clothes, I felt a masquerader. I'd been in
uniform a long time, and I missed the feeling of
being held by your clothes. The trousers felt very floppy.
I'd bought a ticket at Milan for Stresa. I'd also
(08:40):
bought a new hat. I could not wear a Sims hat,
but his clothes were fine. They smelled of tobacco, and
as I sat in the compartment and looked out the window,
the new hat felt very new and the clothes very old.
I myself felt as sad as the wet Lombard country
that was outside. Through the window, there was some aviators
(09:00):
and the compartment who did not think much of me.
They avoided looking at me and were very scornful of
a civilian my age. I did not feel insulted, and
the old days I would have insulted them and picked
a fight. They got off at Gallaratee and I was
glad to be alone. I had the paper, but I
did not read it because I did not want to
(09:21):
read about the war. I was going to forget the war.
I'd made a separate peace. I thought, damn blownely, and
was glad when the train got to Stresa. At the station,
I had expected to see the porters from the hotels,
but there was no one. The season had been over
a long time and no one met the train. I
got down from the train with my bag. It was
(09:43):
sims bag and very light to carry, being emptied except
for two shirts, and stood under the roof of the
station in the rain while the train went on. I
found a man in the station and asked him if
he knew what hotels were open. The Grand Hotel and
this earls Ames was open, and several small hotels that
stayed open all the year. I started in the rain
(10:06):
for the Eels bor Roomes, carrying my bag. I saw
a carriage coming down the street and signaled to the
driver it was better to arrive in a carriage. We
drove up to the carriage entrance of the big hotel
and the concierge came out with an umbrella and was
very polite. I took a good room. It was very
big and light and looked out on the lake. The
(10:27):
clouds were down over the lake, but it would be
beautiful with the sunlight. I was expecting my wife, I said.
There was a big double bed a let to matremoniale
with a satin coverlet. The hotel was very luxurious. I
went down the long halls, down the wide stairs, through
the rooms to the bar. I knew the barman and
(10:48):
sat on a high stool and ate salted almonds and
potato chips. The martini fell cool and clean. What are
you doing here in Borghese, the barman asked, after he
had mixed a sack at martini. I'm on leave, convalescing leave.
There's no one here. I don't know why they keep
the hotel open. Have you been fishing. I've caught some
(11:10):
beautiful pieces. Trolling this time of year, you catch some
beautiful pieces. Did you ever get the tobacco? I said, yes.
Didn't you get my card? I laughed, I'd not been
able to get the tobacco. It was American pipe tobacco
that he wanted, but my relatives said stopped sending it,
or it was being held up. Anyway, it never came.
(11:30):
I'll get some somewhere. I said, tell me, have you
seen two English girls in the town. They came here
day before yesterday. They are not at the hotel. They
are nurses. I have seen two nurses. Wait a minute,
I will find out where they are. One of them
is my wife, I said, I've come here to meet her.
The other is my wife. I'm not joking. Pardon my
(11:52):
stupid joke, he said. I did not understand. He went
away and was gone quite a little while. I ate olives,
salted almonds, and potato chips and looked at myself in
civilian clothes in the mirror behind the bar. The bartender
came back. They are at the little hotel near the station.
He said, how about some sandwiches. I'll ring for some.
(12:13):
You understand there is nothing here now, There are no people.
Isn't there really any one at all? Yes, there are
a few people. The sandwiches came, and I ate three
and drank a couple more martinis. I'd never tasted anything
so cool and clean. They made me feel civilized. I
had too much red wine, bread, cheese, bad coffee and groppa.
(12:36):
I sat on the high stool before the pleasant mahogany,
the brass and the mirrors and did not think at all.
The barman asked me some question. Don't talk about the war.
I said, the war was a long way away. Maybe
there wasn't any war. There was no war here. Then
I realized it was over for me. But I did
not have the feeling that it was really over. I
(12:59):
had the feeling of a boy who thinks of what
is happening at a certain hour at the schoolhouse from
which he has played truant. Catherine and Helen Ferguson were
at supper when I came to their hotel. Standing in
the hallway, I saw them at table. Catherine's face was
away from me, and I saw the line of her
hair and her cheek, and her lovely neck and shoulders.
(13:20):
Ferguson was talking. She stopped when I came in. My god,
she said hello. I said, why it's you, Catherine said,
Her face lighted up. She looked too happy to believe it.
I kissed her. Catherine blushed and I sat down at
the table. You're a fine mess. Ferguson said, what are
you doing here? Have you eaten? No? The girl who
(13:42):
was serving the meal came in and I told her
to bring a plate for me. Catherine looked at me
all the time, her eyes happy. What are you doing
in mufty? Ferguson asked, I'm in the cabinet. You're in
some mess. Cheer up, Ferguie, cheer up just a little.
I'm not cheered by seeing you. I know the mess
you've gotten this girl into. You're no cheerful sight to me.
(14:03):
Catherine smiled at me and touched me with her foot
under the table. No one got me in a mess, Fergy,
I get in my own messes. I can't stand him.
Ferguson said, he's done nothing but ruin you with his
sneaking Italian tricks. Americans are worse than Italians. The Scout
are such a moral people. Catherine said, I don't mean that,
(14:24):
I mean his Italian sneakiness. Am I sneaky? Fergi? You are?
You're worse than sneaky. You're like a snake, a snake
with an Italian uniform with a cape around your neck.
I haven't got an Italian uniform. Now that's just another
example of your sneakiness. You had a love affair all
summer and got this girl with child, and now I
(14:45):
suppose you'll sneak off. I smiled, at Catherine, and she
smiled at me. We'll both sneak off, she said, you're
two of the same thing. Ferguson said, I'm ashamed of you,
Catherine Barkley. You have no shame and no honor, and
you are a sneaky as he is. Don't Fergy, Catherine said,
and patted her hand. Don't denounce me. You know we
(15:06):
like each other. Take your hand away. Ferguson said, her
face was red. If you had any shame, it would
be different. But you're god knows how many months gone
with child, and you think it's a joke and are
all smiles because your seducers come back. You've no shame
and no feelings. She began to cry. Catherine went over
and put her arm around her. As she stood comforting Ferguson,
(15:28):
I could see no change in her figure. I don't care,
Ferguson sobbed. I think it's dreadful they're there, Fergi, Catherine
comforted her. I'll be ashamed. Don't cry, Fergy, don't cry,
old Fergy. I'm not crying. Ferguson sobbed. I'm not crying
except for the awful thing you've gotten into. She looked
(15:48):
at me, I hate you, she said. She can't make
me not hate you. You're dirty, sneaking American Italian. Her
eyes and nose were red with crying. Catherine smiled at me.
Don't you smile at him with your arm around me.
You're unreasonable, Fergie, I know it. Ferguson sobbed. You mustn't
mind me, either of you. I'm so upset. I'm not reasonable,
(16:11):
I know it. I want you both to be happy.
We're happy, Catherine said, you're a sweet Fergy. Ferguson cried again.
I don't want you happy the way you are. Why
don't you get married? You haven't got another wife, have you? No?
I said? Catherine laughed. It's nothing to laugh about. Ferguson said,
plenty of them have other wives. We'll be married, Fergie,
(16:33):
Catherine said, if it will please you, not to please me,
you should want to be married. We've been very busy, yes,
I know, busy making babies. But thought she was going
to cry again, but she went into bitterness instead. I
suppose you'll go off with him now tonight, yes, said Catherine,
if he wants me, What about me? Are you afraid
(16:56):
to stay here alone? Yes? I am. Then I'll stay
with you. No, go on with him, go with him
right away. I'm sick of seeing both of you. We'd
better finish dinner. No, go right away, Fergie, be reasonable.
I say, get out right away, Go away, both of you.
Let's go. Then, I said, I was sick of Fergy.
(17:18):
You do want to go. You see you want to
leave me, even to eat dinner alone. I've always wanted
to go to the Italian Lakes, and this is how
it is. Oh ho, She sobbed, then looked at Catherine
and choked. We'll stay till after dinner, Catherine said, And
I'll not leave you alone. If you want me to stay,
I won't leave you alone. Fergi, No, no, I want
(17:39):
you to go. I want you to go. She wiped
her eyes. I'm so unreasonable. Please don't mind me. The
girl who served the meal had been upset by all
the crying. Now, as she brought him the next course,
she seemed to relieved that things were better That night
at the hotel, in our room, with the long empty
hall outside, in our shoes outside the door, a thick
(18:02):
carpet on the floor of the room, outside the windows,
the rain falling, and in the room light and pleasant, cheerful.
Then the light out and it exciting, with smooth sheets
and the bed comfortable, feeling that we had come home,
feeling no longer alone, waking in the night to find
the other one there and not gone away. All other
(18:23):
things were unreal. We slept when we were tired, and
if we woke, the other one woke too, so one
was not alone. Often a man wishes to be alone,
and a girl wishes to be alone too, and if
they love each other, they are jealous of that in
each other. But I can truly say we never felt
that we could feel alone when we were together, alone
(18:45):
against the others. It has only happened to me like
that once. I've been alone while I was with many girls,
and that is the way that you can be most lonely.
But we were never lonely and never afraid when we
were together. I know that the night is not the
same as the day, that all things are different, that
the things of the night cannot be explained to the
(19:06):
day because they do not then exist. And the night
can be a dreadful time for lonely people once their
loneliness is started. But with Catherine there was almost no
difference in the night, except that it was an even
better time. If people bring so much courage to this world,
the world has to kill them to break them, So
of course it kills them. The world breaks everyone, and
(19:30):
afterward many are strong at the broken places. But those
that will not break it kills. It kills the very
good and the very gentle, and the very brave. And
partially if you are none of these, you can be
sure it will kill you too, But there will be
no special hurry. I remember waking in the morning. Catherine
was asleep, and the sunlight was coming in through the window.
(19:52):
The rain had stopped, and I stepped out of bed
and across the floor to the window. Down below were
the gardens bear now but beautifully regular, the gravel paths,
the trees, the stone wall by the lake, and the lake,
and the sunlight with the mountains beyond. I stood at
the window looking out, and when I turned away, I
saw Catherine was awake and watching me. How are you, darling,
(20:15):
she said, isn't it a lovely day? How do you feel?
I feel very well. We had a lovely night. Do
you want breakfast? She wanted breakfast, so did I, and
we had it in bed. The November, sunlight coming in
the window, and the breakfast tray across my lap. Don't
you want the paper? You always wanted the paper in
the hospital, No, I said, I don't want the paper now.
(20:39):
Was it so bad? You don't want even to read
about it? I don't want to read about it. I
wish I had been with you so I would know
about it too. I'll tell you about it if I
ever get it straight in my head. But won't they
arrest you? If they catch you out of uniform, they'll
probably shoot me. Then we'll not stay here. We'll get
out of the country. I thought something of that. We'll
(21:02):
get out, darling. You shouldn't take silly chances. Tell me
how did you come from May Street to Milan. I
came on the train. I was in uniform. Then. Weren't
you in danger? Then? Not much? I had an old
order of movement. I fixed the dates on it and Maystrie. Darling,
you're liable to be arrested here any time. I won't
(21:22):
have it. It's silly to do something like that. Where
would we be if they took you off? Let's not
think about it. I'm tired of thinking about it. What
would you do? If they came to arrest you, shoot them.
You see how silly you are. I won't let you
go out of the hotel until we leave here. Where
are we going to go? Please don't be that way, darling.
(21:45):
We'll go wherever you say, but please find some place
to go right away. Switzerland is down the lake. We
can go there. That will be lovely. Was clouding over outside,
and the lake was darkening. I wish we did not
always have to live like criminals, I said, darling, don't
be that way. You haven't lived like a criminal very long,
(22:06):
and we never live like criminals. We're going to have
a fine time. I feel like a criminal. I've deserted
from the army. Darling. Please be sensible. It's not deserting
from the army. It's only the Italian army. I laughed.
You're a fine girl. Let's get back into bed. I
feel fine in bed. A little while later, Catherine said,
(22:30):
you don't feel like a criminal, do you? No, I said,
not when I'm with you. You're such a silly boy,
she said, But I'll look after you. Isn't it blended, darling,
that I don't have any morning sickness. It's grand you
don't appreciate what a fine wife you have, but I
don't care. I'll get you some place where they can't
arrest you, and then we'll have a lovely time. Let's
(22:52):
go there right away, we will, darling. I'll go any
place any time you wish. Let's not think about anything,
all right, End of chapter thirty four.
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