August 7, 2025 • 36 mins
20 - Book 5, Chapter 41. A Farewell to Arms.
Ernest Hemingway's novel A Farewell to Arms is often referred to as a war novel, which is true enough. There is certainly blood and gore, along with a measure of dark humor, but the novel is more a love story than an account of battles between soldiers. Hemingway introduces us to Frederic Henry, an American volunteer serving in the sanitary services of the Italian Army in the north of Italy during World War One. He is a Lieutenant supervising ambulance drivers and is often near the front lines. Badly wounded by a shell, Henry passes through a number of surgeries and, while convalescing, meets Catherine Barkley with whom he begins an affair. Their story follows them from Gorizia, to Milan, to Stresa, and, finally, and ironically, to Switzerland, a neutral nation.
Ernest Hemingway's novel A Farewell to Arms is often referred to as a war novel, which is true enough. There is certainly blood and gore, along with a measure of dark humor, but the novel is more a love story than an account of battles between soldiers. Hemingway introduces us to Frederic Henry, an American volunteer serving in the sanitary services of the Italian Army in the north of Italy during World War One. He is a Lieutenant supervising ambulance drivers and is often near the front lines. Badly wounded by a shell, Henry passes through a number of surgeries and, while convalescing, meets Catherine Barkley with whom he begins an affair. Their story follows them from Gorizia, to Milan, to Stresa, and, finally, and ironically, to Switzerland, a neutral nation.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Book five, chapter forty one, of a Farewell to Arms
by Ernest Hemingway. This sleebrivox recording is in the public domain.
Chapter forty one. One morning, I awoke about three o'clock
hearing Katherine stirring in the bed. Are you all right, Cat,
I've been having some pains darling regularly. No, not very
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If you have them at all regularly, we'll go to
the hospital. I was very sleepy and went back to sleep.
A little while later I woke again. Maybe you'd better
call up the doctor, Catherine said, I think maybe this
is it. I went to the phone and called the doctor.
How often are the pains coming? He asked, how often
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are they coming? Cat, I should think every quarter of
an hour. You should go to the hospital. Then the
doctor said, I will dress and go there right away myself.
I hung up and called the garage near the station
to send up a taxi. No one answered the phone
for a long time. Then I finally got a man
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who promised to send up a taxi at once. Catherine
was dressing. Her bag was all packed with the things
she would need at the hospital and the baby things
outside in the hall. I rang for the elevator. There
was no answer. I went downstairs. There was no one
downstairs except the night watchman. I brought the elevator up myself,
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put Catherine's bag in it. She stepped in and we
went down. The night watchman opened the door for us,
and we sat outside on the stone slabs beside these
stairs down to the driveway and waited for the taxi.
The night was clear and the stars were out. Catherine
was very excited. I'm so glad it'd started. She said,
Now in a little while it will be all over.
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You're a good, brave girl. I'm not afraid. I wish
the taxi would come though. We heard it coming up
the street and saw its headlights. It turned into the
driveway and I helped Catherine in and the driver put
the bag up in the front. Drive to the hospital,
I said. We went out of the driveway and started
up the hill. At the hospital, we went in and
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I carried the bag. There was a woman at the
desk who wrote down Catherine's name, age, address, relatives, and
religion in a book. She said she had no religion,
and the woman drew a line in the space after
that word. She gave her name as Katherine Henry. I
will take you up to your room, she said. We
went up in an elevator. The woman stopped it and
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we stepped out and followed her down a hall. Catherine
held tight to my arm. This is the room, the
woman said, Will you please undress and get into bed.
Here's a nightgown for you to wear. I have a nightgown,
Catherine said, it is better for you to wear this nightgown.
The woman said. I went outside and sat on a
chair in the hallway. You can come in now, the
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woman said. From the doorway. Catherine was lying in the
narrow wearing a plain, square cut nightgown that looked as
though it were made of rough sheeting. She smiled at me.
I'm having fine pains now, she said. The woman was
holding her wrist and timing the panes with a watch
that was a big one. Catherine said, I saw it
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on her face. Where is the doctor, I asked the woman.
He's lying down sleeping. He will be here when he
is needed. I must do something for madame now, the
nurse said, would you please step out again. I went
out into the hall. It was a bare space with
two windows and closed doors all down the corridor. It
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smelled of hospital. I sat on the chair and looked
at the floor and prayed for Katherine. You can come in,
the nurse said, I went in. Hullo, darling. Catherine said,
how is it? They're coming quite often now? Her face
drew up. Then she smiled. That was a real one.
Do you want to put your hand on my back again, nurse,
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if it helps you. The nurse said, you go away, darling.
Catherine said, go out and get something to eat. I
may do this for a long time. The nurse says,
the first labor is usually protracted. The nurse said, please
go out and get something to eat. Catherine said, I'm fine, really,
I'll stay a while, I said. The pains came quite
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regularly and then slackened off. Catherine was very excited when
the pains were bad, she called them good ones. When
they started to fall off, she was disappointed and ashamed.
You go out, darling, she said, I think you are
just making me self conscious. Her face tightened up. There
that was better. I so want to be a good
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wife and have this child without any foolishness. Please go
and get some breakfast, darling, and then come back. I
won't miss you. Nurse is splendid to me, you have
plenty of time for breakfast. The nurse said, I'll go then. Goodbye,
sweet good bye, Catherine said, and have a fine breakfast
for me too. Where can I get breakfast? I asked
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the nurse. There's a cafe down the street at the square.
She said it should be open now. Outside it was
getting light. I walked down the empty street to the cafe.
There was a light in the window. I went in
and stood at the zinc bar, and an old man
served me a glass of white wine and a brioche.
The brioche was yesterday's. I dipped it in the wine
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and then drank a glass of coffee. What do you
do at this hour, the old man asked, My wife
is in labor at the hospital, so I wish you
good luck. Give me another glass of wine. He poured
it from the bottle, slopping it over a little, so
some ran down on the zinc. I drank this glass,
paid and went out outside. Along the street were the
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refuse cans from the houses, waiting for the collector. A
dog was nosing at one of the cans. What do
you want, I asked, and looked in the can to
see if there was anything I could pull out for him.
There was nothing on top but coffee grounds, dust and
some dead flowers. There isn't anything, dog, I said. The
dog crossed the street. I went up the stairs in
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the hospital to the floor Catherine was on, and down
the hall to her room. I knocked on the door.
There was no answer. I opened the door. The room
was empty except for Catherine's bag on a chair and
her dressing gown hanging on a hook on the wall.
I went out and down the hall looking for somebody.
I found a nurse. Where is Madame Henry? A lady
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has just gone to the delivery room. Where is it?
I will show you. She took me down to the
end of the hall. The door of the room was
partly open. I could see Catherine lying on a table
covered by a sheet. The nurse was on one side
and the doctor stood on the other side of the table,
beside some cylinders. The doctor held a rubber mask attached
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to a tube in one hand. I will give you
a gown and you can go in, the nurse said,
come in here please. She put a white gown on
me and pinned it at the neck and back with
a safety pin. Now you can go in, she said.
I went into the room. Hello, darling, Catherine said, in
a strained voice. I'm not doing much. You are, mister Henry.
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The doctor asked, yes, how is everything going, doctor, Things
are going very well. The doctor said. We came in
here where it is easy to give gas for the pains.
I want it now, Catherine said. The doctor placed the
rubber mask over her face and turned a dial, and
I watched Catherine breathing deeply and rapidly. Then she pushed
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the mask away. The doctor shut off the petcock. That
wasn't a very big one. I had a very big
one a while ago. The doctor made me go clear out,
didn't you, doctor? Her voice was strange. It rose on
the word doctor. The doctor smiled, I wanted again, Catherine said.
She held the rubber tight to her face and breathed fast.
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I heard her moaning a little. Then she pulled the
mask away and smiled. That was a bit one. She said,
that was a very big one. Don't you worry, darling.
You go away, go have another breakfast. I'll stay, I said.
We'd gone to the hospital about three o'clock in the morning.
At noon, Catherine was still in the delivery room. The
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pains had slackened again. She looked very tired and worn now,
but she was still cheerful. I'm not any good, darling,
she said, I'm so sorry. I thought I would do
it very easily. Now there's one. She reached out her
hand for the mask and held it over her face.
The doctor moved the dial and watched her in a
little while. It was over. Wasn't much, Catherine said. She smiled.
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I'm a fool about the gas. It's wonderful. We'll get
some for the home. I said, there one comes, Catherine
said quickly. The doctor turned the dial and looked at
his watch. What is the interval now? I asked, about
a minute. Don't you want lunch? I will have something
pretty soon, He said, you must have something to eat.
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Catherine said, I'm so sorry. I go on so long.
Couldn't my husband give me the gas if you wish?
The doctor said, you turn it to the numeral too.
I see, I said. There was a marker on a
dial that turned with a handle. I want it now,
Catherine said. She held the mask tight to her face.
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I turned the dial to number two, and when Catherine
put down the mask, I turned it off. It was
very good at the doctor to let me do something.
Did you do it, darling, Catherine asked, She stroked my wrist. Sure,
you're so lovely. She was a little drunk from the gas.
I will eat from a tray in the next room.
The doctor said, you can call me any moment. While
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the time passed, I watched him eat. Then after a
while I saw that he was lying down and smoking
a cigarette. Catherine was getting very tired. Do you think
I'll ever have this baby? She asked, yes, of course
you will. I try as hard as I can. I
pushed down, but it goes away there it comes, give
it to me. At two o'clock I went out and
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had lunch. There were a few men in the cafe
sitting with coffee and glasses of kersh or mark on
the tables. I sat down at a table. Can I eat?
I asked the waiter. It is pastime for lunch. Isn't
there anything for all hours? You can have shukrute, Give
me schuekrute and beer a demi or a buck a
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light demi. The waiter brought a dish of sauerkraut with
a slice of ham over the top and a sausage
buried in the hot wine soaked cabbage. I ate it
and drank the beer. I was very hungry. I watched
the people at the tables and the cafe. At one
table they were playing cards. Two men at the table
next me were talking and smoking. The cafe was full
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of smoke. The zinc bar where I had breakfasted had
three people behind it now, the old man, a plump
woman in a black dress who sat behind a counter
and kept track of everything served to the tables, and
a boy in an apron. I wondered how many children
the woman had and what it had been like when
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I was through with the schue Kreute. I went back
to the hospital. The street was all clean now there
were no refuse cans out. The day was cloudy, but
the sun was trying to come through. I rode up
stairs in the elevator, stepped out and went down the
hall to Catherine's room, where I had left my white gown.
I put it on and pinned it him back at
the neck. I looked in the glass and saw myself
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looking like a fake doctor with a beard. I went
down the hall to the delivery room. The door was
closed and I knocked. No one answered, So I turned
the handle and went in. The doctor sat by Katherine.
The nurse was doing something at the other end of
the room. Here is your husband. The doctor said, Oh, darling,
I had the most wonderful doctor, Catherine said, in a
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very strange voice. He's been telling me the most wonderful story,
and when the pain came too badly, he put me
all the way out. He's wonderful. You're wonderful, doctor. You're drunk,
I said, I know it, Catherine said, but you shouldn't
say it. Then give it to me. Give it to me.
She clutched hold of the mask and breathed short and deep, pantingly,
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making the respirator click. Then she gave a long sigh,
and the doctor reached with his left hand and lifted
away the mask. That was a very big one, Catherine said,
Her voice was very strange. I'm not going to die now, Darling.
I'm past where I was going to die, aren't you glad?
Don't you get in that place again. I won't. I'm
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not afraid of it. Though. I won't die, Darling. You
will not do any such foolishness, the doctor said. You
would not die and leave your husband. Oh no, I
won't die. I wouldn't die. It's silly to die there
it comes give it to me. After a while, the
doctor said, you will go out, mister Henry, for a
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few moments, and I will make an examination. He wants
to see how I am doing. Catherine said, you can
come back afterward, darling, can't he doctor? Yes, said the doctor.
I will send word when he can come back. I
went out the door and down the hall to the
room where Catherine was to be after the baby came.
I sat in a chair there and looked at the room.
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I had the paper in my coat that I had
bought when I went out for lunch, and I read.
It was beginning to be dark outside, and I turned
the light on to read. After a while, I stopped
reading and turned off the light and watched to get
dark outside. I wondered why the doctor did not send
for me. Maybe it was better I was away. He
probably wanted me away for a while. I looked at
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my watch. He did not send for me. In ten minutes.
I would go down anyway, Poor, poor dear cat. And
this was the price you paid for sleeping together. This
was the end of the trap. This was people got
for loving each other. Thank God for guess anyway, what
must it have been like before there was any anesthetics?
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Once it started, they were in the mill race. Catherine
had a good time in the time of the pregnancy.
It wasn't bad. She was hardly ever sick. She was
not awfully uncomfortable until toward the last. So now they
got her in the end. You'll never get away with anything,
get away. Hell, it would have been the same if
we had been married fifty times. And what if she
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should die? She won't die. People don't die in childbirth nowadays.
That was what all husbands thought. Yes, but what if
she should die? She won't die. She's just having a
bad time. The initial labor is usually protracted. She's only
having a bad time. Afterward, we'd say what a bad time,
and Catherine would say, it wasn't really so bad. But
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what if she should die? She can't die. Yes, but
what if she should die? She can't. I tell you,
don't be it's just a bad time. It's just nature
giving her. Hell, it's only the first labor, which is
almost always protracted. Yes, but what if she should die.
She can't die. Why would she die? What reason is
there for her to die. There's just a child that
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has to be born, the by product of good knights
in Milan makes trouble and is born, and then you
look after it and get fond of it. Maybe, But
what if she should die? She won't die, But what
if she should die? She won't she's all right. But
what if she should die? She can't die? But if
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what if she should die? Hey? What about that? What
if she should die? The doctor came into the room.
How does it go? Doctor? It doesn't go? He said,
what do you mean? Just that I made an examination?
He detailed the results of the examination. Since then I've
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waited to see but it doesn't go. What do you advise?
There are two things, either a high forceps delivery, which
can tear and be quite dangerous, besides being possibly bad
for the child, and a caesarean. What is the danger
of a cesarean? What if she should die? It should
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be no greater than the danger of an ordinary delivery?
Would you do it yourself? Yes? I would need possibly
an hour to get things ready and to get the people.
I would need perhaps a little less. What do you
think I would advise a cesarean operation if it were
my wife, I would do a cesarean. What are the
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after effects? There are none, There is only the scar.
What about infection? The danger is not so great as
in a high fourceps delivery. What if you just went
on and did nothing, you would have to do something eventually.
Missus Henry is already losing much of her strength. The
sooner we operate, now, the safer opera. As soon as
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you can, I said, I will go and give the instructions.
I went into the delivery room. The nurse was with Catherine,
who lay on the table big under the sheet, looking
very pale and tired. Did you tell him you could
do it, she asked, yes, it's Nick Rhan. Now it
will be all over in an hour. I'm almost done, darling,
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I'm going all to pieces. Please give me that it
doesn't work. Oh it doesn't work. Breathe deeply. I am Oh,
it doesn't work anymore. It doesn't work. Get another cylinder,
I said to the doctor. That is a new cylinder.
I'm just a fool, darling, Catherine said, but it doesn't
work anymore. She began to cry. Oh I wanted so
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to have this baby and not make trouble, and now
I'm all done and all gone to pieces. And it
doesn't work. Oh, darling, it doesn't work at all. I
don't care if I die, if it will only stop.
Oh please, darling, please make it stop. There it comes.
Oh oh oh, she breathed sobbingly in the mask. It
doesn't work. It doesn't work, it doesn't work. Don't mind me, darling,
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Please don't cry, don't mind me. I'm just gone all
to pieces. You poor sweet. I love you so and
I'll be good again. I'll be good this time. Can't
they give me something? If they could only give me something,
I'll make it work. I'll turn it all the way.
Give it to me now. I turned the dial all
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the way, and as she breathed hard and deep, her
hand relaxed on the mask. I shut off the gas
and lifted the mask. She came back from a long
way away. That was lovely, darling. Oh, you're so good
to me. You be brave, because I can't do that
all the time. It might kill you. I'm not brave anymore, darling.
I'm all broken. They've broken me. I know it now.
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Everybody is that way, but it's awful. They just keep
it up till they break you in an hour. It
will be over, isn't that lovely, darling. I won't die,
will I? No? I promise you won't because I don't
want to die and leave you. But I get so
tired of it, and I feel I'm going to die. Nonsense,
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everybody feels that. Sometimes I know I'm going to die.
You won't, you can't. But what if I should? I
won't let you Give it to me, quick, give it
to me. Then afterward I won't die. I won't let
myself die, of course you won't. You'll stay with me.
Not to watch it, no, just to be there. Sure,
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I'll be there all the time. You're so good to me. There,
Give it to me, Give me some more. It's not working.
I turned the dial to three and then four. I
wish the doctor would come back. I was afraid of
the numbers above two. Finally a new doctor came in
with two nurses, and they lifted Catherine onto a wheeled
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stretcher and we start down the hall. The stretcher went
rapidly down the hall and into the elevator, where everyone
had to crowd against the wall to make room. Then up,
then an open door and out of the elevator and
down the hall on rubber wheels to the operating room.
I did not recognize the doctor with his cap and
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mask on. There was another doctor and more nurses. They've
got to give me something, Catherine said, They've got to
give me something. Oh please, doctor, give me enough to
do some good. One of the doctors put a mask
over her face, and I looked through the door and
saw the bright, small amphitheater of the operating room. You
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can go in the other door and sit up there,
a nurse said to me. There were benches behind a
rail that looked down on the white table and the lights.
I looked at Catherine. The mask was over her face.
Since she was quiet now, they wheeled the stretcher forward.
I turned away and walked down the hall. Two nurses
were hurrying toward the entrance to the gallery. It's a cesarean.
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Once said, they're going to do a cesarean. The other
one laughed, we're just in time, aren't we lucky. They
went in the door that led to the gallery. Another
nurse came along. She was hurrying too. You go right
in there, go right in, she said, I'm staying outside.
She hurried in. I walked up and down the hall.
I was afraid to go in. I looked out the window.
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It was dark, but in the light from the window
I could see it was raining. I went into a
room at the far end of the hall and looked
at the labels on bottles in a glass case. Then
I came out and stood in the empty hall and
watched the door of the operating room. A doctor came out,
followed by a nurse. He held something in his two
hands that looked like a freshly skinned rabbit, and hurried
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across the corridor with it and in through another door.
I went down to the door he had gone into
and found them in the room doing things to a
new born child. The doctor held them up for me
to see. He held him by the heels and slapped him.
Is he all right, He's magnificent, He'll wait five kilos.
I had no feeling for him. He did not seem
to have anything to do with me. I felt no
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feeling of fatherland. Aren't you proud of your son? The
nurse asked. They were washing him and wrapping him in something.
I saw the little dark face and dark hand, but
I did not see him move or hear him cry.
The doctor was doing something to him again. He looked upset. No,
I said, he nearly killed his mother. It isn't the
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little darling's fault. Didn't you want a boy, no, I said.
The doctor was busy with him. He held him up
by the feet and slapped him. I did not wait
to see it. I went out into the hall. I
could go in now and see. I went in the door,
and a little way down the gallery. The nurses who
were sitting at the rail motion for me to come
down where they were. I shook my head. I could
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see enough where I was. I thought Catherine was dead.
She looked dead. Her face was gray, the part of
it that I could see. Down below under the light.
The doctor was swing up the great long forceps spread
thick edged wound. Another doctor in a mask gave the anesthetic.
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Two nurses in mass hand at things. It looked like
a drawing of the Inquisition. I knew as I watched
I could have watched it all, but I was glad
I hadn't. I do not think I could have watched
them cut, but I watched the wound closed into a
high welted ridge with quick, skillful looking stitches like a
cobbler's and was glad when the wound was closed. I
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went out into the hall and walked up and down again.
After a while, the doctor came out. How is she?
She's all right? Did you watch? He looked tired. I
saw you sew up. The incision looked very long, you thought, so. Yes,
will that scar flatten out? Oh? Yes. After a while,
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they brought out the wheeled stretcher and took it very
rapidly down the hallway to the elevator. I went along
beside it. Catherine was moaning down stairs. They put her
in the bed in her room. I sat in a
chair at the foot of the bed. There was a
nurse in the room. I got up and stood by
the bed. It was dark in the room. Catherine put
out her hand. Hello, darling, she said. Her voice was
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very weak and tired. Hello you sweet. What sort of
baby was it? Sh don't talk, The nurse said, A boy.
He's long and wide and dark. Is he all right? Yes?
I said, he's fine. I saw the nurse look at
me strangely. I'm awfully tired, Catherine said, and I hurt,
like hell. Are you all right, darling? I'm fine, don't talk.
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You are lovely to me. Oh, darling, I hurt dreadfully.
What does he look like? He looks like a skinned
rabbit with a puckered up old man's face. You must
go out, the nurse said, Madame. Henry must not talk.
I'll be outside, I said, go and it's something to eat. No,
I'll be outside. I kissed Catherine. She was very gray
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and weak and tired. May I speak to you, I
said to the nurse. She came out in the hall
with me. I walked a little way down the hall.
What's the matter with the baby, I asked, didn't you know? No,
he wasn't alive. He was dead. They couldn't start him breathing.
The cord was caught around his neck or something. So
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he's dead. Yes, it's such a shame. He was such
a fine big boy. I thought you knew. No, I said,
you'd better go back in with Madame. I sat down
on the chair in front of a table where there
were nurses reports hung on cliffs at the side, and
looked out of the window. I could see nothing but
the dark and the rain falling across the light from
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the window. So that was it. The baby was dead.
That was why the doctor looked so tired. But why
had they acted the way they did in the room
with him? They supposed he would come around and start breathing.
Probably I had no religion, but I knew he ought
to have been baptized. But what if he never breathed
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at all? He hadn't, He had never been alive except
in Catherine. I felt him kick there often enough, but
I hadn't for a week. Maybe he was choked all
the time, poor little kid. I wish the hell i'd
been choked like that. No I didn't. Still, there would
not be all this dying to go through. Now Catherine
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would die. That was what you did. You died. You
did not know what it was about. You never had
time to learn. They threw you in and told you
the rules. And the first time they caught you off base,
they killed you. Or they killed you gratuitously like i'm mo,
or gave you the syphilis like rinaldo. But they killed
you in the end. You could count on that. Stay
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around and they would kill you. Once in camp, I
put a log on top of the fire, and it
was full of ants. As to commenced to burn. The
ants swarmed out and went first toward the center, where
the fire was then turned back and ran toward the end.
When there were enough on the end, they fell off
into the fire. Some got out, their bodies burnt and flattened,
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and went off, not knowing where they were going. But
most of them went toward the fire, and then back
toward the end and swarmed on the cool end, and
finally fell off into the fire. I remember thinking at
the time that it was the end of the world
and a splendid chance to be a messiah and lift
the log off the fire and throw it out where
the ants could get off onto the ground. But I
(27:39):
did not do anything but throw a tin cup of
water on the log, so that I would have the
cup empty to put whiskey in before I added water
to it. I think the cup of water on the
burning log only steamed the ants. So now I sat
out in the hall and waited to hear how Catherine was.
The nurse did not come out, so after a while
(27:59):
I went to the door and opened it very softly
and looked in. I could not see at first because
there was a bright light on the hall and it
was dark in the room. Then I saw the nurse
sitting by the bed in Catherine's head on a pillow,
and she all flat under the sheet. The nurse put
her finger to her lips, then stood up and came
to the door. How is she? I asked, she's all right.
(28:23):
The nurse said, you should go and have your supper
and then come back if you wish. I went down
the hall and then down the stairs and out the
door of the hospital and down the dark street and
the rain to the cafe. It was brightly lighted inside,
and there were many people at the tables. I did
not see a place to sit, and a waiter came
up to me and took my wet coat and hat
(28:45):
and showed me a place at a table across from
an elderly man who was drinking beer and reading the
evening paper. I sat down and asked the waiter what
the platte doujour was? Veal stew, But it is finished.
What can I have to eat? Eat ham and eggs,
eggs with cheese or choucrute. I had choucrut this noon.
(29:07):
I said, that's true. He said, that's true. You ate
choucrute this noon. He was a middle aged man with
a ball top to his head and his hair slicked
over it. He had a kind face. What do you
want ham and eggs or eggs with cheese? Ham and eggs,
I said, and beer? A demi blonde, Yes, I said,
(29:27):
I remembered. He said, you took a demi blonde this noon.
I ate the ham and eggs and drank the beer.
The ham and eggs were in a round dish, the
ham underneath and the eggs on top. It was very hot,
and at the first mouthful I had to take a
drink of beer to cool my mouth. I was hungry,
and I asked the waiter for another order. I drank
(29:48):
several glasses of beer. I was not thinking at all,
but read the paper of the man opposite me. It
was about the breakthrough on the British front. When he
realized I was read eating the back of his paper,
he folded it over. I thought of asking the waiter
for a paper, but I could not concentrate. Was hot
in the cafe and the air was bad. Many of
(30:11):
the people at the tables knew one another. There were
several card games going on. The waiters were busy bringing
drinks from the bar to the tables. Two men came
in and could find no place to sit. They stood
opposite the table where I was. I ordered another beer.
I was not ready to leave yet, it was too
soon to go back to the hospital. I tried not
(30:34):
to think and to be perfectly calm. The men stood around,
but no one was leaving, so they went out. I
drank another beer. There was quite a pile of saucers
now on the table in front of me. The man
opposite me had taken off his spectacles, put them away
in a case, folded his paper and put it in
(30:56):
his pocket, and now sat holding his liquor glass and
looking out at the room. Suddenly I knew I had
to get back. I called the waiter, paid the reckoning,
got into my coat, put on my hat, and started
out the door. I walked through the rain up to
the hospital. Upstairs. I met the nurse coming down the hall.
(31:17):
I just caught you at the hotel. She said, something
dropped inside me. What is wrong? Miss Henry has had
a hemorrhage. Can I go in? No, not yet. The
doctor is with her. Is it dangerous? It is very dangerous.
The nurse went into the room and shut the door.
I sat outside in the hall. Everything was gone inside
(31:38):
of me. I did not think. I could not think.
I knew she was going to die, and I prayed
that she would not. Don't let her die. Oh God,
please don't let her die. I'll do anything for you
if you won't let her die. Please, please, please, Dear God,
don't let her die. Dear God, don't let her die.
Please please, please don't let her die. God, please make
(32:01):
her not die. I'll do anything you say if you
don't let her die. You took the baby, but don't
let her die. That was all right, But don't let
her die. Please, please, Dear God, don't let her die.
The nurse opened the door and motioned with her finger
for me to come. I followed her into the room.
Catherine did not look up when I came in. I
(32:24):
went over to the side of the bed. The doctor
was standing by the bed on the opposite side. Catherine
looked at me and smiled. I bent down over the
bed and started to cry, poor darling. Catherine said, very softly,
she looked gray you all right, kat, I said, you're
going to be all right. I'm going to die, she said,
(32:47):
then waited and said, I hate it. I took her hand.
Don't touch me, she said. I let go of her hand.
She smiled, poor darling, you touch me you want. You'll
be all right, Kat. I know you'll be all right.
I meant to write you a letter to have if
anything happened, but I didn't do it. Do you want
(33:09):
me to get a priest or anyone to come and
see you? Just you? She said. Then a little later,
I'm not afraid. I just hate it. You must not
talk so much. The doctor said, all right. Catherine said,
do you want me to do anything? Cat? Can I
get you anything? Catherine smiled no. Then a little later,
(33:31):
you won't do our things with another girl or say
the same things, will you never? I want you to
have girls, though I don't want them. You were talking
too much. The doctor said, mister Henry must go out.
It can come back again later. You are not going
to die. You must not be silly, all right. Catherine said,
(33:52):
I'll come and stay with you Knights. She said it
was very hard for her to talk. Please go out
at the room. Doctor said, you cannot talk. Catherine winked
at me her face gray. I'll be right outside, I said,
don't worry, darling. Catherine said, I'm not a bit afraid.
It's just a dirty trick you, dear, brave sweet I
(34:16):
waited outside in the hall. I waited a long time.
The nurse came to the door and came over to me.
I'm afraid, missus. Henry is very ill, she said, I'm
afraid for her. Is she dead? No, but she is unconscious.
It seems she had one hemorrhage after another. They couldn't
(34:38):
stop it. I went into the room and stayed with
Catherine until she died. She was unconscious all the time,
and it did not take her very long to die.
Outside the room in the hall, I spoke to the doctor.
There anything I can do to night? No, there is
nothing to do. Can I take you to your hotel? No,
(35:01):
thank you. I'm going to stay here. Awhile, I know
there is nothing to say. I cannot tell you no,
I said, there's nothing to say good night. He said,
I cannot take you to your hotel. No, thank you.
It's the only thing to do, he said. The operation proved.
I do not want to talk about it. I said,
(35:22):
I would like to take you to your hotel. No,
thank you. He went down the hall. I went to
the door of the room. You can't come in now.
One of the nurses said yes I can. I said
you can't come in yet, you get out. I said
the other one too. But after I got them out
(35:42):
and shut the door and turned off the light, it
wasn't any good. Was like saying goodbye to a statue.
After a while I went out and left the hospital
and walked back to the hotel in the rain. And
of Chapter forty one and of a Farewell to Arms
by Ernest Hemingway read by Kavanas
Book five, chapter forty one, of a Farewell to Arms
by Ernest Hemingway. This sleebrivox recording is in the public domain.
Chapter forty one. One morning, I awoke about three o'clock
hearing Katherine stirring in the bed. Are you all right, Cat,
I've been having some pains darling regularly. No, not very
(00:26):
If you have them at all regularly, we'll go to
the hospital. I was very sleepy and went back to sleep.
A little while later I woke again. Maybe you'd better
call up the doctor, Catherine said, I think maybe this
is it. I went to the phone and called the doctor.
How often are the pains coming? He asked, how often
(00:46):
are they coming? Cat, I should think every quarter of
an hour. You should go to the hospital. Then the
doctor said, I will dress and go there right away myself.
I hung up and called the garage near the station
to send up a taxi. No one answered the phone
for a long time. Then I finally got a man
(01:06):
who promised to send up a taxi at once. Catherine
was dressing. Her bag was all packed with the things
she would need at the hospital and the baby things
outside in the hall. I rang for the elevator. There
was no answer. I went downstairs. There was no one
downstairs except the night watchman. I brought the elevator up myself,
(01:27):
put Catherine's bag in it. She stepped in and we
went down. The night watchman opened the door for us,
and we sat outside on the stone slabs beside these
stairs down to the driveway and waited for the taxi.
The night was clear and the stars were out. Catherine
was very excited. I'm so glad it'd started. She said,
Now in a little while it will be all over.
(01:49):
You're a good, brave girl. I'm not afraid. I wish
the taxi would come though. We heard it coming up
the street and saw its headlights. It turned into the
driveway and I helped Catherine in and the driver put
the bag up in the front. Drive to the hospital,
I said. We went out of the driveway and started
up the hill. At the hospital, we went in and
(02:12):
I carried the bag. There was a woman at the
desk who wrote down Catherine's name, age, address, relatives, and
religion in a book. She said she had no religion,
and the woman drew a line in the space after
that word. She gave her name as Katherine Henry. I
will take you up to your room, she said. We
went up in an elevator. The woman stopped it and
(02:34):
we stepped out and followed her down a hall. Catherine
held tight to my arm. This is the room, the
woman said, Will you please undress and get into bed.
Here's a nightgown for you to wear. I have a nightgown,
Catherine said, it is better for you to wear this nightgown.
The woman said. I went outside and sat on a
chair in the hallway. You can come in now, the
(02:56):
woman said. From the doorway. Catherine was lying in the
narrow wearing a plain, square cut nightgown that looked as
though it were made of rough sheeting. She smiled at me.
I'm having fine pains now, she said. The woman was
holding her wrist and timing the panes with a watch
that was a big one. Catherine said, I saw it
(03:16):
on her face. Where is the doctor, I asked the woman.
He's lying down sleeping. He will be here when he
is needed. I must do something for madame now, the
nurse said, would you please step out again. I went
out into the hall. It was a bare space with
two windows and closed doors all down the corridor. It
(03:36):
smelled of hospital. I sat on the chair and looked
at the floor and prayed for Katherine. You can come in,
the nurse said, I went in. Hullo, darling. Catherine said,
how is it? They're coming quite often now? Her face
drew up. Then she smiled. That was a real one.
Do you want to put your hand on my back again, nurse,
(03:57):
if it helps you. The nurse said, you go away, darling.
Catherine said, go out and get something to eat. I
may do this for a long time. The nurse says,
the first labor is usually protracted. The nurse said, please
go out and get something to eat. Catherine said, I'm fine, really,
I'll stay a while, I said. The pains came quite
(04:17):
regularly and then slackened off. Catherine was very excited when
the pains were bad, she called them good ones. When
they started to fall off, she was disappointed and ashamed.
You go out, darling, she said, I think you are
just making me self conscious. Her face tightened up. There
that was better. I so want to be a good
(04:38):
wife and have this child without any foolishness. Please go
and get some breakfast, darling, and then come back. I
won't miss you. Nurse is splendid to me, you have
plenty of time for breakfast. The nurse said, I'll go then. Goodbye,
sweet good bye, Catherine said, and have a fine breakfast
for me too. Where can I get breakfast? I asked
(04:58):
the nurse. There's a cafe down the street at the square.
She said it should be open now. Outside it was
getting light. I walked down the empty street to the cafe.
There was a light in the window. I went in
and stood at the zinc bar, and an old man
served me a glass of white wine and a brioche.
The brioche was yesterday's. I dipped it in the wine
(05:21):
and then drank a glass of coffee. What do you
do at this hour, the old man asked, My wife
is in labor at the hospital, so I wish you
good luck. Give me another glass of wine. He poured
it from the bottle, slopping it over a little, so
some ran down on the zinc. I drank this glass,
paid and went out outside. Along the street were the
(05:44):
refuse cans from the houses, waiting for the collector. A
dog was nosing at one of the cans. What do
you want, I asked, and looked in the can to
see if there was anything I could pull out for him.
There was nothing on top but coffee grounds, dust and
some dead flowers. There isn't anything, dog, I said. The
dog crossed the street. I went up the stairs in
(06:06):
the hospital to the floor Catherine was on, and down
the hall to her room. I knocked on the door.
There was no answer. I opened the door. The room
was empty except for Catherine's bag on a chair and
her dressing gown hanging on a hook on the wall.
I went out and down the hall looking for somebody.
I found a nurse. Where is Madame Henry? A lady
(06:29):
has just gone to the delivery room. Where is it?
I will show you. She took me down to the
end of the hall. The door of the room was
partly open. I could see Catherine lying on a table
covered by a sheet. The nurse was on one side
and the doctor stood on the other side of the table,
beside some cylinders. The doctor held a rubber mask attached
(06:50):
to a tube in one hand. I will give you
a gown and you can go in, the nurse said,
come in here please. She put a white gown on
me and pinned it at the neck and back with
a safety pin. Now you can go in, she said.
I went into the room. Hello, darling, Catherine said, in
a strained voice. I'm not doing much. You are, mister Henry.
(07:12):
The doctor asked, yes, how is everything going, doctor, Things
are going very well. The doctor said. We came in
here where it is easy to give gas for the pains.
I want it now, Catherine said. The doctor placed the
rubber mask over her face and turned a dial, and
I watched Catherine breathing deeply and rapidly. Then she pushed
(07:33):
the mask away. The doctor shut off the petcock. That
wasn't a very big one. I had a very big
one a while ago. The doctor made me go clear out,
didn't you, doctor? Her voice was strange. It rose on
the word doctor. The doctor smiled, I wanted again, Catherine said.
She held the rubber tight to her face and breathed fast.
(07:55):
I heard her moaning a little. Then she pulled the
mask away and smiled. That was a bit one. She said,
that was a very big one. Don't you worry, darling.
You go away, go have another breakfast. I'll stay, I said.
We'd gone to the hospital about three o'clock in the morning.
At noon, Catherine was still in the delivery room. The
(08:16):
pains had slackened again. She looked very tired and worn now,
but she was still cheerful. I'm not any good, darling,
she said, I'm so sorry. I thought I would do
it very easily. Now there's one. She reached out her
hand for the mask and held it over her face.
The doctor moved the dial and watched her in a
little while. It was over. Wasn't much, Catherine said. She smiled.
(08:39):
I'm a fool about the gas. It's wonderful. We'll get
some for the home. I said, there one comes, Catherine
said quickly. The doctor turned the dial and looked at
his watch. What is the interval now? I asked, about
a minute. Don't you want lunch? I will have something
pretty soon, He said, you must have something to eat.
(09:00):
Catherine said, I'm so sorry. I go on so long.
Couldn't my husband give me the gas if you wish?
The doctor said, you turn it to the numeral too.
I see, I said. There was a marker on a
dial that turned with a handle. I want it now,
Catherine said. She held the mask tight to her face.
(09:20):
I turned the dial to number two, and when Catherine
put down the mask, I turned it off. It was
very good at the doctor to let me do something.
Did you do it, darling, Catherine asked, She stroked my wrist. Sure,
you're so lovely. She was a little drunk from the gas.
I will eat from a tray in the next room.
The doctor said, you can call me any moment. While
(09:43):
the time passed, I watched him eat. Then after a
while I saw that he was lying down and smoking
a cigarette. Catherine was getting very tired. Do you think
I'll ever have this baby? She asked, yes, of course
you will. I try as hard as I can. I
pushed down, but it goes away there it comes, give
it to me. At two o'clock I went out and
(10:05):
had lunch. There were a few men in the cafe
sitting with coffee and glasses of kersh or mark on
the tables. I sat down at a table. Can I eat?
I asked the waiter. It is pastime for lunch. Isn't
there anything for all hours? You can have shukrute, Give
me schuekrute and beer a demi or a buck a
(10:28):
light demi. The waiter brought a dish of sauerkraut with
a slice of ham over the top and a sausage
buried in the hot wine soaked cabbage. I ate it
and drank the beer. I was very hungry. I watched
the people at the tables and the cafe. At one
table they were playing cards. Two men at the table
next me were talking and smoking. The cafe was full
(10:51):
of smoke. The zinc bar where I had breakfasted had
three people behind it now, the old man, a plump
woman in a black dress who sat behind a counter
and kept track of everything served to the tables, and
a boy in an apron. I wondered how many children
the woman had and what it had been like when
(11:11):
I was through with the schue Kreute. I went back
to the hospital. The street was all clean now there
were no refuse cans out. The day was cloudy, but
the sun was trying to come through. I rode up
stairs in the elevator, stepped out and went down the
hall to Catherine's room, where I had left my white gown.
I put it on and pinned it him back at
the neck. I looked in the glass and saw myself
(11:34):
looking like a fake doctor with a beard. I went
down the hall to the delivery room. The door was
closed and I knocked. No one answered, So I turned
the handle and went in. The doctor sat by Katherine.
The nurse was doing something at the other end of
the room. Here is your husband. The doctor said, Oh, darling,
I had the most wonderful doctor, Catherine said, in a
(11:57):
very strange voice. He's been telling me the most wonderful story,
and when the pain came too badly, he put me
all the way out. He's wonderful. You're wonderful, doctor. You're drunk,
I said, I know it, Catherine said, but you shouldn't
say it. Then give it to me. Give it to me.
She clutched hold of the mask and breathed short and deep, pantingly,
(12:19):
making the respirator click. Then she gave a long sigh,
and the doctor reached with his left hand and lifted
away the mask. That was a very big one, Catherine said,
Her voice was very strange. I'm not going to die now, Darling.
I'm past where I was going to die, aren't you glad?
Don't you get in that place again. I won't. I'm
(12:41):
not afraid of it. Though. I won't die, Darling. You
will not do any such foolishness, the doctor said. You
would not die and leave your husband. Oh no, I
won't die. I wouldn't die. It's silly to die there
it comes give it to me. After a while, the
doctor said, you will go out, mister Henry, for a
(13:01):
few moments, and I will make an examination. He wants
to see how I am doing. Catherine said, you can
come back afterward, darling, can't he doctor? Yes, said the doctor.
I will send word when he can come back. I
went out the door and down the hall to the
room where Catherine was to be after the baby came.
I sat in a chair there and looked at the room.
(13:24):
I had the paper in my coat that I had
bought when I went out for lunch, and I read.
It was beginning to be dark outside, and I turned
the light on to read. After a while, I stopped
reading and turned off the light and watched to get
dark outside. I wondered why the doctor did not send
for me. Maybe it was better I was away. He
probably wanted me away for a while. I looked at
(13:47):
my watch. He did not send for me. In ten minutes.
I would go down anyway, Poor, poor dear cat. And
this was the price you paid for sleeping together. This
was the end of the trap. This was people got
for loving each other. Thank God for guess anyway, what
must it have been like before there was any anesthetics?
(14:08):
Once it started, they were in the mill race. Catherine
had a good time in the time of the pregnancy.
It wasn't bad. She was hardly ever sick. She was
not awfully uncomfortable until toward the last. So now they
got her in the end. You'll never get away with anything,
get away. Hell, it would have been the same if
we had been married fifty times. And what if she
(14:31):
should die? She won't die. People don't die in childbirth nowadays.
That was what all husbands thought. Yes, but what if
she should die? She won't die. She's just having a
bad time. The initial labor is usually protracted. She's only
having a bad time. Afterward, we'd say what a bad time,
and Catherine would say, it wasn't really so bad. But
(14:54):
what if she should die? She can't die. Yes, but
what if she should die? She can't. I tell you,
don't be it's just a bad time. It's just nature
giving her. Hell, it's only the first labor, which is
almost always protracted. Yes, but what if she should die.
She can't die. Why would she die? What reason is
there for her to die. There's just a child that
(15:17):
has to be born, the by product of good knights
in Milan makes trouble and is born, and then you
look after it and get fond of it. Maybe, But
what if she should die? She won't die, But what
if she should die? She won't she's all right. But
what if she should die? She can't die? But if
(15:37):
what if she should die? Hey? What about that? What
if she should die? The doctor came into the room.
How does it go? Doctor? It doesn't go? He said,
what do you mean? Just that I made an examination?
He detailed the results of the examination. Since then I've
(15:57):
waited to see but it doesn't go. What do you advise?
There are two things, either a high forceps delivery, which
can tear and be quite dangerous, besides being possibly bad
for the child, and a caesarean. What is the danger
of a cesarean? What if she should die? It should
(16:18):
be no greater than the danger of an ordinary delivery?
Would you do it yourself? Yes? I would need possibly
an hour to get things ready and to get the people.
I would need perhaps a little less. What do you
think I would advise a cesarean operation if it were
my wife, I would do a cesarean. What are the
(16:38):
after effects? There are none, There is only the scar.
What about infection? The danger is not so great as
in a high fourceps delivery. What if you just went
on and did nothing, you would have to do something eventually.
Missus Henry is already losing much of her strength. The
sooner we operate, now, the safer opera. As soon as
(17:00):
you can, I said, I will go and give the instructions.
I went into the delivery room. The nurse was with Catherine,
who lay on the table big under the sheet, looking
very pale and tired. Did you tell him you could
do it, she asked, yes, it's Nick Rhan. Now it
will be all over in an hour. I'm almost done, darling,
(17:21):
I'm going all to pieces. Please give me that it
doesn't work. Oh it doesn't work. Breathe deeply. I am Oh,
it doesn't work anymore. It doesn't work. Get another cylinder,
I said to the doctor. That is a new cylinder.
I'm just a fool, darling, Catherine said, but it doesn't
work anymore. She began to cry. Oh I wanted so
(17:44):
to have this baby and not make trouble, and now
I'm all done and all gone to pieces. And it
doesn't work. Oh, darling, it doesn't work at all. I
don't care if I die, if it will only stop.
Oh please, darling, please make it stop. There it comes.
Oh oh oh, she breathed sobbingly in the mask. It
doesn't work. It doesn't work, it doesn't work. Don't mind me, darling,
(18:09):
Please don't cry, don't mind me. I'm just gone all
to pieces. You poor sweet. I love you so and
I'll be good again. I'll be good this time. Can't
they give me something? If they could only give me something,
I'll make it work. I'll turn it all the way.
Give it to me now. I turned the dial all
(18:30):
the way, and as she breathed hard and deep, her
hand relaxed on the mask. I shut off the gas
and lifted the mask. She came back from a long
way away. That was lovely, darling. Oh, you're so good
to me. You be brave, because I can't do that
all the time. It might kill you. I'm not brave anymore, darling.
I'm all broken. They've broken me. I know it now.
(18:54):
Everybody is that way, but it's awful. They just keep
it up till they break you in an hour. It
will be over, isn't that lovely, darling. I won't die,
will I? No? I promise you won't because I don't
want to die and leave you. But I get so
tired of it, and I feel I'm going to die. Nonsense,
(19:15):
everybody feels that. Sometimes I know I'm going to die.
You won't, you can't. But what if I should? I
won't let you Give it to me, quick, give it
to me. Then afterward I won't die. I won't let
myself die, of course you won't. You'll stay with me.
Not to watch it, no, just to be there. Sure,
(19:37):
I'll be there all the time. You're so good to me. There,
Give it to me, Give me some more. It's not working.
I turned the dial to three and then four. I
wish the doctor would come back. I was afraid of
the numbers above two. Finally a new doctor came in
with two nurses, and they lifted Catherine onto a wheeled
(19:58):
stretcher and we start down the hall. The stretcher went
rapidly down the hall and into the elevator, where everyone
had to crowd against the wall to make room. Then up,
then an open door and out of the elevator and
down the hall on rubber wheels to the operating room.
I did not recognize the doctor with his cap and
(20:19):
mask on. There was another doctor and more nurses. They've
got to give me something, Catherine said, They've got to
give me something. Oh please, doctor, give me enough to
do some good. One of the doctors put a mask
over her face, and I looked through the door and
saw the bright, small amphitheater of the operating room. You
(20:40):
can go in the other door and sit up there,
a nurse said to me. There were benches behind a
rail that looked down on the white table and the lights.
I looked at Catherine. The mask was over her face.
Since she was quiet now, they wheeled the stretcher forward.
I turned away and walked down the hall. Two nurses
were hurrying toward the entrance to the gallery. It's a cesarean.
(21:03):
Once said, they're going to do a cesarean. The other
one laughed, we're just in time, aren't we lucky. They
went in the door that led to the gallery. Another
nurse came along. She was hurrying too. You go right
in there, go right in, she said, I'm staying outside.
She hurried in. I walked up and down the hall.
I was afraid to go in. I looked out the window.
(21:25):
It was dark, but in the light from the window
I could see it was raining. I went into a
room at the far end of the hall and looked
at the labels on bottles in a glass case. Then
I came out and stood in the empty hall and
watched the door of the operating room. A doctor came out,
followed by a nurse. He held something in his two
hands that looked like a freshly skinned rabbit, and hurried
(21:48):
across the corridor with it and in through another door.
I went down to the door he had gone into
and found them in the room doing things to a
new born child. The doctor held them up for me
to see. He held him by the heels and slapped him.
Is he all right, He's magnificent, He'll wait five kilos.
I had no feeling for him. He did not seem
to have anything to do with me. I felt no
(22:10):
feeling of fatherland. Aren't you proud of your son? The
nurse asked. They were washing him and wrapping him in something.
I saw the little dark face and dark hand, but
I did not see him move or hear him cry.
The doctor was doing something to him again. He looked upset. No,
I said, he nearly killed his mother. It isn't the
(22:32):
little darling's fault. Didn't you want a boy, no, I said.
The doctor was busy with him. He held him up
by the feet and slapped him. I did not wait
to see it. I went out into the hall. I
could go in now and see. I went in the door,
and a little way down the gallery. The nurses who
were sitting at the rail motion for me to come
down where they were. I shook my head. I could
(22:54):
see enough where I was. I thought Catherine was dead.
She looked dead. Her face was gray, the part of
it that I could see. Down below under the light.
The doctor was swing up the great long forceps spread
thick edged wound. Another doctor in a mask gave the anesthetic.
(23:14):
Two nurses in mass hand at things. It looked like
a drawing of the Inquisition. I knew as I watched
I could have watched it all, but I was glad
I hadn't. I do not think I could have watched
them cut, but I watched the wound closed into a
high welted ridge with quick, skillful looking stitches like a
cobbler's and was glad when the wound was closed. I
(23:36):
went out into the hall and walked up and down again.
After a while, the doctor came out. How is she?
She's all right? Did you watch? He looked tired. I
saw you sew up. The incision looked very long, you thought, so. Yes,
will that scar flatten out? Oh? Yes. After a while,
(23:56):
they brought out the wheeled stretcher and took it very
rapidly down the hallway to the elevator. I went along
beside it. Catherine was moaning down stairs. They put her
in the bed in her room. I sat in a
chair at the foot of the bed. There was a
nurse in the room. I got up and stood by
the bed. It was dark in the room. Catherine put
out her hand. Hello, darling, she said. Her voice was
(24:19):
very weak and tired. Hello you sweet. What sort of
baby was it? Sh don't talk, The nurse said, A boy.
He's long and wide and dark. Is he all right? Yes?
I said, he's fine. I saw the nurse look at
me strangely. I'm awfully tired, Catherine said, and I hurt,
like hell. Are you all right, darling? I'm fine, don't talk.
(24:43):
You are lovely to me. Oh, darling, I hurt dreadfully.
What does he look like? He looks like a skinned
rabbit with a puckered up old man's face. You must
go out, the nurse said, Madame. Henry must not talk.
I'll be outside, I said, go and it's something to eat. No,
I'll be outside. I kissed Catherine. She was very gray
(25:05):
and weak and tired. May I speak to you, I
said to the nurse. She came out in the hall
with me. I walked a little way down the hall.
What's the matter with the baby, I asked, didn't you know? No,
he wasn't alive. He was dead. They couldn't start him breathing.
The cord was caught around his neck or something. So
(25:28):
he's dead. Yes, it's such a shame. He was such
a fine big boy. I thought you knew. No, I said,
you'd better go back in with Madame. I sat down
on the chair in front of a table where there
were nurses reports hung on cliffs at the side, and
looked out of the window. I could see nothing but
the dark and the rain falling across the light from
(25:51):
the window. So that was it. The baby was dead.
That was why the doctor looked so tired. But why
had they acted the way they did in the room
with him? They supposed he would come around and start breathing.
Probably I had no religion, but I knew he ought
to have been baptized. But what if he never breathed
(26:13):
at all? He hadn't, He had never been alive except
in Catherine. I felt him kick there often enough, but
I hadn't for a week. Maybe he was choked all
the time, poor little kid. I wish the hell i'd
been choked like that. No I didn't. Still, there would
not be all this dying to go through. Now Catherine
(26:34):
would die. That was what you did. You died. You
did not know what it was about. You never had
time to learn. They threw you in and told you
the rules. And the first time they caught you off base,
they killed you. Or they killed you gratuitously like i'm mo,
or gave you the syphilis like rinaldo. But they killed
you in the end. You could count on that. Stay
(26:56):
around and they would kill you. Once in camp, I
put a log on top of the fire, and it
was full of ants. As to commenced to burn. The
ants swarmed out and went first toward the center, where
the fire was then turned back and ran toward the end.
When there were enough on the end, they fell off
into the fire. Some got out, their bodies burnt and flattened,
(27:17):
and went off, not knowing where they were going. But
most of them went toward the fire, and then back
toward the end and swarmed on the cool end, and
finally fell off into the fire. I remember thinking at
the time that it was the end of the world
and a splendid chance to be a messiah and lift
the log off the fire and throw it out where
the ants could get off onto the ground. But I
(27:39):
did not do anything but throw a tin cup of
water on the log, so that I would have the
cup empty to put whiskey in before I added water
to it. I think the cup of water on the
burning log only steamed the ants. So now I sat
out in the hall and waited to hear how Catherine was.
The nurse did not come out, so after a while
(27:59):
I went to the door and opened it very softly
and looked in. I could not see at first because
there was a bright light on the hall and it
was dark in the room. Then I saw the nurse
sitting by the bed in Catherine's head on a pillow,
and she all flat under the sheet. The nurse put
her finger to her lips, then stood up and came
to the door. How is she? I asked, she's all right.
(28:23):
The nurse said, you should go and have your supper
and then come back if you wish. I went down
the hall and then down the stairs and out the
door of the hospital and down the dark street and
the rain to the cafe. It was brightly lighted inside,
and there were many people at the tables. I did
not see a place to sit, and a waiter came
up to me and took my wet coat and hat
(28:45):
and showed me a place at a table across from
an elderly man who was drinking beer and reading the
evening paper. I sat down and asked the waiter what
the platte doujour was? Veal stew, But it is finished.
What can I have to eat? Eat ham and eggs,
eggs with cheese or choucrute. I had choucrut this noon.
(29:07):
I said, that's true. He said, that's true. You ate
choucrute this noon. He was a middle aged man with
a ball top to his head and his hair slicked
over it. He had a kind face. What do you
want ham and eggs or eggs with cheese? Ham and eggs,
I said, and beer? A demi blonde, Yes, I said,
(29:27):
I remembered. He said, you took a demi blonde this noon.
I ate the ham and eggs and drank the beer.
The ham and eggs were in a round dish, the
ham underneath and the eggs on top. It was very hot,
and at the first mouthful I had to take a
drink of beer to cool my mouth. I was hungry,
and I asked the waiter for another order. I drank
(29:48):
several glasses of beer. I was not thinking at all,
but read the paper of the man opposite me. It
was about the breakthrough on the British front. When he
realized I was read eating the back of his paper,
he folded it over. I thought of asking the waiter
for a paper, but I could not concentrate. Was hot
in the cafe and the air was bad. Many of
(30:11):
the people at the tables knew one another. There were
several card games going on. The waiters were busy bringing
drinks from the bar to the tables. Two men came
in and could find no place to sit. They stood
opposite the table where I was. I ordered another beer.
I was not ready to leave yet, it was too
soon to go back to the hospital. I tried not
(30:34):
to think and to be perfectly calm. The men stood around,
but no one was leaving, so they went out. I
drank another beer. There was quite a pile of saucers
now on the table in front of me. The man
opposite me had taken off his spectacles, put them away
in a case, folded his paper and put it in
(30:56):
his pocket, and now sat holding his liquor glass and
looking out at the room. Suddenly I knew I had
to get back. I called the waiter, paid the reckoning,
got into my coat, put on my hat, and started
out the door. I walked through the rain up to
the hospital. Upstairs. I met the nurse coming down the hall.
(31:17):
I just caught you at the hotel. She said, something
dropped inside me. What is wrong? Miss Henry has had
a hemorrhage. Can I go in? No, not yet. The
doctor is with her. Is it dangerous? It is very dangerous.
The nurse went into the room and shut the door.
I sat outside in the hall. Everything was gone inside
(31:38):
of me. I did not think. I could not think.
I knew she was going to die, and I prayed
that she would not. Don't let her die. Oh God,
please don't let her die. I'll do anything for you
if you won't let her die. Please, please, please, Dear God,
don't let her die. Dear God, don't let her die.
Please please, please don't let her die. God, please make
(32:01):
her not die. I'll do anything you say if you
don't let her die. You took the baby, but don't
let her die. That was all right, But don't let
her die. Please, please, Dear God, don't let her die.
The nurse opened the door and motioned with her finger
for me to come. I followed her into the room.
Catherine did not look up when I came in. I
(32:24):
went over to the side of the bed. The doctor
was standing by the bed on the opposite side. Catherine
looked at me and smiled. I bent down over the
bed and started to cry, poor darling. Catherine said, very softly,
she looked gray you all right, kat, I said, you're
going to be all right. I'm going to die, she said,
(32:47):
then waited and said, I hate it. I took her hand.
Don't touch me, she said. I let go of her hand.
She smiled, poor darling, you touch me you want. You'll
be all right, Kat. I know you'll be all right.
I meant to write you a letter to have if
anything happened, but I didn't do it. Do you want
(33:09):
me to get a priest or anyone to come and
see you? Just you? She said. Then a little later,
I'm not afraid. I just hate it. You must not
talk so much. The doctor said, all right. Catherine said,
do you want me to do anything? Cat? Can I
get you anything? Catherine smiled no. Then a little later,
(33:31):
you won't do our things with another girl or say
the same things, will you never? I want you to
have girls, though I don't want them. You were talking
too much. The doctor said, mister Henry must go out.
It can come back again later. You are not going
to die. You must not be silly, all right. Catherine said,
(33:52):
I'll come and stay with you Knights. She said it
was very hard for her to talk. Please go out
at the room. Doctor said, you cannot talk. Catherine winked
at me her face gray. I'll be right outside, I said,
don't worry, darling. Catherine said, I'm not a bit afraid.
It's just a dirty trick you, dear, brave sweet I
(34:16):
waited outside in the hall. I waited a long time.
The nurse came to the door and came over to me.
I'm afraid, missus. Henry is very ill, she said, I'm
afraid for her. Is she dead? No, but she is unconscious.
It seems she had one hemorrhage after another. They couldn't
(34:38):
stop it. I went into the room and stayed with
Catherine until she died. She was unconscious all the time,
and it did not take her very long to die.
Outside the room in the hall, I spoke to the doctor.
There anything I can do to night? No, there is
nothing to do. Can I take you to your hotel? No,
(35:01):
thank you. I'm going to stay here. Awhile, I know
there is nothing to say. I cannot tell you no,
I said, there's nothing to say good night. He said,
I cannot take you to your hotel. No, thank you.
It's the only thing to do, he said. The operation proved.
I do not want to talk about it. I said,
(35:22):
I would like to take you to your hotel. No,
thank you. He went down the hall. I went to
the door of the room. You can't come in now.
One of the nurses said yes I can. I said
you can't come in yet, you get out. I said
the other one too. But after I got them out
(35:42):
and shut the door and turned off the light, it
wasn't any good. Was like saying goodbye to a statue.
After a while I went out and left the hospital
and walked back to the hotel in the rain. And
of Chapter forty one and of a Farewell to Arms
by Ernest Hemingway read by Kavanas
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