March 20, 2025 • 60 mins
Your girl is in love and I'm talking about what the f has been going on!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, and welcome back to a Girl Willing. It is
your podcast, Bestine, Nicole McKenna, and I am here with
you again in my bed with a cup of coffee,
my beloved podcast studio, here to talk about divine union,
what's been going on in my life. I'm going to
continue screaming from the rooftops about the wonderful man I've
(00:22):
called into my life, and we're going to have a hang.
So get a nice warm beverage and hop into bed
with me and let's chat. Okay, So I'm I'm so
in love you guys, and it's so fun. I did
not think that I would get to experience this, and
(00:48):
I think so much of this process has been like
me being willing to be surprised and being willing to
be exposed, and being willing to be wrong and being
willing to be uncomfortable, and so in total and complete
(01:12):
alignment with the podcast, this whole process has been just
me willing, a girl willing to be exposed, and a
girl willing to be vulnerable and afraid, and and it's
just leading me into this really beautiful place that I
just wanted to share about my pattern prior to meeting
(01:37):
my partner was accepting things that were not available, and
in the acceptance of things that were not available, I
did not have to risk the vulnerability level becoming too
(01:58):
high because if it wasn't available, I didn't actually have
to hold it, I didn't actually have to receive it.
I didn't actually have to show up for it. I
could just kind of half ask it because everything else
was half asked, and then it felt okay, it felt
good enough because there was not a lot of risk involved,
(02:20):
and so that was my that was my pattern. It
was low risk, low reward, and I started to become
really sick of it. I started to become really I
just I just got over it. I got over the
fact that or I wanted to get over the fact
(02:43):
that that was what I was tolerating and accepting and wanting,
Like I actually wanted that because it didn't demand much
of of me vulnerably, and it didn't demand much of
me where I actually had to show up in the
highest self, so it was easier.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
And so.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
When I took those patterns and those beliefs and that
part of me out into the world, the men that
I allowed in reflected that, and so I just decided
that I wanted to really get over that. And I
(03:29):
started to see how I was being presented with opportunities
to renegotiate, Like it was like I would get handed
situations earlier last year where it was like I was
in a boardroom and they're like, hey, this do you
want to renegotiate? Like are you going to be different?
(03:50):
Are you going to be the same? And I felt
like I was evolving, but it I noted I did
a lot of like I did a lot of work
last year. I feel like actually in hindsight around that.
So I was renegotiating a lot last year with these patterns,
and I just decided that I was not going to
(04:16):
entertain anything that was not fully and completely what I wanted.
It felt like I was in this really weird place.
It's so interesting. This is what I hear a lot
too from clients and friends that are single. I'd be like, Okay,
I want to call in this like divine union, this partner.
But also it's like I don't want to go on
(04:37):
dating apps because that's pouring my energy out into like
to like, oh I go on first dates and like
and so I get that where it's like, Okay, I
want I want this thing and I want to get there,
and so sometimes the steps towards that can feel challenging
to understand exactly what's right or wrong. And I don't
(04:57):
think that there's a like a apps that's for everybody.
I think it's just you need to figure out what
is the most aligned action for you. And for me,
it was actually taking dating completely off the table. I
actually said to my mom. I remember that very clearly.
I remember exactly where we were sitting, and I said, like,
I'm actually completely not available for any dating, any connection
(05:23):
intimately or emotionally with a man until and that was it.
Like I actually just like pulled it off the table.
I'm like, I'm not even entertaining any dating right now,
which was coming out of.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
A wound.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
That was a wound speaking, but I did speak it,
I did really feel it. Anyways, I was actually in
the it was the mushroom ceremony container that I had
opened at the end of I think it was October
(06:01):
November of last year, a couple months ago. And in
that container that we opened, so much, so so so
much was being worked through and I was the facilitator.
But I am attuned and I'm right there with you
on journeying and being a part of it. And so
(06:23):
I was right in the middle of just like really
deep work as a facilitator and being a mom. And
one day after school, Dawson had a play date with
a little one of her friends from school at the
rock climbing gym and Duncan and so as the kids played,
the mom of the other child and myself were just chatting,
(06:47):
and right near the end of when we were like
kind of wrapping up, another couple children from the school
that I recognized but didn't quite know, came kind of
or the other children and they're all playing, and then
the father of these children kind of like poked his
(07:07):
head in and said, like, oh, your mom's at the school,
and that was kind of it. And as we were leaving,
the dad was by the door and he said, oh,
do you come here often? And I said, we come
here every Monday. And there was just something about connecting
with this man that felt I'd never seen him before,
which is strange because the school that these children go
(07:28):
to is tiny, tiny, tiny, and so I didn't know him,
but I did ask the mom that we were with,
I'm like, who is that? And she told me, and
I was like, oh, wild, okay, like I knew, I
knew the connection to this person, but I had never
seen them or met them. And my daughter's been at
(07:49):
the school for three years now. And so I left,
and me and dass and get in the car and
I say I think I have a crush on that dad,
and she's like, okay, like sweet mom, me drive home,
and I just I can't stop thinking about him, and
(08:13):
I'm like I feel really intrigued, really curious, and I'm
like hoping I see him at the school. I'm like
looking around at drop off and pick up, just like
really trying to catch a peek, and haven't seen him.
And next Monday rolls around and I'm like telling Dawson,
I'm like, I really hope that, like these kids go
and I really hope that that dad's there, and like
(08:35):
talking about it, and so we go and I'm thinking,
like if this guy's any bit interested. What I heard
from the other mom was that she's like pretty certain
that he's single. I wasn't like inquiring, like is he single,
but like just based off what she was saying, I
was like, Okay, Okay, he looks he's available enough so
(09:00):
in this week, in between this Monday to Monday, I
go to my sister in law who's connected to this community,
and she's like, yeah, he's single, and like, because I
said I went to her, I'm like, I have a
crush on the sky and she's like, oh my gosh,
I've I've literally talked to him for like twenty maybe
twenty seconds, and so I'm like getting the scoop right,
(09:23):
and I'm like, we go back the next Monday. Me
and Dawson are there, She's climbing. I'm like, Okay, are
they gonna come? Like, if he's interested, he's gonna bring
his kids. He's gonna come so that he can see me. Right,
That's what I'm thinking. So anyways, they walk in, Dawson
sprints over. She's yelling like my mom was hoping you
(09:44):
guys would come. I'm like, oh my, so exposed. Anyways,
we end up talking for like two hours while the
kids climb and me being me and like, I like
to let people know if I'm interested, and I give
them a very clear opportunity to show their interest or buy,
(10:07):
Like I don't.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
I'm like a bit of a.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
Panther in that way. And so I had a job
that actually I needed a carpenter for that was not
complete in my renovations, and I had another carpenter that
I was asking to do the job, and he was
kind of wishy washy about it. And so I saw
an opportunity where I was like, Hey, I have this job.
You're a carpenter, do you want to do it? And
(10:37):
he didn't really have time and he didn't really want
to do it, but he said yes, because what a
perfect opportunity to get into Nicole mckennon's world. And so
he gave me his number and that was the start
of it. And when I tell you that I knew
(11:01):
something when I met him, like I knew there was
something about his eyes that I just knew something. It
felt like I knew something about the future, like I
knew or about the past, like there was something that
I knew and I didn't know what it was. And
(11:22):
as his name is Ariol, by the way, so when
I throw that in, that's who that is. And turns
out that Ariol expressed to me like a couple days
or weeks whenever in he said like when I met you,
I could tell you knew something. He was like I
(11:44):
just trusted you, and I just knew that you knew something,
which is so interesting because that was an experience that
wasn't common for him.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
And I also.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
Felt this like knowing and that was really special to
have like reflected back to me as well. And I
just everything about this man was different than I was
used to. He was attuned. He was so attuned to
(12:16):
my body language, to my words, to my eye contact,
to to just me my energy, just and so so attuned.
That was the thing I think that like really made
(12:37):
me feel so safe and so so attracted and like
really really brought my guard down, was that he was
so safe and attuned that I wasn't having to like
wonder if he oh interesting, Like I haven't reflected on
this like this verbally, you know. I think, like with
(13:02):
so many like physical boundary ruptures in the past, it
was like that was just off the table. There was
like my systems completely knew based off of how he
was and how he was responding to me, even just
like energetically, physically emotionally, because of how attuned he was,
(13:31):
it was like I trusted his ability to like handle
me well and handle me with karen, handle me with love,
and so early early on when he's like coming and
like doing this job and we're like just starting to
get to know each other. He knows I'm interested, of course,
(13:53):
and I'm assuming he's interested by coming and doing this job,
And so much of what was happening at the start
was like us becoming attuned to each other and like
in hindsight, like these memories that really stand out, or
like us sitting on my couch and just making eye
contact for like really long time, and it was kind.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
Of like this.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Remembering of the past and the future. We so many
times I've like remembered things about him that that don't
exist yet and maybe existed in like past lives. It's
so neat, But so much of the time at the
start was just like a tuning to each other and
(14:39):
making eye contact and and just really being present with
each other like I've never experienced before. Just like hours
of this and previous Nicole like not long before these encounters,
like I would have died at the thought of that.
(15:00):
I literally would have been like, oh not this girl,
Like no, like eye gazing, eye contact, like vulnerable connection.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
Oh no.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
And so here I am like completely in this, like
like nothing I've ever experienced.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
And so.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
Whoa like what a what a really what a change
of pace? And I mean timeline is a little foggy
because it's just been like it feels like years. We
talked on the phone a lot, and we just started
(15:45):
to get to know each other and and really see
if we're a match. And because we met at the
climbing gym, we just we would bring our children there
and we would talk for hours while the kids would play,
and started to get to know each other. And he's
very different than anything I've ever expec experience. So I
was really wondering if this is somebody that actually, you know,
(16:12):
is it would be a match for these things that
I've like created about my dream man. And so I'm
slowly getting this, like the information through through consistency, through
consistent showing that like oh he does tick this off,
and he does tick this off, and he does tick
this off. And it's not through like you know what,
(16:37):
how I thought it would be delivered. It was just
in the real actioning of who this man was. It's
like so attuned, so consistent, can gru in like he
says what he does, when he says something, he means
it and does it. It's like a media It's just like, okay,
of course, this is like this is actually the list.
(16:58):
And he calls me one day and he's like, I
want to ask you out on a first date.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
And we.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
Again me being me like he offered to take me
out to a restaurant and too vulnerable. I glitched, Like
I literally am like I cannot something about that is
just way too vulnerable. It's like that I have to
sit and face this person. Meanwhile, we've been sitting across
(17:31):
from each other on the couch making contact for like
literally hours and like sitting and talking for hours and
like talking on the phone. Like I know that we
can do this, but it's like now that it's a date,
now that there's like this extra level of vulnerability, I'm
like I can't. So I'm like, can we just like
go to a beach and have a fire and like
(17:52):
get takeout. I want sushi on the beach And he
was like yes, So we do that and we have
our first kiss that night. And meanwhile, like we've been
like really connected and I think we have a couple
(18:12):
of dates. We're spending a lot of time together, tons
of connection, and we officially become a couple like a
couple a couple of weeks in. Meanwhile, all we've done
is kiss And what a different experience. Also for me,
(18:39):
who is used to accepting experiences in my life where
I'm not valued. Who I am is intvalued, My gifts
aren't valued, the connection with me isn't valued. But my
body is, or my my sex is, or my intimacy
(19:02):
just physically is. And so especially you know, my entry
to dating, uh started with with a traumatic rupture, and
so I had that pattern that I played out for
years and years and so to just be like held
(19:26):
in that way was like whoa, whoa, And like you
know the stories we create around like oh my gosh,
I like if my I have a friend who's like no,
you should like her her boundaries or that, like you're
in a relationship before you're intimate, and like prior me
(19:49):
would have been like, oh my god, but like what
if the sex is bad? Or like what if like
I had all these like oh no, I could never
do that, that would never work for me. And here
I am like I literally obviously, like the connection is
so baller, the connection is so good that I'm like,
obviously the sex is going to be good. But also
(20:10):
it didn't matter, like at that point what was being provided,
what I felt, what was the present, what was real,
what was alive, what was there was so good that
nothing could actually disrupt that, like nothing could affect that.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
And so.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
It turns out that of course the sex is going
to be fucking amazing when the connection is that amazing, like,
oh my god, the best, like the actual best of
all time. And and so here we are just like
(20:52):
literally falling like madly in love with each other, and
this wonderful, safe and sacred container that I've never ever
imagined could be actually real, And the qualities of this
(21:16):
man are just like everything I could have imagined, and
so much more I didn't know. You know, this is
why like creating the dream Man is so limited, because
it's like I had no idea that this is the
type of man that I actually wanted, that this is
the type of man that I that I could have.
(21:38):
For one, I didn't know they existed. I did not
know a man like this existed, not because they're they're
lacking that there's not many of them, but because I
never allowed men like this into my life, so I
didn't have examples of him. So if you're you know,
like so much of what I hear people message me
on Instagram like oh my god, like there's hardly any
(21:58):
of these men left.
Speaker 2 (21:59):
And it's like, well, because you're.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
Not allowing them into your life, so like, of course
you don't see that. I thought the same that, Like
I didn't know men like Ariol existed because I didn't
allow them in. They weren't who I was accepting or
allowing or calling in. I was calling in unavailable men
(22:23):
and so and I didn't know that I was worthy
of that either, because again the examples that I created
for myself would prove that I was unworthy of that.
So it's just blowing, like the roof off of the
house that I've lived in for so long. And what
(22:44):
a really beautiful and challenging transformation that is to like
to be rocked, to be.
Speaker 2 (22:55):
Rocked like that.
Speaker 1 (22:56):
And I don't want to name it as like whoa,
it's like hard work, but it's but it's certainly been
revealing to me all that I have to work through
(23:20):
within myself that could not have been exposed elsewhere. It
had to be exposed in a container of a relationship,
and one that is highly elevated and highly sacred and
beautiful and amazing and powerful and delicious and sexy and wonderful.
And so it's like this holding of all these parts
(23:43):
of like whoa, this is what actually has to be
integrated and shifted and repatterned and renegotiated, and this is
what's because this is what's online now, this is what's available.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
So if you have.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
Any complexes or stories around like oh, men like that
don't exist, there's hardly any of them. Okay, well, then
you're completely not having examples because you have not allowed
that because I that's my story, that's exactly.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
I know that.
Speaker 1 (24:15):
I know that, that's I wrote the book on that actually,
And so some of the you know, the journeying through
this has just been like noticing I've been asked, like
multiple times like what was it about him? I've been
asked by men actually, which which is really cool, like
(24:36):
conscious lovely men who are single and looking for divine
union and wanting to elevate and like really really inspired
by our connection. And so I've had people reflecting in
our communities, people that know us, like okay, well, what
was it about him that made you like really fall
(24:58):
in love and it was his atunement level. To me,
it was his congruency. What he would say, he would
do it matched how he acted, matched with his words,
and his masculine energy. I've never known a more masculine
(25:18):
men ever. Man like there's he is the embodiment of
masculine energy in a way that is actually truthful, like
in a way that actually embodies it. And then of course,
like personality wise, and I could go on and on,
(25:39):
you guys, this podcast would be like five hours of
just being me being like and this and all, he's so,
this and all.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
And so what grew was.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
This physical attraction and this this love, and this ability
to be vulnerable and this ability to be touched. Earlier,
when we were beginning to get to know each other,
we would sit on my couch and we would look
at each other. We would face each other. And one
(26:14):
day he came and sat behind me, and I like
immediately shot around to face him, and then he just
got back up and went to the other side and
faced me how we would normally sit. And a few
days later it came up somehow in conversation and he
was like and I think I asked him, like, oh, yeah,
(26:34):
I don't know why I didn't like that, and he
was like, it's your body was just telling me that
that wasn't what you wanted. And there was no meaning making,
there was no nothing, And you know, like when I
look on that time, like that was so uncomfortable for me,
Like I think I even wanted to cry, Like there
was such discomfort in someone holding me from the back.
(27:02):
And now, you know, one of our favorite things is
is actually sitting like that, which is so interesting. Like
so this willingness to be like completely cracked open, but
in like the the safest way I've I've been cracked open.
And in my work I talk about this a lot,
(27:24):
where there's the experience that's really harmful for the systems
and the body that's too much too fast, And I've
had that prior, and that's that's really harmful, that that
created immense wounding for me, even though it was a
positive experience quote unquote. And so this cracking wasn't like
(27:46):
cracking open too too fast, too much too fast. This
cracking was like this gentle wave and it just like
rocked me rather and I was I was being rocked
in love and and like really like oh so wonderful
(28:07):
and so yeah, just that type of love and safety.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
And the.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
Parts of you know, building this good enough attachment is
that we need. And I talk about this in my workshop,
which is available if you go on my Instagram, go
on my link tree, you can get the Somatic Attachment
Strategy Workshop, which I highly recommend because we talk about
good enough attachment and what that actually means from both
(28:42):
parties is that there has to be congruency, there has
to be consistency and the like. What it really means
to build a wonderful connection is that we have to
establish a good enough connection. And I realized early on
is that that's what we did and that's what we
continue to do. And and when there is ruptures, you
(29:07):
know how to tend to them properly, which again we
talked about in this workshop. And so I have this
man now who's centered my life, who's done so much
work on himself. He's he's so brilliant, he's he's embodied,
and he's he's just he's so consistent and it's it's
so lovely. Like the type of love I've received through
(29:29):
this man is insane, like nuts. And so the falling
in love process has been really emotional, like really it's
it's surprising, like the amount of times that I've been
like surprised, like, whoa, I get this is so crazy.
(29:52):
One of my favorite things that actually happened decently early
on was we were spending time with Dawson and she
was kind of doing some crafts, and all of a sudden,
she grabs me and she's like, mom, come with me,
and she brings me into her bedroom and she has
this closet in her bedroom. And up until this day,
(30:16):
she was having quite a bit of a hard time
with integrating with the idea of me having a boyfriend.
I have not dated at all. I've been a single
mom the entire time I've dated, but not that Dawson
knows about. There's never been a man that's entered her life,
and so the integration of mommy having a boyfriend has
(30:41):
been was really challenging at the start, and so up
until this day she was having quite a bit of
you know, feelings about it, and we were integrating really
slowly and carefully, especially because he has children. And anyhow,
she grabs me, she brings me to her closet and
she's like, sit down in here and don't get up.
(31:05):
So I'm like inside of her closet, sitting there. I'm
like kind of like in a little ball, and I
can hear her an oriel, and she says, stand here.
She puts him somewhere and she says stand there, and
I hear her, and then I hear her say to him,
(31:25):
say something that you love about my mom, and he answers,
he says something. And what she's doing is she's laying
a pipe cleaner on the ground like a few inches away,
like a step, and then she says to him, like, hey,
you can step forward. So he steps forward, and then
she says, say something you love about my mom, and
(31:49):
he answers, and she puts another pipe cleaner down and
they step one more step, and eventually she has so
many pipe cleaners on the ground. She loops around the
kitchen and loops around the living room and loops here.
And I'm in the closet listening to my daughter, who's
been like so resistant to this man being my boyfriend
(32:11):
or me having a boyfriend in general. And I'm hearing
him answer to my daughter all the things that he
loves about me. You guys, are so many pipe claners
on the ground by the time they get to me,
like it is like I've been listening to them and
remember I'm in the closet hearing this, and it was
(32:37):
so I mean beautiful and so sweet and like am amazing,
But the actual like symbolism of me being in the closet,
hidden in the dark, overhearing a conversation about me was
(32:59):
like I've I'm like it's hard to put into words
of like what parts of me were present. You know,
I've like been in so many situations, especially when I
was bullied, where I would overhear or people would have
conversations about me in front of me that were horrible.
(33:24):
Like one memory stands out in particular where I was
at a birthday party and I was in the I
was I think I went to the bathroom and I
was in the hallway on the way back, and they
were all talking about me like horrible things And happened
in school all the time, and there would be so
many times where I was.
Speaker 2 (33:45):
I found, you.
Speaker 1 (33:46):
Know, conversations on phones about me with previous partners that
were horrible, saying horrible things about me.
Speaker 2 (33:56):
While we were dating.
Speaker 1 (33:58):
There were many times that I I caught conversations and situations.
I walked in on certain situations with previous partners that
were horrible. And so this feeling of being like in
the closet hidden, you know, I was also in situations
(34:19):
where I was hidden that I that.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
I And so.
Speaker 1 (34:27):
Here I am in the in this closet, waiting, overhearing
and and this is what I'm hearing, and like this
is the experience. And I'm just I'm bawling, like I'm
I'm sobbing in complete awe of this experience and like
what's present all these parts and I'm just like overhearing
(34:48):
him and overhearing her. And they finally make their way
to me, and we have this beautiful moment and then
Dawson says, Mom, you stand up, and Ariol, you go
back to the start. So we're just in Dawson's world
(35:08):
right now. So he goes and sits down at the
very first step that they made, and Dawson said, stand
here at the last step, and she says, what do
you love about, Ariol? And so I answer, and she
picks up that pipe cleaner and she says, you can
step ahead, and I step ahead to the next one,
and she says, what do you love about Ariol? And
(35:30):
I answer, and she picks up the step and eventually
I retrace all the steps that he made to me
and I make them back to him.
Speaker 2 (35:40):
And it was just.
Speaker 1 (35:44):
The most like magical moment of like I it was
just so that moment, like really it really completed something
(36:04):
inside of me. It really completed this. It just it completed.
Speaker 2 (36:11):
Something for me.
Speaker 1 (36:11):
It was so magical and so wonderful. And to just
have that to be such an experience was so beautiful.
And then watching Ariol, because I could see him on
on my steps. He couldn't see me on his, but
I could see him in the way that he just
was receiving my words and receiving the experience, and it
(36:36):
was so beautiful and and I just I never knew
that a man with such like man skills at the beginning,
I call them hawkeye skills, like so masculine, you know,
these skills that he that he has of like.
Speaker 2 (36:59):
You know.
Speaker 1 (37:00):
Him being a builder and a carpenter and so skillful
with with what he does and what he provides tangibly
on earth. He's his ability and his knowledge around gardening
and nature and he can like do it all. He
(37:23):
just knows it all, like something broke in my kitchen
and he felt like he just he just can do it.
He's just such a man. And then and then that
being coupled with this emotional depth, this emotional maturity, this
ability to communicate, and and then also his spiritual connection
(37:43):
and his knowledge and his ability to meet me spiritually
and to hold that and and his his his mental Oh,
just every it's just so marvelous. I truly, I'm I'm
so glad that I I was so that I allowed
myself to be so surprised, because I think if I
(38:07):
I entered and continued to hold the belief, which this
is a belief I really upgraded last year, was that
I know how men are, like I know, I know
it all. I know how men are. I know that
this is like what it means to be a man.
(38:29):
And they're different somehow, but this is like, this is
what it is. And I'm so glad that I debunked
that last year because when he entered my life, I
allowed myself to attract a man who could surprise me.
Because if I had this belief that I know exactly
how men are and this is what they do and
this is what they hold and this is what they're
(38:49):
capable of. I wouldn't have allowed Ariolan because he is
so different than what I would have believed in the past,
and so he's all of it. He's literally everything that
I could imagine being the best partner, plus way more
that I didn't even know that I wanted. Just so
(39:14):
devoted and so like just oh, you guys, I can't
even explain without just sounding like a mushy schoolgirl. But
the level of devotion, the level of care, the amount
he fucking cares is so crazy.
Speaker 2 (39:34):
You know.
Speaker 1 (39:35):
The other day, I Dawson's going away for ten days
on a trip, which is the longest. The longest we've
been away from each other is I think five nights,
So this is long, and this is the farthest she'll
be away from me. So he knows that this is
going to be challenging for me, and so the other
day we're sitting on the couch and he's like, hey,
(39:55):
I know you mentioned that, like you're gonna struggle or
have a challenging time, the potential for you to have
a challenging time when Dawson's away. I'm just wanting to know,
like what types of supports would be valuable for you.
I know that, like you see and clist is really valuable.
I know that acupuncture is valuable. I know that you
going to hot yoga's valuable. Like what else? How else
(40:16):
could I support you? I noticed that at the end
of her trip is when you're gonna be like more
tender in your cycle. Like I'm I'm not going to
work evenings that week, Like this is the type of
shit that this man brings to the table, like every day.
This is just who he is. He's like, you know,
I know that you're tender at that part of the trip,
(40:38):
So like, I'm not going to work evenings. This is
what I'm thinking. How can I support you with this?
Like he's really in service to being himself, is what
I've noticed. Like he's really devoted to being himself and
really devoted to being in service to his human experience,
(41:02):
whether that's work or claiming who he is and really
honoring that and showing up strongly in his sense of agency.
And a part of that is loving me now and
being a good father and a good partner and all
of these things. And so he's really in service to that,
Like he's very devoted it's incredible. I've never seen that.
(41:24):
I've never seen that done so well, I guess, and
I get to be the lucky recipient of it, and
it's so marvelous. It's so healing, it's so fulfilling, it's
so nourishing, and it's also so challenging, and I don't
want to bypass that. That the the the challenging part
of that is is me being able to to h
(41:56):
to communicate better and to hold that well and to
support that well. And I haven't been in a relationship
since I was twenty two committed, like I'm actually someone's partner,
and like that was, I'm thirty one now, you guys,
it's nearly a decade ago.
Speaker 2 (42:15):
And so just the.
Speaker 1 (42:18):
Like demand of and not demand in a bad way
or like a compromising way, but just the demand of,
like it's not just you, Like, I can't just be selfish.
I can't just shut down. I can't just avoid. I
can't just so those patterns that I have been in
(42:40):
for however long and only had unavailable experiences where I
didn't have to show up low risk, low reward, Well
now I have high risk, high reward, and so me
showing up for high risk, high reward, and like this
really nourishing, beautiful connection asks for more of me. And
so you know, the ability to communicate and not go
(43:04):
avoidant has been the most challenging aspect for me because
I because that's I need to renegotiate that pattern, and
I'm really working hard on that. And so it's all
of those things. It's challenging and fulfilling and wonderful and beautiful.
(43:25):
And I just.
Speaker 2 (43:31):
Want us all to remember that there are.
Speaker 1 (43:44):
So many people on earth, and there are so many
people that embody exactly the types of qualities that would
be wonderful and nourishing and expansive and challenging in the
best ways for you. Like there's two many people to
claim that they're all gone or they don't make them
(44:04):
like that anymore, that's actually so not even true. This
man and I have been in the same community, Our
children have gone to the same school for three years.
In fact, our children were in kindergarten together, just in
the opposite kindergarten classes. But like the way our school
is set up, like we should have known each other.
(44:26):
We've been at all the same festivals. My sister in
law and him have known each other since they were children.
Our families are intertwined in a weird way. I have
a photo with like one of his really good friends,
(44:47):
like fifteen years ago, on and on and on and on,
and now was the right time. So it's just interesting
to reflect on. One of the questions that actually came
(45:07):
in was like, how do you communicate what you want
or your expectations or your boundaries without sounding like demanding
or entitled. And for one, if you're viewing your needs
as entitled or demanding, then that could be practiced. You know,
(45:36):
a part of being an adult human that has sovereign,
that is sovereign, has to have preferences and has to
make them known, Like when you come into my house,
you don't smash my windows. Those things are kind of obvious,
(45:58):
but then they get a little bit more tale to
you and maybe what you need. And if we're viewing
those things that just make us feel good enough and
like support it and okay as being entitled or demanding,
those things need to be practiced first when we're entering
a relationship, those expectations are so helpful for the other person.
(46:22):
I also definitely had this fear because I was choosing
men who did not give a shit about me or
give a shit about upholding any type of good enough connection.
And so of course I couldn't share my needs, or
of course if I did, they were totally under met.
And so when I was working through this last year,
(46:46):
I realized that it had nothing to do with my
needs or what I needed or expectations, and just who
I was giving them to, and that that was their
problem that they couldn't like not mine, that they could
not or were not willing to meet those or uphold those. Well,
then that's great information. See you bye. When I met Ariol,
(47:10):
he made it abundantly clear that it was actually required
for me to share what my expectations were and my
needs and my wants and my desires in the here now,
but also to come so that he could uphold them,
so that he could make adjustments to uphold them, that
he could provide them, that he could provide them now
(47:31):
and also work on making them better in the future.
Speaker 2 (47:34):
And so.
Speaker 1 (47:36):
What's important is that that clear communication of like, this
is what I need, this is what I this is
what I require, these are my expectations are so helpful,
we need them.
Speaker 2 (47:50):
I need to know.
Speaker 1 (47:51):
It's kind of like, you know, I hate when people
under communicate, especially like directions like if I'm if I'm
asked to be to do something, I need to know
it perfectly as much information as possible. So the less
second guessing that I can do the better. The more
second guessing I do, the fucking more tripped out I'll get,
(48:13):
and the worse the experience will be. So if I'm
being told exactly what this person desires and what they
what they want and what would feel good for them,
the more I can actually support that or we can
make adjustments together if it's not aligned, so your expectations
(48:39):
and what you need and want is needed. That is
how you know if you're a good match. If I'm like, oh,
I don't really know if I want to like community,
If I don't know, and oh I don't know what
my need? Uh, how am I supposed to know if
they're a match for me? How do I know if
we're if we're going to be able to hold each
other long term, if we're going to be able to
(48:59):
sup forward each other long term? Am I going to
be fulfilled? Or am I going to be completely undernourished
long term? And so when we were having these conversations
early on of like this is what I need, this
is what I want, this is this is the expectation,
this is how my man would act, this is how
like I would act, and and it's for each other
to also uphold each other, you know, like.
Speaker 2 (49:26):
If my.
Speaker 1 (49:28):
If his expectation is this and mine is this, then
we can help each other stay in that, and we
can we can prop each other up and help each
other grow. And it's it's not just for like you've
got to act this way and like this is what
I want, but it's like, Okay, is this container a
good match for each other? And can we uphold each
other and continue to prop each other up in this?
(49:50):
So it's helpful information so that you know, if you're
a good match, can they hold it and give We
want to give people clear expectations so that so that
we can provide it for each other. Yeah, I think.
Speaker 2 (50:15):
You know.
Speaker 1 (50:15):
One of the the best parts about this experience so
far is that I'm realizing how much I could not
have possibly accessed within myself until he came along, in
(50:44):
the really light and fluffy ways and the really dense
and shadowy ways, And that truly is a gift.
Speaker 2 (50:55):
I yeah, I'm.
Speaker 1 (51:02):
So grateful for the gifts that he's provided in what
it's allowing me to access within myself and allowing us
to access together has been so neat, and yeah, it's
(51:28):
just generating a lot of momentum and clearing for me
personally especially and and of course him. But I'm you know,
I've been in some patterns and I haven't I haven't
had a relationship container to to like rework them, so.
Speaker 2 (51:54):
It's been neat.
Speaker 1 (51:55):
When I'm when I met him, I'm like, I'm an infant,
Like I'm an infant in dating, and I need you
to know that I'm like a newborn baby, and so
you need to be patient with me. I'm like completely
closed off guarded right now and we can move through
this together, but like, I need you to be patient
(52:15):
with me. And yeah, I can't believe like how much
has shifted in such a short amount of time. Really,
But when they say when you know, you know, you know,
like you actually know. So yeah, that's like my little update.
(52:37):
You guys. Everybody deserves to soften, and especially as women.
(53:00):
You know, we hear a lot about feminine energy and
softening into the femininity, and you know, the feminine and
masculine dynamics. But it's not softening into a you know,
(53:22):
quality necessarily. It's not like, oh, I'm softening into my feminine,
which yes, that is also true, But what I mean
is just softening in general, just softening some of the
tension in my body.
Speaker 2 (53:36):
And we all deserve that.
Speaker 1 (53:37):
We all deserve this softening internally, Like it's almost as
if the muscles around the heart can soften. And oh,
this is a whole other topic, but like the pelvic
floor softening.
Speaker 2 (53:53):
And releasing.
Speaker 1 (53:55):
I'm gonna have like a whole episode on orgasms here
coming up, I think. And everyone deserves orgasms as well,
but everyone deserves this softening. And I used to have
totally this story around that, like I can't see men
(54:18):
vulnerable and that's so hard and I just can't like, oh,
like Glitch and watching the most delicious, masculine, wonderful man soften,
(54:40):
but like soften into form. I don't know if that
makes sense. It's like I'm softening out of form and
he's softening into form.
Speaker 2 (54:52):
And it's just.
Speaker 1 (54:55):
Been really fun. I'm having so much fun. I think
we told each other we loved each other after like
four weeks maybe, And it was like, you know, we
were in love already for quite some time. I was
(55:19):
waiting for him to say it first. And so that's
another thing, was like there are no rules. I remember
kind of feeling like, WHOA.
Speaker 2 (55:29):
Are we doing this fast? But we spent.
Speaker 1 (55:35):
The amount of time we spent together. We saw each
other every single day, every single day, Like he would
drive half an hour to come and see me for
ten minutes, and he we would sit on the phone
(55:58):
until like three in the morning every night, and every
moment we could, we would spend time together. So we
like really poured into each other. Our schedules for some
reason just opened up, like he had a bunch of
jobs not pan out. I had a bunch of space,
and we poured into each other. And so a month
(56:20):
felt like six months.
Speaker 2 (56:22):
And you know, just the way.
Speaker 1 (56:27):
That I feel like this experience was for me and
it could be totally normal for other people, was so
abnormal and such a rewrite and such a renegotiation of
what I'm worthy of and deserving of, and what I
can hold and have and also what I can provide
that was missing. I didn't realize that, like what I
(56:48):
provide is so valuable and he's he's he's so good
at reflecting it back to me and not just telling me,
but like he's really showing me that what I provide
is valuable and that's so neat. So anyways, I wanted
(57:09):
to update you guys. I know I've been like sharing
about this and and I'll talk more about it. I'm
like kind of rambly. Obviously it's just me talking for
an hour, but there's there's just so much more to
uncover and speak on, and and just specific parts right,
like the intimacy and and and the attachment, Like the
(57:31):
avoidance that comes up for me is so crazy sometimes
and how I'm working through that and what I'm doing.
I highly recommend that workshop, and and just how much
progress I've made in terms of vulnerable connection and and
and remembering that there are such great people on earth,
(57:56):
there are such great people in your community. I had
this store that like there's no good men on Vancouver Island,
that like I'm gonna have to date off of Vancouver Island.
I'm gonna have to like there's no one here. And
the truth is is that like I didn't want someone
here because that means I would have had to been
available for it if they were here. When I only
(58:18):
dated people that did not live here, they were a
plane ride away. It was fucking perfect for me. And
so those were all these stories that I'd built up
and built up. So there are great people in your community.
There's great people that are are are wanting to celebrate
you and love you and praise you and worship you.
(58:41):
The way that Ariel worships.
Speaker 2 (58:43):
Me is.
Speaker 1 (58:45):
So fucking cool. And that is not just because he's
a one off that he's special. I mean, he is special,
and he is one off, but there are so many
versions of that in the world and they want you
and so debunk the stories that you tell yourself. Ask
(59:08):
yourself truthfully, like who am I calling in? Who have
I allowed in my life? And if you're ready to
shift that, there are ways to do it that do
not feel like so much crazy, unrealistic work. But don't
(59:30):
let stories hinder your ability to call in someone that
really truly wants to love you and appreciate you and
expand you and expand each other. So anyways, I love you,
I love my man. I love this journey for me.
(59:53):
When you know you know and from the moment I
first saw him, I I didn't know what it was,
but I did know something, And the longer we get
to love each other, I'm realizing what that knowing was
and that is really special to reflect on. So thank
(01:00:17):
you for being here.
Speaker 2 (01:00:18):
I love you all.
Speaker 1 (01:00:20):
Talk soon.
Hello, and welcome back to a Girl Willing. It is
your podcast, Bestine, Nicole McKenna, and I am here with
you again in my bed with a cup of coffee,
my beloved podcast studio, here to talk about divine union,
what's been going on in my life. I'm going to
continue screaming from the rooftops about the wonderful man I've
(00:22):
called into my life, and we're going to have a hang.
So get a nice warm beverage and hop into bed
with me and let's chat. Okay, So I'm I'm so
in love you guys, and it's so fun. I did
not think that I would get to experience this, and
(00:48):
I think so much of this process has been like
me being willing to be surprised and being willing to
be exposed, and being willing to be wrong and being
willing to be uncomfortable, and so in total and complete
(01:12):
alignment with the podcast, this whole process has been just
me willing, a girl willing to be exposed, and a
girl willing to be vulnerable and afraid, and and it's
just leading me into this really beautiful place that I
just wanted to share about my pattern prior to meeting
(01:37):
my partner was accepting things that were not available, and
in the acceptance of things that were not available, I
did not have to risk the vulnerability level becoming too
(01:58):
high because if it wasn't available, I didn't actually have
to hold it, I didn't actually have to receive it.
I didn't actually have to show up for it. I
could just kind of half ask it because everything else
was half asked, and then it felt okay, it felt
good enough because there was not a lot of risk involved,
(02:20):
and so that was my that was my pattern. It
was low risk, low reward, and I started to become
really sick of it. I started to become really I
just I just got over it. I got over the
fact that or I wanted to get over the fact
(02:43):
that that was what I was tolerating and accepting and wanting,
Like I actually wanted that because it didn't demand much
of of me vulnerably, and it didn't demand much of
me where I actually had to show up in the
highest self, so it was easier.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
And so.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
When I took those patterns and those beliefs and that
part of me out into the world, the men that
I allowed in reflected that, and so I just decided
that I wanted to really get over that. And I
(03:29):
started to see how I was being presented with opportunities
to renegotiate, Like it was like I would get handed
situations earlier last year where it was like I was
in a boardroom and they're like, hey, this do you
want to renegotiate? Like are you going to be different?
(03:50):
Are you going to be the same? And I felt
like I was evolving, but it I noted I did
a lot of like I did a lot of work
last year. I feel like actually in hindsight around that.
So I was renegotiating a lot last year with these patterns,
and I just decided that I was not going to
(04:16):
entertain anything that was not fully and completely what I wanted.
It felt like I was in this really weird place.
It's so interesting. This is what I hear a lot
too from clients and friends that are single. I'd be like, Okay,
I want to call in this like divine union, this partner.
But also it's like I don't want to go on
(04:37):
dating apps because that's pouring my energy out into like
to like, oh I go on first dates and like
and so I get that where it's like, Okay, I
want I want this thing and I want to get there,
and so sometimes the steps towards that can feel challenging
to understand exactly what's right or wrong. And I don't
(04:57):
think that there's a like a apps that's for everybody.
I think it's just you need to figure out what
is the most aligned action for you. And for me,
it was actually taking dating completely off the table. I
actually said to my mom. I remember that very clearly.
I remember exactly where we were sitting, and I said, like,
I'm actually completely not available for any dating, any connection
(05:23):
intimately or emotionally with a man until and that was it.
Like I actually just like pulled it off the table.
I'm like, I'm not even entertaining any dating right now,
which was coming out of.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
A wound.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
That was a wound speaking, but I did speak it,
I did really feel it. Anyways, I was actually in
the it was the mushroom ceremony container that I had
opened at the end of I think it was October
(06:01):
November of last year, a couple months ago. And in
that container that we opened, so much, so so so
much was being worked through and I was the facilitator.
But I am attuned and I'm right there with you
on journeying and being a part of it. And so
(06:23):
I was right in the middle of just like really
deep work as a facilitator and being a mom. And
one day after school, Dawson had a play date with
a little one of her friends from school at the
rock climbing gym and Duncan and so as the kids played,
the mom of the other child and myself were just chatting,
(06:47):
and right near the end of when we were like
kind of wrapping up, another couple children from the school
that I recognized but didn't quite know, came kind of
or the other children and they're all playing, and then
the father of these children kind of like poked his
(07:07):
head in and said, like, oh, your mom's at the school,
and that was kind of it. And as we were leaving,
the dad was by the door and he said, oh,
do you come here often? And I said, we come
here every Monday. And there was just something about connecting
with this man that felt I'd never seen him before,
which is strange because the school that these children go
(07:28):
to is tiny, tiny, tiny, and so I didn't know him,
but I did ask the mom that we were with,
I'm like, who is that? And she told me, and
I was like, oh, wild, okay, like I knew, I
knew the connection to this person, but I had never
seen them or met them. And my daughter's been at
(07:49):
the school for three years now. And so I left,
and me and dass and get in the car and
I say I think I have a crush on that dad,
and she's like, okay, like sweet mom, me drive home,
and I just I can't stop thinking about him, and
(08:13):
I'm like I feel really intrigued, really curious, and I'm
like hoping I see him at the school. I'm like
looking around at drop off and pick up, just like
really trying to catch a peek, and haven't seen him.
And next Monday rolls around and I'm like telling Dawson,
I'm like, I really hope that, like these kids go
and I really hope that that dad's there, and like
(08:35):
talking about it, and so we go and I'm thinking,
like if this guy's any bit interested. What I heard
from the other mom was that she's like pretty certain
that he's single. I wasn't like inquiring, like is he single,
but like just based off what she was saying, I
was like, Okay, Okay, he looks he's available enough so
(09:00):
in this week, in between this Monday to Monday, I
go to my sister in law who's connected to this community,
and she's like, yeah, he's single, and like, because I
said I went to her, I'm like, I have a
crush on the sky and she's like, oh my gosh,
I've I've literally talked to him for like twenty maybe
twenty seconds, and so I'm like getting the scoop right,
(09:23):
and I'm like, we go back the next Monday. Me
and Dawson are there, She's climbing. I'm like, Okay, are
they gonna come? Like, if he's interested, he's gonna bring
his kids. He's gonna come so that he can see me. Right,
That's what I'm thinking. So anyways, they walk in, Dawson
sprints over. She's yelling like my mom was hoping you
(09:44):
guys would come. I'm like, oh my, so exposed. Anyways,
we end up talking for like two hours while the
kids climb and me being me and like, I like
to let people know if I'm interested, and I give
them a very clear opportunity to show their interest or buy,
(10:07):
Like I don't.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
I'm like a bit of a.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
Panther in that way. And so I had a job
that actually I needed a carpenter for that was not
complete in my renovations, and I had another carpenter that
I was asking to do the job, and he was
kind of wishy washy about it. And so I saw
an opportunity where I was like, Hey, I have this job.
You're a carpenter, do you want to do it? And
(10:37):
he didn't really have time and he didn't really want
to do it, but he said yes, because what a
perfect opportunity to get into Nicole mckennon's world. And so
he gave me his number and that was the start
of it. And when I tell you that I knew
(11:01):
something when I met him, like I knew there was
something about his eyes that I just knew something. It
felt like I knew something about the future, like I
knew or about the past, like there was something that
I knew and I didn't know what it was. And
(11:22):
as his name is Ariol, by the way, so when
I throw that in, that's who that is. And turns
out that Ariol expressed to me like a couple days
or weeks whenever in he said like when I met you,
I could tell you knew something. He was like I
(11:44):
just trusted you, and I just knew that you knew something,
which is so interesting because that was an experience that
wasn't common for him.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
And I also.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
Felt this like knowing and that was really special to
have like reflected back to me as well. And I
just everything about this man was different than I was
used to. He was attuned. He was so attuned to
(12:16):
my body language, to my words, to my eye contact,
to to just me my energy, just and so so attuned.
That was the thing I think that like really made
(12:37):
me feel so safe and so so attracted and like
really really brought my guard down, was that he was
so safe and attuned that I wasn't having to like
wonder if he oh interesting, Like I haven't reflected on
this like this verbally, you know. I think, like with
(13:02):
so many like physical boundary ruptures in the past, it
was like that was just off the table. There was
like my systems completely knew based off of how he
was and how he was responding to me, even just
like energetically, physically emotionally, because of how attuned he was,
(13:31):
it was like I trusted his ability to like handle
me well and handle me with karen, handle me with love,
and so early early on when he's like coming and
like doing this job and we're like just starting to
get to know each other. He knows I'm interested, of course,
(13:53):
and I'm assuming he's interested by coming and doing this job,
And so much of what was happening at the start
was like us becoming attuned to each other and like
in hindsight, like these memories that really stand out, or
like us sitting on my couch and just making eye
contact for like really long time, and it was kind.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
Of like this.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Remembering of the past and the future. We so many
times I've like remembered things about him that that don't
exist yet and maybe existed in like past lives. It's
so neat, But so much of the time at the
start was just like a tuning to each other and
(14:39):
making eye contact and and just really being present with
each other like I've never experienced before. Just like hours
of this and previous Nicole like not long before these encounters,
like I would have died at the thought of that.
(15:00):
I literally would have been like, oh not this girl,
Like no, like eye gazing, eye contact, like vulnerable connection.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
Oh no.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
And so here I am like completely in this, like
like nothing I've ever experienced.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
And so.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
Whoa like what a what a really what a change
of pace? And I mean timeline is a little foggy
because it's just been like it feels like years. We
talked on the phone a lot, and we just started
(15:45):
to get to know each other and and really see
if we're a match. And because we met at the
climbing gym, we just we would bring our children there
and we would talk for hours while the kids would play,
and started to get to know each other. And he's
very different than anything I've ever expec experience. So I
was really wondering if this is somebody that actually, you know,
(16:12):
is it would be a match for these things that
I've like created about my dream man. And so I'm
slowly getting this, like the information through through consistency, through
consistent showing that like oh he does tick this off,
and he does tick this off, and he does tick
this off. And it's not through like you know what,
(16:37):
how I thought it would be delivered. It was just
in the real actioning of who this man was. It's
like so attuned, so consistent, can gru in like he
says what he does, when he says something, he means
it and does it. It's like a media It's just like, okay,
of course, this is like this is actually the list.
(16:58):
And he calls me one day and he's like, I
want to ask you out on a first date.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
And we.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
Again me being me like he offered to take me
out to a restaurant and too vulnerable. I glitched, Like
I literally am like I cannot something about that is
just way too vulnerable. It's like that I have to
sit and face this person. Meanwhile, we've been sitting across
(17:31):
from each other on the couch making contact for like
literally hours and like sitting and talking for hours and
like talking on the phone. Like I know that we
can do this, but it's like now that it's a date,
now that there's like this extra level of vulnerability, I'm
like I can't. So I'm like, can we just like
go to a beach and have a fire and like
(17:52):
get takeout. I want sushi on the beach And he
was like yes, So we do that and we have
our first kiss that night. And meanwhile, like we've been
like really connected and I think we have a couple
(18:12):
of dates. We're spending a lot of time together, tons
of connection, and we officially become a couple like a
couple a couple of weeks in. Meanwhile, all we've done
is kiss And what a different experience. Also for me,
(18:39):
who is used to accepting experiences in my life where
I'm not valued. Who I am is intvalued, My gifts
aren't valued, the connection with me isn't valued. But my
body is, or my my sex is, or my intimacy
(19:02):
just physically is. And so especially you know, my entry
to dating, uh started with with a traumatic rupture, and
so I had that pattern that I played out for
years and years and so to just be like held
(19:26):
in that way was like whoa, whoa, And like you
know the stories we create around like oh my gosh,
I like if my I have a friend who's like no,
you should like her her boundaries or that, like you're
in a relationship before you're intimate, and like prior me
(19:49):
would have been like, oh my god, but like what
if the sex is bad? Or like what if like
I had all these like oh no, I could never
do that, that would never work for me. And here
I am like I literally obviously, like the connection is
so baller, the connection is so good that I'm like,
obviously the sex is going to be good. But also
(20:10):
it didn't matter, like at that point what was being provided,
what I felt, what was the present, what was real,
what was alive, what was there was so good that
nothing could actually disrupt that, like nothing could affect that.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
And so.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
It turns out that of course the sex is going
to be fucking amazing when the connection is that amazing, like,
oh my god, the best, like the actual best of
all time. And and so here we are just like
(20:52):
literally falling like madly in love with each other, and
this wonderful, safe and sacred container that I've never ever
imagined could be actually real, And the qualities of this
(21:16):
man are just like everything I could have imagined, and
so much more I didn't know. You know, this is
why like creating the dream Man is so limited, because
it's like I had no idea that this is the
type of man that I actually wanted, that this is
the type of man that I that I could have.
(21:38):
For one, I didn't know they existed. I did not
know a man like this existed, not because they're they're
lacking that there's not many of them, but because I
never allowed men like this into my life, so I
didn't have examples of him. So if you're you know,
like so much of what I hear people message me
on Instagram like oh my god, like there's hardly any
(21:58):
of these men left.
Speaker 2 (21:59):
And it's like, well, because you're.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
Not allowing them into your life, so like, of course
you don't see that. I thought the same that, Like
I didn't know men like Ariol existed because I didn't
allow them in. They weren't who I was accepting or
allowing or calling in. I was calling in unavailable men
(22:23):
and so and I didn't know that I was worthy
of that either, because again the examples that I created
for myself would prove that I was unworthy of that.
So it's just blowing, like the roof off of the
house that I've lived in for so long. And what
(22:44):
a really beautiful and challenging transformation that is to like
to be rocked, to be.
Speaker 2 (22:55):
Rocked like that.
Speaker 1 (22:56):
And I don't want to name it as like whoa,
it's like hard work, but it's but it's certainly been
revealing to me all that I have to work through
(23:20):
within myself that could not have been exposed elsewhere. It
had to be exposed in a container of a relationship,
and one that is highly elevated and highly sacred and
beautiful and amazing and powerful and delicious and sexy and wonderful.
And so it's like this holding of all these parts
(23:43):
of like whoa, this is what actually has to be
integrated and shifted and repatterned and renegotiated, and this is
what's because this is what's online now, this is what's available.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
So if you have.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
Any complexes or stories around like oh, men like that
don't exist, there's hardly any of them. Okay, well, then
you're completely not having examples because you have not allowed
that because I that's my story, that's exactly.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
I know that.
Speaker 1 (24:15):
I know that, that's I wrote the book on that actually,
And so some of the you know, the journeying through
this has just been like noticing I've been asked, like
multiple times like what was it about him? I've been
asked by men actually, which which is really cool, like
(24:36):
conscious lovely men who are single and looking for divine
union and wanting to elevate and like really really inspired
by our connection. And so I've had people reflecting in
our communities, people that know us, like okay, well, what
was it about him that made you like really fall
(24:58):
in love and it was his atunement level. To me,
it was his congruency. What he would say, he would
do it matched how he acted, matched with his words,
and his masculine energy. I've never known a more masculine
(25:18):
men ever. Man like there's he is the embodiment of
masculine energy in a way that is actually truthful, like
in a way that actually embodies it. And then of course,
like personality wise, and I could go on and on,
(25:39):
you guys, this podcast would be like five hours of
just being me being like and this and all, he's so,
this and all.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
And so what grew was.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
This physical attraction and this this love, and this ability
to be vulnerable and this ability to be touched. Earlier,
when we were beginning to get to know each other,
we would sit on my couch and we would look
at each other. We would face each other. And one
(26:14):
day he came and sat behind me, and I like
immediately shot around to face him, and then he just
got back up and went to the other side and
faced me how we would normally sit. And a few
days later it came up somehow in conversation and he
was like and I think I asked him, like, oh, yeah,
(26:34):
I don't know why I didn't like that, and he
was like, it's your body was just telling me that
that wasn't what you wanted. And there was no meaning making,
there was no nothing, And you know, like when I
look on that time, like that was so uncomfortable for me,
Like I think I even wanted to cry, Like there
was such discomfort in someone holding me from the back.
(27:02):
And now, you know, one of our favorite things is
is actually sitting like that, which is so interesting. Like
so this willingness to be like completely cracked open, but
in like the the safest way I've I've been cracked open.
And in my work I talk about this a lot,
(27:24):
where there's the experience that's really harmful for the systems
and the body that's too much too fast, And I've
had that prior, and that's that's really harmful, that that
created immense wounding for me, even though it was a
positive experience quote unquote. And so this cracking wasn't like
(27:46):
cracking open too too fast, too much too fast. This
cracking was like this gentle wave and it just like
rocked me rather and I was I was being rocked
in love and and like really like oh so wonderful
(28:07):
and so yeah, just that type of love and safety.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
And the.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
Parts of you know, building this good enough attachment is
that we need. And I talk about this in my workshop,
which is available if you go on my Instagram, go
on my link tree, you can get the Somatic Attachment
Strategy Workshop, which I highly recommend because we talk about
good enough attachment and what that actually means from both
(28:42):
parties is that there has to be congruency, there has
to be consistency and the like. What it really means
to build a wonderful connection is that we have to
establish a good enough connection. And I realized early on
is that that's what we did and that's what we
continue to do. And and when there is ruptures, you
(29:07):
know how to tend to them properly, which again we
talked about in this workshop. And so I have this
man now who's centered my life, who's done so much
work on himself. He's he's so brilliant, he's he's embodied,
and he's he's just he's so consistent and it's it's
so lovely. Like the type of love I've received through
(29:29):
this man is insane, like nuts. And so the falling
in love process has been really emotional, like really it's
it's surprising, like the amount of times that I've been
like surprised, like, whoa, I get this is so crazy.
(29:52):
One of my favorite things that actually happened decently early
on was we were spending time with Dawson and she
was kind of doing some crafts, and all of a sudden,
she grabs me and she's like, mom, come with me,
and she brings me into her bedroom and she has
this closet in her bedroom. And up until this day,
(30:16):
she was having quite a bit of a hard time
with integrating with the idea of me having a boyfriend.
I have not dated at all. I've been a single
mom the entire time I've dated, but not that Dawson
knows about. There's never been a man that's entered her life,
and so the integration of mommy having a boyfriend has
(30:41):
been was really challenging at the start, and so up
until this day she was having quite a bit of
you know, feelings about it, and we were integrating really
slowly and carefully, especially because he has children. And anyhow,
she grabs me, she brings me to her closet and
she's like, sit down in here and don't get up.
(31:05):
So I'm like inside of her closet, sitting there. I'm
like kind of like in a little ball, and I
can hear her an oriel, and she says, stand here.
She puts him somewhere and she says stand there, and
I hear her, and then I hear her say to him,
(31:25):
say something that you love about my mom, and he answers,
he says something. And what she's doing is she's laying
a pipe cleaner on the ground like a few inches away,
like a step, and then she says to him, like, hey,
you can step forward. So he steps forward, and then
she says, say something you love about my mom, and
(31:49):
he answers, and she puts another pipe cleaner down and
they step one more step, and eventually she has so
many pipe cleaners on the ground. She loops around the
kitchen and loops around the living room and loops here.
And I'm in the closet listening to my daughter, who's
been like so resistant to this man being my boyfriend
(32:11):
or me having a boyfriend in general. And I'm hearing
him answer to my daughter all the things that he
loves about me. You guys, are so many pipe claners
on the ground by the time they get to me,
like it is like I've been listening to them and
remember I'm in the closet hearing this, and it was
(32:37):
so I mean beautiful and so sweet and like am amazing,
But the actual like symbolism of me being in the closet,
hidden in the dark, overhearing a conversation about me was
(32:59):
like I've I'm like it's hard to put into words
of like what parts of me were present. You know,
I've like been in so many situations, especially when I
was bullied, where I would overhear or people would have
conversations about me in front of me that were horrible.
(33:24):
Like one memory stands out in particular where I was
at a birthday party and I was in the I
was I think I went to the bathroom and I
was in the hallway on the way back, and they
were all talking about me like horrible things And happened
in school all the time, and there would be so
many times where I was.
Speaker 2 (33:45):
I found, you.
Speaker 1 (33:46):
Know, conversations on phones about me with previous partners that
were horrible, saying horrible things about me.
Speaker 2 (33:56):
While we were dating.
Speaker 1 (33:58):
There were many times that I I caught conversations and situations.
I walked in on certain situations with previous partners that
were horrible. And so this feeling of being like in
the closet hidden, you know, I was also in situations
(34:19):
where I was hidden that I that.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
I And so.
Speaker 1 (34:27):
Here I am in the in this closet, waiting, overhearing
and and this is what I'm hearing, and like this
is the experience. And I'm just I'm bawling, like I'm
I'm sobbing in complete awe of this experience and like
what's present all these parts and I'm just like overhearing
(34:48):
him and overhearing her. And they finally make their way
to me, and we have this beautiful moment and then
Dawson says, Mom, you stand up, and Ariol, you go
back to the start. So we're just in Dawson's world
(35:08):
right now. So he goes and sits down at the
very first step that they made, and Dawson said, stand
here at the last step, and she says, what do
you love about, Ariol? And so I answer, and she
picks up that pipe cleaner and she says, you can
step ahead, and I step ahead to the next one,
and she says, what do you love about Ariol? And
(35:30):
I answer, and she picks up the step and eventually
I retrace all the steps that he made to me
and I make them back to him.
Speaker 2 (35:40):
And it was just.
Speaker 1 (35:44):
The most like magical moment of like I it was
just so that moment, like really it really completed something
(36:04):
inside of me. It really completed this. It just it completed.
Speaker 2 (36:11):
Something for me.
Speaker 1 (36:11):
It was so magical and so wonderful. And to just
have that to be such an experience was so beautiful.
And then watching Ariol, because I could see him on
on my steps. He couldn't see me on his, but
I could see him in the way that he just
was receiving my words and receiving the experience, and it
(36:36):
was so beautiful and and I just I never knew
that a man with such like man skills at the beginning,
I call them hawkeye skills, like so masculine, you know,
these skills that he that he has of like.
Speaker 2 (36:59):
You know.
Speaker 1 (37:00):
Him being a builder and a carpenter and so skillful
with with what he does and what he provides tangibly
on earth. He's his ability and his knowledge around gardening
and nature and he can like do it all. He
(37:23):
just knows it all, like something broke in my kitchen
and he felt like he just he just can do it.
He's just such a man. And then and then that
being coupled with this emotional depth, this emotional maturity, this
ability to communicate, and and then also his spiritual connection
(37:43):
and his knowledge and his ability to meet me spiritually
and to hold that and and his his his mental Oh,
just every it's just so marvelous. I truly, I'm I'm
so glad that I I was so that I allowed
myself to be so surprised, because I think if I
(38:07):
I entered and continued to hold the belief, which this
is a belief I really upgraded last year, was that
I know how men are, like I know, I know
it all. I know how men are. I know that
this is like what it means to be a man.
(38:29):
And they're different somehow, but this is like, this is
what it is. And I'm so glad that I debunked
that last year because when he entered my life, I
allowed myself to attract a man who could surprise me.
Because if I had this belief that I know exactly
how men are and this is what they do and
this is what they hold and this is what they're
(38:49):
capable of. I wouldn't have allowed Ariolan because he is
so different than what I would have believed in the past,
and so he's all of it. He's literally everything that
I could imagine being the best partner, plus way more
that I didn't even know that I wanted. Just so
(39:14):
devoted and so like just oh, you guys, I can't
even explain without just sounding like a mushy schoolgirl. But
the level of devotion, the level of care, the amount
he fucking cares is so crazy.
Speaker 2 (39:34):
You know.
Speaker 1 (39:35):
The other day, I Dawson's going away for ten days
on a trip, which is the longest. The longest we've
been away from each other is I think five nights,
So this is long, and this is the farthest she'll
be away from me. So he knows that this is
going to be challenging for me, and so the other
day we're sitting on the couch and he's like, hey,
(39:55):
I know you mentioned that, like you're gonna struggle or
have a challenging time, the potential for you to have
a challenging time when Dawson's away. I'm just wanting to know,
like what types of supports would be valuable for you.
I know that, like you see and clist is really valuable.
I know that acupuncture is valuable. I know that you
going to hot yoga's valuable. Like what else? How else
(40:16):
could I support you? I noticed that at the end
of her trip is when you're gonna be like more
tender in your cycle. Like I'm I'm not going to
work evenings that week, Like this is the type of
shit that this man brings to the table, like every day.
This is just who he is. He's like, you know,
I know that you're tender at that part of the trip,
(40:38):
So like, I'm not going to work evenings. This is
what I'm thinking. How can I support you with this?
Like he's really in service to being himself, is what
I've noticed. Like he's really devoted to being himself and
really devoted to being in service to his human experience,
(41:02):
whether that's work or claiming who he is and really
honoring that and showing up strongly in his sense of agency.
And a part of that is loving me now and
being a good father and a good partner and all
of these things. And so he's really in service to that,
Like he's very devoted it's incredible. I've never seen that.
(41:24):
I've never seen that done so well, I guess, and
I get to be the lucky recipient of it, and
it's so marvelous. It's so healing, it's so fulfilling, it's
so nourishing, and it's also so challenging, and I don't
want to bypass that. That the the the challenging part
of that is is me being able to to h
(41:56):
to communicate better and to hold that well and to
support that well. And I haven't been in a relationship
since I was twenty two committed, like I'm actually someone's partner,
and like that was, I'm thirty one now, you guys,
it's nearly a decade ago.
Speaker 2 (42:15):
And so just the.
Speaker 1 (42:18):
Like demand of and not demand in a bad way
or like a compromising way, but just the demand of,
like it's not just you, Like, I can't just be selfish.
I can't just shut down. I can't just avoid. I
can't just so those patterns that I have been in
(42:40):
for however long and only had unavailable experiences where I
didn't have to show up low risk, low reward, Well
now I have high risk, high reward, and so me
showing up for high risk, high reward, and like this
really nourishing, beautiful connection asks for more of me. And
so you know, the ability to communicate and not go
(43:04):
avoidant has been the most challenging aspect for me because
I because that's I need to renegotiate that pattern, and
I'm really working hard on that. And so it's all
of those things. It's challenging and fulfilling and wonderful and beautiful.
(43:25):
And I just.
Speaker 2 (43:31):
Want us all to remember that there are.
Speaker 1 (43:44):
So many people on earth, and there are so many
people that embody exactly the types of qualities that would
be wonderful and nourishing and expansive and challenging in the
best ways for you. Like there's two many people to
claim that they're all gone or they don't make them
(44:04):
like that anymore, that's actually so not even true. This
man and I have been in the same community, Our
children have gone to the same school for three years.
In fact, our children were in kindergarten together, just in
the opposite kindergarten classes. But like the way our school
is set up, like we should have known each other.
(44:26):
We've been at all the same festivals. My sister in
law and him have known each other since they were children.
Our families are intertwined in a weird way. I have
a photo with like one of his really good friends,
(44:47):
like fifteen years ago, on and on and on and on,
and now was the right time. So it's just interesting
to reflect on. One of the questions that actually came
(45:07):
in was like, how do you communicate what you want
or your expectations or your boundaries without sounding like demanding
or entitled. And for one, if you're viewing your needs
as entitled or demanding, then that could be practiced. You know,
(45:36):
a part of being an adult human that has sovereign,
that is sovereign, has to have preferences and has to
make them known, Like when you come into my house,
you don't smash my windows. Those things are kind of obvious,
(45:58):
but then they get a little bit more tale to
you and maybe what you need. And if we're viewing
those things that just make us feel good enough and
like support it and okay as being entitled or demanding,
those things need to be practiced first when we're entering
a relationship, those expectations are so helpful for the other person.
(46:22):
I also definitely had this fear because I was choosing
men who did not give a shit about me or
give a shit about upholding any type of good enough connection.
And so of course I couldn't share my needs, or
of course if I did, they were totally under met.
And so when I was working through this last year,
(46:46):
I realized that it had nothing to do with my
needs or what I needed or expectations, and just who
I was giving them to, and that that was their
problem that they couldn't like not mine, that they could
not or were not willing to meet those or uphold those. Well,
then that's great information. See you bye. When I met Ariol,
(47:10):
he made it abundantly clear that it was actually required
for me to share what my expectations were and my
needs and my wants and my desires in the here now,
but also to come so that he could uphold them,
so that he could make adjustments to uphold them, that
he could provide them, that he could provide them now
(47:31):
and also work on making them better in the future.
Speaker 2 (47:34):
And so.
Speaker 1 (47:36):
What's important is that that clear communication of like, this
is what I need, this is what I this is
what I require, these are my expectations are so helpful,
we need them.
Speaker 2 (47:50):
I need to know.
Speaker 1 (47:51):
It's kind of like, you know, I hate when people
under communicate, especially like directions like if I'm if I'm
asked to be to do something, I need to know
it perfectly as much information as possible. So the less
second guessing that I can do the better. The more
second guessing I do, the fucking more tripped out I'll get,
(48:13):
and the worse the experience will be. So if I'm
being told exactly what this person desires and what they
what they want and what would feel good for them,
the more I can actually support that or we can
make adjustments together if it's not aligned, so your expectations
(48:39):
and what you need and want is needed. That is
how you know if you're a good match. If I'm like, oh,
I don't really know if I want to like community,
If I don't know, and oh I don't know what
my need? Uh, how am I supposed to know if
they're a match for me? How do I know if
we're if we're going to be able to hold each
other long term, if we're going to be able to
(48:59):
sup forward each other long term? Am I going to
be fulfilled? Or am I going to be completely undernourished
long term? And so when we were having these conversations
early on of like this is what I need, this
is what I want, this is this is the expectation,
this is how my man would act, this is how
like I would act, and and it's for each other
to also uphold each other, you know, like.
Speaker 2 (49:26):
If my.
Speaker 1 (49:28):
If his expectation is this and mine is this, then
we can help each other stay in that, and we
can we can prop each other up and help each
other grow. And it's it's not just for like you've
got to act this way and like this is what
I want, but it's like, Okay, is this container a
good match for each other? And can we uphold each
other and continue to prop each other up in this?
(49:50):
So it's helpful information so that you know, if you're
a good match, can they hold it and give We
want to give people clear expectations so that so that
we can provide it for each other. Yeah, I think.
Speaker 2 (50:15):
You know.
Speaker 1 (50:15):
One of the the best parts about this experience so
far is that I'm realizing how much I could not
have possibly accessed within myself until he came along, in
(50:44):
the really light and fluffy ways and the really dense
and shadowy ways, And that truly is a gift.
Speaker 2 (50:55):
I yeah, I'm.
Speaker 1 (51:02):
So grateful for the gifts that he's provided in what
it's allowing me to access within myself and allowing us
to access together has been so neat, and yeah, it's
(51:28):
just generating a lot of momentum and clearing for me
personally especially and and of course him. But I'm you know,
I've been in some patterns and I haven't I haven't
had a relationship container to to like rework them, so.
Speaker 2 (51:54):
It's been neat.
Speaker 1 (51:55):
When I'm when I met him, I'm like, I'm an infant,
Like I'm an infant in dating, and I need you
to know that I'm like a newborn baby, and so
you need to be patient with me. I'm like completely
closed off guarded right now and we can move through
this together, but like, I need you to be patient
(52:15):
with me. And yeah, I can't believe like how much
has shifted in such a short amount of time. Really,
But when they say when you know, you know, you know,
like you actually know. So yeah, that's like my little update.
(52:37):
You guys. Everybody deserves to soften, and especially as women.
(53:00):
You know, we hear a lot about feminine energy and
softening into the femininity, and you know, the feminine and
masculine dynamics. But it's not softening into a you know,
(53:22):
quality necessarily. It's not like, oh, I'm softening into my feminine,
which yes, that is also true, But what I mean
is just softening in general, just softening some of the
tension in my body.
Speaker 2 (53:36):
And we all deserve that.
Speaker 1 (53:37):
We all deserve this softening internally, Like it's almost as
if the muscles around the heart can soften. And oh,
this is a whole other topic, but like the pelvic
floor softening.
Speaker 2 (53:53):
And releasing.
Speaker 1 (53:55):
I'm gonna have like a whole episode on orgasms here
coming up, I think. And everyone deserves orgasms as well,
but everyone deserves this softening. And I used to have
totally this story around that, like I can't see men
(54:18):
vulnerable and that's so hard and I just can't like, oh,
like Glitch and watching the most delicious, masculine, wonderful man soften,
(54:40):
but like soften into form. I don't know if that
makes sense. It's like I'm softening out of form and
he's softening into form.
Speaker 2 (54:52):
And it's just.
Speaker 1 (54:55):
Been really fun. I'm having so much fun. I think
we told each other we loved each other after like
four weeks maybe, And it was like, you know, we
were in love already for quite some time. I was
(55:19):
waiting for him to say it first. And so that's
another thing, was like there are no rules. I remember
kind of feeling like, WHOA.
Speaker 2 (55:29):
Are we doing this fast? But we spent.
Speaker 1 (55:35):
The amount of time we spent together. We saw each
other every single day, every single day, Like he would
drive half an hour to come and see me for
ten minutes, and he we would sit on the phone
(55:58):
until like three in the morning every night, and every
moment we could, we would spend time together. So we
like really poured into each other. Our schedules for some
reason just opened up, like he had a bunch of
jobs not pan out. I had a bunch of space,
and we poured into each other. And so a month
(56:20):
felt like six months.
Speaker 2 (56:22):
And you know, just the way.
Speaker 1 (56:27):
That I feel like this experience was for me and
it could be totally normal for other people, was so
abnormal and such a rewrite and such a renegotiation of
what I'm worthy of and deserving of, and what I
can hold and have and also what I can provide
that was missing. I didn't realize that, like what I
(56:48):
provide is so valuable and he's he's he's so good
at reflecting it back to me and not just telling me,
but like he's really showing me that what I provide
is valuable and that's so neat. So anyways, I wanted
(57:09):
to update you guys. I know I've been like sharing
about this and and I'll talk more about it. I'm
like kind of rambly. Obviously it's just me talking for
an hour, but there's there's just so much more to
uncover and speak on, and and just specific parts right,
like the intimacy and and and the attachment, Like the
(57:31):
avoidance that comes up for me is so crazy sometimes
and how I'm working through that and what I'm doing.
I highly recommend that workshop, and and just how much
progress I've made in terms of vulnerable connection and and
and remembering that there are such great people on earth,
(57:56):
there are such great people in your community. I had
this store that like there's no good men on Vancouver Island,
that like I'm gonna have to date off of Vancouver Island.
I'm gonna have to like there's no one here. And
the truth is is that like I didn't want someone
here because that means I would have had to been
available for it if they were here. When I only
(58:18):
dated people that did not live here, they were a
plane ride away. It was fucking perfect for me. And
so those were all these stories that I'd built up
and built up. So there are great people in your community.
There's great people that are are are wanting to celebrate
you and love you and praise you and worship you.
(58:41):
The way that Ariel worships.
Speaker 2 (58:43):
Me is.
Speaker 1 (58:45):
So fucking cool. And that is not just because he's
a one off that he's special. I mean, he is special,
and he is one off, but there are so many
versions of that in the world and they want you
and so debunk the stories that you tell yourself. Ask
(59:08):
yourself truthfully, like who am I calling in? Who have
I allowed in my life? And if you're ready to
shift that, there are ways to do it that do
not feel like so much crazy, unrealistic work. But don't
(59:30):
let stories hinder your ability to call in someone that
really truly wants to love you and appreciate you and
expand you and expand each other. So anyways, I love you,
I love my man. I love this journey for me.
(59:53):
When you know you know and from the moment I
first saw him, I I didn't know what it was,
but I did know something, And the longer we get
to love each other, I'm realizing what that knowing was
and that is really special to reflect on. So thank
(01:00:17):
you for being here.
Speaker 2 (01:00:18):
I love you all.
Speaker 1 (01:00:20):
Talk soon.
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