November 12, 2023 • 23 mins
In this mini episode I share what I have been doings thats keeping me busy and what it means to be an artist.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:01):
Welcome to episode eight of A GirlWilling. I am your host, Nicole
McKenna just wanted to say before wegot into things, this is not a
Dawson episode, and I'm so sorry. My sweet little Angel is a Capricorn
son. No she's not. She'san Aquarius son, an Aquarius moon,
and a Capricorn mercury. So shedoes not really take to suggestions very well.
(00:24):
She wants to create her own decisionbased off of her own will that
she has cultivated. So the seedhas been planted for her. She will
approach me when she wants to recordan episode. I actually don't have a
ton of time to sit and record, but I wanted to give you guys
an update and sit with myself fora minute. I feel like, sadly,
(00:48):
this is the only way I'm ableto prioritize it, which is a
bit of a call out on myselfthat. But it's just been busy.
Being a mom is busy, andthen being a single mom is busy.
Working for yourself is busy, Beinga human is busy. Having a place
(01:11):
that you live is busy. It'sjust like the toilets keep getting dirty and
the fridge will need to get cleanedout, and we need to get groceries.
The laundry builds up over and overagain. The windows get dirty,
the mirrors have splatter on them.It's just the floors get gross. Like
it's always happening. So, youknow, we can say like, ah,
(01:36):
this is the busy thing. I'ma mom, or I own my
own business, or I have fifteenkids, or you know, I'm always
traveling, whatever the thing is.But despite all those things, being a
human is a lot of fucking work. The fact that we have to have
like hygiene and we have to showerand wash our hair and brush our teeth,
like those are those tasks take upa lot of time. Then you
(02:00):
on, if we actually want tothrive and not just like survive, how
much more that is? Oh,it's all a lot. So life is
busy, and I have some newsort of like little sprouting seeds I guess
(02:21):
now that are really exciting. They'relike dreams coming true exciting. And yeah,
so I just feel like the busynessthat I have right now is all
that mundane stuff of washing toilets anddoing laundry that builds up for like two
weeks, as well as these reallyexciting things like writing my book that is
(02:46):
in its like, well, i'llgive you the deal on that. And
I'm doing in person energy healing sessions. Again AT envisioned healing some part of
that space now, So it's allgood. M hmm, it's good.
(03:07):
I just wanted to. So I'vebeen sharing a little bit. I mean,
I've shared some of my writing onmy Instagram, assuming that most of
you are coming from my Instagram.I've shared pieces of my writing, like
really brain dump style writing, whichis how I operate. I like to
do a brain dump and then theyjust go away, like they just go
(03:30):
into the pile of writing that Ihave in a book or on my computer
whatever it is, my phone.But I have compiled I guess, some
brain dump things that fit on thescale that I have envisioned for my first
(03:54):
book. So I'll explain that ina different way. My first book that
is going to be out by theend of this year is a poetry book,
I guess. So when I envisionedwriting my first book, I sort
of felt like it would be acompilation of like my brain dumps, because
(04:15):
that's how I roll. And itappears that that is going to be the
first book it's a bunch of littlebrain dump poetry style pieces that I've written,
and it'll be published by the endof the year. It looks like
it'll be in your hands by theend of the year, which is so
(04:36):
fucking wild. So I guess I'vehad this conversation with a few people that
I've shared this with. I haven't. I haven't really shared a ton about
it, but and a couple ofthe questions are like, oh, when
did you decide that you were goingto write a book? And I'm like,
oh, I that like six yearsold, Like that's been my thing,
(05:00):
my earliest connection to tending to myself. I guess my earliest memories of
when I was fully understood is whenI wrote, because when I put my
pen or pencil to paper, itwas like, oh, I'm finally fucking
(05:24):
understood. Like I felt this wildconnection to writing and I have. I
know I've talked about my old journalson an episode prior to this one,
but I've written really beautiful pieces andsome deep intimate things throughout my life as
(05:44):
a really young girl. And Iknew from a very young age that I
was going to write books, thatI was going to have a book that
I was going to write books.There's this really strong memory. Actually I
was flying to medicine hat, whichis really funny that my last episode I
talked about that it was a differentflight to medicine hat. I guess I
(06:09):
don't go on many flights, andwhen I do, it's to medicine hat
apparently. And I was quite young. I was probably like, God,
I don't know, sixteen maybe,and I got a book and I don't
even remember what it's called now,but I read it and I remember having
this like very strong affirming feeling inmy body that was like, oh,
(06:32):
yeah, no, this I'm gonnabe this person, this girl that wrote
this book, Like this will beme. It just made so much sense
in that moment. So I reallyhad like a clear vision when I was
probably around sixteen that I was goingto have a book. And prior to
that, I had written many sortof like chapters for my books. I
(06:54):
had always I have a poetry bookcompilation that I put together years ago,
so I was probably twenty, andI have all these these different pieces that
I had brain dumped and written andthen I put them together in a book
and then they never went and Inever did anything with it. I had
written a bunch of stuff after Iwas sexually abused in preparation to, you
(07:28):
know, have it a part ofmy book. So I've known when that
was sixteen, Like I've known thatI was going to write a book for
a very long time. And sohere we are, and I'm writing a
lot of new pieces for this poetrybook. So there's a bit of some
old mixing with some new. It'sbeing edited, it's being really like dialed
in and properly laid out, andit's just beautiful and I'm so excited.
(07:54):
And it's all the pieces in thisfirst book that I'm publishing is fitting on
the scale of disgust to acceptance,and so there's a lot of darkness and
the disgust and a lot of youknow, putred. Really, I've had
a couple of people read it infront of me and watching their faces,
(08:16):
they're like, oh, like it'sreally it brings up disgust in them,
which is actually kind of cool becauseit's translating well, I guess, and
then all the way to acceptance.And so I have these pieces written somewhere
on that scale of disgust to acceptance, and it's really exciting. I just
couldn't feel more like right. Andso at the same time, this poetry
(08:43):
book is being published it looks likeI'm self publishing it. And then I
have an actual chapter ready to goin a whole sort of memoir laid out
to bring around to get a bookdeal. So this so I have two
(09:05):
sort of books on the go.I guess the poetry book is going to
be self published, it'll be hereby the end of the year, and
this memoir book is going to beavailable to publishing houses to get a book
deal. So both of those thingsare happening at the same time, which
is really cool. And yeah,I just added that to my my load.
(09:33):
But so although it's you know,just more, it's such it's such
delicious more, it's just like dessertfor me. So yeah, my plate
is full with the main course oflife and work and Dawson and me and
(09:54):
new things coming in and old thingsleaving, but it's important for me to
make room for this dessert right now. And yeah, I'm just sitting here
smiling because, for one, it'sjust so fucking cool. I've spent many
times in chapters standing at the bookshelvesbeing like, oh, I know that
(10:20):
I'm going to see my book here, and yeah, it's just sweet.
This dessert is sweet. There's somany versions of Nicole who wrote and could
not share what she wrote. Itwas too intimate, it was too raw,
(10:41):
it was too disgusting, it wastoo embarrassing. Having people be a
part of your life and then tosee so deeply inside of you is a
really interesting thing because a part ofit is like, you know, they
(11:03):
read this thing and you're like,yeah, but do you get it?
Like it's it's it's a really youknow, it's almost like embarrassing. It
brings up a lot of like littlegirl responses in me of you know,
what are people gonna think? Andthe poetry book is is definitely intimate and
(11:28):
it's definitely vulnerable. But the chapterthat I have is the memoir is gonna
be like extreme, right, Likeit's it's gonna go into my life more
so. Yeah, it's just aninteresting bunch of things to navigate. Lots
(11:50):
of you know, I've written foreverbut I haven't shared. So it's just
a new part of that journey andthat process that feels ready. I feel
ready for that. Yeah, I'mready. What are you ready for?
(12:11):
Right now too, What dessert isimportant for you to have in your life?
Because God, we're all full,we're all busy, everyone's cleaning toilets
like we've all got shit we've gotgoing on. But despite your plate being
full, what dessert are you reallyneeding to prioritize or wanting to prioritize or
(12:33):
wanting to eat and wanting to havea bite of. And maybe you can't
dive in and have the full dessertbecause you need to sit and wait to
let dinner you know, settles inyour body, but it's on the table
ready for you. Just no excuses. We're not making excuses for the stuff
that we want and need. Andbecause there's always gonna be dirty toilets with
(13:01):
toothpaste splatter that I have no fuckingidea how it gets on there. How
Dawson is just like lions roaring inthe mirror when she brushes her teeth.
I don't understand how it's happening everyday. But I also like watch her
brush her teeth and sometimes help her, and it's not splattering everywhere, so
I don't know. But the mirrorsare gonna be there. The laundry isn't
(13:24):
gonna grow legs and walk out ofyour house and smash all your windows.
Like the laundry is gonna stay inthe laundry basket. You will have other
clothes to wear. Yes, yourfavorite underwear are not gonna be available,
but you have some backup shitty periodpanties that you can put on, Like,
I know, you've got stuff towear. Life is going to The
(13:46):
mundane parts of life are going tobe there if you sit in, you
know, be in your art.Something I shared on social media was the
way you respond to your reality isyour art, And I just feel like
(14:07):
that provokes a really interesting feeling forme because we could just have our head
in the toilet and be scrubbing wallsand mopping the floors all the time,
but you're not making any art.So what would it feel or what could
(14:28):
it feel like or be like foryou to put the mop down and respond
to your reality in a way thatmakes art for you? Because everyone has
art. Life is art, butjust that the mundane stuff isn't gonna go.
(14:48):
So can you put the chicken andpotatoes on your plate to the side
a little bit and just fucking havesome apple pie and make some art?
Because Wow, I feel like thatmakes the dirty windows and the base boards
(15:09):
that I've collected dust feel really reallyspecial. If at the same time we're
making art, that art is beingmade while I'm dusting the cobwebs out of
the corner of my house, likethat makes it so fucking special. That
makes it really really cool. Thatmakes me feel grateful for the cobwebs because
(15:33):
I am in this creation with myreality and I'm making art. I don't
know what the fuck I'm talking about, but right though, like I don't
know, I only have a fewminutes left. Dawson's going to be arriving
home. She had a birthday partyshe went to, and I was mundane
(15:58):
stuff thing because I was behind.I really didn't have any old, tattered
stuff to where I had to.I had to do the mundane stuff.
But I know that at the sametime, I've been putting so much energy
into this art that it that it'shere. I've cultivated this connection to my
art, and that feels really cool. I guess the question I would ask
(16:25):
would be, like, what doesart mean to you? What does that
mean? I used to think artis such a literal thing that you had
to be making or creating something likea painting or you know, a painting,
I guess really, or like pottery, something that was tangible like that.
(16:52):
I don't even know if I wouldhave considered writing as an art unless
it was poetry maybe, But thestyle of writing I did never felt like
art. It just felt like truth. And I think I invalidated my truth
for so long that there's no waythat my truth could have been art.
(17:18):
But art is so much more thanpainting and pottery, because it is making
and creating. And I'm making somethingright now. Yeah, I'm making a
podcast, but the words that I'mspeaking into my room are creating a vibration.
(17:41):
The walls will never be the sameafter each word I speak. They've
never been that, they've never takenthat frequency, they've never heard these exact
words before. I'm warming up mybed under my body, which has never
(18:03):
been done in the way that it'sbeing done right now. So I am
making, I am creating. Theseare all things that I'm birthing from me.
And are these walls. If wetook, you know, peeled a
(18:25):
bit of paint off of these wallsand brought it to a museum, would
they deem it as special enough todisplay. I don't know, probably not,
But does that mean it's not art? No? So what does art
mean for you? When you makeand create? When you walk, you're
(18:52):
changing the floor beneath you, orthe earth beneath you. Person that you
bump into, or each person thatyou walk past in a grocery store,
you are imprinting them forever, likeyou are your art. The way you
respond to your reality is your art. It doesn't have to be a painting,
(19:15):
but it could be. It couldbe. Man imagine if we could
view ourselves as art, like Ifeel that I am doing right now,
(19:36):
because all of a sudden, Ijust felt a lot more appreciative of my
existence. That just being me isimprinting this space around me forever. And
if I wasn't here, these thingswould have been unchanged. They would have
(20:03):
never had this experience, They wouldhave never had this, and I don't
know what that would have led to. There's a line in one of my
(20:25):
poems and it says, this butterflymind flaps its wings, and a tsunami
starts in my heart. And Ilove that saying of like, you know,
a butterfly flaps its wings in Chinaand a tsunami. I don't know
(20:48):
what it actually is, but thatalthough it's so insignificant, whether you know,
I leave my mark here or not, it can appear so insignificant.
I should say, it appears thatthese walls would have been fine if I
didn't speak right now, they wouldyou know, the earth would have been
(21:10):
okay if my footprints weren't in it. Everything would have been okay. But
I don't know what it would leadto or what it wouldn't lead to if
I didn't. I just don't knowWHOA that's a big thought to have in
(21:37):
this little body. I've got adecent sized body, but you know,
pretty small in the grand scheme ofthings. I hope everyone is doing content
(22:03):
in their lives. I hope everyone'sdoing contentment because I don't even know if
I want to strive for like feelinggood. I just want to feel like
I'm home in myself. I justwant to feel like I am at home
in myself, because you know,when you walk home and you like or
(22:26):
just home and you're like, oh, you can undo your pants and you
can like toot and you don't haveto, your posture kind of changes a
little bit. You can just geta little bit more comfortable. I just
want to feel like that inside ofmyself. I just want to feel like
I'm at home. So I hopethat you all feel like you're at home
(22:48):
right now inside of yourself. Yeah, this is going to be a short
one, guys. I love youall. I will be back very soon
with a full episode, a fullupdate. I have some things I want
(23:10):
to talk about. I've got alist of things. Actually, you know
that I do be having ideas andlittle streams of consciousness that need to come
out. So I will be backvery soon. I love you all.
Go make some art, you littleartist.
Welcome to episode eight of A GirlWilling. I am your host, Nicole
McKenna just wanted to say before wegot into things, this is not a
Dawson episode, and I'm so sorry. My sweet little Angel is a Capricorn
son. No she's not. She'san Aquarius son, an Aquarius moon,
and a Capricorn mercury. So shedoes not really take to suggestions very well.
(00:24):
She wants to create her own decisionbased off of her own will that
she has cultivated. So the seedhas been planted for her. She will
approach me when she wants to recordan episode. I actually don't have a
ton of time to sit and record, but I wanted to give you guys
an update and sit with myself fora minute. I feel like, sadly,
(00:48):
this is the only way I'm ableto prioritize it, which is a
bit of a call out on myselfthat. But it's just been busy.
Being a mom is busy, andthen being a single mom is busy.
Working for yourself is busy, Beinga human is busy. Having a place
(01:11):
that you live is busy. It'sjust like the toilets keep getting dirty and
the fridge will need to get cleanedout, and we need to get groceries.
The laundry builds up over and overagain. The windows get dirty,
the mirrors have splatter on them.It's just the floors get gross. Like
it's always happening. So, youknow, we can say like, ah,
(01:36):
this is the busy thing. I'ma mom, or I own my
own business, or I have fifteenkids, or you know, I'm always
traveling, whatever the thing is.But despite all those things, being a
human is a lot of fucking work. The fact that we have to have
like hygiene and we have to showerand wash our hair and brush our teeth,
like those are those tasks take upa lot of time. Then you
(02:00):
on, if we actually want tothrive and not just like survive, how
much more that is? Oh,it's all a lot. So life is
busy, and I have some newsort of like little sprouting seeds I guess
(02:21):
now that are really exciting. They'relike dreams coming true exciting. And yeah,
so I just feel like the busynessthat I have right now is all
that mundane stuff of washing toilets anddoing laundry that builds up for like two
weeks, as well as these reallyexciting things like writing my book that is
(02:46):
in its like, well, i'llgive you the deal on that. And
I'm doing in person energy healing sessions. Again AT envisioned healing some part of
that space now, So it's allgood. M hmm, it's good.
(03:07):
I just wanted to. So I'vebeen sharing a little bit. I mean,
I've shared some of my writing onmy Instagram, assuming that most of
you are coming from my Instagram.I've shared pieces of my writing, like
really brain dump style writing, whichis how I operate. I like to
do a brain dump and then theyjust go away, like they just go
(03:30):
into the pile of writing that Ihave in a book or on my computer
whatever it is, my phone.But I have compiled I guess, some
brain dump things that fit on thescale that I have envisioned for my first
(03:54):
book. So I'll explain that ina different way. My first book that
is going to be out by theend of this year is a poetry book,
I guess. So when I envisionedwriting my first book, I sort
of felt like it would be acompilation of like my brain dumps, because
(04:15):
that's how I roll. And itappears that that is going to be the
first book it's a bunch of littlebrain dump poetry style pieces that I've written,
and it'll be published by the endof the year. It looks like
it'll be in your hands by theend of the year, which is so
(04:36):
fucking wild. So I guess I'vehad this conversation with a few people that
I've shared this with. I haven't. I haven't really shared a ton about
it, but and a couple ofthe questions are like, oh, when
did you decide that you were goingto write a book? And I'm like,
oh, I that like six yearsold, Like that's been my thing,
(05:00):
my earliest connection to tending to myself. I guess my earliest memories of
when I was fully understood is whenI wrote, because when I put my
pen or pencil to paper, itwas like, oh, I'm finally fucking
(05:24):
understood. Like I felt this wildconnection to writing and I have. I
know I've talked about my old journalson an episode prior to this one,
but I've written really beautiful pieces andsome deep intimate things throughout my life as
(05:44):
a really young girl. And Iknew from a very young age that I
was going to write books, thatI was going to have a book that
I was going to write books.There's this really strong memory. Actually I
was flying to medicine hat, whichis really funny that my last episode I
talked about that it was a differentflight to medicine hat. I guess I
(06:09):
don't go on many flights, andwhen I do, it's to medicine hat
apparently. And I was quite young. I was probably like, God,
I don't know, sixteen maybe,and I got a book and I don't
even remember what it's called now,but I read it and I remember having
this like very strong affirming feeling inmy body that was like, oh,
(06:32):
yeah, no, this I'm gonnabe this person, this girl that wrote
this book, Like this will beme. It just made so much sense
in that moment. So I reallyhad like a clear vision when I was
probably around sixteen that I was goingto have a book. And prior to
that, I had written many sortof like chapters for my books. I
(06:54):
had always I have a poetry bookcompilation that I put together years ago,
so I was probably twenty, andI have all these these different pieces that
I had brain dumped and written andthen I put them together in a book
and then they never went and Inever did anything with it. I had
written a bunch of stuff after Iwas sexually abused in preparation to, you
(07:28):
know, have it a part ofmy book. So I've known when that
was sixteen, Like I've known thatI was going to write a book for
a very long time. And sohere we are, and I'm writing a
lot of new pieces for this poetrybook. So there's a bit of some
old mixing with some new. It'sbeing edited, it's being really like dialed
in and properly laid out, andit's just beautiful and I'm so excited.
(07:54):
And it's all the pieces in thisfirst book that I'm publishing is fitting on
the scale of disgust to acceptance,and so there's a lot of darkness and
the disgust and a lot of youknow, putred. Really, I've had
a couple of people read it infront of me and watching their faces,
(08:16):
they're like, oh, like it'sreally it brings up disgust in them,
which is actually kind of cool becauseit's translating well, I guess, and
then all the way to acceptance.And so I have these pieces written somewhere
on that scale of disgust to acceptance, and it's really exciting. I just
couldn't feel more like right. Andso at the same time, this poetry
(08:43):
book is being published it looks likeI'm self publishing it. And then I
have an actual chapter ready to goin a whole sort of memoir laid out
to bring around to get a bookdeal. So this so I have two
(09:05):
sort of books on the go.I guess the poetry book is going to
be self published, it'll be hereby the end of the year, and
this memoir book is going to beavailable to publishing houses to get a book
deal. So both of those thingsare happening at the same time, which
is really cool. And yeah,I just added that to my my load.
(09:33):
But so although it's you know,just more, it's such it's such
delicious more, it's just like dessertfor me. So yeah, my plate
is full with the main course oflife and work and Dawson and me and
(09:54):
new things coming in and old thingsleaving, but it's important for me to
make room for this dessert right now. And yeah, I'm just sitting here
smiling because, for one, it'sjust so fucking cool. I've spent many
times in chapters standing at the bookshelvesbeing like, oh, I know that
(10:20):
I'm going to see my book here, and yeah, it's just sweet.
This dessert is sweet. There's somany versions of Nicole who wrote and could
not share what she wrote. Itwas too intimate, it was too raw,
(10:41):
it was too disgusting, it wastoo embarrassing. Having people be a
part of your life and then tosee so deeply inside of you is a
really interesting thing because a part ofit is like, you know, they
(11:03):
read this thing and you're like,yeah, but do you get it?
Like it's it's it's a really youknow, it's almost like embarrassing. It
brings up a lot of like littlegirl responses in me of you know,
what are people gonna think? Andthe poetry book is is definitely intimate and
(11:28):
it's definitely vulnerable. But the chapterthat I have is the memoir is gonna
be like extreme, right, Likeit's it's gonna go into my life more
so. Yeah, it's just aninteresting bunch of things to navigate. Lots
(11:50):
of you know, I've written foreverbut I haven't shared. So it's just
a new part of that journey andthat process that feels ready. I feel
ready for that. Yeah, I'mready. What are you ready for?
(12:11):
Right now too, What dessert isimportant for you to have in your life?
Because God, we're all full,we're all busy, everyone's cleaning toilets
like we've all got shit we've gotgoing on. But despite your plate being
full, what dessert are you reallyneeding to prioritize or wanting to prioritize or
(12:33):
wanting to eat and wanting to havea bite of. And maybe you can't
dive in and have the full dessertbecause you need to sit and wait to
let dinner you know, settles inyour body, but it's on the table
ready for you. Just no excuses. We're not making excuses for the stuff
that we want and need. Andbecause there's always gonna be dirty toilets with
(13:01):
toothpaste splatter that I have no fuckingidea how it gets on there. How
Dawson is just like lions roaring inthe mirror when she brushes her teeth.
I don't understand how it's happening everyday. But I also like watch her
brush her teeth and sometimes help her, and it's not splattering everywhere, so
I don't know. But the mirrorsare gonna be there. The laundry isn't
(13:24):
gonna grow legs and walk out ofyour house and smash all your windows.
Like the laundry is gonna stay inthe laundry basket. You will have other
clothes to wear. Yes, yourfavorite underwear are not gonna be available,
but you have some backup shitty periodpanties that you can put on, Like,
I know, you've got stuff towear. Life is going to The
(13:46):
mundane parts of life are going tobe there if you sit in, you
know, be in your art.Something I shared on social media was the
way you respond to your reality isyour art, And I just feel like
(14:07):
that provokes a really interesting feeling forme because we could just have our head
in the toilet and be scrubbing wallsand mopping the floors all the time,
but you're not making any art.So what would it feel or what could
(14:28):
it feel like or be like foryou to put the mop down and respond
to your reality in a way thatmakes art for you? Because everyone has
art. Life is art, butjust that the mundane stuff isn't gonna go.
(14:48):
So can you put the chicken andpotatoes on your plate to the side
a little bit and just fucking havesome apple pie and make some art?
Because Wow, I feel like thatmakes the dirty windows and the base boards
(15:09):
that I've collected dust feel really reallyspecial. If at the same time we're
making art, that art is beingmade while I'm dusting the cobwebs out of
the corner of my house, likethat makes it so fucking special. That
makes it really really cool. Thatmakes me feel grateful for the cobwebs because
(15:33):
I am in this creation with myreality and I'm making art. I don't
know what the fuck I'm talking about, but right though, like I don't
know, I only have a fewminutes left. Dawson's going to be arriving
home. She had a birthday partyshe went to, and I was mundane
(15:58):
stuff thing because I was behind.I really didn't have any old, tattered
stuff to where I had to.I had to do the mundane stuff.
But I know that at the sametime, I've been putting so much energy
into this art that it that it'shere. I've cultivated this connection to my
art, and that feels really cool. I guess the question I would ask
(16:25):
would be, like, what doesart mean to you? What does that
mean? I used to think artis such a literal thing that you had
to be making or creating something likea painting or you know, a painting,
I guess really, or like pottery, something that was tangible like that.
(16:52):
I don't even know if I wouldhave considered writing as an art unless
it was poetry maybe, But thestyle of writing I did never felt like
art. It just felt like truth. And I think I invalidated my truth
for so long that there's no waythat my truth could have been art.
(17:18):
But art is so much more thanpainting and pottery, because it is making
and creating. And I'm making somethingright now. Yeah, I'm making a
podcast, but the words that I'mspeaking into my room are creating a vibration.
(17:41):
The walls will never be the sameafter each word I speak. They've
never been that, they've never takenthat frequency, they've never heard these exact
words before. I'm warming up mybed under my body, which has never
(18:03):
been done in the way that it'sbeing done right now. So I am
making, I am creating. Theseare all things that I'm birthing from me.
And are these walls. If wetook, you know, peeled a
(18:25):
bit of paint off of these wallsand brought it to a museum, would
they deem it as special enough todisplay. I don't know, probably not,
But does that mean it's not art? No? So what does art
mean for you? When you makeand create? When you walk, you're
(18:52):
changing the floor beneath you, orthe earth beneath you. Person that you
bump into, or each person thatyou walk past in a grocery store,
you are imprinting them forever, likeyou are your art. The way you
respond to your reality is your art. It doesn't have to be a painting,
(19:15):
but it could be. It couldbe. Man imagine if we could
view ourselves as art, like Ifeel that I am doing right now,
(19:36):
because all of a sudden, Ijust felt a lot more appreciative of my
existence. That just being me isimprinting this space around me forever. And
if I wasn't here, these thingswould have been unchanged. They would have
(20:03):
never had this experience, They wouldhave never had this, and I don't
know what that would have led to. There's a line in one of my
(20:25):
poems and it says, this butterflymind flaps its wings, and a tsunami
starts in my heart. And Ilove that saying of like, you know,
a butterfly flaps its wings in Chinaand a tsunami. I don't know
(20:48):
what it actually is, but thatalthough it's so insignificant, whether you know,
I leave my mark here or not, it can appear so insignificant.
I should say, it appears thatthese walls would have been fine if I
didn't speak right now, they wouldyou know, the earth would have been
(21:10):
okay if my footprints weren't in it. Everything would have been okay. But
I don't know what it would leadto or what it wouldn't lead to if
I didn't. I just don't knowWHOA that's a big thought to have in
(21:37):
this little body. I've got adecent sized body, but you know,
pretty small in the grand scheme ofthings. I hope everyone is doing content
(22:03):
in their lives. I hope everyone'sdoing contentment because I don't even know if
I want to strive for like feelinggood. I just want to feel like
I'm home in myself. I justwant to feel like I am at home
in myself, because you know,when you walk home and you like or
(22:26):
just home and you're like, oh, you can undo your pants and you
can like toot and you don't haveto, your posture kind of changes a
little bit. You can just geta little bit more comfortable. I just
want to feel like that inside ofmyself. I just want to feel like
I'm at home. So I hopethat you all feel like you're at home
(22:48):
right now inside of yourself. Yeah, this is going to be a short
one, guys. I love youall. I will be back very soon
with a full episode, a fullupdate. I have some things I want
(23:10):
to talk about. I've got alist of things. Actually, you know
that I do be having ideas andlittle streams of consciousness that need to come
out. So I will be backvery soon. I love you all.
Go make some art, you littleartist.
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