October 15, 2024 • 38 mins
Hi I’m coming in hot in this episode. I chat about why the spiritual community can have toxic parts and why you need to use discernment.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, and welcome to a Girl Willing. It is your host,
Nicole McKenna, and I will be your only host for
the duration of time as long as we shall live.
But I will still say the intro the same because
I don't have a fancy intro with instruments and welcome
(00:23):
back to another episode. I'm really excited to be here.
I just made a cup of tea. I actually made
a pot of tea, and the tea is hot. I'm
feeling hot. I got some got some big. I got
some big messages to bring in and they may not
(00:46):
feel big for you to receive, but I have a
lot of passion behind them, so I hope that's felt.
I just finish up a day of clients and man again,
like I cannot believe that this is what I get
to do. Like I get this. I get to do this.
(01:09):
I get to support people in all of their many seasons,
and God, that is so fucking cool. That'll never feel
real to me. There's always this like level of like shock,
I guess or yeah, I guess shock because when I like, logically,
(01:38):
when I scan back through the past versions of me
that you know, we're attuned to her gifts or her
intuitive abilities, and like the whole journey of me getting
here was so challenging that I cannot believe that, like
I've arrived in a place where like this is what
(01:58):
I get to do for work. So that's really neat
to reflect on. And then I will never not feel
so honored to be able to do this work. And
I mean that with every ounce of my soul and
every cell in my body. But I just one of
(02:20):
the calls today actually really inspired this episode because we
were just finishing up an intuitive development program and it
was our last call, and so I was trying to
gain some clarity on like what exactly her offerings are
going to look like, and just really like doing all
the fine tuning as the container was coming to a close,
(02:43):
and I was really sensing some hesitations around like claiming
her offerings, and so I named that and she just
expressed that. She was like, you know, like my house
is small. I feel like I don't have my life's
not in like the perfect expression of itself to hold
(03:07):
me in my offerings. And I was like, okay, I
can understand that. Like logistically, when things feel you know, challenging,
to land in something that feels like such a big thing, right,
Like intuitive readings and energy healing and really showing up
(03:28):
and claiming her role in the healing arts is like
a big thing. So I'm like, Okay, I can definitely
understand that, but I'm curious as to why there's some
sort of expectation on claiming your gifts. And this is
not just her, this is most people in this space
(03:52):
that are attuning and claiming their gifts. And I teach
a lot of intuitive development like that is probably one
of the it's like that in somatics, in coaching and
kind of all into one, but I do a lot
of intuitive development training and it's really one of my
(04:13):
favorite things to do. And so we're like cranking up
the attunement levels like from zero to one hundred, not zero,
but you know, like we're tuning it up fast. And
so it's like a big thing to claim. And so
a lot of people have this expectation that it's got
(04:34):
to look a certain way. And the call today just
brought so much clarity as to why that is. And
so I just wanted to talk about it because I
could see her and feel her just shift from this
like place of resistance to this place of acceptance and
(04:55):
from this, I'm pushing these things away into like actually
scooping them forward. And so that was so neat, and
I there was such a medicine in that for her
and for me, and so I just wanted to share
that because so many of us can resonate that there
(05:16):
are some expectations that are unrealistic to meet, but we
have all these things on hold in order to meet them.
I mean, I say this all the time in my work.
It's like, you know, when I'm skinnier, I'll finally date
people who respect me, or you know, when my kids
are adults, I'll finally slow down, and you know, when
(05:41):
I make more money, I'll finally invest in in doing
some healing work. There's always this like perfect scenario and
then this will happen. But all that is actually saying
is I'm rejecting myself until something happens. Then I then
I'll maybe accept this or call this forward, or I mean,
(06:03):
especially in terms of like receiving support and help and
making things like this happens all the time, and dating,
like I'll date the I'll date a guy that's like
actually kind to me when I'm you know, I've got
my lip filler done and I've lost twenty pounds. Like
that is literally translates to I will continue to abuse
(06:25):
or reject myself until something changes. And so in this call,
there was this sense of like, I'm rejecting my gifts
until my life is the perfect setting for me to
(06:48):
claim them. And so because we've been doing all this
work together, I'm like, Okay, what is it about, Like
what does your life need to look like? And she's like,
you know, I need like a good morning routine, I
need I need lots of space during the day. And
it was this like full day container needed to be
really well organized. And she has a young child and
(07:11):
a partner and a home, and she's a human and
has a body and all the things. But it was like,
from the moment she woke up needed to be organized
Container until the very end of the day needed to
be organized Container. And I just straight up was like,
that's a really unrealistic expectation, especially I mean, I'm a
(07:33):
single mom. I I'm doing my best, But the reality
is there's nothing consistent about being a human. There's nothing
consistent about being an individual human, and there's nothing consistent
about being a mother or a parent because her kids
(07:56):
are never consistent, and that is actually not goal. If
the goal was for us to be completely and fully
consistent every day the same and our kids to be
the same, that's NPC behavior. That's not sovereign human shit.
So if your goal is ever like I want things
(08:18):
to be dut da da da da da da and
like consistent, I show up the same way. I do
the same things, I feel the same. You're wishing to
be an NPC. I hate to break it to you,
and that would be a disservice to Earth. We do
not need any more of those. The acceptance level that
(08:39):
I'm gonna show up differently, especially as a woman who
experiences different phases of a cycle that operates on a
loosely twenty eight day cycle, we are gonna be different
every day, every single day. We're gonna be different. This
(09:03):
is why emphasis rhythm over anything is that there should
be a level of knowing that when I wake up,
I'm in the same space. There's this element of rhythm available.
(09:24):
It's not rigid, it's rhythmic, and in that rhythm allows
so much more flow, so that when I wake up
and I'm in an expression of myself that needs a
slower experience that I actually can change the rhythm. Can
(09:47):
I can adjust the tempo that my rhythm was at
yesterday and maybe adjust it down a little bit so
I've got a bit more slowness to my rhythm. If
I'm operating from rigid, that change of pace doesn't actually fit,
I'm all of a sudden bad or I'm failing, And
so that doesn't that's not the goal. So we're in
(10:13):
this call, and you know, she's highlighting that she doesn't
have the perfect daily experience in order to show up
in her gifts, Like you know, she doesn't have time
to sit and meditate before she does reading for somebody,
and she's just naming these really like I understand how
she's arriving at these spaces. And I'm like, that's not
(10:40):
a realistic expectation to have of yourself, because you're going
to be different every day. Your child's gonna have a
different experience. You know. It's always like the old thing,
like wake up before your kid does so you can
have your morning routine. And like, while I love that
waking up early, does not serve me at all times
of my cycle when I am in the filicular or
(11:04):
like ovulation expressions of my cycle. Oh hell yeah, I
love an early morning and I'm on fire in the
morning if I wake up early, or I have the
need like I have to there's something like demanding an
early rise during my luteal or when I'm on my bleed,
I will have to take a nap that day. That's
(11:26):
just what's required of me in order to stay good
enough in my body to feel like I'm self tending enough,
I'll have to have a nap. And so, yes, I
get it. Wake up earlier than your kids have your
morning routine. I love that. But what if you slept
(11:47):
shitty and then you don't get to wake up early
because you need to get a little bit more sleep,
Or what if your kid woke up in the middle
of the night, or what if you just woke up
and were like, actually, I'm hitting snooze now. That means
that your whole days fucked. So this, this desire to
stay in this like perfect container every day is so unrealistic,
(12:10):
and so we're just talking this through. We're just like
becoming clear of like what maybe those expectations are and
that maybe they're not they're not super supportive in reality,
And I was sharing about a course that I put
on earlier this year called Evoke, and it was this
beautiful program. I will offer it in twenty twenty five
(12:33):
about claiming your role in the healing arts, and we
talk about how as a practitioner, whether you're a massage therapist,
whether you're a hairstylist, whether you are an energy worker,
whether you're doesn't matter. Your requirement is to arrive well
(12:55):
with your client and then to depart well with your client.
And this goes for just like hanging out with a
friend too. So when you are arriving with someone, like
when you're meeting someone, there's a meeting, a connection, something,
your requirement is to arrive well. So in the healing arts,
(13:17):
I'm gonna I'm gonna like zoom this back into this example.
You know, people are like, well, I see that, you know,
because it's such a it's such an interesting realm to
be in the healing arts. It's such a because it's
(13:41):
so energetic and intentional and such a sensitive realm to
work in. The sometimes governing thought is that it has
to be perfect all the time in order for you
to show up as being a good practitioner. And so
(14:03):
the reality is, though, is that we're humans and we
have to be humans in life. Okay, So if I
have a session at ten, my only requirement is that
I show up and arrive well at ten o'clock. And
then if the session ends at eleven, my only requirement
(14:25):
is to depart well at eleven. And what I mean
by that is if you are like dropping your kid
off at nine fifty eight, and you're like racing over
to get to your call or your session, whatever it is,
and maybe you're like a little oh, and you didn't
have time to sit and meditate for an hour and
tune in and light a candle and do all the things,
(14:48):
that is okay. You just have to then arrive well.
And I talk about this when I do intuitive development
and obviously in evoke and when I work one on
one with clients. Is that sometimes that means arriving with
your client, because chances are they had human shit up
until their session time too. So when you have this experience,
(15:12):
you get to arrive together. And so you know, there's
lots of ways we can do this. We do orienting
and somatic tune ins, and I mean so on and
so forth, but you just have to arrive well in
a way that's regulated so your client can coregulate with you.
And sometimes that means, hey, we sit in the space
(15:32):
together and we just do a minute of breathing so
that we can both arrive and then we'll tune in
and get going. If you have time before your session,
then sweet, that's gravy. But we're talking about this expectation
that it has to be like two hours of tune
in and meditation and and all of these things before
(15:53):
we actually get into the flow. So we were talking
about this call and she's like, oh my gosh, like
I can't believe she just had this like little moment
of like, whoa, that's a possibility, Like that's an option
to be a human. And then just like to have
the session and to you know, there's obviously steps involved,
(16:15):
but to arrive and depart. And she's like, I just
want to name something that she had experienced previous mentor
that would share about these very elaborate rituals, will say,
and experiences that are not necessarily available to the average person.
(16:40):
So like hours in pre ritual and hours in you know,
uh self tending prior to a session. And so this
is how this person was introduced to the healing arts
was that you had to be a healing artists in
(17:02):
sort of like the work all of the time, and
then that's how you were a good practitioner. And I mean,
that's incredible that this person has the space, the financial ability,
no obligations throughout the days to do that. That's incredible.
(17:27):
That she's built the experience for herself that she can
do like hours of pre ritual before clients and whatnot. Incredible.
I don't often work with people like that. So in
my experience, most people have children that seems to be
you know, a common thing they have, maybe have other jobs,
(17:51):
they have demands outside of holding space or being in
the healing arts. Okay, so this person received this information
and went, well, my life can't possibly look like that.
I don't have that option. And so it created this
(18:13):
this internal rejection of her gifts for like time, and
then we had the honor to connect and we're inviting
in a different option of viewing how she can still
show up in this space even though she doesn't mirror
(18:35):
this exact you know, lifestyle as someone else. And because
social media is social media, this is really like hammered
in into this spiritual girlies Instagram feeds. It's like, I'm
in ceremony again, and I'm in ceremony again, and it's ceremony,
and there's another ceremony, and I'm in self ceremony and
(18:58):
I'm doing this and it's a ceremony and I just
meditated for six hours and now I'm doing a self
pleasure ceremony and which is so dope. Do not get
me wrong, Do I wish I was in ceremony all
the time? No? I don't, actually, because that is not
real life. But that is so sweet. I respect the game,
(19:20):
but that is not real life most of the time.
And it puts out this incredibly harmful message that we
must be willing to use discernment on Okay, as a
(19:42):
human with human being, shit, we have to have discernment
to go. That is cool and that actually might be
the way that they spend their life. And that is
so sweet if it is. But that you do not
have to match that that that does not have That
is not the governing body of how to be a
spiritual person on earth, Like that is not what we
(20:04):
have to do. But all of my calls today reflected this,
and I just I felt really lit up of this, like,
just because you're seeing something or someone's showing you something
does not mean that's the way to do it well.
(20:25):
Especially when they have a lot of followers or they
have a big voice or a big presence, it can
feel like, oh, they're successful, so that's the way to
be successful, when really all that I see that doing
is making people reject their own gifts. And again that
(20:48):
is not a one plus one equals too. We have
to use discernment that we don't have to match those things.
But when the message is very clearly this is the
way it's supposed to be, I just find it really
(21:18):
muddies the water. And I had a talk with a
dear friend recently that I've been feeling really passionate about
protecting this spiritual community and the healing artists, especially locally
on Vancouver Island, because it's important to me, it's important
(21:40):
that we have people working from their highest places and
so that people can receive from their highest places, and
that I've also been in this community for over thirteen years,
and so there's like this part of me it feels
like responsible to uphold the integrity of the spiritual community.
(22:10):
And although I cannot govern it, and it's not my
responsibility to and I wouldn't want to, and I'm not there.
That's not like a mmm, I'm just a person, but
(22:32):
I'm very much passionate about everyone holding themselves to their
highest place. And I've just noticed so much purity racing.
And what I mean by that is like, if I'm
(22:53):
the purest spiritual person, I'm in first place. And then
it's like, nope, I'm coming in. It's like Mario Kart
and it's like who can be the most pure And
it's like all these people racing and bumping and throwing
bananas out and oh that person got botox for they like,
go p. It's like it's just so, it's just like
(23:18):
it's actually, I don't have words like it's actually so
interesting to notice that when actions are created from that
place of like I'm purer than you, I'm more spiritual
than you, we're just creating a culture that makes people
(23:39):
reject their gifts and like, isn't your message that everyone
should claim them? Like what? And then so we create
this like rejection of human people stepping into their power
and stepping into their gifts and claiming their role here.
That is fucking integral. We need these people, and then
(24:02):
we've got this like purity race happening that's making people
reject their gifts that we so need. And so I'm
just on the sidelines, like not participating in this race,
being like what on fucking earth are we doing here?
(24:23):
It is such a bizarre, such a bizarre experience. I'm
I'm not even sure what my message is other than
please do not reject yourself because of your humanness, please,
(24:52):
and do not try to put your humanness in a
box and tape it up, and then put it in
another box and tape that one up and then put
it in the closet where there's no fresh air, because
that will literally kill you if you see you know
(25:13):
the purity racing. Use discernment that that is does not
mean you have to show up like that in order
to claim your gifts, or to show up with curiosity,
or to speak the language, or to go to the classes.
I remember being so scared to like go to a
(25:36):
dance or like an astatic dance event, or to go
to a guided meditation event because I was so not
didn't feel like I fit into the purity racing, and
so I often felt rejected whether that was just a
projection I had or whether that was, you know, a
(26:03):
real and true felt experience, I don't know. But what
I do know is I continuously see this purity racing
experience that makes other people feel like they cannot show
up in this space and to build community like what
(26:33):
a disservice. And then you know, we use the language
is being thrown around as like I'm a light worker
and I'm these things that's helping humanity, and yes they
are in so many ways, but then in so many
ways we're creating this like toxicity. It's like polluting this
(26:58):
space almost. And I've just I just I'm speaking to
those of you that don't resonate with that and maybe
have rejected themselves even unconsciously, because they've witnessed the purity racing. Again,
(27:20):
I don't have better words for it, but I hope
that makes sense. You know, if I dress the part,
if I dress the part, if I dress the part,
if I dress the part, if I say the right things,
if I use the right language, if I if I
look the same and I hate the same things and
I love the same things, then I'll fit in. And
if I have the perfect routine and if I'm meditating
all the time and oh, that is too much work,
(27:45):
we end up rejecting ourselves and we end up in
a dysregulated state and there's no longevity there, and we're
polluting this community of beautiful beings. And for so long,
I know I've shared this before, but for so long,
(28:07):
I felt like I had to reject who I was.
Like I'm a fashion girly. I absolutely love playing in
the matrix intentionally, I'll play how I want. I love
fashion and shopping. And I loved my extensions and my
(28:30):
eyelash extensions and my nails, and like, I don't look
the part of what I was shown in community when
I started, and that has evolved and I've gotten so
much more comfortable with that, which is incredible. And I
found the most brilliant, incredible community, Like I never thought
(28:54):
it existed to have community like this, and so that
is brilliant and amazing. And I just want you to
know that, like you are human, and you can still
be in the space and still welcome your gifts and
(29:14):
curiosities in and to just use discernment with if you
feel yourself rejecting those parts of you when you're in
the presence of a support or a community. I would
(29:41):
just I would just again be like curious if this
is a supportive space or supportive mentors, supportive place for
you to be at this time. And it doesn't mean
that those people are unsupportive for everybody, because that couldn't
possibly be the truth, because some people need some people,
(30:01):
and some people need some people, and those people may
shift and evolve and so on and so forth. But
I guess I'm just telling you that you Yeah, I don't,
I don't really know what, but I hope you received
something from that that the heat of which my being
(30:26):
was holding over that has lessened. So hm, I feel
I've properly released part of what I wanted to share
at least. Yeah, Holy, I just yeah, I just continuously
(30:49):
see this purity. I'm out puring somebody else energy, and
I've seen people dress the part and look the part
and talk the part and be absolutely fucking toxic. So
use discernment, my friends, is all I have to say.
(31:12):
And those are not cryptic messages to hang on to
of like ooh, it's just the reminder that you get
to be you and also be fucking magical. Whoa ground
breaking news. Hello, reporting live. We have some ground breaking
(31:34):
news that you get to be you right now in
this moment, fully and completely yourself flawed, whole, ever changing, imperfect,
and also magical. You do not have to be anything else.
(31:55):
You do not have to change, be fixed, be better.
You do not have to meet an expectation that somebody
else has put on you, or that you are perceiving
has been put on you in order to be magical.
You actually are just magical now and nothing has to
change in order for you to claim that. Thank you
(32:20):
for tuning in ough fun. I guess that's my message.
You get to be just fully you and also be magical.
And my community that I am so honored to be
a part of has really shown me that. And god,
(32:46):
I mean so much of it is social media right
again today, Like oh my god, I don't know if
I want to share that, Like is that not spiritual enough?
Or like I have a perfect message, or it's just
me having a silly time, Like do people really want
to see that I've lost? You know? Yeah? It just
(33:10):
I guess it circles back to about like being perceived
in a certain way, especially my experience of not looking
the part in the spiritual healing arts space, especially now
being a part of the Waldorf community, which I am
(33:34):
so involved in my personal life. But if you were
to visually see me, your snap judgment would be that
I don't fit in to the community that I'm a
part of there. But really my practice is like so evolved,
which is so interesting because I don't know, you know,
(33:57):
someone else may look the part but not have It's interesting.
It's just we're just making perceptions about people, and so
I have navigated the potential of being perceived very wrongly,
and I've experienced many, many, many many situations in real
life that my being perceived based off of how I
(34:23):
look visually is so very skewed from who I am
and what I offer. And so when we're looking at
something like social media that is based very much on
you know, I have this message in this platform, in
what I do, and I'm still so afraid to kind
(34:48):
of really show that very human side of me with
the fear that now the perception I have on me
is going to be altered and very shifted and wrong,
which that thought I fucking hate. I don't want to
be misunderstood. I don't want to be misperceived wrong and
so I'm again just like noticing this creep back in
(35:12):
a new layer wants to be exposed around perception and
social media that you know, okay, let them. And I
actually had a really cool situation happen with a friend
recently where that actually came forward in real life that
(35:35):
I was perceived in a way that wasn't the truth
and it didn't activate me like it used to, and
so it was so neat to reflect with her. I
was like, oh, hey, like thanks for bringing that forward
because it was so nice to see that it did
not activate me in the way that it used to.
(35:57):
And I didn't have a clear update on that, so
I guess I'm just updating again that, Yeah, I'm really
willing to be perceived wrongly and to maybe not and
to sit on the sidelines of a certain communities that
(36:21):
are into out puring each other in order to support
and to show other women that they can be themselves
and be magical. So a part of me is like,
oh fuck, yeah, okay, okay, misperceive me or whatever, misunderstand me,
(36:47):
don't let me into that realm, because I want to
show people that you can be themselves. They can be
themselves and be magical, and yeah, I hope that lands,
and I'd be curious to hear how that feels for everyone.
(37:14):
And I just like, am no longer willing to see
people play in toxic areas. M I'm going to reword
(37:38):
that I am willing to witness that because that's their journey.
And but I'm no longer going to pretend that it
doesn't bother me, because I think that's what I used
to do, Like, well, it's their journey, and like I
(37:58):
would try to detach from like witnessing, and it does
bother me that there is harm in the spiritual community.
Obviously there's harm in every community, in every field and
every offering. But it just came up three times, back
(38:19):
to back to back in the sessions today, people unrelated
coming for sessions for unrelated reasons, and I just find
that worth anchoring into a podcast episode. So you go,
(38:40):
we're human and we're magical, and I love you, and
I hope you have a beautiful rest of your day.
I'll see you all soon.
Hello, and welcome to a Girl Willing. It is your host,
Nicole McKenna, and I will be your only host for
the duration of time as long as we shall live.
But I will still say the intro the same because
I don't have a fancy intro with instruments and welcome
(00:23):
back to another episode. I'm really excited to be here.
I just made a cup of tea. I actually made
a pot of tea, and the tea is hot. I'm
feeling hot. I got some got some big. I got
some big messages to bring in and they may not
(00:46):
feel big for you to receive, but I have a
lot of passion behind them, so I hope that's felt.
I just finish up a day of clients and man again,
like I cannot believe that this is what I get
to do. Like I get this. I get to do this.
(01:09):
I get to support people in all of their many seasons,
and God, that is so fucking cool. That'll never feel
real to me. There's always this like level of like shock,
I guess or yeah, I guess shock because when I like, logically,
(01:38):
when I scan back through the past versions of me
that you know, we're attuned to her gifts or her
intuitive abilities, and like the whole journey of me getting
here was so challenging that I cannot believe that, like
I've arrived in a place where like this is what
(01:58):
I get to do for work. So that's really neat
to reflect on. And then I will never not feel
so honored to be able to do this work. And
I mean that with every ounce of my soul and
every cell in my body. But I just one of
(02:20):
the calls today actually really inspired this episode because we
were just finishing up an intuitive development program and it
was our last call, and so I was trying to
gain some clarity on like what exactly her offerings are
going to look like, and just really like doing all
the fine tuning as the container was coming to a close,
(02:43):
and I was really sensing some hesitations around like claiming
her offerings, and so I named that and she just
expressed that. She was like, you know, like my house
is small. I feel like I don't have my life's
not in like the perfect expression of itself to hold
(03:07):
me in my offerings. And I was like, okay, I
can understand that. Like logistically, when things feel you know, challenging,
to land in something that feels like such a big thing, right,
Like intuitive readings and energy healing and really showing up
(03:28):
and claiming her role in the healing arts is like
a big thing. So I'm like, Okay, I can definitely
understand that, but I'm curious as to why there's some
sort of expectation on claiming your gifts. And this is
not just her, this is most people in this space
(03:52):
that are attuning and claiming their gifts. And I teach
a lot of intuitive development like that is probably one
of the it's like that in somatics, in coaching and
kind of all into one, but I do a lot
of intuitive development training and it's really one of my
(04:13):
favorite things to do. And so we're like cranking up
the attunement levels like from zero to one hundred, not zero,
but you know, like we're tuning it up fast. And
so it's like a big thing to claim. And so
a lot of people have this expectation that it's got
(04:34):
to look a certain way. And the call today just
brought so much clarity as to why that is. And
so I just wanted to talk about it because I
could see her and feel her just shift from this
like place of resistance to this place of acceptance and
(04:55):
from this, I'm pushing these things away into like actually
scooping them forward. And so that was so neat, and
I there was such a medicine in that for her
and for me, and so I just wanted to share
that because so many of us can resonate that there
(05:16):
are some expectations that are unrealistic to meet, but we
have all these things on hold in order to meet them.
I mean, I say this all the time in my work.
It's like, you know, when I'm skinnier, I'll finally date
people who respect me, or you know, when my kids
are adults, I'll finally slow down, and you know, when
(05:41):
I make more money, I'll finally invest in in doing
some healing work. There's always this like perfect scenario and
then this will happen. But all that is actually saying
is I'm rejecting myself until something happens. Then I then
I'll maybe accept this or call this forward, or I mean,
(06:03):
especially in terms of like receiving support and help and
making things like this happens all the time, and dating,
like I'll date the I'll date a guy that's like
actually kind to me when I'm you know, I've got
my lip filler done and I've lost twenty pounds. Like
that is literally translates to I will continue to abuse
(06:25):
or reject myself until something changes. And so in this call,
there was this sense of like, I'm rejecting my gifts
until my life is the perfect setting for me to
(06:48):
claim them. And so because we've been doing all this
work together, I'm like, Okay, what is it about, Like
what does your life need to look like? And she's like,
you know, I need like a good morning routine, I
need I need lots of space during the day. And
it was this like full day container needed to be
really well organized. And she has a young child and
(07:11):
a partner and a home, and she's a human and
has a body and all the things. But it was like,
from the moment she woke up needed to be organized
Container until the very end of the day needed to
be organized Container. And I just straight up was like,
that's a really unrealistic expectation, especially I mean, I'm a
(07:33):
single mom. I I'm doing my best, But the reality
is there's nothing consistent about being a human. There's nothing
consistent about being an individual human, and there's nothing consistent
about being a mother or a parent because her kids
(07:56):
are never consistent, and that is actually not goal. If
the goal was for us to be completely and fully
consistent every day the same and our kids to be
the same, that's NPC behavior. That's not sovereign human shit.
So if your goal is ever like I want things
(08:18):
to be dut da da da da da da and
like consistent, I show up the same way. I do
the same things, I feel the same. You're wishing to
be an NPC. I hate to break it to you,
and that would be a disservice to Earth. We do
not need any more of those. The acceptance level that
(08:39):
I'm gonna show up differently, especially as a woman who
experiences different phases of a cycle that operates on a
loosely twenty eight day cycle, we are gonna be different
every day, every single day. We're gonna be different. This
(09:03):
is why emphasis rhythm over anything is that there should
be a level of knowing that when I wake up,
I'm in the same space. There's this element of rhythm available.
(09:24):
It's not rigid, it's rhythmic, and in that rhythm allows
so much more flow, so that when I wake up
and I'm in an expression of myself that needs a
slower experience that I actually can change the rhythm. Can
(09:47):
I can adjust the tempo that my rhythm was at
yesterday and maybe adjust it down a little bit so
I've got a bit more slowness to my rhythm. If
I'm operating from rigid, that change of pace doesn't actually fit,
I'm all of a sudden bad or I'm failing, And
so that doesn't that's not the goal. So we're in
(10:13):
this call, and you know, she's highlighting that she doesn't
have the perfect daily experience in order to show up
in her gifts, Like you know, she doesn't have time
to sit and meditate before she does reading for somebody,
and she's just naming these really like I understand how
she's arriving at these spaces. And I'm like, that's not
(10:40):
a realistic expectation to have of yourself, because you're going
to be different every day. Your child's gonna have a
different experience. You know. It's always like the old thing,
like wake up before your kid does so you can
have your morning routine. And like, while I love that
waking up early, does not serve me at all times
of my cycle when I am in the filicular or
(11:04):
like ovulation expressions of my cycle. Oh hell yeah, I
love an early morning and I'm on fire in the
morning if I wake up early, or I have the
need like I have to there's something like demanding an
early rise during my luteal or when I'm on my bleed,
I will have to take a nap that day. That's
(11:26):
just what's required of me in order to stay good
enough in my body to feel like I'm self tending enough,
I'll have to have a nap. And so, yes, I
get it. Wake up earlier than your kids have your
morning routine. I love that. But what if you slept
(11:47):
shitty and then you don't get to wake up early
because you need to get a little bit more sleep,
Or what if your kid woke up in the middle
of the night, or what if you just woke up
and were like, actually, I'm hitting snooze now. That means
that your whole days fucked. So this, this desire to
stay in this like perfect container every day is so unrealistic,
(12:10):
and so we're just talking this through. We're just like
becoming clear of like what maybe those expectations are and
that maybe they're not they're not super supportive in reality,
And I was sharing about a course that I put
on earlier this year called Evoke, and it was this
beautiful program. I will offer it in twenty twenty five
(12:33):
about claiming your role in the healing arts, and we
talk about how as a practitioner, whether you're a massage therapist,
whether you're a hairstylist, whether you are an energy worker,
whether you're doesn't matter. Your requirement is to arrive well
(12:55):
with your client and then to depart well with your client.
And this goes for just like hanging out with a
friend too. So when you are arriving with someone, like
when you're meeting someone, there's a meeting, a connection, something,
your requirement is to arrive well. So in the healing arts,
(13:17):
I'm gonna I'm gonna like zoom this back into this example.
You know, people are like, well, I see that, you know,
because it's such a it's such an interesting realm to
be in the healing arts. It's such a because it's
(13:41):
so energetic and intentional and such a sensitive realm to
work in. The sometimes governing thought is that it has
to be perfect all the time in order for you
to show up as being a good practitioner. And so
(14:03):
the reality is, though, is that we're humans and we
have to be humans in life. Okay, So if I
have a session at ten, my only requirement is that
I show up and arrive well at ten o'clock. And
then if the session ends at eleven, my only requirement
(14:25):
is to depart well at eleven. And what I mean
by that is if you are like dropping your kid
off at nine fifty eight, and you're like racing over
to get to your call or your session, whatever it is,
and maybe you're like a little oh, and you didn't
have time to sit and meditate for an hour and
tune in and light a candle and do all the things,
(14:48):
that is okay. You just have to then arrive well.
And I talk about this when I do intuitive development
and obviously in evoke and when I work one on
one with clients. Is that sometimes that means arriving with
your client, because chances are they had human shit up
until their session time too. So when you have this experience,
(15:12):
you get to arrive together. And so you know, there's
lots of ways we can do this. We do orienting
and somatic tune ins, and I mean so on and
so forth, but you just have to arrive well in
a way that's regulated so your client can coregulate with you.
And sometimes that means, hey, we sit in the space
(15:32):
together and we just do a minute of breathing so
that we can both arrive and then we'll tune in
and get going. If you have time before your session,
then sweet, that's gravy. But we're talking about this expectation
that it has to be like two hours of tune
in and meditation and and all of these things before
(15:53):
we actually get into the flow. So we were talking
about this call and she's like, oh my gosh, like
I can't believe she just had this like little moment
of like, whoa, that's a possibility, Like that's an option
to be a human. And then just like to have
the session and to you know, there's obviously steps involved,
(16:15):
but to arrive and depart. And she's like, I just
want to name something that she had experienced previous mentor
that would share about these very elaborate rituals, will say,
and experiences that are not necessarily available to the average person.
(16:40):
So like hours in pre ritual and hours in you know,
uh self tending prior to a session. And so this
is how this person was introduced to the healing arts
was that you had to be a healing artists in
(17:02):
sort of like the work all of the time, and
then that's how you were a good practitioner. And I mean,
that's incredible that this person has the space, the financial ability,
no obligations throughout the days to do that. That's incredible.
(17:27):
That she's built the experience for herself that she can
do like hours of pre ritual before clients and whatnot. Incredible.
I don't often work with people like that. So in
my experience, most people have children that seems to be
you know, a common thing they have, maybe have other jobs,
(17:51):
they have demands outside of holding space or being in
the healing arts. Okay, so this person received this information
and went, well, my life can't possibly look like that.
I don't have that option. And so it created this
(18:13):
this internal rejection of her gifts for like time, and
then we had the honor to connect and we're inviting
in a different option of viewing how she can still
show up in this space even though she doesn't mirror
(18:35):
this exact you know, lifestyle as someone else. And because
social media is social media, this is really like hammered
in into this spiritual girlies Instagram feeds. It's like, I'm
in ceremony again, and I'm in ceremony again, and it's ceremony,
and there's another ceremony, and I'm in self ceremony and
(18:58):
I'm doing this and it's a ceremony and I just
meditated for six hours and now I'm doing a self
pleasure ceremony and which is so dope. Do not get
me wrong, Do I wish I was in ceremony all
the time? No? I don't, actually, because that is not
real life. But that is so sweet. I respect the game,
(19:20):
but that is not real life most of the time.
And it puts out this incredibly harmful message that we
must be willing to use discernment on Okay, as a
(19:42):
human with human being, shit, we have to have discernment
to go. That is cool and that actually might be
the way that they spend their life. And that is
so sweet if it is. But that you do not
have to match that that that does not have That
is not the governing body of how to be a
spiritual person on earth, Like that is not what we
(20:04):
have to do. But all of my calls today reflected this,
and I just I felt really lit up of this, like,
just because you're seeing something or someone's showing you something
does not mean that's the way to do it well.
(20:25):
Especially when they have a lot of followers or they
have a big voice or a big presence, it can
feel like, oh, they're successful, so that's the way to
be successful, when really all that I see that doing
is making people reject their own gifts. And again that
(20:48):
is not a one plus one equals too. We have
to use discernment that we don't have to match those things.
But when the message is very clearly this is the
way it's supposed to be, I just find it really
(21:18):
muddies the water. And I had a talk with a
dear friend recently that I've been feeling really passionate about
protecting this spiritual community and the healing artists, especially locally
on Vancouver Island, because it's important to me, it's important
(21:40):
that we have people working from their highest places and
so that people can receive from their highest places, and
that I've also been in this community for over thirteen years,
and so there's like this part of me it feels
like responsible to uphold the integrity of the spiritual community.
(22:10):
And although I cannot govern it, and it's not my
responsibility to and I wouldn't want to, and I'm not there.
That's not like a mmm, I'm just a person, but
(22:32):
I'm very much passionate about everyone holding themselves to their
highest place. And I've just noticed so much purity racing.
And what I mean by that is like, if I'm
(22:53):
the purest spiritual person, I'm in first place. And then
it's like, nope, I'm coming in. It's like Mario Kart
and it's like who can be the most pure And
it's like all these people racing and bumping and throwing
bananas out and oh that person got botox for they like,
go p. It's like it's just so, it's just like
(23:18):
it's actually, I don't have words like it's actually so
interesting to notice that when actions are created from that
place of like I'm purer than you, I'm more spiritual
than you, we're just creating a culture that makes people
(23:39):
reject their gifts and like, isn't your message that everyone
should claim them? Like what? And then so we create
this like rejection of human people stepping into their power
and stepping into their gifts and claiming their role here.
That is fucking integral. We need these people, and then
(24:02):
we've got this like purity race happening that's making people
reject their gifts that we so need. And so I'm
just on the sidelines, like not participating in this race,
being like what on fucking earth are we doing here?
(24:23):
It is such a bizarre, such a bizarre experience. I'm
I'm not even sure what my message is other than
please do not reject yourself because of your humanness, please,
(24:52):
and do not try to put your humanness in a
box and tape it up, and then put it in
another box and tape that one up and then put
it in the closet where there's no fresh air, because
that will literally kill you if you see you know
(25:13):
the purity racing. Use discernment that that is does not
mean you have to show up like that in order
to claim your gifts, or to show up with curiosity,
or to speak the language, or to go to the classes.
I remember being so scared to like go to a
(25:36):
dance or like an astatic dance event, or to go
to a guided meditation event because I was so not
didn't feel like I fit into the purity racing, and
so I often felt rejected whether that was just a
projection I had or whether that was, you know, a
(26:03):
real and true felt experience, I don't know. But what
I do know is I continuously see this purity racing
experience that makes other people feel like they cannot show
up in this space and to build community like what
(26:33):
a disservice. And then you know, we use the language
is being thrown around as like I'm a light worker
and I'm these things that's helping humanity, and yes they
are in so many ways, but then in so many
ways we're creating this like toxicity. It's like polluting this
(26:58):
space almost. And I've just I just I'm speaking to
those of you that don't resonate with that and maybe
have rejected themselves even unconsciously, because they've witnessed the purity racing. Again,
(27:20):
I don't have better words for it, but I hope
that makes sense. You know, if I dress the part,
if I dress the part, if I dress the part,
if I dress the part, if I say the right things,
if I use the right language, if I if I
look the same and I hate the same things and
I love the same things, then I'll fit in. And
if I have the perfect routine and if I'm meditating
all the time and oh, that is too much work,
(27:45):
we end up rejecting ourselves and we end up in
a dysregulated state and there's no longevity there, and we're
polluting this community of beautiful beings. And for so long,
I know I've shared this before, but for so long,
(28:07):
I felt like I had to reject who I was.
Like I'm a fashion girly. I absolutely love playing in
the matrix intentionally, I'll play how I want. I love
fashion and shopping. And I loved my extensions and my
(28:30):
eyelash extensions and my nails, and like, I don't look
the part of what I was shown in community when
I started, and that has evolved and I've gotten so
much more comfortable with that, which is incredible. And I
found the most brilliant, incredible community, Like I never thought
(28:54):
it existed to have community like this, and so that
is brilliant and amazing. And I just want you to
know that, like you are human, and you can still
be in the space and still welcome your gifts and
(29:14):
curiosities in and to just use discernment with if you
feel yourself rejecting those parts of you when you're in
the presence of a support or a community. I would
(29:41):
just I would just again be like curious if this
is a supportive space or supportive mentors, supportive place for
you to be at this time. And it doesn't mean
that those people are unsupportive for everybody, because that couldn't
possibly be the truth, because some people need some people,
(30:01):
and some people need some people, and those people may
shift and evolve and so on and so forth. But
I guess I'm just telling you that you Yeah, I don't,
I don't really know what, but I hope you received
something from that that the heat of which my being
(30:26):
was holding over that has lessened. So hm, I feel
I've properly released part of what I wanted to share
at least. Yeah, Holy, I just yeah, I just continuously
(30:49):
see this purity. I'm out puring somebody else energy, and
I've seen people dress the part and look the part
and talk the part and be absolutely fucking toxic. So
use discernment, my friends, is all I have to say.
(31:12):
And those are not cryptic messages to hang on to
of like ooh, it's just the reminder that you get
to be you and also be fucking magical. Whoa ground
breaking news. Hello, reporting live. We have some ground breaking
(31:34):
news that you get to be you right now in
this moment, fully and completely yourself flawed, whole, ever changing, imperfect,
and also magical. You do not have to be anything else.
(31:55):
You do not have to change, be fixed, be better.
You do not have to meet an expectation that somebody
else has put on you, or that you are perceiving
has been put on you in order to be magical.
You actually are just magical now and nothing has to
change in order for you to claim that. Thank you
(32:20):
for tuning in ough fun. I guess that's my message.
You get to be just fully you and also be magical.
And my community that I am so honored to be
a part of has really shown me that. And god,
(32:46):
I mean so much of it is social media right
again today, Like oh my god, I don't know if
I want to share that, Like is that not spiritual enough?
Or like I have a perfect message, or it's just
me having a silly time, Like do people really want
to see that I've lost? You know? Yeah? It just
(33:10):
I guess it circles back to about like being perceived
in a certain way, especially my experience of not looking
the part in the spiritual healing arts space, especially now
being a part of the Waldorf community, which I am
(33:34):
so involved in my personal life. But if you were
to visually see me, your snap judgment would be that
I don't fit in to the community that I'm a
part of there. But really my practice is like so evolved,
which is so interesting because I don't know, you know,
(33:57):
someone else may look the part but not have It's interesting.
It's just we're just making perceptions about people, and so
I have navigated the potential of being perceived very wrongly,
and I've experienced many, many, many many situations in real
life that my being perceived based off of how I
(34:23):
look visually is so very skewed from who I am
and what I offer. And so when we're looking at
something like social media that is based very much on
you know, I have this message in this platform, in
what I do, and I'm still so afraid to kind
(34:48):
of really show that very human side of me with
the fear that now the perception I have on me
is going to be altered and very shifted and wrong,
which that thought I fucking hate. I don't want to
be misunderstood. I don't want to be misperceived wrong and
so I'm again just like noticing this creep back in
(35:12):
a new layer wants to be exposed around perception and
social media that you know, okay, let them. And I
actually had a really cool situation happen with a friend
recently where that actually came forward in real life that
(35:35):
I was perceived in a way that wasn't the truth
and it didn't activate me like it used to, and
so it was so neat to reflect with her. I
was like, oh, hey, like thanks for bringing that forward
because it was so nice to see that it did
not activate me in the way that it used to.
(35:57):
And I didn't have a clear update on that, so
I guess I'm just updating again that, Yeah, I'm really
willing to be perceived wrongly and to maybe not and
to sit on the sidelines of a certain communities that
(36:21):
are into out puring each other in order to support
and to show other women that they can be themselves
and be magical. So a part of me is like,
oh fuck, yeah, okay, okay, misperceive me or whatever, misunderstand me,
(36:47):
don't let me into that realm, because I want to
show people that you can be themselves. They can be
themselves and be magical, and yeah, I hope that lands,
and I'd be curious to hear how that feels for everyone.
(37:14):
And I just like, am no longer willing to see
people play in toxic areas. M I'm going to reword
(37:38):
that I am willing to witness that because that's their journey.
And but I'm no longer going to pretend that it
doesn't bother me, because I think that's what I used
to do, Like, well, it's their journey, and like I
(37:58):
would try to detach from like witnessing, and it does
bother me that there is harm in the spiritual community.
Obviously there's harm in every community, in every field and
every offering. But it just came up three times, back
(38:19):
to back to back in the sessions today, people unrelated
coming for sessions for unrelated reasons, and I just find
that worth anchoring into a podcast episode. So you go,
(38:40):
we're human and we're magical, and I love you, and
I hope you have a beautiful rest of your day.
I'll see you all soon.
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