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Episode Transcript
The face of Jesus appears to say in an all
day breakfast around the war resarge, which is currently on
a plate eatery and swaffen all over the world, to
pray to the bacon as beans, dosages, sacred snag legislation
(00:22):
sign saying don't speaking in parliament the Justice Secretary. This
would simplify everything, but this linguistic contraction has been met
with suspicion by opposition parties and rights groups who were
unable to do anything about it without being chained up,
tied to concrete blocks and thrown in the canal. And
scientists have made the first self aware horse dish. The source,
(00:43):
previously known only for its ability to complement a variety
of dishes, can now think for itself about social issues,
politics and even answer rudimentary questioning. Our Science correspondent Delan
Fowler met the genius behind the project.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
It started with a vision, a vision which was a
scentuated by eating cheese late at night before going to bed,
the desire for self aware horseradish. And here in this
small laboratory in the heart of Bristol's Wax Museum, science
has trial.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
It keeps the.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
Horse reededish behind these doors here which are treble locked
and still reinforced with as you see the armed girls
in front of them. And how is the horse reddish?
The horseweddish? Is farn this morning?
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Good good?
Speaker 2 (01:29):
We checked it earlier and tapped on the door and
its head go away? Can I see it now?
Speaker 1 (01:37):
The boats that have been presunk in a bid to
make the sea safer. The vessels have since ancient times
been solidly waterproof from bout a stern, but new designs
will equip all boats with a gaping hole of varying sizes,
which will not only fill at different rates but also
provide travelers with long overdue ocean boud excitement over whether
(01:58):
they will survive their voyage. UK export figures are out
today and the government is bracing itself for bad news.
But there's a glimmer of hope on the horizon as
a Missus Gleeson of Northampton took a Snickers bar with
her on a day trip to Boulogne, thereby doubling the
nation's export volumes. Missus Gleeson was surprised, though, to come
back to the UK and be presented with a bill
(02:18):
for thirty two billion pounds from her Majesty's revenue and customs,
and may have to do several extra shifts per week
for the next three hundred thousand years in her local
pub to meet the demand. This episode of Headline Edition
has brought you by Parnell's Relaxation Tapes.
Speaker 3 (02:35):
Feel the pressures of your day melt away. The sand
beneath your feet, softly caressing your skin. The warmth of
the sun cleansing and comforting you. The water so clear
and so natural here, how its ebb and flow washes
(02:59):
away your cares. Look out for that crab. The crab.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
Oh, oh God, No, don't, oh God. Look at the plant.
So called Beast of Dartmoor has been sighted once again.
Darryl Montgomery, who was walking home from a drinking session
in his local when he spotted the legendary cryptid lurking
in some bushes. He described it as an enormous tortoise
have called himself Brian, staring at him with ill intent
(03:26):
from the verge. Pursued by the monster, he didn't increase
his pace at all while the creature pursued him at
speeds him up to four miles an hour. The terrifying
encounter ended when he got home, and less than five
hours later, the predatory pursuer lightly tapped on his door.
In the morning, the nightmare simply continued when he discovered
some of his allotment lettuce had been slightly nibbled. Married
(03:48):
couple Jack and Jill have been reported as being delighted
that they finally have a bus service which allows them
to get up to the top of the hill without
all that tedious walking. The forty three service will run
on Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays, allowing the couple to take
their empty pail up for liquid replenishment, but the bus
company chiefs had told the pair they will not be
allowed to return with a bucket full of water for
(04:10):
fear of ruining the carriage upholstery. This has lit to
fears that Jack may once again fall down and break
his crown, an incident which recently gave him cause to
contact a no win, no fee solicitor. That's headline edition,
I Met Parnell
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