October 24, 2024 • 55 mins
Do people have sex with ghosts? Is there padding at the bottom of the casket? Why don’t people buy enough candy at Halloween? This and much more in my annual hour long, non-sensical Halloween rant! Trick or treat!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Greetings and welcome to the broadcast. Well, it is the
spooky time of the year. Halloween has yet graced us
with its presence.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Kind of buy all that.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Candy for the little ghouls and goblins that are gonna
be showing up at your door yelling trick or treat.
It's always interesting to see some of the costumes that
some of the kids are wearing. A few of them
are really good, and some are like why did you
even bother? I do like it though, when the families
(00:37):
kind of trick or treating and they bring the dogs
with them and the dogs are wearing costumes. The doggy
costumes actually look better than some of the kid's costumes,
and the dogs are better behaved than the kids in
most cases.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Of course, I love dogs, so I'm a little partial there.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Anyways, Recently I have been looking through some of the
clips of various hert movies that one can find on YouTube,
and I was.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
Never aware that Salem's Lot was actually a vampire movie.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
I thought it was something else entirely, but it was
a vampire movie, and it was a damn good vampire
movie too.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Using the nos Ferratu.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
Bloodsucking beast, which is the original Vampire I who want
to look at it, and it's straight as possible. Terms
really creepy character with the hideous buck teeth in the
front actually looks kind of like my teeth. But yeah,
just a just a creepy movie and a good one too,
And so it's right up there with my top choices
(01:46):
for vampire flicks.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
And as you know, as.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
Far as like Dracula is concerned, I'm still a big
fan of the original with Bela Lagosi and then the
nineteen seventy nine version was Frank Langella. Both really go
with real, really good actors doing some really good acting.
But as far as Halloween is concerned, Halloween is an
old religious holiday.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
It's a pagan holiday.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
It's probably the oldest religious holiday in the world, and
it's really big here in south central Pennsylvania where the
people decorate, well, they decorate more for Halloween than they
do for Christmas. I saw even the vehicles now are
were getting decked out for Halloween. I saw a vehicle
the other day that was literally covered in skeletons. And
the weird part is this person I believe works at
(02:32):
one of the local nursing homes. So the vehicle's parked
right out there in front of the building. You know,
a great way to freak out the residents who are
close to death anyways, by parking a vehicle covered in
skeletons right right by your window. That's always cheerful to
look out at when you're eating your morning mush for breakfast.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
But well, I'm on the subject of Halloween decorating the
people down the street.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
This year, they got one of those like inflatable grim
Reaper type characters and they mounted it on the roof
over the front door on her house. It's like a
single level ranch house, so the roof isn't too high
and the slope isn't too steep. Well, this grim Reaper
(03:22):
inflatable keeps bending backwards. I don't know because it's the
wind or what, or they just don't have it secured properly,
but it keeps bending backwards. It's laying back, holding onto
its scythe with its legs spread nice and wide.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
It looks like it's getting.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
Ready to receive a blowjob, just laying there in anticipation
of the Halloween hoe to show up and give it
some oral gratification. It's not scary, it's kind of pornographic really,
and I have I think this was by intent on
(04:01):
the part of the people who put this thing on
the roof, so whatever trick or treat. But anyways, the
other neighbors were not too far away. They became very
(04:22):
creative this year and they put out a sea serpent
type creature coming up out of their yard.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
And the other day when I was going out, I thought.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
I had a messy sighting going on. I thought, oh Christ,
there's the luckedest monster right here in the neighborhood. And
then reality set in and I realized it was just
their Halloween de corps. But I will say this, it
is cute and it is different, so I give them
kudos for that. Not your typical ghouls and ghosts and whatnot.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
This was pretty good. I like it. I like it.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
They should get an award for originality. Then the other neighbors.
Every year, every Halloween, they put out a bunch of
skeletons in the yard and it's a different theme every year.
The skeletons are all gathered for a certain event or
a party, and usually one of the skeletons is doing
a pole dance or on the light post in the yard,
(05:21):
and this year the theme is apparently toxic waste, because
all the skeletons are wearing bile hazard gowns and they
are prepared for the toxic waste of the apocalypse, which
I thought is probably gonna be a glimpse into what
the world is going to look like if Trump should
(05:43):
happen to be elected president again.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
But again, it's original and I like it. It's not
as good as MESSI down the street, but you know
it's good. It's good. Then there's always a neighbors who
really don't give a shit.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
They just put a a half rotten pumpkin that they
don't even bother to carve into a Jack o'lanton, and
then they throw an old sheet over the lamppost to
make it look like a ghost. It'll be more impressive.
First of all, if the sheet was actually laundered. There's
like stains all over it. I don't know whether it's
(06:23):
come stains or what. But you're your ghost is kind
of pathetic, so please try to put it. Put a
little more effort into your Halloween decorps. Let's let's have
a little more reverence for the holiday. Thank you, But
moving moving along, let me take a couple of minutes
(06:46):
here to talk about something I guess what you would
consider kind of ghoulish and and Halloween related.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
On there's a sight out there called Quora.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
It's like a form where people ask questions and people who,
some of whom are supposed to be experts, will answer
your questions. Well, some of the questions that are asked
on Quora make you seriously doubt whether humanity has a
(07:21):
future or not, but you know whatever. And as of late,
there's been a lot of questions concerning death that I've
been coming up. One question was do I actually feel
anything if I'm cremated after I die? Well, I could
(07:46):
probably answer that question for you. There was a more
tissan that stepped in and provided an answer. I'm not
going to repeat the answers here, but let me give
you my own answer.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
First of all, let me explain to you the condition
that is known as death.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
Okay, Now, when we die, at least to the best
of our knowledge, everything dies.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
That includes your brain, all right.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
Now, most people don't have a live brain to begin with.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
But when your brain go, your brain is where you
experience all your sensory feelings.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
Your brain is where you experience those you know, pain
and whatnot. If your brain is no longer functioning, for example,
when you are dead, then you're not.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
Going to feel anything.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
Right when you when you go into the oven to
be baked like a Christmas cookie for cremation, you're not
feeling nothing as your brain.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
Is not active.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
It's not receiving any impulses from any nerve endings in
the body. So therefore there is no pain, there is
no pleasure, nothing. It's kind of like being a trump rally.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
Now.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
According to one funeral director that did chime in and
offer his opinion on this question, he had stated that
there is a there's a reason why some people have
this belief, and that is in some cases, some bodies
will actually groan and sit up as they're being cremated.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
Oh, he says.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
It's quite a sight when you're looking through the little
window and there's a body sitting up in the middle
of the flames.
Speaker 3 (09:30):
So it's like, oh Christ, but it's like no, no, no, no,
there's a there's a perfectly legitimate explanation for this, a
scientific explanation.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
From what I understand, there is still air in the
lungs in some cases, and there's like nerve reactions and
then the diaphragm thing going on.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
So there's a whole lot.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
Of physiological things that are happening that cause the body
to sit up while you're being baked. But it's like, no, no, no,
that's where that's where some of this has come from,
the fact that some bodies will groan and sit up.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
Oh no, they're experiencing paint.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
No, no, it's just a simple physiological reaction at that time.
It's nothing to do with feeling anything as far as
your brain because as I previously stated, you're your brain
really isn't functioning.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
Okay, the groaning is the.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
Air and whatnot in the lungs trying to escape and YadA, YadA, YadA.
I'm not gonna go to the whole bio physiological situation here,
but that's what happens. So but so everyone just calmed
down because when you when they if you choose cremation,
and that was another question too, should I choose burial
(10:44):
or crebation.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
Uh, if you choose cremation.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
You're not you're not feeling anything because you're you're quite dead,
So don't worry about it.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Just chill.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
However, having said all that I'm gonna actually choose cremation,
and to be on the safe side, I'm gonna have
them shoot me full of value before they shove me
in the oven, just saying.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Now. A friend of mine who is not a big
fan of cremation recently.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
Asked me, well, why would you do that? What if
you're gonna need that body afterwards. Well, first of all,
I really don't want the body, Okay, so the second
time around, I want something a little bit different. And besides,
most of my organs are shot to hell. I've had
(11:41):
to have prostate surgery, my guts are all messed up,
I had three hernias that had to be operated on,
and my brain. Don't even get started on my brain.
That's a complete disaster. Aside from all the voices and
everything else going on with that thing.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
You can keep the brain.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
The only thing on my body in the way of
an organ that I'd want to keep for the afterlife,
for the next life would be my penis.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
Okay. So that's about it.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
But getting back to the questions on Quora, there was
a question asked about cremation. Why don't the ashes smell? Well,
there's probably several good reasons why the ashes don't smell,
one of which is the.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
Fact that you know the body's been burned it.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
I figure what the temperature is in one of those ovens,
but it's hot, let's put it that way. And cremation
is a multi step process where they run you through
a few times. Then they take your remains and they
put it into what they call a cremulator, and that
kind of reduces you to a powder. So in the
(12:53):
end you wind up like the mix for a protein shake.
So this this would explain why there's no smell, because
basically the heat of the oven alone would sterilize everything,
and then the complete breaking you down to nothingness into
the aforementioned powder would guarantee there's gonna be no smell.
(13:17):
So don't go expecting a smell, unless, of course, you
want one. If you're one of those who goes around
sniffing cremated remains, maybe that's how you get off. I
don't know, but to each his own. But let me
move along here to the to the next dumb question
asked on Quara, and that would be is the bottom
(13:40):
of the coffin padded? Well, first of all, are you
talking about a coffin or are you talking about a casket,
because there is a difference. As I pointed out on
last year's Halloween episode, a coffin is that burial box.
It is kind of like aped a little funny. It
(14:01):
goes out around with his shoulders. You're like if your
arms are folded, and then it tapers in again back
up at the head. It's kind of like the thing
that La Dracula used to sleep in, whereas a casket
is the rectangular box that a lot of us are
familiar with. So just so you know, I know everyone,
that was a burning question if you didn't catch it
(14:23):
last year. No, no pun intended burning with the cremation
subject we just covered.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
Now I'm rambling, but.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
Anyways, Yeah, somebody asking if the bottom of the of
the coffin or the casket or whatever is padded. Again,
forgive me, forgive me for laughing, but why does this matter?
Once again, let me reiterate, you are dead when they
put you in the box, hopefully you'll be dead. And
(14:54):
if you are dead, it it's a it's a moot
point because you're not gonna know it one way. Neither
at the bottom of the casket or the coffin is padded,
So don't.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
Sweat the little details here. Just be grateful they got
a box to shove you in once you're deceased.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
You know, in some cultures they don't even bother at
all that They just leave your body out in the
middle of a field for the buzzards to come and
eat you, because it's they feel it's returning to nature,
which is exactly right.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
The buzzards come, they eat your corpse, and they shut
you back out. It's a full cycle.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
It's not worrying about caskets or patting in the caskets
or the oven or headstones or all.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
It's good stuff. It's just simple, easy, and it's all
said and done.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
So so moving right along, let us tackle yet another
monumental question on qua in which somebody asked, how long
does it take the spirit to lead the body after death?
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Well, it depends on how fast do I get the
hell out of town, That's what it comes down to.
But I didn't even.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
Bother reading the responses to this question, because hey, how
do you how does anyone really have an answer to that?
And you know, you hear all about the near death
experiences and the light and the tunnel, and then you
hear other people who say they have no near death
experience at all. It's just all blackness. But there are
(16:36):
actually people who you know, try to come up with
a response to this. It's like, no, no, no, no,
there's nobody that I know of who's gonna know what
timeframe it takes for the spirit to lead the body,
if it ever leaves the body.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
No, we'll all find out out eventually, I'm sure.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
But there's no one that can answer that question. So
it's even stupid to ask it. First of all, not
to sound how she say, crass, but now there's just
no way of.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
Knowing and timing when all of this.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
Takes place, or if you come back to become a
ghost and or a Halloween decoration.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
Death is the ultimate unknown, all right, And this.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
Is why most of us fear it, because we really
don't know what is on the other side once you expire,
So to even contemplate what is gonna happen is meaningless.
I myself, I don't take a lot of stock in
what I hear is near death experiences. I think it's
more of a psychological thing, a brain thing going on
(17:43):
that is an actual happening. But again, I will find
out someday myself what's going on, and God only knows
what that's gonna be. So we're crossing the veil here
into a whole new boundary of which we have no anis,
despite the fact that we think we're very intelligent about it.
(18:05):
And that's what that you know, that's what Halloween is
all about, because apparently this time of year and during
Halloween is when the veil between the living and the dead,
whatever that veil might be, comes down and the dead
crossover to haunt us and make our lives in miserable.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
So this is why people put out jack.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
O lentins because jack Latins is supposedly will dissuade the
evil spirits from coming around, and you leave candy out
to appease the spirits, so you're trying to get rid
of them and appease them all at the same time.
Now I'm really starting to confuse things. But again, that's
what Halloween is about, the dead crossing over back among
(18:52):
the living. So just leave it at that. And if
there's no padding in your in your casket, so be it.
So moving along to other spooky subjects here on the
Halloween episode, I heard about a recent survey which asked
the question what age is too young to take your
(19:17):
kids to a scary movie or show them a scary movie?
And I believe the average response was something like eleven
years old. But considering considering how many kids these days
are complete and total pussies, I would have to say
the age is probably a lot older than that. It's
(19:39):
one of those things. I take them to a horror
movie and they get traumatized, then they gotta get the
doll and point to the doll where they've been hurt
and all that good stuff.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
You know. When I was ten years old, my sister
took me.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
To see Jaws when it came out in nineteen seventy five.
Yeah it was scary. Jaws is a scary movie, but
it didn't traumatize me. I grew up fairly normal, well
almost normal, but whatever.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
So why are we asking this question, really.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
Because scary movies and kids have always been something that's
kind of gone hand in hand. If you go back
years to the original horror movies like Frankenstein and Dracula
the Mummy, which were back in the thirties and whatnot,
I don't think there was any restriction on how old
somebody had to be to go in and see these movies.
(20:33):
In fact, my uncle he went in to see Frankenstein
when he was like nine years old.
Speaker 2 (20:39):
But you know, now and now.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
It's gonna we're gonna be so careful what we show them.
And of course it depends on the movie too. I mean,
some movies aren't fit for some adults to watch. They're
so goddamn gory and bloody, and you don't need all
that to make a good horror movie. But apparently some
of these so called movie makers feel that the need.
(21:01):
So yeah, some stuff is inappropriate for certain kids to see.
But your good old fashioned scary movies, Nah, I don't.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
Think there's any age restriction.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
I don't think it's gonna damage the kid in the
brain to see a scary movie. But having said all that,
I will note that there was My mom would never
let me watch that TV series that was called Night
Gallery with Rod Sterling. For some reason, she never thought
(21:33):
it was appropriate for me to watch that show.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
I don't know why.
Speaker 1 (21:36):
I guess it just had very dark undertones. It was
kind of like a really creepy show. Even though it
was it was a classic anything that Rod Sterling did
obviously was a classic, and in this case, my mother
felt I shouldn't be watching it, so I never did.
Gonna segue to another subject here, and that is scary places.
(22:04):
Now we all know of. We've all been to a
place that is scary or frightening or just plain weird.
There are a lot of supposed haunted houses out there.
I've been to a couple, I've actually lived in one.
Certainly most abandoned buildings out there, or even for them
that are abandoned towns, could qualify as very creepy and weird.
(22:30):
But probably probably the most creepy place, the most scary place, actually,
probably the most terrifying place one could find oneself will
be to wake up and realize that you've been buried alive.
That has to be the ultimate nightmare. You regain consciousness,
(22:52):
or you, like I said, you wake up and you
realize you're trapped in this body sized box from which
there is noah scarpe. You reach out in any direction
and the lid is right above your face and the
sides are right next to you, and well, it's kind
of like staying at a deluxe suite at an Ocono lodge.
(23:13):
But that has to be the ultimate nightmare right there.
I can't imagine anything worse other than possibly Walmart right
before closing on Christmas Eve. But yeah, that's about as
bad as it gets. And this was something that actually
did happen. I don't want to say on a fairly
(23:35):
regular basis, But back many years ago, before embalming and whatnot,
and before medical technology evolved to what it is now,
if they thought you were dead, they held a mirror
in front of your face, and if you didn't flog
it up, that was it. You were shoved off in
a casket and take it away. You could in fact
(23:58):
be a a coma or an or have a medical
condition where you're breathing is so shallow you wouldn't fog
up any mirrors. So right there, there's a recipe for disaster.
There were actually some cases where people who were not
dead would sit up, They would regain consciousness and sit
(24:20):
up in the casket during their memorial service or funeral
or viewing or whatnot. Now, I would imagine that would
have been quite a surprise to the gathered guests at
the funeral, not to mention the damper that would put
on the funeral festivities.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
And think about those among.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
The gathered guests who were family who thought they were
gonna be in the will to collect some money. Well,
now suddenly Grandma is not dead, so guess what, You're
not getting no money.
Speaker 2 (24:57):
That's gonna be the ultimate insult.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
Really, Now, I do have a question, there is a
thought burning in my mind, which it's kind of unusual
for me.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
But now would.
Speaker 1 (25:10):
The would the family or whatever be entitled to any
money back a refund if let's say the deceased suddenly
sat up in the casket because they were not dead,
would there be a refund coming or any sort of
money that would be owed to the family. Obviously, you
(25:31):
probably couldn't get nothing back for the casket because you
can't reuse those things, so I guess you could just
take it home with you and turn it into a
storage cabinet or a coffee table or whatever. But yeah,
that is a legitimate concern if you know, there would
be money owed back to those people, considering they really
(25:51):
didn't use the funeral, So that would be just good
customer service on the part of the undertaker.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
That's my take on it.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
But while I'm on the subject of creepy places, let
me just mention one more thing here. Probably one of
the most creepy places that I can think of is
an abandoned bowling alley. Now I'm probably partially here because
I am an avid bowler, but if you've ever seen
(26:27):
pictures of abandoned bowling alleys, they're kind of creepy because
they are these fairly large open spaces most of the
time with like twenty or more lanes, and they're dark obviously,
with no lights, and vandals get in and start breaking things.
Speaker 2 (26:46):
The machine, the pin.
Speaker 1 (26:48):
Setters are broken down, or the furniture has been destroyed
and whatnot. But what is really kind of creepy is
I remember seeing this picture. It was one bowling alley
that was a band and I believe it was in Minnesota.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
Everything was just left there.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
It was like the league that was bowling at the
time just stopped and the place got shut down. Their
shoes are still on the floor, bowling balls still on
the rack like they were instead of being returned the
house balls after you're done with them. Just everything in place,
like everyone just vanished when the bowling alley shut down.
(27:24):
Just really kind of creepy and weird to look at it,
and also, let me just add one more element to
the creepy places, and that is abandoned funeral homes. Getting
back to the subject of funerals. If you've ever seen
pictures of these places, first of all, it's amazing that
(27:47):
a lot of them everything is just left there and
this includes old coffins and caskets, and but all the
bombing stuff is still there.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
Now you would think, like I would think, why aren't
the local health.
Speaker 1 (27:59):
Depart when these places is shut down making sure that
everything is removed, Because there's some serious shit left behind.
Speaker 2 (28:05):
We're talking they use like these long hypodermic.
Speaker 1 (28:08):
Needles, and in the process of embalming, there's the embalming fluid.
There's makeup, there's all sorts of stuff there, there's the
machines for pumping the embalming fluid in or removing the
blood out.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
And all that good stuff.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
There's the table there in some cases's like bodily fluids
and jars that was left behind. But isn't anyone on
top of this to say, hey, you know, this needs
to be cleaned up when this place goes out of business.
Right the only thing not left behind was one of
the customers, which I'm surprised there wasn't.
Speaker 2 (28:42):
You know. It's like christ.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
So if you have a chance to go into an
abandoned funeral home, don't because it's just a bad scene
all around, all right.
Speaker 2 (28:55):
But moving along, let me.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
Move back to trigg or Treating a little bit here
and that I just learned that Pennsylvania. Here in Pennsylvania,
we are the number one state for giving out the
total amount of Halloween candy every year. Oh that's good
because finally Pennsylvania is number one at something. Normally we
(29:19):
rank like at the bottom of every list, but finally
we've made it to number one. There should be a
beautiful golden trophy for this that they can put in
the state capitol. That'd be very fitting. And by no surprise,
I guess Pittsburgh, the city of Pittsburgh, is the number
one city in the United States for giving out the
(29:39):
most amount of candy, which is what probably put the
state over the top in the first place. Just so
you know, when you're giving out your Halloween candy this year,
no matter what state you live in, you can't reach
the level of Pennsylvania, who was number one.
Speaker 2 (29:54):
Nume, No, but like I.
Speaker 1 (29:59):
Mentioned, we get a lot of kids that come through
on Halloween, and our Halloween hours are like sixty eight.
Which I've touched on this before in the Halloween episodes.
I think it's so stupid that municipalities limit the amount
of time for trick or treating like an hour and
a half to two hours. When I was growing up
in the Boston area, trick or treating was from like
(30:20):
six to midnight, and as you got closer to midnight,
that's when you get all the older kids that came out,
which that could be amusing undo itself. But now this
like and then sometimes like the other day Hannover, Pennsylvania
had their Halloween and we're like a week or so
out from the thirty first.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
This is ridiculous. What if you weren't aware of this
and you were preparing for the thirty first, and it's
actually the week before.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
You know, let's keep trick or treating on the thirty first.
Let's give it more than like an hour and a half.
You know, I'll give it a few hours. Let's have
some fun for Halloween for a change. And every year
my friend and I we do the trick or treating
thing at her house.
Speaker 2 (31:03):
I help out with all the kids.
Speaker 1 (31:06):
And I want to wear a costume, and I want
to wear a scary costume, but she doesn't want me
to because she's afraid I'll scare the kids. Well, isn't
that what it's all about, you know, scaring the kids.
I mean, I want to wear a costume. It's so frightening.
I want to scare that shit right out of these
little brats. Okay, that's what I want to do.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
And she's like, oh no, you can't scare the kids.
You can't scare the kids. That's bad.
Speaker 1 (31:32):
No, no, no, no no. I want to scare them.
I want to, you know, I want to give them
something to remember. I want to teach them a valuable
life lesson, like you know, sometimes you're gonna.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
Get scared really bad.
Speaker 1 (31:47):
Life is not all peaches and cream.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
But she's like, oh no, you can do that. You
can't do that.
Speaker 1 (31:56):
And last year, I want to dress up like one
of the Satacons from Lost in Space.
Speaker 2 (32:02):
Now, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (32:02):
How many of you out there familiar with the original
Lost in Space series, where there was these creepy aliens
that wore these like black top hats or derby hats
and these long black gowns or whatever you wanna call them,
and they just kind of like, you know, they they
swayed back and forth.
Speaker 2 (32:20):
With their hands out in front of them. They were
just really creepy.
Speaker 1 (32:22):
They're probably the creepiest aliens that ever appeared on.
Speaker 2 (32:24):
Lost in Space.
Speaker 1 (32:27):
And I want to dress up like that and just
stand there and sway, you know, as the kids could buy.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
But oh no, you're candy that you're scaring of kids. Well, damn,
that's no fun.
Speaker 1 (32:37):
I want to again, you know, I want to scare
the hell out of them, make them enjoy their Halloween experience.
Hopefully they'll get so frightened they'll drop their bag of
candy and run.
Speaker 2 (32:49):
Then I'll get some free candy out of it.
Speaker 1 (32:52):
Just saying, but how many of you have gone out
trigg or treating with kids, kids or somebody else's kids,
or you just go out just to be a plain,
good old fashioned weirdo.
Speaker 2 (33:05):
And you go to a door and this happened. This
happened to me when I was a kid.
Speaker 1 (33:10):
There's one neighbor out behind me, and I go to
the door and ring the doorbell, and the guy comes
the door and he's got an empty candy box.
Speaker 2 (33:17):
Well, I'm sorry, I'm all out of candy. You got
into some more?
Speaker 1 (33:20):
Well, he bought like, you know, think of six candy bars.
How long do you think that's gonna last on Halloween?
Six candy bars?
Speaker 2 (33:26):
What do you? What are you dentse what are you
a fucking idiot?
Speaker 1 (33:30):
You're gonna have, you know, at least a couple dozen
kids if you buy six candy bars.
Speaker 2 (33:34):
Where's your preparedness?
Speaker 1 (33:37):
You have a fiduciary responsibility on Halloween to provide a
sufficient amount of candy for the for the the ghules
and the goblins and what the christ else is gonna
show up to knock on your door and ask for treats.
That that's the meaning of the holiday. Now, when I
(33:57):
was a kid, I had this convoluted view that you
had to give the candy back after they gave it
to you, get to figure out who gave it to
you and then go around and give it back. But
I was I was kind of fucked up as a kid.
Speaker 2 (34:08):
Just ignore that.
Speaker 1 (34:09):
Now I'm rambling, But yeah, who buys a thing of
six Hershey bars expecting it the last Oh goddamn night.
Speaker 2 (34:17):
No, it's not gonna happen. But yeah, they come to
the door. I'm sorry, we're we're all out a candy.
Speaker 1 (34:24):
We bought, you know, the these three or four Hershey bars,
and now they're all gone.
Speaker 2 (34:30):
Would you maybe like some pistachio nuts? Would that be good? No? No,
I don't want pistachio nuts. I want a Hershey bar.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
Why are you trying to give me a goddamn pistachio
I don't eat your nuts? Okay, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
what the fuck are you thinking? But anyways, the point
of my little story here is be prepared for Halloween.
If you're not gonna give out candy, turn all your lights,
(35:00):
barricade the house and pretend like you're not there.
Speaker 2 (35:04):
And if you're not gonna go out candy, make sure
you have enough.
Speaker 1 (35:07):
We've got like six dozen bags of everything and that's
still knocking me enough but whatever.
Speaker 2 (35:14):
So, but don't just buy a few candy bars and
help o GI. You know this would be enough for
all three hundred kids gonna show up tonight. Maybe we
can cut the candy bars up and share it out.
Speaker 1 (35:23):
You know, it's almost as bad as these morons who
decide they're gonna give out healthy snacks for Halloween.
Speaker 2 (35:32):
Here we're gonna give.
Speaker 1 (35:33):
Out some fruit roll ups, all right, now, I don't
want a fruit roll up.
Speaker 2 (35:38):
I don't want a fruity snack. Okay. I don't want
something snack that looks like a vaginal clit. Okay.
Speaker 1 (35:45):
I want something good, something sweet. Somebody's gonna rap my teeth.
Don't give me healthy. The other thing was that was
really popular in the seventies when I was going out.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
Sometimes it would give you a little.
Speaker 1 (35:57):
Those boxes, little boxes of raisin here, here you go. No,
I don't want raisins. Okay, I want candy. No, and raisins,
ironically are among the worst things you can eat for
rotting your teeth, from what they say. But yeah, I
think about little boxes of raisins.
Speaker 2 (36:15):
You know. I look at the woman.
Speaker 1 (36:16):
She's one of these quasi hippies who got kicked out
of the commune because she was, you.
Speaker 2 (36:20):
Know, sneaking off with more of the marijuana than she
should have. I'm looking at her, and I'm about ready
to go into a rage. It's like, what the hell?
Speaker 1 (36:32):
So I wanted to take her jack O Laantin, And
of course it was. It was a friendly jackal Lairton.
It was a happy Jackelanton. It wasn't nothing scary. Okay,
it took probably all but ten minutes for her to
carve this thing. So I want to take the jack
o lanin and just slam it right on top of
her head. Make her wear it with the candle still lit.
That's where you get for your your raisins. Okay, it's Halloween.
(36:56):
No raisins, but good Christ. So let me let me
summarize this rant if I can, and that a do
not give raisins to the kids or any other healthy fruits,
and make sure you have enough of the good candy
in stock. Reese's peanut butter cups are always good, Hershey
(37:21):
bars are always good. Twigs, Yeah, sometimes it depends. Twigs
could be considered a choking hazard. So but if you
need to write this down, please do. This is my
Halloween advice for proper trick or treating etiquette, for how
you handle your trick or treaters because they wait all
(37:41):
year for this event.
Speaker 2 (37:42):
Okay, they don't.
Speaker 1 (37:43):
Don't disappoint the kids because you could, you know, damage
them psychologically and they'll have to go into consoling then
never grow up to be productive adults, and they'll wind
up unemployed and eventually in jail. So just think of
what you're doing in the long term consequences.
Speaker 2 (37:58):
That's not all I ask trigger treat.
Speaker 1 (38:05):
So let me mosey along here and talk about I
want to talk about the wolf Man, well, the original
wolf Man, which was played I believe by Lone Cheney
Junior in the original nineteen forty one version, which is
(38:26):
probably still the best version out there. But the thing
of it is, I don't understand what was so frightening
about the original wolf Man. Looking at the character, it
looked like a very large, very angry lasa apso. But
(38:47):
in nineteen forty one, considering that we were entering into
World War two, things are probably pretty frightening to begin with,
So take it for what it's worth. But again, it
was a classic, and there's been a number of incarnations
of the wolf Man since American Werewolf in London and YadA, YadA, YadA.
(39:09):
And as a fan of original horror movies, I don't
think any of the remakes over the years have really
come close to the style and the acting of the original.
Speaker 2 (39:20):
Just my thoughts.
Speaker 1 (39:23):
But the entire basis for Wolfman and whatnot is the
legend of the werewolf, which is a very.
Speaker 2 (39:31):
Old legend going back and hundreds of years in which.
Speaker 1 (39:37):
Were wolf is a creature that can morph from human
form into a wolf canine like type of creature and
scare the living hell out of everybody around you, especially
what happens in a formal social setting. This is kind
of like a variation on what we now know is
dog Man. The dog man phenomena, where people were seeing
(39:59):
these half human half dog like creatures. There are some
photographs out there's one especially here. For some reason, here
in Pennsylvania, there is a lot of dog man sightings,
but I believe that it is more related to the
amount of alcohol that is consumed here in Pennsylvania and
(40:19):
the fact that some of these dog man sightings as
a result of somebody who was rather drunk coming home
after a late night office party and they see something
really hairy walking down the road when it's mistaking it
for a dog man, when it's actually some guy with
long hair who's out naked.
Speaker 2 (40:39):
For whatever reasons.
Speaker 1 (40:41):
Again, it's Pennsylvania. You have to be here to understand it.
And some of the alleged photographs of dog Man are
like these blurry, ridiculous images which could be almost anything,
and the one clear image of a dog man just
looks like a very angry, very very large, long haired chiwaa.
(41:05):
So I'm not completely convinced of the the dog man phenomena.
I am a big believer in cryptids and the unknown,
but I'm still skeptical on this subject. Now, another big
part of the Halloween tradition in many areas, especially here
(41:25):
in the United States or the the the haunted houses.
Speaker 2 (41:28):
That you are haunted attractions that you can go to.
Speaker 1 (41:33):
There's a few of them around here. The ego you
pay so much money to get in, and once you're
in there, there's a bunch of actor actors who are
their job is.
Speaker 2 (41:43):
To run around like a bunch of idiots and scare
the shit out of you. It makes for a full evening.
Speaker 1 (41:48):
There are there are, however, a couple of these quote
unquote haunted attractions that are so damn scary. Do you
have to sign a life ability release before you go in.
It's like a It's like a seventy five page liability release.
Speaker 2 (42:07):
And there's just one operation that I can't.
Speaker 1 (42:11):
Think of the name offhand, and I'm not gonna mention
it either way, because they might assume me if I
do so. But anyways, this operation, this haunted attraction. In
their release, they state that they can do almost anything
to you.
Speaker 2 (42:25):
They can.
Speaker 1 (42:25):
They can tie you up and rip out your fingernails.
They could rip out your pubic hair. They can immerse
you in water. They can put you on the rack
and stretch you until you burst or something, or at
the very least start giggling.
Speaker 2 (42:41):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (42:43):
And but the catch here is that if you survive,
if you get through this place, through all the torture
and the nightmarish circumstances that they put you through, supposed
that you get like twenty five thousand dollars or something.
You get some bing amount of money if you get through.
And I don't know if anyone's actually had and for
that matter, I don't I don't know if they've actually
(43:05):
ever killed anyone at this place, but it's like, good
Jesus Christ. One of their favorite techniques is to like
put a rubber thing over your head and and bind
up your legs in your arms and hold you under
water with ropes to see how long you can take
(43:26):
it before you actually croak or finally say enough. You know,
good Lord, Where they can put you in a in
a bin full of rats or snakes, or are they
They could even even the worst nightmare yet it would
be to lock you in a room full of Trump supporters. That,
dear God, that'd be horrible. Just keep you with the snakes,
(43:49):
thank you. But my question is who would actually go for.
Speaker 2 (43:54):
All of this?
Speaker 1 (43:56):
I'm pretty adventurous, but even I would think twice. And Christ,
they're gonna give you twenty five thousand dollars in prize
money if you somehow survive, but you're gonna need probably
three million dollars for plastic reconstructive surgery after they finished
with you, or at the very least, you're gonna need
a lifetime of psychiatric counseling. So what what would possess
(44:20):
somebody to do that? You have to have this real
addiction to being scared, which some people do. Some people
enjoy being scared and are frightened. So I mean, if
you want a terrifying experience, just go work retail. All right,
That's about as bad as it gets. So why would
you willingly put yourself through this? Even if you went
(44:44):
with like a group, and odds are you're gonna get
separated from your group by some gooule that's gonna come
out and drag you off into a room and and
put wire clamps in your genitals and and turn on
the electricity. Which, actually, you know, that sounds like fun.
I'm you know, maybe that maybe this place isn't so
bad after all. Sorry I'm rambling again, but let me
(45:11):
segue to another Halloween subject, and that would be ghosts, you.
Speaker 2 (45:18):
Know, the things that go oh in the middle of
the night. Actually, I do believe in ghosts.
Speaker 1 (45:26):
Uh. There are some very very creepy, very legitimate ghost
stories out there that defy any logical explanations. And recently,
actually a tourist over at Windsor Castle claims to capture
a photograph of Queen Elizabeth there in one of the hallways,
(45:46):
and it does look like the Queen with her with
her even with her handbag standing there. Considering the the
mess that the Royal family is in currently, I would
see why the Queen would come back from the dead
to perhaps help out.
Speaker 2 (46:02):
But what I'm going to talk about here for a
moment is.
Speaker 1 (46:06):
The subject of people who have claimed to have had
sex or sexual relations with ghosts. Now Here's what I'm
trying to figure out how is this even possible. You're
talking about a spirit or a specter of a living
(46:27):
person who has died, How is it feasible to have
sexual intercourse with said a spirit. There haven't even many
claims of relationships which have broken up because of an
allegend an affair going on with one of the ghosts
in the house. It's like, yeah, man, I caught my
(46:48):
girl up in the attic with the ghost banging.
Speaker 2 (46:50):
On it really okay?
Speaker 1 (46:54):
So personally, I think that the these episodes of people
getting it on with ghosts is a combination of someone
who is horny and eating brownies that are laced with marijuana.
(47:15):
That is probably a most likely cause of such situations.
Now in my house, we have the we have a
ghost of a Confederate soldier, and I have not yet
experienced an icy, cold, ghostly schlong plunging deep into my
(47:35):
well shaven ass in the middle of the night. Although
admittedly that does sound like fun. I'll have to start
sleeping on my belly more often. Anyways, I'm getting off
of track here, but yeah, I don't think that people
are actually getting out with ghosts. I think there's another
(47:57):
plausible explanation here. This is based more or less on
that TV show years ago called The Ghost and Missus Muir,
where this ghost and this widow were having something of
a relationship at this house up in Maine. Just go
to YouTube and check out the clips from the show.
(48:19):
You'll see what I'm talking about. But I don't know
how many of you have out there have had normal
relationship with ghosts that you may have encountered. I've worked
in a couple of places that were definitely haunted. I've
lived in a couple of houses that were definitely haunted,
and like I mentioned, the house that i'm currently and
now has a Confederate soldier hanging around. But yeah, there's
(48:46):
definitely a real phenomenon going on here with ghostly sightings.
What exactly is it, we who only knows, but there's
something going on. Just saying, but enough of the ghosts.
Let me go on to the topic of Halloween parties.
(49:11):
We've all been to a Halloween party at one point
or another. A lot of workplaces will have Halloween parties,
chance for the employees to get dressed up and gather
around and socialize and whatnot. Some clubs have Halloween parties,
some restaurants have Halloween theme parties, YadA, YadA, YadA. But
(49:33):
if you do go to a Halloween party, please try
not to drink too much and get out of control,
because I can cite an example for you where at
one particular Halloween party, there was a drunken Frankenstein and
a drunken Dracula. Now, drunken Frankenstein had his equally drunk
(49:53):
and slutty girlfriend who was dressed up as the bride
of Frankenstein with her double D tits pushed halfway out.
Speaker 2 (50:00):
Of her shirt.
Speaker 1 (50:02):
So anyways, drunken Dracula had made a pass at a
drunken brider Frankenstein, which drunken Frakenstein took offence to. So
drunken fraket Sign took a swing at drunken Dracula and
punched drunken Dracula right in the mouth, knocking said vampire
(50:22):
backwards into the candy apple table, destroying the candy apples
and causing Dracula to fall on the floor. Also, as
a result of the punch to the mouth, drunken Dracula
lost both of his fake fangs on the floor. So
it is very awkward and embarrassing for a drunken Dracula
to be crawling around on all fours in the corner,
trying to find his fake fangs, at the same time
(50:45):
bitching out the drunken Fraankensteine who had just slugged him one. Overall,
it ruined a very good evening, to say the least.
So if you do go to a Halloween party again,
try to drink just the cider and say away from
the alcohol, because there's nothing more stranger bizarre than people
in goofy costumes who were drunk and getting out of hand.
Speaker 2 (51:07):
I guess you consider that.
Speaker 1 (51:08):
Consider that my Halloween public service announcement. So, but before
I go last year, on the Halloween episode, I think
it was last year, I can't really remember anymore. To
tell you the truth, I attempted to go into what
I didn't attempt I actually did it. I went into
a bathroom with the lights out, and I stood at
(51:31):
the mirror and I tried the bloody Mary thing, whereas
if you call all bloody Mary's name three times, you
will suddenly appear in the mirror.
Speaker 2 (51:40):
Well, I'm going to try that again this year.
Speaker 1 (51:43):
As we wrap up this Halloween episode, I'm going to
go here into the into the bathroom and stand in
front of said mirror. Oh god, I look horrible today. Anyways,
so I hear, I'm here in front of the mirror,
and now let me let me attempt to turn out
the light if I can find the goddamn light switch.
(52:05):
All right, Nope, that's not the light switch. That's for
the biday or something. Anyways, Okay, all right, there's the lights.
All right, the lights are off. I can't really see
what I'm doing, but anyways, let me try it. Now.
Here we go, bloody Mary, bloody Mary, bloody Mary, and
(52:26):
there's still nothing happening. No, no, bloody Mary. No old
hag is appearing in the mirror. I mean, I look
like an old hag. But that doesn't count. So let
me let me try it again here, bloody Mary. Oh,
bloody Mary, bloody Mary. No, no, still not.
Speaker 2 (52:44):
Let me. Let me. Let me let me come at
this from a different angle. Hey, bloody Mary, where are
you baby? Oh bloody Mary.
Speaker 1 (52:54):
Come on, bloody Mary, I got a big surprise of
my pants waiting just for you. Come on, come on,
don't be Sinding's show yourself. Come on, come on, come on,
you old miserable bitch. Show yourself. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (53:07):
Well, anyways, it didn't work again this year.
Speaker 1 (53:09):
I was hoping to make broadcasting history by making the
goddamn miserable cow show herself, but she's not doing it.
Speaker 2 (53:16):
So let me see if I.
Speaker 1 (53:17):
Can find the goddamn light now and turn it on.
No again, that's not the light switch, Jesus Christ. Let
me just go out the door here. God, such as
my life. All right, enough of that, and on that note,
I think it's time for me to wrap up this
episode of the Halloween episode of this podcast. I'd like
(53:39):
to thank you all for listening and taking the time
to hear me rant and rave like a complete and
total lunatic.
Speaker 2 (53:49):
Before I go, I'd like to put.
Speaker 1 (53:50):
In a a selfish, unabated plug for one of my
recent books that you know. I'm a freelance writer and
one of my recent books is titled Haunted Sky Ghost
Stories from the World of Aviation. It's available on Amazon,
so it's a whole bunch of true stories from airlines
(54:11):
and airports and airfields and military aviation and all that
good stuff.
Speaker 2 (54:15):
It's creepy stuff. You want to check it out.
Speaker 1 (54:17):
It's a good book, so I highly recommend it. Not
because I wrote the damn thing, but just because I
think it's a good book.
Speaker 2 (54:24):
So there I put that plug in and for now
it is now time for me to go out the
door and sign off.
Speaker 1 (54:31):
I'm still have not yet decided on my Halloween costume.
You know, my friend doesn't want me to frighten the
kids like I mentioned, so maybe I could try to
go as a ghost, but every time I throw the
sheet over my head to be a ghost, I wind
up looking like a reject from the Ku kukx Klan.
Just bad scene all around. But anyways, so long for now,
(54:55):
have a very happy Halloween, Try not to eat too
much candy and try not to scare the kids like
I want to do. And until next time, have a
good one trick a treat.
Speaker 2 (55:09):
Bye bye
Speaker 1 (55:12):
Mhm.
Greetings and welcome to the broadcast. Well, it is the
spooky time of the year. Halloween has yet graced us
with its presence.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Kind of buy all that.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Candy for the little ghouls and goblins that are gonna
be showing up at your door yelling trick or treat.
It's always interesting to see some of the costumes that
some of the kids are wearing. A few of them
are really good, and some are like why did you
even bother? I do like it though, when the families
(00:37):
kind of trick or treating and they bring the dogs
with them and the dogs are wearing costumes. The doggy
costumes actually look better than some of the kid's costumes,
and the dogs are better behaved than the kids in
most cases.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Of course, I love dogs, so I'm a little partial there.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Anyways, Recently I have been looking through some of the
clips of various hert movies that one can find on YouTube,
and I was.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
Never aware that Salem's Lot was actually a vampire movie.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
I thought it was something else entirely, but it was
a vampire movie, and it was a damn good vampire
movie too.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Using the nos Ferratu.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
Bloodsucking beast, which is the original Vampire I who want
to look at it, and it's straight as possible. Terms
really creepy character with the hideous buck teeth in the
front actually looks kind of like my teeth. But yeah,
just a just a creepy movie and a good one too,
And so it's right up there with my top choices
(01:46):
for vampire flicks.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
And as you know, as.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
Far as like Dracula is concerned, I'm still a big
fan of the original with Bela Lagosi and then the
nineteen seventy nine version was Frank Langella. Both really go
with real, really good actors doing some really good acting.
But as far as Halloween is concerned, Halloween is an
old religious holiday.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
It's a pagan holiday.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
It's probably the oldest religious holiday in the world, and
it's really big here in south central Pennsylvania where the
people decorate, well, they decorate more for Halloween than they
do for Christmas. I saw even the vehicles now are
were getting decked out for Halloween. I saw a vehicle
the other day that was literally covered in skeletons. And
the weird part is this person I believe works at
(02:32):
one of the local nursing homes. So the vehicle's parked
right out there in front of the building. You know,
a great way to freak out the residents who are
close to death anyways, by parking a vehicle covered in
skeletons right right by your window. That's always cheerful to
look out at when you're eating your morning mush for breakfast.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
But well, I'm on the subject of Halloween decorating the
people down the street.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
This year, they got one of those like inflatable grim
Reaper type characters and they mounted it on the roof
over the front door on her house. It's like a
single level ranch house, so the roof isn't too high
and the slope isn't too steep. Well, this grim Reaper
(03:22):
inflatable keeps bending backwards. I don't know because it's the
wind or what, or they just don't have it secured properly,
but it keeps bending backwards. It's laying back, holding onto
its scythe with its legs spread nice and wide.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
It looks like it's getting.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
Ready to receive a blowjob, just laying there in anticipation
of the Halloween hoe to show up and give it
some oral gratification. It's not scary, it's kind of pornographic really,
and I have I think this was by intent on
(04:01):
the part of the people who put this thing on
the roof, so whatever trick or treat. But anyways, the
other neighbors were not too far away. They became very
(04:22):
creative this year and they put out a sea serpent
type creature coming up out of their yard.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
And the other day when I was going out, I thought.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
I had a messy sighting going on. I thought, oh Christ,
there's the luckedest monster right here in the neighborhood. And
then reality set in and I realized it was just
their Halloween de corps. But I will say this, it
is cute and it is different, so I give them
kudos for that. Not your typical ghouls and ghosts and whatnot.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
This was pretty good. I like it. I like it.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
They should get an award for originality. Then the other neighbors.
Every year, every Halloween, they put out a bunch of
skeletons in the yard and it's a different theme every year.
The skeletons are all gathered for a certain event or
a party, and usually one of the skeletons is doing
a pole dance or on the light post in the yard,
(05:21):
and this year the theme is apparently toxic waste, because
all the skeletons are wearing bile hazard gowns and they
are prepared for the toxic waste of the apocalypse, which
I thought is probably gonna be a glimpse into what
the world is going to look like if Trump should
(05:43):
happen to be elected president again.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
But again, it's original and I like it. It's not
as good as MESSI down the street, but you know
it's good. It's good. Then there's always a neighbors who
really don't give a shit.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
They just put a a half rotten pumpkin that they
don't even bother to carve into a Jack o'lanton, and
then they throw an old sheet over the lamppost to
make it look like a ghost. It'll be more impressive.
First of all, if the sheet was actually laundered. There's
like stains all over it. I don't know whether it's
(06:23):
come stains or what. But you're your ghost is kind
of pathetic, so please try to put it. Put a
little more effort into your Halloween decorps. Let's let's have
a little more reverence for the holiday. Thank you, But
moving moving along, let me take a couple of minutes
(06:46):
here to talk about something I guess what you would
consider kind of ghoulish and and Halloween related.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
On there's a sight out there called Quora.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
It's like a form where people ask questions and people who,
some of whom are supposed to be experts, will answer
your questions. Well, some of the questions that are asked
on Quora make you seriously doubt whether humanity has a
(07:21):
future or not, but you know whatever. And as of late,
there's been a lot of questions concerning death that I've
been coming up. One question was do I actually feel
anything if I'm cremated after I die? Well, I could
(07:46):
probably answer that question for you. There was a more
tissan that stepped in and provided an answer. I'm not
going to repeat the answers here, but let me give
you my own answer.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
First of all, let me explain to you the condition
that is known as death.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
Okay, Now, when we die, at least to the best
of our knowledge, everything dies.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
That includes your brain, all right.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
Now, most people don't have a live brain to begin with.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
But when your brain go, your brain is where you
experience all your sensory feelings.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
Your brain is where you experience those you know, pain
and whatnot. If your brain is no longer functioning, for example,
when you are dead, then you're not.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
Going to feel anything.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
Right when you when you go into the oven to
be baked like a Christmas cookie for cremation, you're not
feeling nothing as your brain.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
Is not active.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
It's not receiving any impulses from any nerve endings in
the body. So therefore there is no pain, there is
no pleasure, nothing. It's kind of like being a trump rally.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
Now.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
According to one funeral director that did chime in and
offer his opinion on this question, he had stated that
there is a there's a reason why some people have
this belief, and that is in some cases, some bodies
will actually groan and sit up as they're being cremated.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
Oh, he says.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
It's quite a sight when you're looking through the little
window and there's a body sitting up in the middle
of the flames.
Speaker 3 (09:30):
So it's like, oh Christ, but it's like no, no, no, no,
there's a there's a perfectly legitimate explanation for this, a
scientific explanation.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
From what I understand, there is still air in the
lungs in some cases, and there's like nerve reactions and
then the diaphragm thing going on.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
So there's a whole lot.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
Of physiological things that are happening that cause the body
to sit up while you're being baked. But it's like, no, no, no,
that's where that's where some of this has come from,
the fact that some bodies will groan and sit up.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
Oh no, they're experiencing paint.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
No, no, it's just a simple physiological reaction at that time.
It's nothing to do with feeling anything as far as
your brain because as I previously stated, you're your brain
really isn't functioning.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
Okay, the groaning is the.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
Air and whatnot in the lungs trying to escape and YadA, YadA, YadA.
I'm not gonna go to the whole bio physiological situation here,
but that's what happens. So but so everyone just calmed
down because when you when they if you choose cremation,
and that was another question too, should I choose burial
(10:44):
or crebation.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
Uh, if you choose cremation.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
You're not you're not feeling anything because you're you're quite dead,
So don't worry about it.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Just chill.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
However, having said all that I'm gonna actually choose cremation,
and to be on the safe side, I'm gonna have
them shoot me full of value before they shove me
in the oven, just saying.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Now. A friend of mine who is not a big
fan of cremation recently.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
Asked me, well, why would you do that? What if
you're gonna need that body afterwards. Well, first of all,
I really don't want the body, Okay, so the second
time around, I want something a little bit different. And besides,
most of my organs are shot to hell. I've had
(11:41):
to have prostate surgery, my guts are all messed up,
I had three hernias that had to be operated on,
and my brain. Don't even get started on my brain.
That's a complete disaster. Aside from all the voices and
everything else going on with that thing.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
You can keep the brain.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
The only thing on my body in the way of
an organ that I'd want to keep for the afterlife,
for the next life would be my penis.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
Okay. So that's about it.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
But getting back to the questions on Quora, there was
a question asked about cremation. Why don't the ashes smell? Well,
there's probably several good reasons why the ashes don't smell,
one of which is the.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
Fact that you know the body's been burned it.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
I figure what the temperature is in one of those ovens,
but it's hot, let's put it that way. And cremation
is a multi step process where they run you through
a few times. Then they take your remains and they
put it into what they call a cremulator, and that
kind of reduces you to a powder. So in the
(12:53):
end you wind up like the mix for a protein shake.
So this this would explain why there's no smell, because
basically the heat of the oven alone would sterilize everything,
and then the complete breaking you down to nothingness into
the aforementioned powder would guarantee there's gonna be no smell.
(13:17):
So don't go expecting a smell, unless, of course, you
want one. If you're one of those who goes around
sniffing cremated remains, maybe that's how you get off. I
don't know, but to each his own. But let me
move along here to the to the next dumb question
asked on Quara, and that would be is the bottom
(13:40):
of the coffin padded? Well, first of all, are you
talking about a coffin or are you talking about a casket,
because there is a difference. As I pointed out on
last year's Halloween episode, a coffin is that burial box.
It is kind of like aped a little funny. It
(14:01):
goes out around with his shoulders. You're like if your
arms are folded, and then it tapers in again back
up at the head. It's kind of like the thing
that La Dracula used to sleep in, whereas a casket
is the rectangular box that a lot of us are
familiar with. So just so you know, I know everyone,
that was a burning question if you didn't catch it
(14:23):
last year. No, no pun intended burning with the cremation
subject we just covered.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
Now I'm rambling, but.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
Anyways, Yeah, somebody asking if the bottom of the of
the coffin or the casket or whatever is padded. Again,
forgive me, forgive me for laughing, but why does this matter?
Once again, let me reiterate, you are dead when they
put you in the box, hopefully you'll be dead. And
(14:54):
if you are dead, it it's a it's a moot
point because you're not gonna know it one way. Neither
at the bottom of the casket or the coffin is padded,
So don't.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
Sweat the little details here. Just be grateful they got
a box to shove you in once you're deceased.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
You know, in some cultures they don't even bother at
all that They just leave your body out in the
middle of a field for the buzzards to come and
eat you, because it's they feel it's returning to nature,
which is exactly right.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
The buzzards come, they eat your corpse, and they shut
you back out. It's a full cycle.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
It's not worrying about caskets or patting in the caskets
or the oven or headstones or all.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
It's good stuff. It's just simple, easy, and it's all
said and done.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
So so moving right along, let us tackle yet another
monumental question on qua in which somebody asked, how long
does it take the spirit to lead the body after death?
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Well, it depends on how fast do I get the
hell out of town, That's what it comes down to.
But I didn't even.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
Bother reading the responses to this question, because hey, how
do you how does anyone really have an answer to that?
And you know, you hear all about the near death
experiences and the light and the tunnel, and then you
hear other people who say they have no near death
experience at all. It's just all blackness. But there are
(16:36):
actually people who you know, try to come up with
a response to this. It's like, no, no, no, no,
there's nobody that I know of who's gonna know what
timeframe it takes for the spirit to lead the body,
if it ever leaves the body.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
No, we'll all find out out eventually, I'm sure.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
But there's no one that can answer that question. So
it's even stupid to ask it. First of all, not
to sound how she say, crass, but now there's just
no way of.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
Knowing and timing when all of this.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
Takes place, or if you come back to become a
ghost and or a Halloween decoration.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
Death is the ultimate unknown, all right, And this.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
Is why most of us fear it, because we really
don't know what is on the other side once you expire,
So to even contemplate what is gonna happen is meaningless.
I myself, I don't take a lot of stock in
what I hear is near death experiences. I think it's
more of a psychological thing, a brain thing going on
(17:43):
that is an actual happening. But again, I will find
out someday myself what's going on, and God only knows
what that's gonna be. So we're crossing the veil here
into a whole new boundary of which we have no anis,
despite the fact that we think we're very intelligent about it.
(18:05):
And that's what that you know, that's what Halloween is
all about, because apparently this time of year and during
Halloween is when the veil between the living and the dead,
whatever that veil might be, comes down and the dead
crossover to haunt us and make our lives in miserable.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
So this is why people put out jack.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
O lentins because jack Latins is supposedly will dissuade the
evil spirits from coming around, and you leave candy out
to appease the spirits, so you're trying to get rid
of them and appease them all at the same time.
Now I'm really starting to confuse things. But again, that's
what Halloween is about, the dead crossing over back among
(18:52):
the living. So just leave it at that. And if
there's no padding in your in your casket, so be it.
So moving along to other spooky subjects here on the
Halloween episode, I heard about a recent survey which asked
the question what age is too young to take your
(19:17):
kids to a scary movie or show them a scary movie?
And I believe the average response was something like eleven
years old. But considering considering how many kids these days
are complete and total pussies, I would have to say
the age is probably a lot older than that. It's
(19:39):
one of those things. I take them to a horror
movie and they get traumatized, then they gotta get the
doll and point to the doll where they've been hurt
and all that good stuff.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
You know. When I was ten years old, my sister
took me.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
To see Jaws when it came out in nineteen seventy five.
Yeah it was scary. Jaws is a scary movie, but
it didn't traumatize me. I grew up fairly normal, well
almost normal, but whatever.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
So why are we asking this question, really.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
Because scary movies and kids have always been something that's
kind of gone hand in hand. If you go back
years to the original horror movies like Frankenstein and Dracula
the Mummy, which were back in the thirties and whatnot,
I don't think there was any restriction on how old
somebody had to be to go in and see these movies.
(20:33):
In fact, my uncle he went in to see Frankenstein
when he was like nine years old.
Speaker 2 (20:39):
But you know, now and now.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
It's gonna we're gonna be so careful what we show them.
And of course it depends on the movie too. I mean,
some movies aren't fit for some adults to watch. They're
so goddamn gory and bloody, and you don't need all
that to make a good horror movie. But apparently some
of these so called movie makers feel that the need.
(21:01):
So yeah, some stuff is inappropriate for certain kids to see.
But your good old fashioned scary movies, Nah, I don't.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
Think there's any age restriction.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
I don't think it's gonna damage the kid in the
brain to see a scary movie. But having said all that,
I will note that there was My mom would never
let me watch that TV series that was called Night
Gallery with Rod Sterling. For some reason, she never thought
(21:33):
it was appropriate for me to watch that show.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
I don't know why.
Speaker 1 (21:36):
I guess it just had very dark undertones. It was
kind of like a really creepy show. Even though it
was it was a classic anything that Rod Sterling did
obviously was a classic, and in this case, my mother
felt I shouldn't be watching it, so I never did.
Gonna segue to another subject here, and that is scary places.
(22:04):
Now we all know of. We've all been to a
place that is scary or frightening or just plain weird.
There are a lot of supposed haunted houses out there.
I've been to a couple, I've actually lived in one.
Certainly most abandoned buildings out there, or even for them
that are abandoned towns, could qualify as very creepy and weird.
(22:30):
But probably probably the most creepy place, the most scary place, actually,
probably the most terrifying place one could find oneself will
be to wake up and realize that you've been buried alive.
That has to be the ultimate nightmare. You regain consciousness,
(22:52):
or you, like I said, you wake up and you
realize you're trapped in this body sized box from which
there is noah scarpe. You reach out in any direction
and the lid is right above your face and the
sides are right next to you, and well, it's kind
of like staying at a deluxe suite at an Ocono lodge.
(23:13):
But that has to be the ultimate nightmare right there.
I can't imagine anything worse other than possibly Walmart right
before closing on Christmas Eve. But yeah, that's about as
bad as it gets. And this was something that actually
did happen. I don't want to say on a fairly
(23:35):
regular basis, But back many years ago, before embalming and whatnot,
and before medical technology evolved to what it is now,
if they thought you were dead, they held a mirror
in front of your face, and if you didn't flog
it up, that was it. You were shoved off in
a casket and take it away. You could in fact
(23:58):
be a a coma or an or have a medical
condition where you're breathing is so shallow you wouldn't fog
up any mirrors. So right there, there's a recipe for disaster.
There were actually some cases where people who were not
dead would sit up, They would regain consciousness and sit
(24:20):
up in the casket during their memorial service or funeral
or viewing or whatnot. Now, I would imagine that would
have been quite a surprise to the gathered guests at
the funeral, not to mention the damper that would put
on the funeral festivities.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
And think about those among.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
The gathered guests who were family who thought they were
gonna be in the will to collect some money. Well,
now suddenly Grandma is not dead, so guess what, You're
not getting no money.
Speaker 2 (24:57):
That's gonna be the ultimate insult.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
Really, Now, I do have a question, there is a
thought burning in my mind, which it's kind of unusual
for me.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
But now would.
Speaker 1 (25:10):
The would the family or whatever be entitled to any
money back a refund if let's say the deceased suddenly
sat up in the casket because they were not dead,
would there be a refund coming or any sort of
money that would be owed to the family. Obviously, you
(25:31):
probably couldn't get nothing back for the casket because you
can't reuse those things, so I guess you could just
take it home with you and turn it into a
storage cabinet or a coffee table or whatever. But yeah,
that is a legitimate concern if you know, there would
be money owed back to those people, considering they really
(25:51):
didn't use the funeral, So that would be just good
customer service on the part of the undertaker.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
That's my take on it.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
But while I'm on the subject of creepy places, let
me just mention one more thing here. Probably one of
the most creepy places that I can think of is
an abandoned bowling alley. Now I'm probably partially here because
I am an avid bowler, but if you've ever seen
(26:27):
pictures of abandoned bowling alleys, they're kind of creepy because
they are these fairly large open spaces most of the
time with like twenty or more lanes, and they're dark obviously,
with no lights, and vandals get in and start breaking things.
Speaker 2 (26:46):
The machine, the pin.
Speaker 1 (26:48):
Setters are broken down, or the furniture has been destroyed
and whatnot. But what is really kind of creepy is
I remember seeing this picture. It was one bowling alley
that was a band and I believe it was in Minnesota.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
Everything was just left there.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
It was like the league that was bowling at the
time just stopped and the place got shut down. Their
shoes are still on the floor, bowling balls still on
the rack like they were instead of being returned the
house balls after you're done with them. Just everything in place,
like everyone just vanished when the bowling alley shut down.
(27:24):
Just really kind of creepy and weird to look at it,
and also, let me just add one more element to
the creepy places, and that is abandoned funeral homes. Getting
back to the subject of funerals. If you've ever seen
pictures of these places, first of all, it's amazing that
(27:47):
a lot of them everything is just left there and
this includes old coffins and caskets, and but all the
bombing stuff is still there.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
Now you would think, like I would think, why aren't
the local health.
Speaker 1 (27:59):
Depart when these places is shut down making sure that
everything is removed, Because there's some serious shit left behind.
Speaker 2 (28:05):
We're talking they use like these long hypodermic.
Speaker 1 (28:08):
Needles, and in the process of embalming, there's the embalming fluid.
There's makeup, there's all sorts of stuff there, there's the
machines for pumping the embalming fluid in or removing the
blood out.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
And all that good stuff.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
There's the table there in some cases's like bodily fluids
and jars that was left behind. But isn't anyone on
top of this to say, hey, you know, this needs
to be cleaned up when this place goes out of business.
Right the only thing not left behind was one of
the customers, which I'm surprised there wasn't.
Speaker 2 (28:42):
You know. It's like christ.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
So if you have a chance to go into an
abandoned funeral home, don't because it's just a bad scene
all around, all right.
Speaker 2 (28:55):
But moving along, let me.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
Move back to trigg or Treating a little bit here
and that I just learned that Pennsylvania. Here in Pennsylvania,
we are the number one state for giving out the
total amount of Halloween candy every year. Oh that's good
because finally Pennsylvania is number one at something. Normally we
(29:19):
rank like at the bottom of every list, but finally
we've made it to number one. There should be a
beautiful golden trophy for this that they can put in
the state capitol. That'd be very fitting. And by no surprise,
I guess Pittsburgh, the city of Pittsburgh, is the number
one city in the United States for giving out the
(29:39):
most amount of candy, which is what probably put the
state over the top in the first place. Just so
you know, when you're giving out your Halloween candy this year,
no matter what state you live in, you can't reach
the level of Pennsylvania, who was number one.
Speaker 2 (29:54):
Nume, No, but like I.
Speaker 1 (29:59):
Mentioned, we get a lot of kids that come through
on Halloween, and our Halloween hours are like sixty eight.
Which I've touched on this before in the Halloween episodes.
I think it's so stupid that municipalities limit the amount
of time for trick or treating like an hour and
a half to two hours. When I was growing up
in the Boston area, trick or treating was from like
(30:20):
six to midnight, and as you got closer to midnight,
that's when you get all the older kids that came out,
which that could be amusing undo itself. But now this
like and then sometimes like the other day Hannover, Pennsylvania
had their Halloween and we're like a week or so
out from the thirty first.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
This is ridiculous. What if you weren't aware of this
and you were preparing for the thirty first, and it's
actually the week before.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
You know, let's keep trick or treating on the thirty first.
Let's give it more than like an hour and a half.
You know, I'll give it a few hours. Let's have
some fun for Halloween for a change. And every year
my friend and I we do the trick or treating
thing at her house.
Speaker 2 (31:03):
I help out with all the kids.
Speaker 1 (31:06):
And I want to wear a costume, and I want
to wear a scary costume, but she doesn't want me
to because she's afraid I'll scare the kids. Well, isn't
that what it's all about, you know, scaring the kids.
I mean, I want to wear a costume. It's so frightening.
I want to scare that shit right out of these
little brats. Okay, that's what I want to do.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
And she's like, oh no, you can't scare the kids.
You can't scare the kids. That's bad.
Speaker 1 (31:32):
No, no, no, no no. I want to scare them.
I want to, you know, I want to give them
something to remember. I want to teach them a valuable
life lesson, like you know, sometimes you're gonna.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
Get scared really bad.
Speaker 1 (31:47):
Life is not all peaches and cream.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
But she's like, oh no, you can do that. You
can't do that.
Speaker 1 (31:56):
And last year, I want to dress up like one
of the Satacons from Lost in Space.
Speaker 2 (32:02):
Now, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (32:02):
How many of you out there familiar with the original
Lost in Space series, where there was these creepy aliens
that wore these like black top hats or derby hats
and these long black gowns or whatever you wanna call them,
and they just kind of like, you know, they they
swayed back and forth.
Speaker 2 (32:20):
With their hands out in front of them. They were
just really creepy.
Speaker 1 (32:22):
They're probably the creepiest aliens that ever appeared on.
Speaker 2 (32:24):
Lost in Space.
Speaker 1 (32:27):
And I want to dress up like that and just
stand there and sway, you know, as the kids could buy.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
But oh no, you're candy that you're scaring of kids. Well, damn,
that's no fun.
Speaker 1 (32:37):
I want to again, you know, I want to scare
the hell out of them, make them enjoy their Halloween experience.
Hopefully they'll get so frightened they'll drop their bag of
candy and run.
Speaker 2 (32:49):
Then I'll get some free candy out of it.
Speaker 1 (32:52):
Just saying, but how many of you have gone out
trigg or treating with kids, kids or somebody else's kids,
or you just go out just to be a plain,
good old fashioned weirdo.
Speaker 2 (33:05):
And you go to a door and this happened. This
happened to me when I was a kid.
Speaker 1 (33:10):
There's one neighbor out behind me, and I go to
the door and ring the doorbell, and the guy comes
the door and he's got an empty candy box.
Speaker 2 (33:17):
Well, I'm sorry, I'm all out of candy. You got
into some more?
Speaker 1 (33:20):
Well, he bought like, you know, think of six candy bars.
How long do you think that's gonna last on Halloween?
Six candy bars?
Speaker 2 (33:26):
What do you? What are you dentse what are you
a fucking idiot?
Speaker 1 (33:30):
You're gonna have, you know, at least a couple dozen
kids if you buy six candy bars.
Speaker 2 (33:34):
Where's your preparedness?
Speaker 1 (33:37):
You have a fiduciary responsibility on Halloween to provide a
sufficient amount of candy for the for the the ghules
and the goblins and what the christ else is gonna
show up to knock on your door and ask for treats.
That that's the meaning of the holiday. Now, when I
(33:57):
was a kid, I had this convoluted view that you
had to give the candy back after they gave it
to you, get to figure out who gave it to
you and then go around and give it back. But
I was I was kind of fucked up as a kid.
Speaker 2 (34:08):
Just ignore that.
Speaker 1 (34:09):
Now I'm rambling, But yeah, who buys a thing of
six Hershey bars expecting it the last Oh goddamn night.
Speaker 2 (34:17):
No, it's not gonna happen. But yeah, they come to
the door. I'm sorry, we're we're all out a candy.
Speaker 1 (34:24):
We bought, you know, the these three or four Hershey bars,
and now they're all gone.
Speaker 2 (34:30):
Would you maybe like some pistachio nuts? Would that be good? No? No,
I don't want pistachio nuts. I want a Hershey bar.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
Why are you trying to give me a goddamn pistachio
I don't eat your nuts? Okay, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
what the fuck are you thinking? But anyways, the point
of my little story here is be prepared for Halloween.
If you're not gonna give out candy, turn all your lights,
(35:00):
barricade the house and pretend like you're not there.
Speaker 2 (35:04):
And if you're not gonna go out candy, make sure
you have enough.
Speaker 1 (35:07):
We've got like six dozen bags of everything and that's
still knocking me enough but whatever.
Speaker 2 (35:14):
So, but don't just buy a few candy bars and
help o GI. You know this would be enough for
all three hundred kids gonna show up tonight. Maybe we
can cut the candy bars up and share it out.
Speaker 1 (35:23):
You know, it's almost as bad as these morons who
decide they're gonna give out healthy snacks for Halloween.
Speaker 2 (35:32):
Here we're gonna give.
Speaker 1 (35:33):
Out some fruit roll ups, all right, now, I don't
want a fruit roll up.
Speaker 2 (35:38):
I don't want a fruity snack. Okay. I don't want
something snack that looks like a vaginal clit. Okay.
Speaker 1 (35:45):
I want something good, something sweet. Somebody's gonna rap my teeth.
Don't give me healthy. The other thing was that was
really popular in the seventies when I was going out.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
Sometimes it would give you a little.
Speaker 1 (35:57):
Those boxes, little boxes of raisin here, here you go. No,
I don't want raisins. Okay, I want candy. No, and raisins,
ironically are among the worst things you can eat for
rotting your teeth, from what they say. But yeah, I
think about little boxes of raisins.
Speaker 2 (36:15):
You know. I look at the woman.
Speaker 1 (36:16):
She's one of these quasi hippies who got kicked out
of the commune because she was, you.
Speaker 2 (36:20):
Know, sneaking off with more of the marijuana than she
should have. I'm looking at her, and I'm about ready
to go into a rage. It's like, what the hell?
Speaker 1 (36:32):
So I wanted to take her jack O Laantin, And
of course it was. It was a friendly jackal Lairton.
It was a happy Jackelanton. It wasn't nothing scary. Okay,
it took probably all but ten minutes for her to
carve this thing. So I want to take the jack
o lanin and just slam it right on top of
her head. Make her wear it with the candle still lit.
That's where you get for your your raisins. Okay, it's Halloween.
(36:56):
No raisins, but good Christ. So let me let me
summarize this rant if I can, and that a do
not give raisins to the kids or any other healthy fruits,
and make sure you have enough of the good candy
in stock. Reese's peanut butter cups are always good, Hershey
(37:21):
bars are always good. Twigs, Yeah, sometimes it depends. Twigs
could be considered a choking hazard. So but if you
need to write this down, please do. This is my
Halloween advice for proper trick or treating etiquette, for how
you handle your trick or treaters because they wait all
(37:41):
year for this event.
Speaker 2 (37:42):
Okay, they don't.
Speaker 1 (37:43):
Don't disappoint the kids because you could, you know, damage
them psychologically and they'll have to go into consoling then
never grow up to be productive adults, and they'll wind
up unemployed and eventually in jail. So just think of
what you're doing in the long term consequences.
Speaker 2 (37:58):
That's not all I ask trigger treat.
Speaker 1 (38:05):
So let me mosey along here and talk about I
want to talk about the wolf Man, well, the original
wolf Man, which was played I believe by Lone Cheney
Junior in the original nineteen forty one version, which is
(38:26):
probably still the best version out there. But the thing
of it is, I don't understand what was so frightening
about the original wolf Man. Looking at the character, it
looked like a very large, very angry lasa apso. But
(38:47):
in nineteen forty one, considering that we were entering into
World War two, things are probably pretty frightening to begin with,
So take it for what it's worth. But again, it
was a classic, and there's been a number of incarnations
of the wolf Man since American Werewolf in London and YadA, YadA, YadA.
(39:09):
And as a fan of original horror movies, I don't
think any of the remakes over the years have really
come close to the style and the acting of the original.
Speaker 2 (39:20):
Just my thoughts.
Speaker 1 (39:23):
But the entire basis for Wolfman and whatnot is the
legend of the werewolf, which is a very.
Speaker 2 (39:31):
Old legend going back and hundreds of years in which.
Speaker 1 (39:37):
Were wolf is a creature that can morph from human
form into a wolf canine like type of creature and
scare the living hell out of everybody around you, especially
what happens in a formal social setting. This is kind
of like a variation on what we now know is
dog Man. The dog man phenomena, where people were seeing
(39:59):
these half human half dog like creatures. There are some
photographs out there's one especially here. For some reason, here
in Pennsylvania, there is a lot of dog man sightings,
but I believe that it is more related to the
amount of alcohol that is consumed here in Pennsylvania and
(40:19):
the fact that some of these dog man sightings as
a result of somebody who was rather drunk coming home
after a late night office party and they see something
really hairy walking down the road when it's mistaking it
for a dog man, when it's actually some guy with
long hair who's out naked.
Speaker 2 (40:39):
For whatever reasons.
Speaker 1 (40:41):
Again, it's Pennsylvania. You have to be here to understand it.
And some of the alleged photographs of dog Man are
like these blurry, ridiculous images which could be almost anything,
and the one clear image of a dog man just
looks like a very angry, very very large, long haired chiwaa.
(41:05):
So I'm not completely convinced of the the dog man phenomena.
I am a big believer in cryptids and the unknown,
but I'm still skeptical on this subject. Now, another big
part of the Halloween tradition in many areas, especially here
(41:25):
in the United States or the the the haunted houses.
Speaker 2 (41:28):
That you are haunted attractions that you can go to.
Speaker 1 (41:33):
There's a few of them around here. The ego you
pay so much money to get in, and once you're
in there, there's a bunch of actor actors who are
their job is.
Speaker 2 (41:43):
To run around like a bunch of idiots and scare
the shit out of you. It makes for a full evening.
Speaker 1 (41:48):
There are there are, however, a couple of these quote
unquote haunted attractions that are so damn scary. Do you
have to sign a life ability release before you go in.
It's like a It's like a seventy five page liability release.
Speaker 2 (42:07):
And there's just one operation that I can't.
Speaker 1 (42:11):
Think of the name offhand, and I'm not gonna mention
it either way, because they might assume me if I
do so. But anyways, this operation, this haunted attraction. In
their release, they state that they can do almost anything
to you.
Speaker 2 (42:25):
They can.
Speaker 1 (42:25):
They can tie you up and rip out your fingernails.
They could rip out your pubic hair. They can immerse
you in water. They can put you on the rack
and stretch you until you burst or something, or at
the very least start giggling.
Speaker 2 (42:41):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (42:43):
And but the catch here is that if you survive,
if you get through this place, through all the torture
and the nightmarish circumstances that they put you through, supposed
that you get like twenty five thousand dollars or something.
You get some bing amount of money if you get through.
And I don't know if anyone's actually had and for
that matter, I don't I don't know if they've actually
(43:05):
ever killed anyone at this place, but it's like, good
Jesus Christ. One of their favorite techniques is to like
put a rubber thing over your head and and bind
up your legs in your arms and hold you under
water with ropes to see how long you can take
(43:26):
it before you actually croak or finally say enough. You know,
good Lord, Where they can put you in a in
a bin full of rats or snakes, or are they
They could even even the worst nightmare yet it would
be to lock you in a room full of Trump supporters. That,
dear God, that'd be horrible. Just keep you with the snakes,
(43:49):
thank you. But my question is who would actually go for.
Speaker 2 (43:54):
All of this?
Speaker 1 (43:56):
I'm pretty adventurous, but even I would think twice. And Christ,
they're gonna give you twenty five thousand dollars in prize
money if you somehow survive, but you're gonna need probably
three million dollars for plastic reconstructive surgery after they finished
with you, or at the very least, you're gonna need
a lifetime of psychiatric counseling. So what what would possess
(44:20):
somebody to do that? You have to have this real
addiction to being scared, which some people do. Some people
enjoy being scared and are frightened. So I mean, if
you want a terrifying experience, just go work retail. All right,
That's about as bad as it gets. So why would
you willingly put yourself through this? Even if you went
(44:44):
with like a group, and odds are you're gonna get
separated from your group by some gooule that's gonna come
out and drag you off into a room and and
put wire clamps in your genitals and and turn on
the electricity. Which, actually, you know, that sounds like fun.
I'm you know, maybe that maybe this place isn't so
bad after all. Sorry I'm rambling again, but let me
(45:11):
segue to another Halloween subject, and that would be ghosts, you.
Speaker 2 (45:18):
Know, the things that go oh in the middle of
the night. Actually, I do believe in ghosts.
Speaker 1 (45:26):
Uh. There are some very very creepy, very legitimate ghost
stories out there that defy any logical explanations. And recently,
actually a tourist over at Windsor Castle claims to capture
a photograph of Queen Elizabeth there in one of the hallways,
(45:46):
and it does look like the Queen with her with
her even with her handbag standing there. Considering the the
mess that the Royal family is in currently, I would
see why the Queen would come back from the dead
to perhaps help out.
Speaker 2 (46:02):
But what I'm going to talk about here for a
moment is.
Speaker 1 (46:06):
The subject of people who have claimed to have had
sex or sexual relations with ghosts. Now Here's what I'm
trying to figure out how is this even possible. You're
talking about a spirit or a specter of a living
(46:27):
person who has died, How is it feasible to have
sexual intercourse with said a spirit. There haven't even many
claims of relationships which have broken up because of an
allegend an affair going on with one of the ghosts
in the house. It's like, yeah, man, I caught my
(46:48):
girl up in the attic with the ghost banging.
Speaker 2 (46:50):
On it really okay?
Speaker 1 (46:54):
So personally, I think that the these episodes of people
getting it on with ghosts is a combination of someone
who is horny and eating brownies that are laced with marijuana.
(47:15):
That is probably a most likely cause of such situations.
Now in my house, we have the we have a
ghost of a Confederate soldier, and I have not yet
experienced an icy, cold, ghostly schlong plunging deep into my
(47:35):
well shaven ass in the middle of the night. Although
admittedly that does sound like fun. I'll have to start
sleeping on my belly more often. Anyways, I'm getting off
of track here, but yeah, I don't think that people
are actually getting out with ghosts. I think there's another
(47:57):
plausible explanation here. This is based more or less on
that TV show years ago called The Ghost and Missus Muir,
where this ghost and this widow were having something of
a relationship at this house up in Maine. Just go
to YouTube and check out the clips from the show.
(48:19):
You'll see what I'm talking about. But I don't know
how many of you have out there have had normal
relationship with ghosts that you may have encountered. I've worked
in a couple of places that were definitely haunted. I've
lived in a couple of houses that were definitely haunted,
and like I mentioned, the house that i'm currently and
now has a Confederate soldier hanging around. But yeah, there's
(48:46):
definitely a real phenomenon going on here with ghostly sightings.
What exactly is it, we who only knows, but there's
something going on. Just saying, but enough of the ghosts.
Let me go on to the topic of Halloween parties.
(49:11):
We've all been to a Halloween party at one point
or another. A lot of workplaces will have Halloween parties,
chance for the employees to get dressed up and gather
around and socialize and whatnot. Some clubs have Halloween parties,
some restaurants have Halloween theme parties, YadA, YadA, YadA. But
(49:33):
if you do go to a Halloween party, please try
not to drink too much and get out of control,
because I can cite an example for you where at
one particular Halloween party, there was a drunken Frankenstein and
a drunken Dracula. Now, drunken Frankenstein had his equally drunk
(49:53):
and slutty girlfriend who was dressed up as the bride
of Frankenstein with her double D tits pushed halfway out.
Speaker 2 (50:00):
Of her shirt.
Speaker 1 (50:02):
So anyways, drunken Dracula had made a pass at a
drunken brider Frankenstein, which drunken Frakenstein took offence to. So
drunken fraket Sign took a swing at drunken Dracula and
punched drunken Dracula right in the mouth, knocking said vampire
(50:22):
backwards into the candy apple table, destroying the candy apples
and causing Dracula to fall on the floor. Also, as
a result of the punch to the mouth, drunken Dracula
lost both of his fake fangs on the floor. So
it is very awkward and embarrassing for a drunken Dracula
to be crawling around on all fours in the corner,
trying to find his fake fangs, at the same time
(50:45):
bitching out the drunken Fraankensteine who had just slugged him one. Overall,
it ruined a very good evening, to say the least.
So if you do go to a Halloween party again,
try to drink just the cider and say away from
the alcohol, because there's nothing more stranger bizarre than people
in goofy costumes who were drunk and getting out of hand.
Speaker 2 (51:07):
I guess you consider that.
Speaker 1 (51:08):
Consider that my Halloween public service announcement. So, but before
I go last year, on the Halloween episode, I think
it was last year, I can't really remember anymore. To
tell you the truth, I attempted to go into what
I didn't attempt I actually did it. I went into
a bathroom with the lights out, and I stood at
(51:31):
the mirror and I tried the bloody Mary thing, whereas
if you call all bloody Mary's name three times, you
will suddenly appear in the mirror.
Speaker 2 (51:40):
Well, I'm going to try that again this year.
Speaker 1 (51:43):
As we wrap up this Halloween episode, I'm going to
go here into the into the bathroom and stand in
front of said mirror. Oh god, I look horrible today. Anyways,
so I hear, I'm here in front of the mirror,
and now let me let me attempt to turn out
the light if I can find the goddamn light switch.
(52:05):
All right, Nope, that's not the light switch. That's for
the biday or something. Anyways, Okay, all right, there's the lights.
All right, the lights are off. I can't really see
what I'm doing, but anyways, let me try it. Now.
Here we go, bloody Mary, bloody Mary, bloody Mary, and
(52:26):
there's still nothing happening. No, no, bloody Mary. No old
hag is appearing in the mirror. I mean, I look
like an old hag. But that doesn't count. So let
me let me try it again here, bloody Mary. Oh,
bloody Mary, bloody Mary. No, no, still not.
Speaker 2 (52:44):
Let me. Let me. Let me let me come at
this from a different angle. Hey, bloody Mary, where are
you baby? Oh bloody Mary.
Speaker 1 (52:54):
Come on, bloody Mary, I got a big surprise of
my pants waiting just for you. Come on, come on,
don't be Sinding's show yourself. Come on, come on, come on,
you old miserable bitch. Show yourself. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (53:07):
Well, anyways, it didn't work again this year.
Speaker 1 (53:09):
I was hoping to make broadcasting history by making the
goddamn miserable cow show herself, but she's not doing it.
Speaker 2 (53:16):
So let me see if I.
Speaker 1 (53:17):
Can find the goddamn light now and turn it on.
No again, that's not the light switch, Jesus Christ. Let
me just go out the door here. God, such as
my life. All right, enough of that, and on that note,
I think it's time for me to wrap up this
episode of the Halloween episode of this podcast. I'd like
(53:39):
to thank you all for listening and taking the time
to hear me rant and rave like a complete and
total lunatic.
Speaker 2 (53:49):
Before I go, I'd like to put.
Speaker 1 (53:50):
In a a selfish, unabated plug for one of my
recent books that you know. I'm a freelance writer and
one of my recent books is titled Haunted Sky Ghost
Stories from the World of Aviation. It's available on Amazon,
so it's a whole bunch of true stories from airlines
(54:11):
and airports and airfields and military aviation and all that
good stuff.
Speaker 2 (54:15):
It's creepy stuff. You want to check it out.
Speaker 1 (54:17):
It's a good book, so I highly recommend it. Not
because I wrote the damn thing, but just because I
think it's a good book.
Speaker 2 (54:24):
So there I put that plug in and for now
it is now time for me to go out the
door and sign off.
Speaker 1 (54:31):
I'm still have not yet decided on my Halloween costume.
You know, my friend doesn't want me to frighten the
kids like I mentioned, so maybe I could try to
go as a ghost, but every time I throw the
sheet over my head to be a ghost, I wind
up looking like a reject from the Ku kukx Klan.
Just bad scene all around. But anyways, so long for now,
(54:55):
have a very happy Halloween, Try not to eat too
much candy and try not to scare the kids like
I want to do. And until next time, have a
good one trick a treat.
Speaker 2 (55:09):
Bye bye
Speaker 1 (55:12):
Mhm.
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