January 17, 2025 • 57 mins
Consciousness is a rather prickly concept. Most people think it has everything to do with the human mind and nothing else, as if we are only brains encased in flesh and bone. The most energy used and generated in the body comes from the heart. Tonight we will explore an alternative method of establishing conscious cosmic contact with otherworldly entities. It requires raising our frequency, changing the vibration. It requires leading with love, straight from the heart. If everything is energy, why not tap into the source? Join us for a heartfelt conversation.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:16):
Uh, hello everyone, thank you for joining us on a
(01:21):
world awakening. And if you were just watching Soul School,
we apologize for having to hop out so quickly so
that we could get this show set up.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
So yeah, class dismissed came very quickly.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
I don't know if you've seen the commercial where the
professor is putting up something on the screen and he's
got this whole, huge room full of students and what
comes up on his screen is him playing cards or
doing magic tricks, and one.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
Of his students one for him, and he's like.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Okay, everyone, get out of class. It was one of
those moments, you know, just one of those moments.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
So sorry for hop skipping and jumping. But sometimes Jeff.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
And I get going and the energy rises and it
changes and the light gets brighter and everything towards the
end of the show, so Bill, we apologize.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Oh God, we love you, sweetheart.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
We love you, and thank you for being so patient
with us when we get all riled up inside, which
we do. And Jeff, I so appreciate I know you're
feeling under the weather, sweetheart, and I deeply appreciate you
joining me for the second show tonight. Deb de Rus
and I are gathering with a bunch of women in April,
(02:43):
the one and only event that I have planned for
the year, the only time I'm getting on a plane
probably for the foreseeable future. And Greta and I are
going to go and do an event up at Houghton
Lake Spiritual Retreat at the end of April, and so
we were going to do the show about that and
(03:06):
what you know people who join us should expect and
so on, and then deb got COVID. So this was
a perfect opportunity to give her chance to rest and
recover and recuperate properly, and for us to discuss something
that I came across.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
You know, I have many shows out on Gaya.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
I've done Open Minds with Regina Meredith a number of times.
I've you know, sat and done interviews over the years
with them on various topics. And the other day, because
I'm subscribed to subscribed to it, I had a little
thing pop up that I sent to you and said,
(03:51):
now look at this, this woman is saying exactly exactly
what I have been saying or fifty years. Yeah, and
that is if to make contact, if you know, not
believe necessarily, but know that we are not alone in
(04:12):
the universe. And this I know from childhood. I have
had encounters close encounters, some closer than others over the years,
and so I'm very much at peace with it. I understand.
I know that they are with us, that they are watching,
(04:33):
that they love us, that you know, they are no
threat to us. We are the threat to ourselves. These
are that I know. But her brief clip that I
sent you from that particular interview was about something that
(04:56):
I think is the essential nature of contact, and that
is from the neck up. Let it go, clear your
mind completely and make connection from the heart, that that
is the source of our energy, That it is the
(05:18):
organ in our body that, rather than consuming and using energy,
actually generates energy.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
Is from our heart. And I remember when.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
I first saw the movie ET the Extraterrestrial, and I
always thought of you from Close Encounters and ET that
Spielberg is visionary, and he's also got some inside information
that he has used to try to impart these messages
to humanity and has done so I think very effectively.
(05:56):
There are also people that are stirring notions that they
are somehow a threat to us, and so there's the
fear mongers and the fear based carbon units doing what
fear based carbon units do because for some reason they
feel threatened. And then there's the other side of that coin,
(06:22):
where there is an embracing and an opening of the heart,
and that that's the communication core from which we must connect.
And that is, of course the way that I do.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
I get up every morning.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
And I go outside, and I look to the north,
which is where, for some reason, my vessels always seem
to be, and I start getting the flashes.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
I haven't seen the light grade in a while.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
But I do. I see vessels. I get flashes of
light and broad daylight that are so cleansing and healing
and filled with truth and filled with an entirely different
kind of energy than we generate here on the planet.
(07:21):
And the connection is here. This is where I feel it.
I literally feel it in my sternum, in my core
center self. And what I say is very simple, be
known to me. I love you, thank you for coming.
(07:43):
Heal me, Please heal me, Touch me, and heal me.
And those are the messages that I.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
Impart and healing.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
I'm not talking just about dealing with cancer right now.
This is something that I have asked for our life long,
and so I don't have any animosity.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
Excuse me, I don't have any animosity toward.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
My condition because I feel like it exists for a reason,
and confronting that reason having a lot to do with
the conversation that we just had on Soul School, that
inner conflict.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
Why is this happening? Oh, poor me?
Speaker 1 (08:36):
Not for a moment have I felt that. Not for
a moment have I felt that. Because I don't believe
in coincidence. I don't believe that anything happens to us
by accident, by mistake. That everything happens in its right
and proper time, with purpose and reason. And so knowing
(09:02):
it has been very easy for me to release myself
to the stars, you know, to put my hands into
source energy, to a higher power, to what I like
to refer to as the higher ups.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
And I think that it's all connected.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
It's all related, you know, And I'm you know, We've
discussed many times.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
That I believe.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
That that the Christ Jesus came into this world with
the same message that is being imparted now, and that
if this miraculous event that happened a thousand years ago
(09:56):
or so indeed happened the way that it was chronicled.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
The only plausible explanation.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
Is that Jesus is an extraterrestrial that was sent here
to help show us the way to love, and instead
of embracing that concept and showing kindness and compassion and
support to each other, there were those in power who
(10:28):
were threatened by the message, and so they decided to
silence him and claim his life is to me, the
only plausible explanation for what that event embodied and the
(10:52):
core of his life existence on this planet, and that
the message he left behind had as touched countless millions
and billions of souls ever since. It's the only reason
that I have any hope for humanity, especially as you know,
(11:13):
we sit here tonight discussing this in a world at war.
I know, and it doesn't need to have a name,
you know, I don't know if we are actually in
World War three.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
It feels like we are.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
That the conflict that exists on this planet for whatever reason,
is so incredibly self destructive that it is it's very
hard for me to have hope for the future of humanity.
As I mentioned in the last show, or I think
(11:55):
when I was I was on with Bishop long earlier
this evening, in before my mother passed away. She sat
in my arms and we were all curled up in
her bed, and she started to cry, and I was
just holding her and letting her express herself and her despair.
(12:24):
He was able to verbalize her despair, the root of it.
And what she said to me was, I was born
into a world at war, and I will die in
a world at war, and we haven't learned a goddamn thing.
(12:48):
And she's right, she was right. But I can't give
up on hope for us. I can't because I will
never never accept that all hope is lost. I will
(13:09):
not as long as people like you exist, as long
as people like deb exist, as long as there are
people out there.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
That are so pure of heart that.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
We do our very best to be the peacemakers, not
just the peace keepers, but the peace makers, which requires
an exertion of some level of energy and directing ourselves
in a purposeful way. And so that's what we do
(13:51):
with this show. And that's all part of the notion
of a world awakening to our own possibilities, to our
own potential, to the best of humanity, and lifting those
up who feel downtrodden, who feel like all hope is lost,
(14:13):
and who internalize that despair at the risk of their own.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Health and well being.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
I was one of those who let anger set up
in me and discussed contempt, revulsion that I didn't know
what to do with. And because I was not able
to expel it from my classroom from where I am
(14:43):
as a student in soul school, it metastasized. And so
now I have to do away with it and tell
it to be gone from an entirely different perspective, so
that on the other side of this the message can
(15:04):
be one of clarity. This happened, this is why it happened,
this is how that it was, how it was resolved,
And here I am alive and well to tell you
about it.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
And so now that's my new mission of life.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
But that does not exclude or preclude my deep faith,
which has only deepened during the course of the last
few months that I am dealing with. This deepened in
a way that I didn't think it could. I thought
(15:42):
I was already there, and I have discovered through this
incredible challenge that I still had ways to go. And
when you get to the point where you relinquish your
own personal power to the stars, to.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
God, to source, to the light.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
When you relinquish that and put your hand yourself in
the hands metaphorically speaking of.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
That which.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
You know you are a part of, then you're participating
in the healing. It's not just handing it off, participating
in it because you are an expression, a living, breathing,
conscious expression of that consciousness. And so that's where I
(16:48):
am now, and I feel peaceful in a way that
maybe I shouldn't know.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
Maybe I shouldn't feel so peaceful.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
For my situation, and yet I do, and yet I do.
And I have to say, Jeff, I credit you as
my star brother, as my dear friend, as someone whom
I adore.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
I credit you for helping.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
Me walk that path, because you were the first one
that stretched your hand out and said, take my hand.
I'll help you.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
Find the way, and you have and I.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
Do. I love you deeply, and I don't get to
see you enough in person, but that does not in
any way affect the intimacy that we achieve in a
text message or a phone call, or you know, just
(18:08):
being together on the show. So I wanted to talk
to you tonight. Did you have a chance to look
at the clip that I sent you.
Speaker 3 (18:18):
I did.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
Yes, OK, what was your impression? Do you have a
different perspective on it than I did? Or how do
you feel.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
About what you saw about it? All generating from right
here not here?
Speaker 2 (18:33):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (18:34):
No, I agree.
Speaker 3 (18:34):
And again, as I said in the last hour, I
apologize if I started coughing or whatever.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
I am a little under the.
Speaker 3 (18:42):
Weather, so pardon me for that. As I'm looking at
my face, I'm like, I look like the embodiment of
the common cold. I looked like whatever. I apologist. I
had to go out and get my old man sweater
on in between shows because I'm shaken out here. So
good to be with you all tonight. But yes, no,
I did watch I watched it today. I watch it
soeveral times, and I agree with it on many many levels.
(19:04):
You know, I agree with it on many levels. The
heart emits a field around the body. You know, if
anyone's ever looked into the work of the Heart Math Institute,
for example, I would encourage you to look that up
if you have it. You know, the heart emits a
field around the body. It's not pseudoscience, it's reality. And
whatever it is that we are, our heart you know,
(19:29):
I mean, whether not necessarily talking about the organ pumping
in our chest, maybe, but we're talking at least metaphorically
about what when we feel most deeply, we feel it here,
you know what I mean? We feel it here. And
when we're trying to tell someone we love someone, even
through a text message or whatever, we'll send them a
(19:51):
heart emoji that looks nothing like the organ that beats
inside of your chest. In fact, if I send somebody
an image of that, they might get the wrong idea.
But like discostic, Yeah, but somehow, some way that that
symbol communicates it means, it means love. It means I'm extending,
you know, the deepest part of me to you. And
(20:12):
so yeah, I mean, when we think about whatever it
is that we are right fractals of the divine bearers
of the divine image, whatever it means, we are adrift.
And I don't mean that in any kind of negative
sense of the word is in like we're shipwrecked or something.
But we're we are Let's just say we are ensconced
(20:36):
within a cosmic panoply of divine flora and fauna, of
varying degrees of consciousness complexity in regards to consciousness and
whatever those things are, whether you want to call them angels,
whether you want to call them demons, extraterrestrials, whatever, whatever,
(20:56):
whatever set of consonants and vowels you want to try
to lasso the numinous with right and hogtie it with
it'll never be enough. But whatever words you want to
try to use to pin those things down, we exist
in a universe with these things right in all of us.
I think our expressions of greater and lesser degrees of consciousness.
(21:18):
There's like gradations, I think, in some way. But who
we are here in our core, Let's put it this way.
So if we're talking about extraterrestrial life a higher form
of consciousness maybe, or another form of consciousness, or angelic
beings a higher form of consciousness or another form of consciousness,
(21:38):
spiritual entities of whatever kind, I think the notion that
the heart emits communications in some sense that links us
up with those things is the most reasonable thing one
could conclude, you know. And when I watched the video,
(22:01):
I was reminded of the verse. There's a passage in
Psalms forty two seven. It's always been one of my
favorite passages from the Jewish psalter that says, deep cries
too deep. I love that passage. I have meditated on
that for almost twenty five years. And the depth of it,
no pun intended, pun intended, absolutely, the depth of it.
(22:23):
I've never gotten to even anywhere close to the bottom
of it. Like deep cries too deep. That's the story
of my life and mine too. That the deepest part
of my being, from my earliest memories, has been crying
out for the deep of whatever it is that's out there.
And at different times in my life, I've given it
(22:43):
different names, I've envisioned it in different ways and in
different forms. I followed different philosophical and religious paths in
order to find it.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
You know.
Speaker 3 (22:52):
The first season, I disregarded all of them, and I
was an atheist, and I found meaning in the void
of meaninglessness, you know. And then I came back to
something like faith and whatever it is that I am now.
But I've always been in this place of deep crying
too deep, which is the heart expressing itself, the heart
here in the microcosm, expressing itself to the heart of
(23:14):
the macrocosm, saying I long to connect with you, whatever
you are, whoever you are, whatever your name is, I
don't know. I long to connect with you in my
more And what does that look like? I think it
just looks like honesty. I think it looks like honesty.
Like in some people might say, well, I don't know
how to do that, you just did it right in
(23:37):
saying you don't know how to do it. You did
it why because that may have been the first honest
thought you verbalized all day when you said I don't
know how to do that. Like when you give, when
you vocalize your frustrations at your inability to do a thing,
you just spoke from your deep. Your depth just expressed
itself and created an opportunity for you to connect with
(23:57):
the deep out there, because, like you said, when you
relinquish your own ability to you know, save yourself in
a given situation, and you relinquish yourself to the stars
or to God, or to whatever it is you're rolling
with in that season, you know, it's like the alcoholics anonymous.
It's a tired phrase to some because they've heard it
in a different context, but in AA they say, you know,
(24:19):
let go and let God right, And the notion is
you have to relinquish yourself to a higher power. Some
people think that weak because they're like, no, it should
all be within. I'm like, no, that point of surrender
where you come to the end of your own perceived abilities, right,
and you just let go, and you're in this point
of desperation and you speak that honest truth of okay,
I'm done, can't do it anymore. Well, that honest expression
(24:43):
of thought was your deep expressing itself to whatever this
deep is out there. And that's the point at which
those things, those two things connect. But so many of
us spend our lives expressing only the shallows, you know.
And as much as I love positive thought and I
love positive thought, positive thought, new thought really saved me
at one season in my life, you know, new thought,
(25:04):
metaphysics and all that kind of stuff, Science of mind,
you know, Ernest Holmes, Neville Gaggard, a lot of giants
of the New new Thought school thinking, Florence Scovel Shin.
I love these guys. Saved my thinking, saved my mind
at one point in my spiritual and my spiritual journey.
But I've also found that sometimes that could put me
(25:26):
in a place where I'm not actually speaking from my deep,
because maybe what I actually need to say in a moment,
is I feel terrible and incapable of doing what it
is I know that I need to do. And if
all I say instead is the opposite, like I feel
wonderful and fully capable of doing whatever it is I'm
supposed to do, like just in kind of like a
daily motivational sort of thing, that's fine. But if in
(25:49):
that moment of real crisis, I mean real crisis, like
real crisis, and I've had a few of those in
my life, if I had just simply given into like
positiveivity platitudes, I would not have had the breakthroughs that
I've had. But instead, in those moments like instead, in
those moments, I've had moments where I mean I screamed
(26:12):
into the dark of night until there was not a
sound that I could make anymore. My voice was gone.
I was crying out to God with every fiber of
my being as though my life depended on it, because
it did in fact depend on it, right, And I
mean I cried, and I groaned, and I travailed until
(26:33):
I couldn't make a sound anymore, until I was as
hoarse as whatever.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
You know.
Speaker 3 (26:39):
But there in that moment, I also I got to
the end of myself. You know, my deep expressed itself
and it wasn't a positive deep, but it was truth,
it was honesty, it was reality. And then when I
came to the end of that, there was this sweet
release of I can't say anymore, I can't do anymore.
(26:59):
I was going to get me into this well, I
guess I just bought my ticket. I don't know, you know,
like I'm done at this point. And then it's at
that point that everything begins to shift somehow, some way,
you know, things just begin to shift and things begin
to turn around and transform. But there had to be
that expression of the depth of my heart to the
heart of the deep I was crying out to. And
(27:21):
so whatever it is we're looking to connect with, you know,
on a metaphysical level, on a spiritual level, on a
euthhological level, or whatever, it is, the heart crying out
to the heart that makes the difference.
Speaker 2 (27:35):
And it is soul speak.
Speaker 1 (27:37):
It is I think that it is that buried within
this core of us is the everything, and the everything
is our soul, our consciousness.
Speaker 2 (27:52):
Our ability to emmote.
Speaker 1 (27:58):
And by suppressing that, by internalizing it, by denying it,
by failing to acknowledge that inner conflict, that turmoil that
we all live in at some point or another, and
some of us live in perpetually to deny it. And
(28:23):
you know, like my friend Aaron says, you know, it's
not all pixies and unicorns and flowers and fairy dust.
Speaker 2 (28:31):
You know, it's not. And to claim that it is.
Speaker 1 (28:36):
You know, a lot of people who claim to be spiritualists,
they that's how they envision the world. And that's lovely.
And a lot of times it is all unicorns and
rainbows and pixie dust and fairy tales, and you know,
(28:57):
and that's lovely, and that's part of it, but it's
not the whole. And if we are going to live whole,
if we are going to awaken to our purpose, you know,
I've I've read a lot over the years about spiritualists
that talk about old souls and how the old souls
(29:21):
are gathering and that's how we find our twin flames
or our you know, our soulmate or you know whatever,
that we come back here as recycled entities to find
our way to. In some Eastern religion is considered nirvana
(29:44):
or a utopia, perfection, heaven, and that we find our
way to heaven together, and if we're lucky enough to
find our soulmate, then you know, we go through that
process and teach each other and learn from each other together.
Speaker 2 (30:02):
But I think that you know, there's that that we
are able.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
To conceptualize consciousness, to recognize consciousness as source energy, to
assume that we have this part deep in us that
(30:29):
makes us sure and whole and true, and that is
our soul. And you know, many people think there is
one divine mind that we all tap into it, and
it has nothing to do with the brain. The brain
is an organ that functions a very specific way to
make all the rest of the vessel work. But it's
(30:52):
not necessarily mind. That there is one soul and one
mind that we all tap into as part of God
consciousness as an expression of that which created us actually
(31:13):
and gave us the ability to recreate ourselves, reproduce ourselves.
I know you are struggling mightily with having to let
go of your eldest daughter for a period of time
and sending her way far away to the other side
(31:33):
of the country, south to Florida, and how conflicted you
are about that. I will tell you that when my
father dropped me off at Chatham College in Pittsburgh in
nineteen seventy six. He brought my uncle Donald along for
(31:53):
the trip because he knew how bad it was going
to be for him go of me for the first
time in his life, that I wasn't going to be there.
And he told me just last week we were talking
about this, and he says, I don't know if you
know this, he said, but Donald had to drive all
(32:15):
the way back to Rhode Island from Pennsylvania because I
couldn't stop crying. I had not ever seen my father
express himself to me the way he did that day.
And I'm there and I'm excited, and you know, it's
time to move my stuff up to my dorm room.
(32:38):
And this is a whole new adventure for me, and
I'm on this great new journey in this great new place.
And he is suffering from the depths of despair and worry.
Speaker 2 (32:53):
And how will I be on my own?
Speaker 1 (32:56):
And I won't have him there to scoop me up
if I fall and scrape my knee, I know. And
he took that so hard. It was a lifetime seventeen years.
It was the first time that he said I love you, well,
(33:21):
in my whole.
Speaker 2 (33:22):
Life, it's not that I didn't feel the love.
Speaker 1 (33:26):
It's not that I didn't know that he loved me
and my mother and my sisters.
Speaker 2 (33:32):
Of course he loved us.
Speaker 1 (33:34):
He showed us in myriad ways how much he loved us.
But those words, to be able to verbalize them didn't
happen until I was seventeen years old and he was
having to let go of me, and it was traumatizing
to him, absolutely traumatizing to him that all these years later,
(33:59):
as an eighty nine year old man, confessing to me
that his brother had to drive him home because he
was crying too hard to be able to see the road.
Speaker 4 (34:11):
Wow, was a very healing, purifying, clarifying expression of the
depths of love.
Speaker 1 (34:24):
Yeah, and it took him eighty nine years to tell me, wow, wow. Yeah,
So get ready buckle up up.
Speaker 3 (34:38):
Yeah. I mean, if I have a flaw, it's probably
telling my people I love him too often because the
word becomes it might seem overdone. But uh she yeah no.
But but you know that expression, though, that's the that
(35:00):
deep can well up in us for a lifetime. You know, Well,
he was guarding his heart exactly, you know.
Speaker 1 (35:05):
Because so many men feel like expressing themselves emotionally, especially
when it comes to their deepest affection for another, is
the sign of weakness when actually it is a sign
of strength.
Speaker 3 (35:23):
Yeah, and that's a that's a bug and not a
feature of evolution. I think, you know, many men evolved
to feel that their primary role was protector. And in
evolving to feel that that's the primary role, you feel
like weakness is something you can't show, you know, And
weakness can be interpreted by an individual not as you know,
(35:44):
being you know, weak, but as just being vulnerable, right,
because vulnerability, vulnerability can be interpreted by someone as being weak.
But to love is to be vulnerable, right, To love
is to be vulnerable. It's to both, you know. To
walk up rightly when you hear people talk, you know,
in biblical language, somebody who walks upright right, to walk
(36:06):
upright is to walk with all of your your song underbelly,
expos right. And that's at some point, at some point,
this primate decided to do that, right, We all did.
Instead of to you know, be quadrupeds, we decided to
expose and to walk up rightly. And part of becoming
(36:26):
truly human, you know, in a spiritual sense is learning
to walk uprightly in the sense that you you express
and you show, and you let that deep, the deep
of your heart express itself. And yeah, in terms of
my own daughter, though I have I have been guarding
myself from feeling it like I have been. You know,
(36:47):
we've been spending it a lot of time together, you know,
a lot of came here you you know, watching our
goofy shows we watched when she was a little kid
together and you know, having the time, good time as
we love to have with each other. But uh, I
have not, I said it in the last show, I
have not allowed myself.
Speaker 1 (37:03):
To feel it yet.
Speaker 3 (37:05):
I have been keeping my heart closed off to that emotion.
My wife's been very vulnerable for months feeling it. And
I think maybe that's even partly why, because I feel
like I got to be the one who's like, it's okay,
we're gonna be all right, don't worry. You know, we
get you know. But I'm also.
Speaker 2 (37:22):
Every fifteen minutes, whether she likes it or not.
Speaker 3 (37:24):
Yeah, exactly. And the great thing about her is she's
always been She's never been the like dad, don't hug
me in public, drop me off, like you know, half
a blockdown, and you know she's never been like that.
She's always like the one who wants to be right there.
So I love it. So I know we will be
on the phone all the time. I know we will.
It'll be will be okay, but like but for me personally, yeah,
(37:46):
there is a part of my own soul that I've
guarded from feeling it right because I don't want to
feel that sense of letting go. But I also know
as a father that letting her go is what is
going to cause her to become who she truly is.
That's it, and that's She'll never become who she truly
is if she's always under you know, me in some sense,
(38:10):
or under her mother or here in this house not.
Speaker 1 (38:12):
Not that.
Speaker 3 (38:15):
Be dead and kept safe exactly. I have to be
vulnerable enough to love her enough to allow her to
be vulnerable, you know, which leaves me feeling vulnerable because
I feel like she's vulnerable. But that vulnerability is like
what unlocks you. It's what unlocks everything that is like
(38:36):
within you that otherwise would just remain within you until
the day you die as unfulfilled potential. But the more
you live life, the further you journey into the adventure
of life. The more the more you're rendered out to
be fully who you really are and who it's like
in a video game. You start off as like I mean,
(38:56):
go back to the simplest of video games, like Super
Mario Brothers the original.
Speaker 1 (39:00):
In the sight of the video game, you can be
speaking Greek to me, I would difference.
Speaker 3 (39:04):
Well, let me take you back to nineteen eighty two
with Super Mario Brothers. No, so you start off as
this little all that I was alive, then, yes, you
start off as this little plumber, you know, this little guy.
You get the mushroom, you become a little bigger, you
get the fireflower. Now you can throw fireballs. As the
games evolve, you can get a leaf and you whatever.
(39:26):
You get raccoon ears and a tail, and you can
fly whatever. All that sounds nonsensical and it is. But
the point is the more you start off as this plumber,
like literally the character is a plumber. But the more
he goes to the adventure of the game and he
experiences the you know, exotic dangers of whatever land he
finds himself in, the more of who he is becomes unlocked.
(39:47):
The more he you know, and as games themselves have
become more complex over the years, you know, the complexity
of the character is greater, and more and more of
the character becomes unlocked. And you know, some of these
games that you can you can pause and come back
and play for years and years. Your character becomes more
developed and unlocked, and it's giftings whatever. The character becomes
(40:08):
more finely rendered, the more danger you expose it to.
And it's the same with us, you know, the more
we expose ourselves, the more finely rendered we become, the
more of ourselves we become, the more you know, my
deep expresses itself. I mean, I don't you know. Me
crying out to God from the depths of my soul
is one thing, me releasing my daughter. It doesn't get
(40:32):
any deeper than that in terms of my love, me
releasing that into the universe or into God and saying
I trust you. I mean, that's far deeper than crying
until I have no voice left. Right, But even then
when I cry with my voice, something happens in me.
When I cry. By releasing my loved ones and saying
(40:53):
I trust you, they become more fully who they are.
And yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (40:59):
It's well, you know, I think that we are self
liberating entities that we have to be because we can't
spend our lives asking permission to evolve. We evolve whether
or not we have permission to do so. But when
(41:24):
you hear the phrase let go and let God peace
be still, and know that I am God, that metaphysical
that we express physically with our voices, you know, with
our the tears that manifest the wailing, the crying, the
(41:53):
pitiful emotional turmoil and desperation and loneliness that all of
ours experience at some point in life as part of
I think, as part of our evolution.
Speaker 2 (42:11):
You know, coming to terms. I wrote down.
Speaker 1 (42:14):
You said something a few minutes ago that really inspired
me about the the the thesis becoming the synthesis, and
and we are I think that we are a thesis
and the antithesis of the thesis simultaneously. And then I
(42:41):
when I gather, you know, like at Holton Lake, when
we gather together and we do UFO contact and we
make contact. There are people that that do research euphology,
you know whatever. I was a euthologist way decades before
(43:01):
that term was invented and introduced into the vernacular. But
it wasn't that I was studying. I was experiencing, and
that was different. And that's what opened me up and
simultaneously closed me down. You've heard me say a thousand times.
(43:23):
I feel like I was born on the island of
misfit toys. I didn't fit, I didn't belong, I was weird,
I was different.
Speaker 2 (43:34):
I had to.
Speaker 1 (43:35):
Fake it, you know, fake it till you make it
is a real thing. And it wasn't until I was
in my late forties that I gained enough self knowledge
and confidence to not care what to cule or belittling
(44:01):
I might receive from, for instance, telling our family story
about the farmhouse in my books, I didn't care anymore.
Suddenly didn't care, and it was more important to share
the story than it was to you know, Mom said
(44:24):
it best when she said, this is not the kind
of story that one should rightfully take to the grave.
What's the point of experiencing what we did and then
never telling anyone what happened? What would be What value
(44:45):
is there? Yeah, beyond our core family? What value is
there if nobody learns a thing from what we experienced
because we were too fearful to share that experience, come
what may you. And so in terms of our own
(45:08):
spiritual metamorphosis as a family, I mean, there were things
that didn't get put in my books, JEF, because my
sisters were afraid to share those stories. And I have
subsequently been given permission to share those stories that didn't
(45:29):
go into the books because they reached a level of
acceptance from the paranormal community where they were embraced and
cherished and honored for speaking their truth. That liberated others
to speak their truth about their encounters. And that was
(45:52):
the whole point. And I didn't realize it at the
time that I was writing the books. I didn't realize
it then. It was subsequently after the books were complete
and out to the world, and I was getting massive
amounts of feedback, and I kept hearing the same thing
(46:13):
over and over and over again.
Speaker 2 (46:16):
I'm not afraid anymore.
Speaker 1 (46:19):
If your family was courageous enough to not only endure
what you did, but then to share it, then I
have nothing to fear. And I heard that over and
over in a multitude of letters and interviews, and that
(46:40):
inspires me because I see the spiritual metamorphosis that's occurring
on multiple levels and layers and when we gather at
Hoton Lake for UFO contact, and I tell people from
here up clear it completely clear it Now, there are
(47:02):
other people who work in this field who rely exclusively
on meditation to make contact exclusively. You know, it's not
it's about thinking, it's not about feeling. And what the
woman on Gaya was saying. And I don't even know
(47:22):
who she is, I don't know her personally, but she
was absolutely right. This has nothing to do, nothing to
do with contact. It's all here as et said, on
your heart light. And when you do that, not only
(47:43):
are you able to connect on an intimate and a
spiritual and a deeply affectionate way with our fellow human beings,
but we are able to connect out and above ourselves
and feel that integration and that synthesis occur between thesis
(48:10):
and tithesis becomes synthesis exactly.
Speaker 2 (48:14):
Yeah, that's it.
Speaker 3 (48:16):
And you know my model of prayer is to simply
let go, you know what I mean. We try so
many methods, so many things we try to do, and
but it really is as simple as when my deepest
moments of prayer, or when I lay on my bed,
on my back, that's for me, just the whatever, and I.
Speaker 2 (48:38):
Just complete relaxation.
Speaker 3 (48:40):
And I go from the top of my head to
the bottom of my toes, sometimes from my toes to
the top of my head, and I just release every
bit of tension in every muscle, my face, every until
I'm like completely relinquished. I'm not I am not holding
onto anything. And then I just say, here I am.
And those are the those moments where I mean, I
(49:02):
may as well have been plugged. I may as well
have stuck my finger into a into a light socket
sometimes you know what I mean. But then then there
are times where you're striving and you're doing all the
things you're told to do by all the spiritual teachers,
and you're frustrated and it doesn't work, you know. But
sometimes the frustration and the thing not working is engineered
(49:25):
precisely so that you will finally come to the end
of yourself and say, I give up. And then when
you finally give up, that's when you've spoken from your heart.
That's when you turn on your heart light. And Neil
diamond sings the accompanying song from the movie and uh,
you emit, you emit. It's it's like it's like a
(49:48):
positive chum in the water to the you know, that
draws the that's a terrible analogy, but it really does that.
Speaker 2 (49:57):
Sucky enough, right jaws and.
Speaker 3 (50:00):
No inverse that so like reverse that somehow. But it's like,
you know, but it does it just it brings it
to you, you know. And but I think in the
opposite It absolutely can work in the opposite way too.
When you emit only the negative, there are negative forces
that feed off of that too. But yeah, I think
the deepest thing that anyone can do for their spiritual
(50:22):
life is to simply let go and to sometimes it's
to stop having to try to it's it's, it's I'm sorry.
Sometimes it's to stop trying to have a spiritual life.
Is how you actually attain a deep spiritual life.
Speaker 1 (50:35):
I know, it's it seems entirely counterintuitive, and that's when
you really think about it, it makes perfect sense.
Speaker 3 (50:44):
And that's the synthesis of thesis and antithesis. I was
born in a religious context where I tried desperately to
have a spiritual life. Then I had the antithesis of
becoming like an atheist for a season, and those two
things were really the same thing in reverse. And I
came to the point where I realized I was really
kind of doing the same thing on different levels, and
I just stopped. And when I stopped doing either pushing
(51:05):
in this direction or that direction, everything came rushing back
to me and I found myself absolutely swallowed up in
the divine in a way that I had never experienced before,
while all of my doubts stayed intact, and they were
allowed to remain intact, and I was allowed to have
them in the context of the experience, and I was
a full and complete person. Like Marie Luis von Franz says,
it's one thing to be a naive idealist. It's one
(51:27):
thing to be a cynical realist. It's another thing entirely
to hold no more illusions and yet to still hold
the inner flame. And that's the synthesis of the two things.
Speaker 1 (51:38):
Absolutely No, when I got my diagnosis, I had my
surrender Dorothee moment. I also had the same, simultaneously the
same moment, give me the fucking broomstick, now, yeah, you know,
at the same time that I had my surrender Dorothee moment, Yeah,
(51:59):
give me the brooms I'm going.
Speaker 2 (52:01):
For a wild ride.
Speaker 1 (52:04):
And it was one and the same there was this
culmination of the physical and the metaphysical, the spiritual, and
the empirical and the ephemeral, and the everything was wrapped
(52:25):
up in one thing in one moment. For me and Boom,
it was not a brush with death, but a brush
with life. And I am looking at you tonight, looking
into your eyes, my darling, and telling you that with
(52:49):
stage four cancer, with my body riddled with tumors which
are shrinking and.
Speaker 2 (52:57):
Going away, by the way, because you know, ups, I
have never felt so alive.
Speaker 1 (53:06):
I have never wanted my life as much as I do.
I have never been so defiant in the face of
the evil I perceive cancer to be.
Speaker 2 (53:22):
And I know, I don't believe.
Speaker 1 (53:25):
I know I can kill it, one sell at a time,
if necessary, until it is gone from my body and
I am whole and I am pure and I am healed.
And then I know the way so that in the
(53:46):
way that you extended your hand to me, I can
extend my hand to anyone else that finds themselves in
a predicament where they feel hopeless. And help bliss, I
don't allow either of those words to have any meaning
(54:06):
in my consciousness.
Speaker 2 (54:08):
Six months ago, I did I don't anymore.
Speaker 1 (54:14):
So. Metamorphosis can come through a variety of methods, but
I can't think of anything more powerful than suddenly having
the realization that your life is being threatened by mutating cells.
Get out now, yep? Yeah, or you know. My favorite
(54:42):
verbalization of it is get the fuck out of my
big fat, fluffy temple. Now, get out. Yes. And then
comes a plethora of all my favorite curse words, and
it is so cleansing, It is so healing to express
(55:07):
my contempt for something that would dare to intrude in
my classroom and must be expelled. Yes, yep. And so
I reach up to the cosmos. I reach out by
(55:27):
handing myself over to the fates. And I'm so comfortable
with that. It's so liberating to not feel like I'm
constantly okay, rap when you can Okay, We're going to
wrap it up because the big guy behind the curtain,
(55:49):
you know, the wizard, says that we are out of time.
Let's do this again very soon, and I will see
you hopefully next week.
Speaker 2 (55:59):
I will you on soul School will.
Speaker 1 (56:01):
Come up with something fabulous to discuss. Yes, I love
you all to those who join us for this show,
for Soul School. Know that Jeff and I appreciate you
as much as you appreciate us. And remember as you
go forth into this new week, to be the beacon,
(56:25):
to always be the beacon, and be the light that
you seek.
Speaker 2 (56:30):
Jeff, thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (56:32):
I love you. Good night, everyone, have a sweet, wonderful evening.
Uh, hello everyone, thank you for joining us on a
(01:21):
world awakening. And if you were just watching Soul School,
we apologize for having to hop out so quickly so
that we could get this show set up.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
So yeah, class dismissed came very quickly.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
I don't know if you've seen the commercial where the
professor is putting up something on the screen and he's
got this whole, huge room full of students and what
comes up on his screen is him playing cards or
doing magic tricks, and one.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
Of his students one for him, and he's like.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Okay, everyone, get out of class. It was one of
those moments, you know, just one of those moments.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
So sorry for hop skipping and jumping. But sometimes Jeff.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
And I get going and the energy rises and it
changes and the light gets brighter and everything towards the
end of the show, so Bill, we apologize.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Oh God, we love you, sweetheart.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
We love you, and thank you for being so patient
with us when we get all riled up inside, which
we do. And Jeff, I so appreciate I know you're
feeling under the weather, sweetheart, and I deeply appreciate you
joining me for the second show tonight. Deb de Rus
and I are gathering with a bunch of women in April,
(02:43):
the one and only event that I have planned for
the year, the only time I'm getting on a plane
probably for the foreseeable future. And Greta and I are
going to go and do an event up at Houghton
Lake Spiritual Retreat at the end of April, and so
we were going to do the show about that and
(03:06):
what you know people who join us should expect and
so on, and then deb got COVID. So this was
a perfect opportunity to give her chance to rest and
recover and recuperate properly, and for us to discuss something
that I came across.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
You know, I have many shows out on Gaya.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
I've done Open Minds with Regina Meredith a number of times.
I've you know, sat and done interviews over the years
with them on various topics. And the other day, because
I'm subscribed to subscribed to it, I had a little
thing pop up that I sent to you and said,
(03:51):
now look at this, this woman is saying exactly exactly
what I have been saying or fifty years. Yeah, and
that is if to make contact, if you know, not
believe necessarily, but know that we are not alone in
(04:12):
the universe. And this I know from childhood. I have
had encounters close encounters, some closer than others over the years,
and so I'm very much at peace with it. I understand.
I know that they are with us, that they are watching,
(04:33):
that they love us, that you know, they are no
threat to us. We are the threat to ourselves. These
are that I know. But her brief clip that I
sent you from that particular interview was about something that
(04:56):
I think is the essential nature of contact, and that
is from the neck up. Let it go, clear your
mind completely and make connection from the heart, that that
is the source of our energy, That it is the
(05:18):
organ in our body that, rather than consuming and using energy,
actually generates energy.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
Is from our heart. And I remember when.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
I first saw the movie ET the Extraterrestrial, and I
always thought of you from Close Encounters and ET that
Spielberg is visionary, and he's also got some inside information
that he has used to try to impart these messages
to humanity and has done so I think very effectively.
(05:56):
There are also people that are stirring notions that they
are somehow a threat to us, and so there's the
fear mongers and the fear based carbon units doing what
fear based carbon units do because for some reason they
feel threatened. And then there's the other side of that coin,
(06:22):
where there is an embracing and an opening of the heart,
and that that's the communication core from which we must connect.
And that is, of course the way that I do.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
I get up every morning.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
And I go outside, and I look to the north,
which is where, for some reason, my vessels always seem
to be, and I start getting the flashes.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
I haven't seen the light grade in a while.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
But I do. I see vessels. I get flashes of
light and broad daylight that are so cleansing and healing
and filled with truth and filled with an entirely different
kind of energy than we generate here on the planet.
(07:21):
And the connection is here. This is where I feel it.
I literally feel it in my sternum, in my core
center self. And what I say is very simple, be
known to me. I love you, thank you for coming.
(07:43):
Heal me, Please heal me, Touch me, and heal me.
And those are the messages that I.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
Impart and healing.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
I'm not talking just about dealing with cancer right now.
This is something that I have asked for our life long,
and so I don't have any animosity.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
Excuse me, I don't have any animosity toward.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
My condition because I feel like it exists for a reason,
and confronting that reason having a lot to do with
the conversation that we just had on Soul School, that
inner conflict.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
Why is this happening? Oh, poor me?
Speaker 1 (08:36):
Not for a moment have I felt that. Not for
a moment have I felt that. Because I don't believe
in coincidence. I don't believe that anything happens to us
by accident, by mistake. That everything happens in its right
and proper time, with purpose and reason. And so knowing
(09:02):
it has been very easy for me to release myself
to the stars, you know, to put my hands into
source energy, to a higher power, to what I like
to refer to as the higher ups.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
And I think that it's all connected.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
It's all related, you know, And I'm you know, We've
discussed many times.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
That I believe.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
That that the Christ Jesus came into this world with
the same message that is being imparted now, and that
if this miraculous event that happened a thousand years ago
(09:56):
or so indeed happened the way that it was chronicled.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
The only plausible explanation.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
Is that Jesus is an extraterrestrial that was sent here
to help show us the way to love, and instead
of embracing that concept and showing kindness and compassion and
support to each other, there were those in power who
(10:28):
were threatened by the message, and so they decided to
silence him and claim his life is to me, the
only plausible explanation for what that event embodied and the
(10:52):
core of his life existence on this planet, and that
the message he left behind had as touched countless millions
and billions of souls ever since. It's the only reason
that I have any hope for humanity, especially as you know,
(11:13):
we sit here tonight discussing this in a world at war.
I know, and it doesn't need to have a name,
you know, I don't know if we are actually in
World War three.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
It feels like we are.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
That the conflict that exists on this planet for whatever reason,
is so incredibly self destructive that it is it's very
hard for me to have hope for the future of humanity.
As I mentioned in the last show, or I think
(11:55):
when I was I was on with Bishop long earlier
this evening, in before my mother passed away. She sat
in my arms and we were all curled up in
her bed, and she started to cry, and I was
just holding her and letting her express herself and her despair.
(12:24):
He was able to verbalize her despair, the root of it.
And what she said to me was, I was born
into a world at war, and I will die in
a world at war, and we haven't learned a goddamn thing.
(12:48):
And she's right, she was right. But I can't give
up on hope for us. I can't because I will
never never accept that all hope is lost. I will
(13:09):
not as long as people like you exist, as long
as people like deb exist, as long as there are
people out there.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
That are so pure of heart that.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
We do our very best to be the peacemakers, not
just the peace keepers, but the peace makers, which requires
an exertion of some level of energy and directing ourselves
in a purposeful way. And so that's what we do
(13:51):
with this show. And that's all part of the notion
of a world awakening to our own possibilities, to our
own potential, to the best of humanity, and lifting those
up who feel downtrodden, who feel like all hope is lost,
(14:13):
and who internalize that despair at the risk of their own.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Health and well being.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
I was one of those who let anger set up
in me and discussed contempt, revulsion that I didn't know
what to do with. And because I was not able
to expel it from my classroom from where I am
(14:43):
as a student in soul school, it metastasized. And so
now I have to do away with it and tell
it to be gone from an entirely different perspective, so
that on the other side of this the message can
(15:04):
be one of clarity. This happened, this is why it happened,
this is how that it was, how it was resolved,
And here I am alive and well to tell you
about it.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
And so now that's my new mission of life.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
But that does not exclude or preclude my deep faith,
which has only deepened during the course of the last
few months that I am dealing with. This deepened in
a way that I didn't think it could. I thought
(15:42):
I was already there, and I have discovered through this
incredible challenge that I still had ways to go. And
when you get to the point where you relinquish your
own personal power to the stars, to.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
God, to source, to the light.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
When you relinquish that and put your hand yourself in
the hands metaphorically speaking of.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
That which.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
You know you are a part of, then you're participating
in the healing. It's not just handing it off, participating
in it because you are an expression, a living, breathing,
conscious expression of that consciousness. And so that's where I
(16:48):
am now, and I feel peaceful in a way that
maybe I shouldn't know.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
Maybe I shouldn't feel so peaceful.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
For my situation, and yet I do, and yet I do.
And I have to say, Jeff, I credit you as
my star brother, as my dear friend, as someone whom
I adore.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
I credit you for helping.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
Me walk that path, because you were the first one
that stretched your hand out and said, take my hand.
I'll help you.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
Find the way, and you have and I.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
Do. I love you deeply, and I don't get to
see you enough in person, but that does not in
any way affect the intimacy that we achieve in a
text message or a phone call, or you know, just
(18:08):
being together on the show. So I wanted to talk
to you tonight. Did you have a chance to look
at the clip that I sent you.
Speaker 3 (18:18):
I did.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
Yes, OK, what was your impression? Do you have a
different perspective on it than I did? Or how do
you feel.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
About what you saw about it? All generating from right
here not here?
Speaker 2 (18:33):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (18:34):
No, I agree.
Speaker 3 (18:34):
And again, as I said in the last hour, I
apologize if I started coughing or whatever.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
I am a little under the.
Speaker 3 (18:42):
Weather, so pardon me for that. As I'm looking at
my face, I'm like, I look like the embodiment of
the common cold. I looked like whatever. I apologist. I
had to go out and get my old man sweater
on in between shows because I'm shaken out here. So
good to be with you all tonight. But yes, no,
I did watch I watched it today. I watch it
soeveral times, and I agree with it on many many levels.
(19:04):
You know, I agree with it on many levels. The
heart emits a field around the body. You know, if
anyone's ever looked into the work of the Heart Math Institute,
for example, I would encourage you to look that up
if you have it. You know, the heart emits a
field around the body. It's not pseudoscience, it's reality. And
whatever it is that we are, our heart you know,
(19:29):
I mean, whether not necessarily talking about the organ pumping
in our chest, maybe, but we're talking at least metaphorically
about what when we feel most deeply, we feel it here,
you know what I mean? We feel it here. And
when we're trying to tell someone we love someone, even
through a text message or whatever, we'll send them a
(19:51):
heart emoji that looks nothing like the organ that beats
inside of your chest. In fact, if I send somebody
an image of that, they might get the wrong idea.
But like discostic, Yeah, but somehow, some way that that
symbol communicates it means, it means love. It means I'm extending,
you know, the deepest part of me to you. And
(20:12):
so yeah, I mean, when we think about whatever it
is that we are right fractals of the divine bearers
of the divine image, whatever it means, we are adrift.
And I don't mean that in any kind of negative
sense of the word is in like we're shipwrecked or something.
But we're we are Let's just say we are ensconced
(20:36):
within a cosmic panoply of divine flora and fauna, of
varying degrees of consciousness complexity in regards to consciousness and
whatever those things are, whether you want to call them angels,
whether you want to call them demons, extraterrestrials, whatever, whatever,
(20:56):
whatever set of consonants and vowels you want to try
to lasso the numinous with right and hogtie it with
it'll never be enough. But whatever words you want to
try to use to pin those things down, we exist
in a universe with these things right in all of us.
I think our expressions of greater and lesser degrees of consciousness.
(21:18):
There's like gradations, I think, in some way. But who
we are here in our core, Let's put it this way.
So if we're talking about extraterrestrial life a higher form
of consciousness maybe, or another form of consciousness, or angelic
beings a higher form of consciousness or another form of consciousness,
(21:38):
spiritual entities of whatever kind, I think the notion that
the heart emits communications in some sense that links us
up with those things is the most reasonable thing one
could conclude, you know. And when I watched the video,
(22:01):
I was reminded of the verse. There's a passage in
Psalms forty two seven. It's always been one of my
favorite passages from the Jewish psalter that says, deep cries
too deep. I love that passage. I have meditated on
that for almost twenty five years. And the depth of it,
no pun intended, pun intended, absolutely, the depth of it.
(22:23):
I've never gotten to even anywhere close to the bottom
of it. Like deep cries too deep. That's the story
of my life and mine too. That the deepest part
of my being, from my earliest memories, has been crying
out for the deep of whatever it is that's out there.
And at different times in my life, I've given it
(22:43):
different names, I've envisioned it in different ways and in
different forms. I followed different philosophical and religious paths in
order to find it.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
You know.
Speaker 3 (22:52):
The first season, I disregarded all of them, and I
was an atheist, and I found meaning in the void
of meaninglessness, you know. And then I came back to
something like faith and whatever it is that I am now.
But I've always been in this place of deep crying
too deep, which is the heart expressing itself, the heart
here in the microcosm, expressing itself to the heart of
(23:14):
the macrocosm, saying I long to connect with you, whatever
you are, whoever you are, whatever your name is, I
don't know. I long to connect with you in my
more And what does that look like? I think it
just looks like honesty. I think it looks like honesty.
Like in some people might say, well, I don't know
how to do that, you just did it right in
(23:37):
saying you don't know how to do it. You did
it why because that may have been the first honest
thought you verbalized all day when you said I don't
know how to do that. Like when you give, when
you vocalize your frustrations at your inability to do a thing,
you just spoke from your deep. Your depth just expressed
itself and created an opportunity for you to connect with
(23:57):
the deep out there, because, like you said, when you
relinquish your own ability to you know, save yourself in
a given situation, and you relinquish yourself to the stars
or to God, or to whatever it is you're rolling
with in that season, you know, it's like the alcoholics anonymous.
It's a tired phrase to some because they've heard it
in a different context, but in AA they say, you know,
(24:19):
let go and let God right, And the notion is
you have to relinquish yourself to a higher power. Some
people think that weak because they're like, no, it should
all be within. I'm like, no, that point of surrender
where you come to the end of your own perceived abilities, right,
and you just let go, and you're in this point
of desperation and you speak that honest truth of okay,
I'm done, can't do it anymore. Well, that honest expression
(24:43):
of thought was your deep expressing itself to whatever this
deep is out there. And that's the point at which
those things, those two things connect. But so many of
us spend our lives expressing only the shallows, you know.
And as much as I love positive thought and I
love positive thought, positive thought, new thought really saved me
at one season in my life, you know, new thought,
(25:04):
metaphysics and all that kind of stuff, Science of mind,
you know, Ernest Holmes, Neville Gaggard, a lot of giants
of the New new Thought school thinking, Florence Scovel Shin.
I love these guys. Saved my thinking, saved my mind
at one point in my spiritual and my spiritual journey.
But I've also found that sometimes that could put me
(25:26):
in a place where I'm not actually speaking from my deep,
because maybe what I actually need to say in a moment,
is I feel terrible and incapable of doing what it
is I know that I need to do. And if
all I say instead is the opposite, like I feel
wonderful and fully capable of doing whatever it is I'm
supposed to do, like just in kind of like a
daily motivational sort of thing, that's fine. But if in
(25:49):
that moment of real crisis, I mean real crisis, like
real crisis, and I've had a few of those in
my life, if I had just simply given into like
positiveivity platitudes, I would not have had the breakthroughs that
I've had. But instead, in those moments like instead, in
those moments, I've had moments where I mean I screamed
(26:12):
into the dark of night until there was not a
sound that I could make anymore. My voice was gone.
I was crying out to God with every fiber of
my being as though my life depended on it, because
it did in fact depend on it, right, And I
mean I cried, and I groaned, and I travailed until
(26:33):
I couldn't make a sound anymore, until I was as
hoarse as whatever.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
You know.
Speaker 3 (26:39):
But there in that moment, I also I got to
the end of myself. You know, my deep expressed itself
and it wasn't a positive deep, but it was truth,
it was honesty, it was reality. And then when I
came to the end of that, there was this sweet
release of I can't say anymore, I can't do anymore.
(26:59):
I was going to get me into this well, I
guess I just bought my ticket. I don't know, you know,
like I'm done at this point. And then it's at
that point that everything begins to shift somehow, some way,
you know, things just begin to shift and things begin
to turn around and transform. But there had to be
that expression of the depth of my heart to the
heart of the deep I was crying out to. And
(27:21):
so whatever it is we're looking to connect with, you know,
on a metaphysical level, on a spiritual level, on a
euthhological level, or whatever, it is, the heart crying out
to the heart that makes the difference.
Speaker 2 (27:35):
And it is soul speak.
Speaker 1 (27:37):
It is I think that it is that buried within
this core of us is the everything, and the everything
is our soul, our consciousness.
Speaker 2 (27:52):
Our ability to emmote.
Speaker 1 (27:58):
And by suppressing that, by internalizing it, by denying it,
by failing to acknowledge that inner conflict, that turmoil that
we all live in at some point or another, and
some of us live in perpetually to deny it. And
(28:23):
you know, like my friend Aaron says, you know, it's
not all pixies and unicorns and flowers and fairy dust.
Speaker 2 (28:31):
You know, it's not. And to claim that it is.
Speaker 1 (28:36):
You know, a lot of people who claim to be spiritualists,
they that's how they envision the world. And that's lovely.
And a lot of times it is all unicorns and
rainbows and pixie dust and fairy tales, and you know,
(28:57):
and that's lovely, and that's part of it, but it's
not the whole. And if we are going to live whole,
if we are going to awaken to our purpose, you know,
I've I've read a lot over the years about spiritualists
that talk about old souls and how the old souls
(29:21):
are gathering and that's how we find our twin flames
or our you know, our soulmate or you know whatever,
that we come back here as recycled entities to find
our way to. In some Eastern religion is considered nirvana
(29:44):
or a utopia, perfection, heaven, and that we find our
way to heaven together, and if we're lucky enough to
find our soulmate, then you know, we go through that
process and teach each other and learn from each other together.
Speaker 2 (30:02):
But I think that you know, there's that that we
are able.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
To conceptualize consciousness, to recognize consciousness as source energy, to
assume that we have this part deep in us that
(30:29):
makes us sure and whole and true, and that is
our soul. And you know, many people think there is
one divine mind that we all tap into it, and
it has nothing to do with the brain. The brain
is an organ that functions a very specific way to
make all the rest of the vessel work. But it's
(30:52):
not necessarily mind. That there is one soul and one
mind that we all tap into as part of God
consciousness as an expression of that which created us actually
(31:13):
and gave us the ability to recreate ourselves, reproduce ourselves.
I know you are struggling mightily with having to let
go of your eldest daughter for a period of time
and sending her way far away to the other side
(31:33):
of the country, south to Florida, and how conflicted you
are about that. I will tell you that when my
father dropped me off at Chatham College in Pittsburgh in
nineteen seventy six. He brought my uncle Donald along for
(31:53):
the trip because he knew how bad it was going
to be for him go of me for the first
time in his life, that I wasn't going to be there.
And he told me just last week we were talking
about this, and he says, I don't know if you
know this, he said, but Donald had to drive all
(32:15):
the way back to Rhode Island from Pennsylvania because I
couldn't stop crying. I had not ever seen my father
express himself to me the way he did that day.
And I'm there and I'm excited, and you know, it's
time to move my stuff up to my dorm room.
(32:38):
And this is a whole new adventure for me, and
I'm on this great new journey in this great new place.
And he is suffering from the depths of despair and worry.
Speaker 2 (32:53):
And how will I be on my own?
Speaker 1 (32:56):
And I won't have him there to scoop me up
if I fall and scrape my knee, I know. And
he took that so hard. It was a lifetime seventeen years.
It was the first time that he said I love you, well,
(33:21):
in my whole.
Speaker 2 (33:22):
Life, it's not that I didn't feel the love.
Speaker 1 (33:26):
It's not that I didn't know that he loved me
and my mother and my sisters.
Speaker 2 (33:32):
Of course he loved us.
Speaker 1 (33:34):
He showed us in myriad ways how much he loved us.
But those words, to be able to verbalize them didn't
happen until I was seventeen years old and he was
having to let go of me, and it was traumatizing
to him, absolutely traumatizing to him that all these years later,
(33:59):
as an eighty nine year old man, confessing to me
that his brother had to drive him home because he
was crying too hard to be able to see the road.
Speaker 4 (34:11):
Wow, was a very healing, purifying, clarifying expression of the
depths of love.
Speaker 1 (34:24):
Yeah, and it took him eighty nine years to tell me, wow, wow. Yeah,
So get ready buckle up up.
Speaker 3 (34:38):
Yeah. I mean, if I have a flaw, it's probably
telling my people I love him too often because the
word becomes it might seem overdone. But uh she yeah no.
But but you know that expression, though, that's the that
(35:00):
deep can well up in us for a lifetime. You know, Well,
he was guarding his heart exactly, you know.
Speaker 1 (35:05):
Because so many men feel like expressing themselves emotionally, especially
when it comes to their deepest affection for another, is
the sign of weakness when actually it is a sign
of strength.
Speaker 3 (35:23):
Yeah, and that's a that's a bug and not a
feature of evolution. I think, you know, many men evolved
to feel that their primary role was protector. And in
evolving to feel that that's the primary role, you feel
like weakness is something you can't show, you know, And
weakness can be interpreted by an individual not as you know,
(35:44):
being you know, weak, but as just being vulnerable, right,
because vulnerability, vulnerability can be interpreted by someone as being weak.
But to love is to be vulnerable, right, To love
is to be vulnerable. It's to both, you know. To
walk up rightly when you hear people talk, you know,
in biblical language, somebody who walks upright right, to walk
(36:06):
upright is to walk with all of your your song underbelly,
expos right. And that's at some point, at some point,
this primate decided to do that, right, We all did.
Instead of to you know, be quadrupeds, we decided to
expose and to walk up rightly. And part of becoming
(36:26):
truly human, you know, in a spiritual sense is learning
to walk uprightly in the sense that you you express
and you show, and you let that deep, the deep
of your heart express itself. And yeah, in terms of
my own daughter, though I have I have been guarding
myself from feeling it like I have been. You know,
(36:47):
we've been spending it a lot of time together, you know,
a lot of came here you you know, watching our
goofy shows we watched when she was a little kid
together and you know, having the time, good time as
we love to have with each other. But uh, I
have not, I said it in the last show, I
have not allowed myself.
Speaker 1 (37:03):
To feel it yet.
Speaker 3 (37:05):
I have been keeping my heart closed off to that emotion.
My wife's been very vulnerable for months feeling it. And
I think maybe that's even partly why, because I feel
like I got to be the one who's like, it's okay,
we're gonna be all right, don't worry. You know, we
get you know. But I'm also.
Speaker 2 (37:22):
Every fifteen minutes, whether she likes it or not.
Speaker 3 (37:24):
Yeah, exactly. And the great thing about her is she's
always been She's never been the like dad, don't hug
me in public, drop me off, like you know, half
a blockdown, and you know she's never been like that.
She's always like the one who wants to be right there.
So I love it. So I know we will be
on the phone all the time. I know we will.
It'll be will be okay, but like but for me personally, yeah,
(37:46):
there is a part of my own soul that I've
guarded from feeling it right because I don't want to
feel that sense of letting go. But I also know
as a father that letting her go is what is
going to cause her to become who she truly is.
That's it, and that's She'll never become who she truly
is if she's always under you know, me in some sense,
(38:10):
or under her mother or here in this house not.
Speaker 1 (38:12):
Not that.
Speaker 3 (38:15):
Be dead and kept safe exactly. I have to be
vulnerable enough to love her enough to allow her to
be vulnerable, you know, which leaves me feeling vulnerable because
I feel like she's vulnerable. But that vulnerability is like
what unlocks you. It's what unlocks everything that is like
(38:36):
within you that otherwise would just remain within you until
the day you die as unfulfilled potential. But the more
you live life, the further you journey into the adventure
of life. The more the more you're rendered out to
be fully who you really are and who it's like
in a video game. You start off as like I mean,
(38:56):
go back to the simplest of video games, like Super
Mario Brothers the original.
Speaker 1 (39:00):
In the sight of the video game, you can be
speaking Greek to me, I would difference.
Speaker 3 (39:04):
Well, let me take you back to nineteen eighty two
with Super Mario Brothers. No, so you start off as
this little all that I was alive, then, yes, you
start off as this little plumber, you know, this little guy.
You get the mushroom, you become a little bigger, you
get the fireflower. Now you can throw fireballs. As the
games evolve, you can get a leaf and you whatever.
(39:26):
You get raccoon ears and a tail, and you can
fly whatever. All that sounds nonsensical and it is. But
the point is the more you start off as this plumber,
like literally the character is a plumber. But the more
he goes to the adventure of the game and he
experiences the you know, exotic dangers of whatever land he
finds himself in, the more of who he is becomes unlocked.
(39:47):
The more he you know, and as games themselves have
become more complex over the years, you know, the complexity
of the character is greater, and more and more of
the character becomes unlocked. And you know, some of these
games that you can you can pause and come back
and play for years and years. Your character becomes more
developed and unlocked, and it's giftings whatever. The character becomes
(40:08):
more finely rendered, the more danger you expose it to.
And it's the same with us, you know, the more
we expose ourselves, the more finely rendered we become, the
more of ourselves we become, the more you know, my
deep expresses itself. I mean, I don't you know. Me
crying out to God from the depths of my soul
is one thing, me releasing my daughter. It doesn't get
(40:32):
any deeper than that in terms of my love, me
releasing that into the universe or into God and saying
I trust you. I mean, that's far deeper than crying
until I have no voice left. Right, But even then
when I cry with my voice, something happens in me.
When I cry. By releasing my loved ones and saying
(40:53):
I trust you, they become more fully who they are.
And yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (40:59):
It's well, you know, I think that we are self
liberating entities that we have to be because we can't
spend our lives asking permission to evolve. We evolve whether
or not we have permission to do so. But when
(41:24):
you hear the phrase let go and let God peace
be still, and know that I am God, that metaphysical
that we express physically with our voices, you know, with
our the tears that manifest the wailing, the crying, the
(41:53):
pitiful emotional turmoil and desperation and loneliness that all of
ours experience at some point in life as part of
I think, as part of our evolution.
Speaker 2 (42:11):
You know, coming to terms. I wrote down.
Speaker 1 (42:14):
You said something a few minutes ago that really inspired
me about the the the thesis becoming the synthesis, and
and we are I think that we are a thesis
and the antithesis of the thesis simultaneously. And then I
(42:41):
when I gather, you know, like at Holton Lake, when
we gather together and we do UFO contact and we
make contact. There are people that that do research euphology,
you know whatever. I was a euthologist way decades before
(43:01):
that term was invented and introduced into the vernacular. But
it wasn't that I was studying. I was experiencing, and
that was different. And that's what opened me up and
simultaneously closed me down. You've heard me say a thousand times.
(43:23):
I feel like I was born on the island of
misfit toys. I didn't fit, I didn't belong, I was weird,
I was different.
Speaker 2 (43:34):
I had to.
Speaker 1 (43:35):
Fake it, you know, fake it till you make it
is a real thing. And it wasn't until I was
in my late forties that I gained enough self knowledge
and confidence to not care what to cule or belittling
(44:01):
I might receive from, for instance, telling our family story
about the farmhouse in my books, I didn't care anymore.
Suddenly didn't care, and it was more important to share
the story than it was to you know, Mom said
(44:24):
it best when she said, this is not the kind
of story that one should rightfully take to the grave.
What's the point of experiencing what we did and then
never telling anyone what happened? What would be What value
(44:45):
is there? Yeah, beyond our core family? What value is
there if nobody learns a thing from what we experienced
because we were too fearful to share that experience, come
what may you. And so in terms of our own
(45:08):
spiritual metamorphosis as a family, I mean, there were things
that didn't get put in my books, JEF, because my
sisters were afraid to share those stories. And I have
subsequently been given permission to share those stories that didn't
(45:29):
go into the books because they reached a level of
acceptance from the paranormal community where they were embraced and
cherished and honored for speaking their truth. That liberated others
to speak their truth about their encounters. And that was
(45:52):
the whole point. And I didn't realize it at the
time that I was writing the books. I didn't realize
it then. It was subsequently after the books were complete
and out to the world, and I was getting massive
amounts of feedback, and I kept hearing the same thing
(46:13):
over and over and over again.
Speaker 2 (46:16):
I'm not afraid anymore.
Speaker 1 (46:19):
If your family was courageous enough to not only endure
what you did, but then to share it, then I
have nothing to fear. And I heard that over and
over in a multitude of letters and interviews, and that
(46:40):
inspires me because I see the spiritual metamorphosis that's occurring
on multiple levels and layers and when we gather at
Hoton Lake for UFO contact, and I tell people from
here up clear it completely clear it Now, there are
(47:02):
other people who work in this field who rely exclusively
on meditation to make contact exclusively. You know, it's not
it's about thinking, it's not about feeling. And what the
woman on Gaya was saying. And I don't even know
(47:22):
who she is, I don't know her personally, but she
was absolutely right. This has nothing to do, nothing to
do with contact. It's all here as et said, on
your heart light. And when you do that, not only
(47:43):
are you able to connect on an intimate and a
spiritual and a deeply affectionate way with our fellow human beings,
but we are able to connect out and above ourselves
and feel that integration and that synthesis occur between thesis
(48:10):
and tithesis becomes synthesis exactly.
Speaker 2 (48:14):
Yeah, that's it.
Speaker 3 (48:16):
And you know my model of prayer is to simply
let go, you know what I mean. We try so
many methods, so many things we try to do, and
but it really is as simple as when my deepest
moments of prayer, or when I lay on my bed,
on my back, that's for me, just the whatever, and I.
Speaker 2 (48:38):
Just complete relaxation.
Speaker 3 (48:40):
And I go from the top of my head to
the bottom of my toes, sometimes from my toes to
the top of my head, and I just release every
bit of tension in every muscle, my face, every until
I'm like completely relinquished. I'm not I am not holding
onto anything. And then I just say, here I am.
And those are the those moments where I mean, I
(49:02):
may as well have been plugged. I may as well
have stuck my finger into a into a light socket
sometimes you know what I mean. But then then there
are times where you're striving and you're doing all the
things you're told to do by all the spiritual teachers,
and you're frustrated and it doesn't work, you know. But
sometimes the frustration and the thing not working is engineered
(49:25):
precisely so that you will finally come to the end
of yourself and say, I give up. And then when
you finally give up, that's when you've spoken from your heart.
That's when you turn on your heart light. And Neil
diamond sings the accompanying song from the movie and uh,
you emit, you emit. It's it's like it's like a
(49:48):
positive chum in the water to the you know, that
draws the that's a terrible analogy, but it really does that.
Speaker 2 (49:57):
Sucky enough, right jaws and.
Speaker 3 (50:00):
No inverse that so like reverse that somehow. But it's like,
you know, but it does it just it brings it
to you, you know. And but I think in the
opposite It absolutely can work in the opposite way too.
When you emit only the negative, there are negative forces
that feed off of that too. But yeah, I think
the deepest thing that anyone can do for their spiritual
(50:22):
life is to simply let go and to sometimes it's
to stop having to try to it's it's, it's I'm sorry.
Sometimes it's to stop trying to have a spiritual life.
Is how you actually attain a deep spiritual life.
Speaker 1 (50:35):
I know, it's it seems entirely counterintuitive, and that's when
you really think about it, it makes perfect sense.
Speaker 3 (50:44):
And that's the synthesis of thesis and antithesis. I was
born in a religious context where I tried desperately to
have a spiritual life. Then I had the antithesis of
becoming like an atheist for a season, and those two
things were really the same thing in reverse. And I
came to the point where I realized I was really
kind of doing the same thing on different levels, and
I just stopped. And when I stopped doing either pushing
(51:05):
in this direction or that direction, everything came rushing back
to me and I found myself absolutely swallowed up in
the divine in a way that I had never experienced before,
while all of my doubts stayed intact, and they were
allowed to remain intact, and I was allowed to have
them in the context of the experience, and I was
a full and complete person. Like Marie Luis von Franz says,
it's one thing to be a naive idealist. It's one
(51:27):
thing to be a cynical realist. It's another thing entirely
to hold no more illusions and yet to still hold
the inner flame. And that's the synthesis of the two things.
Speaker 1 (51:38):
Absolutely No, when I got my diagnosis, I had my
surrender Dorothee moment. I also had the same, simultaneously the
same moment, give me the fucking broomstick, now, yeah, you know,
at the same time that I had my surrender Dorothee moment, Yeah,
(51:59):
give me the brooms I'm going.
Speaker 2 (52:01):
For a wild ride.
Speaker 1 (52:04):
And it was one and the same there was this
culmination of the physical and the metaphysical, the spiritual, and
the empirical and the ephemeral, and the everything was wrapped
(52:25):
up in one thing in one moment. For me and Boom,
it was not a brush with death, but a brush
with life. And I am looking at you tonight, looking
into your eyes, my darling, and telling you that with
(52:49):
stage four cancer, with my body riddled with tumors which
are shrinking and.
Speaker 2 (52:57):
Going away, by the way, because you know, ups, I
have never felt so alive.
Speaker 1 (53:06):
I have never wanted my life as much as I do.
I have never been so defiant in the face of
the evil I perceive cancer to be.
Speaker 2 (53:22):
And I know, I don't believe.
Speaker 1 (53:25):
I know I can kill it, one sell at a time,
if necessary, until it is gone from my body and
I am whole and I am pure and I am healed.
And then I know the way so that in the
(53:46):
way that you extended your hand to me, I can
extend my hand to anyone else that finds themselves in
a predicament where they feel hopeless. And help bliss, I
don't allow either of those words to have any meaning
(54:06):
in my consciousness.
Speaker 2 (54:08):
Six months ago, I did I don't anymore.
Speaker 1 (54:14):
So. Metamorphosis can come through a variety of methods, but
I can't think of anything more powerful than suddenly having
the realization that your life is being threatened by mutating cells.
Get out now, yep? Yeah, or you know. My favorite
(54:42):
verbalization of it is get the fuck out of my
big fat, fluffy temple. Now, get out. Yes. And then
comes a plethora of all my favorite curse words, and
it is so cleansing, It is so healing to express
(55:07):
my contempt for something that would dare to intrude in
my classroom and must be expelled. Yes, yep. And so
I reach up to the cosmos. I reach out by
(55:27):
handing myself over to the fates. And I'm so comfortable
with that. It's so liberating to not feel like I'm
constantly okay, rap when you can Okay, We're going to
wrap it up because the big guy behind the curtain,
(55:49):
you know, the wizard, says that we are out of time.
Let's do this again very soon, and I will see
you hopefully next week.
Speaker 2 (55:59):
I will you on soul School will.
Speaker 1 (56:01):
Come up with something fabulous to discuss. Yes, I love
you all to those who join us for this show,
for Soul School. Know that Jeff and I appreciate you
as much as you appreciate us. And remember as you
go forth into this new week, to be the beacon,
(56:25):
to always be the beacon, and be the light that
you seek.
Speaker 2 (56:30):
Jeff, thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (56:32):
I love you. Good night, everyone, have a sweet, wonderful evening.
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