Pat R. Step 10-11 - Step Series at Life Is Good Group - 8/28/2025

Pat R. Step 10-11, Step Series at Life Is Good Group, Boca Raton, FL. 8/28/2025

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
I don't like my name. Thanks to the twelve steps

(00:03):
of Belcolics Anonymous outline in this big book with Belcoots Anonymous,
which is the program in AA I have recovered when
we seemingly vocal state of mind and body, but that
I would be forever grateful A need to save my life,
but gave me any life. Absolutely loved this life. I
want being a part of this gratulation state of the celebrates.

(00:31):
Here's one of my most consistent pots these when he
comes to my d Amatos Brandon's here used one of them.
I got but three or four guys that are really consistent.
Please keep sending them because they're entertaining. Hy So I'm

(00:54):
kind of bowling behind here. H You know, I spent
a lot of time on the first two steps because
I'm kind of that of that. You know. I'm not
saying you don't have to do all the steps the
best of your ability, but there's two of them you
going to do unset, and those first two are in.
I mean you have to be all in. I mean
it's you have to be convinced of the three perminent
ideas to make this thing happen for you. If you

(01:17):
don't conceive that you're an alcoholic. That means your life
so unmanageable, then you're not going to get this thing.
And if you think there's some human power on this
planet that's going to keep you stop, go for it.
Find it. Because I was unable. And this is for
people who can't find that. I had dreamt. I dreamt

(01:40):
and lost kids. There's nobody I love more in my
life than my two boys. And in order to keep them,
I had to stay stopped. And I couldn't stay stopped.
So I had proof no relationship, no child, no job,
no judge, who's going to keep me stopped? And there
will be have powered rather than myself. There invisible power
that you guys talked about what was called God. I

(02:03):
was just hoping that that was the answer because I
didn't have one. And I tell you this every week
on here. The truth is ab all still work. I'd
still be doing if it still fix that internal condition
that I suffer from to this day, I would still
be doing. I would still be doing that. I am
still an emotional cripple. I just have another solution. So

(02:29):
I spent a lot of time on that. I spent
a lot of time on step four. I spent a
lot of time on step eight and nine, and so
I end up falling behind and all decisions, but we could.
And then I go to ACRI one week and miss
a week. Now I had to tell you I had
this scheron with Shannon on the way home last week.

(02:50):
I had this epiphany. On the way home. I said,
here and I pray before I speak, and I asked
God for guidance, and I asked him speak through me
and touch that one person in the room that I
need to talk to. And then I come up here
and I do this thing, and then I go home,

(03:10):
and all the way home, I'm questioning the top. All
the way home, I'm saying, why didn't I say this?
And why didn't I say that? I forgot to say that.
And Channon might even say, why didn't you tell a
story about the white thing? You know, because that's a
great story, And I goes, God, let me down there, dude,

(03:30):
what's up? I mean, what the funny? Huh? I just
still don't trust. I still don't trust undred percent. So
I'm gonna I was telling Cannon that when I was
speaking up here last week, I got a couple of
conversations going on in my head all the time. You know,
I wish I was just focused. I'm not that guy.

(03:51):
I'm the A D D guy, you know, like I'm
thinking about work tomorrow and I'm telling you this talk,
you know, and this I told you my story about
my coming out of the coma and looking at me
in the eyes and and asked me why I don't
get along with my sister. You're in a coma for

(04:11):
three weeks and the first thing she wants to know
is why I can't get along with her daughter. That's
what was important was my mother relationship with my sister.
My relationship with my sister was the most important thing
in my mother's life when she came out of almost
near death. And by the way, I called my sister Tuesleata.

(04:31):
I called my sister, I think for the call, yeah,
and we spoke for about thirty minutes. But that wasn't
the end of the story. There was this this uh
it came and the story came to my mind, but
I didn't know if it was appropriate to share it here,
and I didn't share it. I just moved on, you know,

(04:52):
like I just left it out. And I was talking
to Christian and Shannon, and he said, I should have
shared it, you know, because it's like a an absolute miracle.
What took place after that, My mother's my mother came
out of that coma and uh and then ended up
getting released a rehab and then left rehab and went home.
She checked herself out of rehab after that, and and

(05:17):
while she was at home, she had attracted She had
gotten SEPs this summer, so she was septic and went
into another coma. Uh. We ended up in the hospital
then right around the time Garret, well, actually I think
we went to Memorial when that took place. And uh
so I leave a Memorial and I have rushed to
the hospital. My mother's in another coma and her feet

(05:44):
are black. And the doctor tells Shannon and I were
in there that we're going to take her in tomorrow
and they have to they have to take their feet.
And I was just like, oh my god, I'm gonna
be kidding this woman what she's gone through. And so
Shannon and I when the doctor leaves, take our hands

(06:06):
on one of my mother's feet and we pray for
my mother, pray for God's grow. If it's her tongue,
it's her talk. You know, but I'd like to have
her for no long selfishly, I would like to have
if that be your will. And I always called me
a caveat my selfish needs. With that even be your will.
And then he took her dob the next morning to

(06:30):
do the surge of.

Speaker 2 (06:33):
Her people were pink. I don't know about you, but
that was the proof of a miracle. And I don't
I don't know about this prayer thing.

Speaker 1 (06:45):
I don't know. Very changes, things are very changing by
my attitude towards thing. I don't know how that all works.
I just so that we prayed in a freaking miracle
took place, you know, and my mother got another three years.
And I guarantee you it wasn't for me. It was
for them. God gave her those three years with them,
not necessarily for me. I was glad to have you. Look,

(07:07):
I get when your time is done here, your time
is done. I'm not that guy wants to control. And
how long you live on this planet. You know, when
you get rewarded. It is the way I see it.
And and so we got to have a pretty good
relationshiated and I and the whole point of this story
is before my mother passed she put her life in mind.

(07:33):
Legally he makes the call. The prodigal son makes the call.
You know, I was the one that kept her up
at night, wondered if I was dead or alive. I
was the one she got a good night's sleep when
I was in jail. Yeah, I wish she would have
hid her purse when I came to her house. I
was on the grawl into her bedroom while she was

(07:54):
sleeping and stolen money so her rent. She put her
life in my hand. It's not my brothers, it's not
one of us, not my sisters. But this whole one
of my favorite lines, I I must say that a
hundred times.

Speaker 3 (08:13):
One of my favorite lines in the book, though, is
in the eighth step, right, the defective relationships are the
cause of all of our problems, all of our problems,
including our alcoholism.

Speaker 1 (08:28):
But all of our problems are created by defective relationships,
mostly because of my solfaships and my self centeredness and
my fear, you know, my self pity. You know, they're
explain that in the third step. You know, I'm driven
by the city saints. They put me in conflict with God,
put me in conflict with myself, and put me in
conflict with you, and that is really my problem. I

(08:51):
need to repair these relationships. All these steps have been
about a relationship with God, a relationship with me, and
a relationship with you. The three dimensions spiritual, mental, physical,
It's all been about bringing us into harmon when the
rest of the world and with God. It's all been
about that. How do I reel in these instinctual drives

(09:12):
so that I'm not in conflict. I can't do conflict.
I don't do conflict well today. I need to keep
myself out of conflict. And that's the solution to this
internal condition that I suffer from. The less conflict, the
less emotions I have to deal with. And if I

(09:32):
don't have to deal with these feelings that I don't
know how to solve, then I don't have to worry
about picking up a drink. I have this new tool,
and I think I share with you guys. In my
fifth step, I had this spiritual experience, not just one
of us it's going to call once. It was an experience, yeah,
and it was the first time in my life that
I was an actual piece without a drink or a

(09:54):
drug in my system. I wanted more of that that's
what I've been chasing since that day. I've been changing
more of that. I'm still chasing. I still want more
of that. I want more peace. I want more God.
God is peace to me. I want more of that.

(10:14):
And at this point in our recovery, in my recovery,
the recovery is in place. I have all the tools
I need now to live life conflict free. The way
of life we have the way of life. We've given
the tools right, inventory, confession, restitution, helpfulness to others, dependence

(10:37):
on God. We've been given these tools to stay conflict free.
And to me, that's what it's all about. And not
to me, that's what steps ten round twelve are all about.
They're all tools to keep me out of conflict. There
are all tools to get me back into the sunlight
when I leave with someone. Bill talks about Step ten

(10:58):
is we've entered the world. Is theory right, there's fourth
dimension to be talked about that we needed to be
rocking into. Right, he's talking about the moment. He's talking
about now. You know, we've been rocking it into the
fourth dimension. Probably back then the fourth dimension was time. Right,
we've been rocking it into now we're rocking into the moment.

(11:20):
Isn't that what this is all? Not just one day
at a time, one moment at a time. Why don't
I stay conflict free, one moment at a time. My
next function now is to grow towards that. Right, our
next function is to grow and understanding and effectiveness understanding
of my God, of this power that I believe in.

(11:41):
This more understanding of that and what is his or
her or its will for me, and give me the
power to carry that out. That's what That's what step
eleven is about. I think they're talking about Step eleven
right at the beginning of stept hand. My next function
is to grow an understanding and effectiveness understanding of God's
will for me? And how do I carry that message?

(12:01):
How can I be effective in carrying this message? Because
this message is about a power raising ourselves. That's what
this message is. That's AA's message. We have this invisible
power and this will solve your problem. You'll call it
whatever you want, but it's not human and it's not
a freaking tree, and it's not a door an omerate dog.
You know. Sorry if I hurt your field. This is

(12:25):
this is more than that. I'm more powerful than a
dog or a door and omora tree. So really what
they've done is born through me that if I don't
continue to grow, then I am going to regress. Right,

(12:46):
we're either progressing or regressing. There's no word pressing right,
there's no staying this. You can't dress. Yeah, you're either
progressing or you're regressing. One of the they warn us
that be careful to rest on our lawrelds, right, don't
rest on our past accomplishments. We're gonna sit here, step
side and say I got it, because we do. If

(13:08):
you've worked this, if you if you've followed the precise, specific,
clear cut, exact directions in that book, you would have
had a transformation take place as a result of those
nine steps. I will guarantee you if you've done the
best you can right one hundred percent on step one
and two, do the best you can on four through nine,

(13:30):
because we're going to continue four through nine for the
rest of our freaking life. If you want to stay
conflict free, and if you want to maintain this spiritual experience,
this transformation that takes place, this awakening, and let me
tell you, if you haven't felt it its step mind
continue it will come. It will come. You will find

(13:52):
your niche, you will find your belief, you will find
your power. It will come to you. I was fortunate.
I was one unfortunate ones. I it, and I've been
growing in that ever since. But I can't rest here.
That's what we sometimes refer to this as a maintenance. Step.
To maintain something is to keep it the same. You're

(14:12):
maintaining this building. You're keeping it the same as it
was when it was built. You're maintaining your car, You're
keeping it the same. You're maintaining something that's living. You're
promoting its growth. You're maintaining a plant. You're watering it,
you're promoting its growth. To maintain my recovery, I need
to grow it. I need to promote its growth. And

(14:35):
I don't think it's a good I think Look, when
I rewrite the book, I'm probably gonna do eleven, ten, eleven,
right like it should have been in the book. Right. Really,
Bill starts at ten? Why does he start at ten?
Why does he start at the spot check inventory? Because
of sixty seven? Right? Because of six and seven? What

(14:58):
did we do in sixty seven? Really we became willing
to have God remover and we asked him to remove them.
And we're practicing the ops of those characters effects, trying
to remove them with God's health. But where am I
applying that my life moment to mot in the now

(15:19):
moment to mom? How do I see conflict free now
right now? And that's what's Step ten to me, is
that spot chat inventory on my im like effects of
you're not going away, They are not going away. I
reeled a lot of them in, especially the ones that
will cause me jail time, you know, or finds stuff

(15:44):
like that. But those more subtle ones, they're only God
knows about. You know those? What is it? Well? As
wall Chambers says, but you guys know me by reputation.
God knows me in the dark. What about the things
in the dark? Those are the things that I got
to work on. Those are the things that I need
God's help for. Those are the things that I have

(16:06):
to use Step ten for.

Speaker 4 (16:08):
Step ten is that that constant, constant spot check inventory.
I got up, I left the house, I went to work,
I did my first job.

Speaker 1 (16:19):
What happened? I feel like, crap, what the hell happened?
The book is telling me, all right, what happened between
the time you left the house, and now do a
quick inventory. Are you in conflict with somebody or something?
Do you need to call you a sponsor talking about
something that you're leaving unchecked? Just a character defect and
you need to admit that you're acting out on again

(16:41):
and you need to ask God's out for it? Is this?
Did you do something? Or you own a menace? Yeah?
Four through nine? That's what step ten is to be.
Four through nine all the time, four through nine, all
the time, over it, over and over. I want to
stay conflict. Three. I'm gonna give it conflict. I'm just

(17:03):
some days I'm the asshole. Some days they are. You know.
It's just and there spread even me through the world
by the way, concentrating in one spot. Yeah, and I
deal with different people all day long. I'll tell you
where it matters the most. My wife calls me a

(17:23):
rope bully. I think I'm a loadab Yeah, and a
teacher of sorts and motivated. A couple of people in
the way over here, they're gone their freaking phone in

(17:45):
front of me. Well, the light is free, and they're
the only ones that's going to get through it because
they think it's okay. When they put the phone down,
the pay for it and get through the freaking life
and nobody else stops. Yeah, that doesn't bother me at all.
H h yeah, so yeah, the the uh, Look, we're

(18:16):
gonna be doing inventory the rest of our lives. Let's
let's speak good. I don't know, I don't care what
you do. If you don't want to do one four
step called one four step, that's fine. You want to
do annual semi annual four steps, that's fine. We're gonna
do spot check inventory like the inventory's daily and whatever
you want to do. But we're going to be doing
inventory the rest of our lives. We are going to
be looking in the mirror for the rest of our lives.
This is not about them. It's about me, and my

(18:39):
inability was to say love intolerance is our code. That's
a tall order. If you do that ten step, that's
a tall order. That's a tall order. So I use
the eleventh step in the way Bill describes it. Ten.
What is the thing you describe? I'm not getting to order.
He has it. I think he's stuck ten in there,

(18:59):
like I said, con stants, except but then the next
thing he has this night in the inventory. So here's
here's the way, just as a focused reference. Right when
we get to the twelve and twelve, they have all
the inventories in step ten.

Speaker 5 (19:12):
And I think that's why I call the Nike the
inventory step ten sometimes because people are twelve and twelve fans.

Speaker 1 (19:17):
Right, so they and I'm not, I like the twelve
and twelve, but all the inventories are in step ten
and the twelve and twelve, and all the Parer meditations
in step away in the twelve and twelve, and we'll
maybe get more into Priyer meditation. That's we But here's
what they're asking this, and this is what I do
in the morning. I do exactly what he said upon awakening,

(19:38):
as soon as I am awake, making consciousness content. Now
that isn't exactly what happens. I usually get up in
the morning and look in the mirror. Door's shit. You know,
it might be only one. I mean, I don't wake
up automatically focused on God. You know, as soon as
I say shit, I say thank you, yeah, and I

(20:00):
get turned around. And I'm not that guy that just
drops on my knees right before I do anything. You know,
I go in, I brush my teeth. I think my
vitamin is. I do what I'm supposed to do it
batter like, I get my copy started, I get my drink,
like my protein drink that I drink in the morning,
and then I sit. Then I read. Sheldon sends me

(20:23):
a reading every morning, Big Book. George sends me a
reading every day. I get Oshold Chambers in the morning,
Bishop Baron. I got this reading in the morning, and
I sit there and I do him three four maybe
five quick readings, not long readings. I do these readings
and then I do drop to my knees. And I

(20:44):
got away from that. By the way, I don't know
what why I did. Why do we get away or
why do I get away from stuff that works? Like
when I first got here, there was no morning and evening.
I didn't get all my knees, not one. I took
every suggest one. And then at some point I thought
that wasn't necessary, and I just got a live and

(21:07):
I caught myself on it and said, why don't you
do them? Why wouldn't you do that? And I'm not
saying that to a requirement. I mean, it's just it's
just me. It's talking about me. There's something about bending
my knees, and I bend my will. You know there's
something about that. There's something about this surrender that takes
place when I get on my niece, this focus that
happens when I'm on my knees, this reference. If you will,

(21:28):
I don't will. I don't know what. I don't think
it's necessary for everybody, but it works for me. And
I get on my knees and I do a third
step prayer, right, everyone, I surrender and then I take
a look like it says that my day. I'm a
service guy.

Speaker 5 (21:44):
So I'm in fourd to sometimes six different houses every day,
and I have jobs to do that I've never done before,
and I ask God for direction, you know.

Speaker 1 (21:54):
I asked, and I suffer from fear from them. It's
fear unknown, right, It's a job that I've never done before.
Now I've never gotten the one and not been able
to do it. But I ask God for guidance. I
ask God for help, and you know what, usually God
says to me, why why don't you google it? You
take a look at it on the internet, and you'll

(22:14):
get an idea of what you're supposed to do. And
so I do that. I prepare for the day in
the morning. And this is this is not a half hour,
forty five minute deal. This is a fifteen minute deal
for because I'll get I'll get caught up in what
i have to do because I need to be or
I'm usually work by it somewhere between six thirty and

(22:37):
seventhom and then I get on the road, I'm feeling
pretty spiritual, and then I gotta merge on the falls.
There goes the motivating. First off, I don't know what
the hell you're doing in the right lenk. That's an

(22:59):
exit lenk. Just for your reference. Right right lane isn't excellently,
the middle lane isn't traveling. The left lane is opacity.
Right when I'm getting on that and you're in my lane,
I might just shove you over to the lane you
belong as I'm driving a pretty big vehicle when you've

(23:22):
got that little ass car, you know, so I'll be
able to motivate you move. Now, that's one path that
shows up, you know. There's another one that shows up.
It just floors it, you know, and just gets in
front of everybody. And then I don't care if I
have to kick up some stones, you know. Then I'll
get in there and get in front of everybody. I'll

(23:43):
beat you all to the token, you know, and then
wall beat up though, yeah, Or I put my blinker
on and I wait and rent on the and then
you just speed up or slow down on you and
I stay in this arm. But as soon as I'm
on that saw grass and now I've got that wrinkles

(24:04):
for it any game, and I'm feeling wrestles hereal discoctemt already.
And I just left the house like spiritual path. You know,
here's my tense set right there. Get back on trap,
Get back on trap. You set the course in the morning.
I set the course. Now I'm gonna have to make

(24:25):
some course. But I heard Bob. Do you tell that story?
Once said Bob. By the way, let's use its train
by see he's there every year. Good good confidence. Bob
used to say. You know, it's like it's like sailing.
He said. You don't get in a boat and just
point it towards Bahamas and think you're gonna get the
Bahmas without making some course corrections. Right, You're gonna have

(24:46):
to The wind's gonna change, the currents are gonna change,
and you're gonna have to make some corrections on the way.
The last way I see step ten. People are gonna change,
the traffic's gonna change, the wind's gonna change. I need
to make course for ecu is along the way. And
step ten is that inventory, confession, restitution, helpful this other
it's eleven tolerance, you know. That's that way of wife

(25:08):
that I can get back into the zone again. So
after I almost crash getting on this soldress, I'm back
in his own on my way to work until one
of the employees gets you know, comes late or doesn't
want to work, you know, and then puts some more
conflict in my life. So it's all about me. It's
all about that. I remember sitting in traffic calling my

(25:31):
sponsor and I said this, I'm supposed to do the
work in the traffic crash. I'm not thinking about anybody
it might be there ahead, you know, just me. I'm
sitting in traffic. I can't believe this shit. And he
says to me, Pat, you are in the traffic shooting.

(25:55):
I am the traffic. I am the traffic. Is that
there's some thing you should see there. It's there's something
you can be helpful right there. There's just something you
can do, make a phone call. And that's exactly what
I do now. If I'm in that traffic, I think
about a spot see that might need a phone call,
or somebody comes on my heart, I call now, and
I think they think I'm checking up on them. I think,

(26:17):
you know, I'm trying to get out of my stuff.
And then I do that a lot. I do that
a lot. As soon as I'm in conflict. I know
how to get out of there. We're talking a little
bit about step twelve there, right, get out of me,
Help you get out of my head. I need to
get out of my head. How important is it really?
There's somebody up there that's just been in a crash,

(26:38):
and you're bitching because you're sitting in try I mean
to really look at reality. And then I'm back in
the moment again. I'm back in the zone, conflict free
for another couple of minutes until I go to somebody's
house and I knock on the door and they don't
answer fast enough. I got to sitting there for him
about beating on the door. I got the help. And

(26:59):
there's two of me the show up. There's the one
that goes what my Ami is taking so long from
the store. This is bullshit. My time is valuable. Then
there's the other one that's just patient. Some days, you know,
maybe I'll make a phone call. I hope they're all right,
But it depends on me. My relationship usually dictates my

(27:20):
relationships with the customer. I can react and I can
be in conflict with them or an army. Depends on
my attitude, not necessarily there Arthur said something at the
Monday ninety that was so profound, right, he says, you
want to stop people from cutting you off in traffic?
And he said, yeah, he said, let them. How simple,

(27:44):
but how profound. One of the most profound things I've
ever that was just like, I still think about that,
you know, all the time, and I'm good trapping. I
don't we don't want to let anybody in, right, especially
that bastard that saw that the lane was closing four
miles pack, you know, but he's gonna fly all the
way up and everybody shore that guy. That's to me

(28:12):
work in the tensil eleven step in the morning, ten
step all day long, and then my night in the
invent and I'm pretty religious about my night inventon you know,
I rarely miss it, rare we miss it.

Speaker 4 (28:29):
And nah, I got about it a handful of guys
that are really really good at it.

Speaker 1 (28:35):
And we used the questions exactly the way they laid
that in the book, only we added a few and
and minds, how was I resentful today? If so, do
a four? Call him inventory? Yeah? Who is it? Or
what is it? Why? And I love what Karen said
doing the fourth step a few weeks back, because we

(28:58):
always thought about what instinct was the fact that she said,
how did that make me feel? I liked that question better.
I think we're going to change it on our portiate
dons I like it. How did that make me feel?
Because once you know how it makes you feel now
even what you secret effect? And then did I do
anything to set the ball over? Do a quick inventory

(29:18):
on it? Most of the time, you know, it was
resembled that came and went. You know, I already ten
stepped in and I can write down, yes, I was
resentful this whole you know inventory im sometimes it's still
hanging in there. There's there's some How was I selfish today?
Question three? Was I dishonest? For? Question four? Was I
afraid today? Five? Do I own apology? Six? What could

(29:43):
I wrongly? What have I wrongly kept a secret? Seven?
Was I unkind? Eight? Was I unloving? Now? What could
I have done better? Ten? Was I thinking to myself
most of the time? Eleven? Was I thinking of what
I could do for others? Well? I was I thinking
of what I can back into the stream of life?
And these are the ones we added. Who did I

(30:04):
help today? What did I accomplish today? What am I
grateful for today? And who needs my prayers today? And
I do it despite every single It takes minutes, you know,
I mean, I don't I have it? I uploaded it,
didn't the word? If everybody wants us by the way,
I've got an email it to you. I upload and
need the word. I fill it out every night. When

(30:26):
I go to close it and ask me if I
want to save that, I say no, it is fresh
for the next night, you know. And I just copy
paste it and send it to my sponsor. I mean,
and if he sees something on there that draws his attention,
he will call me out on it, just like I could.
You know, if I see something on the inventory that
needs attention or I think you need to talk about

(30:48):
I will, I will say thank you. I'll probably get
together and talk about such and such tea. And to me,
that's how we stay current, that's how we stay in
the sunlight is spear. That's how I can close my
eyes knowing that I get the I could today and
I'm at peace. I'm not in conflict. No, there is
something there that I still have laying on that page.
I'm gonna address that thing first thing in the morning.

(31:10):
I'm gonna get up to my morning as soon as
I can. I'm gonna address that thing and get current.
I'm out of time, all right, We'll do more level
next week. Thanks for having me in