November 18, 2025 • 45 mins
Pat Rogan Step 5, Step Series at the Tuesday night Step Group at the 12 Step House, Fort Lauderdale, FL, 11/18/2024.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Recovered alcoholic. My name is Pat Rogan.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Thanks to the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous outline in
this Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, which is the program
of AA, I have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state
of mind and body. I can't even express to you
how grateful I am for this program and for this fellowship.
I didn't just save my life, but it gave me
(00:24):
a new life. And uh just keeps kidding better man,
that's just but I Uh, I put on this watch
tonight and I remember where I got it, and the
(00:44):
guy uh that gave it to me, without a drink
or a drug in his system, put a gun in
his mouth and shot himself mhm, without a drink or
a drug in his system.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
Ninety days sober.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
This Saturday will be having a memorial for one of
my exposes.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Who uh picked up some fatmahl two weeks ago. So
this is serious ship, this is.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
And we're in a part of the program where we're
laying the foundation to this whole program of what we've
studied so far in the book. And h.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Who knows who the unfortunates are? Who knows?
Speaker 2 (01:38):
I mean, come on, I mean if you've been paying
any attention. I mean, who are the unfortunates here? I
mean the uh we heard it every meeting. We heard
it every meeting. This this does to show you who's
been on their phone and who's paying attention.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Right, we just read it.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
You go constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves, with themselves,
and that's what's been required for these we're in step
four still in week six, but we're getting there. That's
what's been required to this point. Honesty, you know, and everything.
(02:24):
Arthur and I were talking earlier because we do a
step workshop over here before the meeting. You know, Ray
O'Keefe used to always say, and I remember hearing his talks,
and everything leads back to one. It's not a step
two problem. It's not a Step three problems. Not I
don't want to do four. It's not I don't want
to do five. It's not I'm not going to make amends.
It's none of that.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
It's Step one.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
I don't believe I'm powerless or I did, but I
don't think so now, right, I mean, that's how we
commit it.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Right, I'll do anything.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
I mean I've had I've been walking them into detox.
I've been walking them into Fort Lauderdale Hospital. I'll do anything.
And then when they get in there and you get
them to start doing the paperwork, I.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
Think I overreacted.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
But we come in here on what we disrespectfully call
a pink cloud.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
It's really a spiritual window that we get.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
It's a moment when we realize I can't live like
this anymore, and I'll do anything, or you wouldn't have
showed up here.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
I mean some of your court order.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
But aside from that, yeah, or mandatory from raf way,
I get it. You know, aside from that, I wouldn't
have come here unless I had.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
No other choice. There was nothing when.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
I was in high school or any part of my
life it said when I grow up, I want to
go to AA and.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
Become a speaker at the Twelve Step House.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Nowhere in my thoughts, and I'm talking drunk out of
my mind, drunk out of my mind.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
That never even occurred to me in jail.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
That never occurred to me when they took my son.
It didn't occur to me. It only occurred to me
when it didn't work anymore. And I'm talking about this
guy that gave me this watch. He couldn't live sober.
When we were talking about it the meeting before, I
can't do sober.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
Alcohol was a wholesale miracle in my life, a damn miracle.
I was sixteen years old.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Suicidal from age as long as I can. I can
remember from five to sixteen where I could not want
to be on this planet and I did anything.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
To take them away. I felt away.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
I was an adrenaline junkie. Whatever will change the way
I feel.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
I will do it.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
And there was no drugs involved at that point. But
I was suicidal at a very young age. Do sober well.
Alcohol is a miracle. Halfway through the Fahola Booze Farm,
Strawberry Hill, a transformation took place that was just unbelievable.
And I know a lot of you guys know what
(05:17):
I'm talking about. You know that feeling that a yeah,
I'm right now, I'm right now, and I and that I.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
Would still be doing it if it's still working. But
it stopped working.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
And that's why I'm here, and that's why I even
endeavored into this process.
Speaker 1 (05:38):
But it takes honesty, you know, humility.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
I mean, we talk about a million step seven, which
we'll talk about a little bit. There's there's humility required
between behind every step I know and my My definition
which I love, comes out of twelve and twelve. I
think it's on fifty six somewhere in there, a clear
recognition of exactly whom what I am, who I really
am am.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
Stept one takes some humility right.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
Just to get up and pick up that white chip
and say I am an alcoholic and I am powerless.
I can't stay stopped, and once I start, I can't
control it.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
There's no human.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
Power on this planet that's going to keep me sol
Requirement number one. The requirement number two is to seek,
make a decision, to seek that power that could restore
me to sand. He means could, means that conditions have
to be met. There's certain things I have to do,
and honesty is required.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
Self honesty, honesty with me and another human being. But
first it's with me.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
I find out that I'm blocked from this power greater
than myself, for lack of a better term, God, whatever.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
You think that is. That's what I'm talking about, that maybe,
just maybe this God.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
Of my misunderstanding can save my life. Just maybe Why
would I think, because I don't have another choice.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
I don't know. I don't have another way out.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
I don't know what else to do, and maybe just
maybe you're right. What do I got to lose? We're
gonna laughing earlier dying, alcoholic death or except spiritual health.
Only an alcoholic would have to ponder that. Only we
would have to get back to somebody on that go
on to the bitter end, blocking on an intolerable situation,
(07:27):
or except spiritual health, hold on, let me get back,
you know. And it doesn't even require belief, right, It
doesn't require belief. It just requires Okay, maybe maybe this
will work. That's all. Take that leap because your life
(07:48):
depends on it. That's why I did it, because my
life depended on it.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
Was it me that self right there. It's never gonna
go away. We'll talk about that when we get to
six and seven.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
What I say, I'm sorry, Well, well I'll forget about
all of you tonight and no home ilgon.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
I wonder what I did. So I made a decision.
I'm gonna take a risk here. I'm just gonna hope
that this god that you're talking about is God of
my misunderstanding, is going to save my life. What do.
I gotta do well. We got to remove the things
(08:43):
that are blocking us. And last week we talked about
getting honest on a fourth step, getting honest with ourselves.
It's a requirement the ones that don't get it under
the unfortunates, at least be honest with yourself.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
Look in the mirror and be honest with yourself.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
Am I really selfish and self centered and driven by
fear and self delusion and self pity and putting myself
in conflict with everybody else and them retaliating and then
me blaming them.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
Is that me? Is it true?
Speaker 2 (09:15):
Yes, it's true. I got my force. I'll share with
you guys last week about my fourth step. And immediately
the transformation started taking place. As soon as I went
from my head on the arm to the paper, and
I started looking at my responsibility in all those situations.
And there was one that I couldn't take responsibility for,
(09:36):
and that was my father. One out of my whole
list that I couldn't see where I did something to
set that ball wrong. No, I could say, well, they
took it too far. Okay, I set the ball wrong.
And when I seen the truth in that, my attitude
(09:56):
started changing. I shared with you guys last week where
I gave up the house.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
Seeing the truth.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
You are a selfish path, you are a self centered
You're gonna kick your children out of their house. You're
gonna kick your ex wife out of that house, and you're.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
Gonna take it. And I surrender.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
I remember, and this is the way it used to.
The book says, we start looking at life from a
different angle. Right where there was anger and resentment now
becomes love and patience and tolerance and some understanding. Looking
at life from a different angle, I wonder what's going
on in their life. I wonder what I could do
to help. We start looking at it from a different angle.
(10:41):
And this is in step four.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
This isn't in five, six, seven, eight nine. This is
in step four.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
The transformation is already beginning if you're honest with yourself.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
But that's you'd have to that's the requirement. Can I
really see what I did?
Speaker 2 (10:56):
We talked about taking their inventory or taking our inventory.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
We took theirs and step four.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
Those first three calls were their inventory, wasn't it until
we got the four and five where we looked at ourselves? Well,
I always like to tell the story my wife and
I and it's just the change it takes me. My
wife and I were a bonefish max at Margate and
this waitress goes by and just throws the menus on
the table and keeps on walking, right, I mean they
slid across the table, hit the salt and pepper shaker.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
I'm like, Jesus, you know the hell is going on
with this? You know?
Speaker 2 (11:30):
Now the previous pat gets right up and goes to
the manager, right, and then writes a bad review after
we leave and hopefully get our meal for free.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
You know, she came back.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
And I looked at her and I said, are you okay?
And she said what I said, are you okay? And
she says, been one of those days? And sit sit up,
and she sat down with us. It was me, me
in Shannon for about ten minutes and shared just don't right,
(12:07):
got up and left and it was the best service
I've ever had from a waitress. Best are just looking
at it from a different angle. Right, that's a transformation.
That's a change in ideas, attitudes and emotions. Right, that's
a whole different deal. Same with the fear. Right, if
I look at that fear called that responsibility called you know,
what I could put in every single.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
One of those.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
I don't trust God, I don't trust anybody. I need
to be in control. Why Because I'm afraid of the intangibles.
I'm afraid that I'm gonna that what the past is
gonna repeat itself. I'm gonna lose what I got, or
I'm not gonna get what I want in the future,
(12:50):
all imagined for the most part, the legitimate ones. What's
to tell us, same thing we pray, give me the
courage to walk through.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
This courage is not the absence of fear.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
Is the ability to walk through? Yeah, I suffer from
it constantly. It is my demon. It is my demon.
Call what you want anxiety, fear, torment, label it whatever
you want it is. It is my thorn. It is
what brings me to God. Right without it, I don't
(13:24):
come to God without it.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
I got this. I almost see it as a gift today.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
It took me many years to figure that out, but
I almost see it as a gift. Without what we
suffer from, would we go to God? No, most of
us would not. So it becomes our vehicle to this power.
My reliance on this power. I mean, don't have to
(13:51):
promote religion or anything. But if you ever get a chance,
go to Bishop Robert Baron and listen to his sermon
on the Thorn, Thorn in the flesh, and see the
people who suffered from what we suffer from. And our
solution was booze. Some of theirs was too. We're talking
to guys like Winston Churchill. We're talking like guys Abraham Lincoln.
(14:13):
We're talking about guys like Moses. We're talking about Paul,
We're talking about Mother Teresa. Right, we're talking about big shots.
Yea had the same issues. The only difference was their
solution was alcoholic drugs. Some of them were Winston.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Maybe.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
So the transformation is taking place. Charlie Pomela used to
always say that that we have this this this storehouse
up here, and it's filled with resentment and anger and
fear and guilt, remorse and shame, and there's.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
No room for God. You know, there's no room for God.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
There's no room for God to enter our hearts, which
is where we're going to find God. Deep down within
every one of us is the fundamental idea of God.
That's what we're trying to do is remove the things
that are blocking us from that sunlight of the spirit.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
And I think we all know that, right. We talked
about that we.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
Have guilty conscience, that I know right from wrong. I
know what I'm doing is wrong. We know that you
know to put the cart back thing, you know, we
know we should.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
The voice says you should, but we don't. Yeah, we
know right from wrong.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
And now what we've done is we've we've found a
way out of the resentment and the anger through prayer
and forgiveness. Right, We've found love of tolerance, patience, understanding.
We found a way out of the fear through prayer.
And now two thirds of our mind is open to
the sunlight, and that transformation starts to take place.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
God starts to enter our heart and we start looking
at things differently.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
If you're honest, if you're on and if you can
look in the mirror and stop playing the bland game sex,
it's the next inventory. They asked us to take a
whole different question, a whole different The whole it was
the first two inventories was who hurt us? Now it's
who did we hurt? That's a whole different conversation. And
(16:21):
we're not and nobody's judging anybody's sex behavior or preference,
or how anybody identifies. Nobody cares here. They shouldn't care here.
Maybe they do, but they shouldn't put That's not why
we're here. We're not here to judge anybody's sex conduct.
We're not here to talk about sex specifically. We're here
(16:42):
to talk about sex relations relationships.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
That's what we're here to talk about. I like that.
I tell my guys forget about the sex.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
Let's talk about in pursuit of sex, in pursuit of relationships, who.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
Did I hurt? That's the question. Who did I hurt
in pursuit of it?
Speaker 2 (17:00):
Doesn't necessarily mean you slept with them, but in pursuit
of them, you could have hurt them.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
Who did you? Heart?
Speaker 2 (17:06):
And it's a tricky thing, right, and especially for somebody
like they grew up in my generation. I hate to
date me, but you know, they grew up in the
sixties where you know you should be enjoying it.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
You know you should do it.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
Anytime, anywhere, with anyone, any position. You know it just
you know, not having fun, you're doing something wrong, you know.
But I grew up as a child being told that
if it wasn't in marriage, it's sinful. There's only one position,
there's only one person. Right, it was for reproduction only, right.
(17:45):
I don't know who followed those rules, but I know
I wasn't planned.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
So there was conflict right there for me.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
Right, I want to be on the fun side of
the island.
Speaker 1 (17:58):
I don't want to be on this sinful side.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
And isn't that kind of where the conscious separation takes place?
Kind of in those areas, right where this rules and
regulations and difficult and this looks like a lot of
fun over here. So how about I just deny that?
How about I just look at that like Santa Claus,
(18:24):
like they made that up to just keep me in
line in Catholic.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
School, which is what I did.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
I cautiously made a decision to separate myself completely from religions.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
The problem is God still exists inside.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
So my behavior creates this guilt and this remorse and
this shame from hurting other people, mostly in pursuit of relationships,
mostly in pursuit of relationship, not always, but mostly because
there was one thing on my mind. From age thirteen on,
(19:00):
Everything else was in preparation for that. The car, the job,
All that was in preparation for sex, and it's the
questions are who did I heart?
Speaker 1 (19:16):
What did I do?
Speaker 2 (19:20):
It asked me what instinct am I trying to satisfy?
And I know I was tempted to check the sex instinct,
but if I was really honest with myself, if I
could get honest with myself, it was more about the
social instinct and the security instinct than it was about
the sex instinct.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
I really just wanted the guys to think I was
having sex with you.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
I was afraid to have sex with you because if
I didn't measure up, or if I failed, I'd have
to kill myself.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
And if that gets around, oh my god. You know.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
So for me, it was really more about the social
inst what everybody thought.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
How did I make them feel?
Speaker 2 (20:12):
That's the next question, how did I make them feel?
And then we can always get down to the core
defects of character. I selfish, self centered, dishonest, didn't consider
it is this fear based?
Speaker 1 (20:27):
Why am I pursuing this?
Speaker 2 (20:28):
And when I say I don't have to have sex
with somebody to hurt somebody, I can be flirting here
in this meeting and I have a wife at home.
Speaker 1 (20:37):
That's wrong. That's hurting someone.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
I could be provoking somebody knowing that that's never gonna happen,
just because I want to satisfy my social ads. I
want to satisfy my security instinct. I want to boost
my ego. And I've caught myself too. It's tough instincts
to reel in, especially the sex. It's a powerful instinct.
(21:04):
It's a powerful force. It's a driving force. I don't
know if you guys with young guys like me. I mean,
I was just I let me tell you something. When
it came up to principles or pleasure.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
That did not pick principles.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
If it came up and that happened in all three
areas of that came up, the principles or money. It
took the money, principles or attention acceptance.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
I'll take the acceptance. And that is what's driving the.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
Spiritual malady that Bill was talking about, this internal condition,
this anxiety, this fear, this guilt, remorse, this shame, and
guess what, I don't have the luxury of medicating anymore.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
Right, I could get absolution through the bottle before. I
can't do that anymore. I can't do that anymore.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
That's a shame because I have blown up beautiful relationships,
completely destroyed beautiful relationships for one brief moment. It was
a brief moment of pleasure.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
That's sad.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
That's sad when I look back as somebody that should
have been my wife, that for a moment of pleasure.
Speaker 1 (22:38):
I weighed pleasure in.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
Principles and even consider the harm. And then when they leave,
I'm suicidal. I can't believe it, can't believe they would
harm me like that. I can't believe one little mistake
one of double standards. I had double standards. It's okay
(22:59):
for even not you. They give us a prayer for
resentment and a prayer for fear. They give us three
prayers for three prayers for sex. And this is and
they're they're awesome because I have my guys. I talk
to them all the time. I want to know if.
Speaker 1 (23:21):
You're if you're prepared to get into a relationship.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
We ask God to move our ideals and help us
live up to them. What's it say right before that
we subjected each relationship to this test.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
Is it selfish or not?
Speaker 2 (23:35):
Each relationship that we're about to get into, is this
selfish or not?
Speaker 1 (23:39):
Is this fear based? Because I'm afraid to be alone anymore?
I don't.
Speaker 2 (23:44):
I'm afraid I'm gonna be alone forever, so I'm gonna settle.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
Is this fear based? Hey, let me tell yourself.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
I was gonna marry for many years because it was
better than being alone.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
It wasn't great, might not even have been good.
Speaker 2 (23:58):
Yeah, but I mistook love for the fear of being alone.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
So ask me which character defense? Am is this?
Speaker 2 (24:08):
Any of these character defects involved in me getting into
this relationship? Am I being inconsiderate? Is this selfish, fear
based dishonored? My being dishonest by leading her or him on?
Am I doing this because I need the money, I
need a place to stay?
Speaker 1 (24:23):
Why am I doing this?
Speaker 2 (24:26):
We asked ourselves these questions that if we want to
eliminate the guilt or remorse and the shame that's blocking
me from the Sunna, do I still want to live
with that? Another prayer we asked in meditation. In prayer,
we ask God by the way. When it says we
asked in the Big Book, it means we prayed. There's
(24:47):
another way to ask God for something than to pray. Right,
we ask God what we should do in each specific matter,
the right answer will come if we want it.
Speaker 1 (24:56):
We know that to be true.
Speaker 2 (24:57):
Right there we go the God within, That God within,
we know right from wrong. We can lie to ourselves,
we can medicate to walk get through it, we could
justify itsng But deep downald in every one of us,
we know what the truth is and we know what.
Speaker 1 (25:14):
The real motive is. Right there, Yeah, I kind of
like her. I kind of like her, But.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
I do need the money, you know. I mean there's
an upside there, but I do need a place to stay.
Why am I doing this? Another prayer? I don't know
how to build out the sex indentary on page sixty nine.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
That always babbles me. Maybe that's why you move the
doctor's opinion.
Speaker 2 (25:51):
The third prayer, we earnestly pray for the right idea
or for guidance in each questionable situation, for sanity, and
for the strength.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
To do the right thing. We don't have a choice anymore, man,
How long can.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
We continue to go down that road, putting ourselves in
conflict with other people and not drink over it.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
I don't know what the limit is there. I don't
know what it is.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
I don't want to live with that anymore. I've got
no point in my life. I don't want to live
with guilt anymore. I don't want to live with shame anymore.
If sex is really troublesome, there's a good suggestion we
throw ourselves harder into helping others.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
Right, get out of yourself. It's a driving force.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
How do I get out of that obsession, which is
what it is.
Speaker 1 (26:42):
It's a drug, It's a dopamine dump.
Speaker 2 (26:46):
More so than attention and money.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
It takes us out of ourselves.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
It quiets that horny condition when to yield with me, hearty,
that's what.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
He's talking about, and it's consuming.
Speaker 2 (27:01):
We have another option. Let's connect with somebody in the fellowship.
Let's talk to them about let's call our sponsor. Let's
go help a sponsor. That takes us out of the
imperious urge. Bill calls it to me.
Speaker 1 (27:19):
This is like, this particular.
Speaker 2 (27:26):
Area of my life was the most trolls because there
was fear involved in not being in a relationship and
fear involved in being in a relationship. There was a
lot of fear there and it was consuming the last
inventory that they're asking us to do. It's not in
(27:49):
the book aout asking my guys to do and because
it says that we have a list of people that
we have hurt by our conduct or we're willing to
straighten out the past that we can. And it's saying
that we have a list of everybody leaving home, so
we need to make another I have them make another
list because of harms other than relational be an need, shoplifting,
(28:17):
hit and runs, student loans, taxes, just unpaid debts, that
kind of stuff. It's the clouds that'll be hanging over
us if we don't take care of them. And it's
not that has to be done overnight. It's not something
that has to right right away. Next one we whenever
(28:40):
we get into step eight, we're talking about a willingness.
We need to be willing. It may take years. I
think I don't know if I share with you guys.
I know we're not in nine right now, but I
don't think I shared with you guys. At my very
first girlfriend, my very first everything, who I thought we
were going to be married, who I introduced to many
(29:01):
jail cells at sixteen years old, right, and many car
accidents and all sorts of alcohol and other substances at sixteen.
I was eighteen at the time, and I stepped outside
of that relationship and blew it up and blew it up.
(29:26):
And I just recently was able to make an amends
for that. I had no idea where she went, you know,
I did, but I was willing. I had her on
my list, you know, and she showed up on social media.
It's funny because I I got with my wife first,
and I asked my wife and said, okay, if I
contact her, would you mind if I contact her just
(29:47):
to make an amends, because that's what we do.
Speaker 1 (29:49):
You know. And she said, sure, yeah, go ahead, And so.
Speaker 2 (29:53):
I contacted her and I made amend. Told you know
about the jails and the car accident. I mean, I
told her her father's car, you know, And.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
She found out a lot of what not to do,
you know.
Speaker 2 (30:06):
And after I went through this whole litany of making
amends to her, she says to me, well, she says,
we were just kids being kids. I said that one
on another twenty years for me. So so so now
what do we do now? Here's where the fear set
(30:28):
in for me. I was not afraid of four and
I think a lot of people are like me.
Speaker 1 (30:31):
They weren't afraid of four. They were afraid of five. Right,
I have to tell somebody.
Speaker 2 (30:37):
We all look ahead, you know, we're all looking ahead,
and I gonna have to call the I R S.
We were reading the we were reading the Doctor's Opinion.
I said to Brian, well, I have to call the
I R S. He said, part we're on the step one.
Settle out, settle loud. What I didn't know is that
by the time I got the nine, I would want
to call the I R S.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
You follow me.
Speaker 2 (30:59):
I didn't know that that transformation was going to take place.
I didn't know that willingness was going to take place.
I didn't know that I would want to make amends
to you because I wanted more of this power.
Speaker 1 (31:11):
I wanted more of that.
Speaker 2 (31:13):
So I'm starting to get some relief, and I think,
what happens We start to lose track of what we're
really trying to do here, and it says, right here,
we've been trying to get a new attitude and a
new relationship with our creator and discover the obstacles in
our past.
Speaker 1 (31:25):
We admitting certain.
Speaker 2 (31:27):
Defects, and we have ascertained in a rough way what
the trouble is, but now we need to share it.
You need to get free, we need That's the whole goal.
Here is this relationship with this power that's going to
solve our problem because we're not going to be doing
be able to do anything about it. And if you're
(31:48):
like me, that's obvious. And if it's not obvious, then
you may not do the work. You may not if
you still think there's a chance that you can and
stay stopped without doing this.
Speaker 1 (32:04):
My hat's off to you. I wish I was you.
Speaker 2 (32:09):
That's not true, and there was a time where I
wish I was you. Now I wouldn't give this up
for anything. If they I don't know when that changed either.
If they had come up, if they came up with
a pill right now that would allow me to drink normally,
I would not take it. I would not take it.
I love this life. I love this I love getting
(32:33):
to have this relationship with you guys. And this is
just incredible. What I get here, this room in particular
is powerful. You're not gonna find this everywhere. I'm gonna
tell you, this is a powerful.
Speaker 1 (32:45):
Room right here.
Speaker 2 (32:47):
This is people who would normally not mix, and we
are bound together shoulder to shoulder here, man, we are
just amazing.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
I wouldn't give this up for any couple I know.
Speaker 2 (33:02):
That wasn't my fault. So the bill goins is if
we don't do this fist step, were club going to drink.
Speaker 1 (33:14):
Drink. We can't stop anywhere here.
Speaker 2 (33:16):
One step is building on the next, and that step
is building on the next, and one next one. It's
not about I gotta get this one before I move on.
That's not how this works. Each step builds on the
next step. Confession frees the confessor, just like forgiveness freeze
the forgiver. That's where we find freedom.
Speaker 1 (33:39):
In the confessing it.
Speaker 2 (33:41):
But that takes humility, that takes guts, That takes guts,
and I didn't want to do it.
Speaker 1 (33:51):
I don't trust you.
Speaker 2 (33:54):
There's there's maybe a few in my inner circle that
I trust. There's a couple plum in this room. But
for the most part, I don't trust anybody. Why would I.
I didn't trust my parents, the two people I should
have been able to trust unconditionally. Because everybody lies, everybody cheats,
(34:17):
everybody runs. And I sat at Danny's with you guys
every night talking about everybody in the meeting, taking their inventory, gossiping, which,
by the way, kills people here. I was guilty when
I first came in. If you're doing it, stop it.
The rule is, if they're not there, don't talk about
(34:38):
Wait till they're there.
Speaker 1 (34:41):
That's my rule. If they're not there, we stop.
Speaker 2 (34:43):
Nope, let's wait till they're here, then we'll talk about
taking the speakers inventory.
Speaker 1 (34:50):
He was so full of shit tonight. What'd that have
to do with that step? What step was that?
Speaker 2 (34:57):
Anyway, I was there, that stuff stopped me from trusting you,
because if you're talking about them, criticizing that speaker, what
are you talking about when I'm not here? You're talking
about me? Because I am the center of the universe.
(35:17):
I'm sure you're taking my inventory today. I don't necessarily care,
but I should say I do care a little bit. Hey,
I'm not perfect by any means. I'm still suffering, just
like everybody else in this room.
Speaker 1 (35:32):
Yeah. I just have a great solution and it doesn't
have a drink or a drug involved in it. That's
the cool thing.
Speaker 2 (35:40):
And I gotta hear. I gotta hear in this step.
So I'm wavering man. As much as I owe Brian
my life.
Speaker 1 (35:52):
I just couldn't do it. Man. You know, he was
way younger than me. He's just I don't think you'll understand.
I was making excuses.
Speaker 3 (36:00):
You know.
Speaker 2 (36:02):
In my my uh, my home group was called the
Book of Boys Club. Was an old bunch of old
men in Deerfield. I don't know where they got the name, uh,
but they were. We were talking about it earlier. They
were the guys that weren't afraid to hurt my feelings.
That saved my life, you know what I'm saying. They
would risk the friendship to tell me the truth. Those
(36:26):
were the guys that were just trying to get Pat
to follow one simple freaking rule, and they weren't afraid
to hurt my feelings to.
Speaker 1 (36:34):
Get me to do it.
Speaker 2 (36:36):
That's the AA that I love, and that's the AA
that I'm part of.
Speaker 1 (36:42):
Pat, Why are you walking around with holes in your jeans?
They are my work jeans. Yeah, but don't come to
a meeting looking like a slob. What the the hell's
wrong with you? Guys?
Speaker 2 (36:55):
You know, Pat, can't you make it to a meeting
on I'm for god sake, well I work.
Speaker 1 (37:03):
Jesus, you can't make it? What's wrong with you? What's
the difference. It's a difference, Pat, I want you to
be here fifteen minutes early next week.
Speaker 2 (37:15):
Why they're just trying to see you if I'm willing
to follow a simple freaking rule, right, if you're in halfway,
that's why they want you to make your bed. Can
you follow one simple freaking rule and make your bet?
Why I'm going to sleep in it later, Right, just
(37:39):
accomplish one thing today, make your bet. That's bullshit, you
know I should have to do that. So here's a
great story, right, I love this story. Right, I ask
if I could, finally, I start by the way buying
better dems, you know, because I don't want to hear
(37:59):
it shit every time I walk into meeting. So right now,
as soon as they start to get a hold, I
order a new pair.
Speaker 1 (38:06):
Right. It's just that's the thing. It's it's they taught me,
is right.
Speaker 2 (38:10):
So I asked if I could chair the meeting. They said, yeah,
you can chair the meeting. Just remember you have to
wear a collar when you chair the meeting.
Speaker 1 (38:17):
Yeah yeah, yeah. So I come up the next week.
Speaker 2 (38:20):
I come straight from work, I got my T shirt
on from work, and I start passing out the how
it works and promises and.
Speaker 1 (38:27):
They get pat you can't chair. I said why, He said,
you don't have a caller on.
Speaker 2 (38:32):
I said, what is the difference whether I have a
caller on or.
Speaker 1 (38:36):
Not to chair this meeting?
Speaker 2 (38:37):
And he said the difference is you can't chair. And
I was a tissed give him the finger. I walked
on there you guys just such bullshit. Came back next
week with a collar on, chaired the meeting. And I
will never be at a podium a lot of caller on.
(38:58):
Just I I can follow that simple rule. I can
follow it. And it was about respect to them, have
some respect for the meeting, have some respect for the
sacred place that you're walking into. But if I'm in
a convention or something, I got a suit on, you know,
well I'm at a big event, show some respect.
Speaker 1 (39:19):
But for them, it was about can you follow one rule?
Can you just follow one rule? And they're odd me
about this fifth step? When are you going to do
your fifth step? Path? Do your fifth step? What's wrong?
Why can't you do it?
Speaker 2 (39:28):
I'll do it with you, so I figure I'll shut
them up. And because the book gives us some suggestions, right,
they don't mention sponsor here, but that's the person to
do it with.
Speaker 1 (39:38):
Right. The twelve and twelve talks about sponsor all through it. Right,
they mentioned they.
Speaker 2 (39:42):
Refer to a sponsor here twice in chapter two when
we're approached with the man the answer when approaching the newcomer,
they talk about a guy who's approaching the newcomer. They
just don't use the word sponsor. But when you get
to thirteen years later, when he writes the twelve and
twelve and before.
Speaker 1 (39:57):
That it was all about sponsorship. Who you did it
was a fifth step with that's probably the right person.
But it gives us some other suggestion.
Speaker 2 (40:04):
Priest, rabbi, minister, psychologists, psychiatrist.
Speaker 1 (40:07):
Right, So I'm thinking priest by law, I think they
can't say I don know it's the law, but it's
a code. They have a code, right that I was
brought up as a.
Speaker 2 (40:17):
Priest, can't share anything that's in confession. I figured, you
know what, maybe I'll do it with a priest. So
I called Saint Andrew's Church in Coral Springs at eleven
o'clock at night because I figured nobody will pick up
the phone and I'll tell these goofballs that I tried.
Nobody answered, you know, and Father Quinn picked up the
phone and sant Andrews, and I go, I'm an alcoholic.
(40:40):
Oh you want to do a fifth step? You know.
Speaker 1 (40:45):
I didn't know, but the Coral Springs group had.
Speaker 2 (40:47):
Been meeting there for years, right, And be in my
office tomorrow morning at nine o'clock. And I'm in his
office at nine o'clock the next morning, and I spent
two and a half hours with far Clint, and my
life forever changed, forever changed. And I don't know what
it was, confession freeze, the confessor I left that office.
(41:09):
I think it's Eckar told talks about walking into a
room for the hundredth time and seeing it for the
first time. I walked out of that office into the world,
into that courtyard that I had been many times, and
saw the world for the first time.
Speaker 1 (41:26):
And I mean that, I mean flowers, hedges, palm trees. Right.
I'm going to work, going there's green everywhere.
Speaker 2 (41:34):
You know. I was going home that night. There's this
gorgeous sunset. I go, I can't wait to get to
the toll booth to show the lady, you know. And
I get to the toll boats on the.
Speaker 1 (41:44):
Sawgrass, and I go, look at that. She said, what
I said, look at that? She goes, It's a sunrise,
a sunset.
Speaker 2 (41:50):
It's there every night. I had been driving it for
twelve years and never saw a whole new world came
into view. I had been looking at asphalt and bumpers
my whole life. Anybody else walking with their head down
staring at the ground. I didn't acknowledge anybody beside me,
anybody around me. You could have been in the car
(42:12):
next to me begging for help and I would have
never noticed. I would have never noticed because I was
looking at that light, because when that light goes yellow,
this was going to go green. And I got places
to go. And for the first time I saw well.
God entered my heart that day.
Speaker 1 (42:28):
Faith. I had faith for the first time in my life.
You know what faith equals results results, That's what this
formula is.
Speaker 2 (42:39):
Just be willing to believe, make a decision, take some action,
and you will get results will equal faith. I became
a believer in the God of my misunderstanding that day.
Speaker 1 (42:50):
I had no real understanding of.
Speaker 2 (42:52):
It, but I believed that there was a power in
this universe that just solved my problem because I hadn't
a session to drink. I've never had the obsession to
drink since that day. Now, I'm not telling you that
I haven't thought about it. I stuffed my toe. I
think VI like it it, you know, to this day.
But I know that vik itting blows up my life,
(43:14):
so I get that it's not.
Speaker 1 (43:15):
An obsession anymore. The obsession was lifted. I know the truth.
Speaker 2 (43:19):
One drink blows up my life in one affair blows
up my life, and one lie could blow up my life.
One porn site could blow up my life. There's a
lot of instinctual drives that I'm pray to that could
blow up my life in a heartbeat and lead to
(43:40):
that drink and then lead to that drink, because how
else am I going to handle that after I blow
up my life. The great fact is this, and nothing less,
that we've had deep, in effective spiritual experiences that have
revolutionized our whole attitude on life.
Speaker 1 (43:56):
Right, That's the solution this program has to offer.
Speaker 2 (44:00):
Fact of our life today is that God has entered
my heart and lives in a wages indeed miraculous commencing
to do for me what I couldn't do.
Speaker 1 (44:08):
For myself and that was stay stopped. I could not
stay stopped, and God did that for me.
Speaker 2 (44:16):
Whatever you think, that is the universe energy, spirit of
the creative intelligence, whatever you want to label it.
Speaker 1 (44:25):
But if you do this work, you will get those.
This is the whole foundation of this program. Right now.
Speaker 2 (44:30):
These first five have laid this foundation. They're going to
ask me after I do this fifth step, to go
home and make sure I was thorough. Did I do
the best I could?
Speaker 1 (44:40):
Did I leave anything out purposely? Did I what did
it say? Did I mix mortar without sand? Right? That's
right out of the bigger book?
Speaker 2 (44:47):
Right?
Speaker 1 (44:48):
Is my house built on rock or is it built
on sand? What is my foundation built on? Mine was
built on rock.
Speaker 2 (44:58):
Thank you, Ray about mmmm hmmm. Just to be clear,
thanks for letting me be here tonight.
Speaker 3 (45:10):
Mm hmm
Recovered alcoholic. My name is Pat Rogan.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Thanks to the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous outline in
this Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, which is the program
of AA, I have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state
of mind and body. I can't even express to you
how grateful I am for this program and for this fellowship.
I didn't just save my life, but it gave me
(00:24):
a new life. And uh just keeps kidding better man,
that's just but I Uh, I put on this watch
tonight and I remember where I got it, and the
(00:44):
guy uh that gave it to me, without a drink
or a drug in his system, put a gun in
his mouth and shot himself mhm, without a drink or
a drug in his system.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
Ninety days sober.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
This Saturday will be having a memorial for one of
my exposes.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Who uh picked up some fatmahl two weeks ago. So
this is serious ship, this is.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
And we're in a part of the program where we're
laying the foundation to this whole program of what we've
studied so far in the book. And h.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Who knows who the unfortunates are? Who knows?
Speaker 2 (01:38):
I mean, come on, I mean if you've been paying
any attention. I mean, who are the unfortunates here? I
mean the uh we heard it every meeting. We heard
it every meeting. This this does to show you who's
been on their phone and who's paying attention.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Right, we just read it.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
You go constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves, with themselves,
and that's what's been required for these we're in step
four still in week six, but we're getting there. That's
what's been required to this point. Honesty, you know, and everything.
(02:24):
Arthur and I were talking earlier because we do a
step workshop over here before the meeting. You know, Ray
O'Keefe used to always say, and I remember hearing his talks,
and everything leads back to one. It's not a step
two problem. It's not a Step three problems. Not I
don't want to do four. It's not I don't want
to do five. It's not I'm not going to make amends.
It's none of that.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
It's Step one.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
I don't believe I'm powerless or I did, but I
don't think so now, right, I mean, that's how we
commit it.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Right, I'll do anything.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
I mean I've had I've been walking them into detox.
I've been walking them into Fort Lauderdale Hospital. I'll do anything.
And then when they get in there and you get
them to start doing the paperwork, I.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
Think I overreacted.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
But we come in here on what we disrespectfully call
a pink cloud.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
It's really a spiritual window that we get.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
It's a moment when we realize I can't live like
this anymore, and I'll do anything, or you wouldn't have
showed up here.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
I mean some of your court order.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
But aside from that, yeah, or mandatory from raf way,
I get it. You know, aside from that, I wouldn't
have come here unless I had.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
No other choice. There was nothing when.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
I was in high school or any part of my
life it said when I grow up, I want to
go to AA and.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
Become a speaker at the Twelve Step House.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Nowhere in my thoughts, and I'm talking drunk out of
my mind, drunk out of my mind.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
That never even occurred to me in jail.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
That never occurred to me when they took my son.
It didn't occur to me. It only occurred to me
when it didn't work anymore. And I'm talking about this
guy that gave me this watch. He couldn't live sober.
When we were talking about it the meeting before, I
can't do sober.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
Alcohol was a wholesale miracle in my life, a damn miracle.
I was sixteen years old.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Suicidal from age as long as I can. I can
remember from five to sixteen where I could not want
to be on this planet and I did anything.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
To take them away. I felt away.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
I was an adrenaline junkie. Whatever will change the way
I feel.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
I will do it.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
And there was no drugs involved at that point. But
I was suicidal at a very young age. Do sober well.
Alcohol is a miracle. Halfway through the Fahola Booze Farm,
Strawberry Hill, a transformation took place that was just unbelievable.
And I know a lot of you guys know what
(05:17):
I'm talking about. You know that feeling that a yeah,
I'm right now, I'm right now, and I and that I.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
Would still be doing it if it's still working. But
it stopped working.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
And that's why I'm here, and that's why I even
endeavored into this process.
Speaker 1 (05:38):
But it takes honesty, you know, humility.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
I mean, we talk about a million step seven, which
we'll talk about a little bit. There's there's humility required
between behind every step I know and my My definition
which I love, comes out of twelve and twelve. I
think it's on fifty six somewhere in there, a clear
recognition of exactly whom what I am, who I really
am am.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
Stept one takes some humility right.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
Just to get up and pick up that white chip
and say I am an alcoholic and I am powerless.
I can't stay stopped, and once I start, I can't
control it.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
There's no human.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
Power on this planet that's going to keep me sol
Requirement number one. The requirement number two is to seek,
make a decision, to seek that power that could restore
me to sand. He means could, means that conditions have
to be met. There's certain things I have to do,
and honesty is required.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
Self honesty, honesty with me and another human being. But
first it's with me.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
I find out that I'm blocked from this power greater
than myself, for lack of a better term, God, whatever.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
You think that is. That's what I'm talking about, that maybe,
just maybe this God.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
Of my misunderstanding can save my life. Just maybe Why
would I think, because I don't have another choice.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
I don't know. I don't have another way out.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
I don't know what else to do, and maybe just
maybe you're right. What do I got to lose? We're
gonna laughing earlier dying, alcoholic death or except spiritual health.
Only an alcoholic would have to ponder that. Only we
would have to get back to somebody on that go
on to the bitter end, blocking on an intolerable situation,
(07:27):
or except spiritual health, hold on, let me get back,
you know. And it doesn't even require belief, right, It
doesn't require belief. It just requires Okay, maybe maybe this
will work. That's all. Take that leap because your life
(07:48):
depends on it. That's why I did it, because my
life depended on it.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
Was it me that self right there. It's never gonna
go away. We'll talk about that when we get to
six and seven.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
What I say, I'm sorry, Well, well I'll forget about
all of you tonight and no home ilgon.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
I wonder what I did. So I made a decision.
I'm gonna take a risk here. I'm just gonna hope
that this god that you're talking about is God of
my misunderstanding, is going to save my life. What do.
I gotta do well. We got to remove the things
(08:43):
that are blocking us. And last week we talked about
getting honest on a fourth step, getting honest with ourselves.
It's a requirement the ones that don't get it under
the unfortunates, at least be honest with yourself.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
Look in the mirror and be honest with yourself.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
Am I really selfish and self centered and driven by
fear and self delusion and self pity and putting myself
in conflict with everybody else and them retaliating and then
me blaming them.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
Is that me? Is it true?
Speaker 2 (09:15):
Yes, it's true. I got my force. I'll share with
you guys last week about my fourth step. And immediately
the transformation started taking place. As soon as I went
from my head on the arm to the paper, and
I started looking at my responsibility in all those situations.
And there was one that I couldn't take responsibility for,
(09:36):
and that was my father. One out of my whole
list that I couldn't see where I did something to
set that ball wrong. No, I could say, well, they
took it too far. Okay, I set the ball wrong.
And when I seen the truth in that, my attitude
(09:56):
started changing. I shared with you guys last week where
I gave up the house.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
Seeing the truth.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
You are a selfish path, you are a self centered
You're gonna kick your children out of their house. You're
gonna kick your ex wife out of that house, and you're.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
Gonna take it. And I surrender.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
I remember, and this is the way it used to.
The book says, we start looking at life from a
different angle. Right where there was anger and resentment now
becomes love and patience and tolerance and some understanding. Looking
at life from a different angle, I wonder what's going
on in their life. I wonder what I could do
to help. We start looking at it from a different angle.
(10:41):
And this is in step four.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
This isn't in five, six, seven, eight nine. This is
in step four.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
The transformation is already beginning if you're honest with yourself.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
But that's you'd have to that's the requirement. Can I
really see what I did?
Speaker 2 (10:56):
We talked about taking their inventory or taking our inventory.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
We took theirs and step four.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
Those first three calls were their inventory, wasn't it until
we got the four and five where we looked at ourselves? Well,
I always like to tell the story my wife and
I and it's just the change it takes me. My
wife and I were a bonefish max at Margate and
this waitress goes by and just throws the menus on
the table and keeps on walking, right, I mean they
slid across the table, hit the salt and pepper shaker.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
I'm like, Jesus, you know the hell is going on
with this? You know?
Speaker 2 (11:30):
Now the previous pat gets right up and goes to
the manager, right, and then writes a bad review after
we leave and hopefully get our meal for free.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
You know, she came back.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
And I looked at her and I said, are you okay?
And she said what I said, are you okay? And
she says, been one of those days? And sit sit up,
and she sat down with us. It was me, me
in Shannon for about ten minutes and shared just don't right,
(12:07):
got up and left and it was the best service
I've ever had from a waitress. Best are just looking
at it from a different angle. Right, that's a transformation.
That's a change in ideas, attitudes and emotions. Right, that's
a whole different deal. Same with the fear. Right, if
I look at that fear called that responsibility called you know,
what I could put in every single.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
One of those.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
I don't trust God, I don't trust anybody. I need
to be in control. Why Because I'm afraid of the intangibles.
I'm afraid that I'm gonna that what the past is
gonna repeat itself. I'm gonna lose what I got, or
I'm not gonna get what I want in the future,
(12:50):
all imagined for the most part, the legitimate ones. What's
to tell us, same thing we pray, give me the
courage to walk through.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
This courage is not the absence of fear.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
Is the ability to walk through? Yeah, I suffer from
it constantly. It is my demon. It is my demon.
Call what you want anxiety, fear, torment, label it whatever
you want it is. It is my thorn. It is
what brings me to God. Right without it, I don't
(13:24):
come to God without it.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
I got this. I almost see it as a gift today.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
It took me many years to figure that out, but
I almost see it as a gift. Without what we
suffer from, would we go to God? No, most of
us would not. So it becomes our vehicle to this power.
My reliance on this power. I mean, don't have to
(13:51):
promote religion or anything. But if you ever get a chance,
go to Bishop Robert Baron and listen to his sermon
on the Thorn, Thorn in the flesh, and see the
people who suffered from what we suffer from. And our
solution was booze. Some of theirs was too. We're talking
to guys like Winston Churchill. We're talking like guys Abraham Lincoln.
(14:13):
We're talking about guys like Moses. We're talking about Paul,
We're talking about Mother Teresa. Right, we're talking about big shots.
Yea had the same issues. The only difference was their
solution was alcoholic drugs. Some of them were Winston.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Maybe.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
So the transformation is taking place. Charlie Pomela used to
always say that that we have this this this storehouse
up here, and it's filled with resentment and anger and
fear and guilt, remorse and shame, and there's.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
No room for God. You know, there's no room for God.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
There's no room for God to enter our hearts, which
is where we're going to find God. Deep down within
every one of us is the fundamental idea of God.
That's what we're trying to do is remove the things
that are blocking us from that sunlight of the spirit.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
And I think we all know that, right. We talked
about that we.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
Have guilty conscience, that I know right from wrong. I
know what I'm doing is wrong. We know that you
know to put the cart back thing, you know, we
know we should.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
The voice says you should, but we don't. Yeah, we
know right from wrong.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
And now what we've done is we've we've found a
way out of the resentment and the anger through prayer
and forgiveness. Right, We've found love of tolerance, patience, understanding.
We found a way out of the fear through prayer.
And now two thirds of our mind is open to
the sunlight, and that transformation starts to take place.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
God starts to enter our heart and we start looking
at things differently.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
If you're honest, if you're on and if you can
look in the mirror and stop playing the bland game sex,
it's the next inventory. They asked us to take a
whole different question, a whole different The whole it was
the first two inventories was who hurt us? Now it's
who did we hurt? That's a whole different conversation. And
(16:21):
we're not and nobody's judging anybody's sex behavior or preference,
or how anybody identifies. Nobody cares here. They shouldn't care here.
Maybe they do, but they shouldn't put That's not why
we're here. We're not here to judge anybody's sex conduct.
We're not here to talk about sex specifically. We're here
(16:42):
to talk about sex relations relationships.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
That's what we're here to talk about. I like that.
I tell my guys forget about the sex.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
Let's talk about in pursuit of sex, in pursuit of relationships, who.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
Did I hurt? That's the question. Who did I hurt
in pursuit of it?
Speaker 2 (17:00):
Doesn't necessarily mean you slept with them, but in pursuit
of them, you could have hurt them.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
Who did you? Heart?
Speaker 2 (17:06):
And it's a tricky thing, right, and especially for somebody
like they grew up in my generation. I hate to
date me, but you know, they grew up in the
sixties where you know you should be enjoying it.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
You know you should do it.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
Anytime, anywhere, with anyone, any position. You know it just
you know, not having fun, you're doing something wrong, you know.
But I grew up as a child being told that
if it wasn't in marriage, it's sinful. There's only one position,
there's only one person. Right, it was for reproduction only, right.
(17:45):
I don't know who followed those rules, but I know
I wasn't planned.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
So there was conflict right there for me.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
Right, I want to be on the fun side of
the island.
Speaker 1 (17:58):
I don't want to be on this sinful side.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
And isn't that kind of where the conscious separation takes place?
Kind of in those areas, right where this rules and
regulations and difficult and this looks like a lot of
fun over here. So how about I just deny that?
How about I just look at that like Santa Claus,
(18:24):
like they made that up to just keep me in
line in Catholic.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
School, which is what I did.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
I cautiously made a decision to separate myself completely from religions.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
The problem is God still exists inside.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
So my behavior creates this guilt and this remorse and
this shame from hurting other people, mostly in pursuit of relationships,
mostly in pursuit of relationship, not always, but mostly because
there was one thing on my mind. From age thirteen on,
(19:00):
Everything else was in preparation for that. The car, the job,
All that was in preparation for sex, and it's the
questions are who did I heart?
Speaker 1 (19:16):
What did I do?
Speaker 2 (19:20):
It asked me what instinct am I trying to satisfy?
And I know I was tempted to check the sex instinct,
but if I was really honest with myself, if I
could get honest with myself, it was more about the
social instinct and the security instinct than it was about
the sex instinct.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
I really just wanted the guys to think I was
having sex with you.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
I was afraid to have sex with you because if
I didn't measure up, or if I failed, I'd have
to kill myself.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
And if that gets around, oh my god. You know.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
So for me, it was really more about the social
inst what everybody thought.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
How did I make them feel?
Speaker 2 (20:12):
That's the next question, how did I make them feel?
And then we can always get down to the core
defects of character. I selfish, self centered, dishonest, didn't consider
it is this fear based?
Speaker 1 (20:27):
Why am I pursuing this?
Speaker 2 (20:28):
And when I say I don't have to have sex
with somebody to hurt somebody, I can be flirting here
in this meeting and I have a wife at home.
Speaker 1 (20:37):
That's wrong. That's hurting someone.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
I could be provoking somebody knowing that that's never gonna happen,
just because I want to satisfy my social ads. I
want to satisfy my security instinct. I want to boost
my ego. And I've caught myself too. It's tough instincts
to reel in, especially the sex. It's a powerful instinct.
(21:04):
It's a powerful force. It's a driving force. I don't
know if you guys with young guys like me. I mean,
I was just I let me tell you something. When
it came up to principles or pleasure.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
That did not pick principles.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
If it came up and that happened in all three
areas of that came up, the principles or money. It
took the money, principles or attention acceptance.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
I'll take the acceptance. And that is what's driving the.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
Spiritual malady that Bill was talking about, this internal condition,
this anxiety, this fear, this guilt, remorse, this shame, and
guess what, I don't have the luxury of medicating anymore.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
Right, I could get absolution through the bottle before. I
can't do that anymore. I can't do that anymore.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
That's a shame because I have blown up beautiful relationships,
completely destroyed beautiful relationships for one brief moment. It was
a brief moment of pleasure.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
That's sad.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
That's sad when I look back as somebody that should
have been my wife, that for a moment of pleasure.
Speaker 1 (22:38):
I weighed pleasure in.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
Principles and even consider the harm. And then when they leave,
I'm suicidal. I can't believe it, can't believe they would
harm me like that. I can't believe one little mistake
one of double standards. I had double standards. It's okay
(22:59):
for even not you. They give us a prayer for
resentment and a prayer for fear. They give us three
prayers for three prayers for sex. And this is and
they're they're awesome because I have my guys. I talk
to them all the time. I want to know if.
Speaker 1 (23:21):
You're if you're prepared to get into a relationship.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
We ask God to move our ideals and help us
live up to them. What's it say right before that
we subjected each relationship to this test.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
Is it selfish or not?
Speaker 2 (23:35):
Each relationship that we're about to get into, is this
selfish or not?
Speaker 1 (23:39):
Is this fear based? Because I'm afraid to be alone anymore?
I don't.
Speaker 2 (23:44):
I'm afraid I'm gonna be alone forever, so I'm gonna settle.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
Is this fear based? Hey, let me tell yourself.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
I was gonna marry for many years because it was
better than being alone.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
It wasn't great, might not even have been good.
Speaker 2 (23:58):
Yeah, but I mistook love for the fear of being alone.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
So ask me which character defense? Am is this?
Speaker 2 (24:08):
Any of these character defects involved in me getting into
this relationship? Am I being inconsiderate? Is this selfish, fear
based dishonored? My being dishonest by leading her or him on?
Am I doing this because I need the money, I
need a place to stay?
Speaker 1 (24:23):
Why am I doing this?
Speaker 2 (24:26):
We asked ourselves these questions that if we want to
eliminate the guilt or remorse and the shame that's blocking
me from the Sunna, do I still want to live
with that? Another prayer we asked in meditation. In prayer,
we ask God by the way. When it says we
asked in the Big Book, it means we prayed. There's
(24:47):
another way to ask God for something than to pray. Right,
we ask God what we should do in each specific matter,
the right answer will come if we want it.
Speaker 1 (24:56):
We know that to be true.
Speaker 2 (24:57):
Right there we go the God within, That God within,
we know right from wrong. We can lie to ourselves,
we can medicate to walk get through it, we could
justify itsng But deep downald in every one of us,
we know what the truth is and we know what.
Speaker 1 (25:14):
The real motive is. Right there, Yeah, I kind of
like her. I kind of like her, But.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
I do need the money, you know. I mean there's
an upside there, but I do need a place to stay.
Why am I doing this? Another prayer? I don't know
how to build out the sex indentary on page sixty nine.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
That always babbles me. Maybe that's why you move the
doctor's opinion.
Speaker 2 (25:51):
The third prayer, we earnestly pray for the right idea
or for guidance in each questionable situation, for sanity, and
for the strength.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
To do the right thing. We don't have a choice anymore, man,
How long can.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
We continue to go down that road, putting ourselves in
conflict with other people and not drink over it.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
I don't know what the limit is there. I don't
know what it is.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
I don't want to live with that anymore. I've got
no point in my life. I don't want to live
with guilt anymore. I don't want to live with shame anymore.
If sex is really troublesome, there's a good suggestion we
throw ourselves harder into helping others.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
Right, get out of yourself. It's a driving force.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
How do I get out of that obsession, which is
what it is.
Speaker 1 (26:42):
It's a drug, It's a dopamine dump.
Speaker 2 (26:46):
More so than attention and money.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
It takes us out of ourselves.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
It quiets that horny condition when to yield with me, hearty,
that's what.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
He's talking about, and it's consuming.
Speaker 2 (27:01):
We have another option. Let's connect with somebody in the fellowship.
Let's talk to them about let's call our sponsor. Let's
go help a sponsor. That takes us out of the
imperious urge. Bill calls it to me.
Speaker 1 (27:19):
This is like, this particular.
Speaker 2 (27:26):
Area of my life was the most trolls because there
was fear involved in not being in a relationship and
fear involved in being in a relationship. There was a
lot of fear there and it was consuming the last
inventory that they're asking us to do. It's not in
(27:49):
the book aout asking my guys to do and because
it says that we have a list of people that
we have hurt by our conduct or we're willing to
straighten out the past that we can. And it's saying
that we have a list of everybody leaving home, so
we need to make another I have them make another
list because of harms other than relational be an need, shoplifting,
(28:17):
hit and runs, student loans, taxes, just unpaid debts, that
kind of stuff. It's the clouds that'll be hanging over
us if we don't take care of them. And it's
not that has to be done overnight. It's not something
that has to right right away. Next one we whenever
(28:40):
we get into step eight, we're talking about a willingness.
We need to be willing. It may take years. I
think I don't know if I share with you guys.
I know we're not in nine right now, but I
don't think I shared with you guys. At my very
first girlfriend, my very first everything, who I thought we
were going to be married, who I introduced to many
(29:01):
jail cells at sixteen years old, right, and many car
accidents and all sorts of alcohol and other substances at sixteen.
I was eighteen at the time, and I stepped outside
of that relationship and blew it up and blew it up.
(29:26):
And I just recently was able to make an amends
for that. I had no idea where she went, you know,
I did, but I was willing. I had her on
my list, you know, and she showed up on social media.
It's funny because I I got with my wife first,
and I asked my wife and said, okay, if I
contact her, would you mind if I contact her just
(29:47):
to make an amends, because that's what we do.
Speaker 1 (29:49):
You know. And she said, sure, yeah, go ahead, And so.
Speaker 2 (29:53):
I contacted her and I made amend. Told you know
about the jails and the car accident. I mean, I
told her her father's car, you know, And.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
She found out a lot of what not to do,
you know.
Speaker 2 (30:06):
And after I went through this whole litany of making
amends to her, she says to me, well, she says,
we were just kids being kids. I said that one
on another twenty years for me. So so so now
what do we do now? Here's where the fear set
(30:28):
in for me. I was not afraid of four and
I think a lot of people are like me.
Speaker 1 (30:31):
They weren't afraid of four. They were afraid of five. Right,
I have to tell somebody.
Speaker 2 (30:37):
We all look ahead, you know, we're all looking ahead,
and I gonna have to call the I R S.
We were reading the we were reading the Doctor's Opinion.
I said to Brian, well, I have to call the
I R S. He said, part we're on the step one.
Settle out, settle loud. What I didn't know is that
by the time I got the nine, I would want
to call the I R S.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
You follow me.
Speaker 2 (30:59):
I didn't know that that transformation was going to take place.
I didn't know that willingness was going to take place.
I didn't know that I would want to make amends
to you because I wanted more of this power.
Speaker 1 (31:11):
I wanted more of that.
Speaker 2 (31:13):
So I'm starting to get some relief, and I think,
what happens We start to lose track of what we're
really trying to do here, and it says, right here,
we've been trying to get a new attitude and a
new relationship with our creator and discover the obstacles in
our past.
Speaker 1 (31:25):
We admitting certain.
Speaker 2 (31:27):
Defects, and we have ascertained in a rough way what
the trouble is, but now we need to share it.
You need to get free, we need That's the whole goal.
Here is this relationship with this power that's going to
solve our problem because we're not going to be doing
be able to do anything about it. And if you're
(31:48):
like me, that's obvious. And if it's not obvious, then
you may not do the work. You may not if
you still think there's a chance that you can and
stay stopped without doing this.
Speaker 1 (32:04):
My hat's off to you. I wish I was you.
Speaker 2 (32:09):
That's not true, and there was a time where I
wish I was you. Now I wouldn't give this up
for anything. If they I don't know when that changed either.
If they had come up, if they came up with
a pill right now that would allow me to drink normally,
I would not take it. I would not take it.
I love this life. I love this I love getting
(32:33):
to have this relationship with you guys. And this is
just incredible. What I get here, this room in particular
is powerful. You're not gonna find this everywhere. I'm gonna
tell you, this is a powerful.
Speaker 1 (32:45):
Room right here.
Speaker 2 (32:47):
This is people who would normally not mix, and we
are bound together shoulder to shoulder here, man, we are
just amazing.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
I wouldn't give this up for any couple I know.
Speaker 2 (33:02):
That wasn't my fault. So the bill goins is if
we don't do this fist step, were club going to drink.
Speaker 1 (33:14):
Drink. We can't stop anywhere here.
Speaker 2 (33:16):
One step is building on the next, and that step
is building on the next, and one next one. It's
not about I gotta get this one before I move on.
That's not how this works. Each step builds on the
next step. Confession frees the confessor, just like forgiveness freeze
the forgiver. That's where we find freedom.
Speaker 1 (33:39):
In the confessing it.
Speaker 2 (33:41):
But that takes humility, that takes guts, That takes guts,
and I didn't want to do it.
Speaker 1 (33:51):
I don't trust you.
Speaker 2 (33:54):
There's there's maybe a few in my inner circle that
I trust. There's a couple plum in this room. But
for the most part, I don't trust anybody. Why would I.
I didn't trust my parents, the two people I should
have been able to trust unconditionally. Because everybody lies, everybody cheats,
(34:17):
everybody runs. And I sat at Danny's with you guys
every night talking about everybody in the meeting, taking their inventory, gossiping, which,
by the way, kills people here. I was guilty when
I first came in. If you're doing it, stop it.
The rule is, if they're not there, don't talk about
(34:38):
Wait till they're there.
Speaker 1 (34:41):
That's my rule. If they're not there, we stop.
Speaker 2 (34:43):
Nope, let's wait till they're here, then we'll talk about
taking the speakers inventory.
Speaker 1 (34:50):
He was so full of shit tonight. What'd that have
to do with that step? What step was that?
Speaker 2 (34:57):
Anyway, I was there, that stuff stopped me from trusting you,
because if you're talking about them, criticizing that speaker, what
are you talking about when I'm not here? You're talking
about me? Because I am the center of the universe.
(35:17):
I'm sure you're taking my inventory today. I don't necessarily care,
but I should say I do care a little bit. Hey,
I'm not perfect by any means. I'm still suffering, just
like everybody else in this room.
Speaker 1 (35:32):
Yeah. I just have a great solution and it doesn't
have a drink or a drug involved in it. That's
the cool thing.
Speaker 2 (35:40):
And I gotta hear. I gotta hear in this step.
So I'm wavering man. As much as I owe Brian
my life.
Speaker 1 (35:52):
I just couldn't do it. Man. You know, he was
way younger than me. He's just I don't think you'll understand.
I was making excuses.
Speaker 3 (36:00):
You know.
Speaker 2 (36:02):
In my my uh, my home group was called the
Book of Boys Club. Was an old bunch of old
men in Deerfield. I don't know where they got the name, uh,
but they were. We were talking about it earlier. They
were the guys that weren't afraid to hurt my feelings.
That saved my life, you know what I'm saying. They
would risk the friendship to tell me the truth. Those
(36:26):
were the guys that were just trying to get Pat
to follow one simple freaking rule, and they weren't afraid
to hurt my feelings to.
Speaker 1 (36:34):
Get me to do it.
Speaker 2 (36:36):
That's the AA that I love, and that's the AA
that I'm part of.
Speaker 1 (36:42):
Pat, Why are you walking around with holes in your jeans?
They are my work jeans. Yeah, but don't come to
a meeting looking like a slob. What the the hell's
wrong with you? Guys?
Speaker 2 (36:55):
You know, Pat, can't you make it to a meeting
on I'm for god sake, well I work.
Speaker 1 (37:03):
Jesus, you can't make it? What's wrong with you? What's
the difference. It's a difference, Pat, I want you to
be here fifteen minutes early next week.
Speaker 2 (37:15):
Why they're just trying to see you if I'm willing
to follow a simple freaking rule, right, if you're in halfway,
that's why they want you to make your bed. Can
you follow one simple freaking rule and make your bet?
Why I'm going to sleep in it later, Right, just
(37:39):
accomplish one thing today, make your bet. That's bullshit, you
know I should have to do that. So here's a
great story, right, I love this story. Right, I ask
if I could, finally, I start by the way buying
better dems, you know, because I don't want to hear
(37:59):
it shit every time I walk into meeting. So right now,
as soon as they start to get a hold, I
order a new pair.
Speaker 1 (38:06):
Right. It's just that's the thing. It's it's they taught me,
is right.
Speaker 2 (38:10):
So I asked if I could chair the meeting. They said, yeah,
you can chair the meeting. Just remember you have to
wear a collar when you chair the meeting.
Speaker 1 (38:17):
Yeah yeah, yeah. So I come up the next week.
Speaker 2 (38:20):
I come straight from work, I got my T shirt
on from work, and I start passing out the how
it works and promises and.
Speaker 1 (38:27):
They get pat you can't chair. I said why, He said,
you don't have a caller on.
Speaker 2 (38:32):
I said, what is the difference whether I have a
caller on or.
Speaker 1 (38:36):
Not to chair this meeting?
Speaker 2 (38:37):
And he said the difference is you can't chair. And
I was a tissed give him the finger. I walked
on there you guys just such bullshit. Came back next
week with a collar on, chaired the meeting. And I
will never be at a podium a lot of caller on.
(38:58):
Just I I can follow that simple rule. I can
follow it. And it was about respect to them, have
some respect for the meeting, have some respect for the
sacred place that you're walking into. But if I'm in
a convention or something, I got a suit on, you know,
well I'm at a big event, show some respect.
Speaker 1 (39:19):
But for them, it was about can you follow one rule?
Can you just follow one rule? And they're odd me
about this fifth step? When are you going to do
your fifth step? Path? Do your fifth step? What's wrong?
Why can't you do it?
Speaker 2 (39:28):
I'll do it with you, so I figure I'll shut
them up. And because the book gives us some suggestions, right,
they don't mention sponsor here, but that's the person to
do it with.
Speaker 1 (39:38):
Right. The twelve and twelve talks about sponsor all through it. Right,
they mentioned they.
Speaker 2 (39:42):
Refer to a sponsor here twice in chapter two when
we're approached with the man the answer when approaching the newcomer,
they talk about a guy who's approaching the newcomer. They
just don't use the word sponsor. But when you get
to thirteen years later, when he writes the twelve and
twelve and before.
Speaker 1 (39:57):
That it was all about sponsorship. Who you did it
was a fifth step with that's probably the right person.
But it gives us some other suggestion.
Speaker 2 (40:04):
Priest, rabbi, minister, psychologists, psychiatrist.
Speaker 1 (40:07):
Right, So I'm thinking priest by law, I think they
can't say I don know it's the law, but it's
a code. They have a code, right that I was
brought up as a.
Speaker 2 (40:17):
Priest, can't share anything that's in confession. I figured, you
know what, maybe I'll do it with a priest. So
I called Saint Andrew's Church in Coral Springs at eleven
o'clock at night because I figured nobody will pick up
the phone and I'll tell these goofballs that I tried.
Nobody answered, you know, and Father Quinn picked up the
phone and sant Andrews, and I go, I'm an alcoholic.
(40:40):
Oh you want to do a fifth step? You know.
Speaker 1 (40:45):
I didn't know, but the Coral Springs group had.
Speaker 2 (40:47):
Been meeting there for years, right, And be in my
office tomorrow morning at nine o'clock. And I'm in his
office at nine o'clock the next morning, and I spent
two and a half hours with far Clint, and my
life forever changed, forever changed. And I don't know what
it was, confession freeze, the confessor I left that office.
(41:09):
I think it's Eckar told talks about walking into a
room for the hundredth time and seeing it for the
first time. I walked out of that office into the world,
into that courtyard that I had been many times, and
saw the world for the first time.
Speaker 1 (41:26):
And I mean that, I mean flowers, hedges, palm trees. Right.
I'm going to work, going there's green everywhere.
Speaker 2 (41:34):
You know. I was going home that night. There's this
gorgeous sunset. I go, I can't wait to get to
the toll booth to show the lady, you know. And
I get to the toll boats on the.
Speaker 1 (41:44):
Sawgrass, and I go, look at that. She said, what
I said, look at that? She goes, It's a sunrise,
a sunset.
Speaker 2 (41:50):
It's there every night. I had been driving it for
twelve years and never saw a whole new world came
into view. I had been looking at asphalt and bumpers
my whole life. Anybody else walking with their head down
staring at the ground. I didn't acknowledge anybody beside me,
anybody around me. You could have been in the car
(42:12):
next to me begging for help and I would have
never noticed. I would have never noticed because I was
looking at that light, because when that light goes yellow,
this was going to go green. And I got places
to go. And for the first time I saw well.
God entered my heart that day.
Speaker 1 (42:28):
Faith. I had faith for the first time in my life.
You know what faith equals results results, That's what this
formula is.
Speaker 2 (42:39):
Just be willing to believe, make a decision, take some action,
and you will get results will equal faith. I became
a believer in the God of my misunderstanding that day.
Speaker 1 (42:50):
I had no real understanding of.
Speaker 2 (42:52):
It, but I believed that there was a power in
this universe that just solved my problem because I hadn't
a session to drink. I've never had the obsession to
drink since that day. Now, I'm not telling you that
I haven't thought about it. I stuffed my toe. I
think VI like it it, you know, to this day.
But I know that vik itting blows up my life,
(43:14):
so I get that it's not.
Speaker 1 (43:15):
An obsession anymore. The obsession was lifted. I know the truth.
Speaker 2 (43:19):
One drink blows up my life in one affair blows
up my life, and one lie could blow up my life.
One porn site could blow up my life. There's a
lot of instinctual drives that I'm pray to that could
blow up my life in a heartbeat and lead to
(43:40):
that drink and then lead to that drink, because how
else am I going to handle that after I blow
up my life. The great fact is this, and nothing less,
that we've had deep, in effective spiritual experiences that have
revolutionized our whole attitude on life.
Speaker 1 (43:56):
Right, That's the solution this program has to offer.
Speaker 2 (44:00):
Fact of our life today is that God has entered
my heart and lives in a wages indeed miraculous commencing
to do for me what I couldn't do.
Speaker 1 (44:08):
For myself and that was stay stopped. I could not
stay stopped, and God did that for me.
Speaker 2 (44:16):
Whatever you think, that is the universe energy, spirit of
the creative intelligence, whatever you want to label it.
Speaker 1 (44:25):
But if you do this work, you will get those.
This is the whole foundation of this program. Right now.
Speaker 2 (44:30):
These first five have laid this foundation. They're going to
ask me after I do this fifth step, to go
home and make sure I was thorough. Did I do
the best I could?
Speaker 1 (44:40):
Did I leave anything out purposely? Did I what did
it say? Did I mix mortar without sand? Right? That's
right out of the bigger book?
Speaker 2 (44:47):
Right?
Speaker 1 (44:48):
Is my house built on rock or is it built
on sand? What is my foundation built on? Mine was
built on rock.
Speaker 2 (44:58):
Thank you, Ray about mmmm hmmm. Just to be clear,
thanks for letting me be here tonight.
Speaker 3 (45:10):
Mm hmm
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