November 28, 2025 • 33 mins
Pat Rogan Step 6-7, Step Series at the Tuesday night Step Group at the 12 Step House, Fort Lauderdale, FL, 11/25/2024.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Covered alcoholic. My name's pat Rogant Rogan. Thanks to the
twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, outlined in this Big Book
of Alcoholics Anonymous, which is the program I have recovered
from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. And
for that, I can't even tell you how grateful I
am and thankful and thankful. It's a good week to
be thankful, right, everybody that's sitting here should be thankful.
(00:22):
I know some of you don't feel that way. I
can see it on your faces. But it's a disease
of perception, you know. And I always say, you know,
half the room is here because they can't wait to
get here and hear whoever's speaking here and get to
a meeting, and and this is exactly where they want
to be. And then the other half of the room
wishes they would never be here, and they can't believe
(00:45):
they're here listening to this asshole. And you're both sitting
in the same room, listening to the same person say
the same thing, and the only difference is perception. And
this is a disease of perception. And uh, someday, even
if you don't wanna be here, you're gonna realize you
(01:07):
do wanna be here, and that you get to be here,
not need to be here, but you get to be here.
And I I mean, we come in here needing to
be here, but then we realize we get to be here,
and it's just such a blessing to be here, and
especially this week of Thanksgiving, it just it just makes
me feel a great And this is this is my
happy place. I mean, it was a miserable assday today
at work and uh and I couldn't wait to get here,
(01:29):
you know, cause this is just where I get that
relief that I used to get in a bottle, you know.
So how am I talking about? Uh? So, we've we've
laid the foundation of the program in the first five steps,
(01:50):
and uh this is the foundation that's gonna take us
through the rest of the program. This is this, These
these were the necessary steps to build way of life
that we're gonna continue. We're gonna start leaving living and
you know, obviously, you know, the surrender and the admission
that there's no human power on this planet that's going
(02:13):
to keep me stopped are the two necessities of the
first two steps. The ABC's being convinced that those two
steps are a requirement for recovery, not for membership, not
for a seat, but for recovery. We have to admit
that there's no way I can stay stopped on my
own and no human power. And if you're me, somebody
(02:34):
liked me. And I don't know if you are or not.
That there was no child, no wife, no career, and
no judge that could keep me stopped. You know, there
were no consequences. I'm not here via consequences. You know
why I'm here. Alcohol stop working. That's why I'm here.
Alcohol will no longer justify my behavior. Alcohol would no
longer give me absolution after I violated your principles and mine.
(02:57):
And when that stops working, I ran out of options.
And I was fortunate to have a member of my
family in this particular fellowship, and I reached out to
her and she took me to my first meeting. And
that's how I'm here. I'm here not because I wanted
to be here, because I had no other choice but
to be here. I didn't know it was either put
a gun to my head again, which I had already
(03:20):
tried once, and shot my waterbed, which did not go well.
It destroyed the moment and I didn't have the guts
to try it again anybody like me. I figured my luck,
I'll survive it, right, and I'll end up a vegetable
in a wheelchair the rest of my life, you know.
(03:42):
I mean, that's the kind of shit that goes through
my head.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
You know.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
I'll shoot myself and I'll be normal, but I won't
be able to talk, you know. Anyways, So we made
a decision to change our behavior and seek God for guidance.
That was the decision that my behavior is the issue.
(04:07):
How do I reel into my behavior? Well, I need
to seek God to reel in that behavior. I need
to seek God's help to change the way I act
so that it would change the way my life is.
It would change my life. I could change the way
I think. If I could change my perception, my emotions
would change. Therefore my actions would change and my life
would change. And that was the decision I made. And
(04:27):
then I took that action in four and five, and
I saw the truth about myself, a frightening truth. And
here's we were just sharing about this and the meeting
before this. What my truth was? Oh my God, this
is all my fault. Right, I'm done blaming everybody. I
saw the truth in my fourth step. I saw my
(04:49):
responsibility in every single situation, which but one that I
shared with you last week was my father. I didn't
play a part in that. I didn't play a part
in that part of the dysfunction that I became him accepted.
What brought me here was being my father. I hated
my father for assaulting my mother. And guess how I
(05:09):
got here. I assaulted my children's mother. That's how I
got here. And in Step five I got free. I
got free. That was where my spiritual experience came. It
doesn't happen for everybody I know. Stevie talks about having
one in three. I know people that have it. In nine.
I know the people would have it as a result
(05:29):
of living ten, eleven, and twelve. Mine came in five.
I had a spiritual experience. In Step five, I left
Father Quinn's office and a whole new life came into you.
It was the first time in my life that I
was at peace without a substance in my body, the
first time in my life I can ever remember. I'm
(05:49):
talking as far back as I can remember, like at
five four, five six years old. It was the first
time in my life I can remember going just I
want more of this? I want more of this? How
do I get more of this? You know? And I
and that's what I've been doing. I've been chasing more
of that. How do I? How do I? And we
(06:10):
and we got steps? You know when I get out
of that, I can get back in that. You know,
That's what the rest of these steps are. How do
I how do I keep that? How do I really
my behavior? How do I keep that feeling moving forward
with me? And I got to make a confession. I
left something out of my fifth step. And this is
(06:32):
what I tell my guys when we do a fifth step,
after we're done it. Did you do the best you
can at this time? Do you do? And I tell you,
just do the best you can at this time. Do
not not do your fifth step because of the one thing.
Do not not do it because of that one thing
that's haunting you. And I know the book says it
(06:54):
was like thorough We're sitting at home for an hour.
Did I sell everything? Did I hold anything back? Sorry?
I didn't even trust the priest with this one. Yeah,
And it was sexual, I'll be honest with you. And
it was it was kids being a kid, you know,
it was young kids being a young kid. And I
was embarrassed and I did not want to tell a
(07:15):
priest that. So do you know, as free as I was,
as free as I felt, and even with the experience
that I had, there was still that cloud. That was
that little cloud, you know, it was that little lie.
You know, did you tell them everything? Oh? Yeah, yeah?
(07:38):
And what I And we'll talk more about this later on.
What I found through experience, looking in the rearview mirror,
looking in the rear view mirror, looking at my past.
What I thought was rejection was really redirection, right, And
this just happened over and over and over in my
life where I thought I had been rejected and I
in reality I was redirected into a better place. And
(08:02):
that's what happened there. I was the treasurer of a
home group. I started a group, being a couple of
guys started a group, and I was the treasurer in
that group. My name was on the lease of that group,
and somebody accused me of stealing money and I lost it.
Could you imagine you questioning this alcoholic addicts integrity. I mean,
(08:24):
that's just who would do that, and to make a
long story short, I hit the guy in the head
with the check book. It was the anniversary night. My
sons were there. They witnessed my recovery, you know. And
if it hadn't been for my older son's stepping between
me and this guy, there would have been more damage done.
(08:48):
And I left that group never to return, and went
to a group bought in West Boca. It ended up
being the Boca Boys Club, which I talked about a lot,
and I met Howard C. Howard Cohen, and I heard
Howard's story and Howard pretty much told my dirty secret
(09:09):
from na podium right and I asked Howard to sponsor
me that night, and Howard was my sponsor for the
next ten years up until the day of his death.
And I was able to get free. It was five
years later. I was able to get rid of that
one thing that was haunting me. And I'm just thankful
that I didn't not do my fifth step because of it,
(09:30):
you know, And I would have never experienced that relief
that I got in my fifth Step. So the book says,
if we've been there, if we've done the best we
can at this time, that's me the best I can
at this time we move into step six and seven,
and there's no coincidence that six and seven is plugged
in between eight and nine and five the tools of change, right,
(09:55):
the tools of change two steps by the way that
Bill added, you know, we look back at at the
tenants and the forward to the second edition where Bill
talks about the sixth tenants that he took from the
twenty eight tenants of the Oxford groups. He talks about surrender, confession, surrender, inventory, confession, restitution,
(10:16):
helpfulness to others, and a belief in the dependence upon God. Right.
He adds two steps at the beginning of that from
William James, he had steps one and two. Right, he
adds a get ready step in the restitution step. In
step eight he adds a spot check inventory in the
(10:37):
dependence upon God. And then he adds six and seven
right in the middle. Right in the middle, right, everything,
in my opinion, everything leads here, and everything leads back here. Right.
Two of the shortest steps of the book. And to
use is it ed Dowling's words. This is the steps
(11:00):
that separate the men from the boys, the women from
the girls. You know, this is a step where you
see what we're really made of. Because if nothing changes,
guess what, nothing changes, We're building an inventory again, that's
what we're doing. Right, We're still going out there, we're
still stepping on people's toes because nothing changed. Our behavior
(11:22):
is the same. We're still selfish, self centered, driven by fear,
self delusion, and self pity. And nothing changed, and we're
building another four step. I put that in front of
the camera, sorry, folks. In my opinion too, of the
shortest steps in the book, two of the most important
(11:44):
steps in the book, Two of the most important steps
in the book, right, And I don't think you know,
people ask well, you know, building know much about these steps.
That's why they're so short. In the in the big book,
you know, he goes what from six lines to seven
pages and step six and the twelve and twelve thirteen
years later he goes from seven lines to seven pages
(12:05):
and step seven in the twelve and twelve thirteen years later.
I don't believe that. I believe that these steps were
designed to work quickly. They were designed to be done rapidly, right,
not like we do now. And look, they didn't have
the fellowship to lean on like we have now either, right,
(12:25):
but it's almost eight hundred meetings in Brower Connie, now
right that you can go and lean on the fellowship.
They didn't have that luxury. Doctor Bob was taking guys
through the steps in half a day. Clarence was doing
it in one day. They were taken through the people
through the steps rapidly. You know where we address six
and seven, ten, right the spot check inventory, right where
(12:50):
we become willing to let go of these defects of character.
We ask God for help to let go of these
defects of character. We start to change. See where our
character defects are helping us hurt other people. So we
start changing and then we move in to make the amends.
Some demonstration, some sort of demonstration has to take place
(13:13):
before I go into eight and nine. You know, people
are not gonna believe me if I show up the
same selfish, self centered guy that they met before. I
need to show up differently. I need to show up differently.
The changes have to start taking place immediately. You know.
I start with and this was my sponsor doing for me,
And what I do for my guys is start sending
(13:34):
birthday cards out and stuff. I mean, when's your mother's birthday.
When's your father's birth when's your parents' birthday, when's your
kid's birthday? Send them a damn birthday card. They'll be shocked.
You'll be shocked and thrilled to get a birthday. You
could owe them hundreds of thousands. And when they see
that card of oh my god, look at this, you
know the change doesn't have to be drastic at that point.
(13:57):
But we have to show up different. Show up at
my mother's I had to bring something so she knew
I wasn't gonna rob her when I got there. Ye
show up with something anything, but show up different, show
up different. M simple, right, I mean really simple. Stop
(14:21):
doing what we shouldn't do and start doing what we
should do. God that sounds so seept right. Stop lying,
tell the truth, stop being inconsiderate, start being considerate, stop
being dishonest, be honest. It's it's been a way of
(14:43):
life for a long time.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
Right.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
Those selfish and those self centered muscles are strong, they
are developed. Yeah, and why because I get something out
of them, I get pleasure out of them. We go
back to the third step conversation. Right, These instinct should
drives that drive us, right, this social instinct, is security instinct,
and the sex instincts. Like these three instinct will drives
(15:07):
necessary for our survival. God wants us to do him,
so he makes them pleasurable. But we are addicted to
the pleasure that comes from satisfying those instincts, so we
take them beyond what God intended them to be. We
love attention. We're made to have a time. We're supposed
to come together and work together. We're supposed to get along.
(15:29):
I want to be liked and accepted. And one I'm
liked and accepted, it feels good. And there's a doble
mean dump attached to that. But I want more of that,
and then I want more of that, And then I
want more of that. And then I start lying and
cheating and stealing to get more of that. I said,
(15:49):
tell it, I start making up something. I'm not same
with the material. It's never the right car we talked about.
This is never the right car in the right house.
Never enough money, More and more and more and more,
because the more I have, the better it makes me feel.
I have that big day financially, dopamine dump attached to that.
(16:14):
I want more of that. How do I get more
of that well, sometimes you have to step outside of
honesty to get more of that. Or maybe it's not dishonest,
it's just when holding the truth, we start lying to ourselves.
Eventually we start stepping on the toes of other people.
(16:36):
We start lying, cheating, steeling to get more, and then
we're in conflict again. And the sex instincts the same thing,
never enough, never enough, beautiful. Everything seems to lose it shine.
I don't understand. You know, that's a clancy quote right there.
Everything loses it shine. And I don't know why with
(17:00):
you guys, k it was last week a week before.
You know, I've been in these beautiful relationships that I've
blown up for moments of pleasure for no reason. But
that for the social aspect, for the security aspect, for
the sex aspect, that's the measure of the defect of character,
(17:22):
by the way, where God intended those instincts to be,
and then where I've taken them. There is the measure
of the character defense. Where did I take them beyond
what's acceptable to me and the people around me. I'm
not talking. I don't even care what society says. I
don't even care. We know the truth deep down within
every one of us is a soul, is God. That's
(17:42):
the part that knows that, it knows that, it knows
that I stepped outside of what I was supposed to do.
You know, we talked about that as we don't judge
anybody here. If what I'm doing is acceptable to my partner,
then it's acceptable, you know, especially in the sex area.
(18:03):
It's not about society. It's about who am I in
a relationship with. I wish it was that simple, man,
I do. I wish it was that simple. You know,
society has kind of dictated what makes us successful, hasn't it.
I Mean, here's the way I grew up. Son. You
(18:25):
need to get a good education, so you'll get a
good job and you'll make good money, and then you'll
get a nice car and a nice house, and you'll
find a beautiful woman and then you'll get married and
you'll live happily ever after. And they have pictures of
what that looks like, right right. I mean, they actually
(18:46):
have billboards that have pictures of what that looks like.
They have magazines they tell you, here's what you should
look like to be successful. Man, woman doesn't matter. Here's
the watch you should be wearing that makes That dictates success.
Here's the car you should be driving that dictates success.
Here's what the woman on your arms should look like
(19:06):
that dictates success. Hey tell us how tall we should be,
how what weight we should be, what we should be wearing,
what we should be driving, and where we should be
living to be successful. Why wouldn't we chase that? Why
wouldn't we chase that? Who's had this conversation with their parents? Son? Daughter? Really,
(19:26):
all you really need is a good relationship with God,
and if you could get that relationship with God, everything
else will work on anybody couple it right, a couple
of religious parents or relives his background or spiritual background.
Not me. That was not the conversation we had. You know,
(19:48):
my dad taught me how to cheat banks. You know,
how to write a check, get it verified, run to
the bank, transfer that money to another account, and you
get a free call for three months until they come
and republic. You know, you could drive a Lincoln for
free for three months. Right, sounds like you guys did that,
(20:15):
But you've done something like that. So that was my
whole life. I need to get the right job so
I can get the right car, so I can get
the right girl. That was my My whole life was
wrapped up in that. There was nothing spiritual in that
whatsoever I shared with you guys. My spirituality went out
(20:36):
the window in the sixties and seventies when you guys
were on the on the fun side of the island.
I left the island where they talked about how I
should behave in church. You know that I'm going to
go to hell if I continue down this road, or
if I go down that road, you're going to hell.
If you go down this road, you're going to the
gates of Heaven or maybe halfway house purgatory, you know.
(21:03):
But then there was this other side of the island said,
that's all bullshit, that's all fairy tale, that's all Santa Claus.
We're having a blast over here. You know. We're having
sex any time with anybody. We're smoking dope, we're drinking,
We're having a blast. I fell in love with that
side of the island. There was a lot of fun
on that a lot of relief on that side of
(21:24):
the island, and so I just disregarded any of My
grandmother took us to church every week. I couldn't wait
to not have to go to church. Yeah, who knew?
So what do I do? I create this fake person A.
Pastor Dave from CBG talks about creating this fake self.
(21:47):
He calls it the first date self. You know, I
create this persona. It doesn't even exist, but that's what
you know. That's what you meet when you meet me.
Is this fake person the first date self? And I
live my life that way. I live my life faith.
(22:07):
I shared with you guys about lying about seeing Eric
Clapton and Pink Floyd and in sobriety. I mean, I've
done it. It's sober or dry. If you will, yeah,
just so that you will like, just so that I
can be part of. I'll be whatever you want to be,
whatever you want me to be. I'll say whatever you
want me to say, just to be part of, just
(22:30):
to be liked and accepted. It's just the way I
live my life. I love. Bill Wilson talks about the
The Forgotten Mountain. I think it's on page one hundred
and as Bill sees it, it's one of my favorite
little snippets. And as Bill sees it, and he talks
about that he had this dream he if I don't
(22:51):
know if anybody's been to Vermont, but we went to
the Wilson House. And next door to the Wilson House,
Bill was born actually behind the bar at the Wilson House,
which is ironic. But he lived with his grandfather next
door at the Griffith House. And we were in his
bedroom up in the Griffith House. It's above the library,
and you look out the window and you can see
Mount Leola's from there in Vermont. And and Bill used
(23:12):
to say that he would look out that window and
he would dream of clowning climbing that mountain. He would
just just can't wait to I just can't wait to
climb that mountain and look at East Dorset from the
top of that mountain. And I I somebody shared a bit,
uh you guys picked up a medallion, shared about being
in sports and had that dream of being the football
(23:32):
player and the track star or whatever. I was a
baseball player, you know. I I played the high school ball.
I was on the JV and varsity baseball team, you know,
and and used to run with the track guys. We'd
run five to eight miles a day, you know. And
my dream was to be a professional baseball player. I
just couldn't wait to be a professional baseball player. Of course,
(23:52):
then when you start drinking and smoking open cigarettes, and
the running goes out the window, and so does the
ambition to become a baseball player. The fudge, right, so
Bill says. Bill says, while I'm staring at this mountain,
I'm dreaming about climbing this mountain. My aunt for my
birthday brings a plate of fudge, and that fudge was
(24:16):
so delicious. I forgot all about the mountain, and I
chased that fudge for the next thirty five years. And
that's exactly what happened to me. You know. I found
that ball of Boone's farm Strawberry Hill, and that dream
of becoming a baseball player went out the window. And
I chased that bottle for the next twenty years. I
(24:39):
made sixteen to thirty six when I landed in here,
the forgotten Mountain, he calls it. He later talks about
overcoming the mountain. He talks about the struggle to overcome
the mountain, as we struggle to overcome our addiction. He
talks about, you know, going three steps up and then
falling and getting back up in taking another four or
(25:00):
five steps and then falling back again, and the struggle
and the pain and the anxiety and the fear that
was it was to get to the top of that mountain.
But he says, you know, while you're traveling up the mountain,
don't forget to stop and look back and see how
far you've come. Well, you know, don't forget to re
to to remember where you were and where you are
(25:22):
now now not where I wanna be, But I'm not
where I was. M I'm nowhere near there. I've made
a lot of progress, right, And that's really what this
step is about. In it progress we always say progress,
not perfection, which is a cop out in a way.
You know, later in the twelve or twelve he says
progress towards perfection. You know that we aim towards perfection.
(25:46):
We wanna be perfect. We know we're never gonna get there.
But in the journey, I'm gonna become a better person.
Ye Kenny, k Kenny, k I'll never forget Kenny. We
were doing a when this clubhouse of what I was
part of, we used to have Kenny come in and
do a step series for us every year. And I
don't know what I was I was probably three years
(26:09):
sober or something, maybe two or three years sober. And
Kenny was doing a step series and Kenny was on
step six. And Kenny got up to the podium and
he was talking about Step six and he said, when
I came into AA, they told me I had to
lie less. I said what, and he said, yeah, they
told me I had to shoplift less. And I said,
(26:30):
we have a liar and a thief doing a step
series and I wanted to call an emergency group conscious.
You know, Kenny, I think had fifteen years at the time,
you know, and I'm thinking, this guy's a thief. You know,
we got to get rid of this guy. We can't
have a hypocrite up there was Kenny was right on Wenney.
(26:52):
Kenny was right on lie.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
Less, cheat less. Okay, be less selfish, be less dishonest,
be less inconsiderate. That's really what this is about. And
eventually they start disappearing. You start not lying at all.
We start being considerate most of the time.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
Yeah. But one of my favorite paragraphs in the Big Book,
which I probably said twenty times already, is right at
the end of uh how it works? Oh shit, right
at the end of the right at the end of
how it works. He talks about suppose we fall short
(27:37):
of the chosen idea and stumble. Does that mean we're
gonna drink? And he said no, not always. If we
continue that behavior knowing we're hurting other people doing it,
we're going down that wrong road. Yeah, then we are
surely to drink. But if we recognize that we fell
short and we ask God to take us to better things,
(28:00):
and we're surely not gonna try. And that's really what
this is about. When we stumble and we fall, we
get back up, we make the amends, and we ask
God to take us to better things. Right, that's what
this is about. This is progress towards perfection, you know,
towards it. And the longer you're around here, the more
(28:22):
the road narrows. You know, Like, what was acceptable when
I got here? Look, I shouldn't say that it is true.
So I'm gonna give you a couple of examples. Right,
So I'm I'll tell you what I was gonna say.
(28:45):
Hopefully it doesn't offend anybody. Right. When I got here, Hey,
I was a cheater. I was an absolute I was
a pleasure seeker out there, there was no relationship. I
was ever in that I was loyal to and when
I got sober, behavior stopped. But I was on a
corn site in the other room while my wife was individroom.
(29:06):
And you know what, I felt like, I made progress perception. Yeah,
now you should ask her if I made progress. She
did not feel that, right, But you see what I'm saying.
And eventually the offended me. I started being offended by
my own behavior, and I stopped. And I stopped because
(29:27):
I knew that it was offensive, because you know what
nobody had to tell me, because you know what, God knows, right,
You guys know me by reputation. God knows me in
the dark, right, That's all I was all Chambers right there.
God knows me in the dark. God knows me when
I'm alone, when nobody's watching. And that's where the progress
(29:52):
really comes in for me, is when I offend myself.
I can't believe you, just like, why were you late
for work? Pat? I hit trap? No, I didn't got
up late, but I but I pulled down my hit track,
you know, And I walk away from going damn, you
just lie, you know, but you look good, you know.
And then I get confronted with that same situation again
(30:13):
and like what happened? Why you lay? The bridge was out?
No one? I gotta plate again and I walk away.
We go, damn it, you light again. Then I'm laid
like a couple of weeks later and he looks at me,
said you're late again, and I go, I didn't lie.
(30:39):
I walked away. Progress. Progress, That's what it's about. That's
what it's about, though, right, it's about me. It's about
the god within. So two quick stories. So I'm doing this, uh,
I'm doing this stove, and and I'm an expert at
(30:59):
what I do, you know, And I'm the best, you know.
And this lady starts telling me how to do my
job when I get there, and I can look, I've
been at this for thirty some years. I know what
I'm doing. Just back away, you know. And I tapped
the cab. I'm doing a microwave installation. And I tapped
the cabin and a piece of wood falls right on
her brand new range and dense the top of the
(31:21):
range right, and I looked her out and I put
my drop cloth over it again, and I continue to
do the work, and every once in a while I
look and see if it went away. And then I
try to take my fingers and make it go away.
And mentally I'm trying to make it go away. I mean,
(31:42):
I used to be able to move stuff on tables
with some hallucinogenics back in the seventies, you know. And
I'm thinking about how do I get out of here
without them noticing? That's it? And I'm like almost twenty
years sober, this time a newcomer, right, But what's it
(32:02):
affect in it? In affecting my social instinct has an
affected my security instinct to be about money and reputation
right here, And I don't want to hurt it, and
I'm willing to lie to protect it. Right And then
if something says, Pat, you can't do it, and I
just your range, and she says, just fix it, and
(32:26):
I go, oh, okay, you know, so I ordered the part.
It comes in wrong twice, right. Her husband calls me.
He dropped a few f bombs and and he said,
either get me another range or I'm seing you. I said,
and this is I'm just telling you this story because
(32:47):
this is why why don't I trust the process? Why
don't I just trust it? If I do the right thing,
good things will happen, not maybe right then, but down
the road. Right? Why don't I just truy? Why do
I Why can't I do my own taxes? Why is
it that I can't look at those things and say
was that dinner or write off or not? You know?
I mean, I just I can't. I'm just not Okay,
(33:08):
So I said, okay, I'll get it. So I go
to the dealer who I work for. I've been working
for for twenty now, I've been working for him for
over thirty years, and I tell them what happens. To look,
I damage this range. I need another range it. Can
you give it to me? Can you give me a
good drill on it? And they give pat You have
bailed us out more times than we can count, over
and over again. It's on us. Don't worry one. Bring
(33:31):
it back. We'll put it in the clearance center. We'll
sell it. Take the range.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
Right.
Speaker 1 (33:37):
Why don't I trust the process? Right? And it was
only about money. It was just all about money. But
that's the kind of stuff that I have to learn
to trust. I have to learn to trust the process.
I have to learn to trust God that if I
will do the right thing in the end, good things
will happen, and I know i'm running late, so we'll
pick up every
Covered alcoholic. My name's pat Rogant Rogan. Thanks to the
twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, outlined in this Big Book
of Alcoholics Anonymous, which is the program I have recovered
from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. And
for that, I can't even tell you how grateful I
am and thankful and thankful. It's a good week to
be thankful, right, everybody that's sitting here should be thankful.
(00:22):
I know some of you don't feel that way. I
can see it on your faces. But it's a disease
of perception, you know. And I always say, you know,
half the room is here because they can't wait to
get here and hear whoever's speaking here and get to
a meeting, and and this is exactly where they want
to be. And then the other half of the room
wishes they would never be here, and they can't believe
(00:45):
they're here listening to this asshole. And you're both sitting
in the same room, listening to the same person say
the same thing, and the only difference is perception. And
this is a disease of perception. And uh, someday, even
if you don't wanna be here, you're gonna realize you
(01:07):
do wanna be here, and that you get to be here,
not need to be here, but you get to be here.
And I I mean, we come in here needing to
be here, but then we realize we get to be here,
and it's just such a blessing to be here, and
especially this week of Thanksgiving, it just it just makes
me feel a great And this is this is my
happy place. I mean, it was a miserable assday today
at work and uh and I couldn't wait to get here,
(01:29):
you know, cause this is just where I get that
relief that I used to get in a bottle, you know.
So how am I talking about? Uh? So, we've we've
laid the foundation of the program in the first five steps,
(01:50):
and uh this is the foundation that's gonna take us
through the rest of the program. This is this, These
these were the necessary steps to build way of life
that we're gonna continue. We're gonna start leaving living and
you know, obviously, you know, the surrender and the admission
that there's no human power on this planet that's going
(02:13):
to keep me stopped are the two necessities of the
first two steps. The ABC's being convinced that those two
steps are a requirement for recovery, not for membership, not
for a seat, but for recovery. We have to admit
that there's no way I can stay stopped on my
own and no human power. And if you're me, somebody
(02:34):
liked me. And I don't know if you are or not.
That there was no child, no wife, no career, and
no judge that could keep me stopped. You know, there
were no consequences. I'm not here via consequences. You know
why I'm here. Alcohol stop working. That's why I'm here.
Alcohol will no longer justify my behavior. Alcohol would no
longer give me absolution after I violated your principles and mine.
(02:57):
And when that stops working, I ran out of options.
And I was fortunate to have a member of my
family in this particular fellowship, and I reached out to
her and she took me to my first meeting. And
that's how I'm here. I'm here not because I wanted
to be here, because I had no other choice but
to be here. I didn't know it was either put
a gun to my head again, which I had already
(03:20):
tried once, and shot my waterbed, which did not go well.
It destroyed the moment and I didn't have the guts
to try it again anybody like me. I figured my luck,
I'll survive it, right, and I'll end up a vegetable
in a wheelchair the rest of my life, you know.
(03:42):
I mean, that's the kind of shit that goes through
my head.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
You know.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
I'll shoot myself and I'll be normal, but I won't
be able to talk, you know. Anyways, So we made
a decision to change our behavior and seek God for guidance.
That was the decision that my behavior is the issue.
(04:07):
How do I reel into my behavior? Well, I need
to seek God to reel in that behavior. I need
to seek God's help to change the way I act
so that it would change the way my life is.
It would change my life. I could change the way
I think. If I could change my perception, my emotions
would change. Therefore my actions would change and my life
would change. And that was the decision I made. And
(04:27):
then I took that action in four and five, and
I saw the truth about myself, a frightening truth. And
here's we were just sharing about this and the meeting
before this. What my truth was? Oh my God, this
is all my fault. Right, I'm done blaming everybody. I
saw the truth in my fourth step. I saw my
(04:49):
responsibility in every single situation, which but one that I
shared with you last week was my father. I didn't
play a part in that. I didn't play a part
in that part of the dysfunction that I became him accepted.
What brought me here was being my father. I hated
my father for assaulting my mother. And guess how I
(05:09):
got here. I assaulted my children's mother. That's how I
got here. And in Step five I got free. I
got free. That was where my spiritual experience came. It
doesn't happen for everybody I know. Stevie talks about having
one in three. I know people that have it. In nine.
I know the people would have it as a result
(05:29):
of living ten, eleven, and twelve. Mine came in five.
I had a spiritual experience. In Step five, I left
Father Quinn's office and a whole new life came into you.
It was the first time in my life that I
was at peace without a substance in my body, the
first time in my life I can ever remember. I'm
(05:49):
talking as far back as I can remember, like at
five four, five six years old. It was the first
time in my life I can remember going just I
want more of this? I want more of this? How
do I get more of this? You know? And I
and that's what I've been doing. I've been chasing more
of that. How do I? How do I? And we
(06:10):
and we got steps? You know when I get out
of that, I can get back in that. You know,
That's what the rest of these steps are. How do
I how do I keep that? How do I really
my behavior? How do I keep that feeling moving forward
with me? And I got to make a confession. I
left something out of my fifth step. And this is
(06:32):
what I tell my guys when we do a fifth step,
after we're done it. Did you do the best you
can at this time? Do you do? And I tell you,
just do the best you can at this time. Do
not not do your fifth step because of the one thing.
Do not not do it because of that one thing
that's haunting you. And I know the book says it
(06:54):
was like thorough We're sitting at home for an hour.
Did I sell everything? Did I hold anything back? Sorry?
I didn't even trust the priest with this one. Yeah,
And it was sexual, I'll be honest with you. And
it was it was kids being a kid, you know,
it was young kids being a young kid. And I
was embarrassed and I did not want to tell a
(07:15):
priest that. So do you know, as free as I was,
as free as I felt, and even with the experience
that I had, there was still that cloud. That was
that little cloud, you know, it was that little lie.
You know, did you tell them everything? Oh? Yeah, yeah?
(07:38):
And what I And we'll talk more about this later on.
What I found through experience, looking in the rearview mirror,
looking in the rear view mirror, looking at my past.
What I thought was rejection was really redirection, right, And
this just happened over and over and over in my
life where I thought I had been rejected and I
in reality I was redirected into a better place. And
(08:02):
that's what happened there. I was the treasurer of a
home group. I started a group, being a couple of
guys started a group, and I was the treasurer in
that group. My name was on the lease of that group,
and somebody accused me of stealing money and I lost it.
Could you imagine you questioning this alcoholic addicts integrity. I mean,
(08:24):
that's just who would do that, and to make a
long story short, I hit the guy in the head
with the check book. It was the anniversary night. My
sons were there. They witnessed my recovery, you know. And
if it hadn't been for my older son's stepping between
me and this guy, there would have been more damage done.
(08:48):
And I left that group never to return, and went
to a group bought in West Boca. It ended up
being the Boca Boys Club, which I talked about a lot,
and I met Howard C. Howard Cohen, and I heard
Howard's story and Howard pretty much told my dirty secret
(09:09):
from na podium right and I asked Howard to sponsor
me that night, and Howard was my sponsor for the
next ten years up until the day of his death.
And I was able to get free. It was five
years later. I was able to get rid of that
one thing that was haunting me. And I'm just thankful
that I didn't not do my fifth step because of it,
(09:30):
you know, And I would have never experienced that relief
that I got in my fifth Step. So the book says,
if we've been there, if we've done the best we
can at this time, that's me the best I can
at this time we move into step six and seven,
and there's no coincidence that six and seven is plugged
in between eight and nine and five the tools of change, right,
(09:55):
the tools of change two steps by the way that
Bill added, you know, we look back at at the
tenants and the forward to the second edition where Bill
talks about the sixth tenants that he took from the
twenty eight tenants of the Oxford groups. He talks about surrender, confession, surrender, inventory, confession, restitution,
(10:16):
helpfulness to others, and a belief in the dependence upon God. Right.
He adds two steps at the beginning of that from
William James, he had steps one and two. Right, he
adds a get ready step in the restitution step. In
step eight he adds a spot check inventory in the
(10:37):
dependence upon God. And then he adds six and seven
right in the middle. Right in the middle, right, everything,
in my opinion, everything leads here, and everything leads back here. Right.
Two of the shortest steps of the book. And to
use is it ed Dowling's words. This is the steps
(11:00):
that separate the men from the boys, the women from
the girls. You know, this is a step where you
see what we're really made of. Because if nothing changes,
guess what, nothing changes, We're building an inventory again, that's
what we're doing. Right, We're still going out there, we're
still stepping on people's toes because nothing changed. Our behavior
(11:22):
is the same. We're still selfish, self centered, driven by fear,
self delusion, and self pity. And nothing changed, and we're
building another four step. I put that in front of
the camera, sorry, folks. In my opinion too, of the
shortest steps in the book, two of the most important
(11:44):
steps in the book, Two of the most important steps
in the book, right, And I don't think you know,
people ask well, you know, building know much about these steps.
That's why they're so short. In the in the big book,
you know, he goes what from six lines to seven
pages and step six and the twelve and twelve thirteen
years later he goes from seven lines to seven pages
(12:05):
and step seven in the twelve and twelve thirteen years later.
I don't believe that. I believe that these steps were
designed to work quickly. They were designed to be done rapidly, right,
not like we do now. And look, they didn't have
the fellowship to lean on like we have now either, right,
(12:25):
but it's almost eight hundred meetings in Brower Connie, now
right that you can go and lean on the fellowship.
They didn't have that luxury. Doctor Bob was taking guys
through the steps in half a day. Clarence was doing
it in one day. They were taken through the people
through the steps rapidly. You know where we address six
and seven, ten, right the spot check inventory, right where
(12:50):
we become willing to let go of these defects of character.
We ask God for help to let go of these
defects of character. We start to change. See where our
character defects are helping us hurt other people. So we
start changing and then we move in to make the amends.
Some demonstration, some sort of demonstration has to take place
(13:13):
before I go into eight and nine. You know, people
are not gonna believe me if I show up the
same selfish, self centered guy that they met before. I
need to show up differently. I need to show up differently.
The changes have to start taking place immediately. You know.
I start with and this was my sponsor doing for me,
And what I do for my guys is start sending
(13:34):
birthday cards out and stuff. I mean, when's your mother's birthday.
When's your father's birth when's your parents' birthday, when's your
kid's birthday? Send them a damn birthday card. They'll be shocked.
You'll be shocked and thrilled to get a birthday. You
could owe them hundreds of thousands. And when they see
that card of oh my god, look at this, you
know the change doesn't have to be drastic at that point.
(13:57):
But we have to show up different. Show up at
my mother's I had to bring something so she knew
I wasn't gonna rob her when I got there. Ye
show up with something anything, but show up different, show
up different. M simple, right, I mean really simple. Stop
(14:21):
doing what we shouldn't do and start doing what we
should do. God that sounds so seept right. Stop lying,
tell the truth, stop being inconsiderate, start being considerate, stop
being dishonest, be honest. It's it's been a way of
(14:43):
life for a long time.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
Right.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
Those selfish and those self centered muscles are strong, they
are developed. Yeah, and why because I get something out
of them, I get pleasure out of them. We go
back to the third step conversation. Right, These instinct should
drives that drive us, right, this social instinct, is security instinct,
and the sex instincts. Like these three instinct will drives
(15:07):
necessary for our survival. God wants us to do him,
so he makes them pleasurable. But we are addicted to
the pleasure that comes from satisfying those instincts, so we
take them beyond what God intended them to be. We
love attention. We're made to have a time. We're supposed
to come together and work together. We're supposed to get along.
(15:29):
I want to be liked and accepted. And one I'm
liked and accepted, it feels good. And there's a doble
mean dump attached to that. But I want more of that,
and then I want more of that, And then I
want more of that. And then I start lying and
cheating and stealing to get more of that. I said,
(15:49):
tell it, I start making up something. I'm not same
with the material. It's never the right car we talked about.
This is never the right car in the right house.
Never enough money, More and more and more and more,
because the more I have, the better it makes me feel.
I have that big day financially, dopamine dump attached to that.
(16:14):
I want more of that. How do I get more
of that well, sometimes you have to step outside of
honesty to get more of that. Or maybe it's not dishonest,
it's just when holding the truth, we start lying to ourselves.
Eventually we start stepping on the toes of other people.
(16:36):
We start lying, cheating, steeling to get more, and then
we're in conflict again. And the sex instincts the same thing,
never enough, never enough, beautiful. Everything seems to lose it shine.
I don't understand. You know, that's a clancy quote right there.
Everything loses it shine. And I don't know why with
(17:00):
you guys, k it was last week a week before.
You know, I've been in these beautiful relationships that I've
blown up for moments of pleasure for no reason. But
that for the social aspect, for the security aspect, for
the sex aspect, that's the measure of the defect of character,
(17:22):
by the way, where God intended those instincts to be,
and then where I've taken them. There is the measure
of the character defense. Where did I take them beyond
what's acceptable to me and the people around me. I'm
not talking. I don't even care what society says. I
don't even care. We know the truth deep down within
every one of us is a soul, is God. That's
(17:42):
the part that knows that, it knows that, it knows
that I stepped outside of what I was supposed to do.
You know, we talked about that as we don't judge
anybody here. If what I'm doing is acceptable to my partner,
then it's acceptable, you know, especially in the sex area.
(18:03):
It's not about society. It's about who am I in
a relationship with. I wish it was that simple, man,
I do. I wish it was that simple. You know,
society has kind of dictated what makes us successful, hasn't it.
I Mean, here's the way I grew up. Son. You
(18:25):
need to get a good education, so you'll get a
good job and you'll make good money, and then you'll
get a nice car and a nice house, and you'll
find a beautiful woman and then you'll get married and
you'll live happily ever after. And they have pictures of
what that looks like, right right. I mean, they actually
(18:46):
have billboards that have pictures of what that looks like.
They have magazines they tell you, here's what you should
look like to be successful. Man, woman doesn't matter. Here's
the watch you should be wearing that makes That dictates success.
Here's the car you should be driving that dictates success.
Here's what the woman on your arms should look like
(19:06):
that dictates success. Hey tell us how tall we should be,
how what weight we should be, what we should be wearing,
what we should be driving, and where we should be
living to be successful. Why wouldn't we chase that? Why
wouldn't we chase that? Who's had this conversation with their parents? Son? Daughter? Really,
(19:26):
all you really need is a good relationship with God,
and if you could get that relationship with God, everything
else will work on anybody couple it right, a couple
of religious parents or relives his background or spiritual background.
Not me. That was not the conversation we had. You know,
(19:48):
my dad taught me how to cheat banks. You know,
how to write a check, get it verified, run to
the bank, transfer that money to another account, and you
get a free call for three months until they come
and republic. You know, you could drive a Lincoln for
free for three months. Right, sounds like you guys did that,
(20:15):
But you've done something like that. So that was my
whole life. I need to get the right job so
I can get the right car, so I can get
the right girl. That was my My whole life was
wrapped up in that. There was nothing spiritual in that
whatsoever I shared with you guys. My spirituality went out
(20:36):
the window in the sixties and seventies when you guys
were on the on the fun side of the island.
I left the island where they talked about how I
should behave in church. You know that I'm going to
go to hell if I continue down this road, or
if I go down that road, you're going to hell.
If you go down this road, you're going to the
gates of Heaven or maybe halfway house purgatory, you know.
(21:03):
But then there was this other side of the island said,
that's all bullshit, that's all fairy tale, that's all Santa Claus.
We're having a blast over here. You know. We're having
sex any time with anybody. We're smoking dope, we're drinking,
We're having a blast. I fell in love with that
side of the island. There was a lot of fun
on that a lot of relief on that side of
(21:24):
the island, and so I just disregarded any of My
grandmother took us to church every week. I couldn't wait
to not have to go to church. Yeah, who knew?
So what do I do? I create this fake person A.
Pastor Dave from CBG talks about creating this fake self.
(21:47):
He calls it the first date self. You know, I
create this persona. It doesn't even exist, but that's what
you know. That's what you meet when you meet me.
Is this fake person the first date self? And I
live my life that way. I live my life faith.
(22:07):
I shared with you guys about lying about seeing Eric
Clapton and Pink Floyd and in sobriety. I mean, I've
done it. It's sober or dry. If you will, yeah,
just so that you will like, just so that I
can be part of. I'll be whatever you want to be,
whatever you want me to be. I'll say whatever you
want me to say, just to be part of, just
(22:30):
to be liked and accepted. It's just the way I
live my life. I love. Bill Wilson talks about the
The Forgotten Mountain. I think it's on page one hundred
and as Bill sees it, it's one of my favorite
little snippets. And as Bill sees it, and he talks
about that he had this dream he if I don't
(22:51):
know if anybody's been to Vermont, but we went to
the Wilson House. And next door to the Wilson House,
Bill was born actually behind the bar at the Wilson House,
which is ironic. But he lived with his grandfather next
door at the Griffith House. And we were in his
bedroom up in the Griffith House. It's above the library,
and you look out the window and you can see
Mount Leola's from there in Vermont. And and Bill used
(23:12):
to say that he would look out that window and
he would dream of clowning climbing that mountain. He would
just just can't wait to I just can't wait to
climb that mountain and look at East Dorset from the
top of that mountain. And I I somebody shared a bit,
uh you guys picked up a medallion, shared about being
in sports and had that dream of being the football
(23:32):
player and the track star or whatever. I was a
baseball player, you know. I I played the high school ball.
I was on the JV and varsity baseball team, you know,
and and used to run with the track guys. We'd
run five to eight miles a day, you know. And
my dream was to be a professional baseball player. I
just couldn't wait to be a professional baseball player. Of course,
(23:52):
then when you start drinking and smoking open cigarettes, and
the running goes out the window, and so does the
ambition to become a baseball player. The fudge, right, so
Bill says. Bill says, while I'm staring at this mountain,
I'm dreaming about climbing this mountain. My aunt for my
birthday brings a plate of fudge, and that fudge was
(24:16):
so delicious. I forgot all about the mountain, and I
chased that fudge for the next thirty five years. And
that's exactly what happened to me. You know. I found
that ball of Boone's farm Strawberry Hill, and that dream
of becoming a baseball player went out the window. And
I chased that bottle for the next twenty years. I
(24:39):
made sixteen to thirty six when I landed in here,
the forgotten Mountain, he calls it. He later talks about
overcoming the mountain. He talks about the struggle to overcome
the mountain, as we struggle to overcome our addiction. He
talks about, you know, going three steps up and then
falling and getting back up in taking another four or
(25:00):
five steps and then falling back again, and the struggle
and the pain and the anxiety and the fear that
was it was to get to the top of that mountain.
But he says, you know, while you're traveling up the mountain,
don't forget to stop and look back and see how
far you've come. Well, you know, don't forget to re
to to remember where you were and where you are
(25:22):
now now not where I wanna be, But I'm not
where I was. M I'm nowhere near there. I've made
a lot of progress, right, And that's really what this
step is about. In it progress we always say progress,
not perfection, which is a cop out in a way.
You know, later in the twelve or twelve he says
progress towards perfection. You know that we aim towards perfection.
(25:46):
We wanna be perfect. We know we're never gonna get there.
But in the journey, I'm gonna become a better person.
Ye Kenny, k Kenny, k I'll never forget Kenny. We
were doing a when this clubhouse of what I was
part of, we used to have Kenny come in and
do a step series for us every year. And I
don't know what I was I was probably three years
(26:09):
sober or something, maybe two or three years sober. And
Kenny was doing a step series and Kenny was on
step six. And Kenny got up to the podium and
he was talking about Step six and he said, when
I came into AA, they told me I had to
lie less. I said what, and he said, yeah, they
told me I had to shoplift less. And I said,
(26:30):
we have a liar and a thief doing a step
series and I wanted to call an emergency group conscious.
You know, Kenny, I think had fifteen years at the time,
you know, and I'm thinking, this guy's a thief. You know,
we got to get rid of this guy. We can't
have a hypocrite up there was Kenny was right on Wenney.
(26:52):
Kenny was right on lie.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
Less, cheat less. Okay, be less selfish, be less dishonest,
be less inconsiderate. That's really what this is about. And
eventually they start disappearing. You start not lying at all.
We start being considerate most of the time.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
Yeah. But one of my favorite paragraphs in the Big Book,
which I probably said twenty times already, is right at
the end of uh how it works? Oh shit, right
at the end of the right at the end of
how it works. He talks about suppose we fall short
(27:37):
of the chosen idea and stumble. Does that mean we're
gonna drink? And he said no, not always. If we
continue that behavior knowing we're hurting other people doing it,
we're going down that wrong road. Yeah, then we are
surely to drink. But if we recognize that we fell
short and we ask God to take us to better things,
(28:00):
and we're surely not gonna try. And that's really what
this is about. When we stumble and we fall, we
get back up, we make the amends, and we ask
God to take us to better things. Right, that's what
this is about. This is progress towards perfection, you know,
towards it. And the longer you're around here, the more
(28:22):
the road narrows. You know, Like, what was acceptable when
I got here? Look, I shouldn't say that it is true.
So I'm gonna give you a couple of examples. Right,
So I'm I'll tell you what I was gonna say.
(28:45):
Hopefully it doesn't offend anybody. Right. When I got here, Hey,
I was a cheater. I was an absolute I was
a pleasure seeker out there, there was no relationship. I
was ever in that I was loyal to and when
I got sober, behavior stopped. But I was on a
corn site in the other room while my wife was individroom.
(29:06):
And you know what, I felt like, I made progress perception. Yeah,
now you should ask her if I made progress. She
did not feel that, right, But you see what I'm saying.
And eventually the offended me. I started being offended by
my own behavior, and I stopped. And I stopped because
(29:27):
I knew that it was offensive, because you know what
nobody had to tell me, because you know what, God knows, right,
You guys know me by reputation. God knows me in
the dark, right, That's all I was all Chambers right there.
God knows me in the dark. God knows me when
I'm alone, when nobody's watching. And that's where the progress
(29:52):
really comes in for me, is when I offend myself.
I can't believe you, just like, why were you late
for work? Pat? I hit trap? No, I didn't got
up late, but I but I pulled down my hit track,
you know, And I walk away from going damn, you
just lie, you know, but you look good, you know.
And then I get confronted with that same situation again
(30:13):
and like what happened? Why you lay? The bridge was out?
No one? I gotta plate again and I walk away.
We go, damn it, you light again. Then I'm laid
like a couple of weeks later and he looks at me,
said you're late again, and I go, I didn't lie.
(30:39):
I walked away. Progress. Progress, That's what it's about. That's
what it's about, though, right, it's about me. It's about
the god within. So two quick stories. So I'm doing this, uh,
I'm doing this stove, and and I'm an expert at
(30:59):
what I do, you know, And I'm the best, you know.
And this lady starts telling me how to do my
job when I get there, and I can look, I've
been at this for thirty some years. I know what
I'm doing. Just back away, you know. And I tapped
the cab. I'm doing a microwave installation. And I tapped
the cabin and a piece of wood falls right on
her brand new range and dense the top of the
(31:21):
range right, and I looked her out and I put
my drop cloth over it again, and I continue to
do the work, and every once in a while I
look and see if it went away. And then I
try to take my fingers and make it go away.
And mentally I'm trying to make it go away. I mean,
(31:42):
I used to be able to move stuff on tables
with some hallucinogenics back in the seventies, you know. And
I'm thinking about how do I get out of here
without them noticing? That's it? And I'm like almost twenty
years sober, this time a newcomer, right, But what's it
(32:02):
affect in it? In affecting my social instinct has an
affected my security instinct to be about money and reputation
right here, And I don't want to hurt it, and
I'm willing to lie to protect it. Right And then
if something says, Pat, you can't do it, and I
just your range, and she says, just fix it, and
(32:26):
I go, oh, okay, you know, so I ordered the part.
It comes in wrong twice, right. Her husband calls me.
He dropped a few f bombs and and he said,
either get me another range or I'm seing you. I said,
and this is I'm just telling you this story because
(32:47):
this is why why don't I trust the process? Why
don't I just trust it? If I do the right thing,
good things will happen, not maybe right then, but down
the road. Right? Why don't I just truy? Why do
I Why can't I do my own taxes? Why is
it that I can't look at those things and say
was that dinner or write off or not? You know?
I mean, I just I can't. I'm just not Okay,
(33:08):
So I said, okay, I'll get it. So I go
to the dealer who I work for. I've been working
for for twenty now, I've been working for him for
over thirty years, and I tell them what happens. To look,
I damage this range. I need another range it. Can
you give it to me? Can you give me a
good drill on it? And they give pat You have
bailed us out more times than we can count, over
and over again. It's on us. Don't worry one. Bring
(33:31):
it back. We'll put it in the clearance center. We'll
sell it. Take the range.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
Right.
Speaker 1 (33:37):
Why don't I trust the process? Right? And it was
only about money. It was just all about money. But
that's the kind of stuff that I have to learn
to trust. I have to learn to trust the process.
I have to learn to trust God that if I
will do the right thing in the end, good things
will happen, and I know i'm running late, so we'll
pick up every
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