Russell S. Session 11: Step Series at Life Is Good Group - 12/4/2025

Russell S. Session 11 at the Life Is Good Group, Boca Raton 12/4/2025

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
My name is Russell's stats. I'm an alcoholic. I'm here
for the donuts and coffee. I said, they promised me. Well,
I want to thank you. I do appreciate it. They promised.
All the way up here, I'm saying to h right,
every right, what's his face? I'll never forget what's his face?
I'm saying, man, I can almost taste that coffee, you know,

(00:20):
I mean I can almost taste it, and you know,
and and I came here and everybody's got like coffee
and everything. I say, what was it? Two Alki's promising
me coffee and donuts. And I was almost disappointed. But
then I remember I usually tell my spot and seas
anybody who's ever disappointed by an alcoholic is sicker than
the alcoholic. The disappointed a fucking you thought you actually

(00:44):
thought these people were going to show up? Who told
you that shit? You know? So this is on the
twelve steps, and we're gonna talk a little. I think we'll
have a little fun. We weren't having any fun here,
you know. I'm just talking about Jesus or something or other,
just to try to see if I get somebody pissed off.
And yeah, didn't work, but I think it may have

(01:08):
worked on a couple, but in any event, So I uh,
So I went down to talk a little bit about service.
I what, What's who am I? What am I doing?
I was so, oh, I haven't had a drink since
January twenty fifth, nineteen eighty one. So I'm in my
twenty fifth year of abro No what am I forty

(01:31):
fifth years? Sobriety. That's why I have braidon here, you know,
and in events. So I'm going to talk about two
things about service and stuff like that, and which is uh,
which is going to lead into maybe what I'm doing
now in my life now? And how about it? So
I was, and even so I was. I was doing

(01:54):
the steps after I had about two or three years
I was doing I don't know what it was, three
or four or five years. I was doing this stet
this this stuff we do down here, which is really
indigenous to South Florida. They don't have it anywhere else
as far as I know. I thought everybody had step series,
but they have it down here. That's it. So I

(02:14):
got on this think in dadon Brown County doing these
steps series, and I was doing a step series that's
relatively new doing this stuff, and of course I wanted to.
I wanted to make sure I was doing the right thing.
I used to come with the books color coded and
all that shit, you know, you know, and uh, there's

(02:35):
nothing wrong with that, and someday, but uh, you know,
it's and you know. And so I went out to
the Homestead Group and uh, I was down there with
the Homestead Group, and uh, and I had a bunch
of rooms filled and everything. I think I was doing.
I don't know this. They was doing the third step

(02:56):
of the fourth step. It was doing something step it was.
It was if you look at the Goodness Book of
World Records, it's actually ranked us the worst AA meeting
in the history of alcoholics Anonymous. I don't think anybody's
actually ever broken that record. It was. It was absolutely terrible.
Nobody It wasn't like you guys, like every once in
a while you guys shuckle or something, but it was

(03:18):
like I'm telling this like an oil painting. Nobody was laughing.
I could tell they didn't like me. Nobody laughed at
a joke. So let's go over anything. And it was
like it was like a terrible, terrible thing. I said,
and it was very embarrassing. And so I left, I said,
I said to myself, I said, I ain't going back

(03:39):
there because it was embarrassing. They obviously didn't like me,
and I'm not going back there. But but even as
I'm saying myself, I'm going to make an excuse. I mean,
you know, I'm because I'm gonna if you're an alcohol
I'm an excuse. Altman, I'm sorry. I couldn't make it.
Next my mother died, you know, the dog died, whatever
it is. I had to shampoo the chicken, you know, whatever,

(04:00):
whatever you come up, whatever floats your boat. But I
wasn't going to come back because it was embarrassing and
they didn't like me, and you know, and and but
I knew I was going to come back go site
because I had this sponsor. I had these sponsors and
people and mentors. And I don't know they ever told
me this, but I was absolutely sure. They were big

(04:21):
on service. And I'm talking about the days, you know,
forty five years ago. We'd actually go out to people's houses.
We'd grab them, you know, I take people to meetings,
and I'd pick up booze along the way so they
wouldn't go into DT's and those are the days when
we were doing wetwork. You could actually go. You can
go to an a meeting there was there'd be a
guy there drunk, you know, I mean, it's it's you said, well,

(04:44):
what the fuck is he doing here? You know what
I mean is an alcoholic? Get him out of here?
You know, you know whatever, I guess, you gotta be there.
But even so, that's what we did, went to hospitals
and went all these places, detoxes and everything, and so.
And that's how I was trained that. That's what we did.

(05:05):
That's what we did. You know, we did that. And
and so I went down, I'm doing this thing. I say,
I ain't going back there again. But I knew. I knew,
like you know, you somehow know certain things. I knew.
I don't even know how I knew this. I knew
that if I didn't go back, I drink. I don't
know how. I don't know where that came from. I
knew if I didn't take to keep my word. Somehow,

(05:28):
even after four or five years or whatever it is,
I don't know how this happens. I saw a direct,
a direct linkage in not fulfilling your responsibility and drinking.
It wasn't well, if I don't come or out and
maybe I'll feel better. It was like I knew it
was like the next step to not going back and
keeping your word was right to the booze, you know,

(05:50):
And I believe that, which is I don't think it's
a bad thing. So I went back to after I
had done the worst AA meeting in the history of
alcoholics anonymous, I went back there again, and before I
started meeting, I sat down and some guy came up
to me, and he said, this has something to do

(06:12):
with the twelve step, by the way, And usually I
don't get right into it, you know, but I sort
of try to wrap it up in it. So he
comes up to me. He says, can I can I
talk to you? Like I said, sure, He says, listen,
you don't know me. My name is Joe or whatever
it is that He says, Look, I just got to
tell you that meeting you did last week, He said, Yeah,
that saved my life. I saved life, says he says.

(06:36):
You know, I come home and my wife left me
and she took my baby, and I lost my job,
and I said a couple other things and I was
going to go drink. But what I did was, instead
of drinking, I figured I stopped in on the room
and I was you didn't see me. I was sitting
all the way in the back of the room. But

(06:59):
when you said the chicken was on the roof, the
entire program came together for me. Changed my entire life.
Was unbelievable. You saved my life, and I really want
to thank you. And I said, well, you know, I
had never said the chicken was on the roof. You know,

(07:21):
you got it all wrong. You know, I said the
turkey was in the basement. I got the whole thing wrong.
I took credit for it. You know, I think it's
the right thing. You know, I said, oh yeah, I
checked on the roof. Everybody knows. It's all over the town.
Everybody knows me bout that statement. You know what I mean?
And thank you. And you know, as I was driving,

(07:44):
I realized what the twelve step. I didn't realize what
the twelve step was about. And all of a sudden
I realized what it's about. I had gotten it all wrong.
You see, I thought the twelve step was we carry
this message to other alcoholic How many people think the
twelve SEP says we carry the message to other alcohols.
Ain't any think that? That's what I thought. And then

(08:04):
I realized that I had just done.

Speaker 2 (08:07):
The worst meeting in the history of alcoholics anonymous. And
as a result of doing the worst meeting in alcoholics anonymous,
some guy had an epiphany and I saved his life
because he heard me say something I didn't say. And

(08:33):
all of a sudden, I realized, it doesn't say that
we carried the message to other alcoholics. It says we
tried to carry the message.

Speaker 1 (08:42):
We have nothing to do with it. And the one
thing I did right in that meeting, the only thing
I did right in that meeting, is I did the
best meaning I could do that night. It was the
worst meeting, as it says, but it was the best
meeting I could do that night. And what happened was,
you see, I said, I said Turkey in the basement,

(09:03):
and it flew across the room, all the way to
the back of the room, and this guy is sitting
there and it goes into his ears, Turkey in the basement.
And God knows exactly what this guy had said here,
God knows what he needs. He goes into here Turkey
in the basement, he hears chicken on the roof, and

(09:23):
I get the credit, and I get the credit. And
all I did was show up and do the worst
meeting in the history of alt Vox anonymous. And that's
how apparently, that's how it works. So you know, it's
it doesn't matter if they all drink after the meet
are you just do the best job he can. That's it.
That's still God's in charge of this whole deal. So

(09:46):
it ain't even so. I was. So I had these
sponsors and people and mentors, and they it was all
about the service, and it was all about service. These
guys are crazy about service, you know. And I know
some of this and may have heard before, but all
paris repeating reputation doesn't. So I I was like about

(10:06):
a year sober, and I was broke, and I had
a new wife, and I think we had a baby
or something. I don't even know what the hell was
going on. We had kids, and I had no money
and I'm driving around like in a big Cadillac and
I don't even have fifty dollars for gas and I
had no money, and I move with them. I think
I was about behind the in the in the mortgage,

(10:28):
like two months or something. As scared shitless, idn't know
what to do, and and I'd wake up in the morning,
you know, I'd wake up at three o'clock in the morning.
Uh and uh, you know, worry about this thing. And
I go and see, you know, it was like bad.
I was dying. I was dying, you know, of anxiety
of fear, what's going to happen to me? And and

(10:50):
uh so I but uh, you know, I I should
have told somebody, like my group, but I'm not gonna
not that I'd give a shit what they think about me.
But I'm not going to tell those guys. What do
they know, you know what I mean. And so I
kept it to myself. You know what happens when you're
scared and you keep it to yourself, like gets huge,

(11:11):
you know, and it doesn't help at all. And because
I was scared to tell anybody, because I had a
false pride, you know, and I wanted people to think
that I was a big shot or something like whatever
the hell alcoholics thing, and they keep things to themselves.
And so it got so bad that my sponsor, Bob

(11:32):
Sullivan at the time, I had to tell somebody because
I was going nuts. And so I said to Bob,
I said, I said, can I talk to you? He said, sure,
we were. This is right before the meeting. He's setting
up and everything. He's he's doing the coffee and everything.
He set up and I'm talking to and I talked
and I said, listen, you know, I don't know what's

(11:54):
going on, he says. I said, I don't have any
money and I'm broke coup two months a guy. I
tell him the whole thing. He says, hey, don't even
worry about it. I got that solved. We're gonna solve
that problem. And I I said, really says absolutely. I said, man,
I got the greatest sponsor in the world. And he said,

(12:15):
write me out to check for a thousand or something,
you know what I mean. And that's I'm getting all
ready to receive the cash, you know. And I'm look,
AA is good. But I mean we're talking money here,
you know what I mean. I mean, I said, it's
nothing all to be inspiritual, but I mean, you know,
it's like money. He's not down board. It's just right
up there with oxygen, you know. And I'm you know,
so I'm so, he said, So, I said, how are

(12:36):
we going to solve it? And he says, I'm going
to show you right here, he says, come out over here.
You starts showing me how to make the coffee. And
I'm thinking, I'm thinking, now this is time we make
the coffee and everything like that, and I'm thinking, I
don't think I really explained myself well, you know what
I mean. I think I could have been clearer on

(12:59):
what the real problem was. You know, you told me
I was gonna be making the coffee from now on,
and believe me, it didn't escape me that he was
the one who was making the coffee, you know what
I mean. I mean, this is how they get out
of making the coffee, get the new guy to make it.
And of course I didn't understand how making coffee would
help me at all. But anyay, so the next day

(13:22):
I no money came in, and so nothing came in,
so I was like depressed. You know, no, no regular
people get depressed. I was like very depressed, suicidal, you
know what I mean. And I didn't want to go
to the meeting, and and because no money had come in,
I was depressed. I didn't want to go to meeting.

(13:44):
But I had to go to the flipping meeting because
I had to make the stupid coffee. Because if I
didn't make the coffee, one are the people going to
think about me? Not that I give a shit what
people think about me. You understand what I'm saying, Hm,
I'm working on I'm working on a theory that alcoholics
are have like issues. They're mad, they're messed up, and

(14:06):
they're thinking. You know, so I it's it's just a
theory at this point. I haven't put the whole thing together.
So in any event, I uh, so I went and
I uh, and I made the coffee. I went to
the meeting, and the next day I went to the meeting.
I made the coffee, and I went to the meeting
and I made the coffee. And three months went by
and I was making coffee and and the money came

(14:31):
in and I was okay, and the money came in
and uh and uh. Some guy came up to me
and he says, hey, I can make the coffee. I said,
I'm the coffee maker. I do that. Hell a little point,
I'm a bitch, you know what I mean. Get your
own coffee, cup. You know, I'm the guy, you know,
so that's how they get you into coffee. You're in

(14:51):
a log off a white subs white suv. Okay, very good,
I think too. I thank you. That was was disturbing me. Disturbed.

(15:13):
That was disturbable. Thank you. That's very kind of you.
I was saying, is anybody going to take charge here?
You know? So I'm uh so they told me to
go do so I've done. I've done. I don't want
to say, I don't want to make it sound like bragging,
but I have some like stories. You know, you get
these stories. Not only is it funny, you got these stories.

(15:34):
So a sponsored guy named my first real serious sponsor
was Kevin. I love Kevin. Kevin lived with us for
a few months. I love Kevin. I loved Kevin. Kevin
had some issues, you know what I mean, he did.
He had issues. He was a former recon marine, you know,
in the jungle and everything like that, all that sort

(15:56):
of stuff, and a great guy, the funniest son of
a bitch you'd ever scene in your life, you know.
But he couldn't stop drinking, and uh and that was
the deal. He couldn't stop drinking and uh, and uh
so uh uh so, Kevin, I would take you, I
would take he would never do he would never eat.
He wouldn't eat. He wouldn't he would he would he he,

(16:17):
I said, Kevin, he says, okay, I'll he he. Uh.
This is what he ate coffee, a slice of toast
and a cigarette. That was his pretty much his diet,
you know, coffee. And he was depressed and he'd be
changed smoking and everything like that. And and uh and
one day we're we're at a uh, you know, like

(16:40):
a Denny's or something like that, and uh, he's talk
to me about, you know, the same he's it's always
the same story. He was talking to me about how
fucked up his life is and how depressed he is
and everything like that. And he looked like he was
about ready to commit suicide. And uh, you know, you
learn a lot by sponsoring people and working. You just
learn a lot of stuff, you know, and and so

(17:04):
uh and people are scared of sponsoring people, but you
only learn by you know, you can't break them, can't,
you can't. Alcoholics are like cockroaches after a Thermo nuclear crash.
How did you the only has left there? Cockroaches? And alcoholics. Yeah, alcoholics.
Have you ever heard of this? A guy head first

(17:24):
into a car kills a.

Speaker 2 (17:25):
Family of four and babies and they don't even have
to scratch, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 (17:30):
Just alkies. That's you. You can't hurt What are you
gonna do? You got and then you gotta hurt them?
They go out and drink. You know, it's not gonna
kill me, you know, well maybe it might kill him.
So what's the big deal? Alki's where about as common
as dirt? But at ay event. So this guy, so
he's sitting there talk to me about how suicidal he
is and all that sort of stuff. And one guy

(17:51):
called me up the phone once he says, I'm gonna
because Poughkeepsie, I'm gonna kill myself. And I said, why
a Poughkeepsie. Why would you do that? Potipsie? I didn't understand.
You know, maybe it was Pokeepsie that actually caused it.
I didn't know, So I said, I said to Kevin.
So he said he was all bummed out and he

(18:11):
was going to commit suicide. And I said, uh, are
you hungry? You know I'm not hungry. I'm not hungry.
I said, well, why don't you order some soup, some soup,
and I don't order some soup. So you got some soup,
You got the soup, you got the toast. And he says,
and then this happened, And that happened then, I mean,

(18:32):
he starts eating his soup and I said, and he's
looking like he's going to kill himself. And he's eating
his soup. And I said, Kevin, let me ask you something.
He said, what how's the soup? And he looked at me.
He started laughing. He says, it's great. YEA, Soup's good,
isn't it. You know? You know, you think we have

(18:56):
some sort of massive, like psychological fucking problems, you know
what I mean. Sometimes you just need to get some sleep.
Or you see alcoholics. They don't know how to sleep,
they don't know how to eat, they don't know how
to dress themselves, they don't know anything. Sometimes just say
just have some soup, you know, and that solves the
entire fucking problem. You understand what I'm saying. I mean,

(19:17):
you wouldn't know. I'm this is on this. I'm not
bullshitting you. You think you got to send them to
a psychiatrist, you know, get pills for me and he's
just checking soup, you know. He say, Oh, the soup
is good, soup's good, you know what I mean. So, Kevin,
I got a couple of Kevin stories, good stories, God
bless them. Now you rest. And so you know, uh

(19:38):
so I so so Kevin? What would happen with Kevin?
He had like women issues, but any that he did
he had because he would he would sober up. And
he was a funny guy. He had a great personnel.
And some woman would snatch him. And it was usually

(20:01):
somebody like he'd have like three days and the guy
would have like thirteen months or something, you know what
I mean. And next thing you know, he's living with her,
you know. So and he so he so he'd be
so he'd be living. So he called me up, he says, Russell,
he says what he says, So it's living this scal
I'm not going to give her name, Joe Anne. Let's

(20:23):
say call him with Joanne. You know it wasn't Joe.
But he says, Russell, he says, what I said, what Kevin?
He says, he says, he said Listen, he says, he said,
last night, Joanne tried to stab me in my back.
While I was falling asleep with scissors, and I said,

(20:46):
He says, yeah, yeah, that's not all he says. He says,
I was talking to somebody on the phone. That was
when we had phone lines. You remember when you had
phone on the phone. And she cut the phone line.
I said, out of it. Roxanne's left. You don't know
what's just like, you don't know what that's like, Roxanne,
do you hear? Yeah? Maybe your name maybe your name

(21:10):
was Roxanne. I'm not sure, but I can't remember exact name. No,
it wasn't Roxanne. It could have been Roxanne, you know,
but it wasn't Roxanne because he was still alive. But anyway, so, uh,
I know that for sure. So what happened was uh
so he said. You know. So I said to Kevin,
you know because sponsor. I said, you know, Kevin, I'm thinking

(21:35):
that when a woman tries to stab you in the
back with scissors, that's like God's way of telling you
that it's time to move out.

Speaker 2 (21:48):
And I wasn't even sober, that I wasn't even sober
that long.

Speaker 1 (21:53):
And I figured that out, you know what I mean.
And I don't even think that's in the big book.
This is like in a original you know, with me,
you know, And and he said to me, this is
what he said to me, he said, he said, Russell,
what about love? What about second chances? Don't we give

(22:21):
people second chances? What about tolerance? What about kindness? Did
I tell you? Did I tell you that? Kevin was
a salesman? He said? What about this? And what about that?
And before you five minutes into this thing, I'm starting thinking, well,
maybe I am overreacting, you know what I mean, Well,
you guys should go to allen On and get fixed

(22:43):
or something. Maybe maybe I'm like jump to conclusions. Yeah,
of course we love and second chance. And like a
week later he was drunk, you know what I mean.
That was the end of that, you know, So he
got sober, a good Kevin got sober again. So they've
come so he's sober about Well, what happened was let
me tell you how we got someverd. He tried to

(23:03):
punch a cop and they send us some Avon Park,
like ninety days or six months in ay One park
was your prison for alkies. And they also have a
girl's wing, a female alkie's wing, or I guess the female.
And now I don't know how the deal is, but
somehow he was there for he did his three months

(23:24):
and this other gal I forgot her name Annie, Annie.
He said. He told me, he says, this girl's gorgeous anything
she did her three months and they kicked him out
like beforehand because they were fratiizing, you know, because because
that's what Kevin did, He'd get three months and they'd
fraternize with some gal and they set up house together.

(23:46):
They set up house together. So I was going up
to Tampa to go to Burns Steakhouse and my wife
and I said, well, Kevin, watch it meet us over
at Burns Steakhouse, you know, tonight, and I'll buy you
a dinner and you know, we'll meet Annie and all
that sort of stuff. And and so we're waiting there
at Burns Steakhouse and and he didn't show up, you know,

(24:08):
and didn't you just saw a little worried about him.
So I said, I called up and I said, yeah, Kevin,
we're here at Burns Steakhouse. And I hear, he says Russell.
He says, you wouldn't believe what's going on. I said, snata.
He says Annie. I said, what about Annie? He says, well,
I'm here in the apartment and now and he's and

(24:28):
he's in the balcony. I said yeah, and i'd hear
this screaming and I said, what's she doing so well,
she's nude, she's naked, I said yeah. And she's got
a butcher knife in her hand. I said yeah. And
she's got a bottle vodka in her hand. And I
said yeah. And I said, what is she screaming? He said,
she's screaming. Get out? So I said, Kevin, He says

(24:56):
what I said, I want you to listen to me.
I want your listener this. He says, what does she
She's screaming again? I said, this is what I want
you to I think you need I think you need
to leave. You don't really have to be brilliant with
this ship. You get responsible that. I said, I think
you have to lead. And he says, well, what about love?

(25:20):
What about tolerance? What if she hurts herself? What is
I said, what is she doing? Now? She's screaming? She
keeps out screaming, and leave, I said, Kevin, you need
to leave, you know. So he dragged again, wound up
in jail again, and eventually he got sober or something.
He was living up here. He's I think he sponsored
a few guys. He's a great guy. Every Then unfortunately

(25:41):
he got some sort of sickness and passed away. And
uh so and and uh so, you have a lot
of fun. You don't want to miss any of this stuff.
And so they have we have, really we had relay
down here. You don't really is relay is you volunteer
for relay and you h you're on the phones and
what happens is my deal was every Friday night, from

(26:06):
eight o'clock at night until nine o'clock or eight o'clock
the next morning on a Friday night till Saturday morning,
if you called up Alcoholics anonymous, you got me. And
I did that for eight years. And so for an
eight year period of time, nobody got sober. No nobody
got sober. You know, well, it's an interesting experience. You

(26:28):
start off and you want to save everybody, and they
pick up a home. They start talking to you and
talking to you, and it's three o'clock in the morning
and you're talking to him until you know, like till
four or five in the morning, and then they say
something like that, could you hold on for a second,
I said sure. Then you hear them. You hear a
glass and hear it clean, clean, like ice. And then

(26:51):
after two hours of listening to that, you's just they
this is the way it sounds like they talk. And
then and then you interrupt for a second, Well let me,
he says, no, No, you got to hear this. You
gotta hear the got you gotta hear the rest of
this about so for two hours you're listening to this story,
and and they're filling up there, you know, and they're lonely,
you know, they want something to talk to you, with
me and so, and then you say to him, finally,

(27:14):
when they take a breath, you say, so, now about
this drinking thing, I don't want to pit drinking, you know,
I just wanted somebody to drink with me or talk
to me or something like that. And so, after you
lose about a lot of sleep, you you let him
rat along for like about thirty seconds and say, let
me ask somebod you want to stop drinking. And if
the answer is not absolutely As a matter of fact,

(27:36):
the greatest call you've been ever get is one night
everyone saw I got, but one night I remember I
got this one call, and the guy said, he says,
I need help. I can't stop drinking. And then he
shut the fuck up. You know why, he was waiting
to hear what I was going to say to him.

(27:59):
He called, he wanted help, and he was gonna do
whatever I told him to do. And I said, this
is what you do, buddy, and he'll be okay. I
want you to meet me at the Sunset Room tomorrow
at eleven o'clock for the meeting. We have a meeting.

(28:19):
I'm gonna be there and blah blah blah, and he'd
be there. You're actually supposed to give it to somebody else,
but I'm a sponsory whore. I grab him for myself.
Screw the other people. I don't let him die. Who cares?
This is my guy, you know what I mean? And
then that's what I would do. And one night I

(28:42):
got a call from a gal and she says, my
name's Joe Anne. I'll use Joe Anne against me, he says,
And she says, I'm I'm a PhD in nursing. I
didn't even know you can have a PhD in nursing?
Did you know that? I'm saying you're a nurse? All right. Yeah,
I'm a PhD in nursing and I'm being watched over

(29:05):
by PRN PRN. What happens if you're a nurse and
get in trouble with drugs or alcohol. You got this
pr and they watch over you, and they got a
whole thing and you can't drink and the drug test
or everything like that. And he says, and I'm a
single Monday, he says it, And I'm really worried. I'm
really worried because because I don't want to drink because
and what happened is yesterday I took a drink. And

(29:26):
I'm really worried because if they find out I drank,
I'll lose my job and they'll take my daughter away.
So oh yeah, that's serious, he says. So if you
could help me and tell me what to do to
stop drinking, I really appreciate it. Well, to make sure
it doesn't happen again, he says. Okay, he says, but
there's only one thing, only one thing. I said, what's that?
He says, I don't want to hear anything about alcoholics anonymous.

(29:52):
I said, well, we've got two problems, two problems. So
what are the problem is? I said, well, I'm seven
years over, you know, in alcoholics anonymous, and that's how
I got sober. And I don't even know what Plan
B is because that's the only thing I know. I said, oh, okay,
I understand that. And he says, so, what's the second problem?

(30:15):
I said, Well, the second problem is you called alcoholics anonymous.
This PhD in nursing. Nobody said alcoholics aren't bright. You
know what I mean. You're pretty smart, pretty sharp. Hmm. Yeah,
you know. It's a it's a it's a tough deal,

(30:36):
you know, being alcoholics anonymous. So I mean, I got
a gazillion stories like that, and they're real. I mean,
you don't want to miss you don't want to miss
this deal. It's the greatest show on earth, you know
what I mean. And so I'd rather do this. Then,
as a matter of this is law, you know, meetings
law to his meetings and then you get to help

(30:56):
people Instagram and then he gets Then you get addicted
to it, you do, you get addicted to helping people.
I'm addicted to it. I'm addicted to it. You know.
You know, at first you do it because because somebody
tells you, if you buy into that, nothing more insure
sobriety and intensive work with alcoholics. So and that's sort

(31:18):
of true for a while. But if you don't do
some other things, there's some other stuff, there's another thing.
You got to get involved in it. And you see
just just working and working and helping people out. Well,
it's like a band aid. It'll stop you from drinking
for a while, but even there will reach a point
in time where the worldly clamorers will block out his
presence if he was even there in the first place,

(31:40):
and you'll drink anyway, because what happens is the world's
too big, there's too many moving parts, and you'll get cancer,
or the I R S will take your money, or
your wife or a husband will leave, or something will
go your way, and all of a sudden, you will
miss that meeting, or you won't pick up that guy,
you won't go to the house. Something will happen, you'll
get to you and you'll get very depressed or something

(32:03):
whatever will happen and you'll you'll end up won't work
with for you. I mean, it's hard to believe that
somebody who's stayed sober for five or ten or fifteen
years doing all that stuff and maybe doing everything perfectly
in a and when you think perfectly, is all the work,
working all the tools hard to believe that something like
that could actually drink after twenty years or drink after

(32:24):
fifteen years, but most do. Most do. You know, you
don't realize that as you're coming up because it's like
everybody's so you go to these conventions. It's fifty thousand
people and everything like that, but you see what happened
everyone's while You see why had ten years and then
I drank, I had twenty years, and then I drank

(32:45):
five years that I drunk, I had six others. You
don't keep track of that. You just know what's happening.
But you know what happens is when you get into
your like thirties or forties, that kind of stuff, what
happens and you sort of look at the deal. You
look the whole deal, you know what I mean. Like,
and you go to these conventions and they do these
things called countdowns. Anybody ever see a countdown? And what

(33:08):
happens is you see that there's a gazillion people that
have eight years, seven years, five years, three years, two years,
fourteen years, fifteen years, and then it gets past like
twenty and it's like it's like you could cheat deer
and not hit anybody. You know, there's one guy with
twenty five, and there's a guy with twenty eight, and

(33:29):
guy with thirty four. There's one guy with forty, and
then there's the guy with fifty who gives the book
to the new guy. There's like six people from twenty
years to like forty fifty years. There's like six or
seven people, and there's like one hundred and fifty two
hundred people before that. And you realize that and get this,

(33:52):
then you start getting calls because when you get up
there a little bit. What happens is because you know,
if you got ten or fifteen years, you're not going
to get a call from a guy with twenty five
years saying you want for himself. You're probably not going
to get that call. But if you got like thirty
or forty years, you'll get calls from people, or people
will bump into you. I have thirty years. The lesson

(34:13):
be they're sponsoring them, they're miserable, and they'll start talking
to you with thirty years of working the program. I
mean that it's not like they don't know how to
do The fourth step. It's not like they don't know
how to do the fast. It's not like they don't
do It's not even that they don't believe. They'll they'll
start talking to you. And the manner in which they're
talking the things that are upsetting that you know, don't

(34:37):
take yourself too seriously. They're taking themselves seriously. You know,
they're going, you're at thirty three rpm. I forgot a
lot of you guys are young. You don't even know
what I'm talking about. Well, the old times, Well you're
talking to thirty three rpm. They're like at seventy eight.
They're like a machine gun. And you realize you got

(34:57):
a guy there that's got twenty five or thirty years
and he's acting and talking like he's got three months.
I mean, I know guys that got three months and
they're doing better than you. And you realize that you
could be sober for many years and be not being
rocking on the fourth dimension of existence, not experienced much

(35:20):
of heaven, and certainly not knowing peace. And then you
realize what's missing and it ain't the fourth step. Hey, listen,
the steps are great tools. They are tools to get
you somewhere. You know, the tools to get you. You know
what the tools is is there's one who has all
power that one has gotten you find him. Now. The
steps are tools to get to him. You know the

(35:40):
twelve you see, you couldn't have the twelve steps. You
can have the twelve down perfectly. You know. Bill Wilson
had all twelve steps perfect he wrote the book, but
at twenty three years sober, he was very depressed. Know
what the problem was because he found an AA and

(36:02):
you know what the problem was because he tells you
what the problem was. He knew all the twelve steps,
but he he knew all the twelve, but he didn't
know the one. You see. You know, you you can,
you can, you can you can no know all twelve
and do all twelve and not know the one. Uh,

(36:28):
you know, but but nothing nothing you can. You can
you can have gratitude and that gratitude conveye if you
don't have worship, you know, and you can tell yourself
you believe in God, but if he's not the central
factor of your life, you don't have worship. You know,

(36:49):
you can tell yourself, yeah, you can hold hands, you know,
and say the Lord's prayer and all that stuff. You
can do all that stuff, you know, and act like
you know God and all that sort of stuff and
believe it. But but if you if you don't wake
up in the morning thinking about him, and you don't
go in the bed, go to bed thinking about him,

(37:09):
and all during the day thinking about him, and all
you want to do is talk about him because it's
the most important thing in your life, then you don't
have worship. He's not the central factor of your life.
And the problem is to the extent that you're not
thinking about him, the world, the worldly collaboration. You know.
You know what Bill Wilson said when when when he

(37:30):
first had that amazing experience, Remember what he said. He said,
the Lord has been so wonderful to me, cearing me
of this terrible disease that I got to keep talking
about it and telling other people. That's what Bill Wilson said.
And alcoholics on a number three to you know, to
build I think it was to Bill Dalton Dotson, you know,

(37:54):
and Bill Dotson said, I was sober, but I knew
there was something more, something I didn't have some sort
of release, sort of happiness, and I didn't know what
it was. And that Bill was in my house one
day with my wife Hemietta, and he said this line.
He said, they call it an AA, the Golden Text.
They even have a name for it, the gold And
he says, he says, the Lord, that's like a that's

(38:19):
a Jesus thing. By the way, because back then that
was before the traditions and the Nazis took over, and
you could say shit like that. You understand what I'm
saying that I'm talking about, I'm talking about that time
between nineteen thirty five and nineteen thirty nine. Remember that time,
That's the time. In the Big Book they say, rarely
have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly thorough

(38:43):
That's a sentences are important, thoroughly followed out a path.
The path they were talking about is what they were
doing between nineteen thirty five and nineteen thirty nine. The
Big Book was published by Bill Wilson nineteen thirty nine,
so the path they were on had really nothing to

(39:04):
do with the Big Book. The first AA meeting was
doctor Bob putting his foot on the dining room chair
and reading the cernon on the Mountain Matthew five, six
and seven. Doctor Bob says, Dr Bob, the God, Old Timer's.
The books that we found absolutely essential were First Corinthians thirteen,
Sermon Out, the Book of James. That's the time you

(39:25):
remember when Anne Smith every morning they would have a
Bible the reading or from the upper Room or something
like that, and you couldn't get into an a meeting.
You remember, between ninety thirty five and nineteen thirty nine,
you couldn't get into an a meeting unless you got
down on your knees. You gave me your life to God.
You remember that time, don't you? Oh no, you don't
remember that time. You don't do that stuff anymore. So

(39:46):
so that that's the time when when Bob Smith went
to Clarence the broommaster in the hospital and he was
one hundred and thirty five pounds. This is in Doctor
Bob and Girld Timers if you ever actually get past
the big book that was written when he had thirty
three years and get in some other literature. So doctor
Bob went to see Clarence room Asters thirty five years old.

(40:09):
He was in the hospital and the first question he
asked him was to believe in God. First question, do
you believe in God? And Clarence says, what does that
have to do with it? And Bob Smith says everything, Well,

(40:30):
I guess I do. Well, Bob could have been satisfied
with that. You know what, Bob Smith, he says, guess nothing.
There's no middle of the roadshit here. You either do
or you don't. He says, I do it good, Get
down out of the hospital bed and get on your knees.
You're going to pray. He says, I don't know how
to pray. That's okay. You just do what I tell

(40:52):
you to do. And he did, and that's when Clarence
says that great line. He says, I did what I
was or to do. The worry no suggestions. So when
you hear that, so you see if you understand the
sentences and you understand what they were doing, and instead

(41:12):
of making believe you know what AA is all about,
you actually read the shit and get into it and
know exactly what they're doing, then you you may realize
that when the book says, rarely have we seen a
person failed who has thoroughly followed our path, then you'll

(41:34):
realize what their path was, and then you have to
thoroughly follow it. Otherwise you're just not living a life
of rigorous honesty. You're just bullshitting yourself. And then you'll
understand why very few people make it past twenty years.
Then you'll have it. You'll you'll you'll have a different
vision of AA and why this is happening, and you'll

(41:58):
understand that it has to do that. All the things
we do, the forstuff, they're all necessary, they're all important. Look,
many times I'll say to somebody, you know you need
to do an inventory on that. You know you need
to do a fist. But the truth of that is,
you can do all that stuff. It's like being in prison,
like an AA prison, AA coffin. Do all that stuff

(42:19):
in AA and you can still drink because you want
to know something. It hasn't It hasn't changed you to
the point where you where you've got the one thing,
which is the only thing. And if you be the
last page of the bed book, it says, but we

(42:41):
won't know you, he says, we can't be sure of that.
God will determine that because your real reliance has to
be on him. You know, when you start reading the sentences,
you know they mean something. You know, and then I'll say,
he says, see to what your relationship with him is right.
People talk about being spiritual. Spiritual is rarely talk about

(43:03):
the Big Book where right in the same sentence or
the next sentence, they're not talking about God. They're not
talking about God. And you know an AA. If you
go into an AA room, sometimes you could walk through
an A room for an hour and people talk about
all the problem. Will you're one person talk about God?

(43:24):
Lets say it like HP or something like that. It's
almost like they're allergic to the word because they don't
want people not to like them. Because some people because
unfortunately what happened with the traditions is that a lot
of people use the traditions to seal the lid on
the AA coffin and to keep you to a certain

(43:45):
place where you never leave that place. And Bill Wilson
started understanding that when he had twenty three years Friday
and he almost strike again, and he said that there
were some people that were really way beyond the traditions
and everything else. He called the benighted ones. He said,
perhaps they will be the spearhead for the next major
development at AA. Don't don't don't let you know the traditions.

(44:09):
I mean they're good, there's nothing wrong with them. I
mean the tradition, but you wanted something. I don't worship
the traditions, and the fellowship is not my god, the
God of my understanding. Neither is my sponsor of Bill
Wilson or everybody else. Even doctor bobam knew that. He
said to Bill Wilson, last words, he said, he said,
let's not screw this thing up. Let's keep it simple.

(44:31):
And if if, if you really do this anything good,
and you get a hold of the one that has
all power, you want to know you got a hold.
You might actually you might be you might find yourself
in a different AA. You might actually find yourself in AA,
but a different AA. You know, one guy came to
going over our meetings. We have a workshop on Saturdays.

(44:54):
I go to every Saturday and it's five hours and
we've got eighty people from all over the world. You know,
you know, we talk about faith alogues, we talk about
God get people that all sorts of time, you know,
and that kind of stuff you know you may find.
And some guy came to me, he says, well, wait
a second, is this violated the tradition? He says it.

(45:14):
I thought this was AA. I said, I said this
is AA. It's just not your AA. It may not
be your AA. You're welcome here, but this is AA,
this is our HEA. This is how we do AA.
You know. And we do meetings like that all the time,
you know, and people and you know, so we got

(45:37):
people that have like three days and they never leave
the next thing. You know, they got three years. And
if you talk to them, they sound like they have
twenty five years. You know, it's a different kind of deal.
It's the kind of deal that was going on between
nineteen thirty five and nineteen thirty nine. There's no middle
of the road solution. There's no half measures, you know,

(45:58):
get you know what, it's the fellowship with the it's
not the fellowship with the problem one. God once told
me about the crabs. You know, I told people about
the crabs. A bucket of crabs. You know, if you
go crabbing, you go crabbing. Uh, he said, you know,

(46:19):
if you go I don't I'm not a crabber. I
don't go crabbing. But if you go crabbing, you know,
you throw a crab into a bucket, he said. And
he says, you know, I keep a crabbing a bucket
because the crab will start trying to call out of
the bucket. He says, you're throwing another crab. Because when
when you're throwing the second crab, the first crab will
try to crawl out, but the second crab will grab

(46:42):
onto the first crab and bring him back in. And
if you start talking about God too much in an
A meeting, what will happen is, you know, one of
the crabs will grab you and tell you you're killing newcomers.
That's what they'll tell you. They'll tell you're killing newcomers.
You know, they'll grab you right back into that AA bucket,

(47:03):
you know what I mean. But if you say you're
an atheist or you don't believe in God, they'll have
your chan the freaking meaning that doesn't go to their
ass at all, you know what I mean. Even though
the Big Book says this sort of thinking must be abandoned,

(47:23):
they'll let a newcomer here, a guy with ten years
saying I don't believe in God. So you can be
thoroughly confused about what we're about. Even though the book
does someth I mention God. But if you talk about God,
they'll tell you you're screwing newcomers, so you'll feel guilty.
You got me very careful around here because this isn't

(47:44):
well people's anonymous, you know what I mean. Really, there's
some issues going on, you know, so well, that's all
I have. God bless you guys,