Russell S. Session 2: Step Series at Life Is Good Group - 9/18/2025

Russell S. Session 2: Step Series at Life Is Good Group, Boca Raton FL - 9/18/2025

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
My name is Russell Spats. I'm an alcoholic.

Speaker 2 (00:02):
Haven'tn necessarily have a drink, nor have I had a
drink since January twenty fifth, nineteen eighty one. It's good
to be here. So I'm gonna talk a little bit.
I'm gonna let me start off by breaking a few traditions. Look,
I'm going to I'm just going to talk about what
they tell me to talk about.

Speaker 1 (00:19):
In the book, each.

Speaker 2 (00:20):
Alcoholic and his own language, from his own point of view,
talks about how he how he developed his relationship with God.
And because I mean, you can do the steps until
it says it says there is one who has all power.

(00:40):
There is one who has all power. That's what it says.
In chapters of the Agnostics, it says, it says, if
a mere code of morals or a better philosophy of
life would have saved us, we would have we would
have been cured long ago. But such codes didn't save us.

Speaker 1 (01:11):
My bad. Everything's a prop to me, you know what
I mean, I'll use that. You know it's not yet,
you know. It's like Jesus said to Peter, he said,
get behind me, Satan.

Speaker 2 (01:26):
I'm not gonna let that bottom that's that's not going
in any way divert me for what I'm going to
talk about.

Speaker 1 (01:32):
But the bottom line.

Speaker 2 (01:35):
Is is that so this is just my experience over
the last forty five years, and now you thank you, God,
bless you. It's good to be here. I have a
lot of friends here. I'm generally at least it's my
my feelings. I could be wrong, but I'm generally liked

(01:56):
up here. Not so much in Miami, definitely not so
much in my own home. But in a event, it's
good to be here. I'm just gonna talk about my experience.
But what it says is in the UH in chapter Agnostics,
if a mere code of morals better phlospy life would
have saved us, we would have been well a long
time ago. But such codes didn't save us. We lacked

(02:17):
the power. We lack the power. You know, what the
Bible says is kind of interesting stuff. You might want
to think about this because in the beginning, doctor Bob said,
if you want to know what.

Speaker 1 (02:29):
AA is about, you've got to read the Bible. Of
the good Book, he called it.

Speaker 2 (02:31):
He said, the books they found absolutely essential. First Corinthians thirteen,
Sermon on the Mound and the Bookie James. That's what
they did for ten first ten years until.

Speaker 1 (02:40):
We got cool, you know. But so I'm like, I'm
not A. I'm in AA. I just may not be
in your AA. You know, you just have tone. You know.
They have different churches, We have different denominations. It's good
to have. There's ten thousand Protestant denominations.

Speaker 2 (02:59):
You know.

Speaker 1 (03:00):
They differ on certain things.

Speaker 2 (03:01):
It's good to have denominations because what they used to
do is they used to just kill each other, you
know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (03:08):
But now they just have denominations. They have different beliefs
and everything.

Speaker 2 (03:11):
So I'm in the I believe in what's called Founder's AA,
the thing that doctor Bob believed in, you know when
he said to Bill Wilson, billis not screw this thing up.

Speaker 1 (03:20):
Keep it simple, you know.

Speaker 2 (03:23):
And so and so I may read the Big Book
differently than you read it. Not because there's anything wrong
with you or you're not intelligent. I just read it differently.
Back then, all they did was for five, six, seven,
maybe ten years, was read the Bible for Spincy thirteenth
from amount Book of James. There's Biblical references all through
the book. Look at Appendix five. If you ever want

(03:44):
to look at an appendix, look at Appendix five with
the Big Book. And so when I read the Big
Book now, at seventy six years of age, I see
things based upon my experience that maybe you don't see it,
not because you're not intelligent or anything like that, because my.

Speaker 1 (04:00):
Experience is different. Like my sponsor used to say, when.

Speaker 2 (04:03):
A man with experience meets a man with money, a
man with experience will walk away with the money.

Speaker 1 (04:07):
The man with the money will walk away with an experience.

Speaker 2 (04:10):
So what I'm gonna do, because I can't help it
for two reasons, what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna
talk about you know, at seventy six, I got a
little Alsheimer's disease. So I can't talk to you like
I have three months. I mean, it's not that I'm
trying to confuse somebody with three months or with six months,
or with ten years or fifteen years. I've got to
talk like if I'm gonna be honest and transparent and

(04:36):
not try to conform to make sure you like me,
and not say anything that may not bother you or anything.

Speaker 1 (04:41):
Number One, I've.

Speaker 2 (04:42):
Got to talk about what God puts on my heart
to talk to you about and without the filter of
how will they feel about this? Will they like me?
Will they not like me? Will they be mad at me?
Will they talk about me? I got to get rid
of that filter. And the truth is, if you do

(05:03):
this right, I shouldn't say if you do, I'll be
this way. If you do this according to how they
how about it, if you do it this way, if
you do it the way you're supposed to do it,
you'll lose fear of people.

Speaker 1 (05:24):
That's very important.

Speaker 2 (05:25):
You need to understand that if you do it the
way you're supposed to do it, at the very end,
you should lose fear of people. And you should be
able to talk the way I'm talking, not worry about
traditions or steps right into that crap. You should just
talk about what's on your heart. And if you can't

(05:45):
do that, it just doesn't happen for you. Yet you're
still worried in meetings whether you should talk. You're still
worried after you talk about, well, you know, what did
you say? What do they think about you? And that
actually extrapolates from the meetings, because if you're in a
meeting and you're worried about saying something or how you

(06:07):
set it, or what they're going to think about you.
That's that's that's a photograph of your entire life. That
doesn't stop, you know, when you're worried about people at
meetings or what they think or what you're going to
say or all that sort of stuff and being judged.
That doesn't that doesn't that claw that that well, you
know what that is. That's alcoholism. The drinking is a

(06:29):
symptom of the disease, but it's but a symptom. The
real disease centers in your mind. Most of the things
that center in your mind that you have you had long.

Speaker 1 (06:38):
Before you took the first strength.

Speaker 2 (06:40):
You're worried about what people were thinking about you long
before you took the first strength.

Speaker 1 (06:43):
As a matter of fact, one of the reasons you're
drinking is because.

Speaker 2 (06:47):
No woman, no car, no amount of money works quite
as well as just a few drinks. One of the
things you do when you drink it. So what alcohol
does in a nanosecond, which may take about forty years
in AA, is if we leaves the fact that you
give a shit about what other people think about you.
Now you can tell yourself like alcoholics do. I don't
give a crap what people think about me. But the

(07:09):
only people that tell themselves they don't give a crap
what people think about them is they're trying to convince
themselves they don't give a crap what people think about them,
and their whole life is worried about what other people
think about it. So one of the promises that should
happen is you should be able to be you.

Speaker 1 (07:27):
And talk like.

Speaker 2 (07:30):
And not be concerned with whether or not somebody's going
to walk out of the room or jump up and
say you're full of.

Speaker 1 (07:35):
Share of anything.

Speaker 2 (07:36):
You shouldn't have to worry about that stuff. You know,
if you're being a maximum service to God and you're
telling them you about your experience, and if that's not happening,
then it doesn't mean it's not going to happen.

Speaker 1 (07:49):
But there's a reason why it's not happening.

Speaker 2 (07:53):
And then you only have one decision because here and there,
once in a while, you will run into people and
they'll be few and far between that are transparent and
they're genuine. I think after the Sermmon of the Mount,
you know, one of the books they found absolutely essential
in AA.

Speaker 1 (08:13):
Was sermon on them Mount, which is Matthew five, six
and seven.

Speaker 2 (08:15):
I don't have any problem talking about it because it's
not conference disapproved. As a matter of fact, the only
books that are conference approved of the books that AA publishes.

Speaker 1 (08:23):
They make money off of those books.

Speaker 2 (08:25):
Now, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, Okay,
but I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (08:28):
There's no conference disapproved stuff. A is not a coffin.

Speaker 2 (08:33):
People think it. I just think it was a coffin.
I only went on a vacations. I only went out
with AA.

Speaker 1 (08:38):
It was all about AA AA AA.

Speaker 2 (08:41):
If you're trapped in AA, it's just as big a bondage.
That means if you're if you're in the if you're
only in the fellowship of AA with the only requirement
is to have unity with the problem.

Speaker 1 (08:56):
You see.

Speaker 2 (08:56):
That's why we love each other again in here with
so happy and excited. Because every body drinks, and everybody
just want to drink, and that's and the only requirement
is a desire to stop drinking.

Speaker 1 (09:06):
It's not even an honest desire. It used to be honest.

Speaker 2 (09:09):
They got rid of that, you know what I mean,
because there wasn't even unity into drinking thing. And then
at the very very end of the book when you
get to the last page, they actually talked about it
long before the last page.

Speaker 1 (09:23):
At the last page.

Speaker 2 (09:26):
They say on the top of the page they say,
but we won't know, we won't know you saying we
won't know the old times. We don't know doctor Bob,
which is not true in a sense because they are written.
All you have to do is read about him in
the book, and they talk about themselves.

Speaker 1 (09:43):
Bill will Seemson.

Speaker 2 (09:44):
Talks about himself since twenty one years when he when
he almost drank again and he went to depression. He said,
I got it all wrong. It's all about God. Doctor
Bob talks about himself and in chapter twov and what
is it? Doctor Bob snight. Mary says, if you're an atheist,
if you're an agnostic, if you have any other type

(10:04):
of intellectual pride that keeps you from understanding what we're
trying to tell you, I feel sorry for you. This
sort of thinking atheism agnostism must be abandoned.

Speaker 1 (10:19):
Can you be an atheist?

Speaker 2 (10:20):
And AA, absolutely, as long as you have a desire
to stop drinking, you'd be in the Fellowship Alcoholics Anonymous
because it doesn't have to be any unity in belief.
Can you be an agnostic in a or a spiritual
agnostic in a where you don't need God?

Speaker 1 (10:33):
But you say there's something that absolutely because the.

Speaker 2 (10:36):
Only requirement for membership is a desire to not drink.

Speaker 1 (10:41):
Unity of that. You know how far that's going.

Speaker 2 (10:44):
To take you not drinking one day at a time,
doing the fourth step, one day at a time, doing
the tenth step, doing all the steps, doing everything one
day at a time. Well, I used to think it'll
take you forever. But one of the things that one
of the I think the only thing I might have
that may be helpful that I could share is when

(11:05):
you've been sober. I know this Juleman here for forty
seven years. I don't know his story. But when you've
been sober, it's forty five years. You got forty five
years of experience watching people and you know, you see,
you see nobody makes it. You don't say everybody makes it.
You see people drinking when they're going to meetings, helping

(11:27):
other people, sponsoring people doing the steps, and they drink
or they commit You see people commit suicide at thirty
years sobriety, doing step meetings and then you hear they
kill themselves.

Speaker 1 (11:39):
You meet people in AA.

Speaker 2 (11:43):
That have twenty five years that you don't want what
they have because they're angry and they're lonely, and they're
mad and they're touchy. You know, you see a lot
of stuff after a while, and what the bottom line is.

Speaker 1 (11:58):
All the steps in the world are great, but what
you really have to look for is the results.

Speaker 2 (12:05):
And every once in a while on Alcoholics Anonymous, you'll
meet somebody like I met people that I was attracted
to them and I want because I believe there's actually
fifteen steps, I'll share them with you somewhere along the line.
One of the steps is we don't call the step,
but it is the definite step before the steps. It's
an absolute step before the steps. I would call it

(12:27):
step number one. If you find someone who has what
you want and you become willing to you got any
length to get it. They mentioned in the book they
don't call it a step, but what happened to you.
You came to Alcoholics Anonymous, you met some people, you
met a sponsor, you met a group, and you wanted
what they had and you were willing to go to
any length to get it, and you start doing things
that you would never do, and you followed instruction. Let

(12:49):
me tell you something. I called the step before the steps,
but you might as well call it step number one.
Then there's two other steps at the end that the
Big Book talks about about changing and going in to
the new fellowship?

Speaker 1 (13:00):
What's the new fellowship? Bill Wilson says.

Speaker 2 (13:03):
When he wrote the Emotional Sobriety, he says he talked
about the fact this Bill Wilson noticed this. Doctor Bob
noticed it in Bill Wilson, you know, when he said,
let's not screw this thing up. He knew Bill was
having problems. There's nothing again, listen, I'm not apologized. I'm
not knocking down Bill. Bill wrote an essay about it.

(13:24):
He said, this is what I you know, this is
what happened to me. And one of the things they
say in the book is if you want to be
rocking in the fourth dimension of existence, you've got to
get involved in something called the Great Factor. Of the
great fact is this, God's got to become the central
factor of your life. Period. He's got to become God.
Either is or he isn't. What's your decision going to

(13:45):
be you know, what's your decision going to be? There
is one of us all power.

Speaker 1 (13:51):
That one is God.

Speaker 2 (13:52):
May you find him now. The definition of now is
now definition up, No, it really is.

Speaker 1 (14:01):
It's now.

Speaker 2 (14:03):
Now. In alcoholics, anonymous means in twenty five years. It
means after you're done with all the steps, and after
you're done with everything, and you're you're sixty years old
and you're you're forty years sober, and all of a
sudden you realize that you're still not happy, and then
all of a sudden you start concentrating on the last
two steps. Last two steps are this God becomes actually does.

Speaker 1 (14:24):
Become the central factor of your life.

Speaker 2 (14:26):
You want to make sure that happens before the cancer,
because once you get the cancer, the fourth step ain't going.

Speaker 1 (14:33):
To help you with shit.

Speaker 2 (14:35):
Neither is the ten step. It'll help you around the edges,
you know what I mean. But once you face the
final deal, you know, once the health stuff happens, you know,
you start looking at this thing a different way and
you start seeing people. So now God has to become
the central factor of your life. That is not the
third step. I did the third step. Any of you

(14:57):
guys ever do the third step. This is what I did.
This is what it says in this is what I did.
When I was three or four months sober. I went
into my bathroom. I closed the door and I locked
it with.

Speaker 1 (15:11):
My big book.

Speaker 2 (15:14):
Because I didn't want anybody coming off the street walking
into my house and walking into my bathroom and seeing it.
That would have been embarrassing. And you guys probably did
that in the open. In the old days in nineteen
thirty five, you couldn't go to a meeting unless you
got on your knees in front of everybody else who
was in AA and gave your life to God.

Speaker 1 (15:34):
You couldn't do it. They wouldn't let you in the meeting.
As a matter of fact. The interesting thing is we
called the third step.

Speaker 2 (15:39):
You couldn't go to a meeting until you did the
third step, which sort of like cut down the chatter
about well, if they talk about God, I would have
left because everybody there had already done the third step,
so nobody was saying that shit, that's recent crack, you
know what I mean. So what happens is, you know,
you know, when you say it's a set God that

(16:00):
comes to the central factor in your life, that's not
third step. That's the way I did the third step.
I don't know how you did it is I was
three months sober. I don't know whether I believe in
God or not. But I'll tell you one thing. I
didn't want to drink and I was willing to go
to any length to get it.

Speaker 1 (16:10):
And they told me to do that. So I followed
instructions because I was scared.

Speaker 2 (16:13):
I didn't want to drink, and so I got down
on my knees I did. I got down on my knees,
and then I and I said the third step prayer.
And you know what the book book says, right after
you do that, since we have now completed the third step.

(16:35):
And then I got up and I checked my bank account,
tried to get laid you know whatever it is, and
embraced the world again, running around.

Speaker 1 (16:48):
Being a horde of the world. You know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (16:50):
That's not the same thing as making God the central
factor of real life, you understand.

Speaker 1 (16:57):
You see the difference that step.

Speaker 2 (17:00):
Ye, that's not even the eleventh step, where we improve
our conscious contact with God.

Speaker 1 (17:06):
So we start thinking about it more and more and more.

Speaker 2 (17:09):
You know, making God the central factor of your life
is something that becomes comes after.

Speaker 1 (17:16):
It's not part of the steps.

Speaker 2 (17:17):
It's supposed to be the result of taking the steps.
Do you think it's possible to do all the steps
and do everything here and stay sober for a long
yet period of time and never really make God the
central factor of your life. I know it's possible because
I run. Most people that you know don't do it.
They think I'm sort of strange. You know, there's a

(17:38):
Bible thumper and stuff like that. So the bottom line
is is that, And then there's there's the fifteenth step,
you know, being convinced that God lives in your heart
and your mind and a way which is indeed miraculous,
doing for you what you can't do for yourself. Now,
there is a difference between sort of thinking that and

(18:01):
saying that and everyone's and being convinced, being convicted. Being
convinced of that is different. It's a different quality. And
when you're convinced of that, I call that the things
then there are people in AA that are convinced to that.
When you're convinced of that, then you get involved with

(18:21):
a different fellowship.

Speaker 1 (18:23):
Where there where.

Speaker 2 (18:25):
The prerequisites are different. And that's something called the Fellowship
of the spirit and that fellowship. The unity of that
fellowship has nothing to do with drinking, because those people
don't drink.

Speaker 1 (18:42):
It has to do unity and belief in.

Speaker 2 (18:45):
God and making God the central fact of your life.
And the meetings are a little different, and the conversation
is get different. There's not much conversations about problems or
difficulties or problems, conversations about love of God and love
of other people and trying to help other people. It's
about being a servant. It's about having a godly purpose.

(19:07):
So you understand then the words in the Big Book.
Our job is to be a maximum service to God
and other people have a meaning, a meaning more than
just you're not doing it to stay sober. You're doing
it because that's your purpose because God is the central
factor of your life, and that's the only.

Speaker 1 (19:23):
Reason you hear.

Speaker 2 (19:25):
And whether or not you have a car you don't
have a car, or you have money you don't doesn't
mean anything because the only thing that you focus on
is loving other people and helping other people. You understand
so so so you and and and so well so
in anything, let's get rid of all that stuff.

Speaker 1 (19:43):
I digress.

Speaker 2 (19:44):
So so I was I was thinking about some scripture.
So I want to I want to show you something.
It's all in the Big Book, but you don't know it.
If you don't know what they were reading. You see,
you don't know it. So men, see, he said, there's
this great line I was thinking right before this meaning
because that's what happens.

Speaker 1 (19:59):
Because when you involved in all this stuff.

Speaker 2 (20:01):
And there's a reason why in the Big Book says
they say, we encourage church membership. We encourage you to
move on. Don't make it a coffin. Move on with
your faith, you know, because here's what happens. It talks
about alcoholism coming baffling and powerful. It's powerful, and it
works on you twenty four to seven. It worked on

(20:23):
you ever since you were ten years old. You had
alcoholism before you took your first drink. You had alcoholism
through the drinking. And now you stop drinking, you still
got it. You still got the same thing that when
you're worried about and nervous about and crazy about it
makes you unhappy and not being able to experience life.

Speaker 1 (20:39):
And the new freedom and the new happiness. You still
got it.

Speaker 2 (20:42):
Now you got ten years sober, and you still got it.
And you know, you got it, but you know what
happens you put up with it. You say, well, not
drinking and everything like that, which is okay. You know,
we all got to go through what we got to
go through. But wouldn't it be great if you could
actually get all that other stuff, you know, the extra
sauce and so what it says is it's cunning, back
thing and powerful, right unless we can unless.

Speaker 1 (21:06):
What it says. It says, but but there is a solution.
It says there.

Speaker 2 (21:11):
Is one who has all power and that one is God.
And uh, you're gonna have to get past this thing
that we do because we don't like the God thing.
We don't like rules, and we don't like people. I'm
an alcohol kind of like people tell me what to do.
You don't know me the way I know me. You
know what I mean, I'm the one in charge. Don't

(21:33):
tell me what you do your program. I'll do by program.
I'll change the words around. I know it says now,
but it doesn't mean I know it says God.

Speaker 1 (21:39):
It doesn't mean God. You call it.

Speaker 2 (21:41):
Yeah, you know you can do it, you have, But
somewhere along the line, somewhere the line, you gotta look.

Speaker 1 (21:47):
At the words they choose. They chose the words.

Speaker 2 (21:50):
It wasn't a Bill Wilson say just throw any shit
in there, you know what I mean? And the great
Prune or something, you know. They put the words in
there for a reason. Says there is one who has
all power, that one is God. May you find him now?
And then and then you know what they say, Lis
say this this is like, this is like astrophysics, This

(22:12):
is like PhD shit. Okay, there is one who has
all power, that one is God. May you find me out?
So what's going to say to you?

Speaker 1 (22:18):
God? Right? Am I wrong?

Speaker 2 (22:23):
So he says, this is the hell in Whiman. You've
got to stop playing God, and this is how we
did it.

Speaker 1 (22:30):
And then they give you these steps. Do these steps.

Speaker 2 (22:35):
The idea being is if you do the steps, you'll
get the God thing. But then people come in here
and they worship the steps. They worship the steps, they

(22:55):
do the step meetings. They pound the steps into them
about the steps, the steps, the steps, until it gets
really serious, and all of a sudden you get to
a point in their life whether the steps aren't working anymore,
because you know why they're not working, because they're bored,
you know, why they're not working because.

Speaker 1 (23:15):
The world catches up from them.

Speaker 2 (23:17):
The world de clamors, just like they call it. With
Bill Wilson, remember what he said. He said, I wanted
God and I needed God, and he came, but soon
world declamors blotted at his presence.

Speaker 1 (23:30):
What makes you any different than Bill Wilson? What makes
me any different than Bill Wilson.

Speaker 2 (23:34):
As a matter of fact, if I was to ask
you whether you were happy, and you weren't happy, you
know what. You start talking to me about your life
and you start talking about things. You start talking about money,
or romance, a loneliness, so whether you have a guy
or a girl or all that sort of stuff. You
start talking to me about the things of this world.

Speaker 1 (23:53):
And you know what you do.

Speaker 2 (23:54):
You go to meetings where everybody's talking about their problems,
their problems with the relatives, they are problems with the car,
they're problem.

Speaker 1 (24:00):
With their money and everything like that, and you see
what that is to you. That's aa to you.

Speaker 2 (24:05):
And somehow you got in your mind that that's the
solution to all get together and talk about your problems.
So you feel good because we all have the same problems.
So at least I've got just like in the bar,
just like another bar. At least I got my fellowship,
you know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (24:18):
But I'm not drinking bit booze.

Speaker 2 (24:20):
I'm drinking coffee and people are congratulating beyond my sobriety.

Speaker 1 (24:24):
And I'm not saying there's anything bad about that. I mean,
I went through the training I went. I went through
the training.

Speaker 2 (24:31):
I went through the college, the A college, I went
through that deal nothing wrong with They can't be anything
wrong because some people actually matriculate, they sort of graduate.

Speaker 1 (24:39):
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 (24:40):
They say, I mean I've got to have more, something more.

Speaker 1 (24:45):
You know, doesn't mean you.

Speaker 2 (24:47):
Leave AA because what you do is your job now
is to go back to the people you love and say, listen,
there's something else out there.

Speaker 1 (24:55):
Let me tell you about something else. There's more, there's
even more. But I'm telling you could do a till
the teles come moment. You can responsible. You can do
all that and still drink.

Speaker 2 (25:06):
I know they tell you things that the only reason
as long as what do you say, what insures somebody
who's is intensive work with alcoholics. In a weird way,
that's kind of true, but another weird way, it's not true.
Because I know a lot of people that work their
ass off and helped the other alcohols, and they end
up drinking again or they end up miserable. It's just
not the whole story. It may be the story for

(25:28):
the first ten years, maybe the first fourteen or fifteen
or twenty years. But what does it matter if you
do twenty years of doing all the activity so that
you're not you're distracted from the bullshit that is your life.

Speaker 1 (25:42):
You understand what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (25:45):
If in the end you end up drinking again, or
you're unhappy and you haven't found him now and you
miss the secret sauce, especially ingradient, you know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (25:56):
So here's the deal. I didn't want to talk about
this shit, but to talk about so an event you should.

Speaker 2 (26:05):
You know, I used to I used to actually know
how to do the steps.

Speaker 1 (26:08):
I'm serious.

Speaker 2 (26:09):
When I had ten or fifteen years twenty, I was
one of this stuff. I come with my twelve and
twelve and my big book, and I'd have a color
coded and the underlined we talk. We'd actually talk about
step two, you know what I mean, said, oh that
was a good step two, meaning you know what I mean.
Step two is in here. Step three is in here,
Step twelve is in the year, Step six is in

(26:31):
the year.

Speaker 1 (26:32):
Everything I'm talking about is all about the steps.

Speaker 2 (26:36):
If you can't see it, it's just that you can't
see it.

Speaker 1 (26:39):
It's just that you haven't seen it. And I'll tell
you why. Let me tell you why. This is from
the Book of Jeremiah. I like this thing. It says
because the heart is very important. It says, this is
the covement I will make with my people. Who is
God talking, I will put my law in their minds

(27:00):
and write in their hearts.

Speaker 2 (27:03):
I will be their God, and there will be my
people in their minds and in their hearts. You don't
have to memorize anything. You don't have to memorize the steps.
You have to memorize the book. You have to memorize anything.
You know why, because it's inside of you. It's called
the life of rigorous honesty. And the only people that

(27:24):
can get it are people that don't have the capacity
to be honest.

Speaker 1 (27:29):
And that's the deal. And Unsermon on the Mouth, the
book they found absolutely essential. I'm shutting this off before
somebody calls me. If I can an insermon on the Mount.

Speaker 2 (27:41):
One of the things that said in the books that
we're supposed to find absolutely essential is it says focus
on God. It says because where your focus is, that's
where your heart will be. So it says where you
focus on the heart is very important. What's in your heart?
What's in your herd? Who sits on the thrown in car?

(28:02):
So that you remember, King David was in all the papers.
He killed the Goliath and everything like that killed Goliath.
And what happened was there was a prophet named Samuel.
He was supposed to pick out the new king of Israel.
So he went down to this guy's house what's his name, Jesse,
because he had like seven sons or something like that.

(28:24):
They had like seven sons and they were big and
they were strong. They were like greacher, you know what
I mean, one of those guys. And so he said, man,
surely one of these bozos is going to be the
next king of Israel, you know. And what happened was
he saw seven guns sons, and every time he went
up to him. This guy was a prophet, he was

(28:45):
a godly man. Every time they went up to he
went up to them, God would say that it's not
this guy. You go one f he says, it's not
this guy. Guy seven foot tall, looks like, I'm he's
not that guy. And then finally he he said, he said,
he said, Then he got this word. He got this

(29:06):
still small voice. Sometimes it talks to you. Guys, by
the way, you may not hear it because you're too busy.
Look at your bank account. But if you, if you
might get to a point where you actually hear something,
you know you you decide to go here, and all
of sid a voice says, no, go to the meeting,
or call up your sponsor or something like that. The
voice is there. And so we heard this voice. And
he said, and this is what the boy said. He

(29:26):
was looking at all these guys, and how strong that
what he says, God does not see the way man sees.
Man looks, and of course we're talking about women too.
Looks to a person's stature, his height, his weight, he says.
God looks to a person's heart. God looks to a
person's heart. That's all. He looks to person's heart. And

(29:53):
so he looks this and you can tell what's on
a person's heart. But just you can have a conversation
with somebody and look in their eyes, and you can
tell what's in a person's heart with a person, whether
he's genuine, whether he's a phony, especially if you're an
alcohol And I'll tell you because if you're an alcoholic,
you are a phony.

Speaker 1 (30:09):
You have perfected fucking phoniness to the bitter end. You
should have an oscar for fucking phoniness. You know what
I mean?

Speaker 2 (30:16):
You know, I told my sponsor once so I didn't
want to hold handkers.

Speaker 1 (30:18):
I didn't want to be a hypocrite. This said too late.

Speaker 2 (30:22):
You don't even get into this deal unless you cracked
hippoc you deal with you're a hypocrite, like from the
get go.

Speaker 1 (30:28):
You mean saying one thing and doing another thing.

Speaker 2 (30:29):
Is that what you're doing about? Believe me, you got
a hypocrite down, you know. So so here's the deal.

Speaker 1 (30:37):
Listen to me.

Speaker 2 (30:38):
So you come into AA, you get a sponsor, and
because you're scared and whatever it is and you want
what he has, he tells you to do things like
get on your knees every morning, read the twenty four
Hour Book, which is a combination of the Big Book
in the Bible, and everything like that, ask God's help
to stay so He doesn't ask me what you believe me, God,
he just tells you to do it, so you do it.

Speaker 1 (30:57):
I don't know why you do it, but you do it. Okay,
well I did it.

Speaker 2 (31:02):
And then they tell you do this service, make the
coffee and all that sort of stuff.

Speaker 1 (31:07):
You know, I'm sitting here.

Speaker 2 (31:08):
I'm going nuts because I'm three or four months sober,
and I'm four months behind the rent. I got a
wife and she's pregnant and all that sort of stuff,
and i don't know what to do, and I'm scared
and I can't sleep at night and everything like that.
But I'm sober, and I'm going to meetings, but I'm
not saying anything, you know, because you know.

Speaker 1 (31:26):
I'm not gonna tell my I'm a lawyer. I'm thinking
tell my group I'm broke. I have fifty dollars in
the bank.

Speaker 2 (31:31):
I mean, not that to give a shit what they
think about me, you know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (31:33):
But I'm not gonna do that. You know, I'm not
gonna really tell them what's going on.

Speaker 2 (31:37):
I'm drive up in my big Cadillac where I can't
even afford the gas and everything.

Speaker 1 (31:42):
So finally it was just killing me.

Speaker 2 (31:43):
So I told my sponsor, I said about the money thing, and.

Speaker 1 (31:47):
He said, he said, you know, I can fix that.
He said, oh man, did I pick the right sponsor?
Holy shit?

Speaker 2 (31:55):
You know, really, he says, I'm getting my catcher's glove,
I know him to get a couple of thousand dollars,
you know, at the end of this meeting.

Speaker 1 (32:01):
He says, oh, yeah, I can fix that, he says.
So he said, really, he says, yeah, come here.

Speaker 2 (32:04):
So he marches me over to so the coffee pot
and you start showing me how to make coffee for
the girds. And because he had been making the cofee
but he starts showing me how to make the coffee.
He says, let me try to make coffee with the
group and set up the chairs. And I said, I'm thinking,
I don't think I made myself clear. I mean, I
don't think I mean as great. But I mean we're

(32:26):
talking money, you know, and it's right up there with oxygen,
you know what I mean. And I'm like, you we
can and and so the next day I was depressed,
you know, I mean, no, I wasn't depressed. Alcoholics never
get depressed. I was very depressed. It's different. You get depressed.
I get very depressed, and I didn't want to go

(32:47):
to the meeting, but I had to go because I
had to make the freaking coffee, you know what I mean.
And it's because I had to make the freaking coffee,
because because if I didn't go and make the freaking.

Speaker 1 (32:58):
Coffee, what are they going to say about me? Not
that I give a shit what they think about me,
you know what I mean. It's like spiritual jiu jitsu.

Speaker 2 (33:04):
They turned my worst problem against me to force me
to go in and make the stupid coffee.

Speaker 1 (33:10):
And I make the stupid.

Speaker 2 (33:11):
Coffee for three or four months or something like that,
and I'm going to the meetings and making the coffee
and setting up the chairs, and you know, one day
some guy comes up and he says, you know, I'll
make the coffee.

Speaker 1 (33:21):
I said, I'm the coffee maker. Who the hell do
you think you are? You got your own gig, buddy,
you know.

Speaker 2 (33:27):
Eighteen months, I'm making the coffee from a stupid groop.

Speaker 1 (33:30):
You know, and I mean stupid group.

Speaker 2 (33:36):
You know. So you so as you go along, you
get more, maybe different sponsors. Your first sponsor, guys, you
get another sponsor and he has what you want, but
he has something maybe a little bit different. It's like
your first sponsor, but it's your first sponsor. But there's
something else that you want in him, you know what
I mean, there's something else because because you've already got

(33:58):
five or six years and you're into the swinging and
you got five to six years and you're talking at
meetings and people listening to you, and then all of
a sudden you run into the sky and he's got
something you don't have, and.

Speaker 1 (34:07):
You don't know what it is.

Speaker 2 (34:08):
So you want that deal. So you've winked up with him.
Now he's now he's got you doing other shit. He
has you doing the same crap and more, and he's
telling you stuff that the first one didn't tell you.
Or maybe the first one did tell you, but you
didn't hear it, you know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (34:23):
Maybe that's more like it. You didn't hear it, And
all of a sudden you start hearing more stuff and
everything and everything like that.

Speaker 2 (34:28):
And then and then you hang out with him, and
during the midst of all this, you're working every step
in the but you're doing the steps like in your sleep.
You're doing the steps all over the place. You're saying
this serreending prayer now once like twice, your entire life
is saying this reading prayer. Because that's how much the
entire your entire life is fucking bothering you.

Speaker 1 (34:47):
You know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (34:48):
You got to say this surrending prayer every day, every second.
You've got to apologize all the time because you're.

Speaker 1 (34:55):
Screwing up so much, you know what I mean. And
you're you become an expert in the tense stuff. You
kidd me. The first two.

Speaker 2 (35:02):
Years I got a PhD in acceptance, not so much
in the courage shit.

Speaker 1 (35:07):
Acceptance is okay. Well, you know I need to get
a job. Well, I guess if God wants me to
have a job.

Speaker 2 (35:13):
He'll just shoot one down here to the car room,
you know. And something we've been looking for you, Russell,
you know, to be the president of and.

Speaker 1 (35:23):
We heard you were hiding out in the car room.

Speaker 2 (35:25):
How about a couple of hundred thousand dollars a year
in an expense account and everything like that, and you
know we've been looking for you. We didn't know you're
down in the car room, you know. And they said, no,
you want to get a job, you have to you
have to apply for one and you have to go
on an interview.

Speaker 1 (35:44):
Well what about what if my first job finds out?
And what if I get fired? And what if this?
And what if that? And everything like that, and then
the fear comes in.

Speaker 2 (35:51):
But don't worry about You're sober, but you're crazy.

Speaker 1 (35:58):
You got three or five years of variety, but you're crazy.

Speaker 2 (36:04):
But you don't know you're crazy because everybody you like
to hang out with as are as fucking nuts as
you are. So you don't think you're crazy because you're
not having a bad day. Everybody else having a bad day.
You love these people, you hate church people and all
those other people that seem to have their shit together
and they don't, but they seem to have their craft together.

Speaker 1 (36:26):
But you feel real comfortable with crazy people.

Speaker 2 (36:29):
But if you hang out with crazy people all the time,
you know, and as a matter of fact, some of
these crazy people are even crazier than you. So you
start so you start thinking that maybe you're well you
know what I mean, and you know, and you finally
made it, you know, Yeah, I'm crazy.

Speaker 1 (36:44):
I'm like nuts, like that guy with thirty days, you
know what I mean? I remember what that used to
be like.

Speaker 2 (36:49):
And then after a while the second sponsor dies, and
then all of a sudden, you see, you got this
third guy. And somebody told you along the way when
you were crashing and burning in ten years and you
hit that second bottom that you ought to go to
a Bible study because at the Bible study, that's going
to be his fellowship of the.

Speaker 1 (37:08):
Spirit for you.

Speaker 2 (37:09):
And they mentioned in the Big Book and doctor Bob
talking all that, and you say, and you say what
you're trained to say in AA, no, no, no, Well,
I'm spiritual, not religious.

Speaker 1 (37:21):
I'm just a very spiritual person. I'm just spiritual, you
know what I mean. God is my understanding.

Speaker 2 (37:26):
He's like he's an it. He's really what he is.
When it boils down to God, is you understand Well, okay,
you believe in God? He says, yeah, Well do you
believe God? And you say, I don't understand what you're
talking about.

Speaker 1 (37:38):
Well, do you believe that? You said, God.

Speaker 2 (37:40):
One of the things that he do in the sixth
step is we decide we're going to grow in the
image and likeness of God. So tell me about his image,
tell me about his likeness, tell me what he looks like,
and tell me whether you believe him, and you say,
I don't understand what you're talking about. And somebody you
said you believe in God. Yeah, but you don't believe
God because what God is to is like something some
it you can't believe define it. So but but you know,

(38:04):
you sort of know where you think you know this.
He doesn't want to hurt you, and he doesn't want
me to drink. That's what you know about God.

Speaker 1 (38:11):
He doesn't want me to drink. He doesn't want to
hurt me. And how do you know he doesn't want
to hurt you?

Speaker 2 (38:18):
Well, maybe if you read the Bible, you even read
the Big Book or even met the twelve or twelve
where it talks about suffering, where it talks about you
learning the value of suffering. How does he know that
part of the process of finding God now is suffering?

Speaker 1 (38:33):
You know the Bible, you know what it says. You
know what it says. It says.

Speaker 2 (38:38):
My power God says, my power is made perfect in
your weakness, because when you're weak, I'm strong. See Apostble said,
please take this disease, this thing that's thrown away from me.
Says I won't because you'll become conceited and full of yourself,

(39:00):
an egotistical. I will never take this away from you,
because my power is made perfect in your weakness.

Speaker 1 (39:08):
Read the Book of James, which is one of the
books that.

Speaker 2 (39:10):
They looked at all about how God allows us to
go through all sorts of suffering and all sorts of
crap because as we persevere, our faith grows and matures.
So you do the steps, and you do that, and
you get the next sponsor, and you go into a
Bible study, and then all of a sudden, you run
into a group of people who are sixty, seventy, eighty,
and ninety years old, who've been studying the source material,

(39:33):
and some of them are in recovery for thirty forty years.
And they got something that you don't see much in AA.
They're stable, they're not double minded, and they don't talk
a lot about their problems, although they maybe die of cancer, you.

Speaker 1 (39:49):
Know what I mean, But you wouldn't know it.

Speaker 2 (39:51):
It feels all they're trying to do is they're talking
about God because God is actually the.

Speaker 1 (39:58):
Central fact of their lives.

Speaker 2 (40:01):
Because they're actually doing this shit in the Big Book
because as we all know, as we all know, the Bible.

Speaker 1 (40:07):
Stole everything from the Big Book of Alcohol.

Speaker 2 (40:10):
It's anior, you know, and you want what they have,
so you hang around them, and all of a sudden
you focus on that deal. And one day you wake
up and you're not worried about other people and what
they think about you, and you don't know how that happened.
You know, you have no idea how that stuff happened.
And then you read in the twelve and twelve in

(40:31):
the Big Book that the man who's really trying. The
thing that separates us out from the boys in AA
and the girls in AA is that if you're doing
the six step, you're trying to grow in the image
and likeness of your creator. And you have a really good,
serious idea of who your creator is, and he's not
in it anymore. He's a person, and you want something.

(40:53):
I can have a relationship with a person. I have
a relationship with Brainonstria. I can actually know who a
person is because it's all written down, everything about him.

Speaker 1 (41:03):
It's all written down. I know him like I know
like I just like I know Bill Wilson, like I
know Doctor Bob.

Speaker 2 (41:11):
Because it's all written down who they are and what
they are and I can listen to their stories and
I read their stories.

Speaker 1 (41:18):
It's like you and I have a relationship. Now I'm
not an it, you know what I mean. Now you
may not lie you me say, yeah, I mean the guy,
I hate that guy, he said something holy shit, you
know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (41:29):
But I'm not worried about that because I've met and
many people say, I used to hate you, but now
I love you. But the bottom line, you just have
to go through a maturing process, you know what I mean.
God has a way of taking care of you know.
Every once in a while, it's like a giant is like.

Speaker 1 (41:42):
A you know, there's a giant of it. You know,
it's like a self cleaning of it. Every two years,
the alcohol comes through and clears out all the fucking bullshit,
you know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (41:51):
And they drink and they drug and they come and
they finally started taking this thing seriously, you know.

Speaker 1 (41:58):
So here's the deal.

Speaker 2 (41:59):
So I've been doing for forty five years, right, not Brayton,
I've just been doing it. So when you do it
forty five years over and over again, every step, everything,
all the perseverance, all the problems, everything, whatever it is, cancer, whatever,
you go through the whole thing, and I'm married. You
know you really have to get married, right, Braydon, you've
agreed with me on that.

Speaker 1 (42:17):
Yeah. My wife called me up the phone as we're
driving up here. He was talking about the anybody interested
in marrying Brayon. He's looking, how old are you again?
You are doing twenty six?

Speaker 2 (42:28):
He's twenty six. He's available. He said, should I get married?

Speaker 1 (42:31):
I said yes.

Speaker 2 (42:33):
I said, you immediately should get married and married to Latina.

Speaker 1 (42:37):
That's what I did. Pus. Plus, I'm suffering and you
should suffer.

Speaker 2 (42:43):
That's where you really learn about alcoholics, anonymous.

Speaker 1 (42:46):
And at that precise way, am I right? Am I telling?
Five minutes later, my wife calls me up on the phone.

Speaker 2 (42:51):
And she's beating the living shit out of me after
forty five years of marriage, says, He's yelling at me.
And all I'm saying is you're right, You're right, You're right.
It's not even a speed bump for this broad, you.

Speaker 1 (43:02):
Know what I mean, Just bam, bam, bamn.

Speaker 2 (43:05):
I said, you know, I've been taking this shit for
forty five years. That's why nothing bothers me. You know
what I mean is the what did you say? You said,
what did you say? You said, I'm gonna get married
to You said you don't want that deal? Immediately you know,
immediately you know training ground. Its good training ground for
that stuff. You know, why should I be the only
one who's suffering? So you go through that over and

(43:28):
over and over again. And you know what happens when
you go through it over and over and over again.
And I'm not saying I'm perfect, right, I'm not. You know,
the closer you get to God, the more you realize
how far where you are. So but what happens is
if you do it over and over again, you can
actually be transparent and talk about your life and what's happening,

(43:49):
and who you are and what you have are and
the steps and the steps are all within who you
are in the story. In other words, if you think
I'm crazier, I've got it wrong. I want you to

(44:09):
understand something. I go to three meetings a day. On
Friday night, I do a four hour meeting called the
Loveget Meeting.

Speaker 1 (44:18):
On Saturday mornings, I do a five hour meeting.

Speaker 2 (44:21):
Okay, and people come there, eighty or ninety people and
they stay. And those are the meanings I do. So
I do a lot of AA answer and stuff like that.
So I want to tell you something. What you're looking
at okay and me, I may not be much, but
I can tell you one thing. However crazy I am.
I am a product of alcoholics anonymous. So if you

(44:45):
don't see the steps and anything I'm talking about, if
you don't see the third step or the second step,
or the seventh step, or the sixth step, or the
eleventh step or the twelfth step, anything I'm talking about,
that's not my problem.

Speaker 1 (45:02):
That's your problem. That's something to do with your perception.
Do you underto you with me? And and you know
that's just the way it is.

Speaker 2 (45:11):
And if you have a problem with me, just remember
the spiritual accent whenever you're disturbed. Man, what the fulk chlorn?
There's something wrong with you. There's nothing wrong with me.
You understand what I'm saying. And nothing pleases me more
than people walking out of here at least twenty five
percent of people walking out of here or.

Speaker 1 (45:28):
Something like that pissed off.

Speaker 2 (45:29):
I mean the concept that I'll go home and feel
like I did what the Lord told me to do
and you're still thinking about me a week later, because
you're pissed off, you know what I mean, it excites me. Well,
I like that, you know, so what so what is this?

Speaker 1 (45:47):
You know something that?

Speaker 2 (45:48):
So?

Speaker 1 (45:48):
What what was that? Was that a third step?

Speaker 2 (45:49):
Meaning?

Speaker 1 (45:50):
Was this? Was this a third step? What means? Is
this the second step?

Speaker 2 (45:53):
Meaning? So you got but but but maybe somewhere in
there there's something about the insanity of your life. Maybe
somewhere in there is about the end. I mean, I
used to and I can do it, but it's pretty obvious.

Speaker 1 (46:09):
You know. I get these people that talk to you.
You got people that talk. They come up to me,
sponsores and grand sponsores and just people and they call
me and they say, and.

Speaker 2 (46:18):
They're all upset. That's something I don't know whatever it is.
And I mean, it's nothing. You know, you get upset
because if you're an alcoholic, I say, my sponsor, he says, uh,
why are you talking to me like that?

Speaker 1 (46:33):
I'm sensitive?

Speaker 2 (46:34):
He says, no, No, great artist, the sense of you're
just touchy alcoholics.

Speaker 1 (46:37):
You're touchy. You get pissed off a lot. They get there.
You know, you ever get upset. You know, oh shit,
I think the Scout's gonna go five minutes. So you
know it's getting too long. You got your things upset you,
You got things that upset you. You know, who does
this guy think he is? You got thing? You got things?

Speaker 2 (46:55):
You know when you have and I say that, I
say that people like I said, you know.

Speaker 1 (47:01):
If they yell and screaming, they do.

Speaker 2 (47:03):
We just had a guy tonight called me up, just
going fucking crazy, you know, said can I ask you
a question? I said sure, and then he spends five
minutes telling me.

Speaker 1 (47:12):
The story of his life.

Speaker 2 (47:12):
He said, whoa, I don't have time for this crap.

Speaker 1 (47:15):
You know what I mean? Tell me the question.

Speaker 2 (47:18):
He says, no, no this more. I says, I know
this more. I don't want to hear any more.

Speaker 1 (47:22):
Tell me the question. Okay, what do you think? It's just?
Do you think this is my first rodeo? Just tell
me the question. You know I told me the question.
I said, you want the answer? He says, what are
you stupid? You know that I told me the answer.
I told me the answer. He said, oh okay, So
but what happens I'll look at him.

Speaker 2 (47:37):
I'll say the first thing I'll say when they told
me the problem, I said, you sound upset? He says, well, yeah,
of course you'd be upset too, I says, I said,
how long have you been thinking about this thing?

Speaker 1 (47:52):
Well, that sounds like you've been thinking about a lot, right,
he says.

Speaker 2 (47:55):
He, Well, maybe maybe you're upset because maybe it's not
the problem.

Speaker 1 (48:02):
Maybe it's just upset because you're upsetable. Maybe it's just upsetable.

Speaker 2 (48:09):
Maybe you ever think maybe a lot of things upset you.
Maybe even if we cleared up this thing so it
did upset you, maybe an hour from now something else
would upset you. You're gonna call me up every time
something upsets you. Well, most people will never call me
up again after the first call up.

Speaker 1 (48:27):
But the point, that's what my sponsor said to me.
I said, Well, of course I'm upset, he says. He says, well,
why you upset because my wife said this to me.

Speaker 2 (48:34):
He says, that's not why you're upset, because you're upstable. Well,
if I'm well, the good news is if you're upset
because you're upsetable, it's like it's like you lose fear
of people and of economic insecurity. It's like when I
went up to railte for ten years sober and told
them how I'm broke again.

Speaker 1 (48:53):
And the reason I get broke is because they spend
more money than I make.

Speaker 2 (48:57):
I'm cluding you this on this some pretty bright guy
I'm ever heard nobody ever taught me that if you
spend more money than you make, you go on something
called debt. I used to spend money I didn't have,
buying shit. I didn't need to impress people I didn't like,
because I basically thought that I am.

Speaker 1 (49:11):
I'm my shoes on my car.

Speaker 2 (49:13):
You know. I'm not my shoes, I'm not my car,
I'm not my T shirt, I'm not what I wear,
you know, or any of that stuff. There's something to
be different than how I look, my weight or any
of that crap. You know, But that takes years to
figure out. You just spend all sorts of money, buying
all sorts of things, trying to show off and everything
like that. Wasted money trying to impress people about who

(49:35):
you are, and they don't give a crap who you are,
you know, because they're thinking about themselves, you know, and
you're just going broke.

Speaker 1 (49:43):
But you know that part in the Big Book but.

Speaker 2 (49:44):
Says we lose fear people and of economic and security.
That's the truth they're telling you. Torth So how does
that happen? So? I know you got twenty years and
you're not drinking. How come you're still worried? How can
you still worry about stuff? How's come you still get upset?
I mean, I know you're sober. Are you sober? Are

(50:04):
you emotionally sober? You still get lonely and upset, pissed off?
Then things bother you. You know you're not drinking. What's
the problem. Well, the problem is you've got something called
alcoholism and you haven't figured out that you're insane. Spoke

(50:27):
to somebody today and I'm gonna end up with this,
Like I'll end up with this because true stories are
always the best, because somehow there's some sort of the
truth and truth stories. And somebody called me up and
started telling me about and they only had like thirty days.
I like it when they have thirty days because they
might actually listen to you before they get smart start

(50:48):
talking to me about this, that and the other thing.

Speaker 1 (50:49):
I said, well, can I help you? Well?

Speaker 2 (50:53):
He said sure, I said, well can I can? I
do you mind if I tell you something?

Speaker 1 (50:58):
And he says no.

Speaker 2 (51:00):
I said, well, first of all, congratulations on thirty days.

Speaker 1 (51:03):
He says, okay. I said, so let me tell you
what your problem is. He says, what's my problem? He says,
you're crazy.

Speaker 2 (51:14):
I said, don't worry about whether you think you're crazy
or not. I'm telling you you're crazy. So from now on,
whenever you talk, I want you to come from a
position of knowing that you are fucking crazy. And if
you come from a position knowing you're crazy, you're going
to do great in this set. If you start coming

(51:37):
from a position where you think you're not crazy, it's
going to be a real rough go because you're going
to start weighing what I say and whether you should
do it or not do it and try. You know,
but you're exactly where you are right now because you've
lived your life thinking you knew what you were doing,
like rose up own Hassard.

Speaker 1 (51:55):
Now knowing the inner work is in my mind, drinking
is impossible. Never less I.

Speaker 2 (51:57):
Struggle because you had bright ideas, you know, the grouch
and the brainstorm and everything like that. Just come from
the position that you're crazy. And here the thing is,
so I got what I got forty five years, You
got my forty fifth year, and you got thirty days.
So whose brains you want to use, she said, yours.

(52:18):
It's good answer. I said, your brand. It's just unbelievable.
It's just unbelievable.

Speaker 1 (52:24):
I'll bringing how you.

Speaker 2 (52:25):
Got that, just like that, you know, And so I'm
just gonna you got a problem. I'll tell you what
to do and you we'll start from that you're crazy,
and then you just do it, you know, just do it,
don't even.

Speaker 1 (52:37):
Think about it. Just and that's the way you have
to operate.

Speaker 2 (52:40):
You have to operate by going to people that have
what you want and they're going to tell you to
do things, and you're going to think they're crazy. But
you said, oh no, wait a second, I'm the one
that's crazy, and you just do what they tell you.
It says how you get on your these read the
twenty four hour book. You said, well, no, I don't
do that. I'm not really Just do it anyway, you know,

(53:01):
just do what they tell you to do. Because the
first thing you got to realize about the disease is
this disease is insanity. But it's a second and God
will remove and restore you to Saturday, but.

Speaker 1 (53:16):
It's gonna take a while, you know.

Speaker 2 (53:19):
And just because you had twenty years doesn't mean you're
saying thirty or even forty five years.

Speaker 1 (53:24):
It doesn't matter. It doesn't mean you're saying and you're saying.

Speaker 2 (53:27):
So if you come to a conclusion that you know
that you know, maybe there's some things you have to learn,
you have to change, and you have to be transformed,
you'll probably do pretty to go that. You're your best
thinking on your best steak got you in here in
the first place. Understand, So I don't know what that is,
but I'm telling you, somewhere in there, mixed up in

(53:48):
a giant milkshake are the steps, all fifteen of them.

Speaker 1 (53:54):
You know what I mean? All does that bother you? Well?
Wait a second, and I was told it was told?
Hell is this guy telling me that?

Speaker 2 (54:01):
Who? Hell?

Speaker 1 (54:01):
Is that? Does that bother you? You need to talk
to your sponsor about that.

Speaker 2 (54:06):
You need to work that out. You'll have to work
that out. Okay, Thank you very much,