May 22, 2025 • 29 mins
This comedic duo brings laughter through their rapid-fire banter and classic routines. Their chemistry and timing have cemented their place in entertainment history.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Yeah, Camels the cigarette that's first in the service presents
the Abbot and Costello program.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
What it is?
Speaker 1 (00:26):
A complete Stephens and his Orchestra, the songs of Connie
Haynes and the Camel Quintet.
Speaker 3 (00:30):
Tonight's guest Ms.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Volna Dietrich and starring Butt.
Speaker 4 (00:34):
Abbott and Little Costello.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
Oh Costello, Oh do you stop that noise? What are
you doing here in the studio dressing your bathing suit? Well?
I spent all day trying to get my car out
of the swimming pool.
Speaker 5 (00:53):
What was he doing there?
Speaker 3 (00:54):
Don't you read the paper's abboit The governments say you
have to pull your car.
Speaker 5 (01:00):
No, you dummy, They mean share the ride.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
You have to pick up people. Oh I did that yesterday.
I picked up Hell and Mary, Rosie and Josie. With
your car holds more than that, Yeah, but now they
only allow you four goals a week. You can't get it.
Speaker 5 (01:16):
Well, never mind that Casteller. Where have you been all week?
What have you been doing?
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (01:20):
Boy? If I been having a fund of Conny Haynes,
No kidding, L's sun thing. I took it to a
football game? What a game? What excitement?
Speaker 5 (01:26):
And he passes no.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
Her mother was with us, and theother thing happened. There
was a man sitting next to us with a six
months old baby. All after noon, the kid was crying,
he was so hungry.
Speaker 5 (01:37):
Well, it didn't the bather bring a bottle?
Speaker 3 (01:39):
Yeah, but the kid wanted milk. Final. If you shut
the kid up, I give him a.
Speaker 5 (01:45):
Penny where I keep him quiet?
Speaker 3 (01:47):
Yeah, but he kept waving the penny in front of
my binoculars. He ruined the game? How did a ruin
the game? All after noon? Lincoln was playing in the backfield.
Speaker 5 (01:57):
Well, forget the football game?
Speaker 3 (01:59):
Much better than set it on her?
Speaker 5 (02:00):
Yes, yes, yes, a lot better. We've got We've got
other things to worry about.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
You know, our announcer Ken Niles is complaining because he
didn't have enough to do last week. Isn't that right, Ken? Yes?
Speaker 5 (02:08):
It is?
Speaker 1 (02:10):
After all, I could give the program a lift. I'm
a shot in the arm.
Speaker 3 (02:15):
You said it, You're a dough I don't be silly.
Speaker 5 (02:18):
Costella. Niles is very popular.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
Why sure?
Speaker 1 (02:20):
Right after the broadcast last week, a lot of women
chased me up Hollywood Boulevard, and one of them caught
me and threw her arms around my neck.
Speaker 3 (02:26):
I saw that you did, Yeah, why did you snatch
her pocket book? I'll cut it out, Costello.
Speaker 5 (02:33):
Now I talked to Ken's wife, and she says he
should have more lyne.
Speaker 3 (02:37):
She says he's got talent. She says he's terrific. She
says he's colossal.
Speaker 5 (02:41):
She says this.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
She says that I don't care what his wife says.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Well I do.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
My wife is a wonderful person.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
She says, necessary to me as an umbrella in a rainstorm.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
I'll take the umbrella. It's easier to shut up.
Speaker 5 (02:53):
Why don't you be reasonable, Costella. Missus Niles is a
very sweet girls.
Speaker 6 (02:57):
She is.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
You know, she's a great deal like Sonia Henny.
Speaker 3 (02:59):
You mean you have to keep it on nicee? Are
you folks hearing?
Speaker 2 (03:04):
No?
Speaker 5 (03:04):
Wait a minute, just a minute now, that isn't fair, Costella.
Let's get together here.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
Give him ten a chance to show what he can do.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
Okay, thanks, Bud. I'd like to read a little tidbit
that I could just happen to bring along.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
Oh this is gonna merdy.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
In one night, as I sat rocking, rocking on my
chamber floor, came a knocking, gentle knocking, knocking on my
chamber door.
Speaker 3 (03:27):
Potha raven never more?
Speaker 5 (03:29):
Quotha raven never more?
Speaker 4 (03:32):
There howl you like that?
Speaker 3 (03:33):
Don't look now, but the raven just laid a knee.
Speaker 6 (03:37):
Oh everybody, and hellos that little sugar man.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
Oh, this voice of this kid is temporaneous.
Speaker 5 (03:44):
Quiet quiet, Hello.
Speaker 6 (03:45):
Commie, mister Castella, Honey, I'd like you and mister Abbott
to meet someone.
Speaker 5 (03:50):
This is my aunt Ruby.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
Hello, nice to meet you, hi, Aunt Ruby. How do
you like California?
Speaker 2 (03:55):
Connie doesn't have enough to do?
Speaker 3 (03:56):
Wait a minute, after.
Speaker 7 (03:57):
All, alight, listen to the program, Locks, we can MISSU
be more music.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
Connie have to sing forty five songs. There's nothing but
talk on the program.
Speaker 7 (04:04):
And who wants to hear a lot of talk top
top talk?
Speaker 1 (04:06):
I talked to to talk.
Speaker 3 (04:07):
Oh yeah, it's right.
Speaker 8 (04:10):
What's the role, mister Costello?
Speaker 2 (04:12):
I talked to Connie to sing?
Speaker 3 (04:13):
Right?
Speaker 1 (04:14):
Even I sang in New York, Philadelphia, Cincinnati.
Speaker 5 (04:16):
Cleveland, Chicago.
Speaker 3 (04:17):
What about Saint Louis?
Speaker 2 (04:18):
They beat the Yanks?
Speaker 8 (04:19):
Ha ha I really.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
I really struck you out that time. You struck me out. Eh,
and you're just the old bat. You can do it. Yeah,
Now just a second, Costella, you can't talk right, that
to Connie's ante Ruby. Maybe she's right, Maybe this program
needs more sen exactly. Everyone loves singing something like this
(04:45):
all through the night.
Speaker 8 (04:47):
There's a little bit broad, but begins, Oh well, of course,
you know I just had my total taken out.
Speaker 3 (04:52):
Have them put back in costello?
Speaker 5 (04:56):
What right have you got to criticize?
Speaker 3 (04:58):
What do you know about singing? I love have it.
If I hadn't come from such a large family, I'd
have been a great singer.
Speaker 5 (05:03):
What did the large family have to do with it?
Speaker 3 (05:04):
I could never get in the bathroom? Oh no, come on,
cos I le'll make up your mind. Are you going
to give Niles and Connie more to do or not?
Why should I? If I give them more to do
the first thing? You know, even the sound man will
lot more to do?
Speaker 5 (05:17):
And why shouldn't I?
Speaker 3 (05:18):
What did I have on last week's program?
Speaker 1 (05:20):
Nothing?
Speaker 5 (05:21):
Not even a door slam.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
I understand doors. I know doors inside and out.
Speaker 9 (05:26):
I talked to doors and they talk to me.
Speaker 3 (05:28):
What do you hear from the mow?
Speaker 5 (05:36):
Ah?
Speaker 3 (05:37):
Well? May you laugh?
Speaker 10 (05:38):
Little?
Speaker 3 (05:38):
Do you know how important every little sound is to me?
Even the sound of a moth chewing on an overcoat?
Like this what's that funny sound? That's the moths bit,
not the buttons.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
Don't you think sounds are fascinating?
Speaker 3 (05:56):
Here's a sample of my day.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
When work is through, I walk home at night in
the rain.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
I opened the door. I go in and shut the door.
Then I walk upstairs in the rain. It's raining in
the house.
Speaker 5 (06:09):
Yes, we're waiting for a government ceiling.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
You must have a better rider than us, Huh, I imagine.
Speaker 9 (06:19):
So I jump into bed and sleep.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
Oh it's morning. What I'm right, I've got to catch
the train. I kiss my wife before I go to
the office. My wife thisses, mean I kiss him? She
kisses means Wait a minute, what about the office? With
a wife like that? Why should he go to the office?
Speaker 1 (06:49):
Lou Lou Costello, Yes, sir, Yeah, how's your spelling this week?
Speaker 3 (06:54):
I can spell anything?
Speaker 1 (06:55):
Okay, spell crumpets, crumpets?
Speaker 3 (06:57):
Yeah, crumpets, crumpets, Yeah, okay, crumpets? She are U wim tees?
Oh wait a minute, you're left out the tea today.
I gotta have crumpets with out tea. Well, why I
lost my sugar ration card?
Speaker 1 (07:13):
I'll wait a minute. Yeah, any rat ration or ration?
Speaker 3 (07:18):
Look around here?
Speaker 9 (07:19):
You can't forget any teas.
Speaker 3 (07:21):
Why not, well, because with us it's important.
Speaker 9 (07:24):
In fact, with any cigarette smoker, tea ought to.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
Be one of the most important letters in the alphabet.
Is that right?
Speaker 3 (07:29):
Why sure?
Speaker 1 (07:30):
Tea stands for taste and throat.
Speaker 9 (07:32):
That's anybody's own personal.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
Proving ground for cigarettes, the T zone. Of course, most
people have tried camels, but have you tried them lately?
Since you've been smoking more? Give camels the T zone test. Now,
Ask your taste about camel's flavor. You'll find it wears well,
doesn't go flat. Ask your throat about camel's mildness. It's
the best judge you can find. Thousands of smokers who
(07:57):
are making their own T zone test that buy camels
super drew a tea. Just remember that you're the one
who's doing your smoking for steady pleasure.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
Dry camels.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
You'll find their slow burning, cooler, smoking, richer, tasting, milder
better because camels are expertly and matchlessly blended of costlier tobaccos.
Speaker 9 (08:19):
So take a tip from your tea zone.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
Your throat and your taste will tell you. See here,
camels get a fact. Tonight you'll want to buy a
carton tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
Taste when you threw this tiny day of some common.
Speaker 5 (08:58):
In eighteen sixteen he became sixty president. Now he's in
the Hall of day, all the.
Speaker 8 (09:06):
Sectors, just five we sell so very sober, perfect per.
Speaker 3 (10:08):
That was leaf Stephen's off this with a camel quintet
doing Abraham from the holiday in a Now, ladies and gentlemen, O,
whyet have it? What does the matter? Hey? Look look
what I got? Look at all the money. Wait a minute, castello,
where did you get that roll of deals? I went
outside for a minute. Just when I reached the corner,
a guy ran out of the bank with a bag
full of money, and he gave me something.
Speaker 5 (10:25):
He gave it, Hugh, What did he look like?
Speaker 3 (10:27):
I couldn't tell. He had such a bad call. He
had a handkerchief tiy cross his nose. Well, you dumb cluck,
that was a mass.
Speaker 5 (10:34):
The man was a bank robber.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
Oh, I don't think so happened? He was the president.
He offered the summi the bank for a squawk, Sell
you the bank for a squawk. Yeah, he said, one
squawk out of you and I'll give you a business
of all the dumbbells.
Speaker 5 (10:48):
Why didn't you go into the bank and investigate.
Speaker 3 (10:50):
I did go in. I want a way to run
a business. I walked in a couple of crosses playing
hide and seek.
Speaker 5 (10:55):
That's ridiculous, honest.
Speaker 3 (10:56):
One guy was hiding in the closet. You got that
guy was under the counter. There was nobody around the
play with him. Then there was another guy.
Speaker 5 (11:02):
What other guy?
Speaker 3 (11:03):
He was trying to do trick, trying to do tricks. Yeah,
he was laying on the floor trying to escape from
a lot of rope.
Speaker 5 (11:08):
And you thought he was playing a game.
Speaker 3 (11:10):
Five time to play games? Uh, especially when he had
a toothache. He didn't have a toothache. Not Then why
did he have a plaster across his mouth? The man
had a gag in his mouth. If he did, he
never got a chance to tell it.
Speaker 5 (11:23):
You should have taken the plaster off his mouth.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
I did, and right away a guy started worrying about
his rationing card.
Speaker 5 (11:29):
Worrying about his rationing card.
Speaker 3 (11:31):
Yeah, he started yelling, they took the sugar, they took
the shawl. No, no, no, costell the man. The man
was yelling because he was stuck up, stuck off. Sure
a five time to get a swell hat. No, somebody
might have robbed the place.
Speaker 5 (11:45):
He did rob the plays.
Speaker 3 (11:47):
Look, was there anybody with him? Just a woman home him?
Speaker 5 (11:50):
Why didn't you mention her before?
Speaker 3 (11:51):
She didn't appeal to me? Oh did you pinch her? No?
Then you should have held her. If I'd have held her,
I'd have pinched her.
Speaker 4 (11:59):
You.
Speaker 5 (12:02):
Hello, bit, do you realize that by keeping the money
and then think.
Speaker 3 (12:05):
The crooks get away, you've made yourself an the compass
ten miles playing on the radio.
Speaker 5 (12:09):
Maybe we'll get a police report.
Speaker 3 (12:10):
Hurry up.
Speaker 5 (12:10):
Okay, okay, hey, you cant have it.
Speaker 3 (12:15):
What's that? There's a message? Well, what does it say?
Attention all citizens? The Fifth National Bank has just been
held up five Black Feete and his gang of desperate bandits.
One last scene. The gang was headed for their hideout
at dead Pan Coach, also at Marches. Their accomplice describe
this five feet tall, five feet Why that is all?
(12:38):
That's me, mister five by five? Gosh, tell her you
know the police are after you. Now you've got to
capture that gang to clear yourself.
Speaker 4 (12:47):
Uh.
Speaker 3 (12:47):
Now, you can't do it the room, So call a pussey.
That's the thing, Okay, hip pussy pass pushy, No, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 5 (12:54):
Pushy no little please ten pen goal.
Speaker 3 (12:57):
She's in the heart of the cattle country. It's the
home of the Western bandits and cattle rustlers. Then I'm
just a guy, Abbott. I became a three letter man
chasing cattle wrestlers. Oh how could you become a three
letterman chasing cattle wrestlers? I sat on a branding iron.
But did that cause you to catch the wrestlers? Catch him?
I passed them. But this is going to be a
long trip. You have to get an outfit.
Speaker 5 (13:18):
What are you going to wear?
Speaker 3 (13:19):
I'll wear a ten gallon hat, a tan shirt, a
leather belt, and a blood hound. What pants a blood hound?
Never mind the outpit. And another thing you lead is
a horse.
Speaker 5 (13:29):
Have you got a horse?
Speaker 3 (13:29):
Have I got a horse? Yes?
Speaker 5 (13:31):
I got a horse, and he's my pile that swell.
Speaker 3 (13:33):
I eat with my horse. That's one. I drink with
my horse. I even sleep with my horse. You sleep
with your horse? I got it. It's just blanket.
Speaker 5 (13:42):
Now tell me can you ride a horse?
Speaker 3 (13:43):
You like to ride a horse? One time, Abbot, I
rode two horses at once, standing up. I had my
right foot on one horse, my left foot on the
other horse. All of a sudden we came to a
fork in the road. Each horse went in a different direction.
Speaker 5 (13:54):
That was a laugh.
Speaker 3 (13:55):
Yeah, I thought I split. Well, never mind the fret thing.
The first thing you have to do is find the
banness trail. When you do, you leap into the saddle,
and the way you go. Your face is turn, your
grip is sure, your clutch is ferm. How's my transmission?
Speaker 6 (14:08):
All right?
Speaker 5 (14:09):
I last cezy quiet, and you're right.
Speaker 3 (14:11):
You ride out across the prairie. You ride for hours
and hours on end. That sounds logical. Don't turn up,
You ride and you ride until your trousers are worn thin. Finally,
there you are. I know i'd come through. Yeah, what
are you going to do?
Speaker 5 (14:28):
Are you going out after the bandits? Are you going
to clear your name?
Speaker 3 (14:31):
I'm gonna clear my name. Habit had a boy, I'll
do it.
Speaker 5 (14:34):
I know it's in you.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
I'm gonna get it out of me right now. I'm on.
I'll get them bandits. But just tell me one thing.
If I get killed, what's gonna happen to that little
fellow that depends on me? The poor little fellow won't
get anything neat anymore, that poor little fellow, when you
would have a roof over his head. If anything happens abit,
it'll kill him, the poor little fellow.
Speaker 5 (14:52):
Costello, who is the poor little fellow?
Speaker 3 (14:55):
Me?
Speaker 1 (15:06):
And here's Connie Haynes with a cabo Clinton the thing,
and you, Juan of the old West, out on the.
Speaker 6 (15:13):
Plane down there, sat fae. I made a cowboy riding
the range one day, and as the john alone, I
heard him saying him almost peculiar a cowboys home. It
was a pitty he learned in the pitty. Imna tell ye, yeah,
(15:39):
he comna tell you say and get along, get him
little cookies, get along, fed me on your way, Get
along yet him little log is that a truck? Him
on down the old bail way, singing his cat yeah
(16:04):
in the tray this way, coma yeah yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Comma.
Speaker 6 (16:12):
Singing his cowboys. He's just too much. He's gotta knock
stop webstern accent with a problem touch.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
He was raised no.
Speaker 6 (16:27):
What you call wing half breeze, sang in his cat
ya along in the pray interesting, coma yeah yeah, comma tip.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
His cowboys.
Speaker 5 (16:43):
He's just too He's.
Speaker 6 (16:49):
With a hall touche was raised on long go we
he's what you call wing everye.
Speaker 11 (17:01):
Sang in this cow ya buggy in the strain way.
Speaker 6 (17:09):
Yea karmata. It's the cow cowbugy, the cowboy buggy.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
Now back to the adventures of our heroes Abbott and Costello,
as we find them hot on the trail of the
bank bandit Black Peat. Leading a posse of men, they
track the villain to the lawless town of Dead Pan Gulch.
Here they are riding up the main street of the
town like spurs.
Speaker 3 (17:49):
Drink jule, dingo, dingo, jingo, jinko jingo.
Speaker 5 (17:53):
What's wrong?
Speaker 3 (17:53):
What's wrong?
Speaker 5 (17:54):
One of my spurs got stuck?
Speaker 3 (17:57):
Costella?
Speaker 9 (17:57):
What do you think you're doing?
Speaker 5 (17:58):
Why are you riding under e't your horse?
Speaker 3 (18:00):
Well? My horse isn't feeling well, have itt and the
doctor told me to watch the stomach. Well, here we are, man,
we'll probably find Black Peat in the Red Dog cafe
across the street. Stop your horse, okay.
Speaker 5 (18:13):
Whoa bally, oh, whoa.
Speaker 3 (18:17):
Oo a A boy here, can easy me sit down?
Whoa no, all right, man, everybody into the bar for
a drink now, just a man, Your horse will stay outside,
all right, Let's go in and listen, Castello. When we
(18:37):
go through this door, have your gun ready if anybody moves, shoot.
If anybody shoots, I'll move. Oh, speaking of my glory
and my face, haven't listen to that? What a pair
of pipes? Wish I was a pummer Stello? Don't you
(18:59):
recognize term like pen ghat the same? Oh? My lane,
the trick? Oh look at that lovely face. That face
(19:21):
has made a fortune. Yeah, it runs into a nice figure.
Speaker 7 (19:26):
Hello boy, Hello boys?
Speaker 3 (19:30):
How big are men? Where you come from?
Speaker 7 (19:33):
Welcome to the red Darkfy?
Speaker 10 (19:35):
Did you like my song?
Speaker 7 (19:37):
What do you think of my range?
Speaker 3 (19:38):
Your range is lovely. In fact, I like your whole kitchen.
Speaker 10 (19:43):
Your flatter me. You're probably tired after your long trip.
How about a drink?
Speaker 3 (19:48):
Okay, I'll have a Crosby cocktail. What one drink and
then bing.
Speaker 10 (19:55):
With your personality, I would suggest straight corn?
Speaker 3 (20:00):
What a fresh kid? Just a minute, Marlene, Now you
see neither one of us is a drinking man. Do
you have anything a little milder?
Speaker 10 (20:07):
Try a drink of this very mild wine.
Speaker 3 (20:10):
That sounds better. I'll try it just a minute.
Speaker 10 (20:18):
What's I don't understand that wine is made here by
the happy Indians.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
Happy Indians. Well, the Indians are still hopping at it, Gorcella.
That silly. Come on, let's go over and watch the
boys play rolette.
Speaker 10 (20:32):
Yes, or perhaps you both would rather play a game
with me, Poker Pharaoh black Jack.
Speaker 3 (20:38):
I'd rather play post office.
Speaker 10 (20:41):
But that's the.
Speaker 7 (20:41):
Kid's game, not the way I play it, you know,
little fat man.
Speaker 10 (20:54):
I could go for someone like you.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
You could, Yes, do you know someone? Sure? A fresh
shit and I love? Keep quiet, Costella. Don't talk like
that to Marlena. She may know where black Pete is.
Try to win her confidence. Turn on the charm. You know,
I'll turn on a charm. Okay, watch me, Malena, my love?
(21:19):
I adore you?
Speaker 1 (21:21):
You do?
Speaker 5 (21:23):
Yeah, Malena?
Speaker 3 (21:29):
Will you let me be your slave? Will you let
me do something for you that I have never done
for any other woman? What?
Speaker 5 (21:36):
Will you let me press your slacks?
Speaker 3 (21:40):
Castella? Will you stop that? But you just don't know
how to handle these Western girl? Oh, yes, I do
have it, Malena. One time I was in love with
a bulligatew girl. She was too bullyge toront at the kettle.
What do you mean? Well, she had a terrible time
getting her caves together?
Speaker 5 (21:56):
What are you talking about Costella?
Speaker 3 (21:58):
You've never even been in love with the girl. Yes,
I was. I can see her now. She always wore cotton.
Speaker 5 (22:04):
Stockings, cotton stockings.
Speaker 7 (22:07):
What happened to her?
Speaker 3 (22:08):
Nothing? Of all the girls I got tattooed on my chest.
On your chest, Marlena, I love you the best, better than.
Speaker 5 (22:17):
The rest in the west.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
On my chest, on your chest.
Speaker 3 (22:21):
There's a n echo in the joint.
Speaker 5 (22:24):
Well, there's no question about it, Costella. Marlene and Dietrich
just can't be bothered with a man like you.
Speaker 12 (22:31):
Marina, Is that true, oh lou, If you only had
the eyes of clock Ebel, yes, the nose of Tyron Power, yes, yes,
the chin of Gary Cooper, yes, the faith, the face
of Pool.
Speaker 10 (22:46):
That's all, if you only had a face, Get nurse, I.
Speaker 3 (22:52):
Love here, Costella.
Speaker 5 (22:53):
We're wasting time.
Speaker 3 (22:54):
Did you forget why we came to the dead pan Guls.
We've got the fine Black Pet's hide out, Black.
Speaker 10 (22:59):
Pete, he's the most dangerous character in these parts before.
Speaker 3 (23:02):
He don't bother me, but he's very tough.
Speaker 10 (23:04):
He eats little men like you every morning when he
gets up.
Speaker 3 (23:06):
That's me, the breakfast off champions.
Speaker 5 (23:11):
No, why don't you give up this mad search.
Speaker 7 (23:14):
It can only lead to your death.
Speaker 3 (23:15):
I think you got something there, kid, I have it.
I am scared. Ain't you scared?
Speaker 5 (23:19):
No, I am not scared.
Speaker 3 (23:20):
Then why are you buying my nails? But no matter
what happens, I'm going after Black Pete mole enough and
if I die, I want you to take your shirt
of miners at keepsake.
Speaker 7 (23:29):
I suppose you don't die, then wash it and.
Speaker 3 (23:31):
Have it back by Monday. And no starching a collar either.
Plesten Castella, cut out the foolishness. Now we line up
everybody in the room until we find our man. That's right, abbit,
everybody line up and let you have your pockets.
Speaker 5 (23:44):
Why are you making.
Speaker 3 (23:44):
Them empty their pockets? I lost my yoyo.
Speaker 10 (23:48):
Now wait a minute, boys, it's not necessary to look
any further.
Speaker 8 (23:52):
I am Black Pete.
Speaker 3 (23:54):
You are what a fresh kid?
Speaker 10 (23:57):
What a stale plot?
Speaker 5 (24:00):
I think you got something there, Malena, I still don't
believe all this is true. It is true.
Speaker 10 (24:05):
I took the money from the bank, but I did
not steal it. It was my own money. It was
my pin money.
Speaker 3 (24:11):
One hundred thousand dollars pin money.
Speaker 10 (24:14):
I have very expensive pins. If you don't believe me,
I'll show you.
Speaker 7 (24:22):
I have all the money right here in my stocking.
Speaker 3 (24:24):
Look, Everett, what a cute bank. What a place to
make it the pop? Oh, Malena, If I give you
all my money from the bank, will you put it
in your other stocking?
Speaker 5 (24:42):
Certainly that's now.
Speaker 3 (24:43):
I don't be an idiot. Your money is safer in
the bank. Why do you want to put it in
her stocking? But that's where it's gonna traw the most cyrus.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
Before we hear from Abadan Costello again, do you want
to find out how hitting ground feels to a paratrooper, Well,
just hop off the top of a truck going fifteen
miles an hour. But don't try that until you're as
husky as an All American halfback and as nimble as
a circus tumbler. Even then, you'd have to learn plenty
to qualify for the shoot troops. Fighter's as tough as
(25:20):
any in the world, and whether your job is to
dangle in midair from silk cords or whether you're making
the shoots, you want to get the most out of
your off duty moments. Take Helen Lynch, for instance, she
works at the Pioneer parachute company making some of the.
Speaker 9 (25:34):
Shutes used by our paratroopers.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
Like so many of us, Miss Lynch is smoking more
these days, and she sticks to camels, she said.
Speaker 7 (25:42):
Quote package after package.
Speaker 3 (25:45):
Camels never tire my taste or wear out.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
They're welcome.
Speaker 3 (25:49):
They have such a rich, full flavor, and they're so
easy on my throat.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
Unquote. Camel is first in the service. Actual sales records
in post exchanges and canteens show that with men in
the Army, the Navy, the Marine Corps, and the Coastguard,
camel is the favorite.
Speaker 3 (26:05):
Why is that?
Speaker 1 (26:06):
But just ask your own throat and taste. Camels have
a full, rich flavor, the kind that wears well, doesn't
go flat. Camels are milder too, and curl are smoking
because they're slow burning. The big reason behind this camel
goodness is costlier tobaccos blended in the year's old camel
tradition of quality tobacco blending. If you're smoking more these days,
(26:30):
try camels. Your throat and your tastes will tell you.
See camels get a fact tonight, send the carton to
that fellow in the service.
Speaker 9 (26:58):
And I'll worry about next week's program.
Speaker 1 (27:00):
You'll hear more music from Leith Stephens on the orchestra,
more songs by Connie Haynes and the Camel Quinn's Head,
and a gripping dramatic story of life in the Squared
Circle with our guest star John Garfield. Now Here is
a short preview of next week's program. Thousands of people
are assembled in Madison Square Garden. All eyes are focused
on the two fighters in the center of the ring,
(27:22):
Killer Garfield and QP.
Speaker 3 (27:23):
Costello.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
There is a terrific exchange of blows. The crowd is
on its feet, Costello is on his face.
Speaker 3 (27:31):
Costello, get up, get up, get up with your knees
and quit playing with those marbles. What marbles? I'm picking
up my feet.
Speaker 9 (27:49):
He turned toune the next Thursday night at the same time.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
For another big comedy show starring Bud Evan and Lou
Costello with John Garfield. That's Our Guests, brought to you
with the compliments of Camel Cigarette. Camel presents three great
radio shows each week. Aberdan Costello on Thursday night. On
Friday Night, It's The Camel Caravan.
Speaker 9 (28:07):
With Lanny Ross, Herb Shriner.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
Xavier Cougat and Our Town and Monday Nights. Blondie Bolena Dietrich,
who appeared with US tonight, has just competed a new
Universal picture Pittsburgh with John Wayne and Randolph Scott. And
here's the latest news about the Camel Caravans, those swell.
Speaker 9 (28:27):
Traveling shows that entertain our boys.
Speaker 1 (28:29):
In the Army camps. Fifteen Army and Navy training.
Speaker 5 (28:32):
Stations will be visited this week, including.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
Camp Gordon, Georgia, Camp Pendleton, California, and Campcroft, South Carolina.
This is Ken Niles speaking for the makers of Camel
Cigarettes and wishing you all a very pleasant good night.
(29:02):
Ever see a pipe wearing a muzzle, No, sir, and
you never will, cause that won't keep it from Biden.
Thing to do is get Prince Albert, the brand that
snow bite treated for real smoke and comfort. Another thing,
PA's Crimp Cut and that means it packs firm and
easy and gives you cool. One match burning, you'll find
around fifty mild rich tasting pipe pulls in every handy
(29:23):
pocket package of Prince Albert. Try p a for pipe appeal.
Speaker 9 (29:28):
You'll agree.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
It's the national joy smoke. This program has come to
you from Hollywood. This is the national broadcasting company,
Yeah, Camels the cigarette that's first in the service presents
the Abbot and Costello program.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
What it is?
Speaker 1 (00:26):
A complete Stephens and his Orchestra, the songs of Connie
Haynes and the Camel Quintet.
Speaker 3 (00:30):
Tonight's guest Ms.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Volna Dietrich and starring Butt.
Speaker 4 (00:34):
Abbott and Little Costello.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
Oh Costello, Oh do you stop that noise? What are
you doing here in the studio dressing your bathing suit? Well?
I spent all day trying to get my car out
of the swimming pool.
Speaker 5 (00:53):
What was he doing there?
Speaker 3 (00:54):
Don't you read the paper's abboit The governments say you
have to pull your car.
Speaker 5 (01:00):
No, you dummy, They mean share the ride.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
You have to pick up people. Oh I did that yesterday.
I picked up Hell and Mary, Rosie and Josie. With
your car holds more than that, Yeah, but now they
only allow you four goals a week. You can't get it.
Speaker 5 (01:16):
Well, never mind that Casteller. Where have you been all week?
What have you been doing?
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (01:20):
Boy? If I been having a fund of Conny Haynes,
No kidding, L's sun thing. I took it to a
football game? What a game? What excitement?
Speaker 5 (01:26):
And he passes no.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
Her mother was with us, and theother thing happened. There
was a man sitting next to us with a six
months old baby. All after noon, the kid was crying,
he was so hungry.
Speaker 5 (01:37):
Well, it didn't the bather bring a bottle?
Speaker 3 (01:39):
Yeah, but the kid wanted milk. Final. If you shut
the kid up, I give him a.
Speaker 5 (01:45):
Penny where I keep him quiet?
Speaker 3 (01:47):
Yeah, but he kept waving the penny in front of
my binoculars. He ruined the game? How did a ruin
the game? All after noon? Lincoln was playing in the backfield.
Speaker 5 (01:57):
Well, forget the football game?
Speaker 3 (01:59):
Much better than set it on her?
Speaker 5 (02:00):
Yes, yes, yes, a lot better. We've got We've got
other things to worry about.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
You know, our announcer Ken Niles is complaining because he
didn't have enough to do last week. Isn't that right, Ken? Yes?
Speaker 5 (02:08):
It is?
Speaker 1 (02:10):
After all, I could give the program a lift. I'm
a shot in the arm.
Speaker 3 (02:15):
You said it, You're a dough I don't be silly.
Speaker 5 (02:18):
Costella. Niles is very popular.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
Why sure?
Speaker 1 (02:20):
Right after the broadcast last week, a lot of women
chased me up Hollywood Boulevard, and one of them caught
me and threw her arms around my neck.
Speaker 3 (02:26):
I saw that you did, Yeah, why did you snatch
her pocket book? I'll cut it out, Costello.
Speaker 5 (02:33):
Now I talked to Ken's wife, and she says he
should have more lyne.
Speaker 3 (02:37):
She says he's got talent. She says he's terrific. She
says he's colossal.
Speaker 5 (02:41):
She says this.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
She says that I don't care what his wife says.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Well I do.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
My wife is a wonderful person.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
She says, necessary to me as an umbrella in a rainstorm.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
I'll take the umbrella. It's easier to shut up.
Speaker 5 (02:53):
Why don't you be reasonable, Costella. Missus Niles is a
very sweet girls.
Speaker 6 (02:57):
She is.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
You know, she's a great deal like Sonia Henny.
Speaker 3 (02:59):
You mean you have to keep it on nicee? Are
you folks hearing?
Speaker 2 (03:04):
No?
Speaker 5 (03:04):
Wait a minute, just a minute now, that isn't fair, Costella.
Let's get together here.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
Give him ten a chance to show what he can do.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
Okay, thanks, Bud. I'd like to read a little tidbit
that I could just happen to bring along.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
Oh this is gonna merdy.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
In one night, as I sat rocking, rocking on my
chamber floor, came a knocking, gentle knocking, knocking on my
chamber door.
Speaker 3 (03:27):
Potha raven never more?
Speaker 5 (03:29):
Quotha raven never more?
Speaker 4 (03:32):
There howl you like that?
Speaker 3 (03:33):
Don't look now, but the raven just laid a knee.
Speaker 6 (03:37):
Oh everybody, and hellos that little sugar man.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
Oh, this voice of this kid is temporaneous.
Speaker 5 (03:44):
Quiet quiet, Hello.
Speaker 6 (03:45):
Commie, mister Castella, Honey, I'd like you and mister Abbott
to meet someone.
Speaker 5 (03:50):
This is my aunt Ruby.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
Hello, nice to meet you, hi, Aunt Ruby. How do
you like California?
Speaker 2 (03:55):
Connie doesn't have enough to do?
Speaker 3 (03:56):
Wait a minute, after.
Speaker 7 (03:57):
All, alight, listen to the program, Locks, we can MISSU
be more music.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
Connie have to sing forty five songs. There's nothing but
talk on the program.
Speaker 7 (04:04):
And who wants to hear a lot of talk top
top talk?
Speaker 1 (04:06):
I talked to to talk.
Speaker 3 (04:07):
Oh yeah, it's right.
Speaker 8 (04:10):
What's the role, mister Costello?
Speaker 2 (04:12):
I talked to Connie to sing?
Speaker 3 (04:13):
Right?
Speaker 1 (04:14):
Even I sang in New York, Philadelphia, Cincinnati.
Speaker 5 (04:16):
Cleveland, Chicago.
Speaker 3 (04:17):
What about Saint Louis?
Speaker 2 (04:18):
They beat the Yanks?
Speaker 8 (04:19):
Ha ha I really.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
I really struck you out that time. You struck me out. Eh,
and you're just the old bat. You can do it. Yeah,
Now just a second, Costella, you can't talk right, that
to Connie's ante Ruby. Maybe she's right, Maybe this program
needs more sen exactly. Everyone loves singing something like this
(04:45):
all through the night.
Speaker 8 (04:47):
There's a little bit broad, but begins, Oh well, of course,
you know I just had my total taken out.
Speaker 3 (04:52):
Have them put back in costello?
Speaker 5 (04:56):
What right have you got to criticize?
Speaker 3 (04:58):
What do you know about singing? I love have it.
If I hadn't come from such a large family, I'd
have been a great singer.
Speaker 5 (05:03):
What did the large family have to do with it?
Speaker 3 (05:04):
I could never get in the bathroom? Oh no, come on,
cos I le'll make up your mind. Are you going
to give Niles and Connie more to do or not?
Why should I? If I give them more to do
the first thing? You know, even the sound man will
lot more to do?
Speaker 5 (05:17):
And why shouldn't I?
Speaker 3 (05:18):
What did I have on last week's program?
Speaker 1 (05:20):
Nothing?
Speaker 5 (05:21):
Not even a door slam.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
I understand doors. I know doors inside and out.
Speaker 9 (05:26):
I talked to doors and they talk to me.
Speaker 3 (05:28):
What do you hear from the mow?
Speaker 5 (05:36):
Ah?
Speaker 3 (05:37):
Well? May you laugh?
Speaker 10 (05:38):
Little?
Speaker 3 (05:38):
Do you know how important every little sound is to me?
Even the sound of a moth chewing on an overcoat?
Like this what's that funny sound? That's the moths bit,
not the buttons.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
Don't you think sounds are fascinating?
Speaker 3 (05:56):
Here's a sample of my day.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
When work is through, I walk home at night in
the rain.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
I opened the door. I go in and shut the door.
Then I walk upstairs in the rain. It's raining in
the house.
Speaker 5 (06:09):
Yes, we're waiting for a government ceiling.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
You must have a better rider than us, Huh, I imagine.
Speaker 9 (06:19):
So I jump into bed and sleep.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
Oh it's morning. What I'm right, I've got to catch
the train. I kiss my wife before I go to
the office. My wife thisses, mean I kiss him? She
kisses means Wait a minute, what about the office? With
a wife like that? Why should he go to the office?
Speaker 1 (06:49):
Lou Lou Costello, Yes, sir, Yeah, how's your spelling this week?
Speaker 3 (06:54):
I can spell anything?
Speaker 1 (06:55):
Okay, spell crumpets, crumpets?
Speaker 3 (06:57):
Yeah, crumpets, crumpets, Yeah, okay, crumpets? She are U wim tees?
Oh wait a minute, you're left out the tea today.
I gotta have crumpets with out tea. Well, why I
lost my sugar ration card?
Speaker 1 (07:13):
I'll wait a minute. Yeah, any rat ration or ration?
Speaker 3 (07:18):
Look around here?
Speaker 9 (07:19):
You can't forget any teas.
Speaker 3 (07:21):
Why not, well, because with us it's important.
Speaker 9 (07:24):
In fact, with any cigarette smoker, tea ought to.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
Be one of the most important letters in the alphabet.
Is that right?
Speaker 3 (07:29):
Why sure?
Speaker 1 (07:30):
Tea stands for taste and throat.
Speaker 9 (07:32):
That's anybody's own personal.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
Proving ground for cigarettes, the T zone. Of course, most
people have tried camels, but have you tried them lately?
Since you've been smoking more? Give camels the T zone test. Now,
Ask your taste about camel's flavor. You'll find it wears well,
doesn't go flat. Ask your throat about camel's mildness. It's
the best judge you can find. Thousands of smokers who
(07:57):
are making their own T zone test that buy camels
super drew a tea. Just remember that you're the one
who's doing your smoking for steady pleasure.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
Dry camels.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
You'll find their slow burning, cooler, smoking, richer, tasting, milder
better because camels are expertly and matchlessly blended of costlier tobaccos.
Speaker 9 (08:19):
So take a tip from your tea zone.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
Your throat and your taste will tell you. See here,
camels get a fact. Tonight you'll want to buy a
carton tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
Taste when you threw this tiny day of some common.
Speaker 5 (08:58):
In eighteen sixteen he became sixty president. Now he's in
the Hall of day, all the.
Speaker 8 (09:06):
Sectors, just five we sell so very sober, perfect per.
Speaker 3 (10:08):
That was leaf Stephen's off this with a camel quintet
doing Abraham from the holiday in a Now, ladies and gentlemen, O,
whyet have it? What does the matter? Hey? Look look
what I got? Look at all the money. Wait a minute, castello,
where did you get that roll of deals? I went
outside for a minute. Just when I reached the corner,
a guy ran out of the bank with a bag
full of money, and he gave me something.
Speaker 5 (10:25):
He gave it, Hugh, What did he look like?
Speaker 3 (10:27):
I couldn't tell. He had such a bad call. He
had a handkerchief tiy cross his nose. Well, you dumb cluck,
that was a mass.
Speaker 5 (10:34):
The man was a bank robber.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
Oh, I don't think so happened? He was the president.
He offered the summi the bank for a squawk, Sell
you the bank for a squawk. Yeah, he said, one
squawk out of you and I'll give you a business
of all the dumbbells.
Speaker 5 (10:48):
Why didn't you go into the bank and investigate.
Speaker 3 (10:50):
I did go in. I want a way to run
a business. I walked in a couple of crosses playing
hide and seek.
Speaker 5 (10:55):
That's ridiculous, honest.
Speaker 3 (10:56):
One guy was hiding in the closet. You got that
guy was under the counter. There was nobody around the
play with him. Then there was another guy.
Speaker 5 (11:02):
What other guy?
Speaker 3 (11:03):
He was trying to do trick, trying to do tricks. Yeah,
he was laying on the floor trying to escape from
a lot of rope.
Speaker 5 (11:08):
And you thought he was playing a game.
Speaker 3 (11:10):
Five time to play games? Uh, especially when he had
a toothache. He didn't have a toothache. Not Then why
did he have a plaster across his mouth? The man
had a gag in his mouth. If he did, he
never got a chance to tell it.
Speaker 5 (11:23):
You should have taken the plaster off his mouth.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
I did, and right away a guy started worrying about
his rationing card.
Speaker 5 (11:29):
Worrying about his rationing card.
Speaker 3 (11:31):
Yeah, he started yelling, they took the sugar, they took
the shawl. No, no, no, costell the man. The man
was yelling because he was stuck up, stuck off. Sure
a five time to get a swell hat. No, somebody
might have robbed the place.
Speaker 5 (11:45):
He did rob the plays.
Speaker 3 (11:47):
Look, was there anybody with him? Just a woman home him?
Speaker 5 (11:50):
Why didn't you mention her before?
Speaker 3 (11:51):
She didn't appeal to me? Oh did you pinch her? No?
Then you should have held her. If I'd have held her,
I'd have pinched her.
Speaker 4 (11:59):
You.
Speaker 5 (12:02):
Hello, bit, do you realize that by keeping the money
and then think.
Speaker 3 (12:05):
The crooks get away, you've made yourself an the compass
ten miles playing on the radio.
Speaker 5 (12:09):
Maybe we'll get a police report.
Speaker 3 (12:10):
Hurry up.
Speaker 5 (12:10):
Okay, okay, hey, you cant have it.
Speaker 3 (12:15):
What's that? There's a message? Well, what does it say?
Attention all citizens? The Fifth National Bank has just been
held up five Black Feete and his gang of desperate bandits.
One last scene. The gang was headed for their hideout
at dead Pan Coach, also at Marches. Their accomplice describe
this five feet tall, five feet Why that is all?
(12:38):
That's me, mister five by five? Gosh, tell her you
know the police are after you. Now you've got to
capture that gang to clear yourself.
Speaker 4 (12:47):
Uh.
Speaker 3 (12:47):
Now, you can't do it the room, So call a pussey.
That's the thing, Okay, hip pussy pass pushy, No, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 5 (12:54):
Pushy no little please ten pen goal.
Speaker 3 (12:57):
She's in the heart of the cattle country. It's the
home of the Western bandits and cattle rustlers. Then I'm
just a guy, Abbott. I became a three letter man
chasing cattle wrestlers. Oh how could you become a three
letterman chasing cattle wrestlers? I sat on a branding iron.
But did that cause you to catch the wrestlers? Catch him?
I passed them. But this is going to be a
long trip. You have to get an outfit.
Speaker 5 (13:18):
What are you going to wear?
Speaker 3 (13:19):
I'll wear a ten gallon hat, a tan shirt, a
leather belt, and a blood hound. What pants a blood hound?
Never mind the outpit. And another thing you lead is
a horse.
Speaker 5 (13:29):
Have you got a horse?
Speaker 3 (13:29):
Have I got a horse? Yes?
Speaker 5 (13:31):
I got a horse, and he's my pile that swell.
Speaker 3 (13:33):
I eat with my horse. That's one. I drink with
my horse. I even sleep with my horse. You sleep
with your horse? I got it. It's just blanket.
Speaker 5 (13:42):
Now tell me can you ride a horse?
Speaker 3 (13:43):
You like to ride a horse? One time, Abbot, I
rode two horses at once, standing up. I had my
right foot on one horse, my left foot on the
other horse. All of a sudden we came to a
fork in the road. Each horse went in a different direction.
Speaker 5 (13:54):
That was a laugh.
Speaker 3 (13:55):
Yeah, I thought I split. Well, never mind the fret thing.
The first thing you have to do is find the
banness trail. When you do, you leap into the saddle,
and the way you go. Your face is turn, your
grip is sure, your clutch is ferm. How's my transmission?
Speaker 6 (14:08):
All right?
Speaker 5 (14:09):
I last cezy quiet, and you're right.
Speaker 3 (14:11):
You ride out across the prairie. You ride for hours
and hours on end. That sounds logical. Don't turn up,
You ride and you ride until your trousers are worn thin. Finally,
there you are. I know i'd come through. Yeah, what
are you going to do?
Speaker 5 (14:28):
Are you going out after the bandits? Are you going
to clear your name?
Speaker 3 (14:31):
I'm gonna clear my name. Habit had a boy, I'll
do it.
Speaker 5 (14:34):
I know it's in you.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
I'm gonna get it out of me right now. I'm on.
I'll get them bandits. But just tell me one thing.
If I get killed, what's gonna happen to that little
fellow that depends on me? The poor little fellow won't
get anything neat anymore, that poor little fellow, when you
would have a roof over his head. If anything happens abit,
it'll kill him, the poor little fellow.
Speaker 5 (14:52):
Costello, who is the poor little fellow?
Speaker 3 (14:55):
Me?
Speaker 1 (15:06):
And here's Connie Haynes with a cabo Clinton the thing,
and you, Juan of the old West, out on the.
Speaker 6 (15:13):
Plane down there, sat fae. I made a cowboy riding
the range one day, and as the john alone, I
heard him saying him almost peculiar a cowboys home. It
was a pitty he learned in the pitty. Imna tell ye, yeah,
(15:39):
he comna tell you say and get along, get him
little cookies, get along, fed me on your way, Get
along yet him little log is that a truck? Him
on down the old bail way, singing his cat yeah
(16:04):
in the tray this way, coma yeah yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Comma.
Speaker 6 (16:12):
Singing his cowboys. He's just too much. He's gotta knock
stop webstern accent with a problem touch.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
He was raised no.
Speaker 6 (16:27):
What you call wing half breeze, sang in his cat
ya along in the pray interesting, coma yeah yeah, comma tip.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
His cowboys.
Speaker 5 (16:43):
He's just too He's.
Speaker 6 (16:49):
With a hall touche was raised on long go we
he's what you call wing everye.
Speaker 11 (17:01):
Sang in this cow ya buggy in the strain way.
Speaker 6 (17:09):
Yea karmata. It's the cow cowbugy, the cowboy buggy.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
Now back to the adventures of our heroes Abbott and Costello,
as we find them hot on the trail of the
bank bandit Black Peat. Leading a posse of men, they
track the villain to the lawless town of Dead Pan Gulch.
Here they are riding up the main street of the
town like spurs.
Speaker 3 (17:49):
Drink jule, dingo, dingo, jingo, jinko jingo.
Speaker 5 (17:53):
What's wrong?
Speaker 3 (17:53):
What's wrong?
Speaker 5 (17:54):
One of my spurs got stuck?
Speaker 3 (17:57):
Costella?
Speaker 9 (17:57):
What do you think you're doing?
Speaker 5 (17:58):
Why are you riding under e't your horse?
Speaker 3 (18:00):
Well? My horse isn't feeling well, have itt and the
doctor told me to watch the stomach. Well, here we are, man,
we'll probably find Black Peat in the Red Dog cafe
across the street. Stop your horse, okay.
Speaker 5 (18:13):
Whoa bally, oh, whoa.
Speaker 3 (18:17):
Oo a A boy here, can easy me sit down?
Whoa no, all right, man, everybody into the bar for
a drink now, just a man, Your horse will stay outside,
all right, Let's go in and listen, Castello. When we
(18:37):
go through this door, have your gun ready if anybody moves, shoot.
If anybody shoots, I'll move. Oh, speaking of my glory
and my face, haven't listen to that? What a pair
of pipes? Wish I was a pummer Stello? Don't you
(18:59):
recognize term like pen ghat the same? Oh? My lane,
the trick? Oh look at that lovely face. That face
(19:21):
has made a fortune. Yeah, it runs into a nice figure.
Speaker 7 (19:26):
Hello boy, Hello boys?
Speaker 3 (19:30):
How big are men? Where you come from?
Speaker 7 (19:33):
Welcome to the red Darkfy?
Speaker 10 (19:35):
Did you like my song?
Speaker 7 (19:37):
What do you think of my range?
Speaker 3 (19:38):
Your range is lovely. In fact, I like your whole kitchen.
Speaker 10 (19:43):
Your flatter me. You're probably tired after your long trip.
How about a drink?
Speaker 3 (19:48):
Okay, I'll have a Crosby cocktail. What one drink and
then bing.
Speaker 10 (19:55):
With your personality, I would suggest straight corn?
Speaker 3 (20:00):
What a fresh kid? Just a minute, Marlene, Now you
see neither one of us is a drinking man. Do
you have anything a little milder?
Speaker 10 (20:07):
Try a drink of this very mild wine.
Speaker 3 (20:10):
That sounds better. I'll try it just a minute.
Speaker 10 (20:18):
What's I don't understand that wine is made here by
the happy Indians.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
Happy Indians. Well, the Indians are still hopping at it, Gorcella.
That silly. Come on, let's go over and watch the
boys play rolette.
Speaker 10 (20:32):
Yes, or perhaps you both would rather play a game
with me, Poker Pharaoh black Jack.
Speaker 3 (20:38):
I'd rather play post office.
Speaker 10 (20:41):
But that's the.
Speaker 7 (20:41):
Kid's game, not the way I play it, you know,
little fat man.
Speaker 10 (20:54):
I could go for someone like you.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
You could, Yes, do you know someone? Sure? A fresh
shit and I love? Keep quiet, Costella. Don't talk like
that to Marlena. She may know where black Pete is.
Try to win her confidence. Turn on the charm. You know,
I'll turn on a charm. Okay, watch me, Malena, my love?
(21:19):
I adore you?
Speaker 1 (21:21):
You do?
Speaker 5 (21:23):
Yeah, Malena?
Speaker 3 (21:29):
Will you let me be your slave? Will you let
me do something for you that I have never done
for any other woman? What?
Speaker 5 (21:36):
Will you let me press your slacks?
Speaker 3 (21:40):
Castella? Will you stop that? But you just don't know
how to handle these Western girl? Oh, yes, I do
have it, Malena. One time I was in love with
a bulligatew girl. She was too bullyge toront at the kettle.
What do you mean? Well, she had a terrible time
getting her caves together?
Speaker 5 (21:56):
What are you talking about Costella?
Speaker 3 (21:58):
You've never even been in love with the girl. Yes,
I was. I can see her now. She always wore cotton.
Speaker 5 (22:04):
Stockings, cotton stockings.
Speaker 7 (22:07):
What happened to her?
Speaker 3 (22:08):
Nothing? Of all the girls I got tattooed on my chest.
On your chest, Marlena, I love you the best, better than.
Speaker 5 (22:17):
The rest in the west.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
On my chest, on your chest.
Speaker 3 (22:21):
There's a n echo in the joint.
Speaker 5 (22:24):
Well, there's no question about it, Costella. Marlene and Dietrich
just can't be bothered with a man like you.
Speaker 12 (22:31):
Marina, Is that true, oh lou, If you only had
the eyes of clock Ebel, yes, the nose of Tyron Power, yes, yes,
the chin of Gary Cooper, yes, the faith, the face
of Pool.
Speaker 10 (22:46):
That's all, if you only had a face, Get nurse, I.
Speaker 3 (22:52):
Love here, Costella.
Speaker 5 (22:53):
We're wasting time.
Speaker 3 (22:54):
Did you forget why we came to the dead pan Guls.
We've got the fine Black Pet's hide out, Black.
Speaker 10 (22:59):
Pete, he's the most dangerous character in these parts before.
Speaker 3 (23:02):
He don't bother me, but he's very tough.
Speaker 10 (23:04):
He eats little men like you every morning when he
gets up.
Speaker 3 (23:06):
That's me, the breakfast off champions.
Speaker 5 (23:11):
No, why don't you give up this mad search.
Speaker 7 (23:14):
It can only lead to your death.
Speaker 3 (23:15):
I think you got something there, kid, I have it.
I am scared. Ain't you scared?
Speaker 5 (23:19):
No, I am not scared.
Speaker 3 (23:20):
Then why are you buying my nails? But no matter
what happens, I'm going after Black Pete mole enough and
if I die, I want you to take your shirt
of miners at keepsake.
Speaker 7 (23:29):
I suppose you don't die, then wash it and.
Speaker 3 (23:31):
Have it back by Monday. And no starching a collar either.
Plesten Castella, cut out the foolishness. Now we line up
everybody in the room until we find our man. That's right, abbit,
everybody line up and let you have your pockets.
Speaker 5 (23:44):
Why are you making.
Speaker 3 (23:44):
Them empty their pockets? I lost my yoyo.
Speaker 10 (23:48):
Now wait a minute, boys, it's not necessary to look
any further.
Speaker 8 (23:52):
I am Black Pete.
Speaker 3 (23:54):
You are what a fresh kid?
Speaker 10 (23:57):
What a stale plot?
Speaker 5 (24:00):
I think you got something there, Malena, I still don't
believe all this is true. It is true.
Speaker 10 (24:05):
I took the money from the bank, but I did
not steal it. It was my own money. It was
my pin money.
Speaker 3 (24:11):
One hundred thousand dollars pin money.
Speaker 10 (24:14):
I have very expensive pins. If you don't believe me,
I'll show you.
Speaker 7 (24:22):
I have all the money right here in my stocking.
Speaker 3 (24:24):
Look, Everett, what a cute bank. What a place to
make it the pop? Oh, Malena, If I give you
all my money from the bank, will you put it
in your other stocking?
Speaker 5 (24:42):
Certainly that's now.
Speaker 3 (24:43):
I don't be an idiot. Your money is safer in
the bank. Why do you want to put it in
her stocking? But that's where it's gonna traw the most cyrus.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
Before we hear from Abadan Costello again, do you want
to find out how hitting ground feels to a paratrooper, Well,
just hop off the top of a truck going fifteen
miles an hour. But don't try that until you're as
husky as an All American halfback and as nimble as
a circus tumbler. Even then, you'd have to learn plenty
to qualify for the shoot troops. Fighter's as tough as
(25:20):
any in the world, and whether your job is to
dangle in midair from silk cords or whether you're making
the shoots, you want to get the most out of
your off duty moments. Take Helen Lynch, for instance, she
works at the Pioneer parachute company making some of the.
Speaker 9 (25:34):
Shutes used by our paratroopers.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
Like so many of us, Miss Lynch is smoking more
these days, and she sticks to camels, she said.
Speaker 7 (25:42):
Quote package after package.
Speaker 3 (25:45):
Camels never tire my taste or wear out.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
They're welcome.
Speaker 3 (25:49):
They have such a rich, full flavor, and they're so
easy on my throat.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
Unquote. Camel is first in the service. Actual sales records
in post exchanges and canteens show that with men in
the Army, the Navy, the Marine Corps, and the Coastguard,
camel is the favorite.
Speaker 3 (26:05):
Why is that?
Speaker 1 (26:06):
But just ask your own throat and taste. Camels have
a full, rich flavor, the kind that wears well, doesn't
go flat. Camels are milder too, and curl are smoking
because they're slow burning. The big reason behind this camel
goodness is costlier tobaccos blended in the year's old camel
tradition of quality tobacco blending. If you're smoking more these days,
(26:30):
try camels. Your throat and your tastes will tell you.
See camels get a fact tonight, send the carton to
that fellow in the service.
Speaker 9 (26:58):
And I'll worry about next week's program.
Speaker 1 (27:00):
You'll hear more music from Leith Stephens on the orchestra,
more songs by Connie Haynes and the Camel Quinn's Head,
and a gripping dramatic story of life in the Squared
Circle with our guest star John Garfield. Now Here is
a short preview of next week's program. Thousands of people
are assembled in Madison Square Garden. All eyes are focused
on the two fighters in the center of the ring,
(27:22):
Killer Garfield and QP.
Speaker 3 (27:23):
Costello.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
There is a terrific exchange of blows. The crowd is
on its feet, Costello is on his face.
Speaker 3 (27:31):
Costello, get up, get up, get up with your knees
and quit playing with those marbles. What marbles? I'm picking
up my feet.
Speaker 9 (27:49):
He turned toune the next Thursday night at the same time.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
For another big comedy show starring Bud Evan and Lou
Costello with John Garfield. That's Our Guests, brought to you
with the compliments of Camel Cigarette. Camel presents three great
radio shows each week. Aberdan Costello on Thursday night. On
Friday Night, It's The Camel Caravan.
Speaker 9 (28:07):
With Lanny Ross, Herb Shriner.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
Xavier Cougat and Our Town and Monday Nights. Blondie Bolena Dietrich,
who appeared with US tonight, has just competed a new
Universal picture Pittsburgh with John Wayne and Randolph Scott. And
here's the latest news about the Camel Caravans, those swell.
Speaker 9 (28:27):
Traveling shows that entertain our boys.
Speaker 1 (28:29):
In the Army camps. Fifteen Army and Navy training.
Speaker 5 (28:32):
Stations will be visited this week, including.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
Camp Gordon, Georgia, Camp Pendleton, California, and Campcroft, South Carolina.
This is Ken Niles speaking for the makers of Camel
Cigarettes and wishing you all a very pleasant good night.
(29:02):
Ever see a pipe wearing a muzzle, No, sir, and
you never will, cause that won't keep it from Biden.
Thing to do is get Prince Albert, the brand that
snow bite treated for real smoke and comfort. Another thing,
PA's Crimp Cut and that means it packs firm and
easy and gives you cool. One match burning, you'll find
around fifty mild rich tasting pipe pulls in every handy
(29:23):
pocket package of Prince Albert. Try p a for pipe appeal.
Speaker 9 (29:28):
You'll agree.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
It's the national joy smoke. This program has come to
you from Hollywood. This is the national broadcasting company,
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