May 29, 2025 • 29 mins
This comedic duo brings laughter through their rapid-fire banter and classic routines. Their chemistry and timing have cemented their place in entertainment history.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
See the Avident Costello program brought to you by Camel's,
the cigarette that's first in the service. Camels stay fresh
because they're packed to go around the world.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Listen to the.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
Music of Pretty Rich Eddy's artist brother the songs of
Connie Haynes putting the Zarro Tonight's special guest Arthur Treacher
and starring Babbit.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
And Little Costello Castello. What are you doing in the bathtop?
What do you think I'm doing? I'm taking a bat
What are you doing with your underwear on? The water's tall?
(00:57):
Will you get out of that tubb and put your
bathrobe on?
Speaker 3 (01:00):
I'm not the bathrob on now you're wearing your bathrobe
in the top.
Speaker 4 (01:03):
Sure, I don't want to get my sue wat.
Speaker 3 (01:05):
Oh wait a minute, what are you doing in the
bathtub on Thursday night?
Speaker 2 (01:09):
But I forgot to tell you?
Speaker 5 (01:10):
But Lynn Barrett a beautiful movie stars coming here for
dinner and I'm gonna have a big, swanky party.
Speaker 4 (01:14):
Or are you expecting people? Say I'm expecting people?
Speaker 2 (01:19):
What are you ever gonna do? Have a flock of cows?
Speaker 3 (01:22):
Not Block Hurd heard what herd of cows? Of course
I heard of cows.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
No Gunny I mean.
Speaker 4 (01:28):
A cow hurried.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
What I have?
Speaker 4 (01:30):
A cow hurt?
Speaker 3 (01:30):
I just say not to be ashamed of? All right,
all right, let's say no more about cows. Please, I'm
not in the mood.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
What moves? A cow moved? Who cares that the cow moved?
Can't you watch its little kittens?
Speaker 4 (01:43):
All right?
Speaker 3 (01:43):
Levelock, forget about the cows. You don't know anything about
cows in the first place. Don't wait a minute. Do
you know what a cow gives? No, a cow gives milk?
Speaker 2 (01:51):
No, she don't. You gotta take it away from it,
all right, we understand. That's the first thing you've said. Right,
You take the milk from.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
The cow's udder, big a, pardon the cow's udder. The
cow's are a what costella? You take the milk from
under the cow? You mean the crankcase. That's the that's
the thing that's fastened to the cow's skin on.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
I'm not skinned high. Why should I hide?
Speaker 4 (02:16):
I didn't do noth no, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Hide on the cow. How am I gonna hide on
a cow?
Speaker 4 (02:21):
A cow on top of a cast a man?
Speaker 3 (02:23):
And please listen to me, hide hide a cow's outside,
bring a rain, Let her listen in a program.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
Wait a minute, quiet, he comes canon, Missus Niles.
Speaker 6 (02:35):
Oh hello, di drabbit, and you too, Costelo.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
Are you surprised to see me?
Speaker 4 (02:39):
Oh, ma'am, I was expecting a cow.
Speaker 5 (02:43):
What I mean another kind of a cow, Another kind.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Of a cow, Costelo, I'm not a cow. I'm not
going to talk to you any more.
Speaker 3 (02:51):
Whoa will you stop that castel?
Speaker 2 (02:55):
That's no way to insult Missus Nile. You know a
better way, now, Justice Costello. I'm getting red in the face.
Speaker 4 (03:02):
Where are you getting the blood?
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Are you calling my kennethan mimick? Why just look how trimmy?
Speaker 4 (03:08):
Isn't that blue suit?
Speaker 6 (03:10):
Why he looks like Gainesburg's blue boy.
Speaker 4 (03:13):
He looks more like Ginsburg's bell boy.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
Pretty se the blue in it. You're a fine one
to talk fat soo me fact I just dropped twenty pounds.
You didn'tdrop it poor enough.
Speaker 3 (03:25):
Now let's stop fighting, please, and missus Niles, Costello invited
thetten Barrige to the house and he needs some help
with dinner.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
Oh well, I might be able to help. I've been
cooking for twelve years. You want to be well done
by Now.
Speaker 4 (03:39):
Get the kisser on that fiet.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
You see. Do you see, Missus Niles.
Speaker 3 (03:43):
What Costello really needs is up Butler, do you know
where we can get ones?
Speaker 2 (03:47):
And my uncle runs an employment agent.
Speaker 7 (03:49):
Here's the advisce.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
Just go over there and ask for my uncle.
Speaker 4 (03:52):
Ohes vernaw she missus Niles. What's his name?
Speaker 2 (03:54):
You go? Ask for it?
Speaker 4 (03:56):
Yes, ma'am, I go. But who do I ask for?
Speaker 2 (03:58):
She told you you go? I know, I go, but
I gotta ask for somebody who I told you to
see my uncle uncle? Wat you go? Now, don't say
that again. Don't tell me I go. Stop saying I go.
Speaker 3 (04:09):
When missus Nile says, you go, all right, you go.
Speaker 4 (04:12):
And I won't have to go.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
Costella, You don't understand my uncle first name? Is you go? Oh?
Speaker 4 (04:17):
Why don't you say that in the first place? What's
his last name?
Speaker 2 (04:20):
Gets it? Why should I? What? Why should you what? Yes?
His name? She didn't tell you to guess his name?
Missus Niles. Didn't you tell me his name?
Speaker 4 (04:28):
As you go?
Speaker 3 (04:28):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (04:29):
What's his last name? I said, guess it? That's what
I thought you said. Is it Murphy? No?
Speaker 4 (04:34):
Is it Jonah Smith?
Speaker 2 (04:35):
No?
Speaker 4 (04:35):
No, Costella, guess it Costello?
Speaker 2 (04:38):
And I told you for the last time you go
get it? You go, you go jumping a light? Close
it all, I'll do nothing of the kind.
Speaker 3 (04:46):
Come tent her well, Costello, they're mad again. Now you've
burned your bridges behind you.
Speaker 4 (04:51):
That's okay, and we'll show it my coat on.
Speaker 3 (04:53):
No, come on, nonsense. You gotta have a butler for
the party. Now here's missus Niles's uncle's car. They call
him up boy, This yours for a funny phone number?
Speaker 2 (05:03):
What does it say?
Speaker 4 (05:04):
Established nineteen oh three?
Speaker 2 (05:06):
That isn't a phone number. Try him on the car.
Speaker 4 (05:09):
Nothing of the kind.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
That's the year he started the employment agency. He founded
it in nineteen o three.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
Oh, he founded it the.
Speaker 4 (05:15):
Business who lost it? Nobody lost it? But how could
he founded it if he didn't lost it?
Speaker 2 (05:19):
At it? Costell?
Speaker 4 (05:21):
I said, he founded it?
Speaker 2 (05:22):
Can I help it?
Speaker 3 (05:23):
If you don't speak good English, Costella, please, you should
be ashamed of yourself. Mister and missus Niles were kind
enough to tell you where you could tire a butler.
I was kind enough to explain how to contact the man.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
But did you appreciate it? No? All you do is
stand there and give me silly answers.
Speaker 6 (05:39):
Oh, I'm a bad boy.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
And you you certainly are.
Speaker 4 (05:51):
Don't tell my scout mester on me?
Speaker 2 (05:53):
Well I should.
Speaker 4 (05:54):
Oh, if you do, he'll take away my scalp pins.
Speaker 5 (05:57):
Gee, you haven't anything but that I have one pin
for I got one pin for bravery and one for safety.
Speaker 3 (06:03):
Wait a minute, I can see the pin for courtesy
and the tin for bravery.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
Where's the pin for safety?
Speaker 4 (06:09):
It's fulling my cats up dull.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
High over an island marked for invasion flies a lightning
fighter player with cameras in its nose instead of cannon
and machine guns. It's only protection the skill of its pilot.
They've got what it takes those unarmed reconnaissance pilots, and
so has their cigarette. Camels first with men in all
the services. According to actual sales records to our island bases,
(06:41):
go camel cigarettes by the time, and we know they'll
be fresh, cool, smoking, and slow burning because camels.
Speaker 4 (06:49):
Are packed to go around the world.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
More camel cigarettes overseas may mean less in your store,
but remember when you get camels, you always get more flavor.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
The result of it.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
Expert blending of costly or tobaccos. Camel's tobacco standard is
the same for soldier for Sivilian.
Speaker 4 (07:07):
Anywhere in the world.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
See he am yea camel cigarettes.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
They stay fresh because they're packed to go around the world.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
Ready.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
Rich and his orchestra play a cold porter favorite.
Speaker 7 (07:26):
I get a kick out of you.
Speaker 3 (09:21):
All right, come on, gostall you go gets An employment
agency is right down this hall.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
Let me handle this and I'll get you a butler.
Speaker 4 (09:28):
He look, habit, I'm just expecting lend Barry. Why do
I need a butler?
Speaker 3 (09:32):
But a butler in your house will make you more stable, stable, certainly.
Just picture a butler in his livery what I got
a house or a livery stable? And I you don't understand.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
He'll make you distinctive. He'll give your house a certain.
Speaker 4 (09:43):
There what am I hiring a butler or a scout?
Speaker 2 (09:46):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (09:46):
Come on, shut up?
Speaker 3 (09:47):
Now, come on in the employment agency and let me
do the talking plea.
Speaker 4 (09:51):
Oh, you've gotta get me a maid.
Speaker 5 (09:54):
My maid quipped today, after fifteen years, I've lost my maid.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
I've lost my I made a mister. Why did you
make leave?
Speaker 8 (10:03):
She caught me kissing my.
Speaker 3 (10:04):
Wife Castella lamp Please never mind him. Let's talk to
the click at the desk.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
How do you do, gentlemen, what can I do for you? Well,
I'd like to hire a butler. You'd like to hire
a butler? Oh, you mad, impetuous boy?
Speaker 5 (10:23):
All right, don't knock yourself out.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
I just want to hire a butler. You just want
to hire a butler. What am I laughing at him?
You know? Oh? You fool?
Speaker 4 (10:41):
Why don't you ask me for a date with my wife? Okay,
but one thing at a time. Now, i'd have to
ask you a few questions my file. First of all,
do you work in a defense plan?
Speaker 2 (10:50):
No?
Speaker 4 (10:51):
I don't.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
And how can you afford a butler? Do you onny
steel mills? No Polo Pony, no steams of company?
Speaker 5 (10:58):
No, I'm in a rut, ain't I?
Speaker 2 (11:01):
I listen, Clig, we're in a great hurry. Haven't you
got a butler we can hire?
Speaker 7 (11:05):
Well, there is.
Speaker 5 (11:05):
One Judson, but right now he's over there, mister Morgan
built im in there is talking to it.
Speaker 8 (11:10):
I'll listen, Judgement.
Speaker 3 (11:11):
I'll give you five nights a week off and a
thousand dollars a week, all right, make it seven nights
a week off.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
I'll give you my car. I'll do your laundry, all right.
Speaker 4 (11:21):
You're hired.
Speaker 5 (11:22):
Now, please stop twisting my arm.
Speaker 3 (11:28):
Nobody's looking lucky fellow, he's got a butler, just by
a twister of brisk lock Clark. This isn't helping us.
We've got to have a butler.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
Lynn Barry, the movie star is coming to dinner tonight.
Speaker 4 (11:39):
Lynn Barry coming to dinner.
Speaker 3 (11:41):
Oh so you'll be putting on the dog.
Speaker 4 (11:43):
No, we're having roast beef.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
What kind of talk is that? Come with me and
see our manager, mister Nazaro.
Speaker 4 (11:49):
All right, this way, mister and Azarro. Yes, this is
mister rabbit. Mister Costello.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
Costello would like to hire a butler.
Speaker 8 (11:56):
You want to hire a butler, Good heavens man, don't
you realize that butler's he had Ross's salary to meat
and he can't raises self. Remark that places his self
Rebert de Marcs railery meat. It isn't thy water racist.
Same for the foster salary to patron's horse, for the
railroad salary, and maybe he'll be reclassified. You don't understand,
Book Brown. Didn't you tell mister Costello that the castle
(12:18):
raises are in the mines and bikes hasn't got any
faults and didn't you tell him that he's a salar
prace of me with the horlestol viron man. Didn't you
tell him that yet?
Speaker 5 (12:27):
Idea you didn't say that, brother, I don't interrupt the man.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
That's right.
Speaker 8 (12:33):
I'm trying to show you that that's a wall to
praising meat. I'm not at the Cassiad or Rayl Fallis.
See you get the picture I'm painting.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
Yeah, but you just smeared it up in the middle
of Costello.
Speaker 3 (12:45):
He's trying to tell you that today most people are
doing their own work.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Even carry Grant washes at his house. Yes, Costello, do
you wash? Surely a wash? What do you think I am?
A slop?
Speaker 4 (12:56):
No?
Speaker 2 (12:56):
No, all the picture stars are washing.
Speaker 8 (12:58):
I passed Van Sharon's house yesterday and I saw a
washing her Cali rains for rossis Hoper phill A feel
the more watch.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
And even though little you did better, don't you wash
your Dwang? And Philip Porten tinder the.
Speaker 5 (13:15):
I don't put the buttons break off?
Speaker 3 (13:19):
Never mind your buttons, Never mind my buttons.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
What do you want me to do? Be a pinup boy?
Speaker 8 (13:24):
That's the Costello. Let me ask you a trust a question.
When you had your last Buttler. Did you pay him,
babbit diict?
Speaker 4 (13:30):
No, I only pay them Babba Dick.
Speaker 8 (13:33):
Why didn't you pay him?
Speaker 2 (13:34):
Babit? Did it because she didn't? Didn't it?
Speaker 8 (13:38):
Look Costello?
Speaker 2 (13:39):
Now, let's not get nasty.
Speaker 8 (13:40):
I'm trying to tell you there's a shortage of men
Buttler's today. I'm just a cat for fossil with a
sailorraine oop the rails.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
Why even my butler cats a bosses three?
Speaker 8 (13:51):
I tried, I said, two governors, did you ever samla
falsi meat, bring my conjurin, bring my stella phase, bring
my corsas and.
Speaker 2 (13:57):
He've already amina phase.
Speaker 7 (13:59):
You see what I mean.
Speaker 4 (14:01):
Frankly, I'm a little confused.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
Why don't you pay attention to the man? Then that's
what's confusing me. Well, I could put it another way.
You could What would you.
Speaker 9 (14:16):
Not just a minute?
Speaker 2 (14:17):
You can't come in here.
Speaker 8 (14:18):
And tell me how to cataisse the salary, vailabaws or
even harson wedding when you know that I'm the only
onrning Francist sator, what do you think I am a castin?
It's men like you that catle fosses house will have
everybody costs with.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
Them in a seamains and did the hitt engngine did
did eh? Fuddledy tuddle? Fuddledy tuddle.
Speaker 7 (14:40):
That doesn't make sense.
Speaker 4 (14:41):
That don't make sense, of course it does.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
It certainly does not.
Speaker 8 (14:46):
Of all the ridiculous things I've ever hurt in my life,
it's fuddledy doddle.
Speaker 3 (14:50):
All right, brother, what would you have said? I have
said the saint's false?
Speaker 2 (14:54):
Get did said?
Speaker 4 (14:55):
Callorb the moment?
Speaker 3 (14:57):
That's the word I've been trying to think up.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
Get up. Connie Haynes thinks the new rhythm. Kid. If
that's the.
Speaker 10 (15:18):
Way you want it, baby, If that's the way you
want it, baby, baby.
Speaker 6 (15:30):
That's the way will be.
Speaker 11 (15:34):
I'll wait for you forever, baby, wait, because I'm sure that.
Speaker 6 (15:42):
You're waiting for me.
Speaker 11 (15:45):
The day will come and don't me maybe when you
be mind and that's gonna be. If that's the way
you want it, babyby.
Speaker 6 (16:00):
Baby, that the way will beyond time the waste wish
we could hasten to the man with the collar turned around.
I'd like to do it right away, but you'd rather wait.
(16:23):
So I say, is that the way you want it, babe?
Speaker 10 (16:31):
Baby, that's the way will be.
Speaker 12 (16:36):
A wait for you ever, maybe a wait, because I'm
sure that you wait for me the day would come.
Speaker 6 (16:48):
Don't be baby when you be mind And but definitely
if that's the way you want it, they.
Speaker 11 (17:01):
Feed I'll be wheating, hem whetingby.
Speaker 6 (17:07):
That's a wigged will be.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
Try a camel cigarette, says the fellow on the radio.
Speaker 3 (17:27):
And you say, I have you liked it? Didn't you?
Speaker 1 (17:30):
And yet maybe you're not a steady camel smoker. You see,
one or two camel cigarettes aren't enough to appreciate what
more flavor really means. Camels do have more flavor, ask anyone.
It's the result of our expert way of blending cost
clear tobaccos. This extra flavor is what helps camel cigarettes
hold up keep from going flat no matter how many
(17:52):
you smoke. Give your second pack of camels a thorough
checkup in your t zone. That's taste and throat your
ground for flavor, yes, and for camel cigarettes smooth extra
mildness too. And remember camels stay fresh, cool, smoking and
slow burning. They cause they're packed to go around the world.
(18:13):
See hey, yeah, and camel's they're first in the service.
They've got what it takes.
Speaker 4 (18:26):
Well.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
Cast Delacamire What are you going to do here? It
is the night of your big party for Lynn Barry,
and you haven't got a butler.
Speaker 4 (18:33):
Yes, but we did get a cook. I'll call up
the kitchen to tellow.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
What to do.
Speaker 3 (18:36):
Let be careful what you say now, Hello, kitchen, this
is mister Costello. I want to talk to my cook,
missus Blank. What she did at four o'clock in the morning.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
Wow? How much is it?
Speaker 4 (18:47):
Weigh?
Speaker 2 (18:48):
Nine pounds? At her?
Speaker 4 (18:50):
Rage too? How do you like that?
Speaker 2 (18:53):
Have it? Missus Blank?
Speaker 4 (18:54):
Get up at four o'clock this morning and ate a
nine pound turkey?
Speaker 2 (18:56):
No, I've never heard of.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
Such stuff, Hey, Costello, that must be Lynnen Barry. Lynn,
don't get excited now, I'll take it eat.
Speaker 5 (19:10):
I like it because she's a big girl, Barry, all right,
I don't get excited the boy at last, I'll go
to the door.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
Fifty pounds eyes for missus Smith.
Speaker 4 (19:17):
Missus Smith lives next door.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
Hen you mind if I live in here?
Speaker 4 (19:20):
Her husband's home, right?
Speaker 2 (19:26):
I guess her husband don't like ice? All Oh? That
was a peppero.
Speaker 3 (19:32):
Costello, you'd better forget about Lynn Barry.
Speaker 2 (19:34):
I don't think she's coming. Oh no, I'll bet that's her. Now,
pair it of us for me.
Speaker 4 (19:39):
Haul in, haul in my darling, my precious one, my
loved one, my own little SNOOKI.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
I love you by your boy? Have I got the hall? Lamber?
Speaker 4 (19:53):
I can't stand this waiting. I'm losing my mind.
Speaker 3 (19:55):
I'll behave yourself. You're not losing your mind anymore than
I am.
Speaker 4 (19:59):
That's close enough. Yeah, habit, this must be Lynn Barry.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
Oh, that's rich darling. Come into my arms, I say,
aren't you a bit high strung? Old boy? Costello? Look
who it is? It's off the treacher. Now, mister treacher,
(20:24):
that's my line.
Speaker 4 (20:25):
Please, I just want to find out this professional business,
that's right.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
How do you do find out if he is a lifesaver?
Speaker 4 (20:30):
You know what I mean? How do you do with
the treacher?
Speaker 2 (20:34):
But abbit? And this, this is lu Costello. I'm glad
you told me. I thought it was cabbage cooking.
Speaker 5 (20:40):
I'll wait a minute, Treacher. The only reason I don't
poke you want to nose is because I'm.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
Bigger than you. It so happens that I'm bigger than you.
Speaker 4 (20:47):
That's a better reason.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
No luck, mister treacher.
Speaker 4 (20:51):
Don't mind Costello.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
He was expecting Lynn barn and he's down in the
dump shes that's why she told me i'd find him.
Speaker 13 (20:59):
Now wait, I'm that treacher, mister treacher to you punk,
mister punk, he you treacher?
Speaker 2 (21:06):
Now stop that Castello. I want to know what he's
doing here?
Speaker 4 (21:10):
What are you doing here?
Speaker 2 (21:11):
Sure are your information, you poisonous person?
Speaker 13 (21:14):
I am miss Berry's butler before she sets one daisy
foot in this hovel. I wish to inspect the premises,
the service.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
And the food here. Hell yes, yeah, oh de.
Speaker 4 (21:30):
Castello he now listener Costello.
Speaker 3 (21:34):
Oh boy, that is an can past now, Castello, that
is a bit nice coming.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
What kind of talk? Please?
Speaker 4 (21:45):
Yes, there, Pastello, there's a reason where yees.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
Don't talk like well? Here, yes, loud, don't you understand, dear,
you understand you? Somebody better talk besides me?
Speaker 3 (22:03):
But wait, I better come here. Lord, don't you understand?
He's English? He's sir, he's English. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (22:10):
If he was any more English, he couldn't.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
Talk at all? What the hell hell of look here?
Speaker 4 (22:17):
Treacher?
Speaker 3 (22:18):
Who are you to come in here and question Costello's
official standing?
Speaker 2 (22:22):
After all, I sprang from nobility and you didn't spring
far enough. No no, no, no no, you didn't speak No, no,
I have you know that.
Speaker 13 (22:31):
My family is very prominent socially. My father has a
country seat in Wembley. In the city is Eaton, Devonshire.
Your father has two seats?
Speaker 4 (22:40):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (22:41):
Does Ripley know about it? A Costello? Be careful are
you talking about? Don't you start talking like that? Please
make it more pronounceable. Castell? All right, all right, Castello,
that's very careful. How you talk to mister Treacher. He's
(23:03):
a polished gentleman.
Speaker 4 (23:04):
He sounds like he selected you don't understand.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
Oh look here, I'm from eating.
Speaker 4 (23:10):
You're from hunger.
Speaker 3 (23:11):
You're impossible. You're absolutely impossible.
Speaker 2 (23:16):
Hey, you're not there.
Speaker 11 (23:19):
Of the hell.
Speaker 4 (23:22):
Mister mister Treech is an educated man.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
He's a linguist.
Speaker 5 (23:26):
There you tell me he was English before a linguish.
What's the difference between linguist and come in a word?
Speaker 2 (23:35):
When you yes?
Speaker 13 (23:36):
Perhaps I can make you understand the French prancis wee wee?
Speaker 2 (23:41):
Yeah? Who's the air to day? Dawn?
Speaker 13 (23:45):
We come yen it on aby table dawn ai oue wee?
Speaker 4 (23:51):
Hey, haven't I bet he runs out before I don't quiet?
Speaker 13 (23:57):
Look here you might as well know it, Oh boy,
I'll never commit Miss Barrett, attend your dinner.
Speaker 4 (24:03):
Oh yeah, there's missus Berry.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
Now hello in my darning with me, Missus Nile, tom My, lad? Yeah,
by about forty years? What is this? Which is night out?
Speaker 4 (24:14):
Costello? Please?
Speaker 2 (24:15):
Boy? Are you sure?
Speaker 4 (24:16):
Get around?
Speaker 2 (24:17):
What do you gotta see? Cart for a broom? All stop?
Speaker 3 (24:21):
Costello, mister treacher, I'd like to have you meet mister
and Missus ken Nile.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
Which one is missus Nyle?
Speaker 5 (24:30):
Now wait a minute, I don't go for that, not
to after all? Which one is missus Niles?
Speaker 2 (24:37):
These people are friends of mine. All of them are
friends of mine. Which one is mister and Missus Niles?
How do you like that? Abbit?
Speaker 12 (24:46):
Good?
Speaker 2 (24:46):
Good for you? Codell. You keep out of this, Kenneth, Yes,
are you? Kenneth? Are you going to stand for this?
Costello is trying to make a man out me and
a woman out of you.
Speaker 7 (25:02):
Maybe you would be happier that way.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
Will you please stop those fights? I've heard enough, Costello.
Speaker 13 (25:09):
I could never allow Miss Barrett to associate with a
illiterate like you.
Speaker 4 (25:13):
Ah, Gie, Treacher, don't keep Lynn Barry away from my house.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
You don't seem to really know me. I don't seem
to really know you. You cough a little coupable? Do
you realize you just sit an infinitive?
Speaker 4 (25:25):
Why does it show and know you?
Speaker 2 (25:27):
Dummy?
Speaker 3 (25:28):
He's correcting your grammar. You made a mistake. Who made
a mistake? Now listen here, mister treacher.
Speaker 5 (25:33):
When the adjective modifies the predicate adverb, then the pronile
of the subjunctive mood and modifies the dangling participle, leaving
the infinitive unsplit.
Speaker 2 (25:45):
Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 4 (25:46):
Treacher?
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Certainly? Then explain it to me, Costella. You're not going
to get Lynn Barry this way, you know that, mister Treacher.
Speaker 4 (25:55):
I gotta have Lynn Barry here. I'm in love with her.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
She's my whole life. She means heavy to me. I
gotta have her. I can't live without her. Does she
really mean that much to you?
Speaker 4 (26:05):
Yeah, She's the only one that can string my yo yo.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
Very well. She means that much to you. Let me
see how you'd make love to her. Now, just imagine that,
Missus Niles here is Lynn Badet. What an imagination you've got, brother?
Do what the man says, Take missus Niles in your
arms and kiss her. Miss babbitt in my whole night.
I don't even kissed by two parties.
Speaker 4 (26:27):
Yes, ma'am, the Democrats and the Republicans. That's enough.
Speaker 2 (26:33):
I thank you, Mother.
Speaker 4 (26:42):
Blethers. Come here, my proud beauty.
Speaker 7 (26:45):
Oh I'm not proud.
Speaker 4 (26:47):
You're no beauty eater.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
Well kiss Tell her? What are you waiting for? Go
ahead and kiss her, not me, treacher. If you know
so much, you kiss her, I kiss her. I look here,
that is I mean, I really went. I mean, honestly,
you can't vidic. What a you got to lose?
Speaker 4 (27:00):
There s They'll always be an England.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
Oh come on, hop a here hey.
Speaker 3 (27:08):
Now, mister treacher, you show Costell the proper approach to
kiss Lynn Barry.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
Take missus Niles in your arm. All right, I'll do it.
I have it in my arm.
Speaker 4 (27:17):
You put your what do I do?
Speaker 2 (27:18):
Now? You put your face next to her?
Speaker 4 (27:20):
Now your cheat to cheat it. From where I'm standing,
it looks like a dead heated bay meadows, wiet.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
Now Now what do I do? Now? Treaty? You kiss her?
And now what do I do? Give her back her teeth?
(27:47):
Have it in. Costella will be back in just a
moment thanks to the angs of the Week.
Speaker 9 (27:56):
Tonight was sleute marine Private John Perla of Springfield, Massas,
whose patrol was cut off behind Japanese lines on Bogundelle Island.
Knowing that an American barrage was scheduled to hit this
very spot, Private Parrella volunteered to swim a strange tropical
river fast enemy positions, and in spite of heavy enemy fire,
continued till he reached American positions just in time to
(28:19):
prevent his companions being killed by our own guns in
yon Hona, Private John Parrella. The makers of camels are
sending for Marines in the Pacific three hundred thousand camel cigarettes.
Each of the four Camel shows honors a Yank of
(28:40):
the Week sends three hundred thousand camel cigarettes overseas, a
total of more than a million camels sent free each
week in this country. The traveling Camel caravans have thanked
over three and a half million Yanks with free shows
and free camels. Camel broadcasts go out to the United
States four times a week a short wave to our
men overseas and to South America. Listen tomorrow to Jimmy
(29:02):
Duranty and Gary Moore Saturday to Bob Hawk and thanks
to the Yanks.
Speaker 1 (29:06):
Monday to Blondie and next Thursday to Avid and Costello
with their guests missus Lynn Barry.
Speaker 4 (29:12):
Good Night, folks, we're a little late. See you next week.
Speaker 1 (29:15):
Good Night, Bolts weturn to do it next week for
another great Abdan Costello show with our guest Lynn Barry.
And remember, candle cigarettes make the best Christmas gifts of all.
Speaker 4 (29:24):
Whenever you buy them, wherever you.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
Send them, camels will be fresh because they're packed to
go around the world. This is Candiles wishing you all
a guy blessing.
Speaker 4 (29:33):
Good night of Hollywood.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
This program has come to you from Hollywood. This is
the National Broadcasting Company
See the Avident Costello program brought to you by Camel's,
the cigarette that's first in the service. Camels stay fresh
because they're packed to go around the world.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Listen to the.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
Music of Pretty Rich Eddy's artist brother the songs of
Connie Haynes putting the Zarro Tonight's special guest Arthur Treacher
and starring Babbit.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
And Little Costello Castello. What are you doing in the bathtop?
What do you think I'm doing? I'm taking a bat
What are you doing with your underwear on? The water's tall?
(00:57):
Will you get out of that tubb and put your
bathrobe on?
Speaker 3 (01:00):
I'm not the bathrob on now you're wearing your bathrobe
in the top.
Speaker 4 (01:03):
Sure, I don't want to get my sue wat.
Speaker 3 (01:05):
Oh wait a minute, what are you doing in the
bathtub on Thursday night?
Speaker 2 (01:09):
But I forgot to tell you?
Speaker 5 (01:10):
But Lynn Barrett a beautiful movie stars coming here for
dinner and I'm gonna have a big, swanky party.
Speaker 4 (01:14):
Or are you expecting people? Say I'm expecting people?
Speaker 2 (01:19):
What are you ever gonna do? Have a flock of cows?
Speaker 3 (01:22):
Not Block Hurd heard what herd of cows? Of course
I heard of cows.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
No Gunny I mean.
Speaker 4 (01:28):
A cow hurried.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
What I have?
Speaker 4 (01:30):
A cow hurt?
Speaker 3 (01:30):
I just say not to be ashamed of? All right,
all right, let's say no more about cows. Please, I'm
not in the mood.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
What moves? A cow moved? Who cares that the cow moved?
Can't you watch its little kittens?
Speaker 4 (01:43):
All right?
Speaker 3 (01:43):
Levelock, forget about the cows. You don't know anything about
cows in the first place. Don't wait a minute. Do
you know what a cow gives? No, a cow gives milk?
Speaker 2 (01:51):
No, she don't. You gotta take it away from it,
all right, we understand. That's the first thing you've said. Right,
You take the milk from.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
The cow's udder, big a, pardon the cow's udder. The
cow's are a what costella? You take the milk from
under the cow? You mean the crankcase. That's the that's
the thing that's fastened to the cow's skin on.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
I'm not skinned high. Why should I hide?
Speaker 4 (02:16):
I didn't do noth no, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Hide on the cow. How am I gonna hide on
a cow?
Speaker 4 (02:21):
A cow on top of a cast a man?
Speaker 3 (02:23):
And please listen to me, hide hide a cow's outside,
bring a rain, Let her listen in a program.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
Wait a minute, quiet, he comes canon, Missus Niles.
Speaker 6 (02:35):
Oh hello, di drabbit, and you too, Costelo.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
Are you surprised to see me?
Speaker 4 (02:39):
Oh, ma'am, I was expecting a cow.
Speaker 5 (02:43):
What I mean another kind of a cow, Another kind.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Of a cow, Costelo, I'm not a cow. I'm not
going to talk to you any more.
Speaker 3 (02:51):
Whoa will you stop that castel?
Speaker 2 (02:55):
That's no way to insult Missus Nile. You know a
better way, now, Justice Costello. I'm getting red in the face.
Speaker 4 (03:02):
Where are you getting the blood?
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Are you calling my kennethan mimick? Why just look how trimmy?
Speaker 4 (03:08):
Isn't that blue suit?
Speaker 6 (03:10):
Why he looks like Gainesburg's blue boy.
Speaker 4 (03:13):
He looks more like Ginsburg's bell boy.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
Pretty se the blue in it. You're a fine one
to talk fat soo me fact I just dropped twenty pounds.
You didn'tdrop it poor enough.
Speaker 3 (03:25):
Now let's stop fighting, please, and missus Niles, Costello invited
thetten Barrige to the house and he needs some help
with dinner.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
Oh well, I might be able to help. I've been
cooking for twelve years. You want to be well done
by Now.
Speaker 4 (03:39):
Get the kisser on that fiet.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
You see. Do you see, Missus Niles.
Speaker 3 (03:43):
What Costello really needs is up Butler, do you know
where we can get ones?
Speaker 2 (03:47):
And my uncle runs an employment agent.
Speaker 7 (03:49):
Here's the advisce.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
Just go over there and ask for my uncle.
Speaker 4 (03:52):
Ohes vernaw she missus Niles. What's his name?
Speaker 2 (03:54):
You go? Ask for it?
Speaker 4 (03:56):
Yes, ma'am, I go. But who do I ask for?
Speaker 2 (03:58):
She told you you go? I know, I go, but
I gotta ask for somebody who I told you to
see my uncle uncle? Wat you go? Now, don't say
that again. Don't tell me I go. Stop saying I go.
Speaker 3 (04:09):
When missus Nile says, you go, all right, you go.
Speaker 4 (04:12):
And I won't have to go.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
Costella, You don't understand my uncle first name? Is you go? Oh?
Speaker 4 (04:17):
Why don't you say that in the first place? What's
his last name?
Speaker 2 (04:20):
Gets it? Why should I? What? Why should you what? Yes?
His name? She didn't tell you to guess his name?
Missus Niles. Didn't you tell me his name?
Speaker 4 (04:28):
As you go?
Speaker 3 (04:28):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (04:29):
What's his last name? I said, guess it? That's what
I thought you said. Is it Murphy? No?
Speaker 4 (04:34):
Is it Jonah Smith?
Speaker 2 (04:35):
No?
Speaker 4 (04:35):
No, Costella, guess it Costello?
Speaker 2 (04:38):
And I told you for the last time you go
get it? You go, you go jumping a light? Close
it all, I'll do nothing of the kind.
Speaker 3 (04:46):
Come tent her well, Costello, they're mad again. Now you've
burned your bridges behind you.
Speaker 4 (04:51):
That's okay, and we'll show it my coat on.
Speaker 3 (04:53):
No, come on, nonsense. You gotta have a butler for
the party. Now here's missus Niles's uncle's car. They call
him up boy, This yours for a funny phone number?
Speaker 2 (05:03):
What does it say?
Speaker 4 (05:04):
Established nineteen oh three?
Speaker 2 (05:06):
That isn't a phone number. Try him on the car.
Speaker 4 (05:09):
Nothing of the kind.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
That's the year he started the employment agency. He founded
it in nineteen o three.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
Oh, he founded it the.
Speaker 4 (05:15):
Business who lost it? Nobody lost it? But how could
he founded it if he didn't lost it?
Speaker 2 (05:19):
At it? Costell?
Speaker 4 (05:21):
I said, he founded it?
Speaker 2 (05:22):
Can I help it?
Speaker 3 (05:23):
If you don't speak good English, Costella, please, you should
be ashamed of yourself. Mister and missus Niles were kind
enough to tell you where you could tire a butler.
I was kind enough to explain how to contact the man.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
But did you appreciate it? No? All you do is
stand there and give me silly answers.
Speaker 6 (05:39):
Oh, I'm a bad boy.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
And you you certainly are.
Speaker 4 (05:51):
Don't tell my scout mester on me?
Speaker 2 (05:53):
Well I should.
Speaker 4 (05:54):
Oh, if you do, he'll take away my scalp pins.
Speaker 5 (05:57):
Gee, you haven't anything but that I have one pin
for I got one pin for bravery and one for safety.
Speaker 3 (06:03):
Wait a minute, I can see the pin for courtesy
and the tin for bravery.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
Where's the pin for safety?
Speaker 4 (06:09):
It's fulling my cats up dull.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
High over an island marked for invasion flies a lightning
fighter player with cameras in its nose instead of cannon
and machine guns. It's only protection the skill of its pilot.
They've got what it takes those unarmed reconnaissance pilots, and
so has their cigarette. Camels first with men in all
the services. According to actual sales records to our island bases,
(06:41):
go camel cigarettes by the time, and we know they'll
be fresh, cool, smoking, and slow burning because camels.
Speaker 4 (06:49):
Are packed to go around the world.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
More camel cigarettes overseas may mean less in your store,
but remember when you get camels, you always get more flavor.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
The result of it.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
Expert blending of costly or tobaccos. Camel's tobacco standard is
the same for soldier for Sivilian.
Speaker 4 (07:07):
Anywhere in the world.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
See he am yea camel cigarettes.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
They stay fresh because they're packed to go around the world.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
Ready.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
Rich and his orchestra play a cold porter favorite.
Speaker 7 (07:26):
I get a kick out of you.
Speaker 3 (09:21):
All right, come on, gostall you go gets An employment
agency is right down this hall.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
Let me handle this and I'll get you a butler.
Speaker 4 (09:28):
He look, habit, I'm just expecting lend Barry. Why do
I need a butler?
Speaker 3 (09:32):
But a butler in your house will make you more stable, stable, certainly.
Just picture a butler in his livery what I got
a house or a livery stable? And I you don't understand.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
He'll make you distinctive. He'll give your house a certain.
Speaker 4 (09:43):
There what am I hiring a butler or a scout?
Speaker 2 (09:46):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (09:46):
Come on, shut up?
Speaker 3 (09:47):
Now, come on in the employment agency and let me
do the talking plea.
Speaker 4 (09:51):
Oh, you've gotta get me a maid.
Speaker 5 (09:54):
My maid quipped today, after fifteen years, I've lost my maid.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
I've lost my I made a mister. Why did you
make leave?
Speaker 8 (10:03):
She caught me kissing my.
Speaker 3 (10:04):
Wife Castella lamp Please never mind him. Let's talk to
the click at the desk.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
How do you do, gentlemen, what can I do for you? Well,
I'd like to hire a butler. You'd like to hire
a butler? Oh, you mad, impetuous boy?
Speaker 5 (10:23):
All right, don't knock yourself out.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
I just want to hire a butler. You just want
to hire a butler. What am I laughing at him?
You know? Oh? You fool?
Speaker 4 (10:41):
Why don't you ask me for a date with my wife? Okay,
but one thing at a time. Now, i'd have to
ask you a few questions my file. First of all,
do you work in a defense plan?
Speaker 2 (10:50):
No?
Speaker 4 (10:51):
I don't.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
And how can you afford a butler? Do you onny
steel mills? No Polo Pony, no steams of company?
Speaker 5 (10:58):
No, I'm in a rut, ain't I?
Speaker 2 (11:01):
I listen, Clig, we're in a great hurry. Haven't you
got a butler we can hire?
Speaker 7 (11:05):
Well, there is.
Speaker 5 (11:05):
One Judson, but right now he's over there, mister Morgan
built im in there is talking to it.
Speaker 8 (11:10):
I'll listen, Judgement.
Speaker 3 (11:11):
I'll give you five nights a week off and a
thousand dollars a week, all right, make it seven nights
a week off.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
I'll give you my car. I'll do your laundry, all right.
Speaker 4 (11:21):
You're hired.
Speaker 5 (11:22):
Now, please stop twisting my arm.
Speaker 3 (11:28):
Nobody's looking lucky fellow, he's got a butler, just by
a twister of brisk lock Clark. This isn't helping us.
We've got to have a butler.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
Lynn Barry, the movie star is coming to dinner tonight.
Speaker 4 (11:39):
Lynn Barry coming to dinner.
Speaker 3 (11:41):
Oh so you'll be putting on the dog.
Speaker 4 (11:43):
No, we're having roast beef.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
What kind of talk is that? Come with me and
see our manager, mister Nazaro.
Speaker 4 (11:49):
All right, this way, mister and Azarro. Yes, this is
mister rabbit. Mister Costello.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
Costello would like to hire a butler.
Speaker 8 (11:56):
You want to hire a butler, Good heavens man, don't
you realize that butler's he had Ross's salary to meat
and he can't raises self. Remark that places his self
Rebert de Marcs railery meat. It isn't thy water racist.
Same for the foster salary to patron's horse, for the
railroad salary, and maybe he'll be reclassified. You don't understand,
Book Brown. Didn't you tell mister Costello that the castle
(12:18):
raises are in the mines and bikes hasn't got any
faults and didn't you tell him that he's a salar
prace of me with the horlestol viron man. Didn't you
tell him that yet?
Speaker 5 (12:27):
Idea you didn't say that, brother, I don't interrupt the man.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
That's right.
Speaker 8 (12:33):
I'm trying to show you that that's a wall to
praising meat. I'm not at the Cassiad or Rayl Fallis.
See you get the picture I'm painting.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
Yeah, but you just smeared it up in the middle
of Costello.
Speaker 3 (12:45):
He's trying to tell you that today most people are
doing their own work.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Even carry Grant washes at his house. Yes, Costello, do
you wash? Surely a wash? What do you think I am?
A slop?
Speaker 4 (12:56):
No?
Speaker 2 (12:56):
No, all the picture stars are washing.
Speaker 8 (12:58):
I passed Van Sharon's house yesterday and I saw a
washing her Cali rains for rossis Hoper phill A feel
the more watch.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
And even though little you did better, don't you wash
your Dwang? And Philip Porten tinder the.
Speaker 5 (13:15):
I don't put the buttons break off?
Speaker 3 (13:19):
Never mind your buttons, Never mind my buttons.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
What do you want me to do? Be a pinup boy?
Speaker 8 (13:24):
That's the Costello. Let me ask you a trust a question.
When you had your last Buttler. Did you pay him,
babbit diict?
Speaker 4 (13:30):
No, I only pay them Babba Dick.
Speaker 8 (13:33):
Why didn't you pay him?
Speaker 2 (13:34):
Babit? Did it because she didn't? Didn't it?
Speaker 8 (13:38):
Look Costello?
Speaker 2 (13:39):
Now, let's not get nasty.
Speaker 8 (13:40):
I'm trying to tell you there's a shortage of men
Buttler's today. I'm just a cat for fossil with a
sailorraine oop the rails.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
Why even my butler cats a bosses three?
Speaker 8 (13:51):
I tried, I said, two governors, did you ever samla
falsi meat, bring my conjurin, bring my stella phase, bring
my corsas and.
Speaker 2 (13:57):
He've already amina phase.
Speaker 7 (13:59):
You see what I mean.
Speaker 4 (14:01):
Frankly, I'm a little confused.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
Why don't you pay attention to the man? Then that's
what's confusing me. Well, I could put it another way.
You could What would you.
Speaker 9 (14:16):
Not just a minute?
Speaker 2 (14:17):
You can't come in here.
Speaker 8 (14:18):
And tell me how to cataisse the salary, vailabaws or
even harson wedding when you know that I'm the only
onrning Francist sator, what do you think I am a castin?
It's men like you that catle fosses house will have
everybody costs with.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
Them in a seamains and did the hitt engngine did
did eh? Fuddledy tuddle? Fuddledy tuddle.
Speaker 7 (14:40):
That doesn't make sense.
Speaker 4 (14:41):
That don't make sense, of course it does.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
It certainly does not.
Speaker 8 (14:46):
Of all the ridiculous things I've ever hurt in my life,
it's fuddledy doddle.
Speaker 3 (14:50):
All right, brother, what would you have said? I have
said the saint's false?
Speaker 2 (14:54):
Get did said?
Speaker 4 (14:55):
Callorb the moment?
Speaker 3 (14:57):
That's the word I've been trying to think up.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
Get up. Connie Haynes thinks the new rhythm. Kid. If
that's the.
Speaker 10 (15:18):
Way you want it, baby, If that's the way you
want it, baby, baby.
Speaker 6 (15:30):
That's the way will be.
Speaker 11 (15:34):
I'll wait for you forever, baby, wait, because I'm sure that.
Speaker 6 (15:42):
You're waiting for me.
Speaker 11 (15:45):
The day will come and don't me maybe when you
be mind and that's gonna be. If that's the way
you want it, babyby.
Speaker 6 (16:00):
Baby, that the way will beyond time the waste wish
we could hasten to the man with the collar turned around.
I'd like to do it right away, but you'd rather wait.
(16:23):
So I say, is that the way you want it, babe?
Speaker 10 (16:31):
Baby, that's the way will be.
Speaker 12 (16:36):
A wait for you ever, maybe a wait, because I'm
sure that you wait for me the day would come.
Speaker 6 (16:48):
Don't be baby when you be mind And but definitely
if that's the way you want it, they.
Speaker 11 (17:01):
Feed I'll be wheating, hem whetingby.
Speaker 6 (17:07):
That's a wigged will be.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
Try a camel cigarette, says the fellow on the radio.
Speaker 3 (17:27):
And you say, I have you liked it? Didn't you?
Speaker 1 (17:30):
And yet maybe you're not a steady camel smoker. You see,
one or two camel cigarettes aren't enough to appreciate what
more flavor really means. Camels do have more flavor, ask anyone.
It's the result of our expert way of blending cost
clear tobaccos. This extra flavor is what helps camel cigarettes
hold up keep from going flat no matter how many
(17:52):
you smoke. Give your second pack of camels a thorough
checkup in your t zone. That's taste and throat your
ground for flavor, yes, and for camel cigarettes smooth extra
mildness too. And remember camels stay fresh, cool, smoking and
slow burning. They cause they're packed to go around the world.
(18:13):
See hey, yeah, and camel's they're first in the service.
They've got what it takes.
Speaker 4 (18:26):
Well.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
Cast Delacamire What are you going to do here? It
is the night of your big party for Lynn Barry,
and you haven't got a butler.
Speaker 4 (18:33):
Yes, but we did get a cook. I'll call up
the kitchen to tellow.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
What to do.
Speaker 3 (18:36):
Let be careful what you say now, Hello, kitchen, this
is mister Costello. I want to talk to my cook,
missus Blank. What she did at four o'clock in the morning.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
Wow? How much is it?
Speaker 4 (18:47):
Weigh?
Speaker 2 (18:48):
Nine pounds? At her?
Speaker 4 (18:50):
Rage too? How do you like that?
Speaker 2 (18:53):
Have it? Missus Blank?
Speaker 4 (18:54):
Get up at four o'clock this morning and ate a
nine pound turkey?
Speaker 2 (18:56):
No, I've never heard of.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
Such stuff, Hey, Costello, that must be Lynnen Barry. Lynn,
don't get excited now, I'll take it eat.
Speaker 5 (19:10):
I like it because she's a big girl, Barry, all right,
I don't get excited the boy at last, I'll go
to the door.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
Fifty pounds eyes for missus Smith.
Speaker 4 (19:17):
Missus Smith lives next door.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
Hen you mind if I live in here?
Speaker 4 (19:20):
Her husband's home, right?
Speaker 2 (19:26):
I guess her husband don't like ice? All Oh? That
was a peppero.
Speaker 3 (19:32):
Costello, you'd better forget about Lynn Barry.
Speaker 2 (19:34):
I don't think she's coming. Oh no, I'll bet that's her. Now,
pair it of us for me.
Speaker 4 (19:39):
Haul in, haul in my darling, my precious one, my
loved one, my own little SNOOKI.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
I love you by your boy? Have I got the hall? Lamber?
Speaker 4 (19:53):
I can't stand this waiting. I'm losing my mind.
Speaker 3 (19:55):
I'll behave yourself. You're not losing your mind anymore than
I am.
Speaker 4 (19:59):
That's close enough. Yeah, habit, this must be Lynn Barry.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
Oh, that's rich darling. Come into my arms, I say,
aren't you a bit high strung? Old boy? Costello? Look
who it is? It's off the treacher. Now, mister treacher,
(20:24):
that's my line.
Speaker 4 (20:25):
Please, I just want to find out this professional business,
that's right.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
How do you do find out if he is a lifesaver?
Speaker 4 (20:30):
You know what I mean? How do you do with
the treacher?
Speaker 2 (20:34):
But abbit? And this, this is lu Costello. I'm glad
you told me. I thought it was cabbage cooking.
Speaker 5 (20:40):
I'll wait a minute, Treacher. The only reason I don't
poke you want to nose is because I'm.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
Bigger than you. It so happens that I'm bigger than you.
Speaker 4 (20:47):
That's a better reason.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
No luck, mister treacher.
Speaker 4 (20:51):
Don't mind Costello.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
He was expecting Lynn barn and he's down in the
dump shes that's why she told me i'd find him.
Speaker 13 (20:59):
Now wait, I'm that treacher, mister treacher to you punk,
mister punk, he you treacher?
Speaker 2 (21:06):
Now stop that Castello. I want to know what he's
doing here?
Speaker 4 (21:10):
What are you doing here?
Speaker 2 (21:11):
Sure are your information, you poisonous person?
Speaker 13 (21:14):
I am miss Berry's butler before she sets one daisy
foot in this hovel. I wish to inspect the premises,
the service.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
And the food here. Hell yes, yeah, oh de.
Speaker 4 (21:30):
Castello he now listener Costello.
Speaker 3 (21:34):
Oh boy, that is an can past now, Castello, that
is a bit nice coming.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
What kind of talk? Please?
Speaker 4 (21:45):
Yes, there, Pastello, there's a reason where yees.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
Don't talk like well? Here, yes, loud, don't you understand, dear,
you understand you? Somebody better talk besides me?
Speaker 3 (22:03):
But wait, I better come here. Lord, don't you understand?
He's English? He's sir, he's English. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (22:10):
If he was any more English, he couldn't.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
Talk at all? What the hell hell of look here?
Speaker 4 (22:17):
Treacher?
Speaker 3 (22:18):
Who are you to come in here and question Costello's
official standing?
Speaker 2 (22:22):
After all, I sprang from nobility and you didn't spring
far enough. No no, no, no no, you didn't speak No, no,
I have you know that.
Speaker 13 (22:31):
My family is very prominent socially. My father has a
country seat in Wembley. In the city is Eaton, Devonshire.
Your father has two seats?
Speaker 4 (22:40):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (22:41):
Does Ripley know about it? A Costello? Be careful are
you talking about? Don't you start talking like that? Please
make it more pronounceable. Castell? All right, all right, Castello,
that's very careful. How you talk to mister Treacher. He's
(23:03):
a polished gentleman.
Speaker 4 (23:04):
He sounds like he selected you don't understand.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
Oh look here, I'm from eating.
Speaker 4 (23:10):
You're from hunger.
Speaker 3 (23:11):
You're impossible. You're absolutely impossible.
Speaker 2 (23:16):
Hey, you're not there.
Speaker 11 (23:19):
Of the hell.
Speaker 4 (23:22):
Mister mister Treech is an educated man.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
He's a linguist.
Speaker 5 (23:26):
There you tell me he was English before a linguish.
What's the difference between linguist and come in a word?
Speaker 2 (23:35):
When you yes?
Speaker 13 (23:36):
Perhaps I can make you understand the French prancis wee wee?
Speaker 2 (23:41):
Yeah? Who's the air to day? Dawn?
Speaker 13 (23:45):
We come yen it on aby table dawn ai oue wee?
Speaker 4 (23:51):
Hey, haven't I bet he runs out before I don't quiet?
Speaker 13 (23:57):
Look here you might as well know it, Oh boy,
I'll never commit Miss Barrett, attend your dinner.
Speaker 4 (24:03):
Oh yeah, there's missus Berry.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
Now hello in my darning with me, Missus Nile, tom My, lad? Yeah,
by about forty years? What is this? Which is night out?
Speaker 4 (24:14):
Costello? Please?
Speaker 2 (24:15):
Boy? Are you sure?
Speaker 4 (24:16):
Get around?
Speaker 2 (24:17):
What do you gotta see? Cart for a broom? All stop?
Speaker 3 (24:21):
Costello, mister treacher, I'd like to have you meet mister
and Missus ken Nile.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
Which one is missus Nyle?
Speaker 5 (24:30):
Now wait a minute, I don't go for that, not
to after all? Which one is missus Niles?
Speaker 2 (24:37):
These people are friends of mine. All of them are
friends of mine. Which one is mister and Missus Niles?
How do you like that? Abbit?
Speaker 12 (24:46):
Good?
Speaker 2 (24:46):
Good for you? Codell. You keep out of this, Kenneth, Yes,
are you? Kenneth? Are you going to stand for this?
Costello is trying to make a man out me and
a woman out of you.
Speaker 7 (25:02):
Maybe you would be happier that way.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
Will you please stop those fights? I've heard enough, Costello.
Speaker 13 (25:09):
I could never allow Miss Barrett to associate with a
illiterate like you.
Speaker 4 (25:13):
Ah, Gie, Treacher, don't keep Lynn Barry away from my house.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
You don't seem to really know me. I don't seem
to really know you. You cough a little coupable? Do
you realize you just sit an infinitive?
Speaker 4 (25:25):
Why does it show and know you?
Speaker 2 (25:27):
Dummy?
Speaker 3 (25:28):
He's correcting your grammar. You made a mistake. Who made
a mistake? Now listen here, mister treacher.
Speaker 5 (25:33):
When the adjective modifies the predicate adverb, then the pronile
of the subjunctive mood and modifies the dangling participle, leaving
the infinitive unsplit.
Speaker 2 (25:45):
Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 4 (25:46):
Treacher?
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Certainly? Then explain it to me, Costella. You're not going
to get Lynn Barry this way, you know that, mister Treacher.
Speaker 4 (25:55):
I gotta have Lynn Barry here. I'm in love with her.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
She's my whole life. She means heavy to me. I
gotta have her. I can't live without her. Does she
really mean that much to you?
Speaker 4 (26:05):
Yeah, She's the only one that can string my yo yo.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
Very well. She means that much to you. Let me
see how you'd make love to her. Now, just imagine that,
Missus Niles here is Lynn Badet. What an imagination you've got, brother?
Do what the man says, Take missus Niles in your
arms and kiss her. Miss babbitt in my whole night.
I don't even kissed by two parties.
Speaker 4 (26:27):
Yes, ma'am, the Democrats and the Republicans. That's enough.
Speaker 2 (26:33):
I thank you, Mother.
Speaker 4 (26:42):
Blethers. Come here, my proud beauty.
Speaker 7 (26:45):
Oh I'm not proud.
Speaker 4 (26:47):
You're no beauty eater.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
Well kiss Tell her? What are you waiting for? Go
ahead and kiss her, not me, treacher. If you know
so much, you kiss her, I kiss her. I look here,
that is I mean, I really went. I mean, honestly,
you can't vidic. What a you got to lose?
Speaker 4 (27:00):
There s They'll always be an England.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
Oh come on, hop a here hey.
Speaker 3 (27:08):
Now, mister treacher, you show Costell the proper approach to
kiss Lynn Barry.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
Take missus Niles in your arm. All right, I'll do it.
I have it in my arm.
Speaker 4 (27:17):
You put your what do I do?
Speaker 2 (27:18):
Now? You put your face next to her?
Speaker 4 (27:20):
Now your cheat to cheat it. From where I'm standing,
it looks like a dead heated bay meadows, wiet.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
Now Now what do I do? Now? Treaty? You kiss her?
And now what do I do? Give her back her teeth?
(27:47):
Have it in. Costella will be back in just a
moment thanks to the angs of the Week.
Speaker 9 (27:56):
Tonight was sleute marine Private John Perla of Springfield, Massas,
whose patrol was cut off behind Japanese lines on Bogundelle Island.
Knowing that an American barrage was scheduled to hit this
very spot, Private Parrella volunteered to swim a strange tropical
river fast enemy positions, and in spite of heavy enemy fire,
continued till he reached American positions just in time to
(28:19):
prevent his companions being killed by our own guns in
yon Hona, Private John Parrella. The makers of camels are
sending for Marines in the Pacific three hundred thousand camel cigarettes.
Each of the four Camel shows honors a Yank of
(28:40):
the Week sends three hundred thousand camel cigarettes overseas, a
total of more than a million camels sent free each
week in this country. The traveling Camel caravans have thanked
over three and a half million Yanks with free shows
and free camels. Camel broadcasts go out to the United
States four times a week a short wave to our
men overseas and to South America. Listen tomorrow to Jimmy
(29:02):
Duranty and Gary Moore Saturday to Bob Hawk and thanks
to the Yanks.
Speaker 1 (29:06):
Monday to Blondie and next Thursday to Avid and Costello
with their guests missus Lynn Barry.
Speaker 4 (29:12):
Good Night, folks, we're a little late. See you next week.
Speaker 1 (29:15):
Good Night, Bolts weturn to do it next week for
another great Abdan Costello show with our guest Lynn Barry.
And remember, candle cigarettes make the best Christmas gifts of all.
Speaker 4 (29:24):
Whenever you buy them, wherever you.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
Send them, camels will be fresh because they're packed to
go around the world. This is Candiles wishing you all
a guy blessing.
Speaker 4 (29:33):
Good night of Hollywood.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
This program has come to you from Hollywood. This is
the National Broadcasting Company
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