May 22, 2025 • 29 mins
This comedic duo brings laughter through their rapid-fire banter and classic routines. Their chemistry and timing have cemented their place in entertainment history.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
And yeah that's right folk. He for comedy, Hey for Abbit,
for Maxwell.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
For for Lou Costello. Put them all together and they
spell camel experience is the best teacher. Try a camel
that's your own experience. Tell you why more people are
smoking camels than ever before, and draw up a chair
for Tonight's Camel Show starring What Habit and Lou Costello.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
I don't blame you when you.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
Look at a fat little stubl like, come here, come
over here.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
You're late again.
Speaker 4 (01:02):
We're nowhere have you been?
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Hey? But I just come from the contract that is
filling my new house. It's gonna be a house.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
With seven grabels if you mean seven gables, No, seven grables.
When I build a house, I want it well built.
You dummy, wasting your time with a contact when you've
only got forty eight hours to get rid of that
money if you won last week before income tax time
was due.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
I'm trying to get rid of the money out of yesterday.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
I bought a nineteen twenty three Maxwell for seventy five dollars,
but with it I had to take four hundred dollars.
Speaker 4 (01:31):
Worth of accessories, four hundred dollars worth of accessory.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Yes, I had to buy two horses to pull it.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
Oh four dollars. You've got thirty eight thousand dollars to
get rid of, and you've got to get rid of
it and.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
Make sure that you don't get it back. Okay, I'll
get rid of.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
It so I'll never it'll never come back. How I'll
lend it to Europe?
Speaker 4 (01:58):
Got dollar?
Speaker 1 (01:58):
This is ridiculous.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
Why don't you just take the thirty eight thousand dollars
down to the income tax office.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
And pay the tax on it. You can't do that
at it.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
I figured it out last night and thirty eight thousand
dollars will not pay the tax on thirty eight thousand dollars. Sense, Look,
did you send in your estimated income for nineteen forty seven?
You know that's the one where they ask you to
guess how much.
Speaker 4 (02:22):
You're going to make this year.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
Oh, sure, I've sent it in, but I didn't sign it.
Why didn't you sign it?
Speaker 3 (02:25):
If they want me to guess how much I'm gonna make,
let them guess who sent it in. Well, how about deductions?
What deductions like? When I file my tax? The man
wanted to allow me five hundred dollars for.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
My wife, for your wife. That's way you're a steeling.
Speaker 4 (02:42):
Hey, I'm talking about dependance.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
You see, everybody comes under a different tax table. Now,
if you're single, you come under one table. If you're married,
you come under another table.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
I did it a it. I ain't paying enough taxes.
Why I refuse to do business hunder the.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
Just tell it, you're impossible. I'll never have figured that taxa.
So you've got to get rid of that money. Now, hey,
wait a minute, wait a minute, I've got an idea.
The best place to lose money is at the racetrack.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
Racetrack.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
That's wonderful, labbit. I love horses. My favorite story is
about a horse named Black Beauty.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Black Beauty.
Speaker 3 (03:13):
Yes, once about a time there was a little horse
named black Beauty.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
His mother was a bronco and one night she died
of a cold.
Speaker 4 (03:18):
Oh she had an ammonia. She had an ammonia.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Yeah, it was broncho pneumonia. Oh, wrab. It's when you
keep out of there already, woman a delivery stable and
show him what a real jackass looks like. Now, I'll
have you understand. I know, jacket, you know jacket. No,
you're here. It's too long. All right, I'm.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
From a story, okay. Now, a farmer who wanted black beauty.
He loved them, and he used to brush and comb
the horse.
Speaker 4 (03:40):
And now you mean he curried the horse?
Speaker 1 (03:42):
Why should he carry him? Black Beauty was big enough.
Speaker 4 (03:44):
To walk, all right?
Speaker 1 (03:46):
Now, every morning the farmer with peede black Beauty. Yes,
Black Beauty ate his father, yes, And after he would eat,
he ate his father. Certainly, every horse eats his father.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
You mean he eats his father, yes, And his father
eats his father, and his father eats his father. Pretty
soon the want you know, fathers left for Father's day.
I mean to feed a horse, you take a bag
and put its fadder in it and hanging on his nose.
Now we had a pretty picture Black Beauty walking around
with his potter hanging on the down.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
For now, never mind that.
Speaker 4 (04:16):
What's the rest of the story about black Beauty.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
Well, black Beauty like the rain.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
Every time it would rain, he would run and run,
and he would running the water.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
In other words, black Beauty was a mother.
Speaker 3 (04:24):
Yes, now one day, beck, could I have that again?
He was a murther, Black Beauty was a muther. How
could a heat be a muther? Hain't a she and
mother certainly not.
Speaker 4 (04:35):
Sometimes he makes a better mother than she.
Speaker 3 (04:37):
Well, we learned something new every day.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
Listen, suppose a mama horse has little horses. Don't that
make her a muther?
Speaker 4 (04:46):
Well, now that depends on her feet.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
Yeah. And then, well, if you ask a silly question,
you get a silly end.
Speaker 3 (04:52):
No, no, no, Castella, I own raise horses and and have
one of the finest mutters in the world.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
What hash your mother got to do with horse?
Speaker 4 (04:58):
My mother is a horse.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
To mention it, I see the resemble. Now. One day
everybody on the farm was.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
Very, very sad. The farmer was sad. All the little
horses were sad too. They were sore.
Speaker 4 (05:12):
That a second, don't break me down.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
Why was everybody's sad? That beauty was limping around too bad?
There was something wrong with his front legs.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
The farmer took, no, I had something wrong with his
fore legs.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
Yes, And then I would you mind running that past
me again? Please?
Speaker 3 (05:31):
I said he was having trouble with his fore legs.
I just told you he limped on his two front legs. Castella,
horses fore legs are in front, his four legs are
in front.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
Yes, one of those things in the back on the stair.
Speaker 4 (05:44):
The horse has four legs in front and hind legs.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
And back, four legs in front and hind legs and back. Right,
what are we talking about? A horse? Les centipee?
Speaker 3 (05:53):
Please, I'm trying to tell you that a horse has
four legs in front.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
Oh haven't you're sure his four legs are in front?
Speaker 4 (05:59):
Certainly?
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Okay, So tell me this what keeps his tailor.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
His hind leg Look when I say that the horse
has four legs in front, I don't mean that his
four legs are in front.
Speaker 4 (06:11):
I mean his four legs are in front.
Speaker 3 (06:12):
A horse has four legs, but all four of them
are not four late. Oh, when you say that a
horse has four legs in front, you don't mean that
his four legs are in front. You mean that his
four legs are in front. A horse has four legs,
but all of them are not four legs. Now you've
got it, Now I've got it.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
I don't even know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
Experience is the best teacher.
Speaker 5 (06:47):
A young man and his girl at a dance.
Speaker 6 (06:49):
Let's sit out this dan, So I'd like to smoke
cigarette for you?
Speaker 7 (06:53):
Yes, please, goodness It's nice to be able to get
the cigarettes you want again.
Speaker 8 (06:57):
Isn't it?
Speaker 1 (06:58):
Uh huh?
Speaker 6 (06:59):
But you know I learned something during that cigarette shortage
by smoking whatever brand I can get, I learned that
there really are differences in cigarettes.
Speaker 4 (07:08):
I found I liked camels so much.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Yes, the experience of smoking whatever brands of cigarettes they
could get during that wartime shortage talked millions. The differences
in cigarette quality, smoker's t zones. That's tea for taste
and tea for throat, tested brand after brand. It was
then that camel's rich, full flavor and cool mildness registered
so enjoyably with smokers.
Speaker 9 (07:31):
That today more people smoke camels than ever before.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
Yes, during that wartime shortage, people smoked whatever cigarette they
could get, But when they could get them again, choose
Millions chose camels. Experience is the best teacher. Try a camel.
Speaker 4 (07:55):
Now while you enjoy your camels.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
Ginnea and a sing Linda.
Speaker 8 (08:00):
When I'd go to sleep, I never count sheep. I
countl the charms about Linda. And lately it seems in
all of my dreams walk with my arms about LiNbO.
But wad does it do me? And from him that
that's no I exist hand help feeling gloomy. Think of
(08:26):
all the loving of me we pass on the streets,
the hard skips of beat. I say to myself, Hello, Lindon.
If only she'd smile, I'd stop her a while, and
then I would get to know Lindon. But merica still happen.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
And when my.
Speaker 8 (08:47):
Lucky star begins to shower with one lucky break, how mah,
Linda pass on the street the heart skips a beat.
(09:24):
I'd stay to myself. If old me should smile, I'd
stop for a while, and then I would get to
know London.
Speaker 3 (09:35):
But never call still.
Speaker 8 (09:38):
And when my lucky start begins to shine with one
lucky break, I'll make lender.
Speaker 3 (09:45):
Ma, here's our Saturday night is a deadline for income tax,
and you've got to lose that money. Now, I'll tell
(10:05):
you how to bed. Because you don't know a horse
from the side of a bond that I know, I
do to test me, all right, look over there? What
is that a horse or the side of a bond?
Speaker 1 (10:14):
Abbit? This time you're right.
Speaker 3 (10:18):
See, you know absolutely nothing about horses. You don't study form,
you don't know track conditions, and with no information whatever
do you know what can happen to you, Lou.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
Yes, I can win.
Speaker 3 (10:28):
You can air Costello to lose, you've got to play
long shot.
Speaker 4 (10:32):
Now I've got a horse that goes off.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
At twenty to one. Well, let's hurry, Abbitt. It'shad pest
twelve now, no horse, no hurry. He doesn't go off
at three o'clock. I told you said he was going
off at twenty to one. He is.
Speaker 4 (10:44):
He goes off at twenty to one at three o'clock.
Speaker 3 (10:46):
How can he go off at twenty to one and
he goes off at three o'clock. No matter what time
he goes off, it will still be twenty to one,
it'll still be twenty to one at three o'clock. That's right, Abbott.
Let me smell your hair.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
What are you your hair? A ha, no smell, Just
as I thought. You've been drinking the hair. Panic again.
You've had it out cost all. You've gotta lose that money.
Speaker 4 (11:06):
Now.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
The smart thing to do is buy a dope sheet.
Speaker 3 (11:09):
You can get smart from buying a dope sheet.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
Certainly, if you have the dope, you're smart. Is that clear? Oh? Sure?
The horse goes off at twenty to one at three o'clock.
I never mind that.
Speaker 4 (11:19):
Hey, I think that feller over there is selling your
tip sheets. Let's ask them.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
Say, mister y, you sell tips on horses.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
As doctor Livingston said to Stanley, you came to the
right play.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
I've got Joe's tip.
Speaker 3 (11:31):
Sheet, Henry's tips, Eddie's tips, and asparagus tips. Asparagus tips,
that's for green horse players.
Speaker 4 (11:39):
Man, we'll take Joe's tip sheet.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
Isn't any good? As the Queen of Sheever said to Solomon,
it's wonderful, mester, mister, forget that. We want a tip
sheet that picks losers.
Speaker 3 (11:51):
Loseruell if you want to lose, I've got a horse
that goes off at twenty.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
To one at three o'clock, no, four point thirty. But
mister Saxtor, check Will said to mister Hyde, take.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
Up out, alright, mister, give us a copy of Joe's
there tip sheet.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
Fine, there you are. And as young doctor Malone said
to Ma Perkins, that will be five dollars. Okay, okay,
now I'll be able to pick the horses.
Speaker 3 (12:22):
You mean you want to use Joe's tips sheet to
pick the horses.
Speaker 1 (12:25):
Well, in that case, you need a copy of Henry's tipsheet.
You see that explains what Joe's tip sheet is all about.
How much is that ten dollars? Okay, I'll take it.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
Let's go out of just a minute, fat he Okay,
can you read the code in Henry's tipsheet for sure?
Speaker 1 (12:40):
I can read what code? Uh?
Speaker 6 (12:43):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (12:44):
Well, then you need Don's tip sheet, which explains the
code on Henry's tips sheet, which picks the horses in
Joe's tips sheet. That'll be twenty five dollars.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
Come on, cash, teller, we've gotta make some bench and
lose that money. Nothing's doing it.
Speaker 3 (12:57):
I can lose all my money right here.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
Twenty fot doutars.
Speaker 3 (13:00):
Thank you, And as missus Chiff said to mister Chips, goodbye,
good bye.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
I had I had at. I don't need this guy's tipcheet.
Speaker 3 (13:14):
I got something right special from the feedbox.
Speaker 4 (13:16):
What is it?
Speaker 1 (13:17):
Oats love?
Speaker 4 (13:21):
Hey, they're skinning in it. Maybe he can give us
a loser a fellas. Hey, what time is it?
Speaker 1 (13:25):
Three o'clock? Good?
Speaker 2 (13:26):
I got a horse that goes off at twenty to one?
Speaker 1 (13:30):
How can a horse go off at twenty one or
three o'clock?
Speaker 4 (13:33):
Just a minute, I'm the straight man.
Speaker 3 (13:38):
Skinny Castello's got a lot of money to lose.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
Do you know any slow horses? For sure?
Speaker 3 (13:43):
Play Ashcan in the third? Are you sure Ashcan is
a slow horse?
Speaker 1 (13:48):
Is he a slow horse? Boys?
Speaker 2 (13:50):
If Paul Revered ridden ash Can, you'd be doing your
baseball routine about.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
Cricket, about cricket. I wonder how it would sound whom
is on first? Come on, Costella, let's call for the
first race.
Speaker 4 (14:07):
Let's get a bet down.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
I'm gonna play Whirlpool here, mister five hundred on Whirlpool
to win. Helloay, hey, you got to bet down?
Speaker 3 (14:16):
Just in time, Costella, They're off. I hope Whirlpool doesn't win.
Habit The only way that horse could win as if
he had an outboard motor at astroom.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
Oh well, he couldn't have one without.
Speaker 3 (14:31):
It, you idiot. Now you've got more money than never
to get rid of. Hey, look look at that lady's
program and see what she's marking. Maybe she'll pick a loser.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
Pardon me, madam? Could you sort of tell if it isn't.
Speaker 10 (14:44):
Mister Orbit and mister Costello, you fought.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
A little lone you.
Speaker 3 (14:52):
What are you doing here at a ruthtral.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
Oh? Well, you know what a roost track is is
that's where they wound the.
Speaker 4 (15:01):
Hooses and the ruses. I love to.
Speaker 10 (15:08):
Come to the truck and place my wadgers with the bookmookers.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
What a co inky dinky.
Speaker 3 (15:17):
I come here to drink cooka coola and eat frank
footers and tries to pick a wiener.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
When it's been grown.
Speaker 10 (15:33):
Seeing you, I must be totally along, as we say
in French, just sweeting a pig al in like cask say.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
To you, and a juicy dot pickle in the kisser.
Gsta Hey, Castella should come to the track.
Speaker 4 (15:49):
More often than all the big movie producers. Come here
and we might make some good contact.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
Yes, whiley're looking over the horses, they might think of
apart from me, they might think.
Speaker 4 (15:56):
What I say, No, miss d where are you going
with that big bail of hay?
Speaker 1 (16:03):
Oh pardon me, it's Costello. Oh, I just love the racetrack.
Speaker 3 (16:08):
You know, my late husband did I had the makings
of a great horsewoman.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
You're saying that wrong.
Speaker 3 (16:14):
Your husband said you had the makings of a great
horse woman.
Speaker 4 (16:19):
Castella. You's just got time to play the third race.
Speaker 3 (16:21):
Now, look, let's try the old fashioned method, stick a
pin in missus Wetwasher's program and.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
Play whatever you pick. Okay, missus whittwash may how are
your hatpins?
Speaker 4 (16:29):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (16:30):
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (16:30):
Now hold up the program. I'll close my eyes and
stab it with the hatpin. O Costello, Costello, you stuck
Missus whittwash with a hat pin.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
Look she's jumping the fence. She's out on the track
at the corner.
Speaker 3 (16:42):
Mission Bella is going in the front. Busy me a second,
he just a minute, Folk says, and then it's star
her out there.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
That's a strange looking neck. But brother again she runs.
Now you did it, Costello. Missus wetwash is running in
the race. You'll probably wouldn't pay a lot of money.
Speaker 3 (16:58):
And the winner is the adage which has just been
identifying as ms as wetwash is not a name for
a lot.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
It's a silly name for a woman.
Speaker 3 (17:08):
I wonder what she paid is wet laws went off
for twenty to one and came in at three o'clock.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
How do you like that?
Speaker 4 (17:13):
Now?
Speaker 1 (17:13):
The right pack announcers are doing.
Speaker 4 (17:15):
Our real chees.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
Carambo presents Lovely Marilyn Maxwell from Metro Golden Mayor, producers
of the Beginning or the end and for Cameo fans
everywhere Maryland.
Speaker 7 (17:33):
Thing when he don't sweet talk anymore, he is she
saying like it was before.
Speaker 10 (17:47):
It's time you added up the score, my friend, that's the.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
Beginning of the end. He keeps you we.
Speaker 10 (18:00):
For a day, makes no excuse for being laid. Wake
up and recognize your faith, my friends, that's the beginning
of the end.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
What he's doing to you he did to me.
Speaker 10 (18:24):
But I wasn't loved, so how could I see better?
Speaker 1 (18:31):
Be? Why better? Beware? One of these angels turn around,
he won't be there. But don't say that you never told.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
I know that character.
Speaker 10 (18:52):
When he starts fraying from the full, my friend, that's
the beginning.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
Of the.
Speaker 10 (19:06):
One of these days you'll turn around the.
Speaker 1 (19:15):
Take it from me.
Speaker 10 (19:18):
Ah No, that character noble, When he start straying from
the fool, my friend, that's the beginning of the.
Speaker 9 (19:45):
According to a recent nationwide survey, more doctors more camels
than any other cigarette.
Speaker 5 (19:51):
This survey included doctors throughout America. Free leading independent research
organizations asked one hundred thirteen thousand, five hundred and ninety
seven doctors this question, what cigarette do you smoke?
Speaker 1 (20:03):
Doctor?
Speaker 5 (20:04):
The brand name most was camel. If you were seeking rich,
full bodied tobacco flavor for your taste, if you're on
the lookout for cool, mildness for your throat, why don't
you try a camel now on your tea zone. See
if you don't say, like millions of other smokers, camels
suit my te zone to a tea.
Speaker 4 (20:29):
Costello.
Speaker 3 (20:30):
We came to the racetrack today to lose money, and
all you've done is win.
Speaker 4 (20:33):
If you're stuck with that.
Speaker 3 (20:34):
Bankro March fifteenth, you'll really be in trouble with your income.
Speaker 1 (20:37):
Tax I can't help it, have it? Gambler? None of
my family.
Speaker 3 (20:39):
My uncle Ardie Steppens was a big gambler too. He
once crossed a racehorse with a chicken. You cross a
racehorse with a chicken.
Speaker 1 (20:46):
What more soul could leads like? Hard me?
Speaker 11 (20:51):
Gentlemen, would you like to buy a sweep steak ticket?
They're fifty cents a pee?
Speaker 3 (20:57):
Oh sure, here's fifty dollars. Give me one hundred of them.
Hey win a minute. The price mark at.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
Least tickets to Stuard Hollar. How can you afford to
sell them so cheap?
Speaker 11 (21:03):
The race was last year? Now would you like to
take a chance on this punchboard? It pays five hundred
to one.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
Wait a minute, the punch board is all punched out.
Speaker 11 (21:13):
I know, But where else could you get such beautiful ooed?
Speaker 1 (21:16):
Say mister, who are you?
Speaker 6 (21:18):
Now?
Speaker 1 (21:19):
Let me think?
Speaker 11 (21:20):
Oh, I've got some business cards in my pocket. Would
you mind reaching in and pulling one out? See my
hands are all covered with fingers.
Speaker 1 (21:30):
Castello.
Speaker 3 (21:31):
There's something something peculiar about this man. Look he's wearing
an iron watch chain and it's six feet long.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
Well, that's all right at it. He's got a police
dog in his pocket.
Speaker 4 (21:40):
Bought me, sir. But what are you doing here at
the racetrack? Oh?
Speaker 1 (21:43):
I own the.
Speaker 11 (21:44):
Grace horse Numskull. My wife gave him to me for
my birthday.
Speaker 1 (21:48):
Your wife gave you a horse.
Speaker 11 (21:49):
Yeah, she didn't want me to have anything sharp.
Speaker 3 (21:54):
Your wife must write your jokes too. You haven't had
anything sharp in the last two minutes.
Speaker 11 (22:00):
Gentlemen, I've got to go now. I've got to hang
up my horse.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
Hang up your horse.
Speaker 11 (22:04):
Yeah, he's a Mustang and he must hanged someplace.
Speaker 1 (22:14):
They got to send that guy to the United Nations Conference.
Speaker 4 (22:16):
There's a delegate no it's a problem.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
Oh, come on, cassell.
Speaker 3 (22:19):
Let's take a look at his horse, Numbskull. He may
be just a horse to lose your money on. Lewis Costello, Costello,
here's Marylyn Maxwell.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
My, but you look pretty, Maryland. That's a lovely dress
you're wearing.
Speaker 4 (22:30):
Oh it's just something I threw on.
Speaker 1 (22:32):
You must have flown a curve. You smell good too.
Oh that's my new racetrack perfume Chanelle number eight to five.
See Lewis, didn't we have fun in the.
Speaker 8 (22:45):
Movies last night?
Speaker 1 (22:46):
Yeah? I thought Ray Milland was wonderful in that picture California.
Speaker 11 (22:50):
But I think you have a much better looking map
than Ray Malan, No than California.
Speaker 4 (22:57):
Costella, there's that deafy guy's horse, Numskull.
Speaker 1 (23:06):
Little horse, Come on, I'll introduce you to him. Numbskull.
This is Maryland.
Speaker 3 (23:14):
Hey, look, cassella, it comes missus Wetwash.
Speaker 1 (23:17):
God, jell her. What horse is that? This is Numbskull? Numbskull,
meet missus Wetwash. Oh what clever horse? You know I
love horses. Oh, can't get any man to go up
with Now listen, little fat boy, you embarrassed me. This afternoon.
But I'll forgive you for making me run in that
claiming race. I hope you noticed that I won. Yes,
(23:40):
I also noticed that nobody claims you.
Speaker 7 (23:44):
Well, come on, missus wetwash, let's go make a bet
on numbskull, see you, lady Lewis.
Speaker 4 (23:48):
Hey look, Hostella, there's a pretty little Philly. She cost
three thousand dollars.
Speaker 1 (23:53):
Her name is Minnon.
Speaker 3 (23:54):
Three thousand dollars for a Philly Minion that must include
mushroom in French fried potato. I'm look at the next doll, Costella.
There's a mayor with a colt. The mir has a colt. Yes, well,
if he's got a colt, why if somebody give me
a hendrogen, get him some coourway.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
Col tablets or something.
Speaker 3 (24:10):
No, he doesn't need tablets or a handkerchief.
Speaker 4 (24:13):
I'm talking about a cold. That mayor has a cold.
Speaker 3 (24:15):
The trainer will take that coat and teach it to run.
They gotta teach a colt to run naturally brought to
when I get a cold that runs all by itself.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
Fuck. Hey, look low, he comes to the groom with
a horse's bridle.
Speaker 4 (24:29):
He's getting ready to lead her away by the halter.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
Habit, stop the wedding, Stop the wedding.
Speaker 3 (24:35):
Sure, by the time the horse's groom leads the bridle
to the halter, that colt will start running and she'll
sneeze right in that groom's kisser.
Speaker 4 (24:45):
Come on, Costello, that's the post call for the last race.
Speaker 3 (24:47):
And you've got to bet on a loser to get
rid of that money. Remember your income tax, habit, I'm
gonna bet it all on Numbskull.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
I've been looking up his form. He's gotta lose.
Speaker 3 (24:56):
What does the form say, Well, it says he was
beta at Santa Anita.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
He was an also ran at Tanfaran.
Speaker 3 (25:02):
He came home in the dark at Hollywood Park and
showed a weakness and the breakness. Okay, Numbskull, it is
let's get the bed down.
Speaker 4 (25:20):
Water raised bolts at the quarter.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
It's numb skulled by two lengths and joy second in bezoukes.
Speaker 4 (25:26):
There, Oh no, oh no, ain't coming into the stretch.
Numb scullars in front three.
Speaker 3 (25:33):
Links, oh no, oh no.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
And the winner is Gurdi's courses.
Speaker 3 (25:42):
Did you hear that, Costello, The winner was Gertie's corset.
Speaker 1 (25:46):
That was a tight squeeze. Well we didn't have it.
The money's all gone. I don't have to worry about
no incompass attention.
Speaker 3 (25:53):
Everybody hold all siccas. There's been a disqualification.
Speaker 4 (25:57):
Gertie's corset. God run in the stretch wrong in front.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
Of How do you like that they bustedt Girtish courser.
Speaker 4 (26:06):
Here's a judge's decision.
Speaker 3 (26:08):
The officials off putting up Numbskulls number and taking down goodies.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
Yeah that Castello Numbscull's number is up, so is mine.
I'll get traps here right, come.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
Avenan Castello will be back in just a moment for
Camo Cigarette. During the war, the makers of Camo's cigarettes
and a total of more than one hundred and fifty
million pre camos to our fighting men overseas. Now free
Camlos are central Servicemen's hospitals instead. This week, the Camel's
go to the Veterans Hospital Louisville, Kentucky, USAAF Station Hospital, bowling Field, Washington,
d C. US Naval Hospital, Santa Margarita Ranch, Oceanside, California,
(26:58):
US Marine Hospital, Movie, Alabama, and Veterans Hospital Northport, Long Island,
New York. Camel broadcasts go off to the United States.
Three times a week, our rebroadcast to practically every area
in the world where our men are still station and
to our good neighbors in Central and South America.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
And now back to Bud Abbott and Lou Costello.
Speaker 4 (27:19):
Well, Castella, you didn't.
Speaker 3 (27:20):
Succeed in getting her near of that money, did you?
Speaker 4 (27:22):
So now you've got a pay income tax on it.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
Oh, I don't care, ebbitt. I'm a happy guy. I'm
always happy in the springtime.
Speaker 4 (27:28):
Say that's right, Castello.
Speaker 3 (27:29):
Next week is the first day of spring.
Speaker 4 (27:32):
I have an idea.
Speaker 3 (27:33):
Let's get together next Thursday and plants plan a nice garden.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
I'll help you.
Speaker 4 (27:36):
Sow the seed.
Speaker 1 (27:37):
Sow the seed.
Speaker 4 (27:38):
Yeah, what's the matter?
Speaker 1 (27:39):
Is a torn And now wait a minute, don't start that.
Good night, polks, tonight.
Speaker 2 (27:52):
Listen to Abbott and Costello Next Thursday, Costello plants at
spring guarden. Don't miss it because button Loo are going
to do their famous sow.
Speaker 4 (27:59):
The seed smokers.
Speaker 9 (28:05):
If you want to give your pipe real pipe appeal,
pack your pipe with Prince Albert.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
Yes, Jesse.
Speaker 9 (28:11):
If Prince Albert doesn't make your pipe extra appealing because
it combines rich, full body tobacco flavor with cool tongue,
easy mildness. Prince Albert is specially treated to ensure against
tongue by and prim cut to burn slow and even
so pack your pipe with good pa for pipe appeal.
More pipe smoked Prince Albert than any other tobacco. Saturday Night,
(28:32):
here Prince Albert's Grand ol Opry, the rollicking foot tapping
fun show that stars Red Foley, singer of American folk
songs and his guitar. Don't forget that Saturday Night on
NBC for Grand Ole Opry with Red Foley, the Dukapadoga
and Minny Pearls. Be sure to tune in next week
(28:57):
for another great Abdan Costello show. Rough to you by
Cameo Cigarette and remember experience is the best teacher. Try
a camel Let your own experience tell you why more
people are smoking camos than ever before.
Speaker 8 (29:12):
See cam l s.
Speaker 2 (29:21):
Evidan Costello will soon be seen in the new Universal
International picture Buck Privates Come Home. This is Michael Roy
in Hollywood, wishing you all a pleasant good night for Camo.
Speaker 4 (29:39):
They too.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
Now for the any counter show.
Speaker 2 (29:42):
This is than be seen by pelvodcasted Capital
And yeah that's right folk. He for comedy, Hey for Abbit,
for Maxwell.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
For for Lou Costello. Put them all together and they
spell camel experience is the best teacher. Try a camel
that's your own experience. Tell you why more people are
smoking camels than ever before, and draw up a chair
for Tonight's Camel Show starring What Habit and Lou Costello.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
I don't blame you when you.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
Look at a fat little stubl like, come here, come
over here.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
You're late again.
Speaker 4 (01:02):
We're nowhere have you been?
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Hey? But I just come from the contract that is
filling my new house. It's gonna be a house.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
With seven grabels if you mean seven gables, No, seven grables.
When I build a house, I want it well built.
You dummy, wasting your time with a contact when you've
only got forty eight hours to get rid of that
money if you won last week before income tax time
was due.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
I'm trying to get rid of the money out of yesterday.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
I bought a nineteen twenty three Maxwell for seventy five dollars,
but with it I had to take four hundred dollars.
Speaker 4 (01:31):
Worth of accessories, four hundred dollars worth of accessory.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Yes, I had to buy two horses to pull it.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
Oh four dollars. You've got thirty eight thousand dollars to
get rid of, and you've got to get rid of
it and.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
Make sure that you don't get it back. Okay, I'll
get rid of.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
It so I'll never it'll never come back. How I'll
lend it to Europe?
Speaker 4 (01:58):
Got dollar?
Speaker 1 (01:58):
This is ridiculous.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
Why don't you just take the thirty eight thousand dollars
down to the income tax office.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
And pay the tax on it. You can't do that
at it.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
I figured it out last night and thirty eight thousand
dollars will not pay the tax on thirty eight thousand dollars. Sense, Look,
did you send in your estimated income for nineteen forty seven?
You know that's the one where they ask you to
guess how much.
Speaker 4 (02:22):
You're going to make this year.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
Oh, sure, I've sent it in, but I didn't sign it.
Why didn't you sign it?
Speaker 3 (02:25):
If they want me to guess how much I'm gonna make,
let them guess who sent it in. Well, how about deductions?
What deductions like? When I file my tax? The man
wanted to allow me five hundred dollars for.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
My wife, for your wife. That's way you're a steeling.
Speaker 4 (02:42):
Hey, I'm talking about dependance.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
You see, everybody comes under a different tax table. Now,
if you're single, you come under one table. If you're married,
you come under another table.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
I did it a it. I ain't paying enough taxes.
Why I refuse to do business hunder the.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
Just tell it, you're impossible. I'll never have figured that taxa.
So you've got to get rid of that money. Now, hey,
wait a minute, wait a minute, I've got an idea.
The best place to lose money is at the racetrack.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
Racetrack.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
That's wonderful, labbit. I love horses. My favorite story is
about a horse named Black Beauty.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Black Beauty.
Speaker 3 (03:13):
Yes, once about a time there was a little horse
named black Beauty.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
His mother was a bronco and one night she died
of a cold.
Speaker 4 (03:18):
Oh she had an ammonia. She had an ammonia.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Yeah, it was broncho pneumonia. Oh, wrab. It's when you
keep out of there already, woman a delivery stable and
show him what a real jackass looks like. Now, I'll
have you understand. I know, jacket, you know jacket. No,
you're here. It's too long. All right, I'm.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
From a story, okay. Now, a farmer who wanted black beauty.
He loved them, and he used to brush and comb
the horse.
Speaker 4 (03:40):
And now you mean he curried the horse?
Speaker 1 (03:42):
Why should he carry him? Black Beauty was big enough.
Speaker 4 (03:44):
To walk, all right?
Speaker 1 (03:46):
Now, every morning the farmer with peede black Beauty. Yes,
Black Beauty ate his father, yes, And after he would eat,
he ate his father. Certainly, every horse eats his father.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
You mean he eats his father, yes, And his father
eats his father, and his father eats his father. Pretty
soon the want you know, fathers left for Father's day.
I mean to feed a horse, you take a bag
and put its fadder in it and hanging on his nose.
Now we had a pretty picture Black Beauty walking around
with his potter hanging on the down.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
For now, never mind that.
Speaker 4 (04:16):
What's the rest of the story about black Beauty.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
Well, black Beauty like the rain.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
Every time it would rain, he would run and run,
and he would running the water.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
In other words, black Beauty was a mother.
Speaker 3 (04:24):
Yes, now one day, beck, could I have that again?
He was a murther, Black Beauty was a muther. How
could a heat be a muther? Hain't a she and
mother certainly not.
Speaker 4 (04:35):
Sometimes he makes a better mother than she.
Speaker 3 (04:37):
Well, we learned something new every day.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
Listen, suppose a mama horse has little horses. Don't that
make her a muther?
Speaker 4 (04:46):
Well, now that depends on her feet.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
Yeah. And then, well, if you ask a silly question,
you get a silly end.
Speaker 3 (04:52):
No, no, no, Castella, I own raise horses and and have
one of the finest mutters in the world.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
What hash your mother got to do with horse?
Speaker 4 (04:58):
My mother is a horse.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
To mention it, I see the resemble. Now. One day
everybody on the farm was.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
Very, very sad. The farmer was sad. All the little
horses were sad too. They were sore.
Speaker 4 (05:12):
That a second, don't break me down.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
Why was everybody's sad? That beauty was limping around too bad?
There was something wrong with his front legs.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
The farmer took, no, I had something wrong with his
fore legs.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
Yes, And then I would you mind running that past
me again? Please?
Speaker 3 (05:31):
I said he was having trouble with his fore legs.
I just told you he limped on his two front legs. Castella,
horses fore legs are in front, his four legs are
in front.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
Yes, one of those things in the back on the stair.
Speaker 4 (05:44):
The horse has four legs in front and hind legs.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
And back, four legs in front and hind legs and back. Right,
what are we talking about? A horse? Les centipee?
Speaker 3 (05:53):
Please, I'm trying to tell you that a horse has
four legs in front.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
Oh haven't you're sure his four legs are in front?
Speaker 4 (05:59):
Certainly?
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Okay, So tell me this what keeps his tailor.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
His hind leg Look when I say that the horse
has four legs in front, I don't mean that his
four legs are in front.
Speaker 4 (06:11):
I mean his four legs are in front.
Speaker 3 (06:12):
A horse has four legs, but all four of them
are not four late. Oh, when you say that a
horse has four legs in front, you don't mean that
his four legs are in front. You mean that his
four legs are in front. A horse has four legs,
but all of them are not four legs. Now you've
got it, Now I've got it.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
I don't even know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
Experience is the best teacher.
Speaker 5 (06:47):
A young man and his girl at a dance.
Speaker 6 (06:49):
Let's sit out this dan, So I'd like to smoke
cigarette for you?
Speaker 7 (06:53):
Yes, please, goodness It's nice to be able to get
the cigarettes you want again.
Speaker 8 (06:57):
Isn't it?
Speaker 1 (06:58):
Uh huh?
Speaker 6 (06:59):
But you know I learned something during that cigarette shortage
by smoking whatever brand I can get, I learned that
there really are differences in cigarettes.
Speaker 4 (07:08):
I found I liked camels so much.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Yes, the experience of smoking whatever brands of cigarettes they
could get during that wartime shortage talked millions. The differences
in cigarette quality, smoker's t zones. That's tea for taste
and tea for throat, tested brand after brand. It was
then that camel's rich, full flavor and cool mildness registered
so enjoyably with smokers.
Speaker 9 (07:31):
That today more people smoke camels than ever before.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
Yes, during that wartime shortage, people smoked whatever cigarette they
could get, But when they could get them again, choose
Millions chose camels. Experience is the best teacher. Try a camel.
Speaker 4 (07:55):
Now while you enjoy your camels.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
Ginnea and a sing Linda.
Speaker 8 (08:00):
When I'd go to sleep, I never count sheep. I
countl the charms about Linda. And lately it seems in
all of my dreams walk with my arms about LiNbO.
But wad does it do me? And from him that
that's no I exist hand help feeling gloomy. Think of
(08:26):
all the loving of me we pass on the streets,
the hard skips of beat. I say to myself, Hello, Lindon.
If only she'd smile, I'd stop her a while, and
then I would get to know Lindon. But merica still happen.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
And when my.
Speaker 8 (08:47):
Lucky star begins to shower with one lucky break, how mah,
Linda pass on the street the heart skips a beat.
(09:24):
I'd stay to myself. If old me should smile, I'd
stop for a while, and then I would get to
know London.
Speaker 3 (09:35):
But never call still.
Speaker 8 (09:38):
And when my lucky start begins to shine with one
lucky break, I'll make lender.
Speaker 3 (09:45):
Ma, here's our Saturday night is a deadline for income tax,
and you've got to lose that money. Now, I'll tell
(10:05):
you how to bed. Because you don't know a horse
from the side of a bond that I know, I
do to test me, all right, look over there? What
is that a horse or the side of a bond?
Speaker 1 (10:14):
Abbit? This time you're right.
Speaker 3 (10:18):
See, you know absolutely nothing about horses. You don't study form,
you don't know track conditions, and with no information whatever
do you know what can happen to you, Lou.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
Yes, I can win.
Speaker 3 (10:28):
You can air Costello to lose, you've got to play
long shot.
Speaker 4 (10:32):
Now I've got a horse that goes off.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
At twenty to one. Well, let's hurry, Abbitt. It'shad pest
twelve now, no horse, no hurry. He doesn't go off
at three o'clock. I told you said he was going
off at twenty to one. He is.
Speaker 4 (10:44):
He goes off at twenty to one at three o'clock.
Speaker 3 (10:46):
How can he go off at twenty to one and
he goes off at three o'clock. No matter what time
he goes off, it will still be twenty to one,
it'll still be twenty to one at three o'clock. That's right, Abbott.
Let me smell your hair.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
What are you your hair? A ha, no smell, Just
as I thought. You've been drinking the hair. Panic again.
You've had it out cost all. You've gotta lose that money.
Speaker 4 (11:06):
Now.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
The smart thing to do is buy a dope sheet.
Speaker 3 (11:09):
You can get smart from buying a dope sheet.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
Certainly, if you have the dope, you're smart. Is that clear? Oh? Sure?
The horse goes off at twenty to one at three o'clock.
I never mind that.
Speaker 4 (11:19):
Hey, I think that feller over there is selling your
tip sheets. Let's ask them.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
Say, mister y, you sell tips on horses.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
As doctor Livingston said to Stanley, you came to the
right play.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
I've got Joe's tip.
Speaker 3 (11:31):
Sheet, Henry's tips, Eddie's tips, and asparagus tips. Asparagus tips,
that's for green horse players.
Speaker 4 (11:39):
Man, we'll take Joe's tip sheet.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
Isn't any good? As the Queen of Sheever said to Solomon,
it's wonderful, mester, mister, forget that. We want a tip
sheet that picks losers.
Speaker 3 (11:51):
Loseruell if you want to lose, I've got a horse
that goes off at twenty.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
To one at three o'clock, no, four point thirty. But
mister Saxtor, check Will said to mister Hyde, take.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
Up out, alright, mister, give us a copy of Joe's
there tip sheet.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
Fine, there you are. And as young doctor Malone said
to Ma Perkins, that will be five dollars. Okay, okay,
now I'll be able to pick the horses.
Speaker 3 (12:22):
You mean you want to use Joe's tips sheet to
pick the horses.
Speaker 1 (12:25):
Well, in that case, you need a copy of Henry's tipsheet.
You see that explains what Joe's tip sheet is all about.
How much is that ten dollars? Okay, I'll take it.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
Let's go out of just a minute, fat he Okay,
can you read the code in Henry's tipsheet for sure?
Speaker 1 (12:40):
I can read what code? Uh?
Speaker 6 (12:43):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (12:44):
Well, then you need Don's tip sheet, which explains the
code on Henry's tips sheet, which picks the horses in
Joe's tips sheet. That'll be twenty five dollars.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
Come on, cash, teller, we've gotta make some bench and
lose that money. Nothing's doing it.
Speaker 3 (12:57):
I can lose all my money right here.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
Twenty fot doutars.
Speaker 3 (13:00):
Thank you, And as missus Chiff said to mister Chips, goodbye,
good bye.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
I had I had at. I don't need this guy's tipcheet.
Speaker 3 (13:14):
I got something right special from the feedbox.
Speaker 4 (13:16):
What is it?
Speaker 1 (13:17):
Oats love?
Speaker 4 (13:21):
Hey, they're skinning in it. Maybe he can give us
a loser a fellas. Hey, what time is it?
Speaker 1 (13:25):
Three o'clock? Good?
Speaker 2 (13:26):
I got a horse that goes off at twenty to one?
Speaker 1 (13:30):
How can a horse go off at twenty one or
three o'clock?
Speaker 4 (13:33):
Just a minute, I'm the straight man.
Speaker 3 (13:38):
Skinny Castello's got a lot of money to lose.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
Do you know any slow horses? For sure?
Speaker 3 (13:43):
Play Ashcan in the third? Are you sure Ashcan is
a slow horse?
Speaker 1 (13:48):
Is he a slow horse? Boys?
Speaker 2 (13:50):
If Paul Revered ridden ash Can, you'd be doing your
baseball routine about.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
Cricket, about cricket. I wonder how it would sound whom
is on first? Come on, Costella, let's call for the
first race.
Speaker 4 (14:07):
Let's get a bet down.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
I'm gonna play Whirlpool here, mister five hundred on Whirlpool
to win. Helloay, hey, you got to bet down?
Speaker 3 (14:16):
Just in time, Costella, They're off. I hope Whirlpool doesn't win.
Habit The only way that horse could win as if
he had an outboard motor at astroom.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
Oh well, he couldn't have one without.
Speaker 3 (14:31):
It, you idiot. Now you've got more money than never
to get rid of. Hey, look look at that lady's
program and see what she's marking. Maybe she'll pick a loser.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
Pardon me, madam? Could you sort of tell if it isn't.
Speaker 10 (14:44):
Mister Orbit and mister Costello, you fought.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
A little lone you.
Speaker 3 (14:52):
What are you doing here at a ruthtral.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
Oh? Well, you know what a roost track is is
that's where they wound the.
Speaker 4 (15:01):
Hooses and the ruses. I love to.
Speaker 10 (15:08):
Come to the truck and place my wadgers with the bookmookers.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
What a co inky dinky.
Speaker 3 (15:17):
I come here to drink cooka coola and eat frank
footers and tries to pick a wiener.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
When it's been grown.
Speaker 10 (15:33):
Seeing you, I must be totally along, as we say
in French, just sweeting a pig al in like cask say.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
To you, and a juicy dot pickle in the kisser.
Gsta Hey, Castella should come to the track.
Speaker 4 (15:49):
More often than all the big movie producers. Come here
and we might make some good contact.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
Yes, whiley're looking over the horses, they might think of
apart from me, they might think.
Speaker 4 (15:56):
What I say, No, miss d where are you going
with that big bail of hay?
Speaker 1 (16:03):
Oh pardon me, it's Costello. Oh, I just love the racetrack.
Speaker 3 (16:08):
You know, my late husband did I had the makings
of a great horsewoman.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
You're saying that wrong.
Speaker 3 (16:14):
Your husband said you had the makings of a great
horse woman.
Speaker 4 (16:19):
Castella. You's just got time to play the third race.
Speaker 3 (16:21):
Now, look, let's try the old fashioned method, stick a
pin in missus Wetwasher's program and.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
Play whatever you pick. Okay, missus whittwash may how are
your hatpins?
Speaker 4 (16:29):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (16:30):
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (16:30):
Now hold up the program. I'll close my eyes and
stab it with the hatpin. O Costello, Costello, you stuck
Missus whittwash with a hat pin.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
Look she's jumping the fence. She's out on the track
at the corner.
Speaker 3 (16:42):
Mission Bella is going in the front. Busy me a second,
he just a minute, Folk says, and then it's star
her out there.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
That's a strange looking neck. But brother again she runs.
Now you did it, Costello. Missus wetwash is running in
the race. You'll probably wouldn't pay a lot of money.
Speaker 3 (16:58):
And the winner is the adage which has just been
identifying as ms as wetwash is not a name for
a lot.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
It's a silly name for a woman.
Speaker 3 (17:08):
I wonder what she paid is wet laws went off
for twenty to one and came in at three o'clock.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
How do you like that?
Speaker 4 (17:13):
Now?
Speaker 1 (17:13):
The right pack announcers are doing.
Speaker 4 (17:15):
Our real chees.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
Carambo presents Lovely Marilyn Maxwell from Metro Golden Mayor, producers
of the Beginning or the end and for Cameo fans
everywhere Maryland.
Speaker 7 (17:33):
Thing when he don't sweet talk anymore, he is she
saying like it was before.
Speaker 10 (17:47):
It's time you added up the score, my friend, that's the.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
Beginning of the end. He keeps you we.
Speaker 10 (18:00):
For a day, makes no excuse for being laid. Wake
up and recognize your faith, my friends, that's the beginning
of the end.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
What he's doing to you he did to me.
Speaker 10 (18:24):
But I wasn't loved, so how could I see better?
Speaker 1 (18:31):
Be? Why better? Beware? One of these angels turn around,
he won't be there. But don't say that you never told.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
I know that character.
Speaker 10 (18:52):
When he starts fraying from the full, my friend, that's
the beginning.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
Of the.
Speaker 10 (19:06):
One of these days you'll turn around the.
Speaker 1 (19:15):
Take it from me.
Speaker 10 (19:18):
Ah No, that character noble, When he start straying from
the fool, my friend, that's the beginning of the.
Speaker 9 (19:45):
According to a recent nationwide survey, more doctors more camels
than any other cigarette.
Speaker 5 (19:51):
This survey included doctors throughout America. Free leading independent research
organizations asked one hundred thirteen thousand, five hundred and ninety
seven doctors this question, what cigarette do you smoke?
Speaker 1 (20:03):
Doctor?
Speaker 5 (20:04):
The brand name most was camel. If you were seeking rich,
full bodied tobacco flavor for your taste, if you're on
the lookout for cool, mildness for your throat, why don't
you try a camel now on your tea zone. See
if you don't say, like millions of other smokers, camels
suit my te zone to a tea.
Speaker 4 (20:29):
Costello.
Speaker 3 (20:30):
We came to the racetrack today to lose money, and
all you've done is win.
Speaker 4 (20:33):
If you're stuck with that.
Speaker 3 (20:34):
Bankro March fifteenth, you'll really be in trouble with your income.
Speaker 1 (20:37):
Tax I can't help it, have it? Gambler? None of
my family.
Speaker 3 (20:39):
My uncle Ardie Steppens was a big gambler too. He
once crossed a racehorse with a chicken. You cross a
racehorse with a chicken.
Speaker 1 (20:46):
What more soul could leads like? Hard me?
Speaker 11 (20:51):
Gentlemen, would you like to buy a sweep steak ticket?
They're fifty cents a pee?
Speaker 3 (20:57):
Oh sure, here's fifty dollars. Give me one hundred of them.
Hey win a minute. The price mark at.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
Least tickets to Stuard Hollar. How can you afford to
sell them so cheap?
Speaker 11 (21:03):
The race was last year? Now would you like to
take a chance on this punchboard? It pays five hundred
to one.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
Wait a minute, the punch board is all punched out.
Speaker 11 (21:13):
I know, But where else could you get such beautiful ooed?
Speaker 1 (21:16):
Say mister, who are you?
Speaker 6 (21:18):
Now?
Speaker 1 (21:19):
Let me think?
Speaker 11 (21:20):
Oh, I've got some business cards in my pocket. Would
you mind reaching in and pulling one out? See my
hands are all covered with fingers.
Speaker 1 (21:30):
Castello.
Speaker 3 (21:31):
There's something something peculiar about this man. Look he's wearing
an iron watch chain and it's six feet long.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
Well, that's all right at it. He's got a police
dog in his pocket.
Speaker 4 (21:40):
Bought me, sir. But what are you doing here at
the racetrack? Oh?
Speaker 1 (21:43):
I own the.
Speaker 11 (21:44):
Grace horse Numskull. My wife gave him to me for
my birthday.
Speaker 1 (21:48):
Your wife gave you a horse.
Speaker 11 (21:49):
Yeah, she didn't want me to have anything sharp.
Speaker 3 (21:54):
Your wife must write your jokes too. You haven't had
anything sharp in the last two minutes.
Speaker 11 (22:00):
Gentlemen, I've got to go now. I've got to hang
up my horse.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
Hang up your horse.
Speaker 11 (22:04):
Yeah, he's a Mustang and he must hanged someplace.
Speaker 1 (22:14):
They got to send that guy to the United Nations Conference.
Speaker 4 (22:16):
There's a delegate no it's a problem.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
Oh, come on, cassell.
Speaker 3 (22:19):
Let's take a look at his horse, Numbskull. He may
be just a horse to lose your money on. Lewis Costello, Costello,
here's Marylyn Maxwell.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
My, but you look pretty, Maryland. That's a lovely dress
you're wearing.
Speaker 4 (22:30):
Oh it's just something I threw on.
Speaker 1 (22:32):
You must have flown a curve. You smell good too.
Oh that's my new racetrack perfume Chanelle number eight to five.
See Lewis, didn't we have fun in the.
Speaker 8 (22:45):
Movies last night?
Speaker 1 (22:46):
Yeah? I thought Ray Milland was wonderful in that picture California.
Speaker 11 (22:50):
But I think you have a much better looking map
than Ray Malan, No than California.
Speaker 4 (22:57):
Costella, there's that deafy guy's horse, Numskull.
Speaker 1 (23:06):
Little horse, Come on, I'll introduce you to him. Numbskull.
This is Maryland.
Speaker 3 (23:14):
Hey, look, cassella, it comes missus Wetwash.
Speaker 1 (23:17):
God, jell her. What horse is that? This is Numbskull? Numbskull,
meet missus Wetwash. Oh what clever horse? You know I
love horses. Oh, can't get any man to go up
with Now listen, little fat boy, you embarrassed me. This afternoon.
But I'll forgive you for making me run in that
claiming race. I hope you noticed that I won. Yes,
(23:40):
I also noticed that nobody claims you.
Speaker 7 (23:44):
Well, come on, missus wetwash, let's go make a bet
on numbskull, see you, lady Lewis.
Speaker 4 (23:48):
Hey look, Hostella, there's a pretty little Philly. She cost
three thousand dollars.
Speaker 1 (23:53):
Her name is Minnon.
Speaker 3 (23:54):
Three thousand dollars for a Philly Minion that must include
mushroom in French fried potato. I'm look at the next doll, Costella.
There's a mayor with a colt. The mir has a colt. Yes, well,
if he's got a colt, why if somebody give me
a hendrogen, get him some coourway.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
Col tablets or something.
Speaker 3 (24:10):
No, he doesn't need tablets or a handkerchief.
Speaker 4 (24:13):
I'm talking about a cold. That mayor has a cold.
Speaker 3 (24:15):
The trainer will take that coat and teach it to run.
They gotta teach a colt to run naturally brought to
when I get a cold that runs all by itself.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
Fuck. Hey, look low, he comes to the groom with
a horse's bridle.
Speaker 4 (24:29):
He's getting ready to lead her away by the halter.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
Habit, stop the wedding, Stop the wedding.
Speaker 3 (24:35):
Sure, by the time the horse's groom leads the bridle
to the halter, that colt will start running and she'll
sneeze right in that groom's kisser.
Speaker 4 (24:45):
Come on, Costello, that's the post call for the last race.
Speaker 3 (24:47):
And you've got to bet on a loser to get
rid of that money. Remember your income tax, habit, I'm
gonna bet it all on Numbskull.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
I've been looking up his form. He's gotta lose.
Speaker 3 (24:56):
What does the form say, Well, it says he was
beta at Santa Anita.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
He was an also ran at Tanfaran.
Speaker 3 (25:02):
He came home in the dark at Hollywood Park and
showed a weakness and the breakness. Okay, Numbskull, it is
let's get the bed down.
Speaker 4 (25:20):
Water raised bolts at the quarter.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
It's numb skulled by two lengths and joy second in bezoukes.
Speaker 4 (25:26):
There, Oh no, oh no, ain't coming into the stretch.
Numb scullars in front three.
Speaker 3 (25:33):
Links, oh no, oh no.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
And the winner is Gurdi's courses.
Speaker 3 (25:42):
Did you hear that, Costello, The winner was Gertie's corset.
Speaker 1 (25:46):
That was a tight squeeze. Well we didn't have it.
The money's all gone. I don't have to worry about
no incompass attention.
Speaker 3 (25:53):
Everybody hold all siccas. There's been a disqualification.
Speaker 4 (25:57):
Gertie's corset. God run in the stretch wrong in front.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
Of How do you like that they bustedt Girtish courser.
Speaker 4 (26:06):
Here's a judge's decision.
Speaker 3 (26:08):
The officials off putting up Numbskulls number and taking down goodies.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
Yeah that Castello Numbscull's number is up, so is mine.
I'll get traps here right, come.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
Avenan Castello will be back in just a moment for
Camo Cigarette. During the war, the makers of Camo's cigarettes
and a total of more than one hundred and fifty
million pre camos to our fighting men overseas. Now free
Camlos are central Servicemen's hospitals instead. This week, the Camel's
go to the Veterans Hospital Louisville, Kentucky, USAAF Station Hospital, bowling Field, Washington,
d C. US Naval Hospital, Santa Margarita Ranch, Oceanside, California,
(26:58):
US Marine Hospital, Movie, Alabama, and Veterans Hospital Northport, Long Island,
New York. Camel broadcasts go off to the United States.
Three times a week, our rebroadcast to practically every area
in the world where our men are still station and
to our good neighbors in Central and South America.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
And now back to Bud Abbott and Lou Costello.
Speaker 4 (27:19):
Well, Castella, you didn't.
Speaker 3 (27:20):
Succeed in getting her near of that money, did you?
Speaker 4 (27:22):
So now you've got a pay income tax on it.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
Oh, I don't care, ebbitt. I'm a happy guy. I'm
always happy in the springtime.
Speaker 4 (27:28):
Say that's right, Castello.
Speaker 3 (27:29):
Next week is the first day of spring.
Speaker 4 (27:32):
I have an idea.
Speaker 3 (27:33):
Let's get together next Thursday and plants plan a nice garden.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
I'll help you.
Speaker 4 (27:36):
Sow the seed.
Speaker 1 (27:37):
Sow the seed.
Speaker 4 (27:38):
Yeah, what's the matter?
Speaker 1 (27:39):
Is a torn And now wait a minute, don't start that.
Good night, polks, tonight.
Speaker 2 (27:52):
Listen to Abbott and Costello Next Thursday, Costello plants at
spring guarden. Don't miss it because button Loo are going
to do their famous sow.
Speaker 4 (27:59):
The seed smokers.
Speaker 9 (28:05):
If you want to give your pipe real pipe appeal,
pack your pipe with Prince Albert.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
Yes, Jesse.
Speaker 9 (28:11):
If Prince Albert doesn't make your pipe extra appealing because
it combines rich, full body tobacco flavor with cool tongue,
easy mildness. Prince Albert is specially treated to ensure against
tongue by and prim cut to burn slow and even
so pack your pipe with good pa for pipe appeal.
More pipe smoked Prince Albert than any other tobacco. Saturday Night,
(28:32):
here Prince Albert's Grand ol Opry, the rollicking foot tapping
fun show that stars Red Foley, singer of American folk
songs and his guitar. Don't forget that Saturday Night on
NBC for Grand Ole Opry with Red Foley, the Dukapadoga
and Minny Pearls. Be sure to tune in next week
(28:57):
for another great Abdan Costello show. Rough to you by
Cameo Cigarette and remember experience is the best teacher. Try
a camel Let your own experience tell you why more
people are smoking camos than ever before.
Speaker 8 (29:12):
See cam l s.
Speaker 2 (29:21):
Evidan Costello will soon be seen in the new Universal
International picture Buck Privates Come Home. This is Michael Roy
in Hollywood, wishing you all a pleasant good night for Camo.
Speaker 4 (29:39):
They too.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
Now for the any counter show.
Speaker 2 (29:42):
This is than be seen by pelvodcasted Capital
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