May 22, 2025 • 29 mins
This comedic duo brings laughter through their rapid-fire banter and classic routines. Their chemistry and timing have cemented their place in entertainment history.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
A M E L.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Yes, that's right. Folks say for comedy, Hey for Abbit,
for Maxwell, he for Enna's l for Lou Costello. Put
them all together and they spell camel experience is the
best teacher. Try a camel. Let your own experience tell
you why more people are smoking camels than ever before,
(00:35):
And draw up a chair for Tonight's Camel Show starring
put Abbit and Lou Costello.
Speaker 3 (00:54):
Hey, Castello Castel here.
Speaker 4 (00:58):
Hey, by the way, what were you doing at Universal
International Studios this morning?
Speaker 3 (01:02):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (01:02):
I had to take my pet flies over there?
Speaker 3 (01:03):
You took flies to a picture studio?
Speaker 6 (01:05):
What for?
Speaker 3 (01:06):
They get him a screen test if you win?
Speaker 5 (01:10):
Who who was that redheaded couch?
Speaker 3 (01:12):
Hey? Lo? Who was that red headed girl that was
with you? Oh?
Speaker 5 (01:16):
She's been chasing after me for years, Abbott.
Speaker 3 (01:18):
I call her pilot like pilot light.
Speaker 5 (01:20):
Yeah, she's an old flame that stayed lit. But she's
a lovely girl, Abbitt. She's very social.
Speaker 3 (01:26):
Does she have a Does she have good connections? Lot?
I think you punt. Does she have good connections?
Speaker 5 (01:31):
Well, she never fell apart.
Speaker 3 (01:33):
Well I was with her.
Speaker 4 (01:35):
I'm talking about her connections her associates.
Speaker 3 (01:39):
Does she belongs to the junior League.
Speaker 5 (01:41):
Belong to the Junior League. No, she belongs to the
Coast League. She used to pitch for the San Francisco Seal.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
Castill. I'm talking about the Junior League society.
Speaker 4 (01:52):
Has she come out yet? Has she made her debut?
Or what her debut?
Speaker 3 (01:56):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (01:56):
Sure, every time she comes out debu hey boor al
right they say booye hey. But she's very she's very
high tone abbit. What she was born in the south
of England.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
Oh, I see her family came from Wales. Her family
came from Wales.
Speaker 5 (02:11):
Yes, I thought her conversation sounded a little fishy.
Speaker 3 (02:15):
Stop SNDS please Wales.
Speaker 4 (02:18):
Wales is part of England. That means they're English people.
Now what does her father do.
Speaker 5 (02:22):
He's got a big diplomatic job.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
With a bakery. A diplomatic job and a bakery again.
Speaker 5 (02:26):
Helm's Bakery. He's a British advisor to the English cruppets.
Speaker 3 (02:29):
All right, forget about a father. What does she do?
What does she do?
Speaker 5 (02:37):
Yes, well, she weighs two hundred and fifty pounds and
she's got a big job as a sandhak.
Speaker 3 (02:40):
How could a woman be a sandha?
Speaker 5 (02:42):
She sits around the beach all day and hodge the
sand sounds like quite a family.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
Are they wealthy? Wealthy Abbott?
Speaker 5 (02:48):
They got a chateau in France, a villain Switzerland, a
castle in Spain and a hessienda in Mexico?
Speaker 3 (02:52):
Where do they live in?
Speaker 5 (02:53):
A quantcert hut and Glendale?
Speaker 3 (02:57):
You're wasting your time with these people. Why didn't you
get yourself a good job?
Speaker 5 (03:01):
I had a good job once, have it? I worked
for a foot doctor. I used to put bird seat
in people's shoes. Bird seats in people's shoes, or that
keeps their pitching toes away from their coin?
Speaker 3 (03:10):
Castell, a clean lord, Castell. I'm only trying to help you.
Look why that you listen to me? You can change.
I used to be dumb like you once. I was ignorant,
stupid and ugly. And you know what what caused the change?
Wat change? Uh? There must be somewhere to get you
(03:34):
a job. Wait a minute, I've got it.
Speaker 5 (03:36):
I'll speak to Harry Riddoff about you. Better still, I'll
have my brother get you a job where he works
the nothing bow factory. Your brother works nothing? Both, yes,
what she's doing there?
Speaker 3 (03:45):
Nothing? Nothing? He is working doing what nothing? And he
gets paid for doing nothing, certainly.
Speaker 5 (03:51):
Hey, but if I get a good job at the
nothing bowl factory, what would I be doing nothing? Now
you're talking, that's the kind of job I.
Speaker 4 (03:56):
Wanted, where it is nothing is hard work. My brother
puts in eight hours a day, five days a.
Speaker 3 (04:02):
Week, doing nothing. That's ry.
Speaker 5 (04:04):
Look abit your brother works in a bowl factory. Yes,
are you sure he don't do nothing? Besides nothing?
Speaker 3 (04:09):
We else?
Speaker 4 (04:10):
Sometimes he works in the foundery department. Then he forges steals.
Speaker 3 (04:13):
How do you like that?
Speaker 5 (04:14):
He ain't satisfied getting paid for doing nothing? Now he
forges and steals a crock? He has not a crock. Different,
he's worked hall all his night. Before he worked in
another bowl factory. He worked in a rope factory. What's
he doing in a rope factory? Not?
Speaker 3 (04:28):
Well, that's different.
Speaker 5 (04:29):
I mean, wait a minute, what did you say he
was doing in a rope factory?
Speaker 3 (04:34):
Nodding, nodding.
Speaker 5 (04:35):
This guy's been getting away with murder so far. He's
had two jobs up to now, he's been doing nothing
and nothing in.
Speaker 4 (04:41):
The costels to me, and I'll try to explain it
so that even you can understand.
Speaker 3 (04:44):
Thank you.
Speaker 4 (04:44):
The rope factory makes tennis nets. What nets nets, and
next to you to my brother made tennis nets. The
nets are tied together with knots, and my brother does nodding.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
Just a second abbot. When did you butter start nothing nodding? Oh?
About three years ago? And what's he doing?
Speaker 5 (05:01):
Now?
Speaker 3 (05:02):
I told you nothing? Look up to now you told.
Speaker 5 (05:04):
Me less than that. You said your putt it did
nothing for three years, and now he's doing nothing. When
is he gonna start doing something?
Speaker 3 (05:09):
He is doing something? What nutting?
Speaker 5 (05:11):
Nothing?
Speaker 3 (05:12):
Really? Well, lat one of us is nuts.
Speaker 5 (05:15):
Look, don't you gotta get tired of doing nothing? Oh?
Speaker 3 (05:17):
Of course when he gets tired, he takes a vacation.
What does he do on his vacation? Nothing? Now there
is a pretty picture.
Speaker 5 (05:25):
This guy does nothing for three years, but doing nothing
is too tough for him, so he gets a new
job doing nothing. Then he gets tired of doing nothing,
so he takes a vacation and does nothing.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
Now you've got it.
Speaker 5 (05:33):
Well, if I got it, I caught it from you.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
Experience is the best teacher.
Speaker 6 (05:53):
Three running steps abound from the springboard, high into the
air and straight down into the water for a perfect.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
Jack knife dive.
Speaker 6 (06:01):
Once again, the crowd cheers blonde, beautiful Mildred O'Donnell, Metropolitan
Diving Champion of New York. It takes experience to dive
like that. As miss O'Donnell.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
Said, experience is the best teacher in diving, and that
goes for smoking too. I learned from experience that camel
is a cigarette for me.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
Yes, experience is the best teacher. And the experience of
smoking whatever cigarette brands they could get during the wartime
shortage taught millions the differences in cigarette quality. Then is
when folks tea zones that's tea for taste and tea
for throat, learn that camels suited them best.
Speaker 7 (06:37):
The result today more people smoke camels than ever before.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Get acquainted with camel's rich, full flavor and cool mildness.
See if camels don't suit your tea zoned to a tea, Yes,
experience is the best teacher. Try a camel, and while
(07:02):
you light up a camel, Skinny Anna sayings my number
one dream came true.
Speaker 3 (07:08):
A million times a day.
Speaker 8 (07:10):
I pinched myself and said, my number one dream came true.
And if I rubbed my eyes, it's only in surprise
my number one dream came true. I had my number
two and three and.
Speaker 5 (07:27):
Four dreams with less of possibilities in each.
Speaker 3 (07:34):
I might have planned on dreaming even.
Speaker 8 (07:36):
More dreams because number one was way beyond me.
Speaker 3 (07:42):
I can't believe.
Speaker 8 (07:43):
It yet, But if my fate were sad, it did
wh I wanted to. Don't ask me when a while how,
But if I'm here with you, my number one dream
came true.
Speaker 3 (08:17):
I had my number two and three and four dreams
with us of possibilities in each.
Speaker 8 (08:26):
I might have planned on dream even more dream.
Speaker 3 (08:31):
Because number one was way beyond read. I can believe
it end.
Speaker 8 (08:38):
But if my favorite was set, it did what I'd
wanted to.
Speaker 3 (08:44):
Don't ask me when a while, hal, But if I'm.
Speaker 8 (08:47):
Here with you, my number one dream.
Speaker 3 (08:51):
Came dream.
Speaker 4 (09:04):
Pastello, It's time for you to start thinking of the future.
Why don't you get a good job, be industrious, keep
your nose of the grindstone, save your money, and in
ten years you can retire and you won't have to work, Loue.
Speaker 5 (09:15):
Why should I go through all that. I'm not working now.
Speaker 3 (09:19):
I don't believe you ever had a job.
Speaker 5 (09:21):
Oh, guys, a suckingna work habit. What you gotta do
is go on one of those quiz programs to you
other night. My aunt may one nine thousand dollars in cash,
a refrigerator, to washing machines, and a brand new house.
Speaker 3 (09:29):
Well that's wonderful. Yeah, and she was one of the losers.
Speaker 4 (09:32):
Htella, Please aren't you interested in bettering yourself?
Speaker 3 (09:38):
Why don't you find an honest job? What and quit radio? All?
Speaker 4 (09:43):
Why don't you look at the ads in the paper
and find a job for yourself?
Speaker 5 (09:46):
Oh, I got a job all picked out, abbit, I
stually want to add. In the funny papers it said, sell
twenty four bottles of Chief Schmos Spot Remover and get
a magic lantern free. I can also win the five
hundred dollars grand prize by selling one hundred and seventy
five million buckles.
Speaker 4 (09:58):
Oh, gostell, there's only one hundred thirty million people in
the United States, So.
Speaker 5 (10:02):
What I got friends in Mexico?
Speaker 4 (10:05):
Well, now wait a minute, selling Spot Remover is better
than doing nothing at all.
Speaker 3 (10:09):
Come on, let's go over and see this Chief Smow.
Well here it is, Costella. See the sign on the door.
Chief Schmo's, Indian Remedy Company.
Speaker 5 (10:24):
Spot Remover, Indian Tonic Scout Treatments and Tommy Hawk's sharpened.
Speaker 3 (10:28):
Now, well, come on, let's go in. Well, good morning, gentlemen.
Speaker 5 (10:32):
As the Santa fe train said to the freight train,
I am the Chilo.
Speaker 3 (10:38):
Tst Seller. Hey, this guy don't look like an Indian Tommy,
sure he is.
Speaker 5 (10:42):
I can talk about the way he's dressed. He's wearing
an arrow collar and a bow tie. Get it, bow
and arrow. Get your pictures from Adadic. I'm picturing him
in air tonight.
Speaker 4 (10:54):
Chief Smoll, my friend Costella Rigor had in the funny
papers and he'd like to try selling your spot remover.
Speaker 5 (11:00):
Well. To be a chief Schmo salesman, Costello, you'll have
to have fire in your voice. You've got to go
with feeling, please with personality. What do you want a
salesman or a bloat torture jee?
Speaker 3 (11:10):
Do you think Castella can handle this job?
Speaker 5 (11:11):
Costello will have to fill out this application.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
Fall I'll read the questions when they apply to you.
Just answer yes. Were you a college graduate? Were you
a high school graduate? Were you're a grammar school graduate?
Were you born?
Speaker 5 (11:26):
Well, I'll turn the form over on the other side
and see if it goes any lower. Costello, our personnalit
is highly restricted, specially selected. We demand the highest qualifications.
What makes you think you can be a chief Smoe salesman?
When I show you're adding the funny papers?
Speaker 3 (11:45):
Oh good.
Speaker 5 (11:45):
For a while I didn't think you had the qualification.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
Now, before you go out.
Speaker 5 (11:50):
To sell Chief Schmoe Spot Remover, I want to give
you a few points about being a door to door salesman.
I don't want to be a door salesman who wants
to show doors. I want to sell spot Remover. No,
young man, when I say you sell door to door,
I don't mean you sell doors. I mean that you
sell spot remover even though you're selling door to door.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
How do you like that?
Speaker 5 (12:08):
Now? The Indians are doing our routine now, Costello, when
a housewive tries to slam the door on you make
sure your foot is in the way, but my foot
might get height and your case stick your head and
the dog. Now here's your twenty four bottles of spot
Remover and your sample case.
Speaker 3 (12:28):
Sell these and you get the magic land Wait a minute,
let me get this right, jeep.
Speaker 4 (12:31):
If Costella sells the twenty four bottles in one day,
he not only gets the magic lantern.
Speaker 3 (12:36):
But also a special pride. That is correct.
Speaker 5 (12:38):
This week we have a very valuable prize at genuine
twelve foot pole. Twelve foot pole, what's that for?
Speaker 3 (12:45):
That's for girls you can't touch with a ten football.
Speaker 6 (12:49):
Keep going and sell that spot revolver.
Speaker 4 (12:54):
Hey, Costella, there's a woman right over there, Castella, Why don't.
Speaker 3 (12:57):
You make her your first customer? Okay, good idea.
Speaker 9 (13:01):
Pardon me, miss Well if it isn't mister Orbit and
mister Costello, you fought little mom.
Speaker 3 (13:07):
You bastell Is Costella is selling sponsor remover.
Speaker 5 (13:12):
Oh fine, I'd love to potronize him, but I'm very busy.
Speaker 3 (13:16):
I'm on my way to armg ARM studios. Oh g
arm studios. Why haven't you heard arm GM studios.
Speaker 5 (13:25):
That's where they make pictures with Clark Gooble, Luna Tuna
and Mooki Runey.
Speaker 3 (13:35):
Did you ever yes?
Speaker 9 (13:37):
Yes, did you ever act at arms g M with
sponsor Trucy?
Speaker 3 (13:42):
No?
Speaker 5 (13:42):
But I was a coop boy at Republic with Ruey rugs.
Speaker 9 (13:54):
Well, I must be tolding along, as we say in Norwegian?
Speaker 5 (13:57):
Are that our ros dedobo donka nakid and a lot
of busted bubblegum and a kiss it.
Speaker 3 (14:03):
To your tail hill. Well, yeah, stiddy be Causetella selling
spotty movement. Would you like to buy some? No?
Speaker 5 (14:13):
Thanks, I don't need any Oh you don't, eh, you
certainly do. Look at the stage on your necktie. I
can tell everything you head for lunch shrimp, lam chaddle,
lamb chops and coffee. While there's only one clean spot
on your whole necktie.
Speaker 3 (14:23):
I know I'm saving that for dessert. Does every wind
him because they'll hey, look he comes, Marylyn Maxwell. Oh, Louis,
the most wonderful thing has happened. I've just been chosen
California's Queen of the Orange Groves, Maryland.
Speaker 5 (14:35):
Can I be your smudge pot?
Speaker 3 (14:39):
Louis? You're so cute, marylnd. Can I move to your
house tonight? Not tonight, Louis, I'm washing my dog.
Speaker 5 (14:45):
How about tomorrow night. But tomorrow night, I'm taking my
dog to the dog show.
Speaker 3 (14:49):
How about Saturday night? Saturday night? I'm busy.
Speaker 5 (14:52):
What's your dog doing?
Speaker 3 (15:01):
Costella is selling spot for removal. Would you like to
buy a bottle? Well? Is it any good?
Speaker 7 (15:05):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (15:06):
Sure, that's my line. Certainly it's good. I'll show you. Oh,
there's a little spot on your dress now I soak
my handkerchief with a spot remover and rub.
Speaker 3 (15:12):
It on your dress.
Speaker 5 (15:16):
Don't just stand in there, rabbit, throw a breaking around her.
Speaker 3 (15:21):
Hello, as you ruined my dress.
Speaker 4 (15:22):
Goodbye, Well, Costella, you certainly lost Maryland for a customer. Well,
come on, let's go in here to missus Whittwasher's house.
Speaker 3 (15:30):
Oh hello, mister ravit.
Speaker 5 (15:32):
Oh my, I wonder who left that garbage can on
my front stool.
Speaker 3 (15:37):
Whoa pardon me? That's costil Oh, missus Whittwash. We don't
want to bother you if you have company company by
I'm here all loo.
Speaker 5 (15:51):
Then who are those two people looking over your shoulder?
Speaker 3 (15:53):
Oh? Pardon me? That's your ears wire? Costella fire fire,
missus web watch. Costella is selling this spot remover? What
were they selling? Spot frey remover? Selling it? Not a drink?
Speaker 6 (16:07):
Some much.
Speaker 3 (16:09):
Drink spot removers.
Speaker 5 (16:11):
Not remove Oh I thought you said, potterymover.
Speaker 3 (16:20):
Knock get out of you before I slam the door
on you.
Speaker 5 (16:22):
Come on, Castella, come on, okay, no, no, we can't
remember what chief most head. If a woman tries to
close the door, stick your head in it. Go ahead,
slam the door, missus w wash. All right, missus wedwish
you've slammed the door on Costello's hand.
Speaker 6 (16:38):
Oh little man, I'll buy all your spot remover every bottle.
I'll stroke your head until the swelling goes down and
out my arms around you.
Speaker 3 (16:46):
Cut are you clothes to be? I'll kiss you? Excuse you,
I'm kiss you and kiss you Costello? Can you hear me?
Speaker 5 (16:53):
Yes, slam the door on my head again?
Speaker 2 (17:06):
Harlen Maxwell from Metro Golden Mayor, producers of Sea of Grass,
and here's Maryland to sing for camel bands everywhere.
Speaker 10 (17:16):
Is no greaterlone than what I feel boy you, No
greater alone, no heartsuit. There is no greater thrill than
what you bring to me, No sweetest song than what
(17:40):
you sing to me. You're the sweetest thing I have
ever known. And to think that you are mine alone.
Speaker 11 (17:58):
But there is no greater love in.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
All the world, It's true.
Speaker 10 (18:06):
No greater love than what I bee for.
Speaker 9 (18:11):
You, No greater love, no heart so true, no sweetest
(18:35):
song than what you sing.
Speaker 11 (18:38):
To me, sweetest.
Speaker 9 (18:46):
Thing not No, you are my love.
Speaker 11 (18:55):
There is no greater alone in all the world, It's true,
No greater long than baby what A.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
Plenty of smokers say that the first time camels and
their tea zones that's tea for taste and tea for
throat got acquainted, so mighty pleasant things began to happen. Well,
why not see for yourself if Camel's rich, full flavor
doesn't win a fast and grateful thank you from your taste,
see how your throat reacts to Camel's cool mildness. Experience
(19:42):
in your own tea zone may tell you that camel
is your cigarette too, and you'll understand why so many
doctors prefer camels. Three leading independent research organizations recently asked
this question of one hundred thirteen thousand, five hundred and
ninety seven doctors, what.
Speaker 3 (19:57):
Cigarette do you smoke? Doctor? The and name most was Camo.
Speaker 7 (20:01):
According to a recent nationwide survey, more doctors more Camels
than any other cigarette.
Speaker 4 (20:11):
Well, costell, you sold all the spot remover. Now let's
go in to hear the chief at Schmoe's office and
give him the money and get your magic lantern.
Speaker 3 (20:18):
Good morning, whom do you wish to see? I'd like
to see chief smoke. I'm sorry, he's busy. Now he's
holding a pow wow what pow wow? Pow wow, pow wow.
Speaker 5 (20:27):
I can hear it as a dog barking somewhere. Why
Castella comes to chief, Ah, gentlemen, As Michael Angelo said
to Venus tomorrow, I see you're back.
Speaker 4 (20:36):
And Castella sold all the spottery move a chief, and
he's here to get his magic Landford.
Speaker 5 (20:43):
Why he solo at John, I mean that spot r
Yeah yeah, Well, as Slippy de Rosa said when speaking
of his new bride, what a day, And Slippery du
Rocha said to happy Chandler, what a year.
Speaker 4 (21:07):
If you don't mind, she just give Costello's magic lantern,
we'll be.
Speaker 3 (21:10):
Going that not so fast balls.
Speaker 5 (21:12):
By selling that spot remove a, Costello was only qualified
for the magic lantern. Now all he has to do
is help me sell nine hundred navy bottles of Schmos
Indian water. I can sell anything. I even sold insurance.
I Soldlana turn Her some sweater insurance. I sold Darthy
lot more some Sarrong insurance. I even sold Gypsy rose
Lee insurance too. Wait a minute, why did Gypsy rose
(21:32):
Lee have insured these Indians lead shelters lives, don't they.
Speaker 3 (21:38):
She took full coverage.
Speaker 4 (21:41):
Wait a minute, why should this boy have to sell
nine hundred navy bottles of Schmos Indian Water.
Speaker 3 (21:46):
Chief, this sounds like a shady deal.
Speaker 5 (21:48):
Mister Abert, there's fifty dollars, isn't it for you?
Speaker 3 (21:50):
If you can get Costello to help me?
Speaker 5 (21:52):
Oh that's different, Castello. I think it's a splendid idea.
You just said it was a shady deal. The smog
cleared up pretty fast, and.
Speaker 3 (22:03):
Gee, what is this? What does this Indian water do?
Speaker 5 (22:06):
Smoe's Indian Water is the elixir of youth. It takes
years off your life. Why Al Johnson took one teaspoonful
and you know what happened.
Speaker 3 (22:14):
Larry Parks, They covered me.
Speaker 5 (22:20):
Come into the laboratory and meet the Indians who make
Schmoe's Indian Water. This is our head chemist, me big Brave,
We're Rabbit and Costello.
Speaker 3 (22:28):
You ever listening to our radio program me?
Speaker 5 (22:30):
Not Thirt Brave, mister Brave Brave. Hi dabbled in chemistry myself.
Listen to this H two O two S three. What's
that ethyl alcohol? THENNUR'SE H one s S O five?
What's that ethyl chloride? Thennurse H hi two one eight three?
What's that ethyl Schultz? That's our phone number. If a
man interest that's the wrong formula. Now this is where
(22:53):
we make the famous SMOs Indian water that brings back you.
Speaker 3 (22:56):
This big Indian fills that part with herbs.
Speaker 5 (22:58):
His squaw stirs the mex her all day long, and
a night when it's finished, he licks her.
Speaker 3 (23:04):
He licks her here.
Speaker 5 (23:07):
Now there's gratitude for you, a poor squash.
Speaker 3 (23:09):
It's all day over.
Speaker 5 (23:10):
A hot fire, stir in that pot. Then at night
Decinian comes along.
Speaker 3 (23:13):
Gives her a beating. What are you talking about?
Speaker 5 (23:15):
I'm gonna report this to the police.
Speaker 3 (23:16):
Have it beating that poor woman, because tell nobody's getting
a beating. He just said, a squash. There's the pot
all day.
Speaker 5 (23:21):
Then at night Decinyan comes along and he licks her.
Speaker 3 (23:23):
What's what's wrong with that? What's wrong with it?
Speaker 5 (23:25):
Nobody's gonna hit the squad when I'm around. If he
licks her tonight, I'll have to lit me.
Speaker 3 (23:28):
He'll have to lick me too. Yeah. Lost. When he
says Alexei, he don't mean he licks her. He means alixir,
and the elixir is a name. Well, when don'd you say? So?
I know her very well. She watched for Warner Brothers.
Who works go Wanner brother He lix her Smith. Are
you a idiom?
Speaker 5 (23:40):
This alix Here's a tonic. It makes you feel young.
It's it's a pick me up, it's a what pick
me up? Okay, ah, put me down, you idiots.
Speaker 3 (23:48):
You just asked me to pick you up. I did not.
I said pick me up, and now put me down.
Speaker 5 (23:53):
But make up your mind.
Speaker 3 (23:55):
Where gentlemen, we're ready to go.
Speaker 5 (23:57):
Hop into the truck and mill, make our pitch in
an empty lot and sell the nine hundred and eighty
bottles or SMOs.
Speaker 3 (24:02):
Elixir of Life.
Speaker 5 (24:08):
Okay, Castello, Costello.
Speaker 4 (24:10):
Look at the crowds of people coming by, Chief Smoes
Lixir of youth.
Speaker 3 (24:14):
Go ahead and make your pick. Okay, hi, babe, gee,
you're cute. What are you doing tonight?
Speaker 5 (24:22):
Lum pitch blum, pitchy boys.
Speaker 3 (24:25):
I'll make the pitch. And Costello Costello, you sell the medicine.
And remember back up everything I say. Remember that, Costella,
anything the Chief says, you back them up. I get it.
Speaker 5 (24:34):
Friends, I am Chief Smoke. Anyone that drinks SMOs India
water can be young forever. It takes years off your life.
Look at me, I am two hundred and thirty nine
years old. I've been drinking this water since I was
a young man. I've worn out four shape a lifetime pens.
Look at me, two hundred and thirty nine years old. Friends,
The medicine is one dollar a bott all. My assistant
(24:56):
will pass among you.
Speaker 3 (24:58):
Go ahead, Costello, okay.
Speaker 5 (25:00):
Owes Indian water one dollar a bottle.
Speaker 3 (25:02):
How about you, lady, I'll take one. But young man,
is that Indian really two hundred and thirty nine years old?
Speaker 5 (25:07):
Couldn't prove it by me, lady, I've only been with
him one hundred and forty six years. All right, you're
a fact faker.
Speaker 3 (25:15):
I'm an officer of the Lord. How long did you
say you were working for that Indian?
Speaker 5 (25:20):
I'm gonna apply for the job tomorrow morning.
Speaker 3 (25:23):
That enough for not into the buttroer ragging with your
nah just a minute off salvals for my friend.
Speaker 4 (25:27):
Hey, you see, Costello was told to say he was
one hundred and forty six years old.
Speaker 5 (25:30):
Yeah, Castella would be one hundred and forty six years
old by the time he gets out of jail into
the throw ragging.
Speaker 3 (25:35):
With both of you. Well, Castella, you certainly got us
in a fine mess this time.
Speaker 5 (25:46):
Don't pull me out of it. I've been through too
much already. I'm tired, and I'm thirsty, thirsty, I know
I'll drink a couple of bottles of cheap Schmosey lecture
of youth.
Speaker 3 (25:56):
Costella, Costella, don't drink that junk. That stuff is a castello.
Where are you?
Speaker 1 (26:03):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (26:03):
Bye, yes, bell right here Castello Castello. I don't see you.
All I see is as a fat little boy Abba.
That's the work.
Speaker 5 (26:16):
The fat boy has mello.
Speaker 3 (26:20):
This is wonderful. They can prosecute a child.
Speaker 4 (26:23):
When we get to the station house, I'll jump out
of the patrol wagon wagon and run.
Speaker 3 (26:26):
Then you you you turn when I turn you loose?
I mean you can right home to here? What bye bye?
Speaker 5 (26:36):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (26:37):
I like your crooks. Come out of that wagon. He
now crux and him. That's a pregment only without may.
Speaker 5 (26:47):
How many times if I call you kids not to
hitch right on the patrol wagon.
Speaker 3 (26:51):
Don't you know what's around to do a thing like that? Why?
Why do you always do these things? Oh? Why up?
Speaker 5 (26:58):
Boy?
Speaker 3 (27:08):
Costello will be back to Jestro moment court. Camel cigarette.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
During the war, the makers of camel cigarettes sent a
total of more than one hundred and fifty million free
camels to our fighting men overseas. Now free camels are
center servicemen's hospitals instead. This week the camel's go to
Veterans Hospital Conandega, New York, USAF Station Hospital, Morrisonfield, West
Palm Beach, Florida. US Naval Hospital, Long Beach, California, US
Marine Hospital, Evansville, Indiana, Newton de Baker Veterans Hospital, Martinsburg,
(27:32):
West Virginia. Campmeel broadcasts go up to the United States
three times a week, are rebroadcast to practically every area
in the world where our men are still stationed, and
to our good neighbors in Central and South America. And
now back to Bud Abbatt and Luke Costello.
Speaker 3 (27:43):
Well Castello. Next week is the opening of the baseball season.
Speaker 5 (27:46):
Yes, it'll be a great week for my Unclelaudie Stebbens.
You know, he was a famous baseball player. He played
and played till he got so old he couldn't tell
a ball from a striking.
Speaker 3 (27:54):
Then what happened. They made him a numpiot. Good Night ball.
Speaker 2 (28:07):
Visit Abbitue Costello again next Thursday, when Costello gets a
telegram from Joe Demascio, which leads the boys into their
famous baseball routine. Tune in next week and you might
find out who's hod first.
Speaker 7 (28:21):
When a man packs his pipe with Prince Albert, he's
all set for real smoking contentment. It's Prince Albert that
gives a pipe smoker the extra rich flavor in the
cool mildness that means lasting enjoyment. And it's Prince Albert
that's crim cut to pack just right in a pipe
and to burn slowly and evenly. Pack your pipe with
Pa and enjoy the National joy Smoke Saturday night. Enjoy
Prince Albert's grandell Opry with a heartwarming singing of Red Folly,
(28:45):
the happy fun making of Vinnie Pearl, the rollicking crew
of Grande Olofrey, and red special guest, a brand new comedian,
Red brass Field.
Speaker 3 (28:55):
Be sure to tune in.
Speaker 2 (28:55):
Next week for another great Habit and Costello show. Rough
to you by Camo Cigarettes. And remember, experience is the
best teacher. Try a camel let your own experience, because
you why more people are smoking.
Speaker 3 (29:05):
Camels than ever before. See M. A. M.
Speaker 2 (29:09):
S Abt and Costello will soon be seen in the
new Universal International picture.
Speaker 3 (29:15):
Buck Privates Come Home.
Speaker 2 (29:16):
This is Michael Royan Hollywood, wishing you all a pleasant
good night for Camos.
Speaker 3 (29:23):
They do.
Speaker 2 (29:23):
Now, for the any candor tell, this is NBC, the
national broadcasting couple
A M E L.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Yes, that's right. Folks say for comedy, Hey for Abbit,
for Maxwell, he for Enna's l for Lou Costello. Put
them all together and they spell camel experience is the
best teacher. Try a camel. Let your own experience tell
you why more people are smoking camels than ever before,
(00:35):
And draw up a chair for Tonight's Camel Show starring
put Abbit and Lou Costello.
Speaker 3 (00:54):
Hey, Castello Castel here.
Speaker 4 (00:58):
Hey, by the way, what were you doing at Universal
International Studios this morning?
Speaker 3 (01:02):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (01:02):
I had to take my pet flies over there?
Speaker 3 (01:03):
You took flies to a picture studio?
Speaker 6 (01:05):
What for?
Speaker 3 (01:06):
They get him a screen test if you win?
Speaker 5 (01:10):
Who who was that redheaded couch?
Speaker 3 (01:12):
Hey? Lo? Who was that red headed girl that was
with you? Oh?
Speaker 5 (01:16):
She's been chasing after me for years, Abbott.
Speaker 3 (01:18):
I call her pilot like pilot light.
Speaker 5 (01:20):
Yeah, she's an old flame that stayed lit. But she's
a lovely girl, Abbitt. She's very social.
Speaker 3 (01:26):
Does she have a Does she have good connections? Lot?
I think you punt. Does she have good connections?
Speaker 5 (01:31):
Well, she never fell apart.
Speaker 3 (01:33):
Well I was with her.
Speaker 4 (01:35):
I'm talking about her connections her associates.
Speaker 3 (01:39):
Does she belongs to the junior League.
Speaker 5 (01:41):
Belong to the Junior League. No, she belongs to the
Coast League. She used to pitch for the San Francisco Seal.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
Castill. I'm talking about the Junior League society.
Speaker 4 (01:52):
Has she come out yet? Has she made her debut?
Or what her debut?
Speaker 3 (01:56):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (01:56):
Sure, every time she comes out debu hey boor al
right they say booye hey. But she's very she's very
high tone abbit. What she was born in the south
of England.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
Oh, I see her family came from Wales. Her family
came from Wales.
Speaker 5 (02:11):
Yes, I thought her conversation sounded a little fishy.
Speaker 3 (02:15):
Stop SNDS please Wales.
Speaker 4 (02:18):
Wales is part of England. That means they're English people.
Now what does her father do.
Speaker 5 (02:22):
He's got a big diplomatic job.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
With a bakery. A diplomatic job and a bakery again.
Speaker 5 (02:26):
Helm's Bakery. He's a British advisor to the English cruppets.
Speaker 3 (02:29):
All right, forget about a father. What does she do?
What does she do?
Speaker 5 (02:37):
Yes, well, she weighs two hundred and fifty pounds and
she's got a big job as a sandhak.
Speaker 3 (02:40):
How could a woman be a sandha?
Speaker 5 (02:42):
She sits around the beach all day and hodge the
sand sounds like quite a family.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
Are they wealthy? Wealthy Abbott?
Speaker 5 (02:48):
They got a chateau in France, a villain Switzerland, a
castle in Spain and a hessienda in Mexico?
Speaker 3 (02:52):
Where do they live in?
Speaker 5 (02:53):
A quantcert hut and Glendale?
Speaker 3 (02:57):
You're wasting your time with these people. Why didn't you
get yourself a good job?
Speaker 5 (03:01):
I had a good job once, have it? I worked
for a foot doctor. I used to put bird seat
in people's shoes. Bird seats in people's shoes, or that
keeps their pitching toes away from their coin?
Speaker 3 (03:10):
Castell, a clean lord, Castell. I'm only trying to help you.
Look why that you listen to me? You can change.
I used to be dumb like you once. I was ignorant,
stupid and ugly. And you know what what caused the change?
Wat change? Uh? There must be somewhere to get you
(03:34):
a job. Wait a minute, I've got it.
Speaker 5 (03:36):
I'll speak to Harry Riddoff about you. Better still, I'll
have my brother get you a job where he works
the nothing bow factory. Your brother works nothing? Both, yes,
what she's doing there?
Speaker 3 (03:45):
Nothing? Nothing? He is working doing what nothing? And he
gets paid for doing nothing, certainly.
Speaker 5 (03:51):
Hey, but if I get a good job at the
nothing bowl factory, what would I be doing nothing? Now
you're talking, that's the kind of job I.
Speaker 4 (03:56):
Wanted, where it is nothing is hard work. My brother
puts in eight hours a day, five days a.
Speaker 3 (04:02):
Week, doing nothing. That's ry.
Speaker 5 (04:04):
Look abit your brother works in a bowl factory. Yes,
are you sure he don't do nothing? Besides nothing?
Speaker 3 (04:09):
We else?
Speaker 4 (04:10):
Sometimes he works in the foundery department. Then he forges steals.
Speaker 3 (04:13):
How do you like that?
Speaker 5 (04:14):
He ain't satisfied getting paid for doing nothing? Now he
forges and steals a crock? He has not a crock. Different,
he's worked hall all his night. Before he worked in
another bowl factory. He worked in a rope factory. What's
he doing in a rope factory? Not?
Speaker 3 (04:28):
Well, that's different.
Speaker 5 (04:29):
I mean, wait a minute, what did you say he
was doing in a rope factory?
Speaker 3 (04:34):
Nodding, nodding.
Speaker 5 (04:35):
This guy's been getting away with murder so far. He's
had two jobs up to now, he's been doing nothing
and nothing in.
Speaker 4 (04:41):
The costels to me, and I'll try to explain it
so that even you can understand.
Speaker 3 (04:44):
Thank you.
Speaker 4 (04:44):
The rope factory makes tennis nets. What nets nets, and
next to you to my brother made tennis nets. The
nets are tied together with knots, and my brother does nodding.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
Just a second abbot. When did you butter start nothing nodding? Oh?
About three years ago? And what's he doing?
Speaker 5 (05:01):
Now?
Speaker 3 (05:02):
I told you nothing? Look up to now you told.
Speaker 5 (05:04):
Me less than that. You said your putt it did
nothing for three years, and now he's doing nothing. When
is he gonna start doing something?
Speaker 3 (05:09):
He is doing something? What nutting?
Speaker 5 (05:11):
Nothing?
Speaker 3 (05:12):
Really? Well, lat one of us is nuts.
Speaker 5 (05:15):
Look, don't you gotta get tired of doing nothing? Oh?
Speaker 3 (05:17):
Of course when he gets tired, he takes a vacation.
What does he do on his vacation? Nothing? Now there
is a pretty picture.
Speaker 5 (05:25):
This guy does nothing for three years, but doing nothing
is too tough for him, so he gets a new
job doing nothing. Then he gets tired of doing nothing,
so he takes a vacation and does nothing.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
Now you've got it.
Speaker 5 (05:33):
Well, if I got it, I caught it from you.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
Experience is the best teacher.
Speaker 6 (05:53):
Three running steps abound from the springboard, high into the
air and straight down into the water for a perfect.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
Jack knife dive.
Speaker 6 (06:01):
Once again, the crowd cheers blonde, beautiful Mildred O'Donnell, Metropolitan
Diving Champion of New York. It takes experience to dive
like that. As miss O'Donnell.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
Said, experience is the best teacher in diving, and that
goes for smoking too. I learned from experience that camel
is a cigarette for me.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
Yes, experience is the best teacher. And the experience of
smoking whatever cigarette brands they could get during the wartime
shortage taught millions the differences in cigarette quality. Then is
when folks tea zones that's tea for taste and tea
for throat, learn that camels suited them best.
Speaker 7 (06:37):
The result today more people smoke camels than ever before.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Get acquainted with camel's rich, full flavor and cool mildness.
See if camels don't suit your tea zoned to a tea, Yes,
experience is the best teacher. Try a camel, and while
(07:02):
you light up a camel, Skinny Anna sayings my number
one dream came true.
Speaker 3 (07:08):
A million times a day.
Speaker 8 (07:10):
I pinched myself and said, my number one dream came true.
And if I rubbed my eyes, it's only in surprise
my number one dream came true. I had my number
two and three and.
Speaker 5 (07:27):
Four dreams with less of possibilities in each.
Speaker 3 (07:34):
I might have planned on dreaming even.
Speaker 8 (07:36):
More dreams because number one was way beyond me.
Speaker 3 (07:42):
I can't believe.
Speaker 8 (07:43):
It yet, But if my fate were sad, it did
wh I wanted to. Don't ask me when a while how,
But if I'm here with you, my number one dream
came true.
Speaker 3 (08:17):
I had my number two and three and four dreams
with us of possibilities in each.
Speaker 8 (08:26):
I might have planned on dream even more dream.
Speaker 3 (08:31):
Because number one was way beyond read. I can believe
it end.
Speaker 8 (08:38):
But if my favorite was set, it did what I'd
wanted to.
Speaker 3 (08:44):
Don't ask me when a while, hal, But if I'm.
Speaker 8 (08:47):
Here with you, my number one dream.
Speaker 3 (08:51):
Came dream.
Speaker 4 (09:04):
Pastello, It's time for you to start thinking of the future.
Why don't you get a good job, be industrious, keep
your nose of the grindstone, save your money, and in
ten years you can retire and you won't have to work, Loue.
Speaker 5 (09:15):
Why should I go through all that. I'm not working now.
Speaker 3 (09:19):
I don't believe you ever had a job.
Speaker 5 (09:21):
Oh, guys, a suckingna work habit. What you gotta do
is go on one of those quiz programs to you
other night. My aunt may one nine thousand dollars in cash,
a refrigerator, to washing machines, and a brand new house.
Speaker 3 (09:29):
Well that's wonderful. Yeah, and she was one of the losers.
Speaker 4 (09:32):
Htella, Please aren't you interested in bettering yourself?
Speaker 3 (09:38):
Why don't you find an honest job? What and quit radio? All?
Speaker 4 (09:43):
Why don't you look at the ads in the paper
and find a job for yourself?
Speaker 5 (09:46):
Oh, I got a job all picked out, abbit, I
stually want to add. In the funny papers it said, sell
twenty four bottles of Chief Schmos Spot Remover and get
a magic lantern free. I can also win the five
hundred dollars grand prize by selling one hundred and seventy
five million buckles.
Speaker 4 (09:58):
Oh, gostell, there's only one hundred thirty million people in
the United States, So.
Speaker 5 (10:02):
What I got friends in Mexico?
Speaker 4 (10:05):
Well, now wait a minute, selling Spot Remover is better
than doing nothing at all.
Speaker 3 (10:09):
Come on, let's go over and see this Chief Smow.
Well here it is, Costella. See the sign on the door.
Chief Schmo's, Indian Remedy Company.
Speaker 5 (10:24):
Spot Remover, Indian Tonic Scout Treatments and Tommy Hawk's sharpened.
Speaker 3 (10:28):
Now, well, come on, let's go in. Well, good morning, gentlemen.
Speaker 5 (10:32):
As the Santa fe train said to the freight train,
I am the Chilo.
Speaker 3 (10:38):
Tst Seller. Hey, this guy don't look like an Indian Tommy,
sure he is.
Speaker 5 (10:42):
I can talk about the way he's dressed. He's wearing
an arrow collar and a bow tie. Get it, bow
and arrow. Get your pictures from Adadic. I'm picturing him
in air tonight.
Speaker 4 (10:54):
Chief Smoll, my friend Costella Rigor had in the funny
papers and he'd like to try selling your spot remover.
Speaker 5 (11:00):
Well. To be a chief Schmo salesman, Costello, you'll have
to have fire in your voice. You've got to go
with feeling, please with personality. What do you want a
salesman or a bloat torture jee?
Speaker 3 (11:10):
Do you think Castella can handle this job?
Speaker 5 (11:11):
Costello will have to fill out this application.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
Fall I'll read the questions when they apply to you.
Just answer yes. Were you a college graduate? Were you
a high school graduate? Were you're a grammar school graduate?
Were you born?
Speaker 5 (11:26):
Well, I'll turn the form over on the other side
and see if it goes any lower. Costello, our personnalit
is highly restricted, specially selected. We demand the highest qualifications.
What makes you think you can be a chief Smoe salesman?
When I show you're adding the funny papers?
Speaker 3 (11:45):
Oh good.
Speaker 5 (11:45):
For a while I didn't think you had the qualification.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
Now, before you go out.
Speaker 5 (11:50):
To sell Chief Schmoe Spot Remover, I want to give
you a few points about being a door to door salesman.
I don't want to be a door salesman who wants
to show doors. I want to sell spot Remover. No,
young man, when I say you sell door to door,
I don't mean you sell doors. I mean that you
sell spot remover even though you're selling door to door.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
How do you like that?
Speaker 5 (12:08):
Now? The Indians are doing our routine now, Costello, when
a housewive tries to slam the door on you make
sure your foot is in the way, but my foot
might get height and your case stick your head and
the dog. Now here's your twenty four bottles of spot
Remover and your sample case.
Speaker 3 (12:28):
Sell these and you get the magic land Wait a minute,
let me get this right, jeep.
Speaker 4 (12:31):
If Costella sells the twenty four bottles in one day,
he not only gets the magic lantern.
Speaker 3 (12:36):
But also a special pride. That is correct.
Speaker 5 (12:38):
This week we have a very valuable prize at genuine
twelve foot pole. Twelve foot pole, what's that for?
Speaker 3 (12:45):
That's for girls you can't touch with a ten football.
Speaker 6 (12:49):
Keep going and sell that spot revolver.
Speaker 4 (12:54):
Hey, Costella, there's a woman right over there, Castella, Why don't.
Speaker 3 (12:57):
You make her your first customer? Okay, good idea.
Speaker 9 (13:01):
Pardon me, miss Well if it isn't mister Orbit and
mister Costello, you fought little mom.
Speaker 3 (13:07):
You bastell Is Costella is selling sponsor remover.
Speaker 5 (13:12):
Oh fine, I'd love to potronize him, but I'm very busy.
Speaker 3 (13:16):
I'm on my way to armg ARM studios. Oh g
arm studios. Why haven't you heard arm GM studios.
Speaker 5 (13:25):
That's where they make pictures with Clark Gooble, Luna Tuna
and Mooki Runey.
Speaker 3 (13:35):
Did you ever yes?
Speaker 9 (13:37):
Yes, did you ever act at arms g M with
sponsor Trucy?
Speaker 3 (13:42):
No?
Speaker 5 (13:42):
But I was a coop boy at Republic with Ruey rugs.
Speaker 9 (13:54):
Well, I must be tolding along, as we say in Norwegian?
Speaker 5 (13:57):
Are that our ros dedobo donka nakid and a lot
of busted bubblegum and a kiss it.
Speaker 3 (14:03):
To your tail hill. Well, yeah, stiddy be Causetella selling
spotty movement. Would you like to buy some? No?
Speaker 5 (14:13):
Thanks, I don't need any Oh you don't, eh, you
certainly do. Look at the stage on your necktie. I
can tell everything you head for lunch shrimp, lam chaddle,
lamb chops and coffee. While there's only one clean spot
on your whole necktie.
Speaker 3 (14:23):
I know I'm saving that for dessert. Does every wind
him because they'll hey, look he comes, Marylyn Maxwell. Oh, Louis,
the most wonderful thing has happened. I've just been chosen
California's Queen of the Orange Groves, Maryland.
Speaker 5 (14:35):
Can I be your smudge pot?
Speaker 3 (14:39):
Louis? You're so cute, marylnd. Can I move to your
house tonight? Not tonight, Louis, I'm washing my dog.
Speaker 5 (14:45):
How about tomorrow night. But tomorrow night, I'm taking my
dog to the dog show.
Speaker 3 (14:49):
How about Saturday night? Saturday night? I'm busy.
Speaker 5 (14:52):
What's your dog doing?
Speaker 3 (15:01):
Costella is selling spot for removal. Would you like to
buy a bottle? Well? Is it any good?
Speaker 7 (15:05):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (15:06):
Sure, that's my line. Certainly it's good. I'll show you. Oh,
there's a little spot on your dress now I soak
my handkerchief with a spot remover and rub.
Speaker 3 (15:12):
It on your dress.
Speaker 5 (15:16):
Don't just stand in there, rabbit, throw a breaking around her.
Speaker 3 (15:21):
Hello, as you ruined my dress.
Speaker 4 (15:22):
Goodbye, Well, Costella, you certainly lost Maryland for a customer. Well,
come on, let's go in here to missus Whittwasher's house.
Speaker 3 (15:30):
Oh hello, mister ravit.
Speaker 5 (15:32):
Oh my, I wonder who left that garbage can on
my front stool.
Speaker 3 (15:37):
Whoa pardon me? That's costil Oh, missus Whittwash. We don't
want to bother you if you have company company by
I'm here all loo.
Speaker 5 (15:51):
Then who are those two people looking over your shoulder?
Speaker 3 (15:53):
Oh? Pardon me? That's your ears wire? Costella fire fire,
missus web watch. Costella is selling this spot remover? What
were they selling? Spot frey remover? Selling it? Not a drink?
Speaker 6 (16:07):
Some much.
Speaker 3 (16:09):
Drink spot removers.
Speaker 5 (16:11):
Not remove Oh I thought you said, potterymover.
Speaker 3 (16:20):
Knock get out of you before I slam the door
on you.
Speaker 5 (16:22):
Come on, Castella, come on, okay, no, no, we can't
remember what chief most head. If a woman tries to
close the door, stick your head in it. Go ahead,
slam the door, missus w wash. All right, missus wedwish
you've slammed the door on Costello's hand.
Speaker 6 (16:38):
Oh little man, I'll buy all your spot remover every bottle.
I'll stroke your head until the swelling goes down and
out my arms around you.
Speaker 3 (16:46):
Cut are you clothes to be? I'll kiss you? Excuse you,
I'm kiss you and kiss you Costello? Can you hear me?
Speaker 5 (16:53):
Yes, slam the door on my head again?
Speaker 2 (17:06):
Harlen Maxwell from Metro Golden Mayor, producers of Sea of Grass,
and here's Maryland to sing for camel bands everywhere.
Speaker 10 (17:16):
Is no greaterlone than what I feel boy you, No
greater alone, no heartsuit. There is no greater thrill than
what you bring to me, No sweetest song than what
(17:40):
you sing to me. You're the sweetest thing I have
ever known. And to think that you are mine alone.
Speaker 11 (17:58):
But there is no greater love in.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
All the world, It's true.
Speaker 10 (18:06):
No greater love than what I bee for.
Speaker 9 (18:11):
You, No greater love, no heart so true, no sweetest
(18:35):
song than what you sing.
Speaker 11 (18:38):
To me, sweetest.
Speaker 9 (18:46):
Thing not No, you are my love.
Speaker 11 (18:55):
There is no greater alone in all the world, It's true,
No greater long than baby what A.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
Plenty of smokers say that the first time camels and
their tea zones that's tea for taste and tea for
throat got acquainted, so mighty pleasant things began to happen. Well,
why not see for yourself if Camel's rich, full flavor
doesn't win a fast and grateful thank you from your taste,
see how your throat reacts to Camel's cool mildness. Experience
(19:42):
in your own tea zone may tell you that camel
is your cigarette too, and you'll understand why so many
doctors prefer camels. Three leading independent research organizations recently asked
this question of one hundred thirteen thousand, five hundred and
ninety seven doctors, what.
Speaker 3 (19:57):
Cigarette do you smoke? Doctor? The and name most was Camo.
Speaker 7 (20:01):
According to a recent nationwide survey, more doctors more Camels
than any other cigarette.
Speaker 4 (20:11):
Well, costell, you sold all the spot remover. Now let's
go in to hear the chief at Schmoe's office and
give him the money and get your magic lantern.
Speaker 3 (20:18):
Good morning, whom do you wish to see? I'd like
to see chief smoke. I'm sorry, he's busy. Now he's
holding a pow wow what pow wow? Pow wow, pow wow.
Speaker 5 (20:27):
I can hear it as a dog barking somewhere. Why
Castella comes to chief, Ah, gentlemen, As Michael Angelo said
to Venus tomorrow, I see you're back.
Speaker 4 (20:36):
And Castella sold all the spottery move a chief, and
he's here to get his magic Landford.
Speaker 5 (20:43):
Why he solo at John, I mean that spot r
Yeah yeah, Well, as Slippy de Rosa said when speaking
of his new bride, what a day, And Slippery du
Rocha said to happy Chandler, what a year.
Speaker 4 (21:07):
If you don't mind, she just give Costello's magic lantern,
we'll be.
Speaker 3 (21:10):
Going that not so fast balls.
Speaker 5 (21:12):
By selling that spot remove a, Costello was only qualified
for the magic lantern. Now all he has to do
is help me sell nine hundred navy bottles of Schmos
Indian water. I can sell anything. I even sold insurance.
I Soldlana turn Her some sweater insurance. I sold Darthy
lot more some Sarrong insurance. I even sold Gypsy rose
Lee insurance too. Wait a minute, why did Gypsy rose
(21:32):
Lee have insured these Indians lead shelters lives, don't they.
Speaker 3 (21:38):
She took full coverage.
Speaker 4 (21:41):
Wait a minute, why should this boy have to sell
nine hundred navy bottles of Schmos Indian Water.
Speaker 3 (21:46):
Chief, this sounds like a shady deal.
Speaker 5 (21:48):
Mister Abert, there's fifty dollars, isn't it for you?
Speaker 3 (21:50):
If you can get Costello to help me?
Speaker 5 (21:52):
Oh that's different, Castello. I think it's a splendid idea.
You just said it was a shady deal. The smog
cleared up pretty fast, and.
Speaker 3 (22:03):
Gee, what is this? What does this Indian water do?
Speaker 5 (22:06):
Smoe's Indian Water is the elixir of youth. It takes
years off your life. Why Al Johnson took one teaspoonful
and you know what happened.
Speaker 3 (22:14):
Larry Parks, They covered me.
Speaker 5 (22:20):
Come into the laboratory and meet the Indians who make
Schmoe's Indian Water. This is our head chemist, me big Brave,
We're Rabbit and Costello.
Speaker 3 (22:28):
You ever listening to our radio program me?
Speaker 5 (22:30):
Not Thirt Brave, mister Brave Brave. Hi dabbled in chemistry myself.
Listen to this H two O two S three. What's
that ethyl alcohol? THENNUR'SE H one s S O five?
What's that ethyl chloride? Thennurse H hi two one eight three?
What's that ethyl Schultz? That's our phone number. If a
man interest that's the wrong formula. Now this is where
(22:53):
we make the famous SMOs Indian water that brings back you.
Speaker 3 (22:56):
This big Indian fills that part with herbs.
Speaker 5 (22:58):
His squaw stirs the mex her all day long, and
a night when it's finished, he licks her.
Speaker 3 (23:04):
He licks her here.
Speaker 5 (23:07):
Now there's gratitude for you, a poor squash.
Speaker 3 (23:09):
It's all day over.
Speaker 5 (23:10):
A hot fire, stir in that pot. Then at night
Decinian comes along.
Speaker 3 (23:13):
Gives her a beating. What are you talking about?
Speaker 5 (23:15):
I'm gonna report this to the police.
Speaker 3 (23:16):
Have it beating that poor woman, because tell nobody's getting
a beating. He just said, a squash. There's the pot
all day.
Speaker 5 (23:21):
Then at night Decinyan comes along and he licks her.
Speaker 3 (23:23):
What's what's wrong with that? What's wrong with it?
Speaker 5 (23:25):
Nobody's gonna hit the squad when I'm around. If he
licks her tonight, I'll have to lit me.
Speaker 3 (23:28):
He'll have to lick me too. Yeah. Lost. When he
says Alexei, he don't mean he licks her. He means alixir,
and the elixir is a name. Well, when don'd you say? So?
I know her very well. She watched for Warner Brothers.
Who works go Wanner brother He lix her Smith. Are
you a idiom?
Speaker 5 (23:40):
This alix Here's a tonic. It makes you feel young.
It's it's a pick me up, it's a what pick
me up? Okay, ah, put me down, you idiots.
Speaker 3 (23:48):
You just asked me to pick you up. I did not.
I said pick me up, and now put me down.
Speaker 5 (23:53):
But make up your mind.
Speaker 3 (23:55):
Where gentlemen, we're ready to go.
Speaker 5 (23:57):
Hop into the truck and mill, make our pitch in
an empty lot and sell the nine hundred and eighty
bottles or SMOs.
Speaker 3 (24:02):
Elixir of Life.
Speaker 5 (24:08):
Okay, Castello, Costello.
Speaker 4 (24:10):
Look at the crowds of people coming by, Chief Smoes
Lixir of youth.
Speaker 3 (24:14):
Go ahead and make your pick. Okay, hi, babe, gee,
you're cute. What are you doing tonight?
Speaker 5 (24:22):
Lum pitch blum, pitchy boys.
Speaker 3 (24:25):
I'll make the pitch. And Costello Costello, you sell the medicine.
And remember back up everything I say. Remember that, Costella,
anything the Chief says, you back them up. I get it.
Speaker 5 (24:34):
Friends, I am Chief Smoke. Anyone that drinks SMOs India
water can be young forever. It takes years off your life.
Look at me, I am two hundred and thirty nine
years old. I've been drinking this water since I was
a young man. I've worn out four shape a lifetime pens.
Look at me, two hundred and thirty nine years old. Friends,
The medicine is one dollar a bott all. My assistant
(24:56):
will pass among you.
Speaker 3 (24:58):
Go ahead, Costello, okay.
Speaker 5 (25:00):
Owes Indian water one dollar a bottle.
Speaker 3 (25:02):
How about you, lady, I'll take one. But young man,
is that Indian really two hundred and thirty nine years old?
Speaker 5 (25:07):
Couldn't prove it by me, lady, I've only been with
him one hundred and forty six years. All right, you're
a fact faker.
Speaker 3 (25:15):
I'm an officer of the Lord. How long did you
say you were working for that Indian?
Speaker 5 (25:20):
I'm gonna apply for the job tomorrow morning.
Speaker 3 (25:23):
That enough for not into the buttroer ragging with your
nah just a minute off salvals for my friend.
Speaker 4 (25:27):
Hey, you see, Costello was told to say he was
one hundred and forty six years old.
Speaker 5 (25:30):
Yeah, Castella would be one hundred and forty six years
old by the time he gets out of jail into
the throw ragging.
Speaker 3 (25:35):
With both of you. Well, Castella, you certainly got us
in a fine mess this time.
Speaker 5 (25:46):
Don't pull me out of it. I've been through too
much already. I'm tired, and I'm thirsty, thirsty, I know
I'll drink a couple of bottles of cheap Schmosey lecture
of youth.
Speaker 3 (25:56):
Costella, Costella, don't drink that junk. That stuff is a castello.
Where are you?
Speaker 1 (26:03):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (26:03):
Bye, yes, bell right here Castello Castello. I don't see you.
All I see is as a fat little boy Abba.
That's the work.
Speaker 5 (26:16):
The fat boy has mello.
Speaker 3 (26:20):
This is wonderful. They can prosecute a child.
Speaker 4 (26:23):
When we get to the station house, I'll jump out
of the patrol wagon wagon and run.
Speaker 3 (26:26):
Then you you you turn when I turn you loose?
I mean you can right home to here? What bye bye?
Speaker 5 (26:36):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (26:37):
I like your crooks. Come out of that wagon. He
now crux and him. That's a pregment only without may.
Speaker 5 (26:47):
How many times if I call you kids not to
hitch right on the patrol wagon.
Speaker 3 (26:51):
Don't you know what's around to do a thing like that? Why?
Why do you always do these things? Oh? Why up?
Speaker 5 (26:58):
Boy?
Speaker 3 (27:08):
Costello will be back to Jestro moment court. Camel cigarette.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
During the war, the makers of camel cigarettes sent a
total of more than one hundred and fifty million free
camels to our fighting men overseas. Now free camels are
center servicemen's hospitals instead. This week the camel's go to
Veterans Hospital Conandega, New York, USAF Station Hospital, Morrisonfield, West
Palm Beach, Florida. US Naval Hospital, Long Beach, California, US
Marine Hospital, Evansville, Indiana, Newton de Baker Veterans Hospital, Martinsburg,
(27:32):
West Virginia. Campmeel broadcasts go up to the United States
three times a week, are rebroadcast to practically every area
in the world where our men are still stationed, and
to our good neighbors in Central and South America. And
now back to Bud Abbatt and Luke Costello.
Speaker 3 (27:43):
Well Castello. Next week is the opening of the baseball season.
Speaker 5 (27:46):
Yes, it'll be a great week for my Unclelaudie Stebbens.
You know, he was a famous baseball player. He played
and played till he got so old he couldn't tell
a ball from a striking.
Speaker 3 (27:54):
Then what happened. They made him a numpiot. Good Night ball.
Speaker 2 (28:07):
Visit Abbitue Costello again next Thursday, when Costello gets a
telegram from Joe Demascio, which leads the boys into their
famous baseball routine. Tune in next week and you might
find out who's hod first.
Speaker 7 (28:21):
When a man packs his pipe with Prince Albert, he's
all set for real smoking contentment. It's Prince Albert that
gives a pipe smoker the extra rich flavor in the
cool mildness that means lasting enjoyment. And it's Prince Albert
that's crim cut to pack just right in a pipe
and to burn slowly and evenly. Pack your pipe with
Pa and enjoy the National joy Smoke Saturday night. Enjoy
Prince Albert's grandell Opry with a heartwarming singing of Red Folly,
(28:45):
the happy fun making of Vinnie Pearl, the rollicking crew
of Grande Olofrey, and red special guest, a brand new comedian,
Red brass Field.
Speaker 3 (28:55):
Be sure to tune in.
Speaker 2 (28:55):
Next week for another great Habit and Costello show. Rough
to you by Camo Cigarettes. And remember, experience is the
best teacher. Try a camel let your own experience, because
you why more people are smoking.
Speaker 3 (29:05):
Camels than ever before. See M. A. M.
Speaker 2 (29:09):
S Abt and Costello will soon be seen in the
new Universal International picture.
Speaker 3 (29:15):
Buck Privates Come Home.
Speaker 2 (29:16):
This is Michael Royan Hollywood, wishing you all a pleasant
good night for Camos.
Speaker 3 (29:23):
They do.
Speaker 2 (29:23):
Now, for the any candor tell, this is NBC, the
national broadcasting couple
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