May 22, 2025 • 29 mins
This comedic duo brings laughter through their rapid-fire banter and classic routines. Their chemistry and timing have cemented their place in entertainment history.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
The Avenue Costello Program starring Bud Abbott and Lou Costello,
brought to you by Camel the cigarette of Costly, a
properly aged tobacco. The Avenue Costello Program with a modern
rhythm of will Osborn Naty Orchestra, Iravandrian Are Singing Star
Connie Haynes and stop lighting that chunky, chubby little cherub
(00:37):
who went caught rubbing floor polish on his uncle Artie
Stebben's head because he heard it was good for wood.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
Conley said, I love.
Speaker 4 (01:02):
Costello Costello. We bought this gas station four days ago.
Are you listening to me? We bought this gas station
four days ago, and you you promised to do half
the work. How you've got the Lana Turner's car up
there on the grease rack. Why aren't you greasing it?
Speaker 5 (01:18):
Because a lot of Turner's car makes me open nervous? Oh?
Speaker 4 (01:21):
How could Lana Turner's car make you nervous?
Speaker 5 (01:23):
Well, this is the first time have ever been close
to her chestis right?
Speaker 4 (01:28):
Look they'll be after her car in a minute. I'll
get it off that hydraulic hoakes and take it easy, please, okay, okay,
all right?
Speaker 5 (01:46):
Anybody want to buy a squatty Chevrolet, you idiot.
Speaker 4 (01:50):
Now look what you've done. Do you realize that Miss
Turner can sue you for damages?
Speaker 5 (01:54):
Shue me for damage? How much more damage does she want?
Speaker 3 (01:57):
Now?
Speaker 5 (01:57):
Look at the car, you.
Speaker 4 (01:58):
Dummy, can press a suit against you.
Speaker 5 (02:01):
Oh, she could press a suit against me anytime I
talk sense.
Speaker 4 (02:06):
We've got to lift that car up and get it
out of there. Where are the jacks? Where are the
tax Yes? Where are the jacks?
Speaker 5 (02:12):
I quit playing jacks? I couldn't get passed my foot.
Speaker 4 (02:16):
So you played jacks. I suppose you played to the
leavings too, don't you?
Speaker 5 (02:20):
Yes, I do, But I don't want to play no
tene manxw Yeah why not? Because you play wet loaded tiddleys.
All the chit tell me what kids? All the tips
I took the tempestry, Aliston.
Speaker 4 (02:45):
Look, I'm getting fed up with this. You haven't done
a look of work around here in four days.
Speaker 5 (02:50):
Oh no, well, this morning I cleaned out that little
pantry over there.
Speaker 4 (02:53):
Pantry. Yeah, that's not a pantry. Now, he tells me,
get out on the stand when you're listen to me, please,
What would they be doing with a pantry in a
filling station.
Speaker 5 (03:09):
I told maybe that's where he kept the traffic jam. Hello,
have it in costcollar service station?
Speaker 3 (03:17):
Do you have an oversized head gas?
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Good?
Speaker 5 (03:19):
Yes I have.
Speaker 3 (03:20):
How do you get your hat on?
Speaker 5 (03:28):
That was a very funny joke. I'll put it on,
abboit I have it. Do you have an oversized head
desk it?
Speaker 1 (03:34):
No?
Speaker 4 (03:34):
But I have a new pair of cast iron fender pants.
Speaker 5 (03:37):
Now what am I gonna do with the hat?
Speaker 2 (03:41):
Now?
Speaker 4 (03:41):
There you go again. No, wonder if people don't come
into our filling station. If a customer drove in here
right now, you wouldn't know what to do.
Speaker 5 (03:46):
Yes, I would, all right.
Speaker 4 (03:48):
Suppose the man asked for Ethel. Well, what would you
tell him?
Speaker 5 (03:51):
I told him it was a day off.
Speaker 4 (03:54):
You'd put Ethel in the car.
Speaker 5 (03:58):
I'd put her in his car. I don't even know.
Speaker 4 (04:01):
Ethel is tanked in front of the gas station.
Speaker 5 (04:03):
Oh you want me to sober a reupt No, I
mean a kid a little but no, no.
Speaker 3 (04:07):
No, no, nothing of the kind.
Speaker 4 (04:09):
Yeah, that's to me.
Speaker 5 (04:10):
Please, we gotta trump the dollar for nothing?
Speaker 3 (04:12):
The cry, I'm not talking about that.
Speaker 4 (04:14):
Look, if a man has a high speed motor, he
wants ethelte.
Speaker 5 (04:18):
He wants what ethel team? That's another one on me brunners.
He wants ethylt and ethel.
Speaker 4 (04:25):
List two kindsthen he could give methylene.
Speaker 5 (04:29):
That's the one I better get to get the laugh
all right, well get.
Speaker 4 (04:32):
It, get it the way you want. Go ahead if
if he.
Speaker 5 (04:37):
Wants me to put ethel on a diet, okay, love me.
Speaker 4 (04:40):
What would you do if a man drove into our
gas station and his motor or not?
Speaker 5 (04:44):
I opened the door, let it in?
Speaker 3 (04:45):
No, don't you understand.
Speaker 4 (04:49):
Don't you understand he has a missed in his motor? Okay,
just a manute, will you please? The man's motor is missing.
Speaker 5 (04:58):
Oh what are you looking at me for? I did
a tyke. I don't go around type of motors. You
know there's other ways of making a buck, all right,
I know that, Just forget about it.
Speaker 4 (05:09):
Look, wait a minute, what would you do if a
man drove up with a flat tire?
Speaker 5 (05:12):
I would treat her just like any other lady. You
don't understand self service with me?
Speaker 4 (05:19):
I understand that. I mean a puncture. You nip with
a puncture. Do you know what a puncture is?
Speaker 3 (05:23):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (05:23):
Yeah, A puncture is a hissing sound, followed by naughty way.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
Of all of those I ever met that settle?
Speaker 4 (05:31):
Take that you wanna fall him off? And get out
of here, right here and now. I am going to
sever my relations with you. You are why you're at it.
Speaker 5 (05:38):
I got a hook and I we should cut up
to no man, I ever, you better stop me. He's
a mess. You never mind that. Listen to me.
Speaker 4 (05:45):
I mean you're through fire.
Speaker 5 (05:47):
Now get out of here. Go ahead. You mean I'm
washed up?
Speaker 3 (05:50):
You heard me.
Speaker 5 (05:51):
You're firing me up?
Speaker 3 (05:52):
You are fired?
Speaker 5 (05:54):
You say it. You didn't have a chap.
Speaker 4 (05:57):
No, never, We're through.
Speaker 5 (06:00):
Oh, pilgrims, pilgrims, pilgrims, pilgrim what just pilgrims? You stopped
my progress?
Speaker 4 (06:07):
Right all right, I'll give you another chance. Now get
in that car there and drive it over to the washwreck.
Speaker 5 (06:15):
It won't start. I tried it.
Speaker 4 (06:17):
No, what do you mean it won't start? All you
have to do is choke your motor. Do what I said,
choke your motor.
Speaker 5 (06:22):
But do you.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Realize why you're saying, Well, certainly choke my motor.
Speaker 4 (06:27):
That's what I have to do.
Speaker 5 (06:28):
Do I look like a boy that would choke his
own motors.
Speaker 4 (06:32):
I don't think you even know where your motor is.
Speaker 5 (06:34):
Your tho, she's home with my.
Speaker 4 (06:36):
Photo, your folder, your Yeah, I take it.
Speaker 5 (06:39):
Care of my little broter and soda.
Speaker 6 (06:41):
Oh.
Speaker 4 (06:43):
I don't think you ever had a car.
Speaker 5 (06:45):
Oh, certainly I got a car rabbit, only I can't
think of the name of it.
Speaker 3 (06:47):
That's all.
Speaker 5 (06:48):
And all I know is that it ends with a act.
Speaker 3 (06:50):
Natal name.
Speaker 5 (06:51):
My car ends with a act.
Speaker 4 (06:52):
Is a Pontiac?
Speaker 5 (06:53):
No Cadillac? No, Now I remember, it's a maniac maniac.
Every kind of drive down the street. Everybody says, there
goes a maniac.
Speaker 4 (07:06):
That old broken down jealoffe of yours? Do you call
that thing a car?
Speaker 5 (07:09):
What do you mean, broke it down? Jealofi of it?
My car's good enough for the army.
Speaker 4 (07:12):
A big general wants to borrower A general wants to
borrow your car. I don't believe.
Speaker 5 (07:16):
Oh yeah, here's a note. I got a note right
here from him. Look what it says. We'll be around
to your house in the morning to pick up your car,
signed General Finance.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
Tune in on budd and Loo And if it's wisdom
you want, well, let's go back twenty five hundred years
to wise old.
Speaker 5 (07:42):
Ether experience is the best teacher.
Speaker 3 (07:46):
Yes, experience is the best teacher.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
When cigarettes were very scarce, not many months ago, most
smokers took what they could get one day, one.
Speaker 3 (07:54):
Brand, another day some other brand.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
Now that experience taught smokers that the costly tobaccos ed
in the traditional camel way set camels apart from all others.
That fact is proved by today's record demand for camel's
As old.
Speaker 7 (08:09):
Lisa also said, actions speak louder than words.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
Yes, actions speak louder than words. The actions of today's
experienced smokers speak louder than any words about any cigarette.
For more smokers are asking for camels today than ever
in camel history. Yes, camels are the choice, the choice
of millions whose own experience taught them that the expertly blended,
costly tobaccos of camels set camels aparts. He yeah, Yes, camels.
Speaker 4 (08:39):
Are the choice, the choice of experience.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
And now Camel presents will Osburn and the orchestra.
Speaker 3 (08:49):
It's the rhythm of tampico.
Speaker 8 (09:12):
A number of times.
Speaker 4 (09:36):
A that's all Hey, that's got to wait on that
(10:19):
girl and just drove in.
Speaker 5 (10:19):
Hurry up, Okay, we be Leddy, I'm on my way
to the movie.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
I'm working at a picture out at Argo.
Speaker 5 (10:32):
Arm Gum. Yes.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
Are you acquainted with any of the actors at Mgong?
Speaker 5 (10:38):
No? But I know the janitor at Re Public that's
right near un a Versil.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
I'm still thrilled I'm appearing in a new picture. It's
all about the African Jungles.
Speaker 4 (10:54):
The African Jungles.
Speaker 5 (10:56):
Oh, but you know what the jungles are. That's the
home of the grief. And that's with the Mountcas, the
Mountcays Mountcas Eater.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
Yes. In one scene, I'm surrounded by sarvage crocodiles.
Speaker 5 (11:14):
Crocodiles.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
Yes, have you ever been frightened by a crocodile?
Speaker 5 (11:19):
But I'm I've been chased by a skunk, young man.
Are you trying to mock me?
Speaker 1 (11:26):
No?
Speaker 5 (11:26):
I like you a lot.
Speaker 3 (11:27):
I could go for you, couldn't you go for me?
Speaker 5 (11:28):
Absolutely?
Speaker 3 (11:29):
And here I go. Hey, what was the matter with her?
Speaker 5 (11:35):
I guess I made her more?
Speaker 4 (11:39):
Hey, Castella, there's another car driving and hurry up, see
what they want.
Speaker 5 (11:42):
We're doing a nice business here.
Speaker 3 (11:44):
Hey, buddy, eh, give me what can I do for you?
Speaker 5 (11:47):
Not so loud?
Speaker 4 (11:48):
Yes, come closer, yes, sir, how would you like to
have a bunch of tires you could sell without priorities?
I gotta call out a hot tires.
Speaker 5 (11:55):
I could let you have cheap What how dare you
tuite to so many tires without a price? You are
nothing but children and a wreck. I have a good
notion and report you to the FBI.
Speaker 4 (12:06):
I fam from the FBI, just checking.
Speaker 5 (12:18):
Let's use a cheap gas.
Speaker 4 (12:22):
Oh, Costella, it comes your girl friendly and against her?
Speaker 5 (12:25):
Have it? Where is that, Costello? I'm gonna tear him
limb from limb the d D T Here comes the
black widow. Oh there you are?
Speaker 1 (12:36):
You inflate at meatball?
Speaker 5 (12:38):
I asked you to put five gallons of gas in
my car and what did you do? Well? Well, brought
a gasoline, so I pulled it in a case of
seven up. No wonder my car burned all the way home, Costella?
Speaker 4 (12:52):
Why do you do such things?
Speaker 3 (12:54):
Yes?
Speaker 5 (12:54):
When I got home, I was all broken up. Well,
whoever put it back together? Against? Sirley did a swell job.
Cas tell us, Oh, I'm sorry, I buy your call
in it, but I put your present. Here's a quart
bottle of Channel number five. Of course, bottle Castello.
Speaker 4 (13:10):
That's awfully extravagant.
Speaker 5 (13:12):
Why a dram would have been enough? Well, I guess
I'm just one of those fellows that don't give a dram. Hey, hey, Lena,
and here is a garlic lipstick to go with the perfume. Ah,
glic lipstick. Yes, when I want to kiss you in
the dark, I just in hail and come in on
(13:34):
the beam. Fellow, I'm fed up with you.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
Good boe.
Speaker 5 (13:44):
Walked out on me toe. Everybody's getting mad at me.
Speaker 4 (13:47):
This is certainly a busy day. Hey, another car just
pull up to the grease rack. Hey, why it's Ken
Niles and Missus Niles.
Speaker 3 (13:54):
It's with him.
Speaker 4 (13:55):
Hello, Missus Niles, dragged We came.
Speaker 5 (13:57):
Over to try your new station. No, I see you
have a nice stack of tires there. Oh my mistake.
Speaker 4 (14:03):
That's mister Costello.
Speaker 5 (14:08):
Did the fast that those kids? This is the main events.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
Now you wait a minute, Costello, don't you start any
fights with my wife.
Speaker 5 (14:15):
You keep on of this, Kenneth, I wear the pants
and our family.
Speaker 4 (14:19):
Gee, I thought you said I could wear them tonight.
Speaker 5 (14:23):
Quick.
Speaker 3 (14:24):
Well, missus Niles, what can we do for you?
Speaker 5 (14:27):
I want to leave my car here to be greazed.
I'll pick it up in the morning.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
Come on, Kenneth, I want to get hold you.
Speaker 4 (14:32):
Know I just had my hair washed.
Speaker 5 (14:33):
Gee, your hair looks lovely, No kidding, I can tell
you I just had a watch. Oh you could, Yeah,
the lunder tag is still tied to your banks. Oh bet,
I have that car Greason ready for me at eight
o'clock in the morning. Come Kenneth, do you hear me?
Come along, Kenneth, give him a little time. We'll get
his leashes caught around the guestline. PLoP you insinuate, I
(14:57):
have Kenneth on a leash, Colm Kette, come on, get Dossey.
I look habit.
Speaker 4 (15:07):
In Greece, missus nile car?
Speaker 5 (15:08):
Why do I have to do all? I have your
work around here. You know I'm not a well man.
All stop now, honestly, but I'm not. I only wish
I was a strong as you all.
Speaker 4 (15:15):
Being strong is all in the mind. If you think strong,
you'll be strong. Think of Atlas. You have a body
like Atlas. Think of Hercules. You have a body like Hercules.
Speaker 5 (15:24):
That wouldn't work with me?
Speaker 4 (15:25):
Havebbit?
Speaker 5 (15:26):
Why not? I keep thinking about his Rabel.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
And now Camel's lovely Connie Haynes, repeating one of her
best along the Navajo.
Speaker 9 (15:48):
Trail every day, along of body, when it's online it
began and too pay, I rise through the.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
Slumber and shadow.
Speaker 9 (16:12):
Alone the never Hoo Train.
Speaker 5 (16:18):
When it's nice.
Speaker 9 (16:21):
And crickets a calling, and cowdy.
Speaker 4 (16:27):
You go make it away?
Speaker 1 (16:32):
I dreamed bathmoldering fire.
Speaker 8 (16:38):
Alone, the Navaho Traine.
Speaker 9 (16:45):
I love to learne and listen to the music.
Speaker 8 (16:51):
When the wind is drum and it slid where get torn?
Speaker 5 (16:58):
When over on the.
Speaker 8 (17:01):
Moon is climbing, it always has me wish a long.
Speaker 3 (17:08):
Of star.
Speaker 5 (17:11):
Well water.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
You know.
Speaker 9 (17:14):
It's morning already, and.
Speaker 8 (17:18):
The door until sober, and it's time to come into
my saddle and rid.
Speaker 9 (17:33):
An neverhood, trade.
Speaker 4 (17:36):
It trading tree tree, It's tinting.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
Long, the never train.
Speaker 3 (18:11):
Ah, thank you, Connie.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
A lovely song, A lovely thing that's a perfect combination,
like the combination of smoke that tastes right on your
tongue and feels right in your throat.
Speaker 8 (18:21):
And that the odd coincidence would be the smoke of camels, right, ken.
Speaker 3 (18:26):
Well, I think so.
Speaker 2 (18:27):
But each smoker must decide that for himself, his te
zone must decide, you know, tea for taste and tea
for throat.
Speaker 7 (18:34):
The zone where smokers test the smoke of any cigarette, Yes,
and a.
Speaker 4 (18:38):
Cigarette that smokes the thing, But only you can judge it.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
How the smoke on your tongue tastes, how the smoke
on your throat feels. Only your tea zone can tell.
Speaker 7 (18:47):
For experience is the best teacher, exactly.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
And a few months ago, when smoker's te zones had
to sample so many different smokes, countless smokers learned that
the costlier tobaccos of Campbell suited their tea zones to
a t. Yes, they found Camel's most pleasant in taste,
most soothing in the throat. For today, the preference for
Camel's is the greatest in all camel history. In the
zone where smokers test the smoke of any cigarette, it's yeah, Camel's.
Speaker 3 (19:18):
Are the choice.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
More smokers are asking for camels today than ever in
camel history.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
Will, mister Rabbit, is my car all greased and ready?
Speaker 4 (19:29):
Yes, it is, Missus Niles Castello. Go get missus Niles car.
Speaker 5 (19:34):
What do you mean? Oh, I was afraid she was
going to ask for a car again. The car isn't here.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
My car's in here?
Speaker 5 (19:39):
Is it.
Speaker 3 (19:39):
Where is my car?
Speaker 4 (19:41):
I had it up last night.
Speaker 5 (19:42):
I was testing it and I had a slight accident.
The car is down on Main Street on main stream
of Why didn't you bring it home? It was dark?
I couldn't find all the parts.
Speaker 4 (19:50):
Right, you wrecked missus niles car.
Speaker 5 (19:55):
How did it happen? I hit a pedestrian.
Speaker 4 (19:58):
You hit a pedestrian?
Speaker 3 (19:59):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (19:59):
How could that wreck the car?
Speaker 5 (20:00):
The pedestrian was on a bush. Just where is the
car on Main Street between fifth and sixth Streets? Will
you be specific? Is it near a fifth or near
a sixth? It's kind of spread out evenly between a mile.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
Oh, you fool.
Speaker 5 (20:18):
I suppose the car is a total wreck. I couldn't
tell very well. What do you mean you couldn't tell?
When I left the fire department was shift in the ashes.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
This idiot has destroyed my car.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
Well, we're not going to stand for this costello. You're
going to replace my wife's car. We're calling the police.
Speaker 5 (20:35):
No, wait a minute, mister, missus Niles. I didn't mean
to wreck your car. I'm just a poor little boy
trying to get ahead. Well, you ever get a good one,
you'd better hang on to it.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
Missus Niles.
Speaker 5 (20:45):
I'm gonna do the gentlemanly thing. I'm gonna give you
my car. It's a beautiful ten passion your she Dan.
You mean ten people could ride it in? No one
rides the other nine push.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
I don't want a broken down to lobby Peece.
Speaker 5 (20:57):
It's a very nice car. Here it is over here
at against the wall. Come on, happen everybody. I'll take
it for a spin.
Speaker 4 (21:04):
All right, All right, guys, I let's step on the slader.
Speaker 5 (21:06):
Okay, they is too thick.
Speaker 4 (21:43):
You get him?
Speaker 5 (21:44):
Can going Costello.
Speaker 3 (21:47):
Hostello Castella.
Speaker 4 (21:48):
Watch where you're driving. You're up on the sidewalk, or
you don't drive.
Speaker 5 (21:51):
On the sidewalk, or you're a stranger in California. But
look out, look out, look out.
Speaker 4 (21:56):
Do you got pedestrie in the right of way?
Speaker 3 (21:57):
Okay?
Speaker 4 (22:00):
You thick back on me?
Speaker 1 (22:01):
Cantuphy where you're going?
Speaker 5 (22:03):
I got you? Didn't.
Speaker 4 (22:04):
I I'll tell you, blockhead. You bumped in that woman
you told me to I did not. I said give
her the right away.
Speaker 5 (22:11):
Oh what they said, give it to her right away?
Oh here comes a motorcycle cap All right, follow the curfew,
im officer, melon head, Or do you think you're going
to a fire? Hey have it? There's a fire, Come on,
let's go see it.
Speaker 4 (22:24):
There isn't any fire.
Speaker 5 (22:25):
This guy just told me is a fire.
Speaker 3 (22:26):
I did not. I just asked you if you were
going to a fire.
Speaker 5 (22:28):
Sure, I'll go.
Speaker 4 (22:29):
I like to watch fire.
Speaker 3 (22:30):
Listen, shorty, there isn't any fire.
Speaker 5 (22:32):
Didn't you just ask me if I was going to
a fire?
Speaker 3 (22:34):
Yes?
Speaker 5 (22:35):
I did, But I always asked that, whether there's a
fire or not. Yes, let me smell your breath.
Speaker 3 (22:42):
How scare you?
Speaker 5 (22:43):
How scare you insinuate that I drink a bottle has
never touched my lips. Oh a cock sniffer's sulding a
police officer.
Speaker 3 (22:52):
And there's witnesses too. Huh. Who are these two people
in the backseat?
Speaker 4 (22:56):
Uh, that's mister and missus Ken and I.
Speaker 3 (22:58):
Oh indeed, and which one.
Speaker 5 (22:59):
Is missus Wait a minute, Wait a minute, Wait a minute, officer,
melon hair. I don't go for that kind of remark.
Which one is missus Niles? These people's are friends of mine.
I'm taking them for a ride in my car. Heyea,
But how do you like the guy asking me which
one is missus Niles?
Speaker 3 (23:14):
Good for you?
Speaker 5 (23:15):
Cottello you keep out of this ken.
Speaker 3 (23:24):
Pole.
Speaker 1 (23:25):
You love him?
Speaker 5 (23:26):
This man wrecked my car, and now he's trying to
palm off this.
Speaker 4 (23:29):
Old pile of junker.
Speaker 3 (23:30):
Oh he is? Is he trying to swindle a woman?
Because tell all, you're going to jail.
Speaker 4 (23:33):
Sell you've got yourself and do it again. What's the
matter with you?
Speaker 5 (23:36):
I guess I'm just a failure. I'm the kind of
person I'm gonna don't want me to associate with. I'm
just a onion on the Hamburger of life. I'm just
a piece of flotsam going somewhere for jetsum.
Speaker 3 (23:49):
Costello.
Speaker 5 (23:50):
What are you going to do about the car?
Speaker 1 (23:51):
You read?
Speaker 5 (23:52):
Missus Niles. I'm gonna do the decent thing. I'm gonna
get a brand new car.
Speaker 3 (23:54):
What kind of a car you're gonna get her?
Speaker 5 (23:56):
Oh, buy a brand new Ford.
Speaker 3 (23:56):
What's the matter with a Chevrolet? Nothing?
Speaker 5 (23:58):
Let everybody buy Chevrolet Chevrolet.
Speaker 3 (24:00):
God, they shouldn't by any other car. Huh.
Speaker 5 (24:01):
Let him buy Dowis, Cadillac's Plenty ex Hussabielle, Dodger, star
Baker's Nashes package actually wore.
Speaker 3 (24:06):
What do you care if Chrysler starves?
Speaker 5 (24:09):
I don't want christ Let us starve let us self
four million, one hundred automate. P Oh, now you want
to jam the highway so my wife will have to
drive three miles an hour. Huh, well, let it drive
twenty miles fifty seventy eighty miles an hour.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
Do you like this guy? My wife is cock on.
He wants you to drive eighty miles an hour?
Speaker 5 (24:24):
All, why don't want it?
Speaker 3 (24:25):
Drive?
Speaker 5 (24:25):
Let a whall?
Speaker 3 (24:26):
She should walk down the street. Have the sailors whistling
at her?
Speaker 5 (24:28):
No? No, why don't want the sailors to whistle at her?
Speaker 3 (24:31):
Now you don't want the sailors to have any fun?
Speaker 5 (24:33):
Huh, let's just sail us have fun.
Speaker 3 (24:37):
And I know what you're thinking. Go on, say it.
My wife kisses every sailor in town.
Speaker 5 (24:41):
You why don't kiss every sailor town?
Speaker 6 (24:43):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (24:43):
You know the ones she kisses, but you won't tell.
Speaker 5 (24:47):
Way, what do you think everything I say it switches
for switch.
Speaker 3 (24:51):
Huh.
Speaker 5 (24:51):
Now you're dragging my wife's hair into this. Go on,
tell all the people how ugly my wife looks without
her hair. Say it, my wife is ugly without her hair,
melon head? No, I think she's a slick little girl.
Speaker 3 (25:01):
Oh, slick. My wife looks like a billiard ball with legs.
Go on, go on, side a rumor. Tell all the
people that I married my wife. I only married my
wife for her money.
Speaker 5 (25:10):
Melon, had I knew your wife before you married her.
She was a pauper, she didn't have a rich sense.
Speaker 3 (25:14):
No, he tells me.
Speaker 5 (25:18):
Just for that, Cristello, I've got a good notion to
slap your ears down. You would have said it. And
they didn't have that pristman's uniform.
Speaker 3 (25:23):
Oh I wouldn't, huh.
Speaker 5 (25:24):
I wouldn't. No, I'd like to see it. Take a
coat of Oh, I'll.
Speaker 3 (25:27):
Take the coat off.
Speaker 5 (25:27):
I'll take it off, take it off.
Speaker 3 (25:29):
Okay, my coat is off.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
Now.
Speaker 5 (25:32):
Now one of you got to say, did anybody ever
tell you that you have pretty suspended?
Speaker 3 (25:48):
A Costello will be back to camel cigarettes in just
a moment.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
And now this week's salute and the new series of
salutes to the men who won the victory.
Speaker 7 (26:00):
Goodnight, wet to loot the thirty eight Cyclone Division, he
rose up the recapture of Bataan. In your honor, men
of the Cyclone Division. The makers of Camels are sending
to your fellow serviceman overseas five hundred thousand the Camel cigarette.
Speaker 3 (26:19):
Each of the two Camel.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
Radio shows thus honors the different units of the Army, Navy, Marines,
and Coastguard, the total of a million camel sent free
each week. Camel broadcasts go out to the United States
twice a week, a rebroadcast to practically every area in
the world where our mena station and in cooperation with
a good neighbor policy, also to Central and South America.
Speaker 3 (26:38):
Listen next Thursday.
Speaker 2 (26:40):
When Camel again presents Abbot and Castello and now here
bud Abbit and New Costello with the final.
Speaker 4 (26:46):
Word, Well, Castello, missus Niles is still waiting here. She
wants to know what you're going to do about that
car of ours that you smash.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
Yes, Castello, I.
Speaker 5 (26:53):
Simply can't get along without transportation. Why I've never walked
anywhere in my life in California. I drove clear across
this great country. Well, gee, I can't get a kind
of transportation you had when you came out here to California.
And why not they don't make covered wagons anymore.
Speaker 3 (27:10):
Good Night, folks, good night.
Speaker 5 (27:12):
Don't forget one night.
Speaker 2 (27:16):
Good night. He started to end next week for another
Great Abnet Costello Show brought to you. Buy camel cigarette
(27:39):
and remember, try camels and your tea's off.
Speaker 3 (27:41):
See if they.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
Don't suit your taste, your throat to a tea.
Speaker 6 (27:56):
Cold weather and pipe smoking somehow go together, especially if
you can say the fire and take it easy. But
you want the right kind of fire in your pipe too.
The cooler, slow burning fire of Prince Albert tobacco. Prince
Albert burns slowly because it's crimped cut. A special note
bite treatment takes out the parch and sting. Let you
(28:17):
enjoy the rich, mellow flavor of Prince Albert as often
as you wish. Do you wonder why Prince Albert is
the world's favorite, Try it just once and you'll know.
And be sure on Saturday night to tune in the
Great Prince Albert Radio Show, Grand Old Opry Coast to
Coast on NBC.
Speaker 2 (28:45):
The Abitant Costello Show for Camel Cigarettes will be back
at this very same time next week.
Speaker 3 (28:50):
Don't miss it.
Speaker 2 (28:51):
This is Ken Nile till Hollywood, wishing you all the
pleasant good night.
Speaker 5 (29:05):
This is a National Broadcasting Company m
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
The Avenue Costello Program starring Bud Abbott and Lou Costello,
brought to you by Camel the cigarette of Costly, a
properly aged tobacco. The Avenue Costello Program with a modern
rhythm of will Osborn Naty Orchestra, Iravandrian Are Singing Star
Connie Haynes and stop lighting that chunky, chubby little cherub
(00:37):
who went caught rubbing floor polish on his uncle Artie
Stebben's head because he heard it was good for wood.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
Conley said, I love.
Speaker 4 (01:02):
Costello Costello. We bought this gas station four days ago.
Are you listening to me? We bought this gas station
four days ago, and you you promised to do half
the work. How you've got the Lana Turner's car up
there on the grease rack. Why aren't you greasing it?
Speaker 5 (01:18):
Because a lot of Turner's car makes me open nervous? Oh?
Speaker 4 (01:21):
How could Lana Turner's car make you nervous?
Speaker 5 (01:23):
Well, this is the first time have ever been close
to her chestis right?
Speaker 4 (01:28):
Look they'll be after her car in a minute. I'll
get it off that hydraulic hoakes and take it easy, please, okay, okay,
all right?
Speaker 5 (01:46):
Anybody want to buy a squatty Chevrolet, you idiot.
Speaker 4 (01:50):
Now look what you've done. Do you realize that Miss
Turner can sue you for damages?
Speaker 5 (01:54):
Shue me for damage? How much more damage does she want?
Speaker 3 (01:57):
Now?
Speaker 5 (01:57):
Look at the car, you.
Speaker 4 (01:58):
Dummy, can press a suit against you.
Speaker 5 (02:01):
Oh, she could press a suit against me anytime I
talk sense.
Speaker 4 (02:06):
We've got to lift that car up and get it
out of there. Where are the jacks? Where are the
tax Yes? Where are the jacks?
Speaker 5 (02:12):
I quit playing jacks? I couldn't get passed my foot.
Speaker 4 (02:16):
So you played jacks. I suppose you played to the
leavings too, don't you?
Speaker 5 (02:20):
Yes, I do, But I don't want to play no
tene manxw Yeah why not? Because you play wet loaded tiddleys.
All the chit tell me what kids? All the tips
I took the tempestry, Aliston.
Speaker 4 (02:45):
Look, I'm getting fed up with this. You haven't done
a look of work around here in four days.
Speaker 5 (02:50):
Oh no, well, this morning I cleaned out that little
pantry over there.
Speaker 4 (02:53):
Pantry. Yeah, that's not a pantry. Now, he tells me,
get out on the stand when you're listen to me, please,
What would they be doing with a pantry in a
filling station.
Speaker 5 (03:09):
I told maybe that's where he kept the traffic jam. Hello,
have it in costcollar service station?
Speaker 3 (03:17):
Do you have an oversized head gas?
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Good?
Speaker 5 (03:19):
Yes I have.
Speaker 3 (03:20):
How do you get your hat on?
Speaker 5 (03:28):
That was a very funny joke. I'll put it on,
abboit I have it. Do you have an oversized head
desk it?
Speaker 1 (03:34):
No?
Speaker 4 (03:34):
But I have a new pair of cast iron fender pants.
Speaker 5 (03:37):
Now what am I gonna do with the hat?
Speaker 2 (03:41):
Now?
Speaker 4 (03:41):
There you go again. No, wonder if people don't come
into our filling station. If a customer drove in here
right now, you wouldn't know what to do.
Speaker 5 (03:46):
Yes, I would, all right.
Speaker 4 (03:48):
Suppose the man asked for Ethel. Well, what would you
tell him?
Speaker 5 (03:51):
I told him it was a day off.
Speaker 4 (03:54):
You'd put Ethel in the car.
Speaker 5 (03:58):
I'd put her in his car. I don't even know.
Speaker 4 (04:01):
Ethel is tanked in front of the gas station.
Speaker 5 (04:03):
Oh you want me to sober a reupt No, I
mean a kid a little but no, no.
Speaker 3 (04:07):
No, no, nothing of the kind.
Speaker 4 (04:09):
Yeah, that's to me.
Speaker 5 (04:10):
Please, we gotta trump the dollar for nothing?
Speaker 3 (04:12):
The cry, I'm not talking about that.
Speaker 4 (04:14):
Look, if a man has a high speed motor, he
wants ethelte.
Speaker 5 (04:18):
He wants what ethel team? That's another one on me brunners.
He wants ethylt and ethel.
Speaker 4 (04:25):
List two kindsthen he could give methylene.
Speaker 5 (04:29):
That's the one I better get to get the laugh
all right, well get.
Speaker 4 (04:32):
It, get it the way you want. Go ahead if
if he.
Speaker 5 (04:37):
Wants me to put ethel on a diet, okay, love me.
Speaker 4 (04:40):
What would you do if a man drove into our
gas station and his motor or not?
Speaker 5 (04:44):
I opened the door, let it in?
Speaker 3 (04:45):
No, don't you understand.
Speaker 4 (04:49):
Don't you understand he has a missed in his motor? Okay,
just a manute, will you please? The man's motor is missing.
Speaker 5 (04:58):
Oh what are you looking at me for? I did
a tyke. I don't go around type of motors. You
know there's other ways of making a buck, all right,
I know that, Just forget about it.
Speaker 4 (05:09):
Look, wait a minute, what would you do if a
man drove up with a flat tire?
Speaker 5 (05:12):
I would treat her just like any other lady. You
don't understand self service with me?
Speaker 4 (05:19):
I understand that. I mean a puncture. You nip with
a puncture. Do you know what a puncture is?
Speaker 3 (05:23):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (05:23):
Yeah, A puncture is a hissing sound, followed by naughty way.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
Of all of those I ever met that settle?
Speaker 4 (05:31):
Take that you wanna fall him off? And get out
of here, right here and now. I am going to
sever my relations with you. You are why you're at it.
Speaker 5 (05:38):
I got a hook and I we should cut up
to no man, I ever, you better stop me. He's
a mess. You never mind that. Listen to me.
Speaker 4 (05:45):
I mean you're through fire.
Speaker 5 (05:47):
Now get out of here. Go ahead. You mean I'm
washed up?
Speaker 3 (05:50):
You heard me.
Speaker 5 (05:51):
You're firing me up?
Speaker 3 (05:52):
You are fired?
Speaker 5 (05:54):
You say it. You didn't have a chap.
Speaker 4 (05:57):
No, never, We're through.
Speaker 5 (06:00):
Oh, pilgrims, pilgrims, pilgrims, pilgrim what just pilgrims? You stopped
my progress?
Speaker 4 (06:07):
Right all right, I'll give you another chance. Now get
in that car there and drive it over to the washwreck.
Speaker 5 (06:15):
It won't start. I tried it.
Speaker 4 (06:17):
No, what do you mean it won't start? All you
have to do is choke your motor. Do what I said,
choke your motor.
Speaker 5 (06:22):
But do you.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Realize why you're saying, Well, certainly choke my motor.
Speaker 4 (06:27):
That's what I have to do.
Speaker 5 (06:28):
Do I look like a boy that would choke his
own motors.
Speaker 4 (06:32):
I don't think you even know where your motor is.
Speaker 5 (06:34):
Your tho, she's home with my.
Speaker 4 (06:36):
Photo, your folder, your Yeah, I take it.
Speaker 5 (06:39):
Care of my little broter and soda.
Speaker 6 (06:41):
Oh.
Speaker 4 (06:43):
I don't think you ever had a car.
Speaker 5 (06:45):
Oh, certainly I got a car rabbit, only I can't
think of the name of it.
Speaker 3 (06:47):
That's all.
Speaker 5 (06:48):
And all I know is that it ends with a act.
Speaker 3 (06:50):
Natal name.
Speaker 5 (06:51):
My car ends with a act.
Speaker 4 (06:52):
Is a Pontiac?
Speaker 5 (06:53):
No Cadillac? No, Now I remember, it's a maniac maniac.
Every kind of drive down the street. Everybody says, there
goes a maniac.
Speaker 4 (07:06):
That old broken down jealoffe of yours? Do you call
that thing a car?
Speaker 5 (07:09):
What do you mean, broke it down? Jealofi of it?
My car's good enough for the army.
Speaker 4 (07:12):
A big general wants to borrower A general wants to
borrow your car. I don't believe.
Speaker 5 (07:16):
Oh yeah, here's a note. I got a note right
here from him. Look what it says. We'll be around
to your house in the morning to pick up your car,
signed General Finance.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
Tune in on budd and Loo And if it's wisdom
you want, well, let's go back twenty five hundred years
to wise old.
Speaker 5 (07:42):
Ether experience is the best teacher.
Speaker 3 (07:46):
Yes, experience is the best teacher.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
When cigarettes were very scarce, not many months ago, most
smokers took what they could get one day, one.
Speaker 3 (07:54):
Brand, another day some other brand.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
Now that experience taught smokers that the costly tobaccos ed
in the traditional camel way set camels apart from all others.
That fact is proved by today's record demand for camel's
As old.
Speaker 7 (08:09):
Lisa also said, actions speak louder than words.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
Yes, actions speak louder than words. The actions of today's
experienced smokers speak louder than any words about any cigarette.
For more smokers are asking for camels today than ever
in camel history. Yes, camels are the choice, the choice
of millions whose own experience taught them that the expertly blended,
costly tobaccos of camels set camels aparts. He yeah, Yes, camels.
Speaker 4 (08:39):
Are the choice, the choice of experience.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
And now Camel presents will Osburn and the orchestra.
Speaker 3 (08:49):
It's the rhythm of tampico.
Speaker 8 (09:12):
A number of times.
Speaker 4 (09:36):
A that's all Hey, that's got to wait on that
(10:19):
girl and just drove in.
Speaker 5 (10:19):
Hurry up, Okay, we be Leddy, I'm on my way
to the movie.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
I'm working at a picture out at Argo.
Speaker 5 (10:32):
Arm Gum. Yes.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
Are you acquainted with any of the actors at Mgong?
Speaker 5 (10:38):
No? But I know the janitor at Re Public that's
right near un a Versil.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
I'm still thrilled I'm appearing in a new picture. It's
all about the African Jungles.
Speaker 4 (10:54):
The African Jungles.
Speaker 5 (10:56):
Oh, but you know what the jungles are. That's the
home of the grief. And that's with the Mountcas, the
Mountcays Mountcas Eater.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
Yes. In one scene, I'm surrounded by sarvage crocodiles.
Speaker 5 (11:14):
Crocodiles.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
Yes, have you ever been frightened by a crocodile?
Speaker 5 (11:19):
But I'm I've been chased by a skunk, young man.
Are you trying to mock me?
Speaker 1 (11:26):
No?
Speaker 5 (11:26):
I like you a lot.
Speaker 3 (11:27):
I could go for you, couldn't you go for me?
Speaker 5 (11:28):
Absolutely?
Speaker 3 (11:29):
And here I go. Hey, what was the matter with her?
Speaker 5 (11:35):
I guess I made her more?
Speaker 4 (11:39):
Hey, Castella, there's another car driving and hurry up, see
what they want.
Speaker 5 (11:42):
We're doing a nice business here.
Speaker 3 (11:44):
Hey, buddy, eh, give me what can I do for you?
Speaker 5 (11:47):
Not so loud?
Speaker 4 (11:48):
Yes, come closer, yes, sir, how would you like to
have a bunch of tires you could sell without priorities?
I gotta call out a hot tires.
Speaker 5 (11:55):
I could let you have cheap What how dare you
tuite to so many tires without a price? You are
nothing but children and a wreck. I have a good
notion and report you to the FBI.
Speaker 4 (12:06):
I fam from the FBI, just checking.
Speaker 5 (12:18):
Let's use a cheap gas.
Speaker 4 (12:22):
Oh, Costella, it comes your girl friendly and against her?
Speaker 5 (12:25):
Have it? Where is that, Costello? I'm gonna tear him
limb from limb the d D T Here comes the
black widow. Oh there you are?
Speaker 1 (12:36):
You inflate at meatball?
Speaker 5 (12:38):
I asked you to put five gallons of gas in
my car and what did you do? Well? Well, brought
a gasoline, so I pulled it in a case of
seven up. No wonder my car burned all the way home, Costella?
Speaker 4 (12:52):
Why do you do such things?
Speaker 3 (12:54):
Yes?
Speaker 5 (12:54):
When I got home, I was all broken up. Well,
whoever put it back together? Against? Sirley did a swell job.
Cas tell us, Oh, I'm sorry, I buy your call
in it, but I put your present. Here's a quart
bottle of Channel number five. Of course, bottle Castello.
Speaker 4 (13:10):
That's awfully extravagant.
Speaker 5 (13:12):
Why a dram would have been enough? Well, I guess
I'm just one of those fellows that don't give a dram. Hey, hey, Lena,
and here is a garlic lipstick to go with the perfume. Ah,
glic lipstick. Yes, when I want to kiss you in
the dark, I just in hail and come in on
(13:34):
the beam. Fellow, I'm fed up with you.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
Good boe.
Speaker 5 (13:44):
Walked out on me toe. Everybody's getting mad at me.
Speaker 4 (13:47):
This is certainly a busy day. Hey, another car just
pull up to the grease rack. Hey, why it's Ken
Niles and Missus Niles.
Speaker 3 (13:54):
It's with him.
Speaker 4 (13:55):
Hello, Missus Niles, dragged We came.
Speaker 5 (13:57):
Over to try your new station. No, I see you
have a nice stack of tires there. Oh my mistake.
Speaker 4 (14:03):
That's mister Costello.
Speaker 5 (14:08):
Did the fast that those kids? This is the main events.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
Now you wait a minute, Costello, don't you start any
fights with my wife.
Speaker 5 (14:15):
You keep on of this, Kenneth, I wear the pants
and our family.
Speaker 4 (14:19):
Gee, I thought you said I could wear them tonight.
Speaker 5 (14:23):
Quick.
Speaker 3 (14:24):
Well, missus Niles, what can we do for you?
Speaker 5 (14:27):
I want to leave my car here to be greazed.
I'll pick it up in the morning.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
Come on, Kenneth, I want to get hold you.
Speaker 4 (14:32):
Know I just had my hair washed.
Speaker 5 (14:33):
Gee, your hair looks lovely, No kidding, I can tell
you I just had a watch. Oh you could, Yeah,
the lunder tag is still tied to your banks. Oh bet,
I have that car Greason ready for me at eight
o'clock in the morning. Come Kenneth, do you hear me?
Come along, Kenneth, give him a little time. We'll get
his leashes caught around the guestline. PLoP you insinuate, I
(14:57):
have Kenneth on a leash, Colm Kette, come on, get Dossey.
I look habit.
Speaker 4 (15:07):
In Greece, missus nile car?
Speaker 5 (15:08):
Why do I have to do all? I have your
work around here. You know I'm not a well man.
All stop now, honestly, but I'm not. I only wish
I was a strong as you all.
Speaker 4 (15:15):
Being strong is all in the mind. If you think strong,
you'll be strong. Think of Atlas. You have a body
like Atlas. Think of Hercules. You have a body like Hercules.
Speaker 5 (15:24):
That wouldn't work with me?
Speaker 4 (15:25):
Havebbit?
Speaker 5 (15:26):
Why not? I keep thinking about his Rabel.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
And now Camel's lovely Connie Haynes, repeating one of her
best along the Navajo.
Speaker 9 (15:48):
Trail every day, along of body, when it's online it
began and too pay, I rise through the.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
Slumber and shadow.
Speaker 9 (16:12):
Alone the never Hoo Train.
Speaker 5 (16:18):
When it's nice.
Speaker 9 (16:21):
And crickets a calling, and cowdy.
Speaker 4 (16:27):
You go make it away?
Speaker 1 (16:32):
I dreamed bathmoldering fire.
Speaker 8 (16:38):
Alone, the Navaho Traine.
Speaker 9 (16:45):
I love to learne and listen to the music.
Speaker 8 (16:51):
When the wind is drum and it slid where get torn?
Speaker 5 (16:58):
When over on the.
Speaker 8 (17:01):
Moon is climbing, it always has me wish a long.
Speaker 3 (17:08):
Of star.
Speaker 5 (17:11):
Well water.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
You know.
Speaker 9 (17:14):
It's morning already, and.
Speaker 8 (17:18):
The door until sober, and it's time to come into
my saddle and rid.
Speaker 9 (17:33):
An neverhood, trade.
Speaker 4 (17:36):
It trading tree tree, It's tinting.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
Long, the never train.
Speaker 3 (18:11):
Ah, thank you, Connie.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
A lovely song, A lovely thing that's a perfect combination,
like the combination of smoke that tastes right on your
tongue and feels right in your throat.
Speaker 8 (18:21):
And that the odd coincidence would be the smoke of camels, right, ken.
Speaker 3 (18:26):
Well, I think so.
Speaker 2 (18:27):
But each smoker must decide that for himself, his te
zone must decide, you know, tea for taste and tea
for throat.
Speaker 7 (18:34):
The zone where smokers test the smoke of any cigarette, Yes,
and a.
Speaker 4 (18:38):
Cigarette that smokes the thing, But only you can judge it.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
How the smoke on your tongue tastes, how the smoke
on your throat feels. Only your tea zone can tell.
Speaker 7 (18:47):
For experience is the best teacher, exactly.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
And a few months ago, when smoker's te zones had
to sample so many different smokes, countless smokers learned that
the costlier tobaccos of Campbell suited their tea zones to
a t. Yes, they found Camel's most pleasant in taste,
most soothing in the throat. For today, the preference for
Camel's is the greatest in all camel history. In the
zone where smokers test the smoke of any cigarette, it's yeah, Camel's.
Speaker 3 (19:18):
Are the choice.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
More smokers are asking for camels today than ever in
camel history.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
Will, mister Rabbit, is my car all greased and ready?
Speaker 4 (19:29):
Yes, it is, Missus Niles Castello. Go get missus Niles car.
Speaker 5 (19:34):
What do you mean? Oh, I was afraid she was
going to ask for a car again. The car isn't here.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
My car's in here?
Speaker 5 (19:39):
Is it.
Speaker 3 (19:39):
Where is my car?
Speaker 4 (19:41):
I had it up last night.
Speaker 5 (19:42):
I was testing it and I had a slight accident.
The car is down on Main Street on main stream
of Why didn't you bring it home? It was dark?
I couldn't find all the parts.
Speaker 4 (19:50):
Right, you wrecked missus niles car.
Speaker 5 (19:55):
How did it happen? I hit a pedestrian.
Speaker 4 (19:58):
You hit a pedestrian?
Speaker 3 (19:59):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (19:59):
How could that wreck the car?
Speaker 5 (20:00):
The pedestrian was on a bush. Just where is the
car on Main Street between fifth and sixth Streets? Will
you be specific? Is it near a fifth or near
a sixth? It's kind of spread out evenly between a mile.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
Oh, you fool.
Speaker 5 (20:18):
I suppose the car is a total wreck. I couldn't
tell very well. What do you mean you couldn't tell?
When I left the fire department was shift in the ashes.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
This idiot has destroyed my car.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
Well, we're not going to stand for this costello. You're
going to replace my wife's car. We're calling the police.
Speaker 5 (20:35):
No, wait a minute, mister, missus Niles. I didn't mean
to wreck your car. I'm just a poor little boy
trying to get ahead. Well, you ever get a good one,
you'd better hang on to it.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
Missus Niles.
Speaker 5 (20:45):
I'm gonna do the gentlemanly thing. I'm gonna give you
my car. It's a beautiful ten passion your she Dan.
You mean ten people could ride it in? No one
rides the other nine push.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
I don't want a broken down to lobby Peece.
Speaker 5 (20:57):
It's a very nice car. Here it is over here
at against the wall. Come on, happen everybody. I'll take
it for a spin.
Speaker 4 (21:04):
All right, All right, guys, I let's step on the slader.
Speaker 5 (21:06):
Okay, they is too thick.
Speaker 4 (21:43):
You get him?
Speaker 5 (21:44):
Can going Costello.
Speaker 3 (21:47):
Hostello Castella.
Speaker 4 (21:48):
Watch where you're driving. You're up on the sidewalk, or
you don't drive.
Speaker 5 (21:51):
On the sidewalk, or you're a stranger in California. But
look out, look out, look out.
Speaker 4 (21:56):
Do you got pedestrie in the right of way?
Speaker 3 (21:57):
Okay?
Speaker 4 (22:00):
You thick back on me?
Speaker 1 (22:01):
Cantuphy where you're going?
Speaker 5 (22:03):
I got you? Didn't.
Speaker 4 (22:04):
I I'll tell you, blockhead. You bumped in that woman
you told me to I did not. I said give
her the right away.
Speaker 5 (22:11):
Oh what they said, give it to her right away?
Oh here comes a motorcycle cap All right, follow the curfew,
im officer, melon head, Or do you think you're going
to a fire? Hey have it? There's a fire, Come on,
let's go see it.
Speaker 4 (22:24):
There isn't any fire.
Speaker 5 (22:25):
This guy just told me is a fire.
Speaker 3 (22:26):
I did not. I just asked you if you were
going to a fire.
Speaker 5 (22:28):
Sure, I'll go.
Speaker 4 (22:29):
I like to watch fire.
Speaker 3 (22:30):
Listen, shorty, there isn't any fire.
Speaker 5 (22:32):
Didn't you just ask me if I was going to
a fire?
Speaker 3 (22:34):
Yes?
Speaker 5 (22:35):
I did, But I always asked that, whether there's a
fire or not. Yes, let me smell your breath.
Speaker 3 (22:42):
How scare you?
Speaker 5 (22:43):
How scare you insinuate that I drink a bottle has
never touched my lips. Oh a cock sniffer's sulding a
police officer.
Speaker 3 (22:52):
And there's witnesses too. Huh. Who are these two people
in the backseat?
Speaker 4 (22:56):
Uh, that's mister and missus Ken and I.
Speaker 3 (22:58):
Oh indeed, and which one.
Speaker 5 (22:59):
Is missus Wait a minute, Wait a minute, Wait a minute, officer,
melon hair. I don't go for that kind of remark.
Which one is missus Niles? These people's are friends of mine.
I'm taking them for a ride in my car. Heyea,
But how do you like the guy asking me which
one is missus Niles?
Speaker 3 (23:14):
Good for you?
Speaker 5 (23:15):
Cottello you keep out of this ken.
Speaker 3 (23:24):
Pole.
Speaker 1 (23:25):
You love him?
Speaker 5 (23:26):
This man wrecked my car, and now he's trying to
palm off this.
Speaker 4 (23:29):
Old pile of junker.
Speaker 3 (23:30):
Oh he is? Is he trying to swindle a woman?
Because tell all, you're going to jail.
Speaker 4 (23:33):
Sell you've got yourself and do it again. What's the
matter with you?
Speaker 5 (23:36):
I guess I'm just a failure. I'm the kind of
person I'm gonna don't want me to associate with. I'm
just a onion on the Hamburger of life. I'm just
a piece of flotsam going somewhere for jetsum.
Speaker 3 (23:49):
Costello.
Speaker 5 (23:50):
What are you going to do about the car?
Speaker 1 (23:51):
You read?
Speaker 5 (23:52):
Missus Niles. I'm gonna do the decent thing. I'm gonna
get a brand new car.
Speaker 3 (23:54):
What kind of a car you're gonna get her?
Speaker 5 (23:56):
Oh, buy a brand new Ford.
Speaker 3 (23:56):
What's the matter with a Chevrolet? Nothing?
Speaker 5 (23:58):
Let everybody buy Chevrolet Chevrolet.
Speaker 3 (24:00):
God, they shouldn't by any other car. Huh.
Speaker 5 (24:01):
Let him buy Dowis, Cadillac's Plenty ex Hussabielle, Dodger, star
Baker's Nashes package actually wore.
Speaker 3 (24:06):
What do you care if Chrysler starves?
Speaker 5 (24:09):
I don't want christ Let us starve let us self
four million, one hundred automate. P Oh, now you want
to jam the highway so my wife will have to
drive three miles an hour. Huh, well, let it drive
twenty miles fifty seventy eighty miles an hour.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
Do you like this guy? My wife is cock on.
He wants you to drive eighty miles an hour?
Speaker 5 (24:24):
All, why don't want it?
Speaker 3 (24:25):
Drive?
Speaker 5 (24:25):
Let a whall?
Speaker 3 (24:26):
She should walk down the street. Have the sailors whistling
at her?
Speaker 5 (24:28):
No? No, why don't want the sailors to whistle at her?
Speaker 3 (24:31):
Now you don't want the sailors to have any fun?
Speaker 5 (24:33):
Huh, let's just sail us have fun.
Speaker 3 (24:37):
And I know what you're thinking. Go on, say it.
My wife kisses every sailor in town.
Speaker 5 (24:41):
You why don't kiss every sailor town?
Speaker 6 (24:43):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (24:43):
You know the ones she kisses, but you won't tell.
Speaker 5 (24:47):
Way, what do you think everything I say it switches
for switch.
Speaker 3 (24:51):
Huh.
Speaker 5 (24:51):
Now you're dragging my wife's hair into this. Go on,
tell all the people how ugly my wife looks without
her hair. Say it, my wife is ugly without her hair,
melon head? No, I think she's a slick little girl.
Speaker 3 (25:01):
Oh, slick. My wife looks like a billiard ball with legs.
Go on, go on, side a rumor. Tell all the
people that I married my wife. I only married my
wife for her money.
Speaker 5 (25:10):
Melon, had I knew your wife before you married her.
She was a pauper, she didn't have a rich sense.
Speaker 3 (25:14):
No, he tells me.
Speaker 5 (25:18):
Just for that, Cristello, I've got a good notion to
slap your ears down. You would have said it. And
they didn't have that pristman's uniform.
Speaker 3 (25:23):
Oh I wouldn't, huh.
Speaker 5 (25:24):
I wouldn't. No, I'd like to see it. Take a
coat of Oh, I'll.
Speaker 3 (25:27):
Take the coat off.
Speaker 5 (25:27):
I'll take it off, take it off.
Speaker 3 (25:29):
Okay, my coat is off.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
Now.
Speaker 5 (25:32):
Now one of you got to say, did anybody ever
tell you that you have pretty suspended?
Speaker 3 (25:48):
A Costello will be back to camel cigarettes in just
a moment.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
And now this week's salute and the new series of
salutes to the men who won the victory.
Speaker 7 (26:00):
Goodnight, wet to loot the thirty eight Cyclone Division, he
rose up the recapture of Bataan. In your honor, men
of the Cyclone Division. The makers of Camels are sending
to your fellow serviceman overseas five hundred thousand the Camel cigarette.
Speaker 3 (26:19):
Each of the two Camel.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
Radio shows thus honors the different units of the Army, Navy, Marines,
and Coastguard, the total of a million camel sent free
each week. Camel broadcasts go out to the United States
twice a week, a rebroadcast to practically every area in
the world where our mena station and in cooperation with
a good neighbor policy, also to Central and South America.
Speaker 3 (26:38):
Listen next Thursday.
Speaker 2 (26:40):
When Camel again presents Abbot and Castello and now here
bud Abbit and New Costello with the final.
Speaker 4 (26:46):
Word, Well, Castello, missus Niles is still waiting here. She
wants to know what you're going to do about that
car of ours that you smash.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
Yes, Castello, I.
Speaker 5 (26:53):
Simply can't get along without transportation. Why I've never walked
anywhere in my life in California. I drove clear across
this great country. Well, gee, I can't get a kind
of transportation you had when you came out here to California.
And why not they don't make covered wagons anymore.
Speaker 3 (27:10):
Good Night, folks, good night.
Speaker 5 (27:12):
Don't forget one night.
Speaker 2 (27:16):
Good night. He started to end next week for another
Great Abnet Costello Show brought to you. Buy camel cigarette
(27:39):
and remember, try camels and your tea's off.
Speaker 3 (27:41):
See if they.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
Don't suit your taste, your throat to a tea.
Speaker 6 (27:56):
Cold weather and pipe smoking somehow go together, especially if
you can say the fire and take it easy. But
you want the right kind of fire in your pipe too.
The cooler, slow burning fire of Prince Albert tobacco. Prince
Albert burns slowly because it's crimped cut. A special note
bite treatment takes out the parch and sting. Let you
(28:17):
enjoy the rich, mellow flavor of Prince Albert as often
as you wish. Do you wonder why Prince Albert is
the world's favorite, Try it just once and you'll know.
And be sure on Saturday night to tune in the
Great Prince Albert Radio Show, Grand Old Opry Coast to
Coast on NBC.
Speaker 2 (28:45):
The Abitant Costello Show for Camel Cigarettes will be back
at this very same time next week.
Speaker 3 (28:50):
Don't miss it.
Speaker 2 (28:51):
This is Ken Nile till Hollywood, wishing you all the
pleasant good night.
Speaker 5 (29:05):
This is a National Broadcasting Company m
Popular Podcasts
Law & Order: Criminal Justice System - Season 1 & Season 2
Season Two Out Now! Law & Order: Criminal Justice System tells the real stories behind the landmark cases that have shaped how the most dangerous and influential criminals in America are prosecuted. In its second season, the series tackles the threat of terrorism in the United States. From the rise of extremist political groups in the 60s to domestic lone wolves in the modern day, we explore how organizations like the FBI and Joint Terrorism Take Force have evolved to fight back against a multitude of terrorist threats.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
NFL Daily with Gregg Rosenthal
Gregg Rosenthal and a rotating crew of elite NFL Media co-hosts, including Patrick Claybon, Colleen Wolfe, Steve Wyche, Nick Shook and Jourdan Rodrigue of The Athletic get you caught up daily on all the NFL news and analysis you need to be smarter and funnier than your friends.