May 24, 2023 • 22 mins
Abbott and Costello debuted on radio on Kate Smith's program in 1938. They continued performing on the show until the summer of 1940. Their first program of their own was a summer replacement for The Fred Allen Show in 1940. After a hiatus of two years, the show returned as a regular network program in the fall of 1942 and ran through the spring of 1949.
The show was a variety program, with Abbott and Costello performing comedy sketches, songs, and musical numbers. The show also featured a number of recurring characters, including Bud Abbott's character, "Louie the Garbage Man," and Lou Costello's character, "Noodles."
The Abbott and Costello Show was one of the most popular radio programs of its time. It was a major influence on the development of the sitcom genre, and it helped to make Abbott and Costello one of the most popular comedy teams in history.
Here are some of the most famous sketches from The Abbott and Costello Show:
"Who's on First?"
"The Gas Man"
"The Time of Their Lives"
"The Whodunit?"
"The Mad Doctor"
Listen to our radio station Old Time Radio https://link.radioking.com/otradio
Listen to other Shows at My Classic Radio https://www.myclassicradio.net/
Remember that times have changed, and some shows might not reflect the standards of today’s politically correct society. The shows do not necessarily reflect the views, standards, or beliefs of Entertainment Radio
The show was a variety program, with Abbott and Costello performing comedy sketches, songs, and musical numbers. The show also featured a number of recurring characters, including Bud Abbott's character, "Louie the Garbage Man," and Lou Costello's character, "Noodles."
The Abbott and Costello Show was one of the most popular radio programs of its time. It was a major influence on the development of the sitcom genre, and it helped to make Abbott and Costello one of the most popular comedy teams in history.
Here are some of the most famous sketches from The Abbott and Costello Show:
"Who's on First?"
"The Gas Man"
"The Time of Their Lives"
"The Whodunit?"
"The Mad Doctor"
Listen to our radio station Old Time Radio https://link.radioking.com/otradio
Listen to other Shows at My Classic Radio https://www.myclassicradio.net/
Remember that times have changed, and some shows might not reflect the standards of today’s politically correct society. The shows do not necessarily reflect the views, standards, or beliefs of Entertainment Radio
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
All right, all right, guys, that's not here I am. What's
so excited about? What am Iexciting about? Yeah? Two motorcycle copas
(00:22):
take their prison? Bobby? Whatfor? What for? Just because I
had a clean light with me forsix o'clocks? Well wait a minute,
I love cow. If you hadthe green right with you, why were
the cops chasing had the back sheetof my car? You and your whole
family are always in trouble with thelaw. I guess you're right, have
it? No, I guess you'reright, Yester, join the last one.
(00:44):
I've got a pacco the rest becauseshe forgot the register for the draft.
He forgot to register. Yeah,he was too busy looking his cow,
looking at his cow. He shouldhave been at enough front. What
for the milk was at the otherend? Yeah, you're a hopeless idiot.
Costell. Please don't see that happen. It isn't my fault. I
had a very sad homelind did Idid? I was born on a street
(01:06):
car and I never saw my motherwhen why not? She forgot to get
a transfer. I am convinced you'rea stizo? What's so astizo? Ski
Steeve, haven't you ever experienced astizo Freenian. Yes. The first time
I put on a pair of skis, I fell on my Freenia. Don't
(01:27):
bow me out, Abba, Idon't feel so good. I went to
the doctor. He told me Iwas a townards of dollars. Yours towns
of dollars? And then, whyare you feeling so bad? Do you
know to shape the dollars in thesedays? How does it feel to be
a moron? It feels pretty goodonce you used to it. Oh,
(01:53):
stop stop holing. Where'd you getthat black guy? Oh? I met
Merlyn Williams in the country club andshe asked me if I had to play
aroun with her? Yes? Howdan though she was talking about golf.
You look terrible, guy, stella, I do. Yeah. Well,
I had a bad day of it. One out of Marilyn. I ran
(02:14):
into a cook guy with a gun. He said, give me your money
or up brow your brains out.What did you do? I told him
to blu my brains out? Whatjust town? You can get along without
brains, but you gotta have money. Well, never mind that there was
a phone call for you. Somegirl from the Burbank theater must be reading
(02:35):
the Pooh reading the Pooh. Thebubble dancer, what a girl? She
makes a thousand dollars a week.Oh, that's ridiculous. How can a
bubble dancer make a thousand dollars aweek? Big girl, small bubble does
that? Marilyn Williams know that you'rerunning around with his bubble dancer? Oh?
Oh sure, I told him.She took her like a trooper,
(02:58):
like a trooper, a storm trooper. Well, now, don't be too
hasty in giving up Maryland for LenaLapoo especially oh Renieni Lapoo Reni is.
Oh friends girl, Are you surethat miss Lapooh loves you? Oh?
Oh, have a She do anythingfor me? Of gress me so much
that she goes out without a fellowsso I can get the proper rest that.
(03:23):
Do you think you'll marry her?Nope, we got different ideas about
marriage. She wants to have fiveboys and not for a basketball team.
Well, what's wrong with that?I'm a football fan myself. Get so
stupid? Tell me is there aschool for morons? Sure, there's a
school for morons? Do you meanyou didn't know it? No? I
(03:44):
didn't And all the time we thoughtyou were playing hooky you will be the
death of me yet. What wasthat I said? You'll be the death
of me yet? Thomases promises?All I get us promised? Hey,
you guys see a crazy man aroundhere? What does he look like?
(04:05):
He's a skinny guy, three feettwo inches tall and wasis five hundred and
twenty pounds. Just a minute,Just a minute? How can he be
skinny? And wait? Five hundredand twenty pounds? I told you was
crazy? You know the door jumpingforty one out? Who the one?
(04:30):
The sound? Guys got the scripupside down? What he's crazy? Hey,
Henry week more crazy people come intothe show. Last week his wife
walked in here with a rubber plat. I waited, what's the matter with
my wife walking in here with arubber play growing out of her head?
All right, Norman, all right, what's the problem. You know?
Let box the mattress you gave meyesterday for my mother. Well, she
(04:51):
can't fight them out here? Giveme the boxsh how to like? Look?
I just strike them on a seaton my pad. I know,
But she can't wait for you tocome over to the house every morning when
she wants a light to stove.I got for you, and I want
(05:14):
you to keep it under your hat. What is it? A new head?
Stop picking on Norman? Oh,why don't you get out of here
and get himself a job? Normal? When I was your right, I
was putting on a store for threedollars a week, and in five years
I owned the play. Yeah,but you can't do that nowadays, Uncle
Louis. And now they've got cashregisters. That was had a snuffew folks.
(05:38):
And at the end of the season, we're gonna send him to the
Harvard Medical School in a bottle.Norman is a brilliant student of history.
Right now. He's studying about theEgyptian Pyramid. What's that? Well,
the great big things made out ofconcrete, that that took thousands of men
to build them, hundreds of yearsto finish them, and by the time
(05:59):
they were fish, it's of coursemillions of millions of balance. In Egypt
they call him Burman. We gotthe same thing right here in Californian we
call it the Hollywood Freeway. Talkingabout pyramid, she goes cars on top
of one of them. Yeah,yo, think yeah, yeah, well
I gotta go now, I gottago now, I got myself a new
(06:24):
job. I'm girl. Well,that's fine. How do you get along
with all the girls? Wonderful?He's got forty girls and every night have
to rehearsal a crap each one ofthem, and I kiss her good night.
Wait a minute, you kiss fortygirls? Aren't you what we're doing
it? Lou show? These girlsshould be over doing it too. What's
(06:48):
your job with you? Ugus?Well, I'm in charge of the girls
cello section. I'm the head benderbend yeah, every night when they get
to play, and I hope gettheir leaks back. Kid, Well,
(07:13):
isn't that dangerous work? Lou Well, I'm used to dangerous work. Cabin
and the summertime, I'm a highwire walking in the circus. Do you
using that? No, my hairis just naturally cur Have you heavy other
jobs working around women? Oh?Yeah, my spare time, I'm the
intern at the movie studio. Itreat stars when they get hurt of something.
(07:33):
Are you kidding? Why don't youknow about forty stage? Both suppose
a big star like Rida Haye wasfaded on the set. Now, how
would you go about re vibing?Well, I put my arms drunner and
I hold her close and then Ismutter her with what what good would that
do her? I don't know abouther, but to show what the one
does to me? Hello boy,well look us the it's our singing star,
(08:01):
Marilyn Williams. Marilyn, I wantyou to know that we're very happy
because it came away here from Englandand sing for our show. I think
you're a wonderful man. Thank you, mister Habbitt and England and I was
considered just another canary? What acanary? How do you like that?
(08:22):
Over here? We got nothing butthose little yellow ones? My? What
does that I smell? It's anew perfume memory. It's called Roy Rogers
number five. Do you like it? Why? Yeah? Trigger comes through
(08:45):
just as clear as a bell.Marilyn. Why don't you marry me?
I'll take you away from all this. But I'm very happy, lo.
I have meant coach, diamond rings, automobiles and thousands of dollars. Okay,
and I'll take all this away fromyou. Down paid the attention to
(09:07):
Maryland. And why don't you letme take you out over the weekend?
Oh, I'm sorry. I havea date with a very forty friend of
mine and if I go with him. He'll take me to the l rothe
Vegas and let me play roulette.Do whatever do, take it to the
brave top pitch and let your pitchpennies. I would I wouldn't blame Maryland
(09:28):
and he lets this program went backto England. You have none a thing
person since she's been with us.Loop nob that lovely big person. I
said, do you mean that manholecover? That was no ordinary manhole cover,
That one came from Beverly Hills.Why don't you think it about Costell?
(09:50):
I'm the man. You and Iwould get along together like hammonade.
That's habit, folks always putting themselffirst. Well, but I like both
you and lou But I wish you'dboth stopped fighting over me. Maryland's right,
gus Sell, you fight over likea dog fighting over a bone.
When there's that much meat on abone, off, fight over it every
time? Pretty easy. All let'sforget about me. Boys. How are
(10:16):
you making out on your new picture? Will you give me that picture of
Merlin? I played the part ofa reckless gambler. I'm a big plunger.
You're old a big plunger that time. If I think ever gets stopped
up. I'll give you a call. I just got myself a small job.
Washington Windows of the Course girls bestrooms there ol coust here um job
(10:41):
Washington Windows of the Chorus, girlsdressing room. Why have you see in
that plenty after I get a queen. My uncle Mike got me the job.
He's a pretty big man in histown. Your uncle Mike, nobody.
That's so well. Last time,my uncle Mike was a vital a
big Hollywood preview. But your uncleMike is not in pictures. Why was
(11:01):
he invited to a big sneak preview. He's one of the biggest sneaks in
town, and he's he's also justlike you always broke. It's not.
My uncle Mike is a great revitation. He can walk into any bank in
Hollywood. All he has to sayis forewords, and they get more the
money he wants. One of theforewords, This is a stick up.
(11:26):
No, I don't say, Idon't say, puts up with Mike.
Well, they get along pretty good, I can. Uncle Mike's a boss
in this house. Aunt May runsthe kitchen and she tells the cook what
to do, she tells the maidwhat they're doing. She tells the gardener
what to do. What about Mike? He can say anything he wants to
the cat. Well, at leasthe's got some home life. Coustella,
why don't you find a nice woman? Let's go home, tide. I
(11:50):
got one last night. I saidto her, let's go out for dinner.
She said, no, Lewis,I'll cook dinner for you. And
I said, how's about going toa nightclub? And she said, no,
Lewis, we'll stay homelessen to theradio and save money. Eight a
minute. She sounds gornable. Butwhere did you meet her? My father
introduced me to him. What didhe say? He says, Lewis,
this is your mother. Tell mewhy did you find a nice girl and
(12:13):
ask her to marry you? Idid at it? I asked that little
blond school you can next door tomarrying? And then what does she say?
He said, ask my father?Well did you ask your father?
He didn't appeal to me. Let'sI sell, I got a note for
you here time here, almost likeI sell out, Almost like I stell
(12:58):
I got a note for you here. I'm not for Castella. Uh we
take it, Lou? Who's itfrom? Lou? With's a fan note
from one of my listeners. This, dear mister Costello, your portrayal of
(13:20):
Sam Shovel Private Detectum on the radiois my favorite program. It's so funny
that last week, while listening toyou, I simply died lasting. I'm
coming to the studio tonight. Ihope we could send this time. Yeahster
Castello, someone here to see you. Who is it? It comps with
a smile on his face. HavnySam shoveling Tom scaring the half the people
(13:50):
in the country to dead? Whatabout the other half? Thomas Committee will
take care of them? Never mindthat. What is your Sam Shovel story
for tonight? One of my mostfamous cases with the case of the boy
named Tony whose mother kept him lockedin the closet or Tony home permanent.
(14:13):
Sounds interesting. Well, let's geton with the gates as time, Sam
Shovel Private Detective. I'm sitting inmy little office with my legs crossed the
hard way, the hard way behindmy back. I'm sitting here typing a
(14:39):
report on a famous criminal, pullingthe criminal out of the typewriter. I
turned my desk and pick up apiece of paper. Ra It's note paper.
I decided to clean out my deskand to all the old bill,
(15:00):
another waste basket. That was mylight bill, that was a water bill,
that was just plain bill. Iglanced down at the desk verlizes the
whole run of one of my earlykeeps, Case of the Murderers with a
(15:20):
long golden hair. I made alot of money out of that piece.
She was a beauty. I wasdying to meet her. I spoke to
her in Kansas City, but shegave me the brush. I tried to
talk to her in Cleveland, butshe gave me the brush. And Washington,
she gave me the brush. AndBuffalo, she gave me the brush.
I never got a queener with her, but I made a fortune telling
her brushes. It's about time formy palleutenanometer of the homicide squad ashore.
(15:43):
Every day he drops into my officeand chew the fat. I wish habit
would stop chewing a fat. Myarms full of teeth, marks, dark
clothes. Hello, damn, damnJoel that he's a brilliant man. He
(16:06):
hasn't spoken for three pages. Nowit comes down with a line bristling with
humor, saying hello Sam covil.Damn you're in Why do you stay cooped
up here all day? Why don'tyou hire a typeis to do your office
work? I had a type butI had to let her go. She
could only type with one finger.Why you had only one finger? He
(16:30):
came from a very poor family.She had nine from typist with nine thumb.
Every time she hit that space bar, the typewriter jumped off the desk.
And any cases to day, Sam, Yes, the guy came in
here this morning and told me heshot both of his aunts. He put
six bullets in one of them andpall bullets in the other. And he
wanted my advice. Well, whatwhat you're doing them? Do? I
(16:52):
said, go home and get thelead out of your aunts. Damn,
I've got a case for your Thechief wants you to shout a strip tease
Susie the burless Queens and see ifyou can get something on her. What
blowing you know? Strip tea herSusie? Or do you know strip tea
(17:22):
Susie? Damn, matter hood is, I'll get it. I saw her
on the stage. Once she cameout the door a fan dance. A
mouse ran out in front of herand Susie dropped the fans. What happened?
The mouse painted? Well, soI get about that case, dam
How would you like to help mecollect some evidence again water Front Lill.
(17:45):
I think her cafe on the riverbank is a hangout for the smugglers,
but I need more information. I'llhelp you, Lieutenant Abit. I'll go
down there with you. Hand memy fishing pole and that's cannaby. What
do you want with the be I'mgonna worm the information out of her.
Damn, you're a tough detective.Waterfront Liu used to be your girl,
(18:06):
and here here you are, readyto double across it, asked Lieutenant Abbott.
I'm a detective through and through?Why I double across my brother?
Oh? Sam, get out ofheavy fo I come across you? Who
was that? My brother? Don'tcome on, Sam, We're going to
Waterfront Lil's cafe. There we werein the toughest part of town to hang
(18:36):
out for the tramp put toots andvagrants. Suddenly the tiny order of Taboo
Perfume builds the water Front air.I wonder where it's coming from. It
me I'm covering with Taboo perfume.Who are you? Oh? Just a
fragrant vagrant. No matter what wegive Abbitt's nephew, he gets nothing.
(19:03):
Check every week he gets the samthere's waterfront little cafe over there. I
don't like to look at that place, Lieutenant. Why not tailor just come
out of the door and he's walkingdown the street holding his girl's arm.
Lots of tailors walked down the streetholding their girl's arm while the girl is
still in the cafe. We walkedfor the cafe. Lieutenant Abott was looking
(19:27):
left and right. He has shiftthe eyes. He shifted him in a
second. Together we entered the saloonthrough the doors. They were swinging doors.
They were really swings tonight. Theplace was full of tough mugs.
(19:52):
The guy he'd be tall walk for. He was a long charman. He
was along the I just got itmyself if we just stripped once in a
(20:15):
while. After he was the longestjourman I ever saw. He took a
punch at Lieutenant Abbot's chin. Abbothas a glass jaw. I wasn't gonna
stay an let that man do thatto my friend, Lieutenant Abbott. This
man was eight feet tall, soI hit him on the left. I
hit him on the right. Ihit him on another left, another right.
(20:37):
I knocked him down, and Itook us clutches away and broke his
pencils. I looked up waterfront,Little was standing beside me. It was
more beautiful than another bow. Sam, Hello missus waterfront, call me lil
(21:06):
the gorgeous hunkle man. Okay,Lil you gorgeous hunkle mann, and reminding
the romance. And Sam, you'vegot to find out if she's a smuggler.
Okay, s don't let her knowyou're after information. Okay, Lele,
are you a smuggler? Damn,I'll tell you. Promise not to
(21:33):
turn me over to the police.I promise you won't turn me over.
Why should I turn you over?You can't look any better on the other
side. Oh, Sam, comehere, I'm gonna give you a tist
of or take the curl out ofyour hand. My damn damn bag till
(22:00):
me lou cann't abbott call up mymother and tell her I'm no longer a
tony twin. Well ill I gotyou at last. I'm taking you in.
Oh no, you're not. You'llnever take me alive. I can't
put the handcuffs on it. Yougot me. I'm shot. Oh,
I'm sorry. Sam, Quick willtell a call an ambulance. We'll take
(22:22):
them to the hospital. No,no, not the ambulance. Sam,
don't don't you don't you want togo to the hospital. Yes, but
I ain't writing no ambulance to thatLos Angeles traffic a man, you can
get filled that way. I'll quick
All right, all right, guys, that's not here I am. What's
so excited about? What am Iexciting about? Yeah? Two motorcycle copas
(00:22):
take their prison? Bobby? Whatfor? What for? Just because I
had a clean light with me forsix o'clocks? Well wait a minute,
I love cow. If you hadthe green right with you, why were
the cops chasing had the back sheetof my car? You and your whole
family are always in trouble with thelaw. I guess you're right, have
it? No, I guess you'reright, Yester, join the last one.
(00:44):
I've got a pacco the rest becauseshe forgot the register for the draft.
He forgot to register. Yeah,he was too busy looking his cow,
looking at his cow. He shouldhave been at enough front. What
for the milk was at the otherend? Yeah, you're a hopeless idiot.
Costell. Please don't see that happen. It isn't my fault. I
had a very sad homelind did Idid? I was born on a street
(01:06):
car and I never saw my motherwhen why not? She forgot to get
a transfer. I am convinced you'rea stizo? What's so astizo? Ski
Steeve, haven't you ever experienced astizo Freenian. Yes. The first time
I put on a pair of skis, I fell on my Freenia. Don't
(01:27):
bow me out, Abba, Idon't feel so good. I went to
the doctor. He told me Iwas a townards of dollars. Yours towns
of dollars? And then, whyare you feeling so bad? Do you
know to shape the dollars in thesedays? How does it feel to be
a moron? It feels pretty goodonce you used to it. Oh,
(01:53):
stop stop holing. Where'd you getthat black guy? Oh? I met
Merlyn Williams in the country club andshe asked me if I had to play
aroun with her? Yes? Howdan though she was talking about golf.
You look terrible, guy, stella, I do. Yeah. Well,
I had a bad day of it. One out of Marilyn. I ran
(02:14):
into a cook guy with a gun. He said, give me your money
or up brow your brains out.What did you do? I told him
to blu my brains out? Whatjust town? You can get along without
brains, but you gotta have money. Well, never mind that there was
a phone call for you. Somegirl from the Burbank theater must be reading
(02:35):
the Pooh reading the Pooh. Thebubble dancer, what a girl? She
makes a thousand dollars a week.Oh, that's ridiculous. How can a
bubble dancer make a thousand dollars aweek? Big girl, small bubble does
that? Marilyn Williams know that you'rerunning around with his bubble dancer? Oh?
Oh sure, I told him.She took her like a trooper,
(02:58):
like a trooper, a storm trooper. Well, now, don't be too
hasty in giving up Maryland for LenaLapoo especially oh Renieni Lapoo Reni is.
Oh friends girl, Are you surethat miss Lapooh loves you? Oh?
Oh, have a She do anythingfor me? Of gress me so much
that she goes out without a fellowsso I can get the proper rest that.
(03:23):
Do you think you'll marry her?Nope, we got different ideas about
marriage. She wants to have fiveboys and not for a basketball team.
Well, what's wrong with that?I'm a football fan myself. Get so
stupid? Tell me is there aschool for morons? Sure, there's a
school for morons? Do you meanyou didn't know it? No? I
(03:44):
didn't And all the time we thoughtyou were playing hooky you will be the
death of me yet. What wasthat I said? You'll be the death
of me yet? Thomases promises?All I get us promised? Hey,
you guys see a crazy man aroundhere? What does he look like?
(04:05):
He's a skinny guy, three feettwo inches tall and wasis five hundred and
twenty pounds. Just a minute,Just a minute? How can he be
skinny? And wait? Five hundredand twenty pounds? I told you was
crazy? You know the door jumpingforty one out? Who the one?
(04:30):
The sound? Guys got the scripupside down? What he's crazy? Hey,
Henry week more crazy people come intothe show. Last week his wife
walked in here with a rubber plat. I waited, what's the matter with
my wife walking in here with arubber play growing out of her head?
All right, Norman, all right, what's the problem. You know?
Let box the mattress you gave meyesterday for my mother. Well, she
(04:51):
can't fight them out here? Giveme the boxsh how to like? Look?
I just strike them on a seaton my pad. I know,
But she can't wait for you tocome over to the house every morning when
she wants a light to stove.I got for you, and I want
(05:14):
you to keep it under your hat. What is it? A new head?
Stop picking on Norman? Oh,why don't you get out of here
and get himself a job? Normal? When I was your right, I
was putting on a store for threedollars a week, and in five years
I owned the play. Yeah,but you can't do that nowadays, Uncle
Louis. And now they've got cashregisters. That was had a snuffew folks.
(05:38):
And at the end of the season, we're gonna send him to the
Harvard Medical School in a bottle.Norman is a brilliant student of history.
Right now. He's studying about theEgyptian Pyramid. What's that? Well,
the great big things made out ofconcrete, that that took thousands of men
to build them, hundreds of yearsto finish them, and by the time
(05:59):
they were fish, it's of coursemillions of millions of balance. In Egypt
they call him Burman. We gotthe same thing right here in Californian we
call it the Hollywood Freeway. Talkingabout pyramid, she goes cars on top
of one of them. Yeah,yo, think yeah, yeah, well
I gotta go now, I gottago now, I got myself a new
(06:24):
job. I'm girl. Well,that's fine. How do you get along
with all the girls? Wonderful?He's got forty girls and every night have
to rehearsal a crap each one ofthem, and I kiss her good night.
Wait a minute, you kiss fortygirls? Aren't you what we're doing
it? Lou show? These girlsshould be over doing it too. What's
(06:48):
your job with you? Ugus?Well, I'm in charge of the girls
cello section. I'm the head benderbend yeah, every night when they get
to play, and I hope gettheir leaks back. Kid, Well,
(07:13):
isn't that dangerous work? Lou Well, I'm used to dangerous work. Cabin
and the summertime, I'm a highwire walking in the circus. Do you
using that? No, my hairis just naturally cur Have you heavy other
jobs working around women? Oh?Yeah, my spare time, I'm the
intern at the movie studio. Itreat stars when they get hurt of something.
(07:33):
Are you kidding? Why don't youknow about forty stage? Both suppose
a big star like Rida Haye wasfaded on the set. Now, how
would you go about re vibing?Well, I put my arms drunner and
I hold her close and then Ismutter her with what what good would that
do her? I don't know abouther, but to show what the one
does to me? Hello boy,well look us the it's our singing star,
(08:01):
Marilyn Williams. Marilyn, I wantyou to know that we're very happy
because it came away here from Englandand sing for our show. I think
you're a wonderful man. Thank you, mister Habbitt and England and I was
considered just another canary? What acanary? How do you like that?
(08:22):
Over here? We got nothing butthose little yellow ones? My? What
does that I smell? It's anew perfume memory. It's called Roy Rogers
number five. Do you like it? Why? Yeah? Trigger comes through
(08:45):
just as clear as a bell.Marilyn. Why don't you marry me?
I'll take you away from all this. But I'm very happy, lo.
I have meant coach, diamond rings, automobiles and thousands of dollars. Okay,
and I'll take all this away fromyou. Down paid the attention to
(09:07):
Maryland. And why don't you letme take you out over the weekend?
Oh, I'm sorry. I havea date with a very forty friend of
mine and if I go with him. He'll take me to the l rothe
Vegas and let me play roulette.Do whatever do, take it to the
brave top pitch and let your pitchpennies. I would I wouldn't blame Maryland
(09:28):
and he lets this program went backto England. You have none a thing
person since she's been with us.Loop nob that lovely big person. I
said, do you mean that manholecover? That was no ordinary manhole cover,
That one came from Beverly Hills.Why don't you think it about Costell?
(09:50):
I'm the man. You and Iwould get along together like hammonade.
That's habit, folks always putting themselffirst. Well, but I like both
you and lou But I wish you'dboth stopped fighting over me. Maryland's right,
gus Sell, you fight over likea dog fighting over a bone.
When there's that much meat on abone, off, fight over it every
time? Pretty easy. All let'sforget about me. Boys. How are
(10:16):
you making out on your new picture? Will you give me that picture of
Merlin? I played the part ofa reckless gambler. I'm a big plunger.
You're old a big plunger that time. If I think ever gets stopped
up. I'll give you a call. I just got myself a small job.
Washington Windows of the Course girls bestrooms there ol coust here um job
(10:41):
Washington Windows of the Chorus, girlsdressing room. Why have you see in
that plenty after I get a queen. My uncle Mike got me the job.
He's a pretty big man in histown. Your uncle Mike, nobody.
That's so well. Last time,my uncle Mike was a vital a
big Hollywood preview. But your uncleMike is not in pictures. Why was
(11:01):
he invited to a big sneak preview. He's one of the biggest sneaks in
town, and he's he's also justlike you always broke. It's not.
My uncle Mike is a great revitation. He can walk into any bank in
Hollywood. All he has to sayis forewords, and they get more the
money he wants. One of theforewords, This is a stick up.
(11:26):
No, I don't say, Idon't say, puts up with Mike.
Well, they get along pretty good, I can. Uncle Mike's a boss
in this house. Aunt May runsthe kitchen and she tells the cook what
to do, she tells the maidwhat they're doing. She tells the gardener
what to do. What about Mike? He can say anything he wants to
the cat. Well, at leasthe's got some home life. Coustella,
why don't you find a nice woman? Let's go home, tide. I
(11:50):
got one last night. I saidto her, let's go out for dinner.
She said, no, Lewis,I'll cook dinner for you. And
I said, how's about going toa nightclub? And she said, no,
Lewis, we'll stay homelessen to theradio and save money. Eight a
minute. She sounds gornable. Butwhere did you meet her? My father
introduced me to him. What didhe say? He says, Lewis,
this is your mother. Tell mewhy did you find a nice girl and
(12:13):
ask her to marry you? Idid at it? I asked that little
blond school you can next door tomarrying? And then what does she say?
He said, ask my father?Well did you ask your father?
He didn't appeal to me. Let'sI sell, I got a note for
you here time here, almost likeI sell out, Almost like I stell
(12:58):
I got a note for you here. I'm not for Castella. Uh we
take it, Lou? Who's itfrom? Lou? With's a fan note
from one of my listeners. This, dear mister Costello, your portrayal of
(13:20):
Sam Shovel Private Detectum on the radiois my favorite program. It's so funny
that last week, while listening toyou, I simply died lasting. I'm
coming to the studio tonight. Ihope we could send this time. Yeahster
Castello, someone here to see you. Who is it? It comps with
a smile on his face. HavnySam shoveling Tom scaring the half the people
(13:50):
in the country to dead? Whatabout the other half? Thomas Committee will
take care of them? Never mindthat. What is your Sam Shovel story
for tonight? One of my mostfamous cases with the case of the boy
named Tony whose mother kept him lockedin the closet or Tony home permanent.
(14:13):
Sounds interesting. Well, let's geton with the gates as time, Sam
Shovel Private Detective. I'm sitting inmy little office with my legs crossed the
hard way, the hard way behindmy back. I'm sitting here typing a
(14:39):
report on a famous criminal, pullingthe criminal out of the typewriter. I
turned my desk and pick up apiece of paper. Ra It's note paper.
I decided to clean out my deskand to all the old bill,
(15:00):
another waste basket. That was mylight bill, that was a water bill,
that was just plain bill. Iglanced down at the desk verlizes the
whole run of one of my earlykeeps, Case of the Murderers with a
(15:20):
long golden hair. I made alot of money out of that piece.
She was a beauty. I wasdying to meet her. I spoke to
her in Kansas City, but shegave me the brush. I tried to
talk to her in Cleveland, butshe gave me the brush. And Washington,
she gave me the brush. AndBuffalo, she gave me the brush.
I never got a queener with her, but I made a fortune telling
her brushes. It's about time formy palleutenanometer of the homicide squad ashore.
(15:43):
Every day he drops into my officeand chew the fat. I wish habit
would stop chewing a fat. Myarms full of teeth, marks, dark
clothes. Hello, damn, damnJoel that he's a brilliant man. He
(16:06):
hasn't spoken for three pages. Nowit comes down with a line bristling with
humor, saying hello Sam covil.Damn you're in Why do you stay cooped
up here all day? Why don'tyou hire a typeis to do your office
work? I had a type butI had to let her go. She
could only type with one finger.Why you had only one finger? He
(16:30):
came from a very poor family.She had nine from typist with nine thumb.
Every time she hit that space bar, the typewriter jumped off the desk.
And any cases to day, Sam, Yes, the guy came in
here this morning and told me heshot both of his aunts. He put
six bullets in one of them andpall bullets in the other. And he
wanted my advice. Well, whatwhat you're doing them? Do? I
(16:52):
said, go home and get thelead out of your aunts. Damn,
I've got a case for your Thechief wants you to shout a strip tease
Susie the burless Queens and see ifyou can get something on her. What
blowing you know? Strip tea herSusie? Or do you know strip tea
(17:22):
Susie? Damn, matter hood is, I'll get it. I saw her
on the stage. Once she cameout the door a fan dance. A
mouse ran out in front of herand Susie dropped the fans. What happened?
The mouse painted? Well, soI get about that case, dam
How would you like to help mecollect some evidence again water Front Lill.
(17:45):
I think her cafe on the riverbank is a hangout for the smugglers,
but I need more information. I'llhelp you, Lieutenant Abit. I'll go
down there with you. Hand memy fishing pole and that's cannaby. What
do you want with the be I'mgonna worm the information out of her.
Damn, you're a tough detective.Waterfront Liu used to be your girl,
(18:06):
and here here you are, readyto double across it, asked Lieutenant Abbott.
I'm a detective through and through?Why I double across my brother?
Oh? Sam, get out ofheavy fo I come across you? Who
was that? My brother? Don'tcome on, Sam, We're going to
Waterfront Lil's cafe. There we werein the toughest part of town to hang
(18:36):
out for the tramp put toots andvagrants. Suddenly the tiny order of Taboo
Perfume builds the water Front air.I wonder where it's coming from. It
me I'm covering with Taboo perfume.Who are you? Oh? Just a
fragrant vagrant. No matter what wegive Abbitt's nephew, he gets nothing.
(19:03):
Check every week he gets the samthere's waterfront little cafe over there. I
don't like to look at that place, Lieutenant. Why not tailor just come
out of the door and he's walkingdown the street holding his girl's arm.
Lots of tailors walked down the streetholding their girl's arm while the girl is
still in the cafe. We walkedfor the cafe. Lieutenant Abott was looking
(19:27):
left and right. He has shiftthe eyes. He shifted him in a
second. Together we entered the saloonthrough the doors. They were swinging doors.
They were really swings tonight. Theplace was full of tough mugs.
(19:52):
The guy he'd be tall walk for. He was a long charman. He
was along the I just got itmyself if we just stripped once in a
(20:15):
while. After he was the longestjourman I ever saw. He took a
punch at Lieutenant Abbot's chin. Abbothas a glass jaw. I wasn't gonna
stay an let that man do thatto my friend, Lieutenant Abbott. This
man was eight feet tall, soI hit him on the left. I
hit him on the right. Ihit him on another left, another right.
(20:37):
I knocked him down, and Itook us clutches away and broke his
pencils. I looked up waterfront,Little was standing beside me. It was
more beautiful than another bow. Sam, Hello missus waterfront, call me lil
(21:06):
the gorgeous hunkle man. Okay,Lil you gorgeous hunkle mann, and reminding
the romance. And Sam, you'vegot to find out if she's a smuggler.
Okay, s don't let her knowyou're after information. Okay, Lele,
are you a smuggler? Damn,I'll tell you. Promise not to
(21:33):
turn me over to the police.I promise you won't turn me over.
Why should I turn you over?You can't look any better on the other
side. Oh, Sam, comehere, I'm gonna give you a tist
of or take the curl out ofyour hand. My damn damn bag till
(22:00):
me lou cann't abbott call up mymother and tell her I'm no longer a
tony twin. Well ill I gotyou at last. I'm taking you in.
Oh no, you're not. You'llnever take me alive. I can't
put the handcuffs on it. Yougot me. I'm shot. Oh,
I'm sorry. Sam, Quick willtell a call an ambulance. We'll take
(22:22):
them to the hospital. No,no, not the ambulance. Sam,
don't don't you don't you want togo to the hospital. Yes, but
I ain't writing no ambulance to thatLos Angeles traffic a man, you can
get filled that way. I'll quick
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