May 24, 2023 • 30 mins
Abbott and Costello debuted on radio on Kate Smith's program in 1938. They continued performing on the show until the summer of 1940. Their first program of their own was a summer replacement for The Fred Allen Show in 1940. After a hiatus of two years, the show returned as a regular network program in the fall of 1942 and ran through the spring of 1949.
The show was a variety program, with Abbott and Costello performing comedy sketches, songs, and musical numbers. The show also featured a number of recurring characters, including Bud Abbott's character, "Louie the Garbage Man," and Lou Costello's character, "Noodles."
The Abbott and Costello Show was one of the most popular radio programs of its time. It was a major influence on the development of the sitcom genre, and it helped to make Abbott and Costello one of the most popular comedy teams in history.
Here are some of the most famous sketches from The Abbott and Costello Show:
"Who's on First?"
"The Gas Man"
"The Time of Their Lives"
"The Whodunit?"
"The Mad Doctor"
Listen to our radio station Old Time Radio https://link.radioking.com/otradio
Listen to other Shows at My Classic Radio https://www.myclassicradio.net/
Remember that times have changed, and some shows might not reflect the standards of today’s politically correct society. The shows do not necessarily reflect the views, standards, or beliefs of Entertainment Radio
The show was a variety program, with Abbott and Costello performing comedy sketches, songs, and musical numbers. The show also featured a number of recurring characters, including Bud Abbott's character, "Louie the Garbage Man," and Lou Costello's character, "Noodles."
The Abbott and Costello Show was one of the most popular radio programs of its time. It was a major influence on the development of the sitcom genre, and it helped to make Abbott and Costello one of the most popular comedy teams in history.
Here are some of the most famous sketches from The Abbott and Costello Show:
"Who's on First?"
"The Gas Man"
"The Time of Their Lives"
"The Whodunit?"
"The Mad Doctor"
Listen to our radio station Old Time Radio https://link.radioking.com/otradio
Listen to other Shows at My Classic Radio https://www.myclassicradio.net/
Remember that times have changed, and some shows might not reflect the standards of today’s politically correct society. The shows do not necessarily reflect the views, standards, or beliefs of Entertainment Radio
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hey, abens, what time isit. It's time for the Abbot and
Costello Show. We're on the airfor ABC here in Hollywood. I wait
for let's go with the Adan CostelloShow. Yes, it's the Abbot and
(00:23):
Costello Show, produce and transcribed inHollywood. If you're listening in laughing pleasure
with chuckles with a carload and musicby Mattie Melding, it's a whole lot
of your chairs, folks, forhere they are, but Abbert and lou
Costello. All right, all right, all right, cut out that yelling.
(00:51):
What's all excitement? Well we're gofunny last night. I'm thirty yellos
here, not one of them withdance with me. Don't even talk to
me. You didn't have any funthen, No, I was as lonesome
as Fidello on Sunday night. Ithought you were such a big shot with
the girls. I don't really everhad a girl. Oh yes, I
did it. I had a verybeautiful little bomb once and everything was swelling
for one day. She went offto Florida, she married a guy,
and now she has five children.After that, we just sort of drifted
(01:14):
apart. She had why don't youspeak to my wife, lou No,
No, your wife felt like mehabit. Well, hang around with her
while you'll find me. You eventuallyget in. He rescued, Well,
I guess one more lump won't hurther. How can you talk that way
(01:34):
about my wife? Remember the firstnight you met her? Yes, the
minute she walked in the room,I said, there's either an ugly woman
or a good looking man. Still, you know you're getting more stupid every
day. Gee, thanks have it. I'm glad to know I'm not stagnating.
(01:59):
Bill the boy Kenny further involved inmind sense. There's a thought that
makes good sense. He all right, gust, let's not that. Howry,
(03:23):
what's that thing you've got under yourarm? That's my new Harry Truman
rifle Harry Truman rifle kiss a fortyeight? Repeat it? What happened to
you last night? I called yourhouse? You weren't home. Well,
I went to the movies. Abbit. How's one of those old time pictures?
It was all about the Romans.They had a chariot racing and it
(03:45):
was won by a guy named BenHim your dummy, You mean Ben her,
not him her. They were alldressed up in a bit. Shoot
you couldn't tell the hymns from theherb. If you've gone to school,
you've known the story of Ben Harr. Did you go to school? Evn
certully. I started in the nurseryschool, and I went to kindergarten.
(04:06):
So what I started in narth school. I went to kindergarten. I went
from kindergarten to grammar school. Ohwhat? I went to kindergarten to grammar
school. I went from grammar schoolto high school. You think you'll be
a short as of meat balls orsummer, I'll tell you you've got the
brain of a monkey. I'll betyou have not. Yeah, what do
you want to bet fifteen bananas?Fina senuated, I'm ignorant, Evan don't
(04:30):
know somebody a Hollywood chemact. Ohwhat's a Hollywood character joke with a personality.
I'll ignore that remark because of yourignorant. Who's who's ignorant? When
I went to school, I specializedin history. I can name off all
the most important dates in his been. All right, go ahead, name
some important dates. Oh, Iwill. There's fourteen ninety two, seventy
seventy six, eighteen twelve, nineteenseventeen. Read a Haywood. I wait
(04:53):
a minute, wait, a manreally hate not an important date? Ali
Khan seems to think, so tellwhy didn't you listen to me take my
advice once in a while. I'myour friend. I realize you're not a
that you're an idiot, and Iwant to assist you. Lou What good
can you do me? You're justan assistant to an idiot. I'll just
(05:16):
look at here. You're you're dumpy. Not hold hold, I'm going for
so much and that's all. No, it's not my fault that I didn't
grow tall like the other boys.When I was a little boy over in
Scotland, I used to play thebagpipes, but it gave me pneumonia.
Wait a minute now, log waita man and Corvid playing the bagpipes give
(05:39):
you pneumonia. There was a leakin the bag in the air kept blowing
up my kilts. Instead of wearinga whisper room in front of my kilts
like the rest of the scotsman,I had to wear a hot water bubble.
You must have had a very poorchild, just Tella, I did
have it. We were very poor. My mother had to work as she
(06:00):
had to take in Washington. Shehad a scrub office floor. She worked
like a She worked as a blacksmith. She drove an oil truck, and
one time for three years she workedin the daytime as a wakers and worked
at night in a coal mine.What did your father do? He kept
the books. I guess you hada pretty tough time when you were a
kid. Yes, I'll never forgetthe day my mother made my first pair
(06:21):
of long pants. It had twelvebuttons down the back and four pockets in
the front. What did she makethem out of my father's old this I
was the only kid. I wasyour only kid in school and had a
watch bob hanging from her knee.Were you very popular with the other kids
in school? I was a pitcheron a baseball team. What a pitcher
(06:42):
I was? I had a dropball, a slow ball, a curveball.
Did you have a screwball? Thatwas before I met you? At
dummy? You want to be backin school right now? Are your information
happened? I'm keep a steady cumpanywith a red headed school teacher. What
does she teach? She has ahigh school class? I mean all over
forty years old? Forty year oldman? Why don't they go to college
(07:03):
teaching them? There's nothing else tolearn running around with a school teacher.
Why don't you find a nice girland get married. I'm going to have
it as soon as I get somemoney. Money, money, money,
money, money, Castella. Don'tworry about money. Do you realize what
money is? Money's art of allevil. Money is an invention of the
devil. Money is filthy lucre.Money causes misery. Money, that's what
(07:26):
I think of money made the Bankof America. Have mercy on your soul,
Castella. You don't need money.What you need is the love of
a good woman. Find another girllike my wife, Betty. You mean
there's another girl like your wife,Betty? Castell? I love my wife.
(07:53):
My betties are real cookie. Yourwife is a cookie, right,
abbot, you just said, bakingback twenty years. You'd be lucky to
get a girl like my wife.My Betty is always straight from the shoulder.
Well, what's a girl that's straightfrom the shoulder? I like a
girl of curves. Something terrible justhappened to me. And this is really
(08:18):
his uncle Budden. This is thenephew. We don't kid about it.
He's got toward AB's nephew. Payattention to what he says, folks,
this may be his last performance.Why is it that, Norman, nephew?
Norman, why are you so excited? Uncle Bud? When I was
(08:39):
coming through the pass in the mountains, a mountain lion jumped right in the
car beside me. You ask themwhat happened? The lion kills me.
Wait a minute, Norman, you'renot dead. Stop crying. You're working
on the Evan Costello show. You'restill living. You call us live in
(09:05):
really though, sincerely, there goesa pinion boy. His brain is on
a slow boat to the Mayo Brothers. Layoff Noman. He's a very intelligent
boy. He's always studying reading.It wouldn't hurt you to do a little
reading once in a while. Ihaven't. I do plenty of reading.
When I was seven years old,I started my first book, A Little
Red Riding Hood. I read atit from the library, the last time
(09:26):
I've ever read a book from thelibrary. Well, didn't you like Little
Red Riding Hood? Abbot? Upto now, I owe the library twenty
eight hundred dollars, and a LittleRed Riding Hood has yet can meet the
wolf. A little red riding hood. Why don't you read some of the
newer books. I just bought GypsyRose Lee's new book. It's a story
of her life. What does Gypsyrose? We call her new book the
(09:48):
Leg and I why don't you readsomething educational? I am out of I
just want a book on inventions.It tell us all about new gadgets.
I bought one yesterday from my auntmain. What kind of a gadget you
ride for your aunt mate? It'sa new girl list from surplus pair of
Trooper's harness, and it's a candiedlittle thing. At night, she doesn't
have to undressed. She doesn't know. She just jumps off the top of
the dress room pulls her ripcord.That's ridiculous. Hey, I understand you're
(10:13):
working on some kind of a sillyinvention yourself, and my invention is all
finished. To have it. It'sa new kind of perfume, and all
the girls in Hollywood are gonna gocrazy about it. All the girls in
Hollywood are going crazy about your perfume. Whine smells like money. Give a
bottle of it to my aunt Mary. Boy didn't make up popular, He's
right, may it was never popular. That's so back in Pattison, New
(10:35):
Jersey, she was so popular everyguy in town. You should drink champagne
out of her slipper, and waterdidn't get her. She's got the only
big toe in the world. Itbelongs to alcoholics. Anonymous mister, what's
going on here? That's that's down? Tread on mine. They won't eat
(10:56):
a spinach, junior spinach. Idon't like finish your richest, finish your
Saturday the odd street Costello's picture Mexicanhayride. You take that to mean,
(11:22):
but I'd like to take that,get over the sand and eat a Saturday.
What fall? I want to drophim in acclaiming Raison. Hello boy,
hey look Castella, I have Viola. You look very lovely tonight.
Via. I understand that you andCastella had a date last night. Where'd
you go? Well, Castella hada terrible time making up his mind where
(11:43):
to take me. Wow, doyou see? I was trying to make
up my mind between Ciros and theMarcambo. But we finally went where to
a Hamburger stand? Between CEOs andthe Marcambo. Well, don't you were?
If you all have to where married, things will be different. We'll
have lots a little and they'll alllook like me. Oh gee, i'd
always planned on having children. Iplan on having a few laughs. Here
(12:09):
are you sure you're reading the samescript? Lou You shouldn't be jealous of
me. I don't want to bea comedian. I don't want to make
people laugh. Okay, then youread my lines, Costella. You can't
be funny without me. You needme. Why where would it Edgar Bergen
be without chellye mcffee? Where wouldhe mus be without Andy? That's true?
(12:31):
Certainly one thing goes with another,like Darthy Lamore. Where would she
be with her without her sarrong?I don't know, but I sure would
like to be there, Costella.I think you're a girl crazy. I'm
not the girl for you, butyou can't leave me. What would I
do without you? Oh, don'tworry about that. I'll teach you up
(12:54):
with a girlfriend of mine. Oh, you'll be just crazy about this girl.
When she meets you, she'll rushover and she'll throw her arms around
you like this, yes, andshe'll squeeze you like this, and she'll
she'll kiss you like this and thisand this and this fair? Now,
(13:15):
what do you think of that?When am I going to meet this girl?
Why don't you take pity on Castelland Marriam? Then you'll be known
as missus Lewis G Costello G.What is the G stand for Costello?
(13:35):
Don't you tell her of it?Oh? Come on now? What does
it stand for? It? George? No, I don't want to tell
you. Oh come on, Castella? What is the G stand for it?
Oh? Do I have to tellyou? Yes? Stands for Gloria.
Gloria. Yes, my mother alwayswanted a girl, and my father
(13:58):
didn't have the heart to tell her. Yall, why don't you think that?
Costell? And come into the moviestonight and see our laid this picture
Mexican hayride. Oh thank you,Bud, But I saw the picture already.
Oh you did tell me? Howdid you like my acting? Well?
It was mhm, I'd say,Well, let me put it this
(14:20):
way. You know how Ben Johnsonhas that dramatic touch, oh yes,
And how Clark Gabel has that forcefulpersonality, yes, and how Gregory Peck
gives that little artistic extra something yeahyeah, yeah, yeah? What about
me? Costello? Can you drivea taxicab? That's only half the fun?
(14:50):
Clark's just as many laughs yet tocome. But first listen to this,
(16:03):
And now the spotlight turns to howWinters, our singing star. Here
he is with Maddie Molick and hisorchestra. I caught you, sir,
having a look at her as shewent strolling by. Now didn't your heart
(16:23):
boom' you saw? I warn you, sir, don't stop to dream of
her. Just bid such thoughts begone, or it'll be boom boom boom
(16:44):
boom boo boom from bam on.Once in law with Amy, always in
law, Over with Amy, ever, I'm never fascinated by her. Sets
(17:07):
your heart a fire to stay.Once you're kissed by Amy, share up
your list and Amy fly her withbon bon poetry and flowers gone a million
hours a word. You might bequite the fickle hearted, roll over,
(17:33):
so carefree and bol who loves agirl and later thinks it over and just
quits cold love with Amy, Alwaysin love with Amy, ever, and
(18:00):
ev sweetly answer trouble is, theanswer will be that ain't me? Rather
stay with me? Thank Costella.Come here? How did you get your
(18:30):
clothes so dirty? Just just lookat your coat, it's torn and your
shirt is ripped into Hattie. Myfull evid I was out on one of
my Sham's hovel effective cases. Lastnight. I investigation the Robert at the
Frattorney House in Ucla. But Imiscalculated got into one of the girls dormitories.
How did you manage to do that? By careful miss calculation? Castell?
(18:51):
Instead of running around nights on thosesilly sam shovel cases, you should
stay home. Why do stay homea lot? Avid? Every night?
Last week I stayed home, Icleaned the house. I got a terrible
servant problem. I find it verydifficult to hold a meeting. No,
what makes it so difficult for you? The hole of maid my Muther keeps
walking in the room. Never mindthat I understand. I understand. You
took your brother Pats of the movieslast night. Oh yes, but I
(19:14):
didn't take a back to the movies. No more, he asks, very
strange. The minute we got intothe movie, pack put his hat under
the sheet. What's strange about that? What's the men put their hat under
the seat while their head is stillin it? All talks sense? They
wait a minute, come here,what is that big manuscript you're carrying under
your arm? But I didn't wantto tell you, but it's a book
that I wrote, a book youwrote. It's the first chapter the hero
(19:37):
is threatened by a mad doctor whotries to remove his head, and the
second chapter he meets at a minutebutcher who tries to put him in the
meat grinder. Then it ends wherethree mini x time to a tree in
a squad in a while woodpeckers peckholes in him. But nobody wants to
publish it. Why not? Iguess people are sick of than mushy love
stories. What does your Sam shovela detective storry about tonight? Well,
(20:00):
and I do. One of mymost famous cases. I called it the
case of the photographer who was stuckup in a dark room or he was
caught with us princes down. Firstsounds terrible, but let's do it now.
The makers of Beebop Bubble Bath presentthe adventures of Sam Shuttle, Private
(20:25):
Detective. But first, a wordabout our product, Beebop bubble Bad.
Friends, would you like bubbles inyour bathtub? You would? Well,
why not haul up bubbles and seeif she needs a bath? Babies,
try Beebap bubble Bath. We don'task you to buy the large size mind,
you just try a trial size package. It contains a seven years supply.
(20:51):
You will find it. If youuse Bebop bubble bath every day for
seven years, you laugh skin justlike a baby, a baby alligator.
Listen to what people all over thecountry are saying about beebab bubble Bath.
In Kansas, give be feeba bubbleIn New Jersey, give me beeba bubble
Dad in Oregon, give me Feebapbubble bath. In Virginia, give me
(21:15):
liberally, or gimme death that PatrickHenry never gives up. And now the
makers of Feebap bubble Bath bring youyour favorite primer mystery. Here. He
is Sam Shuttle, private detective.As I'm Sam Shovel, Sam Shovel,
(21:41):
private Detective, the detective business asmy money. Slowly. Last night,
having nothing to do, I wentto a big public library birdman knows in
a book. This morning I hada heck of a job finding it.
I forgot what book I buried itin. Yeah, because my secretary.
(22:02):
Now, did you call me misterShovell? Don't be silly. Why should
I call you mister Shovel? Myname is mister Shovel. By the way,
Miss Jones. Did you find thefile in a krook? Joe Kirk?
What's his name? Joe Kerk Neverheard of him, Miss Joanes,
You and I have got to worklate in the office tonight. Are you
prepared? Oh? Yes, Ibrought my brass knuckles, my fencing mask
(22:25):
in a baseball back. Clever girl. She's so stylish. She was holding
one of the ten best pressed womenin Azusa. That's not so remarkable when
you consider there's only nine other womenin Azusa. Suddenly the interofice communication system
buzzes. It's my secretary, shespeaks, mister Shevill. There are two
(22:51):
men here to see you about acase, mister Cohen and Chief Lightfoot running
Dear, I'll see the Indian first. The cops have certainly got their hands
full of these days, full offives, tens, twenty. I think
of my Polo Tennant Abbot of thehomicide squad. Habbit has been on the
(23:15):
police force for twenty years. Heknows which side has bread is buttered on.
He could take any piece of breadand say this side is buttered.
Sam, I'm on the trail ofz Hillbilly Moonshiner Burglar, Lieutenant Abbot I'll
be glad to help you. Whatdo you want. Well, you've seen
Zeke give me a thumbnail description though, well he uses liquid polos and the
(23:38):
schounic was pushed way back. Dam, I want you to go with Peter
of the Ozarks. I've got tocapture Zeke. It'll be a dangerous trip.
Those hillbillies are strange people. They'realways arguing shooting and farming if shooting,
fighting and fertile license. Come on, Sam, we're heading for the
hill. Lieutenant Abbot and I arrivedin the hillbully country. Sam. These
(24:08):
hillbillies are strange people, but you'llhave to emit their solid citizens. They've
got both feet on the ground.They've got to have both feet on the
ground. They don't wear shoes readingthe papers. For every five year old
hillbilly wanted to marry a girl nineyears old, did you marry him?
No? His parents subjected. Theydidn't want him marrying a girl who'd been
(24:32):
divorced three times. Sam, hecomes a bunch of hillbillies. Let's let's
ask, let's ask something to whereZeke is. How are these strangers?
I'm Jim Hartfield, He's here,my son. I'm Sam shovel the detective,
and this is Lieutenant Abbot. Boy, say hello to the strangers them
do clem Bert sir Bert went tomilitary school. I don't like to look
(25:08):
at these guys. Abbot. Theskinny one has got an air of corn
and two pumpkins so lost. They'refarmers, and farmers have corn and pumpkins
rolling out of their heads. Wellgotta go now, we're working on the
farm. Two weeks ago we duga hole, last week we dropped the
seed in it, and today we'regonna cover it up. Do you always
(25:33):
work, god Hord, Yeah,excepting when the weather gets bad. Then
it slows us up a little.So long, boy, is that guy
lazy? If he was a chicken, eggs and television sets would be the
same price. Never mind him,Sam, We've got to find Zeke the
Moonshiner. Hey, look over there, behind those bushes, there's Zeke's there's
(25:56):
Zeke the moonshine. Still come on, hey, look look there's he.
He's making corn liquor. He's jumpingup and down on the corn, crushing
it. Hold on, as hewe've got your collar. You're under arrest.
Stop mashing that corn with your feet. What are you dying? I'm
(26:18):
making some ninety proof corn liquor,and tomorrow I'm gonna make something that's one
hundred fruit. How do you dothat with that? I take off from
a shoe, se How do youmake that corn liquor? Well, first
I mash up the corn, thenI dump in the gall of cup and
time, then a gallon of clarrocks and two quarts of juniper juice.
(26:41):
Don't you put no alcohol in it? Wow? Ruined the taste, Sek.
We're taking you to jail. Sam, grab some of that moonshine for
evidence. You've got a taste itto make sure we got the right stuff.
Lieuten Abbott, you know I nevertouched us. They're a brave detective,
(27:03):
Sam chevalry Guard. Your coward tastedthat stuff? Will grow hair on
your chest. He's only kidding,Sam, I hadn't tasted, okay,
(27:25):
speaking to me, Sam, don'tstand him. Chance pul Barber just here
so thick. I can't see whereI'm going Before I have it in Costello
have their final play. We bringyour one more thought on this subject.
(28:49):
Well, Castella wings to tell thefolks about your next week. Sam shovel
story folks make Sam Shovel. Storytakes place in the Chewing Gum Factor.
I called it the case of thebeautiful blond who fell in the bat of
Soft Dumb or there's good shoes tonight, ky. So our writers are working
on the case right now. Ourriding staff is headed by Eddie Follman,
(29:10):
with Paul Common at Castella, Martinrag Away and Lendst and our producers Charles
Bendon. Be sure to be withus next Thursday night. Good night Paul
Hi, everybody in Pattison to night, come on at me. I'm Thursday
eight, Thursday night at this timefor another great I'm a Gastello show produce
(29:32):
and trying to drive him the ollywood. Be sure to stay till it for
the outstanding entertainment which follows thout theevening on this SABC station.
Hey, abens, what time isit. It's time for the Abbot and
Costello Show. We're on the airfor ABC here in Hollywood. I wait
for let's go with the Adan CostelloShow. Yes, it's the Abbot and
(00:23):
Costello Show, produce and transcribed inHollywood. If you're listening in laughing pleasure
with chuckles with a carload and musicby Mattie Melding, it's a whole lot
of your chairs, folks, forhere they are, but Abbert and lou
Costello. All right, all right, all right, cut out that yelling.
(00:51):
What's all excitement? Well we're gofunny last night. I'm thirty yellos
here, not one of them withdance with me. Don't even talk to
me. You didn't have any funthen, No, I was as lonesome
as Fidello on Sunday night. Ithought you were such a big shot with
the girls. I don't really everhad a girl. Oh yes, I
did it. I had a verybeautiful little bomb once and everything was swelling
for one day. She went offto Florida, she married a guy,
and now she has five children.After that, we just sort of drifted
(01:14):
apart. She had why don't youspeak to my wife, lou No,
No, your wife felt like mehabit. Well, hang around with her
while you'll find me. You eventuallyget in. He rescued, Well,
I guess one more lump won't hurther. How can you talk that way
(01:34):
about my wife? Remember the firstnight you met her? Yes, the
minute she walked in the room,I said, there's either an ugly woman
or a good looking man. Still, you know you're getting more stupid every
day. Gee, thanks have it. I'm glad to know I'm not stagnating.
(01:59):
Bill the boy Kenny further involved inmind sense. There's a thought that
makes good sense. He all right, gust, let's not that. Howry,
(03:23):
what's that thing you've got under yourarm? That's my new Harry Truman
rifle Harry Truman rifle kiss a fortyeight? Repeat it? What happened to
you last night? I called yourhouse? You weren't home. Well,
I went to the movies. Abbit. How's one of those old time pictures?
It was all about the Romans.They had a chariot racing and it
(03:45):
was won by a guy named BenHim your dummy, You mean Ben her,
not him her. They were alldressed up in a bit. Shoot
you couldn't tell the hymns from theherb. If you've gone to school,
you've known the story of Ben Harr. Did you go to school? Evn
certully. I started in the nurseryschool, and I went to kindergarten.
(04:06):
So what I started in narth school. I went to kindergarten. I went
from kindergarten to grammar school. Ohwhat? I went to kindergarten to grammar
school. I went from grammar schoolto high school. You think you'll be
a short as of meat balls orsummer, I'll tell you you've got the
brain of a monkey. I'll betyou have not. Yeah, what do
you want to bet fifteen bananas?Fina senuated, I'm ignorant, Evan don't
(04:30):
know somebody a Hollywood chemact. Ohwhat's a Hollywood character joke with a personality.
I'll ignore that remark because of yourignorant. Who's who's ignorant? When
I went to school, I specializedin history. I can name off all
the most important dates in his been. All right, go ahead, name
some important dates. Oh, Iwill. There's fourteen ninety two, seventy
seventy six, eighteen twelve, nineteenseventeen. Read a Haywood. I wait
(04:53):
a minute, wait, a manreally hate not an important date? Ali
Khan seems to think, so tellwhy didn't you listen to me take my
advice once in a while. I'myour friend. I realize you're not a
that you're an idiot, and Iwant to assist you. Lou What good
can you do me? You're justan assistant to an idiot. I'll just
(05:16):
look at here. You're you're dumpy. Not hold hold, I'm going for
so much and that's all. No, it's not my fault that I didn't
grow tall like the other boys.When I was a little boy over in
Scotland, I used to play thebagpipes, but it gave me pneumonia.
Wait a minute now, log waita man and Corvid playing the bagpipes give
(05:39):
you pneumonia. There was a leakin the bag in the air kept blowing
up my kilts. Instead of wearinga whisper room in front of my kilts
like the rest of the scotsman,I had to wear a hot water bubble.
You must have had a very poorchild, just Tella, I did
have it. We were very poor. My mother had to work as she
(06:00):
had to take in Washington. Shehad a scrub office floor. She worked
like a She worked as a blacksmith. She drove an oil truck, and
one time for three years she workedin the daytime as a wakers and worked
at night in a coal mine.What did your father do? He kept
the books. I guess you hada pretty tough time when you were a
kid. Yes, I'll never forgetthe day my mother made my first pair
(06:21):
of long pants. It had twelvebuttons down the back and four pockets in
the front. What did she makethem out of my father's old this I
was the only kid. I wasyour only kid in school and had a
watch bob hanging from her knee.Were you very popular with the other kids
in school? I was a pitcheron a baseball team. What a pitcher
(06:42):
I was? I had a dropball, a slow ball, a curveball.
Did you have a screwball? Thatwas before I met you? At
dummy? You want to be backin school right now? Are your information
happened? I'm keep a steady cumpanywith a red headed school teacher. What
does she teach? She has ahigh school class? I mean all over
forty years old? Forty year oldman? Why don't they go to college
(07:03):
teaching them? There's nothing else tolearn running around with a school teacher.
Why don't you find a nice girland get married. I'm going to have
it as soon as I get somemoney. Money, money, money,
money, money, Castella. Don'tworry about money. Do you realize what
money is? Money's art of allevil. Money is an invention of the
devil. Money is filthy lucre.Money causes misery. Money, that's what
(07:26):
I think of money made the Bankof America. Have mercy on your soul,
Castella. You don't need money.What you need is the love of
a good woman. Find another girllike my wife, Betty. You mean
there's another girl like your wife,Betty? Castell? I love my wife.
(07:53):
My betties are real cookie. Yourwife is a cookie, right,
abbot, you just said, bakingback twenty years. You'd be lucky to
get a girl like my wife.My Betty is always straight from the shoulder.
Well, what's a girl that's straightfrom the shoulder? I like a
girl of curves. Something terrible justhappened to me. And this is really
(08:18):
his uncle Budden. This is thenephew. We don't kid about it.
He's got toward AB's nephew. Payattention to what he says, folks,
this may be his last performance.Why is it that, Norman, nephew?
Norman, why are you so excited? Uncle Bud? When I was
(08:39):
coming through the pass in the mountains, a mountain lion jumped right in the
car beside me. You ask themwhat happened? The lion kills me.
Wait a minute, Norman, you'renot dead. Stop crying. You're working
on the Evan Costello show. You'restill living. You call us live in
(09:05):
really though, sincerely, there goesa pinion boy. His brain is on
a slow boat to the Mayo Brothers. Layoff Noman. He's a very intelligent
boy. He's always studying reading.It wouldn't hurt you to do a little
reading once in a while. Ihaven't. I do plenty of reading.
When I was seven years old,I started my first book, A Little
Red Riding Hood. I read atit from the library, the last time
(09:26):
I've ever read a book from thelibrary. Well, didn't you like Little
Red Riding Hood? Abbot? Upto now, I owe the library twenty
eight hundred dollars, and a LittleRed Riding Hood has yet can meet the
wolf. A little red riding hood. Why don't you read some of the
newer books. I just bought GypsyRose Lee's new book. It's a story
of her life. What does Gypsyrose? We call her new book the
(09:48):
Leg and I why don't you readsomething educational? I am out of I
just want a book on inventions.It tell us all about new gadgets.
I bought one yesterday from my auntmain. What kind of a gadget you
ride for your aunt mate? It'sa new girl list from surplus pair of
Trooper's harness, and it's a candiedlittle thing. At night, she doesn't
have to undressed. She doesn't know. She just jumps off the top of
the dress room pulls her ripcord.That's ridiculous. Hey, I understand you're
(10:13):
working on some kind of a sillyinvention yourself, and my invention is all
finished. To have it. It'sa new kind of perfume, and all
the girls in Hollywood are gonna gocrazy about it. All the girls in
Hollywood are going crazy about your perfume. Whine smells like money. Give a
bottle of it to my aunt Mary. Boy didn't make up popular, He's
right, may it was never popular. That's so back in Pattison, New
(10:35):
Jersey, she was so popular everyguy in town. You should drink champagne
out of her slipper, and waterdidn't get her. She's got the only
big toe in the world. Itbelongs to alcoholics. Anonymous mister, what's
going on here? That's that's down? Tread on mine. They won't eat
(10:56):
a spinach, junior spinach. Idon't like finish your richest, finish your
Saturday the odd street Costello's picture Mexicanhayride. You take that to mean,
(11:22):
but I'd like to take that,get over the sand and eat a Saturday.
What fall? I want to drophim in acclaiming Raison. Hello boy,
hey look Castella, I have Viola. You look very lovely tonight.
Via. I understand that you andCastella had a date last night. Where'd
you go? Well, Castella hada terrible time making up his mind where
(11:43):
to take me. Wow, doyou see? I was trying to make
up my mind between Ciros and theMarcambo. But we finally went where to
a Hamburger stand? Between CEOs andthe Marcambo. Well, don't you were?
If you all have to where married, things will be different. We'll
have lots a little and they'll alllook like me. Oh gee, i'd
always planned on having children. Iplan on having a few laughs. Here
(12:09):
are you sure you're reading the samescript? Lou You shouldn't be jealous of
me. I don't want to bea comedian. I don't want to make
people laugh. Okay, then youread my lines, Costella. You can't
be funny without me. You needme. Why where would it Edgar Bergen
be without chellye mcffee? Where wouldhe mus be without Andy? That's true?
(12:31):
Certainly one thing goes with another,like Darthy Lamore. Where would she
be with her without her sarrong?I don't know, but I sure would
like to be there, Costella.I think you're a girl crazy. I'm
not the girl for you, butyou can't leave me. What would I
do without you? Oh, don'tworry about that. I'll teach you up
(12:54):
with a girlfriend of mine. Oh, you'll be just crazy about this girl.
When she meets you, she'll rushover and she'll throw her arms around
you like this, yes, andshe'll squeeze you like this, and she'll
she'll kiss you like this and thisand this and this fair? Now,
(13:15):
what do you think of that?When am I going to meet this girl?
Why don't you take pity on Castelland Marriam? Then you'll be known
as missus Lewis G Costello G.What is the G stand for Costello?
(13:35):
Don't you tell her of it?Oh? Come on now? What does
it stand for? It? George? No, I don't want to tell
you. Oh come on, Castella? What is the G stand for it?
Oh? Do I have to tellyou? Yes? Stands for Gloria.
Gloria. Yes, my mother alwayswanted a girl, and my father
(13:58):
didn't have the heart to tell her. Yall, why don't you think that?
Costell? And come into the moviestonight and see our laid this picture
Mexican hayride. Oh thank you,Bud, But I saw the picture already.
Oh you did tell me? Howdid you like my acting? Well?
It was mhm, I'd say,Well, let me put it this
(14:20):
way. You know how Ben Johnsonhas that dramatic touch, oh yes,
And how Clark Gabel has that forcefulpersonality, yes, and how Gregory Peck
gives that little artistic extra something yeahyeah, yeah, yeah? What about
me? Costello? Can you drivea taxicab? That's only half the fun?
(14:50):
Clark's just as many laughs yet tocome. But first listen to this,
(16:03):
And now the spotlight turns to howWinters, our singing star. Here
he is with Maddie Molick and hisorchestra. I caught you, sir,
having a look at her as shewent strolling by. Now didn't your heart
(16:23):
boom' you saw? I warn you, sir, don't stop to dream of
her. Just bid such thoughts begone, or it'll be boom boom boom
(16:44):
boom boo boom from bam on.Once in law with Amy, always in
law, Over with Amy, ever, I'm never fascinated by her. Sets
(17:07):
your heart a fire to stay.Once you're kissed by Amy, share up
your list and Amy fly her withbon bon poetry and flowers gone a million
hours a word. You might bequite the fickle hearted, roll over,
(17:33):
so carefree and bol who loves agirl and later thinks it over and just
quits cold love with Amy, Alwaysin love with Amy, ever, and
(18:00):
ev sweetly answer trouble is, theanswer will be that ain't me? Rather
stay with me? Thank Costella.Come here? How did you get your
(18:30):
clothes so dirty? Just just lookat your coat, it's torn and your
shirt is ripped into Hattie. Myfull evid I was out on one of
my Sham's hovel effective cases. Lastnight. I investigation the Robert at the
Frattorney House in Ucla. But Imiscalculated got into one of the girls dormitories.
How did you manage to do that? By careful miss calculation? Castell?
(18:51):
Instead of running around nights on thosesilly sam shovel cases, you should
stay home. Why do stay homea lot? Avid? Every night?
Last week I stayed home, Icleaned the house. I got a terrible
servant problem. I find it verydifficult to hold a meeting. No,
what makes it so difficult for you? The hole of maid my Muther keeps
walking in the room. Never mindthat I understand. I understand. You
took your brother Pats of the movieslast night. Oh yes, but I
(19:14):
didn't take a back to the movies. No more, he asks, very
strange. The minute we got intothe movie, pack put his hat under
the sheet. What's strange about that? What's the men put their hat under
the seat while their head is stillin it? All talks sense? They
wait a minute, come here,what is that big manuscript you're carrying under
your arm? But I didn't wantto tell you, but it's a book
that I wrote, a book youwrote. It's the first chapter the hero
(19:37):
is threatened by a mad doctor whotries to remove his head, and the
second chapter he meets at a minutebutcher who tries to put him in the
meat grinder. Then it ends wherethree mini x time to a tree in
a squad in a while woodpeckers peckholes in him. But nobody wants to
publish it. Why not? Iguess people are sick of than mushy love
stories. What does your Sam shovela detective storry about tonight? Well,
(20:00):
and I do. One of mymost famous cases. I called it the
case of the photographer who was stuckup in a dark room or he was
caught with us princes down. Firstsounds terrible, but let's do it now.
The makers of Beebop Bubble Bath presentthe adventures of Sam Shuttle, Private
(20:25):
Detective. But first, a wordabout our product, Beebop bubble Bad.
Friends, would you like bubbles inyour bathtub? You would? Well,
why not haul up bubbles and seeif she needs a bath? Babies,
try Beebap bubble Bath. We don'task you to buy the large size mind,
you just try a trial size package. It contains a seven years supply.
(20:51):
You will find it. If youuse Bebop bubble bath every day for
seven years, you laugh skin justlike a baby, a baby alligator.
Listen to what people all over thecountry are saying about beebab bubble Bath.
In Kansas, give be feeba bubbleIn New Jersey, give me beeba bubble
Dad in Oregon, give me Feebapbubble bath. In Virginia, give me
(21:15):
liberally, or gimme death that PatrickHenry never gives up. And now the
makers of Feebap bubble Bath bring youyour favorite primer mystery. Here. He
is Sam Shuttle, private detective.As I'm Sam Shovel, Sam Shovel,
(21:41):
private Detective, the detective business asmy money. Slowly. Last night,
having nothing to do, I wentto a big public library birdman knows in
a book. This morning I hada heck of a job finding it.
I forgot what book I buried itin. Yeah, because my secretary.
(22:02):
Now, did you call me misterShovell? Don't be silly. Why should
I call you mister Shovel? Myname is mister Shovel. By the way,
Miss Jones. Did you find thefile in a krook? Joe Kirk?
What's his name? Joe Kerk Neverheard of him, Miss Joanes,
You and I have got to worklate in the office tonight. Are you
prepared? Oh? Yes, Ibrought my brass knuckles, my fencing mask
(22:25):
in a baseball back. Clever girl. She's so stylish. She was holding
one of the ten best pressed womenin Azusa. That's not so remarkable when
you consider there's only nine other womenin Azusa. Suddenly the interofice communication system
buzzes. It's my secretary, shespeaks, mister Shevill. There are two
(22:51):
men here to see you about acase, mister Cohen and Chief Lightfoot running
Dear, I'll see the Indian first. The cops have certainly got their hands
full of these days, full offives, tens, twenty. I think
of my Polo Tennant Abbot of thehomicide squad. Habbit has been on the
(23:15):
police force for twenty years. Heknows which side has bread is buttered on.
He could take any piece of breadand say this side is buttered.
Sam, I'm on the trail ofz Hillbilly Moonshiner Burglar, Lieutenant Abbot I'll
be glad to help you. Whatdo you want. Well, you've seen
Zeke give me a thumbnail description though, well he uses liquid polos and the
(23:38):
schounic was pushed way back. Dam, I want you to go with Peter
of the Ozarks. I've got tocapture Zeke. It'll be a dangerous trip.
Those hillbillies are strange people. They'realways arguing shooting and farming if shooting,
fighting and fertile license. Come on, Sam, we're heading for the
hill. Lieutenant Abbot and I arrivedin the hillbully country. Sam. These
(24:08):
hillbillies are strange people, but you'llhave to emit their solid citizens. They've
got both feet on the ground.They've got to have both feet on the
ground. They don't wear shoes readingthe papers. For every five year old
hillbilly wanted to marry a girl nineyears old, did you marry him?
No? His parents subjected. Theydidn't want him marrying a girl who'd been
(24:32):
divorced three times. Sam, hecomes a bunch of hillbillies. Let's let's
ask, let's ask something to whereZeke is. How are these strangers?
I'm Jim Hartfield, He's here,my son. I'm Sam shovel the detective,
and this is Lieutenant Abbot. Boy, say hello to the strangers them
do clem Bert sir Bert went tomilitary school. I don't like to look
(25:08):
at these guys. Abbot. Theskinny one has got an air of corn
and two pumpkins so lost. They'refarmers, and farmers have corn and pumpkins
rolling out of their heads. Wellgotta go now, we're working on the
farm. Two weeks ago we duga hole, last week we dropped the
seed in it, and today we'regonna cover it up. Do you always
(25:33):
work, god Hord, Yeah,excepting when the weather gets bad. Then
it slows us up a little.So long, boy, is that guy
lazy? If he was a chicken, eggs and television sets would be the
same price. Never mind him,Sam, We've got to find Zeke the
Moonshiner. Hey, look over there, behind those bushes, there's Zeke's there's
(25:56):
Zeke the moonshine. Still come on, hey, look look there's he.
He's making corn liquor. He's jumpingup and down on the corn, crushing
it. Hold on, as hewe've got your collar. You're under arrest.
Stop mashing that corn with your feet. What are you dying? I'm
(26:18):
making some ninety proof corn liquor,and tomorrow I'm gonna make something that's one
hundred fruit. How do you dothat with that? I take off from
a shoe, se How do youmake that corn liquor? Well, first
I mash up the corn, thenI dump in the gall of cup and
time, then a gallon of clarrocks and two quarts of juniper juice.
(26:41):
Don't you put no alcohol in it? Wow? Ruined the taste, Sek.
We're taking you to jail. Sam, grab some of that moonshine for
evidence. You've got a taste itto make sure we got the right stuff.
Lieuten Abbott, you know I nevertouched us. They're a brave detective,
(27:03):
Sam chevalry Guard. Your coward tastedthat stuff? Will grow hair on
your chest. He's only kidding,Sam, I hadn't tasted, okay,
(27:25):
speaking to me, Sam, don'tstand him. Chance pul Barber just here
so thick. I can't see whereI'm going Before I have it in Costello
have their final play. We bringyour one more thought on this subject.
(28:49):
Well, Castella wings to tell thefolks about your next week. Sam shovel
story folks make Sam Shovel. Storytakes place in the Chewing Gum Factor.
I called it the case of thebeautiful blond who fell in the bat of
Soft Dumb or there's good shoes tonight, ky. So our writers are working
on the case right now. Ourriding staff is headed by Eddie Follman,
(29:10):
with Paul Common at Castella, Martinrag Away and Lendst and our producers Charles
Bendon. Be sure to be withus next Thursday night. Good night Paul
Hi, everybody in Pattison to night, come on at me. I'm Thursday
eight, Thursday night at this timefor another great I'm a Gastello show produce
(29:32):
and trying to drive him the ollywood. Be sure to stay till it for
the outstanding entertainment which follows thout theevening on this SABC station.
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