May 24, 2023 • 28 mins
Abbott and Costello debuted on radio on Kate Smith's program in 1938. They continued performing on the show until the summer of 1940. Their first program of their own was a summer replacement for The Fred Allen Show in 1940. After a hiatus of two years, the show returned as a regular network program in the fall of 1942 and ran through the spring of 1949.
The show was a variety program, with Abbott and Costello performing comedy sketches, songs, and musical numbers. The show also featured a number of recurring characters, including Bud Abbott's character, "Louie the Garbage Man," and Lou Costello's character, "Noodles."
The Abbott and Costello Show was one of the most popular radio programs of its time. It was a major influence on the development of the sitcom genre, and it helped to make Abbott and Costello one of the most popular comedy teams in history.
Here are some of the most famous sketches from The Abbott and Costello Show:
"Who's on First?"
"The Gas Man"
"The Time of Their Lives"
"The Whodunit?"
"The Mad Doctor"
Listen to our radio station Old Time Radio https://link.radioking.com/otradio
Listen to other Shows at My Classic Radio https://www.myclassicradio.net/
Remember that times have changed, and some shows might not reflect the standards of today’s politically correct society. The shows do not necessarily reflect the views, standards, or beliefs of Entertainment Radio
The show was a variety program, with Abbott and Costello performing comedy sketches, songs, and musical numbers. The show also featured a number of recurring characters, including Bud Abbott's character, "Louie the Garbage Man," and Lou Costello's character, "Noodles."
The Abbott and Costello Show was one of the most popular radio programs of its time. It was a major influence on the development of the sitcom genre, and it helped to make Abbott and Costello one of the most popular comedy teams in history.
Here are some of the most famous sketches from The Abbott and Costello Show:
"Who's on First?"
"The Gas Man"
"The Time of Their Lives"
"The Whodunit?"
"The Mad Doctor"
Listen to our radio station Old Time Radio https://link.radioking.com/otradio
Listen to other Shows at My Classic Radio https://www.myclassicradio.net/
Remember that times have changed, and some shows might not reflect the standards of today’s politically correct society. The shows do not necessarily reflect the views, standards, or beliefs of Entertainment Radio
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Hey, amm it, what timeis it? It's time for the Abandon
Costello Show. We're on the airfor ABC here in Hollywood. I'm waiting
for let's go with the Abon Costell. Yes, it's the Abbot and Costello
(00:25):
Show. Producing transcribed in Hollywood.You're listening and lapping pleasure Chuckles with a
carload and music by Mattie Meldan.It's all hold on to get chairs,
bogs. Where here they are?What appin? And Lo Costello? Lass?
(00:50):
About time you've got here? Wherewere you? Well? I went
to the y w C a girlsplay play softball and one girl was running
the third base. She slipped thefelling land and my lappin? Boy was
I mad? Why the umpire mademe put back in the game? What's
she a pretty girl? Oh?Pretty? But she was gorgeous? I
mean that they would her after thegame and butt did she send me?
(01:11):
Yeah? But when I got backshe wasn't there. Castella, Why do
you keep annoying every girl that's youmeet? Who do you think you are?
Has Anova? Who do I think? I? Whop? Who do
you think you are? Has anotherhas Anova? I mean, up be
Casanova? But people say that I'mas good looking as Van Johnson, who
(01:34):
says that, how do I know? Do you think I go around heaves
dropping? But I see such apretty girl, Why don't you propose to
her? Married? I can't marryher. I don't know anything about her.
What difference does that make? Andthen a figure a man doesn't even
know his wife until after he marriesher. What do you mean in Africa,
you dope? You only even knowwhat marriage is? Yes, I
(01:56):
do. Marriage is a friendship thatgot out of control. Costello, You
shouldn't have any trouble getting loo.You shouldn't have any drum getting married.
(02:17):
Do you know that out here inHollywood there are two girls for every man?
Two girls for every man? Areyou sure? Sarty? Then some
dirty sneakers got four Castelli's no use. You'll never get a girl until you
settle down and become a man ofregular habits. I am a man of
(02:37):
regular habits. And how come youwere out until four o'clock this morning with
that redhead that lives next door.That's one of my regular habits. I's
feel I can't understand how girls wereout with you in the first plage habit.
It's my terrific magnetism. You've gotmagnetism. Yes, last week I
picked up two blondes, redhead,a brunnet, and a rusty nail.
Right, why don't you be likeme? Costello? I've got away with
(03:00):
women. You haven't got away withmany lately. That I happened to be
the reason that women leave home.Yes, the day you were born,
your mother took one look at you, and she hasn't been back since I
(03:22):
asked. The boys are on thebeam tonight, and they'll be back on
it in just about one minute.At first, let's hear this gotch stella.
(04:42):
When you stop that walking up anddown? What's the matter with you?
What are you worried about? Lastnight, my uncle Mike was robbed
while he was a sleep pawn.I wait a minute, How could your
uncle Mike be robbed? He's gotall his money summing up in his long
underwear. Oh yes, what itwas a hot night and he left the
back door of the bank open.Do tell him? Lay, all right,
(05:05):
that's no reason why you should worry. No, no, But when
I get on the next page,I'll find out. Why not find out?
Oh no, well, I gotplenty of reasons. Saturday, Saturday
night they arrested my uncle, JimKelly. He broke into a grocery store
and he stole three hundred and ninetydollars. Why did you do it?
The poor guy was hungry. Well, if he was hungry, why didn't
he steal all? Why did yousteal as money? Lou Why didn't he
(05:27):
steal some groceries or something. He'sa proud man abbot. He likes to
pay for everything he gets. Andbesides, he needs some money to buy
a new car. Wait a minute, he'd be better off without a car,
Castella, it's it's very dangerous drivingin California. You're telling me.
In Los Angeles you have to drivefor five people, the one in front
of you, the one in backof here, and the ones on each
(05:49):
side of you. Oh wait aminute, that's only four cars. Who
where's the fifth? She'll pull outin front of you any minute. Well
I haven't. I gotta leave now. I got a new job with my
brother Pat in the trucking business.Has he got his own truck? Yeah,
(06:11):
hey, you should see it.Have it? It's one inch wide
in the block long a truck andinch wide and the block long? Why
does he deliver in the spaghetty.Next week, he's got to buy a
round truck around. Truck boy foursays, is your brother Pat making any
wanting in the trucking business? Loop? Oh yeah, she did so good
last week that he bought his wifeone of those new electric blankets. Saved
(06:33):
her a lot of time around thehouse. I waited holging an electric blanket
help her with the work around thehouse. Well, she takes the eggs
and the bacon to bed with her, and when she gets up in the
morning, breakfast is ready. Thatelectric blanket is making a very popular tool.
What do you mean last night sheturned it on too high? And
now yes, she's the toast ofthe town. Almister, gust, almister,
(06:59):
I've got to talk. I've gota great idea. Wait a minute,
mister, what's the idea of breakingan here like this? I've got
an idea that will make you toldalmost popular comedy team in radio. What
is it? I'll stap your nameunder this first break car in the country.
Waite a man to wait an.How'll that make us popular? Well,
at least you'll have all the harmersfulling for you. Hello boy,
(07:21):
well well with Susan Miller Susan.I'm certainly glad you shut up tonight because
I'm going to sing a duel withyou. Tello, you mean a duet.
A duel is where somebody gets hurt. You never sang with me,
did you? Now? When didyou become a singer? Castello? Well,
(07:44):
I don't like a brag, Butwould you believe that I thought,
being cross you how to sing?No? I wouldn't. You're right,
but once in a while I catcha sucker. I tell how you don't
know the first thing about music.Well, I'll have you know what I
studied music. Nah, I wentto singing school. I used to study
until I was blew in the face, and then the teacher sending me with
a medal for being the best singerin the class, No, for having
the bluest face. I've got togo now, boy, I'm going swimming
(08:13):
down at the beach. I boughtone of those new French bathing suits.
He comes equipped with a shoehorn anda hack saw. Why did they give
you a shoehorn and a haxall witha bathing suit? Well, shoehorn gets
me into the bathing suit, andafter I wear it, I don't need
the hack saw to get me outof jail. You know, there gots
(08:35):
a nice kid at it. Theonly thing is she's money mad. Money
man. Yeah, she's mad becauseI ain't got no money. I so
what remember, Costello, Money isn'teverything. You know, you can't take
it with you. It's nice tohave it here so you can say goodbye
to it. You know, myfamily has always had money. In fact,
my uncle Rudolph was one of thefirst gold miners in California. One
(08:58):
day when he was in my aindigging for gold, he was killed by
a falling space. A falling spadekilled my uncle Tom. Was he a
goal miner? No, he waskilled by the Asia spains. That thought
of his sleeve and a pokecame.Cost Tell you will ever have fo you
about money as long as I gotit. We're pals, share and share
alike. Well, I feel thesame way about you have. That's swell.
(09:22):
You mean you'd share everything you havewith me. If you had two
cars, you'd give me one,sure. If you had two houses,
you'd give one of them to me. I certainly would. And if you
had two department stores, you'd you'dgive me one. Yes, sir,
we're pals. Chair and share alike. Swell, if you had two dollars,
would you give me one? No? Why because I've got two dollars.
(09:54):
That's the way of la. Ithought I was your pal. Are
you trying to tell me that themoney means more to you than I do?
I didn't say that happened? Welldoes it? Yes? That settles
at costels. I'm going on myvacation your New Jersey, and I'm not
(10:15):
taking you with me. Who wantsto go to New Jersey? Now?
When we were there last, someof the mosquitoes were so big they were
carrying baseball bets. I woke upin the middle of the night and two
of them were sitting on my stomachholding a conversation. I don't be sticky.
Who mosquitoes can talk? Don't tellme these two were certainly two.
In the fact, you're idiot.The only mosquitoes adite are feemale mosquited.
(10:41):
Well, the one that nipped mewhen I was bending over the tie of
my shoe was no lady. Thenight your uncle Roy got drunk, the
mosquitoes were biting him all night andit kept me awake. Well, if
they were biting him, why didn'tkeep you away, Well, they'd bite
him and then come over and siton my bed. Hiccough, Well,
(11:07):
Castell on second pot, I don'tthink i'll go to New Jerry. Do
I need a complete breast where nobodywould bother me, where the name bud
Abbott means nothing. Oh, you'restaying in town. Ain't never mind that?
Where are you going? Well,I think I'll go to Honolulu.
Last time I was here, Imade a beautiful made up girl. She
(11:28):
was gorgeous and what a figure.All day she'd walk around carrying a big
basket on her head. Then atnight she'd sneak off and she'd meet me.
Brother. She taught me plenty shedid. Yes, you should see
me carry a basket on my head. Never mind that. If you've been
getting plenty of rest, No,And I've been having a lot of trouble
(11:52):
going to sleep. Last night,I didn't fall asleep for eleven o'clock.
What time did you go to bed? Five minutes to eleven? Castella,
You need a vacation. You've gotto stop running around girls. It's affecting
your brain. I think you're rightup. I know it. Last night
I had a date to pick upa girl of Hollywood and Vine. I
(12:13):
drove down a Hollywood and Vine.Then I went to dinner, and all
during dinner I felt as if I'dforgotten something. Then to a movie,
and all through the movie I closedthough I'd forgotten something. Then I drove
up to Griffith Park and I startedto neck, and I still felt as
if I'd forgotten something. Then Iwent home and I remembered what I forgot?
What was I forgot? To pickup the girl? And each week
(12:39):
at this time, the Aboton CostelloShow presents our feature singer, and here
he is, Ladies and gentlemen,how it is with Maddie Malnick and his
orchestra. Rush those tears from youreyes and try to real life Fabby ache
(13:01):
in my heart for you. Brushthose tears from your eyes and try to
realize that from my warn on alwaybe true. I went away, but
(13:24):
I didn't mean to stay, andI will regret it until my dyn day.
Brush those tears and strong your eyesand try to realize fatty age in
my heart for you. I wentaway, but I didn't understand me,
(13:54):
and I will regret it until myDonday. Brush those teas from your time
and my hearty for you. Well, Cassello, we're going to do a
(14:30):
murder mystery. We lead a leadinglady. Now, how about that blonde
actress you're so crazy about? Iain't going with her anymore of it.
We had an argument about mustaches.She likes him and I don't you mean
she wanted you to grow a mustache? No, I wanted her to sha
shave hers off. I thought shewas rather pretty. She has such fairly
(14:54):
white teeth. Yes, And whenwe broke up, I asked her for
a picture of her face so Icould remember her lovely teeth. Well,
did she give you the pick?She didn't have a picture, so she
gave me the teeth. Oh,we've got to have a leading lady.
Not wait a minute, how aboutthat little broomette actress. Now I'm at
at her too. We had adate at Hollywood and Viney last week and
she stood me up. Did youtell her off? I'll say I did.
I said, how dare you standme up at Hollywood vine And she
(15:16):
said I was. She was sorry, and now we have an understanding.
You out. Now she's going tostand me up at Sunset and vine I
said, I think this idea fordoing detective stories is going to be a
flop. You know nothing about detectives, and my whole family were detectives.
App but my uncle Tom was smartas a whip. But they threw him
off the forest. Why they foundout? They weren't very many smart whips.
(15:41):
I don't believe that. Why didTom really get thrown off the forest?
Well, of you must know hewas taking bribes. He used to
put the money in his shoes andthe chief found it out if he put
the money in his shoes, howdid the chief find out he got eighteen
inches toll of the first week?Who else is your family with detectives?
(16:02):
Well, my twin uncles, Gussand Billy, they joined the force on
the same day Billy's. Billy's firstassignment was to find a gorge of secretary
who had stolen the million dollars fromher boss. What was Gustus first assignment
to find Billy? For any ofthe other Casteller's detectives. Yes, two
of my cousins, Burton Harry.They were working on a case at the
racetrack. They had a final gangthat was doping horses. A difficult case,
(16:25):
very difficult, difficult then, yeah, very difficult. Burton Harry disguised
themself as a horse and slipping thestables. One night a guy came along
and jabbed them full of dope.What did they do? What could they
do? They came in third andpaid to waiting. Oh never mind that.
What is your Sam Shevel story forthe night. It's one of my
most famous cases. I call itthe case of the boy named Tony whose
(16:45):
mother kept him locked in a closetor Tony's home permanent. Sounds interesting,
Well, let's get on with thegates. Now represent the adventures of Sam
(17:07):
Shovel Master Detective, brought to youby Army Surplus Sails. And here is
today's radio special, something no housewightshould be without. Yes, today you
can buy Fort Dicks. So rushover to Army Surplus Sales and buy Fort
(17:33):
Dicks free at home and surprise thelittle woman. And remember when you buy,
insist on the genuine Fort Dicks.Do not accept march Field. And
now for the adventures of Sam Shovelriv At Detective Man. I'm Sam Shovel,
(18:07):
Private Detective. I'm sitting in mylittle office down by the waterfront,
all by myself playing Gin run methe hard way. The hard way without
cards. I've been playing for twohours and I own myself nine hundred dollars,
and I'm worried. I know I'mnot good for it. Being a
(18:36):
private detective isn't a bad racket.I remember the first day I opened this
detective office. I threw a party. What a party? I bought a
cotton a beer, and as Iwas carrying it up the stairs, I
tripped. All the bottles were broken, bear was leaking all over me.
Everybody chaired and congratulated me. Ihad broken my first case. As I'm
(19:07):
sitting here now I feel something keepingup behind me. It's Lieutenant Abbit of
the Homicides Bijura, the man who'ssingle handed caught baby Face Nelson, baby
Face Coppa, and baby Face Brown, which wasn't too difficult considering they were
all babies. Detective Abbit speaks,Hello, Sam Shovel. Why it's dark
(19:36):
in here? Why don't you pullup the shades? Okay, all right,
will Sam? It's still dark inhere. I know I don't have
any windows. Just look at youroffice. An old herring barrel for a
(20:00):
chair, a soapbox for a desk, a rugged made out of old newspapers.
Yes, you may not believe this, lieutenant. Five years ago,
I started up with nothing. Lookyeah, yeah, you got another fight.
(20:23):
I don't look out. Hey,look, somebody made a bullet hole
in the ceiling, just missed killingme. I'll put a bullet shot at
the ceiling. Hurt you. IfI happened to be sitting on a chandelier,
I would have been killed, shovel. What made you go into this
(20:48):
dangerous business? The prizes? There'sprizes in the detective business. Sure,
if I'm lucky, I might getto be ellery queen for a day.
They're awake? What was that?Oh? Just the backfire of an automobile?
(21:21):
What was that? That must beone of the tires yelling for help?
That sound came from the building nextdoor. Who occupies him? The
Universal International Overseas Interstate Trucking Company.Where did they ship to Glendale? We
better go next door and investigate it? Maybe the killing? Where did I
(21:41):
get my weapons? My gun?My black jack? And today's newspaper?
Today's today's newspapers a weapon? IfI missed with a gun in the black
jack, I'll show him the headlinesin the paper and he'll worry himself to
death. That's all. There's aman on the floor. He's in trouble.
(22:07):
What happened, mister, I've beenstabbed. They put a bullet in
my shoulder, a dagger in myback, and all my ribs are broken.
Doesn't hurt only it's a dark misteringonly when I laugh, Come man,
(22:33):
tell us her stab you? Itwas it was this. This man
is dead. We've we've got tofind out who's the killer. I know.
(22:55):
I'll ask herm in the stool pigeon. He'll sell us the information.
What makes you so sure? Youwell? For money? Herman would sell
his own grandmother Arianal, I boughther three times already well. I left
(23:17):
Lieutenant Abbott and when looking for hermanosstool Pigeon, I'm in a trip to
the Los Angeles Waterfront, the toughestpart of town. What a tough neighborhood,
the only place in Los Angeles wherethe pedestrians knocked the cars down.
I was scared, plenty scared.My throat was so dry I could feel
(23:37):
the seeds in my Adam's apple.I drew my trusty revolver. I didn't
know whether to put it in myholster in my pocket, and I decided
to check if the gun was loaded. I held it against my head and
pulled the trigger, putting the gunin the hole in my head. I
started for the docks. Suddenly,suddenly, I've heard a voice. What
(24:21):
are you like that for? Sam? What it's me, Detective Abbott.
It's dark. I can't see you. I'm here on the wall on the
what wha, wha wha, Ican't hear a word. Your sand as
a dog barking someplace. I lookedup Waterfront. Little was standing beside me.
(24:45):
She was more beautiful than ever.She spoke. Hello, Sam,
Hello missus waterfront call me Little,You gorgeous hunky man. Okay, Leo,
you're gorgeous hunkle man, reminding theromance. And Sam, you've got
(25:06):
to find out if she's a smuggler. Okay, supple, don't let her
know you're after information. Okay,take it easy, all right, Okay,
Leo, are you a smuggler?Dam I'll tell you if you promise
not to turn me over to thepolice, I'll promise you won't turn me
(25:26):
over. Why should I turn youover? You can't look any better on
the other side. Well, illgot you at last. I'm taking you
in. Oh, no, you'renot. You'll never take me alive.
Which hand put the handcuffs on her? She got me? I'm shot?
(25:48):
Oh I'm sorry. Sam, Quick, Lieutenant, call an ambulance. We'll
take Sam to the hospital. No, no, not the ambulance. Sam,
don't don't you don't you want togo to the hospital. Yes,
but I ain't riting. No ambulanceto that Los Angeles traffic. A man
can can pill that way. I'llwalk. I get him out of it.
(26:11):
He cast like tom Boys. We'llhave a curtain called by Abbott and
Costello after a final reminder on thissubject, Well, Costella, you certainly
(27:27):
gave a brilliant performance the Sam shoveltonight. Thank you, Bud Happen you're
full of pep. Yeah, soyou you certainly were ever fastened tonight?
Did you ever see me when Iever fustened? Ever fustened? Now I
know what happened to Baron Munchhausen's writers. We've got them riding sasaded by Eddie
(27:52):
Fahlan with Paul Colin, Pat Costellaand our producers Charles Vanda. Good night,
Faulk and I. Everybody listen EachThursday night at this time for another
great Abbot and Costello show, produceand transcribed in Hollywood. Be sure to
(28:15):
stay tuned with the outstanding entertainment whichfollows throughout the evening on this ABC station.
Hey, amm it, what timeis it? It's time for the Abandon
Costello Show. We're on the airfor ABC here in Hollywood. I'm waiting
for let's go with the Abon Costell. Yes, it's the Abbot and Costello
(00:25):
Show. Producing transcribed in Hollywood.You're listening and lapping pleasure Chuckles with a
carload and music by Mattie Meldan.It's all hold on to get chairs,
bogs. Where here they are?What appin? And Lo Costello? Lass?
(00:50):
About time you've got here? Wherewere you? Well? I went
to the y w C a girlsplay play softball and one girl was running
the third base. She slipped thefelling land and my lappin? Boy was
I mad? Why the umpire mademe put back in the game? What's
she a pretty girl? Oh?Pretty? But she was gorgeous? I
mean that they would her after thegame and butt did she send me?
(01:11):
Yeah? But when I got backshe wasn't there. Castella, Why do
you keep annoying every girl that's youmeet? Who do you think you are?
Has Anova? Who do I think? I? Whop? Who do
you think you are? Has anotherhas Anova? I mean, up be
Casanova? But people say that I'mas good looking as Van Johnson, who
(01:34):
says that, how do I know? Do you think I go around heaves
dropping? But I see such apretty girl, Why don't you propose to
her? Married? I can't marryher. I don't know anything about her.
What difference does that make? Andthen a figure a man doesn't even
know his wife until after he marriesher. What do you mean in Africa,
you dope? You only even knowwhat marriage is? Yes, I
(01:56):
do. Marriage is a friendship thatgot out of control. Costello, You
shouldn't have any trouble getting loo.You shouldn't have any drum getting married.
(02:17):
Do you know that out here inHollywood there are two girls for every man?
Two girls for every man? Areyou sure? Sarty? Then some
dirty sneakers got four Castelli's no use. You'll never get a girl until you
settle down and become a man ofregular habits. I am a man of
(02:37):
regular habits. And how come youwere out until four o'clock this morning with
that redhead that lives next door.That's one of my regular habits. I's
feel I can't understand how girls wereout with you in the first plage habit.
It's my terrific magnetism. You've gotmagnetism. Yes, last week I
picked up two blondes, redhead,a brunnet, and a rusty nail.
Right, why don't you be likeme? Costello? I've got away with
(03:00):
women. You haven't got away withmany lately. That I happened to be
the reason that women leave home.Yes, the day you were born,
your mother took one look at you, and she hasn't been back since I
(03:22):
asked. The boys are on thebeam tonight, and they'll be back on
it in just about one minute.At first, let's hear this gotch stella.
(04:42):
When you stop that walking up anddown? What's the matter with you?
What are you worried about? Lastnight, my uncle Mike was robbed
while he was a sleep pawn.I wait a minute, How could your
uncle Mike be robbed? He's gotall his money summing up in his long
underwear. Oh yes, what itwas a hot night and he left the
back door of the bank open.Do tell him? Lay, all right,
(05:05):
that's no reason why you should worry. No, no, But when
I get on the next page,I'll find out. Why not find out?
Oh no, well, I gotplenty of reasons. Saturday, Saturday
night they arrested my uncle, JimKelly. He broke into a grocery store
and he stole three hundred and ninetydollars. Why did you do it?
The poor guy was hungry. Well, if he was hungry, why didn't
he steal all? Why did yousteal as money? Lou Why didn't he
(05:27):
steal some groceries or something. He'sa proud man abbot. He likes to
pay for everything he gets. Andbesides, he needs some money to buy
a new car. Wait a minute, he'd be better off without a car,
Castella, it's it's very dangerous drivingin California. You're telling me.
In Los Angeles you have to drivefor five people, the one in front
of you, the one in backof here, and the ones on each
(05:49):
side of you. Oh wait aminute, that's only four cars. Who
where's the fifth? She'll pull outin front of you any minute. Well
I haven't. I gotta leave now. I got a new job with my
brother Pat in the trucking business.Has he got his own truck? Yeah,
(06:11):
hey, you should see it.Have it? It's one inch wide
in the block long a truck andinch wide and the block long? Why
does he deliver in the spaghetty.Next week, he's got to buy a
round truck around. Truck boy foursays, is your brother Pat making any
wanting in the trucking business? Loop? Oh yeah, she did so good
last week that he bought his wifeone of those new electric blankets. Saved
(06:33):
her a lot of time around thehouse. I waited holging an electric blanket
help her with the work around thehouse. Well, she takes the eggs
and the bacon to bed with her, and when she gets up in the
morning, breakfast is ready. Thatelectric blanket is making a very popular tool.
What do you mean last night sheturned it on too high? And
now yes, she's the toast ofthe town. Almister, gust, almister,
(06:59):
I've got to talk. I've gota great idea. Wait a minute,
mister, what's the idea of breakingan here like this? I've got
an idea that will make you toldalmost popular comedy team in radio. What
is it? I'll stap your nameunder this first break car in the country.
Waite a man to wait an.How'll that make us popular? Well,
at least you'll have all the harmersfulling for you. Hello boy,
(07:21):
well well with Susan Miller Susan.I'm certainly glad you shut up tonight because
I'm going to sing a duel withyou. Tello, you mean a duet.
A duel is where somebody gets hurt. You never sang with me,
did you? Now? When didyou become a singer? Castello? Well,
(07:44):
I don't like a brag, Butwould you believe that I thought,
being cross you how to sing?No? I wouldn't. You're right,
but once in a while I catcha sucker. I tell how you don't
know the first thing about music.Well, I'll have you know what I
studied music. Nah, I wentto singing school. I used to study
until I was blew in the face, and then the teacher sending me with
a medal for being the best singerin the class, No, for having
the bluest face. I've got togo now, boy, I'm going swimming
(08:13):
down at the beach. I boughtone of those new French bathing suits.
He comes equipped with a shoehorn anda hack saw. Why did they give
you a shoehorn and a haxall witha bathing suit? Well, shoehorn gets
me into the bathing suit, andafter I wear it, I don't need
the hack saw to get me outof jail. You know, there gots
(08:35):
a nice kid at it. Theonly thing is she's money mad. Money
man. Yeah, she's mad becauseI ain't got no money. I so
what remember, Costello, Money isn'teverything. You know, you can't take
it with you. It's nice tohave it here so you can say goodbye
to it. You know, myfamily has always had money. In fact,
my uncle Rudolph was one of thefirst gold miners in California. One
(08:58):
day when he was in my aindigging for gold, he was killed by
a falling space. A falling spadekilled my uncle Tom. Was he a
goal miner? No, he waskilled by the Asia spains. That thought
of his sleeve and a pokecame.Cost Tell you will ever have fo you
about money as long as I gotit. We're pals, share and share
alike. Well, I feel thesame way about you have. That's swell.
(09:22):
You mean you'd share everything you havewith me. If you had two
cars, you'd give me one,sure. If you had two houses,
you'd give one of them to me. I certainly would. And if you
had two department stores, you'd you'dgive me one. Yes, sir,
we're pals. Chair and share alike. Swell, if you had two dollars,
would you give me one? No? Why because I've got two dollars.
(09:54):
That's the way of la. Ithought I was your pal. Are
you trying to tell me that themoney means more to you than I do?
I didn't say that happened? Welldoes it? Yes? That settles
at costels. I'm going on myvacation your New Jersey, and I'm not
(10:15):
taking you with me. Who wantsto go to New Jersey? Now?
When we were there last, someof the mosquitoes were so big they were
carrying baseball bets. I woke upin the middle of the night and two
of them were sitting on my stomachholding a conversation. I don't be sticky.
Who mosquitoes can talk? Don't tellme these two were certainly two.
In the fact, you're idiot.The only mosquitoes adite are feemale mosquited.
(10:41):
Well, the one that nipped mewhen I was bending over the tie of
my shoe was no lady. Thenight your uncle Roy got drunk, the
mosquitoes were biting him all night andit kept me awake. Well, if
they were biting him, why didn'tkeep you away, Well, they'd bite
him and then come over and siton my bed. Hiccough, Well,
(11:07):
Castell on second pot, I don'tthink i'll go to New Jerry. Do
I need a complete breast where nobodywould bother me, where the name bud
Abbott means nothing. Oh, you'restaying in town. Ain't never mind that?
Where are you going? Well,I think I'll go to Honolulu.
Last time I was here, Imade a beautiful made up girl. She
(11:28):
was gorgeous and what a figure.All day she'd walk around carrying a big
basket on her head. Then atnight she'd sneak off and she'd meet me.
Brother. She taught me plenty shedid. Yes, you should see
me carry a basket on my head. Never mind that. If you've been
getting plenty of rest, No,And I've been having a lot of trouble
(11:52):
going to sleep. Last night,I didn't fall asleep for eleven o'clock.
What time did you go to bed? Five minutes to eleven? Castella,
You need a vacation. You've gotto stop running around girls. It's affecting
your brain. I think you're rightup. I know it. Last night
I had a date to pick upa girl of Hollywood and Vine. I
(12:13):
drove down a Hollywood and Vine.Then I went to dinner, and all
during dinner I felt as if I'dforgotten something. Then to a movie,
and all through the movie I closedthough I'd forgotten something. Then I drove
up to Griffith Park and I startedto neck, and I still felt as
if I'd forgotten something. Then Iwent home and I remembered what I forgot?
What was I forgot? To pickup the girl? And each week
(12:39):
at this time, the Aboton CostelloShow presents our feature singer, and here
he is, Ladies and gentlemen,how it is with Maddie Malnick and his
orchestra. Rush those tears from youreyes and try to real life Fabby ache
(13:01):
in my heart for you. Brushthose tears from your eyes and try to
realize that from my warn on alwaybe true. I went away, but
(13:24):
I didn't mean to stay, andI will regret it until my dyn day.
Brush those tears and strong your eyesand try to realize fatty age in
my heart for you. I wentaway, but I didn't understand me,
(13:54):
and I will regret it until myDonday. Brush those teas from your time
and my hearty for you. Well, Cassello, we're going to do a
(14:30):
murder mystery. We lead a leadinglady. Now, how about that blonde
actress you're so crazy about? Iain't going with her anymore of it.
We had an argument about mustaches.She likes him and I don't you mean
she wanted you to grow a mustache? No, I wanted her to sha
shave hers off. I thought shewas rather pretty. She has such fairly
(14:54):
white teeth. Yes, And whenwe broke up, I asked her for
a picture of her face so Icould remember her lovely teeth. Well,
did she give you the pick?She didn't have a picture, so she
gave me the teeth. Oh,we've got to have a leading lady.
Not wait a minute, how aboutthat little broomette actress. Now I'm at
at her too. We had adate at Hollywood and Viney last week and
she stood me up. Did youtell her off? I'll say I did.
I said, how dare you standme up at Hollywood vine And she
(15:16):
said I was. She was sorry, and now we have an understanding.
You out. Now she's going tostand me up at Sunset and vine I
said, I think this idea fordoing detective stories is going to be a
flop. You know nothing about detectives, and my whole family were detectives.
App but my uncle Tom was smartas a whip. But they threw him
off the forest. Why they foundout? They weren't very many smart whips.
(15:41):
I don't believe that. Why didTom really get thrown off the forest?
Well, of you must know hewas taking bribes. He used to
put the money in his shoes andthe chief found it out if he put
the money in his shoes, howdid the chief find out he got eighteen
inches toll of the first week?Who else is your family with detectives?
(16:02):
Well, my twin uncles, Gussand Billy, they joined the force on
the same day Billy's. Billy's firstassignment was to find a gorge of secretary
who had stolen the million dollars fromher boss. What was Gustus first assignment
to find Billy? For any ofthe other Casteller's detectives. Yes, two
of my cousins, Burton Harry.They were working on a case at the
racetrack. They had a final gangthat was doping horses. A difficult case,
(16:25):
very difficult, difficult then, yeah, very difficult. Burton Harry disguised
themself as a horse and slipping thestables. One night a guy came along
and jabbed them full of dope.What did they do? What could they
do? They came in third andpaid to waiting. Oh never mind that.
What is your Sam Shevel story forthe night. It's one of my
most famous cases. I call itthe case of the boy named Tony whose
(16:45):
mother kept him locked in a closetor Tony's home permanent. Sounds interesting,
Well, let's get on with thegates. Now represent the adventures of Sam
(17:07):
Shovel Master Detective, brought to youby Army Surplus Sails. And here is
today's radio special, something no housewightshould be without. Yes, today you
can buy Fort Dicks. So rushover to Army Surplus Sales and buy Fort
(17:33):
Dicks free at home and surprise thelittle woman. And remember when you buy,
insist on the genuine Fort Dicks.Do not accept march Field. And
now for the adventures of Sam Shovelriv At Detective Man. I'm Sam Shovel,
(18:07):
Private Detective. I'm sitting in mylittle office down by the waterfront,
all by myself playing Gin run methe hard way. The hard way without
cards. I've been playing for twohours and I own myself nine hundred dollars,
and I'm worried. I know I'mnot good for it. Being a
(18:36):
private detective isn't a bad racket.I remember the first day I opened this
detective office. I threw a party. What a party? I bought a
cotton a beer, and as Iwas carrying it up the stairs, I
tripped. All the bottles were broken, bear was leaking all over me.
Everybody chaired and congratulated me. Ihad broken my first case. As I'm
(19:07):
sitting here now I feel something keepingup behind me. It's Lieutenant Abbit of
the Homicides Bijura, the man who'ssingle handed caught baby Face Nelson, baby
Face Coppa, and baby Face Brown, which wasn't too difficult considering they were
all babies. Detective Abbit speaks,Hello, Sam Shovel. Why it's dark
(19:36):
in here? Why don't you pullup the shades? Okay, all right,
will Sam? It's still dark inhere. I know I don't have
any windows. Just look at youroffice. An old herring barrel for a
(20:00):
chair, a soapbox for a desk, a rugged made out of old newspapers.
Yes, you may not believe this, lieutenant. Five years ago,
I started up with nothing. Lookyeah, yeah, you got another fight.
(20:23):
I don't look out. Hey,look, somebody made a bullet hole
in the ceiling, just missed killingme. I'll put a bullet shot at
the ceiling. Hurt you. IfI happened to be sitting on a chandelier,
I would have been killed, shovel. What made you go into this
(20:48):
dangerous business? The prizes? There'sprizes in the detective business. Sure,
if I'm lucky, I might getto be ellery queen for a day.
They're awake? What was that?Oh? Just the backfire of an automobile?
(21:21):
What was that? That must beone of the tires yelling for help?
That sound came from the building nextdoor. Who occupies him? The
Universal International Overseas Interstate Trucking Company.Where did they ship to Glendale? We
better go next door and investigate it? Maybe the killing? Where did I
(21:41):
get my weapons? My gun?My black jack? And today's newspaper?
Today's today's newspapers a weapon? IfI missed with a gun in the black
jack, I'll show him the headlinesin the paper and he'll worry himself to
death. That's all. There's aman on the floor. He's in trouble.
(22:07):
What happened, mister, I've beenstabbed. They put a bullet in
my shoulder, a dagger in myback, and all my ribs are broken.
Doesn't hurt only it's a dark misteringonly when I laugh, Come man,
(22:33):
tell us her stab you? Itwas it was this. This man
is dead. We've we've got tofind out who's the killer. I know.
(22:55):
I'll ask herm in the stool pigeon. He'll sell us the information.
What makes you so sure? Youwell? For money? Herman would sell
his own grandmother Arianal, I boughther three times already well. I left
(23:17):
Lieutenant Abbott and when looking for hermanosstool Pigeon, I'm in a trip to
the Los Angeles Waterfront, the toughestpart of town. What a tough neighborhood,
the only place in Los Angeles wherethe pedestrians knocked the cars down.
I was scared, plenty scared.My throat was so dry I could feel
(23:37):
the seeds in my Adam's apple.I drew my trusty revolver. I didn't
know whether to put it in myholster in my pocket, and I decided
to check if the gun was loaded. I held it against my head and
pulled the trigger, putting the gunin the hole in my head. I
started for the docks. Suddenly,suddenly, I've heard a voice. What
(24:21):
are you like that for? Sam? What it's me, Detective Abbott.
It's dark. I can't see you. I'm here on the wall on the
what wha, wha wha, Ican't hear a word. Your sand as
a dog barking someplace. I lookedup Waterfront. Little was standing beside me.
(24:45):
She was more beautiful than ever.She spoke. Hello, Sam,
Hello missus waterfront call me Little,You gorgeous hunky man. Okay, Leo,
you're gorgeous hunkle man, reminding theromance. And Sam, you've got
(25:06):
to find out if she's a smuggler. Okay, supple, don't let her
know you're after information. Okay,take it easy, all right, Okay,
Leo, are you a smuggler?Dam I'll tell you if you promise
not to turn me over to thepolice, I'll promise you won't turn me
(25:26):
over. Why should I turn youover? You can't look any better on
the other side. Well, illgot you at last. I'm taking you
in. Oh, no, you'renot. You'll never take me alive.
Which hand put the handcuffs on her? She got me? I'm shot?
(25:48):
Oh I'm sorry. Sam, Quick, Lieutenant, call an ambulance. We'll
take Sam to the hospital. No, no, not the ambulance. Sam,
don't don't you don't you want togo to the hospital. Yes,
but I ain't riting. No ambulanceto that Los Angeles traffic. A man
can can pill that way. I'llwalk. I get him out of it.
(26:11):
He cast like tom Boys. We'llhave a curtain called by Abbott and
Costello after a final reminder on thissubject, Well, Costella, you certainly
(27:27):
gave a brilliant performance the Sam shoveltonight. Thank you, Bud Happen you're
full of pep. Yeah, soyou you certainly were ever fastened tonight?
Did you ever see me when Iever fustened? Ever fustened? Now I
know what happened to Baron Munchhausen's writers. We've got them riding sasaded by Eddie
(27:52):
Fahlan with Paul Colin, Pat Costellaand our producers Charles Vanda. Good night,
Faulk and I. Everybody listen EachThursday night at this time for another
great Abbot and Costello show, produceand transcribed in Hollywood. Be sure to
(28:15):
stay tuned with the outstanding entertainment whichfollows throughout the evening on this ABC station.
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