May 24, 2023 • 29 mins
Abbott and Costello debuted on radio on Kate Smith's program in 1938. They continued performing on the show until the summer of 1940. Their first program of their own was a summer replacement for The Fred Allen Show in 1940. After a hiatus of two years, the show returned as a regular network program in the fall of 1942 and ran through the spring of 1949.
The show was a variety program, with Abbott and Costello performing comedy sketches, songs, and musical numbers. The show also featured a number of recurring characters, including Bud Abbott's character, "Louie the Garbage Man," and Lou Costello's character, "Noodles."
The Abbott and Costello Show was one of the most popular radio programs of its time. It was a major influence on the development of the sitcom genre, and it helped to make Abbott and Costello one of the most popular comedy teams in history.
Here are some of the most famous sketches from The Abbott and Costello Show:
"Who's on First?"
"The Gas Man"
"The Time of Their Lives"
"The Whodunit?"
"The Mad Doctor"
Listen to our radio station Old Time Radio https://link.radioking.com/otradio
Listen to other Shows at My Classic Radio https://www.myclassicradio.net/
Remember that times have changed, and some shows might not reflect the standards of today’s politically correct society. The shows do not necessarily reflect the views, standards, or beliefs of Entertainment Radio
The show was a variety program, with Abbott and Costello performing comedy sketches, songs, and musical numbers. The show also featured a number of recurring characters, including Bud Abbott's character, "Louie the Garbage Man," and Lou Costello's character, "Noodles."
The Abbott and Costello Show was one of the most popular radio programs of its time. It was a major influence on the development of the sitcom genre, and it helped to make Abbott and Costello one of the most popular comedy teams in history.
Here are some of the most famous sketches from The Abbott and Costello Show:
"Who's on First?"
"The Gas Man"
"The Time of Their Lives"
"The Whodunit?"
"The Mad Doctor"
Listen to our radio station Old Time Radio https://link.radioking.com/otradio
Listen to other Shows at My Classic Radio https://www.myclassicradio.net/
Remember that times have changed, and some shows might not reflect the standards of today’s politically correct society. The shows do not necessarily reflect the views, standards, or beliefs of Entertainment Radio
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hey, hab it's what time isit? It's time for the Abgan Crustello
show. We're on me here inHollywood. What I'm waiting for? Let's
go with the o. Yes,it's the Abbot and cost Cello show.
(00:24):
Producing transcribed in Hollywood. You're listeningand laughing pleasure chuckles with a car load
and music by Mattie Meldan. It'sall hold on to your chairs, box.
Where here they are? What happenedat Loo? Cost Cello? Yeah?
(00:50):
Please, all right, all right, stop that racket? Where have
you been? Stop the record?Where have I been? Uncle Mike?
Just want a new house. I'mout to see it. How far is
it from here? Fifteen minutes?By on on the be on a five
minutes. If you'll wait a minute, how gonna be? How gonna be
faster? If you want? Whenyou're walking your past a skunk farm must
be a lovely place. Where's later? If you want to go into the
(01:14):
kitchen, you go through a diningroom, through the mad room. If
you want to go to the masterbedroom, you go through the living room
through the mad room, And ifyou want to go to the pattio,
you go through the den, thenthrough the mads room. I'll wait a
minute. Wait, why do youkeep going through the maid's room? Silly
boy? Please, dog says,tell me more about Uncle Mike's plays.
(01:34):
Ah, well, he ran outof water out of the swimming pool and
he filled up with peroxide. Hekilled the pool with peroxide. He's nuts
about blonde. By the way,how's Aunt Me getting along with Uncle Mike?
Just fine? You know, Mikeis expecting a blessed even at their
house next Tuesday. We'll wait aminute. They've been married for thirty five
(01:56):
years and they're expecting a blessed.Even Mike's muther in law is leaving for
Pat. Well, there's a sampleof the high grade nonsense you'll be hearing
for the next half hour before weget back to it. Listen to this,
(03:28):
Hey, come over here, Castellan. Just look at you. You've
got big circles under your eyes,and you look terrible. Lou I can't
help it it. I've been upall night working on my invention. I
just finished my latest invention. It'sa sullpage mattress for all met fraud.
Now wait a minute, yeah,but what good would the cellfain mattress be
(03:49):
to an all met Lou. Well, she could look under the bed to
see if there's a guy under therewithout getting up. You and your invention,
they're wasting your time. I thinkyou've got something, man, but
really I'm not get a load ofthis this invention, my shister. If
we're working on it now, we'recrossing a roll of pink ribbon with a
(04:10):
rubber plant? What for? Sowe can raise ladies? Godters? What
I look at you Becaustell. Iwonder how you ever became such an enormous
idiot. Well, it's easy,I could teach another time. You dope
your entire family. It is stupid. None of them knows any time waiting
(04:30):
say that? How can you saythat? My aunt Maia is considered an
expert authority on insects. An authorityon insects. Did she study insects in
college? She didn't have to goto college. She studied at home.
How did she study insects at home? Her first three husbands were both flies?
(04:56):
Are you still living with your auntMay and uncle Minke? No?
I decided I want a nice placeto stay, so I reserved the room
with the light wc A. Youwidiots, the y w c A is
full of girls. Isn't that anice place to stay? So you like
girls? I gather? I likegirls. Anybody gathers, you idiots,
all you think of a girl?Am I tempted by girls? No?
(05:19):
When a girl plays with me,do I frik back? No? But
why I could go out with adifferent girl every night? But I do?
I do it? No, Lookevot, All the little kiddies are
asleep. Now, let's tell himthe right answers. Help play, somebody,
(05:40):
help me? Help me? Whowas that? I don't know?
But he come in twice? Tellwho was it? Little you know?
(06:00):
Hey, yeah that was a littleJohnny from the Philip Mars Show. He
finally found a store window. Hecouldn't step out him. Tell me what
begin on? What you say aboutthat little Johnny? You know I've heard
he's a pretty tough kid and Ihad a faid of him. I fight
that little Johnny with one hand tiedbehind his back? You mean one hand
tied behind your back? Who's fixinghis fight? You or me? You're
(06:23):
so tough, cust della, whydon't you into the heavyweight division? You
know, Joe Lewis has retired andthey're looking for a new champions. Only
one reason why I don't become heavyweightchampion of it. I'm so tough and
ferocious. I can't control myself.The minute I get in the ring,
I see blood. It's terrible.What's terrible about it? It's my blood.
You wouldn't fight your way out ofa paper bag. That's so.
(06:43):
You're talking to a man who's gonnalick anybody. Why. I'd take that
Joe to us apart and see whatmakes him tick. I take Joe Walcott
apart and see what makes him tick. I take lease of Whold apart and
see what makes him tick. I'dtake cust lesson a bit of parting,
and any champion, name any champion, and I'll take him a part all
right. I don't give you aneasy one. How about swimming champion Aster
Williams? Could you take her apart? Anything put together that good don't need
(07:04):
tinkering with. That's that all.You're a moronic, silly nintempoole. Thank
you, abbat, And remember I'mnot one of those phony jerkes. I'm
the real thing. That's ellare hopeless, No wonder you have no friends?
(07:26):
Why even Susan Miller won't talk toyou anymore? And you know why?
Why? Because you don't know howto treat a girl? Then why are
certain types of women crazy about me? What kind of women are crazy about
you? Crazy women? All right, guess so let's see what you know
about women. Let's say we're inthe Palladium dance hall. Now I'm a
(07:47):
girl. Now you walk up tome and you ask me for a dance.
What's your name? Oh? What'sthe difference? What difference is?
I don't expect me to dance witha girl I don't know. Now listen,
all right, my name is Louise. All right, I'll call you
Louise. What's the difference any girl'sname? Louise? Now, go ahead
and ask me the dance? Louise, would you like to sit the south?
(08:09):
Sit it out? Why don't youask me the dance? You know,
Dan, I'm gonna get out thereon a floor in front of all
those people with an ugly look ontomato like you comen? Wow, well,
good evening you are. Tell thisgirl is beautiful? Where are you
from? This damnsw I'll come fromthe tobacco country. I'd heard any more
(08:31):
gorgeous girls like you done in theTobacca country. Why it's just full of
them. No wonder that fee booncan't talk? Street boy, set out
mine, Miss you're pretty? What'syour name? Magnolia tweety saddle. But
(09:00):
that's a pretty dress you have learned? Oh, thank you all. I
try to be meat. My mother'sa good housekeeper. She taught me to
keep everything tidy and in the rightplace. Hang me, my dust cap
babbitt. It's just a kind ofhousekeep an eye like Stella is very sweet
of miss Tweedle Tattle to drop inhere. This is and I think I
(09:20):
think it would be a sweet gestureon your part to Costello if you'd shore
the sights of Hollywood while she's intown. Oh, mister Costello, if
you only would, then I couldgo home and tell all the girls I
was out with a big, smartcelebrity. If you do that for me,
I'll give you anything you want,anything, anything? Now, what
(09:43):
do you want? Could I havea pool cheer with my own initials on
it? A kiss would be afulreward for a beautiful girl like that Loup.
Yes, come here, mister Costello, and I'll give you a real
sudden kids, that's the way wekissed down south. Now I know why
(10:18):
General Sherman much to the sea.He had to get out here to cool.
You know, I just can't understand, you know, the man.
Why In Kentucky the man is soimpetuous they carry girl away. In California,
we've got cars, they no attendsto Castellamus Tweetle Pantal. Tell me,
(10:45):
are you a single girl? Oh? Yes, indeed, and I
came up not to get married.Well, I don't like the brag,
but I'd make a nice husband.I can cook, and what's the matter
with me? I can sew,and I can do housework and dishes,
and I know how to take careof babies and do the washing. Well,
congratulations, I hope you two bevery happy together. That's Della,
(11:16):
you missed a great opportunity. Thatgirl is the daughter of Colonel Tweegle Paddle.
They're very wealthy. Yeah, butI got a notion to put on
one of my sham shovel detective disguisesand follow that fuld. Mister Costello,
Miscastell, I've got to talk toyou. I'm Costello. What can I
do for you? Mister Costell?I've listening to your detective series and I
think your marvelous a Sam Shoveled,the great detective, And mister Shovel,
(11:37):
I need your help. My wifehas disappeared. When did she disappear?
Yesterday morning at seven o'clock. Sheleft the house dressed in a nightgown.
She had a frying pan in onehand a boxing matches in the other.
M hmm. Sounds like a prettytough case. You say she left the
house yesterday morning at seven o'clock,wearning a nightgown and carrying a frying pan
and a box of matches. Doyou have any idea why she left the
house? Oh? Sure, shewas cooking breakfast in the stone blew up.
(12:03):
Hey, you know there was somethingfamiliar about that guy, Cassella.
Isn't he your brother in law?No, sir, my brother in law
is living a fucking But before Igets too thick, let's interrupted for another
(12:26):
reminder on a serious subject. Andnow the spotlight turns to hell and with
(13:35):
just our singing star. Here heis, with Maddie Molick and his orchestra,
Somebody's lion. When she says,I don't care somebody's lion and she's
(13:56):
not playing fair, so nobody's lyingwhen she says that I'm untrue. You
know, I'll never but you.Somebody's hoping we'll wake up something waiting and
(14:20):
hoping you send me way. God, do you believe what someone else to
say? Somebody's lion, sweet somebody'slying when she says coming true. You
(15:03):
know, I'll never love no onebut you. Somebody's hoping we'll break up
some day. Wait, I'm hopingyou saying me away. Don't you believe
(15:31):
what someone else is saying. Somebody'slying, sweetheart. Somebody's lying, sweetheart.
Somebody's lying, sweetheart. Hey,n it looks like you'll have to
(16:08):
get some new girls lose. Howabout those two girls that moved in next
door to you. They're strangers intom Why don't we double date them?
Well, I don't think you likethem, Abbott. One of them has
three watch. I don't know ifshe's got buck chief and she's ballheaded about
the other one she's hugly. Can'ttell. You've got to be about as
(16:30):
much chance of getting a girl aslong thought they married harry. They're not
married to each other, their partners, just like season roebucks. Are they
married either, of course not?Ain't that a shame with all that nice
furniture they got to Where were youlast night? Well, I had a
day with our secretary, if you'llvan. She took me to the Platam.
(16:52):
She wouldn't ask for me. Thenshe took me out to the House
of Murphy for dinner, but shewouldn't neat with me. Well, she
wouldn't dance read with you? Whydid she take you for thirty five dollars?
Throwing your money around like that,You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
Right now, I need seventy fivedollars and I don't know where to
get it. Why, Abbet,you must have a hundred friends. I
would loan you seventy five dollars.Well, how about you loaning it to
(17:12):
me? Abbot, you must haveninety nine friends. That would only seventy
five. I don't know better thanask a stupid ignorant. Don't like you
for just a second, How justa second? Don't call me stupid niggerant.
I'm a college man for years.I went to Stanford University in the
morning and UCLA in the afternoons,you dummy. Stanford is in San Francisco
(17:33):
and UCLA is in Los Angeles.Now How could you go to both of
them at the same day being anhonor student. I had a long lunch
hour, honest student, how didyou ever get to be an honor student?
Well, I took the brain ofa monkey and I put it in
the head of a man, andtoday that man is alive and can talk.
(17:55):
What does he say? Hey?I thought, So, you've never
been in the college, and Idoubt if any of your family were ever
in comedies. That so, mybrother Pat spent four years at the medical
school at the University of Michigan.What was he studying? Nothing? They
were studying. Hints, Tella,You're impossible and you better give up doing
(18:22):
that same shovel detective series. Thefield is overcrowded, and everybody on Riddy
wants to become a private eye.You'll right of it. I know.
It seems like every Tom and Harrywants to be a dick. Thank you,
then he's gonna stop me abt Tonight, I'm going to do one of
my most famous cases. I callit murdering a bunch of shop or have
(18:45):
you seen those prices lately? Thatdoesn't sound like a very interesting case,
gust that will pick another one Okay, here's a very very interesting one.
I call it the case of theman who drowned on the Los Angeles River
or be my destiny. Oh,let's get on with the case. Now,
(19:11):
the makers of Sludge motor Oil presentthe Adventures of Pam Shovel. I'm
a detectory. But first a wordabout our product. Motorists, have you
been changing your oil every month?Switch to sludge. When you use sludge,
you never have to change oil.Of course, every six months.
(19:33):
You have to get a new car. Friends, if you want extra milets
use knock called Gathleine. Listen toone of our satisfied customers has to say
about two gallons a knocko gesline inChicago. When I got into Los Angeles
this morning, I still had twoquarts lifting. Thank you, sir,
(19:56):
thank you. What kind of acar do you drive? Who's got a
car? I got a cigarette lighter. Now for the part of adventures of
Sam Tubble, Private Detective. Yes, I'm Sam Shuttle, Private Detective.
(20:25):
I'm sitting here in my little officewriting a report on my leader's case.
I reached for my pen. It'sa thick pen. I'm alone in the
office. I used to have asecretary. I had a let it go.
She can never get a type anddone. Every time she got to
the end of a line that typeot, a bell would ring. She'd watch
(20:47):
alone. I'm getting sick of thisdetective business. All was on the run.
I don't even get a chance toeat. Last night, I sat
down to a bowl of chicken broth. I started to eat the broth.
The phone rang. I had togo out and catch a crook. I
(21:08):
came back, started to eat thebroth again. Another call team. I
had to go out and catch anothercrook. When I came back, the
broth was cold. The morrow.Too many crooks spoil the broth. Suddenly,
(21:30):
I hear a woman's scream came fromthe window across the street. I
can't see who it is. Ireached from my opera glasses. They're gone.
I must have gone to the operaagain. I turned on my file.
(21:53):
They're on top. Is one ofmy most famous cases, the case
of the Lady blue Beard. Idon't know why they called her the Lady
blue Beard. She never killed anybody. Maybe it was because she had a
blue beard. He was a hardwoman to catch. I had never caught
(22:14):
her, except she was a flirt. He gave me the eye in Pasadena.
She gave me the eye in Pomona. Then I caught her in Pisne
Beach. It was easy. Ihad both her eyes. It was lost,
couldn't see where she was going.Suddenly, through the window, I
(22:37):
see my pal neutenanamet of the homicidesquad, approaching Habit's a tough man.
He's got a dirty look and underwhereto match allow same shovel. I'm worried.
(23:00):
What's wrong, Lieutenant Abbott? Rememberwhen I joined the department? I
come the beats and the walking mademy feet to be yes. Then I
was transferred to the traffic department andweaving my arms all day. He made
my hands to be yes. No, I'm really worried. They want me
to ride a horse. I lookedat Lieutenant Abbott. What a clever policeman.
(23:30):
He's got a trigger mine and heought to give it back to trigger.
I could tell Lieutenant Abott had somethingon his mind. He was nervous.
He started fiddling with his nose.Lieutenant Abbott had a tough day at
(23:56):
headquarters. All day he had beengiven a rubber hose. The third day,
he kept hitting it with a detective. Sam, you can help me.
You've got friends in the department.You've got plenty of drag. What
makes you think I've got drag?And around Sam, and see what you're
(24:18):
dragging? Luke Tennant Abbott has insultedme again. I looked him straight in
the eye. He had arrogance,conceit and meanness written on his face.
Seems silly from men of his ageto go around with all those words written
on his face. Sam, it'svery warm and here. Why don't you
(24:45):
open that door that leads to thebalcony. I can't. I haven't got
a key and I don't know howto open it. Why don't you use
your head? I don't think myhead will fit in the keyhole. Hello,
Sam Shovel, private detective speaking?Is the Great Sam Shovel a private
(25:08):
detective. That's me, Sam,You've got to help me. What's the
matter. There are five tough buckswith guns and clubs trying to break in
here and kill me. Come rightover. I can't hear you. A
fine tough guy with guns and clubstrying to kill me. Come right over.
I can't hear you, Sam.I am not even on the phone.
(25:30):
And I can hear it. Whydon't you go over your head?
Hold on higher? I lift himup any higher? Up breaking my suspender?
Lift up your hand, now,lift up your pants. What's the
(25:57):
idea of making us put a fire? Don't ask any questions, Golong,
reach for the ceiling. Okay,we reached the ceiling. What's the idea
of this? Stickup? They stickup? Then? Why have you got
us standing here with our hands onthe ceiling? Me and my crew are
a perilous building. We're ready totear out the walls, and somebody better
be holding up that ceiling. LukeTennant Abbott, this seems kind of silly,
(26:26):
you and me standing here holding upthe ceiling. Yes, m it's
probably something the writer has thought upbecause they were stuck for a finish.
It's ridiculous. Let's put our handsdown next time. We better play along
(26:56):
with the riders. Them guys cankill you. Don't go away. F's
I'm bad then I stored you rightnow? They want you to hear this.
(28:19):
Two tickets to the Blanos Williams fighton the twenty ninth. Please what
name Paul Douglas the actor? That'swhat it says in my contract. Thought
you'd be in Saint Louis on thetwenty six for the opening of It happens
every spring. I'll be there,but I'm flying back for this great champ
Battle. It's for the benefit ofthe kids at the lu Costello Junior Foundation
and it's to help juvenile delinquency,and that's good enough to get my support.
(28:47):
Our writing staff is headed by EddieFaman, with Paul Common Pakastala.
Our producer sALS Vandom Goodnight Paul haseverybody had five
Hey, hab it's what time isit? It's time for the Abgan Crustello
show. We're on me here inHollywood. What I'm waiting for? Let's
go with the o. Yes,it's the Abbot and cost Cello show.
(00:24):
Producing transcribed in Hollywood. You're listeningand laughing pleasure chuckles with a car load
and music by Mattie Meldan. It'sall hold on to your chairs, box.
Where here they are? What happenedat Loo? Cost Cello? Yeah?
(00:50):
Please, all right, all right, stop that racket? Where have
you been? Stop the record?Where have I been? Uncle Mike?
Just want a new house. I'mout to see it. How far is
it from here? Fifteen minutes?By on on the be on a five
minutes. If you'll wait a minute, how gonna be? How gonna be
faster? If you want? Whenyou're walking your past a skunk farm must
be a lovely place. Where's later? If you want to go into the
(01:14):
kitchen, you go through a diningroom, through the mad room. If
you want to go to the masterbedroom, you go through the living room
through the mad room, And ifyou want to go to the pattio,
you go through the den, thenthrough the mads room. I'll wait a
minute. Wait, why do youkeep going through the maid's room? Silly
boy? Please, dog says,tell me more about Uncle Mike's plays.
(01:34):
Ah, well, he ran outof water out of the swimming pool and
he filled up with peroxide. Hekilled the pool with peroxide. He's nuts
about blonde. By the way,how's Aunt Me getting along with Uncle Mike?
Just fine? You know, Mikeis expecting a blessed even at their
house next Tuesday. We'll wait aminute. They've been married for thirty five
(01:56):
years and they're expecting a blessed.Even Mike's muther in law is leaving for
Pat. Well, there's a sampleof the high grade nonsense you'll be hearing
for the next half hour before weget back to it. Listen to this,
(03:28):
Hey, come over here, Castellan. Just look at you. You've
got big circles under your eyes,and you look terrible. Lou I can't
help it it. I've been upall night working on my invention. I
just finished my latest invention. It'sa sullpage mattress for all met fraud.
Now wait a minute, yeah,but what good would the cellfain mattress be
(03:49):
to an all met Lou. Well, she could look under the bed to
see if there's a guy under therewithout getting up. You and your invention,
they're wasting your time. I thinkyou've got something, man, but
really I'm not get a load ofthis this invention, my shister. If
we're working on it now, we'recrossing a roll of pink ribbon with a
(04:10):
rubber plant? What for? Sowe can raise ladies? Godters? What
I look at you Becaustell. Iwonder how you ever became such an enormous
idiot. Well, it's easy,I could teach another time. You dope
your entire family. It is stupid. None of them knows any time waiting
(04:30):
say that? How can you saythat? My aunt Maia is considered an
expert authority on insects. An authorityon insects. Did she study insects in
college? She didn't have to goto college. She studied at home.
How did she study insects at home? Her first three husbands were both flies?
(04:56):
Are you still living with your auntMay and uncle Minke? No?
I decided I want a nice placeto stay, so I reserved the room
with the light wc A. Youwidiots, the y w c A is
full of girls. Isn't that anice place to stay? So you like
girls? I gather? I likegirls. Anybody gathers, you idiots,
all you think of a girl?Am I tempted by girls? No?
(05:19):
When a girl plays with me,do I frik back? No? But
why I could go out with adifferent girl every night? But I do?
I do it? No, Lookevot, All the little kiddies are
asleep. Now, let's tell himthe right answers. Help play, somebody,
(05:40):
help me? Help me? Whowas that? I don't know?
But he come in twice? Tellwho was it? Little you know?
(06:00):
Hey, yeah that was a littleJohnny from the Philip Mars Show. He
finally found a store window. Hecouldn't step out him. Tell me what
begin on? What you say aboutthat little Johnny? You know I've heard
he's a pretty tough kid and Ihad a faid of him. I fight
that little Johnny with one hand tiedbehind his back? You mean one hand
tied behind your back? Who's fixinghis fight? You or me? You're
(06:23):
so tough, cust della, whydon't you into the heavyweight division? You
know, Joe Lewis has retired andthey're looking for a new champions. Only
one reason why I don't become heavyweightchampion of it. I'm so tough and
ferocious. I can't control myself.The minute I get in the ring,
I see blood. It's terrible.What's terrible about it? It's my blood.
You wouldn't fight your way out ofa paper bag. That's so.
(06:43):
You're talking to a man who's gonnalick anybody. Why. I'd take that
Joe to us apart and see whatmakes him tick. I take Joe Walcott
apart and see what makes him tick. I take lease of Whold apart and
see what makes him tick. I'dtake cust lesson a bit of parting,
and any champion, name any champion, and I'll take him a part all
right. I don't give you aneasy one. How about swimming champion Aster
Williams? Could you take her apart? Anything put together that good don't need
(07:04):
tinkering with. That's that all.You're a moronic, silly nintempoole. Thank
you, abbat, And remember I'mnot one of those phony jerkes. I'm
the real thing. That's ellare hopeless, No wonder you have no friends?
(07:26):
Why even Susan Miller won't talk toyou anymore? And you know why?
Why? Because you don't know howto treat a girl? Then why are
certain types of women crazy about me? What kind of women are crazy about
you? Crazy women? All right, guess so let's see what you know
about women. Let's say we're inthe Palladium dance hall. Now I'm a
(07:47):
girl. Now you walk up tome and you ask me for a dance.
What's your name? Oh? What'sthe difference? What difference is?
I don't expect me to dance witha girl I don't know. Now listen,
all right, my name is Louise. All right, I'll call you
Louise. What's the difference any girl'sname? Louise? Now, go ahead
and ask me the dance? Louise, would you like to sit the south?
(08:09):
Sit it out? Why don't youask me the dance? You know,
Dan, I'm gonna get out thereon a floor in front of all
those people with an ugly look ontomato like you comen? Wow, well,
good evening you are. Tell thisgirl is beautiful? Where are you
from? This damnsw I'll come fromthe tobacco country. I'd heard any more
(08:31):
gorgeous girls like you done in theTobacca country. Why it's just full of
them. No wonder that fee booncan't talk? Street boy, set out
mine, Miss you're pretty? What'syour name? Magnolia tweety saddle. But
(09:00):
that's a pretty dress you have learned? Oh, thank you all. I
try to be meat. My mother'sa good housekeeper. She taught me to
keep everything tidy and in the rightplace. Hang me, my dust cap
babbitt. It's just a kind ofhousekeep an eye like Stella is very sweet
of miss Tweedle Tattle to drop inhere. This is and I think I
(09:20):
think it would be a sweet gestureon your part to Costello if you'd shore
the sights of Hollywood while she's intown. Oh, mister Costello, if
you only would, then I couldgo home and tell all the girls I
was out with a big, smartcelebrity. If you do that for me,
I'll give you anything you want,anything, anything? Now, what
(09:43):
do you want? Could I havea pool cheer with my own initials on
it? A kiss would be afulreward for a beautiful girl like that Loup.
Yes, come here, mister Costello, and I'll give you a real
sudden kids, that's the way wekissed down south. Now I know why
(10:18):
General Sherman much to the sea.He had to get out here to cool.
You know, I just can't understand, you know, the man.
Why In Kentucky the man is soimpetuous they carry girl away. In California,
we've got cars, they no attendsto Castellamus Tweetle Pantal. Tell me,
(10:45):
are you a single girl? Oh? Yes, indeed, and I
came up not to get married.Well, I don't like the brag,
but I'd make a nice husband.I can cook, and what's the matter
with me? I can sew,and I can do housework and dishes,
and I know how to take careof babies and do the washing. Well,
congratulations, I hope you two bevery happy together. That's Della,
(11:16):
you missed a great opportunity. Thatgirl is the daughter of Colonel Tweegle Paddle.
They're very wealthy. Yeah, butI got a notion to put on
one of my sham shovel detective disguisesand follow that fuld. Mister Costello,
Miscastell, I've got to talk toyou. I'm Costello. What can I
do for you? Mister Costell?I've listening to your detective series and I
think your marvelous a Sam Shoveled,the great detective, And mister Shovel,
(11:37):
I need your help. My wifehas disappeared. When did she disappear?
Yesterday morning at seven o'clock. Sheleft the house dressed in a nightgown.
She had a frying pan in onehand a boxing matches in the other.
M hmm. Sounds like a prettytough case. You say she left the
house yesterday morning at seven o'clock,wearning a nightgown and carrying a frying pan
and a box of matches. Doyou have any idea why she left the
house? Oh? Sure, shewas cooking breakfast in the stone blew up.
(12:03):
Hey, you know there was somethingfamiliar about that guy, Cassella.
Isn't he your brother in law?No, sir, my brother in law
is living a fucking But before Igets too thick, let's interrupted for another
(12:26):
reminder on a serious subject. Andnow the spotlight turns to hell and with
(13:35):
just our singing star. Here heis, with Maddie Molick and his orchestra,
Somebody's lion. When she says,I don't care somebody's lion and she's
(13:56):
not playing fair, so nobody's lyingwhen she says that I'm untrue. You
know, I'll never but you.Somebody's hoping we'll wake up something waiting and
(14:20):
hoping you send me way. God, do you believe what someone else to
say? Somebody's lion, sweet somebody'slying when she says coming true. You
(15:03):
know, I'll never love no onebut you. Somebody's hoping we'll break up
some day. Wait, I'm hopingyou saying me away. Don't you believe
(15:31):
what someone else is saying. Somebody'slying, sweetheart. Somebody's lying, sweetheart.
Somebody's lying, sweetheart. Hey,n it looks like you'll have to
(16:08):
get some new girls lose. Howabout those two girls that moved in next
door to you. They're strangers intom Why don't we double date them?
Well, I don't think you likethem, Abbott. One of them has
three watch. I don't know ifshe's got buck chief and she's ballheaded about
the other one she's hugly. Can'ttell. You've got to be about as
(16:30):
much chance of getting a girl aslong thought they married harry. They're not
married to each other, their partners, just like season roebucks. Are they
married either, of course not?Ain't that a shame with all that nice
furniture they got to Where were youlast night? Well, I had a
day with our secretary, if you'llvan. She took me to the Platam.
(16:52):
She wouldn't ask for me. Thenshe took me out to the House
of Murphy for dinner, but shewouldn't neat with me. Well, she
wouldn't dance read with you? Whydid she take you for thirty five dollars?
Throwing your money around like that,You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
Right now, I need seventy fivedollars and I don't know where to
get it. Why, Abbet,you must have a hundred friends. I
would loan you seventy five dollars.Well, how about you loaning it to
(17:12):
me? Abbot, you must haveninety nine friends. That would only seventy
five. I don't know better thanask a stupid ignorant. Don't like you
for just a second, How justa second? Don't call me stupid niggerant.
I'm a college man for years.I went to Stanford University in the
morning and UCLA in the afternoons,you dummy. Stanford is in San Francisco
(17:33):
and UCLA is in Los Angeles.Now How could you go to both of
them at the same day being anhonor student. I had a long lunch
hour, honest student, how didyou ever get to be an honor student?
Well, I took the brain ofa monkey and I put it in
the head of a man, andtoday that man is alive and can talk.
(17:55):
What does he say? Hey?I thought, So, you've never
been in the college, and Idoubt if any of your family were ever
in comedies. That so, mybrother Pat spent four years at the medical
school at the University of Michigan.What was he studying? Nothing? They
were studying. Hints, Tella,You're impossible and you better give up doing
(18:22):
that same shovel detective series. Thefield is overcrowded, and everybody on Riddy
wants to become a private eye.You'll right of it. I know.
It seems like every Tom and Harrywants to be a dick. Thank you,
then he's gonna stop me abt Tonight, I'm going to do one of
my most famous cases. I callit murdering a bunch of shop or have
(18:45):
you seen those prices lately? Thatdoesn't sound like a very interesting case,
gust that will pick another one Okay, here's a very very interesting one.
I call it the case of theman who drowned on the Los Angeles River
or be my destiny. Oh,let's get on with the case. Now,
(19:11):
the makers of Sludge motor Oil presentthe Adventures of Pam Shovel. I'm
a detectory. But first a wordabout our product. Motorists, have you
been changing your oil every month?Switch to sludge. When you use sludge,
you never have to change oil.Of course, every six months.
(19:33):
You have to get a new car. Friends, if you want extra milets
use knock called Gathleine. Listen toone of our satisfied customers has to say
about two gallons a knocko gesline inChicago. When I got into Los Angeles
this morning, I still had twoquarts lifting. Thank you, sir,
(19:56):
thank you. What kind of acar do you drive? Who's got a
car? I got a cigarette lighter. Now for the part of adventures of
Sam Tubble, Private Detective. Yes, I'm Sam Shuttle, Private Detective.
(20:25):
I'm sitting here in my little officewriting a report on my leader's case.
I reached for my pen. It'sa thick pen. I'm alone in the
office. I used to have asecretary. I had a let it go.
She can never get a type anddone. Every time she got to
the end of a line that typeot, a bell would ring. She'd watch
(20:47):
alone. I'm getting sick of thisdetective business. All was on the run.
I don't even get a chance toeat. Last night, I sat
down to a bowl of chicken broth. I started to eat the broth.
The phone rang. I had togo out and catch a crook. I
(21:08):
came back, started to eat thebroth again. Another call team. I
had to go out and catch anothercrook. When I came back, the
broth was cold. The morrow.Too many crooks spoil the broth. Suddenly,
(21:30):
I hear a woman's scream came fromthe window across the street. I
can't see who it is. Ireached from my opera glasses. They're gone.
I must have gone to the operaagain. I turned on my file.
(21:53):
They're on top. Is one ofmy most famous cases, the case
of the Lady blue Beard. Idon't know why they called her the Lady
blue Beard. She never killed anybody. Maybe it was because she had a
blue beard. He was a hardwoman to catch. I had never caught
(22:14):
her, except she was a flirt. He gave me the eye in Pasadena.
She gave me the eye in Pomona. Then I caught her in Pisne
Beach. It was easy. Ihad both her eyes. It was lost,
couldn't see where she was going.Suddenly, through the window, I
(22:37):
see my pal neutenanamet of the homicidesquad, approaching Habit's a tough man.
He's got a dirty look and underwhereto match allow same shovel. I'm worried.
(23:00):
What's wrong, Lieutenant Abbott? Rememberwhen I joined the department? I
come the beats and the walking mademy feet to be yes. Then I
was transferred to the traffic department andweaving my arms all day. He made
my hands to be yes. No, I'm really worried. They want me
to ride a horse. I lookedat Lieutenant Abbott. What a clever policeman.
(23:30):
He's got a trigger mine and heought to give it back to trigger.
I could tell Lieutenant Abott had somethingon his mind. He was nervous.
He started fiddling with his nose.Lieutenant Abbott had a tough day at
(23:56):
headquarters. All day he had beengiven a rubber hose. The third day,
he kept hitting it with a detective. Sam, you can help me.
You've got friends in the department.You've got plenty of drag. What
makes you think I've got drag?And around Sam, and see what you're
(24:18):
dragging? Luke Tennant Abbott has insultedme again. I looked him straight in
the eye. He had arrogance,conceit and meanness written on his face.
Seems silly from men of his ageto go around with all those words written
on his face. Sam, it'svery warm and here. Why don't you
(24:45):
open that door that leads to thebalcony. I can't. I haven't got
a key and I don't know howto open it. Why don't you use
your head? I don't think myhead will fit in the keyhole. Hello,
Sam Shovel, private detective speaking?Is the Great Sam Shovel a private
(25:08):
detective. That's me, Sam,You've got to help me. What's the
matter. There are five tough buckswith guns and clubs trying to break in
here and kill me. Come rightover. I can't hear you. A
fine tough guy with guns and clubstrying to kill me. Come right over.
I can't hear you, Sam.I am not even on the phone.
(25:30):
And I can hear it. Whydon't you go over your head?
Hold on higher? I lift himup any higher? Up breaking my suspender?
Lift up your hand, now,lift up your pants. What's the
(25:57):
idea of making us put a fire? Don't ask any questions, Golong,
reach for the ceiling. Okay,we reached the ceiling. What's the idea
of this? Stickup? They stickup? Then? Why have you got
us standing here with our hands onthe ceiling? Me and my crew are
a perilous building. We're ready totear out the walls, and somebody better
be holding up that ceiling. LukeTennant Abbott, this seems kind of silly,
(26:26):
you and me standing here holding upthe ceiling. Yes, m it's
probably something the writer has thought upbecause they were stuck for a finish.
It's ridiculous. Let's put our handsdown next time. We better play along
(26:56):
with the riders. Them guys cankill you. Don't go away. F's
I'm bad then I stored you rightnow? They want you to hear this.
(28:19):
Two tickets to the Blanos Williams fighton the twenty ninth. Please what
name Paul Douglas the actor? That'swhat it says in my contract. Thought
you'd be in Saint Louis on thetwenty six for the opening of It happens
every spring. I'll be there,but I'm flying back for this great champ
Battle. It's for the benefit ofthe kids at the lu Costello Junior Foundation
and it's to help juvenile delinquency,and that's good enough to get my support.
(28:47):
Our writing staff is headed by EddieFaman, with Paul Common Pakastala.
Our producer sALS Vandom Goodnight Paul haseverybody had five
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