May 24, 2023 • 20 mins
Abbott and Costello debuted on radio on Kate Smith's program in 1938. They continued performing on the show until the summer of 1940. Their first program of their own was a summer replacement for The Fred Allen Show in 1940. After a hiatus of two years, the show returned as a regular network program in the fall of 1942 and ran through the spring of 1949.
The show was a variety program, with Abbott and Costello performing comedy sketches, songs, and musical numbers. The show also featured a number of recurring characters, including Bud Abbott's character, "Louie the Garbage Man," and Lou Costello's character, "Noodles."
The Abbott and Costello Show was one of the most popular radio programs of its time. It was a major influence on the development of the sitcom genre, and it helped to make Abbott and Costello one of the most popular comedy teams in history.
Here are some of the most famous sketches from The Abbott and Costello Show:
"Who's on First?"
"The Gas Man"
"The Time of Their Lives"
"The Whodunit?"
"The Mad Doctor"
Listen to our radio station Old Time Radio https://link.radioking.com/otradio
Listen to other Shows at My Classic Radio https://www.myclassicradio.net/
Remember that times have changed, and some shows might not reflect the standards of today’s politically correct society. The shows do not necessarily reflect the views, standards, or beliefs of Entertainment Radio
The show was a variety program, with Abbott and Costello performing comedy sketches, songs, and musical numbers. The show also featured a number of recurring characters, including Bud Abbott's character, "Louie the Garbage Man," and Lou Costello's character, "Noodles."
The Abbott and Costello Show was one of the most popular radio programs of its time. It was a major influence on the development of the sitcom genre, and it helped to make Abbott and Costello one of the most popular comedy teams in history.
Here are some of the most famous sketches from The Abbott and Costello Show:
"Who's on First?"
"The Gas Man"
"The Time of Their Lives"
"The Whodunit?"
"The Mad Doctor"
Listen to our radio station Old Time Radio https://link.radioking.com/otradio
Listen to other Shows at My Classic Radio https://www.myclassicradio.net/
Remember that times have changed, and some shows might not reflect the standards of today’s politically correct society. The shows do not necessarily reflect the views, standards, or beliefs of Entertainment Radio
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Yeah, please, all right,all right, stop that racket? Where
racket? Where my pen? Howmy Mike just bought a new house.
I'm going to see it from fifteenminutes by on five minutes. If you
walk, wait a minute, howgonna be How gonna be fast? If
you walk? When you're walking,your passing scoop Farm must be a lovely
(00:22):
place. Where's out? If youwant to go into the kitchen, you
go through the dinning room through themais room. If you want to go
to the mashive bed room, yougo through the living room through the mas
room, And if you want togo to the pantio, you go through
the tent tent from the mashroom.I'll wait a minute. Water, Why
do you keep going through the maid'sroom? Boy? Please don't say tell
(00:44):
me more about Uncle Mike's place.All right, well you ran out of
water. I'm swimming pool and youfill up with peroxide. Peroxide? He's
nuts about blood anyway? Hows atme getting along with Uncle Mike? Just
fine? You know, Mike isexpecting a plicity fun at their house next.
(01:04):
They've been married for thirty five yearsand they're expecting a blessed of then
Mike's mother in law is leaving forPettison. Hey, come over here,
Costell. Just look at you.You've got big circles under your eyes,
(01:25):
and you look terrible. I can'thelp it happen. I having up all
night working on my invention. Ijust finished my legs invention. It's a
cell of pained mattress for all me. No, wait a minute, yeah,
but what good would a cellfating mattressbe doing all me? Lou Well,
she could look under the bed tosee if it's a guy under there
without getting up. Never know,you and your inventions, you're wasting your
(01:53):
time. I think I think yougot something, man, But really,
I'm not get a load of thisinvention. My sister and I we're working
on it now. We're a crossinga roll of pink ribbon with a rubber
plant. What poor? So wecan raise ladies daughters. But I look
at you because that I wonder howyou ever became such an enormous idiot.
(02:13):
That's easy. I could teach youenough time, You dope. Your entire
family is none of them knows anytime. Wait a minute, can you
say that? How can you saythat? My auntie has considered an expert
authority on insects, an authority oninstant. She studied insects in college.
She didn't have to go to college. She studied at home. That she
(02:38):
studied insects at home. Post threehusbands were both flying. Are you still
living with your Aunt May and uncleMike? No? I decided I want
a nice place to stay, soI reserved the room at the y w
C. A you wi, TheYWCA is full of girls? Isn't that
a nice place to stay? Youlike girls? I gather? I like
(03:01):
girls? Anybody together? You idiot? All you think of his girl?
Am I attempted my girl? Whena girl places with me? Wife?
No? But why I could walkwith a different girl every night? But
do I do it? No?Having all the little kiddies are asleep.
(03:23):
Now, let's tell him the rightanswer. Help please, somebody help me,
help me? Who was that?I don't know? But he come
in twice? Who was it?Little you know? Hey? Yeah,
(03:53):
that was a little Johnny from thePhillip Marshal. He finally found a store
of window he couldn't step out him. Don't want begint of what you say
about that little Johnny? You know, I head he's a pretty tough kid.
I had a fit of hand.I can fight that little Johnny with
one hand tied behind his back.You mean one hand tied behind your back?
Who's fixing his fight? You orme? You're so tough, cuts
(04:15):
teller, Why don't you entto theheavyweight division? You know Joe Lewis has
retired and they're looking for a newchampions. Only one reason why I don't
become heavyweight champion. I'm so toughand ferocious. I can't control myself.
The minute I get in the ring, I see blood. It's terrible.
What's terrible about it? It's myblood. I wouldn't fight your way out
of a paper bag. That's so, you're talking to a man who don't
(04:35):
lick anybody. Why I take thatJoe the Wish a part and see what
makes them tick. I take JoeWalcot apart and see what makes him tick.
I take Lise of Old apart andsee what makes him tick. I
take cust lesson of Parton and anychampion, Name any champion, and I'll
take him a part. All right, don't give you an easy one.
How about the swimming champion, AsterWilliam? Could you take her a part
anything put together that good don't needtinkering with. You're moronic, silly nintemple,
(05:09):
Thank you Eva. Remember I'm notone of those pony jokes. I'm
the real thing. That's ellire,hopeless, No wonder you have no friends?
Why Miller won't talk to you anymore? And do you know why?
Why? Because you don't know howto treat a girl? Then why are
certain types of women crazy about me? What kind of women are crazy about
(05:30):
you? Crazy women? All right, guys, so let's see what you
know about women. Let's say we'rein the Palladium dance hall. Now I'm
a girl. Are you walk upto me and you ask me for a
dance? Oh? What's the difference? What difference? I don't expect me
to dance with a girl I don'tknow. Now that's it, all right.
My name is Louise, and allright I'm Louise. What's a difference
(05:53):
any girl's name Louise? Now goahead and ask me to dance. Louise,
would you like to sit this out? Get it out? Why don't
you ask me to damn? Youknow here, I'm gonna get off here
on the floor in front of allthose people with an ugly looking to me
to like you come in? Wow? What else? Good evening to you?
(06:15):
Are? Hell of this girl?Is? Where are you from this
downtown? I'll come from the tobaccocountry. Are there any more gorgeous girls
like you can in the tobacco country? It's just full of them? No
wonder that fepoon can't touch for me? Get up mind? What's your m
(06:45):
magnolia? Tweat mine? But that'sa pretty dress you have on. Oh?
Thank you all. I try tobe me. My mother's a good
house. She taught me to keephiding and in the right place, and
me might dust cap babbitt. Thisis the kind of house keep an eyelight
(07:06):
fell. It was very sweet ofmiss Patal to drop in here, and
I think I think it would bea guest on your potts. If you
shore the sights, Polly would watchthe town, oh, miss Costell,
If you only would, then Icould go home and tell all the girls
I was out with a big mothcelebrity. If you do that for me,
(07:28):
I'll get anything, well, anythinganything, Now, what do you
want? Would I have a poolchief with my own initials on it?
A kiss would be aful reward fora beautiful girl like that. Yes,
come here, miss Costell, andI'll give your real kid. That's the
(08:05):
way we kissed down. Now Iknow why General Sherman munched to the seat
he had to get on in acool You know, I just can't understand.
You know that man? Why Ican tustin the manesoti impetuous? They
(08:26):
carry a girl away California. Wegot time, they know that to cut
telling us the sweet pattle? Tellme how you a single girl? Oh?
Yes, and I came up notto get married. I don't like
the rag, but I'd make anice husband. I can cook, what's
the matter with me? I cansew, and I can do housework and
(08:50):
wash thises, and I how totake care of babies. Do the Washington?
Well? Congratulations, I hope youtoo be very happy together. Are
you a goss elly? You misseda great opportunity. That girl is the
(09:11):
daughter of Colonel Tweet the paddle.They're very wealthy. Yeah, but I
got a notion to put on oneof my Sam Shovel detective disguises and follow
that. Miss. Still, I'vegotta talk. I'm Costello. What can
I do? Misstep and listen toyour detective series, and I think your
marvelous a Sam Shovel and the greatDetective and Missus Shovel. I need your
help. My wife has disappeared.When did she disappear? Yesterday morning at
(09:33):
seven o'clock. She left the housedressed in the nightgown. She had a
frying pan in one hand and abox of matches in the other. Sounds
like a pretty tough case, yousay. She left the house yesterday morning
at seven o'clock wearing a nightgown andcarrying the frying pantel a box of matches.
Do you have any idea why sheleft the house? Oh? Sure,
she was cooking breakfast in the stove. Blew up. Hey, No,
(09:56):
there was something familiar about that guy. That still isn't your brother in
No, sir, my brother inlaw's living. Nah, looks like you'll
have to get some new girls.How about the girls that's dream Tom?
Why don't we double be well?I don't think you liked them, Mabbitt.
(10:16):
One of them has three watch,I don't know you got fucketh foreheaded?
How about the other one? He'shuck? Can I tell you've got
You've got about as much chance ofgetting a girl as long part they married
harry, they're not married to eachother. They're just like she is.
(10:37):
Robuck they married either, of coursenot not a shame was all that nice
funistion they got. Where were youlast night? Well, I had a
day with our secretary of full fine. She took the Plateiam, she wouldn't
ask for me. Then she tookme out to the House of Murphy for
dinner, but she wouldn't eat withme. Well she she wouldn't dance read
with you. Why did she takeyou for throwing your money around like that?
(11:03):
You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Right now, I need seventy
five dollars and I don't know whereto get it. Why, abbot,
you must have one hundred friends ofseventy five dollars. Well, how about
you loaning it to me? Abbot, you must have ninety nine friends of
seventy I don't know better than asstupid, ignorant dope like you. First,
just a second, out, justa second. Don't call me stupid
nigger. I'm a college man foryears. I went to Stanford University in
(11:26):
the morning and UCLA in the afternoon, you dummy. Stanford is in San
Francisco and UCLA is in Los Angeles? Now, how could you go to
both of them the same day beingan honest I had a long one shower.
Honest, How did you ever getto be an honest? Well?
(11:48):
I took the friend of a monkeyand I put it in ahead of a
man. Today. That man isalive and can talk. What does he
say? Hey? I thought,so, you've never been in a college,
and I doubt if any of yourfamily were ever in college. That's
so. My brother Pat's been fouryears to medical school at the University of
(12:09):
Michigan. What was he studying?Nothing? They were studying him. Goss,
Telly, You're impossible and you bettergive up doing that Sam Shovel Detective
series. The feel is overcrowded,and everybody, or Riddy wants to become
a private eye. All right?At it? I know it seems like
every Tom and Harry wants to bea dick. Thank you neither. Then
(12:37):
he's gonna stop me atb it.Tonight, I'm gonna do one of my
most famous cases. I call itmurdering a bunch of shop or have you
seen those prices? Like me?That doesn't sound like a very interesting case.
Guys, pick another one. Okay, here's a very very interesting one.
I call it the case of theman who drowned in the Los Angeles
River or dust be my destiny.Oh, let's get on with the case.
(13:09):
Now, the maker the Floods MotorOil presented the adventures of Dam Shovel
right and Detective. But curse theword about our product, Motorate. Have
you been changing your oil every month? Switch to sludge? When you use
floods you never have to change oil. Of course, every six months.
(13:33):
You have to get a new car. Friend, if you want extra mother,
you knock on Gatholine. Listen toone of our satisfied customers has to
say. I bought two girls aknockle Giseline in Chicago. When I got
into Los Angeles this morning, Istill had two quarts lives. Thank you,
(13:54):
sir, thank you. What kindof a car do you dry?
I got a car. I gota Sugarrette line. Now for the part
of adventures of Sam Tuttle Rivate Detective. Yes, I'm Sam Shuffle, Private
(14:22):
Detective. I'm sitting here in mylittle office running a report on my leaders.
I reached for my pen. It'sa big pen. I'm alone in
the office. I used to havea secretary. I had a let it
go. You can never get atype in done. Every time she got
(14:43):
to the end of the line,the type of the belt would ring,
she'd water line. I'm getting sickof this detective business. Always on the
run. I don't even get achance to eat. Last night, I
sat down to a bowl of kickabroath. I started to eat the broth.
(15:05):
The phone run. I had togo out and catch a crook.
I came back, started to eatthe broth again. Another call. I
had to go out and catch anothercrook. When I came back to broth
was cool to morrow. Too manycrooks spoil abroth. Suddenly I hear a
(15:28):
woman's dream came from the window acrossthe street. I can't see who it
is. I reached from my operaclasses. They're gone. Must have gone
to the opera again. I turnedon my file. They're on top.
(15:54):
Is one of my most famous cases, the case of the Lady blue Beards.
I don't know why they call itthe Lady blue Beard. He never
killed anybody. Maybe it was becauseshe had a blue beard. He was
a hard woman to catch, andI never caught her except she was a
(16:14):
flirt. Gave me the eye inPasadena, gave me the eye in Pomona,
and I caught her in his Northbeach. It was easy. I
had both her eyes. It waslost, couldn't see where she was going.
(16:34):
Suddenly, through the window, Isee my pals Enanameta the homicide spot
a push Habit's a tough man.He's got a dirty look and underwear to
magic. Hello, same devil.I'm worried. What's wrong, Lieutenant Abbott?
(17:00):
Remember when I joined the department,I come to beat the walking made
my feet too big. Yes.Then I was transferred to the traffic department
and weaving my arms all day.He made my hands to me. Yes.
Oh, I'm really worried. Theywant me to ride a horse.
(17:23):
I looked at Lieutenant Abbott. Whata clever policeman. He's got a trigger
mine. He ought to give itback to trigger. I could tell Lieutenant
Abbott had something on his mind.He was nervous. He started fiddling with
his nose. Lieutenant Abbott had atough day at headquarters. All day.
(17:56):
He had been given a rubber hosethe third degree. He kept hitting it
with a detective damn you can helpme. You've got friends in the department,
You've got plenty of drag. Whatmakes you think I've got drag?
And around Sam and see what you'redragging? Luke Chennan Abbott has insulted me
(18:25):
again. I looked him straight inthe eye. Heat arrogant, cheap meanness
written on his face. Seems sillyfrom men of his age to go around
with all those words written on hisface. Damn, it's very warm and
head. Why don't you open thatdoor that leads to the balcony. I
(18:47):
can't. I haven't got a keyand I don't know how to open it.
Why don't you use your head?I don't think my head will fit
in the keyhole? Hello, SamShovel private you TAKETI Spiking is the great
Tam Shovel of private detective. That'sme, Tam. You've got to help
(19:11):
me. What's the matter? Tofind guns? Trying to break in your
killing? Come on over? Can'tfind come guy trying to comic? Come
on over. I can't hear you. Damn, I am not even on
the phone and I can hear.Why don't you go over? Guys?
(19:41):
Pl your hand? Hello? Hi, I lift him up? Any higher
up, break my suspense. Ilift up your hand. I lift up
your hands. What's the idea ofmaking us put up our hand? Don't
ask any questions? Go on,reach for the ceiling. Okay, we
(20:02):
reached the ceiling. What's the ideaof this? Stickups? Ain't no stick
up? Then? Why have yougot us standing here with our hands on
the ceiling? Me and my creware a pair of this building. We're
ready to tear out the wall andsomebody better be holding up that ceiling.
(20:23):
Luke Tennant Abbott, this seems kindof silly, you and me standing here
holding up the ceiling as sham.Probably something the right is thought up because
they were stuck for a penny.It's ridiculous. Let's put our hands down.
Yeah, please, all right,all right, stop that racket? Where
racket? Where my pen? Howmy Mike just bought a new house.
I'm going to see it from fifteenminutes by on five minutes. If you
walk, wait a minute, howgonna be How gonna be fast? If
you walk? When you're walking,your passing scoop Farm must be a lovely
(00:22):
place. Where's out? If youwant to go into the kitchen, you
go through the dinning room through themais room. If you want to go
to the mashive bed room, yougo through the living room through the mas
room, And if you want togo to the pantio, you go through
the tent tent from the mashroom.I'll wait a minute. Water, Why
do you keep going through the maid'sroom? Boy? Please don't say tell
(00:44):
me more about Uncle Mike's place.All right, well you ran out of
water. I'm swimming pool and youfill up with peroxide. Peroxide? He's
nuts about blood anyway? Hows atme getting along with Uncle Mike? Just
fine? You know, Mike isexpecting a plicity fun at their house next.
(01:04):
They've been married for thirty five yearsand they're expecting a blessed of then
Mike's mother in law is leaving forPettison. Hey, come over here,
Costell. Just look at you.You've got big circles under your eyes,
(01:25):
and you look terrible. I can'thelp it happen. I having up all
night working on my invention. Ijust finished my legs invention. It's a
cell of pained mattress for all me. No, wait a minute, yeah,
but what good would a cellfating mattressbe doing all me? Lou Well,
she could look under the bed tosee if it's a guy under there
without getting up. Never know,you and your inventions, you're wasting your
(01:53):
time. I think I think yougot something, man, But really,
I'm not get a load of thisinvention. My sister and I we're working
on it now. We're a crossinga roll of pink ribbon with a rubber
plant. What poor? So wecan raise ladies daughters. But I look
at you because that I wonder howyou ever became such an enormous idiot.
(02:13):
That's easy. I could teach youenough time, You dope. Your entire
family is none of them knows anytime. Wait a minute, can you
say that? How can you saythat? My auntie has considered an expert
authority on insects, an authority oninstant. She studied insects in college.
She didn't have to go to college. She studied at home. That she
(02:38):
studied insects at home. Post threehusbands were both flying. Are you still
living with your Aunt May and uncleMike? No? I decided I want
a nice place to stay, soI reserved the room at the y w
C. A you wi, TheYWCA is full of girls? Isn't that
a nice place to stay? Youlike girls? I gather? I like
(03:01):
girls? Anybody together? You idiot? All you think of his girl?
Am I attempted my girl? Whena girl places with me? Wife?
No? But why I could walkwith a different girl every night? But
do I do it? No?Having all the little kiddies are asleep.
(03:23):
Now, let's tell him the rightanswer. Help please, somebody help me,
help me? Who was that?I don't know? But he come
in twice? Who was it?Little you know? Hey? Yeah,
(03:53):
that was a little Johnny from thePhillip Marshal. He finally found a store
of window he couldn't step out him. Don't want begint of what you say
about that little Johnny? You know, I head he's a pretty tough kid.
I had a fit of hand.I can fight that little Johnny with
one hand tied behind his back.You mean one hand tied behind your back?
Who's fixing his fight? You orme? You're so tough, cuts
(04:15):
teller, Why don't you entto theheavyweight division? You know Joe Lewis has
retired and they're looking for a newchampions. Only one reason why I don't
become heavyweight champion. I'm so toughand ferocious. I can't control myself.
The minute I get in the ring, I see blood. It's terrible.
What's terrible about it? It's myblood. I wouldn't fight your way out
of a paper bag. That's so, you're talking to a man who don't
(04:35):
lick anybody. Why I take thatJoe the Wish a part and see what
makes them tick. I take JoeWalcot apart and see what makes him tick.
I take Lise of Old apart andsee what makes him tick. I
take cust lesson of Parton and anychampion, Name any champion, and I'll
take him a part. All right, don't give you an easy one.
How about the swimming champion, AsterWilliam? Could you take her a part
anything put together that good don't needtinkering with. You're moronic, silly nintemple,
(05:09):
Thank you Eva. Remember I'm notone of those pony jokes. I'm
the real thing. That's ellire,hopeless, No wonder you have no friends?
Why Miller won't talk to you anymore? And do you know why?
Why? Because you don't know howto treat a girl? Then why are
certain types of women crazy about me? What kind of women are crazy about
(05:30):
you? Crazy women? All right, guys, so let's see what you
know about women. Let's say we'rein the Palladium dance hall. Now I'm
a girl. Are you walk upto me and you ask me for a
dance? Oh? What's the difference? What difference? I don't expect me
to dance with a girl I don'tknow. Now that's it, all right.
My name is Louise, and allright I'm Louise. What's a difference
(05:53):
any girl's name Louise? Now goahead and ask me to dance. Louise,
would you like to sit this out? Get it out? Why don't
you ask me to damn? Youknow here, I'm gonna get off here
on the floor in front of allthose people with an ugly looking to me
to like you come in? Wow? What else? Good evening to you?
(06:15):
Are? Hell of this girl?Is? Where are you from this
downtown? I'll come from the tobaccocountry. Are there any more gorgeous girls
like you can in the tobacco country? It's just full of them? No
wonder that fepoon can't touch for me? Get up mind? What's your m
(06:45):
magnolia? Tweat mine? But that'sa pretty dress you have on. Oh?
Thank you all. I try tobe me. My mother's a good
house. She taught me to keephiding and in the right place, and
me might dust cap babbitt. Thisis the kind of house keep an eyelight
(07:06):
fell. It was very sweet ofmiss Patal to drop in here, and
I think I think it would bea guest on your potts. If you
shore the sights, Polly would watchthe town, oh, miss Costell,
If you only would, then Icould go home and tell all the girls
I was out with a big mothcelebrity. If you do that for me,
(07:28):
I'll get anything, well, anythinganything, Now, what do you
want? Would I have a poolchief with my own initials on it?
A kiss would be aful reward fora beautiful girl like that. Yes,
come here, miss Costell, andI'll give your real kid. That's the
(08:05):
way we kissed down. Now Iknow why General Sherman munched to the seat
he had to get on in acool You know, I just can't understand.
You know that man? Why Ican tustin the manesoti impetuous? They
(08:26):
carry a girl away California. Wegot time, they know that to cut
telling us the sweet pattle? Tellme how you a single girl? Oh?
Yes, and I came up notto get married. I don't like
the rag, but I'd make anice husband. I can cook, what's
the matter with me? I cansew, and I can do housework and
(08:50):
wash thises, and I how totake care of babies. Do the Washington?
Well? Congratulations, I hope youtoo be very happy together. Are
you a goss elly? You misseda great opportunity. That girl is the
(09:11):
daughter of Colonel Tweet the paddle.They're very wealthy. Yeah, but I
got a notion to put on oneof my Sam Shovel detective disguises and follow
that. Miss. Still, I'vegotta talk. I'm Costello. What can
I do? Misstep and listen toyour detective series, and I think your
marvelous a Sam Shovel and the greatDetective and Missus Shovel. I need your
help. My wife has disappeared.When did she disappear? Yesterday morning at
(09:33):
seven o'clock. She left the housedressed in the nightgown. She had a
frying pan in one hand and abox of matches in the other. Sounds
like a pretty tough case, yousay. She left the house yesterday morning
at seven o'clock wearing a nightgown andcarrying the frying pantel a box of matches.
Do you have any idea why sheleft the house? Oh? Sure,
she was cooking breakfast in the stove. Blew up. Hey, No,
(09:56):
there was something familiar about that guy. That still isn't your brother in
No, sir, my brother inlaw's living. Nah, looks like you'll
have to get some new girls.How about the girls that's dream Tom?
Why don't we double be well?I don't think you liked them, Mabbitt.
(10:16):
One of them has three watch,I don't know you got fucketh foreheaded?
How about the other one? He'shuck? Can I tell you've got
You've got about as much chance ofgetting a girl as long part they married
harry, they're not married to eachother. They're just like she is.
(10:37):
Robuck they married either, of coursenot not a shame was all that nice
funistion they got. Where were youlast night? Well, I had a
day with our secretary of full fine. She took the Plateiam, she wouldn't
ask for me. Then she tookme out to the House of Murphy for
dinner, but she wouldn't eat withme. Well she she wouldn't dance read
with you. Why did she takeyou for throwing your money around like that?
(11:03):
You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Right now, I need seventy
five dollars and I don't know whereto get it. Why, abbot,
you must have one hundred friends ofseventy five dollars. Well, how about
you loaning it to me? Abbot, you must have ninety nine friends of
seventy I don't know better than asstupid, ignorant dope like you. First,
just a second, out, justa second. Don't call me stupid
nigger. I'm a college man foryears. I went to Stanford University in
(11:26):
the morning and UCLA in the afternoon, you dummy. Stanford is in San
Francisco and UCLA is in Los Angeles? Now, how could you go to
both of them the same day beingan honest I had a long one shower.
Honest, How did you ever getto be an honest? Well?
(11:48):
I took the friend of a monkeyand I put it in ahead of a
man. Today. That man isalive and can talk. What does he
say? Hey? I thought,so, you've never been in a college,
and I doubt if any of yourfamily were ever in college. That's
so. My brother Pat's been fouryears to medical school at the University of
(12:09):
Michigan. What was he studying?Nothing? They were studying him. Goss,
Telly, You're impossible and you bettergive up doing that Sam Shovel Detective
series. The feel is overcrowded,and everybody, or Riddy wants to become
a private eye. All right?At it? I know it seems like
every Tom and Harry wants to bea dick. Thank you neither. Then
(12:37):
he's gonna stop me atb it.Tonight, I'm gonna do one of my
most famous cases. I call itmurdering a bunch of shop or have you
seen those prices? Like me?That doesn't sound like a very interesting case.
Guys, pick another one. Okay, here's a very very interesting one.
I call it the case of theman who drowned in the Los Angeles
River or dust be my destiny.Oh, let's get on with the case.
(13:09):
Now, the maker the Floods MotorOil presented the adventures of Dam Shovel
right and Detective. But curse theword about our product, Motorate. Have
you been changing your oil every month? Switch to sludge? When you use
floods you never have to change oil. Of course, every six months.
(13:33):
You have to get a new car. Friend, if you want extra mother,
you knock on Gatholine. Listen toone of our satisfied customers has to
say. I bought two girls aknockle Giseline in Chicago. When I got
into Los Angeles this morning, Istill had two quarts lives. Thank you,
(13:54):
sir, thank you. What kindof a car do you dry?
I got a car. I gota Sugarrette line. Now for the part
of adventures of Sam Tuttle Rivate Detective. Yes, I'm Sam Shuffle, Private
(14:22):
Detective. I'm sitting here in mylittle office running a report on my leaders.
I reached for my pen. It'sa big pen. I'm alone in
the office. I used to havea secretary. I had a let it
go. You can never get atype in done. Every time she got
(14:43):
to the end of the line,the type of the belt would ring,
she'd water line. I'm getting sickof this detective business. Always on the
run. I don't even get achance to eat. Last night, I
sat down to a bowl of kickabroath. I started to eat the broth.
(15:05):
The phone run. I had togo out and catch a crook.
I came back, started to eatthe broth again. Another call. I
had to go out and catch anothercrook. When I came back to broth
was cool to morrow. Too manycrooks spoil abroth. Suddenly I hear a
(15:28):
woman's dream came from the window acrossthe street. I can't see who it
is. I reached from my operaclasses. They're gone. Must have gone
to the opera again. I turnedon my file. They're on top.
(15:54):
Is one of my most famous cases, the case of the Lady blue Beards.
I don't know why they call itthe Lady blue Beard. He never
killed anybody. Maybe it was becauseshe had a blue beard. He was
a hard woman to catch, andI never caught her except she was a
(16:14):
flirt. Gave me the eye inPasadena, gave me the eye in Pomona,
and I caught her in his Northbeach. It was easy. I
had both her eyes. It waslost, couldn't see where she was going.
(16:34):
Suddenly, through the window, Isee my pals Enanameta the homicide spot
a push Habit's a tough man.He's got a dirty look and underwear to
magic. Hello, same devil.I'm worried. What's wrong, Lieutenant Abbott?
(17:00):
Remember when I joined the department,I come to beat the walking made
my feet too big. Yes.Then I was transferred to the traffic department
and weaving my arms all day.He made my hands to me. Yes.
Oh, I'm really worried. Theywant me to ride a horse.
(17:23):
I looked at Lieutenant Abbott. Whata clever policeman. He's got a trigger
mine. He ought to give itback to trigger. I could tell Lieutenant
Abbott had something on his mind.He was nervous. He started fiddling with
his nose. Lieutenant Abbott had atough day at headquarters. All day.
(17:56):
He had been given a rubber hosethe third degree. He kept hitting it
with a detective damn you can helpme. You've got friends in the department,
You've got plenty of drag. Whatmakes you think I've got drag?
And around Sam and see what you'redragging? Luke Chennan Abbott has insulted me
(18:25):
again. I looked him straight inthe eye. Heat arrogant, cheap meanness
written on his face. Seems sillyfrom men of his age to go around
with all those words written on hisface. Damn, it's very warm and
head. Why don't you open thatdoor that leads to the balcony. I
(18:47):
can't. I haven't got a keyand I don't know how to open it.
Why don't you use your head?I don't think my head will fit
in the keyhole? Hello, SamShovel private you TAKETI Spiking is the great
Tam Shovel of private detective. That'sme, Tam. You've got to help
(19:11):
me. What's the matter? Tofind guns? Trying to break in your
killing? Come on over? Can'tfind come guy trying to comic? Come
on over. I can't hear you. Damn, I am not even on
the phone and I can hear.Why don't you go over? Guys?
(19:41):
Pl your hand? Hello? Hi, I lift him up? Any higher
up, break my suspense. Ilift up your hand. I lift up
your hands. What's the idea ofmaking us put up our hand? Don't
ask any questions? Go on,reach for the ceiling. Okay, we
(20:02):
reached the ceiling. What's the ideaof this? Stickups? Ain't no stick
up? Then? Why have yougot us standing here with our hands on
the ceiling? Me and my creware a pair of this building. We're
ready to tear out the wall andsomebody better be holding up that ceiling.
(20:23):
Luke Tennant Abbott, this seems kindof silly, you and me standing here
holding up the ceiling as sham.Probably something the right is thought up because
they were stuck for a penny.It's ridiculous. Let's put our hands down.
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