Episode 42 (Scary McScarester)

Jack and Robert start off the podcast by talking about the technical issues they've recently had. But things are working now! So it's back to talking about the walk! On this episode, Robert shares an interesting story about meeting a Lhasa Apso on the side of the road who he named Ruffles. Robert and Ruffles became fast friends and traveled together for a WHOLE day.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Hey everyone. If you want tosee pictures from my walk, you can
follow us on Facebook at facebook dotcom, Slash seven, Lamb Podcasts and

(00:31):
Action. I thought you wanted yourten seconds of silence. Oh no,
no, no, not for this, nah. I don't care about the
background noise in the of course not, of course. Not. Ladies and
gentlemen, Welcome to episode forty twoof Across America. I'm your host,
Scary mc scareston. Right there,it is Halloween, Jesus. Jack Austin

(00:54):
with me as always is the guythat did the thing. Robert Lamb,
that's my name. Don't wear itout? Oh hey, wear it out?
Who don't wear it out? Easykiller? Say it like once or
twice. But that's about it.Yeah. Well, I'm with r L
and uh he's getting ready to throwdown some sweet talk linage to talk about
goose bumps. Actually, he's goingto talk about the season finale, not

(01:19):
the series finale, the season finaleof Paralyzed. Yeah, so at the
very end this happens. No,I'm not going to say that, but
we did just release the season finale, season two finale of Paralyzed, which
is pretty awesome because that took along time to record an edit. Yes,
it did not for me, no, but for Rob Well, yeah,

(01:42):
I mean you recorded some I did, Okay, I did. I'm
not going to say who I am. I'm very happy with my character.
I thought I was gonna say,you already introduced yourself. They know who
you are, then who I amin your podcast as so and so and
so and so makes sense. Butyeah, we haven't released an episode of
this in a while, just becausewe've been working on other stuff. Yeah,

(02:04):
you know, life happens, andwe don't get paid an exorbitant amount
of money to do this. Andthe microphones weren't working last time. They
weren't. We came here and forsome reason, our mixer was like,
we've narrowed it down to the problem. He is either the mixer, the
wires, the microphones, or thecomputer. Yes, so it's one of
those things for us. Yeah,we just weren't talking loud enough. Yeah

(02:29):
the whole time we recorded half anhour time when you were or some mean
um but yes, so we arehere now to record an episode of Across
America with you, and you know, just give you some more Roberts walk.
I mean we're getting close to theend we are. I don't know
what we're gonna do for a sequel. We're gonna make up a lot.

(02:53):
Just pick a country. This timewe walked from Antarctica. If I ever
had to walk across another country,and when I say it had to,
I mean like gun to my head, uh, it would either be Canada
or I don't know, United Kingdom, France, maybe France France. Huh.

(03:15):
I mean I would like to walkthrough you know, like the cool
answer is like Africa or Australia,But there's too much stuff there that's going
to kill you. Yeah, Ifeel like I would literally you die.
Yeah, I would die, especiallyin Australia, like yep. I would
love to you know, I wouldlove to walk across China. That would

(03:36):
be pretty cool. Although could youimagine the pollution? Yeah you say pollution
or evolution? Pollution? Okay,yeah, dude, no way. I
don't know enough about those countries toknow. I'm pretty sure every day I
wouldn't hit like a McDonald's. Youmight, but every day you'd run into
some people who spoke only Chinese,and that would be hard to try to

(03:58):
converse with them and figure out whereI need to leap and yes, it
would where to get supplies, that'strue. Yeah, that's why I said
Canada. Yeah, Canada'll be good. I'd go to Ireland. Actually,
that'd be really nice walk across Irelandor Scotland. That's true. I just
feel like those would be like easy, I mean not easy, but not
as long, you know, Imean there are well you already kind of
did the continental United States. Iknow. I'm just saying. I was

(04:20):
trying to look for like another.That's why I said France, like it's
a little bit bigger. I hearin all of our French speakers. This
is a rumor I heard in theUnited States from somebody who's been there.
So please don't don't take this stairaway our French listeners listen. Our French
community deserves nothing but my absolute honesty. I heard that Paris is filthy.

(04:43):
Yeah, the city of Paris isabsolutely filthy. Heard this, and that
makes me very sad because it hassuch a high reputation, reputation for being
such a beautiful country and a beautifulcity and have so many iconic sites.
But I think that's like a touristlike the fact that there's so many tourists
coming through and stuff. But likeeven like the bigger cities sometimes they have
like homeless problems and stuff, likeeven like everywhere. Yeah, like any

(05:04):
kind of big I've been told byso many people that, um, they
won't they're just snabby on purpose ifthey hear you don't speak French or you're
just straight American, they're just truejerks. You know what. Let me
circle that back, because you saidthey have a homeless people problem. Well,
I don't know for sure, I'mjust saying a lot of people.
No, no, no, no, you were just speaking in generalities,
of course, but you said,um, you know the thing about the

(05:28):
homeless people. I'm sure a milliontimes on this walk you were mistaken for
being home. Yeah, definitely allthe time. Time. Did you ever
meet any homeless people who were like, oh, you're walking across the countryl
and do that all the time.No, I didn't didn't meet any really,
Like I saw a lot of homelesspeople walking through, like some of

(05:48):
the bigger cities that I walked through, but like, and I didn't even
mean to say that, Like homelesspeople made the city dirty and stuff.
That's like littering. That's what thetouristy part of it too, is the
fact that it's like that. ButI think a lot of homeless people do
live in like the bigger cities.Do you see a lot of homeless people
in like small towns Uh no,not really, I mean they usually it's

(06:11):
usually like in the bigger city,it's like downtown. I wasn't trying to
say that you're talking bad about thehomeless community. For all of our homeless
listeners out there, we are trulysorry. Where do you plug in to
listen to the podcast too? Wealso need to know that hit us on
Twitter. Oh yeah, yeah,no, I just like, I like

(06:32):
how I was like, I didn'tmean this, I didn't mean this.
Well, I didn't mean this.I mean I think we have a much
better chance of having a French audiencethan a homeless audience. But what about
a French homeless audience. Then youare the double women's one per madam,
you are the true can be homelesstoo. Don't be like that why I
said, sir or madam? Ifeel like you were back that lay in

(06:54):
that what you said, you said, sir, and then you went wait
or madam, Let's run that backand see if I said or wait,
you know what I was gonna say. My friend actually she just traveled through
I think. Yeah, no,she went through Italy. She said that
a lot of places like Rome andstuff were very like dirty and and and

(07:14):
she she was like surprised, likehow many like poverty stricken areas, Like
it's just how dirty littered and allthat kind of stuff like was there.
And I was like, yeah,I guess maybe that's just like big cities
all over the place. I don'tknow that's the word. I hear.
San Francisco's disgusting. I've been toSan Francis. I hear. Well,
I don't hear. I see iton the news too. It's more of

(07:36):
like there's just like any of thoseareas where there's like so much traffic and
ship it just like looks dirty,you know. Yeah. Anyway, so
back to your walkiesus Christ Okay,So yeah, wow circle back. So
basically I think we ended in Mississippi, where I was just in there for
one day, just in the verycorner, right in the corner, right

(07:57):
in the corner, just the tip. And I only did that just so
I be like I was in anotherstate. Yeah you know what I mean,
you field are Yeah, Mississippi wasbeautiful for that day. It was
an amazing site. I loved everytwenty four hours of it. Um And
then I was in Alabama. Nicenot like Ala Freakama. Now you're from
Alabama, Yeah yeah, yeah,Okay, beautiful place, Yeah, wonderful

(08:20):
people. Uh, not a lotto do or there wasn't when I lived
there. There still isn't. Idon't think. Okay, it's weird though,
that they don't like have like aI was saying, like any kind
of professional sports. That is becausethey have just college. That is because
all of the money in the stateof Alabama, yeah, goes to the
University of Alabama or the University ofAlburn. They don't want to invest in

(08:43):
any Well, they would have ProTeams, but how's it going to be when
you go to see the what bigcity Birmingham, Montgomery, Tuscaloosa saying they're
not going to get a ProTeam inTuscaloosa. Alabama's to Montgomery. Yeah yeah,
I mean that would be the onlyoption. But because they don't have
there's no I don't know a lotabout basketball or hockey, but I don't
think they have so people in Alabama, especially where I'm from, like the

(09:05):
Braves, right, or the Falconsthat makes sense depending on where you are,
or maybe you know the Saints orsomething like well that's their closest probably
besides maybe Nashville. Yeah, soI would think, um, yeah,
all my family if they do apro sports they like the Falcons or they
like the Braves or something like that. But they hate the Georgia Bulldogs.
So weird right right anyway, SoAlabama is one of those states that I

(09:30):
would imagine a lot of people,Hi, you need some high help.
Yeah. Everything. I also gota lot of um blesss. Well not
even that is like, there wasa lot of like you know, the
small towns I'm walking through. ButI thought it was interesting in the fact
that like every town, like ifthey had a high school football team,
like they promoted the hell I wouldsee like banners and I would see like

(09:52):
signs everywhere for this high school footballgame coming up and stuff. So they're
like very That's why it was like, it shocks me that they don't have
like a pro team. Dude,it's god family football up there in Alabama.
But I guess like they also like, well, I don't know what
the population would be. I meanI didn't walk through any I don't I
didn't walk through Montgomery or anything likethat, so I don't know, I
didn't see like the bigger cities.But most of the towns that walk through,

(10:15):
there's a lot of yeah, alot of country people. Most of
them like were nice. I mean, the ones I talked to, they're
all like friendly and stuff, andyeah, that was cool. But I
just like, the only thing thatI really didn't like about Alabama or Georgia
were the roads. All of theroads are fucking old, dude. They're

(10:37):
old. So it's like when I'mlike pushing my cart, like there's literally
just like the roads are just brokenand cracked in shit, and I'm like,
this sucks. And then most ofthem don't even have shoulders because they're
so old. They're just like twolanes back, like you know, one
going one way, one going theother, and there's just grass or trees
or whatever on the side. Andnot to mention, you're walking down a

(10:58):
lot of county roads. Yeah,a lot of major highways to walk down
a little bit now, and Ican't take any interstate or anything, so
I'm kind of just on these roads. In fact, I took some country
roads to kind of connect to otherhighways to get from one side to the
other, just because it would godiagonal instead of me going you know,
east and then south. So Iwould do that, but then like I'd

(11:20):
hit like these really shitty roads andI'm like, oh my god, this
sucks so funch like it was hard. But I do remember one time this
guy like he saw me walking onthe side of the road pulls over his
truck and it's like a college likefrat guy and he comes out, Hey
man, he's like talking to me. He's all cool, and he's like,
hey, I got some beer inmy trunk. Let me get you
one. Let me get you one. And he just gets a beer and
he's like there you go, man, good luck, good luck, and

(11:41):
he just takes off. So Ijust had like a beer on my all
right. And then I actually gotoffered a beer two days later by another
guy who was working on his caroutside and he didn't even say anything.
He just goes, dude, He'slike, hey man, it's hot out
there, and I go yeah,and he just like grabs a beer from
his cooler, walks over to me, hands me at the beer. He's
like gluck. Man, and likedidn't even ask what I was doing or

(12:01):
anything. I was just walking bywith my cart. But you know,
he saw me walking out there andit was it was warm. He probably
saw you walking from a while awaytoo. Yeah, he probably saw it
like a like he was not likeyour typical city where it's househouse house,
house house. You know, it'sa lot of big properties and farmland and
stuff like that. Yeah, AndI, like I wrote down like I

(12:22):
walked from Highway seventy two, Itook some smaller roads to one fifty seven.
I went through Moulton and Coleman,just like small towns, and then
from Coleman I hopped on two seventyeight, which was again it was just
a road with like a small assshoulder. And this was actually interesting.

(12:43):
There was one day where while Iwas walking, I took a break on
the side of the road, andas I was eating, I just I
see something coming at me from likethe side, and I turned, I
like jumped. I thought it waslike a raccoon or something and ended up
being like a small dog and it'sa lasa apsa. The only reason why
I know it was a loss ofassa is because I had a lots of
assa when I was young. SoI'm like, it's just this little furry

(13:05):
dog and it came out of thewoods. So I was like, all
right, that's interesting. And Ilooked and had a tag and everything,
but I had no idea, like, you know, where the house was.
So I was like, all right, I'm like, well, I
gotta go a dog. So Igot up and I started walking and they
started following me, and I'm like, oh no, I'm like I can't
take a dog. I'm walking acrossthe country. There's no way you're gonna

(13:28):
be able to travel another thousand mileswith me. So um, the whole
time, for like this whole day, I want to say, like probably
like the next five or six miles, I'm just like walking and trying to
figure out like what I'm gonna dowith this dog. And he was following,
and people driving around me like theywere I could tell like they were
getting pissed off. Some of themwere honking, and it's because this dog

(13:48):
was like running in the road allaround me and they probably thought it was
my dog. So I'm just like, so's it my dog? Yeah,
it's not mine. It just cameout of the Woods song is this bro.
So then there's like one point whereI took the dog and I tried
to put him in the cart andhe just wasn't having it, so he
just he would jump out and thenfollow me, like just right behind me.
So I'm like, all right,So I just let him follow me.

(14:09):
And then I eventually found there's avet not too far like in this
small town, and so I'm like, that's where we're going, but it's
six miles away. You're gonna haveto come with me, dog, So
I'm going dog. You didn't evenname it. I don't know what his
name was. No, I didn'tname it. I did name it because
I was I was eating chips orsomething, so I named him Ruffles nice.

(14:31):
I don't know I did. That'sreally why I solid solid name.
I like, I had to checkyour notes for us. Well when you
said name it, That's why Iwas like, oh, I did have
a name for it. No.But as I was walking, um,
I realized there are a lot ofdogs in Alabama and Georgia and everywhere everywhere.
Yeah, they're like in the wood. Yeah, there's like one.

(14:52):
I felt so bad, Like Isaw this huge poodle had like one eye
and it was just in the woodsand I'm like, I I don't know
what to do for you, dog, Like that sucks. That sucks.
Dog, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. And then this little dog, because
like he was following me anytime anotherdog would show up, like literally the
black lab showed up one time juston the side of the road because I

(15:16):
ended up getting off like that mainroad because I didn't want the dog to
get hit by a car. SoI found like some little side roads to
get to the vet. And asI'm walking there, I see like another
black lab shows up and I wasgonna feed it some beef jerky, but
then like you're the Ruffles. Ruffleswas like not having it. He's like
no, so he starts barking atthat dog, chases a big black lab
away, and then he's like protectingme, and then Ruffles came back.

(15:39):
Yeah, so he followed me allthe way to the vet. I got
to this vet and I was justlike, hey, I don't know where
I am. I'm walking across thecountry this I'm like holding this dog.
I'm like, it's not my dog. He won't stop following me, and
he obviously has an owner. Here'sthe tag. And they're like, oh,
well, we're not supposed to dothat, but yeah, we'll take
him. We'll try to figure itout. I'm like cool things. I'm

(16:02):
like, listen, he's a greatdog, but I can't take him all
the way to Florida unless I likeput him on a plane. Ship him.
Yeah, ship them to my mom. You can take care of him
until I at home. Mother.I'm sending a care package on the top.
I'm looking at this thing. Well, this little thing followed you around.
Holy yeah it really Yeah, it'sa little tiny loss of opsa.

(16:26):
They looked like e walks. Ifanybody's a Star Wars fan, they do.
Yeah. He like they're cute.I had one. I had a
pet, you know, ewalk.But I I you know, I can't
take him across the whole country.No, he wouldn't have lasted. Yeah.
Plus he was getting tired, likewhen we got to the vet,
like he was like laying out splayedout on like the concrete and grass.

(16:47):
Did you try to put him backin the cart? Yeah? I tried
several that he did not want it, And I even made a bet.
I took my sleeping bag and Irolled it up on the top. It
could have had some loss hops ajerky. If he stayed in there,
maybe he could have came with meacross the country. Yeah, you know
what I mean, was in thecart. I would have, but I
can't have him like following me whenI'm on the road and ship because he

(17:07):
would just run out into the middleof the road and cars there. I'm
sorry, he's not my dog.It's not my dog. Okay, chill
out, Jesus, it's not mydog. But then I thought, like
if I got your dog, it'sjust angry Alabamians a wallet guy. Wallet
guy, you know, we likedyou for a while, but now with

(17:29):
this dog, first round road tracks, now this get your dog wallet guy.
Can you imagine if I got thepoodle and the black lab, but
I just had a bunch of dogsfollowing me. You're like the the American
Pied Piper. Yeah, just playingmoving across the country with stray dogs.
Dude, No, But for real, dogs were like a huge problem in
both Alabama and Georgia for me,Like there's some that would like come at

(17:52):
me, and I mean I havesome story, especially in Georgia where like
I was, like I thought,I was gonna have to fight a pitple
one time like there just that wouldhave not gone well. No, I
wouldn't have win or lose. Thatwould have gone poorly. I think I
had like I had like a metalor no, I had like I think
I had the tree branch and Ihad I'm gonna talk about this later though
not in this podcast, but Ihad a tree branch and uh an extra

(18:15):
tire that I had from my previouscart just in case one of my tires
popped. But I remember holding upthe tire and holding up like a tree
branch as like a sword and shieldto fight against this pit bull. Because
that's like I was like, I'mgonna have to like like old school fight
this thing like a gladiator. Ohgeez. Luckily I didn't have to,
but you know, you could.It almost came to that. I mean

(18:37):
it was growling and like, yeah, that's unfortunate. But anyways, after
the vet, I hop back onthe road. I found a dollar General
bought some gatorades because got rid ofthe dog. Got rid of the dog.
That was a celebratory gatorade. Whatdid the dog say when it seemed
like when you left? Was itpissed? Like, what the no,
he was like really just genuinely happywhen there's other people there. He just

(18:57):
started like wagging his tail and likewent up to them, jumping on him
and stuff. I'm like, okay, so you're good. You've already forgotten
about me, Ruffles. I shedone tier, a single solitary tier,
but I'll never forget those five milesof me and Ruffles just living out on
the road eating beef jerky. Iwould like pour water into my hand when

(19:19):
he was thirsty. I couldn't believehe followed me for like five or six
miles though that's a long walk.Yeah, it is like a dog.
Yeah, it is, especially alittle one, like a little one like
that, and on the road,right, like if you had like a
Rhodesian ridge back that's found on theroad. I'm like, okay, yeah,
that sucker is gonna go for days. They're like camels. They well
not kim but right, no,but I know it's they're built for that

(19:41):
kind of stuff. He's just likejust walking loose, these little nails on
the You're you're five six miles tohim? Was twenty miles. Yeah,
I was surprised, but maybe he'sbeen living in the woods for a while.
Yeah. Maybe he really didn't havea home. Maybe I don't know,
or he escaped his house and wasliving out on the countryside for years

(20:03):
still with his collar on. Idon't know, but you know, after
that, I got back on theroad and I was on my own again.
Yeah. So and that was andthat's where Morgan Freeman cuts us out
of this episode. And he neversaw Ruffles again, that sweet little dog
actual of them for five or sixmiles. In twenty years. We plan
on meeting up again. Yeah,boat, I'm building a boat. Sure,

(20:26):
he's gonna go on me and we'rejust gonna cost Mexico. Yep,
onto the Big Tree three miles downthe road. It has a rock fans.
I think that was too happy ofan ending for that movie. For
Josh. Yeah, for sure,what happened to that movie? Yeah,
I should have ended on a littlebit more. You know. Everybody makes
it seem like it's Stephen Kings wasa scary movie. That movie was not
scary. For one. King actuallyhas a couple of movies or movies books

(20:48):
that he's written that aren't really horror, like Green Mile, and they're good.
Green Mile wasn't Green Miles. Great, it wasn't scary stand by me.
Yeah, with the kids, Imean they go to find a dead
body, but there's nothing really scary. Don't tell mom the babysitter's dead.
Yeah, that's a good one.Citizen Kane one of the greatest movies of
all. Yeah, that was agood one. Godfather, Planet Earth.
Yeah, oh man, I lovethe narration. I love how he wrote

(21:12):
that in his book. Yeah,it's really good. Anyway, that's gonna
do this episode of Across America.What is that in English? Forty two?
Okay, forty two just for ourEnglish listeners, all three of them.
Yeah, our big Spanish community isgonna be really happy that I threw
in a quantitatdos for him. It'snice that you're reaching out. Yeah.

(21:32):
I love you guys, I reallydo. We're gonna try to get this
more often. Yeah, yeah,more often. It's about to be done.
But yeah, you guys are wonderful. Please feel free to reach out
to us on Twitter, Facebook,Instagram, Tumbler, Tumbler, Grinder,
Grinder, straight up emails. Itdoesn't matter anything. Show up at our

(21:56):
door if yeah, yeah, yeahknow where we are. Ye, please
do hear it at all? Yeah, do not expect to be met with
violence. No no, but Iwill have a branch and a tire just
in case, and I will havethe Los Apsa. There you go.
Perfect. This has been a sevenLamb production