August 10, 2025 • 42 mins
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Chapter six, Ill and conscience stricken. When I came down
to the ship, I found it strangely removed. The forecastle,
which lay before buried in sand, was heaved up at
least six feet, and the stern, which was broken pieces
and parted from the rest by the force of the sea.
(00:23):
Soon after I had left rummaging, her was tossed up,
as it were, and cast on one side, and the
sand was thrown so high on that side next her stern,
that whereas there was a great place of water before,
so that I could not come within a quarter of
(00:44):
a mile of the wreck without swimming, I could now
walk quite up to her when the tide was out.
I was surprised with this at first, but soon concluded
it must be done by the earthquake, and by this
violence the ship was more broke open than formerly. So
(01:05):
many things came daily on shore, which the sea had loosened,
and which the winds and water rolled by degrees to
the land. This wholly diverted my thoughts from the design
of removing my habitation, and I busied myself mightily that day,
especially in searching whether I could make any way into
(01:27):
the ship. But I found nothing. Must be expected of
that kind, for all the inside of the ship was
choked up with sand. However, as I had learned not
to despair of anything, I resolved to pull everything to
pieces that I could of the ship, concluding that everything
(01:49):
I could get from her would be of some use
or other to me. May third, I began with my
saw and cut a piece of a beam through which
I thought held some of the upper part, or quarter
deck together. And when I had cut it through, I
(02:09):
cleared away the sand as well as I could from
the side which lay highest. But the tide was coming
in I was obliged to give over for that. May
fourth I went a fishing, but caught not only one
fish that I durst eat till I was weary of
my sport. When just going to leave off, I caught
(02:30):
a young dolphin. I had made me a long line
of some rope yarn, but I had no hooks. Yet
I frequently caught fish enough as much as I cared
to eat, all which I dried in the sun and
ate them dried. May fifth worked on the wreck, cut
(02:51):
another beam asunder, and brought three great fur planks off
from the decks, which I tied together and made to
float on shore. When the tide of flood came in.
May sixth worked on the wreck, got several iron bolts
out of her and other pieces of iron work. Worked
(03:13):
very hard, and came home very much tired, and had
thoughts of giving it over. May seventh went to the
wreck again, not with an intent to work, but found
the weight of the wreck had broke itself down, the
beams being cut, that several pieces of ship seemed to
(03:34):
lie loose, and the inside of the hold lay so
open that I could see into it, but it was
almost full of water and sand. May eighth went to
the wreck and carried an iron crow to wrench up
the deck, which lay now quite clear of the water
(03:55):
or sand. I wrenched open two planks and brought them
on short or also with the tide. I left the
iron crow and the wreck for next day. May ninth
went to the wreck, and with the crow made way
into the body of the wreck, and felt several casts
(04:17):
and loosened them with the crow, but could not break
them up. I felt also a roll of English lead
and could stir it, but it was too heavy to remove.
May tenth through fourteenth went every day to the wreck
and got a great many pieces of timber and boards
(04:38):
or plank, and two or three hundred weight of iron.
May fifteenth, I carried two hatchets to try if I
could not cut a piece of the roll of lead
by placing the edge of one hatchet and driving it
with the other. But as it lay about a foot
(04:59):
and a half in the water, I could not make
any blow to drive the hatchet. May sixteenth, it had
blown hard in the night, and the wreck appeared more
broken by the force of the water. But I stayed
so long in the woods to get pigeons for food,
(05:19):
that the tide prevented my going to the wreck. That day,
May seventeenth, I saw some pieces of the wreck blown
on shore at a great distance, near two miles off me,
but resolved to see what they were, and found it
was a piece of the head, but too heavy for
(05:39):
me to bring away. May twenty fourth. Every day to
this day I worked on the wreck, and with the
hard labor I loosened some things so much with the
crow that the first tide several casts floated out, and
(06:00):
two of the seamen's chests. But the wind blowing from
the shore nothing came to land that day, but pieces
of timber in a hogshead which had some Brazil pork
in it, but the salt water and the sand had
spoiled it. I continued this work every day to the
fifteenth of June, except the time necessary to get food,
(06:24):
which I always appointed during this part of my employment
to be when the tide was up, that I might
be ready when it was ebbed out. And by this
time I had got timber and plank and ironwork enough
to have built a good boat if I had known how.
(06:46):
And also I got, at several times, and in several pieces,
near one hundred weight of the sheet lead. June sixteenth,
going down to the seaside, I found a large tortoise
or turtle. This was the first I had seen, which
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it seems was only my misfortune, not any defect of
the place or scarcity, for had I happened to be
on the other side of the island, I might have
had hundreds of them every day, as I found afterwards,
but perhaps had paid dear enough for them. June seventeenth
(07:30):
I spent in cooking the turtle I found in her
three score eggs, and her flesh was to me at
that time the most savory and pleasant that ever I
tasted in my life, having had no flesh but of
goats and fowls since I landed in this horrid place.
(07:55):
June eighteenth, rained all day and I stayed within. I
thought at this time the rain felt cold, and I
was something chilly, but which I knew was not unusual
in that latitude. June nineteenth, very ill and shivering as
(08:20):
if the weather had been cold. June twentieth, no rest
all night, have violent pains in my head and feverish.
June twenty first, very ill, frighted almost to death with
(08:41):
the apprehensions of my sad condition, to be sick and
no help. Prayed to God for the first time since
the storm off Hull, but scarce knew what I said
or why, my thoughts being all confused. June twenty second,
(09:05):
a little better, but under dreadful apprehensions of sickness. Killed
a she goat, and with much difficulty got at home
and broiled some of it and ate. I would fain
have stewed it and made some broth, but had no pot.
(09:28):
June twenty seventh, the agu again so violent that I
lay abed all day and neither ate nor drank. I
was ready to perish for thirst, but so weak I
had not strength to stand up or to get myself
any water to drink. Prayed to God again, but was
(09:55):
light headed, And when I was not, I was so
ignorant that I knew not what to say. Only I
lay and cried, Lord, look upon me, Lord, pity me, Lord,
have mercy upon me. I suppose I did nothing else
for two or three hours till the fit wearing off,
(10:17):
I fell asleep and did not wait till far in
the night. When I awoke, I found myself much refreshed,
but weak and exceeding thirsty. However, as I had no
water in my habitation, I was forced to lie till morning,
(10:37):
and went to sleep again. In this second sleep, I
had this terrible dream. I thought that I was sitting
on the ground on the outside of my wall, where
I sat when the storm blew after the earthquake, and
that I saw a man descend from a great black
(11:00):
cloud in a bright flame of fire in light upon
the ground. He was all over as bright as a flame,
so that I could not but just bear to look
towards him. His countenance was most inexpressibly dreadful, impossible for
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words to describe When he stepped upon the ground with
his feet, I thought the earth trembled, just as it
had done before in the earthquake, and all the air looked,
to my apprehension, as if it had been filled with
flashes of fire. He was no sooner landed upon the earth,
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but he had moved forward towards me, with a long
spear or weapon in his hand, to kill me. And
when he came to a rising ground at some distance,
he spoke to me, or I heard a voice so
terrible that it is impossible to express the terror of it.
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All that I can say I understood was this, Seeing
all these things have not brought thee to repentance, Now
thou shalt die. At which words, I thought, he lifted
up the spear that was in his hand to kill me.
(12:39):
No one that shall ever read in this account will
expect that I should be able to describe the horrors
of my soul at this terrible vision. I mean that,
even while it was a dream, I even dreamed of
those horrors. Nor is it any more possible to describe
(13:02):
the impression that remained upon my mind when I await
and found it was but a dream I had Alas
no divine knowledge. What I had received by the good
instruction of my father was then worn out by an
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uninterrupted series for eight years of seafaring wickedness, and a
constant conversation with none but such as were like myself,
wicked and profane to the last degree. I do not
remember that I had in all that time one thought
(13:45):
that so much as tended either to looking upwards towards
God or inwards towards a reflection upon my own ways.
But a certain stupidity of soul, without desire of good
or conscience of evil, had entirely overwhelmed me, And I
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was all that the most hardened, unthinking, wicked creature among
our common sailors can be supposed to be, not having
the least sense either of the fear of God in danger,
or of thankfulness to God in deliverance. In the relating
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of what already is pasted of my story, this will
be the more easily believed when I shall add that,
through all the variety of miseries that had to this
day befallen me, I never had so much as one
thought of it being the hand of God, or that
(14:50):
it was a just punishment for my sin. My rebellious
behavior against my father or my present sins which were great,
or so much as a punishment for the general course
of my wicked life. When I was on the desperate
expedition on the desert shores of Africa, I never had
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so much as one thought of what would become of me,
or one wish to God to direct me whether I
should go, or to keep me from the danger which
apparently surrounded me, as well as from voracious creatures as
cruel savages. But I was merely thoughtless of a God
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or a providence, acted like a mere brute, from the
principles of nature and by the dictates of common sense only,
and indeed hardly that when I was delivered and taken
up at sea by the Portugal captain, well used and
dealt justly and honorably with, as well as charitably, I
(15:59):
had not the least thankfulness in my thoughts. When again
I was shipwrecked, ruined, and in danger of drowning on
this island, I was as far from remorse or looking
on it as a judgment. I only said to myself
often that I was an unfortunate dog and born to
(16:22):
always be miserable. It is true when I got on
shore first here and found all my ship's crew drowned
and myself spared. I was surprised with a kind of ecstasy,
and some transports of soul, which had the grace of
God assisted, might have come up to true thankfulness. But
(16:47):
it ended where it began, in a mere common flight
of joy, or, as I may say, being glad I
was alive, without the least reflection upon the distinguished goodness
of the hand which had preserved me, and had singled
me out to be preserved when all the rest were destroyed,
(17:10):
or an inquiry why providence had been thus merciful unto me,
even just the same common sort of joy which seamen
generally have after they got safe ashore from a shipwreck
which they drown all in the next bullet punch, and
forget almost as soon as it is over. And all
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the rest of my life was like it, even when
I was afterwards undue consideration made sensible of my condition.
How I was cast on this dreadful place, out of
the reach of humankind, out of all hope of relief
or prospect of redemption, as soon as I saw but
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a prospect of living, and that I should not starve
and perish for hunger. All the sense of my affliction
wore off, and I began to be very easy, applied
myself to the works proper for my preservation and supply,
and was far enough from being afflicted at my condition
as a judgment from Heaven, or as the hand of
(18:17):
God against me. These were thoughts which very seldom entered
my head. The growing up of the corn, as is
hinted in my journal, had at first some little influence
upon me, and began to affect me with seriousness as
long as I thought it had something miraculous in it.
(18:40):
But as soon as ever that part of the thought
was removed, all the impression that was raised from it
wore off. Also, as I have noted already, even the earthquake,
though nothing could be more terrible in its nature, or
more immediately directing to the invisible power which alone directs
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such things, Yet no sooner was the first fright over,
but the impression it had made went off. Also. I
had no more sense of God or his judgments, much
less of the present affliction of my circumstances being from
His hand, than if I had been in the most
(19:25):
prosperous condition of life. But now when I began to
be sick, and a leisurely view of the miseries of
death came to place itself before me. When my spirits
began to sink under the burden of a strong distemper,
and nature was exhausted with the violence of the fever,
(19:47):
conscience that had slept so long began to awake, and
I began to reproach myself with my past life in
which I had so evidently by un common wickedness, provoked
the justice of God to lay me under uncommon strokes
and to deal with me in so vindictive a manner.
(20:12):
These reflections oppressed me for the second or third day
of my distemper, and in the violence as well of
the fever, as of the dreadful reproaches of my conscience
extorted some words for me, like praying to God, though
I cannot say they were either a prayer attended with
(20:34):
desires or with hopes. It was rather the voice of
mere fright and distress. My thoughts were confused, the convictions
great upon my mind, and the horror of dying in
such a miserable condition raised vapors into my head with
the mere apprehensions, and in these hurries of my soul.
(20:58):
I knew not what my time might express, but it
was rather exclamation, such as, Lord, what a miserable creature
am I? If I should be sick, I shall certainly
die for want of help, and what will become of me?
Then the tears burst out of my eyes, and I
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could say no more for a good while. In this interval,
the good advice of my father came to my mind,
and presently his prediction which I mentioned at the beginning
of the story, that is that if I did take
this foolish step, God would not bless me, and I
would have leisure hereafter to reflect upon having neglected his counsel,
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when there might be none to assist in my recovery.
Now said I aloud, my dear father's words are come
to pass. God's justice has overtaken me, and I have
none to help or hear me. I rejected the voice
of Providence which had mercifully put me in a posture
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or station of life wherein I might have been happy
and easy. But I would neither see it myself nor
learn to know the blessing of it. From my parents,
I left them to mourn over my folly and now
I am left to mourn under the consequences of it.
(22:27):
I abuse their help and assistance, which would have lifted
me in the world and would have made everything easy
to me. And now I have difficulties to struggle with,
too great for even nature itself to support. And no assistance,
no help, no comfort, no advice. Then I cried out, Lord,
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be my help, for I am in great distress. This
was the first prayer, if I may call it so,
that I had made for many years. But to return
to my journal June twenty eighth, Having been somewhat refreshed
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with the sleep I had had and the fit being
entirely off, I got up, and though the fright and
terror of my dream was very great, yet I considered
that the fit of the agu would return again the
next day, and now was my time to get something
to refresh and support myself when I should be ill.
And the first thing I did I filled a large
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square case bottle with water and set it upon my
table in reach of my bed. And to take off
the chill or aguish disposition of the water, I put
about a quarter of a pint of rum into it
and mix them together. Then I got me a piece
of the goat's flesh and broiled it on the coals,
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but could eat very little. I walked about, but was
very weak, and with all very sad and heavy hearted,
under a sense of my miserable condition, dreading the return
of my distemper. The next day, at night, I made
my supper of three of the turtle's eggs, which I
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roasted in the ashes and ate, as we call it,
in the shell. And this was the first bit of
meat I had ever asked God's blessing to that I
could remember in my whole life. After I had eaten,
I tried to walk, but found myself so weak that
I could hardly carry a gun, for I never went
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out without that. So I went but a little way
and sat down upon the ground, looking out upon the sea,
which was just before me, and very calm and smooth.
As I sat here, some such thoughts as these occurred
to me. What is this earth and sea of which
(25:07):
I have seen so much? Whence is it produced? And
what am I and all the other creatures wild and tame,
human and brutal? Whence are we sure? We all are
made by some secret power who formed the earth and
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sea and the air and sky, and who is that?
Then it followed, most naturally, it is God that has
made all well. But then it came on strangely. If
God has made all these things, he guides and governs them,
all and all things that concerned them. For the power
(25:52):
that could make all things must certainly have power to
guide and direct them. If so, nothing can happen in
the great circuit of His works, either without his knowledge
or appointment. And if nothing happens without his knowledge, he
(26:12):
knows that I am here and am in this dreadful condition.
And if nothing happens without his appointment, he has appointed
all this to befall me. Nothing occurred to my thoughts
to contradict any of these conclusions, And therefore it rested
upon me with the greater force that it must needs
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be that God had appointed all this to befall me,
that I was brought into this miserable circumstance by his direction,
He having the sole power not of me only, but
of everything that happened in the world. Immediately, it followed,
why has God done this to me? What have I
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done to be thus used? My conscience presently checked me
in that inquiry, as if I had blasphemed and methought.
It spoke to me like a voice. Wretch, dost thou
ask what thou hast done? Look back upon a dreadful,
misspent life, and ask thyself what thou hast not done?
(27:18):
Ask why is it that thou wert not long ago destroyed?
Why wert thou not drowned in yarmouth roads, killed in
the fight when the ship was taken by the sale
man of war, devoured by the wild beasts on the
coast of Africa, were drowned here when all the crew perished.
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But thyself, dost thou ask what have I done? I
was struck dumb with these reflections, as one astonished, and
had not a word to say. No, not to answer
to myself, but rose up, pensive and sad walked back
(28:00):
to my retreat and went up over my wall, as
if I had been going to bed. But my thoughts
were sadly disturbed, and I had no inclination to sleep,
So I sat down in my chair and lighted my lamp,
for it began to be dark. Now. As the apprehension
(28:22):
of the return of my distemper terrified me very much,
it occurred to my thought that the Brazilians take no
physic but their tobacco for almost all distempers. And I
had a piece of a roll of tobacco in one
of the chests, which was quite cured, and some also
that was green and not quite cured. I went directed by,
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having no doubt, for in this chest I found a
cure both for soul and body. I opened the chest
and found what I looked for tobacco, and as the
few books I had saved lay there too, I took
out one of the Bibles, which I mentioned before, and
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which to this time I had not found leisure or
inclination to look into. I say, I took it out
and brought both that and the tobacco with me to
the table. What used to make of the tobacco I knew,
not in my distemper or whether it was good for
it or no. But I tried several experiments with it,
(29:34):
as if I was resolved it should hit one way
or another. I took first a piece of leaf and
chewed it in my mouth, which indeed at first almost
stupefied my brain. The tobacco being green and strong, and
that I had not been much used to. Then I
took some and steeped it an hour or two in
(29:57):
some run, and resolved to make a dose of it.
I lay down, and lastly I burnt some upon a
pan of coals, and held my nose over it, over
the smoke of it as long as I could bear it,
as well for the heat as almost for suffocation. In
(30:19):
the interval of this operation I took up the Bible
and began to read, but my head was too much
disturbed with the tobacco to bear reading, at least at
that time. Only having opened the book casually, the first
words that occurred to me were these call on me
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and the day of trouble, and I will deliver thee
and thou shalt glorify me. These words were very apt
to my case, and made some impression upon my thoughts
at the time of reading them, though not so much
as they did after, For as for being delivered, the
(31:03):
word had no sound. As I may say to me,
the thing was so remote, so impossible in my apprehension
of things, that I began to say, as the children
of Israel did when they were promised flesh to eat,
can God spread a table in the wilderness? So I
began to say, can God himself deliver me from this place,
(31:29):
And as it was not for many years that any
hopes appeared, this prevailed very often upon my thoughts. But however,
the words made a great impression upon me, and I
mused upon them very often. It grew now late, and
the tobacco had, as I said, dozed my head so
(31:51):
much that I inclined to sleep. So I left my
lamp burning in the cave lest I should want anything
in the night, and went to bed. But before I
lay down, I did what I never had done in
all my life. I kneeled down and prayed to God
(32:11):
to fulfill the promise to me that if I called
upon Him in the day of trouble, he would deliver me.
After my broken and imperfect prayer was over, I drank
the rum in which I had steeped the tobacco, which
was so strong and rank of the tobacco that I
could scarcely get it down. Immediately upon this I went
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to bed. I found presently it flew up into my
head violently. But I fell into a sound sleep and
waked no more till by the sun it must necessarily
be near three o'clock in the afternoon the next day. Nay,
to this hour. I am partly of opinion that I
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slept all the next day and night till almost three
days after, for otherwise I know not how I should
lose a day out of my reckoning in the days
of the week, as it appeared some years after I
had done. For if I had lost it by crossing
(33:16):
and recrossing the line, I should have lost more than
one day. But certainly I lost a day in my account,
and never knew why be that. However, one way or
the other, when I awake, I found myself exceedingly refreshed,
and my spirits lively and cheerful. When I got up,
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I was stronger than I was the day before, and
in my stomach better, for I was hungry, And in
short I had no fit the next day, but continued
much altered for the better. This was the twenty ninth.
The thirtieth was my well day, of course, and I
(34:00):
went abroad with my gun, but did not care to
travel too far. I killed a sea fowl or two,
something like a brand goose, and brought them home, but
was not very forward to eat them. So I ate
some more of the turtles eggs, which were very good.
(34:22):
This evening I renewed the medicine which I had supposed
did me good the day before the tobacco steeped and
rum only I did not take so much as before,
nor did I chew any of the leaf or hold
my head over the smoke. However, I was not so
well the next day, which was the first of July,
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as I hoped it should have been, for I had
a little spice of the cold fit, but it was
not much. July second, I renewed the medicine all the
three ways and dosed myself with it as at first,
and double the quantity which I drank. July third, I
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missed the fit for good and all, though I did
not recover my full strength for some weeks after. While
I was thus gathering my strength, my thoughts ran exceedingly
upon this scripture, I will deliver THEE, and the impossibility
of my deliverance lay much upon my mind, in bar
(35:26):
of my ever expecting it. But as I was discouraging
myself with such thoughts, it occurred to me that I
poured so much upon my deliverance from the main affliction
that I disregarded the deliverance I had received. And I was,
(35:47):
as it were, made to ask myself such questions as these,
That is, have I not been delivered, and wonderfully too,
from sickness, from the most distressed condition that could be?
And that was so frightful to me? And what notice
had I taken of it? Had I done my part?
(36:10):
God had delivered me, but I had not glorified him,
that is to say, I had not owned and been
thankful for that as a deliverance. And how could I
expect greater deliverance? This touched my heart very much, and
(36:32):
immediately I knelt down and gave God thanks aloud for
my recovery from my sickness. July fourth, in the morning,
I took the Bible, and, beginning at the New Testament,
I began seriously to read it, and imposed upon myself
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to read a while every morning and every night, not
tying myself to the number of chapters, but long as
my thoughts should engage me. It was not long after
I set seriously to this work that I found my
heart more deeply and sincerely affected with the wickedness of
(37:13):
my past life. The impression of my dream revived in
the words, all these things have not brought thee to repentance,
ran seriously through my thoughts. I was earnestly begging of
God to give me repentance. When it happened providentially the
(37:34):
very next day that reading the Scripture, I came to
these words, he is exalted, a Prince and a Savior
to give repentance and to give remission. I threw down
the book, and with my heart as well as my hands,
lifted up to heaven in a kind of ecstasy of joy,
(37:58):
I cried out aloud, Jesus Thou, son of David, Jesus Thou,
Exalted Prince and Savior, give me repentance. This was the
first time I could say in the true sense of
the words that I prayed in all my life. For
(38:21):
now I prayed with the sense of my condition and
a true Scripture view of hope founded on the encouragement
of the word of God. And from this time, I
may say, I began to hope that God would hear me.
Now I began to construe the words mentioned above, call
(38:43):
on me, and I will deliver thee in a different
sense from what I had ever done before. For then
I had no notion of anything being called deliverance, but
my being delivered from the captivity I was in for,
though I was indeed at large in the place. Yet
(39:04):
the island was certainly a prison to me, and that
in the worst sense in the world. But now I
learned to take it in another sense. Now I look
back upon my past life with such horror, and my
sins appeared so dreadful, that my soul sought nothing of
(39:26):
God but deliverance from the load of guilt that bore
down all my comfort. As for my solitary life, it
was nothing. I did not so much as pray to
be delivered from it, or think of it. It was
all of no consideration in comparison to this. And I
(39:48):
add this part here to hint to whoever shall read it,
that whenever they come to a true sense of things,
they will find deliverance from sin, a much greater blessing
than deliverance from affliction. But leaving this part, I returned
to my journal. My condition began now to be, though
(40:13):
not less miserable as to my way of living, yet
much easier to my mind, and my thoughts, being directed
by a constant reading the scripture and praying to God
to things of a higher nature, I had a great
deal of comfort within which till now I knew nothing of. Also,
(40:34):
my health and strength returned. I bestirred myself to furnish
myself with everything that I wanted and make my way
of living as regular as I could. From the fourth
of July to the fourteenth I was chiefly employed in
walking about with my gun in my hand, a little
and a little at a time, as a man that
(40:57):
was gathering up his strength after a fit of sickness.
For it is hardly to be imagined how low I was,
and to what weakness I was reduced. The application which
I made use of was perfectly new, and perhaps which
had never cured an argue before. Neither can I recommend
(41:21):
it to any to practice by this experiment. And though
it did carry off the fit, yet it rather contributed
to weakening me, for I had frequent convulsions in my
nerves and limbs for some time. I learned from it
also this, in particular, that being abroad in the rainy
(41:42):
season was the most pernicious thing to my health that
could be, especially in those rains which came attended with
storms and hurricanes of wind. For as the rain which
came in the dry season was almost always accompanied with
such storms. So I found that that rain was much
(42:04):
more dangerous than the rain which fell in September and October.
End of Chapter six
Chapter six, Ill and conscience stricken. When I came down
to the ship, I found it strangely removed. The forecastle,
which lay before buried in sand, was heaved up at
least six feet, and the stern, which was broken pieces
and parted from the rest by the force of the sea.
(00:23):
Soon after I had left rummaging, her was tossed up,
as it were, and cast on one side, and the
sand was thrown so high on that side next her stern,
that whereas there was a great place of water before,
so that I could not come within a quarter of
(00:44):
a mile of the wreck without swimming, I could now
walk quite up to her when the tide was out.
I was surprised with this at first, but soon concluded
it must be done by the earthquake, and by this
violence the ship was more broke open than formerly. So
(01:05):
many things came daily on shore, which the sea had loosened,
and which the winds and water rolled by degrees to
the land. This wholly diverted my thoughts from the design
of removing my habitation, and I busied myself mightily that day,
especially in searching whether I could make any way into
(01:27):
the ship. But I found nothing. Must be expected of
that kind, for all the inside of the ship was
choked up with sand. However, as I had learned not
to despair of anything, I resolved to pull everything to
pieces that I could of the ship, concluding that everything
(01:49):
I could get from her would be of some use
or other to me. May third, I began with my
saw and cut a piece of a beam through which
I thought held some of the upper part, or quarter
deck together. And when I had cut it through, I
(02:09):
cleared away the sand as well as I could from
the side which lay highest. But the tide was coming
in I was obliged to give over for that. May
fourth I went a fishing, but caught not only one
fish that I durst eat till I was weary of
my sport. When just going to leave off, I caught
(02:30):
a young dolphin. I had made me a long line
of some rope yarn, but I had no hooks. Yet
I frequently caught fish enough as much as I cared
to eat, all which I dried in the sun and
ate them dried. May fifth worked on the wreck, cut
(02:51):
another beam asunder, and brought three great fur planks off
from the decks, which I tied together and made to
float on shore. When the tide of flood came in.
May sixth worked on the wreck, got several iron bolts
out of her and other pieces of iron work. Worked
(03:13):
very hard, and came home very much tired, and had
thoughts of giving it over. May seventh went to the
wreck again, not with an intent to work, but found
the weight of the wreck had broke itself down, the
beams being cut, that several pieces of ship seemed to
(03:34):
lie loose, and the inside of the hold lay so
open that I could see into it, but it was
almost full of water and sand. May eighth went to
the wreck and carried an iron crow to wrench up
the deck, which lay now quite clear of the water
(03:55):
or sand. I wrenched open two planks and brought them
on short or also with the tide. I left the
iron crow and the wreck for next day. May ninth
went to the wreck, and with the crow made way
into the body of the wreck, and felt several casts
(04:17):
and loosened them with the crow, but could not break
them up. I felt also a roll of English lead
and could stir it, but it was too heavy to remove.
May tenth through fourteenth went every day to the wreck
and got a great many pieces of timber and boards
(04:38):
or plank, and two or three hundred weight of iron.
May fifteenth, I carried two hatchets to try if I
could not cut a piece of the roll of lead
by placing the edge of one hatchet and driving it
with the other. But as it lay about a foot
(04:59):
and a half in the water, I could not make
any blow to drive the hatchet. May sixteenth, it had
blown hard in the night, and the wreck appeared more
broken by the force of the water. But I stayed
so long in the woods to get pigeons for food,
(05:19):
that the tide prevented my going to the wreck. That day,
May seventeenth, I saw some pieces of the wreck blown
on shore at a great distance, near two miles off me,
but resolved to see what they were, and found it
was a piece of the head, but too heavy for
(05:39):
me to bring away. May twenty fourth. Every day to
this day I worked on the wreck, and with the
hard labor I loosened some things so much with the
crow that the first tide several casts floated out, and
(06:00):
two of the seamen's chests. But the wind blowing from
the shore nothing came to land that day, but pieces
of timber in a hogshead which had some Brazil pork
in it, but the salt water and the sand had
spoiled it. I continued this work every day to the
fifteenth of June, except the time necessary to get food,
(06:24):
which I always appointed during this part of my employment
to be when the tide was up, that I might
be ready when it was ebbed out. And by this
time I had got timber and plank and ironwork enough
to have built a good boat if I had known how.
(06:46):
And also I got, at several times, and in several pieces,
near one hundred weight of the sheet lead. June sixteenth,
going down to the seaside, I found a large tortoise
or turtle. This was the first I had seen, which
(07:07):
it seems was only my misfortune, not any defect of
the place or scarcity, for had I happened to be
on the other side of the island, I might have
had hundreds of them every day, as I found afterwards,
but perhaps had paid dear enough for them. June seventeenth
(07:30):
I spent in cooking the turtle I found in her
three score eggs, and her flesh was to me at
that time the most savory and pleasant that ever I
tasted in my life, having had no flesh but of
goats and fowls since I landed in this horrid place.
(07:55):
June eighteenth, rained all day and I stayed within. I
thought at this time the rain felt cold, and I
was something chilly, but which I knew was not unusual
in that latitude. June nineteenth, very ill and shivering as
(08:20):
if the weather had been cold. June twentieth, no rest
all night, have violent pains in my head and feverish.
June twenty first, very ill, frighted almost to death with
(08:41):
the apprehensions of my sad condition, to be sick and
no help. Prayed to God for the first time since
the storm off Hull, but scarce knew what I said
or why, my thoughts being all confused. June twenty second,
(09:05):
a little better, but under dreadful apprehensions of sickness. Killed
a she goat, and with much difficulty got at home
and broiled some of it and ate. I would fain
have stewed it and made some broth, but had no pot.
(09:28):
June twenty seventh, the agu again so violent that I
lay abed all day and neither ate nor drank. I
was ready to perish for thirst, but so weak I
had not strength to stand up or to get myself
any water to drink. Prayed to God again, but was
(09:55):
light headed, And when I was not, I was so
ignorant that I knew not what to say. Only I
lay and cried, Lord, look upon me, Lord, pity me, Lord,
have mercy upon me. I suppose I did nothing else
for two or three hours till the fit wearing off,
(10:17):
I fell asleep and did not wait till far in
the night. When I awoke, I found myself much refreshed,
but weak and exceeding thirsty. However, as I had no
water in my habitation, I was forced to lie till morning,
(10:37):
and went to sleep again. In this second sleep, I
had this terrible dream. I thought that I was sitting
on the ground on the outside of my wall, where
I sat when the storm blew after the earthquake, and
that I saw a man descend from a great black
(11:00):
cloud in a bright flame of fire in light upon
the ground. He was all over as bright as a flame,
so that I could not but just bear to look
towards him. His countenance was most inexpressibly dreadful, impossible for
(11:20):
words to describe When he stepped upon the ground with
his feet, I thought the earth trembled, just as it
had done before in the earthquake, and all the air looked,
to my apprehension, as if it had been filled with
flashes of fire. He was no sooner landed upon the earth,
(11:46):
but he had moved forward towards me, with a long
spear or weapon in his hand, to kill me. And
when he came to a rising ground at some distance,
he spoke to me, or I heard a voice so
terrible that it is impossible to express the terror of it.
(12:11):
All that I can say I understood was this, Seeing
all these things have not brought thee to repentance, Now
thou shalt die. At which words, I thought, he lifted
up the spear that was in his hand to kill me.
(12:39):
No one that shall ever read in this account will
expect that I should be able to describe the horrors
of my soul at this terrible vision. I mean that,
even while it was a dream, I even dreamed of
those horrors. Nor is it any more possible to describe
(13:02):
the impression that remained upon my mind when I await
and found it was but a dream I had Alas
no divine knowledge. What I had received by the good
instruction of my father was then worn out by an
(13:22):
uninterrupted series for eight years of seafaring wickedness, and a
constant conversation with none but such as were like myself,
wicked and profane to the last degree. I do not
remember that I had in all that time one thought
(13:45):
that so much as tended either to looking upwards towards
God or inwards towards a reflection upon my own ways.
But a certain stupidity of soul, without desire of good
or conscience of evil, had entirely overwhelmed me, And I
(14:08):
was all that the most hardened, unthinking, wicked creature among
our common sailors can be supposed to be, not having
the least sense either of the fear of God in danger,
or of thankfulness to God in deliverance. In the relating
(14:29):
of what already is pasted of my story, this will
be the more easily believed when I shall add that,
through all the variety of miseries that had to this
day befallen me, I never had so much as one
thought of it being the hand of God, or that
(14:50):
it was a just punishment for my sin. My rebellious
behavior against my father or my present sins which were great,
or so much as a punishment for the general course
of my wicked life. When I was on the desperate
expedition on the desert shores of Africa, I never had
(15:11):
so much as one thought of what would become of me,
or one wish to God to direct me whether I
should go, or to keep me from the danger which
apparently surrounded me, as well as from voracious creatures as
cruel savages. But I was merely thoughtless of a God
(15:34):
or a providence, acted like a mere brute, from the
principles of nature and by the dictates of common sense only,
and indeed hardly that when I was delivered and taken
up at sea by the Portugal captain, well used and
dealt justly and honorably with, as well as charitably, I
(15:59):
had not the least thankfulness in my thoughts. When again
I was shipwrecked, ruined, and in danger of drowning on
this island, I was as far from remorse or looking
on it as a judgment. I only said to myself
often that I was an unfortunate dog and born to
(16:22):
always be miserable. It is true when I got on
shore first here and found all my ship's crew drowned
and myself spared. I was surprised with a kind of ecstasy,
and some transports of soul, which had the grace of
God assisted, might have come up to true thankfulness. But
(16:47):
it ended where it began, in a mere common flight
of joy, or, as I may say, being glad I
was alive, without the least reflection upon the distinguished goodness
of the hand which had preserved me, and had singled
me out to be preserved when all the rest were destroyed,
(17:10):
or an inquiry why providence had been thus merciful unto me,
even just the same common sort of joy which seamen
generally have after they got safe ashore from a shipwreck
which they drown all in the next bullet punch, and
forget almost as soon as it is over. And all
(17:33):
the rest of my life was like it, even when
I was afterwards undue consideration made sensible of my condition.
How I was cast on this dreadful place, out of
the reach of humankind, out of all hope of relief
or prospect of redemption, as soon as I saw but
(17:54):
a prospect of living, and that I should not starve
and perish for hunger. All the sense of my affliction
wore off, and I began to be very easy, applied
myself to the works proper for my preservation and supply,
and was far enough from being afflicted at my condition
as a judgment from Heaven, or as the hand of
(18:17):
God against me. These were thoughts which very seldom entered
my head. The growing up of the corn, as is
hinted in my journal, had at first some little influence
upon me, and began to affect me with seriousness as
long as I thought it had something miraculous in it.
(18:40):
But as soon as ever that part of the thought
was removed, all the impression that was raised from it
wore off. Also, as I have noted already, even the earthquake,
though nothing could be more terrible in its nature, or
more immediately directing to the invisible power which alone directs
(19:04):
such things, Yet no sooner was the first fright over,
but the impression it had made went off. Also. I
had no more sense of God or his judgments, much
less of the present affliction of my circumstances being from
His hand, than if I had been in the most
(19:25):
prosperous condition of life. But now when I began to
be sick, and a leisurely view of the miseries of
death came to place itself before me. When my spirits
began to sink under the burden of a strong distemper,
and nature was exhausted with the violence of the fever,
(19:47):
conscience that had slept so long began to awake, and
I began to reproach myself with my past life in
which I had so evidently by un common wickedness, provoked
the justice of God to lay me under uncommon strokes
and to deal with me in so vindictive a manner.
(20:12):
These reflections oppressed me for the second or third day
of my distemper, and in the violence as well of
the fever, as of the dreadful reproaches of my conscience
extorted some words for me, like praying to God, though
I cannot say they were either a prayer attended with
(20:34):
desires or with hopes. It was rather the voice of
mere fright and distress. My thoughts were confused, the convictions
great upon my mind, and the horror of dying in
such a miserable condition raised vapors into my head with
the mere apprehensions, and in these hurries of my soul.
(20:58):
I knew not what my time might express, but it
was rather exclamation, such as, Lord, what a miserable creature
am I? If I should be sick, I shall certainly
die for want of help, and what will become of me?
Then the tears burst out of my eyes, and I
(21:20):
could say no more for a good while. In this interval,
the good advice of my father came to my mind,
and presently his prediction which I mentioned at the beginning
of the story, that is that if I did take
this foolish step, God would not bless me, and I
would have leisure hereafter to reflect upon having neglected his counsel,
(21:44):
when there might be none to assist in my recovery.
Now said I aloud, my dear father's words are come
to pass. God's justice has overtaken me, and I have
none to help or hear me. I rejected the voice
of Providence which had mercifully put me in a posture
(22:06):
or station of life wherein I might have been happy
and easy. But I would neither see it myself nor
learn to know the blessing of it. From my parents,
I left them to mourn over my folly and now
I am left to mourn under the consequences of it.
(22:27):
I abuse their help and assistance, which would have lifted
me in the world and would have made everything easy
to me. And now I have difficulties to struggle with,
too great for even nature itself to support. And no assistance,
no help, no comfort, no advice. Then I cried out, Lord,
(22:51):
be my help, for I am in great distress. This
was the first prayer, if I may call it so,
that I had made for many years. But to return
to my journal June twenty eighth, Having been somewhat refreshed
(23:15):
with the sleep I had had and the fit being
entirely off, I got up, and though the fright and
terror of my dream was very great, yet I considered
that the fit of the agu would return again the
next day, and now was my time to get something
to refresh and support myself when I should be ill.
And the first thing I did I filled a large
(23:37):
square case bottle with water and set it upon my
table in reach of my bed. And to take off
the chill or aguish disposition of the water, I put
about a quarter of a pint of rum into it
and mix them together. Then I got me a piece
of the goat's flesh and broiled it on the coals,
(24:02):
but could eat very little. I walked about, but was
very weak, and with all very sad and heavy hearted,
under a sense of my miserable condition, dreading the return
of my distemper. The next day, at night, I made
my supper of three of the turtle's eggs, which I
(24:23):
roasted in the ashes and ate, as we call it,
in the shell. And this was the first bit of
meat I had ever asked God's blessing to that I
could remember in my whole life. After I had eaten,
I tried to walk, but found myself so weak that
I could hardly carry a gun, for I never went
(24:46):
out without that. So I went but a little way
and sat down upon the ground, looking out upon the sea,
which was just before me, and very calm and smooth.
As I sat here, some such thoughts as these occurred
to me. What is this earth and sea of which
(25:07):
I have seen so much? Whence is it produced? And
what am I and all the other creatures wild and tame,
human and brutal? Whence are we sure? We all are
made by some secret power who formed the earth and
(25:29):
sea and the air and sky, and who is that?
Then it followed, most naturally, it is God that has
made all well. But then it came on strangely. If
God has made all these things, he guides and governs them,
all and all things that concerned them. For the power
(25:52):
that could make all things must certainly have power to
guide and direct them. If so, nothing can happen in
the great circuit of His works, either without his knowledge
or appointment. And if nothing happens without his knowledge, he
(26:12):
knows that I am here and am in this dreadful condition.
And if nothing happens without his appointment, he has appointed
all this to befall me. Nothing occurred to my thoughts
to contradict any of these conclusions, And therefore it rested
upon me with the greater force that it must needs
(26:33):
be that God had appointed all this to befall me,
that I was brought into this miserable circumstance by his direction,
He having the sole power not of me only, but
of everything that happened in the world. Immediately, it followed,
why has God done this to me? What have I
(26:55):
done to be thus used? My conscience presently checked me
in that inquiry, as if I had blasphemed and methought.
It spoke to me like a voice. Wretch, dost thou
ask what thou hast done? Look back upon a dreadful,
misspent life, and ask thyself what thou hast not done?
(27:18):
Ask why is it that thou wert not long ago destroyed?
Why wert thou not drowned in yarmouth roads, killed in
the fight when the ship was taken by the sale
man of war, devoured by the wild beasts on the
coast of Africa, were drowned here when all the crew perished.
(27:39):
But thyself, dost thou ask what have I done? I
was struck dumb with these reflections, as one astonished, and
had not a word to say. No, not to answer
to myself, but rose up, pensive and sad walked back
(28:00):
to my retreat and went up over my wall, as
if I had been going to bed. But my thoughts
were sadly disturbed, and I had no inclination to sleep,
So I sat down in my chair and lighted my lamp,
for it began to be dark. Now. As the apprehension
(28:22):
of the return of my distemper terrified me very much,
it occurred to my thought that the Brazilians take no
physic but their tobacco for almost all distempers. And I
had a piece of a roll of tobacco in one
of the chests, which was quite cured, and some also
that was green and not quite cured. I went directed by,
(28:48):
having no doubt, for in this chest I found a
cure both for soul and body. I opened the chest
and found what I looked for tobacco, and as the
few books I had saved lay there too, I took
out one of the Bibles, which I mentioned before, and
(29:10):
which to this time I had not found leisure or
inclination to look into. I say, I took it out
and brought both that and the tobacco with me to
the table. What used to make of the tobacco I knew,
not in my distemper or whether it was good for
it or no. But I tried several experiments with it,
(29:34):
as if I was resolved it should hit one way
or another. I took first a piece of leaf and
chewed it in my mouth, which indeed at first almost
stupefied my brain. The tobacco being green and strong, and
that I had not been much used to. Then I
took some and steeped it an hour or two in
(29:57):
some run, and resolved to make a dose of it.
I lay down, and lastly I burnt some upon a
pan of coals, and held my nose over it, over
the smoke of it as long as I could bear it,
as well for the heat as almost for suffocation. In
(30:19):
the interval of this operation I took up the Bible
and began to read, but my head was too much
disturbed with the tobacco to bear reading, at least at
that time. Only having opened the book casually, the first
words that occurred to me were these call on me
(30:41):
and the day of trouble, and I will deliver thee
and thou shalt glorify me. These words were very apt
to my case, and made some impression upon my thoughts
at the time of reading them, though not so much
as they did after, For as for being delivered, the
(31:03):
word had no sound. As I may say to me,
the thing was so remote, so impossible in my apprehension
of things, that I began to say, as the children
of Israel did when they were promised flesh to eat,
can God spread a table in the wilderness? So I
began to say, can God himself deliver me from this place,
(31:29):
And as it was not for many years that any
hopes appeared, this prevailed very often upon my thoughts. But however,
the words made a great impression upon me, and I
mused upon them very often. It grew now late, and
the tobacco had, as I said, dozed my head so
(31:51):
much that I inclined to sleep. So I left my
lamp burning in the cave lest I should want anything
in the night, and went to bed. But before I
lay down, I did what I never had done in
all my life. I kneeled down and prayed to God
(32:11):
to fulfill the promise to me that if I called
upon Him in the day of trouble, he would deliver me.
After my broken and imperfect prayer was over, I drank
the rum in which I had steeped the tobacco, which
was so strong and rank of the tobacco that I
could scarcely get it down. Immediately upon this I went
(32:34):
to bed. I found presently it flew up into my
head violently. But I fell into a sound sleep and
waked no more till by the sun it must necessarily
be near three o'clock in the afternoon the next day. Nay,
to this hour. I am partly of opinion that I
(32:55):
slept all the next day and night till almost three
days after, for otherwise I know not how I should
lose a day out of my reckoning in the days
of the week, as it appeared some years after I
had done. For if I had lost it by crossing
(33:16):
and recrossing the line, I should have lost more than
one day. But certainly I lost a day in my account,
and never knew why be that. However, one way or
the other, when I awake, I found myself exceedingly refreshed,
and my spirits lively and cheerful. When I got up,
(33:39):
I was stronger than I was the day before, and
in my stomach better, for I was hungry, And in
short I had no fit the next day, but continued
much altered for the better. This was the twenty ninth.
The thirtieth was my well day, of course, and I
(34:00):
went abroad with my gun, but did not care to
travel too far. I killed a sea fowl or two,
something like a brand goose, and brought them home, but
was not very forward to eat them. So I ate
some more of the turtles eggs, which were very good.
(34:22):
This evening I renewed the medicine which I had supposed
did me good the day before the tobacco steeped and
rum only I did not take so much as before,
nor did I chew any of the leaf or hold
my head over the smoke. However, I was not so
well the next day, which was the first of July,
(34:43):
as I hoped it should have been, for I had
a little spice of the cold fit, but it was
not much. July second, I renewed the medicine all the
three ways and dosed myself with it as at first,
and double the quantity which I drank. July third, I
(35:05):
missed the fit for good and all, though I did
not recover my full strength for some weeks after. While
I was thus gathering my strength, my thoughts ran exceedingly
upon this scripture, I will deliver THEE, and the impossibility
of my deliverance lay much upon my mind, in bar
(35:26):
of my ever expecting it. But as I was discouraging
myself with such thoughts, it occurred to me that I
poured so much upon my deliverance from the main affliction
that I disregarded the deliverance I had received. And I was,
(35:47):
as it were, made to ask myself such questions as these,
That is, have I not been delivered, and wonderfully too,
from sickness, from the most distressed condition that could be?
And that was so frightful to me? And what notice
had I taken of it? Had I done my part?
(36:10):
God had delivered me, but I had not glorified him,
that is to say, I had not owned and been
thankful for that as a deliverance. And how could I
expect greater deliverance? This touched my heart very much, and
(36:32):
immediately I knelt down and gave God thanks aloud for
my recovery from my sickness. July fourth, in the morning,
I took the Bible, and, beginning at the New Testament,
I began seriously to read it, and imposed upon myself
(36:53):
to read a while every morning and every night, not
tying myself to the number of chapters, but long as
my thoughts should engage me. It was not long after
I set seriously to this work that I found my
heart more deeply and sincerely affected with the wickedness of
(37:13):
my past life. The impression of my dream revived in
the words, all these things have not brought thee to repentance,
ran seriously through my thoughts. I was earnestly begging of
God to give me repentance. When it happened providentially the
(37:34):
very next day that reading the Scripture, I came to
these words, he is exalted, a Prince and a Savior
to give repentance and to give remission. I threw down
the book, and with my heart as well as my hands,
lifted up to heaven in a kind of ecstasy of joy,
(37:58):
I cried out aloud, Jesus Thou, son of David, Jesus Thou,
Exalted Prince and Savior, give me repentance. This was the
first time I could say in the true sense of
the words that I prayed in all my life. For
(38:21):
now I prayed with the sense of my condition and
a true Scripture view of hope founded on the encouragement
of the word of God. And from this time, I
may say, I began to hope that God would hear me.
Now I began to construe the words mentioned above, call
(38:43):
on me, and I will deliver thee in a different
sense from what I had ever done before. For then
I had no notion of anything being called deliverance, but
my being delivered from the captivity I was in for,
though I was indeed at large in the place. Yet
(39:04):
the island was certainly a prison to me, and that
in the worst sense in the world. But now I
learned to take it in another sense. Now I look
back upon my past life with such horror, and my
sins appeared so dreadful, that my soul sought nothing of
(39:26):
God but deliverance from the load of guilt that bore
down all my comfort. As for my solitary life, it
was nothing. I did not so much as pray to
be delivered from it, or think of it. It was
all of no consideration in comparison to this. And I
(39:48):
add this part here to hint to whoever shall read it,
that whenever they come to a true sense of things,
they will find deliverance from sin, a much greater blessing
than deliverance from affliction. But leaving this part, I returned
to my journal. My condition began now to be, though
(40:13):
not less miserable as to my way of living, yet
much easier to my mind, and my thoughts, being directed
by a constant reading the scripture and praying to God
to things of a higher nature, I had a great
deal of comfort within which till now I knew nothing of. Also,
(40:34):
my health and strength returned. I bestirred myself to furnish
myself with everything that I wanted and make my way
of living as regular as I could. From the fourth
of July to the fourteenth I was chiefly employed in
walking about with my gun in my hand, a little
and a little at a time, as a man that
(40:57):
was gathering up his strength after a fit of sickness.
For it is hardly to be imagined how low I was,
and to what weakness I was reduced. The application which
I made use of was perfectly new, and perhaps which
had never cured an argue before. Neither can I recommend
(41:21):
it to any to practice by this experiment. And though
it did carry off the fit, yet it rather contributed
to weakening me, for I had frequent convulsions in my
nerves and limbs for some time. I learned from it
also this, in particular, that being abroad in the rainy
(41:42):
season was the most pernicious thing to my health that
could be, especially in those rains which came attended with
storms and hurricanes of wind. For as the rain which
came in the dry season was almost always accompanied with
such storms. So I found that that rain was much
(42:04):
more dangerous than the rain which fell in September and October.
End of Chapter six
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