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This is a LibriVox recording. AllLibriVox recordings are in the public domain.
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dot org. Recording by R.Francis Smith, Sturgeon's Law w w W
Dot Sturgeon's Law dot com. Alicein Wonderland by Lewis Carroll, Chapter eleven.
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The King and Queen of Hearts wereseated on their throne when they arrived,
with a great crowd assembled about them, all sorts of little birds and
beasts, as well as a wholepack of cards. The Knave was standing
before them in chains, with asoldier on each side to guard him.
And near the king was the WhiteRabbit, with a trumpet in one hand
and a scroll of parchment in theother. In the very middle of the
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court was a table with a largedish of tarts upon it. They looked
so good that it made Alice quitehungry to look at them. I wish
to get the trial done, shethought, and hand round the refreshments,
But there seemed to be no chanceof this, so she began looking at
everything about her to pass away thetime. Alice had never been in a
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court of justice before, but shehad read about them in books, and
she was quite pleased to find thatshe knew the name of nearly everything.
There. That's the judge, shesaid to herself, because of his great
wig. The judge, by theway, was the king, and as
he wore his crown over the wig, he did not look at all comfortable,
and it was certainly not becoming.And that's the jury box, thought
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Alice. And those twelve creatures,she was obliged to say creatures, you
see, because some of them wereanimals and some were birds. I suppose
they are the jurors. She saidthis last word two or three times over
to herself, being rather proud ofit, for she thought, and rightly
too, that very few little girlsof her age knew the meaning of it
at all. However, jurymen wouldhave done just as well. The twelve
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jurors were all writing very busily onslates. What are they doing, Alice
whispered to the griffin. They can'thave anything to put down yet before the
trial's begun. They're putting down theirnames, the griffin whispered in reply,
for fear that they should forget thembefore the end of the trial. Stupid
things, Alice began in a loud, indignant voice, but she stopped hastily,
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for the white rabbit cried out silencein the court, and the king
put on his spectacles and looked anxiouslyround to make out who was talking.
Alice could see, as well asif she were looking over their shoulders,
that all the jurors were writing downstupid things on their slates, and she
could even make out that one ofthem didn't know how to spell stupid,
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and that he had to ask hisneighbor to tell him a nice muddle.
Their slates'll be in before the trial'sover, thought Alice. One of the
jurors had a pencil that squeaked.This, of course Alice could not stand,
and she went round the court andgot behind him, and very soon
found an opportunity of taking it away. She did it so quickly that the
poor little juror it was, Billthe Lizard, could not make it at
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all what had become of it.So, after hunting all about for it,
he was obliged to write with onefinger for the rest of the day,
and this was of very little use, as it left no mark on
the slate. Harold read the accusation, said the King. On this,
the white rabbit blew three blasts onthe trumpet, and then enrolled the parchment
scroll and read as follows. TheQueen of Hearts, she made some tarts
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all on a summer day. TheKnave of Hearts, he stole those tarts
and took them quite away. Consideryour verdict, the King said to the
jury. Not yet, not yet. The rabbit hastily interrupted, that's a
great deal to come before that callthe first witness, said the king,
and the white rabbit blew three blastson the trumpet and called out fast witness.
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The first witness was the hatter.He came in with a tea cup
in one hand, and a pieceof bread and butter in the other.
I beg pardon your majesty, hebegan for bringing these in. But I
hadn't quite finished when I was sentfor. You ought to have finished,
said the king. When did youbegin? The hatter looked at the march
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Hare, who had followed him intothe court arm in arm with a dormouse.
Fourteenth of march, I think itwas, he said, Fifteenth,
said the march Hare. Sixteenth addedthe dormouse. Write that down. The
King said to the jury, andthe jury eagerly wrote down all three dates
on their slates, and then addedthem up and reduced the answer to shillings
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and pence. Take off your hat, the king said to the hatter.
It isn't mine, said the hatterstolen, the king exclaimed, turning to
the jury, who instantly made amemorandum of the fact. I keep them
to sell. The hatter added,as an explanation, I've none of my
own. I am a hatter.Here. The Queen put on her spectacles
and began staring at the hatter,who turned pale and fidgeted. Give your
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evidence, said the king, anddon't be nervous, or I'll have you
executed on the spot. This didnot seem to encourage the witness at all.
He kept shifting from one foot tothe other, looking uneasily at the
Queen, and in his confusion,he bit a large piece out of his
tea cup instead of the bread andbutter. Just at this moment, Alice
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felt a very curious sensation, whichpuzzled her a good deal until she made
out what it was. She wasbeginning to grow larger again, and she
thought at first she would get upand leave the court, but on second
thoughts, she decided to remain whereshe was as long as there was room
for her. I wish you wouldn'tsqueeze, so said the dormouse, who
was sitting next to her. Ican hardly breathe. I can't help it,
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said Alice, very meekly. I'mgrowing. You've no right to grow
here, said the dormouse. Don'ttalk nonsense, said Alice more boldly.
You know you're growing too, Yes, but I grow at a reasonable pace,
said the dormouse, not in thatridiculous fashion, and he got up,
very sulkily and crossed over to theother side of the court. All
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this time the Queen had never leftoff staring at the hatter, and just
as the dormouse crossed the court,she said to one of the officers of
the court, bring me the listto the singers in the last concert,
on which the wretched hatter trembled sothat he shook both his shoes off.
Give your evidence, the king repeated, angrily, or I'll have you executed,
whether you're nervous or not. I'ma poor man, your majesty.
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The hatter began in a trembling voice, and I hadn't begun my tea not
above a week or so, Andwhat with the bread and butter getting so
thin, and the twinkling of thetea, the twinkling of the watt,
said the king. It begun withthe tea. The hatter replied, of
course, twinkling begins with the tea, said the king, sharply, do
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take me for a dunce go on, I'm a poor man. The hatter
went on, and most things twinkledafter that, only the march hare said
I didn't. The march hare interrupted, in a great hurry. You did,
said the hatter. I deny it, said the march hare. He
denies it, said the king.Leave out that part well, at any
rate, the dormouse said. Thehatter went on, looking anxiously round to
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see if he would deny it too, But the dormouse denied nothing, being
fast asleep. After that, continuedthe hatter. I cut some more bread
and butter. But what did thedormouse say. One of the jury asked
that I can't remember, said thehatter. You must remember, remarked the
king, or I'll have you executed. The miserable hatter dropped his teacup and
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bread and butter, and went downon one knee. I'm a poor man,
your majesty, he began. You'rea very poor speaker, said the
king. Here one of the guineapigs cheered and was immediately suppressed by the
officers of the court. As thatis rather a hard word, I will
just explain to you how it wasdone. They had a large canvas bag
which tied up at the mouth withstrings. Into this they slipped the guinea
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pig headfirst, and then sat uponit. I'm glad I've seen that done,
thought Alice. I've so often readin the newspapers at the end of
trials there with some attempts at applause, which was immediately suppressed by the officers
of the court. And I neverunderstood what it meant till now. If
that's all you know about it,you may stand down, continued the king.
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I can't go, no loa,said the hatter. I'm on the
floor as it is. Then youmay sit down, the king replied.
Here the other guinea pig cheered andwas suppressed. Come that finished, the
guinea pigs, thought Alice. Nowwe shall get on better. I'd rather
finish my tea, said the hatterwith an anxious look at the Queen,
who was reading the list of singers. You may go, said the King,
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and the hatter hurriedly left the court, without even waiting to put his
shoes on, and just take hishead off outside, the queen added to
one of the officers, but thehatter was out of sight before the officer
could get to the door. Callthe next witness, said the king.
The next witness was the Duchess's cook. She carried the pipper box in her
hand, and Alice guessed who itwas even before she got into the court.
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By the way, the people knearthe door began sneezing all at once.
Give your evidence, said the king. Saunt, said the cook.
The King looked anxiously at the whiterabbit, who said, in a low
voice, your Majesty must cross examinethis witness. Well, if I must,
I must, the King said,with a melancholy air, And after
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folding his arms and frowning at thecook till his eyes were nearly out of
sight, he said, in adeep voice, what are hearts made of?
Peppa? Mostly, said the cook. Treacle said a sleepy voice behind
her, Call that dormouse, thequeen shrieked out, behead that dormouse.
Turn that dormouse out of court,suppress him, pinch him off with his
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whiskers. For some minutes, thewhole court was in confusion getting the dormouse
turned out, and by the timethey had settled down again, the cook
had disappeared. Never mind, saidthe King, with an air of great
relief. Call the next witness,and he added, in an undertone to
the Queen, Really, my dear, you must cross examine the next witness.
It quite make my forehead ache.Alice watched the white rabbit as he
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fumbled over the list, feeling verycurious to see what the next witness would
be like, for they haven't gottenmuch evidence yet. She said to herself,
Imagine her surprise when the white rabbitread out, at the top of
his shrill little voice, the nameAlice. End of Chapter eleven.