Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland - Chapter 9

Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland - Chapter 9

Episode Transcript

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Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll, Chapter nine, The mock Turtle's

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Story. You can't think how gladI am to see you again, you
dear old thing, said the duchess, as she tucked her arm affectionately into
Alice's and they walked off together.Alice was very glad to find her in
such a pleasant temper, and thoughtto herself that perhaps it was only the

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pepper that had made her so savagewhen they met in the kitchen. When
I'm a duchess, she said toherself, not in a very hopeful tone,
though I won't have any pepper inmy kitchen at all. Soup does
very well without. Maybe it's alwayspepper that makes people hot tempered, she

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went on, very much pleased athaving found out a new kind of rule.
And vinegar that makes them sour,and camomeal that makes them bitter,
and and barley sugar and such thingsthat make children sweet tempered. I only
wish people knew that then, theywouldn't be so stingy about it, you
know. She had quite forgotten theDuchess by this time, and was a

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little startled when she heard her voiceclose to her ear. You're thinking about
something, my dear, and thatmakes you forget to talk. I can't
tell you just now what the moralof that is, but I shall remember
it in a bit. Perhaps ithasn't one, Alice ventured to remark.
Tot to hot child, said theDuchess, everything's got a moral, if

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only you can find it, andshe squeezed herself up closer to Alice's side
as she spoke. Alice did notmuch like keeping so close to her,
first because the Duchess was very ugly, and secondly because she was exactly the
right height to rest her chin uponAlice's shoulder, and it was an uncomfortably
sharp chin. However, she didnot like to be rude, so she

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bored as well as she could.The game's going on rather better now,
she said, by way of keepingup the conversation, A little tis,
so, said the Duchess, Andthe moral of that is, oh tis
love. Tis love that makes theworld go round, somebody said, Alice

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whispered that it's done by everybody mindingtheir own business. Ah well, it
means much the same thing, saidthe Duchess, digging her sharp little chin
into Alice's shoulder as she added,And the moral of that is take care
of the sense, and the soundswill take care of themselves. How fond

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she is of finding morals in things, Alice thought to herself, I dare
say. You're wondering why I don'tput my arm round your waist. The
Duchess said, after a pause,the reason is that I'm doubtful about the
temper of your flamingo. Shall Itry the experiment? He might bite?

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Alice cautiously replied, not feeling atall anxious to have the experiment tried.
Very true, said the Duchess.Flamingoes and mustard both bite. And the
moral of that is birds of afeather flock together. Only mustard isn't a
bird, Alice remarked, Right asusual, said the Duchess. What a

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clear way you have of putting things. It's a mineral, I think,
said Alice. Of course it is, said the Duchess, who seemed ready
to agree to everything that Alice said. There's a large mustard mine near here,
And the moral of that is,the more there is of mine,
the less there is of yours.Oh, I know, exclaimed Alice,

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who had not attended to this lastremark. It's a vegetable. It doesn't
look like one, but it is. I quite agree with you, said
the Duchess. And the moral ofthat is, be what you would seem
to be, or if you'd likeit, put more simply, never imagine
yourself not to be otherwise than whatit might appear to others. That what

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you were or might have been wasnot otherwise than what you had been would
have appeared to them to be otherwise. I think I should understand that better,
Alice said, very politely if Ihad it written down, But I
can't quite follow it as you sayit. That's nothing to what I could

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say if I chose. The Duchessreplied in a pleased tone. Pray,
don't trouble yourself to say it anylonger than that, said Alice. Oh,
don't talk about tr said the Duchess. I make you a present of
everything I've said, as yet acheap sort of present, thought Alice,
I'm glad they don't give birthday presentslike that, but she did not venture

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to say it out loud. Thinkingagain, the duchess asked, with another
dig of her sharp little chin.I've a right to think, said Alice,
sharply, for she was beginning tofeel a little worried. Just about
as much right, said the duchess, as pigs have to fly, and
the moral. But here, toAlice's great surprise, the Duchess's voice died

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away even in the middle of herfavorite word moral, and the arm that
was linked into hers began to tremble. Alice looked up and there stood the
Queen in front of them, withher arms folded, frowning like a thunder
storm. A fine day, yourmajesty, the duchess began in a low,
weak voice. Now I give youfair warning, shout the queen,

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stamping on the ground as she spoke. Either you or your head must be
off, and that in about halfno time. Take your choice. The
duchess took her choice and was gonein a moment. Let's go on with
the game, the queen said toAlice, and Alice was too much frightened
to say a word, but slowlyfollowed her back to the croquet ground.

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The other guests had taken advantage ofthe queen's absence and were resting in the
shade. However, the moment theysaw her, they hurried back to the
game, the queen merely remarking thata moment's delay would cost them their lives.
All the time they were playing,the Queen never left off, quarreling
with the other players and shouting offwith his head or off with her head.

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Those whom she sentenced were taken intocustody by the soldiers, who of
course had to leave off being archesto do this, so that by the
end of half an hour or so, there were no arches left, and
all the players except the King,the Queen, and Alice were in custody
and under sentence of execution. Thenthe Queen left off, quite out of

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breath, and said to Alice,have you seen the mock turtle yet?
No, said Alice. I don'teven know what a mock turtle is.
It's the thing mock turtle soup ismade from. Said the Queen. I
never saw one or heard of one, said Alice. Come on, then,
said the Queen, and he shalltell you his history. As they

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walked off together, Alice heard theKing say, in a low voice,
to the company. Generally, youare all pardoned. Come that's a good
thing, she said to herself,for she had felt quite unhappy at the
number of executions the queen had ordered. They very soon came upon a gryffin
lying fast asleep in the sun.If you don't know what a gryffin is,

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look at the picture. Up lazything, said the queen, and
take this young lady to see themock turtle and to hear his history.
I must go back and see aftersome executions I have ordered, and she
walked off, leaving Alice alone withthe gryffin. Alice did not quite like
the look of the creature, buton the whole she thought it would be

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quite as safe to stay with itas to go after that savage queen.
So she waited. The griffin satup and rubbed its eyes. Then it
watched the queen till she was outof sight. Then it chuckled. What
fun, said the griffin half toitself after Alice, What is the fun?
Said Alice? Why, she saidthe griffin. It's all her fancy

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that they never execute nobody, youknow. Come on, everybody says,
come on here, thought Alice,as she went slowly after it. I
never was so ordered about in allmy life. Never. They had not
gone far before they saw the mockturtle in the distance, sitting sad and
lonely on a little ledge of rock, And as they came nearer, Alice

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could hear him sighing as if hisheart would break. She pitied him deeply.
What is his sorrow? She askedthe griffin, and the gryffin answered
very nearly in the same words asbefore. It's all his fancy that he
hasn't got no sorrow, you know. Come on, So they went up

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to the mock turtle, who lookedat them with large eyes full of tears,
but said nothing. This here,young lady, said the griffin.
She wants for to know your history. She do, I'll tell it her,
said the mock turtle, in adeep, hollow tone. Sit down,
both of you, and don't speaka word till I've finished. So

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they sat down and nobody spoke forsome minutes. Alice thought to herself,
I don't see how he can evenfinish if he doesn't begin, but she
waited patiently. Once said the mockturtle at last, with a deep sigh,
I was a real turtle. Thesewords were followed by a very long
silence, broken only by an occasionalexclamation of her humph from the griffin and

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the constant heavy sobbing of the mockturtle. Alice was very nearly getting up
and saying, thank you, sirfor your interesting story, but she could
not help thinking there must be moreto come, so she sat still and
said nothing. When we were little, the mock turtle went on at last,

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more calmly, though still sobbing alittle now. And then we went
to school in the sea. Themaster was an old turtle. We used
to call him tortoise. Why didyou call him tortoise if he wasn't one,
Alice asked. We called him tortoisebecause he taughtis, said the mock

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turtle angrily. Really you are verydull. You ought to be ashamed of
yourself for asking such a simple question, added the griffin, And then they
both sat silent and looked at poorAlice, who felt ready to sink into
the earth. At last, thegriffin said, the mock turtle, drive
on, old fellow, don't beall day about it, and he went

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on in these words, Yes,we went to school in the sea.
Though you mayn't believe it. Inever said I didn't, interrupted Alice.
You did, said the mock turtle. Hold your tongue, added the griffin.
Before Alice could speak again, themock turtle went on, we had
the best of educations. In fact, we went to school every day.

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I've been to a day school too, said Alice. You needn't be so
proud as all that with extras,asked the mock turtle, a little anxiously,
Yes, said Alice. We learnedFrench and music and washing, said
the mock turtle. Certainly not,said Alice indignantly. Ah, then yours

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wasn't a really good school, saidthe mock turtle in a tone of great
relief. Now at hour they hadat the end of the bill, French,
music, and washing extra. Youcouldn't have wanted it much, said
Alice, living at the bottom ofthe sea. I couldn't afford to learn

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it, said the mock turtle,with a sigh. I only took the
regular course. What was that,inquired Alice. Reeling and writhing, of
course, to begin with, themock turtle replied, And then the different
branches of arithmetic, ambition, distraction, uglification, and derision. I never

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heard of uglification, Alice ventured tosay, what is it? The griffin
lifted up both its paws and surprise, what never heard of uglifying? It
exclaimed? You know what to beautifyis? I suppose yes, said Alice,
doubtfully. It means to make anythingprettier. Well, then the griffin

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went on, if you don't knowwhat to uglify is, you are a
simpleton. Alice did not feel encouragedto ask any more questions about it,
so she turned to the mock turtleand said, what else had you to
learn? Well? There was mystery, the mock turtle replied, counting off
the subjects on his flappers. Mysteryancient and modern with seography, then drawling.

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The drawling master was an old congereel that used to come once a
week. He taught us drawling,stretching and fainting in coils. What was
that like? Said Alice? Well, I can't show it you myself.
The mock turtle said, I'm toostiff. And the gryffin never learnt it

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had in time, said the griffin. I went to the classics master.
Though he was an old crab,he was I never went to him.
The mock turtle said, with asigh, he taught laughing in grief.
They used to say, so hedid, so he did, said the
griffin, sighing in his turn.And both creatures hid their faces in their

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paws. And how many hours aday did you do lessons? Said Alice,
in a hurry to change the subject. Ten hours the first day,
said the mock turtle, nine thenext, and so on. What a
curious plan, exclaimed Alice. That'sthe reason they are called lessons, the

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gryffin remarked, because they lessened fromday to day. This was quite a
new idea to Alice, and shethought it over a little before she made
her next remark. Then the eleventhday must have been a holiday, of
course, it was, said themock turtle. And how did you manage
on the twelfth? Alice went oneagerly. That's enough about lessons, the

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griffin interrupted, in a very decidedtone. Tell her something about the games
now. End of chapter nine,