A Caucus-Race and a Long Tale

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Chapter three of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll.
This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Chapter three,
A caucus race and a long Tale. They were indeed
a queer looking party that assembled on the bank, the
birds with draggled feathers, the animals with their fur clinging

(00:21):
close to them, and all dripping, wet, cross and uncomfortable.
The first question, of course, was how to get dry again.
They had a consultation about this, and after a few
minutes it seemed quite natural to Alice to find herself
talking familiarly with them, as if she had known them
all her life. Indeed, she had quite a long argument

(00:43):
with the lory, who at last turned sulky and would
only say, I am older than you and must know better.
And this Alice would not allow, without knowing how old
it was, And as the lry positively refused to tell
its age, there was no more to be said. At last,
the mouse, who seemed to be a person of authority

(01:04):
among them, called out, sit down, all of you and
listen to me. I'll soon make you dry enough. They
all sat down at once in a large ring, with
the mouse in the middle. Alice kept her eyes anxiously
fixed on it, for she felt sure she would catch
a bad cold if she did not get dry very soon, ahem,
said the mouse, with an important air. Are you all ready?

(01:28):
This is the driest thing I know? Silence all round,
if you please. William the conqueror, whose cause was favored
by the Pope, was soon submitted to by the English,
who wanted leaders and had been of late much accustomed
to usurpation, and conquest Edwin and Morcar, the earls of
Mercia and Northumbria. Ugh, said the lory, with a shiver.

(01:53):
I beg your pardon, said the mouse, frowning, but very politely.
Did you speak not, I said the lorry hastily. I
thought you did, said the mouse. I proceed Edwin and Morcarr,
the earls of Mercia and Northumbria declared for him, and
even stigand the patriotic Archbishop of Canterbury found it advisable.

(02:19):
Found what, said the duck. Found it? The mouse replied,
rather crossly. Of course you know what it means. I
know what it means well enough. When I find a thing,
said the duck, It's generally a frog or a worm.
The question is what did the archbishop find The mouse
did not notice this question, but hurriedly went on, found

(02:42):
it advisable to go with Edgar Atheling to meet William
and offer him the crown. William's conduct at first was moderate,
but the insolence of his normans, how are you getting
on now, my dear, it continued, turning to Alice as
it spoke. As wet as ever, said Alice in a
melancholy tone. It doesn't seem to dry me at all

(03:04):
in that case, said the Dodo, solemnly, rising to its feet,
I move that the meeting adjourn for the immediate adoption
of more energetic remedies. Speak English, said the eaglet. I
don't know the meaning of half those long words. And
what's more, I don't believe you do either, And the
eaglet bent down its head to hide a smile. Some

(03:25):
of the other birds tittered audibly. What I was going
to say, said the Dodo, in an offended tone, was
that the best thing to get us dry would be
a caucus race. What is a caucaus race? Said Alice,
not that she wanted much to know. But the Dodo
had paused, as if it thought that somebody ought to speak,

(03:47):
and no one else seemed inclined to say anything. Why,
said the Dodo. The best way to explain it is
to do it. And as you might like to try
the thing yourself some winter day, I will tell you
how the Dodo managed it. First it marked out a
race course in a sort of circle. The exact shape
doesn't matter, it said, And then all the party were

(04:10):
placed along the course. Here and there there was no one, two, three,
and away. But they began running when they liked, and
left off when they liked, so that it was not
easy to know when the race was over. However, when
they had been running half an hour or so and
were quite dry again, the Dodo suddenly called out the
race is over, and they all crowded round it, panting

(04:31):
and asking, but who has won? This question the Dodo
could not answer without a great deal of thought, and
it sat for a long time with one finger pressed
upon its forehead, the position in which you usually see
Shakespeare in the pictures of him, while the rest waited
in silence. At last, the Dodo said, everybody has won,

(04:51):
and all must have prizes. But who is to give
the prizes? Quite a chorus of voices asked why. She
of course, said the Dodo, pointing to Alice with one finger,
and the whole party at once crowded round her, calling
out in a confused way, prizes, prizes. Alice had no

(05:11):
idea what to do, and in despair, she put her
hand in her pocket and pulled out a box of comfits,
luckily the salt water had not got into it, and
handed them round as prizes. There was exactly one apiece
all round. But she must have a prize herself, you know,
said the mouse. Of course, the Dodo replied, very gravely.

(05:32):
What else have you got in your pocket? He went on,
turning to Alice, Only a thimble, said Alice. Sadly, hand
it over here, said the Dodo. Then they all crowded
round her once more, while the Dodo solemnly presented the thimble, saying,
we beg your acceptance of this elegant thimble. And when
it had finished this short speech, they all cheered. Alice

(05:57):
thought the whole thing very absurd, but they all looked
so grave that she did not dare to laugh, And
as she could not think of anything to say, she
simply bowed and took the thimble, looking as solemn as
she could. The next thing was to eat the comfits.
This caused some noise and confusion, as the large birds
complained that they could not taste theirs, and the small

(06:19):
ones choked and had to be patted on the back. However,
it was over at last, and they sat down again
in a ring and begged the mouse to tell them
something more. You promise to tell me your history, you know,
said Alice. And why it is you hate C and D,
she added in a whisper, half afraid that it would
be offended again. Mine is a long and a sad tale,

(06:44):
said the mouse, turning to Alice and sighing. It is
a long tail, certainly, said Alice, looking down with wonder
at the mouse's tail. But why do you call it sad?
And she kept on puzzling about it while the mouse
was speaking, so that her idea of the tail was
something like this, And here the mouse's words are printed

(07:05):
in a long, snaky line down the page, like a
mouse's tail. Fury said to a mouse that he met
in the house. Let us both go to law. I
will prosecute you. Come. I'll take no denial. We must
have a trial. For really, this morning, I've nothing to do,
said the mouse to the cur Such a trial, dear sir,
with no jury or judge, would be wasting our breath.

(07:28):
I'll be judge. I'll be jury, said cunning old fury.
I'll try the whole cause and condemn you to death.
You are not attending, said the mouse to Alice severely.
What are you thinking of? I beg your pardon, said Alice,
very humbly. You had got to the fifth bend I
think I had not, cried the mouse, sharply and very angrily.

(07:52):
A knot, said Alice, always ready to make herself useful,
and looking anxiously about her. Oh do let me help
to undo it. I shall do nothing of the sort,
said the mouse, getting up and walking away. You insult
me by talking such nonsense. I didn't mean it, pleaded
poor Alice. But you're so easily offended, you know. The

(08:13):
mouse only growled in reply. Please come back and finish
your story, Alice called after it, and the others all
joined in chorus. Yes, please do. But the mouse only
shook its head impatiently and walked a little quicker. What
a pity it wouldn't stay, sighed the lorry, as soon
as it was quite out of sight, and an old
crab took the opportunity of saying to her daughter, Ah,

(08:37):
my dear, let this be a lesson to you, never
to lose your temper hold your tongue, ma, said the
young crab a little snappishly. You're enough to try the
patience of an oyster. I wish I had our Dinah here,
I know I do, said Alice aloud, addressing nobody in particular.
She'd soon fetch it back. And who is Dinah? If

(08:59):
I might venture to ask the question, said the lory.
Alice replied eagerly, for she was always ready to talk
about her pet. Dinah's our cat. And she's such a
capital one for catching mice, you can't think. And oh,
I wish you could see her after the birds. Why
she'll eat a little bird as soon as look at it.
This speech caused a remarkable sensation among the party. Some

(09:22):
of the birds hurried off at once. One old magpie
began wrapping itself up very carefully, remarking, I really must
be getting home. The night air doesn't suit my throat.
And a canary called out in a trembling voice to
its children, come away, my DearS, it's high time you
were all in bed on various pretexts. They all moved off,

(09:44):
and Alice was soon left alone. I wish I hadn't
mentioned Dinah, she said to herself in a melancholy tone.
Nobody seems to like her down here, and I'm sure
she's the best cat in the world. Oh my dear Dinah,
I wonder if I shall ever see you any more.
And here, poor Alice began to cry again, for she
felt very lonely and low spirited. In a little while, however,

(10:08):
she again heard a little pattering of footsteps in the distance,
and she looked up eagerly, half hoping that the mouse
had changed his mind and was coming back to finish
his story. End of Chapter three, read by Kara Shallenberg
March two thousand ten in San Diego, California.