Advice from a Caterpillar

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Chapter five of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll.
This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Chapter five
Advice from a Caterpillar. The caterpillar and Alice looked at
each other for some time in silence. At last, the
caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth and addressed

(00:21):
her in a languid, sleepy voice. Who are you, said
the caterpillar. This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation.
Alice replied, rather shyly. I I hardly know, sir, just
at present. At least I know who I was when
I got up this morning, but I think I must

(00:43):
have been changed several times since then. What do you
mean by that, said the caterpillar, sternly. Explain yourself. I
can't explain myself. I'm afraid, sir, said Alice, because I'm
not myself. You see, I don't see, said the caterpillar.

(01:04):
I'm afraid I can't put it more clearly, Alice replied
very politely, for I can't understand it myself to begin with,
and being so many different sizes in a day is
very confusing, it isn't, said the caterpillar, well, perhaps you
haven't found it so yet, said Alice. But when you
have to turn into a chrysalis you will some day,

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you know, and then after that into a butterfly. I
should think you'll feel it a little queer, won't you?
Not a bit? Said the caterpillar. Well perhaps your feelings
may be different, said Alice. All I know is it
would feel very queer to me. You, said the caterpillar contemptuously.
Who are you? Which brought them back again to the

(01:50):
beginning of the conversation. Alice felt a little irritated at
the caterpillar's making such very short remarks, and she drew
herself up and said, very gravely, I think you ought
to tell me who you are first. Why said the caterpillar.
Here was another puzzling question, And as Alice could not

(02:11):
think of any good reason, and as the caterpillar seemed
to be in a very unpleasant state of mind, she
turned away. Come back, the caterpillar called after her. I've
something important to say. This sounded promising, certainly. Alice turned
and came back. Keep your temper, said the caterpillar. Is

(02:34):
that all, said Alice, swallowing down her anger as well
as she could. No said the caterpillar. Alice thought she
might as well wait, as she had nothing else to do,
and perhaps, after all, it might tell her something worth hearing.
For some minutes it puffed away without speaking, but at
last it unfolded its arms, took the hookah out of

(02:56):
its mouth again, and said, so you think your chain,
do you? I'm afraid I am, sir, said Alice. I
can't remember things as I used, and I don't keep
the same size for ten minutes together. Can't remember what things,
said the caterpillar. Well, I've tried to say how doth

(03:16):
the little busy be? But it all came different, Alice replied,
in a very melancholy voice. Repeat, you are old, father William,
said the caterpillar. Alice folded her hands and began, You
are old, father William, the young man said, And your

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hair has become very white, and yet you incessantly stand
on your head. Do you think at your age? It
is right in my youth, Father William replied to his son.
I feared it might injure the brain, But now that
I'm perfectly sure I have none, why I do it again?
And again? You are old, said the youth, as I

(03:59):
mentioned before, And have grown most uncommonly fat. Yet you
turned a back somersault in at the door. Pray, what
is the reason of that? In my youth, said the sage,
as he shook his gray locks, I kept all my
limbs very supple by the use of this ointment. One
shilling the box. Allow me to sell you a couple.

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You are old, said the youth. And your jaws are
too weak for anything tougher than suet. Yet you finished
the goose with the bones and the beak. Pray, how
did you manage to do it? In my youth, said
his father. I took to the law and argued each
case with my wife, and the muscular strength which it
gave to my jaw has lasted the rest of my life.

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You are old, said the youth. One would hardly suppose
that your eye was as steady as ever, Yet you
balanced an eel on the end of your nose. What
made you so awfully clever? I have answered three questions,
and that is enough, said his father. Don't give yourself airs.
Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
Be off, or I'll kick you downstairs. That is not said, right,

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said the caterpillar. Not quite right, I'm afraid, said Alice timidly.
Some of the words have got altered. It is wrong
from beginning to end, said the caterpillar decidedly, and there
was silence for some minutes. The caterpillar was the first
to speak. What size do you want to be? It asked, Oh,

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I'm not particular as to size, Alice hastily replied, only
one doesn't like changing so often. You know, I don't know,
said the caterpillar. Alice said nothing. She had never been
so much contradicted in her life before, and she felt
that she was losing her temper. Are you content now,

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said the caterpillar. Well, I should like to be a
little larger, sir, if you wouldn't mind, mind, said Alice.
Three inches is such a wretched height to be. It
is a very good height, indeed, said the caterpillar, angrily,
rearing itself upright as it spoke. It was exactly three
inches high. But I'm not used to it, pleaded poor

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Alice in a piteous tone, and she thought to herself,
I wish the creatures wouldn't be so easily offended. You'll
get used to it in time, said the caterpillar, and
it put the hookah into its mouth and began smoking again.
This time, Alice waited patiently until it chose to speak again.

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In a minute or two, the caterpillar took the hookah
out of its mouth and yawned once or twice and
shook itself. Then it got down off the mushroom and
crawled away in the grass, merely remarking as it went.
One side will make you grow taller, and the other
side will make you grow shorter. One side of what

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the other side of what? Thought Alice to herself of
the mushroom, said the caterpillar, just as if she had
asked it aloud, And in another moment it was out
of sight. Alice remained looking thoughtfully at the mushroom for
a minute, trying to make out which were the two
sides of it, And as it was perfectly round, she

(07:21):
found this very difficult question. However, at last she stretched
her arms round it as far as they would go,
and broke off a bit of the edge with each hand.
And now which is which, she said to herself, and
nibbled a little of the right hand bit to try
the effect. The next moment she felt a violent blow

(07:43):
underneath her chin. It had struck her foot. She was
a good deal frightened by this very sudden change, but
she felt that there was no time to be lost,
as she was shrinking rapidly, so she set to work
at once to eat some of the other bit. Her
chin was pressed so closely against her foot that there
was hardly room to open her mouth, but she did
it at last and managed to swallow a morsel of

(08:06):
the left hand bit. Come my head's free at last,
said Alice, in a tone of delight, which changed into
alarm in another moment when she found that her shoulders
were nowhere to be found. All she could see when
she looked down was an immense length of neck, which
seemed to rise like a stalk out of a sea
of green leaves that lay far below her. What can

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all that green stuff be? Said Alice? And where have
my shoulders got to? And oh, my poor hands, how
is it I can't see you? She was moving them
about as she spoke, but no result seemed to follow,
except a little shaking among the distant green leaves. As
there seemed to be no chance of getting her hands

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up to her head, she tried to get her head
down to them, and was delighted to find that her
neck would bend about easily in any direction like a serpent.
She had just succeeded in curving it down into a
graceful zigzag, and was going to dive in among the leaves,
which she found to be nothing but the tops of
the trees under which she had been wandering, when a
sharp hiss made her draw back in a hurry. A

(09:14):
large pigeon had flown into her face and was beating
her violently with its wings. Serpent, screamed the pigeon. I'm
not a serpent, said Alice, indignantly. Let me alone. Serpent,
I say again, repeated the pigeon, but in a more
subdued tone, and added with a kind of sob. I've

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tried every way and nothing seems to suit them. I
haven't the least idea what you're talking about, said Alice.
I've tried the roots of trees, and I've tried banks,
and I've tried hedges. The pigeon went on without attending
to her. But those serpents, there's no pleasing them. Alice

(09:58):
was more and more puzzled, but she thought there was
no use in saying anything more till the pigeon had finished.
As if it wasn't trouble enough hatching the eggs, said
the pigeon. But I must be on the lookout for
serpents night and day. Why I haven't had a wink
of sleep these three weeks. I'm very sorry you've been annoyed,

(10:19):
said Alice, who was beginning to see its meaning. And
just as I'd taken the highest tree in the wood,
continued the pigeon, raising its voice to a shriek. And
just as I was thinking I should be free of
them at last, they must needs come wriggling down from
the sky, Ugh, serpent. But I'm not a serpent, I

(10:42):
tell you, said Alice. I'm a I'm a well what
are you, said the pigeon. I can see you're trying
to invent something. I I'm a little girl, said Alice,
rather doubtfully, as she remembered the number of she had
gone through that day. A likely story, indeed, said the pigeon,

(11:05):
in a tone of the deepest contempt. I've seen a
good many little girls in my time, but never one
with such a neck as that. No, No, you're a serpent,
and there's no use denying it. I suppose you'll be
telling me next that you never tasted an egg. I
have tasted eggs, certainly, said Alice, who was a very

(11:27):
truthful child. But little girls eat eggs quite as much
as serpents do, you know. I don't believe it, said
the pigeon. But if they do, why then they're a
kind of serpent. That's all I can say. This was
such a new idea to Alice that she was quite
silent for a minute or two, which gave the pigeon

(11:47):
the opportunity of adding, you're looking for eggs. I know
that well enough. And what does it matter to me
whether you're a little girl or a serpent. It matters
a good deal to me, said Alice as hastily. But
I'm not looking for eggs, as it happens, and if
I was, I shouldn't want yours. I don't like them.
Raw Well, be off, then, said the pigeon in a

(12:10):
sulky tone, as it settled down again into its nest.
Alice crouched down among the trees as well as she could,
for her neck kept getting entangled among the branches, and
every now and then she had to stop and untwist it.
After a while, she remembered that she still held the
pieces of mushroom in her hands, and she set to
work very carefully, nibbling first at one and then at

(12:33):
the other, and growing sometimes taller and sometimes shorter, until
she had succeeded in bringing herself down to her usual height.
It was so long since she had been anything near
the right size that it felt quite strange at first,
but she got used to it in a few minutes
and began talking to herself as usual. Come, there's half

(12:54):
my plan done. Now. How puzzling all these changes are.
I'm never sure what I'm going to be from one
to another. However, I've got back to my right size.
The next thing is to get into that beautiful garden.
How is that to be done? I wonder? As she
said this, she came suddenly upon an open place with

(13:14):
a little house in it about four feet high. Whoever
lives there, thought Alice, it'll never do to come upon
them this size. Why I should frighten them out of
their wits. So she began nibbling at the right hand
bit again, and did not venture to go near the
house till she had brought herself down to nine inches high.

(13:38):
End of Chapter five read by Kara Shallenberg March two
thousand ten in San Diego, California,