Alice's Evidence

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Chapter twelve of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll.
This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Chapter twelve
Alice's evidence here, cried Alice quite forgetting in the flurry
of the moment how large she had grown in the
last few minutes. And she jumped up in such a

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hurry that she tipped over the jury box with the
edge of her skirt, upsetting all the jurymen on to
the heads of the crowd below. And there they lay
sprawling about, reminding her very much of a globe of
goldfish she had accidentally upset the week before. Oh, I
beg your pardon, she exclaimed, in a tone of great dismay,

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and began picking them up again as quickly as she could,
for the accident of the goldfish kept running in her head,
and she had a vague sort of idea that they
must be collected at once and put back into the
jury box, or they would die. The trial cannot proceed,
said the King in a very grave voice until all
the jurymen are back in their proper places, all, he

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repeated with great emphasis, looking hard at Alice as he
said so. Alice looked at the jury box, and saw
that in her haste she had put the lizard in
head downwards, and the poor little thing was waving its
tail about in a melancholy way, being quite unable to move.
She soon got it out again and put it right.

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Not that it signifies much, she said to herself, I
should think it would be quite as much use in
the trial one way up as the other. As soon
as the jury had a little recovered from the shock
of being upset, and their slates and pencils had been
found and handed back to them, they set to work
very diligently to write out a history of the accident,

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all except the lizard, who seemed too much overcome to
do anything but sit with its mouth open, gazing up
into the roof of the court. What do you know
about this business, the King said to Alice. Nothing, said Alice,
Nothing whatever, persisted the King. Nothing whatever, said Alice. That's

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very important, the king said, turning to the jury. They
were just beginning to write this down on their slates
when the white rabbit interrupted, unimportant, Your majesty means, of course,
he said, in a very respectful tone, but frowning and
making faces at him as he spoke. Unimportant, of course,
I meant, the king hastily said, and went on to

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himself in an undertone important, unimportant, unimportant, important, as if
he were trying which words sounded best. Some of the
jury wrote it down important and some unimportant. Alice could
see this, as she was near enough to look over
their slates. But it doesn't matter a bit, she thought
to herself. At this moment, the King, who had been

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for some time busily writing in his note book, cackled
out silence and read out from his book rule forty two,
all persons more than a mile high to leave the court.
Everybody looked at Alice. I'm not a mile high, said Alice.
You are, said the king. Nearly two miles high, added

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the Queen. Well, I shan't go at any rate, said Alice. Besides,
that's not a regular rule. You invented it just now.
It's the oldest rule in the book, said the king.
Then it ought to be number one, said Alice. The
King turned pale and shut his note book. Hastily, consider

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your verdict, he said to the jury in a low
trembling voice. There's more evidence to come yet, Please, your majesty,
said the white rabbit, jumping up in a great hurry.
This paper has just been picked up. What's in it,
said the Queen. I haven't opened it yet, said the
White Rabbit. But it seems to be a letter written

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by the prisoner to to somebody. It must have been that,
said the King, unless it was written to nobody, which
isn't usual. You know who is it directed to, said
one of the jurymen. It isn't directed at all, said
the White Rabbit. In fact, there's nothing written on the outside.

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He unfolded the paper as he spoke, and added, it
isn't a letter, after all. It's a set of verses.
Are they in the prisoner's handwriting, asked another of the jurymen. No,
they're not, said the White Rabbit, And that's the queerest
thing about it. The jury all looked puzzled. He must

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have imitated somebody else's hand, said the King. The jury
all brightened up again. Please, your majesty, said the knave.
I didn't write it, and they can't prove I did.
There's no name signed at the end. If you didn't
sign it, said the King. That only makes the matter worse.
You must have meant some mischief, or else you'd have

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signed your name, like an honest man. There was a
general clapping of hands at this. It was the first
really clever thing the King had said that day that
proves his guilt, said the queen. It proves nothing of
the sort, said Alice. Why you don't even know what
they're about? Read them, said the king. The white Rabbit

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put on his spectacles. Where shall I begin, Please, your majesty,
he asked, Begin at the beginning, the King said, gravely,
and go on till you come to the end. Then stop.
These were the verses the White Rabbit read. They told
me you had been to her and mentioned me to him.

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She gave me a good character, but said I could
not swim. He sent them word I had not gone.
We know it to be true. If she should push
the matter on, what would become of you? I gave
her one, They gave him two. You gave us three
or more. They all returned from him to you, though
they were mine before. If I or she should chance

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to be involved in this affair, he trusts to you
to set them free exactly as we were. My notion
was that you had been before. She had this fit
an obstacle that came between him and ourselves, and it
don't let him know she liked them best, for this
must ever be a secret kept from all the rest,

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between yourself and me. That's the most important piece of
evidence we've heard yet, said the King, rubbing his hands.
So now let the jury, if any one of them
can explain it, said Alice. She had grown so large
in the last few minutes that she wasn't a bit
afraid of interrupting him. I'll give him sixpence. I don't

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believe there's an atom of meaning in it, the jury
all wrote down on their slates. She doesn't believe there's
an atom of meaning in it. But none of them
attempted to explain the paper. If there's no meaning in it,
said the king. That saves a world of trouble, you know,
as we needn't try to find any. And yet I
don't know. He went on, spreading out the verses on

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his knee and looking at them with one eye. I
seemed to see some meaning in them, after all, said
I could not swim. You can't swim, can you, he added,
turning to the knave. The knave shook his head. Sadly,
Do I look like it? He said, which he certainly
did not, being made entirely of cardboard. All right, so far,

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said the King, and he went on muttering over the
verses to himself. We know it to be true. That's
the jury. Of course, I gave her one. They gave
him two. Why that must be what he did with
the tarts, you know. But it goes on. They all
returned from him to you, said Alice. Why there they are,

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said the King triumphantly, pointing to the tarts on the table.
Nothing can be clearer than that. Then again, before she
had this fit, you never had fits, my dear, I think,
he said to the queen. Never, said the queen, furiously,
throwing an ink stand at the lizard as she spoke.
The unfortunate little bill had left off writing on his

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slate with one finger, as he found it made no mark.
But now he hastily began again, using the ink that
was trickling down his face. As long as it lasted.
Then the words don't fit you, said the King, looking
round the court with a smile. There was a dead silence.
It's upon, the King added, in an offended tone, and

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everybody laughed. Let the jury consider their verdict, the King said,
For about the twentieth time that day. No, no, said
the queen. Sentence first, verdict afterwards, stuff and nonsense, said
Alice loudly. The idea of having the sentence first, hold

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your tongue, said the queen, turning purple. I won't, said Alice.
Off with her head, the queen shouted at the top
of her voice. Nobody moved. Who cares for you? Said Alice.
She had grown to her full size by this time.
You are nothing but a pack of cards. At this

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the whole pack rose up into the air and came
flying down upon her. She gave a little scream, half
of fright and half of anger, and tried to beat
them off, and found herself lying on the bank with
her head in the lap of her sister, who was
gently brushing away some dead leaves that had fluttered down
from the trees upon her face. Wake up, Alice, dear,

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said her sister. Why what a long sleep you've had. Oh,
I've had such a curious dream, said Alice, when she
told her sister as well as she could remember them,
all these strange adventures of hers that you have just
been reading about. And when she had finished, her sister
kissed her and said it was a curious dream, dear, certainly,

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But now run into your tea. It's getting late. So
Alice got up and ran off, thinking while she ran,
as well she might, what a wonderful dream it had been.
But her sister sat still just as she left her,
leaning her head on her hand, watching the setting sun,
and thinking of little Alice and all her wonderful adventures,

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till she too began dreaming, after a fashion, and this
was her dream. First, she dreamed of little Alice herself,
And once again the tiny hands were clasped upon her knee,
and the bright, eager eyes were looking up into hers.
She could hear the very tones of her voice, and
see that queer little toss of her head to keep
back the wandering hair that would always get into her eyes.

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And still as she listened, or seemed to listen, the
whole place around her became alive with the strange creatures
of her little sister's dream. The long grass rustled at
her feet as the white rabbit, hurried by the frightened mouse,
splashed his way through the neighboring pool. She could hear
the rattle of the tea cups as the march hare
and his friends shared their never ending meal, and the

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shrill voice of the Queen ordering off her unfortunate guests
to execution. Once more, the pig baby was sneezing on
the Duchess's knee, while plates and dishes crashed around it.
Once more, the shriek of the griffin, the squeaking of
the lizard's slate pencil, and the choking of the suppressed
guinea pigs filled the air, mixed up with the distant

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sobs of the miserable mock turtle. So she sat on
with closed eyes and half believed herself in wonderland, though
she knew she had but to open them again, and
all would change to dull reality. The grass would be
only rustling in the wind, and the pool rippling to
the waving of the reeds. The rattling teacups would change

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to tinkling sheep bells, and the Queen's shrill cries to
the voice of the shepherd boy and the sneeze of
the baby. The shriek of the griffin, and all the
other queer noises would change, she knew, to the confused
clamor of the busy farm yard, while the lowing of
the cattle in the distance would take the place of
the mock turtle's heavy sobs. Lastly, she pictured to herself

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how this same little sister of hers would, in the
after time be herself a grown woman, and how she
would keep through all her riper years, the simple and
loving heart of her childhood. And how she would gather
about her other little children and make their eyes bright
and eager, with many a strange tale, perhaps even with
the dream of wonder Land of long ago, And how

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she would feel with all their simple sorrows, and find
a pleasure in all their simple joys, remembering her own
child life and the happy summer days. The end. That's
the end of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll,
read by Krishallenberg w w w dot kay dot org

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in March two thousand ten in San Diego, California,