The Mock Turtle's Story

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Chapter nine of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll.
This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Chapter nine,
The mock Turtle's Story. You can't think how glad I
am to see you again, you dear old thing, said
the Duchess, as she tucked her arm affectionately into Alice's

(00:22):
and they walked off together. Alice was very glad to
find her in such a pleasant temper, and thought to
herself that perhaps it was only the pepper that had
made her so savage when they met in the kitchen.
When I'm a duchess, she said to herself, not in
a very hopeful tone, though I won't have any pepper

(00:43):
in my kitchen at all. Soup does very well without.
Maybe it's always pepper that makes people hot tempered, She
went on, very much pleased at having found out a
new kind of rule. And vinegar that makes them sour,
and camomial that makes them bitter, and and barley sugar
and such things that make children sweet tempered. I only

(01:04):
wish people knew that, then they wouldn't be so stingy
about it. You know. She had quite forgotten the Duchess
by this time. And was a little startled when she
heard her voice close to her ear. You're thinking about something,
my dear, and that makes you forget to talk. I
can't tell you just now what the moral of that is,
but I shall remember it in a bit. Perhaps it

(01:28):
hasn't one Alice ventured to remark. Tut tut, child, said
the duchess. Everything's got a moral, if only you can
find it, and she squeezed herself up closer to Alice's
side as she spoke. Alice did not much like keeping
so close to her, first because the Duchess was very ugly,

(01:48):
and secondly because she was exactly the right height to
rest her chin upon Alice's shoulder, and it was an
uncomfortably sharp chin. However, she did not like to be rude,
so she bore it as well as she could. The
game's going on rather better now, she said, by way
of keeping up the conversation, A little tis so, said

(02:11):
the Duchess. And the moral of that is, Oh tis love.
Tis love that makes the world go round, somebody, said,
Alice whispered that it's done by everybody minding their own business.
Ah well, it means much the same thing, said the Duchess,
digging her sharp little chin into Alice's shoulder, as she added,

(02:33):
And the moral of that is take care of the sense,
and the sounds will take care of themselves. How fond
she is of finding morals in things, Alice thought to herself,
I dare say, you're wondering why I don't put my
arm round your waist, The Duchess said, after a pause,
The reason is that I'm doubtful about the temper of

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your flamingo. Shall I try the experiment? He might might bite?
Alice cautiously replied, not feeling at all anxious to have
the experiment tried. Very true, said the Duchess. Flamingoes and
mustard both bite. And the moral of that is birds
of a feather flock together. Only mustard isn't a bird?

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Alice remarked, Right as usual, said the Duchess. What a
clear way you have of putting things. It's a mineral,
I think, said Alice. Of course it is, said the Duchess,
who seemed ready to agree to everything that. Alice said.
There is a large mustard mine near here, And the

(03:40):
moral of that is, the more there is of mine,
the less there is of yours. Oh, I know, exclaimed Alice,
who had not attended to this last remark. It's a vegetable.
It doesn't look like one, but it is. I quite
agree with you, said the Duchess. And the moral of
that is be what you would seem to be, or

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if you'd like it, put more simply, never imagine yourself
not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others.
That what you were or might have been was not
otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to
them to be otherwise. I think I should understand that better,
Alice said, very politely if I had it written down,

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But I can't quite follow it as you say it.
That's nothing to what I could say if I chose.
The Duchess replied, in a pleased tone. Pray, don't trouble
yourself to say it any longer than that, said Alice. Oh,
don't talk about trouble, said the Duchess. I make you
a present of everything I've said as yet, a cheap

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sort of present, thought Alice, I'm glad they don't give
birthday presents like that, But she did not venture to
say it out loud. Thinking again, the Duchess asked with
another dig of her sharp little chin. I've a right
to think, said Alice, sharply, for she was beginning to
feel a little worried. Just about as much right, said

(05:11):
the duchess, as pigs have to fly and the moon.
But here, to Alice's great surprise, the Duchess's voice died
away even in the middle of her favorite word moral,
and the arm that was linked into hers began to tremble.
Alice looked up and there stood the Queen in front
of them, with her arms folded, frowning like a thunderstorm.

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A fine day, your majesty, the duchess began in a low,
weak voice. Now I give you fair warning, shouted the queen,
stamping on the ground as she spoke. Either you or
your head must be off, and that in about half
no time. Take your choice. The duchess took her choice

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and was gone in a moment. Let's go on with
the game, the queen said to Alice, and Alice was
too much frightened to say a word, but slowly followed
her back to the croquet ground. The other guests had
taken advantage of the Queen's absence and were resting in
the shade. However, the moment they saw her, they hurried

(06:18):
back to the game, the queen merely remarking that a
moment's delay would cost them their lives. All the time
they were playing, the Queen never left off, quarreling with
the other players and shouting off with his head or
off with her head. Those whom she sentenced were taken
into custody by the soldiers, who of course had to

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leave off being arches to do this, so that by
the end of half an hour or so, there were
no arches left, and all the players except the King,
the Queen, and Alice were in custody and under sentence
of execution. Then the Queen left off, quite out of breath,
and said to Alice, have you seen the mock turtle yet? No,

(07:01):
said Alice. I don't even know what a mock turtle is.
It's the thing mock turtle soup is made from, said
the Queen. I never saw one or heard of one,
said Alice. Come on, then, said the Queen, and he
shall tell you his history. As they walked off together,
Alice heard the King say in a low voice to

(07:23):
the company, generally you are all pardoned. Come that's a
good thing. She said to herself, for she had felt
quite unhappy at the number of executions the queen had ordered.
They very soon came upon a gryffin lying fast asleep
in the sun. If you don't know what a griffin is,

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look at the picture. Up, lazy thing, said the queen,
and take this young lady to see the mock turtle
and to hear his history. I must go back and
see after some executions I have ordered, And she walked off,
leaving Alice alone with the griffin. Alice did not quite
like the look of the creature, but on the whole
she thought it would be quite as safe to stay

(08:06):
with it as to go after that savage queen. So
she waited. The griffin sat up and rubbed its eyes.
Then it watched the queen till she was out of sight.
Then it chuckled. What fun, said the griffin, half to itself,
half to Alice. What is the fun? Said Alice? Why,
she said the griffin. It's all her fancy that they

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never executes nobody, you know. Come on, everybody says, come
on here, thought Alice, as she went slowly after it.
I never was so ordered about in all my life.
Never They had not gone far before they saw the
mock turtle in the distance, sitting sad and lonely on

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a little ledge of rock, And as they came nearer,
Alice could hear him sighing, as if his heart would break.
She pitied him deeply. What is his sorrow, she asked
the griffin, and the griffin answered very nearly in the
same words as before, it's all his fancy that he
hasn't got no sorrow, you know. Come on, So they

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went up to the mock turtle, who looked at them
with large eyes full of tears, but said nothing. This here,
young lady, said the griffin. She wants for to know
your history. She do, I'll tell it her, said the
mock turtle in a deep, hollow tone. Sit down, both
of you, and don't speak a word till I've finished.

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So they sat down and nobody spoke for some minutes.
Alice thought to herself, I don't see how he can
ever finish if he doesn't begin, but she waited patiently.
Once said the mock turtle at last, with a deep sigh,
I was a real turtle. These words were followed by

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a very life long silence, broken only by an occasional
exclamation of hump from the griffin and the constant heavy
sobbing of the mock turtle. Alice was very nearly getting
up and saying, thank you, sir for your interesting story,
but she could not help thinking there must be more
to come, so she sat still and said nothing. When

(10:23):
we were little, the mock turtle went on at last,
more calmly, though still sobbing a little now. And then
we went to school in the sea. The master was
an old turtle. We used to call him tortoise. Why
did you call him tortoise if he wasn't one? Alice asked,
We call him tortoise because he taught us, said the

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mock turtle angrily. Really you are very dull. You ought
to be ashamed of yourself for asking such a simple question,
added the griffin, And then they both sat silent and
looked at poor Alice, who felt ready to sink into
the earth. At last, the griffin said to the mock turtle,
drive on, old fellow, don't be all day about it.

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And he went on in these words, Yes, we went
to school in the sea. Though you mayn't believe it.
I never said I didn't interrupted, Alice, You did, said
the mock turtle. Hold your tongue, added the griffin. Before
Alice could speak again, the mock turtle went on, we

(11:28):
had the best of educations. In fact, we went to
school every day. I've been to a day school too,
said Alice. You needn't be so proud as all that
with extras, asked the mock turtle, a little anxiously. Yes,
said Alice. We learned French and music and washing, said

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the mock turtle. Certainly not, said Alice indignantly. Ah, then
yours wasn't a really good school, said the mock turtle,
in a tone of great relief. Now at ours they
had at the end of the bill, French, music, and
washing extra. You couldn't have wanted it much, said Alice,

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living at the bottom of the sea. I couldn't afford
to learn it, said the mock turtle, with a sigh.
I only took the regular course. What was that, inquired Alice.
Reeling and writhing, of course, to begin with, the mock
turtle replied, And then the different branches of arithmetic, ambition, distraction,

(12:31):
uglification and derision. I never heard of uglification, Alice ventured
to say, what is it? The griffin lifted up both
its paws in surprise. What never heard of uglifying? It exclaimed?
You know what to beautify is? I suppose yes, said Alice, doubtfully.

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It means to make anything prettier. Well, then the griffin
went on, if you don't know what to uglify is,
you are a simpleton. Alice did not feel encouraged to
ask any more questions about it, so she turned to
the mock turtle and said, what else had you to learn? Well?

(13:13):
There was mystery, the mock turtle replied, counting off the
subjects on his flappers. Mystery ancient and modern with seography,
then drawling. The drawling master was an old conger eel
that used to come once a week. He taught us drawling,
stretching and fainting in coils. What was that like? Said Alice? Well,

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I can't show it you myself. The mock turtle said,
I'm too stiff, and the griffin never learnt. It hadn't time,
said the griffin. I went to the classics master, though
he was an old crab he was, I never went
to him, the mock turtle said, with a sigh. He
taught laughing in grief. They used to say, so he did,

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so he did, said the griffin, sighing in his turn,
And both creatures hid their faces in their paws. And
how many hours a day did you do lessons? Said Alice,
in a hurry to change the subject. Ten hours the
first day, said the mock turtle, nine the next, and
so on. What a curious plan, exclaimed Alice. That's the

(14:22):
reason they're called lessons, the griffin remarked, because they lessen
from day to day. This was quite a new idea
to Alice, and she thought it over a little before
she made her next remark. Then the eleventh day must
have been a holiday, of course, it was, said the
mock turtle. And how did you manage on the twelfth?

(14:45):
Alice went on eagerly. That's enough about lessons, the griffin interrupted,
in a very decided tone. Tell her something about the
games now. End of chapter nine. Read by Karrash Allenberg,
March twenty ten in San Diego, California,