The Rabbit Sends in a Little Bill

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Chapter four of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll.
This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Chapter four,
The Rabbit sends in a little bill. It was the
white rabbit, trotting slowly back again, and looking anxiously about
as it went, as if it had lost something, And

(00:21):
she heard it muttering to itself, the duchess, the duchess,
Oh my dear pause, oh my fur and whiskers. She'll
get me executed. As sure as ferrets are ferrets? Where
can I have dropped them? I wonder? Alice guessed in
a moment that it was looking for the fan and
the pair of white kid gloves, and she very good

(00:43):
naturedly began hunting about for them, but they were nowhere
to be seen. Everything seemed to have changed since her
swim in the pool, and the great hall with the
glass table and the little door had vanished completely. Very soon,
the rabbit noticed Alice as she went hunting about, and
called out to her in an angry tone, Why Mary Anne,

(01:05):
what are you doing out here? Run home this moment
and fetch me a pair of gloves and a fan
quick now. And Alice was so much frightened that she
ran off at once in the direction it pointed to,
without trying to explain the mistake it had made. He
took me for his housemaid, she said to herself as
she ran, How surprised he'll be when he finds out

(01:27):
who I am. But I'd better take him his fan
and gloves, that is, if I can find them. As
she said this, she came upon a neat little house,
on the door of which was a bright brass plate
with the name W Rabbit engraved upon it. She went
in without knocking and hurried upstairs in great fear lest
she should meet the real Mary Anne and be turned

(01:49):
out of the house before she had found the fan
and gloves. How queer it seems, Alice said to herself,
to be going messages for a rabbit. I suppose Dinah'll
be sending me on messages next, And she began fancying
the sort of thing that would happen. Miss Alice, Come
here directly and get ready for your walk. Coming in

(02:10):
a minute, nurse. But I've got to see that the
mouse doesn't get out. Only I don't think. Alice went
on that they'd let Dinah stop in the house if
it began ordering people about like that. By this time
she had found her way into a tidy little room
with a table in the window and on it, as
she had hoped, a fan and two or three pairs

(02:31):
of tiny white kid gloves. She took up the fan
and a pair of the gloves and was just going
to leave the room when her eye fell upon a
little bottle that stood near the looking glass. There was
no label this time with the words drink me, but
nevertheless she uncorked it and put it to her lips.
I know something interesting is sure to happen, she said

(02:52):
to herself, whenever I eat or drink anything. So I'll
just see what this bottle does. I do hope it'll
make me grow large again, for really, I'm quite tired
of being such a tiny little thing. It did so, indeed,
and much sooner than she had expected. Before she had
drunk half the bottle, she found her head pressing against

(03:13):
the ceiling and had to stoop to save her neck
from being broken. She hastily put down the bottle, saying
to herself, that's quite enough. I hope I shan't grow
any more. As it is, I can't get out at
the door. I do wish I hadn't drunk quite so much.
Alas it was too late to wish that. She went

(03:33):
on growing and growing, and very soon had to kneel
down on the floor. In another minute, there was not
even room for this, and she tried the effect of
lying down with one elbow against the door and the
other arm curled round her head. Still she went on growing,
and as a last resource, she put one arm out
of the window and one foot up the chimney, and

(03:54):
said to herself, now I can do no more. Whatever happens,
what will become of me. Luckily for Alice, the little
magic bottle had now had its full effect, and she
grew no larger. Still, it was very uncomfortable, and as
there seemed to be no sort of chance of her
ever getting out of the room again, no wonder she

(04:15):
felt unhappy. It was much pleasanter at home, thought poor Alice,
when one wasn't always growing larger and smaller and being
ordered about by mice and rabbits. I almost wish I
hadn't gone down that rabbit hole. And yet, and yet
it's rather curious, you know, this sort of life. I

(04:35):
do wonder what can have happened to me. When I
used to read fairy tales, I fancied that kind of
thing never happened, And now here I am in the
middle of one. There ought to be a book written
about me. That there ought, And when I grow up,
I'll write one. But I'm grown up now, she added
in a sorrowful tone. At least there's no room to
grow up any more here. But then thought Alice, shall

(04:59):
I never get any older than I am? Now that'll
be a comfort in one way, never to be an
old woman, but then always to have lessons to learn.
Oh I shouldn't like that. Oh you foolish Alice, she
answered herself. How can you learn lessons in here? Why?
There's hardly room for you, and no room at all
for any lesson books. And so she went on, taking

(05:23):
first one side and then the other, and making quite
a conversation of it altogether. But after a few minutes
she heard a voice outside and stopped to listen mary Anne.
Mary Anne said the voice, fetch me my gloves. This
moment then came a little pattering of feet on the stairs.

(05:43):
Alice knew it was the rabbit coming to look for her,
and she trembled till she shook the house quite forgetting
that she was now about a thousand times as large
as the rabbit and had no reason to be afraid
of it. Presently, the rabbit came up to the door
and tried to open it, But as the door opened
inwards and Alice's elbow was pressed hard against it, that

(06:04):
attempt proved a failure. Alice heard it say to itself.
Then I'll go round and get in at the window.
That you won't, thought Alice, And after waiting till she fancied,
she heard the rabbit just under the window. She suddenly
spread out her hand and made a snatch in the air.

(06:24):
She did not get hold of anything, but she heard
a little shriek and a fall and a crash of
broken glass, from which she concluded that it was just
possible it had fallen into a cucumber frame or something
of the sort. Next came an angry voice, the rabbit's
pat pat, where are you? And then a voice she

(06:44):
had never heard before. Sure, then I'm here digging for apples, yer, honor,
digging for apples. Indeed, said the rabbit angrily. Here, come
and help me out of this. Sounds of more broken glass.
Now tell me pat, what's that in the window? Sure
it's an arm, your honor, he pronounced it arum an arm,

(07:09):
you goose? Whoever saw one that size? Why it fills
the whole window. Sure it does, your honor, But it's
an arm for all that. Well, it's got no business
there at any rate. Go and take it away. There
was a long silence after this, and Alice could only
hear whispers now and then, such as, sure I don't

(07:31):
like it, your honor at all at all. Do as
I tell you, you coward. And at last she spread
out her hand again and made another snatch in the air.
This time there were two little shrieks and more sounds
of broken glass. What a number of cucumber frames there
must be, thought Alice. I wonder what they'll do next.

(07:53):
As for pulling me out of the window, I only
wish they could. I'm sure I don't want to stay
in here any longer. She waited for some time without
hearing anything more. At last came a rumbling of little
cart wheels and the sound of a good many voices,
all talking together. She made out the words where's the
other ladder? Why I hadn't to bring but one bill's

(08:15):
got the other. Bill, fetch it here, lad here, put
em up at this corner. No tie em together first.
They don't reach half high enough yet. Oh they'll do
well enough. Don't be particular. Here, Bill, catch hold of
this rope. Will the roof bear? Mind that loose slate?
Oh it's coming down heads below A loud crash. Now

(08:37):
who did that? It was Bill? I fancy who's to
go down the chimney? Nay, I sha'n't you do it? That?
I won't. Then Bill's to go down here. Bill, the
master says you're to go down the chimney. Oh, so
Bill's got to come down the chimney, has he said
Alice to herself, shy. They seem to put everything upon Bill.

(09:00):
I wouldn't be in Bill's place for a good deal.
This fireplace is narrow, to be sure, But I think
I can kick a little. She drew her foot as
far down the chimney as she could and waited till
she heard a little animal she couldn't guess of what
sort it was, scratching and scrambling about in the chimney

(09:20):
close above her. Then, saying to herself, this is Bill,
she gave one sharp kick and waited to see what
would happen next. The first thing she heard was a
general chorus of there goes Bill, then the rabbit's voice along,
catch him you by the hedge, Then silence, and then

(09:42):
another confusion of voices. Hold up his head, Brandy, now,
don't choke him. How was it, old fellow? What happened
to you? Tell us all about it? Last? Came a
little feeble squeaking voice. That's Bill, thought Alice. Well, I
hardly know no more. Thank'ee. I'm better now, but I'm

(10:03):
a deal too flustered to tell you. All I know
is something comes at me like a jack in the box,
and up I goes like a sky rocket. So you did,
old fellow, said the others. We must burn the house down,
said the rabbit's voice, and Alice called out as loud
as she could. If you do, I'll set Dinah at you.

(10:26):
There was a dead silence instantly, and Alice thought to herself,
I wonder what they will do next. If they had
any sense, they'd take the roof off. After a minute
or two, they began moving about again, and Alice heard
the rabbit say, a barrow fool will do? To begin
with a barrow full of what, thought Alice. But she

(10:49):
had not long to doubt, for the next moment a
shower of little pebbles came rattling in at the window,
and some of them hit her in the face. I'll
put a stop to this, she said to herself, and
shouted out you'd better not do that again, which produced
another dead silence. Alice noticed with some surprise that the

(11:10):
pebbles were all turning into little cakes as they lay
on the floor, and a bright idea came into her head.
If I eat one of these cakes, she thought, it's
sure to make some change in my size, and as
it can't possibly make me larger, it must make me smaller,
I suppose. So she swallowed one of the cakes, and

(11:30):
was delighted to find that she began shrinking directly. As
soon as she was small enough to get through the door,
she ran out of the house and found quite a
crowd of little animals and birds waiting outside. The poor
little lizard bill was in the middle, being held up
by two guinea pigs who were giving it something out
of a bottle. They all made a rush at Alice

(11:52):
the moment she appeared, but she ran off as hard
as she could, and soon found herself safe in a
thick wood. The first thing I've got to do, said
Alice to herself, as she wandered about in the wood,
is to grow to my right size again. And the
second thing is to find my way into that lovely garden.
I think that will be the best plan. It sounded

(12:15):
an excellent plan, no doubt, and very neatly and simply arranged.
The only difficulty was that she had not the smallest
idea how to set about it. And while she was
peering about anxiously among the trees, a little sharp bark
just over her head made her look up in a
great hurry. An enormous puppy was looking down at her

(12:35):
with large round eyes and feebly stretching out one paw
trying to touch her. Poor little thing, said Alice in
a coaxing tone, and she tried hard to whistle to it,
but she was terribly frightened all the time at the
thought that it might be hungry, in which case it
would be very likely to eat her up. In spite
of all her coaxing. Hardly knowing what she did, she

(12:59):
picked up a little bit of stick and held it
out to the puppy, whereupon the puppy jumped into the
air off all its feet at once with a yelp
of delight, and rushed at the stick and made believe
to worry it. Then Alice dodged behind a great thistle
to keep herself from being run over, and the moment
she appeared on the other side, the puppy made another
rush at the stick and tumbled head over heels in

(13:21):
its hurry to get hold of it. Then Alice, thinking
it was very like having a game of play with
a cart horse and expecting every moment to be trampled
under its feet, ran round the thistle again. Then the
puppy began a series of short charges at the stick,
running a very little way forwards each time, and a
long way back, and barking hoarsely all the while, till

(13:43):
at last it sat down a good way off, panting,
with its tongue hanging out of its mouth and its
great eyes half shut. This seemed to Alice a good
opportunity for making her escape, so she set off at
once and ran till she was quite tired and out
of breath, and till the puppy's bark sounded quite faint.
In the distance. And yet what a dear little puppy

(14:07):
it was, said Alice, as she leaned against a buttercup
to rest herself and fanned herself with one of the leaves.
I should have liked teaching it tricks very much, if
if I'd only been the right size to do it. Oh, dear,
I'd nearly forgotten that I've got to grow up again.
Let me see how is it to be managed. I

(14:28):
suppose I ought to eat or drink something or other,
But the great question is what. The great question certainly
was what. Alice looked all round her, at the flowers
and the blades of grass, but she did not see
anything that looked like the right thing to eat or
drink under the circumstances. There was a large mushroom growing

(14:49):
near her, about the same height as herself, and when
she had looked under it, and on both sides of it,
and behind it, it occurred to her that she might
as well look and see what was on them top
of it. She stretched herself up on tiptoe and peeped
over the edge of the mushroom, and her eyes immediately
met those of a large caterpillar that was sitting on

(15:10):
the top with its arms folded, quietly smoking a long hookah,
and taking not the smallest notice of her, or of
anything else. End of Chapter four, read by Kara Shallenberg
March two thousand ten in San Diego, California,