Always Ageless w Valerie V August 18, 2025 Guest April Ibarra

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:24):
What if aging wasn't something that just happened to you,
but something you could design with purpose? What if you
could take the wheel today I'm Always Ageless. We're talking
with April Obara, a gerontologist, a certified Senior advisor and
chief Aging Officer who helps boomers like us, solo agers

(00:46):
and caregivers turn the later years into their best years.
Sounds pretty good. With over thirty five years and senior care,
April brings a rare mix of heart and know how
to guide people through life transitions, building support systems, protecting independence,
and redefining what it means to grow older because certainly

(01:09):
there are so many more of us growing older in
this population surge. So if you've ever wondered how to
age on your terms or help someone you love to
do the same, this conversation is for you. We are
so honored to have April LeVar with us. April, thank
you for joining us on Always Ageless.

Speaker 2 (01:28):
Well, good hello and thank you, Valerie. I'm thrilled to
be here. You and I have so much to talk about.

Speaker 1 (01:37):
We do, we do, and we know that there's a
lot of emphasis now on the aging population because it's
become a greater part of our population, a greater age demographic.
But you've been doing this for a long time, so
I wonder if you've seen some differences in how this
is being handled or managed or anticipated.

Speaker 2 (01:57):
I guess yeah, I've been waiting for this month forever,
my whole life. I mean when I started out, I was,
you know, barely twenty years old, and I started teaching
exercise classes in a nursing home and I thought, huh,
I think we're onto something here.

Speaker 3 (02:14):
Exercise is the key. We have to keep moving.

Speaker 2 (02:17):
And I've been passionate about it ever since, and I
just keep I've been waiting and waiting for everyone else
to get on board.

Speaker 4 (02:26):
Really.

Speaker 1 (02:27):
Yeah, So I started teaching exercise classes.

Speaker 2 (02:30):
That was one of my first jobs in senior health.
And I was literally in a nursing home.

Speaker 3 (02:38):
Back then. I don't even think we had assisted living.

Speaker 2 (02:40):
You either had sort of a congregated housing or you
had a nursing home. There wasn't much in between. And
I would go in, as they would call me, the
young whipper snapper, and I would come in. But I
had a relationship with these people, and I loved how
it made them smile and made their.

Speaker 3 (03:00):
Lives a little bit better.

Speaker 2 (03:01):
And I always started by saying, listen, how many of
you want help? And you know, one of the things
I would say is who wants help getting on and
off the toilet? And people would look.

Speaker 3 (03:12):
At me kind of like are you did you just
ask me that?

Speaker 2 (03:15):
And I said, it's not because we're older that we
need help. We also have to keep our body strong
and moving. So I've always been a little sassy like
you in taking that approach and saying, listen, we've got
to take charge of how we age.

Speaker 3 (03:31):
We have some choices.

Speaker 1 (03:33):
So tell me, tell our audience what first inspired you
to focus on this career and on senior wellness.

Speaker 3 (03:41):
Yeah. I think I was always into health.

Speaker 2 (03:45):
You know, when I first went to college, I studied
health and wellness and worked in corporate health and fitness.
But I remember when my grandmother started getting older. You know,
I was just determined that I can make this better
for you, grandma. And she didn't exactly what I said.
She went from a congregate senior living housing. She didn't

(04:05):
have a lot of money, so she was in sort
of a low income housing, and then she went to
a nursing home and I knew she was gonna I
was afraid she was going to decline.

Speaker 3 (04:14):
You know.

Speaker 2 (04:15):
So I would go in there, and at Christmas I
got her some little five pound weights, and I'd go
in with her and I'd sit there and exercise with her,
and I just always in my heart, I knew that
we have to move. So I minored in gerontology in
undergrad and then I went back and got my master's
in gerontology, and from there it just it just kept growing.

Speaker 1 (04:38):
But a master's in gerontology at that time, I mean,
who else was doing it right.

Speaker 2 (04:43):
People didn't even know what it was. It's I think
it's strange. And I was sort of a non traditional student.

Speaker 1 (04:49):
I'm sure you yes, I'm sure you were.

Speaker 3 (04:53):
I've always not traditional, I think absolutely.

Speaker 2 (04:57):
So I was already, you know, I moved out of
my home when I was eighteen.

Speaker 3 (05:02):
I thought I'm going out into life.

Speaker 2 (05:03):
And back then, you you know, not everybody went to
college back then. So I actually got married and unfortunately
divorced before I even went to school. So I had
had some time to think about what.

Speaker 3 (05:16):
Was important to me.

Speaker 2 (05:16):
And exercise and health was always important to me. And
so as I studied the miner in gerontology and started
digging in.

Speaker 3 (05:25):
I thought, hmm. I went back not.

Speaker 2 (05:28):
Long after I finished and when ahead and got the masters,
And at that time I could have sat for my
administration license. I could have been a licensed nursing home administrator.
And even at that young age, I thought, now, I
mean I was always for Yes, there's a time and
a place when somebody does need more care, clearly, but

(05:51):
we never talk about prevention. We just talk about the
end the demise. How are we going to handle people
with Alzheimer's?

Speaker 3 (05:59):
How are we going to handle people with disease and disability?

Speaker 2 (06:01):
We never talk about there's a lot of things we
can do to slow down or in some cases prevent so.

Speaker 3 (06:12):
And that passion has never changed.

Speaker 4 (06:15):
And now I'm older, well I don't know about that.
I don't know about that.

Speaker 3 (06:20):
Well, I'm over.

Speaker 1 (06:21):
We're older than we were thirty five years ago, that's
for sure.

Speaker 4 (06:26):
How did those early.

Speaker 1 (06:27):
Experiences teaching fitness shape you into your approaching gerontology, just
that you thought that you wanted to go more into preventive.

Speaker 2 (06:37):
Yes, I refuse to take any roles in my career
that weren't more empowering and just trying to keep people
living their best life.

Speaker 3 (06:51):
I didn't at the time. I really you know, I
work very short term in some senior living communities.

Speaker 2 (06:57):
But I was always like, let's focus really on how
well age, not not what happens when we can't do things,
and so.

Speaker 3 (07:06):
I just always, you know, kind of had that in
my mind. And I know, and I read more now
than ever. I feel like I'm always a student.

Speaker 2 (07:15):
I have a stack of books here on my desk,
and I am getting excited because, you know, I spent
a long time in corporate health and wellness and doing
fitness programs for retirees and doing all these kinds of things, and.

Speaker 3 (07:27):
Then eventually it was like, you know, I just felt
like nobody was paying attention, right.

Speaker 2 (07:33):
I think older adults are more motivated because as they
start aging, they start realizing, if I want to do
things for myself, I'm going to have to have some strength,
I'm going to have to have some mobility, I'm going
to have to think about these things. But you know,
younger people were like they just weren't that interested, you know.
So I sort of transitioned a little bit out of
wellness and I went into actually worked for a medical

(07:56):
device company, Lifeline, the medical alert compan but I spent
about fifteen years there because I was also determined knowing
that so many people do fall and that it is
a life changing event for so many people, that gosh,
if we can prevent somebody from having a fall or
help them to get held quicker. So that was a

(08:18):
passion of mine as well. And now I reached a point,
after a couple of layoffs from corporate jobs throughout my career,
that now I have the opportunity to work for myself
and put together everything I've learned and everything that I'm
passionate about. And I said, I'm just going to go
out on my own, and now I get to do

(08:39):
and say whatever I want.

Speaker 1 (08:42):
But going out on your own really means going out
and serving, because you are all about making a difference.

Speaker 3 (08:50):
Yes, and I don't do anything.

Speaker 2 (08:53):
Yeah, I don't do anything I don't want, which is
good because I don't have to have sort of the
ill say the corporate speak, right. I mean, I can
go out and talk to groups and do exactly what
I want. So I've built my career now around serving
and trying to empower if I can say I do

(09:14):
anything older adults to say, you know what you've got this.
Things may have changed in your life, and we all have,
you know, some declines. We're all dealing with some sort
of chronic illness to some degree. I mean, I have arthritis,
I have autoimmune disease, and I'm dealing with that myself.

Speaker 3 (09:34):
But that doesn't mean we're over by any stretch.

Speaker 4 (09:40):
No, no, no, no, it doesn't.

Speaker 1 (09:42):
Well save some of my comments for later on, because
I have my own strong opinions about being treated like
we're old sow. Yeah, how is your thinking on aging
with intention evolved over your decades long career?

Speaker 2 (09:58):
Yeah, I mean as I started working on, you know,
building my own business, I do some care management, so
I do go in and help people, you know, who
are trying to walk the journey in a very complicated world.
As most people who have tried to figure out what
do I do when I have you know, early stage

(10:19):
dementia or you know, I've just had a stroke or
my husband just died and I don't know what to do.

Speaker 3 (10:24):
It gets very It gets very complicated.

Speaker 2 (10:27):
So I mean, I knew I had to dig people
in that path, but I also knew that we're not
again talking about what do I want my life to
look like?

Speaker 3 (10:37):
It's happening.

Speaker 2 (10:38):
It's happening, just you know, when we act shocked, all said,
oh my gosh, I just turn you know, seventy five,
and now I'm dealing with this, or that.

Speaker 3 (10:46):
We know it's coming.

Speaker 2 (10:48):
And I think a lot of times we do kind
of flow through life anyway, just you know, taking it
one step at a time. But I think after you
turn fifty, in my opinion, you have an opportunity to
sort of look for and say, now I can start
making some decisions about what I'd like my life to
look like. And I do believe that if people age
with intention, that they can look forward and say I

(11:12):
want this, I don't want that.

Speaker 3 (11:14):
I'm going to communicate this to my adult children.

Speaker 2 (11:17):
Perhaps I'm going to create the life I'm going to
live where I want to live. I'm going to live
how I want to live, and I'm going to take
some responsibility for things that I need to do. To
do that, meaning have hard conversations, you know, even with yourself,
to say I'm not doing some of the things I.

Speaker 3 (11:36):
Need to do that's going to benefit my health.

Speaker 2 (11:40):
And that's I always look holistically, right, So it's not
just health, it's not just let's exercise.

Speaker 3 (11:47):
It's the social collections. Do you have good relationships in
your life?

Speaker 2 (11:51):
Are there people in your life maybe who aren't so
good for you? You know.

Speaker 3 (11:57):
Where am I spiritually?

Speaker 2 (11:59):
Am I on an ongoing learning, lifelong learning path? I
mean we never stop learning. It's we're never too old
to do something new, So kind of that's how I
go forward. I was actually speaking yesterday. I go out
and talk to a lot of groups, and I have
a topic called Wellness for Longevity, and we had just

(12:20):
a great conversation with some folks living in independent living
and assisted living. And this one lady kind of raised
her hand and she's eighty three, and she said, last
year she went skydiving.

Speaker 4 (12:31):
Oh good for her.

Speaker 2 (12:32):
And everybody in the room was like looked at her,
like what, And we were just like applauding.

Speaker 3 (12:36):
Here. It's like, yeah, do something you're afraid of.

Speaker 2 (12:39):
And you know, she was just had the most wonderful
spirit because I think she had not given up.

Speaker 3 (12:46):
She had not, you know, believed.

Speaker 2 (12:49):
In that defeat attitude that no, I'm too old now
I need to behave a certain way.

Speaker 3 (12:54):
I'm like, m mmm, oh no, you don't, No, you don't.

Speaker 4 (12:59):
You don't don't you don't it don't. So that's aging
with intention.

Speaker 3 (13:04):
I just.

Speaker 4 (13:06):
I could.

Speaker 1 (13:08):
I'm sure what could spend hours going through these all
these things. I'd love to talk to you about. But
it's so frustrating for me that people and society take
a position that an age termed than equals old, right,
and that old equals something negative. And I see all
of these things about people over fifty five or fifty

(13:29):
five plus, What does that have to do with anything?
And fifty five plus is nothing, fifty five is nothing.
It should be seventy.

Speaker 4 (13:38):
Five or eighty five.

Speaker 1 (13:40):
But for people to be made to feel or feel
on their own that old means now I have to
give up things that it's your age. And we talked
about this. There's a book I love called Stage not Age.
We should talk about the stage we'rein. And if you
are healthy, and you're and you are with have friends

(14:02):
and all those things, you.

Speaker 4 (14:03):
Could just extend your life.

Speaker 1 (14:06):
But I see even with you know, within the cities,
right in the communities, we treat all of a sudden
people are old, so we have to do certain things right, right,
we just assume that they're disabled, right.

Speaker 3 (14:20):
Right, right, right, I'm able to do things right.

Speaker 2 (14:23):
Yeah, yeah, but you know, and I want to I
talk about agism a lot because I think we internalize
agism ourself, probably more than.

Speaker 3 (14:33):
We see it outside in the world.

Speaker 2 (14:34):
I mean, they're certainly agism right, But we can't wait
for the world to change around us. I mean, when
I go out and talk to groups, I'm like, we're
gonna do this, one group at a time, one person
at a time.

Speaker 3 (14:45):
If you believe that you still have some power within you.

Speaker 2 (14:49):
What you do, you still have something to give what
you do, then you know the world will start to
change around us, because you know, we're pretty much taking
a the world, and so we can't just sit around
and you know, and everybody's individual, so you know, what
works for me doesn't work for you. But that's why

(15:11):
I say, with intention, it requires some thought, you know,
And I do some workbooks and worksheets, and I sit
down with people and I have them reflect across all
their life, right, where do they live, how.

Speaker 3 (15:24):
Do they live, who do they live? With legal and
financial preparations.

Speaker 2 (15:30):
I mean, you can't put your head how many people
do not have a basic power of attorney. And then
all of a sudden, I worked in elder law for
a little bit of time.

Speaker 3 (15:40):
And you know, I see saw day.

Speaker 2 (15:41):
After day somebody would be in the hospital they had
a stroke.

Speaker 3 (15:45):
Which they weren't planning on. It just happens. They're incapacitated.

Speaker 2 (15:51):
Nobody can speak on their behalf, Bills can't be paid
without a financial power attorney.

Speaker 3 (15:57):
And it's just like, why are we so afer to
talk about these things and all the.

Speaker 2 (16:02):
Way to you know, your emotional wellbeing, your social stuff, purpose,
but also end of life. I mean, it's pretty clear
none of us are going to live forever. Why are
we so afraid to talk about how we want to die?

Speaker 3 (16:19):
Putting our wishes out there? And I believe dying with dignity.

Speaker 2 (16:22):
And I'm thrilled now that there are end of life
Dula's right, which is I mean some people. I heard
somebody talking about a birth doula the other day and
I said, did you know there's end of life dullas?
So they kind of looked at me like I was crazy,
and I said, no, somebody to walk by their side
and help them leave this earth the way that matters

(16:44):
to them.

Speaker 4 (16:46):
Right, the way that they want to.

Speaker 2 (16:47):
Yeah, And so you have to be intentional you have
to think ahead and really explore. And that's a beauty
to me about getting older. I feel like, you know,
we're much more in tune with ourselves. Usually we kind
of know ourselves a lot better than when we were
twenty or thirty or forty even, and so we've got
some pretty good opinions and.

Speaker 3 (17:08):
We know what we want and what we don't want.

Speaker 2 (17:11):
So we should put that into writing and create a
life plan that serves us well.

Speaker 1 (17:17):
And it really is so much better for the family.
My son was in a situation with a distant family
member where as soon as the family member passed away,
they just walked across the street to the martuary. Everything
was planned. It was so much easier for the family.
There was no fussing, no arguing, no, well I want this,

(17:41):
I want that. Everybody could just go on and it
could be a pleasant experience for everybody.

Speaker 2 (17:48):
Absolutely, it should be a let's celebrate their life. Let's
not fight about how it ended, who didn't do what,
and who gets what and as you well know, it happened.

Speaker 4 (18:00):
It does, yes, it does.

Speaker 1 (18:02):
I was in the middle of a situation yesterday that
was like that, what unique challenges or needs do you
think there are with solo agers. What do they face
compared to those traditional support networks?

Speaker 4 (18:15):
Yeah, something unique for them.

Speaker 2 (18:17):
Yeah, I mean I think with solo agers, and I'm
glad you called them solo agers and not orphan elders.
I was in a seminar the other day and you know,
a brilliant, brilliant elder law attorney, but you know he
called an orphan elders.

Speaker 3 (18:31):
I'm like that that's not the best term.

Speaker 2 (18:35):
I personally don't have any children, so there's nobody going
to take care of me. And I think the term
is broader than just not even having children. It's just
somebody who is more than living their life on their own.
So I think that that type of person is much
more willing and open to looking to the future to say, well,
what's going to happen when I get older and may

(18:57):
need something? And I love the that so many people
are thinking creatively.

Speaker 3 (19:02):
I have a friend who actually I think they're both
in there. They might be.

Speaker 2 (19:06):
They're in their seventies and she just built a new
house and her best friend moved on the other side
of the house. In the middle they have a communal kitchen,
so they get to have their coffee. They share that
space and then they both have their own places, but
they're there for each other and they're looking to the future,
and we need more of that. And I think people

(19:27):
do just assume, well, my children are going to take
care of me.

Speaker 3 (19:32):
I'm like, well, what does that look like?

Speaker 4 (19:35):
And the children are thinking, right, what am I stuck with?

Speaker 1 (19:40):
And of course, something that we see so often now
is that people who are the adult children of aging
parents are saying, yeah, but I'm retired now and my
mom's still alive, and what happens with my retirement, because
now I've got to take care of my mom or

(20:00):
my dad or my grandma or whatever.

Speaker 4 (20:02):
Right now, I don't have a life.

Speaker 2 (20:05):
Right And there's so much research and so many you know,
data points out there now to talk about caregivers or
the unpaid workforce, and it's unfortunate because, you know, unfortunately
some people have not really prepared and they're not in
the best health. I mean, if you're not in good
shape as a younger person, when you get older, you know,

(20:29):
I'm not going to be better. It's a perfect storm,
you know, And quite frankly, adult children assume that they
have a responsibility or want to take care of their parents,
and I think they often do that out of love
and kindness, but they also try to take control of
the situation because they're so concerned about the safety. Oh Mom,

(20:50):
you can't do this. Mom, don't do that. I'm afraid
and you know, and and then it becomes this battle
of the of the minds, because you know, they don't
really understand that people don't want to have their control
taken away from them.

Speaker 3 (21:05):
So you can't just come in and say, well, you
can't do this, mom.

Speaker 2 (21:07):
Everybody's allowed to make bad decisions, even when you're.

Speaker 1 (21:10):
Older, right right, or good decisions, and it's not up
to the children, right say, because you're old, I'm now
your boss, right right.

Speaker 2 (21:21):
I never I mean, if anybody ever says to me,
I'm you know, I'm caring for or what do they
call it, I'm now parenting my parents.

Speaker 3 (21:31):
I'm like, no, no, no, no, no no no, You're
never parenting your parents.

Speaker 2 (21:34):
And and there's and that all goes back to communication
as well. If you've never talked about these things and
then there's a diagnosis or there's a fall or something happening,
then you don't know what to expect. And then you're
going into a crisis and you're just not set up
for success because you've never even had the conversation about

(21:54):
what would this look like.

Speaker 1 (21:56):
Yeah, I almost wonder if bril, if we shouldn't have
more education for the children.

Speaker 3 (22:03):
I have tried and tried and tried, and.

Speaker 2 (22:08):
I key, it's not going to stop me from keeping
you know, trying, But I find that most people just
do not They wait until there is a crisis and
then everything's different. Then your options are less. So that's
why I do what I'm doing now. I talk to
people and I really I've created these workshops the empowered caregiver,

(22:29):
helping the caregivers understand what the family caregivers, what is
your role? Aging with intentions so the older adults can
create their life plan. And then I'm trying to reach
that younger population, and to me, that starts at fifty,
so that people can start to make some good decisions
in their life. So maybe you won't have to have
somebody care for you.

Speaker 3 (22:50):
I mean, you.

Speaker 2 (22:50):
Certainly want to have that relationship because those connections with
family and grandkids and friends are so important.

Speaker 3 (22:58):
But that's not care for somebody. That's caring for somebody
you know, but.

Speaker 1 (23:04):
The fifty year olds often are, they're learning how to
be the caregivers.

Speaker 4 (23:08):
Right.

Speaker 1 (23:09):
Their parents are in their eighties, hopefully not seventies, but
in their eighties and nineties and hundreds, as we have
in our household. My mom's one hundred and five, almost
one hundred and six still lives on her own. And
I know, I know that those people probably don't want
to have to sit in a class and learn what
to do, how to how to grow into this situation

(23:32):
with their parents, but they need to.

Speaker 4 (23:34):
We need to have classes.

Speaker 1 (23:35):
If you are the adult child of aging parents, right,
nobody talks to them.

Speaker 3 (23:40):
Yeah, right, yeah.

Speaker 2 (23:42):
And you know, I early in my career I did
some corporate I think they whatever they used to call
corporate elder care corporate, you know, those types of things
where they had benefits for employees. And that conversation is
coming up again because you know, it's taking time away
from the workforce. When I'm like, I have to go
step out and take my mom to the doctor.

Speaker 3 (24:03):
Oh mom just fell. The EMS is they're got to go.

Speaker 2 (24:07):
So I think companies do need to step in and
bring people like us in to say we can help
guide these these folks ahead of time so that they
know what to expect and are prepared and it's not
you know, it's not all consuming and so stressful because
caregivers get sick, caregivers go broke, caregivers die in the

(24:32):
middle of their family caregiving journey.

Speaker 3 (24:35):
So it's important.

Speaker 4 (24:39):
It absolutely is.

Speaker 1 (24:40):
It absolutely is, and something that I think is just
not being addressed hardly at all. Yeah, lots of things
for seniors, but not really for these things change.

Speaker 3 (24:51):
Yeah, I mean, I know you talked about that.

Speaker 2 (24:53):
It's like I've kind of been waiting for this whole thing,
not only just preparing for aging, but just health and wellness.
And now there's so much talk and there's so much
research out there now that is supporting longevity. We are
living longer than ever what we do, is what I say,
because so what we're living longer, but we're also living

(25:14):
traditionally the last twelve years of our lives with disease
and disability. We need to shorten that app so our
health span is better, so that as we live longer,
we're still living better.

Speaker 1 (25:27):
Right, So I'm maybe older and that's going to happen,
and maybe I'm going to die and that's going to happen.

Speaker 4 (25:32):
But why do I have to be sick just because
I'm older? Right? We don't want to do that, right.

Speaker 1 (25:38):
So how can solo agers intentionally build strong, trusted support systems?

Speaker 4 (25:43):
Where can they go?

Speaker 1 (25:44):
Are there's special places for them or special groups?

Speaker 3 (25:48):
I think there is.

Speaker 2 (25:49):
There's a lot of attention now on solo agers, which
I think is fabulous, and so there's I think there's
groups that you know, I think if you just look
up solo agers, you can find people like yourself for
going through the same things.

Speaker 3 (26:01):
And I think it just starts with your network. Right.

Speaker 2 (26:04):
Just like my friend who build a house. She was
getting out of her house because it was no longer
appropriate for her. She had a lot of stairs. She
knew she was a nurse, she'd seen things, she'd worked
in the er her whole life, and she knew this
is not the best place for me anymore.

Speaker 3 (26:18):
So she knew she was going to build a house.

Speaker 2 (26:20):
And then she thought, you know, and as she went forward,
you know, her and her friend talked and they planned.
So you've got a network of people around you. And
even if it's as simple as hey, listen, I'm going
to have you know, I'm going to have a hip
replacement surgery coming up in a couple of months.

Speaker 3 (26:38):
Are you able to help me?

Speaker 2 (26:40):
You know? And then I'll help you when you need
to go to the doctor, I'll help you. And you know,
you just start having those conversations with your own circle
of folks. And then of course there's organizations. There's there's
people like me. I mean, I belonged to I'm a
certified Senior advisor, but I'm also a part of Aging
Life Care Association, which is an organization.

Speaker 3 (27:01):
Of care managers.

Speaker 2 (27:03):
So those are we work a lot with solo agers
and we can come in and we can be that
person who, well, do you need us to go to
the doctor with you to help you interpret what you're hearing?
Do you need us to help oversee you know your
transportation and maybe help you bring in some care for you,
you know.

Speaker 3 (27:21):
So there are groups.

Speaker 2 (27:23):
So I do believe there's a lot of focus now
on solo agers, which I'm thrilled for absolutely.

Speaker 4 (27:30):
Now, tell us how do you personally?

Speaker 1 (27:32):
You do a lot of public speaking, and you have
such a broad experience level because of all the things
you've done, as well as the length of time you've
been doing this So how do you personalize coaching programs
for clients with the verse needs and different backgrounds?

Speaker 2 (27:48):
Oh gosh, It starts with building a relationship with them.
Every purse is different, so what's important to me may
not be important to them. So I think it goes
back to what person centered care if you're familiar with
that concept, which is, you know, I believe that started
out of I can't remember what hospital system, but it's

(28:09):
a sort of a national program. It's you know, person
centered care should be built around what are my values
and preferences?

Speaker 3 (28:15):
Right there?

Speaker 2 (28:16):
Everybody's values, beliefs, and preferences are different. And what happens
with older people is we come in and we want
to fix things. You know, Uh yeah, you can't stay here.
This house is unsafe, you can't have that run, you
can't have that dog.

Speaker 3 (28:31):
Guess what.

Speaker 2 (28:32):
And people are so shocked when somebody says, get out,
I don't want your help because we cannot go in
and tell.

Speaker 3 (28:41):
People what to do. Nobody wants that's that's not the
right way.

Speaker 2 (28:46):
So you have to get to know that person and understand.
And I like to say, you know, what, what are
what matters.

Speaker 3 (28:53):
Most to you? I think is the best thing.

Speaker 2 (28:55):
I can ask somebody and they'll come up with their
top three priorities.

Speaker 4 (29:00):
You know, great question.

Speaker 2 (29:01):
Yeah, and then from there you build it out to say, Okay,
we can't you know, we don't have to tackle everything,
but we have to start somewhere, you know. And every
time when I start a new client for care management,
the first thing somebody says to me is this person.

Speaker 3 (29:19):
Is very difficult. You're going to have a hard time
with them.

Speaker 2 (29:24):
And I'm like, good, I like somebody who has some
pushback and has a mind of their own and is sassy.
And you know, it usually just comes down to folks
are coming in and trying to change them, change everything
about who they are and what matters to them, and
we can't do that. It's not going to work.

Speaker 1 (29:46):
Can you share a success story? Of course, you don't
have to give us names. How intentional aging transformed someone's experience.

Speaker 3 (29:55):
Yeah, you know, I just was on the phone.

Speaker 2 (29:58):
I was visiting a client yesterday and she is ninety five.
And again when I got the call, it was like,
I got to tell you, this woman is really difficult.

Speaker 3 (30:09):
I don't know if you're going to be able to
work with her.

Speaker 2 (30:11):
Okay, we'll see. So, you know, with her, I just
go and visit weekly. She's a solo ager actually husband's
past doesn't have any children, you know, some extending you know,
grandkids other parts of the country. And so she agreed
to let me in, which was a good start. And

(30:31):
we just started visiting every week. And I didn't have
a big agenda when I go in. You know, there's
a lot of things that needed to be done, a
lot of things that weren't going super well that the
people who brought me in were concerned about.

Speaker 3 (30:44):
But I had to start with her, you know, And
so I had my first month with her.

Speaker 2 (30:51):
We're in August. Yeah, July was my first month. So
last week I sat down with her. I said, well,
we're moving it to another month. Would you like to continue?
She says, oh, yes, I want you here every Wednesday
until the end. And then I got off the phone
and called her. And some weeks I felt like I'm
not doing much here, you know, I hate to you know,

(31:11):
he says, helping her or what's going on? But she
was thrilled at the client and then the family who
referred her to me said they have noticed such a
huge difference in her behavior. She's more upfeat she's more hopeful, cheerful,
because I think she just felt like, oh, I'm starting

(31:32):
to decline and some things are going on where she is.
She's an independent living. They're like, oh, she needs assisted living,
and I'm like why. You know, they had their reasons,
but I didn't see any reasons, you know, So I
just encouraged her and did My whole purpose for being
with her was to lift her up and empower her

(31:53):
and remind her perhaps the things that you know, my
job is to make you aware of things that may
not be so safe for you, and that's my job
is just to tell you that, not to tell you
what to do. And then I've noticed that she responds
very well to that. She'll tell me things like, well,
I did this, and I know you're not going to

(32:14):
like it, but I want you to know. And I said, well, good,
but you know the risks right, Oh, yes, I'm very
well aware.

Speaker 3 (32:21):
And you know it.

Speaker 2 (32:22):
Starts to gradually, she starts to gradually change, but she
feels empowered, and I'm like, to me, that's a win.

Speaker 1 (32:30):
Absolutely, yeah, I can see that that would be a
lot of fun. So what are you where do you
think you make the biggest impact in your work? Is
it with your care management program? Is it when you
speak to a group and one person responds and you
see a little tear, you see someone come up afterwards,
or and where do you think you're able to make

(32:51):
the biggest difference.

Speaker 3 (32:53):
Yeah, that's such a good question. I think about that
a lot because I am a I'm.

Speaker 2 (32:58):
A one woman show and only see so many clients,
and so I know I love doing that because I'm
really that's where I learn, right, If I'm working one
on one with somebody, I can learn from experience, what's happening,
what's not working, what they're thinking. You know. I used
to work up here in corporate world and we'd talk

(33:20):
about what it was like to serve older people, But
how many of us have really been in someone's home
talking to them while they're in the middle. So I
feel like being really in the weeds helps me to
learn the most. But you can't make a huge impact
that way because you're doing it one person.

Speaker 3 (33:35):
At a time.

Speaker 2 (33:37):
So that's why I do like the coaching and the
speaking because I can go out and talk to larger
groups of people and get my hands around them and
share the same message and guide them. And then I
am always like, now take this out and tell your friends,
go forward, And when somebody acts ages towards you, call
them out on it. When somebody says I'm too old

(33:58):
to do this, call them out spread the word, you know.
So I kind of have three buckets of how I
try to approach it. One is individual clients, which I love,
and you know, you can't change the one on one
relationship you built.

Speaker 3 (34:13):
But then the.

Speaker 2 (34:13):
Groups and then things like this, you know, So any opportunity.

Speaker 3 (34:17):
I have to speak to people, I want to. I
want to do that because if one.

Speaker 2 (34:23):
Person hears this and was like, yeah, that's me and
I think I can do this, or a family understands that, gosh,
I need to let mom be herself and not try
to come in and intervene on everything.

Speaker 3 (34:37):
So I just I just.

Speaker 2 (34:38):
Keep going and get getting on stages and talking at conference.
I'm actually taking my Aging with Intention workshop idea out
to Aging Life Care Association conference, our Midwest conference in
Louisville coming up at the end of the month. So
because even care managers, I mean, I think you know,
many of us, some people have a clinical base, So

(35:00):
I'm not clinical.

Speaker 3 (35:01):
You know. I mean I know a lot.

Speaker 2 (35:02):
I've worked in hospitals and healthcare, but my approach is gerontological.

Speaker 3 (35:07):
So I look at the individual.

Speaker 2 (35:10):
I'm not looking at Oh my gosh, your diabetes is
out of control. Why is that sugar on the counter?
And so I think that's my unique difference. So I
think even other professionals who serve older adults need to
be reminded that we have to look at the whole person.

Speaker 3 (35:29):
And support them as individuals.

Speaker 1 (35:34):
What's your favorite topic when you go out to a group.
What do you like to talk about the most.

Speaker 3 (35:42):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (35:42):
I talk a lot about well the wellness concept and
taking control of your aging journey and going through all
of those you know, the seven pillars of wellness. It's
just more than just physical, but it's it's emotional, it's learning,
it's purpose, it's spirituality.

Speaker 3 (36:01):
All those kind of things.

Speaker 2 (36:03):
But I always talk about one particular concept, a book
that I read called Breaking the Age, Breaking the Age
Code by doctor Becca Levy.

Speaker 1 (36:16):
I just I just thought that it was delivered to
my house yesterday.

Speaker 3 (36:20):
Oh my god, that's crazy.

Speaker 1 (36:22):
I am on something that you posted. Maybe I saw
it somewhere.

Speaker 2 (36:26):
Okay, Yeah, So I was so impressed with this, and
I thought, this gives me something very concrete to go
out and remind people, because it says in the book
it talks about it's our I want to say, not
our attitude. It's our own beliefs in the aging, growing
older that shape how our aging experience will be.

Speaker 3 (36:51):
And what that means.

Speaker 2 (36:52):
Is if we always are oh, I'm too old to
do this, and you start to just slowly shut your
life down to your only city in the chair and
looking out the window and watching the news, your world
is going to be very small. And it also says
that people who have a better attitude about aging they

(37:13):
live longer seven and a half years longer. Okay, I
like that, but they.

Speaker 4 (37:19):
Live that a lot.

Speaker 2 (37:21):
I mean, I was like, whoa, And this is research,
and so I like that piece of it. But it
also says that all these things that we've not normally
thought are age related declines, even including dementia, heart disease,
hearing loss, many of those disorders have to do.

Speaker 3 (37:41):
With our views on aging.

Speaker 2 (37:46):
Now, that doesn't mean people don't still have dementia, or
I have heart disease, or I have arthritis. But I
also know that that doesn't define me, the number on
my driver's license does define me. It's how I live
my life, how I approach my life that defines me.

(38:08):
And so so I no matter what I talk about,
I always tie in breaking the age code and saying that,
guess what, guys, this tells me we have a lot
more control.

Speaker 3 (38:20):
Over our aging experience. And people always thinks, well, it's
my jeans. Well, my dad died when he was young.

Speaker 2 (38:27):
Mom had didn't mention that's only like twenty percent, sometimes
even less. It's more about our lifestyle, what we eat,
how we move, how we love, how we pray, how
we connect, how we learn. That has more of an
impact than anything. So that should give people some hope.

Speaker 1 (38:51):
Well, in my case, I certainly hope it's the genes,
because my mom's almost like you.

Speaker 2 (38:56):
But you've got two things going for you, Valerie, Right,
you've got genes, but you also here, you are, You've
told me your story, you're doing a talk show, you're
still working, you're engaged, you're learning, So you've got you
you know you're going to surpass most of us.

Speaker 1 (39:13):
Well, I certainly, I certainly hope that my genes helped
me a lot.

Speaker 3 (39:17):
That's I sure they will You've got to a good
thing going well?

Speaker 4 (39:22):
Thank you.

Speaker 1 (39:23):
So where do people find these seven pillars of wellness?

Speaker 3 (39:27):
I actually use the International Act.

Speaker 2 (39:30):
What is the name of the International Active Aging.

Speaker 3 (39:36):
Oh gosh, went right out in my head there. I'm
gonna have to look that up.

Speaker 2 (39:40):
But there's a there's suffered different pillars of wellness. But
I go through the International Council on Active Aging.

Speaker 3 (39:47):
I believe it is.

Speaker 2 (39:48):
Sorry, it's quite a mouthful, International Council on Active Aging,
but you can look up.

Speaker 3 (39:54):
Many of the pillars.

Speaker 2 (39:55):
There's everybody has a different opinion, but I like to
go by the Council for a so that I really
focus most on what's important to old adults. And two
of the things that I talk about a lot, besides
just the normal things that you have to move.

Speaker 3 (40:12):
I always tell people you want the good news or
the bad news.

Speaker 2 (40:15):
The good news you can't get away with just being sedentary.

Speaker 3 (40:20):
Your whole life. You have to move in some way,
shape or form.

Speaker 2 (40:25):
And you know, we can spend a whole hour talking
about exercise. But then I also think the other important
one we're hearing this more and more now, which I'm
glad is connections. We have to have social connections, and
the research shows that loneliness is as dangerous as smoking

(40:46):
fifteen cigarettes to day.

Speaker 4 (40:48):
That is pretty is a pretty powerful statement.

Speaker 3 (40:51):
That kind of blows people away when I tell them that.
And that's being spread.

Speaker 2 (40:58):
I mean I hear that all the time. So people
are starting to talk. And it's not just aging people. Clearly,
our younger population has a pretty big issue.

Speaker 3 (41:08):
With mental health and depression and anxiety, and so we
need each other.

Speaker 2 (41:15):
You can't live in this world without, you know, people,
people needing people.

Speaker 3 (41:21):
I mean, we all.

Speaker 2 (41:21):
Need human touch, human kindness, somebody to look us in
the eye and smile. And that doesn't mean you have
to be an extrovert and have five hundred friends and
go out every night. It means that you have to
have somebody or a handful of people in your life
that you can pick up the phone and talk to,
that you see, that care about you and that you
care about. And then the other one is purpose. Got

(41:44):
to have a sense of purpose. And many people do
retire and then they pass away not long afterwards because
purpose was work and then all of a sudden works
no longer there and they haven't found on the way
to bring in other things in their life. And that
could be as simple as you know, I knit scars

(42:06):
for you know, you know, refugees. I work at the
homeless shelter. I get up every morning and just get
out and wave to my neighbors and talk to the kids,
getting on the school bus.

Speaker 3 (42:17):
Doesn't matter what it is, right, we have to have
a reason.

Speaker 1 (42:22):
Right, you're alive, right, absolutely, and just be a part
of the community, be a part of any participate in
your life.

Speaker 2 (42:29):
Yes, And again, what matters to you, what matters to me,
doesn't matter to you. So you have to define, well,
what would my purpose look like?

Speaker 3 (42:40):
You know?

Speaker 4 (42:40):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (42:42):
Yeah, And it seems that when people are in even
like assisted living communities where you've got a control not
a controlled group, but it seems like they could have
sessions on what would you like to be? Right, what
would you like to do? What would you like to be?
And that we should be doing that in the community,

(43:03):
and then helping people get connected. And I'm sure there
is some of that, but I don't know how intentional
it is. Yeah, yeah, How do you encourage adults to
redefine their purpose?

Speaker 4 (43:17):
What can they what can they do? How do they
how do they do this?

Speaker 3 (43:22):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (43:22):
That's a good right manager.

Speaker 1 (43:23):
So that's good for you when you're one on one,
But what about when you're not. Should we should we
be having classes? Should we be?

Speaker 3 (43:32):
Yeah? Yeah? And I kind of do that in my
one on one things.

Speaker 2 (43:36):
And then even when I go out and speak to groups,
you know, I talk about it. But I'm glad that
you say that, because I think I always try.

Speaker 3 (43:44):
To give homework. I give them things to when I
leave here. Now, this is not done. I want you
to go forth and talk to your friends about this.

Speaker 2 (43:53):
And so I do have a little bit of a
worksheet that I hand out to people, but I think
I could develop that out even more. And I try
to do a lot on social media, and you know,
I'm like, Okay, when I put my husband on there
and he's cute and funny, everybody replies. But when I
get on there and talk about aging, it's crickets.

Speaker 3 (44:10):
But people are listening, you know. But more of that too.

Speaker 1 (44:18):
How do you help families navigate all the emotional complexities families?

Speaker 2 (44:24):
I think for them just to know that they're not
alone is first of all important, and to know that
so often the feelings that they're feeling are normal, right,
that just gives them a huge amount of relief, right,
especially when you know, even when they you know, it's
a very loving, good relationship, and not all families have that, right,

(44:47):
So I think just knowing sometimes that this is normal,
it's okay that you can't fix or solve all these problems,
but let's just focus on one.

Speaker 3 (44:55):
What is the immediate need?

Speaker 2 (44:57):
Safety is always number one when we're in that and
there are so many things going on. You know, everybody
wants to look weeks down the road, they want to
look back what happened.

Speaker 3 (45:07):
We have to stay right here at the moment. Mom's
in the hospital. What happened? What are our opportunities, what's next?
And just knowing. People just don't.

Speaker 2 (45:16):
Understand the continuum of care, and unfortunately they don't understand how.

Speaker 3 (45:23):
Complicated it is and the.

Speaker 2 (45:24):
Options sometimes are limited and there aren't always good solutions.

Speaker 1 (45:30):
As a care manager, are you usually contacted by the
children or by the patient themselves?

Speaker 2 (45:38):
Traditionally it's the family. It sort of takes the control
out of the older adult. But I'm always like you know,
to me, the client is the older adult and the
family may have hired me, but I'm still working and
doing everything that I can for that person, but I
have to balance both needs.

Speaker 1 (45:57):
Right, So, just for the benefit of our audience and
our listeners and our viewers, let's just define what is
a care manager.

Speaker 2 (46:05):
Yeah, that's a good question too, because I think everybody
approaches it a little bit differently. So, as I mentioned,
I'm a gerontologist, So when I approach, you know, working
with a client, I look again holistically at trying to
help them, a empower them, help them, present them with
the options, help them understand the future, and just kind

(46:28):
of approach it from that way. But then somebody who's clinical,
You could have somebody who's got a very complex health situation.
They might need a nurse care manager who could really
go in and understand the disease process, perhaps navigate some
complications and things going on within the healthcare system, billing, insurance,

(46:52):
some of those complications.

Speaker 3 (46:53):
So it depends on what they need.

Speaker 2 (46:56):
And I think a good care manager is going to
approach it and say, I'm not sure I'm the person
that can help you, but let me find somebody who can,
because I know my strengths, and my strengths really is
in lifting that person up and helping them, you know,
make some choices for their lives, but also feeling like
they have autonomy.

Speaker 3 (47:17):
And then I'm doing what's.

Speaker 2 (47:19):
You know, I'm working for them to help them. And
other times it's more complicated and there needs to be
perhaps nurse, you know, more clinical intervention.

Speaker 3 (47:30):
So it's like anything else in life of therapy or
you know, a good husband. You've got to do your homework,
you do.

Speaker 4 (47:39):
That's true, That is so true.

Speaker 1 (47:41):
So just again for the benefit of those who don't know,
how old does someone need to be to be a
good candidate to have a gerontologist in their life?

Speaker 2 (47:50):
Oh gosh, I don't think it's age specific at all,
because as we know, somebody who could be, you know,
forty eight and going through a huge crimes in their life,
a change in their health status.

Speaker 3 (48:03):
Maybe it's Parkinson's, maybe it's dementia. I had one.

Speaker 2 (48:07):
Client who was fairly young, but he fell off of
a roof. Do not get up on the roof, people,
I'm telling you, do not get up there and try
to clean your gutters. And he was completely disabled and
then you know, his life just like that change.

Speaker 3 (48:23):
So they needed.

Speaker 2 (48:24):
Somebody to sort of help them understand the healthcare system
and what's available, and you know, you start talking about Medicare, Medicaid,
long term.

Speaker 3 (48:33):
Care, people don't understand.

Speaker 2 (48:35):
I mean, we live this space and even sometimes we
don't understand.

Speaker 1 (48:39):
And so how does some benefit by hiring a gerontologist.

Speaker 4 (48:43):
What does a gerontologist do? What is their role?

Speaker 2 (48:48):
From my perspective, it's really just to help them look
holistically at their life and understand that aging has many
components to it and it's just not just our health.
You know, I could be somebody who's older who has
some health issues, but who is still very vibrant and
has things that they want to do in their life.

Speaker 3 (49:08):
So I don't think that it's age specific.

Speaker 2 (49:11):
I think it really has to do with looking forward
on your aging journey to say, what does this look
like for me?

Speaker 3 (49:18):
What are my options? You know, some people think automatically, well,
I have early.

Speaker 2 (49:24):
Stage dementia, I have to move for my home, not necessarily,
you know, So helping them understand options, resources, how things
are paid for, and just to help them with those
choices and understand that they have the rights to make

(49:44):
decisions that are best for their values, beliefs and preferences.

Speaker 1 (49:49):
And what are some of the trends that you see.
We've talked about this. Now that there are so many
more older adults, what are some of the trends exciting
things that you see coming along?

Speaker 2 (50:02):
Yeah, I love that we're just talking much more about
health and longevity and lifestyle. Lifestyle, lifestyle, which in components
really the wellness model that I've talked about.

Speaker 3 (50:15):
So it's how we live.

Speaker 2 (50:16):
It's do we get enough sleep, do we move our bodies,
do we have relationships, are we spiritual?

Speaker 3 (50:23):
Do we get out in nature? And all of those
kind of things.

Speaker 2 (50:27):
So there is so much more emphasis, and I think
the trend. Another trend that I see is people I
don't want to say, are questioning health care, but they're
also knowing that the healthcare system doesn't necessarily.

Speaker 3 (50:41):
Work really well for aging people.

Speaker 2 (50:43):
Right.

Speaker 3 (50:44):
I see this time and time again. We know that.

Speaker 2 (50:46):
Doctors have, on average, what I think a primary care
six minutes with a person, so you have to So
it's another thing I talk a lot about, is you know,
what do.

Speaker 3 (50:56):
You think a doctor is going to do for you
in six minutes? They know how you live? Do you
know how you eat, sleep, what your life is like?

Speaker 2 (51:03):
No, they don't, So I think we're seeing more of
a push of people taking ownership of their health and
looking at alternative ways to manage my personal experience.

Speaker 3 (51:18):
I have an autoimmune disease that.

Speaker 2 (51:20):
Caused soriatic arthritis in my feet and hands, which was debilitating, scalpsiasis,
all these things.

Speaker 3 (51:28):
I was on medication for that.

Speaker 2 (51:30):
It got all those things managed, but then I was
sick all the time, and then I got shingles, and that.

Speaker 3 (51:37):
Nearly threw me over the edge.

Speaker 2 (51:40):
So I decided that rheumatology and drugs was not for me.
I have to practice what I preach. So I thought
that's not sustainable. So I went to an integrative health practitioner,
and we're doing all kinds of blood work, and we're
looking at food sensitivities. Why do I have autoimmune? Why

(52:01):
is my body on fire? What can I do? What
lifestyle changes can I make to live a healthier life?
So I think we're just there's you can listen to
podcasts for hours and learn so much more about your
health and what you could do. So I do think
that that's a trend that's very positive that I've been

(52:22):
waiting for, you know, thirty years, for.

Speaker 1 (52:25):
Right to be much more self self aware yes, and
more responsible for yourself yes.

Speaker 2 (52:32):
So we have to take responsibility. You can't just go
to your doctor and they say, I'll go have this test.
I mean, my aunt wasn't a doctor yesterday, and you
know she's got some tests that came back and you
know they're trying to make sense of it. And this
doctor says, would you like to do you need some
pain medication?

Speaker 3 (52:52):
I'm like, this doctor doesn't know her.

Speaker 2 (52:56):
And it wouldn't be a good idea.

Speaker 4 (52:59):
No, Well, that's a whole another subject we'll wait for.

Speaker 3 (53:01):
That's a whole other subject.

Speaker 2 (53:03):
But people are taking more there's more ways for us
to learn. There's so much knowledge at our fingertips that
we can learn and consult with our physicians to make
the best choices for ourselves.

Speaker 1 (53:17):
Right, rather than the going to the doctor being a
social event, which it is for so many older.

Speaker 2 (53:22):
People, it just takes them the whole day to get
to the doctor and back and then they want you
to come for a follow up for what what am
I here for?

Speaker 3 (53:30):
Ask those questions. That's what I encourage people to do.

Speaker 2 (53:33):
Just don't assume anything that you are in charge of
your own health. So ask a lot of questions and
do what's.

Speaker 3 (53:39):
Right for you.

Speaker 4 (53:41):
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 (53:42):
Thank you so much April and bar for joining us
today and reminding us that aging isn't something to brace for,
but it's something to embrace and plan with purpose and intention. So,
whether you're an older adult, whether you're the adult child
of aging parents, you're planning your own next chapter, are
simply just looking for clarity and a complex situation. Today's

(54:05):
conversation gave us a powerful reminder, didn't it, that you
shape your future, no matter what your age is, That
you do have choices and you can make your own future.

Speaker 4 (54:14):
You have some influence.

Speaker 1 (54:16):
So until next week, stay curious, stay connected, keep living
life boldly and with a lot of fun, and for sure,
always stay ageless. Thank you April very much, Thank you Valerie.