Act 5

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Act five of Amends for Ladies by Nathan Field. This
is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the
public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit
LibriVox dot org. Act five, Scene one, Enter subtle with husband.

Speaker 2 (00:22):
She is not to be cursed.

Speaker 3 (00:25):
It cannot be. Had you a wife and I were
in your case, I would be hanged, even at the
chamber door where I attempted, but I'd lay her flat.

Speaker 2 (00:35):
Why tell me, truly, would it please you best to
have her remain chased or conquered?

Speaker 3 (00:44):
Oh? Friend, it would do me good at the heart
to have her overcome. She does so brag and stand
upon her chastity for sooth.

Speaker 2 (00:52):
Why then, in clean terms, sir, the four is mine
your wife. As you uptails is her song. The deed
is done. Come now, be merry.

Speaker 3 (01:08):
Man, is the deed done? Indeed? Come, come you jest,
as my wife yielded, is optails her song? Faith, Come
to prose. How got you to the matter first?

Speaker 4 (01:22):
Huh? Piss?

Speaker 3 (01:24):
You are so bashful?

Speaker 2 (01:25):
Now why, by my truth, I'll tell you because you
are my friend. Otherwise you must note it is a
great hurt to the art of horror mastery to discover. Besides,
the skill was never mine.

Speaker 5 (01:43):
Of the price, very good, Monsir.

Speaker 2 (01:47):
At first she was horrible stiff against me. Then, Sir,
I took her by the hand, which I kissed, good, Sir,
and I called her pretty rogue, and I thrust my
finger betwixt her breasts, and I made lips. At last,

(02:07):
I poured her by the chin to me, and I
kissed her, hmm, very good. So at the first she
kissed very strangely close and untoward. Then I said to her, think,
but upon the wrongs, the intolerable wrongs the rogue your husband?

(02:29):
Does you?

Speaker 4 (02:30):
Ai?

Speaker 3 (02:31):
That was very good? What said she to you?

Speaker 2 (02:34):
Then, Sir nay I went on first quote, I think
how he hath used you, left you no means, given
all your clothes to his punks. Struck you turned your
gray eyes into black ones.

Speaker 3 (02:52):
But yet a pretty conceit growth.

Speaker 2 (02:54):
I these things are nothing in the rascal. Think but
what a base warr master the rascal is?

Speaker 3 (03:04):
Did you call me rascal? So often? Are you sure?

Speaker 2 (03:07):
Yes? And oftener? For said I, none comes amiss to
the rogue I have known him? Quoth I do three
lousy beggars under hedges in a riding of ten miles,
and I swore this too.

Speaker 3 (03:26):
Twas very well, but you did lie on pray fish.

Speaker 2 (03:31):
One must lie a little now, sir. By this time
she began to kiss, somewhat more openly and familiarly. Her
resistance began to slacken, and my assault began to stiffen.
The more her bulwark decayed, the more my battery fortified.

(03:56):
At last, Sir, a little fumbling being passed to make
the conquest more difficult. She perceived my artillery mounted, falls
flat upon her back, cries me out aloud, alas I yield,
use me not roughly, friend. My thought that, like troy

(04:17):
Town ten years hath stood besieged and shot at, did
remain unwon. But now tis conquered, so the deed was done.

Speaker 3 (04:27):
Then came the hottest service forward with your tail.

Speaker 2 (04:30):
Sir, nay cetera, chris nay sit lassie requiavemos am bo
proveniant made sick me he sape DA's, which.

Speaker 3 (04:45):
Is as much as to say I am a cuckold
in all languages. But sure tis not so it is
impossible my wife should yield.

Speaker 2 (04:53):
Hey day he now it was impossible she should hold
out and now is it's impossible she should yield. Stay
you but here and be an ear witness to what follows.
I'll fetch your wife aside. I know he will not stay.

Speaker 1 (05:14):
Exit love all aside.

Speaker 3 (05:18):
Good faith, sir, but he will. I do suspect some
neighbory in this here while I hide myself when thought
is gone. If they do art unfitting, I will call
witness and straight away sue for a divorce.

Speaker 1 (05:33):
Exit enter wife, and subtle.

Speaker 2 (05:37):
I knew he would not stay. Now, noble mistress, I
claim your promise. What was that, good servant, that you
would lie with me.

Speaker 6 (05:49):
If with any man but Brithee. First consider with thyself
if I should yield to THEE, what a load thy
conscience would bear about it? For I wish quick thunder
may strike me if I yet have lost the truth
or whiteness of the hand I gave in church, And

(06:09):
twill not be thy happiness. As thou thinkest that thou
alone shouldst make a woman fall that did resist all
else but to thy soul a bitter corrosive that thou
didst stain virtue, that else had stood immaculate, nor speak

(06:30):
I this as yielding unto THEE. For tis not in
thy power wert thou the sweetest of Nature's children, and
the happiest to conquer me, nor in mine own to yield.
And thus it is with every pious wife. Thy daily
railing at my absent husband makes me endure thee worse,

(06:53):
for let him do the most preposterous, ill relishing things
to me seem good since my husband does him, Nor
am I to revenge or govern him. And thus it
should be with all virtuous.

Speaker 2 (07:09):
Wives pocks of this virtue and this chastity? Do you
not know, fair mistress, a young gentleman about this town
called Bald? Where did he lie? Last night? Sweet mistress? Oh? Oh,

(07:31):
are you catched? I saw him slip out of the
house this morn, as naked as this truth, And for
this cause I have told your husband that you yielded
to me, and he I warrant you will blaze it

(07:51):
thoroughly as good do now then, as be thought to do.

Speaker 6 (07:58):
No twell be yet thou, injurious man, how wilt thou
write me in my husband's thoughts, that on a false
surmise and spite has told a tale to breed incurable discontent? Bold?
Was that old wench that did serve the widow, and

(08:18):
thinking by this way to gain her love, mist of
his purpose, and was thus cashiered. Nor cares she to
proclaim it to the.

Speaker 2 (08:26):
World zounds, I have wronged you, mistress. On my knees, niels,
I ask your pardon, and will never more attempt your purity,
but neglect all things till that foul wrong I have

(08:47):
read in your nights. I have expelled and set your
loves aright.

Speaker 4 (08:55):
And her husband, which now is already done. Madam wife
niels upon my knees, with weeping eyes, heavy hands, I
ask thy pardon, O, sweet virtuous creature. I praythee break
my head.

Speaker 6 (09:13):
Rise, rise, sir, pray you have done no wrong to me,
at least I think so. Heaven hath prevented all my injury.
I do forgive and marry you anew. Come. We are
all invited to the weddings, the lady Honor and the

(09:35):
rich old count young bold unto another gentlewoman. We and
the widow are invited thither embrace and love henceforth more
really not so like worldlings.

Speaker 3 (09:50):
Here then ends all strife. Thus false friends are made
true by a true wife.

Speaker 1 (09:57):
Excunt scene to enter old count wrapped in first the
lady honor dressed like a bride, the lord proudly well tried, bold,
leading fee simple like a lady, masked husband, wife, subtle
widow to them brother with a letter seldom with his wife.

Speaker 7 (10:18):
Health and all joy unto this fair assembly, my brother,
who last tide is gone for France. A branch of willow,
feathering his hat, bade me salute you lady, and present
you with this letter written in his blood. He prays
no man for his sake evermore to credit woman, nor

(10:40):
no lady ever to believe man. So either sex shall
rest uninjured by the other. This is all, and this
I have delivered.

Speaker 5 (10:52):
I and dwell you pronounced rarely. Did you never play.

Speaker 7 (10:59):
Yes, that I have the fool?

Speaker 8 (11:02):
Some lords do step forward?

Speaker 1 (11:05):
There?

Speaker 9 (11:06):
Oh, oh, oh, a pox? Are this cold?

Speaker 8 (11:12):
A cold? Of this pox? You might say, I am afraid?

Speaker 10 (11:16):
How full of ghastly wounds this letter shows.

Speaker 1 (11:20):
O swoons.

Speaker 5 (11:23):
Look to my sister.

Speaker 11 (11:26):
So the lady swoons.

Speaker 12 (11:28):
Strong water there, your strong breath would recover her.

Speaker 5 (11:33):
I am for her.

Speaker 1 (11:34):
Alas coughs perpetually.

Speaker 2 (11:40):
He has fetched her again with coughing.

Speaker 10 (11:44):
Convey me to my bed. Send for a priest and
a physician your bride. I fear instead of epithalamians shall
need a dirge or epitaph lead me in. My body
dies when my soul's purged.

Speaker 1 (11:58):
Sin ex you, maid, grace, wife, husband, subtle.

Speaker 11 (12:04):
Hymen comes towards us in a morning robe.

Speaker 8 (12:07):
I hope, friend, we shall have the better day.

Speaker 5 (12:11):
I'll fetch the parson and physician.

Speaker 1 (12:14):
Exit, Lord proudly, they are both ready for you. Exit,
brother madam.

Speaker 8 (12:22):
This is the gentlewoman who something bashful does desire your
pardon that she does not unmask.

Speaker 13 (12:29):
Good Master well tried. I would not buy her face
and for her manners if they were worse, they shall
not displease me.

Speaker 8 (12:38):
I thank your ladyship.

Speaker 12 (12:40):
Look how he has my father stands. He looks like
the bear in the play. He has killed the lady
with his very sight. It's God help me. I have
the most dutiful bear unmasking me that I might tell
him his ownness.

Speaker 11 (12:54):
Can be Why by no means the widow comes towards you.

Speaker 9 (13:00):
Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Speaker 13 (13:05):
Servant, God give you joy and gentlewoman or lady as
full joy. I wish to you no doubt that I
will hinder you your love but here I am come
to do all courtesy to your fair self and husband
that shall be.

Speaker 8 (13:23):
I thank you heartily, so hard speak smaller man, I
thank you heartily.

Speaker 9 (13:31):
You're going to this gear too, Master mold.

Speaker 14 (13:36):
Not so your coughing deaar, my lord, though I be
not so old or rich is your lordship? Yeah, I
love a young wench as well.

Speaker 8 (13:45):
As well as my lord. Nay, by my faith that
you do not love a young wench as well as he,
I wonder you will be as unmarriedly to say so.

Speaker 9 (13:55):
They master well tried goth is. I love them well?
But they love me not. You see what ill luck
I have with them? A pox on us cold? Still?

Speaker 8 (14:11):
Say hi, where got you this cold? My lord? It
can get in nowhere that I can see, But at
your nostrils or eyes. All the other parts are so
barricadoed with fur.

Speaker 12 (14:23):
It got he not his eyes, and made that birdline
there where cupids wings you hang entangled?

Speaker 9 (14:30):
Is this your wife that shall be? Master? Bold? Oh
be so bold is kiss her.

Speaker 1 (14:40):
Widow, and bold whisper aside.

Speaker 12 (14:43):
Sir, forbet I have one bold enough to kiss my lips,
oh old coxcomb, kiss thy name natural son tis worse
than a justice's lyne with his own daughter. But Master Welschild,
when with widow break this matter.

Speaker 1 (15:01):
To me, count sits in a chair and falls asleep.

Speaker 8 (15:04):
Not till the very close of all she dissembles it. Yet,
because my lord your father is here, and her other
suitor Bold, that's all one.

Speaker 13 (15:15):
He's the plot of my side tis needless, Master Bold.
But I will do anything you require to satisfy you.
Why should you doubt I will forbid the bends, For
so your friend here told me, I should rather doubt
that you will not marry.

Speaker 11 (15:34):
Madam by heaven as fully I am resolved to marry now,
and will too if you do not injure it as ever, lover,
was only because the world has taken notice some passage
TwixT you and me. And then to satisfy my sweet
ar ear, who poor soul is afraid to have some

(15:54):
public disgrace upon her, I do require some small finger
at your hands.

Speaker 13 (16:00):
Well I will do it, and this profess besides married,
you shall as welcome be to me as mine own brother,
and yourself, fair lady, even as myself both to my
board and bed.

Speaker 8 (16:16):
Ah. I'll like you that.

Speaker 15 (16:19):
Now, she begins, abundant thanks unto your widowt sounds.

Speaker 12 (16:26):
My father's asleep on his wedding day. I wondered where
his coughs all this while.

Speaker 1 (16:32):
Enter ejun like a doctor, a parson, brother, lord, proudly seldom, mistress, seldom, husband,
wife and subtle, I.

Speaker 9 (16:42):
Pray forbear the chamber nois does her turn her sickness?
I guess rather of the mind than of her body. Poor,
her pulses beat well, her vital functions not decayed the wit,
but have their natural life and operation. My Lord be cheer.
I have an ingredient about me shall make her well?

(17:03):
I doubt not. In Master Parson, it shall be yours
to pray. The soul's physician should still have the.

Speaker 1 (17:10):
Way exit engine Parson shuts the door.

Speaker 6 (17:14):
How she is she pray in troth, exceeding ill.

Speaker 10 (17:20):
A very weak woman, indeed she is, and Shirley, I
think cannot scape it.

Speaker 3 (17:26):
Did you mark how she eyed the physician?

Speaker 6 (17:29):
Oh God, I she is very lost to die. Ah,
that's not a better sign I can tell you.

Speaker 2 (17:37):
And when the passion came to her, she turned away
and still let the physician hold her by the hand.

Speaker 11 (17:47):
But see what for the bridegroom takes my conscious knows
now this is a most preposterous match. Yet for the
commodity we wink at all inconveniency, my lord, my lord.

Speaker 9 (18:06):
I resure you for waking up me. Now shall I
have such a fit of coffee? Oh?

Speaker 11 (18:16):
A whapless wife? That shall have thee that either must
let thee sleep continually or be kept waking herself by
the cough.

Speaker 13 (18:26):
You have a proper gentleman to your son, my lord,
he were fitter for this young lady than you.

Speaker 11 (18:33):
Do you mark that again, Oh, sweet widow, heah wife
here fool's head of his own.

Speaker 12 (18:42):
No of my father's.

Speaker 9 (18:44):
What should he do with that?

Speaker 6 (18:47):
What with a cough? Why he would spit? And that's
more than you can do.

Speaker 5 (18:53):
Your bride, my lord is dead.

Speaker 9 (18:56):
Oh Mary e? Can God be with her? Grief? Will
not help it?

Speaker 7 (19:02):
A most excellent spouse?

Speaker 5 (19:05):
How fair is she? Master? Doctor zounds? What's here?

Speaker 6 (19:11):
Hey?

Speaker 5 (19:11):
Hey?

Speaker 1 (19:13):
Now looking in at the window.

Speaker 12 (19:16):
Look, loo, Look the pars enjoins the doctor's hand in hers.
Now the doctor kisses her by this light.

Speaker 15 (19:25):
Wooooooo, now goes his gown off. Hey day he has
red bridges horn sounds. The physician is got at the
top of her belike it is the mother she has hark.

Speaker 5 (19:42):
The bed creaks, sass the door's fast, break em open.
We are betrayed.

Speaker 1 (19:50):
Frank draws and holds out a pistol.

Speaker 7 (19:53):
No breaking open doors. He that stirs first, Oh, Papa,
leaden pill into his Gus shall purge him quite away.
No haste, good friends, When they have done what's fit,
you shall not need to break the door. They'll open
it themselves.

Speaker 1 (20:13):
A curtain drawn, a bed discovered, engine with his sword
in his hand and a pistol. The lady in her
petticoat the parson.

Speaker 5 (20:22):
Thy blood based villain shall answer this.

Speaker 1 (20:26):
The brother set back to back.

Speaker 5 (20:28):
I'll die thy nuptial bed in thy heart's gore.

Speaker 9 (20:34):
Come come, my lord. Tis not so easily done. You
know it is not forgive this by attempt upon your
sister before God and man. She was my wife, an
ere bedrid gout. Shall have my wedge to get diseases
on well.

Speaker 5 (20:50):
Mayst thou term her so that hast consented, even with
her will, to be dishonored.

Speaker 9 (20:57):
Not so yet have I lay wide through.

Speaker 10 (21:00):
But first witness this priest, we both were married.

Speaker 16 (21:06):
True it is tominay. Their contracts run into a marriage,
and that, my lord, into a carriage.

Speaker 5 (21:13):
I will undo thee priest, and.

Speaker 16 (21:16):
It is too late. I am man done already by
wine and tobacco. I defy thee thou temporal lord, perdee,
thou never shalt keep me in jail, and hence brings
my reason. My act is neither felony nor treason.

Speaker 12 (21:33):
Wife, sir, but you do not know what kindred she
may have come come.

Speaker 6 (21:39):
There is no remedy, and weigh it right in my opinion,
my honored Lord, and everybody's else. This is a match
fitter ten thousand times. Then you're intent.

Speaker 13 (21:53):
Most besides this, gentleman, your brother in law's well parted
and fame and all this come about you must conceive
by your own sister's wit as well as his.

Speaker 9 (22:07):
Come come tis but getting of me knighted, my lord,
and I shall become your brother well.

Speaker 5 (22:13):
Enough, brother. Your hand lords may have projects still, but
there's a greater lord will have his will.

Speaker 11 (22:22):
This is despatch now, madam, is the time for I
long to be aye your hands.

Speaker 12 (22:30):
We are now boys.

Speaker 13 (22:33):
My lord, and gentlemen, I crave your witness to what
I now shall utter. TwixT this gentleman and myself, there
have been some love passages from which here I do
free him, and he take this.

Speaker 8 (22:48):
Lady ae ye, and pray him take this lady, which with.

Speaker 13 (22:53):
A mother's love I give to him, and wish all
joy may crown their marriage.

Speaker 11 (23:00):
Nay, madam, Yet she is not satisfied.

Speaker 1 (23:04):
Board gives her a ring, and she puts it on
her thumb.

Speaker 13 (23:07):
Further before you all, I take this ring as an
assumpsit by the virtue of which I bind myself in
all my lands and goods, that in his choice I'll
be no hindrance, or by forbidding bands or claiming him
myself for mine. But let the match go on without

(23:28):
my check, which he intendeth Now and once again I
say I bind myself.

Speaker 11 (23:35):
Then once again I say, widow, thou art mine, praist
marry us this match I did intend you all a witnesses.
If thou hinder it, widow, your lands and goods are
forfeit mine.

Speaker 13 (23:53):
Nay, take me too, since there's no remedy your widow
without goods. So scurvy joy right, I am coisined on
all sides.

Speaker 9 (24:09):
I had good hope of the widow for myself. But
now I see everybody leaves me.

Speaker 11 (24:15):
Saving trove, my lord, and that will stick by you,
I warrant.

Speaker 13 (24:25):
But how sir, shall we self this gentlewoman anger?

Speaker 8 (24:31):
Fie you are too uncivil or in thy face?

Speaker 12 (24:36):
I do defy thy tones.

Speaker 11 (24:38):
Nay, hold, fair lady, Now I think upon the old
count has no wife.

Speaker 12 (24:45):
Let's make a match.

Speaker 9 (24:49):
With all my heart.

Speaker 11 (24:51):
Then kiss your spouse food she has a beard?

Speaker 9 (24:57):
Oh no, my son?

Speaker 12 (24:59):
Fee simple unmasks, lord, simple father, lend me your sword.
You and I have made a couple of fine fools,
are we not? If I were not valiant now and
meant to beat them all, here would lie a simple
disgrace upon us, A fee simple one. Indeed, mark Now

(25:20):
what ilse say to him? Do hear me? My masters?
Damn me? You're all the son of a whore? You lie,
and I will make it good with my sword. This
is called roaring father.

Speaker 2 (25:34):
I'll not meddle with you, sir.

Speaker 8 (25:37):
You are my blood, and I flushed you.

Speaker 1 (25:40):
You know.

Speaker 11 (25:41):
I know I have a charge coming I must not
find now.

Speaker 12 (25:45):
Has either of you anything to say to me?

Speaker 3 (25:48):
Not we sir?

Speaker 4 (25:50):
Then?

Speaker 12 (25:50):
Have I something to say to you? Have you anything
to say?

Speaker 7 (25:54):
To me, Yes, Mary, have I sir?

Speaker 12 (25:58):
Then I have nothing to say to you. That's a fashion. Father.
If you will come away with your cough, do let
me see how many challenges I must get rid. You
shall hear on me, believe.

Speaker 5 (26:10):
It, nay, will not now part angry? Stay the feasts
that must attend, the weddings you shall stay.

Speaker 12 (26:20):
Why then, all friends, I thought you would not have
had the manners to bid us stay dinner.

Speaker 3 (26:26):
Neither then, all our friends and lady wife, I crown
thy virtues with this wreath, and that it may be said,
there's a good wife, a widow, and a maid.

Speaker 1 (26:39):
They set garlands on their heads.

Speaker 6 (26:42):
Yet mine is now approved the happiest life since each
of you hath changed to be a wife.

Speaker 1 (26:51):
Excunt end of Act five. End of Amends for Ladies
by Nathan Field